Smut Club

well hello all you beautiful

people you know what time it

is ladies and gents guys and dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for Smite Club here's

your hosts Chelsea and Hannah

[Music]

[Laughter]

hey everybody and welcome to Smut Club

i'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this is

the podcast where we are two licensed

professional counselors who sometimes

daydrink and review romance novels of

varying caliber today we are back up on

that Boda [ __ ] e Oh I've missed Boda

we miss you Boda

vance and I decided that this year we're

gonna like try and be more intentional

about like I'm like we don't just need

to like guzzle wine like if we want to

have wine like let's like buy a nice

bottle like yes like let's sit let's

enjoy it let's like savor it let's not

just be like well if I push the button

it'll pour very quickly and how much I

get is how much I get and so we had made

that transition and then I like took a

sip of Boda and I was like

"Oh I'm home." Yeah yeah yeah yeah no I

know exactly what you're talking about

but also I think the thing about Boda

not sponsored it'd be cooler if we were

it's just so freaking drinkable like I'm

like it is drinkable it's like oh when

you think of red wine yes that is what

it tastes like right it is the palatable

table wine yep and that's why it gets me

in trouble m and that's also probably

why I've been drinking more bottled wine

cuz I'm like oh this is like it actually

makes me sit and like think about the

complexity of the notes in this one for

a second but I don't want to do that i

just want to have the red wine yeah i'm

like I just want wine and Bod's like we

got you it doesn't have to be harder

than this

so thanks Boda you've been

single-handedly not single-handedly well

depending on the day maybe you've been

supporting us from the beginning yeah

for Yeah bod's always there years now

yeah literally you know it'll never

leave you

boda when I was working in youth

ministry I once told my students

cheesecake which also working in youth

ministry I'm sure they were expecting

Jesus yeah the Holy Spirit sure

something yeah the Trinity

cheesecake yeah I get that i bought

myself an entire chocolate cheesecake

yes you did i don't know i just chose to

do that and I have one piece left it's

in my fridge and was it a chocolate

crust as well

oh hell yeah yeah yeah it was one of

those like chocolate samplers so there

was like two pieces of chocolate chip

like two triple chocolate i was like

"Okay okay okay." Well and quite frankly

I feel like the sampler ones go faster

they do because I'm like "Oh I'm just

I'm just taking a little testy bite out

of each of these." I'm just doing like

little half pieces yes

um no I love

doing gluten-free Oreos and like you put

those in the food processor and then you

use that as your crust as your crust

it's so delightful and works so well

like either with the golden ones or with

the standard ones depending on what

flavor that's great i don't I haven't

looked to see how wild they've gone with

the gluten-free Oreo flavors i'm not I'm

not that deep in the Oreo

lore well I feel like I saw someone

recently that like there was a drop I

don't know did Sabrina Carpenter have an

Oreo collab there was something i don't

remember but like some celebrity dropped

some Oreos that people were

driving to like five stores in a row to

try and find this like special package

of Oreos is that like the new Beanie

Babies or something like why are we

doing that yeah i was like "Oh I don't

know enough about the buzz around this

like I love this excitement for you i

just Yeah i can't cosign it cuz I don't

get I'm like personally I'm not driving

to five stores for Oreos um

but I want to support you in that

journey and quite frankly if you want to

drive to five stores for Oreos God bless

i'll be a great road trip buddy i'll go

with you sure

we'll make it a whole adventure that's

just not an adventure I'm initiating

me either i'm a support character in

that adventure yeah me either

i'll go just to say I went but like you

know well and I want to try the Oreos

like if you're going to that many stores

I'm like throw one my way yeah please

but I'm not going to seek it out myself

no although you do live in a pretty

remote area so I I do Well I wonder if

one like the specialty ones like get

sent to your stores or if it's that far

out but I'm also like is it easier to

get for you it might be huh i'll have to

do some more research on that we'll have

to see the next big Oreo collab that's

going to drop i'll wait with baited

breath for that you're going to be at

Ingles for the midnight release

just Just me in my tent

and they're like Engles is 24 hours you

can just come in just Just You're You're

cool no need for the tent my girl you're

all right what are you doing

okay all that said what book are we here

for today love Bites love Bites yes by

Lola Glass do we think that's Lola's

real name no no I do not no it's

probably Laya

my husband and I I don't remember where

we were going but we were going

somewhere and we passed this smoke shop

called Lola's but it was in

like the middle of North Carolina on the

side of a highway and it was like it's

just that and a gas station for like 20

miles and I was like I have a lot of

questions did you stop no but I wish

that I had now because I want to know

who is Lola where is she why here so

there's a new Tik Tok that I've started

following

uh called Sketchy Food Reviews or

something like that and it's this mother

son and they're like we we'll go to all

of the sketchy restaurants so you don't

have to nice um and from how you're

describing this like whatever gas

station pizza situation they have there

I would like the Tik Tok version team to

go and

uh explore it for us investigate and

also I'm like well if you're there

Lola's is if you could pop in that

skipping a jump there yeah yeah they

went into one place that was called like

I don't know it wasn't Crusty Clown but

it was like Clownburg i think it was

Clownburg or something like that

it was like terrifying clowns my husband

would love it yeah it's in the middle of

nowhere in Texas i'll send you a link in

case you guys are ever there but

apparently the burgers do slap so

that tracks yeah like one of those that

you're like it this place like you might

need a tetanus shop but the food will be

delicious and that's the trade-off and

that's the trade-off okay so Lola Glass

wrote Love Bites she did and this is the

first in a series about five sisters so

okay I'm leaving out a lot of stuff that

sets up the future books um because it's

just a lot of side characters and names

and stuff that's not relevant to this

story it's Lola's version of

Bridgetgerton like each sibling gets

their own okay yes so um the first book

is about Blair

um so Blair is a siren and so are her

sisters and the sirens are described

essentially as emotional vampires they

feed by kissing and they feed on

emotions

so are is a vampire a succubus

basically okay yeah yeah yeah yeah i was

like I not trying to confuse my lore but

like that yes so like basically they are

highly attractive to everyone um and

their magic draws people to them so

before we started we were talking about

the power of charisma were we not and

these have just like a lot a lot of

charisma they got all that they got they

got it okay they do and so

the problem for Blair with all of this

is that she really strongly dislikes

kissing strangers and that's how she has

to feed because for sirens who are

unmated it's extremely dangerous for

them to be like out in public um because

of the way their magic draws people in

um like they'll get like swarmed well or

they will have unwanted mate bonds like

forced upon them um so it can be like

really dangerous yeah and we get into

like how the mate bonds happen and stuff

pretty quickly um so she currently is

starving so really a siren should feed

about once a week um but Blair only

feeds once a month because she just

doesn't like it she doesn't like going

out to nightclubs she doesn't like

mating or or kissing with strangers

because they often have then

expectations for sex or mating or

whatever um and she is adamant she she

doesn't want to mate she's happy with

her life as it is with her sisters um

and so she doesn't she just enjoys no

part of it um her

sisters are don't have those hang-ups so

they're chilling generally they're not

starving they're not worried about it no

um but they don't have any

defense against anything like their only

powers are related to water and emotions

so it's like what are their water powers

they can purify water when they're in it

that's a dope skill oh it comes up a lot

throughout um because it's a big deal

the way that they're able to purify the

water but it's not like they can throw

it at people like they're you know I've

never even thought of that as a

potential superpower throwing water no

being able to purify water while in it

not that was like like Avatar the Last

Air Bender like I I've thought about it

a lot like like X-Men like this like all

these other places where people throw

water chelsea like the boys come

on but no so basically

like there are little quirky things that

get mentioned like um sirens love

peppermint and so like there's lots of

little like peppermint nods throughout

the whole thing um which starts with um

she basically makes her way to the bar

of this nightclub to sit down and the

guy next to her realizes I guess what

she is and orders her a water with

peppermint um peppermint leaves in it

for her because she clearly she's like

clutching her head like she really

doesn't feel well because she's so

hungry um and he's looking at her and

he's like she doesn't need alcohol right

now she might just maybe have a little

water but there honey um we love that

yeah and her sisters are all somewhere

else in the nightclub feeding and having

a good time and whatever and they are

not technically her biological sisters

so the complicated part that sort of

matters but doesn't is that Sirens are

in pods they need each other so it's

like a pack so they all run together but

um Blair and her sisters their mothers

were all in a pod together and they were

all murdered 10 years ago oh so that's

also part of why like they essentially

live in hiding and only feed leave to

feed um and so like they've been living

that way for quite some time that makes

me very sad it is really sad um because

you know they live in this supernatural

city but um and so there are no humans

in this story line it's all

supernaturals so they live in the

supernatural city but it's not safe for

them to be like a part of their

community so they really only have each

other um yeah well and I feel like

that's interesting cuz there are so many

like paranormal series that kind of make

humans the enemies and so it's like oh

humans are the ones that it's like that

we have to like hide ourselves from and

this is like no there are no humans it's

just yeah there are humans outside of

this supernatural city but like they

don't interact with them in any way

except to like exchange goods if needed

but humans are not part of the So humans

exist in the world

yeah just not part of the city so the

guy next to her introduces himself his

name is Damian um he doesn't seem to be

kind of losing himself to her magic the

way that other people are there's like

you know a woman next to her is like

touching her leg and she keeps like

batting her hand off and like the

bartender keeps coming over and like

leaning in and she's like I swear to God

she's like I just I just want to get out

of here and be home like I don't want to

do this so Damian is tolerating her

magic and he's like hey I understand

that you need to feed i get it i would

be willing for you to feed on me no

expectations no strings whatever if that

will help you like I'm happy to do that

and she's like "Why?"

Like "Yeah what you doing what you

doing?" And oh that's that's a very very

generous offer stranger at the nightclub

right and she's like "Okay."

