Smut Club

Well, hello all you beautiful people.

You know what time it is.

Ladies and gents, guys and dolls and

everyone in between.

Gather around. Get you something real

nice to sip on and comfy to slip on.

Cuz it's time for Smite Club. Here's

your hosts, Chelsea and Hannah.

Announcement time. Um, so we have been

doing this podcast for several years

now. Um, we launched in 2022 and we've

built such a wonderful community over

these last several years and are looking

for new ways to kind of expand and be

able to connect more deeply. So, the

first one of those ways that we've been

talking about is life coaching. um which

is a chance to work one-on-one

individually to help make life feel a

little less sticky. Um spots will be

limited as we launch that. So if you're

interested, we will have a link in our

show notes and in our Insta bio. So

definitely go and join the wait list so

that as soon as we launch, you are first

in line to grab a spot. And if life

coaching really doesn't feel like a good

fit or not quite your jam, but you're

still interested in connecting and

engaging more with our community, we are

also looking into launching a book club.

So, if you're interested in that option,

follow the same link and uh you can get

on the wait list for that as well. And

now back to the show.

Hey everybody and welcome to Smuck Club.

I'm Hannah.

And I'm Chelsea.

And uh this is the podcast where we are

two licensed professional counselors and

life coaches who sometimes day drink

while reviewing romance novels of

varying caliber. And today is a day

drinking day.

It is.

Um also happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I think it's a day drinking day for a

lot of people regardless of this review.

Drink responsibly. If you have an

alcohol use disorder, lean on your

social supports instead.

Yep. Um, but outside of that, masle talk

to the holiday.

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.

Jewish people still celebrate

Thanksgiving. No, I know. I am aware.

We were discussing earlier about how I'm

modifying my diet. And Chelsea's husband

went, "Oh, you're finally going kosher."

I mean, you did say you asked for

something without bacon. I did. Yeah.

What other response were we supposed to

give?

No. I mean,

you can't have the bacon Brussels

sprouts on Thanksgiving.

A

last year my husband made green bean

casserole.

That was so good that we decided we

wanted it just randomly over the

holidays.

I remember.

Yeah. When we just ate a whole pan of

it. Well, it's also worth noting that we

were snowed into our house and my

husband was so proud of himself for not

buying like snow day snacks. So, I'm

like, "So, what do we have?" Like, "We

have no snow day snacks. We're just

snowed in." And he's like, "We have

green bean casserole."

And you're not wrong. It [ __ ] slap.

Yeah.

Fresh green beans are the key to that.

So, they don't get mushy.

Yeah. And then like like you blanch them

and then they like they have like a good

snap to them. Yeah. It's not a mushy

casserole.

Yeah.

Okay. Question about the Midwest that

you may or may not know. Is are all

casserles hot dishes?

Um

or is a hot dish a a separate thing than

a casserole?

So I don't think that all casserles have

to be hot.

It's a square rectangle situation. Well,

I've seen like dessert casserles, like

recipes for a dessert casserole that's

like a layered dessert, but it's cold.

I'd call that a parfait.

Like a really long parfait

or a trifle or

Right. Right.

It's Oh, I It's never even dawned on me

that you can have dessert casserole.

Yeah, I

let my YouTube algorithm just do as the

state guides it sometimes. And so

somehow I found videos of this uh these

two British men going around the country

trying American food and they're in

somebody's home in the Midwest trying

like classic Midwest dishes.

It's hilarious, but I'm pretty sure they

had a dessert casserole. It was like

lime green and had cool whip on it. I

think that's the only reason I know

about it. You know, if you were going to

have a dessert casserole,

it does feel right in my head that it's

like a color not found naturally in that

space and also has cool lip involved.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, all that said, happy Thanksgiving.

Enjoy your casserles whether of varying

caliber and whether they are hot or

cold. Please let us know.

If you're from the Midwest, please

clarify.

Help us. Help us.

Well, okay. We'll get into the book in a

second because that's obviously what

we're here to do. The reason this came

about is because I recently was on Tik

Tok and all of the botanical gardens

were having a water lily way off.

Fascinating.

Wow.

Like the best thing I've stumbled upon

on Tik Tok in a moment, but like the

waterlies were holding like 150 plus

pounds. And one of the Midwest botanical

gardens, they were like, they put local

things to their areas and they're like,

"And here's a hot dish and put that on

the water."

And I've been thinking about it ever

since.

I am fascinated by the Midwest.

Yes.

Yeah.

Wonderful place.

Yeah.

Filled with

curiosities.

The size of size of horses. That's all I

remember from Minnesota in the summer is

mosquitoes that will make you ru the

day.

That is valid.

Yeah.

So, today we are reviewing finally.

Hot dishes.

Hot dishes.

If that's the title of this, I will fall

out.

It's not. That would be incredible

though. Taken on Thanksgiving.

Oh,

by Annabelle Winters.

like a hot dish was taken to the

potluck.

Not quite at all, actually. Um, very

different.

Love the guess. Love the thought. But

no, today is a day drinking day. So

Oh, so it's Liam Niss.

Also, not quite.

I'm overshooting in all directions.

So, this one is a journey and it's a

journey that is held in less than a 100

pages. So, if you're looking for like a

quick holiday novella, this absolutely

falls in that camp. We start with Amy.

