EP 85: Love Bites by Lola Glass
well hello all you beautiful
people you know what time it
is ladies and gents guys and dolls and
everyone in
between gather around get you something
real nice to sip on and comfy to slip
on cuz it's time for Smite Club here's
your hosts Chelsea and Hannah
[Music]
[Laughter]
hey everybody and welcome to Smut Club
i'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this is
the podcast where we are two licensed
professional counselors who sometimes
daydrink and review romance novels of
varying caliber today we are back up on
that Boda [ __ ] e Oh I've missed Boda
we miss you Boda
vance and I decided that this year we're
gonna like try and be more intentional
about like I'm like we don't just need
to like guzzle wine like if we want to
have wine like let's like buy a nice
bottle like yes like let's sit let's
enjoy it let's like savor it let's not
just be like well if I push the button
it'll pour very quickly and how much I
get is how much I get and so we had made
that transition and then I like took a
sip of Boda and I was like
"Oh I'm home." Yeah yeah yeah yeah no I
know exactly what you're talking about
but also I think the thing about Boda
not sponsored it'd be cooler if we were
it's just so freaking drinkable like I'm
like it is drinkable it's like oh when
you think of red wine yes that is what
it tastes like right it is the palatable
table wine yep and that's why it gets me
in trouble m and that's also probably
why I've been drinking more bottled wine
cuz I'm like oh this is like it actually
makes me sit and like think about the
complexity of the notes in this one for
a second but I don't want to do that i
just want to have the red wine yeah i'm
like I just want wine and Bod's like we
got you it doesn't have to be harder
than this
so thanks Boda you've been
single-handedly not single-handedly well
depending on the day maybe you've been
supporting us from the beginning yeah
for Yeah bod's always there years now
yeah literally you know it'll never
leave you
boda when I was working in youth
ministry I once told my students
cheesecake which also working in youth
ministry I'm sure they were expecting
Jesus yeah the Holy Spirit sure
something yeah the Trinity
cheesecake yeah I get that i bought
myself an entire chocolate cheesecake
yes you did i don't know i just chose to
do that and I have one piece left it's
in my fridge and was it a chocolate
crust as well
oh hell yeah yeah yeah it was one of
those like chocolate samplers so there
was like two pieces of chocolate chip
like two triple chocolate i was like
"Okay okay okay." Well and quite frankly
I feel like the sampler ones go faster
they do because I'm like "Oh I'm just
I'm just taking a little testy bite out
of each of these." I'm just doing like
little half pieces yes
um no I love
doing gluten-free Oreos and like you put
those in the food processor and then you
use that as your crust as your crust
it's so delightful and works so well
like either with the golden ones or with
the standard ones depending on what
flavor that's great i don't I haven't
looked to see how wild they've gone with
the gluten-free Oreo flavors i'm not I'm
not that deep in the Oreo
lore well I feel like I saw someone
recently that like there was a drop I
don't know did Sabrina Carpenter have an
Oreo collab there was something i don't
remember but like some celebrity dropped
some Oreos that people were
driving to like five stores in a row to
try and find this like special package
of Oreos is that like the new Beanie
Babies or something like why are we
doing that yeah i was like "Oh I don't
know enough about the buzz around this
like I love this excitement for you i
just Yeah i can't cosign it cuz I don't
get I'm like personally I'm not driving
to five stores for Oreos um
but I want to support you in that
journey and quite frankly if you want to
drive to five stores for Oreos God bless
i'll be a great road trip buddy i'll go
with you sure
we'll make it a whole adventure that's
just not an adventure I'm initiating
me either i'm a support character in
that adventure yeah me either
i'll go just to say I went but like you
know well and I want to try the Oreos
like if you're going to that many stores
I'm like throw one my way yeah please
but I'm not going to seek it out myself
no although you do live in a pretty
remote area so I I do Well I wonder if
one like the specialty ones like get
sent to your stores or if it's that far
out but I'm also like is it easier to
get for you it might be huh i'll have to
do some more research on that we'll have
to see the next big Oreo collab that's
going to drop i'll wait with baited
breath for that you're going to be at
Ingles for the midnight release
just Just me in my tent
and they're like Engles is 24 hours you
can just come in just Just You're You're
cool no need for the tent my girl you're
all right what are you doing
okay all that said what book are we here
for today love Bites love Bites yes by
Lola Glass do we think that's Lola's
real name no no I do not no it's
probably Laya
my husband and I I don't remember where
we were going but we were going
somewhere and we passed this smoke shop
called Lola's but it was in
like the middle of North Carolina on the
side of a highway and it was like it's
just that and a gas station for like 20
miles and I was like I have a lot of
questions did you stop no but I wish
that I had now because I want to know
who is Lola where is she why here so
there's a new Tik Tok that I've started
following
uh called Sketchy Food Reviews or
something like that and it's this mother
son and they're like we we'll go to all
of the sketchy restaurants so you don't
have to nice um and from how you're
describing this like whatever gas
station pizza situation they have there
I would like the Tik Tok version team to
go and
uh explore it for us investigate and
also I'm like well if you're there
Lola's is if you could pop in that
skipping a jump there yeah yeah they
went into one place that was called like
I don't know it wasn't Crusty Clown but
it was like Clownburg i think it was
Clownburg or something like that
it was like terrifying clowns my husband
would love it yeah it's in the middle of
nowhere in Texas i'll send you a link in
case you guys are ever there but
apparently the burgers do slap so
that tracks yeah like one of those that
you're like it this place like you might
need a tetanus shop but the food will be
delicious and that's the trade-off and
that's the trade-off okay so Lola Glass
wrote Love Bites she did and this is the
first in a series about five sisters so
okay I'm leaving out a lot of stuff that
sets up the future books um because it's
just a lot of side characters and names
and stuff that's not relevant to this
story it's Lola's version of
Bridgetgerton like each sibling gets
their own okay yes so um the first book
is about Blair
um so Blair is a siren and so are her
sisters and the sirens are described
essentially as emotional vampires they
feed by kissing and they feed on
emotions
so are is a vampire a succubus
basically okay yeah yeah yeah yeah i was
like I not trying to confuse my lore but
like that yes so like basically they are
highly attractive to everyone um and
their magic draws people to them so
before we started we were talking about
the power of charisma were we not and
these have just like a lot a lot of
charisma they got all that they got they
got it okay they do and so
the problem for Blair with all of this
is that she really strongly dislikes
kissing strangers and that's how she has
to feed because for sirens who are
unmated it's extremely dangerous for
them to be like out in public um because
of the way their magic draws people in
um like they'll get like swarmed well or
they will have unwanted mate bonds like
forced upon them um so it can be like
really dangerous yeah and we get into
like how the mate bonds happen and stuff
pretty quickly um so she currently is
starving so really a siren should feed
about once a week um but Blair only
feeds once a month because she just
doesn't like it she doesn't like going
out to nightclubs she doesn't like
