Smut Club

Well, hello all you beautiful people.

You know what time it is.

Ladies and gents, guys and dolls and

everyone in between.

Gather around. Get you something real

nice to sip on and comfy to slip on.

Cuz it's time for Smite Club. Here's

your hosts, Chelsea and Hannah.

[Music]

[Laughter]

Hey everybody and welcome to Smuck Club.

I'm Hannah

and I'm Chelsea

and this is the podcast where we are two

licensed counselors who sometimes

daydrink, sometimes don't, and review

romance novels of varying caliber.

Yes. Um, today we're drinking Bodabox

dry rosé.

Shout out.

Thanks Hannah for bringing some to Ria

up because this might be the first time

in the history of recording that I was

like, I don't have wine for us.

The only other time I recall is when you

were pregnant and you asked me to get

that like sparkling cider

and you dropped the bottle in the store

and the people at Publix were so nice.

They told me to stand there and wait so

they could go get me a replacement. And

I was like, "Please, can I just leave so

I can go die like with my roommate?"

Do I have to stand it right next to the

accidental bottle I crashed while I

just have to sit in it? Like this is so

awkward.

And everybody was so nice like making

sure I was okay. It was just really

rough that that didn't happen this time.

It was a very smooth experience at the

Engles. So, I'm going to blame it on

Publix.

So, I find it interesting that we want

to blame Publix.

I was going to say that felt traitorous

as a Fidian. I was like, "Oh, as soon as

it left my mouth, I was like, trade my

homeland."

This isn't even about my loyalty to

Publix. You could tell me it was

Windixie. You could tell me it was

Albertson's. You could tell me it was

Aldi.

If I dropped a bottle of something in a

store and then said, "I'm going to blame

Aldi for it." You would laugh at me so

hard.

I would.

It's true.

You You'd go, "Okay, Chelsea, if that's

what you need to feel better about this

situation."

It is what I need. Thank you.

Yeah. Take it. [ __ ] Publix.

Whoa.

Except in every other circumstance

besides this one. This is the singular

circumstance with with the [ __ ] of

the Publix.

And it really had nothing to do with

Publix. They were lovely. It was my own

deep-seated anxiety about being the

center of attention. I don't like it.

I don't like it. Did I tell you the

story about I think I have when my

nephew was like four years old and we

were all in Nashville

uh for I don't know one of my cousin's

baby showers or something, but like lots

of like extended family. And so we're

all hanging out at my sister and

brother-in-law's house and my nephew is

four and about to go to bed. And my

family is very musical. Like lots of

people toured in bands for years and so

they're like, "Oh, we should all sing on

like a lullaby before bed and they're

like Moon River." So we're all having

this like beautiful family sing along of

Moon River. And apparently when my

nephew went into his bedroom with my

sister at 4:00, he looked at her and he

was like, "Never make me do that again."

A room full of people like singing a

lullaby to him. He's like, "That is the

worst case scenario of anything that's

ever happened to him."

That kid gets it.

Um, I think Ford is similar because his

less we forget the potato birthday party

incident

or the birthday before that.

He's only had two. And it's a pattern.

Both times he has not been thrilled when

people sang to him and really wanted

them to stop.

Yeah. Mhm. My gosh. So, all that said,

today

uh we are reviewing The Doctor by Nikki

Sloan.

We've reviewed another book in this

series um a while ago. I forget how long

ago. The frat boy.

Yes.

With with the HOA villain.

Yes. With the um the porn thing.

Yeah. Where it was. I mean, I understand

why the HOA had some questions because

you were running a pornography business

out of your neighborhood,

right? I'm having visions of like

Michael Scott getting a letter from his

HOA that says like you can't run a

business out of your

out of your condo. It's different

walls. Um, I was really just thinking

about my parents' neighborhood in the

middle of nowhere.

Their town doesn't have a stoplight, but

they got some drama.

Yeah. in their HOA.

Oh, I know,

right? I'm like, the house that was

burned down and then someone started

going around and writing with chalk in

front of several people's mailboxes,

defund the HOA.

We did have a few years ago, somebody

made like lawn signs that said defund

the HOA. And it was a whole thing. Also,

maybe there are HOAs that are rolling in

it like that.

I don't think my HOA no

had like defund them.

It's like a $100 a year if that like

Oh, wait. Oh my god. I forgot. Your

husband's now the HOA president, isn't

he?

He is.

He is.

Wait, aren't you the treasurer?

No, because you know what's amazing?

They realized in the bylaws it says you

can't have two people on the board who

are in the same household. So they found

somebody

to be the treasurer.

I bet you hated when that was found in

the bylaw.

I was like, "Oh no."

And the current president was like,

"Well, I mean, you can still help." And

I was like, "Hm."

Yeah. And my dad, very stonefaced, was

like, "Are they aware that they don't

want your help on the HOA?"

And I said, "No, sir, they are not, but

they will be."

There's again nothing like being lightly

roasted by your family.

You are not wrong. Um, okay. So,

the doctor,

the doctor,

we open with Cassidy. Cassidy is 19

years old. She is at She's home from

college for the summer at a pool party

at her boyfriend Preston's house.

Preston.

Preston. She's been with Preston for 3

years. And at this point, it's one of

those relationships that you're like, it

shouldn't have continued into college.

Yeah.

But it did.

We were clinging to something that was

never there.

Yes. And so she's kind of like, what are

we doing? I'm an afterthought in this

relationship. Like,

yeah, that sucks.

He mostly just calls me when he's horny

at this point. And so, she goes to the

garage to like grab more beer. But it's

also funny cuz like when she walks out,

she runs into Preston's dad, Dr. Low.

And she's like, "Dr. Low." And he's

like, "What are you doing?" She's like,

"Just grabbing,

you know, some refreshments."

And I'm like, "My bad." Uh and he asks

how things are going with he's like I

was like how are you and Preston doing

like you know a little like misaligned

with the summer just seem to be missing

each other sort of energy. Um, also

worth noting

Preston when like we say he's missing

things, it's not just being like a dumb

19-year-old boy. Like Cassid's grandma

passed away and he missed the funeral

cuz he had to work, but then he like

forgot about the visitation cuz he went

to the movies with friends.

Yeah, we're like his brain is really not

fully developed. And I know some

19-year-old boys would be like a gas to

ever like think that they would miss

something like that. And I'm also like,

yeah,

this sounds like a 19-year-old bro who

like is really not thinking of anyone

but himself.

Scoring very low on the

conscientiousness.

Yes, 1,000%.

Um, and so after Cassy's like, "He

literally like missed the [ __ ]

visitation." She's like, "It's time to

officially

end it."

Um, and so she goes over, but she's

like, "I need to She's like, I'm going

to slow play this. I'm not just going to

like show up and like drop the hammer."

So she goes to put her swimsuit on and

then like he sees her in the swimsuit

and like getting in the pool and he's

like, "Oh, like getting handsy and like

try." And she's like, "No, that's not

that's not what we're doing."

Yes. That's not what she's

deeply misread the situation that we're

in. Yes. And so they like Dr. Lo comes

out at one point with like a picture of

lemonade

and Preston starts making fun of him cuz

he's like, "Did Judy drop it off?" Cuz

Judy, the neighbor next door, is newly

divorced and

thirsty

and thirsty. And I could be

misremembering this, but I'm pretty sure

Judy is the villain of the HOA who's

embezzling in like book five.

Excellent.

Yes. Um,

and but like when Dr. Low walks out,

Cassid's thinking about like earlier the

summer when she'd come over and she

wasn't stopping Preston in the pool and

like definitely like

the dad saw them and like they made eye

contact and she's like, "No, he's

definitely seen me bone his son out here

before is like kind of the thought." And

she's like, "And he is

an attractive man.

He's keeping it tight."

Yes.

So, Dr. Low goes back inside and then

Cassidy tells Preston that it's not

working and he's not really

understanding what she's trying to say,

but she's like, "Yeah, we this isn't it

hasn't been working."

And it's not fully um it's not a fully

finished thought because Dr. comes back

outside with Preston's phone cuz he's

like, "Hey, your boss is calling." And

so Preston takes the call and he's like,

"No, I'm not scheduled to work until

Wednesday." And like Cassidy sitting

there and she's like, "It is [ __ ]

Wednesday." Like this [ __ ]

So he like has to rush out to go to

work.

So Cassidy just dumped him. I don't know

if he fully processed that he'd been

dumped.

Yeah. There's too much happening. He's a

little overstimulated, maybe.

Yes.

Yeah. And so Cassidy goes back inside to

change clothes to leave because at this

point she just in a wet swimsuit in her

ex-boyfriend's house,

right?

And Dr. Lo knocks on the door uh to

check on her and he's like and he

mentions he's like, "It's not my place,

but like I think you should dump Pre

like you can do better than Preston

right now."

And isn't that telling if your father is

coming up

to your ex, your girlfriend, and being

like, "You should dump my son."

I did have a client once that told me

that like she was in the midst of kind

of deciding if she wanted to divorce her

husband and she told me that before she

got married, her husband's mom came to

her and was like, "Do not do this." And

I was like,

cuz it's one thing for a dad to be like,

I don't know. But for like a mom that

feels different, you know, like, and I

can't fully articulate why, but like she

was like, I really should have listened

to her. And I was like,

probably.

Yeah. We live and we learn. Yeah.

If

I don't know if any parent of your

partner is coming up and like you're

like it should give you pause at some

level.

Absolutely. Yeah. To be like, "Oh,

yikes."

Yeah. What am I missing? If their

parents

Yeah.

things and like hopefully I'll never

have to warn someone off of my son in

that regard

cuz like that is a weird thing to like

think. I'm like, "Yeah, could my son be

a big enough [ __ ] that he like brings

this like sweet person home?" And I'm

like,

"No,

you seem too kind. We can't do this to

you."

Like, what?

Yeah, that would be a lot.

Yeah, that should give you pause.

Yeah.

And if it doesn't, that is Although, in

this situation, I'm already questioning

Dr. Loe's motives.

That's the right call.

Um

because Cassidy Cassid's like, "Well, I

did literally just like just break up

with him." So, great timing on that. But

then she's also like, "It kind of feels

like we're like like I'm breaking up

with everyone. Like, I'm going to miss

you, too, because I I have been I mean,

her and Preston had been together for 3

years."

Oh.

And so, it seems as though Dr.

Greg and Preston's mom got pregnant

pretty young

and then

he just was not present in Preston's

life. Mom now lives in North Carolina.

Um and so I think Preston had been there

with her and her like and grandparents

the whole time started like having some

difficulties as a teenager and so it's

kind of like okay like

for dad to step up if he can handle it.

But Greg also like feels a lot of guilt

over not being present um for all of

these previous years. So now there's

just this like weird tension of like

I want my son to like me so I'm going to

let him get away with more than he

should be able to cuz I feel guilty that

I wasn't present.