Amy gets a call from her mom. I don't

know. It's like right before the

holidays. And her mom's like, "Hey, so I

have this new boyfriend and he doesn't

know I have a grown daughter and we're

I'm going away for the holidays with

him, so I won't be there for

Thanksgiving with you cuz he doesn't

know you exist. Have a good day." It's

like where we start. Ouch. Yeah. Amy is

really not having a great day. Like as

she's like leaving, her neighbor, Miss

Raph, is like on her porch and like is

like, "You doing okay?" And Amy's like,

"It's fine." like goes like get in her

car, pours her coffee all over herself

accidentally and is like [ __ ] it. She

calls in late to work and is like I'm

just going to go vent to Miss Raph, sit

on her porch with her for a few minutes,

take a breather, reset my day. And Miss

Raph ends up inviting her to

Thanksgiving knowing she has nowhere

else to go, but is also like, "You're

invited, but you will have to make the

turkey cuz I'm not great at at the

cooking." So like, you're invited, but

like

keep your expectations low. You can just

be here, but you have to bring all the

food.

Yeah. I'm like, "So, did you make the

green bean casserole and the broccoli

Brussels sprouts?" Not

broccoli bacon Brussels sprouts.

Bacon Brussels sprouts is what I

was going to say oyster stuffing, but I

think that's a pretty uh

regionally specific dish.

Like oyster crackers.

No, it's like oysters.

Like actual oysters.

Mhm.

You know, ironically, I'd say we're from

the same regions.

Well, I guess it's my dad's family is

from like the low country, Charleston,

Savannah area. Um, and I think they do

it in Louisiana, like New Orleans area

as well, but it's like regular

pretty much like stuffing, Thanksgiving

stuffing, but you put oysters in it. Um,

and I think as someone who's been a

vegetarian for like my entire adult

life, stuffing, especially stuffing that

has actually been stuffed and it's not

just like spiritually stuffed. Um,

I tend to not eat the stuffing because

it was in the animal.

Well, it's I think they technically call

it oyster dressing, but it's stuffing.

Is there a difference between dressing

and stuffing? I think stuffing has been

physically stuffed, whereas dressing has

been spiritually dressed.

You're like, it's actually the exact

same recipe and ingredients. It's just

if one has been stuffed inside of a

turkey or if one you're just raw

dogging.

Yeah, I think so. I think so.

I hope everyone's listening to this

episode being like,

they have no idea what the [ __ ] hot

dishes.

They have no idea how to do any of this

stuff. I was going the other way where

they're like, "We're what?"

No, I think by the end of this they're

going to be concerned to eat in our

kitchens

cuz we don't we can't identify things.

We know what they are. We just don't

know the names.

Okay. So, that was Amy.

Okay. Right. She's not having a good

day. She's venting to Miss Wrath

and she's been invited to Thanksgiving.

Right. And she has to cook the turkey.

End of scene.

Got it.

Yes. And we're now going to meet Angus.

Angus is Australian.

He's getting out of prison after 10

years. M um it doesn't seem necessarily

as though he served his full sentence.

It does seem as though it was a reduced

sentence and he's now out on parole.

Okay. It's Thanksgiving Day. Also,

okay, I can't even say this with a

straight face.

Did you just see the back of my shirt?

No.

Oh.

Um the back of my shirt says tits on it.

So,

I did see that earlier. Not at all

relevant to this moment when your back

is not to me.

Well, I had just turned for my water. I

was like, did she just now see it?

No, I'm laughing because Angus makes a

specific note that he hasn't ejaculated

in 10 years.

Cuz there were no tits out.

I got it. I got it. I got it. If your

shirt had been in prison with him, it

things would have gone differently. But

he's like, "Yeah, I was never jacking it

off like a school boy." Good sir.

seek medical help. You have not

ejaculated in 10 years. Like

that's got to hurt.

Yeah, you must be so uncomfortable all

the time. I had a lot of questions about

that.

He has like three items to his name at

this point. He like they returned his

old wallet, like a janky broken metal

watch that doesn't work anymore, and his

grandmother's wedding ring are like the

only belongings this man has to his

name. He has like a couple dollars in

his wallet and he's like, you know, I

have like a couple hundred in like a

bank account that is still active. But

at this point, he's like, I am going to

go like get a hotel and find a job. And

my friend in jail gave me the directions

to the highly recommended wh house.

Ah,

so like that's where Angus is planning

on going with his Thanksgiving day

because you know he hasn't ejaculated

to the brothel

in 10 years.

Also, why are you going to pay for 2

minutes? My like dude, it's been that

long.

Like maybe rub one out first.

Yeah. Like you're by the hour.

Like

is it by the orgasm?

Oh, it should be.

It should be for that situation. and

should be. While he's waiting at the bus

stop, um he pulls out like the last bit

of mail that he got while he was in

prison and finds a letter from aunt his

aunt Raph inviting him to Thanksgiving

dinner. So he's like, "Well,

the wh house can wait

a

going to going to go do family

Thanksgiving cuz I also literally have

nowhere else to go."

Right.

Right.

Right.

So he decides to head that way. Now

we're back to Amy. Okay,

where it's it is still Thanksgiving Day.

She's sitting at the table and she's

like,

"Mr. Mrs. Raph's nephew is kind of

weird. He's just been sitting staring at

me, augling me in silence,

but like he's really hot."

Right.

And so like she's like not fully against

it,

right? She's just uncertain about the

vibes.

Yeah. She's like, "This is a bit of an

interesting vibe." and he's definitely

like very locked in on me. Um but like

she's like kind of getting flustered

because she thinks he's really

attractive. And then um this is what I

text you about. He got so erect he

raised the dining table with his [ __ ]

Direct quote from the book.

You did text me.

I just um

have a lot of questions.

Like

ow

is not a question but perhaps an

observation.

Well, I think something I was thinking

about was the seat height.

Right. Like thank you. Like

it's tucked into his pants still, right?