mating or or kissing with strangers
because they often have then
expectations for sex or mating or
whatever um and she is adamant she she
doesn't want to mate she's happy with
her life as it is with her sisters um
and so she doesn't she just enjoys no
part of it um her
sisters are don't have those hang-ups so
they're chilling generally they're not
starving they're not worried about it no
um but they don't have any
defense against anything like their only
powers are related to water and emotions
so it's like what are their water powers
they can purify water when they're in it
that's a dope skill oh it comes up a lot
throughout um because it's a big deal
the way that they're able to purify the
water but it's not like they can throw
it at people like they're you know I've
never even thought of that as a
potential superpower throwing water no
being able to purify water while in it
not that was like like Avatar the Last
Air Bender like I I've thought about it
a lot like like X-Men like this like all
these other places where people throw
water chelsea like the boys come
on but no so basically
like there are little quirky things that
get mentioned like um sirens love
peppermint and so like there's lots of
little like peppermint nods throughout
the whole thing um which starts with um
she basically makes her way to the bar
of this nightclub to sit down and the
guy next to her realizes I guess what
she is and orders her a water with
peppermint um peppermint leaves in it
for her because she clearly she's like
clutching her head like she really
doesn't feel well because she's so
hungry um and he's looking at her and
he's like she doesn't need alcohol right
now she might just maybe have a little
water but there honey um we love that
yeah and her sisters are all somewhere
else in the nightclub feeding and having
a good time and whatever and they are
not technically her biological sisters
so the complicated part that sort of
matters but doesn't is that Sirens are
in pods they need each other so it's
like a pack so they all run together but
um Blair and her sisters their mothers
were all in a pod together and they were
all murdered 10 years ago oh so that's
also part of why like they essentially
live in hiding and only feed leave to
feed um and so like they've been living
that way for quite some time that makes
me very sad it is really sad um because
you know they live in this supernatural
city but um and so there are no humans
in this story line it's all
supernaturals so they live in the
supernatural city but it's not safe for
them to be like a part of their
community so they really only have each
other um yeah well and I feel like
that's interesting cuz there are so many
like paranormal series that kind of make
humans the enemies and so it's like oh
humans are the ones that it's like that
we have to like hide ourselves from and
this is like no there are no humans it's
just yeah there are humans outside of
this supernatural city but like they
don't interact with them in any way
except to like exchange goods if needed
but humans are not part of the So humans
exist in the world
yeah just not part of the city so the
guy next to her introduces himself his
name is Damian um he doesn't seem to be
kind of losing himself to her magic the
way that other people are there's like
you know a woman next to her is like
touching her leg and she keeps like
batting her hand off and like the
bartender keeps coming over and like
leaning in and she's like I swear to God
she's like I just I just want to get out
of here and be home like I don't want to
do this so Damian is tolerating her
magic and he's like hey I understand
that you need to feed i get it i would
be willing for you to feed on me no
expectations no strings whatever if that
will help you like I'm happy to do that
and she's like "Why?"
Like "Yeah what you doing what you
doing?" And oh that's that's a very very
generous offer stranger at the nightclub
right and she's like "Okay."
And he's like "I have a private room
here." Which apparently is standard for
vampires which Damian is vampires often
have their own rooms to feed in and she
was like "Yeah I'm not going to a
secondary location with you but thank
you so much for that offer love it love
it." Um and he's like "No I just I just
want the experience." Right like it's
not very often you meet an unmated siren
like I just would like to know what it's
like um so also just to clarify once
they're mated is it then like yeah you
can just like fully participate in our
community and society yes because
there's no because there's there's not
the chance of the mate so like the main
really the Okay sorry just wanted to
make sure that that was the there was no
other reason well and basically like
most sirens have arranged mings to very
very powerful beings when they are very
very young to keep them safe but a
siren's magic is basically the only way
to kind of get high like like it feels
incredible apparently and it can help
you process emotions and like it does
all kinds of really wonderful things um
and so they are highly sought after
because of that so um she decides to go
for kissing Damian at the bar whatever
um she's like "I'm not going to follow
you to a secondary location but you have
proven yourself enough that I Well and I
really need to eat i'm hungry i'll give
you a little smooch." Yeah so the kiss
is incredible of course it's like turns
into a hot makeout session but she's
very impressed that he doesn't touch her
like he doesn't go further he follows
you know what he said he was going to do
that he wasn't going to push for more
and there was no no strings attached and
everything
um one of her sisters shows up and is
like "We got to run like we got to go
right now like the wolves are here let's
get the [ __ ] out of here we got to go."
And so um he bit her lip a little bit as
she was pulling away um and he got kind
of like like he like locked up when he
did that um and he was like gripping her
hips like not in a painful way so she
just throws her drink on him which is
seems to be enough to like snap him out
of it and she just takes off like with
her sister through the nightclub and it
turns out that one of her sisters had a
mate bond forced upon her when they were
at the nightclub by the werewolf king so
basically the way bonding works in this
world is all you have to do is touch
them and say you are mine and a mark
appears around your neck and that is a
one-sided bond in order for the bond to
be permanent the other person has to
reciprocate it and do the same thing and
say like touch you and say you are mine
so this is not a completed bond but it
is a halfway bond and it means that the
werewolf king can track her now um and
it will take a year for this mark to
fade a year a year yeah so they're the
sisters are understandably like "What
the [ __ ] are we going to do like we
can't go home he can follow us there so
what do we do?" So it's not good just
out of curiosity have you read the other
sisters books yes is the sister does she
end up with the king oh na nigh and that
will be revealed eventually in this one
anyway but
well and I know you said that like a lot
of this book that you'll have to leave
out just for the sake of time is setting
up other books but I do think it's
always like when you know that's
happening it's always interesting to
like follow the threads of like who's
being linked together yeah well and I
was like in this one I was like "Okay so
is this going to be like the werewolf
king's deeply misunderstood and like we
get to know him and he's actually
amazing but then through this whole
thing they're like "Yeah there was that
time Kurt lost his [ __ ] and killed a
bartender you know he's really you know
he's pretty violent he's pretty
volatile." And I'm like "Are we going to
redeem this fucker?" Like oh my god
they're like "No we're not trying to
redeem him at all this is not a setup in
the way you think it is everybody chill
out um so the sisters decide they are
going to go to the manor which is like
basically the headquarters for the five
supernatural kings that rule this world
um they all have their own basically
