Smut Club

Well, hello all you beautiful people.

You know what time it is.

Ladies and gents, guys and dolls and

everyone in between.

Gather around. Get you something real

nice to sip on and comfy to slip on.

Cuz it's time for Smite Club. Here's

your hosts, Chelsea and Hannah.

[Music]

[Laughter]

Hey everybody and welcome to Smut Club.

I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this is

the show where we're two licensed mental

health therapists who sometimes daydrink

and sometimes don't while reviewing

romance novels of varying caliber.

Wow.

[ __ ] nailed that. You really did.

That was smooth as [ __ ] I know. I was

like, honestly towards the end I was

like, "Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] Am I about to

lay down?"

No, you just did. What? Did you see that

guy who was flirting with Simone Biles

while she was like judging him? Yeah. He

wore a uniard that said IHeart Simone on

it. And then he stuck the landing of his

vault thingy and but then from standing

when he stuck the landing he flipped and

landed with like his arm incredible like

horizontally and he like winked at

Simone and she was like immediate nine.

It was hilarious.

I'll have to see if I can find it. Oh,

that's fantastic. Not quite. That's how

you landed. Thank you. I love that I

landed that way. That's such a long

story. No, I was thinking of um Wipeout.

Yes.

That Well, it's they renewed it within

like the last couple years, but it's

John Cena and Nicole Buyers. And it's

really funny because they just do like

the voiceover, but they're there at like

the final challenge, right? And there

was one where someone was like, "John, I

love you. I love you." Like shouting to

him. He's like, "Yeah, thanks. I love

you so much." And Nicole's like, "I'm

right here."

Did you forget about me? Okay, cool.

Good luck.

And that's I was like, all of the other

judges sitting at that table are like,

I'm right here. That's pretty good. Me.

Um, okay. That is Wow, we really

tangented.

Tangented. Yep. Mhm. That's a word. Mhm.

Is not. What book are we reviewing

today, Hannah? I should just stop before

before I Yeah. Today. I didn't even

finish the sentence. I should just stop

before I And you're like, you should

today.

Okay, we got this.

Reentered.

I feel like you nailing the intro is

like a bad omen now because we've just

tangential and we can't we just

tangential and we can't get off.

Twisted Love. Twisted Love is what we're

reviewing by Anna Hang. So fun.

Also, I think I just I got cocky. I

nailed the intro and I got too copy. I

think we both did.

So, anyway, Twisted Love. Twisted Love

by Anna Wang, which um Twisted Love is a

book that was gifted to me by a friend

of mine. Shout out to Lauren. Um and she

bedazzled the whole cover of the book,

which I showed you before we started

recording. You did? And it super cool.

Is beautifully done. Mhm. Mhm. Well, cuz

when you told me that you had a friend

who' like bedazzled a book for you,

Yeah. I was already a little jealous. Um

but I was also like, "Huh, I wonder in

like I was like, "Do you read the book

after you bedazzled?" Cuz in my head, it

seemed like it'd be like really heavy.

Yeah. Yeah. And it whatever kind of

bedazzling she did, it was like really

lightweight. I was like, "Oh, I am here

for this energy." Yeah. And it's a fun

texture. My problem is I'll get too into

it and then I'll have I'll run out of

places to display it and at some points

some point Vance will be like Chelsea we

can only have so many bedazzled books

displayed in our home

and there could always be more. Yeah,

we've got a decent amount of square

footage. I see no reason why I couldn't

keep bedazzling to my heart's content. I

don't think you should confine yourself.

I guess I will need to move back to

physical copies instead of my e-reader

in this situation. That would be the the

main barrier. Yeah. I don't think I

would want to bedazzle my e-reader like

well not the front for obvious like but

I don't even like the back like I think

texturally that would wear on me after a

while. Yeah. So anyway, Twisted Love.

Twisted Love by Anna Hang. And this one

is a series. Is this is a series, right?

It is a series. Um I have not read any

of the others. Is this the first in the

series? This is the first in the series.

Yes. Um they're all um I think sort of

interconnected standalones. Got it. Um

well

uh I So I haven't read this series, but

I every time you told me you were going

to review it, I said with full

confidence I was like, "Oh, yeah. I've

definitely read that." No, I read her

other big series, the king of wrath,

king of envy, king of like whatever that

one is, but I frequently get them

confused, but I am realizing I have not

read this one. Yeah. Yeah. I thought I

had read it also when she gave it to me

and then I was like, I'm going to have

to look cuz I think I've read Nope. I I

haven't. Something about this book,

it just has one of those faces. So, but

also I haven't read this one in a way

that like I have read this one and yes,

we'll we'll get there. Which I think is

how I felt about her other series where

I was like I haven't read it but I've

read it. Yeah, I haven't read it

physically but spiritually I definitely

have read it. Um so we open with Ava

Chen.

Um and this is dual point of view. Okay.

She is. Oh, so the other thing I wanted

to tell you before we get fully into the

review is that this book,

there are several chapters that are

extremely short and we move back and

forth between like different events and

different perspectives and different

things. Kind of

it felt clunky when I was outlining it.

I don't think it would be clunky if you

were just reading it. Yeah. You're like

reading it. It made sense. Trying to

explain it feels a little bumpier,

right? So, there may be some parts that

I sort of skip al together or just sort

of barely mention. Well, the great news,

Hannah, is you won't know. I've never

read it. The others might. So, this

warning isn't for you. They're not here.

They're not. This isn't about them.

Don't at me.

That's I guess what I was trying to do

with that whole explanation for how I

felt like you're like I realize I'm

going to be missing some pieces. Don't

come at me for it. Yeah. I didn't think

you wanted a 4hour review. Literally

you're like we're long form but I will

also say there were some moments when I

was like what? So, if something doesn't

make sense, please ask because maybe I

do know, but you know, I'm I might might

not I'm fully willing to ask. I know

sometimes before you'd like me to. I've

tried to get better at that. I've tried

to stop ruining the plot twists of your

books by guessing them. You might not

get this one cuz it was it was a little

it was out there. Um, so Ava, okay, is

she's not having a good day. It's a very

terrible day and she is stuck at a bus

stop in the rain.

She's late for her brother's going away

party. It's a whole situation. So, she's

a student. She's a photographer. So, she

had been on a job. Mhm. And thought she

had plenty of time and now she doesn't.

The funniest thing, Hannah, is that as

you're saying this, my first I just

went, "Have I read this?"

Well, spiritually spiritually.

Spiritually, yes. Um,

so, um, she,

it's kind of mentioned in here that she

has almost no memory of most of her

childhood before nine. And there is

trauma in there, okay? Like there's

definitely trauma and she has PTSD

around like bodies of water. So, pools,

lakes, oceans, that kind of stuff.

Spiritually, I have absolutely read

this. Holy [ __ ]

If we get to the end and you're like,

"Oh, no. I've definitely read it. I'm

going to fall out."

Like, no. The body, the fear of the

water sounds very familiar. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

So kind of like a because of this

trauma, she has repressed memories and

so she she doesn't remember anything

before age nine, but she doesn't do well

with with water, right? Okay. And her

brother, older brother, is also

extremely overprotective and they are

like definitely trauma bonded.

So, um, you know, for all of the books

we read, you're like, and they're

definitely I was like, "Oh, no. Where

they're like trauma bonded." I was like,

"Oh, okay. Still not great, but that

could have been worse." Yep. I wasn't

sure where that sentence was going. So,

she calls her brother who is at his own

going away party that she is late for.

And um,

he is midbang and she can hear that and

he answers. He did. I can't remember if

she called him like back to back or or

something, but he was basically like,

you know,

where are you? Why are you always like

this going off to these photography jobs

that nobody knows where you're going and

like who you're with? This is unsafe.

What? And then he's like, "Someone's on

their way to pick you up and hangs up

the phone and she's like, "Someone who?"

Like, how how do I know? Who is it?

Like,

it's his best friend. His name's Alex

of Of course. Yeah. So, he is 26. He's

mega rich. Definitely like How old is

I'm sorry I missed that. She's like 22,

I think. She's a senior in college.

and um he has been best friends with her

brother for eight years. They were

roommates in college all through

college, have stayed best friends to the

point where Alex celebrates all major

holidays with them because he doesn't

really have any family. Mhm. Um but she

has never really talked to him like they

are not close. He's very aloof and

gorgeous. OBS.

Um, if he was aloof and ugly, she

wouldn't care. Yeah, she'd be like,

"This is makes sense." Even more

convenient. I'm good with that. Yeah.

Um,

so she is clearly really irritating to

him when she gets in the car. He's like

really short with her and like snappy,

which is kind of his baseline apparently

all the time. Okay. Um, but they go to

pick up the cake for the brother's party

and he tells her that the whole time

they've been in the car, her shirt has

been completely see-through and she's

wearing like a bright red lacy bra um

under a white shirt. And I was like,

"Okay,

f sure. All right." And so he's like

livid that she would even think about

getting out of the car when her shirt is

see-through. and he's been staring at

her tits this whole time like and so

she's really embarrassed and mad. Um I

remember when I used to work crisis and

we had like multiple like units on our

like property that like we would have

patients stay at, right? And we had a

new girl start and her shirt was real

transparent. And I was not the one who

had to have the conversation with her,

but like the supervisor who did have the

conversation with her when she laid out,

she's like, "Do you understand like the

safety risk that this poses

when we like aren't mindful of these

things?" And like the girl was like, "It

didn't even dawn on me that like Well,

what a bold thing to do on your first

day at a new job to wear a see-through

shirt."