He didn't like unzip himself at the

table,

right? Did he have to like shimmy under

the table

and then like lift his legs anyway? Like

how close were you were your thighs and

crotch to the table height that you

getting an erection moved the dining

table?

Right. But also like

how big is this table? Is this a

four-seater?

This will come up later. I will answer

this later because I can't answer it

now.

Oh my god.

But some that is something to keep in

mind.

Okay. and that I'm actually processing

for the first time. So

the like bell goes off and Amy's like

turkeyy's done going to go to the

kitchen and like check. So she goes in

the kitchen and like the door closes

behind her. She hears it open like a

moment later like Angus has come in and

is like Aunt Raph thought you might need

help.

She's like checking the turkey. He's

checking out her ass.

Sure.

She like trips. He catches her

and then she's like mumbling cuz she's

she's like, "I'm I'm I'm assuming about

to say sorry." And he goes,

"You're mine."

This is the second full sentence this

man has said, and it's a two-word

sentence.

So, when we started, I was like I was

going to ask like, "Is this paranormal?"

It sounds like it's not. It's just

concerning.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes. Not paranormal. Just like, "Oh,

nope. That's not how that should should

go.

No.

And but she also like assumes for a

moment she like misheard him. She's like

maybe he said you're fine instead of

your mind cuz that

would make more sense when I when I trip

context. Yeah.

And she like asks how long he's been in

the US and he's like I've been here for

like 10 years. And she's like what have

you been doing? And he's like time

mostly. And she like doesn't fully

register what he's saying cuz she's like

wait what? And he's like oh look at the

time. Like it's just very

clumsy.

Yeah.

As we are navigating this.

Yeah.

So then like I guess a few minutes have

passed. She goes to check the turkey

again cuz it hadn't been done the first

time. And he's like she's like bent over

checking the turkey and at this point

he's like pressed up against her

while she checks the turkey.

How are we explaining that way Amy?

We aren't.

Oh okay.

Yeah. Cuz at this point, music starts

playing in the living room and they're

like, and Amy's like, "Oh, did Miss Raph

like invite me here to set me up with

her nephew?" Like, is that what's

happening?

And then Angus says, direct quote, have

it written, "I'm I've waited 10 years

for this. 10 years for you. Now you're

in my arms and I'm never letting you

go."

And Amy's sitting there and she's like,

"I've been single for 10 years. In fact,

like 10 years ago, my boyfriend proposed

to me and I said no. Like, huh? Like,

we've each been single for 10 years.

Just waiting.

I couldn't wait to read this with you.

But do you also understand why we needed

alcohol today?

I do. I do understand that. I understand

that sentiment. Um,

uh, what? because it seemed like she was

a little more

wary

and then what felt him against her and

was like, you know, I can set my

concerns aside.

He's hot, has a strong jawline and an

Australian accent and apparently nothing

else matters.

And a dick that can lift a dining table.

A dick that can lift a dining table.

Yep. Well, it's like he's still standing

behind her and like when I say it

escalates quickly, he's now like

massaging her boobs. It says he's like

like rubbing her neck and like licks her

cheek.

Stranger danger. Danger.

Oh my [ __ ] goodness.

Stranger danger.

This man you've never met before just

lifted a table with his dick, walks into

the kitchen, and licks your cheek. And

you're like, "I've been single 10

years." I'm like, "Yeah,

they make excellent vibrators.

Maybe this wasn't the reason you were

single for 10 years.

Yeah.

Like I understand why he was.

Yeah.

Right. So

then she's like, "Well, I need to get

the turkey out of the oven. Like, it's

going to burn if if I don't get it out."

And he goes, "I'm going to burn if I

don't get this out." And like turns her

around and like kisses her. And then

like within 3 seconds, she is like he

like pops her up. She's sitting on the

kitchen counter. Sure.

Her pants.

Not in her house.

No, in

I keep forgetting that.

In the house where she's been invited

for Thanksgiving where also he does not

live.

Yeah.

Where he just got out of prison and got

an invite

and they are now just like going to town

in Mur and Mrs. Wrath's kitchen while

the turkey is still in the oven. Um

yeah. Like he like eats her out while

she's sitting on the counter. isn't like

[ __ ] her and is like, I'm going to f

like fill her with my [ __ ] and I can't

wait to have babies and like see her

around with my child. I'm like, what?

But also in the moment, he's like, I

should probably tell her what I did at

some point.

I should probably be honest cuz that

that might be a deal breaker.

Well,

but one flash of insight from Angus, it

seems fleeting at best.

Take another sip.

Okay. All right.

That's a good That's You're a good

friend,

you know. Cheers, Hannah.

Cheers.

I don't know if we've cheered since our

first episode.

I don't think we have.

So, after he finishes inside her without

protection,

you know, the person who was staring at

you oddly at the table 10 minutes ago,

who's now come inside you?

Yeah, the usual.

Sure. You know, isn't that pretty

standard for most American

Thanksgivings?

Stuffed with something.

Well, and so like I feel like there were

a couple other comments he made, but

like she's starting like she realized

like the the do in time like, okay, like

there is something there's a miss.

And so he tries to tell her and is like,

hey, like I'm not a good man. I've done

bad things. And she goes, you served

your sentence, didn't you? And he's

like, yes. And she says, "That means

you've redeemed red redeemed yourself in

the eyes of the law. That's how justice

works. Whatever you did is in the past.

You need to let it go."

No,

Hannah. We never find out.

We never find out.

We never find out what he was originally

arrested for.

That's so stressful to me.

Follow-up announcement time.

Announcement two. Electric Booaloo.