like mansions that are connected
together so the species are separate but
they have neutral territory in the
middle where they can come together for
whatever they want to so they're going
to the vampires because they fall under
vampire jurisdiction the sirens do so
they're going to the vamp the the
vampires for protection so it's
essentially the vampire embassy yes okay
so and a lot of the vampires live on
site and that's the same for all of the
the manners like the supernatural beings
a lot of them choose to live there um so
when they get there they are told that
the sister who was marked can stay in
the manor under protection
temporarily until the king the vampire
king makes a final decision about what
to do about them which is better than
nothing but now the sisters have to be
fully on lockdown in hiding they cannot
leave because the werewolves are like
looking for them now and like patrolling
for them so they leave their sister at
the embassy and then they all go back to
their house that they have already been
in hiding at yeah but they can't Did
Blair get enough food she did she did
feed enough from Damian but now they
cannot leave to feed again until the
king makes his decision that's why I was
so nervous if she didn't get enough food
this would be really bad she'd be so
hungry but there it could take up to 6
weeks which is basically the threshold
for starvation for them so they're like
"This is going to suck but we have to do
what we have to do the one sister is
safe we'll take it that's what matters
we'll we'll go hungry if it keeps her
safe." Got it um and this is dual point
of view so we switch to Damian now what
damian's the other one i didn't see that
coming especially not when his name was
Damian right well and the whole time um
I forgot to mention so the vampire king
is named Hail and so they're like "We're
waiting for Hail it's going to be a
while he's really busy." Blah blah blah
blah blah so Damian is is is Hail yeah
yeah mhm yeah you got Damian you got
Hail
is there an axle in there somewhere
please not yet not yet um so Damian has
been in basically like full freakout
meltdown since the nightclub incident um
because uh it turns out that when he
nicked Blair's lip um and tasted her
blood he realized that she is his
bloodmate and that means that she is the
only one that can like sate his blood
lust and he she's the only one he wants
to feed from and so he's just like been
running around having all of his people
looking for Blair like all he has is a
first name he's got people he has people
he's like I need I need this person
please and they're like well there are a
lot of players in
existence so I mean surely you can
narrow down the search slightly well so
they were like "Well it's an unmated
siren with no internet presence of any
kind." Well we just have to roll down
the list of Blares and like go door to
door but I'm also like "Okay but door to
door how many unmated Siren Blares will
there be in this area?" too many for him
to find apparently because his sister
comes in and she he's like "I don't have
time for whatever [ __ ] you're
bringing me to deal with i have got to
find this siren." Because not only is he
like "I need to feed from my mate." But
he's like "She's an unmated siren just
in the wild like this is the worst thing
to happen." He's like "My blood mate is
out there not safe." Totally defenseless
if somebody else grabs her and forces a
mate bond on her like I'm [ __ ] forever
i got to say that is like terrible that
is not a great setup in their world it's
that easy to bond someone without their
consent mhm man Americans would be
[ __ ]
really just thinking about all the legal
cases that would come from that what a
nightmare anyway so he's going on and on
and on about this and finally his sister
who goes by Lou which I I just liked her
name's Louise but she was like "Hey shut
up." Cuz he's going on and on about this
unmated siren he has to find because
that was part of actually now I just
remember that that's part of why it's
taken so long he couldn't tell his
people it was an unmated siren he's like
"I don't trust everybody enough to tell
them there is an unmated siren in the
wild." So he's like "Go find Blair and
like no other information."
He's like pretty serious about it can't
explain it bring her to me so he might
be standing in his own way of retrieval
a little bit it's not that there's so
many Blairs they can't narrow it down
it's so the sister is finally like "Hey
shut the [ __ ] up because I have the
solution to your problem if you would
have just said this earlier I have this
petition for
protection from an unname unmated siren
named Blair Davidson would that happen
to be the person that you are looking
for?" And he was like "Yes." She's like
"Congratulations dumbass she's been
starving for 5 weeks because you
couldn't use your words and she's your
blood mate and you're the vampire king
so maybe [ __ ] figure it out so for
him he goes by Hail publicly and only
his sister calls him Damian and even she
doesn't really do it okay so to be fair
when I said is Hail and you said "Yeah I
You meant reverse harum." No no no no no
i meant Is hail going to be in the next
book like that's like we got Damian it's
Yeah so I you still kind of right kind
of i like that you're like "Yeah Chelsea
Hail's relevant don't worry about it
it'll like yes you get it." But you
didn't but you did you've been too busy
trying to find her that you didn't look
at the petition for safety that she has
submitted yep and she's been starving
for 5 weeks so you may want to gravel a
little bit there he's just like hanging
out at the bar as the king
well yes because the vampires own all
the nightclubs and so he was actually
working like that's why he was at the
bar is because he was like checking in
quality assurance I guess so yeah he was
working the books at the bar on a
Saturday night i don't know major
business with a capital B
um general business general business um
so um king business is what his actual
title is yeah you get it so he's like
"Oh good i left my mate and her sisters
unprotected and starving and now I'm
going to have to figure out a way to get
her to mate with me because I have to
because she's my blood mate and this is
my only chance to like sate my blood
lust and be at full power and all of
these different things." So he's like
I'm going to have to come up with a way
that she can't refuse
me which isn't going to be
good we were all rooting for you Damian
Hail and
yet nigh nigh
so well I'm
like or we could just like approve the
petition right and take it from there no
he we could but we won't so Blair is in
the pool because water is very soothing
for sirens and so they can breathe
underwater and that kind of thing so her
sisters are all at the bottom of the
pool like just trying to like cope with
their
starvation and Blair's phone rings and
it's some rando saying come to the manor
the vampire leader they don't call
themselves kings but the vampire king
has made a decision come on down um and
so she gets everybody there it's a whole
ordeal the guards are all so impacted
they because the sisters are all just
radiating lust because they're so hungry
and so the leader is like "Listen
everybody shut the [ __ ] up i need four
mated dudes right now these girls can't
walk i'm not touching them somebody
[ __ ] come
here and so they find people they're
carrying them in and Blair's doing okay
because she's used to starving like
she's used to going 4 weeks without
feeding and her sisters aren't but she's
clearly struggling and by the end she's
like leaning on the lead guard who is
mated he has a mark around his neck so
she knows like he's okay and so she's
like leaning on him and he's like "Can
you please stop doing that?" And she's
like "Would you like me to lay down
because those are your
options like you can either support some
of my weight or I can stop moving
entirely." Yeah and they're all like in
their bathing suits and cover-ups like
they literally got out of the pool and
got into the car they're all struggling
so bad so they get to the office and
it's Damian and she's like "Oh shit."
