Smut Club

well

hello all you beautiful people

you know what time it is

[Music]

ladies and gents

guys and dolls and everyone in between

gather round

get you something real nice to sip on

and comfy to slip on

because it's time

for smut club

here's your hosts chelsea and hannah

[Music]

hello everybody hi

welcome to to this day's episode of smut

club

um we've missed you we have

and we miss you so much and we missed

our girl j.s scott jan so much

we decided we needed to review

the third book in the billionaire series

um this is going to be a joint review

and honestly we're just gonna need to

take a break from her after this because

we were like we've committed thus far

and we just have but damn i feel like

they're already painful and then you

re-read them and they don't

they don't get better with time and age

no they they don't if anything the plot

holes become more gaping

yeah that's a fair

i when i was kind of doing my reread of

this book because i knew we were going

to be recording it i just i had

far more questions than answers

yep as we went along and i find myself

identifying with the female characters

less and less because i'm like

i can't can't relate man

i'm kind of like

have a backbone and maybe believe in

yourself a little bit

yeah

because

all of these women are like

you've already heard how we felt about

mara

mar okay it was mara and jared and then

the first one was

dante and sarah

and then the the prequel that i haven't

read but i think you've read hannah i

have is grady and

emily

and that actually is important for this

one so that actually is an excellent

segue into our prologue we start our

prologue for the billionaire's touch

is is this one the the forbidden

billionaire the billionaire's touch i

don't know the billionaire's feather i'm

just making [ __ ] up i'm sure it'll be

one at some point i don't remember the

first one um

no ordinary billionaires no ordinary

billionaire well and then i think the

pre the prequel was a billionaire's

christmas because

i think we forgot they have money

sprinkle a little hallmark in there

so

okay so in the

prequel with grady and emily the whole

thing is that emily was dating this guy

emily is the

director you may hear brandon

my dog y'all i'm sorry brandon has no

boundaries he just wants to be a part of

everything we're always doing we we even

gave him some cbd treats this morning

and he is not vibing yet so

these things happen it's okay he's just

gonna live his best life with his little

clicky clacks on the wood he literally

got his he went to the groomer and they

ground his nails yesterday so i'm

dumbfounded and impressed

i mean

he knows what he's about

so anyway so the whole thing with the

prequel is emily who is the director of

the youth center in ames port was dating

this guy who stole all the christmas

money oh my stars

and so she's super upset and she goes to

grady to try to

get the money

i just i

i just need y'all to know

um so hannah's feet don't touch the

ground we're at a table and my like my

breakfast i'm not that short she really

isn't that short but also these chairs

aren't very tall so i'm not quite sure

what what the disconnect is

um

but my husband had gone to the liquor

store earlier this week and i was like

hey could you pick up a bottle of

diplomatico rem because it's delicious

and wonderful and if you haven't tried

it you should we also weren't sponsored

by diplomatico it would be cooler if we

were but the bottle he picked up had

this great gift set and it came with

these two like diplomatic glasses and it

was a very fancy looking gift set

because they didn't just have a bottle

they had a gift set for the same price

so now we have the glasses

um but because hannah's feet don't touch

the ground my husband just snuck into

the room and slid the box at the

diplomatico and the glasses came in

under her feet so she would have a stool

and that is what just happened i was

like is brandon behind me or something

i'm just gonna pretend that's not

happening but it was just vance

and

no it wasn't the dog it was just

chelsea's husband coming in with a

footstool

i guess i'm very comfortable thank you

vance

so anyway so the prequel grady and emily

right and emily is over the community

center in aim sport right so emily is

trying to figure out how to get the

money for christmas because apparently

despite all the billionaires

all over the place in this tiny main

town they don't have a lot of money and

so some of these kids like this is their

only christmas

tears whatever

so she goes to grady to ask him for

money

and so all that is in the prequel

why that's important for the prologue is

her best friend randy

decides that she is going to email

the sinclair foundation

to request a no one's donation just like

the general foundation to shoot her shot

and just like contact

sinclair foundation dot org or whatever

sinclair foundation dot org

like nothing is personal about this but

she's like i'm just gonna email this

whole foundation and be like you don't

know me but

we're this tiny town in maine called

aimsport and like she signs it what it

like she signs a concerned citizen or

something it was kind of very like allah

like sleeping in salat

sleeping in selattle y'all sleeping in

seattle

yes yes so she did sign it um

concerned in ames port

i guess

um

so yeah concerned resident of aimsport

and she's emailing from a generic email

address at the youth center because she

volunteers there well she's emailing

from her email account

yes but

her full name is miranda but she goes by

randy well but that's not in the email

address

it's not

it's like a like a generic

one that she uses through the foundation

that is not connected to her name that's

how she stays anonymous

well damn y'all i just thought it was

because it was m something

clearly y'all i've read this book twice

and i couldn't bring myself to give a

[ __ ] about the finer details so so glad

we have hannah for these you're welcome

um i'm i'm a sponge so

so she sends this email that is like

please help us

you know blah blah blah and then

multiple months later

right no one has responded she forgot

about the email grady saves christmas

anyway

um we know that because of the prequel

and

sorry if we ruined it for you spoilers

um

and

so

then the eldest sinclair brother

is going through the emails for some

evan reason evan and let's let's not

forget evan was very prominent in mara

and jared's book he was he rescued mara

from the fire in her house

um

and then made out like he was he was

coming after her yeah jared was not into

that he like made a power play so his

brother

wouldn't be a [ __ ] and would just ask

out the girl that he liked so that's

what we know about evan he's serious he

wears suits

exclusively

exclusively

like almost like barney stinson on how i

met your mother like the way they

described evan i was like does he do it

i'm like does he have a silk sleep suit

because that is the energy they are

giving them

think about that i was like does he have

does he have like flannel pajama bottoms

or is this are we like

what sort of sleepwear i imagine it's a

flannel suit with a flannel tie

i'm just gonna

agree with that because i want it to be

true so evan reads this email and he's

like the audacity and so he responds and

is like uh

why would you ever

think that we would help you like

that's the dumbest [ __ ] i've ever heard

we helped like people with real problems

not small towns for christmas

yeah we're not your personal santa or

some [ __ ] or he said something about

like next time direct these sorts of

requests to the north pole or something

like that like snarky like we'd help

people with real problems like not

people like in a town that's not even on

a map or like

[ __ ] like that and randy is like

i guess audacity was on sale and she

snaps back and so she she gets a map

and highlights aim support on it and

attaches it to the email and like does a

whole thing and he's like i'm into that

but they never sign their names right on

these emails so that is the

prologue yes they are starting to

develop this relationship we do find

like as their pen pal relationship

continues they each sign it with a

letter

and so she's signing hers with m like

her sign off in her email says m for

miranda this is what i was getting

confused with her email and then evan is

signing his off with s

for sinclair would you know be

everyone's logical guess here yep

so

um

i guess

i know i mean honestly i don't even know

like these books are a disaster you guys

we're really doing our best so

you know who didn't do their best the

bot that wrote these

like if i have to read the phrase

elemental desire one more time i will

lose it we'll get there so anyway

um it the book opens with evan

coming to town on his

jet

for his sister's

ball

she's throwing some kind of a party yeah

like so there's like a

a bigger ball that happened

we are children

um there's like a bigger ball that

happens at the end of the book but then

like

i think hope had just had a kid that's

the sister and so he was like was coming

to meet the sister or not meet the

sister nephew meet the nephew and

his cousin micah sinclair hitched a ride

on his plane and he has the next book

that we won't be reviewing until next

year we're that's that sounds like a

2023 review because maybe a late 2022

but lord help us i i don't know if i can

bring myself to do more of these yeah

so

they are coming in

and um

i don't know what i don't even know

what's happening well like they're

coming in and like it's honestly just a

lot of like evan in his head and then

he's like and i don't even he's like

yeah like i mean like i want to see my

sister he's like but i hope i don't have

to see randy and her like she's always

so annoying in her stupid face but like

kind of in this like her stupid cute

face that i just want to kiss is kind of

like

the energy behind it i don't know am i

misreading that no you're right so so

evan and randy have been paired up in

all of the weddings

um that have happened with all of his

siblings

so they're constantly being thrown

together

and so

and he's like she hates me she either is

completely ignoring me or she's

insulting me but then she's also like i

tried to talk to you and be friends with

you and you didn't respond and were kind

of a dick about it so i

let go of that dream and just figured

you didn't like me and it is what it is

i was a dick back right so we have evan

coming to town and then

where randy's story is starting off is

her foster mother recently passed away

yes

um

about a month prior yeah like within

like a very very recent passing um and

she had told her pen pal about this

passing yeah

um and then the pen pal discloses

that he is going to be in maine and

she's like oh my gosh wait he's going to

be in aimsport and then she's like what

do we do and then she's like there's a

storm coming did you know that the

weather's gonna get bad

and then she's like okay well have a

good time i have a date with arando

who

the rando

is

liam

something liam and tessa own

the lobster

the lobster roll shack

sullivan's um

something or other

seafood or something i don't [ __ ]