Friendly reminder that if you have any

interest in life coaching or Smut Club

book club with your fellow smut [ __ ]

follow the link in our Instagram bio or

the show notes.

And so now that they've decided that

their future starts now, Angus is like,

"Thank goodness I have my grandmother's

diamond ring.

I forgot about the ring. Damn it." And

so he drops down to like one knee to

like start proposing with his grandma's

ring. And Aunt Raph walks in with a

handgun

and is like, "I'll take that, little

Angus, along with everything else you

inherited when I was cut out of the will

and uh ripped of what was rightfully

mine."

I'm sorry.

Ang's like, "The [ __ ] I've been in I've

been in jail for 10 years."

What?

Amy's also still like very naked. They

just finished having sex.

Now that you're nude, will you marry me?

And now is the time to pull a gun also.

Yes. And so Amy's like realizing she's

nude. And Angus like steps in front of

her, which she thinks is like protecting

her dignity for a moment, but then like

a gunshot goes off and Aunt Raph shot

him in the shoulder.

What? And so now he's like bleeding in

the kitchen and Amy's like, I got to

deescalate this.

Oh my god.

So, I know you haven't seen St. Dennis

Medical, but there is an episode where

the hospital director, there's like some

incident in the ER and she comes down

and she just starts screaming deescalate

at like two men who are handcuffed to

gurnies because they're like from the

local prison. like just

I did with the sushi.

Yes,

I did see that. I haven't seen all of

them, but I did see that one. Yeah. Um,

as someone who did crisis work for years

can confidently say going in and

shouting deescalate

will never help a situation.

No, it's not an approved intervention.

No. Did I ever I We had this guy in

crisis and he wanted to go outside and

smoke a cigarette. So, I go outside with

him.

Mhm.

And we're smoking and there were several

officers who happened to be at the

office that day. several of whom I got

along with great. They were fantastic

officers. But I noticed that they think

they're like protecting me. And so we're

standing in the parking lot and I start

to see this circular perimeter of police

officers slowly get smaller.

Mhm.

Smaller and smaller. And it ended with

my client getting so escalated that they

had to physically restrain him and like

put him in a safe room.

Yeah. And what I really appreciated was

afterwards the officer looked at me and

he was like, "Hey, Chelsea, is there

anything we could have like done

differently there?"

Yep.

Adore you for asking that question. Yes,

actually.

Yeah.

How like if if you felt like you were

getting caged in by a bunch of people

that you didn't trust, how would you

respond? And that he's like, "Oh, that

like didn't even dawn on me." And I was

like, "Yeah, you got like thank you for

taking my safety so seriously. Truly

appreciate it. And uh

I got it. And you guys have a little bit

of room to like learn deescalation

tactics.

Yeah.

Like I had that man playing Uno 10

minutes ago and now he's in a safe room,

right?

Not because of me.

Yeah.

Yes.

But now you guys don't want me to go

play Uno with him again. But that's

what's going to deescalate him. See, we

didn't have to get here. Just shouting

deescalate while you make a smaller

circle doesn't work.

But Amy once again is still nude.

Yeah.

And she is like, "Okay, well the

turkeyy's done. I'm going to pull that

out. Pull that that that out like it's

time to eat. Time for Thanksgiving

dinner.

And Aunt Raph, who has the most manic

response I've ever seen, is like, "Why

the hell not? What kind of host would I

be if I killed you before dinner,

so they all go back to the dining

table."

All of these people should be medicated.

A lot more or a lot less.

Also, Angus was shot.

I forgot he was shot.

Yes. Like Angus is shot. They're all

sitting at actively bleeding.

Well, and then they're like, "Who's

going to cut the turkey?" And Angus is

like, "I'll cut it." And I'm like, "Man,

are you going to bleed on this turkey?"

Like, "What?"

Yeah.

And so Amy is like trying to like keep

the conversation going and keep it

deescalated,

right? Trying to chill everybody out.

Yes. But Angus is also thinking about

what Aunt Raph said cuz he's like what

the [ __ ] inheritance is she like talking

about like

outside of my grandmother's wedding like

there's nothing like I don't I don't

know what this is even referring to

but then like clearly no one in this

house is stable. Mrs. Raph, Aunt Raph

starts escalating and like the the whole

conversation between her and Angus just

kind of like starts escalating. She's

talking about how she was cut out of the

will and how Angus' mom was the favorite

and Angus like so Angus' mom died of

lung cancer.

Um, and Aunt Raph had given her sister,

her younger sister, her first cigarette.

Like they all kind of blamed her for the

death of her sister, which also like

isn't fair to to her. That's not how

cancer

works or or chooses. Right.

Um, but just like he's blaming her, like

she's blaming him for being cut out of

the will. He's blaming her for the death

of his mom. Like it's just all

escalating. I think Amy has clothes on

at this point. I don't know.

I was going to say, poor Amy is like, I

I should have just ordered Chinese and

minded my own business. Like,

yes.

Holy [ __ ] So at that point, Aunt Raph

has like grabbed the gun again because

she's mad and like pointing it at Angus

probably. And then they realize, so like

Angus looks down. It's like, "Okay, this

is like a really solid like wooden

dining table. Like this table has some

weight and heft to it." And so since

we're sitting on either side, if Amy and

I can push the table, it'll like trap

them under it. And that's why I think

it's important to note that he moved the

table with his dick earlier in the book.

this heavy wood table that's not

particle board.

Okay. Okay. I'm like getting way too

wrapped up in the logistics because I

was also thinking, wait, like is he

sitting at the end of the table because

it would be easier to lift at the end

than at the center, right?

No, this sounds like he and Amy were on

one side of the table and then Aunt and

Uncle Raph were on the other side of the

table because they end up lifting it,

tipping it over, and it pins the old

couple.