Cuz she has been thinking about him kind
of this whole time
um and he basically is like giving
orders like go get her sisters fed make
sure they're safe whatever um cuz
they're they got volunteers ahead of
time for them to feed on blah blah blah
and he's like "Hey so uh surprise you
are my bloodmate congratulations i love
that journey for you." Um but what this
means is that unless you agree to mate
with me um you and your sisters are not
going to be granted protection to stay
here stop
that's the play he went with that's what
he went with damian no he's like so
options look like you want to risk it
with the werewolf king or would you like
to go ahead and mate with me and uh feed
me cuz I'm pretty [ __ ] hungry
you want to take your
chances with the wolves or do you want
to
Yeah you know the murderous ones marry
me yeah how does it feel pretty good
right you're so lucky
what a blessing I'm bestowing upon you
cuz I'm such a catch yeah yeah
so I don't Yeah it's messy and Blair is
livid she is livid because in her mind
all these weeks she'd kind of been
building Damian up as this guy who was
kind to her when everybody else was
coming on to her like took good care of
her i was literally just thinking I was
like we love how respectful he was at
the like I was literally just about to
talk about we how much we loved a
respectful king he's not though at all
or like just in this moment just in this
moment okay so like he like [ __ ] up
like that's he does it's not him but
Blair basically now is like "Oh okay so
Damian doesn't exist like the guy that I
got along with isn't real like this is
Hail and that's who he is." So she's
like "All right listen
i will consent to a mate bond with you
but I we're not going to do love like we
are not going to be real mates we are
going to be bonded so that we can feed
from each other and so that my sisters
are protected but like this is a
business transaction yeah because this
is also where we find out that not only
were was her mother and all of the other
mothers murdered they were murdered by
Blair's father like he went insane
basically because he was so obsessed
with her mother that he wound up killing
the entire pod and her because they were
basically taking attention away from him
and so Blair's like "So we're not going
to be doing love?" And Damian is like
"That sounds like
psychosis not love." And she's like
"Agree to disagree we're not doing
either one of those things." Yeah she's
like "Just as long as we have no
emotions about this at all." Yeah mhm we
are contractually obligated by our blood
to each other y and we are nothing to
each other outside of that yeah high
five buddy [ __ ] you very much very
deeply yeah so um he puts his mark on
her and the other thing about the marks
is that they are sort of status symbols
as well because a standard plane mate
mark is just a navy dark blue
essentially band around the neck that
turns black when the bond is sealed but
if your mate actually cares about you as
a person they will put some kind of
design in it so they're if they have an
intention they can make it really pretty
and intricate and stuff and so he puts
his mark on her neck and it is beautiful
um and he bites her and um she goes to
complete the bond cuz it takes both of
them saying the words um and he says no
that she needs to really think about it
that her consenting to his mark is
enough for now and um you know he'll be
able to find
her she is marked as his which helps her
stay safe um but isn't like forcing her
to bond with him i mean but you already
did he really did because the next line
is she is absolutely [ __ ] livid
like he
forc so he like forces her to to mate
with him for the sake of keeping her
sister safe he bonds her and then is
like no you baby take some time you
don't have to reciprocate you you think
about it you you you do it when you're
ready yeah he said "I am a benevolent
God." Like "Bestow this gift upon you."
What the [ __ ] so he also says because
there's more he's also like "Hey PS BTW
um you and I will be sharing a room
period and if you are not in our room
when I go to bed tonight I will come
find you and you don't want me to come
find you." So
we really went from 6:00 to midnight so
quickly yeah and he's like "Also check
out the pool it's on the 11th floor i
think you'll like it."
Like he's like "The code for our uh
elevator or whatever is the date we
met." He's like "It's the code for
everything I have." So and she's like
"What fresh fuck?"
Like she's like "I was just hungry man
you offered no strings attached no
secondary location so many strings and a
secondary location just call me
Pinocchio."
Like poor Blair i know she's not having
a good time and also like okay did
Damian [ __ ] up absolutely is my heart
still kind of rooting for him
also yes where I'm like damn it Jamie
and that wasn't the move but I know your
heart was in the right place come on man
so her sisters lose their [ __ ] when they
see the mate mark on her neck and um
they're like "Uh excuse me." Like
what what the [ __ ] is happening like we
just frying pan fire situation now like
is that what this is we're still drying
out our swimsuits right and you suddenly
have a mate bond around how did we get
here um and so they are going to the
pool to get settled um or Blair's going
to the pool and she runs into this guy
and he is like staring at her and
staring at her and the guy who is with
him like elbows him and is like "Bro you
need to cut that [ __ ] out." And he's
like "Oh right." And as they're getting
off the elevator they're like "Hey just
so you know uh Hail told us that if we
could feel your magic we have to tell
him that you're hungry so that he can
feed you so just so you know we we know
you're really hungry." Like and she's
like "Any chance you could not do that?"
And they were like
"No no chance of that." Like respect you
enough to give you the heads up
but not enough Yeah to threaten our
lives right i'm not gonna die over this
he's gonna [ __ ] people up babe he's not
going to enjoy that so
um uh I don't know if they have cameras
but if they do he will be running back
that footage yeah seriously so she gets
to the pool and she realizes that it's
chlorinated and she's like "Fuck."