I mean, it might have been like the end

of her first like it was like within the

first maybe not the first day, but like

still like I think it was just more of

like I don't think she realized how

transpar like it was one where like when

the supervisor went to have the

conversation, you could tell she was not

prepared to have that conversation that

day. She's like, I I did not see this

coming. I did not realize what I was

wearing was inappropriate. Oh my god,

I'm mortified. I will never make this

mistake. Yeah. Like just cute like baby

angel who just like truly like didn't

the the lights in my bathroom are

different than the lights here. And like

I didn't

I had the I went to meet a friend at a

coffee shop one day and I looked down

and I was like my shirt is see-through.

And she's like uh-huh. And I'm like

[ __ ]

She's like I thought we all knew. I'm

like I'm wearing a cardigan. Like you

didn't tell me to like close my Well,

looks like I'm wearing a see-through

shirt to work cuz I'm going there from

here and I don't have time to go home

first. Button it. Yep. Yep. I was like,

"We are pivoting. Someone tell me." You

know, Alex might have been a dick about

it, but at least he told her. At least

he told her. So, um, she really hates

him, and she's just glad she doesn't

have to deal with him very often. Like,

yeah, strong hatred cuz he also, this

takes place in

like the northeastish area. Well, not,

no, not really northeast. It's like DC,

Philly

energy. And so, um, above the Mason

Dixon. I mean, it is northeast from

where I currently am, so that counts,

right? But we're not thinking about our

listeners, Hannah. Where are they

located?

A lot of places. Yeah. Tag yourself.

Tell us where you're from. And then

think of wherever Philly and DC are in

relation to that. and just like fill in

the blanks accordingly. That if you're

in the UK, it is southwest. Um, is it

south?

I was just going to go west.

I don't know. I need to look at a map.

We'll we'll look at a globe later and

determine that. But regardless,

I'm not keeping him on track here. This

is This is on me yet. She doesn't have

to see him. He's frequently a dick.

She's what? She's thankful for the ride,

but also thankful it's over, right? And

um Alex doesn't even So, we switched to

his point of view. He doesn't even want

to be at this party, but John is his

best friend, so he's here for the party.

Whatever. So, John's not even Josh isn't

even at his own party. Oh, he was. He

was banging somebody in a a bedroom.

Were was Was the rest of the the group

in the room with them? I don't think

they were all in the same room. I'm just

saying this is the house party. If you

left the party to go bang someone,

you're not technically at the party

anymore. She said he could be in the

house and not at the house party. You're

right. I apologize.

So, um,

uh, he is just generally agitated about

everything. Um, and he's also annoyed

that he keeps looking at Ava and like

checking on her um, throughout all of

this. Um, and he's like, "She's way too

much like sunshine for me. Like, I have

particular needs. Like, no face to face,

no feelings, no kissing." I'm like, "Are

you Julia Roberts?" But it feels like so

much right now. Um,

and so, um, you know, he's irritated

that he finds her attractive. So then

the brother comes over, Josh, and he's

like, "Hey, I have a favor to ask. I'm

obviously I'm gonna be in I think it's

Central America for the next year.

Please watch out for Ava." Like, I I'm

not comfortable being so far away from

her, blah blah blah blah blah.

Meanwhile, I'm like, "Your dad

supposedly lives like an hour away.

Like, why do you Well, I was literally

about to ask, do they have family? Is it

just the two of them against the world?

It's the two of them and their dad.

Okay. Their mother um completed trigger

warning suicide when they were children

when they were like seven. Oh, okay. Um

so,

Alex,

Josh says Alex is the only one he

trusts. Her ex is harassing her. He

knows any of his other like buddies from

college would just try to [ __ ] her.

Like, he really wants somebody to watch

you, Alex. you won't try and [ __ ] her.

Yeah. And then that's the other thing

about this book is both of them have

PTSD and there will just randomly be

flashbacks. So this is the first one

where he has a flashback about a bunch

of blood and dead bodies and we get no

other information. Um what was he former

military? Like did I No, we don't have

any information about like we just know

his childhood wasn't great and he was

raised by his uncle. Listen, Hannah,

here's the thing. While some days aren't

wine days, today is a wine day. Today is

a wine day. And

I'm not sure what questions I've already

asked,

which is fair. So, some I'm like, I

don't know. I was like, I might have

missed this, but I don't think I should

interrupt to clarify.

Please do because at this point I may

think that I have already established

something and never said it. though. Um,

but he is like he doesn't want to agree

to this, but he is what are you going to

say? No. Right. That's a weird thing to

do. It feels like when someone asks you

to be their bridesmaid, right? Yes. You

can't be like, "No, I respectfully

decline." Right. That's when you're

like, "Oh, no. I already had plans to be

out of the country." And then you have

to plan a trip to be out of the country

if you really don't want to be a

bridesmaid that bad.

Sorry, that got really elaborate. That

was so specific. It really was. I'm so

sorry. Is there any specific uh story

that we're That's all hypothetical. 100%

100% hypothetical.

I am not nor do I have any friends who

would even think of doing something like

that. Um, that is one of the things

about getting older cuz I feel like in

my early 20s when you'd like have

friends get engaged and be like, "Oh my

gosh, what if they don't ask me to be a

bridesmaid? I thought we were closer.

Like, what the heck?" And now I'm like,

"Please, please don't. If you love me at

all, if there's any love within your

body, please don't ask this of me. I

will show up. I will like support you."

But like Mhm.

Well, and that's probably not like I

feel like there are some people who are

super chill about it and then there are

others that you're like, "Yep,

this is a wild ride and this is not in

my budget." Yeah. I've been bridesmaids

for both of those people. The one that's

like, "Hey, ma'am, whatever. Love you

guys. Let's just do whatever." And the

one who was like, "We are going to Key

West for a weekend."

Well, and also the problem is you don't

always know what you're saying yes to

until you've said yes and then you're

like, "Oh, I thought they were in the

first category." Yeah. I've

overcommitted. Yeah. Like I didn't have

5K to go to a bunch of day clubs in

Miami.

Nor is that how I wanted to spend 5K if

I did have it. No. No. Okay. So, Alex

doesn't want to say yes, but much like

being a bridesmaid, got to say yes to

it. Unless he's also planning an outof

country trip. No, but he is planning

revenge. And we don't know against whom

or what for. But what we do know is that

he is annoyed about this whole watching

over Ava thing because he doesn't want

it to interrupt his revenge plans. But

then in the same breath, he's like, "But

I've committed and that means I'm going

to have to move to be closer to her."

Wait, what? You get it? Like, what the

[ __ ] He's like, I don't want to do it.

It could really distract me from my true

purpose, but I guess I'm gonna

I haven't read it. Or maybe I have,

right?

But I do feel like Josh was just like

giving more of like a, "Hey man, if ever

my sister calls you, can you keep an eye

out for her?" maybe text once a week

just to make sure she's alive or

something like, you know, um, thumbs up

this text for proof of life, like I

think is what Josh was looking for. Not

like a

list your house on the market. Right.

Right. Right. She doesn't need a

full-time bodyguard. Well, especially if

it's going to interfere with capital R

revenge

with his murder plot. Um, and it is a

plot that we will get to. So, the day

after the party, um, Ava is helping her

brother get all of his stuff out of his

house, um, to put in storage for the

next year. He has sublet the house to

surprise Alex. He's moving in. He lives

next door

to Ava because that's how overprotective

Josh is.

Wait. Okay. But also the timeline of

this, the party was the night before.

He's asked Alex the night before. So he

was leaving and didn't have a sublet

plan already in place.

Yes. I don't know. I don't think that

was ever addressed. But what I do know

is Alex is moving in next door to Ava.

Okay. Yeah. So

spiritually I have absolutely read. So,

she's super pissed um that her brother

doesn't think she can take care of

herself and everything. Um but then a

couple of days later, Ava kind of feels

bad that she was kind of a [ __ ] to Alex

and he didn't really do anything.

So, you know, she feels bad about it.

So, she makes him some cookies to be

nice and takes them over and um he's

really nice and like invites her in and

they have kind of a nice conversation.

Um, and they sort of have a weird bond

because he has highly highly superior

autobiographical memory,

which is that thing where people

remember every single thing of every

single day of their lives in like full

detail.

Um, for those of you who like to watch

the show Superstore, Sandra had highly

highly superior autobiographical memory.

I forgot about that. Yeah, me too. Until

I was reading this and then I was like,

"Oo, quite frankly, I kind of forgot

about Sandra."

A and then as soon as you mentioned her

the most Sandra core thing you could do.

It really I'm like that feels accurate.

I do really like her. I do. But I do

also feel like Superstore was really

[ __ ] with it for like the first

several seasons and then I was like,

"Oo, y'all making some political

statements that I did not need on a

show. I was just here for the laughs."

No. Well, and I think the last couple of

seasons just weren't as funny. Yeah.

Like they just didn't quite hit the same

the last couple of seasons. Yeah. It's

Well, I also I'm like, where were you

taking the story line? There were only

so many places you could I think we

could have bowed out gracefully and not

made it weird. Yeah,

like season 4. Yeah, that would have

been a great time.