How?

I mean, did she like wax poetic about

the size of his dick? Like, is he large?

I mean, he's large all over is kind of

the energy. You know how it goes, right?

Yes.

I I suppose this is what she is asking

us to like, you know,

keep suspending belief.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Keep suspending.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Suspended.

So, they've pinned them under this table

and they're like now very excited

because they're safe and they're like

laughing and skipping around and like

jumping up and down with glee that

they're safe from this old couple who

has like gravy and cranberry sauce

dripping on them now. But as they're

cheering,

police show up like walk or like in the

house. Police come in the house. Well,

I'm sure neighbors heard a gunshot.

And then Aunt Raph starts shouting about

how Angus and Amy were trying to kill

them.

Sure.

And so the police just arrest Angus and

Amy.

Good.

And I think once again, we forgot Angus

was shot.

Right.

Like what?

Right. Right. Right. I feel like there's

a Okay, this

Well, I'm just thinking like, okay, so

this table was not so heavy that he

couldn't lift it with his dick, but it

was not heavy enough that he could lift

it with one arm with Haley. His dick is

just stronger than his one arm.

Maybe two arms. I don't

It seems as though the gunshot wound

wasn't I honestly think Annabelle

Winters might have forgotten he had a

gunshot wound.

I

was going to say I don't I don't want to

continue

searching for the logic. I think I need

to release it to the universe.

So we're now 3 months later.

Yeah.

The lawyers are telling them like you

know apparently it's a common thing

people try and murder old people and

take their houses. So, your best option

is going to be to cut a deal with the

DA. And what's going to like he was shot

like that matters here. Apparently, it

doesn't. Apparently, it doesn't matter

at all because due to Angus already

being on parole, they're like, "You're

going to go back to prison and it will

be like a 5year sentence." And he's

like, "Okay, well, like I know how this

works. I've been there before. As long

as I'm like a choir boy, I'll be out in

3 years."

Yeah.

And then they're like, "Amy won't really

serve time because of her condition."

her condition being that

pregnancy.

Yep.

And so then Angus is like, "Okay, I'm

going to go. I'm going to serve my three

years. I'll be out within three years

and like are my child won't even be in

my

I won't be my child won't be in school

by the time I'm out already. Like I'll

still have time with them."

So that is their plan. Like we're just

going to suck it up for 3 years, get to

the other side.

Okay.

It's now 3 years later.

What?

Take a sip.

So,

unfortunately, Angus' parole was denied.

The hearing did not go well. He was he

will not get out at 3 years. He will

have to serve the whole five. And he got

so pissed, he punched a guard in the

face, got an additional 5-year assault

charge. So, now he won't be out for

another seven years.

And Amy is sitting there with their twin

three-year-old boys being like, "What

the [ __ ] do I do now?"

And so Amy's mom is

So we do get a little bit of context

that like

Amy after having twins obviously like

child care, job stability, like things

got a little bit harder. Yes. So she

ended up selling her house

and moving back in with her mom. um

mom's boyfriend actually apparently

isn't a total piece of [ __ ] and was

like, "Oh, like your daughter and

grandchildren need to move in with you.

I'll move out so that they have space."

And you're like, "Oh,

well, isn't that a positive compared to

how it could be?" Amy's mom is like,

"Your boys need their dad and you need

your husband."

Husband,

whoever, like husband, partner.

Is this where we find out they got

married in a prison? I don't know if

they actually got married, but like it's

very much like they are clearly

partners and so maybe not husband. You

need your partner,

your man.

Your man, right? And Amy's mom is like,

"My boyfriend is a subcontractor to

subcontractors." And sure, it's a little

sketchy, but he has connections all over

with like waste management for prison

systems.

Wink wink. So essentially Amy's mom is

like say the word and my boyfriend can

like break your your man out of jail

and

is he in the mob and then you got he was

a subcontractor for waste management

management. I was like

general crime

and they're like you won't be able to

take a a plane because you'll be on no

fly list. So you'll he's from Australia.

You guys just need to get back to

Australia. So if you can stow like we'll

get it set up so you can stow away on

our cargo ship to Australia. Start over.

It's elaborate. So now it's 3 weeks

later. I'm like why didn't we think of

this when he first went in? I guess

because they were like, "It's not that

long

and we're going to do it the right way."

But yeah, when it's suddenly like, "Oh,

you're going to be gone for 10 years

total instead of 3 years total."

Yeah. Yeah.

That is a shift, right? So now it's 3

weeks later.

Okay.

They successfully broke him out of

prison within that time frame.

Okay. So the boyfriend moves fast.

Yeah. I'm really impressed by the speed

at which they were able to execute that

plan.

Mhm.

Angus is thrilled to be with his family.

They're like on top of the cargo ship

watching dolphins swim in the ocean.

Sure. Anal with Amy. Life is breezy. My

literal notes.

All right.

So, now it's a month later after that.

Okay. So, they're in Australia. Uh

they're paying for like a cheap pay by

the week hotel sort of energy. Um, but

Angus is really fixated on like finding

this wedding ring, figuring out this

whole inheritance situation, and Amy's

kind of like, "Let it go." And he's

like, "I got you and twin boys." Like, I

Right.

Like, I'm not going to let this record

like

Yeah. Like any if there's money to be

had, I would like to know about it.

Right.

Um,

also the money that her mom gave her.

Apparently, this is just a side thing.

her mom died in those 3 weeks or in that

like seven weeks literal. Not only was

it my wedding gift before my actual

wedding, but also my inheritance because

mom actually died. Bless her soul. I'm

so [ __ ] grateful for what she did to

send me off on my journey towards my

happy ending. Thank you, mom. Thank you

for being my mom.