And he's like "I have a private room

here." Which apparently is standard for

vampires which Damian is vampires often

have their own rooms to feed in and she

was like "Yeah I'm not going to a

secondary location with you but thank

you so much for that offer love it love

it." Um and he's like "No I just I just

want the experience." Right like it's

not very often you meet an unmated siren

like I just would like to know what it's

like um so also just to clarify once

they're mated is it then like yeah you

can just like fully participate in our

community and society yes because

there's no because there's there's not

the chance of the mate so like the main

really the Okay sorry just wanted to

make sure that that was the there was no

other reason well and basically like

most sirens have arranged mings to very

very powerful beings when they are very

very young to keep them safe but a

siren's magic is basically the only way

to kind of get high like like it feels

incredible apparently and it can help

you process emotions and like it does

all kinds of really wonderful things um

and so they are highly sought after

because of that so um she decides to go

for kissing Damian at the bar whatever

um she's like "I'm not going to follow

you to a secondary location but you have

proven yourself enough that I Well and I

really need to eat i'm hungry i'll give

you a little smooch." Yeah so the kiss

is incredible of course it's like turns

into a hot makeout session but she's

very impressed that he doesn't touch her

like he doesn't go further he follows

you know what he said he was going to do

that he wasn't going to push for more

and there was no no strings attached and

everything

um one of her sisters shows up and is

like "We got to run like we got to go

right now like the wolves are here let's

get the [ __ ] out of here we got to go."

And so um he bit her lip a little bit as

she was pulling away um and he got kind

of like like he like locked up when he

did that um and he was like gripping her

hips like not in a painful way so she

just throws her drink on him which is

seems to be enough to like snap him out

of it and she just takes off like with

her sister through the nightclub and it

turns out that one of her sisters had a

mate bond forced upon her when they were

at the nightclub by the werewolf king so

basically the way bonding works in this

world is all you have to do is touch

them and say you are mine and a mark

appears around your neck and that is a

one-sided bond in order for the bond to

be permanent the other person has to

reciprocate it and do the same thing and

say like touch you and say you are mine

so this is not a completed bond but it

is a halfway bond and it means that the

werewolf king can track her now um and

it will take a year for this mark to

fade a year a year yeah so they're the

sisters are understandably like "What

the [ __ ] are we going to do like we

can't go home he can follow us there so

what do we do?" So it's not good just

out of curiosity have you read the other

sisters books yes is the sister does she

end up with the king oh na nigh and that

will be revealed eventually in this one

anyway but

well and I know you said that like a lot

of this book that you'll have to leave

out just for the sake of time is setting

up other books but I do think it's

always like when you know that's

happening it's always interesting to

like follow the threads of like who's

being linked together yeah well and I

was like in this one I was like "Okay so

is this going to be like the werewolf

king's deeply misunderstood and like we

get to know him and he's actually

amazing but then through this whole

thing they're like "Yeah there was that

time Kurt lost his [ __ ] and killed a

bartender you know he's really you know

he's pretty violent he's pretty

volatile." And I'm like "Are we going to

redeem this fucker?" Like oh my god

they're like "No we're not trying to

redeem him at all this is not a setup in

the way you think it is everybody chill

out um so the sisters decide they are

going to go to the manor which is like

basically the headquarters for the five

supernatural kings that rule this world

um they all have their own basically

like mansions that are connected

together so the species are separate but

they have neutral territory in the

middle where they can come together for

whatever they want to so they're going

to the vampires because they fall under

vampire jurisdiction the sirens do so

they're going to the vamp the the

vampires for protection so it's

essentially the vampire embassy yes okay

so and a lot of the vampires live on

site and that's the same for all of the

the manners like the supernatural beings

a lot of them choose to live there um so

when they get there they are told that

the sister who was marked can stay in

the manor under protection

temporarily until the king the vampire

king makes a final decision about what

to do about them which is better than

nothing but now the sisters have to be

fully on lockdown in hiding they cannot

leave because the werewolves are like

looking for them now and like patrolling

for them so they leave their sister at

the embassy and then they all go back to

their house that they have already been

in hiding at yeah but they can't Did

Blair get enough food she did she did

feed enough from Damian but now they

cannot leave to feed again until the

king makes his decision that's why I was

so nervous if she didn't get enough food

this would be really bad she'd be so

hungry but there it could take up to 6

weeks which is basically the threshold

for starvation for them so they're like

"This is going to suck but we have to do

what we have to do the one sister is

safe we'll take it that's what matters

we'll we'll go hungry if it keeps her

safe." Got it um and this is dual point

of view so we switch to Damian now what

damian's the other one i didn't see that

coming especially not when his name was

Damian right well and the whole time um

I forgot to mention so the vampire king

is named Hail and so they're like "We're

waiting for Hail it's going to be a

while he's really busy." Blah blah blah

blah blah so Damian is is is Hail yeah

yeah mhm yeah you got Damian you got

Hail

is there an axle in there somewhere

please not yet not yet um so Damian has

been in basically like full freakout

meltdown since the nightclub incident um

because uh it turns out that when he

nicked Blair's lip um and tasted her

blood he realized that she is his

bloodmate and that means that she is the

only one that can like sate his blood

lust and he she's the only one he wants

to feed from and so he's just like been

running around having all of his people

looking for Blair like all he has is a

first name he's got people he has people

he's like I need I need this person

please and they're like well there are a

lot of players in

existence so I mean surely you can

narrow down the search slightly well so

they were like "Well it's an unmated

siren with no internet presence of any

kind." Well we just have to roll down

the list of Blares and like go door to

door but I'm also like "Okay but door to

door how many unmated Siren Blares will

there be in this area?" too many for him

to find apparently because his sister

comes in and she he's like "I don't have

time for whatever [ __ ] you're

bringing me to deal with i have got to

find this siren." Because not only is he

like "I need to feed from my mate." But

he's like "She's an unmated siren just

in the wild like this is the worst thing

to happen." He's like "My blood mate is

out there not safe." Totally defenseless

if somebody else grabs her and forces a

mate bond on her like I'm [ __ ] forever

i got to say that is like terrible that

is not a great setup in their world it's

that easy to bond someone without their

consent mhm man Americans would be

[ __ ]

really just thinking about all the legal

cases that would come from that what a

nightmare anyway so he's going on and on

and on about this and finally his sister

who goes by Lou which I I just liked her

name's Louise but she was like "Hey shut

up." Cuz he's going on and on about this

unmated siren he has to find because

that was part of actually now I just

remember that that's part of why it's

taken so long he couldn't tell his

people it was an unmated siren he's like

"I don't trust everybody enough to tell

them there is an unmated siren in the

wild." So he's like "Go find Blair and

like no other information."

He's like pretty serious about it can't

explain it bring her to me so he might

be standing in his own way of retrieval

a little bit it's not that there's so

many Blairs they can't narrow it down

it's so the sister is finally like "Hey

shut the [ __ ] up because I have the

solution to your problem if you would

have just said this earlier I have this

petition for

protection from an unname unmated siren

named Blair Davidson would that happen

to be the person that you are looking

for?" And he was like "Yes." She's like

"Congratulations dumbass she's been

starving for 5 weeks because you

couldn't use your words and she's your

blood mate and you're the vampire king

so maybe [ __ ] figure it out so for

him he goes by Hail publicly and only

his sister calls him Damian and even she

doesn't really do it okay so to be fair

when I said is Hail and you said "Yeah I

You meant reverse harum." No no no no no

i meant Is hail going to be in the next

book like that's like we got Damian it's

Yeah so I you still kind of right kind

of i like that you're like "Yeah Chelsea

Hail's relevant don't worry about it

it'll like yes you get it." But you

didn't but you did you've been too busy

trying to find her that you didn't look

at the petition for safety that she has

submitted yep and she's been starving

for 5 weeks so you may want to gravel a

little bit there he's just like hanging

out at the bar as the king

well yes because the vampires own all

the nightclubs and so he was actually

working like that's why he was at the

bar is because he was like checking in

quality assurance I guess so yeah he was

working the books at the bar on a

Saturday night i don't know major

business with a capital B

um general business general business um

so um king business is what his actual

title is yeah you get it so he's like

"Oh good i left my mate and her sisters

unprotected and starving and now I'm

going to have to figure out a way to get

her to mate with me because I have to

because she's my blood mate and this is

my only chance to like sate my blood

lust and be at full power and all of

these different things." So he's like

I'm going to have to come up with a way

that she can't refuse

me which isn't going to be

good we were all rooting for you Damian

Hail and

yet nigh nigh

so well I'm

like or we could just like approve the

petition right and take it from there no

he we could but we won't so Blair is in

the pool because water is very soothing

for sirens and so they can breathe

underwater and that kind of thing so her

sisters are all at the bottom of the

pool like just trying to like cope with

their

starvation and Blair's phone rings and

it's some rando saying come to the manor

the vampire leader they don't call

themselves kings but the vampire king

has made a decision come on down um and

so she gets everybody there it's a whole

ordeal the guards are all so impacted

they because the sisters are all just

radiating lust because they're so hungry

and so the leader is like "Listen

everybody shut the [ __ ] up i need four

mated dudes right now these girls can't

walk i'm not touching them somebody

[ __ ] come

here and so they find people they're

carrying them in and Blair's doing okay

because she's used to starving like

she's used to going 4 weeks without

feeding and her sisters aren't but she's

clearly struggling and by the end she's

like leaning on the lead guard who is

mated he has a mark around his neck so

she knows like he's okay and so she's

like leaning on him and he's like "Can

you please stop doing that?" And she's

like "Would you like me to lay down

because those are your

options like you can either support some

of my weight or I can stop moving

entirely." Yeah and they're all like in

their bathing suits and cover-ups like

they literally got out of the pool and

got into the car they're all struggling

so bad so they get to the office and

it's Damian and she's like "Oh shit."