know but we love alliteration so we were

both gonna guess it we do i'm

sullivan steak and seafood that's the

one

so we do love some good alliteration so

randy is talking to her pen pal he knows

all about her recent grief

and they have this ongoing joke that

they always talk on date nights because

they're both homebodies and never go out

and he she's like i have to sign off and

he's like got a hot date and she was

like i don't know if it's gonna be hot

but yes

she's like i do actually have a date and

he's like what

yeah but she doesn't know he's in ames

port she just knows he's in maine

um and he says he's visiting family

yes i guess you're right he she just i

remember her like like it's saying in

the book that she was like he's here in

my head i'm like wow she really knew

aimsport but you're entirely right she's

just been in this state i mean maine's

not that big is it

it's not that small

that's fair

well also something we need to know i'm

pretty sure when evan was on the plane

he is um

touching for comfort the

stone

oh yeah

um

that beatrice sent him

with a letter that he was gonna be

married within six months

yes and i don't know if y'all remember

this or honestly if we mentioned it

because it's a weird aside of all of

these books but like beatrice has given

each of these couples in each of these

js got billionaire books um matching

stones and she's like i it's gonna be

your soulmate and i know it and so then

she so evan is like reminiscing on this

and like has the stone in his pocket and

he's like

well i doubt it but i'm not gonna like

be mean to this old lady and then randy

um beatrice took it a step further she

like told her her mom would like her mom

would die but then she'd find love yeah

she was like she will not survive the

winter

but she will find love or some [ __ ] i

don't know and i'm like

i also like beatrice was in the last

book just like kicking it at the

farmer's market yeah and

in her like bray pink tracksuit

and she has another older friend whose

name i'm forgetting something with an e

elise or something or maybe i don't it

doesn't matter agnes i don't it could be

it's a it's a name that starts with a

vowel that's all we know here's the

thing we're really trying to like we've

both reread this but we did and we are

struggling this much to get through it

so all right

um

randy tells the dude her pen pal that

she does not know is evan that she has a

date she's like i don't know if it'll be

hot but i'm going on this date and then

um and i'm i think she says i'm going

for coffee then evan decides to go to

the coffee shop because he's like

maybe i'll like see someone on a date

and i'll like be able to figure out who

my pen pal is because he doesn't know

it's randy at this point either

and he's like i'm not just gonna sit

here like a loser i'll just go to the

coffee shop and be a bigger loser but

then he gets to the coffee shop and he's

like i don't know why i thought this was

a good idea i'm just gonna leave so he

literally just went to the coffee shop

ordered a coffee

and then and then decided to leave but

in the snow in the snow but as he's

stepping out the door he just like stops

in the walkway yeah and then someone

crashes into his back and supposedly

what no one saw this coming randy

um so she spilled her mocha all down his

back well and then

i don't know he's kind of a douche like

he really is like she's like oh my gosh

i'm so sorry

okay yeah and he's like it's my favorite

coat and she's like i'll pay to have it

cleaned and then he's like

like like she could afford to get like a

coat of this quality cleaned on a

teacher's salary but then like the dude

loki's like

i have the exact same coat like i have a

duplicate of it

yeah i already own two so it's not the

end of the world if if this one doesn't

come together i'm almost like you're a

billionaire how much can you love this

[ __ ] coat right why like why the

attachment

right and maybe it's because of his

you know

his special needs we'll get there we'll

learn about his special needs later in a

very confusing way that i still don't

really feel like i learned about his

special needs and so then randy crashes

into him

um he doesn't realize who she is we

don't quite know what happened yet but

she crashed into him and then he insists

on like walking her to her car and he's

like it's not safe he's like it's

snowing anything could happen and she's

like [ __ ] i live in maine like

yeah she's like this is not los angeles

like i can walk down the street you nut

yeah she's like it's a very safe area

it's just some snow i know how to live

in snow and evan is like

i'd rip my own heart out before i let

anything happen to her and you're like

where is this coming that is a strong

reaction so he does he walks her back to

the vehicle and then just decides to pin

her against it and make out with her a

little bit well and they also realize

that they have matching stones from

beatrice oh right right right because

he like insists on taking her car keys

to open the door for her or something

and like they like fall out of her purse

i don't really remember but then like

what you have an apache cheer i having a

patch each year oh my stars and then

evan's like come to come to hope's party

with me the sisters party and then

randy's like i think we should pretend

this didn't happen and as she's trying

to say it like evan like

shushes her like puts his fingers over

her lips in his sentence and it's like

no we're going to this party together

and she's like okay she's like well i

guess since he put his finger to my lips

and wouldn't let me talk

i have a date to the party now so

romantic

right so all right then randy gets home

from this exchange

um oh we we forgot so randy was supposed

to be meeting her blind date at this

coffee shop he stood her up

which we do learn in the future

he was sick yes he was sick and didn't

have her contact info which i don't

understand how that can happen in modern

day i guess he had her home phone number

but

his sister was the one who set it all up

so he didn't have randy's cell phone

number which again like as previously

mentioned the the gaping plot holes only

become more confounding

well i'm also like

who has a home phone

yeah i'm like what era is this book set

in because like social media you could

slide into her dms and be like hey so

sorry i'm sick like i feel like you have

options you do um

and how far back do we have to go for

this book to have taken place where you

didn't have those options

i don't know

but regardless she did not have her date

and so

she she reaches out to her pen pal and

she says

she basically talks about making out

with evan but she doesn't name him she

just says my date wasn't there there was

this other guy that i hate he was there

he kissed me

i don't know i feel really weird about

it and evan's like um no you need

someone who's gonna treat you right

like absolutely not do not give this guy

the time of day that's [ __ ] but then

also is like we should meet and she's

like no

yeah so evan is [ __ ] on himself

unknowingly unknowingly shooting at

himself it's a whole thing and then we

cut to like the blizzard is getting

worse

and

um and evan decides to ask his sister

hope to go to the grocery store with him

to buy

randy supplies to make it through the

blizzard because she lives a little bit

further out of town yes and he's worried

about her trying to drive

in her purple suv

i don't know why that like stuck in my

brain i was like

this do they even make those is that a

custom paint job what the [ __ ]

whatever

her purple suv he's concerned that it

won't make the trek because it's a

smaller sport utility vehicle so

i also just

i

i

i don't know he has a lot of money so he

doesn't really have any problems let's

also note that like when he decides to

deliver all of these things to randy he

has the sinclair family's personal plow

and go out on the road in front of him

that's right that's right so that he

could make sure the roads were clear and

i'm like how much are you spending on a

personal plow but he's a billionaire so

he doesn't he does whatever he wants but

there so he's at the store with his

sister and they are buying

um

sorry chelsea's cat is trying to get

into our boda box of wine

and again while we are not sponsored by

bota box it'd be a lot cooler if we were

we have an empty and a half md on the

table because that's where we're at

today well you know how it goes when you

get to the bottom of the box but you

still got one so you gotta take the

bladder out to do what you gotta do

for some more wine and so i took the

bladder out and my cat is fully grown at

only six pounds bless up craig he's a

permanent kitten but he is he's trying

to get into

the top of the boat a box

um because he knows if it if he fits he

sits it is very much his energy in life

good for you craig live the dream right

okay so evan is at the grocery store

with hope buying supplies for randy

including dog food which will wind up

being relevant later yes and then hope

keeps like putting things in the cart

and then evan keeps taking about and

being like these are all so unhealthy

and she's like well you asked me what

randy's favorites were and she has

really poor nutritional understanding so

right she likes all of this [ __ ] put it

back in the cart and then as hope and

evan are just talking about randy

um hope calls her miranda yeah she calls

her miranda and then evan starts to like

realize like wait

do what and then he's like did did her

mother like her foster mother recently

pass away and he's like oh my gosh how

did you know that

and oh [ __ ] and then he like has this

big epiphany moment where he realizes

that they are indeed pen pals

um

and then his sister's like

sum things up like

this is very unlike evan so then evan

spills his guts to his sister not just

about randy about

a bunch of childhood trauma yeah um and

stuff that

was very misdiagnosed

um yeah and we don't find out what that

is yet no but he just goes on and on

about it's like sweetheart she was

asking you about your [ __ ] pen pal

why are you telling her about being

beaten regularly as a child like how did

we get here well damn hannah way to turn

the page i mean i mean we're gonna get

there for sure um but then hope is like

okay i'll help you land randy and so

then they mention it later in the book

because then suddenly

evan starts wearing normal clothes that

aren't suits and hope took him shopping

for normal clothes so he would seem more

approachable yes and she did tell him

you need to tell her who you are right

then that you are her pen pal yes right

now and he was like okay

right so then evan gets to randy's house

with all of these supplies right as the

power goes out at randy's house because

of the blizzard and oh no and it's randy

and her dog and what's a girl to do and

her generator's not working

right she she didn't have time to get it

looked at because her foster mother

recently passed away and

so i just love that this is the third

book in a row in this billionaire series

where like

in the first like 30 of the book some

[ __ ] goes sideways and the girl just has

to go stay with the guy yeah well she's

like i can go get a room at the end and

he's like no

well

well yeah because he was i think she was

on the phone with hope at first when he

was getting there and so she's like no

let evan take you back to the sinclair

peninsula because

they all have their homes on the and

guest houses yes and these guest houses

and all of them have

their

the siblings all have homes at the

sinclair she makes up some weird [ __ ]