What? What?

She died within seven weeks of her

boyfriend breaking your partner out of

prison.

I was gonna say that feels suspish.

Yeah, her boyfriend was sketchy. We

might have more questions.

Or maybe be upset that your mom is dead

or

that you were like living with before

that.

You weren't aranged.

Yes.

I mean, you were estranged 3 years ago,

but like at this point.

Right. Right. Right.

So,

thank you for everything. Love you, Mom.

Thanks for being my mom. Now I get to

have anal with Angus on a cargo ship.

Your sacrifice was not in vain.

What?

I'm just imagining like an empty

shipping crate with him going to town in

it and being like, "Yep, that is

I'm just imagining her mom like looking

down like for real like

for this? Really?"

Oh, thank you, mom. this.

So, as they're trying to figure out the

inheritance,

uh, Angus is saying like his mom sold

the house after his dad died. Like, he

really truly only had the ring. Amy asks

like, she's like, "Okay, well, like

where did the ring come from? Like,

where did Well, my my granddad made it

for my grandmother. What do you mean he

made a diamond ring for your

grandmother? Where would a diamond come

from if he's making her a ring?"

Do they own diamond mines or something

ridiculous? I don't maybe so well and

they're also thinking through they're

like why would Aunt Raph wait 10 years

just to kill him? Like that doesn't make

sense

right

either. Um and they're like well

while he was gone like with the

inheritance like is there something she

could have tried to lay claim to? So

then they start just like digging

through like digging into it from that

aspect.

next chapter starts. And also, I want to

be clear, the chapter titles would be

like 3 months later, two like whatever

that time. So, this one wasn't a time

update. It just says somewhere outside

Canberra, somewhere under the ground.

That is what we need to know about where

we are now.

All right.

Because they found the diamond mine.

Hannah,

thank you. Thank you very much.

So,

the old family property that had been

sold off,

they there was a d like a small diamond

mine on it that the land is now owned by

the government. But the whole thing with

it is that

to have to be able to lay claim to any

of the revenue, you have to be able to

prove that you knew about the diamond

mine's existence. So just like knowing

that you owned the property at some

point, if you didn't know the mine

existed, you're not entitled to

So the ring is the proof that we knew

the mine exist.

We have Yep. See, we have this diamond.

We knew this was here. So we do get a

cut of these profits is is the general

thought there.

Okay.

So Angus and Amy have put their boys in,

I don't know, daycare for the day and go

to find this mine and and are successful

in finding finding it. So, like as

they're standing in the mine, suddenly

Aunt Raph and Uncle Raph show up.

I was about to say, you know, I heard

about this true crime case. Like, her

body may never be found.

Well, Kelsey, that was my favorite

murder. This is a different podcast.

Georgia really got into this one. Um,

no.

Okay. All right. So, Aunt Raph just left

Amy alone for three years with Angus'

kids, but she tracked them to the

diamond mine now.

Well, and at some point like Amy says

like, "Please don't kill us. We have

kids." And Angus is like, "Don't tell

them we have kids." And Aunt Rap is

like, "No, I've been tracking Amy for

years." Like,

obviously,

like also, how the [ __ ] were they going

to follow you to the diamond mine if

they weren't tracking you for years?

Right. Right.

So they had been waiting for Angus to

get out so that they could get the ring

back from him and but Angus and Amy were

like, "We thought they had the ring

because oh that was the other thing.

It's not fully relevant cuz this book is

so chaotic in general." But while they

were like cheering and jumping up and

down and police entered the house, Angus

was like going to propose again

and the ring was lost in the malay of

it. Is that the right word?

Melee.

Melee. That's the word I And is melee

the right word.

I think so.

It felt good.

It seems right.

It likely is wrong. But

don't tell us.

Just let us have this for Christmas.

It's the season.

Thanks for giving us the gift of poor

grammar back to ourselves. Thanks for

giving us the gift of delusion.

So Amy is once again trying to like

deescalate the situation by like kind of

keeping them talking.

Sure.

And so she's like I have the ring. I'll

give it back as soon as we all leave the

mine and like I'm like safe like we're

like safely with our our boys like you

can have it. You can do whatever. They

don't have the ring at all.

It seems to initially work and then Aunt

Raph is like

wait a minute.

Well, you'll say you'll give me the ring

to save your boys anyway. Angus isn't

needed for that. So, then they just like

plan on like killing Angus again. Sure.

Anyway,

but then Aunt Raph goes to light her

cigarette because she's a chain smoker

in the mine. And

yeah, and Angus like sees like the flame

flicker and is like, "Oh, fuck." Like

the gas in these mines like is about to

ignite. So, as soon as she like hits her

like lighter, he like knocks Amy over

and like knocks her to the ground to

keep her safe as like the mine explodes

essentially.

Sure.

And Aunt Raph and Uncle Raph burn up in

flames.

Okay.

Yep. Um,

is that how mines work?

Sure.

Why not?

I'm like, is it?

I think they can work like that, but I

also don't know if all mines work. And

also, this was a diamond mine,

right? So, why would there be gas?

Yeah, did have some had had questions

about a lot, Hannah.

Yeah, I am not a geologist, so I'll let

that go.

Well, so that's the end.

What? There's an epilogue.

Okay.

10 years later. Oh, so 10 years later

they are now returning to the states.

They now have nine children.

And they consulted with lawyers, but and

like the lawyers were like, "Yeah,

here's the thing.

You left the country like but like you

guys aren't like violent offenders.