But like that cyclical nature of like

that then creates more issues.

Yeah.

Um

you know just in general. So she does

tell him that she Cassie tells Greg that

she will miss him too. And they end up

just sharing a little smooch. Sure.

Yeah. Just cute little smooch as one

does uh with their ex-boyfriend's father

10 minutes after they broke up with

their boyfriend.

If I had a nickel,

I was going to say

I'd have no nickels.

I'd be Nicholas.

I've date I've dated people before

getting married and never once

has that been a thing that I have done.

You haven't made out with any of their

dads.

Not that I know of.

I lived hard in my early 20s.

Not with intention.

Yeah. Not on purpose and certainly not

10 minutes after ending it. I lived hard

in my early 20s, so who can say? Maybe

it happened.

Yeah.

No, it didn't happen.

Yeah. No, my largest age gap was 16

years. H,

which would still be too young for the

the father figure of it all.

Unless they were going real hard in

that.

I If I'd been dating their son.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I get it now. I get it. Um,

I like that. I said 16 years and you

went, "Oh."

I'm like, "Oh, okay."

Fair enough. No. Okay.

Well, Matt and I are 9 years apart.

Are you?

Yeah. Yeah.

I've been I'm bad at math. Wow. cuz I

really

had my money on like six years apart,

which is still not like a small amount,

but like nine feels like 10.

Well, what's really funny is it's like 9

and a half. So, for the majority of

2025, he has been 10 years older than

me. So, I just had my birthday and he

was like, "We're finally back to our

9-year age gap." And I was like, "Oh,

does that make him feel better? I don't

know. I think he was just like, "Here we

are again."

Their kiss gets interrupted by the

phone. Um because Dr. Low is a trauma

surgeon at one of the local hospitals.

Mhm.

And he's on call. So

he has to go. But like as straight up,

he's like as soon as it's done, he's

like, "It's my fault. Tell him it's my

fault." When you like tell him what

happened sort of energy. And then they

just kind of like separate ways.

Um,

and I don't think Cassidy feels as

though it's his fault. I think she's

like, I was very willing.

Um,

she was like, I was an active

participant and if you weren't picking

that up, I should have tried harder.

Yes. Well, okay. So, now it's been 9

days since all of this has gone down.

She hasn't heard from Preston, but she's

like,

he he gets what happened, right? like do

we need to like confirm?

Yes. So she like texts him and is like

hey like did I'd love to talk kind of

figure things out. Are you free? And

he's like yeah like I'm playing Call of

Duty but you can come over. Like it's

whatever. And she's like

okay sounds like a plan. So when she

gets to the house uh oh cuz she also

asked him if his dad was home or like

something however it came out.

He was there.

To her knowledge, dad was not there,

right? However, upon arrival, Greg had

like just walked in the door. So, he's

like, "Hey." She like, "Yeah, here to

see Preston." And he's like, "Yeah, he's

down in the basement with his friends."

He had friends over and like didn't tell

her that. And then also when she gets

there, he just thinks she's like there

to to smush

and like tells the friends when the

round ends like, "Yeah, just give me a

couple minutes and I'll be back." And

I'm like, "Oh my god." Like that they

even make jokes about it like, "Oh, only

a couple minutes. Sorry, Cassidy. Haha."

And Cassid's like, "Why? What? No,

that's definitely not what's happening.

You are again deeply misreading what's

about to happen."

She's like, "Hey, hey, man. And so like

we're not together.

We broke up.

I broke up with you.

And he's like, "No, you were frustrated

and I like told you to call me when you

calmed down." Sort of energy. And she's

like, "No, you haven't prioritized me

for a long time. This is a larger issue

here." And he's like, "I missed one

funeral."

One is too many.

Yeah, there was only one, right?

How many funerals do there need to be,

dude?

Yeah, there shouldn't be that that many

funerals within this.

I would hope not. Yeah, fingers crossed,

right?

Um, so this is also not not going well.

And he's once again kind of still like,

"Call me when you

Mhm. Call me when you get over this.

Like, I'll I'll be here." Like, you're

being like, "You're being so ridiculous.

Call me when you're done being

dramatic."

Yes.

truly

takes off and is like visibly upset

obvious

dishes and sees her sees that it like

went poorly. Goes over to like kind of

comfort her and give her a hug and she

just like goes for the kiss and he's

like, "Hey, I think we should talk.

Maybe we don't do this now."

You know, like with my son

and his friends

and his friends

in the basement in the basement

while you're visibly crying and clearly

not in an emotional space to be making

these sorts of decisions.

But I did think it was sweet cuz he's

like, "Hey, like I've been washing the

same dish for 5 minutes waiting for when

you get back up here. Like we need to to

talk."

Yeah.

Um but also like part of their

conversation is

them being like, "I can't stop thinking

about you. I can't stop thinking about

our kiss. And she's like, I agree. And

they're like, we can't do this. We need

to stop. But like nothing about their

behavior is aligned. My notes literally

say, this seems to be more in word than

action.

It's like we can't do this. Slight step

forward.

Yes.

We shouldn't we can't

hand on the chest.

Yeah. Please

stop me like that.

Yes. Tell me to walk away.

I can't. It's too much.

I like how breathy your voice got.

Well, because that's what it is, right?

You're not wrong. Stop me.

Just tell me. It's like ASMR.

That's part of why I can't stand ASMR

because I do not enjoy a breathy voice.

I am not. And I don't get ASMR. I the

people that it works for, they are like

so locked in and I'm like,

"Yeah, I'm happy for you.

I need this sound to stop immediately."

Mhm.

No, no, no. I did not stutter. I meant

immediately.

It makes me physically nauseous.

Yes. I was like, I will cut you.

Yeah.

Please stop this. I don't know if that

is a neurode divergence or just like a

personal preference because everything

is neurode divergent now but like I was

having that conversation with my husband

recently where I was like yeah I've like

wondered about some of my own neurode

divergence and he's like interesting

I've never wondered that about you and

he's like I do think that there was a

pandemic and then you started working

remote only and were sick in bed for 2

years and then had a kid and he's like

and maybe we've atrophied a little bit

more than there's a neurode divergence

and I went fascinating feedback.

Yeah,

I will ruminate on that.

Yeah.

And I don't necessarily think he's

wrong.

But then the question becomes, is it

that I was well trained before and now

I'm unmasked or is it that I've

atrophied?

Son of a [ __ ] That was my exact

thought. I was like, am I bad at masking

now?

Yeah. I just can't mask anymore. All of

my masking skills have atrophied and

that's the actual issue. So, I was in a

meeting earlier this week um for like a

another job that I'm working and

multiple times I said, "Oh, I really

almost just made a very inappropriate

hand gesture." Like apparently my word

filter still works, but like my hand and

facial expression filter no longer

works.

Go on. What was the gesture?

It was definitely a jerkoff motion. Like

I did that in a meeting intentionally.

It was me really letting them know I

didn't give a [ __ ] about it. Like, you

know, whatever. Right.

So, I did do that once

in a youth group setting.

Incredible.

And somebody called me out on it and was

like, "What did you just do?" And I was

like, "I rolled the dice like with a

straight face and like making eye

contact and they were like, "Oh, I get

it." Okay. Okay. So, that's rolling the

dice. I was like, "Yes, that's rolling."

Okay. You're the reason

I'm putting singular blame on on you for

this. When I was in grad school, I one

of my courses was human sexuality.

Sure.

And I took it as like a mini master

class. So, it was like a week-long

intensive um maybe a two week long

intensive sort of energy. But one of the

first days after the lunch break when we

came back in, there were just all of

these like

intercourse, oral sex, like right all of

these different words written in very

large letters at the top of the

whiteboard. And then they wanted

everyone to like take an expo marker and

go up and write under each saying like

different like euphemisms you'd heard to

like describe that. I would win that

game. I know it's not a competition, but

I would win it.

What I learned was the number of people

who were using euphemisms incorrectly.

And I was like, "No, that's not that's

not what that one meant. No, that that

goes over in that cate. No, but I'm like

I what am I going to do? Correct all of

these people in a human sexuality class

in seminary where I'm a single girl at

the time?" So, you know, as a single

girl in seminary, I should have no

knowledge or understanding about any of

these things or sayings, but I just sat

there was like, "Wow,

these hoes know nothing." And I can't

say a damn thing. I just have to sit

there and watch riding the baloney pony

be under the wrong category.

Well, now I'm like, "Oh my god, some

poor schmuck probably like went to

seminary and did that and it's my

fault." And I I have feelings about it

to be fair.

When were you I can I can solve this for

you. When were you in grad school? When

did that

So I did the No, it's rolling the dice

in 2007.

I was in grad school in 2012. Yeah.

Yeah. I was in grad school from 2011 to

in Texas though. What are the chances

really?

Unfortunately, pretty high knowing that

several schools in in Georgia were were

the biggest feeder school in one of the

biggest feeder schools. Oh my gosh,

that's incredible. I am going to put

that on you.

I'm going to own that lore. Yeah, I'm

good with that.

That someone in seminary

in 2012

wrote Riding the Baloney Pony under the

[ __ ] category instead

because it was my fault. because of you.

Yeah, I'm comfortable with that.

I feel that it is well known that I love

a euphemism, so I'll own that.

You're like, I will be involved in any

lore. You're like, [ __ ] it. It can be

from the 1970s. I'll still say it was

mine.

Yeah, I am ageless. What are you going

to do,

[ __ ] You were born in ' 91.

Oh my god. I am ageless.

You are a You are less than 24 hours

older than me.

I am.

Wait, actually, no. That's a good What

time of day were you born? 6:30 p.m.

Okay, so you're 27 hours older than me.

Oh,

I was 9:30 p.m. See, ageless? No, I've

been watching Monona Herp, which you

probably have not seen, but I've been

re-watching it, and one of the

characters on it is ageless. He's not

like undead or whatever, but he is

ageless

like a vampire.

No, he has a magic ring that makes it so

he doesn't age, but he can be killed.

And if the magic ring goes away, he

ages.

Just a clarifying question, when he

ages, when he takes off the ring, is it

like rapid aging to or it's just like

you start aging again at a normal speed

from wherever?

Yes.

So, it's like if Tuck Everlasting was a

ring.

Yes. I never connected that, but yes,

my sister was obsessed with Tuck

Everlasting.

My sister loves period pieces and is

like a romanticy girly. So, like

sure,

the Tuck Everlasting sort of energy

very much aligned with her spiritual

needs.

And then I I'm glad she has that outlet

then. Yeah. And I when I got older I was

just like hot take y'all. I don't like

Pride and Prejudice that much. I finally

feel safe enough to say that. Right. I'm

like all these people are mostly

[ __ ]

They really are.

I'm not really rooting for anybody.

It's like this season of Love Island.