Anyway, I mean, if you all want our

feedback podcast, I might I might just

reach out to info peacock.com and

provide them my feedback. Dude, I'm

going to do that

just to see what happens. Like, I want

to know. Are they respond? I tried to

reach out to him about like something

about their app that I was actually

having an issue with, but apparently

like the account was under Vance's name

and they're like, "Well, we can't verify

you're an account owner, so we can't

take your feedback." And I was like,

"This is not set up to actually do

anything. I shall move on." It's like a

requirement of the Better Business Pure

or some [ __ ] for them to have. I was

like, maybe if I want to spend time

someone emailing, like if I want to

spend time emailing someone, I should

email my representative instead of a

streaming service. Yes, exactly. I'm

like, I should maybe spend my time doing

other things. So, they have a nice

conversation. He's right. So, he has the

superior memory and Ava can't remember

anything before age nine. And so, they

have a little like LOL must be nice at

each other about it. Um, and it's like

kind of a nice moment for them. And then

Ava's like, "This is [ __ ] weird." And

just like takes off. She's like, "Why is

he being nice? I don't trust it." Yeah.

She's like, "This isn't our dynamic."

Yeah. This is weird. Um, so uh, Alex is

um at an MMA fight gym that he's been a

member of for a long time. And um, he

finds out they're starting a new

self-defense class. And he's like, "Ava

should take that. like she should know

how to protect herself. And so he texts

her the information and she doesn't

answer right away and he starts to panic

like fully and he texts her again and he

calls her and she's not answering and

he's like livid about it. So um how much

time has passed? Like half an hour.

And so then or an hour because then he

goes to Ava's house um and she's not

there but her roommate is there

and she's like Ava is with a friend like

chill out. I know right where she is.

She's fine. Don't worry about it. Yeah.

And um he is like I don't really give a

[ __ ] what you say until I speak to her

and lay eyes on her. Unacceptable. And

tells her to give him the address. And

she's like, "No, but I'll take you there

because I'm going to be with you because

if I had time to pop popcorn, I would."

She's like very into this. She's like,

"I don't know what's happening, but I

like it a lot." And this might be

something I missed.

Is there a looming concern over Ava

that's like making him this? Like cuz I

know you mentioned like the ex-boyfriend

was hassling her a little bit, but I'm

like is that like a he's like stalking

her or is this like a It's like he's

still calling her and she's annoyed

because he cheated on her and she's like

I don't know how else to tell you. I'm

not getting back together with you and

he's still calling to say like let's get

back together. I don't think we have all

that information yet, but that's the

point. So there's no looming threat that

was like the catalyst to all of this

that would cause someone to freak out if

they hadn't heard back within an hour.

No. But the like underlying

implication for a lot of this book is

Alex is like, "I know bad people are out

there because I'm a bad bad man. So

something bad could happen to her and

she's my sunshine."

So that is the nickname she gets and I

think it's on page like 20. So

Despicable Me three, the villain was

like a 80s child star sort of energy and

the the slogan his like tagline was like

I've been a bad boy and that's when you

said Alex being like and there are bad

people out there cuz I'm a bad bad boy.

I know you said man. Well, I almost said

boy and then I was like

it's too patronized. I I can't do the

alliteration today. And was like, no, I

don't know why. That was the line for

me. So, Jules takes him to where Ava is.

She is doing a budois shoot as a model

for a friend of hers who is in one of

her photography classes cuz that's what

she's in school for. That's a

photographer. Male or female? It is a

It's a It's a bad boy.

It's a bad boy.

Well, he's actually lovely. Of course he

is. Alex is a douchebag. So, Alex gets

there and he just like loses his [ __ ]

and he like snatches the camera out of

the guy's hand and like starts deleting

the photos and is like, "You delete them

off your computer right now." And like

all this other [ __ ] And Ava is like,

"What the [ __ ] is happening?" She's like

in this like strappy lingerie situation

and she's like, "What the [ __ ] are you

doing?" Like,

like what is happening?

Like like and they have an audience of

like the photographers's roommate who

also was home and there is watching and

Jules is watching and Ava is like like

Alex like like legit explain yourself.

What are you doing, my dude? Yeah. And

he's like, you will never photograph her

again. Ever. Don't even ask. Don't even

think. And he's like raging on the

inside that other men are seeing her in

this strappy lingerie. And it's like,

brev, we are going from like 6:00 to

midnight in a way that like daylight

savings time has happened. And now 6:00

and midnight feel like different times.

Not like in the winter when it's the

same time.

I'm talking about spring forward

[ __ ] I'm not talking about any fall

back. I overexlained it. I was here for

it. I was like, how deep is she going

with daylight savings time?

That was incredible.

Yeah. So, I love

when I spiritually read books like this

and you're like, they're like, "She's so

annoying. She's so annoying. She's so

mine." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're like, "Wow, we really

pivoted quickly." Yes.

So,

a few days later, all right, Alex gets

her home.

She has not spoken to him.

She's livid, right? I mean, she's super

pissed. And so, she's hanging out with

her best friend and roommate, the

popcorn one, and a couple of her other

friends. Jules feels like a a supporting

character. We like we do. And I think

she gets a book later. Hell yeah. Um but

um they decide to orchestrate what they

call operation emotion because none of

them have ever seen Alex emote before

until he went and like raged at the

photographer. Right. And they're like, I

thought he was a robot this whole time

and suddenly he's a screaming robot. A

raging robot. Oo. Again, we love

alliteration. So

Jules is like, if you can't make him

angry, what else can you make him? let's

make a list.

And so, um, she feels bad that they're

kind of like making fun of him a little

bit, but she's also like, I am a little

bit curious, though, so I think I am

going to do it. So, that night, she

winds up waking up from a nightmare um

that she was drowning in a lake and she

was crying for her mom. And that's all

we get is that. It's pretty dark. Um,

and then we cut to Alex who is also

remembering his past and it's his

parents and younger sister were

murdered. Um, and so he was raised by

his uncle and has been like on a revenge

mission since he was 12. His family died

when he was 10. And so,

um,

basically every night because of his,

uh, memory, he will intentionally relive

the traumatic event to like

maintain his rage. And he even talks

about like that he he was forced into

therapy when he was a teenager and stuff

because of everything that he had seen,

but it never worked because none of the

therapists seem to understand that like

he wanted to be miserable. Like that's

in the book. Like he wanted to be

miserable and so the therapy didn't help

which Okay. So he has a personality

disorder. Yeah. Yeah. Mhm. He sure does.

Like Lexapa Pro ain't touching this

[ __ ] No, we're going to need Geodon and

some other stuff. But anyway, um B52 him

every day.

Well, I was thinking a mood stabilizer

and I was like, well, Geodon's a mood

stabilizer. It does some other stuff.

But I was going to say Geodon's not like

the lowhanging fruit.

is the one that came into my brain. Oh,

lamed.

Oh, I'm not just going to name

pharmaceuticals. Okay, so um Ava decides

that first she's going to see if she can

make Alex sad. So, she takes a walk to

remember and Marley and me over to his

house and some cookies.

and and some cookies. He's on his way

out for a date when she goes to um to

see him. And uh she tells him that she

was worried that he was going to be

lonely because he moved out of the city.

Um but since he's got a date, obviously

he's fine. She's so sorry for

interrupting and he's like just come in

and cancels his date and they have a

movie night. Um,

and my notes say they watch Mandy Moore

slowly die of cancer and Alex has no

response.

So

Ava makes a joke about him being a robot

and like pretends to be looking for like

a control panel on his back and is like

touching him and he loses his [ __ ] and

like does not appreciate that she was

touching him and somehow she winds up in

his laugh or his laugh his lap.

um and basically telling her for some

reason that she's a naive little [ __ ]

basically and like why is she so dumb?

And oh yeah, here's the nickname

arrives. We're 25% in sunshine. Um

25% in further than I expected. Yeah.

Yeah. He's been thinking it this whole

time, but he's finally said it out loud.

Um,

so

I do feel like anytime I see a book that

is labeled as a grumpy sunshine romance

Yeah. the nickname is sunshine. Yeah.

That is the lowhanging fruit. Yeah. It's

just right there. Um, but somehow they

wind up laughing together a little bit

and it's it's bizarre. So then they just

go on because I'm like if somebody calls

me a naive [ __ ] while I'm straddling

their heart on I'm not gonna be like

like the silliest things. Such a silly

goose. So you're a bad boy. Jesus. So

Ava falls asleep during the second

movie. Ava decides to put during Marley

and Me. Yeah. She fell asleep during

Marley and Me, which is one of those

movies I would turn off before the end,

personally. So, yeah, not a loss there.

And also, quite frankly, if you just

made me watch A Walk to Remember,

I'm not saying yes to Marley and me

next. Yeah. Yeah. Um, same there. That's

a quidd pro. Like, I mean, there was no

quid. She wasn't really offering

anything except her presents and I think

some cookies. So yeah, I mean I was more

thinking like Lethal Weapon as the

second movie. What a duet which

ironically one of the dudes from a walk

to remember was in the TV adaptation of

Lethal Weapon and then they killed him

off and it was a big dramatic thing.

Sure. Because him and uh Papa weighins

had beef. It was a whole thing. like

another like character was like, "You

can write me off the show as well if

y'all are going to like [ __ ] him over

like that." Like it was wild when it

went down. So,

not the same. Do you do you not the

same, but do you remember the show beef

on BET?