Cuz she has been thinking about him kind

of this whole time

um and he basically is like giving

orders like go get her sisters fed make

sure they're safe whatever um cuz

they're they got volunteers ahead of

time for them to feed on blah blah blah

and he's like "Hey so uh surprise you

are my bloodmate congratulations i love

that journey for you." Um but what this

means is that unless you agree to mate

with me um you and your sisters are not

going to be granted protection to stay

here stop

that's the play he went with that's what

he went with damian no he's like so

options look like you want to risk it

with the werewolf king or would you like

to go ahead and mate with me and uh feed

me cuz I'm pretty [ __ ] hungry

you want to take your

chances with the wolves or do you want

to

Yeah you know the murderous ones marry

me yeah how does it feel pretty good

right you're so lucky

what a blessing I'm bestowing upon you

cuz I'm such a catch yeah yeah

so I don't Yeah it's messy and Blair is

livid she is livid because in her mind

all these weeks she'd kind of been

building Damian up as this guy who was

kind to her when everybody else was

coming on to her like took good care of

her i was literally just thinking I was

like we love how respectful he was at

the like I was literally just about to

talk about we how much we loved a

respectful king he's not though at all

or like just in this moment just in this

moment okay so like he like [ __ ] up

like that's he does it's not him but

Blair basically now is like "Oh okay so

Damian doesn't exist like the guy that I

got along with isn't real like this is

Hail and that's who he is." So she's

like "All right listen

i will consent to a mate bond with you

but I we're not going to do love like we

are not going to be real mates we are

going to be bonded so that we can feed

from each other and so that my sisters

are protected but like this is a

business transaction yeah because this

is also where we find out that not only

were was her mother and all of the other

mothers murdered they were murdered by

Blair's father like he went insane

basically because he was so obsessed

with her mother that he wound up killing

the entire pod and her because they were

basically taking attention away from him

and so Blair's like "So we're not going

to be doing love?" And Damian is like

"That sounds like

psychosis not love." And she's like

"Agree to disagree we're not doing

either one of those things." Yeah she's

like "Just as long as we have no

emotions about this at all." Yeah mhm we

are contractually obligated by our blood

to each other y and we are nothing to

each other outside of that yeah high

five buddy [ __ ] you very much very

deeply yeah so um he puts his mark on

her and the other thing about the marks

is that they are sort of status symbols

as well because a standard plane mate

mark is just a navy dark blue

essentially band around the neck that

turns black when the bond is sealed but

if your mate actually cares about you as

a person they will put some kind of

design in it so they're if they have an

intention they can make it really pretty

and intricate and stuff and so he puts

his mark on her neck and it is beautiful

um and he bites her and um she goes to

complete the bond cuz it takes both of

them saying the words um and he says no

that she needs to really think about it

that her consenting to his mark is

enough for now and um you know he'll be

able to find

her she is marked as his which helps her

stay safe um but isn't like forcing her

to bond with him i mean but you already

did he really did because the next line

is she is absolutely [ __ ] livid

like he

forc so he like forces her to to mate

with him for the sake of keeping her

sister safe he bonds her and then is

like no you baby take some time you

don't have to reciprocate you you think

about it you you you do it when you're

ready yeah he said "I am a benevolent

God." Like "Bestow this gift upon you."

What the [ __ ] so he also says because

there's more he's also like "Hey PS BTW

um you and I will be sharing a room

period and if you are not in our room

when I go to bed tonight I will come

find you and you don't want me to come

find you." So

we really went from 6:00 to midnight so

quickly yeah and he's like "Also check

out the pool it's on the 11th floor i

think you'll like it."

Like he's like "The code for our uh

elevator or whatever is the date we

met." He's like "It's the code for

everything I have." So and she's like

"What fresh fuck?"

Like she's like "I was just hungry man

you offered no strings attached no

secondary location so many strings and a

secondary location just call me

Pinocchio."

Like poor Blair i know she's not having

a good time and also like okay did

Damian [ __ ] up absolutely is my heart

still kind of rooting for him

also yes where I'm like damn it Jamie

and that wasn't the move but I know your

heart was in the right place come on man

so her sisters lose their [ __ ] when they

see the mate mark on her neck and um

they're like "Uh excuse me." Like

what what the [ __ ] is happening like we

just frying pan fire situation now like

is that what this is we're still drying

out our swimsuits right and you suddenly

have a mate bond around how did we get

here um and so they are going to the

pool to get settled um or Blair's going

to the pool and she runs into this guy

and he is like staring at her and

staring at her and the guy who is with

him like elbows him and is like "Bro you

need to cut that [ __ ] out." And he's

like "Oh right." And as they're getting

off the elevator they're like "Hey just

so you know uh Hail told us that if we

could feel your magic we have to tell

him that you're hungry so that he can

feed you so just so you know we we know

you're really hungry." Like and she's

like "Any chance you could not do that?"

And they were like

"No no chance of that." Like respect you

enough to give you the heads up

but not enough Yeah to threaten our

lives right i'm not gonna die over this

he's gonna [ __ ] people up babe he's not

going to enjoy that so

um uh I don't know if they have cameras

but if they do he will be running back

that footage yeah seriously so she gets

to the pool and she realizes that it's

chlorinated and she's like "Fuck."