Yes.

Except Amaya Papaya. Always rooting for

Amaya. We will stand Amaya till the end

which is

tomorrow at the time of recording.

Yeah. Touche. Touche. All right. Um,

where were we? Oh, she's being like

Greg. No, I don't even think it's Greg.

I think it's like Dr. Low. Like we

we can't. And then he says Greg. Like

he's like he corrects her and he's like

say it. And as soon as she calls him

Greg and not Dr. Low,

he's like,

"Yeah, it like gives just in my pants."

No, that's not actually what happened

for the record.

But it's like the permission he needed

to give himself was hearing her say

that.

Interesting line.

They start like making out in the

kitchen. He's like, "I'm going to put my

hand down your pants unless you stop

me."

She definitely does not stop him.

In the kitchen.

In the kitchen. where the basement door

is.

So after she comes, she starts being

like, "Well, like I'm a tit for tat

girl. Like I want him to feel nice as

well." So she reaches out.

Reciprocation matters.

Yes. Um and starts like trying to like

touch his dick and he's like he pulls

back and is like, "You need to go move

your car." And she's like, "What the

fuck?" And he's like, "There's a house

at the end of the street. It's been for

sale for 6 months. No one will notice if

you park your car there. So, go move

your car so that way it's not in our

driveway anymore where it's obvious that

you're here. And then take the exterior

balcony

or stairs up to the exterior balcony.

Sneaky sneaky.

Meet me in my bedroom.

I'm also like he came up with that real

quick.

It almost feels like he's been waiting

for this moment.

Yeah.

For a little bit.

For all my life. I won't break into

song.

Sorry.

I might because it like took a second

but now I'm like

yeah Phil Collins for real.

Oh no I

I was going Phil Collins. I've been

waiting for this moment all my life.

Oh I was going all my life. I prayed for

someone like you.

Oh and I think we really just saw a lot

of differences in our personalities in

that exact moment.

We did cuz usually it's like we're the

same but now we're like oh we are

different. Every now and then we diverge

and there's comfort in knowing we aren't

identical.

Yeah, there is. Which is probably why

people listen to this podcast because

otherwise it would just be us talking to

ourselves which wouldn't be very

entertaining. Well, maybe it would be.

I'm pretty funny. You're pretty funny. I

think that's why we started a podcast

because we were talking about books and

we're like other people might also have

thoughts on this book that we should

hear as well. Let's let them hear our

thoughts.

Our very funny thoughts.

Yeah. And now we're like 90 plus

episodes into our funny thoughts.

So yeah, I'd say you're you're pretty

funny, Hannah.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Back at you.

Oh, thank God.

Awkward.

Was really sweating on that one.

Uh they So she goes up his exterior

stair balcony. The logo. Where did she

go up? Sh. She went I went

up his what?

Up.

All right. Damn. They start making out

again.

He starts eating her out. She's also

having a lot like she was like, "Yeah,

like I had like other like boyfriends

like before Preston technically, but

like most of her sexual experience had

been I mean she's 19, right? So she'd

been with Preston since she was like

16."

Yeah. Um, and so there are things that

are now happening with Greg where she's

like, "Oh, I understand why people are

into this." Oh, a

Yeah, I get why having someone go down

on you feels great

because when they're also into it, I do

think that is a large mental game with

oral sex.

It is. Yeah,

it is.

Yeah. I once we were playing the card

game version of Never Have I Ever and

one of the cards was, "Have you ever

gone down on someone who smelled bad?"

And one guy playing whose fiance now

wife was not present while we were

playing, he went, "I've been in a

relationship for 5 years." So yeah.

And there was something about when he

said that that like

unlocked my insecurity that I didn't

know I had in a way where I'm like there

have been times where I'm like I need to

shower before you you can and Vance is

like what why and I'm like

because my mental state like I won't I

can't get there

because of this.

So,

my husband recently, I was like, I

wanted to tell you something that I

thought was kind of funny about like a a

period situation, but I was like, you

might not want to hear that.

And like 20 or 30 minutes later, he came

back and he was like, to be clear, it's

not that I don't want to know it. It's

that sometimes you have a favorite

restaurant and you don't need to know

what goes on when you're not there.

Um,

that is how Vance felt when I was in

labor.

I'm sure. I'm sure

they kept being like, "Would you like to

come down to the end of the bed to see?"

And he's like, "No, I'm good." Locking

eyes with my wife, holding her hand.

That is my role in them.

That's my That's my purpose at this

juncture.

Yeah. And they're like, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure." Then they look at me,

they're like, "Do you want a mirror so

you can see?" "No, I too would like to

keep some mystery alive." like as God

intended. Like I'm not meant to see

that.

Yeah. If God wanted me to see it, he

would have built my body to contort to

that angle. And he did not. I don't need

a mirror. Trust me, I feel what's

[ __ ] happening. I don't need to see

it.

They also told me like the midwife was

saying, it it wasn't to me. The midwife

was saying to the nurse,

"All of my pushes started really strong,

but apparently I didn't have much

stamina."

And she was like, "Yeah." She's like,

"Every time she starts pushing really

strong and then like seems to taper

off." And I went I was like, "I'm

trying, Tanya. I'm [ __ ] trying."

And I dissociated through most of labor

since my epidural had worn off. But

apparently my mother's retelling to the

rest of my family was Chelsea cursed a

lot. And I remember thinking really

being proud of myself for watching my

language, knowing that my mother was in

the room and being like, I'm not

swearing nearly as much as I would like

to in this moment. And then my mother

went and told everyone how much I was

cursing during child birth. That's so

good. And I was like, "Yeah, my epidural

wore off. I don't give a [ __ ] I will

curse all I want through this.

I recently had a procedure and there

were like a couple of people in the room

and I was wearing a band t-shirt and of

a very obscure band and the tech was

like, "Oh my god, I love them." And so

we just started having a conversation

about this band and it was painful. And

I just kept talking through it. I was

just like, "Yep." And there were a

couple times when I was like, "Anyway,

have you heard X, Y, and Z song?" And

like kept going and she was like, "Oh my

god, are you I'm so impressed right

now." She was like, "Are you sure you're

okay?" I was like, "I'm okay." And she

was like, "That's

the power of Amigo the devil." Which is

the shirt I was wearing.

I was like, "Yes, there's nothing like

hung over in James Town to get you

through this, right?" And she was like,

"It's true. His lyrics are powerful." I

was like, "You're

like, not that [ __ ] power."

I was like, I and Adavan would have been

more powerful, but here we are.

not quite the same.

When I got my inner like bicep tattooed,

uh I have a corner that like has some

shading that's like pretty close to my

armpit.

Mhm.

And I just laid there and took it and my

tattoo artist was so impressed.

Mhm.

And I'm like, "What do you mean?" And

he's like, "Well, like people can be

real [ __ ] when I like hit this

area." And I'm like, I literally came to

you and asked you to put this design on

my body for the rest of my life.

I paid you to do this.

Why would I get mad at you or yell at

you for for doing that? And he's like

like you could tell no one had really

made those valid points to him before.

He just didn't enjoy tattooing that part

of the body.

Similarly, very near my armpit. I just

was like, "Ooh, that smarts a little."

like as he's shading and my artist was

like, "Hey Derek, you remember last week

when I shaded your arm and you cried

like a [ __ ] Hannah just said that

smarts a little. How does that feel,

Derek?" And I was like, "Please don't

make the piercer angry at me." Like,

"What if I want a piercing later? Please

stop.

Don't bring me into y'all's

ego [ __ ] of a part of the beef. I'm

not trying to be a part of the beef."

Although, okay, there was a girl

several seasons ago on Love Island

Australia. Can't remember what season. I

want to say two or three. Could be off

on that. Do I remember her name?

Absolutely not. Do I remember that she

had a full sleeve tattoo that in

included her armpit?

Ooh.

In a way that I went,

"This woman is insane."

Yeah.

You can never trust someone who has a

tattoo of that regard. I was like, "Oh,

no." I was like, if you just casually

sat through that,

I

there might be something, and this this

is it's going to sound so horrible, but

I was like, there might be something a

little broken

that I don't know if we can get back. I

was like, well, I have one of my shins

and on my ankle bone done and my ribs

and up my sternum and my armpit done, so

Oh, no. No, there was something about

the level of shading in the full tattoo

that I was like,

are you okay? I don't know you as a

human, but like looking at that tattoo,

I can assume you are not okay at at some

level.

Yeah,

I'll have to find it and you'll

understand because I also have a lot of

tattoos, right? I don't have my sternum.

I do have my ribs.

My ribs were enough. I don't know if I

need my sternum.

I wouldn't recommend it. Yeah, I think I

breathed too much to sit well for that.

Yeah, there were a couple times when she

was like, "Big breath and hold it." And

I was like,

"How long was your sitting for your

sternum?"

Um, well, so it was my ribs and my

sternum at the same time.

All at once. Damn.

Yeah, cuz it wraps around the front of

my ribs under my boobs and then it's up

onto my sternum. It's like the phases of

the moon and like a geometric pattern

up. And so it was like

I want to say five or 6 hours that I sat

for that. Um

I'd love for you to flash me when we're

done recording today. I'd be happy to do

so

cuz I think I've seen like sides with

like different shirts that you've worn,

but I haven't.

So

the tattoo artist who owned the shop

that I got this work done at, he is my

best friend's brother-in-law. He's

basically like a brother. I've known him

a really long time. And um my tattoo

artist was one of his apprentices. And

so she was showing him photos of the

work that he had done. And it's me

topless but like with little pasties on,

right? And he didn't know it was me. And

so he was like the tits though. And then

she was like that's Hannah. And he told

me he was like oh god. He was like it's

like my little sister. Oh [ __ ] He was

like, "I got very emotional about it."

And I was like, "I got very emotional."

I was like, "Why are you telling me

that?" And he's like, "I don't know."

And Matt was like, "I get it." It was

like a whole thing. We were at like a

party at my friend's house and I was

like, "Dude." And he goes, "I'm really

sorry."

And I bet Matt just sat a little taller.

He did. Yeah. I felt it.

You felt Matt's pride over your chips?

Yeah.

You do have great boobs.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You have all of the boobs in our

relationship.

Yeah,

I do. I'd give you some if I could.

There was a a short time where I I had

developed them. Um, and then my son went

back to bottle feeding and uh,

yeah, I

I get the mommy makeovers at some point,

but I also Okay, when I was in high

school, I've told you my my senior year,

I worked for

uh, like I was a personal assistant to a

woman who was on like the Home Shopping

Network.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. The one who had the

anime thing with her husband. That one.

Different person. They had a lot of

random

Okay. side quest

vaudevilian or something.

Yes, they met

doing a vaudeville magic act.

Oh my god.

And they had an anime. He did

Singaporean anime voiceovers.

That's right. It was Singaporean.