Because their magic purifies water so
there's no need for the chemicals so she
like leaves a little note for the
maintenance people and is like "Hey
please don't do this anymore like don't
put the chemicals in there." Um because
also Chlorine reacts for some reason
with the siren's magic and makes them
glitter for weeks like it will embed in
their skin so they can't get it off
hannah so many times so far in this book
I've had no idea where we're like where
the sentence is going in the most
delightful way okay so we've got like an
Edward Cullen we do situation here we've
got the herpes of the arts and crafts
were literally my thought also yes uhoh
yeah how is De you know I haven't heard
of Demetri Martin dropping any new
comedy in a long time is he still out
and about you know me either
he used to be like we should look that
up later like I feel like Demetri Martin
Mitch Hedber and Dane Cook and that era
were like peak comedy mhm i remember
being on a mission trip
i know one talk about sentences you
didn't know where they were going well
I'm like is this the Mitch Hedber thing
where he was like wearing a turtleneck
is like being strangled by a really weak
guy
um so we did Mitch Hedber was involved
not him personally but RIP uh but we
were in Costa Rica and had several very
very long bus rides and it was me as a
high schooler and my
leader sharing my headphones like we
each had like one earbud with like the
full cable into the iPod yep
listening to like Dane Cook and Mitch
Hedber but like the whole bus is asleep
and we have tears streaming down our
faces and laughter oh Mitch Hedberg oh
yeah loved him yeah he like the
oneliners were just unmatched
i think the hard thing is having more
awareness and listening back to his
stand up as an adult and hearing like
the pressured speech of like the
substance use and things like that and
being like "Oh I couldn't pick up on
that when I was younger in the same
way." This is really sad now yes oh damn
well and also like Dane Cook showing
back up on the scene last year yes and
my favorite was when it was like
proposes to or marries his long-term
girlfriend and his long-term girlfriend
is like 21 and everyone in the comments
was like define longterm yeah so like
how long term is
longterm like DD
Cook you ain't in your 20s anymore
you're not old by any stretch but like
Right right but like her brain's not
fully developed yet
no shade i'm sure she's lovely she can't
legally rent a car
you know
i'm just saying she can't legally rent a
car
she can't no i remember being really
excited when I could finally rent a Not
that I was renting them it hasn't come
up that much in my I really don't think
I've rented a car at all since I've
legally been able to age-wise now that
you say that I'm pretty sure my husband
has rented a car for us maybe once right
you're like maybe yeah possibly maybe
that just felt like the final right of
passage after drinking it's all down to
I can legally drink and now I can
legally rent a car look at me go all
right I've met every milestone okay
there are no milestones left this was
the final one next it's like when you
have to get yearly colonoscopies or
whatever
oh I was on a link with like a coworker
earlier this week and she's like "Yeah
my day didn't start great started with a
mamogram you know." And I was like
"That's not a great start to anyone's
day." Oh my god have you seen St dennis
Medical we've talked about this actually
on the show as well we referenced before
um we started it and then there are so
many things we got a toddler it kind of
fell off but I do understand it well in
I think what might be the most recent
episode to this point um the hospital
administrator is like trying to make a
video to support women's health and so
she films herself getting a
mamog it's so good it's so
good i love David Alener so much mhm
mhm uh but anyway do you remember the
movie Return to Me yes directed and
written by Bonnie Hunt the queen yes uh
and he's like the sidekick veterinarian
who like is the friend who's keeps
showing up but at one point I just
remember the conversation between him
and uh Belushi
and he's like "What do you do?" And he's
like "I'm a vet." And Belushi's just
like "I I didn't go to Nom." Yeah you're
like "No
no very belushi he works at the
zoo he works at the primate exhibit at
the Lincoln Park Zoo similar to Nom but
different
vance had never seen Return to Me i love
that movie yeah I bought it on Amazon
recently just like it's I think I've
told you this before underrated first
movie my My mom loved it when it was in
theaters my dad wanted to buy it for her
it was the first movie that it wasn't
coming out on VHS anymore it was only
coming out on DVD
and we didn't own a DVD player so you
see how her birthday gift expanded into
a gift for all of us thanks Kat you a
real one
yeah but that movie returned to me i
It's like a great puzzling movie
what a classic david Davney Mini Driver
i love it mini Mimi mini yeah that is
Mini it's Mini Driver what actress am I
thinking of that's Mimi
i I don't know unfortunately neither do
I
i don't okay so where were we damian
pissed her off she's Oh yeah we left
Glitter she Yeah chlorine glitter
glitter so Demetri Martin is what's the
glitter set all of this off so Damian
back to back to Damian he's trying not
to go after her because he realizes that
he probably [ __ ] up and needs to give
her some space
he feels really really bad he's like I
don't know what else I could have done
though like he never ever would have put
them out but she doesn't know that and
he's like
oops like I had to do something to like
get her to stay but like she would have
she would have in a very different way
buddy yeah like you set yourself up for
failure here yeah yeah um so his
sister's mate um who is his best friend
shows up and gives him a little pep pep
talk but basically is just he's like
Damen's like she doesn't want to fall in
love what am I supposed to do how what
do I do i want a mate and she's amazing
and I don't What am I supposed to do
he's like falling all over himself and
his bestie is like "Listen romance is
[ __ ] all you got to do is just be
around all the
time." He's just like "Just show up just
be there feed her food and also when
she's hungry magic wise and
just annoy her until she's into it like
just be present don't push it don't try
to kiss her don't try to advance
anything just
be physically there
what are your thoughts on that advice
so part of me is like on one side I can
understand the spirit of that advice of
like build a friendship like get to know
her on a basic level like build some
kind of foundation that is not physical
or related to like the blood mate thing
i can give dude buddy credit for that on
the other side I'm like but also consent
matters and if she tells you to get the
[ __ ] away from her like maybe honor that
like you know no matter what she says no
matter how pissed she is that you're
there just show up just show up just
feed her just support her yep
yeah intent versus impact yeah yeah yeah
yeah like the heart is so in the right
place with that i think Yeah i think so
i think so that it's like don't pressure
her for anything like just be there she
might get annoyed by that but that's
cool yeah like "Hey man she's gone
through a lot." Like ability
okay yeah i feel as though we're setting
ourselves up for a comedy of errors and
what do you
know errors are made because he decides
that he's going to go find her and he's
pretty sure she's at the pool and um she
he also knows that she needs to feed cuz
he has received text messages to that
effect so um he uh oh I forgot to
mention this is basically modern like
cars computers cell phones like all that
[ __ ] exists this isn't like a Yeah um
well and that really is helpful cuz I I
started reading Oh my god Hannah i
started reading the second
book about a different prison planet in
that hu his favorite hu called Amaya's
oldfashioned daddy or something like
that old-fashioned okay all right father
and their
planet they like each planet apparently
kind of like chooses its own aesthetic
so they've gone more Victorian but like
leaned into that where they like don't
use modern technology and things of that
capacity they start their days with
daily enemas it's a whole
thing followed by butt plugs all
day this sounds like a different review
than the one I'm doing because the butt
plug thing I have a lot of questions
yeah valid valid for sure
oh my god sorry got us a little off
track no I like it though and I'm
looking forward to that review cuz I'm
not going to be reading that
maybe you can just tell me about it yeah
here's a You know those books that
you're like "This is a novella i'll get
this done in no time." Yeah and then you
read like 10 pages and you're like "Oh
and I'm going to read the next 10 pages
a little bit later i just I don't know
if 20 pages that would in one go i don't
know if I'm feels like a lot i'm not
built for that speed."
I get it yeah that's fair
but Blair is in the pool recharging
glittering glittering purifying
resting and she
is really physically hungry like she
needs to physically eat but also
magically she's pretty hungry and so she
is using the water as a buffer so that
her magic isn't like radiating through
the whole entire manor
um and she's on the bottom of the pool
and she's like "I wonder if Damian can
hold his breath that long cuz it's a
pretty deep pool." And as she's
considering it Damen of course scoops
her out of the water so the answer is
yes he can hold his breath that long um
well he can hold his breath long enough
to swim to the bottom of the pool well
so it's like crazy deep it's built like
a grotto and so it's like a whole thing
yeah it's like a whole thing um I was
like "Yeah one would hope that if it's
like a 10-ft swimming pool that like he
could do that he He was just swimming
down to get you and was bringing you
back up
like one would hope his lungs work."