Yes.

So, I don't know why, but

I was scrolling through something and

saw something about 50 Cent and had this

like full body memory of that time that

he was on beef with Jaw Rule and it was

incredible. And then how in 2018 50 Cent

bought all of the tickets that he could

for Jaw Rule's like coming home from

prison concert and so nobody was there.

I mean,

it's that one is like incredible. That

one is straight up diabolical. It is so

good. Yes. It's like the ultimate flex

because it's like I have so much money

that I don't mind giving you a

significant amount of it just so that

you have a shitty time.

What? Incredible, man. And especially

like I don't know. I think of my husband

being that musician who's just like

playing in a bar to 10 people and you're

like, "Yeah, finally sold out. People

are here." And then it's like there's

one person

on the lawn seats

and you're performing for them and them

alone.

Deeply awkward. Oh, that would not I

used to uh when we still lived in

Nashville, I would teach yoga Mhm. for a

nonprofit that uh

focused on bringing yoga to communities

that wouldn't otherwise have access to

fitness. And there were like I taught

like at local libraries and outreach

centers and things like that, but there

was one place where like the class never

really took off and I was like we can

just like drop this and I'd be like,

"Okay, well like no one's here. Looks

like I'm going to go." And then like one

person would walk in. I'm like, I love

teaching a oneperson yoga class.

Yeah. I was like, we're going to treat

this as a one- on-one situation because

if I treat this like I'm teaching a full

class for just you, we're both going to

feel weird about it. I'm like, this is

not not the mood at all. Um, okay. So,

she falls asleep during Marley and me.

Yes. So, Alex puts her into his bed

because he doesn't have any of the other

bedrooms set up. And so, also, why were

they putting all of Josh's stuff in

storage that like they didn't need to? I

don't know. Not like none of this

actually makes sense. So, like, well,

Chelsea, those are the questions you

don't need to ask. Well, no, because

none of it makes sense at all. So it it

does make sense to me that the logistics

of the move don't make sense because

much of the plot that didn't make sense

in my brain. Yeah. So So he takes her to

his bed. Yep. And after he canceled his

date. Yep. And he feels bad that he's

attracted to her and but still puts her

in his bed. So then he's working cuz he

has insomnia while she's asleep. And

then all of a sudden, she just starts

screaming bloody murder and is very

clearly having some kind of night

terror. And he knows that he's not

supposed to wake her up. And so he's

like, I just have to watch her, I guess,

and make sure she hasn't hurt herself

cuz she's like flailing around and

stuff. Um,

is that Are you not supposed to wake

someone up in a night chair? I'm

learning something here. I don't know

that that's true. He just said, "Well, I

know you're not supposed to wake them up

because they can be really disoriented

and it can make them, you know, lash out

or harm themselves because they're so

disoriented." And I was like, I mean, I

guess,

but

but also when you are then able to like

ground yourself back in to reality,

that's good for you. Yeah. You can like

name name five things you can hear, four

things you can see, three things like

and like we have grounding techniques

for when you awaken. Um

apparently Ava doesn't but I like I

might actually like legit I'm I'm

curious about that. I'm going to look

into that after this. So she just stays

asleep. She doesn't wake up out of it.

She like

kind of like like tapers off and she

stays asleep. So then Ava wakes up with

her hand on Alex's dick in the morning

and like freaks out a little bit cuz

she's like, "Where am I and what is

happening?" You know, valid. Yep.

And then they both once they're both up

make jabs about, "Oh, you're not my

type." Um,

that happens in every single one of

these where it's like, "Don't worry,

sweetheart. I would never be attracted

to you. You're not my type.

Don't worry, sunshine. You're not my

type. And you're like, good sir, you

can't have both. Handle me.

I'm reading a book right now where it's

a it's a Red Riding Hood one. Um, but

he's like, "Were you too kinky for that

other guy?" And he's like, "What? Did

you want him to lick you?" And I was

like, "That's kinky?

Where?" I was like, "What kind of

licking? I don't but also I don't know

what would be I don't like

I mean I don't need to

to hypothesize

or

well I was like oh but I am a little

like I was like I didn't think I was

that far out there but apparently you

know it is interesting because I I think

especially with like the amount of books

we read the amount that we just kind of

like know about these communities at

this point. I'm like, "Yeah, I'm

definitely not that kinky in the full

spectrum of like how far I can see it

go." And then I talk to some people and

the way in which they talk, I'm like, am

I? Oh, am more okay, maybe I am more

than I realized. And I was like, I

really don't Yeah. I I I don't think I'm

that wild by any stretch. I grew up with

a lot of church repression. Like the

puritanical values are strong, man. And

so then may like the things I'm like,

"Oh, well, I feel wild." And then I'm

like, and then I look at other things,

I'm like, "Well, I'm clearly not like

but then I talk to some people, I'm

like, "Well, maybe I It's a spectrum,

you know?" Yeah. But I also I don't I

think there's something about feeling

safe enough in your relationship that

you're like, I don't know if I'm into

that, but I'm I want to try it. And I'll

try it with you. Yeah, I'll try it with

you. And yeah, and I feel like you you

quickly know if you're into it or not.

Oh, yeah.

There's not usually a Well,

huh.

I don't know. Might have to try it

again. Do that again.

To the left. Slower this time.

No, I don't think that's for me. Now

that you've hit it from a different

angle and at a different speed, I can

say with confidence.

So then um

that later um she decides that it's time

for phase two of operation emotion. And

also just so I when we say later, is

this like the next day? Is this just

kind of like Yeah, life is life and and

yeah, probably within the next week

she's like I'm going to move on to phase

two. Okay, so this one's discussed. Sad

was a failure. Operation sad was that

would make me mad more than sad. Yeah.

And don't tell me anger is a secondary

emotion.

Don't talk about the anger iceberg to

me.

The anger ice. It is actually a really

helpful visual. It is actually. Oh god.

Okay. So, um she decides the next one is

going to be discussed. And so, a few

days later, she makes um I'm going to

get his consent this time.

Like the first time she was like, I'm

just going to try and make him sad. And

this time she's like, "I'm going to

discuss it first." No, no, no, no. She

She decides she's going to do disgust.

The emotion. Disgust. I thought you said

she's going to discuss it first. No,

she's Disgust is what we're trying for.

Not discuss. I'm really glad we've

clarified that. You know, that is an

important distinction. So, um, she Okay,

so she's she's justing all of these on

him and she's just trying to gross them

out. Yeah. Yeah. So, she makes the

nastiest cookies she can possibly think

of because he she has baked for him a

few times and he's clearly really

enjoyed it. So, she makes garlic,

asparagus, and raisin cookies

and takes them over to his house and is

like, "Hey, I tried this new recipe.

Will you try it out and see if you like

it?"

And he eats one and he's like, "You made

this?"

She's like, "Yes, you also made those

other cookies you brought over here

before." And she's like, "Yes." And he

goes, "These are fine." And she's like,

"I literally threw up."

She's like, "I tried one and I threw up

and he had no response. They're fine."

So, another failure.

And this is an interesting energy. She's

really trying. So, then she decides on

happiness and she plans a picnic for

them. But um a dog pees on Alex's shoes

while they're at the park. So that one

didn't work either.

So the next phase is supposed to be

fear, but she can't think of anything

that would scare him. Um she even asks

her brother for help lowkey. She's like,

"Hey, Halloween's coming up and I want

to prank Alex. What's he afraid of?"

It's like literally nothing. She's like,

"Spiders, clowns. Come on. Tell him my

safety is in jeopardy. That would scare

him. There you go. Not mine. And it

will. No, probably not you. He doesn't

seem to care about anybody except for

Ava. Um and even that it's only when

there's an east blowing wind.

Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. Um only when his guard

is down. So Ava's out with friends and

um Operation Emotion is definitely a

failure. And while she's just having a

good time, um her ex shows up again

demanding that they get back together

and she flat out is like, "No,

absolutely not." And then he very

quickly escalates to like calling her

names like, "You're a stuck up [ __ ]

Why won't you forgive me? I said I was

sorry." Which is an interesting um I

always find that to be an interesting

approach. Yeah. So um he's like, "Who

are you fucking?" like is that why you

won't get back together with me cuz

you're a little [ __ ] now? Like this

whole and it's like excuse me. So she

kicks him in the balls and um good for

her. Yeah. She's pretty freaked out by

it but she's like I handled it. I did

it. So then a few days later they are at

a or Alex is at a gayla uh for the

university and Ava shows up looking

incredible. He was not expecting to see

her there. And he gets really mad when

she starts dancing with somebody. Um, of

course he does. And he finally admits to

himself that Ava is his, that he's been

lying to himself all this time. We're

like halfway through the book and he's

just now like, "Oh, okay." So, um, maybe

I am into Ava, right? Now upon further

reflection,

so um

he gets sidetracked by some woman he

used to be banging. Um, but by the time

I also feel like in all of these books

that I've read spiritually, it's always

a double standard with like an ex that's

like a super hot beautiful. They

typically want the dude back as well at

some level to varying degrees of

desperation. Y, but and it's always that

like, oh well, they meant nothing to me,

so I don't understand why the girl's

upset about it. But like if a dude looks

at the girl, they're like, "I'll [ __ ]

rip his eyes out of his body." And

you're like, "Bro." Right. So this is

the girl that he canled his date with to

hang out with Ava. Oh, okay. And he

tells her like their arrangement is off

cuz they both had agreed to like

strictly physical whatever. Um and so

then he decides to um dance with Ava. He

cuts in with somebody and starts saying

something and she's like, "You don't

really know me." And he's like, "I can

prove it." She's like, "What's my

favorite color?" And they go down this

whole list and he like gets every answer

correct.