about

you can't stay with hope she just had a

baby and he she's like

yeah

but her guest house he's like nah

well and i'm also like the way they've

described all these houses and former

books and like each of these houses is

at least 10 000 square feet not

including the guest house right how big

is this [ __ ] peninsula how big is the

baby

no guest rooms available there's no room

in the end

so

and then she's like well i i i have to

bring lily who is her dog and he's like

she she can't stay here and

randy is like no i can't just leave my

dog at home in a blizzard and he's like

okay i guess

well and then all right

on there i think it's like on their

drive back to the peninsula i was like

this is where i just was really like

evan is a complete piece of [ __ ] where

he's like oh so like

um did your foster mother recently pass

away hope hope told me she passed i'm

like [ __ ] no you knew because you're

her pen pal and this was the prime

opportunity to tell her

that you'd put these pieces together and

instead you completely lied to her face

and i

didn't really respect you in the first

place and i

am quickly losing

no i wouldn't say what minimal respect i

had there was no respect left because

there was none to start with it's

bottoming out and then

i don't remember how it happens exactly

but randy is emailing with her pen pal

who is evan again

and says something about um

this guy that the pen pal originally was

like stay the [ __ ] away from that guy

and now he's like you should really give

him a chance

right and so then you're like evan is

emailing her being like no you should

really give your you should meet your

pen pal and you're like you are

truly the worst but i also love that

like

while all of this is going on like randy

and evan are kind of like i guess like

we need to like clear the air and she

was like i just wanted to be your friend

and he goes i'm sorry i hurt your

feelings and she goes okay i forgive you

and then he's like i'm going to call you

miranda

i'm like

and she's like please don't

and then they bone

yeah and then she's like i don't do oral

but then he also doesn't clarify if

that's giving or receiving and then just

goes down on him yeah he's like i'm

assuming because it's from his

perspective at that point he's like i'm

assuming

that you did not mean that you weren't

game to receive

but doesn't clarify and doesn't ask so i

kind of feel like there were like three

strikes you're out

right in a row yeah and like

who respects you

yeah like as the leader of the sinclair

felt like i'm like how do you whatever

i'm [ __ ] him this is how i feel about

evan throughout this entire book i was

just like i was like yeah another

example of fm being a complete piece of

[ __ ] it was like how i felt most of it

kelsey has a lot of feelings you guys

about evan i really do i'm like you are

the worst he is well and i'm like it's

hard to read in a book that's

essentially a love story and not be

rooting for them at any point no and

then so then he so they they don't even

make it into the house really or into

the bedroom they they [ __ ] on the couch

and then he leaves her there because she

fell asleep and he goes down to his

office

and has the dog with him and he's like

dogs are pretty cool like sitting there

petting her

and then after he's like should we just

leave your dog in the middle of a storm

right oh he's like no now that i've been

around one not so good

so then he hears a scream oh no

and he's like i will kill anything

that's made her scream and like runs up

the stairs

and randy is having a nightmare and so

lily goes up and is waking her up did i

skip something i think we i think we

skipped but honestly it's all the same i

like i don't because like

she fell asleep and then

when she woke up he'd fed her dog steak

oh yeah i forgot about the state and

then we honestly maybe that is what

happens next but we cut in the book to

like just

all of the sinclair siblings where like

hope takes it upon herself to have a

powwow with all of her siblings to

disclose their older brother's childhood

trauma that he hasn't [ __ ] told

anyone about and she's like i just felt

like they all needed to know i'm like

that is not how that works she's like he

didn't tell me not to say anything so

must be kosher right and then micah

cousin micah has a meet cute

with ted with tessa where she's cleaning

and he was showering and then she didn't

hear him and then he's like what are you

deaf or something and then she's like

yeah i actually am deaf you

you other piece of [ __ ] and he's like

claire pieces of [ __ ]

the sinclair shits he's like oh no yeah

he's like oh my bad i feel really shitty

but i know asl so we can we can go

forward with that this person who knows

asl is just chilling

being super

ableist about this poor woman who's deaf

and is like oh well let me do some sign

like what

whatever

no honestly all of these characters but

then you're right then randy's having a

nightmare and then evan finds her

and then

i honestly then he

she tells him about her childhood trauma

yeah is that what happens in her

adoption yeah but like

so and he's just pretending like he's

never heard any of this as his pimpo

well some of it he hadn't heard because

she

discloses that her mother was a

prostitute

she doesn't know who her father was they

lived in a building of prostitutes that

was close to her mom's corner and all

these women kind of looked after her and

stuff as she was growing up and then

when she was like 11 or 12 or something

her mother was murdered

and just never came home

and so these other prostitutes were

looking after her while her mom was gone

and then

dfax family services shows up and it's

like you're going to foster care which

obviously turned out really well for her

because then

she was

he tried to force her into the foster

father try to force her into oral sex

because he knew her mother was a

prostitute right so that's that's part

of it is that in her nightmare she kept

saying over and over again i'm not a

[ __ ] i'm not a [ __ ] and evan's like

what the [ __ ] is happening right now and

so she tells evan all of this and

explains that she ran away

at that point and was living on the

streets and did some pretty terrible

things

to eat they're not that terrible she

like stole some stuff which is totally

fair when you're starving i feel like

yeah i mean i feel like we all judge

people until we're in that situation and

then it's very justified but she tried

to steal from

who ended up being her foster parents

and they caught her red-handed while she

was trying to steal from them oh this

was in california by the way

yes and then they took her back and they

like pretended that they were like

long-lost relatives who did have custody

also did we actually ever clarify what

evan's trauma is

no

so evan

[Music]

is dyslexic

um that said the way his dyslexia is

described throughout the book

um

reads very much akin to how the dsm

would describe the autism spectrum yeah

just in a way where

like parts of it you're like yes that is

a symptom of dyslexia in other parts of

it you're like that

feels like we're reaching

yeah so like obviously switching up

letters difficulty with reading

comprehension difficulty with number

sequences

um and like math in general can be part

of it but then it's like and and that's

why he has a hard time understanding

jokes and it's like that's not he can't

read social cues that's not it

yes and so there's

pretty much

all of evan's like childhood trauma is

based around him

having dyslexia right which he doesn't

tell her yet yes he does not tell her

this but we're like we're we've gotten

pieces of this from the conversation

with hope and the conversation they had

after than the conversation she had with

her siblings but randy does not know

about this yet right

um

but then all of his siblings are

like treading lightly

because

they didn't know then they feel bad

because he was abused as a child by his

dad because

of his difficulties including like

withholding food from him and really

restricting his diet and stuff like that

because i guess he's a little bit chubby

so that's why he eats the way that he

does he won't eat anything that's like

carb heavy or sugar heavy

oh yeah his coffee order

yeah was like a black coffee yeah

something like that well honestly that

makes a that makes more sense i couldn't

remember why i felt it was worth noting

because my next line on this book says

feeds him cake

they get naked this is

the description so she makes spaghetti

and he's like this is a lot of carbs and

he's she's like you should eat it and

then he explains that his dad like

withheld food from him and now he

understands why she eats with such gusto

because she knows what it's like to be

hungry and then she feeds him the cake

that she made and it's very sensual and

then they got naked and then she saw his

scars from his abuse yeah and then like

now they have that trust there right so

now

she gives him a [ __ ] and he's like no

don't you don't like it

and then

right and she's like maybe with you i do

yeah and i'm like this isn't how trauma

works you guys that's not

oh

god in heaven

i just can't i just it stresses me out

so bad

yeah so then while they're

boning there's like one of those moments

where he's like you're mine say you're

mine and i'm like one of these weird

claiming moments and they realize

afterwards they didn't use a condom

and then she's like it's okay i'm clean

and then he's like yeah i wasn't really

worried about you being clean i was

worried about like accidentally knocking

you up and she's like damn and then

she's like

oh he doesn't see a future with me

right and like he's like he doesn't want

to knock up a [ __ ] daughter and like

like wow we really

leaping

like have you seen like those like memes

where they're like

don't jump to conclusions and then it's

me jumping to conclusions and it's like

someone like on one of those like

three-story trampolines like this is

what it feels like here he's like i was

just worried about getting you pregnant

she's like i knew he wouldn't want to

get a horse daughter pregnant and you're

like i really don't think it had

anything to do with your upbringing i

just think like he didn't want to have

children that's more believable for how

trauma works than just suddenly being

cool with a bj

like

that's more in line with how trauma

works so at least she got something

halfway bright

hey there's my puppies

we'll get you right back to the show in

just a moment

but first

do you like us

maybe even

love us

cause we sure love you and if you do

love us

don't tease us

tell us in those ratings and reviews

wherever you're listening right now

maybe even send us over to a special

sexy someone that would enjoy getting

smutty with us

because you know the first rule of smug

club

is to talk about smut club

all right

i won't keep you any longer

let's get back to the show

[Music]