Because their magic purifies water so

there's no need for the chemicals so she

like leaves a little note for the

maintenance people and is like "Hey

please don't do this anymore like don't

put the chemicals in there." Um because

also Chlorine reacts for some reason

with the siren's magic and makes them

glitter for weeks like it will embed in

their skin so they can't get it off

hannah so many times so far in this book

I've had no idea where we're like where

the sentence is going in the most

delightful way okay so we've got like an

Edward Cullen we do situation here we've

got the herpes of the arts and crafts

were literally my thought also yes uhoh

yeah how is De you know I haven't heard

of Demetri Martin dropping any new

comedy in a long time is he still out

and about you know me either

he used to be like we should look that

up later like I feel like Demetri Martin

Mitch Hedber and Dane Cook and that era

were like peak comedy mhm i remember

being on a mission trip

i know one talk about sentences you

didn't know where they were going well

I'm like is this the Mitch Hedber thing

where he was like wearing a turtleneck

is like being strangled by a really weak

guy

um so we did Mitch Hedber was involved

not him personally but RIP uh but we

were in Costa Rica and had several very

very long bus rides and it was me as a

high schooler and my

leader sharing my headphones like we

each had like one earbud with like the

full cable into the iPod yep

listening to like Dane Cook and Mitch

Hedber but like the whole bus is asleep

and we have tears streaming down our

faces and laughter oh Mitch Hedberg oh

yeah loved him yeah he like the

oneliners were just unmatched

i think the hard thing is having more

awareness and listening back to his

stand up as an adult and hearing like

the pressured speech of like the

substance use and things like that and

being like "Oh I couldn't pick up on

that when I was younger in the same

way." This is really sad now yes oh damn

well and also like Dane Cook showing

back up on the scene last year yes and

my favorite was when it was like

proposes to or marries his long-term

girlfriend and his long-term girlfriend

is like 21 and everyone in the comments

was like define longterm yeah so like

how long term is

longterm like DD

Cook you ain't in your 20s anymore

you're not old by any stretch but like

Right right but like her brain's not

fully developed yet

no shade i'm sure she's lovely she can't

legally rent a car

you know

i'm just saying she can't legally rent a

car

she can't no i remember being really

excited when I could finally rent a Not

that I was renting them it hasn't come

up that much in my I really don't think

I've rented a car at all since I've

legally been able to age-wise now that

you say that I'm pretty sure my husband

has rented a car for us maybe once right

you're like maybe yeah possibly maybe

that just felt like the final right of

passage after drinking it's all down to

I can legally drink and now I can

legally rent a car look at me go all

right I've met every milestone okay

there are no milestones left this was

the final one next it's like when you

have to get yearly colonoscopies or

whatever

oh I was on a link with like a coworker

earlier this week and she's like "Yeah

my day didn't start great started with a

mamogram you know." And I was like

"That's not a great start to anyone's

day." Oh my god have you seen St dennis

Medical we've talked about this actually

on the show as well we referenced before

um we started it and then there are so

many things we got a toddler it kind of

fell off but I do understand it well in

I think what might be the most recent

episode to this point um the hospital

administrator is like trying to make a

video to support women's health and so

she films herself getting a

mamog it's so good it's so

good i love David Alener so much mhm

mhm uh but anyway do you remember the

movie Return to Me yes directed and

written by Bonnie Hunt the queen yes uh

and he's like the sidekick veterinarian

who like is the friend who's keeps

showing up but at one point I just

remember the conversation between him

and uh Belushi

and he's like "What do you do?" And he's

like "I'm a vet." And Belushi's just

like "I I didn't go to Nom." Yeah you're

like "No

no very belushi he works at the

zoo he works at the primate exhibit at

the Lincoln Park Zoo similar to Nom but

different

vance had never seen Return to Me i love

that movie yeah I bought it on Amazon

recently just like it's I think I've

told you this before underrated first

movie my My mom loved it when it was in

theaters my dad wanted to buy it for her

it was the first movie that it wasn't

coming out on VHS anymore it was only

coming out on DVD

and we didn't own a DVD player so you

see how her birthday gift expanded into

a gift for all of us thanks Kat you a

real one

yeah but that movie returned to me i

It's like a great puzzling movie

what a classic david Davney Mini Driver

i love it mini Mimi mini yeah that is

Mini it's Mini Driver what actress am I

thinking of that's Mimi

i I don't know unfortunately neither do

I

i don't okay so where were we damian

pissed her off she's Oh yeah we left

Glitter she Yeah chlorine glitter

glitter so Demetri Martin is what's the

glitter set all of this off so Damian

back to back to Damian he's trying not

to go after her because he realizes that

he probably [ __ ] up and needs to give

her some space

he feels really really bad he's like I

don't know what else I could have done

though like he never ever would have put

them out but she doesn't know that and

he's like

oops like I had to do something to like

get her to stay but like she would have

she would have in a very different way

buddy yeah like you set yourself up for

failure here yeah yeah um so his

sister's mate um who is his best friend

shows up and gives him a little pep pep

talk but basically is just he's like

Damen's like she doesn't want to fall in

love what am I supposed to do how what

do I do i want a mate and she's amazing

and I don't What am I supposed to do

he's like falling all over himself and

his bestie is like "Listen romance is

[ __ ] all you got to do is just be

around all the

time." He's just like "Just show up just

be there feed her food and also when

she's hungry magic wise and

just annoy her until she's into it like

just be present don't push it don't try

to kiss her don't try to advance

anything just

be physically there

what are your thoughts on that advice

so part of me is like on one side I can

understand the spirit of that advice of

like build a friendship like get to know

her on a basic level like build some

kind of foundation that is not physical

or related to like the blood mate thing

i can give dude buddy credit for that on

the other side I'm like but also consent

matters and if she tells you to get the

[ __ ] away from her like maybe honor that

like you know no matter what she says no

matter how pissed she is that you're

there just show up just show up just

feed her just support her yep

yeah intent versus impact yeah yeah yeah

yeah like the heart is so in the right

place with that i think Yeah i think so

i think so that it's like don't pressure

her for anything like just be there she

might get annoyed by that but that's

cool yeah like "Hey man she's gone

through a lot." Like ability

okay yeah i feel as though we're setting

ourselves up for a comedy of errors and

what do you

know errors are made because he decides

that he's going to go find her and he's

pretty sure she's at the pool and um she

he also knows that she needs to feed cuz

he has received text messages to that

effect so um he uh oh I forgot to

mention this is basically modern like

cars computers cell phones like all that

[ __ ] exists this isn't like a Yeah um

well and that really is helpful cuz I I

started reading Oh my god Hannah i

started reading the second

book about a different prison planet in

that hu his favorite hu called Amaya's

oldfashioned daddy or something like

that old-fashioned okay all right father

and their

planet they like each planet apparently

kind of like chooses its own aesthetic

so they've gone more Victorian but like

leaned into that where they like don't

use modern technology and things of that

capacity they start their days with

daily enemas it's a whole

thing followed by butt plugs all

day this sounds like a different review

than the one I'm doing because the butt

plug thing I have a lot of questions

yeah valid valid for sure

oh my god sorry got us a little off

track no I like it though and I'm

looking forward to that review cuz I'm

not going to be reading that

maybe you can just tell me about it yeah

here's a You know those books that

you're like "This is a novella i'll get

this done in no time." Yeah and then you

read like 10 pages and you're like "Oh

and I'm going to read the next 10 pages

a little bit later i just I don't know

if 20 pages that would in one go i don't

know if I'm feels like a lot i'm not

built for that speed."

I get it yeah that's fair

but Blair is in the pool recharging

glittering glittering purifying

resting and she

is really physically hungry like she

needs to physically eat but also

magically she's pretty hungry and so she

is using the water as a buffer so that

her magic isn't like radiating through

the whole entire manor

um and she's on the bottom of the pool

and she's like "I wonder if Damian can

hold his breath that long cuz it's a

pretty deep pool." And as she's

considering it Damen of course scoops

her out of the water so the answer is

yes he can hold his breath that long um

well he can hold his breath long enough

to swim to the bottom of the pool well

so it's like crazy deep it's built like

a grotto and so it's like a whole thing

yeah it's like a whole thing um I was

like "Yeah one would hope that if it's

like a 10-ft swimming pool that like he

could do that he He was just swimming

down to get you and was bringing you

back up

like one would hope his lungs work."

Um yeah but no it's basically incredibly

deep with like little aloves of rocks

and stuff like it's a really cool setup

um but Damian takes a picture of her in

her like wet t-shirt that she put on

over her bathing suit with her covered

in glitter and sends it to the manor

group chat and is like

"Hey anybody comes near my mate i will

kill you." Like "Everybody have a great

day love you guys so much." What and

they call him Big Daddy Hail and he

hates it he can't get them to stop so

they're all in the Manor group chat

talking mad [ __ ] about him and Blair and

they're like "Oh damn big Daddy D's

getting it or whatever." And like and he

can see all of that he Hold up hold up

hold up i'm not even worried about him

seeing that they're trolling

him he sent a photo of her in a wet

t-shirt out to the masses and was like

"Everybody stay away from my mate don't

even think about her and you're like we

weren't until you sent us a naked photo

man and there's like another guy like

the pool maintenance guy who like Hail

almost killed when he came in anyway

because he was looking at Blair in the

first place and he's like looking over

Hail's shoulder and he's like you know

that's just going to make everybody want

her more cuz that's a picture of her and

a wet t-shirt and Hail's like I get it

but they will also get it and like still

sends it i don't know so

um he carries her to their room he's

like "You cannot be just like out like

radiating magic like this." And she's

like "Right because you know that one

time I triggered an orgy you probably

don't want that to happen again." And

it's completely a joke she's like "I

have never done that i'm joking." He did

not take it as such and is like "Nope."

Like "Nope nope

nope absolutely not so no orgies will be

had not on my

watch so poor Damian he really wasn't

expecting to find his blood mate he was

not trying to live like this he's trying

his best he is not succeeding so they

both feed

um but Blair when they're back in their

room but Blair decides that she is going

to seal the mate bond because she's like

"I understand that I am your bloodmate

and this is permanent for you." Like

even if I don't seal this bond and it

fades you will just follow me wherever I

go well I think that was my thought

earlier when I'm like "Bro you didn't

have to do that." Yeah telling her that

she suddenly has a choice in it and can

like think about it when she's already

wearing something that will last a year

right that you have no intention of

giving up right

you're pretending she has a choice and

then calling yourself benevolent right

right

so at this point she is like

listen I can feed on you without kissing

you after I have sealed our bond it

makes more sense for me knowing this is

permanent to seal this so I don't have

to do this anymore like Yeah you know so

she does seal the bond so that's done

now i mean it's pretty easy to seal the

bond you could accidentally seal the

bond seal the bond when you're drunk

exactly it's not a great system

but it is the system we have do I just

see a world where you're drunk and

joking and you wake up accidentally

bonded to someone in this world yes

I'd read that yeah that's probably what

would happen to me

i'd read that um but she is now wicked

horny so he fingers her to completion

twice and she is like of him twice hey I

still hate you like a lot and he's like

you know I do get it

uh but

also I'm really happy you're

here valid your frustrations are all

valid yep so then he intentionally licks

like the top of her knee so that he will

get glitter on his mouth and she he has

glitter all in his hair from where she

was like gripping him and he's like

she's like "Hey you have glitter kind of

like everywhere." And he's like "Oh I

should get more." And like rubs his face

on him he's like "And I will wear it

with pride and honor." He's like

"Everybody needs to know that you are

mine." and now it's going to look like

we did a lot more than just me putting

my fingers inside you so you know um and

he makes a joke about like uh he has it

all over his hands and so she points

that out to him and he's like "I'd like

it on my [ __ ] too." She's like "Well

better get rubbing then

friend." And that's like the first

instance of like true teasing and like

cute levity between them but I liked

that a lot better get

rubbing um I remember talking to several

co-workers

when I was still in

Nashville

and we were talking about [ __ ]

swallowing

you know the random co-worker

conversations that come up over

time and one of the girls was like "Yeah

I mean they do say semen has protein in

it so it can be

nutritionally not a bad opportunity for

you." And one girl was like "Yeah and

I'll tell my husband to jack off on a

cup and I'll gladly put it in my

smoothie but that's the only way that

I'm getting that protein willingly." I

was going to say I have read that book

also yeah

we have read that one yeah yeah actually

I don't know if I've read one where

they've put it in a smoothie i

definitely have yeah what book it's the

one with It's the Omegaverse one where

she owns a

bar rut Bar I think is the name of it

but I don't remember pay no more the

author

i don't think there's more than one Rut

Bar though rut Bar does sound like the

sort of Omegaverse book where someone

would drink a seaman smoothie you're

right

Hannah mhm mhm mhm um being reviewed a

podcast near you no I don't maybe you

never know well I haven't read Rut Bar

yet i will defer to your expertise on

that one i have so clearly I don't mean

to brag but I don't mean to brag

oh okay so

um the other thing to remember is the

sisters got out of the pool and went to

the manor so they have no clothing or

belongings of any kind with them and so

Damen gives him uh or Damen gives Blair

some of his clothes to wear um and they

have a nice time with her sisters at

dinner pretty laidback

um and um she is like lowkey checking

him out a little bit while they're

getting ready for bed and stuff and

she's like "I'm never going to act on it

though because I hate that guy." And

sure you do i'm like "But you already we

we already did it." Like the acting on

it has already occurred um yeah you

can't penetration is not the acting on

it alone you know that's like what what

is that on Parks and Wreck where they're

like "How do you define pornography?"

And the porn star is like "For me it's

when the penis goes

in." There's like total

silence was it that Brandy Max or

something like that she's my favorite

character

i really

like star of 50 shaved old gays

[Music]

i really like Per Happily as like for a

random side character yes he's very good

he's incredible

okay so she's like checking him out and

she's like "But I wouldn't go there."

Even though we're like baby girls yeah

you did he turns around and he's like

"So first of all I can smell your

arousal incredible super into that also

just as a side note anytime you want to

sit on my face feel free to do that i am

a

giver."