Um, and so then he loses track of Ava as

the night goes on. Okay. Question. Mhm.

Do you think what's my favorite color or

what color are my eyes is a bigger

question in that moment?

Well, she's Asian, so I feel like what

color are my eyes? I didn't mean in this

book necessarily. I just meant like when

we read these spiritually. Sure.

I think

Well, I mean, he's been staring into

them while he's they've been dancing,

but both questions are irritating to me.

There is something like, "What color are

my eyes?"

One would hope that like you would like.

Yeah, I can answer that one cuz I'm

looking at you as I answer it. It does

take a little bit more to know your

favorite color. I do feel like the eyes

are a gimme when they're like, "I closed

my eyes and asked him what color are my

eyes right after I closed them." Like,

and he was looking at you presumably.

So, I don't think I ever paid attention

to Vance's eyes. I don't think I like

for a long time I could have told you.

I'm like, he's brunette, so probably

brown was like I think my answer the

first time someone asked me I'm like he

has eyes.

They seem to work. Yeah, sure. Well, he

is legally blind or close to legally

blind. So, I take it back with

corrective lenses. They work great

as intended.

Okay, so he gets all of the answers

right on her like, "You don't even know

me. Let me prove it. What's my favorite

color?" And he's like, "I'll tell you

that and your favorite food and your

favorite thing." Mint chocolate chip ice

cream. It's like the whole thing. Yep.

So then, um, he loses track of her. Um,

and he goes to leave a little while

later and he hears Ava say like, "Get

away from me. like, "Leave me alone."

And so, um, it's her drunk ex. He showed

up again and he has her like pinned to a

wall and is like, it's messed up. But

she,

um, he's like going on and on about how

much he loves her and this other girl

didn't mean anything and please take me

back and I miss you so much. You get it?

So then she headbutts him in the face.

Good. She's like, "Absolutely not." Like

before Alex can get there, she's like,

"Go [ __ ] yourself." She's like, "I can't

get him in the balls this time cuz the

way he's got me pinned, but I got a

forehead."

All right. I

like Ava more than I like Alex. I feel

like Ava likable just reads young. Yeah.

But like not bad, just young, right? Not

in the like painfully immature. Yeah. Or

painfully ignorant kind of way. just in

a she's in her early 20s and hasn't had

enough life yet to like Yeah, she's

acting like she's in her early 20s. And

hell yeah, because also there's

something about being in your early 20s

where you feel a little more invincible.

Yeah. There's a certain freedom that you

lose over time. Yeah. There's in my

early 20s I would have been like, "Fuck

yeah, I'm going to headbutt that

asshole." And now I'm a little bit like

if I yell louder, somebody's going to

hear me. I'm in a room or in a Yeah, I

am a little like I I don't know if I'm

going to think through that situation

the same way that I I would have 10

years ago. It hits different. It really

does. Um but then Alex like then arrives

and beats the ever loving [ __ ] out of

this guy. Um Ava wants to call an

ambulance and Alex is like, "Somebody

else will find him. We're going home."

And like leaves with her and he is

livid. he overheard something the ex

said about, you know, last week or one

of them mentioned when he cornered her

in the bar. And so Alex is like, "Why

didn't you tell me like he's really

mad?" Okay. So, like the way in which it

was discussed, Alex recognizes that it

wasn't like a good interaction that they

had. Right. Um, and I just feel like in

some of these it's like the wait, were

you on a date with him a week ago? It's

clear she didn't want to talk to him.

But Alex is like extremely furious about

the whole thing. But then when they're

in the car heading home, she suddenly

has a flashback of when So this is when

we find out her mother tried to kill

her. That's why she has this fear of

water. Her mother pushed her into the

lake um knowing she couldn't swim when

she was about four or five.

And so Alex is fully panicked about this

because like he's pulled the car over.

He's like what? Like what just happened?

Like you know cuz he doesn't know what's

going on. Um so he just decides to take

her to a diner, get her some coffee, get

her some food, like make sure that she's

okay. And so then she tells Alex more of

the story of her past. her parents were

divorcing and um it was pretty messy

divorce and um her mom had some kind of

full psychotic meltdown essentially. Um

and pushed her into the lake. Um and

then her dad just happened to be

stopping by the house to drop something

off um and saw it and was able to dive

in and save her. Um, and so

later her mother died of an overdose and

it's unclear, but it seems that it was

intentional.

So

they have this like heartto-he heart

where she gets really vulnerable. Um,

and she admits to herself that she

really does like him actually. Um, which

also

I don't know when you've been best

friends, which I mean I guess like some

of this being like repressed memories

Josh wouldn't have had like context for,

but it does but the dad was there. Like

the dad could have said what had

happened. Well, so she knows what

happened because her dad has told her

what happened. Okay. And then she has

these flashbacks of like her being in

the water and crying for her mom, but

she doesn't remember

like anything really past that. Her dad

is the one who told her the story. I

really feel like Josh would have

mentioned that this to his best friend

at some point. Well,

it seems like neither of them talked

about their pasts. They're both just

like they're [ __ ] up and we don't

really have family like that. We're not

going to ask any questions. It seems

like they co-signed each other's desire

not to discuss the past. Yeah. Agree to

Yeah. You know what you need to know.

Not agree to disagree, but agree to just

not about this. Yeah, that's fair. I'm

also like maybe if you're like

having him move into your house to like

watch your sister though and this is

part of why you're so overprotective of

your sister, that would be helpful

context to to pass along.

So,

in all of this, um, Ava asks Alex if she

can photograph him, and he agrees. So,

we flash forward a few days to the photo

shoot.

Um, and she's trying to get him to show

some emotion. Um,

and somehow it comes about as she's

trying to evoke something so she can

take a picture of it. um they somehow

admit that they're into each other. Um

but he's like a person can be hot and

that doesn't mean like you can be

attracted to someone and not be like

compatible with them and like I would

never do that to Josh and basically he

like shuts it down and it gets kind of

awkward.

Um so then again several days later Alex

is in his office. Um, my notes say

continuing to plan his world domination

and vengeance.

Um, capital R revenge. Capital R

revenge. I feel like there's a Google

doc. It's like revenge plot. Like

there's another one called revenge

draft, too. Well, and his his uh

thumbnail profile photo on Google is the

V for vendetta Guy Fox mask.

Yes,

without question. Would not bet against

that a day in my life. So, he gets a

notification while he's in his office of

a live stream that somebody has tagged

Ava and the chick, his ex in. They were

videoed fighting. What? Yeah. And so

he's like, "No." and like takes off to

Meline's house, which is the girl. Did

he know Meline from the MMA gym? Also,

did Ava ever go to the self-defense

classes? She did start going after he

made a second request when she got

pinned to the wall. Um, fair. So,

Meline is super rich also, so they run

in the same circles and that's how they

met. Um, but Ava's at a house party. It

is a random house party that she went to

with a friend who was invited by some

other friend of a friend. As is the

house party way. Yep. And she winds up

in Alex's ex's pool room of her house

because there's an indoor pool because

they're rich. That's something I left

out in this. Everything is like he drove

up in his Aston Martin and he had on his

whatever, you know, [ __ ] Armani suit

or whatever. You said house party and I

have really just been thinking about

when I was in my early 20s and lived.

That's the era in which I was living in

Nashville. And it wasn't just house

parties. It was house shows. Oh yes.

Some were better than others. Yes. And

the problem was house shows are too

intimate. Like a house party. Yep.

You're one of many. You can blend. Yep.

Fade. A house show. Nope.

You're locked in. Yep. And you cannot

get out. Nope. It's like [ __ ] Hotel

California. It is a little bit cuz it's

like if I get up to pee, are they going

to think that I hate them? Yeah. It's

awkward. One had a hug circle. Oh, yeah.

The hug circle that you couldn't get out

of. No. And I still think about my

friend who brought me to the party who

wasn't in the hug circle. And I don't to

this day I don't know how she managed to

avoid it.

Um, she's just better prepared than you,

you know? Probably. Maybe she just saw

it coming. I don't know. I was not By

the time I realized what was happening,

there was no easy way to leave

the group hug.

There was no smooth transition at the

end. No, there was no like, I need to go

refill my drink. It's like, "Oh, my arms

are starting to go up around y'all." And

I'm going, "Can I bring these back?"

Do I strike a power pose? How do I do

it? I'm going to Brenne Brown my way out

of this [ __ ]

Oh [ __ ] Yeah, the struggle was real. So

Ava found herself in a similar yet

different situation where she somehow

found herself at Alex's ex's house and

she has no idea who this woman is. And

but it's a rich house party. It's a rich

fancy house party. So isn't that just

another gala? Like what? I don't feel

like people at a certain tax bracket are

having trashy house parties. And not

that they're trashy, but you know what I

mean. I mean I do. I don't know. But so

Meline just is like, "I saw you dancing

with Alex." Like, "You'll never be able

to meet his needs." And D cuz he's a man

with certain interest and tastes in the

bedroom. And she's like, "He's into

choking and degradation. If he hasn't

called you a little [ __ ] he has he

even really [ __ ] you." She's like all

the way like

this is not women supporting women.