so then

so then she's like shutting down and

evan's like what ha what is happening so

he goes to his brothers

right yep he goes to

the brothers who have all had these

books and so now they all think they're

relationship experts and then he tells

them what he said and all of his

brothers are like wait you [ __ ] said

that

you should start groveling like do you

realize how that came off

and he's like no and then he's like i

just didn't

he's like well like dyslexia's genetic

and so i didn't wanna i don't have

children because

i don't want them to like relive my

upbringing right i don't want to curse

future generations right and so then

his brothers are like yeah you

still need to like explain this to her

or she's going to think it's about her

so then

randy while she's a teacher third grade

is that did i make that third grade

elementary age teacher yeah and then she

volunteers at the community center doing

tutoring for special needs yes for

special needs kids and so she is at the

community center in one of her tutoring

sessions and then realizes like evan is

leaning against the wall

watching her and then he starts being

like

it's gonna take him like four times

longer for word recognition this much

longer for this and then like starts

telling randy all the stuff and she's

like oh [ __ ] he knows all this because

he also has dyslexia but she's also like

i know that because i have a masters in

special needs education thank you

you know that too honestly low-key

remind like the mansplaining yeah

which like i get that it was like a

first-hand experience yeah um no that

reminds me of when i had an ex-boyfriend

trying um he had been diagnosed with

anxiety

and then was

this is when i was working crisis and so

i'd like work a 12-hour shift and then

at the end of the day and big how's your

date and he's like horrible

i'm like really

because i had someone spit blood on me

today so tell me how how horrible your

day was i have to get tested for hiv for

the next six weeks because for six

months because you know

yes and then he was like i was just like

i don't exactly remember what happened i

remember he started trying to mansplain

to me

the connection between depression and

anxiety and i was like i have a [ __ ]

degree in this i'm licensed in this

it's literally my [ __ ] job hey you 22

year old college musician barista

i mean no judgment but also judgment but

also everyone i dated when i was single

so there is that no they weren't all in

college there were age

there was an age there was an age

but yes i just remember he really tried

to mansplain depression and anxiety to

me and i'm like this is offensive on so

many levels

um and also i don't give a [ __ ] that you

had a bad day because

in maslow's hierarchy of needs

you're doing great kids yeah yeah my

empathy is gone get away from me right

and that was also probably when i knew

we shouldn't be dating

i'm like i don't give a [ __ ] about your

bad day and that's a bad sign

it is yeah right yeah i'm like maybe we

shouldn't be dating if i'm like i do not

care that you had a bad day um all right

so

going back to evan mansplaining dyslexia

to someone with a degree in

exceptional education

and then randy's response is like well

i'll help you find your happiness yeah

he's like that's why i didn't want to

have i didn't want to get you pregnant

and she's like what

oh

well you you wouldn't be your dad you

have so many resources this child would

be so loved and

whatever sorry i don't i still just like

i don't give a [ __ ] about evan but we're

here so then

it's very much like your ex it feels

like

she's like i don't give a [ __ ] right

you're not wrong um

so then evan emails randy as her secret

pen pal is like so what's your favorite

flower like i'm like how this girl has

not pieced this together at this point

is well because he was thinking i'm

gonna send her flowers to

write whatever wrong i've committed but

i don't know what kind of flower she

likes so i guess i'm [ __ ]

well no i understand his motivations i

just still think it's really obvious

that he's the pen pal it is kind of yeah

and she just like really has not put

those pieces together but then it's like

he asked

he asked her what her favorite flowers

are and then he's like oh it's like how

are things going with the guy and she's

like not knowing it's evan she's like

it's not that serious he's leaving town

like i'm just having fun we're like it

is what it is and it's fun for now and

but like evan like keeps fishing

and

but she's like he's leaving after this

week so there's really nothing else

going on

and then we cut to another micah

and tessa scene which i'm like i

yeah he goes to sullivan's steak and

seafood

to eat and to just watch her

be there i guess

and is like i'm super into that and her

brother liam who stood up randy on the

date previously is like stay the [ __ ]

away from my sister she's been through

enough she's handicapped and he's like

she looks fine to me bro maybe you

should simmer down

but i'm also like

if they're gonna get their own book i

don't know why we keep

did she not have enough for this book so

she started throwing scenes in for the

must be it must be because they do get

their own book and i did read it and i

regret it deeply

every time i read another one of these

i'm like i regret my choice they're like

palette cleansers for me after i've read

something really heavy i read another

one of these [ __ ] videos that's how i

read them too i'm like i'm like oh i

just read a really good really

thought-provoking book

i should read some more js scott yeah

it's like i just

had this incredible meal and now i need

a bonbon that i'm gonna forget that i

ate in 10 minutes like that's what i

need and that's what these books are

like they're just like not even in an

entire dessert they're kind of like

cotton candy yes it's exactly like

cotton like they just disappear you're

like that was fun

but like that was very short-lived yep

and there's a little bit of an

aftertaste and you're like yeah you

drink some water and you're good you

have a slight stomachache after and you

don't know why

so all right randy's favorite flowers

are calla lilies yes and then she goes

to her

foster mother's grave yes and foster

father because they're they're both

deceased at this point you are correct

both of them are deceased both of their

graves she goes

and there are calla lilies on the grave

with a thank you card attached she's

like who would be thanking them and like

leaving kel and like i'm like [ __ ] can

you really like

are you

do you like do you have do you have

dyslexia i mean i wasn't gonna make that

joke i got to say are you teaching the

third graders or are they teaching you

well and like somebody shoveled the

walkway to their gravesite and like

cleared the snow and left a single calla

lily with a thank you note

right and then it's just this like

poignant scene where like

randy

is crying and it's like i think i can

start healing again now and we're like

just like beatrice with her [ __ ]

patchy tearstone predicted

um

so then there's a family like evan like

the sinclair siblings are all gathering

evan's siblings are all hanging out and

everyone's noting like oh like

evan's like chill and like seems happier

and

is eating carbs

um

and randy is there

yeah and randy's there and like talking

to them about this progress and they're

like obviously you're in love with him

and she's like

no

right she keeps denying it and then they

do like she in helping evan find his

happiness they do some yoga together

they try to do meditation meditation and

then she just like [ __ ] him and that's

the message she's like no close your

eyes and lay on your back and then she

just like hops on his dick

and she's like

take deep breaths he's like if this is

what meditation is i'm into it

right well i also just remember mid

meditation

evan started telling randy about like

her childhood abuser being dead oh yeah

i remember thought about it because evan

was like i need a name to know who try

and forced you into sex acts when you

were in foster care

um and so then he i'm like what were you

gonna do evan were you gonna hire a hit

man like so he would have done it

himself with his bare hands

[Laughter]