You're not on America's most wanted

list. like you can go back in the

country 10 years later and like you're

going to have to go through a couple

like legal hoops, but like no one will

care that you are back in the country

essentially. And so they're like, "Yeah,

like we plan on getting arrested upon

entry and like we'll like figure it out

from there." But they consulted lawyers

that that it should be fine.

So they also tell Angus like, "Hey,

the jail still has your belongings that

like you like never picked up, but he

knows what was in there and he's like,

"The diamond ring isn't in there." But

he goes to get his belongings. So he

gets his wallet and he gets the watch

back. And like and Amy's like, "What?"

Like he has like a weird energy about

him. And the watch had also been his

grandfather's, but it was like a really

cheap like Timex piece, so he never

really like gave it

much thought.

It was just a sentimental

Yeah. It never really worked right. And

quite frankly, at the beginning of the

book, he was talking about throwing the

watch away because it didn't work.

Yeah.

But then was arrested again. So they

just like put it back with his

belongings, right?

Um and then they realized that in the

old watch that had belonged to his

grandfather, he had like hidden another

diamond. So they then would have all of

the evidence and proof they needed to

like lay claim to part of that revenue.

Well, that is a happy accident.

And that's the book. That's the whole

thing. There are no more epilogs.

All right.

Okay. Okay. So,

I I would assume that we are to uh

lean into the idea that this is a

happily ever after. They do get their

money.

Yes.

To support their nine children.

Yes. Their family of 11. I'm like, also,

what rental vehicle at the airport just

can accommodate that many children? And

it's been 10 years. There were only two

10 years ago, which means you've birthed

seven additional children, which would

tell me some of them are still very much

toddlers, which would mean they need

safety things, right? For

car seats and Yeah,

that's like also

booster seats and flying with that many

people.

Oh, I didn't think about the flight. Oh.

Oh.

cuz your oldest kid is I guess 13.

The two the twins.

The twins would be roughly 13. Yeah. Who

could I guess help with the younger

ones?

Yeah.

But by God, that's so many children.

I met somebody recently who had two sets

of twins

and I was like, "Oh my god, I'm so

sorry." Like, "Holy crap." Um

multiple sets of twins. finding out your

I assumed so at some like there has to

be other twins in there at some point or

level.

Also, I do imagine if the first time you

get pregnant with twins and then you

find out the second one is also twins

like

cuz well I've told you about my cousin

who didn't find out she was having twins

until her 20week ultrasound.

What?

Because their heartbeats had been

perfectly in sync. So at earlier

appointments had just been like strong

heartbeat, good to go. And then at 20

weeks they were like, "So there's two

heartbeats." And she's like, "The [ __ ]

are you talking about?"

Oh my god.

Yes. That's my wording. She's more

professional than that. Um Yeah. Which

like then moves up the timeline, then

moves up like everything, right? And so

then when they got pregnant again, she

was like, "My husband did ask very

explicitly that they check this early on

and like very much confirm like we're

not going through this again."

Oh my god.

Yeah. Cuz I'm like

twins are never 40. Like you it moves up

your like due date by like a solid

month.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Which then you're like, "Oh, okay. So I

have how much time to now get ready? I

need two crips. I need two high chairs.

I need two strollers. I need

So I I think I probably told you about a

friend of mine that I worked with her

and she found out she was pregnant and

we knew she was going for I think it was

her uh 12 week or 16 week scan. They

were looking at a lot of stuff. It was

like a big appointment

and none of us had heard from her all

morning and we were like, "Oh no." like,

"Oh, shit." Right? And so eventually she

messaged us and she was like, "Hey guys,

no worries. The appointment went long.

We're stopping for lunch. I'll see you

guys soon." And so she comes in and

she's like, "Yeah, so um I'm pregnant

with twins and no history of twins in

her family. Like none at all. No twins,

no fertility drugs, no nothing. just

like a random 100% random fraternal

twins situation.

And she said her husband like doubled

over and started like hyperventilating.

Gosh.

And she said that just made her mad cuz

she was like, "What are you worried

about?"

But the twins are like five now. They're

thriving. They're doing great. Um or

they might be older than that actually.

But no, five. I saw a post where like a

couple had had twins and then the

husband had screenshot like their bank

account app and he'd been like they

double charged us and she's like no they

charge us per child. Like it's not

it's not a two for one bud.

Yeah. Like no if you're taking both to

the hospital they are both

going to get

get admitted and processed. Yes.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Are kids our rating

system? Is turkey our rating system? I'm

scared of our rating system.

Dining t dining table. She said I'm

scared of our system.

Like maybe dining tables or

diamonds.

Diamonds. Diamond rings.

Diamond rings.

Sure.

Watches.

Yes. Timeax pieces.

As opposed to our previous episode, we

are

Listen, we landed at full moons on our

on our last one. It took us a moment.

We just have too many choices now.

Let's go

diamond rings.

Okay. Okay, that feels safest.

Um,

let's go out of 11 because November is

the 11th month and there's 11 of them.

Yep.

And let's give this like a four

diamonds.

All right.

If you're going for a quick chaotic

holiday novella,

sure,

it fits every

criteria, you need it to hit. And

like it like it's fun, but like it's so

ridicul

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm like this is fun. And like

wait, what? Cuz I'd get to the next

chapter and it would be like 3 years

later

we're being broken out of prison. Well,

I mean for you to be like they proved

his innocence like

nope. Cuz also at another point later in

the book, he like tries to tell her

again about why he was originally

convicted and she doesn't want to hear

it cuz she just loves him and trusts

him.

10 years is kind of a long time.

That's a big sentence.

So like what did you do? Like

yeah,

I would want to know.