She's like off the chain about it. This

is not women supporting women.

I'm sorry, but it's not. Has he even

[ __ ] you yet? If he hasn't called you

a little [ __ ] right? This is not

supporting women. It's not. And she's

like, "He'll only take you from behind.

Like, there's no way you could keep up

with him." Like all this [ __ ] And what

do you keep up with him? Yeah, if it's

from behind, there's not much work that

you're doing there. Not particularly. I

mean, could put a little wiggle in it,

but

you could grab a toy.

I'm just saying it's limited options in

that position. It is. Yeah. So, Ava

responds in a way that I really enjoyed.

Um, and she was like, "Maybe he only did

you from behind cuz he just didn't like

looking at you." Like, she's like, "Have

you ever thought of that?"

Probably not going to help her in the

moment, but I do respect it. No. Um, I

think Ava this whole time has just been

like handling her own. For real. She's

like, "I don't need you."

So, unfortunately, at this point, lest

we forget, they're in the pool room.

Meline loses her [ __ ] and pushes Ava

into the pool.

Immediate trauma response. Like her

whole body locks. So then for as much as

we've been joking about their fight, I

can also I'm just like, oh [ __ ] Like

that's really [ __ ] up. Like so that's

one thing that like in some of these

books it's like oh the trauma is real.

Like those are things that really could

happen. Like that's how that could

really go down. And so there's a certain

amount of like

difference I want to give traumatic

events, but also that fight was

hilarious. Like we can we can experience

that dialectic.

So we cut out of Ava and we go to Alex

and he's just gotten to uh Meline's

house, but Ava is gone. He finds Meline,

basically pushes her around a bit,

threatens her family business. um and is

like, "Where is she? Tell me where she

is." Whatever. And um Meline's friend

happened to be nearby, knows about her

fear of water, was able to get her out

of the pool, and immediately took her

home, obviously. Oh, so there was a kind

human there. We love that. Yeah. The

friend she went to the party with that

she didn't know like all this was going

on. Oh, okay. Yeah. So he gets to Ava's

and her friend um is like, "She's not

she is not okay. Like just for the

record, she really wants me to leave. So

that's why I'm on my way out, but like

you should probably stay. Like somebody

needs to be with her." And they have

another heartto-he heart where she has a

little bit of a breakdown and says that

she's just tired of being afraid. um she

wants to be able to travel, but the idea

of being in a plane over the ocean is

like absolutely unacceptable. Um and so

she asks him to teach her how to swim,

and it's a very like sweet moment.

So weeks go by at this point, Alex has

been helping Ava like visualize water

and practice grounding skills. So he's

doing exposure therapy, like incremental

exposure therapy. And so, um, he's

helping her with like meditation and

breathing exercises and things like

that, um, before they try the real

thing. And not even at that that level

by any stretch of the imagination. Sure.

Seasons ago, could not tell you when.

Probably 10 years ago now. I remember

there was a season of the challenge

where there was a swimming compet like

one that was like happening in a body of

water. Sure. And one of the competitors

didn't know how to swim. Oh. And decided

to go for it anyway. In a way that like

part of you wants to applaud their

bravery, but the other part was like, oh

no. Watching them jump in, they could

not swim at all and had to be rescued

out of the water. And you're like,

that was stressful to just watch you

flail in the water on television knowing

that there were like

so many [ __ ] people immediately

around you to jump in and help you and

that like you were safe. But even just

watching that

how stress inducing it and that

trauma attached to it, right? That's

just like someone who didn't know how to

swim. Not including not knowing how to

swim attached with a legitimate fear of

water, right? I also growing up in

Florida, it just like I'm like, "Yeah,

this is what you do." Like everyone's a

fish. She like dived to the bottom of

10ft swimming pools for batons. Like

Yeah. Well, like we had classes as soon

as you could crawl where they threw you

into the pool and you learned to flip

over to prevent drowning. Like literally

as soon as you could crawl, you were

being thrown fully clothed into the pool

so you can learn to flip over. We really

need to sign Ford up for some swimming

classes. Oh yeah. Before he turns into a

little [ __ ]

Can't have that.

Well, and yeah, you're allowed to be a

little [ __ ] if you're a child who like

doesn't know how to swim, but also

we are a water family in a way that I'm

like, I'm going to need you to come

along on that journey with us. Yep.

So, thank you for that reminder to send

Nathan up for swimming classes so that

he can learn along with Ava. You're

welcome. But it is sweet that Alex is

teaching Ava. It is really nice and

they're spending more like truly

platonic time together where they're

just actually getting to know each

other. So Ava decides to throw him a

surprise party for his birthday which

seems like a big swing to me but go off.

So um well and at this point has

anything physical happened between them

at all? Um there's been a couple of

moments of like she's wound up on his

lap.

They woke up in bed together, but like

nothing like truly sexual has occurred.

Okay. Um, so he loosens up as the party

goes on and at the end of the night, um,

he tells Ava that this was his first

birthday party since his parents died.

Um, and they have a really tender moment

where he's like, "My family always made

a big deal of it, but my uncle never

did." Um, and like I didn't want him to

cuz it just didn't feel right. So, like

this was a big deal for him in a way

that she didn't understand. Um, and

well, I'm glad she took the big swing,

Hannah. Me, too, because they finally

kiss

finally. Um, so then he she kisses him,

but immediately he's pulling her hair

and pushing her into the counter. Um,

and then cuz he's a man of certain

sexual interest. And then immediate he

immediately he's like, "This could never

happen again. you need to let go of your

little fantasies that I'm a hero will

never work.

And Ava what is really embarrassed about

this. And so um he's like I'm just

trying to save you from me like you like

whatever. And she thanks but doesn't say

out loud I don't want to be saved. Like

okay. So

again more days go by. Alex is really

agitated. He hasn't heard from Ava,

obviously, because he was a douche. Um,

and she skipped their swim lessons. Um,

so he shows up at the gallery where she

works. So, she also works part-time in a

photo gallery just for extra money

because while her dad is paying for her

tuition, he will not pay for anything

related to actual photography because he

thinks it's a waste. Um, but he didn't

say he wouldn't pay for school.

you know, or anything. We respect that

he's still paid for the degree. Yeah, we

can. So, she works part time at a

gallery to support her photography. So,

um is like she's been ghosting her swim

lessons. And it's like, yeah, yeah,

because she threw you a birthday party

and you told her to let go of her

childish fantasies about you. Yeah, you

were really mean. Like, pick a lane,

bro. So, he shows up at the gallery with

a brand new iPhone and he's like, "Since

I haven't heard from you in 5 days,

yours must be broken."

And she's like, "Alex,

did you just miss me?" Like, and so she

immediately starts like teasing him and

[ __ ] Um, she's like, "Alex, you don't

you didn't have to get a gift. You could

have just stopped by and said hi, right?

You didn't have to be weird about it.

It's okay. We live next door to each

other." So, um, Ava at this point like

pulls back from teasing him and is like,

"Listen, let's go ahead and set some

boundaries cuz clearly like lines are

being crossed that don't need to be

crossed. So, I will find a different

swim instructor." Like, you know, um,

we'll just spend less time together. And

Alex flips out. He's like, "You asked

me. I always follow through on my

commitments, like whatever." Um, and

he's like, "You can't have both, man."

Right? And then he's like, "No one's

going to take what's mine." And she's

like, "What the [ __ ] are you talking

about? What is happening right now?" And

so then her boss comes over because Alex

is getting loud. Like he's getting

angry. And so the boss comes over and

she's like, "I swear to God if you make

me lose my job." And he's like, "What's

the most expensive painting in here? Do

you get commission?" And he spends

$40,000.

And he's like, "For no reason." And he's

like, "We're really going to learn to

swim now. I'll see you at the pool

tomorrow. And like

what?

Oh, Alex. So, he takes her to a hotel

pool.

She does pretty well until she doesn't

like she's she gets in the water, but

like when she puts her face in the

water, she starts to panic. And so, she

blacks out and Alex like gets her out of

the pool and she kind of comes to in his

arms. Um, and he's telling her that

she's safe. um that they'll try again

another day, that she did a great job,

that she's going to be okay. Um and then

for some reason, Ava at this point asks

him to kiss her. Um and she's like, "I

know what you're into." And she like

starts naming off all the things that

Meline said. And she's like, "Maybe I'm

into that, too." And it's like, "What? I

thought we were having a flashback.

Now we're getting it.

So,

it's fine. It's fine. Everything's fine.

It's okay. It's all okay. It's self

soothing. Or

Well, it's not really self soothing, is

it? Well, maybe. Depends on your

definition of self soothing. Depends on

your definition of self, I guess. So,

Alex hauls her up to a room in the hotel

um and tells her to get on her knees.

Um, he just had a room in No, he like

went to the desk and is like, "Give me

your best room or whatever." Hauls her

up there because I'm so rich. I want the

best room for this 2hour romp. You know,

this gorgeous Ukrainian face. I forgot

to mention he's Ukrainian. It's not

really relevant, but his uncle is like

first generation. So, but anyway, so

lots of face [ __ ] He comes all over

her face. Um, and then he eats her out

from behind, starts calling her a little

[ __ ] and then he bangs her, and then

he's like, "I can't see her face as

she's coming. Unacceptable." And flips

her over. Um, and it was just Meline.