And she taught dance, like ballroom

dance on the side. And they converted

their entire garage to a woodworking

studio for his pens. And he like built

he like made me a pen for Christmas on

his lathe. That's cool. It's the

heaviest pen I'd ever used, but it was

stunning. I don't remember why we even

started this. It's

something about a mommy mommy makeover

and boobs.

Oh, yeah. No, thank you for that. Cuz

she told me that breastfeeding with a

boob job was the most painful thing

she'd ever done in her life.

Oh.

And it has stuck with me ever since. cuz

that never had occurred to me because

that like oh you just have like silicone

in your boobs but then your boobs are

engorged and need a release.

Yeah.

And like I imagine that it would be

painful.

Yeah, that does make sense actually now

that you say that.

I'm like it was something that like I

never considered before and as soon as

she said it I was like

not that I really saw a boob job in my

future but I should remember that.

Yeah.

I was like with my luck my body would

reject the boob job.

I have a friend who lives here in

Georgia and like literally

like tons of weight gain, tons of health

issues, all of this. Yeah. Like

all from the boob job.

Uhhuh.

Like she went like fully raw vegan and

like for years was like struggling and

then like saw something about like boob

job rejection and she was like, "Oh,

there whatever it was. I'm This was

years ago, so I'm probably

misremembering, but it was like 15 of

the 20 symptoms aligned with she's like,

"Oh, that's what's happening." And then

she like got them taken out and has been

living her best life ever since and has

had none of the health issues.

Well, I'm glad she's okay,

right? Which I'm like, I guess it makes

sense. You're like putting a foreign

substance in your body.

Sure,

I get why your body might have questions

about that. All that said,

Cassidy finally understands the hype of

having someone go down on her.

Good for her.

That is where Yeah. Right. I'm I'm glad

she's she's finally having that that

moment. But like there's also a little

bit of like dirty talk at some level and

like Greg is like telling her the first

time that he ever like thought about her

or like saw her in another light was in

her prom dress.

Uh, and he was like, "Oh,

she doesn't dim."

Yes. Whoops. You get it. Um, and it

really like the whole energy kind of as

you were saying earlier, like we can't

take a step forward. We shouldn't put my

hand on his chest. Like it's all like

just a little more. Like just a little

more. And yeah, they they end up

smooshing. And I do think it's once

again worth noting Preston is in the

basement playing video games with Troy

and Colin.

Mhm. He is two floors below his father

who's smooshing his what he thinks is

like technically his girlfriend. Even

though to Cassid's credit,

she has communicated clearly. He just is

choosing his own interpretation of it.

Right.

your face. Yeah. Right now.

No, I mean it's just Yeah. No. Okay.

Well, and like it's a very erotic scene

all things considered because there's

like there's been all of this this

buildup. At one point he like flips her

over and she's on all fours. Then he

like pulls her up.

So they're like watching themselves in

the mirror.

And also

maybe I'm doing it wrong. I just feel

like you have to have a really long dick

to like maintain that angle.

It is a weird angle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I'm just doing it wrong. It's an

angle I haven't mastered yet.

Like that time that Matt and I tried

something that didn't work and he was

like, "We need a pillow." When we were

at a Mexican restaurant trying to order

burritos

days later.

I know it's not where you were, but in

my head you're in the Chipotle line

ordering when he like and the guy's

like, "Do you want brown or black

beans?" And Matt just looks at you and

goes, "We need a pillow." It was

basically the same energy. It was not a

Chipotle. It was a random place in

downtown Atlanta, but like there were

several people around and I was like,

"Do we need a pillow?"

Noted, I guess.

I hope people high-fived Matt. I'll take

the pinto beans. Jesus wept like, "Oh my

god,

[Laughter]

light meat. Fine, just scoop it and be

done." No, I don't want [ __ ] pico.

That's a lie. I always want pico.

Pico for days.

That said,

I'm also someone who really [ __ ] heavy

with cilantro.

I really hate cilantro a lot.

Is it the soap?

Mhm.

Yeah. I hate that genetically for you.

Yeah. Well, what's weird? I learned that

like canned salsa with Mhm. There's

something in the way that they like

treat canned salsa that kills that soapy

that kills the cilantroess of the

cilantro.

Yes. But it doesn't because cumin and

coriander are similar and I have no

problem with the soapiness really.

No, coriander is like from from cilantro

and so I've never had a problem. Yeah,

I've never had a problem with those but

with fresh cilantro I'm like

so I've always wondered like what is

that is

it's probably because it's no longer

fresh.

It is because it's no longer fresh. So

there's something in the way that it

breaks it down when you treat it with

something that changes it. Well, it's

like it's always been interesting

because I and I haven't been tested in a

while, but like years ago I was told I

had an almond sensitivity

and so she was like, "You can eat

almonds. Just eat them every 3 days."

And I was like, "Okay, cool. I don't eat

almonds now. It's just easier than like

being like, "Well, did I eat it two 2

days ago?

Was it 70 hours ago? Like that's too

much." But what stood out to me was she

told me at the time that uh like the

sensitivity and allergic reactions are

typically based on the protein and not

the fat. Huh.

So she was like, "If you really like the

taste of almonds, you can use like

almond extract or almond oil on things

instead of just having almonds." And I

was like, "Trust me lady, I don't feel

that passionately about almonds at all."

But it did stick out to me as something

like, "Oh, okay." So,

it's a similar thing.

Yeah. I'm like, that's good to know. And

I wonder if like an oil but also if you

But I also feel like human doesn't taste

like cilantro. It doesn't. But even like

most canned or jarred salsas don't taste

like cilantro or even very much like

cumin, but

but they have them in it.

Yeah.

Huh. Fascinating.

So, we've banged.

They banged. Yeah. We finally they

banged. Um and then afterwards he he

asks her to stay and she's also kind of

like I

no I can't stay overnight because I'm

19. Um I have to explain that to my mom.

But she does say that like she'll stay

for a little while and they end up just

like falling asleep in each other's

arms. She wakes up and like he's still

asleep and she's like I'm going to sneak

out.

Right. This is an Irish goodbye moment.

Yeah, 1,000%. Much like my wedding, she

Irish goodbyes that [ __ ]

Um, Cassidy then confides to her friend

Lilith, who they work at the same animal

hospital. Cassidy wants to be a

veterinarian. And so I think I don't

know if she's officially a vette or is

there something below a vet tech?

I don't really know the hierarchy, but

she does something at an animal

hospital. Okay.

Um, with her friend Lilith. Lilith also

has a book in this series.

The name of it is escaping me. The

architect, I think, is is the book about

Lilith.

Um, and she's telling Lilith all of

these details about her breakup with

with Preston. And Lilith is like, "Well,

you know, the best way to get over

someone is to get under someone else."

Like, that's very much her energy. And

then

assignment completed.

Yes. And then she like she kind of sees

like the look on like Cassid's face and

she's like, "What did you do? What? Tell

why is your face looking like that right

now?" And so like Cassidy tells her some

of the details of it. And I really

appreciate that. Like Lilith's whole

energy is to just like be like that is

like some queen behavior. You get yours

girl. Like gives her a high five and

like great job. There's no shaming.

There's no like you shouldn't have slept

with your ex-boyfriend's father.

Sure.

15 minutes after you had to break up

with your boyfriend for the second time.

Awkward.

So, it's now been a few days after that.

Um,

Greg,

you know, not Dr. Low anymore. Greg and

Cassidy have uh they haven't talked

since any of this since she like snuck

out of the house essentially. Um, but a

couple days later she can't find a

hoodie of hers and realizes that she's

like, "Oh, I spilled a drink on it when

I was over at Preston's. I left it

there. [ __ ] I want my hoodie back." So,

she texts Greg and asks like, "Hey, have

you seen my hoodie lying around? I'd

love to come and grab it sometime when

like Preston isn't there so I can just

like avoid that drama." He said, "This

is BCI booty call implication." Hell

yeah.

Yeah. And Greg's like,

"He's not here now."

Very convenient. Yeah,

very convenient. So, she's like, "Okay,

this is great timing." So, she goes over

uh to to, you know, technically grab the

sweatshirt and they're just talking the

kitchen like they both are saying that

like they haven't stopped thinking about

their last encounter together. and he's

straight up like, "Now that you're here,

let's get you naked." Like, he is fully

like, "This is booty call territory."

Although, I don't think he views it as

booty call territory. I think he like

likes her and is

conflicted.

It's like Gilmore Girls when

Lauraai calls Luke to come find a loose

baby chick in her house and he shows up

and he's like, "Oh, there's really a

baby chick." Like he hears sheeping

and he thought it was a booty call.

Well, and when he's like, "Well, now

that you're here, like, let's get you

naked." And she's kind of like, "Oh,

like this is a different energy sort

of." And he's like, "I've I don't want

to fight this. Like, I can't stop

thinking about you. I really like you.

Like legitimately like you and like want

to figure out

what this would look like." And so she's

in full agreement with like not

pretending that like there isn't

something between them.

Um, but then as they like start like

making their way across the house,

stripping their clothes, making out on

the way to the bedroom, they hear the

garage. Whoops. Right. And they're like,

"Oh, fuck." So, like they like are

rushing to put their clothes back on.

Like Preston is like coming in and is

like, "Hey, like what are you doing

here?" And she's like, "I'm here to get

my hoodie." And he's like, "Why didn't

you like text me?" And she's like,

"Because we broke up." And he's like,

What do you mean we broke up?

Preston.

Preston,

babe. O,

yes. Like, and he's like, no,

we had a fight and I like told you to

call me when when you calm down. And

she's like, "No, that's really not what

happened. We aren't together." And he's

like, "Well, like what do you mean?

Like, is there someone else?" And she

like ignores that. But it's kind of like

we haven't been happy for a while. Like

and maybe I like missed I got the

arguments confused and this might have

been the one where he's like what? I

missed one funeral. And you're like

that's too many funerals to miss.

Um

but like it's like escalating to the

point where she's like I need to leave.

I need to go.

This we're not going to be resolving

anything right now. It's too much.

Yeah. And like Preston is like getting

angrier because he's kind of like

realizing for the first time that

This actually is a breakup.

He really doesn't have a girlfriend

anymore.

Three times for him to understand that

she broke up with him.

That's the 19-year-old boy part.

Yes. Well, and like as she's taking off,

he's like, "Fine." Like, "Fuck you,

Cassidy."

And his dad's like, "Whoa." Like she

hears Greg being like, "Bro, like that's

not

even if you're upset, like yeah, that's

not how we're doing this."

Um, and so she takes off and goes home.

Greg ends up texting her to check on her

and be like, "Hey, like are are you

doing okay?"

And she's like, "Yeah, like I'm fine

enough." And he's like, "Well, like

Preston like went to a friend's for the

night just to like cool off and like

blow off some steam." And then he asks

her if she wants to come back over and

like talk about it.