So

yeah yeah which I just said and then I

the song that Chapel Rowan released not

that long ago the Giver started in my

head yeah

well I've had a little bit of wine and

so in my head I was after like are you a

facitter and then I was like you had

some wine bring it in and then that's

why I was just sitting in dead

silence cuz I couldn't figure out where

I was going next yeah no I was over here

thinking about Chapel Rowan saying you

know I'm a giver so take it like a taker

you know um I'm also thinking about her

quote in the news where she's like

"Every friend I have who's my age who

has kids is miserable." Yeah she really

is not pulling punches right now no but

I like really like really advocating for

mental health within the arts and like

several musicians following suit um yeah

it's a very interesting turn to see mhm

and being like oh yeah you like you're

already

huge you can say like whatever you want

to use your platform yeah i feel like a

lot of people are very afraid to use

their platform because they're afraid

they might lose it and she's like I'm

going to keep being authentically myself

regardless yeah well and I will never

forget cuz I enjoy a lot of her music

anyway but my husband and I were at a

show for this

like folk punk bluegrass whatever sort

of underground weird situation that we

found ourselves in

and it's bluegrass so one of the guys

who plays steel guitar was on stage like

doing setup because this is a smaller

band so it's not like they had crew

doing it member of the band is on the

stage getting set up and the venue

starts piping in Pink Pony Club and this

like six-foot black man who plays steel

guitar professionally stopped what he

was doing and lip synced all of Pink

Pony Club on the stage between sets and

it's one of my favorite things that's

ever happened

cuz he was so into it it was just really

Yeah I enjoyed it quite a bit also oh

the

guy Rick Ashley yeah did a cover of Pink

Pony Club what and I don't remember how

I found it but I sent it to my sister

and I was like "This is somehow both

more and less queer." And I don't know

how he did that

i saw an ad earlier this week for like a

kids clothing shop that had like lots of

just like little print shirts and on the

back one said pink pony club no like and

on the back I was like I'm going to keep

on dancing i was like what no no ma'am

who is buying this shirt for their child

no and I feel like it's different on the

West Coast when that's just like a gay

bar or like a drag club or whatever as

far as I know there's a strip club in

Nashville but there's a strip club also

in Atlanta called the Pink Pony Club so

no it's a it's a chain it's a I think

that's a it's I think they're all I

don't know if they're franchises i don't

know what their business model looks

like familiar enough with their

corporate structure to comment

i don't know if these are all

independently owned and operated

but I do think that they all cuz

especially in like the loop around

Nashville which I know Atlanta has a

loop around it as well the one around

Nashville is a lot smaller and there's

around that loop there is like a it is

burned into my brain the giant ass

billboard for the Pink Pony Club i love

that i know exactly where it is in town

putting a child in a shirt with that on

it no i'm like also if you listen to the

lyrics of the song my kid I'm like you

would buy that shirt for my kid i would

buy that shirt and damn it he would wear

it if you bought it i was going to say

not for any kid of mine or a niece or

nephew even but for your kid for sure

and you know what here's the thing

Hannah that's a weekend shirt for Ford

he's not wearing that to school yeah

oh my god that's Monasur

kids they're so [ __ ] bougie

ford would roll in there and be like

"Listen if you don't get it you're a

nerd i don't know what to tell you i

mean I'll let you know but he starts on

Monday." And I do think that's that's

the energy well apparently his whole

interview the whole interview was on the

playground oh so I'm like "Okay." He lo

like even when we did the school tour I

put him down he was going down that

slide having a blast i don't know if it

was slide time which might have been

what was pissing him off but yeah when

they came in the instructor was like

"Yeah I mean he didn't really engage he

just like cried for 20 minutes straight

but I'm sure it'll be fine it'll be

great." And so that's my kid going into

preschool i'm fine i'm Yeah I'm fine i'm

doing great me and my husband both are

vance and I are both thriving right

now something about the massive gulp

that you just did makes me think that

that's not the most accurate thing

you've ever said to me but I'm willing

to let it ride if that's what we need to

do today no I do i think it'll be a

wonderful new adventure for him and I

think like looking at him and being like

"Oh we got to get like your school

clothes ready and you got a little

haircut." School clothes yes like all of

the things i'm like "Oh you have like a

school shopping list." Like I'm like

"You're not old enough for that." He

switched from diapers to pull-ups i'm

like "I'm not emotionally prepared for

all of these changes at once." But here

they are they're coming for you you're a

whole ass human i was laughing cuz one

of my clients

recently we were in session and Ford uh

like ran by in like a different room and

I was like "Sorry just saw my kid run

by." And I I was like "I didn't realize

he was here." and she just goes "Wow

he's walking

now." And then she paused and she's

like "Yeah they do that at this age

don't they?" And I was like "Yeah I mean

like he's been walking for like over a

year he Yeah he he moves yeah he's like

two and a half like he's like over 3t

tall he's a whole human a whole entire

one." I was like in my head I was like

"When did you think they started walking

closer to five I guess you know when

they go to school

that's when they walk that's the final

milestone before school right they start

walking walking

i don't even know i don't know how we're

at somehow Chapel Rowan got us into it

but giver take it like a taker there it

is so Damian um has zero chill and is

consistently like stopping himself from

holding her hand or like kissing her

forehead or like touching her in some

way cuz he's like she's not she doesn't

like me she doesn't like I really really

like her but she doesn't like me well

you haven't really set yourself up for

success correct um so he does offer to

take Blair and her sisters except for

the one who was marked by the werewolf

king to their home to get their

belongings yeah um and they refuse to

let any of the other vampires come

because they're like "We don't want

anybody to know our address." Like

that's how seriously they take their

safety so

um Damian and Blair are in a moving

truck the sisters are in a van um

following so they get

there somehow there are a bunch of

wolves waiting for them um and there is

a huge fight and Damian loses his [ __ ]

and kills a lot of wolves so his prim

his primary like goal obviously is to

protect Blair and her sisters so he

tells them to run like to get in the

truck um and tells Blair to do the same

but Blair refuses to do that um she has

been trained to fight which her sisters

have not and so she does wind up also

killing a wolf but is very injured in

the process of doing that who taught her

how to fight that's never really

revealed it's like her mom wanted her to

protect herself but that's like the only

information we have but none of the

other sisters sorry she like she tried

to train the other sisters but they just

weren't interested in doing that i don't

know regardless I'm asking questions

that don't need answers and I recognize

that um well I mean it's an it is a

question but it's just never really

addressed um but uh Damian my notes say

goes full kill bill and just kills

everybody like everybody is dead and so

he knows that the werewolf king sent

them as a message um that you know the

sirens are not safe and so Damian is

like allow me to send a different

message which is they are mine and I

will kill everyone you send thank you so

much like God bless and good luck okay

just throwing this out there cuz I don't

know much about the universe and I've

had some

wine so all of the species have

interconnected manners yes so like

hypothetically it would be easy Yep for

Wolfy King to just like hop skip and

jump go down two doors and knock and

explain the situation yeah yeah okay

just wanted to make sure I hadn't missed

that mhm

but to if he were to like break in to

the manor to like kidnap the sister then

that would be declaring war on the

vampires and the other kings would side

with the vampires because he would have

initiated an act of war by stepping onto

their territory

i still think it's an act of war to sh

send people to the king's mates's house

so it is oh good yeah that's good that

they counted as such yeah so Damian's

main focus is getting everybody safe so

he leaves the van and the wolves

destroyed all of the sisters belongings

um and I didn't really get into it but

they have like online businesses that

they run and they destroyed all of the

equipment they use for their businesses

they peed on all their clothes like they

destroyed everything um and so

um Blair is clearly very injured um and

needs stitches in her head and all this

other stuff and so she passes out and

when she wakes up she's in the hospital

damian is passed out kind of like

leaning over her bed um and she can see

that he's still bleeding um so she finds

out she has been out for about a day um

and the doctor comes in to check on her

remove her stitches and stuff and the

doctor explains that um and Damian is

still passed out through all of this but

the doctor explains that Damian is

incredibly powerful and while most

vampires need to feed two or three times

a week he really needs to be feeding

daily to be topping up his his power um

and um but he's too afraid to let

himself do that um because he's afraid

he's going to hurt somebody like he's

going to lose control of his feeding so

he only feeds from blood bags he does

not feed from veins except for with

Blair because he has that fear that he's

going to hurt somebody but that's also

why he's been resistant to feeding on

Blair is he's afraid he's going to hurt

her so um Blair winds up getting this

injection that helps with blood

regeneration so that um she can meet

that need more safely oh okay um and we

love tech in their world that allows

them we do we love the science um so she

finally wakes him up the doctor leaves

um and she gets him to feed after

basically like messing with him enough

to get him to do it because he's not

healing like he should have healed all

these wounds by now

um and feeding would likely accelerate

the healing process right right it'll

top up his magic and make it so that he

can heal um but then they wind up having

sex for the first time in this hospital

room um Blair bold move blair just got

stitches removed um and he is reason for

celebration woohoo so he is feeding

while they're having sex and he is

immediately remorseful and worried that

she is hurt

um he is really upset that um he fed on

her while she was still recovering he's

worried he took too much blood from her

it's all this stuff and Blair keeps

telling him that she's fine like I'm I'm

okay mhm and he's like "No I'm going to

get the doctor like you need to be

checked out this is not acceptable i

never should have done this." She's like

"Good sir I have been up and helping get

you back to fighting shape." Yeah well

and too she's like "Well that was

probably like the best sex I've ever had

that was pretty awesome." And he's like

"I shouldn't have done that." She's like

"Cool cool cool i'm really loving this

energy that you have right now it's

really great." Um thank you so much for

this exchange yeah love that the first

time I phoned my mate he had buyer's

remorse yeah and

um along with Damian's previous poor

decisions oh no he leaves immediately

after their first time having sex and

then he locks her in the room where she

is which she doesn't realize until after

he is gone for quite some time what so

she calls one of her sisters to come let

her out because she is [ __ ] living is

she still at the hospital or have they

been discharged he locked her in at the

hospital i mean it's all part of the

manner like the same space but like Yeah

yeah yeah he locked her in there and

she's really mad she's really mad damian

I want to be rooting for you

that Tyber Banks gift from America's

Next Top Model yeah I know exactly the

one you know I watched that season live

we were rooting for you we were all

rooting for you i'm in Damian

Jam yeah mhm mhm so Blair decides she's

just going to go to the pool and like

cuz she needs water so she's just going

to go get in the water and chill out and

mind her own business um and

uh so he has clearly significantly

improved since feeding on her mhm like

obviously he's doing a lot better she's

a real one right um and then it comes

through on the manor group chat first of

all that he looks incredible he's

basically glowing um Big Daddy Hail

glowing and um but also that he is on

the war path looking for her everybody's

like "Anybody seen Blair everybody

hide." Oh [ __ ] like he's really mad but

he looks

delicious so uh Not the point not the

point not the point yep you look

incredible my guy you look fantastic

where's Blair no idea have you been

doing push-ups literally so she gets to

the pool there are currently other

people in the pool she's like

"Hey none of you better be texting with

hail about where I am appreciate it."

Gets fully nude and gets into the

pool she's not wearing a bathing suit

she just got out of the hospital so she

takes off her hospital gown gets in the

pool she's not going to wear the

hospital gown into the pool she's not a

fool cumbersome so so she is chilling on

the bottom of the of the pool minding

her own business when Damian shows up

and pulls her out he is super livid he's

like "I left you there so that I could

go get you some food so that you could

recover from me feeding on you and then

I come back and you're gone."