i'm a man could he order himself a plane

ticket that's all i'm wondering i mean

he has a private jet

you're right yeah the dyslexia has no

impact on his flight status

he has assistance for that

yes the perks of being a millionaire

billionaire

not just a millionaire

because the last book in this series you

guys is

only a millionaire just for the record

what the [ __ ] just for the record who

fell out of the family will

no that one's about liam

how is liam a millionaire don't worry

about it he co-owns a restaurant in a

small town because he used to be a

stuntman in hollywood and developed all

of these like

i don't know what they are these like

devices and things to make stunts safer

for movies and so he's collecting

royalties and made bank

so

anyway yes don't ever besmirch the

sinclair name

by using the m word

the m word millionaire um yes so

mid-meditation evan is like i just want

you to know i did some research and your

childhood abuser is dead he did and so

then she's like okay lay on your back

and we'll do some meditations

obviously the meditation we're trying is

not effective so let me try it

with your dick inside me right i'm like

that's

that's not i mean if you're gonna do

like tantric yoga then do tantric yoga

don't be weird all i'm saying is when i

used to live in nashville i once led a

meditation seminar at a local library

and i led them through several different

types of meditation and let me tell you

this was not one we did at the library

at no point i was like all right lay on

your back take out your dick and for the

record in case it hasn't been made

obvious by all of our previous episodes

we're very kink affirming

right there's no shaming here like none

like live your truth it is entirely okay

i also didn't want to get arrested

um at the public library also my husband

was not in attendance and i feel like

there would have been a lot of questions

if i let a meditation

hour at the library can i get a

volunteer

and he's like i'm like hey honey i got

arrested because apparently the type of

meditation we did at the library was

too progressive

um right so

there's meditation sex and then

what happens after that like i don't

really feel like there was much plot

there there's none it's just like and

then we disclosed we were abused and

then we [ __ ] and then we go to a party

and then we [ __ ] and then we well and

then oh that's what happened um evan as

pen pal evan

randy still does not know that evan is

her pen pal because he is a mystery

piece of [ __ ]

and also she has no deductive reasoning

skills honestly it's on both of them at

this point um but he like pen pal evan

emails her and is like oh it's like

how's it going with your like new guy

like did you change your mind about like

if it could be more

and then she says like i could never

love

um i could never fall in love with a man

like him

um

but then like as soon as she sends the

email she's like i was lying to myself

because i'm already in love with a man

like him but then obviously like evan is

gonna be salty about that he goes into a

full tail spin about it so they

previously the um

the party the ball that hope was

throwing had to be postponed because of

the storm so it's finally the day of the

ball is that what happened yeah

i could not bring myself you had notes

i took note of the things i thought were

important and that's why i wrote down

meditation sex

i did not write down priorities the ball

was delayed due to the blizzard

priorities

so then anyway

they're getting ready they go

um oh stoke's the driver

so they get into

the evans

bentley or

rolls or whatever the [ __ ] he's driving

or not driving he has a driver

and um

randy's like what's your driver's first

name and he's like i don't know

she's like is he a new employee and he's

like no he's been with me for years and

she's like are you serious right now and

so she finds out the man's name is jerry

he is very advanced in age he has six

children and three grandchildren i just

made that [ __ ] up i don't know i think

it was the opposite i think he had three

children and six grandchildren and like

two great grandchildren

i don't know i did not take notes

well apparently i didn't take notes on

the right things

that's why we do joint reviews

because they work obviously so

she finds out all this personal

information about him

and finds out that like his daughter was

sick and evan giving him a job like

saved his daughter's life and he's like

i'm gonna drive for him until i can't

drive anymore and evan's like wow i'm a

dick i can't believe that randy found

out this information

that quickly oh we've left out that at

some point

randy explains to evan that only her

mother ever called her miranda and it's

very like

it's a trauma trigger for people to call

her miranda and he's like son of a [ __ ]

i will never call her miranda i

literally do not remember this happening

i don't remember when it happened i just

remember that happening because i was

like also i just don't like it when

people don't use the names that

they request to be called like why are

you going to do that i don't like she's

like i go by randy and he's like i'm

calling you miranda she's like it'd be a

lot cooler if you didn't and he's like

i don't give a [ __ ] because i'm a

caveman yeah he's like maybe you'll like

it when i'm moaning it when i make you

come and she's like probably not

generous offer

still gonna pass on being called miranda

still a no for me thanks

so

they go to

the ball

yeah they get to the ball and then

i'm not sure where evan went but liam

asks randy to dance yeah he just didn't

ask her and he also doesn't drink ever

but decides tonight's the night after he

sees her dancing with liam yes and he's

like she smiled at him

like like goes full [ __ ] caveman at

no point like i'm like hey you could

have just walked up and been like may i

cut in

but instead like his brothers are like

holding him back because he's like fight

me bro she's mine i can't believe anyone

would encroach on my territory grabbing

his lapels and like shoving him and

liam's like bro

dude what is happening

like i just was trying to

apologize for standing her up can you

not be who you are right now

right like it was there was nothing like

sexual

happening but her dress was low-cut in

the back and his hand was on her bare

skin or something i don't know um i

don't know if that's true but it feels

right that i said it i agree it does

feel right that you said it because i

think in my head there's like a 70

chance that that's what happened because

i really just didn't care

and then like randy and evan leave the

main room and go to a bathroom for a

confrontation and because one of the

brothers is like randy you need to get

him out of here and calm him down and

she's like

bet on it and then she takes him and

[ __ ] him in the bathroom well and i i

don't really remember what happened i

just remember there being really

dramatic like we can't have forever but

we can have tonight

so i'm like so so [ __ ] me in the

community center bathroom is that what

we're going with the peak of romance

so well my husband's birthday is next

month and i was taking some time off

work so instead of planning a trip

somewhere i'm just going to find our

nearest community center bathroom if

that's the peak of romance noted

obviously my husband's birthday just

passed and i did it wrong so

our anniversary however is coming up we

were gonna take a trip and go see

slipknot in concert but

i will cancel that immediately as you

should this is also far more

economically priced because community

centers have to be open to the map so

accurate instead of going out of state

for a slipknot context also another

thing i just want to mention oh god

because yeah no that's how i feel about

everything in this book i'm like oh

[ __ ] another thing to mention

she's like wearing her dress and then in

the bathroom [ __ ] she's like has her

silk stockings and her garter belt and

i'm like

are garter belts just real i know we've

talked about this before but are garter

belts just way more common than i'm

realizing because like there's a peak of

sex appeal and i've never

i have never personally worn a garter

belt

never

and yet they're acting like you can pick

them up in a five pack at walmart

i've never looked

you're like maybe you could i mean

i can neither confirm nor deny i've

never worn one but i've also never

looked to purchase one i've never tried

no i'm not disputing they can be sexy

sure

maybe i am in some situation i mean like

but

you really think about it it's like it's

just a weird band that goes around your

waist like why

yeah and i have i have a weird weirdly

proportioned tips for that so i don't

think i'll ever wear one but that's a

story for another time noted well okay

so then during this like garter belt

silk stocking community center bathroom

sex well he [ __ ] her from behind so

they can look at each other in the

mirror

as as

true love takes place we do need to make

note for your anniversary my husband's

birthday um but then she like she says i

like she like tells him i love you like

while she's coming she like screams i

love you right which i'm also like this

community center is full of people for a

[ __ ] party

and nobody hears the [ __ ] fest well

grady paid a lot of money to renovate it

so i imagine there was sound proofing

obviously that would be the first

because a billionaire came in and

soundproofed the community center

bathrooms so him and his siblings could

bone in there top priority yes exactly

so she's like as she's orgasming she's

like screaming her love for him and then

he's straight up like well then how come

you said you could never love a man like

me and she's like i never

said that she's like what the [ __ ] are

you talking about and then she's like oh

what you're my pen pal son of a [ __ ]