Um yeah but no it's basically incredibly
deep with like little aloves of rocks
and stuff like it's a really cool setup
um but Damian takes a picture of her in
her like wet t-shirt that she put on
over her bathing suit with her covered
in glitter and sends it to the manor
group chat and is like
"Hey anybody comes near my mate i will
kill you." Like "Everybody have a great
day love you guys so much." What and
they call him Big Daddy Hail and he
hates it he can't get them to stop so
they're all in the Manor group chat
talking mad [ __ ] about him and Blair and
they're like "Oh damn big Daddy D's
getting it or whatever." And like and he
can see all of that he Hold up hold up
hold up i'm not even worried about him
seeing that they're trolling
him he sent a photo of her in a wet
t-shirt out to the masses and was like
"Everybody stay away from my mate don't
even think about her and you're like we
weren't until you sent us a naked photo
man and there's like another guy like
the pool maintenance guy who like Hail
almost killed when he came in anyway
because he was looking at Blair in the
first place and he's like looking over
Hail's shoulder and he's like you know
that's just going to make everybody want
her more cuz that's a picture of her and
a wet t-shirt and Hail's like I get it
but they will also get it and like still
sends it i don't know so
um he carries her to their room he's
like "You cannot be just like out like
radiating magic like this." And she's
like "Right because you know that one
time I triggered an orgy you probably
don't want that to happen again." And
it's completely a joke she's like "I
have never done that i'm joking." He did
not take it as such and is like "Nope."
Like "Nope nope
nope absolutely not so no orgies will be
had not on my
watch so poor Damian he really wasn't
expecting to find his blood mate he was
not trying to live like this he's trying
his best he is not succeeding so they
both feed
um but Blair when they're back in their
room but Blair decides that she is going
to seal the mate bond because she's like
"I understand that I am your bloodmate
and this is permanent for you." Like
even if I don't seal this bond and it
fades you will just follow me wherever I
go well I think that was my thought
earlier when I'm like "Bro you didn't
have to do that." Yeah telling her that
she suddenly has a choice in it and can
like think about it when she's already
wearing something that will last a year
right that you have no intention of
giving up right
you're pretending she has a choice and
then calling yourself benevolent right
right
so at this point she is like
listen I can feed on you without kissing
you after I have sealed our bond it
makes more sense for me knowing this is
permanent to seal this so I don't have
to do this anymore like Yeah you know so
she does seal the bond so that's done
now i mean it's pretty easy to seal the
bond you could accidentally seal the
bond seal the bond when you're drunk
exactly it's not a great system
but it is the system we have do I just
see a world where you're drunk and
joking and you wake up accidentally
bonded to someone in this world yes
I'd read that yeah that's probably what
would happen to me
i'd read that um but she is now wicked
horny so he fingers her to completion
twice and she is like of him twice hey I
still hate you like a lot and he's like
you know I do get it
uh but
also I'm really happy you're
here valid your frustrations are all
valid yep so then he intentionally licks
like the top of her knee so that he will
get glitter on his mouth and she he has
glitter all in his hair from where she
was like gripping him and he's like
she's like "Hey you have glitter kind of
like everywhere." And he's like "Oh I
should get more." And like rubs his face
on him he's like "And I will wear it
with pride and honor." He's like
"Everybody needs to know that you are
mine." and now it's going to look like
we did a lot more than just me putting
my fingers inside you so you know um and
he makes a joke about like uh he has it
all over his hands and so she points
that out to him and he's like "I'd like
it on my [ __ ] too." She's like "Well
better get rubbing then
friend." And that's like the first
instance of like true teasing and like
cute levity between them but I liked
that a lot better get
rubbing um I remember talking to several
co-workers
when I was still in
Nashville
and we were talking about [ __ ]
swallowing
you know the random co-worker
conversations that come up over
time and one of the girls was like "Yeah
I mean they do say semen has protein in
it so it can be
nutritionally not a bad opportunity for
you." And one girl was like "Yeah and
I'll tell my husband to jack off on a
cup and I'll gladly put it in my
smoothie but that's the only way that
I'm getting that protein willingly." I
was going to say I have read that book
also yeah
we have read that one yeah yeah actually
I don't know if I've read one where
they've put it in a smoothie i
definitely have yeah what book it's the
one with It's the Omegaverse one where
she owns a
bar rut Bar I think is the name of it
but I don't remember pay no more the
author
i don't think there's more than one Rut
Bar though rut Bar does sound like the
sort of Omegaverse book where someone
would drink a seaman smoothie you're
right
Hannah mhm mhm mhm um being reviewed a
podcast near you no I don't maybe you
never know well I haven't read Rut Bar
yet i will defer to your expertise on
that one i have so clearly I don't mean
to brag but I don't mean to brag
oh okay so
um the other thing to remember is the
sisters got out of the pool and went to
the manor so they have no clothing or
belongings of any kind with them and so
Damen gives him uh or Damen gives Blair
some of his clothes to wear um and they
have a nice time with her sisters at
dinner pretty laidback
um and um she is like lowkey checking
him out a little bit while they're
getting ready for bed and stuff and
she's like "I'm never going to act on it
though because I hate that guy." And
sure you do i'm like "But you already we
we already did it." Like the acting on
it has already occurred um yeah you
can't penetration is not the acting on
it alone you know that's like what what
is that on Parks and Wreck where they're
like "How do you define pornography?"
And the porn star is like "For me it's
when the penis goes
in." There's like total
silence was it that Brandy Max or
something like that she's my favorite
character
i really
like star of 50 shaved old gays
[Music]
i really like Per Happily as like for a
random side character yes he's very good
he's incredible
okay so she's like checking him out and
she's like "But I wouldn't go there."
Even though we're like baby girls yeah
you did he turns around and he's like
"So first of all I can smell your
arousal incredible super into that also
just as a side note anytime you want to
sit on my face feel free to do that i am
a
giver."