She does.

Yeah. Very quickly, she's like, "Say

less, King. I'm on I'm on my way. I'll

be there in 20."

She said, "Only if you do that thing

with your tongue again."

Yes.

E.

And so she arrives and like immediately

like tries to like kiss Greg. And Greg's

like she she's like, "I changed my mind.

I don't want to talk now that I'm here.

Like let's just make out." And he's

like, "No, we still need to talk." He's

like, "Why don't I like go grab us

drinks for this conversation?" And he's

like, "What can I grab you?" Then like

kind of realizes he's like,

she's 19.

She's 19, but she's like, "A glass of

wine would be lovely." cuz she's like,

"I want him to see me

as a grown-up."

as a as a grown-up. Yep. Which is like

hard to read, but I also like fully

understand being in that season and like

wanting to feel older and wanting to be

perceived as older. And there's

something about being far on the other

side of it and being like, "Yes, the

40-year-old dad giving the 19-year-old

girl wine

to show that they're on the same level

does just like land differently." And

maybe I'm being a judgmental [ __ ] for

that,

but your face all is telling me you're

also being a judgmental [ __ ] for

that, which

at least I'm in good company.

As previously stated,

we are off pod. I am often a judgmental

[ __ ] It's something I work on, but

you know, yeah, it's part of what makes

me funny, so it's hard to work on it all

the way. I don't think I realized

growing up that like when you had

thoughts like that that people just like

didn't say them to each other's faces

because that's like what my family did

and I like I don't even know what I said

but I remember I said something to a

friend like we were in the mall and

another like and he like walked off and

another dude who was with us looked at

me and went not everyone is as

invincible as you Chelsea

and I've thought about that for years

cuz also I'm the least invincible person

there is.

Yeah.

Do you know how easily I cry?

Oh, yeah.

You're like, "Yeah, we've been friends

for years. I know how easily you cry."

Yeah. Also, cuz I cry really easily,

right?

I told Matt earlier this week. I was

like, "I've already cried twice today.

I'm not having this conversation right

now. We can have it tomorrow." And he

was like, "Okay."

Yesterday, I'd like had a hair

appointment. like nothing had like I

like had a phone call with my husband on

the way home from my hair appointment.

Everything is fine. Everything is great.

We're like laughing and joking. He gets

home like a couple hours later. I'm into

another task and he walks into my office

and he's like, "How are you?" I was

like, "I'm not having a good day." And

just like he's like, "What the fuck?"

Yep.

And then I was like, "How did like

whatever he was doing?" I think he had

lunch with friends. Like how did lunch

go? And he's like, "Well, we'll talk

about that later. You are

literally feelings.

Yesterday I was on the phone with the

vet and burst into tears and I was like,

I am so sorry. I just needed an

appointment and I'm really sorry. You

don't have to acknowledge that I'm

crying. Can you just please make the

appointment and my husband will bring

Gizmo so I won't cry while I'm there.

And she was like, "Of course, honey. Of

course. It's okay." Like

I was like,

also, what do you do on the receiving

end of you don't need to acknowledge my

tears right now? I probably made it

worse and trying to make it better.

Well, that's better than my vet who my

cat's name is Craig. C R A I G.

Sure.

When I was scheduling the appointment,

they're like, "So, we've got Greg down."

Hey, so it sounds like you said Greg. My

cat's name is Craig. Just want to make

sure you have Craig, not Greg, listed.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got it. Greg with a

G. Yep. Sounds good. So, I take Craig

for the appointment and look on the page

and the name is spelled G R A I G. Greg.

I went, "So, his name is is Craig." And

the girl goes, "Oh my god, that makes so

much more sense."

So, I went to pick up Fred's meds, my

cat, Winnifred that we call Fred. I went

to pick up her meds from the

I never knew that her government name

was Winterfred.

Yeah. I just thought she was a woman

named Fred this entire time.

And intermittently we call her Winnie

when we're feeling whimsical. But Fred,

I went to pick up her meds and they

spelled my last name in an absolutely

wild way. And one of her meds is a

controlled substance, so I have to show

my license when I pick it up. And I they

almost didn't let me take it like the

first time.

But I've been doing it for years now, so

it's fine. And it's still spelled wrong,

but it doesn't matter.

Still spelled wrong.

It's still spelled wrong. It's got like

an extra R and an E on the end.

Whatever.

Whatever. As long as they let me take

her fina barbatital. Who cares?

You know, nothing like a cat on fina

barbatital.

So last night, Matt and I were laying in

bed and all of a sudden I heard this

sound like right behind me and I turned

around and Fred was like right next to

my face and I was like, "Oh my god."

Because she moves so slow because she's

so high all the time. She doesn't make

any noise.

Fred.

Sweet Fred.

She's just so high.

I love that for her. Me, too. It's like

my sister-in-law's

gerbble.

What?

Have we not talked about that?

We'll get back to the book. I know

that's not We're not here for this, but

I need everyone to know about the anal

prolapse.

What?

Jesus Christ.

What?

So, they had this like hamster or

gerbble or some sort of rodent whose

name was Dolly.

Dolly had an anal prolapse and part of

her [ __ ] was just hanging out the

whole

like rose budding.

Yeah, prey red dogging, if you will. She

was prey red dogging her own GI track,

anal tract. Uh, which I did not know

this was a thing until the first time

I'm holding Dolly. And that's when I'm

giving the heads up and I'm like, I'm

lit. Oh, I see its [ __ ] I'm holding

it and I see its [ __ ] sticking out of

its ass. Okay, this is fine. And then my

sister-in-law was like, yeah, we have to

check.

We have to check every morning because

with it hanging out, if Dolly bites it,

she could bleed out. And I went, "So

your hamster could eat its own ass and

and bleed out?" And she was like, "Yeah,

essentially." So,

and I think they weren't like It wasn't

even on pain meds. It was just on

anxiety meds.

I would be pretty [ __ ] anxious, too.

Yeah. My [ __ ] on the outside of my

body.

I'm not in danger of biting it, and I

would be anxious.

We have some relatives that like they're

like the aunt and uncle you only see at

Christmas, right? And I married into the

family, so we know each other even less,

but like they've always kind of been

slightly on like the drier side.

That was the first time that I was like,

we might [ __ ] with each other. Because

me and the wife were in tears laughing

about the anal prolapse on this hamster

named Dolly

that my sister-in-law was like, "Yeah, I

have to check every morning to make sure

it didn't kill itself before the kids

get up for school."

It's so dark.

It really was.

Okay, so Greg goes to get the drinks.

Sure. [ __ ] is involved

yet being the operative word here.

Not in this scene at least. Um, so she

brought a bag with her that like Greg

kind of just assumed was like the things

that she was returning to Preston. No,

she brought the prom dress.

So, while he's getting drinks, she goes

to the bathroom to change into the prom

dress since it was the first time he'd

ever like had dirty thoughts about her.

He walks in, is like shocked, is not

expecting this at all, is still holding

both glasses of wine. And she like nods

at them and is like, "Is is that for

me?" And he goes, "It was." And then

just like takes one to the face, fully

downs it, and is like, "These are my

wine glasses now." Like,

"No." Um, but the scene starts

escalating very quickly where like he's

telling her to

uh to pull up her skirt cuz he wants to

see what's under it. So, she starts

masturbating. He starts masturbating.

Is this the part you texted me about

the erotic stakes?

This

No, it might have been another scene.

Okay. But this Yes. Um, I for those

wondering what Hannah's referencing, I

did try to put my outline for this book

into chat GPT to see what could be

found. And it just highlighted a couple

chapters where they're like, "Well, not

much detail is known. The erotic stakes

are raised." And you're like, "Wait,

what? That is not

the erotic stakes.

Stakes. I'm really upping the erotic

stakes here, you know?

Yeah.

Um, so, but like it really escalates in

a way where like she's touching herself,

he's touching himself, she starts giving

him a [ __ ] he calls her a bad girl.

Uh, he's like, and you know what happens

to bad girls, right? Like they get

punished, he starts spanking her, she's

really into it. He's really into it.

It leads to like some like relatively

rough sex.

Everyone gets a an orgasm. Like everyone

has a great time. Uh but then

afterwards, Greg is like, "So like we

still need to talk." Like the promise

was a great distraction and we still

need to talk a little bit. And so he

says, he's like, "If we're going to

continue, like we need to tell Preston

at this point."

Um and Cassid's like, "It will ruin your

relationship with with Preston." And

Greg's like, "No, I like I don't think I

will. I think we can get through it."

And Cassid's like,

"I might know your son better than you

do."

Yes. And she's like, "I don't know if

everything is as smooth as you think it

is at this point." And then she also

kind of makes the point of like,

"We don't know what we are. We know we

are enjoying each other, but like,

right,

what do you want to tell your son right

now? We don't have a fully fleshed out

plan here. No promises have been made.

No expectations have been expressed.

Like

yes, like we're just hooking up.

We It It's very much like we shouldn't

be doing this, but we are. So like what

are what do you want to tell Preston

about all of this?

Um but it like it ends with like kind of

being cute where they watch Ghostbusters

and he realizes that like she doesn't

know anything about classic movies, you

know, because she's a child and didn't

watch them in theaters like you did. Um,

but it's like, oh, like let's add that

to the list. Like, I want to like let's

watch that together in the future sort

of energy, which is it's cute.

Sure,

they are cute. It's just a weird

dynamic.

Yeah.

So,

well, it's like the origin is a little

awkward.

Yes.

But like the actual dynamic is cute. It

sounds like it's kind of the

Yeah, the origin is clunky.

Yeah. Their dynamic is cute, right? Um,

Cassidy is now out at dinner with

Lilith. I don't know, maybe it's a

couple days later. Lilith is a very

difficult name to say for me. And I

don't know if that's the wine that I've

had, the speech impediment I've overcome

in my life, or just the name in itself,

but I find myself really focusing on

saying Lilith.

Lilith,

Lilith. Like I every time I've said it,

it's like an intentional

active and I'm still feel like I'm

getting it wrong even though I'm not.

It's just I'm like that name is not set

up for success.

Yeah.

Lily

easier.

Every time you say it, I think of like

Sarah McLaclin and like Sophie B.

Hawkins and Lilith Fair, which is not at

all what we're talking about. But I'm

like,

I feel like Sophie B. Hawkins would be

supportive. Would be supportive.

Sophie B. Hawkins would be supportive.

She would get it. Like, you know, damn,

I wish I was your lover. She'd be on

board.

She would. Um, Lilith is also still very

like, yeah,

have I know that you're behind on Love

Island. I know by the time this episode

airs, Love Island will be irrelevant for

the USA season. Have Amaya and Brian

already gone to the hideway?

No.

Okay,

you can spoil it.