what

and then she gets upset and is because

he's like well how could you say that

and like how could you say could never

love a man like me and then she's like

because how could i love a man that

doesn't exist

which is just the dumbest thing ever and

she was like she didn't say she's like i

didn't say i didn't love a man like you

i said that i couldn't because you're

leaving you're going to leave me and

you're a billionaire and i'm a [ __ ]

daughter

and there is clearly never a future for

us so all i can think about when

the it's like the [ __ ] daughter

whatever

is the

store the junk man because there is a a

franchise called the junk man's daughter

in five points in atlanta

and i used to love it there i used to go

there all the time so every time she's

like the [ __ ] daughter i'm like the

junk man's daughter and that's not it

doesn't make sense but neither does the

book so

you're like so it's on brand

so it tracks so

randy leaves she runs out disheveled

disheveled and stokes the driver

is like i'll take you home and she's

like no evan's gonna need a ride and

he's like yeah evan can wait for once in

his life you're a sobbing disheveled

woman not really sure the status of her

attire at this point it's not great no

and so he drinks she's crying obviously

her makeup is [ __ ] her hair is

probably all messed up because evan is

not a gentle lover

[Laughter]

he's not he's not um so then evan goes

to the bar

with his cousins

with micah

and the other one julian yes yes yes yes

and so

okay and i know they have future books

micah

makes like high-end

[Music]

extreme extreme sports equipment and

then julian

is a famous actor he's a movie star yes

he's a movie star

so there at the bar evan is drinking

basically for the first time in his life

and spills his guts to his cousins about

this meanwhile julian is antagonizing

their waitress

basically who is kristen

who

is sarah

dr sarah from no ordinary billionaire

she's also her

secretary yeah and best friend and best

friend who broke her foot in

the second book which is how mara became

a bridesmaid and sarah's wedding because

this is the only town i've ever seen

where someone's like i broke my foot i

can't be in your wedding so i found

another bridesmaid for you i'm like

no if i were a bride and someone was

like i found a bridesmaid for you that

you don't know

that's weird

that does remind me

once i was in a wedding for one of my

really really good friends from graduate

school

and she was super stressed because her

husband's family

was a lot they're like they were a lot

to deal with um and her family was very

well to do had a ton of money um they're

from turkey like very

very different people meanwhile his dad

was a baptist preacher oh wow from

florida a lot of culture clashes

happening so much happening and so she

had selected like three of us to be

bridesmaids you know four of us or

whatever

and then his sisters were like

we're gonna be bridesmaids too right and

she was like

yes

[Laughter]

so that's how his sister pumpkin came to

be in the wedding

her is that her gifted name i do not

believe that was her given christian

name i never learned the real one

and we got super smashed in key west

together i never learned her real name

i got smashed in key west with a

bridesmaid named pumpkin who inserted

herself into the wedding party is the

most florida [ __ ]

i've ever heard

and i don't remember the other sister's

name but it was something like pookie or

something stop i'm serious i don't

remember but it wasn't it wasn't great

it doesn't

sound like it was right yeah i don't

know i had an old roommate who

i was not in her wedding which i was

entirely okay with but she had 10

bridesmaids and one of her bridesmaids

oh i knew a girl who had 18 bridesmaids

it's too many

yeah i don't even like 18 people truly i

do not

but

um

i forget which one i was going to tell a

story about because they both have great

stories

the one with ten they both honestly have

great stories from both of these

weddings but the one with ten one of the

bridesmaids was like

if i'm not in your wedding i'm not

attending your wedding

and in my head i'm like damn don't let

the horde

don't let the [ __ ]

where was that going

somebody help me

don't let the door

hit you on the way out was where i was

we haven't had enough to drink for that

we really haven't this is like i've had

one glass of wine over the course of

like an hour and a half there's zero

reason this is just who i am as a human

which is kind of worse it is kind of um

or better but yes but she like

legitimately had a bridesmaid that was

like if i'm not in your wedding i won't

be attending it and she was like well i

guess you're in my wedding then and am i

i'm like [ __ ]

