Smut Club

well hello all you beautiful people

you know what time it is

ladies and gents guys and dolls and

everyone in between

gather around get you something real

nice to sip on and comfy to slip on

cuz it's time for Smite Club here's your

hosts Chelsea and Hannah

[Music]

[Laughter]

hey everybody and welcome to Spot Club

i'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea

and this is the podcast where we are two

licensed therapists who occasionally

daydrink and talk about smut

i filled my glass of wine with a lot of

wine today i did see that

you're welcome

just for you looking forward to it i'm

drinking this for you

you're welcome

i once uh on a weekday was like "Hey

Vance I was thinking about like taking a

little edible." And then he was like

"Well I haven't really been planning on

it but yeah I'll match your freak." So

he takes an edible as well but my

favorite part was later that week

something came up and he was like

talking about earlier he's like "I got

high on a weekday

for you." And I'm like "Yes

it was all for me every last bit of it."

And that's become a ongoing joke over

the years since then i got high on a

Wednesday i did that on a weekday for

you

i love that i feel it it was all for me

i love that

you're welcome so deeply but you know

what he does on a weekday he edits this

podcast every week for us every other

week bless him

i love my husband so much yeah he's a

good husband he is i get sad for people

who aren't married to my husband

i'll take it back

i think I'm a very specific personality

and I think my husband is a very

specific personality and I think

together like Yes like we we just like

it makes sense you look at us and you're

like "Of course Chelsea and Vance would

find each other in every life they will

inevitably find their ways back to each

other." And I don't think like I get sad

for people whose marriages I'm like "Oh

marriage is like the dopest thing in my

life i love my marriage." I get really

bummed that you don't feel about your

marriage the way I feel about mine more

than more than I'm like "I feel so bad

for you that you're not married to my

husband." It's not that i know what you

mean yes yeah yeah yeah i'm like "Yeah

my marriage is You don't have this vibe

where you're like happy to see each

other every day." Like where you're just

like "Oh I get to hang out with my best

friend." Mhm yeah like that's Yeah i

don't know i talk to people I'm like "Oh

you just like why?" Like "No wonder you

think marriage is lame."

Mhm

yeah oh

maybe talk to them every night like yeah

yeah it doesn't have to be like this we

can do better

you your marriage can look like whatever

you decide you want it to look like mhm

you are the one who's choosing at this

point yeah choose your own destiny babe

yeah i remember talking to a close

friend recently and they were not that

they were having intimacy issues in

their relationship but their sex life

wasn't quite where they wanted it to be

and they were just like you know I

realized the only way my sex life is

going to get better is if I I'm the one

who has to like decide that right like

I'm the one who has to put that effort

in yep i have to decide I want it to

shift yeah literally and the same with

your marriage communication like you

have to decide you want it to shift if

you're not happy with the current

patterns of it mhm

and I don't offer couples counseling but

I love our therapists who do shout out

to y'all god bless the Gotman's for

giving us some some guiding the four

horsemen oh the four horsemen

i remember being so new into couples

counseling like I came from the world of

crisis and one of my individual clients

was like "Yeah I started couples

counseling with my husband the therapist

had us watch this video on the four

horsemen and I was like what the [ __ ] is

that i had no revelation yes literally I

was like I went to seminary i know how

this works i understand who rides the

pale horse i can do this i was like the

[ __ ] is stonewalling

a Yeah but the Gottman's really bless

yeah um okay so today

we are reviewing a book of a very

different dynamic

yes yeah um it is called Daddybod

from the Daddysized series

by Margot Scott of course it is yep mhm

we love Margot Scott and her affinity

for daddy dom little girl romances this

one is a novella it is a quick like I

think the entire book is like 70 pages

okay um so if you're looking for like a

quick read palette cleanser kind of read

yes yeah i'm like which I don't know i

feel like every book that I've been like

oh I've been like waiting for this book

to drop recently i pick it up and it's

like 489 pages i'm like I mean I can but

like then I read it I'm like you could

have done it in 289 yeah no one needed

Where what were you doing with that

extra 200 pages yep you can just use the

words he circled her [ __ ] like three

fewer times and it would really cut back

on the page count

you could have used a couple of less

descriptors for the penis we get it it's

It's thick it's manly it's velvet

wrapped it's steel we all You don't have

to say it anymore like we get it

so but I don't like when they use the

word purple me either i'm not a fan of

that that wasn't where I was going where

I was going is I hung out with some

friends last night and we were all

joking about how when you get to know

somebody well enough whether it's a work

colleague or a friend and you can like

order for them

from takeout and stuff like you know

that person right and we were discussing

for some reason hot dogs and I can't

tell you why because I don't remember

but what I do remember is that there's

one particular co-orker one particular

co-orker who anytime

we are ordering

from a restaurant that might happen to

serve hot dogs she always says ask them

if they're the thick and juicy ones

no she doesn't she does that is not real

she does it is real because she doesn't

like the thick and juicy ones and she

will tell you she wants She'll show you

with her hand she will show you with her

hand like how thick she wants the hot

dog to be and if you're the one

happening happening to call in the order

you get to be the one to ask if they

have thick and juicy hot dogs

is that how everyone chooses to ask that

question i don't know i have refused to

ask it but Hannah I don't know if I

could order for you i I I have no re No

but I also still feel like we're pretty

close we are pretty close but I don't

think I could order for you either i

feel like I have a general idea but I

don't think I could be specific about

what you would want from the Taco Bell

fiesta Potatoes i take it back

well way to make me feel shittier sorry

i was like I've it's only because I've

seen you door dash that like 800 times

when I was pregnant I did really go

through a cheesy PS to potatoes

that's not Here's the thing i like that

I said when I was pregnant that

I remember like I think my obsession

started as soon as I knew they existed

which I think my freshman year of high

school they're very good they really are

yeah vance didn't even know that they

existed until I was pregnant and ordered

them i was like "I'm really craving

cheesy cheesy fiest potatoes from Taco

Bell." And he's like "What are those?"