Unacceptable she's like locking your

mate in a [ __ ] room unacceptable so

glad we had this chat our values are

different like I don't know what to tell

you we have different true

norths and I think the sooner we realize

we are not aligned with our true north

the sooner we'll find

some common ground in our relationship

yep and he's pushing trying to control

her too like I'm going to get you a wet

suit how dare you swim naked like

unacceptable and she's like "Um I'm a

siren we're built to be naked and like

feel the water on our bare breasts or

whatever my skimpy bikinis is the most

covered up I'm going to be." Like how

dare you if I don't feel that water on

my titties I don't want it

that's I come to the pool specifically

for that literally unacceptable close

down the [ __ ] pool build another one

for everyone else this will be my

private pool but like yep why are we

still doing this stop asking me to

change who I am Damian you've asked no

questions about my needs or wants or

preferences this is all based on your

assumptions and expectations you ass hat

allow me to defy them at every turn

because he's like "If you keep doing

this I'm going to have to put a guard on

you if you're going to run around." And

she's like "Are you cool cool cool." Uh

well I'm feeling like I'm ready to go

back to the room so see you there and

walks back fully nude cuz she's like I

I'm not doing this with you i'm not

doing this with you like [ __ ] around and

[ __ ] find out [ __ ] like no nigh nigh

um so then it's in the group chat that

she's walking around naked and Hail is

behind her snarling at people and so

they're like "Oh damn big Mama B ain't

here for that shit." And so then now

she's Big Mama Bee in the group chat

she's like "I could have done without

the big if I'm honest i don't love it i

could just be Mama B it's okay i don't

love it."

Um so and then they continue to argue

how big are her titties not big so that

does come up because quite frankly I

don't know if I can hear the term big

mama without assuming she wears like a

size

F bra like those titties be dangling if

you've earned the title of big mama

there's a whole exchange that I didn't

even outline about how he calls her tits

pretty little like pretty little tits

and she's like little offensive true but

uh and then he like puts the whole thing

in his mouth and he's like "Are you

still

offended?" And she's like "I take it

back." Less so now I guess if you're

going to twist my tit about it

incredible i want that on a mug if

you're going to twist my tit about

it merch options so future Smut Club

merch quotes i shudder to think about

the quotes that have come out of this

show that could end up on a mug yikes

and I will own all of them for future us

with pride but like I don't need to know

it right now i hell I told my boss this

past week I didn't get a chance to

outline a presentation before I have to

give it next week and I told her I was

like yeah looks like I'm going to have

to raw dog that presentation next week i

was like what the [ __ ] like as I said it

I was like what are you like she choked

on her drink i'm like this is

So this one time I was in my car with

two co-workers and we were going to

lunch and we were leaving the facility

where we worked mhm and I look over and

on the like door frame of my vehicle is

a large spider okay oh no i'm generally

not bothered by spiders and things like

that it's fine but it was real close to

my face and so I pulled

over where the smoke shack happens to

be hopped out of the vehicle and for

some reason started singing there's a

spider like there's a spider

like and like hopping

around

obviously so I reach into my car and get

a book and try to like knock the spider

off yeah i'm not trying to kill you i

just like don't want you this close to

my head right and I was unsuccessful in

those efforts and finally a patient

walks up and bare-handed just grabs the

spider and throws it on the ground and I

was like bare hands raw dog bare hands

he did it raw dog oh

god in front of a lot of patients and at

least two co-workers

i'm like hopping around from foot to

foot raw dog oh god like

why yeah I did that yeah

mhm so when you said you started singing

initially I'm glad you gave an example

of the actual song because I was like

"Okay what song would she be singing

about a spider?" And in my head you

hopped out of your

car and started singing the Itsybitsy

Spider sure yeah yeah yeah

and it was a really great mental image

that I

had spider like but also in a way that I

was like oh really leaning into your

little girl baby girl aesthetic that I

didn't know you had in your life i don't

that I was like that's a new I'm like

we're all learning about Hannah in this

moment we love to learn as soon as you

started singing I was like "Wow that

cleared up so much of the narrative I

filled it in filled in in my head in the

last 30 seconds before that." I was like

"Wow it's a very different energy." Yeah

yeah yeah very much so so yeah i don't

even know what's happening they are

arguing about his need to feed right and

she's like "The doctor says you need to

feed every day." And he's like "She

doesn't know that's not true." And she's

like "It is though and if you are not

going to feed from me then I won't be

feeding from you we can both starve love

that why doesn't he want to like He

doesn't want to feed from her because he

feels guilty like because it depletes

her he's afraid he's going to hurt her

okay because he needs so much blood to

live and she's like "You literally can't

kill me i'm your bloodmate like I was

created for you like like this it

doesn't make any sense you're stupid."

And he's like "I'm not though what if I

hurt you?" and she's like "Cool we can

both

starve." She is here to call every

single one of his bluffs every time so

it has been a full week and Blair was

not bluffing so Damian is getting

increasingly frustrated because not only

is she being angry at this point not

only are neither of them feeding but

Blair is just now being super agreeable

so he'll be like "Can you text me when

you get there?" "Sure thing." And she

does exactly that i'm here i've arrived

he had an issue with her bathing suit so

she now wears a one piece and uh doesn't

argue she goes to bed before he gets

into the room at night and gets up in

the morning before he does so they never

interact and she's just like "This is

what you wanted." No like I'm here i'm

doing everything that you ask of me am I

not

and he's like "I hate every piece of

this." He's like "This really is not

going how I Yep." saw it playing out in

my head yep so he finally asks one of

the sisters "How often do sirens really

need to feed?" And it's twice a week um

and so he confronts Blair about it and

he's like "I know that you need to eat

like this really isn't okay." And she's

like "Well so do you."

So and he's like "No no there's a a

meeting with the other

kings tonight and you have to be there

and you need to feed before you go

because you are radiating magic." And

she's like "Gh that really does suck

right?" So a nickel so I guess I won't

be going then and he's like "You have to

go

or it's going to look like I'm holding

you and your sisters against your will."

She's like "Gh optics kill you every

time you know." And he's like "No

seriously." And she's like "If you want

me to feed you have to feed that's the

[ __ ] deal like that's it." So they

eventually negotiate and come up with a

feeding schedule that they can both

agree on okay because she is so firm and

he is so irritated he's like "Just do."

And she's like "No." Gosh that is a

pickle

goodness so

um uh they agree um and he immediately

has her pinned to the wall and they're

both feeding and um he then gets on his

knees and he eats her out bites her

thigh it's a whole thing um and she says

she would like to return the favor she

wants to give him a [ __ ] and he's

like "Nah you're going to have to catch

me off guard if you want to do that."

And I'm like "What for you for me to

have the privilege I have to surprise

you." But he's like "It's a

vulnerability thing like I don't want to

I don't want to do that yet." And she's

like "Okay I guess I just wanted to put

your penis in my mouth i don't know why

we're being so precious about it." Like

okay why are we being so precious about

it i don't Do we actually like

understand at any point or is that

another thing where he's like "Well I

don't want to make her gag on my giant

dick." So I don't know i don't get it

but when all of this started the meeting

was in 5 hours and then when the sexy

times against the wall are done it's

like it says they're going to be late

and my notes are like 5 hours with like

a bunch of question marks because really

it took you that long to eat her out

like and I'm not saying that like a good

session should not vary in length

depending on who you are your energy

level and your schedule for the day you

know what I'm saying like you live your

best life but 5 hours to get off like

oof especially if it's like only one

orgasm i think it might have been two or

three but like if it's a multiorggasm

Listen there was a night but all against

the wall there was a Vance a night that

Vance and I spent in Pigeon

Forge not the Pigeon Forge

incident go ahead go ahead go ahead

maybe it was Gatlinburgg who can

say either way it was in Tennessee it's

in Tennessee i just

remember it was early enough in our

relationship we were going for like a

sex a palooa sort of situation but I

remember there being a point where I was

like is anyone even enjoying this or are

we just why are we doing this

we've been going for hours it's like

when you try a new toy or a new position

or something and you're like oh this

seems like it was a better idea before

but like we're here now so like do we

commit like you're like this this

position took a lot of time to get into

right i mean

oh mistakes were made but like I'm here

now it's going to take longer to get out

of this position than to just finish

so yeah I remember there like being a

point where I'm like I think he was just

straight pounding into me for like 45

minutes and I was like are we just going

to call a spade a spade at this point

like we can just own that we're done now

like I'm like man only that early in a

relationship are you trying to be that

cool and sexy full porn star sounds just

to make it stop i'm like now we'll be

sitting on the couch i'm like will you

stop breathing so loudly yeah mhm i

still want to jump your bones but could

you just breathe a little while could

you hold your breath while I do it and

I'm like yeah there's some people are

into that breath play right like there's

a snowballs chance in hell that at this

point in our

relationship we're going to bone for 45

minutes straight with no

conclusion in sight no no no we're not

we've been here too long i love myself

too much for that maybe I didn't no I

loved myself that much then that wasn't

that that wasn't the problem it was the

wanting to be the cool girl and be like

"Yeah like we can keep going." I'm like

"What?" But why are we still doing this

what are we proving who is this for

having an existential crisis in the

middle of sex because it's like "What

are what are we doing?" Looking at the

hotel alarm clock at like 4:30 in the

morning being like "Who's this for do I

want to be doing this?"

Well this isn't how I saw it going but

you know it's not bad all before the 6

a.m alarm where he had to go get ready

to staff the summer

camp

anyway they're going to the

meeting with all the other kings okay

and on the way there Damian is like

"Listen you need

to act like a queen i know we say we're

not queen not kings or whatever but like

we are and you are my queen you need to

act like it don't back down if they

challenge you so just this might not be

relevant but because I am actually kind

of kind of curious within the whole

universe are the other

kings like creatures are there queens

that they have or is she like the first

queen coming to the table okay that does

feel pertinent to like the overall

dynamic for sure so there are no other

women in this room that she's walking

into

so it's her and the five kings yeah so

um she does tell Damen she's like "Yeah

but just don't forget that like we're

not a real couple right like this is

fake mating like this is mating of

convenience so that we can feed on each

other because I'm your bloodmate." Like

there are no feelings here right i feel

like Damian loved that response well

he's like he is like "Yes I know i

remember your boundary i remember what

you told me but like we need to act like

we're a real couple because it's going

to keep your sister safe and it's going

to help keep like the we have to look

like we're a united front for the sake

of safety." Okay so they're also denying

that the sisters even exist for their

safety so even though like the werewolf

king 100% knows there are other sirens I

made it her i know she exists they're

like they're like I've never heard of

her clementine silly no who would name

someone Clementine it's a fake name

that's not real like no no so they're

just trying to gaslight the king into

believing oh my god all of them all of

the kings all of the kings know these

sirens exist and they're all like "No

I've never heard of her." Who what crazy

because they can't prove it and the

sisters are confined to the vampire

manor uhhuh so like there's no way to

prove that they have unated sirens

touche so um the meeting goes really

well it is setting up for future books

the fa king in particular the werewolf

king is like Clementine is mine and the

fa king is like you have a sister named

after a fruit

fascinating i would like to know more so

stupid

so all that goes actually really well

everything is great the vamp or the

werewolf king is still adamant that um

he'll get his siren back no matter what

but all of the kings are united that any

move he makes will be considered an act

of war sending the wolves to her home

was an act of war and he is required to

pay for all the damage that was done and

to pay for

like a a crazy amount of those

injections good luck getting a king to

pay for their war crimes exactly

separate

too soon too soon

everything's fine everything's fine

we're all doing fine i'm okay i'm okay

just delete signal but sorry

so so um he also has to pay for those

injections for blood regeneration that

Blair got that are very expensive he has

to pay for several of them um so their

damages are done peace is kept um so all

of that is good but then the next day

Blair like doesn't know how to act she's

like "We really coupled like we we did

couple things yesterday and I don't

really know like where do we stand now?"