you are not going to be at my wedding at

all then and i'm entirely okay with that

yeah i didn't have any bridesmaids i

didn't even want to invite my parents to

my wedding

but my husband

is

softer than me and he was like well i

really want my my grandma to be there

and if my grandma's there then obviously

i was like this is give a moose a muffin

he's like if we invite my grandparents

then we have to invite my parents if we

invite my parents we have to invite your

parents i was like oh my god i literally

just wanted to go to the courthouse i

did not want to do this

but in our county that is very fast

backwards they did not do courthouse

weddings what yeah because they didn't

want to be forced to marry same-sex

couples so they just stopped doing all

marriage ceremonies of any kind

oh my god yeah so we had a friend

perform the ceremony on a dock on the

chattahoochee with our parents there and

matt's grandparents and my sister

one of my sisters

i had two bridesmaids

that feels like a good number

my sister

and my best friend of 20 years well i

was i was a [ __ ] like straight up like

i'm not even gonna lie so a couple of my

friends were like let us decorate the

doc because i was like i legitimately

don't care i just want to sign the

marriage license like i don't i don't

care

that's just not who i am

and they were like let us decorate i was

like you can come and decorate but you

can't stay

for the ceremony

like i don't hold that boundary i

literally didn't invite anybody else

like you guys can't stay thank you

though and then after

everybody was like well what are we

gonna do now i was like i don't know

what you guys are doing but matt and i

are going to dinner thanks bye

so

i love this story i was like i don't

know i really appreciate that like

we have several friends who have gotten

engaged since since we got married and

whenever they're like what's what advice

would would you give and all those

things i'm like

it's a day about you

but inadvertently it becomes a day about

all of your friends and family trying to

love you really well and how they want

to be loved and then it inadvertently

becomes about them yeah even though all

they're trying to do is love you

terrible so

my mother was like so we can't invite

anybody and i was like if you want to

throw a party mom you can throw a party

and you can tell me when to show up but

i'm not paying for it and i'm not

planning it and i'm not doing it so

she did that six months later they had a

huge party oh and i was like this is

nice

and weird was it people you like

some of them oh that's you know

better than zero of them some of them

but i was like okay

then all right now so our our trick for

our wedding was that we got married

at a vineyard five minutes from my

parents house nice and my parents live

in

the middle of nowhere in the mountains

in a town that doesn't have a stoplight

and

it but it's it's so stunning they live

on a lake in the mountains like off the

appalachian trail absolutely beautiful

um but it is

not a place you get to by accident right

and so it was very much one of those

weddings that like we'd love for you to

make it and we have zero expectation

that you are going to show up when the

nearest airport is like almost a

two-hour drive away right so we had a

lot of no's

for that reason and while i was very sad

they couldn't make it i also wasn't was

not sad they couldn't make it um anyway

so i don't know how we do so all this to

say evan and randy

and

um

so where had oh so

evan is getting trashed for the first

time in his life

with his cousins the movie star and the

extreme

outdoor

equipment maker

and

he tells them everything and they're

like bro what the [ __ ] are you serious

you've been sleeping with her all this

time and you knew who she was and you

didn't say anything well and also we did

forget to mention a while back there was

another cutaway scene like right before

the ball started tamara and jared from

the last book oh they're talking about

how like all of the siblings knew about

the pen pal situation so like everyone

at that point was under the impression

that

randy already knew and i'm like man i'd

feel

real dumb if i were randy and found out

that everyone else knew about this super

betrayed yeah yes i'm like no

you should be pissed about this

so

randy

it's like the next day i guess

and randy is like i'm not gonna check my

email i'm not gonna check my email i'm

not gonna check my email

and then she checks her email and she

has a

message from evan that's like have you

ever done something really stupid

she's like not really no

not like your dumb ass ass

she's like

no

and he's like well i have

and so they do this exchange and then

she's crying and then evan is behind her

somehow yeah in her house

not his house because the storm has

passed she is back in her own house now

yep yep and evan's just there and he's

like you should probably marry me

and then she's like okay

like

and then that's really the end of the

book

man i hated that book

so much

like all right what's our what's our

rating scale for this book did we do jam

for mara's books and she meet was the

jam maker i don't remember our rating

skill for that one i don't know um

i

how many calla lilies that's all i can

think how many like one dead one that's

been on the grave for a while and we

left out that he was apparently going

back every single day to leave a calla

lily for her

dead parents do we really think he was

doing it or do we think he was paying he

probably had an assistant do it and

she's like why did you do that and he

was like i was thanking them for being

there for you and saving you when i

couldn't and she's like

you didn't [ __ ] know her that i

didn't know i'm

misplacement like that don't make no

sense like

i guess this was no it wasn't sweet he

like you tried to get there and you

couldn't no like i'm like the entire

book you were manipulating this girl and

you knew

and i have very little respect for you