And I'm like "Oh the potatoes you going

to learn today." Yeah i was like "With

the queso and the sour cream." And he's

like "Yeah you're using words i still

haven't had them." I'm like "Oh okay

fair." Um 10 out of 10 would recommend

recommend yeah the other part of my

order would uh

be one of the spicy potato tacos

yes or I'll do a breakfast crunch wrap

in the morning with no bacon because it

has the hash brown in it i do love a

hash brown um and but I don't as a

vegetarian I like making the breakfast

crunch wraps meat-ree i don't feel like

the general crunch wrap does as well if

you just like it doesn't yeah like you

can add black beans it just it's not the

same so I've transitioned to fully

potato based i like that yes even Ford

his order is a little like is the the

cheat is the foldy with potatoes in it

instead of meat and he'll just sit on

the couch and nibble it and it's

adorable i love that anyways what's your

Taco Bell order so I don't feel as bad

well a crunch wrap um sometimes I'll do

a crunch wrap usually I will do a

chicken quesadilla most of the time but

I do like a crunch wrap yeah like I I

really feel confident in your snack

choices oh yeah snacks we've got it on

lock

like I could do that with my eyes closed

i could buy you snacks but yeah ordering

you real food hit or miss for both of us

yeah yeah we just we've ended up in more

snack territory over the years and

that's okay yeah yeah we're I don't know

why I'm feeling I was like we're snack

friends that sounds bad but it's not bad

it's good like snack friends makes us

sound more casual but it's not you were

one of the first people I texted when I

left my vibrator at my parents house

right like that that there's a level of

closeness assumed there there is yeah um

Okay so fun thing that happened last

time I went to my parents house I did

not leave my vibrator again i was very

Is a vibrator involved no and my parents

don't necessarily know that this

happened um so if any of y'all tell them

I'll [ __ ] know no snitches all right

snitches get stitches y'all don't be a

nerd don't tattle

um no we had like packed like a

thing of like edibles when we went and

one fell on the ground and I like

Brandon our dog ate it um a whole edible

and I was like what like we're like

going to bed and I was like whatever

he'll sleep great it'll be fine um so

like the next morning we wake up it's

like pretty early van like turn on our

sides and we like are spooning and like

the guest bed at my parents house i'm

like what's that seems kind of wet at

the end of the bed he's like no it's

just it's just cold

no Brandon with his edible

fully [ __ ] bed

like just got up like at like where our

feet are just like took a full dump on

the bed

and then went back to sleep afterwards

and so I like hopped on my parents like

"Hey do you guys have any like stain

removal stuff?" Uh woke up and like

Brandon like I don't know what happened

but like Brandon accident crazy yeah he

had an accident on the bed in the middle

of middle middle of the night my parents

like "Oh my gosh do you think like he

like got into anything do you think like

we like we put the candy bowl away so we

like couldn't like he wouldn't

accidentally eat any chocolate?" I'm

like "Yeah I don't know who can say?" So

crazy yeah i was like "This is the first

definitely uncharted territory with no

discernable reason attached to it."

I felt so bad i'm like "Poor Brandon

sorry Brandon." Yeah and I was like "Oh

like well," and here's the thing he ate

it it was very late and I'm like "I'm he

already ate it i can't I'm not gonna

like he's not going to be able to puke

it up also it's not going to hurt him."

So I'm like "Hopefully he'll just sleep

well." It's like and he did but he also

pooped well

yeah i felt real bad i'm like why is

there something that happens every time

we stay in this bedroom

cursed yes okay so so is Daddy Bod

cursed daddy Bod um not cursed

i'll be the judge well you know yeah

I'll I'll walk that back you You tell me

if it's cursed at the end so we start

with Jonathan jonathan is in his like

mid to late 40s okay

he's an electrician he is 6'8

he's a tall man he is Andre the Giant

i Wasn't Andre taller than that probably

i don't know i have I have a family

member who's 6'9

they lives his life banana pants my

family is fully like everybody's 5'9 or

below

and we are 57 and up

and and I'm the one who's dragging down

the average i was going to say I'm the

one who's bringing it up i'm the tallest

woman i'm the heaviest and my feet are

the biggest i wear a seven

you're a bird yeah I am the largest in

all ways in my family yeah 100% the

largest female in my whole family

literally a month ago I was on the phone

with my mom and she's like 5'7 yeah you

were supposed to be 5'11 probably all

those hormones we fed you as a kid i'm

like "Mom you got to let it go." 5'7's

still pretty good for my 53 yeah i'm

like "Hey mom the national average is

5'4 for women like I'm still doing okay

you're doing great i'm like just stand

next to be next time she's around and

it'll be fine i'm like why are you

lamenting the hormones you accidentally

fed me 20 years ago like longer drop it

so we've got a 68 [ __ ] we've got

a 68 electrician in his late 40s named

Jonathan noted Jonathan just bought a uh

a fixer upper it is a large house but

that was kind of the thought right he

like he's living in it as he fixes it up

just kind of room to room he's a pretty

solitary guy and he's also a guy who

like he's 6'8 but it sounds like he's

like a fluffier build and less of an

athletic build 68 so a dad bod if you

will yeah a daddy bod right uh his size

tends to intimidate people in a way that

like it's kind of over the years made

him just more of a solitary guy like

he's aware he intimidates people it's

not what he's setting out to do so he

just kind of keeps to himself um he gets

home from work and there's a random

knock on the front door and he's like

"Okay." So he goes and there's a cute

little like 19-year-old girl at the door

and she's like "Hey I saw that this was

this place was listed with a room for

rent i wanted to see if it was still

available." And he's like "That must

have been posted from the last owner and

they never took down the posting." He's

like "Cuz I bought the house and I am

not advertising for a roommate." Yeah uh

but he can also tell

she's a little desperate like and he's a

little like I I want to make sure that

she's safe are you okay like yeah you're

saying you need a place to stay pretty

fast like you're right

yes and like to the point where he's

like "Well like I do have a spare room

that like you you kind of seem

desperate." So he's giving her a tour

and like the post said that the room was

like $400 and he's like "This whole

house is like [ __ ] [ __ ] show disaster

construction." So he's like "Yeah rent

would be like 200 a month." Just

whatever yeah like he's like "I wasn't

this was not on my bingo card for today

i just got home from work i wasn't

expecting anyone to knock on the door

but you clearly need need something."

And he's like "Yeah." So like rent will

be 200

due to its condition right like he's

just like "We're setting expectations

low." Yes and she's like "Okay so like

rent would go up once like the

renovations are finished." And he's like

"Yeah sure yeah we'll we'll cross that

bridge that sounds like a conversation

for future us

current us table it 200 a month i don't

even know what I would do if someone

offered I would assume I was paying with

sexual favors if someone told me I only

had to pay 200 a month in rent i'd be

like in this economy okay no I

understand here so full-time I am just

doing whatever you want to your body and

face potentially

hand face potentially but to supplement

that 200 I can do that like okay

i mean you drive a hard bargain

depending on the location that's a deal

i'm not gay but 20 is 20 you know

uh so he once again he can like tell she

very much needs a place she's like "Okay

like I can do 200." and he's feeling

some sense of relief and he's like "Okay

thank God she'll have a safe place there

will be a roof over her head i don't

fully know." And she's like "Can I move

in tomorrow?" And he's like "Oh it's

like that." Okay he's like he's like

"Are you living in your car you can just

stay here tonight." Like yeah well he's

like "Yeah like what time?" And she's

like "Well like what time do you work?"

And he's like "I leave for work at

7:00." She's like "I'll be here at

6:30." A like that sort of just he's

like he can tell yeah it's not not quite

right yes so switch to April april is

the 19-year-old co-ed who knocked on his

door she needs a place to live because

her stepmother is

in the most

professional

wording I can use a [ __ ]

so

recently I had a client who

um I was seeing weekly Mhm on Tuesdays

and at the end of our session I said

"All right man i'll see you next

Tuesday." And hung up the f the video

call and then I was like

"But I will i'll literally see you next

like no really." Like "I will really

literally actually see you next Tuesday

i'm so sorry."