Yes. And then he kisses her, so it

really was just Meline. Um, and so then,

um, Alex realizes that he is [ __ ] cuz

she's like, "You broke the rules." And

he's like, "The rules don't apply to

you." Like, okay. Oh, Alex. So, they

[ __ ] all weekend. Um, they agree to be

exclusive and agree that they are going

to tell her brother in person when he

comes home for Christmas. So, at this

point, it's nearing

Thanksgiving. Okay. Thank you. You knew

that. You knew that was a coming

question. I did know that. Um, so um

I mean that's a bit of time. A lot can

happen between before Thanksgiving and a

Christmas visit. And they also don't

want to be shitty and like tell him

while he's in another country. Like they

they it's a face to face conversation,

but they are also a little bit putting

it off cuz they know he's going to be

pissed. So again, days later, Ava goes

over to her dad's house cuz it's his

birthday. She takes him a cake and they

just eat in awkward silence. And she

realizes that like they have nothing to

talk about without her brother there.

Like this is the first time they've been

oneon-one

that she can really remember. And she's

like, "Oh, this is brutal actually. Like

this really sucks." Um, and she's like,

"I kind of feel like he hates me." Like

I know he doesn't, but like it's just

weird, you know?

So,

um, then there's kind of a montage of

Alex and Ava dating. They go to the fall

festival. They're banging in bathrooms,

you know, as you do. Um, young love. And

we come to Thanksgiving. They go to her

dad's for Thanksgiving. They're keeping

their relationship a secret from dad as

well. Mhm. Um,

and Ava

wakes from a nightmare. She hasn't

really had them since she's been um

sleeping with Alex. Um but she has a

nightmare and she goes out to the lake

behind the house like kind of in the

middle of the night um and or at like

3:00 in the morning or whatever. Call

that the middle of the night. Yeah. Oh

no, actually it's 4:44. That's like a

recurring thing. It's 4:44 that she

wakes up most nights. So her dad finds

her out at the lake and she starts to

panic and um

Ava

like fully freaks out when her dad like

is like, "Ava, like why are you out

here? Like are you okay? What's going

on?" Mhm. So Ava recovered her memories

apparently. Like as she was standing out

there for like 2 hours in the cold, she

recovered her memories. And so, so her

they stayed in the the house like is it

is it the same body of water? I'm

interpreting that correctly. Yeah, I

think so. So, it was a little bit

confusing cuz it was like we were at the

lake house and then it was like we were

at the house. So, I don't know if they

had a house that was on a lake and also

had a lakehouse or if you're my parents,

you have a lake house and then you just

move into it full time, right? And then

and then I'm like, well, it is a

lakehouse but now it's just the house.

You just live

45 minutes from the nearest grocery

store, right? Yeah. It is also a

lakehouse, but also kind of an

inconveniently placed house house. House

house. Yeah. So, I don't know. But

regardless, okay. Um, she gets home with

Alex and

she's like, "Listen, I recovered my

memories. Um, it wasn't my mom that

pushed me in the lake when I was five.

It was my dad." Right? So Ava decides to

confront her dad in Alex's office. So

several days go by and Alex puts

together like a whole thing so that Ava

can be safe when she brings this up with

her dad. Mhm. So her dad initially is

like, "Sweetheart, no. Like of course I

wouldn't. Like you must be

misremembering that, sweetheart. I love

you." Right. Like he's whatever. Um and

then Alex is like

I have evidence. And what? Yeah,

apparently he has evidence of her dad

running a paternity test on both her and

her brother and finding out that Ava was

not his biological daughter. And so

that's what triggered the divorce

proceedings.

And so he's like, "No, I have evidence

that like you knew Ava was never yours,

like blah blah blah blah blah." And

there's like some other stuff he has. Is

Ava learning this in real time? Yeah.

So, Alex didn't tell her that. Her dad

said it. Alex didn't out him like that.

Um, but she is learning all of this. I

think Alex probably had a plan to tell

her a little more gently later. Um, but

her brother is their father's biological

son. Okay. So, the dad essentially um uh

confesses to everything. Um,

it's just him and Ava. Alex left the

room. Um, and he's like, "Yeah, I wanted

to punish your mother for cheating on

me. This was seemed like the best way to

do it. I didn't want to raise like some

other man's child anyway." Um, a literal

human, but okay. Yeah. And also, he's

just a terrible person. And he also

confesses that he tried to kill her a

second time when she was nine. Like

tried to smother her and her brother

came home from school early. And so he

smothered her pretty significantly to

the point where when she came too, she

did not remember anything before the age

of nine.

So that's why she lost her memory was

because her dad tried to kill her a

second time.

So Alex also has evidence that he'd been

committing fraud through his business

for quite some time and he had the FBI

there

listening in. And also Josh is there. So

that's part of why it took so long to

like have this confrontation. They were

getting the feds and they also had Josh

come back from South America. And so

then Josh punches his dad in the face.

So Ava confesses that she has feelings

for Alex. Um wait wait wait.

It it's it's so disjointed and I really

do think it reads that way. Like I don't

think it's just my notes. Like I thought

maybe it was my notes. Well, I'm like so

Josh, you saw your dad try to kill your

sister or he just interrupted and she

was passed out. She just happened to

come home and was like, "Hey, Dad, I'm

home." or whatever. Or he was mid

strangle. Yeah. Or mid smother,

whatever. Um, so sorry. No, no, that's

okay cuz it is it felt confusing to

read. Um, so she tells Alex that she

loves him and he responds, "You are the

light to my dark." But he does not like

reciprocate the love.

So, Alex, we cut to him. He's getting

closer to vengeance for his family. Um,

when he discovers that his uncle that

raised him also betrayed him.

I don't remember how. It's some kind of

thing with the business they run. Ava's

waiting for Alex at a restaurant and he

is super late. We're talking like an

hour and a half late to the point where

I'm like that's how you can tell that

she is 22 because I'd have done been

gone. I was going to say what's your

time limit before you're out.

Well, I feel like probably half an hour

if I haven't heard from you. Half an

hour. Yeah. If I if I pushing it, right?

If I hear from you and you're like, "Oh

my god, there was an accident. It's

taking me a while. I'm still on my way.

I'll get there. Then I'll wait. But

like, and I feel like I'm only giving

you a half hour because my outreaches

probably didn't start until 5 to 10

after, right? So, if I if I reach out at

the 10-minute mark, that's a whole 20

minutes to wait for a response. And if I

haven't heard from you, I'm not staying.

Certainly not staying for an hour and a

half. Definitely not. So, he is

immediately a douchebag. Um when he gets

there. Yeah. And um then he explains

that his phone died and he couldn't call

and he's sorry. He's just had a really

tough day. His meeting went long. His

phone died. Whatever. Blah blah blah. I

hate it when my meeting goes long and my

phone dies. It absolutely gives me an

excuse to be an [ __ ] to my husband.

Yeah, you get it. Yeah. So Ava um like

they actually wind up having a really

nice time. Ava got a photography

fellowship in New York. Um, and Alex is

like, "Oh, well, I'll go with you. Like,

we have an office in New York. I'll just

start working out of the New York

office. Like, this is great." Um, and

things are good until his phone goes off

and she's like, "I thought you said your

phone was was dead."

And um, I mean, he could have charged

it, but it seemed He's like, "Oh, I

charged it in the car." And she's like,

"So, you couldn't plug it in in the car

and then call me to tell me you were on

the way? or text me back to say you were

on the way. Like,

why were you really late? And he refuses

to answer her. Um, and then he's like,

um,

I'm trying to make sure you have

plausible deniability, which is super

weird, but okay. Um, so she leaves

really mad.

Al, so she just leaves. Yeah. She's

like, "Yeah, I'm not doing this with

you. Like, this is actually horshit. Um,

I was supposed to be celebrating that I

got this incredible fellowship

opportunity that I've been dreaming

about. Like, I'm not doing this with

you. Um, and Alex finally Sorry, I go

ahead. Go ahead. Did they tell Josh

about them when he was there to take

down their dad? You know, I don't

remember. Okay. I don't think so. Um, I

don't think so. They're like, "No, we

should still sit on this." Yeah, let's

hold it. So, um, Alex, um, a little bit

later finally has confirmation that it

was actually his uncle that killed his

family. Um, and plot twist, the whole

time he thought that it was Ava's dad

who had killed his family cuz apparently

they were in both in construction or

something. So that's why he befriended

Josh in the first place. That's why he

got himself invited over to their house

for Thanksgiving and [ __ ] was all

because he believed that their dad

killed his family and he was getting his

revenge on him. But it wasn't their dad,

it was his uncle.

The [ __ ] you doing? Yeah, right. So Ava

um

confronts Alex about him acting weird.

She's like, "You're being really weird.

like every time I try to talk to you,

it's really bizarre. Um,

and at this point, Alex is working out

getting his uncle out of their family

business and taking it back over. Um,

the uncle finds out that he's been

dating Ava, so he's all worried about

the uncle like going after Ava or

something. It's all very convoluted. He

lies to Ava and says he's just been

stressed about transitioning to CEO and

everything.

And she's like, "Well, why didn't you

tell me that you were CEO? Like, it's

been like a week of you being really

weird. Like, I I could have supported

you." And he's like, "I didn't want to

worry you. It wasn't official. Like,

super wishy-washy." Ava out here being

the most levelheaded person in this

book. For real. For real. Ava does not

deserve Alex [ __ ]

Which is why it's incrementally

different from the books I have

spiritually read previous to this. Yes.