but i'm also like i also have i don't

really have much respect for randy

because

just like the other girls in these books

these dudes are like

committing these atrocious acts against

these women and then they're like i'm so

sorry and that girl's like

i will marry you now like hell

mara had her house sold out from under

her her the house she grew up in where

her business was where her business was

and jared was like well i just knew

because i'm an architect that the house

wasn't safe and you were gonna die and

like yes the the house did ultimately

light on fire

and burned to the ground she had turned

to the ground she had to be rescued no

one is disputing that

but i'm like there are other ways to do

that and at no point you like

like did jared not think like i could

tell mara

that

this is why i sold her house or like not

sold it this is why i i purchased her

house so i could save it but i'm like

i just feel like all of these large

things are happening where i'm like

we're very quick to forgive and i'm like

i'm not like saying we need to be

holding grudges but i'm also like it

sounds like maybe more than like two

hours of separation when you left a

party crying like you might need more

time than that to really process yeah

and micah

the cousin was like dude

what is happening like this woman is

running out of the room disheveled and

sobbing and here you come with no

buttons on your shirt because she ripped

them off that's not a good look bro what

the [ __ ] are you doing

i mean

and evan's just like i can't help it i'm

dyslexic and i'm like

that's literally

nothing to do with the moral choices

you're making right now so should we do

it out of billionaires how many

billionaires how many billionaires

um

like a billionaire who's living below

the poverty line is what i'd give it a

billionaire who's lost it all

yeah like

someone who had a billion dollars put in

their bank account

and then

they refreshed their bank account and it

was gone and it was gone is what i rate

this

i was gonna say like

like one and a half billionaires which

would be like one billionaire in one

millionaire

[Laughter]

so terrible it would be dante sinclair

and liam sullivan there it is yes um

precisely

i will rate it one billionaire but it is

not the billionaire that this book is

about amen well and that's the other

thing that i hate about this book and a

lot of these books in general is it's

like

the women like their whole character

development is is some trauma

that happened and it's like they

they can have stories outside of that

like does it have to be the terrible

things that happened to them that that

drew them to these men like i don't

apparently trauma bonds are not the only

bonds

we can have other ones

healthier ones we can have other ones in

fact we encourage you we did to have

healthier ones um we would love for you

to find a therapist if you're needing

one but like

evan sinclair you need a therapist my

guy yeah and i don't want it to be me i

can tell you that much i do not want you

as a client

much like and i can't remember i've said

this before like

whoever and voluntarily committed kanye

west to a psych hospital

i have the power to write commitment

papers yeah um

am i so glad i was not the person called

to have to go write commitment papers on

kanye west yes yes i am

like go get another therapist but you

need one yes it's like britney spears

therapist well she was under

conservatorship would i want to be that

person

no do i want to be that person now that

she's out of conservatorship and has her

freedom back yes call me brittany please

thank you

i love you all right so we're gonna rate

this

one billionaire

um not the billionaire that the book is

about where we'll rate it we'll rate it

a dante dante

he seems to be the

least atrocious of the sinclair

bookstore yeah but is that just because

we're so remote from it but i'm like the

lapd

detective billionaire

so maybe i'm i'm

maybe he's not maybe just a just a

different billionaire

one elon musk

that is my final offer i'll rate it one

jeff bezos we're gonna go full lizard

person thank you

i'm really sorry that you guys had to

listen to this wow

i apologize y'all thank you for joining

us on this journey it was it i i hope it

wasn't nearly as painful for you as it

was

please don't give up on us we'll do

better next time um but j.s scott will

likely not be doing better next time no

thank you for your effort jan please

stop

well she's a bot can't stop won't stop

she just keeps it and refresh and it

gets another story she sure does so

thank you all for joining us catch us on

the next one please don't leave us after

that review because we hated it too but

we love you but we love you have a great

day bye

next week on smack club i think whenever

she fell to route she just described it

as her flower tingling i'm like is that

what it like is that what we're saying

like you're just aroused like oh like my

dick twitch

i don't know

we can bring my husband on and interview

him i'm not gonna put him on the spot

and ask but i'm like that is like a

question i am definitely not gonna ask

yeah hannah i think it's great that

you're not just gonna like go up to my

husband and be like can i ask you about

your dick and how it twitches does it

twitch yeah if so

it like is it an exaggerated twitch like

is it a little wiggle like what's

happening down there are you just gonna

like make really intense eye contact

you're gonna be like blink if you're a

dick twitch blink once for yes and twice

for now

like blowing on his eyes to see what

happens is that where we're gonna end up

here

well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ]

we hope it was good for you because it

sure was great for us

if you're digging what we're doing it

would mean a lot if you take a minute to

rate and review the show wherever you're

listening right now

maybe tell that sexy someone to let us

in here

we love you

we appreciate you

and we'll see you next week

stay spotty

[Music]