I've thought about that repeatedly

happened like a month ago and I'm still

like "Oh my god

do you feel like it's impeding your

therapeutic rapport no I don't think he

remembers it at all pretty sure i do

though my favorite is the reverse of

that when you like hold a session and

like a month later you're talking to a

client and they're like "So like a month

ago when we met you just said this thing

and I've been Yep i've been ruminating

on it ever since." And you're like "What

the [ __ ] did I say a month ago?" Oh god

i hope that past me was like

professional and insightful [ __ ] yeah i

hope it wasn't like when my client told

me she had two dates with two different

guys over the weekend and I said "Well

make sure you shower in between." And

that was how we ended the session

she told me she's like "I immediately as

as soon as we hung up that session she's

like I text three friends and was like

yo my therapist just trolled me so hard

fred me for filth that's incredible i

was like

as soon as I said it I was like [ __ ]

[ __ ] yeah we've all been there where you

say something and you're like please

don't call attention to it please don't

call attention to it can we please just

tacitly agree to never reference this

again but unfortunately no this was a

client that I'm like we're like 5 years

into our therapeutic relationship for me

oh yeah

i had another client who was like "Yeah

I gave your your name to a friend who

was looking for a therapist and was like

"Chelsea's great." Like sometimes she'll

just like lightly roast you i'm like

"What is this energy that I'm

me just gently calling your attention

that's what you came for that is what

you are paying me for." Is it a roast if

it's accurate and for your benefit if

it's billable is it still a roast

ted Dansen wants to know cuz he's still

really upset about the Whippy Goldberg

situation he has a lot to repair

ted my favorite thing about Ted Dancing

was apparently when The Good Place came

out

all of like the cast had NDAs for like

the first season so like they like

wouldn't spoil it and Ted apparently

couldn't keep it to himself so he would

be like "Yeah I'm working on this new

show." And people would be like "Yeah

sounds cool man." and be no like you

don't get it so we kept like telling

everyone I really enjoy him a lot he's

so pure ted is Ted is the best so okay

so we're moving in step

April stepmister like truly uh she so

they kicked her out stepmom and her dad

kicked her out when they found out how

she was paying for school she was paying

for school fans as a cam girl yep um

stepmom has always kind of been a [ __ ]

like when she was younger stepmom would

be like "Oh like

it like when she'd like go to like eat

another cookie," she's like "Oh eat that

you're not going to fit on Santa's lap."

Like that sort of just like Yeah body

shaming negativity gross yes and so what

put all of this into motion was that

April was like "I'm sick of her body

shaming me i just want to live my life

i'm gonna eat the second serving if I

want to eat the second serving and it's

okay get it April um and stepmom was

like "Oh I'm sorry you no longer see

yourself as a worthy investment."

And if you don't view yourself as a

worthy investment like if you won't

invest in yourself why would we we

invest in your tuition

yeah so my see you next Tuesday wording

was uh accurate

had a motivator behind it for sure right

and dad is just like back in the [ __ ]

like dad's just like that's like worse

somehow yeah like dad loves his daughter

but not enough to like actually do

anything about it exactly i love you but

not enough to act on it so just take my

word for it that I really do love you

yes and so I guess the whole shtick with

her cam channel is she's an aspiring

librarian that's what she's in school

for she's a virgin and she reads erotica

while wearing lingerie she never strips

fully naked she never like

self-stimulates or anything like that

just reads erotica while wearing

lingerie does she read it out loud or

it's just her silently sitting there i

was like "Why are we watching that?" I

was like "Why are we watching?" So we're

just watching someone read silently i

was like why are we watching that

important clarifying question oh my god

sorry she is reading out loud to her

viewers followers yeah yes okay um

she goes back to the house to grab all

of her stuff like she's moving all of

her stuff out single-handedly her dad

helps her move her mattress when she

asks him to and even at that she's like

"Why do you always take her side?" And

he's like "I don't always take her

side." And he's like "But like it you

didn't have to like be a cam girl like

you and I could have worked something

out quietly to like pay for your tuition

behind your stepmom's back." Yeah and

she's like "We shouldn't have to do this

behind her back." Like that's the whole

like "What the [ __ ] Dad?" sort of

situation why do we have to hide that

you're supportive of me like why is that

a secret yes exactly so it's now the

following evening so she's all moved in

yes so Jonathan is on his way home from

work he's rushing home with a pizza to

see April yes cuz did she eat he's

probably worried about it he is well

like he cuz she got there at 6:30 and he

left for work at 7:00 and he like helped

her move her mattress in and he's like

what 19year-old is so like so desperate

to be some like they showed up car fully

loaded at 6:30 the next morning ready to

go like right to move in with a strange

man in his 40s in a house that's under

construction like oh the further we go

the more concerning it gets like oh damn

Right and he like he's very cognizant of

that at some level and so he rushes home

cuz he like wants to see her wants to

make sure she's okay see how the day

went

and so he brought a pizza back and he

calls he's like "Hey I'm home i brought

dinner." Sort of energy and he like

doesn't hear anything so he goes up to

knock on her door with all the

construction she in her lingerie no the

latch on the door is broken um and so

when he goes to knock on the door it

like caks open and he hears the water

running from her on suite and he's like

"Oh she's in the shower." But he sees a

tripod

and laptop set up with like a tapestry

hanging on the wall behind it like the

camera is focused on the bed and he's

like "What you doing who did I let into

my house?"

Yes uh he like goes over and sees that

like the name of the website it's

attached to is Dream Cams Live so he has

some inkling uh but but then he hears

the shower water like the water turn off

so he like goes to like sneak out and as

he's going back down the stairs she

hears a creek and she's like "Oh like

did you call me?" He's like "Oh dinner's

Yeah I got like pizza it's here like let

me know if you like want some."