Yeah. Well, so it's less of a spoiler

and more of a there is a like it is a

weird dynamic around Love Island with

the hideaway because over the years it

used to just be like oh we would like

sneak away and like we like got the

hideaway and now it's like oh we like

get ready in our lingerie and we like

present ourselves to each other and we

don't [ __ ]

then all of the islanders cheer us on as

we make

like a medieval like

Hannah this season they made up songs

proof of One person was literally like

it felt like an ugab booga sort of like

caveman chant, but they're just like,

"Eat that kitty. Eat that kitty. Eat

that kitty in the hide away." And like

that's like the chant that and that's

Lilith's energy is like

she's just like, "Yeah, Cassidy, go get

you some, girl."

Sure.

She's like, "This isn't damn I wish I

was your lover." This is lay me down. I

get it.

Yes. Um, but she does also tell Cassidy

when they're at when they're out at

dinner, she's like, "I'll cover the bill

because I'm not going to be able to go

to that concert with you next week like

we planned." My bad.

And so Cassid's like, "Oh, maybe I'll

invite Greg to be my date instead, which

Greg is excited about." out. But this is

where you like start to see some of like

just like the real world tension of like

Yeah.

He's a trauma surgeon at a do like at a

hospital in Davidson County.

Mhm.

You like his days are not always

planned. And so like he has to work

super late. She's kind of left outside

for a while waiting for him. And he's

like just go in. And she's like I can't.

I have your ticket. And he's like well

like go into the like wait in the

lounge. And she's like I can't. I'm not

21. So, just like some of like the

awkward like life things happening in

that regard,

but he is also like I I've been looking

forward to this all week. I really want

to see you. They end up having a great

time at the concert. Um,

but there are some like dudes hitting on

her when she's waiting outside for him

in that way where it's like she's like,

"I'm not interested." And like you got a

boyfriend and she's like, "Does that

make a difference?"

Yeah.

No means no.

Yeah. And she's like, I shouldn't have

to need to have a boyfriend to say I'm

not interested in you. But like when

Greg gets there, they're like, "Oh, your

dad's here." She's like,

"Not my dad."

My lover in the night time.

Yeah. Literally, because

And sometimes daytime

and sometimes day

walls. Um, so they have a great time at

the concert. Preston has also gone back

to North Carolina to visit his mom for a

couple of weeks. So, he's not staying at

the house with his dad. Um, they end up

going back to the house for a midnight

swim. Sure. They start making out in the

pool. It starts escalating. He like

tells her to like get out because he

like he's like I like want to bone you.

Whatever. I don't fully remember how it

goes. But when she's like getting out,

she's realizing like, oh, he told her to

like go to the chair, which is like

where he saw her and Preston boning like

a month before.

Which she like thinks is hotter than

like this is not a deterrent.

Okay. Okay.

Um, and in fact, they're kind of having

like some conversation as they're boning

that's like, "How long did you watch?"

And he's like, "Long enough to know I

could do it better.

than your own son. That is cold, man.

That is a cold [ __ ] cold.

Well, and like at one point she's like I

like closed my eyes and like imagined it

was you like

and Preston was there the whole time.

Poor poor Preston.

I know, right?

Like he's a 19-year-old idiot, but also

he's a 19-year-old idiot.

So, also they're voting on the chair and

then he pulls out and rips off the

condom and like wants her to jack I

literally have she who Jackman's him off

on her chest cuz I know you how how you

I do love a euphemism.

Yes, you love a euphemis. And that was

for you. Hugh Jackman being a holdover

from

a long time from Glory Milking. Was that

I think that was like episode

our first 10 episodes.

Yeah,

for sure. Hugh call. Hugh Jackman. Yes.

Great for those who are still here.

Thank you. Oh my god. Thank you.

Yeah. Incredible.

But I did. All right, Hannah. Maybe

I'm sexually naive.

I grew up in a repressed Christian

household. There's a very good chance

I'm sexually naive in in different

areas, right?

But when he pulled out and then took the

condom off so that she could jack him

off onto her chest and then he fingered

her

just with one middle finger

to completion.

Mhm.

And to me it kind of felt like a step

back in the sexual escalation. But

that's where I'm like maybe I

What am I missing?

That's I'm not necessar that's more

rhetorical, right? I'm not asking you to

clarify. Um, but I did have

but I did I was like, "Oh, what an

interesting thing to be like that's how

you want it. Like that's how this your

scene together is ending."

Sure.

Is you pulling out to have her jack you

off instead of coming inside of her,

which I always felt like was like

the ultimate

the ult Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But I guess coming on someone's chest

does also feel like ownership at some

level.

Mhm. There's some claiming there.

Marking

mark literally.

Yeah. Right. Um,

so I did have that thought. That's all.

Just needed to pass that along for what

it's worth. He says he'll like be right

back. She thinks he's going to like get

a camera. He's just going to get towels.

A camera?

What the [ __ ]

Well, she Well, and he can like see it

on her face. He's like, "What?" Like

that there was some sort of disconnect.

like, "Oh, just like I thought you were

like you want to like take a photo. Like

it'll like take a picture. It'll last

longer." Sort of like weird. And he's

like, "Okay." Like he's very willing.

Jokes on you. I'm into that [ __ ]

Yes.

Yeah.

And like they like both think the photo

that he takes of like her body with his

semen all over her chest is like super

hot.

All right.

And I love that for them.

Sure.

Right.

I'm just imagining laying still and

being like, "Don't move. Don't move.

Don't get the seam in different places.

Take a picture." And I'm like, "Look

like rigamortis had [ __ ] set in.

There's nothing sexy about it."

I saw a Tik Tok the other day

that was a woman laying with those like

teeny tiny plastic babies like they put

in kingake, you know,

all over herself. And it was like when

he takes too long to come back with a

towel and it was like on her face and on

her chest and she's like, "Uhhuh, can

you hurry up?" And that's all I can

think about now.

Our algorithms feed us different

content.

She's like, "What the [ __ ] did you do to

your algorithm?"

Some weird [ __ ] man.

I I love a good rabbit trail in the

algorithm where you're like, "How did we

get here?" But I am here. Yeah, I did

make it here.

Don't take me away.

I got here and I'm now curious.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not

disinterested.

Right. Cassidy ends up staying the night

because she'd planned to stay at her

friend's house after the show, so

didn't have to correct that plan with

mom. Right. when she wakes up in the

morning, she tries to make him coffee.

Um, is struggling with his pot a little

bit. She's never made him coffee before

and so it's taking a while. He comes

down to check on her because it's taking

a while, but thinks it's like so

incredibly sweet because she doesn't

drink coffee. So he's like, "This was

just for me." And she's like, "Well,

yeah, like yeah, of why wouldn't I? Like

you drink coffee in the morning? I like

thought it'd be sweet."

So, as they're like starting to like get

closer in the kitchen, there's a uh the

doorbell rings and there's a knock on

the front door and it's Judy,

the neighbor.

The neighbor. Okay.

Who like is like delivering lemonade

because she's trying to like she's

newly. Yes. She's She's thirsty for more

than lemonade.

Um and she also doesn't know that Dr.

Low hates lemon. So, the lemonade is not

serving its intended purpose.

I love lemon.

Yes. I made lemon blondies last weekend

and they

[ __ ] hit. They were so good.

If you wanted to make some next time you

came here, I would let you.

Okay, noted. I could do that.

Listen, you buy a snack every time you

come over here.

I do.

You could make a snack.

I could make a snack.

You don't That's not me trying to put

more effort or work on.

No, I really like baking so I wouldn't

mind it. Yeah, I baked a lot like years

ago and I feel like it fell off for a

while. Then our oven was broken for a

while

and in the last year I really like was

reminded how much I just like enjoy

being in the kitchen.

Yeah.

Yeah. And I'm definitely more of a

baking girly than a cooking girly.

Same.

Vance is the cooking girly in our

household. So, it works great

because Vance feels things with his soul

and that's not what you can do with

specific measurements.

So, my issue that I'm well known for is

I prefer to bake but I don't like

following a recipe. So, it almost never

comes out the same twice.

It's usually pretty good though. Like,

I'm pretty good at it.

Yeah. The lemon blondies won't be the

lemon blondies I made last time, but

they'll still be delightful.

Yeah,

that's fair.

So Greg's like, "Judy can't catch a

[ __ ] hint. Like, I'm just like not

going to go answer the door." Um, and so

they get back to what they're doing and

they're being cutesy. And then suddenly

they like look over. Judy's in his

[ __ ] sideyard,

like looking at them through the window.

So Greg's like, "Fuck this." I'm like,

like he goes to confront her

and she decides to confront him in

return cuz he's like, "Why are you in my

sideyard?" And she's like, "Why are you

with a child who's dating your son?"

Like

very

none of your business, Judith.

Yes. And he's like, "What Cassidy as an

adult chooses to do in her own time is

none of your business." But like

Cassid's overhearing this whole like

what does your son know? How would he

like just this? It's not a great

conversation to overhear

and sounds pretty like degrading.

Yes. Yeah,

do not come near me. Do not do me

lemonade.

Mhm.

Leave me the hell alone at this point.

Um,

so when he comes back in the house, like

it's just like there's clear tension,

right, between like him and Cassidy and

just like it's it's super awkward.

It's escalating

just in like he wants to tell Preston

like just all of these these different

things, right?

Like the real stuff that's not just sex.

Yeah.

Well, and I can't remember if it's here,

but like twice in the book when they're

when they've gotten into disagreements,

he's been like, "You're" He's like,

"You're acting like a child right now."

Or like says something like and like

clearly

does not land wouldn't land well with

anyone. But I also think when it is your

your child's ex that you are dating and

like that's an added component. It like

hits a little

extra and a little different there for

sure.

But I do also like appreciate that

Greg's like, "Hey,

we're escalated. We're heightened.

Nothing productive is coming out of this

conversation.

Let's time out and try again later."

Yeah. And he's like, "I don't want this

to like ruin last night. Last night was

like wonderful.

Let's just like take a beat. we can come

back.

And so Cassie's like that, yep, that

whatever. Like that's fine. She leaves.

They like text a little bit and she's a

little annoyed because he like doesn't

bring it up again. And so she's like,

"Okay, well were we just not going to

talk about it like at all."

So she ends up texting him later that

night maybe and being like, "What's up?"

And he's like, "I'm finishing rounds."

and she's like, "You should send me a

photo in your doctor's code." And he's

like, "You should come to the hospital."

But also, his thought is then they can

leave her car in the parking lot at the

hospital and then they could drive back

together and then her car wouldn't be in

his driveway.

Very complicated for a hookup.

Well, I don't think they think of each

other as just a hookup.

Well, even like I don't know. It just

feels very complicated.

Does it? Hey, I want to smush you, but I

don't want your car in my driveway

because it'll cause issues with my

neighbors. So, if you just come meet me

where I am now, I'll drive you back and

then we can smush

in one car.