Cuz usually the girl is like, "Babe,

come on." Like, you know, that's just

him. I love all the pieces, right? And

there's some of that, but it's much more

like she's 22 and less like, oh my god,

she's an idiot. Like, it hurts. It hurts

me.

So, it's been weeks. Um, and Alex's

uncle calls him and is like, "Come over

to the house. I have something to show

you." Or something. His uncle has

kidnapped Ava. And one of Ava's friends.

Alex does a villain speech cuz he's

trying to like like

buy time because there's somebody with

like a knife to Ava's neck. And the

uncle is sitting there being a weird

overlord person. And so he's like, "I

never loved Ava. Her brother was leaving

the country and I needed I still needed

to be close to the family. I had to find

a way. Like she bought it hook, line,

and sinker and like all of this [ __ ]

right?" Um

and so ultimately he winds up killing

his uncle. Um, and the guy that

kidnapped Ava and her friend, he like

goes bonkers.

So, the cops show up cuz they touched

what was his? You get it? So, the cops

show up and Ava is in a days. She

confronts Alex like, "Was what you said

true? Like, this has been a lot today if

I'm honest and so just want to confirm

like, is this what you really meant?"

And he's like, "I warned you,

sweetheart. like you should have let go

of your fantasies, but you threw

yourself at me over and over again.

You made it too easy. Like all that kind

of [ __ ]

So she's like, "Okay." And turns around

and gets into

another one of the friends showed up

with a ride. She like just gets into the

car. She's like, "Okie dokie." And has

like no response until they are like

significantly away and then she has a

complete breakdown.

And it turns out the cops weren't real

that showed up. They were Alex's staff

and he just burns the house down.

Took care of that real quick. Capital

our revenge, baby. Uh-huh. So, um, he's

super distraught that Ava hates him, but

he's like, "This is for the best." Um,

and so then Josh shows up later, like a

couple of weeks later, um, and beats the

[ __ ] out of Alex and he just like takes

it. This is what I deserve. He's living

in the self-loathing. Yes. It's 2 months

later. Ava's hella depressed. Yeah,

Ava's super depressed, but she decides

that she's going to go swimming. Like,

Alex is not going to take this from her.

She's going to make it happen. And I'm

assuming that Josh showed up to beat up

Alex on Ava's behalf. She told him. Mhm.

Okay. So, their friendship is now over.

Yep. Yep. He's like, "I would have

forgiven you if you just came after me.

Why'd you pull Ava into it?" Like, it's

all that stuff. So, then it's 2 and 1/2

months later. So, it's been 4 and 1/2

months.

One of Ava's friends shows up to

confront Alex. Mhm. He's dayd drinking

in his office and generally not

thriving. Like he's not doing okay. So

the friend is like, "Ava's not okay." Um

and she is moving to London today in an

hour. Get to the airport. So she's like,

"I know your feelings were true." Okay.

This wasn't Jules. This was a different

friend. Yeah, cuz Jules knows better.

Jules would never

So, Alex tries to get there in time. Um,

like buys a ticket on his way to the

airport so he can get through security,

races to the gate, she's gone. Um, Ava

switched her photography fellowship from

New York to London. So, she moved to

London and she is living her best life.

Alex shows up and says that he'd had

someone following her to keep her safe.

Um, but he was keep taking over now.

He's here now. [ __ ] hell. She shuts

him down. She's like, "I don't know why

you're here. This is really [ __ ]

stupid." And he's like, "I'm not giving

up."

Four weeks he follows her and she does

not speak to him. But he waits outside

of her flat every day and walks her to

class. Waits outside her class every day

and walks her home every single day. Um,

and he's sending her a bunch of gifts,

blah blah blah blah blah. Does she have

friends? Does she go out outside of

this? Can she does like go to pubs and

stuff and people are like, "Who is this

fellow?" And she's like following you.

Don't worry about it.

Nobody don't worry about it. So,

um he she confronts him. She's like,

"Why are you doing this? Like, don't you

have a business to run? Like, why the

[ __ ] are you here?" And he swears that

he is never going to stop trying to win

her back. He resigned as CEO to be with

her in London. And Ava is unimpressed.

Good. She remains unmoved. Good

throughout that. I hope this book ends

with them not together.

Kind of. But a year later,

Ava is moved. My notes say Ava is not

moved. One year later, Ava is moved. Has

he been following her? He's been

following her for a year. So, he's been

spending time with her any way that he

can. Whether it's walking her to and

from class and stuff or she got like

furniture delivered and he volunteered

to put it together just so he could be

in her presence. Like, he has been

showing up every day with no

expectation.

So, this is her final art exhibition

that's going on. And um he buys all of

her photographs, right? He buys out her

whole collection. And then he gets on

stage and I I didn't put it in my notes

cuz it didn't feel relevant, but she's

into karaoke and has tried to get him to

sing with her repeatedly and he has said

no because it's like too vulnerable and

he would never. And so he serenates her.

I imagined it akin to Shitz Creek when

what's his doodle serenades David.

I was thinking of 10 Things I Hate About

You. Yes. Same energy, I think. Um, so

she's into it. They wind up banging in

the gallery.

It's the epilogue.

It's Thanksgiving again. They're

together and happy and they're having a

good time in Vermont for vacation. I

guess her brother still isn't really

speaking to them. Like he was really

really hurt by this whole thing and I

think he had a lot of guilt over the dad

thing obviously. Mhm. Um so they're

happy together. They're both working and

living their best lives and that's the

end.

Huh. Yeah.

I liked the concept of the story because

it wasn't cookie cutter. Mhm. You know,

there were I mean it was hella tropey,

but it wasn't like fully cookie cutter

in the storyline,

but it also felt like because of that

there wasn't enough like

development of the character. Like their

whole character was just that they had

trauma. Like I didn't even get into his

trauma. Like there's detailed

descriptions of him witnessing his

family get murdered. And it felt like

that's what we were relying on for all

character development. And it just was

not it was very like flat if that makes

sense.

Yeah. I also I don't know there's

something about like

I just don't believe it when someone's

been a dick for that long that they're

suddenly like

I'm going to gravel without any

expectation indefinitely. Like I mean at

the end of the book after a full year

he's like this was my my final push. I

know you're moving again. Like if you

tell me to leave you alone I'll leave

you alone. Like I get it. I'll get the

message or whatever. But it was very

half-hearted. It felt like

he wouldn't have gotten the message.

This man has chosen what he wanted to do

at every point regardless of really how

it impacted Ava. Correct. Yep.

And like I just quite frankly, Alex, I

don't believe you. Well, I think that

that is one thing I did appreciate about

this book was that

we didn't we didn't get to see the year

that he followed her, but there was a

year where he was putting in the time.

And that feels like a commitment to

change more so than in other books where

it's like that first 4 week like thing

or like 3 days or whatever and they're

like, "You've changed." I'm like, "You

got on a plane to London. You clearly

love me." Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I will say

committing. He took a European vacation.

He did. Like, come on. Doing it for a

full year. Yeah. But I'm like, I don't

believe that that's what you do after

like the rest of this book. No part of

that is congruent with your behavior

anywhere else. I almost would have

rather the all the betrayal and the

intrigue and all that stuff. I almost

prefer if that had been at the beginning

of the book and like the year was him

winning her back. Like I would have

rather read that character development

than this plot I think. Um

but it I didn't hate it. Yeah, that's

fair. You know,

cookies. Is that our rating system?

Yeah, it could be cookies. I was like

cameras. She's a photographer. But

cookies. Cookies is good. She made a lot

of cookies for him. She did make a lot

of cookies. She gave her a cookie to

him. Yeah, she did. More than once.

a lot of times and in kind of shockingly

public places sometimes.

Okay. Which, no judgment if you're into

that. A baker's dozen. A baker's dozen.

Yes. Okay. So, out of 13 cookies, I

would give it a

a seven.

Yeah. Like a little more than half.

Yeah. A seven. cuz the plot was

interesting. Mhm. The characters were

not like I liked Ava, but there wasn't

anything really like stand out special

about her.

Yeah. You know,

I feel like this is a book that like you

read and then because you spiritually

read so many others like it, you're

like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I I

remember that one now." like, "Oh, that

one with the dad who betrayed them."

Yeah. Yeah. Like, it doesn't stand out,

but it's fine. Um, and a lot of the book

was also devoted to setting up the

sequels, which I did not address. Um,

cuz we would have been here for 7 hours.

So, you know, I I kept it to two. So,

you're welcome. I don't actually know

how long we've been here. Me either.

Okay. Seven out of seven out of 13.

Final offer. Yep. Let us know how many

cookies you would rate this. Let us know

what flavor those cookies are. I'm

curious. Red velvet is from the book.

Garlic is also from the book. So, choose

your own adventure.

I'm going to choose red velvet if it's

between the two. Same. Yeah. Yeah. All

right. Let us know how many cookies you

would rate it, what flavor those cookies

are. Don't forget to like, subscribe.

Please let us know what books you'd like

us to review in the future. and we'll

see you next time. Bye, smudsluts. Bye,

smart puppies. Well, that's it for this

week, smud [ __ ] We hope it was good

for you, cuz it sure was great for us.

If you're digging what we're doing, it

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