Your face your face is saying so much

but also not anything i'm thinking about

the time

a friend of mine who's a photographer

years ago had decided that she wanted to

get into like the budwoir situation like

as it was starting to pick up and I was

like I would love to do that for Matt's

birthday sure like if you're trying to

build your portfolio I'd be happy to do

it

so she found an apartment to rent by the

hour

in Atlanta

oh no i don't love this on some kind of

like it was like a a site specifically

for like gig workers and and like

photographers things like that who would

need to do something like that

and the guy renting the room was like

"Yeah when you check in or like when you

go go in there's going to be a guy at

the desk do not tell him that you're

renting by the hour just let him know

like what unit you're looking for and

they'll send you up don't worry about

it." Yep this feels great and I was like

"Porn has been shot here." Like just to

be clear

porn has been shot here and I'm going to

be in my underwear so there are certain

things I'm not going to touch just for

the record like

we'll be doing that my sister-in-law and

brother-in-law were doing an Airbnb out

of their basement for a long time like

had its own entrance like full private

people could come and go as they please

but someone had asked they're like "Hey

we like don't need it overnight but we

would love to use the space for a photo

shoot." And then when the photos were

like found later I'm like "This is porn

this is Yeah i was like "That's a print

I made you in your basement love that

it's featured in porn." Um

yeah the photos I took were never

published

for others to see but yeah were they

used for her portfolio

yeah but she did like blur on my face

and stuff i was like I'm so covered in

tattoos though it doesn't really matter

yeah I was going to say your tattoos are

pretty distinct regardless yeah like I

didn't have all the tattoos I have now

in those photos but still it's like you

know if somebody was curious enough they

could figure it out i'm like yeah you

can blur out my face and I don't know

many people who have a full floral world

map from their left shoulder blade onto

their right tricep like I think it's

going to give me away yeah I did wear a

clown mask in some of the pictures oh my

god oh my god oh my god to troll my

husband i did do that i don't think I

trolled him i think I made him hard

your your husband loves ICP he does but

I don't think the twisty mask with me

topless like did it i don't think that

was the one but it was pretty funny for

him to be looking at the pictures and

they go "Oh

yeah mhm i did do that i had a friend

back in Nashville who was a very very

talented photographer and her and her

husband had just started renting this

like super cute studio in a very like

trendy part of town that like the rent

was just like the rent might honestly

have been more than my mortgage is now

but she was like but I can use it for

budoir as well and I was like I don't I

don't know if I want that many photo

shoots happening in my living room like

when they leave this is still the space

that I exist in

no not for me no not for me so he tells

her there's the pizza she was like "Yeah

let me I just got out of the shower i'm

not done joining you for dinner." Um

it's funny because when she comes

downstairs she's holding a orange tabby

cat that like has been a stray he's been

feeding but she's holding the cat and

she's like "You didn't tell me you have

a cat." And he's like "I don't." And

she's like "Oh

probably shouldn't have let it inside

then but now that it's here would you

like a cat?" How do you feel about the

name Mango

cute they feel great about the name

Mango so now they have a cat together

named Mango but while they're sitting

and eating he's just like enthralled

that she's there he thinks she's so

pretty he's just like checking her out

he's very aware that she threw on

clothes post shower and is not wearing a

bra but also because of her upbringing

she's sitting there and he's like

checking out her boobs and she's seeing

him stare at her while eating and she's

just like he thinks I'm really fat yeah

like like she's like "I like to eat."

And he's like "Yeah who doesn't?" And I

love that for you he's like "That's a

cool fact." Like

are we just saying things we like yes i

like your boobs like "Okay."

She asks uh while they're eating if

she's like "Hey like would you be able

to fix the latch on my door it's

broken." And he's like "Yeah no

problem." So he grabs his toolbox when

they're done eating and goes up and by

the time he goes up they're like the

camera and everything has already been

put away so he's like

"Okay now I know i get it." Yeah but he

fixes the door goes back to his room

it's now late they're going to bed and

he's like I'm going to look up her

channel and fantastic news she's

streaming right now

so he joins the stream from across the

hall

yeah maybe on the first floor maybe it's

a master on Maine who can say

but he also like he very much is

intrigued by her thinks she's stunning

is very into her but is also like

she's a child who clearly has some [ __ ]

going on

let's tread carefully here sort of

energy i can objectify her in secret

yeah like when he's like he watches the

channel and is also like this is the

closest I'll ever get to having April

for myself a is like the the thought

behind it right so like

kind of creepy yeah but also like

his heart was

he's trying yeah we can give him that

yes so as he joins she's finishing

reading a story and is engaging with the

comments and she's wearing her cute

little lingerie and someone is like "Oh

I'd love a private bedtime story." She's

like "Oh like you got to pay extra if

you want to go into a private room." And

Jonathan's like "Fuck that she's not

going." So like he pays the full amount

for a private room and he's like "We I

got him i don't want her going into a

private room with another username on

here i want her going into a private

room with Electric J20 you know?"

Yeah i I don't think he felt that

strongly about his username he's in his

mid-40s he's just creating a username to

see the content not like my husband who

still uses Squiggy Tubs to this day in

his mid-40s

squiggy tubs you heard me squiggy Tubs

yep vance uses Vzy as his like username

and like gaming name for everything but

then whenever he's had to make profiles

or like things for me now I'm cheesy

cute and it's just kind of continued i'm

like honestly it's kind of easy for I

like it yeah i don't use it anywhere

else if anyone called me cheesy I would

not reply to it cuz I would not know

that they were referencing me a but you

know when I'm playing Mario Party I'll

gladly be cheesy sure so he pays the max

amount to go into a private room uh and

she's like "Okay so what like what kind

of story would do you want?" and she's

like going down the list of options that

she has and she's like "Oh I have some

that are like daddy dom baby girl." And

she's and so in the chat I do find it

interesting because there are several

interactions that they have in this

novella where he's typing and she's

replying right right right okay cuz

she's a cam girl right like a Twitch

situation almost yeah like cuz it is

live so it's literally just replying to

the comment and so he's like "Oh like

does that turn you on?" Like daddy do

little baby girl and she's like "It

does." Like I've never like said it i

don't really like normally tell people

that sort of energy she asks him if he's

hard and he's like "From the moment I

saw you."

It's different when you know that he's

down the hall yep and then she gets to

reading the erotica and like that's kind

of how that scene ends is them starting

this online relationship in this regard

all right mhm

sit break

we're not sponsored by Boa Box but it

would be a lot cooler if we were

you guys can just sit and # goals listen

to my sip sounds

we've already established we don't like

ASMR

i really don't no me either i really

don't no i could watch all of the rug

cleaning videos on TikTok with none of

the sound effects yes i I literally

listen to them on silent yeah or

sometimes I'll just speed to the end

like there's a point like there was one

recently I was like this rug cleaning

video is 6 minutes long too much we're

doing too much i am not this passionate

get a new rug i can't do that with you

yeah no I I actually did get a new rug

because my the runner in my front

entryway has the side of it has been

curled since we got it like it had like

sticky pads on the bottom still curled

could not get this rug fully flat to

save my life we've had it for like 5

years vance was like "You know we can

just get a rug we like better right?"