Fair enough.

I do I do agree with like the it feels

like an unnecessary level of

complication. 1,000%.

Like, why are we doing that? And I also

get where like I get why we're doing it

feels logical in the moment then you're

like it wasn't no part of that

was logical.

She gets to the hospital and like he

like tells her like come up stairs. She

like checks in at the desk. He calls her

back to the office. He starts an exam

in his office.

We're playing doctor now.

We're playing doctor. Yep.

Are they going to charge her insurance

for this?

What's the ICD10 code?

I'm like, he's doing an actual exam and

she actually checked in. So, like what

what are you there for?

What are you there for?

You know, like in a real hospital

system, they would log that [ __ ] You

have to bill it.

Like, what billing code is that? I don't

want to be a part of it. Well, my first

thought was I was like, and a Zcode

can't be a primary.

It would have to be an F code. Come on.

Jesus.

If you don't want to use the F code,

that's fine, but your client will have

to pay out of pocket. Hopefully, that's

okay. Incredible.

Your trauma surgeon is your jigalo.

Carry on. Oh my god.

You got Etna. That's a great jigalo

service.

It really is. Yeah. Yeah. Don't [ __ ]

with Try Care though. They won't hit it.

They try will tell you you asked for it.

That was a horrible joke.

Only people who work with insurance

would know.

And only people who have been [ __ ] up

the ass by dragon.

Somebody out there is like, "Wait till

you hear about Sigma, bitch." Like, "Oh

my god." Woo!

JP Farley is known as a gentle lover.

Don't get me started on amet.

Woo. That's like the discount [ __ ]

store.

I'm not going into state sponsored

lovers.

I'm not state sponsored lovers. Okay.

All right. So, we're doing an exam.

Yeah. We're we're doing the exam. He

starts edging her and is like, "We'll

finish this at the house." They are

driving back are like pulling into the

driveway when his phone rings and like

one of his patients is going into

surgery. So he's like, "Fuck, like I

have to get back to the hospital. You

stay here, get naked in my bed and

masturbate." Like that's like the

direction that he leaves her with. How

long is the surgery?

Seems like a long time to masturbate

to go perform a surgery and return.

Hannah, by that logic, the drive back to

the hospital would have would probably

be sufficient.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. I think it was more of like I'd

want you to be here when I get back. Be

be in my bed.

Fair enough.

Make yourself come in the interim cuz

that sounds hot, right?

Sure.

Um and she does twice.

Good for her.

Yeah.

We we love a a

unself-conscious queen. That's not the

word. Unself-conscious, but

a confident queen.

A confident. Yep. That is so much

better.

That worked. Yep. We love a confident

queen.

Way to tap your head and be like,

"Smart." And I'm like, "Yep, that was

one of us.

That was not me in this situation."

We trade off. I feel

You're not wrong.

We take turns.

We really do. Um, also she texts her mom

that she's like staying over at Lilith's

house for the night and then she falls

asleep. When she wakes up, she wakes up

because Greg has now gotten home. Um, it

was not a good rest of his shift. They

lost the patient in surgery and like

like he has like worked like 25 hours

before getting back. Um, and I do think

like that's helpful as a reminder and

like their like dynamic of like figuring

things out and like yeah, she is young

and he also works like a very demanding

Yeah.

like legit demanding job.

Um, and she's like, okay, well, like

trying to go.

Yeah. Like I'm clearly the vibes are

different than they were earlier, right?

But he wants to cope by playing doctor

again

and finishing her checkup.

So he completes her exam and it the exam

is fully completed with anal.

It it escalates. There is a moment where

like he like has like flipped her over

and he's like rubbing her butt cheeks

and then his hand wanders for a moment

and she like flinches and is like and

he's like pretend that never happened.

Like let's my bad. And then she's like,

"No, like I'm

I'm into it. I just like wasn't

expecting it."

And but then she pauses and checks

within herself and it's like, "Am I into

it or am I just saying that?" And she's

like, "No, I think I am. I'd like to try

it."

And once again, her only previous sexual

experience being one night when she was

blackout drunk in the last year and her

boyfriend decided to raw dog anal and it

wasn't that great. This is a better

experience. Well, that's nice.

Yeah. What one would hope

Mhm.

you don't want several bad anal

experiences.

You got to be careful with that one.

Just makes me think of Zach and Mary

make a porno.

It's been a really long time since I've

seen that. Should I rewatch it?

No. The only thing I remembered is that

one scene where they're filming an anal

scene and it didn't go well. So,

you're like, you really don't need to

rewatch that movie. Thank you. That

honestly feels so much better than when

when people are like, you should

absolutely put that back on your list.

No, the visual is still there and I'm

really sorry that it happened to me. I

don't want it to happen to you. It's

like when my brother would be like,

"This smells really bad. Sniff it." And

I'd be like, "No."

Yeah.

Like, "What the [ __ ] is wrong with you?"

Like, "No, I'm not going to smell it."

No,

you weirdo.

You shouldn't do that.

You shouldn't do that.

Should never smell the bad smell when

someone says it smells bad.

Um-uh.

Cuz what do you think is going to shift,

right? Like, why do I also need to

suffer? I trust you.

I Yeah, I believe you when you tell me

this.

So, I don't know. Now it's maybe like a

week later. Some time has passed. They

had that great night. And Cassidy is

going back over to Greg's house. But

when she's leaving, her mom is like,

"Oh, you going over to Preston's?" She

like still hasn't even told her mom that

she and Preston broke up.

But she's also like, "Well, this is a

weird conversation to get into." Yeah,

I'm going over to Preston's.

Technically, yes.

Technically,

yes, I am. Um, and then her mom

mentioned, she's like, "Oh, yeah. I saw

Dr. Hello at like the mechanic earlier

this week. Uh I heard him like on the

phone asking for recommendations for for

like somewhere to take his girlfriend. I

like recommended that seafood restaurant

we went to last month and Cassie's like,

"What the [ __ ] He has a girlfriend? Are

you [ __ ] me?"

Cassidy.

Yeah. C.

Babe.

Yes. So like

is it Judy?

So she goes over to the house and like

when she gets there he's like what's

wrong? And she's like, "I heard that you

were trying to like you're looking for

recommendations for where to take your

girlfriend."

And he's like, "Yeah,

you." And he's like, "I'm a 40year-old

man. Like, I'm not playing these g like

I like you. You like me. We're what what

did you

don't make it weird.

Yeah. What did you think was happening

here?"

which honestly is kind of refreshing

with like just like the situationships.

Yeah.

Or even and I know we keep talking about

Love Island, but like the are we closed

off versus exclusive versus boyfriend

girlfriend and like

are we open? Are we this? Are we that?

Yes. And I'm like

if you're exclusive, you're boyfriend

girlfriend. There I said it.

Yeah.

Tell me tell me the difference.

Just sit in it. You tell me what the

difference is between being exclusive

and being boyfriend girlfriend. There

isn't one,

right? But like why does is it like

we're only sleeping with each other but

like we're open to other people and if

we want to sleep with somebody else, we

have to check with you first. Like I

don't get it. I remember when Vance and

I were early on dating and I was kind of

like I need more commitment. And what I

really just meant was like don't bone

other people. But the word commitment

like freaked him out and he's like,

"Well, I'm not in a place where I can

like offer more than what I'm currently

offering." And I realiz I'm like, "I'm

not actually asking for more than you're

currently offering.

I just don't want an STD."

Yeah.

I don't think that's that wild.

It's not.

No. But I Yeah. I do love that Greg's

like it. Yeah. You duh.

No. Like don't be silly. There's not

someone else.

I've spent all my free time with you,

babe. Like, what?

Truly. Um, and then he is like, "Yeah, I

was clearing my schedule because I was

like wanting to take you out for your

birthday."

And she's also like, "Oh, wow. Like, no

one's ever given a [ __ ] about my

birthday before. Like, Preston barely

remembered it. Like, how thoughtful and

like wonderful." But they do also agree

in this conversation like it's time to

tell Preston about all like hey like

this is getting a little more serious.

It might be time to like own up to it

and be open about it.

Yeah. If you're now considering me your

girlfriend and we're going out to dinner

on my birthday.

Yeah.

We've we've made some choices along the

way. It's bigger, right?

Um they end up going out to a lovely

dinner. she realizes like no one is like

looking at them the way she's like

fearful that they will.

Um and then he ends up they go back to

his place. Preston is now back, but he's

staying at a friend's house for the

night. Um and so Greg has bought her

very bougie lingerie. He's like, "It's

more a gift for me than for you."

Sure,

you're not wrong. You bought your

20-year-old girlfriend lingerie.

Yeah,

it is more for you.

Yeah. I like that we can own that.

Another very like erotic sex scene

between them where he's like, "I want

you to seduce me. That's my ultimate

fantasy." Thinking of like,

"Sure,

all of the times that I've wanted you

and couldn't have you and having you

seduce me." Just this, that, and the

other. So, it's like a a super hot scene

across the board. But, as they are

coming to the end of that scene, Preston

does walk in

um which is, you know, less great. Sure.

Um,

not the climax we were hoping for.

Certainly a climax. Um, but yes, not the

one that that we were looking for.

And the confrontation doesn't go well

here.

Sure.

Like Preston's yelling at his dad. And

he's like, you know how much like I like

I I love her and care about her. But

then Greg is like,

do I? Because you had another girl in

the hot tub a couple weeks ago.

Oh [ __ ]

In a way that Cassid's like, "The [ __ ]

I didn't know that."

And so she's just like watching this

play out as she's wearing

I guess Greg handed her his like suit

jacket. So she's wearing scraps of

lingerie and a sports coat.

Hot.

As she finds out that like her new

boyfriend knew that his son had

been cheating on her.

Cheating. And like that wasn't

explicitly said at any point.

He was like, "I'm warning you, but I'm

not warning you." At the beginning, but

not like fully explaining.

They kind of have that conversation cuz

she's like, "You didn't tell me." He's

like, "Well, I told you like you should

dump him and you could do better." And

she's like, "That's not the same as as

telling me he's

philandering." You know what I mean?

Right.

So, when Preston takes off,

Greg is like clearly conflicted, but

like goes after his son. Cassidy goes

upstairs and is like changing clothes

and is like getting ready to leave. And

when Greg comes up, he's like looking

pretty defeated and is pretty much like,

"Yeah, like Preston said he would drop

out of school and like move back to

North Carolina if I don't end it." Sort

of like,

but also like isn't

taking the next step. isn't actually

saying anything to the point where

Cassie's like,

"Okay, so like we can't keep doing

this."

And Greg's like, "All right." Like lets

her be the one to make the final call.

Like he says it, but she ultimately like

decides it.