Yeah we're acting really couply for

people that are married for convenience

yeah for people who are not a couple

like she has a a pillow barrier between

them at night like she's that adamant

that like we are not real like we can

bang and we can feed but that doesn't

mean

anything so

um Damian is really angry she left

before he woke up again

um and uh to go have breakfast with her

sisters and he texts that he's coming

for her and this then sparks a new game

where she runs from him all over the

manor and he chases her all over the

manor to feed on her that's actually

really cute um and you know she does

stuff like hiding naked in the pool or

you know just random places where he

won't think to look um but like it's

cute and playful between them very cute

it's very light listen he was adamant

about the one piece so if she's hide and

nude I'm hoping that it's for fun sexy

times and they do ensue those sexy times

so he kicks everybody out of the pool

they bang in the pool she's like "Oh my

god sex in the pool incredible." Because

I don't mean to brag but my magically

purified water is it slaps and so this

is incredible like we should do this

more i wonder if all of the local people

who are suddenly able to use the

purified water are also loving the lack

of chemicals they are like they are it

does come up the funny thing I was like

I was about to be like I doubt it comes

up and you're like no it does it does

and they're super into it um so after

their sexy times um the a bunch of other

vampires show up and they had scheduled

a movie night in the pool so they're

like projecting a movie on the wall and

eating and playing games and stuff um

and Damian really encourages her to stay

for the movie night he's like "Well your

sisters might mate someday right like I

know you spend a lot of time with them

but they might not always be here so

it'd be good for you to have friends

like in the community and stuff right

like maybe it'd be good for you to get

to know people and Yeah like maybe think

of this community as a place you might

want to stay and not a place that you

know you ended up at because a crazy

king mated your sister without consent

but like cuz you want to be here and

make friends

yeah so they play sharks and minnows and

of course that seems cute it was really

cute all of the vampires are like we

want Blair on our team like

um and they eventually have all of the

sirens or the sharks and all of the

vampires or the minnows and they of

course obliterate them and it's really

funny

um so she is still adamant that like

love is not a thing but she could have

done worse than Damian for a partner cuz

he's like getting into the fun and it's

a really nice bonding time they're

finding a really sweet rhythm with each

other yes and she is now feeling more

committed to like being an actual

partner for him so um she realizes that

as his mate she should helping she

should be helping to run the Vampire

Nation that was a weird sentence but um

she should be doing more and so she's

like "Oh well I could do that." And

she's like "Yeah I can be more

involved." Yeah she asks why he didn't

bring it up and he's like "Well because

I already forced you to mate with me

when you didn't really want to and I

didn't want to be like also it comes

with this job that you probably don't

want like I can do it it's fine." And

she's like "No no I'm going to do this."

Um and so she

uh she says that she's going to help but

Damen is like "You're still radiating

magic." Because their agreement is not

enough for both of them to be actually

full it's just enough to keep them going

more consistent yeah more consistently

but they the the bond marks have turned

black at this point right they are still

exist but they are not in agreement on

feeding each other fully got it so there

is another big fight because Damian's

like "You can't help me run the nation

unless you feed more to be fully

satiated so you're not radiating magic."

Um and he threatens to lock her in their

room at one point like it escalates to

that point where he's like "I will

literally lock you in your in the room

like if that's what I have to do to keep

you safe." And she's like "Oh will you

all right cool cool cool." He still has

not learned that he should not be the

one to do that because then she goes up

to their room and locks him out of

it she's like "Oh if you get get to

threaten to lock me in here then I get

to lock you out [ __ ] damian the

unilateral decisions are not

working well at all they're not

effective so he does apologize actually

very well and fully he's like "Listen I

understand that what I did was wrong

here's why it was wrong and here's why

I'm not going to do it anymore can you

please let me in the room?" Oh okay yeah

um so we love an insightful king

eventually he admits that he's just

terrified that she's going to get hurt

or be taken from him um or that she's

going to run away from him or something

and so they make up agreement to feed

more sexy times ensue everything's great

but when Blair is feeding on his

emotions she picks up something new and

she's like "Uh-oh it's like devotion."

And she's like "That feels real close to

love." And we said no to that she's like

I don't like that she's like after the

trauma that my family has experienced

because of quote unquote love yeah i

don't want to do this

yeah so she waits until he falls asleep

and then she sneaks out to talk to her

sister and the sister is

like "Yeah you're an idiot of course he

loves you." She's like "I'm afraid he's

in love with me." And she's like "Yeah

babe." Literally everyone can see that

like yep he sent he sends photos of

you to the manor chat all the time

he's super in love with you

he's been obsessed with you from the

jump like sure moments haven't landed

super well but like it's not for lack of

love and affection from him but she's

still holding on to he forced me to be

here he forced me to mate like I can't

love him he's not safe and finally the

sister is like what do you think would

happen if you tried to leave and she's

like I would be stopped like I'm not

allowed to leave here and she's like

yeah you are come with me and they walk

out the front door and the guards are

like God bless have a great

night they go to the garage and they're

given keys to whatever vehicle they want

drive safe and her sister's like "We are

not prisoners." like he really is trying

to keep us safe and so

um yeah she's like the rest of the

sisters like we're not sitting here

feeling like we are prisoners we feel

like we've been offered a safe haven a

fresh start we have freedom you are the

only one who has the lens

of boundaries here right and the sister

also is like do you not are you not

paying attention like Damian's been

actively working to find a solution to

the werewolf king issue so that we don't

have to stay here for a year like he is

actively working to make us safer not

just to keep us safe um and he's been

like meeting with some vampire or not

vampire werewolf that they don't know

who it is but um to try to solve this

this problem for her and she's like "Oh

maybe maybe I've been misreading this."

So she gets back to the room and she's

like "Maybe I need to reconsider what

this mate bond means." And I should do

that by waking him up with a

[ __ ] which is what she does and then

my notes say 69 with anal play fang in

her

[ __ ] which I didn't find to be arousing

but apparently because of his magic it

was like awesome sauce which is great

for her oh I'm glad for her i felt my

body clench same we both went

um I like the sound effect that we also

both made

it just went back in a little what went

back in a little don't worry about it

don't worry about it but it's in but it

went in a little

so the next day more shower sex

everything's great um and then Blair

asks Damian about like what he's doing

to try to keep her sister safe and he

explains that the rightful

alpha who left the pack

he's trying to get him to come back to

challenge the werewolf king oh [ __ ] yes

will he get a book he will because Yay

yay if Damian kills the werewolf king

that's a declaration of war but if the

rightful alpha comes back and kills him

then that is like

any other Tuesday you know that's just

how we do it yeah

so um he's like "The problem that we

have here is that the rightful alpha

says that he will only challenge the

current werewolf king if we give him a

siren to mate with that is his

deal." One of the other kings the dragon

king oh is also saying that he needs a

siren not to mate with he just needs an

unmated siren for undisclosed reasons

and all the other kings are like "Okay

well if you tell us why." And he's like

"No." And they're like "Well then we're

not going to give you a siren." And he's

like "But I need a siren." And they're

like "Okay well if you tell us why you

need help we'll help you like we are

here to help." And he's like "No I'm

We're in an alliance like you're not the

enemy like if you need one we'll give it

to you." A circle over and over i do

need one yeah just like Why

it's a secret just real bad i need one i

just need one don't worry about it don't

talk about it don't look me in the eye i

just need a siren

it's not for anything nefarious give me

one we'll never talk about it again i'll

return her probably like return her like

literally he's like "I will give her

back when I'm done." They're like "Done

with what don't worry about it just give

me the siren it'll be totally fine

pretty sure so um they're like "Well

we're not gonna do that right like we're

not gonna give the werewolf one of the

sisters." Like we've already decided

we're not doing that with the dragon

doesn't seem like we should do it with

the werewolf either like it's if we

won't do it for one species we shouldn't

do it for another it should be fair

exactly equity matters

so Blair is like "Let me talk to my

sisters and ask right if any of them

would be willing because it doesn't seem

right for me to unilaterally make this

decision let me ask maybe one of my

sisters could feed him or feed off of

him like once a week or something maybe

he would agree to that." And Damen's

like "He won't but you could try." He's

like "I mean I guess but he he's not

going to do that."

So one of the sisters is immediately

like "Yep I volunteer as tribute because

she hates being with the vampires." Not

that she hates the vampires she just

feels really trapped and she wants to be

outside and she wants her freedom back

and she's just like "I don't want to be

here anymore these are not my people."

Um

and so she's like "Not a problem." And

on the way out she's like "The kings

will be sorry they forced us to mate

with them when we take their thrones."