the freedom I felt in that moment that I

had not like processed before i was like

"Oh my god I can I could do that i could

do that right now i did." There you go

of course the one I ordered I thought

was in stock with Teimu but it wasn't it

was a pre-order and then it will be

shipped by sea so you know I'll see it a

couple of months from now 2026 2027

maybe

but I like my knee-jerk reaction as soon

as I ordered the rug i threw out the old

one so now we're just rugless

heathens we're just raw dogging it in

our front lobby not raw dogging living

on the edge without a front runner

right i'm sure when you walked in my

house today you were like "The vibes are

off." First thing I noticed I was like I

cannot believe there's no front runner

in here ridiculous

you're like quite frankly I don't want

to be dramatic but this might impact our

friendship long term

like I don't know if I can be here

physically emotionally i don't feel

comfortable i don't feel safe physical

and emotional safety are paramount and I

don't feel them with the removal of that

rug

okay so it's a few weeks later sure oh

so we've been living together for quite

some time now yeah i'd say we're maybe

like 2 weeks later i don't know but they

definitely seem to have like found a bit

routine of a rhythm yeah they're

definitely setting into their roommate

routines jonathan is very sweet and like

does little things where like they're

like eating breakfast and he's like "I

filled your tires with air." And she's

like "What tires?" And he's like "Your

your your car tires they look low so I

filled them with air." And she's like

"Oh thanks." Like just very tires need

air that's the energy she's giving to me

i don't know exactly i'm like "April

pause think about it for a second how

many other tires do you have i have some

questions right and where would we be

putting air if not in your tires on your

vehicle i'm like did you bring a bike is

that like It's my six-speed my Schwin

topping up my Schwin

okay i think we've talked about this

before the Virginia Creeper Trail mm-m

so it is it doesn't start in Damascus

Virginia but that's where the uh Happy

Shack bike shuttle place that we rent

from historically they are in Damascus

Virginia so I think the whole trail for

the Virginia Cooper Trail is like 34

miles in total we do half of it so we do

17 miles and it is the old train tracks

oh okay and so it's called the creeper

trail because it's on like a 6% grade

and so the train would slowly creep up

the mountain and so people would be like

"Oh yeah it looks like it's creeping

because of the the steep incline." So

that's how it got its name right um I

don't go uphill I go downhill so we go

to Damascus Virginia we pay the nice

people at the shuttle shack our money

they drive us up to the top of the

mountain with the bike that they have

let me borrow and then I coast that

[ __ ] downhill for 17 miles and at the

end I go I just rode 17 miles [ __ ]

and even though I'm like it 15 were

downhill the final two I was I was

pedled a little bit

but there's a dude

and I don't know especially because the

creeper trail was absolutely impacted by

the hurricanes last year uh he has done

the full creeper trail i want to say

both ways like up and down every day for

like 20s something year like something

insane that is bananas and there was a

day where I was struggling going

downhill and I passed him like the

iconic I was like holy [ __ ] that's the

dude i'm like that man is not even

[ __ ] struggling that man just rides

his bike 34 miles uphill at a 6% grade

on a daily basis

it could never be me mostly because I

never learned to ride a bike but also

because I would not do that kind of

physical activity

i'm learning new things about you you

don't know how to ride a bike no neither

does Kay really yes cuz we when uh Kay

and Austin came up to my parents house

with us a couple years ago and we're

like "Oh we should all go to the the

creeper trail." And Kay was like "Well I

don't know how to ride a bike so that

would not be fun for me." Not for me

yeah kay and I could hang out and drink

while you guys do the creeper trail but

yeah I I'm fascinated all right do your

sisters know how to ride yep both of

them uh-huh

mhm

the face you're making right now you're

like "Yeah yeah I'm aware they sure do

they sure should know how to ride a

bike." Yeah great question Chelsea great

question yeah there's a lot of things

about being a middle child that are just

different you know and me not knowing

how to ride a bike is one of them so

yeah I just never learned do you have

any desire to learn no no I don't yeah

not at this juncture so like if Matt

surprised you and like I bought you like

a bike you wouldn't be like this is a

great surprise i'd be like I can't ride

one why would you do that

it'd be a weird use of money knowing I

can't ride okay what if it had training

wheels sure I give it a go whatever i

don't have any dignity left it's not

like training wheels would hurt it

although to find an adult bike with

training wheels on it might be a whole

different issue like what about training

wheels and your whole response is

essentially yeah you can't emotionally

hurt me so

I guess we could do some training the

emotional damage has been done i mean

no no no oh my god it's fine it's fine

my cousin did try to teach me once when

I was 15 when we were on the beach but

um I wouldn't call it successful i could

sort of go in a straight line but like

turning was not a thing you know i would

liken that to when I was taught how to

drive stick i'm like was I given a

lesson absolutely technically yes could

I execute if left to my own devices

absolutely [ __ ] not also just to be

clear I learned to drive stick in a 99

tel in the mountains of Montana

and when you're learning how to like

take your foot off like and like what

that can when you hit the clutch and

when you go into neutral and all that

stuff yeah learning that on a hill where

when you take your foot off you start

rolling backwards was so intimidating

and I vividly remember my best friend

trying to teach me to drive stick in her

car we're on a hill and I look over and

there's just grinding every gear there's

a couple on a walk seeing what's

happening recognizing what's happening

and just dying laughing and I'm like

you you you know what i hope you enjoy

every bit of this moment you earned it i

I earned it for you happy to share this

with you

i learned to drive stick in Florida

which is flat so Well that's where I met

Joanne so I Why did you go all the way

to Montana to learn to drive stick cuz

the [ __ ] moved my best friend moved and

I had to follow her want to see you next

Tuesday also one time on that same trip

I went out to visit her twice in Montana

while she was living there she's now in

Texas but when she was living in Montana

we started she was like "Yeah let's

drive up the mountain cuz it's a

beautiful view and there's like a ski

lodge up at the top." Cool sounds great

uh so we go to Dairy Queen and get some

blizzards to eat sure it is the

beginning of March in Montana chile

there is a blizzard happening yeah she's

like "We should drive up this mountain."

Halfway up the mountain i'm like "How

long does it take to get there like how

much further is it?" And she goes "I

don't know i've never made it all the

way."

I went "The [ __ ] did you just say?" And

she's like "Yeah last time I like slid

into a tree I just sat and played my

guitar until someone could come and get

me." Is it important to you to make it

to where we're going today

luckily like she did live at the base of

the mountain okay so we if we kept

walking we would have found her fiance

turned now husband eventually who's

former military he's a very capable

human sure he has her name tattooed on

his neck it's intimidating that is

intimidating it really is that is so

much commitment

yeah they hit a rough patch for a while

and that came up awkward yeah he was

like "What do I do i have your name

tattooed." And I remember literally

thinking "Really hope you all get

through it." They did yeah doing great

well thank God for that but did also

I've had I'm like "Oh a a name neck

tattoo." Yeah cuz I have a couple's

tattoo but you would never know that

i have

two matching tattoos with my husband and

two tattoos for my husband right and

none of them just say

dance i think it was Ron Fanches who had

the stand up where he's like "I saw a

neck tattoo that said [ __ ] Linda." He's

like "Either that person really loves

Linda or really hates Linda." Either way

Linda could probably do better but like

I've got for Linda justice for Linda

okay so it's a couple weeks later

they've fallen into this like roommate

routine and he's doing sweet things like

filling her tires with air

and then um also worth noting electric

J20

has bought every private session for the

rest of the month so the work on the

house is halted because he doesn't have

any money well no he does well he works

a full-time job so he only works in his

house on the weekend and this is the

weekday evenings yes cuz he's still

electrician oh right right right yes

okay so he's also capable of fixing a

lot of things in his house it's not like

he's like I've got some YouTube

tutorials and a lot of heart

yikes which for the record is what my

husband has and he does great work i was

going to say my husband has done a lot

with YouTube including fixing my oven

which was pretty intense vance made me

arched built-in bookshelves incredible

from YouTube tutorials maybe Tik Tok

tutorials yeah either way right there is

a lot to be gained sure but I do also

feel like maybe not with electricity

though well and I don't know if Here's

the problem on the flip side there are

now things where I'm like "This seems

broken we should call someone." And

Vance is like "I bet I could fix it."