So
yeah yeah which I just said and then I
the song that Chapel Rowan released not
that long ago the Giver started in my
head yeah
well I've had a little bit of wine and
so in my head I was after like are you a
facitter and then I was like you had
some wine bring it in and then that's
why I was just sitting in dead
silence cuz I couldn't figure out where
I was going next yeah no I was over here
thinking about Chapel Rowan saying you
know I'm a giver so take it like a taker
you know um I'm also thinking about her
quote in the news where she's like
"Every friend I have who's my age who
has kids is miserable." Yeah she really
is not pulling punches right now no but
I like really like really advocating for
mental health within the arts and like
several musicians following suit um yeah
it's a very interesting turn to see mhm
and being like oh yeah you like you're
already
huge you can say like whatever you want
to use your platform yeah i feel like a
lot of people are very afraid to use
their platform because they're afraid
they might lose it and she's like I'm
going to keep being authentically myself
regardless yeah well and I will never
forget cuz I enjoy a lot of her music
anyway but my husband and I were at a
show for this
like folk punk bluegrass whatever sort
of underground weird situation that we
found ourselves in
and it's bluegrass so one of the guys
who plays steel guitar was on stage like
doing setup because this is a smaller
band so it's not like they had crew
doing it member of the band is on the
stage getting set up and the venue
starts piping in Pink Pony Club and this
like six-foot black man who plays steel
guitar professionally stopped what he
was doing and lip synced all of Pink
Pony Club on the stage between sets and
it's one of my favorite things that's
ever happened
cuz he was so into it it was just really
Yeah I enjoyed it quite a bit also oh
the
guy Rick Ashley yeah did a cover of Pink
Pony Club what and I don't remember how
I found it but I sent it to my sister
and I was like "This is somehow both
more and less queer." And I don't know
how he did that
i saw an ad earlier this week for like a
kids clothing shop that had like lots of
just like little print shirts and on the
back one said pink pony club no like and
on the back I was like I'm going to keep
on dancing i was like what no no ma'am
who is buying this shirt for their child
no and I feel like it's different on the
West Coast when that's just like a gay
bar or like a drag club or whatever as
far as I know there's a strip club in
Nashville but there's a strip club also
in Atlanta called the Pink Pony Club so
no it's a it's a chain it's a I think
that's a it's I think they're all I
don't know if they're franchises i don't
know what their business model looks
like familiar enough with their
corporate structure to comment
i don't know if these are all
independently owned and operated
but I do think that they all cuz
especially in like the loop around
Nashville which I know Atlanta has a
loop around it as well the one around
Nashville is a lot smaller and there's
around that loop there is like a it is
burned into my brain the giant ass
billboard for the Pink Pony Club i love
that i know exactly where it is in town
putting a child in a shirt with that on
it no i'm like also if you listen to the
lyrics of the song my kid I'm like you
would buy that shirt for my kid i would
buy that shirt and damn it he would wear
it if you bought it i was going to say
not for any kid of mine or a niece or
nephew even but for your kid for sure
and you know what here's the thing
Hannah that's a weekend shirt for Ford
he's not wearing that to school yeah
oh my god that's Monasur
kids they're so [ __ ] bougie
ford would roll in there and be like
"Listen if you don't get it you're a
nerd i don't know what to tell you i
mean I'll let you know but he starts on
Monday." And I do think that's that's
the energy well apparently his whole
interview the whole interview was on the
playground oh so I'm like "Okay." He lo
like even when we did the school tour I
put him down he was going down that
slide having a blast i don't know if it
was slide time which might have been
what was pissing him off but yeah when
they came in the instructor was like
"Yeah I mean he didn't really engage he
just like cried for 20 minutes straight
but I'm sure it'll be fine it'll be
great." And so that's my kid going into
preschool i'm fine i'm Yeah I'm fine i'm
doing great me and my husband both are
vance and I are both thriving right
now something about the massive gulp
that you just did makes me think that
that's not the most accurate thing
you've ever said to me but I'm willing
to let it ride if that's what we need to
do today no I do i think it'll be a
wonderful new adventure for him and I
think like looking at him and being like
"Oh we got to get like your school
clothes ready and you got a little
haircut." School clothes yes like all of
the things i'm like "Oh you have like a
school shopping list." Like I'm like
"You're not old enough for that." He
switched from diapers to pull-ups i'm
like "I'm not emotionally prepared for
all of these changes at once." But here
they are they're coming for you you're a
whole ass human i was laughing cuz one
of my clients
recently we were in session and Ford uh
like ran by in like a different room and
I was like "Sorry just saw my kid run
by." And I I was like "I didn't realize
he was here." and she just goes "Wow
he's walking
now." And then she paused and she's
like "Yeah they do that at this age
don't they?" And I was like "Yeah I mean
like he's been walking for like over a
year he Yeah he he moves yeah he's like
two and a half like he's like over 3t
tall he's a whole human a whole entire
one." I was like in my head I was like
"When did you think they started walking
closer to five I guess you know when
they go to school
that's when they walk that's the final
milestone before school right they start
walking walking
i don't even know i don't know how we're
at somehow Chapel Rowan got us into it
but giver take it like a taker there it
is so Damian um has zero chill and is
consistently like stopping himself from
holding her hand or like kissing her
forehead or like touching her in some
way cuz he's like she's not she doesn't
like me she doesn't like I really really
like her but she doesn't like me well
you haven't really set yourself up for
success correct um so he does offer to
take Blair and her sisters except for
the one who was marked by the werewolf
king to their home to get their
belongings yeah um and they refuse to
let any of the other vampires come
because they're like "We don't want
anybody to know our address." Like
that's how seriously they take their
safety so
um Damian and Blair are in a moving
truck the sisters are in a van um
following so they get
there somehow there are a bunch of
wolves waiting for them um and there is
a huge fight and Damian loses his [ __ ]
and kills a lot of wolves so his prim
his primary like goal obviously is to
protect Blair and her sisters so he
tells them to run like to get in the
truck um and tells Blair to do the same
but Blair refuses to do that um she has
been trained to fight which her sisters
have not and so she does wind up also
killing a wolf but is very injured in
the process of doing that who taught her
how to fight that's never really
revealed it's like her mom wanted her to
protect herself but that's like the only
information we have but none of the
other sisters sorry she like she tried
to train the other sisters but they just
weren't interested in doing that i don't
know regardless I'm asking questions
that don't need answers and I recognize
that um well I mean it's an it is a
question but it's just never really
addressed um but uh Damian my notes say
goes full kill bill and just kills
everybody like everybody is dead and so
he knows that the werewolf king sent
them as a message um that you know the
sirens are not safe and so Damian is
like allow me to send a different
message which is they are mine and I
will kill everyone you send thank you so
much like God bless and good luck okay
just throwing this out there cuz I don't
know much about the universe and I've
had some
wine so all of the species have
interconnected manners yes so like
hypothetically it would be easy Yep for
Wolfy King to just like hop skip and
jump go down two doors and knock and
explain the situation yeah yeah okay
just wanted to make sure I hadn't missed
that mhm
but to if he were to like break in to
the manor to like kidnap the sister then
that would be declaring war on the
vampires and the other kings would side
with the vampires because he would have
initiated an act of war by stepping onto
their territory
i still think it's an act of war to sh
send people to the king's mates's house