She's like "Fuck yeah." That's the

energy she's rolling into with this oh

hell yeah i love that energy so her name

is Izzy so Izzy and Blair go talk to

Damian um and let him know the decision

blair does not like this decision but is

respecting it because her sister is an

adult and can do that

um but Damen is just glad that Blair is

going to be safer and that things are

going to quiet down now that the true

alpha is coming back they have history

there's trust in a relationship there um

but this showdown between the current

werewolf king and the true alpha is

going to happen like immediately like

tonight this [ __ ] is happening

i assume it would be a buildup in their

own book nope it's like right the [ __ ]

now we're doing this so they call the

true alpha he agrees to come he issues

the challenge and while they are waiting

for the werewolf king to get there um

they are alone and there is more sexy

times blair gets under the desk while he

is on a video call and gives him a

[ __ ] through this very boring

financial meeting um and he's pretty

into that shockingly he's very into it

who wouldn't be quite frankly I wouldn't

be i would be too stressed out very much

so i wouldn't be able to is there a

camera involved if there's a webcam on

No you are not getting under the desk in

that regard nope it's a video call have

I I did once mess with Vance when he was

on the phone i've done that

that felt fine that felt safer something

about not having to worry about the face

yes

the managing your facial expressions yes

all non-verbal cues would be problematic

yeah oh I would fail immed i would not

enjoy like that doesn't even sound sexy

or fun to me that sounds so stressful

nightmare yeah nightmare but Damian this

is the moment when he's like I am in

love with her no doubt damian we knew we

knew you've been in love with her for a

while welcome to the party yeah glad you

caught up but he's like trying to be as

low-key as possible because he knows how

trigger shy she is that's fair so she

has a heartto-he heart with her sister

blair is coming to terms with like the

feelings that she has for Damian and

understanding Damen's feelings for her

because she can read them and everything

um and um the the issue now is that

she's like "He might not know though

because I'm a siren i feed on emotions

and sometimes those emotions are really

deep like he might not know that he

loves me i know so she's like "Should I

do I say something or like maybe not cuz

what if he doesn't know?" Like I'm like

you know valid it's a whole thing so the

sisters choose to spend the day together

um before the new werewolf king shows up

because um they don't know when they're

all going to be together again like

there's some concern about we don't know

this guy like Damian says he's great but

like he could just take off with our

sister and we could never see her again

so yeah like hope it all plays out how

we think it will cuz also what if he

claims the sister cuz that's the price

he challenges the current king mhm and

loses what if he loses that's the other

thing if he loses then the sister will

be alone forever like once you have a

sealed mate bond like a truly sealed

mate bond even if your mate dies that's

it like that's fully it for you and we

find that out now like as the sisters

are preparing for this big fight

um so they're like "Let's just spend a

lowkey day together at the pool for no

reason i love you guys so much." Like oh

god fun beach

day lol

so um yeah uh it would also mean that

the sister who is mating with the

werewolf king would also be fully left

unprotected at that point yeah like well

we did all we could whoops like that's

not good so our plan A failed and there

is no backup plan

right because before the fight the

sister fully mates with the werewolf

king you are mine you are mine marks are

made dunzo and he's like "Cool cool cool

well let's go have a fight there." It's

literally like "Hi my name is Porter hi

my name is Izzy." Or actually no he

doesn't ask cuz that comes up in the

second book he's like "Hi I'm Porter do

you consent to this mating?" And she's

like "Yeah." And he's like "Cool cool

cool you are mine." And she's like "Okay

I guess you are mine." And he never asks

her name or anything he just mates her

and then goes to this fight i really

feel like maybe the agreement should

have been that they made it after well

that came up and one of the sisters was

like "He's not going to go for that

though because we could just decline to

mate after he wins." Like he's never

going to agree to that like he doesn't

have any leverage after that so

unfortunate maybe a signed agreement

first pinky promise i'm just saying if

he dies like It's really bad it's really

bad high risk high reward you know

seriously so Damian literally ties Blair

to him with a piece of rope when they go

to this fight and that's been throughout

the whole book he like threatens to tie

her to him and this time he's like "No

no I'm not joking these werewolves are

outside their [ __ ] minds and if

anybody tries to grab you I am going to

know about

it." Period you know I get it solutions

oriented yes creativity in the moment so

um Izzy and Blair go down separately to

the fight um with tons of guards because

they also can't be seen together so the

dragon king is also there like to watch

the fight and he's like that better not

be one of her sisters and she's like

I've never had sisters ever in my life

that is just another unmated siren we

happened upon uh who is the mate of that

guy never seen her not my sister don't

even know sisters what

crazy and meanwhile the demon king is

standing there like literally laughing

in the dragon king's face because he's

like "I just needed a [ __ ] siren."

The dragon is like "I still need a

siren." And they're like "What's it

for?" And he's like "I just need one

just trust me i need one i will maybe

give her back eventually why does he

need one um so he has a dragon in prison

uhhuh in his side of the manor that has

basically half shifted so his exterior

is all scales but he's still in human

form so he can't be injured by any kind

of like weapon at all but he needs to be

killed because he's a serial killer and

he killed a lot of female dragons and so

they're hoping that a siren's magic like

the lustiness would make him shift back

to human long enough for him to be

vulnerable for them to kill

him but we don't find that out till the

fifth book spoilies fifth book yeah

literally every other king gets a siren

every other king gets a siren okay i was

wondering if each if it was going to end

up with if it was a king siren matchup

yeah every other king and he's just like

"You got to be [ __ ] kidding me i've

been kindly patiently asking for so

long." Damen comes up with this [ __ ]

system where he's like "Well you're

going to have to submit a written

request and if I happen upon an unmaded

siren it'll be considered." And the

dragon king literally every week submits

a new request every single week and

every single week he's ignored every

single week he puts it in the dragon i

know it's so

pitiful but anyway we don't know any of

that right now but the point is

um it's a big nasty fight it's really

brutal but the true alpha wins um so

everybody's safe good times thank god so

now that that's settled the sisters are

somewhat safer and the one with the

forced mate bond is now released from

that so everybody's good significantly

safer

um so now Blair is like I guess I should

talk to Damian about feelings is that a

thing I should do yes like where are we

at you know I guess maybe I should talk

to Damian about that i'm just here to

take the temperature you know

just a quick pulse check how we feeling

well so she's like "Hey can we talk

instead of having sex?" Cuz he's like

feeling up on her a little bit and he's

like "Of course we can." And immediately

he's like "Okay I'm going to I'm going

to touch your nipples though while we do

that." And she's like "Oh whatever."

Like "Okay." And then she's like

"Actually I changed my mind we should

just have sex." Cuz she's like "I don't

want to talk about this." And he's like

"Blair you really wanted to talk about

something come on now and so finally

declarations of love ensue they have a

big talk it's actually very cute damen

takes notes about well we're real mates

now so what are the what are the things

real mates need to talk about so they

make a list of like kids where do you

want to live finances vacations like

everything they could think of they make

a big list and they rock through the

list all night they just talk about

everything um and then finally a

solidifying [ __ ] ensues oh finally the

solidifying [ __ ]

the other [ __ ] up until then not

solidifying i mean

no never mind i take it back i was like

what's not quite solid a gel and then I

was like I'm getting I'm in the weeds

too much i don't like it we're just

going to roll that back yeah I'm going

to Is that the end we're at the epilogue

oh okay so

um what I left out the werewolf battle

was really the big finale crescendo

moment and the new werewolf king like

bites the sister in front of everybody

and like hauls off with her and Blair's

like "Is she going to be okay?" And

Damen's like "Probably." Yeah pretty

sure those crazy kids they'll sort it

out they'll be all right um so now it's

the epilogue it's been several months

it's a few days before Christmas and

Damian gives Blair a gift and it's a wet

suit and she's like "I swear to God

Damian like I have told you I'm not

wearing a [ __ ] wet suit." And he's

like "Open the rest of the gift." And

there are two tickets plane tickets to

take her on vacation and the wet suit is

for him because it's winter and it's so

cold he's like "I'm not going to I'm not

going to live through that you will

though you're going to love it."

He's like "I said I would get you a wet

suit i didn't say who was going to wear

it." Very cute um and

um yeah that's the end it's it was a

really fun read a lot of it when I was

outlining it I was like it's not as much

plot like as I remembered it being but I

think it's because they do so much setup

for the for the sisters because the next

book is the werewolf king and the Izzy

and Porter mhm it's Izzy and Porter and

of course his name is Porter the water

stuff comes up because the fay are going

through [ __ ] and they need the purified

water it's like all that stuff comes

back um so there's a lot of setup but it

was a really enjoyable read um yeah the

next one I think is Love Bites Harder I

think um but yeah it I just liked it and

it was an interesting take on like the

glitter comes up over and over again too

and it becomes like a trend in the

community the supernatural community so

like for Halloween all these [ __ ]

show up like with glitter glitter all

over them just means you swam in a

chlorinated pool incredible so like all

these vampires and demons and [ __ ] are

like me too and they're like all covered

in glitter it's pretty funny

what's our rating system o um wet suits

wet suits wet suits is a good one yeah

we do wet suits easier than Grotto yes

and I didn't even mention he built all

of that for her like he found out that

his blood mate was a siren realized it

before he even found her he magically

built this incredible pool um and pissed

off the entire vampire nation cuz they

wanted a mini golf course but that's

beside the

point blair still builds it just

somewhere else um a mini golf course

yeah they're like it comes up repeatedly

the the vampires are pissed they wanted

their mini golf course

um so it really was like fun and

lighthearted it was really and like

there's a little bit of dark stuff in

future books it kind of gets a little

bit darker but never past like that it

It just is nice to read it's not like

super dark and awful at any point it's

just nice

how many wets suits i think five cuz

there are five sisters and five kings

yeah yeah would that be 10 or we just

sticking with five we could do 10 let's

do 10 i feel better about 10 whatever

makes you feel better well because I was

like three but like three out of five

but I was like well I want a little

higher than that so I can do seven out

of 10 seven out of 10 i can do seven out

of 10 that's great yeah it was a fun

read it was a nice setup for future

books um it was an interesting take too

of like the siren situation was fun

um yeah it's it was just a fun read and

I really liked the whole series so yeah

I'm going to add it to my list yeah

highly recommend actually I think it

might already be on my list but now I'll

prioritize it i love that for you on my

list yeah mhm mhm yeah mhm listen you've

given me reason to prioritize it and I

love that for me too

yeah i like that we can share that all

right y'all let us know how many wets

suits you would rate the book what style

of wets suit is it full body is it the

shorter kind i think that matters as

well cuz that might count as a half wet

suit depending right context matters it

does yes let us know how many wets suits

you would rate the book we're going

seven out of 10 for our final offer

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