And I'm like "Damn it Vance okay why

don't you try to fix it let me know how

it goes."

watch

our oven sats

into that he's like I think I've done

all I can

and then we called someone finally and

they're like yeah this [ __ ] is broken

yeah i'm like I knew i knew months ago

our element blew out of our oven which

was horrifying by the way because it's

like an a a light bulb going out where

it like flares bright and then pops oh

that's terrifying it was pretty

terrifying for me to experience um but

Matt did figure out how to replace the

full element and it really upset me

because I wanted a new oven

but he was so proud of himself for

fixing it so I had an ex who crashed his

car into someone else he was at fault in

the accident we're just going to say

that from the jump call a spade a spade

but we were living in Tennessee

his car had been purchased and was

registered to California and in

Tennessee they were like "Oh because of

the amount of damage you're over the

threshold so your car is now considered

totaled because it would cost so much to

fix it." And and then they went "Oh wait

your car is technically registered in

California it's worth more there your

car is not totaled there so I guess

we'll fix it because of the insurance

standards for being totaled so he like

fully He's like "Okay well this is

shitty but at least I get a new car out

of this situation." Jokes on you [ __ ]

yep jokes on you you crashed it and you

still drive it it will be your car after

forever that happened to me when I was

driving my 1999 Buick Regal and somebody

rearended me and totalled her car

because that [ __ ] is made out of steel

fully and so it just looked like it was

turning to the left my car her car the

front end was gone like she hit me on 85

oh rear ended me on 85 yeah how fast do

you have to be going to rear end someone

on 85 holy [ __ ] really fast really fast

i had a concussion it was really bad

but they were like "Well we're gonna fix

your car regardless whether it was

totaled or not." And I was like "Can I

please have a new car it's 2013 and I

would love so much to not be driving a

1999 Buick Regal where none of the

electrics work including the gas gauge

so I just have to feel it if I have to

put gas in the car." Like but no they

just fixed it unfortunately the on my

drive to moving to Texas my entire power

steering column went out i had to get it

replaced the week I moved to Texas and

then beyond that once it was fixed the

gas gauge never worked quite right again

so after when it would hit a quarter

tank I was like I could have 200 miles

left i could have 20 m left i guess

we'll find out when we hit the highway

baby literally and the number like I

missed a therapy appointment i had to

call my therapist and be like "Hey I'm

not going to make our session i'm on the

side of 183

waiting for a tow truck because my gas

has left my car does my car say it has

plenty of gas?" Yes mhm mhm yep but here

we are and you know what if I had

electric J20 he would have filled my car

with gas i wouldn't even be in this

situation tires gas oil you would have

been cruising to that therapy

appointment yeah would have been able to

work through the emotional trauma where

were you electric J i've been holding

that trauma for 10 years now jonathan

was on with a cam girl apparently with

April the cam girl

uh so yes he's now bought up all of the

sessions and so flip I guess we're we're

still on April's perspective uh she sees

her dad calling her and she's like "Oh

this is the first time my dad has called

me since I've moved does he does he care

does my dad finally care about me?" So

she's like "Hi what's up?" It's the

stepmom being like "Well I guess you are

alive." Seeing that like yeah she's the

worst um and like just automatically is

like "Oh well have you found a new job

yet do you need money how are you paying

for your rent?" Like all of these and

April's like "Yeah like the house is

still under construction but would love

to have you guys over for dinner." And

like is just trying to be like "Yeah

wants the relationship to be anything

other than what it is." And also that's

a little bit of like I don't know maybe

I'm interpreting this like a little bit

of a [ __ ] you as like a Yeah no I'm

doing great come see the place like

right love to have you yeah you threw me

out because I was a cam girl because you

decided my size disqualified me from

having my college tuition paid for

yes livid yeah like I feel my chest i

was going to say like right in here

right in my chest yeah

so that night when April and Electric

Jay are having their cam date

it seems as though they've like started

having some more personal conversation

so he knows a little bit about her

Electric Jay not as Jonathan knows a

little bit about the family and so she's

telling Electric Jay how she has invited

her parents over for dinner um and that

she's like bummed that her dad still

hasn't reached out and like in the chat

Jonathan's like "Any father would be

lucky to have you in his life i know I

would." And then she's like "Do you want

to be my dad Jay?" Like that like so

we're

The energy is shifting yeah yeah yeah i

feel the energy shifting 1,000% it's not

subtle

nor is it trying to be yeah subtle is

not a word in this synopsis um also he

had sent maybe I guess probably to a PO

box but sent her an outfit to wear uh so

like sent her some little lingerie so

she's wearing the little like set that

he got her on their their date and she

chooses another Daddy Dom little girl

kind of story line and as she's reading

through this one it's definitely

arousing and like doing everybody's into

it yeah yes and the situation is

escalating and so he's still chatting

but once again she's responding verbally

and so it kind of starts like the if I

were there I would take such good care

of you like well what would you do and

so he's like walking her through the

scene um and at one point I forget

exactly when uh but she ends up turning

the camera because she has never been

fully nude on She's like "I don't."

She's like "I I don't do that." Yes and

so like at one point he's like "Are you

wet like show me your wet panties." And

then or "Show me how wet you are." And

you can like tell that she's a little

like "Oh I don't." And he's like "That's

my boundary." Like well he's like "Just

show me the wet spot like you don't need

to like bury yourself to me sort of

energy

so she ends up shifting the camera so he

can watch her face uh but cannot see

below the waist as she is masturbating

on camera an escalation yes

and so it's like one of those things

where it's like I'd ask my baby girl

like where she wants daddy to touch her

and she's like I wish you were my daddy

and so like this whole situation is is

kind of starting and he's like I want to

see you come she says she wants daddy to

be her first she's imagining at this

point

both Jonathan and Electric Jay as like

two

like she hasn't connected these dots yet

by any she's thinking about Jonathan

while this is going on cuz she's into

him and all of his 68 glory yes and like

all of the ways he just like

takes care of her without Yeah

expectation

in a way that like clearly her family

has not supported her or taken care of

her as such um so

when she's like I want daddy to be my

first and he's like that's because your

daddy's good girl and I love you so and

she's like so she ends up like orgasming

then as she's coming down she's like

"Okay well he like said he loved me."