That's how justice works, Hannah. You

served your time. You're done now.

Okay.

Lols. Yeah. I don't think I agree, Amy,

but

you and I have worked in community

mental health for

Mhm.

way too long to casually hear about a

10-year sentence and be like, "This is

casual."

Yeah. Yep. Yep. I had somebody

recently be like, "Yeah, so I was in

prison from ages like 19 to 34." And I

was like, "Okay. Um, what were your

charges?" And he was like, "Oh, just

some like domestic violence stuff." And

I was like,

"All right." Like, "Oh, no." Like, what?

Like, no. 15 years is too long.

That's a long time. 15 years for

domestic violence is not

it's not what you want to hear.

No. And like I'm not trying to make

light of it at all, but I'm like that's

not like a casual like you slapped

someone once like that. I'm like oh no,

that is like

you just got under the bar for higher

charges if you got 10 years for DV.

Yeah.

1,000%.

So I would be like, no, I think it would

be helpful to know what you did, but

maybe it's because we know too much.

We've seen too much.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're not going to enter legally binding

agreements with people we don't know

that well,

right?

Even if it feels like spiritually

they're our person.

Sure. It would still be helpful

background information for making your

decisions, you know,

you can still make that decision just

like make an informed decision, you

know.

Yeah.

I had a client recently tell me that for

her therapy has been about determining

whether she wants to be petty or not and

being able to make that decision instead

of feeling like that decision is made

for her.

I was like I kind of love that. Well,

like what I hear with that is I'm like,

"Okay, so that's someone who is actually

what I hear underneath that is, hey,

I really struggle with emotional

regulation." Y

I want to get better about feeling in

control when I'm in circumstances that

feel outside of my control.

Mhm.

And that will allow me to show up as I

want to show up in those moments.

Right. I can be intentional with the

energy that I bring.

It's my choice how I show up in those

move in those moments if I'm emotionally

regulated. 100%.

But it like I do feel I get that.

Yeah. Yeah.

What a great treatment goal.

Yeah. I mean, I choose to be messy

sometimes. Mostly I don't cuz it's not

worth it, but occasionally.

Well, and I think also like I got like

really like frustrated with something at

work like a couple days ago. And just

like

talking through it with my husband and

like the like I was like annoyed with

myself for how disregulated I was. Like

I was like this thing does not

yield this large of a response from me

and I'm like embarrassed and annoyed

with myself that it is even if my

husband is the only one who's like

seeing this response in the moment.

But like I get that insight of being

like oh

I don't like how I showed up in that

moment and I would like to be able to to

choose how I show up and not have that

made for me. And I'm like yeah great

insight.

Yeah. Mhm. We also love a motivated

client.

Yeah, we do.

Yeah,

we do. Makes a big difference. It's

helpful.

Yeah. Um Okay, so four

four out of 11 diamond rings.

But what a fun four D like those four

are still sparkly. Please hear me. Like

I can tell you for sure from one moment

to the next I did not know

that was Yeah. If you just

want to be taken by surprise

Yeah. at any moment. Annabelle Winters

is seemingly fantastic at that. I had no

idea.

It's like um kids who tried to first

chapter Charlotte's Web and they were

like, "I know how this ends. I don't

need to finish it." And they write their

whole book report like that. You That

would happen with this book where you'd

be like, "Oh, I know how this ends." And

then, "No, you don't." My aunt also had

that happen when she was in college. Um

with the Grapes of Wrath

because that like someone had like

watched the movie and not read the book.

Yeah.

And those end very differently.

Very.

And so someone was like

just making sure you know how the book

ends, right? They don't all ride off

into the sunset together.

They die while having to make difficult

choices about famine.

It's dark days, dude.

Truly.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm like

or like being like Romeo and Juliet, I

read smut. I know how this ends,

right?

No.

Neigh neigh.

No. No. Annabelle Winters certainly kept

us on our toes at every moment of this

which I can appreciate because I've read

some of these like less than 100 pages

like Thanksgiving things and sometimes

it's a little bit like

yes it's a nice like checkout read but

it's super obvious and like it's not

super engaging but this seems like you

know

like it was like out of pocket but also

I was like I truly don't know where this

is going and I need to find out and this

see this is a whole I think it's like

curvy through the holidays or like

something like that, but it seems like

there's a Thanksgiving, Christmas, New

Year's, and Valentine's novella all

within this series.

I have no idea if they're all I'm

assuming they're all standalone. Um I

have not delved into it further, but it

is a series as well.

I feel like it would be difficult to

write Smut when there are nine children

involved. Like where's the child care?

like you know

where's the child?

I'm just thinking logistically, you

know.

Yeah. You're like, how busy can you get

making child number 10?

Oh god,

please don't respect.

Right.

I think those nine children will keep

you busy enough.

Yes.

My one child keeps me busy enough.

Yes.

You're the you're you've contributed.

You're good.

Yeah. The declining birth rate, not on

you.

We don't need to worry about the

population.

You're single-handedly reviving the

population.

Yes.

Kudos to you for that effort. Um,

yeah,

I don't want my vagina looking like

roast beef like that.

All that said, we should probably end

there. You know, on a high note,

happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Thank you for joining us. We hope you

have a wonderful holiday season and we

will see you soon, friends. Bye, smud

[ __ ] Bye.

Well, that's it for this week, smud

[ __ ] We hope it was good for you, cuz

it sure was great for us. If you're

digging what we're doing, it would mean

a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and

review the show wherever you're

listening right now. Maybe tell that

sexy someone to lend us an ear. We love

you. We appreciate you. And we'll see

you next week. Stay smiley.