Well, she's the one who says we can't

keep doing this. And he's the one who

just goes, "All right,

right." Where you're like,

"Bro,

that's what you were setting up this

whole time. You just didn't want to be

the bad guy." Yeah,

1,000%. And then she's like, "I'm going

to go. I'm I'm just I'm just going to

go." And he's like, "Well, like, let me

drive you." And she's like, "No, we're

not doing that. I'm going to walk to

Lilith's cuz she lives in the

neighborhood,

right?"

And he's like, "Well, like, let me drive

you." And she's like,

"I don't think you understand." She's

like, "I don't want to be around."

No. She literally goes, "We can't see

each other anymore and I'd like that to

start now. Just like let's just like

officially call this." So, fast forward,

it's been a couple weeks. She's like,

"Wow,

it's this hurts way more than Preston

hurt. Like, I feel this way more. What?"

Like,

just Yeah, she's kind of processing that

loss and that difference. Like, at this

point, I think her her mom knows that

she impressed and broke up.

Um, and she ends up going like she's not

feeling super great and is just feeling

a little rund down and under the weather

and is going to the grocery store to

pick up something for her mom and sees

Greg while she's there and like it like

they like lock eyes and like she just

she's like, I can't [ __ ] do this. And

so she just like bolts and takes off. Um

later that night she's continuing to not

feel well and it's like escalating and

escalating and feeling worse where like

she wakes her mom up and is like my

stomach is in pain in a real way.

Yeah. Something's wrong.

Yes. So her mom takes her to the

hospital and she has appendicitis.

She are like they're then like okay

we're like we have you scheduled to get

your appendix out like it'll the the

surgeon's about to come in and walk you

through all of it. This that and the

other. So

Yep. Right. Exactly. Greg walks in and

like he's shocked. She's shocked.

It's not great.

Her mom is picking up on the weird

tension between them

and is picking up on it more when like

they're about to start the surgery

and they're like the tension's ongoing

to the point where Cassie's like, "Mom,

please let me talk to Greg alone for a

second. Like if you could step out." And

her mom's like, "Greg,

not Dr. Li.

have some questions, but I will.

Should we call in another surgeon?

Well, and so that's the thing is

Cassie's like, I don't want you to do

the surgery. And he's like,

what? And she's

I wouldn't want him to do the surgery

either, even if we were still on good

terms. It's weird.

Well, but she's also like, I don't want

the last time your hands are on my like

in a I'm like, that's just girl, you

have appendicitis. Like, we're not going

to be dramatic in that regard.

But Greg is also like, cool, cool, cool.

So your appendix hasn't burst yet. Right

now this is not like he's like we need

to get this removed but like I'm not

going to jeopardize your life by waiting

for another surgeon to potent. He's like

I'm the on call option right now. We

could call in someone else and I could

excuse myself. It will be ours by then.

Your appendix could have have ruptured

and then it will be emergency surgery

fighting for your life. He's like I am

the best at what I do.

Let me do it. like

right

it will and he I think he even says he's

like it's not the last time that we will

touch and she's also like I think I

might be in love with you and he kind of

phrases and she's like I also think it's

the drugs happening in my body right now

I'm on a lot of morphine okay they give

me the good stuff and the drip okay

so the surgery goes well um when she's

in the posttop room recovering

there's a knock on on the door. She's

like, "Well, most doctors don't knock,

so clearly it's not like a doctor." And

it's Preston.

Uh, and he's like, "My dad like told me

what happened." And like it's like

coming. It's like a halfass apology in a

way where she's like, "Just get out.

This is not helpful. This is not

right.

What I need in this moment?

Why are you here?"

Yeah. Well, and it's like no, like I

like I didn't sleep with that girl. like

we were like there was supposed to be a

pool party then everyone bailed but her

and like we like we never had sex and

she's like I don't [ __ ]

I don't care.

Yes. Um and he's like well I knew this

would be stupid sort of energy like very

much like Preston was forced to do it by

Greg

and then when he like opens the door

into the hall Greg is standing there and

it's like been like listening to this

whole thing

right?

But to Greg's credit he's also super

like he's like no that wasn't a real

apology. He's like, "She deserves a real

apology." And he's like, "And so do

you." And like, "Let me like model

that." And he's like, "I'm sorry that

like I was not there. I'm sorry for all

of those years that like I was not

present in your life. I'm doing my

damnedest to make up for it now. Let me

make up for like really trying."

Sure.

Um, and that's kind of where like that

scene ends is like both Greg and Preston

leave and things are not resolved.

Are not resolved. Yeah. She ends up

getting discharged home

and is recovering and then once again

Preston shows up and it seems as though

like he's had some time to actually sit.

He had a better conversation with his

dad and he also says he's like

that was the first time that like my dad

has like actually apologized and like I

don't think I realized how much I just

needed to hear

that apology and like have that from

him. Um, and he's like, "It's still

weird, but like

I'm not gonna stand in anyone's way at

this point."

Um, because I I forget when, but at some

point in these exchanges, like Preston

like is like says something about

Cassidy and Greg and then Cassid's like,

"You're the one who's actively taking

him away from me right now. Like,

we are not together because of you." So,

like, everything is about your choices

at this point. And even in her fight

with Greg, like before she left the

house initially, she was like, "Okay,

it's like the only person who gets what

they want is the spoiled boy in the

basement.

Like that's what we're doing here,

right?"

And it like I do appreciate that it like

captured the real mess of

Yeah.

how all of this can play out cuz I

even like Birthday Girl felt kind of

romanticized.

Yeah.

And this one

like glossed over a little bit.

Yes. This feels a little bit more like

No, this is

it's pretty messy.

Yeah, it it's definitely messy.

And then uh once Preston and Cassidy

kind of work through this Yeah. Well,

and he also says he's like, "Hey, like I

need to apologize." He's like, "Because

you were my best friend as well, and

like that's not how

you treat your friends." He's like, "And

I like just didn't even realize how bad

it had gotten." and like seeing how

selfish I'd become, like not even

realized it. So like

legitimately apolog Yes. Actual growth.

And then Greg is downstairs waiting as

well. When

and then they resolve and it's happily

ever after sort of sort of energy. When

Cassidy is like talks to her mom,

her mom's like, "Yeah, I like you look

at Greg and Greg looks at you the way

like I looked at your dad. Like she's

like, "I could tell

like immediately after surgery when he

was like holding your hand while giving

me the update on how everything went."

Like he clearly

This isn't a surprise. I get it. Yeah.

Yeah. She's like, "I don't love it."

Also, because he didn't seem like a

really like present father for Preston

for a lot of years, like I do still have

some questions, but like

you're an adult and I like trust you and

so on and so forth. And then just kind

of like four months later, they've like

settled into routines like

Sure.

This her sophomore semester went well.

They're finding their balance.

Yeah. Like she goes to a

charity fundraiser with him for the

hospital as his date. When they get back

to the house, like Preston is there for

winter break and has his new girlfriend

who he like introduc. He's like, "This

is Cassidy." Yeah. She's dating my dad.

We used to date. It's It's fine. It's

not weird. It's It's weird, but like

whatever, right? Like, but it's like

that's kind of the energy of like,

"Great to meet you, Iris. She seems

lovely."

And then that's kind of where it ends.

Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah.

So,

what's our rating system? Like prom

dresses, appendices? I don't

append scalpels. No,

I it didn't require the face that I

made. I don't know why I reacted that

way.

Yeah, I'm like

swimsuits, prom dresses. I do think prom

dresses feels

Yeah.

weird but accurate. Um cuz I think she

was a minor then. Um but all that said,

we'll go out of 12 prom dresses for the

12 grades. Jesus. All right.

I hated it, but we're here. We're fully

locked in at this point, Hannah.

All right. I'm I'm along for the ride.

Yeah, I'm strapped in.

I was going to make a strap on joke, but

Thank you for not.

Yeah, I just needed to know I was going

to and I didn't land the plane, but I

thought for it. Yeah. Um,

I would say that this is like six out of

12 prompt.

Fair. Yeah.

What I'll also say is this. The first

time I read The Doctor by Nikki Sloan

years and years ago,

it seemed it was like more of a novella

and I think she reworked it and added

details where like the basic flow of the

book is still the same.

And maybe I'm wrong on this. I could

absolutely be wrong on this. I would bet

money that this book is like a 100 pages

longer, if not even longer than like the

first time I read it. Like

sure,

it was sub 200 the first time I read it.

It was like 266 this time

with just like more detail

added. Um

but also quite frankly I don't know if

more detail was needed. It's like a

pretty just straightforward

age gap.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I get it. Yeah. And so

I'm like, it didn't change my life. It

was exactly what I expect, a

age gap

erotic romance. Yeah. And Nikki Sloan is

really great at writing erotic scenes.

Yeah, she is. I like Nikki Sloan.

Yeah. Like there are some authors that

we read and I'm like, is there anything

sexy about what's happening at all? Like

I'm driving the Sahara down there. And I

don't feel that way when I like I'm like

I can see how we're into it

and I believe it more. Yeah.

Um but it is it it won't change your

life, but it is just like a easy

straightforward

read that I and I do like the series.

Obviously, this is like the second book

we've reviewed from this Nashville

neighborhood series. I think this is

like the third Nikki Sloan book we've

reviewed overall. So like we clearly are

fans of Nikki. Yeah.

Yeah. I just I'm like it's less about

the book. It's like the content and more

of just like Yeah. It's just like a

it's a book that's enjoyable but not

like anything that is like oh my gosh I

have to tell everybody to read this.

It's so amazing. It's just like it's a

nice read. It's an interesting story but

it's not anything that's like read.

something that like if you keep a

running list, I would absolutely

recommend adding it to your running

list. But it's also not a book that I

would be like, "Oh my god." If you

haven't read this, stop what you're

doing. Read this right now for sure.

6 out of 12 feels fair for this.

Out of 12 feels great.

Yeah.

And prom dresses are heavy. So like

that's a great rating.

Yeah, it is. It is.

Those dresses are bedazzled.

Yeah. Yeah.

The weight of a bedazzled dress.

That six is shining.

Yeah. I gotta tell you, the corset is

it's a lot. So, it it hits.

Um, but all that said, let us know how

many prom dresses, bedazzled or not, you

would uh you would say the doctor is. We

can't wait to hear your thoughts. Also,

feel free to reach out. Let us know

anything that you'd like us to review in

the future. We will make sure to get it

added to our list. Y

and we can't wait to see you next time.

Yeah. Like, subscribe, share, tell a

friend, and we appreciate you, smut

[ __ ] Bye

bye.

Well, that's it for this week, smut

[ __ ] We hope it was good for you, cuz

it sure was great for us. If you're

digging what we're doing, it would mean

a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and

review the show wherever you're

listening right now. Maybe tell that

sexy someone to lend us an ear. We love

you. We appreciate you and we'll see you

next week. Stay spotty.

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