But like that was probably just like the

heat of the moment he probably meant he

loves this interaction we're having yes

me as a person i love you too but like

it's kind of like I don't

I if I'm remembering correctly and I

forgot to put this in my outline like

he's like "No like I said what I like

clarifies." Yeah I meant what I said

yeah very much um so now we're going to

jump to the next weekend where her

parents are coming over for dinner that

night

yes um

they've been working on the house more

consistently throughout the week knowing

that this is happening like she's

clearly nervous wants it to be nice

wants it to to be a special evening

jonathan's also kind of like I'm your

landl like for all intents and purposes

like I don't need to be at this dinner

like yeah I don't need it keep working

on the house you have dinner

elsewhere

um when they get to the house the

stepmom her name is Eloise i forget the

dad's name doesn't really matter eloise

doesn't really matter right either uh

but like Eloise is like once again

immediately

critical a [ __ ] yeah just like critical

making all these comments being like "Oh

is is he joining us for dinner?" And

April's like "No he's he's really busy."

And like the like "Wow I can't believe

your new landlord is self that he

wouldn't even come to the dinner that

you made." Like just those sort of like

"Yeah but he's my landlord not my lover

or my friend so why would he come?" Well

and also on the flip side like and

Jonathan said he's like "Yeah I get

where as if your 19-year-old daughter

moves in with someone you'd probably

want to know who the [ __ ] she was living

with." Yeah but that also doesn't seem

to be the motivator for the stepmom

right it's more just to be like if he

had shown up she'd be like "Well right."

Well and so he does because April like

pops her head into whatever room he's

working it's like "Hey like they like

I'm Can you go meet them?" Yeah like

they'd love to meet you and so at this

point he's like "I'm going to join

them." Yeah for for dinner and as

they're sitting at at dinner the stepmom

is like "Oh it's like have you gotten a

new job like I noticed you haven't been

at your desk in weeks and like Jonathan

starts realizing he's like how often is

her stepmom checking her cam feed to

like see that like she hasn't been like

why is she so obsessed with like

[ __ ] on her like oh like what did

you get a new job how are you paying for

your rent like just that sort of Yeah

real like underhanded very underhanded

at no point explicitly saying anything

but like very much trying to subtly

imply that April is prostituting herself

mhm for room and board which by the way

sex work is valid work but like maybe if

you hadn't kicked her out for eating

that second cookie yeah you know like

what are you trying to do here yes for

the record sex work is valid work

everyone is valid like

by no means [ __ ] on on

I know I know but I also just like felt

like I like still needed to say it yeah

but yes very much just like trying to

like be like "Oh like so how are you

afford?" So how much is rent here right

and April's like "Oh a couple hundred."

But like I fully expect that to go up

like when renovation exactly right like

really made uh her grandma's mac and

cheese recipe and when she served it to

her stepmom she's like "Wow could you

have like chosen a more like fattening

dish?" Yes and so she's like "Okay why

don't you just give that piece to dad

and I'll like cut you a smaller piece?"

Like that sort of energy just trying to

keep the piece yes and like Johnson is

just like getting like more and more

pissed by the moment cuz he's like "What

the [ __ ] is happening here?" And like

April starts like trying to apologize to

Jay Electric Jay Jonathan whatever your

name you want to use right like what her

stepmom is like clearly implying

and Jonathan is like "No need to

apologize baby girl." And then she's

kind of like "Wait did he just say

"Baby?" And then and then stepmom's like

"What did he just say?" And he's like

"That's none of your [ __ ] business

what I said or what I didn't say she

made this beautiful dinner because she

wanted this to be a nice experience

you're being an [ __ ] you're not being

supportive of her at all." And then he

looks at her dad and he's like "What the

[ __ ] is your problem man?" Like "What

are you doing why are you even here?"

Exactly he's like "You have an

incredible daughter and you do nothing

to defend her or like stand up for her

like you should be so lucky as to have a

daughter that you can support in that

way." And so just like fully goes off on

the parents April sitting there

shocked right shook right and they end

up leaving right and so then like as

soon as they leave though walks back in

it's like "So baby girl huh?" So

you're Jay

she's like I might be making a leap but

it seems to be and he tells her he's

like he's like I am i found your your

channel he's like please know like I

have no expectations that anything will

ever go further like I meant everything

I said when like everything I told you

was true i do love you uh if you believe

nothing else like believe that but like

I I I promise you I wasn't like just

like trying to like be a creep like I do

i I love you a And then she's like

offers her wrist and it's like then love

me daddy it's like what

she wasn't offering the wrist her wrist

felt like she's being handcuffed

she held his hands i don't know she did

something that was like a I'm imagining

like going up to a cop and being like

"Take me daddy." Like "Excuse me right

now."

Also then I'm thinking of all of the

police officers I I know in real life

who are like "You don't cuff in the

front you dumbass."

That's not That's not going to be the

sexy experience you're thinking it'll be

i know you think you're trying to do

something but you're not doing what

you're trying to do right now no no no

yeah so we go from like then love me

daddy like they go upstairs they have

Did he tie her up or did he just take

her hand it doesn't matter yeah he

didn't tie her up they have their

solidifying [ __ ] very much i think

something that stood out to me about how

this like they they write Margot writes

a scene versus some other like not

necessarily by Margot but just daddy

down little girl romances

um is I feel like in some books it can

sometimes read as a little bit more of

like a mental regression that they

haven't talked about where you're like

ooh this feels like is this a trauma

response that they're like age

regressing like this like if this works

for your dynamic I'm not against it but

like there should also be convers

conversations about it and I think

matters in this kind of situation yeah

and I think from April's perspective

there was also

acute awareness of

the role she's playing in that moment

right like at one point like like he

takes his dick out and she's like "Oh

that's so big daddy like is this how you

like like do can you teach me how you

like it sucked?" And like like and then

when he like like in the book where his

eyes get huge and her internal monologue

is like I might be better at this role

play than he anticipated but like I am

killing it right now kind of recognizing

like that that is the role a role versus

I think some books it there's no

conversation about it and it reads like

a regression i'm like well no now we're

just entering like mental instability in

a way that doesn't feel as good to

navigate versus

identifying the role that you're playing

that you feel safe in right and I think

even if you're regressing into that role

being able to identify the role feels

different if that Yeah no I get totally

what you're saying yeah yes yeah um so

they go upstairs they have their

solidifying [ __ ] they have their like

she like "Daddy teach me how to like

suck your cock." And he's like "Blowjob

lessons will be later little girl." That

sort of energy he takes her virginity he

makes sure it's good for her good and

then the epilogue is 3 years later

yeah 3 years later they're married we

banged one time you get it we're in it

to win it uhhuh yeah uh they're married

they are adding an extension to their

house she is uh she got her bachelor

she's currently working on her masters

or is about to start her masters in

library science and she has a part-time

job working at a library to get some

hours in love it she's 5 months pregnant

oh and one I the room that they're

building off the back is a playroom for

her that will have cameras that they can

still have their thing yeah and that's

how it ends well all right

yeah

jonathan

does show up in other books did he show

up in Run Baby Run and Stay Baby Stay i

think he does like cuz there's a

construction company and he's the

electrician who like works so like okay

I think he's mentioned as like but yes

this is his story um but yeah very if

you're looking for a

not too complicated daddy do baby girl

novella sort of situation mhm it's an

easy read not too challenging no yeah

very straightforward what's the

scale cams tripods tapestries

mac and cheese no the sound tripods

feels complicated

hey

it's Jonathan's nickname from high

school you know hey

I know it will only be Ford's nickname

if I make it his nickname which creates

some problems but I will forever think

of the anatomy scan that I had when the

ultrasound tech went "Oh wow that's a

boy look at that torpedo."

I was like "Trpedo would be a really

hilarious nickname." However in the

future when people are like "How did you

get the nickname torpedo?" You'd have to

explain that you had a giant dick at

your 20week ultra appointment

you'd have to explain a lot of awkward

stuff my mom thought it would be funny

cuz it's not just that it was in the

ultrasound it's that my mother told me

and then chose to call me torpedo that's

different layers that's different

[Laughter]

touche touche yeah

valid that's like weird boy mom on

Facebook energy that we don't bring yeah

that's one of those that like if it

happens organically over time it's but

I'm like that's not something you can

force no no no mm- but objectively still

hilarious

i'm like

yeah also one time I was over at my

sister's house we were visiting them in

Tennessee and I was bathing my son and

she was like "Oh wow." And I was like

"You're not the first

it's his lore."

My 2-year-old

origin story

oh no

you know

I don't want to think about it beyond

that i don't blame you but it is very

hilarious objectively it is very funny

so not torpedoes those weren't even in

the book um

tripods I guess

cameras

chats

webcams mac and cheese air in the tires

pressure in the tires really naming so

many options that we have so many plot

points outside of tripods

I think tripods are still where we're

landing so it has to be divisible by

three right like we're not masochists i

mean we might be but not for that out of

nine out of 21

i was going to go with 18 all right 18

or 15

15 tripods so many tripods

it's a lot of tripods is tripod my son's

nickname in high school jesus

tripod or torpedo um

can't wait for him to listen to this

show years from now he definitely will

poor guy to this episode to this episode

specifically we flagged this episode for

you we did this this is your legacy

kiddo you're welcome it's your legacy

okay

um

I just feel like this like Yeah we're

going to go like 21 tripods all right

legs 21 tripod legs not cuz I I'm not

multiplying 21 by three i'm not getting

into that chaos

we're going to go 11 tripod legs

okay no 12

that one tripod is [ __ ]

it's no longer a tripod

it's going to fall over a little bit all

right 12 out of 21 12 out of 21 tripod

like about half a little over half yeah

a little under little over a little over

yeah

listen we've changed the math on it a

couple times i just had to confirm i'm

not that bad i am bad but I'm not that

bad at math um no i I think

it is exactly what I expected to pick up

we got what we signed up for 1,000% no

more no less you looking for a daddy

dumb baby girl novella

70 pages i got you fam like yes this is

this is it it's very simplistic it's

very straightforward in that regard um

really no frrills on it like but also if

it's what you're looking for sounded

kind of nice yeah it's a good palette

cleanser for sure by no means shipping

on it

like I'm not going to give it like 21

i'm not insane but like Yeah it's like a

good middle of the road Daddy Dom

novella yeah who's the author again

margot Scott marggo Scott that's right

that's right that's right no i wonder if

they're related in my heart and in the

lore that I have created for Jan which

is not founded in reality Margot is her

daughter 100% i like to think of them

working at a coffee shop together yeah

writing about dicks

and Jan teaching Margot the control F

function so that she can use her stories

repeatedly but with different names

A and then you're going to controll P

well oh you missed the the C yeah

controll

okay now that you've copied the thing

click Ctrl F dante yeah anytime it says

Dante switch that out for Damian you'll

feel great i was going to say Damian yes

dante for Damian you get it it's going

to be a whole new series no one will

even realize the similarities literally

the exact same one's in Tampa and one is

in in small town Maine they'll never

know

it still gets me the number of

billionaires Jan expects me to believe

live in Tampa Bay Florida absolutely not

i mean with the real estate market at

this point no

I'm not excited you're like it's Hulk

Hogan and no one else

oh end of list sure tom Cruz and all the

the other Scientologists [ __ ] the

Scientologists scientologists don't

count everybody knows that don't say

that too loud don't put them on the

census Stephen they don't count no do do

put them on the census all

Scientologists are valued and wonderful

and I don't want anyone coming after me

she said "I don't want to be on that

list like from the Leo Reiny show i

don't want to be on that list." That

list is [ __ ] real i grew up in Clear

Water that list is [ __ ] real do not

come at me about this do not tweet at me

about this i do not i was like I would

rather be tapped i'd rather have my

phone tapped by the FBI or the Secret

Service than I would have it tapped by

Scientologist did I tell you about the

time on Roswell Road in Atlanta I worked

down the road from this building that

had like no windows and it had been

under construction and my coworker and I

would drive by it every day on our way

to lunch and we'd be like "What is

that?" and he eventually went on some

kind of exploratory mission and

discovered it was the New Scientology

Church in Atlanta and he was like "We

should go." And I was like "You should

go and tell me about it i'm not doing

that." Did you know that all churches

have um like a special altar for Elron

Hover i did not know that yeah all of

them when I was in seminary one of our

assignments was that we had to like go

and experience a service at another

religion so me and a friend we decided

to go to the Church of Scientology in

Dallas Texas we did all of their opening

assessments and they told me all of the

courses that they thought I should take

internally to improve myself

as they were scoring my test they like

made me watch like this video in the

interim and then I was like "Yeah I'm

not going to do But also when my friend

signed us up for it she put her

she put either her email or phone number

she put one mhm they reached out to her

on the other like being like "We're so

Yeah like we're so excited about your

tour." And she was like "How the [ __ ]

did they get that?" I mean I don't think

she said [ __ ] cuz we were in seminary at

the time but like she was like "How the

hell did they She probably wouldn't say

hell either i'll get I'll rework it

right?" Yeah how did they get my number

yeah or my email like whatever it was i

just remember her sending me a

screenshot and being like "OMG what?"

And I was like "Can't wait to go

tomorrow." Yeah

wild times we respect all creeds and

religions here we for the record

we really truly do that might have

sounded sarcastic but it wasn't we

genuinely It wasn't and I I am like

pausing i ap like by no means trying to

[ __ ] on anyone's lived experience by any

stretch of the imagination um I can say

my lived experience has given me

hesitancy and pause when it comes to

some certain things and that is the

current lens through which I view those

things

well said and on that note

like subscribe like 12 12 tripod legs 13

give you an extra one get crazy with it

a baker's dozen of tripod legs baker's

dozen of tripod legs final offer yes um

as Hannah said don't forget to like

Jesus wept we got to get out of here how

do we do this

the only way out is through we got into

Scientology and now we can't get out

that's how a lot of them feel yeah

oh don't don't forget to like subscribe

rate and let us know what books you'd

like us to review in the future tell a

friend

appreciate you mut [ __ ] bye

well that's it for this week smud [ __ ]

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[Music]