so it is oh good yeah that's good that
they counted as such yeah so Damian's
main focus is getting everybody safe so
he leaves the van and the wolves
destroyed all of the sisters belongings
um and I didn't really get into it but
they have like online businesses that
they run and they destroyed all of the
equipment they use for their businesses
they peed on all their clothes like they
destroyed everything um and so
um Blair is clearly very injured um and
needs stitches in her head and all this
other stuff and so she passes out and
when she wakes up she's in the hospital
damian is passed out kind of like
leaning over her bed um and she can see
that he's still bleeding um so she finds
out she has been out for about a day um
and the doctor comes in to check on her
remove her stitches and stuff and the
doctor explains that um and Damian is
still passed out through all of this but
the doctor explains that Damian is
incredibly powerful and while most
vampires need to feed two or three times
a week he really needs to be feeding
daily to be topping up his his power um
and um but he's too afraid to let
himself do that um because he's afraid
he's going to hurt somebody like he's
going to lose control of his feeding so
he only feeds from blood bags he does
not feed from veins except for with
Blair because he has that fear that he's
going to hurt somebody but that's also
why he's been resistant to feeding on
Blair is he's afraid he's going to hurt
her so um Blair winds up getting this
injection that helps with blood
regeneration so that um she can meet
that need more safely oh okay um and we
love tech in their world that allows
them we do we love the science um so she
finally wakes him up the doctor leaves
um and she gets him to feed after
basically like messing with him enough
to get him to do it because he's not
healing like he should have healed all
these wounds by now
um and feeding would likely accelerate
the healing process right right it'll
top up his magic and make it so that he
can heal um but then they wind up having
sex for the first time in this hospital
room um Blair bold move blair just got
stitches removed um and he is reason for
celebration woohoo so he is feeding
while they're having sex and he is
immediately remorseful and worried that
she is hurt
um he is really upset that um he fed on
her while she was still recovering he's
worried he took too much blood from her
it's all this stuff and Blair keeps
telling him that she's fine like I'm I'm
okay mhm and he's like "No I'm going to
get the doctor like you need to be
checked out this is not acceptable i
never should have done this." She's like
"Good sir I have been up and helping get
you back to fighting shape." Yeah well
and too she's like "Well that was
probably like the best sex I've ever had
that was pretty awesome." And he's like
"I shouldn't have done that." She's like
"Cool cool cool i'm really loving this
energy that you have right now it's
really great." Um thank you so much for
this exchange yeah love that the first
time I phoned my mate he had buyer's
remorse yeah and
um along with Damian's previous poor
decisions oh no he leaves immediately
after their first time having sex and
then he locks her in the room where she
is which she doesn't realize until after
he is gone for quite some time what so
she calls one of her sisters to come let
her out because she is [ __ ] living is
she still at the hospital or have they
been discharged he locked her in at the
hospital i mean it's all part of the
manner like the same space but like Yeah
yeah yeah he locked her in there and
she's really mad she's really mad damian
I want to be rooting for you
that Tyber Banks gift from America's
Next Top Model yeah I know exactly the
one you know I watched that season live
we were rooting for you we were all
rooting for you i'm in Damian
Jam yeah mhm mhm so Blair decides she's
just going to go to the pool and like
cuz she needs water so she's just going
to go get in the water and chill out and
mind her own business um and
uh so he has clearly significantly
improved since feeding on her mhm like
obviously he's doing a lot better she's
a real one right um and then it comes
through on the manor group chat first of
all that he looks incredible he's
basically glowing um Big Daddy Hail
glowing and um but also that he is on
the war path looking for her everybody's
like "Anybody seen Blair everybody
hide." Oh [ __ ] like he's really mad but
he looks
delicious so uh Not the point not the
point not the point yep you look
incredible my guy you look fantastic
where's Blair no idea have you been
doing push-ups literally so she gets to
the pool there are currently other
people in the pool she's like
"Hey none of you better be texting with
hail about where I am appreciate it."
Gets fully nude and gets into the
pool she's not wearing a bathing suit
she just got out of the hospital so she
takes off her hospital gown gets in the
pool she's not going to wear the
hospital gown into the pool she's not a
fool cumbersome so so she is chilling on
the bottom of the of the pool minding
her own business when Damian shows up
and pulls her out he is super livid he's
like "I left you there so that I could
go get you some food so that you could
recover from me feeding on you and then
I come back and you're gone."
Unacceptable she's like locking your
mate in a [ __ ] room unacceptable so
glad we had this chat our values are
different like I don't know what to tell
you we have different true
norths and I think the sooner we realize
we are not aligned with our true north
the sooner we'll find
some common ground in our relationship
yep and he's pushing trying to control
her too like I'm going to get you a wet
suit how dare you swim naked like
unacceptable and she's like "Um I'm a
siren we're built to be naked and like
feel the water on our bare breasts or
whatever my skimpy bikinis is the most
covered up I'm going to be." Like how
dare you if I don't feel that water on
my titties I don't want it
that's I come to the pool specifically
for that literally unacceptable close
down the [ __ ] pool build another one
for everyone else this will be my
private pool but like yep why are we
still doing this stop asking me to
change who I am Damian you've asked no
questions about my needs or wants or
preferences this is all based on your
assumptions and expectations you ass hat
allow me to defy them at every turn
because he's like "If you keep doing
this I'm going to have to put a guard on
you if you're going to run around." And
she's like "Are you cool cool cool." Uh
well I'm feeling like I'm ready to go
back to the room so see you there and
walks back fully nude cuz she's like I
I'm not doing this with you i'm not
doing this with you like [ __ ] around and
[ __ ] find out [ __ ] like no nigh nigh
um so then it's in the group chat that
she's walking around naked and Hail is
behind her snarling at people and so
they're like "Oh damn big Mama B ain't
here for that shit." And so then now
she's Big Mama Bee in the group chat
she's like "I could have done without
the big if I'm honest i don't love it i
could just be Mama B it's okay i don't
love it."
Um so and then they continue to argue
how big are her titties not big so that
does come up because quite frankly I
don't know if I can hear the term big
mama without assuming she wears like a
size
F bra like those titties be dangling if
you've earned the title of big mama
there's a whole exchange that I didn't
even outline about how he calls her tits
pretty little like pretty little tits
and she's like little offensive true but
uh and then he like puts the whole thing
in his mouth and he's like "Are you
still
offended?" And she's like "I take it
back." Less so now I guess if you're
going to twist my tit about it
incredible i want that on a mug if
you're going to twist my tit about
it merch options so future Smut Club
merch quotes i shudder to think about
the quotes that have come out of this
show that could end up on a mug yikes
and I will own all of them for future us
with pride but like I don't need to know
it right now i hell I told my boss this
past week I didn't get a chance to
outline a presentation before I have to
give it next week and I told her I was
like yeah looks like I'm going to have
to raw dog that presentation next week i
was like what the [ __ ] like as I said it
I was like what are you like she choked
on her drink i'm like this is
So this one time I was in my car with
two co-workers and we were going to
lunch and we were leaving the facility
where we worked mhm and I look over and
on the like door frame of my vehicle is
a large spider okay oh no i'm generally
not bothered by spiders and things like
that it's fine but it was real close to
my face and so I pulled
over where the smoke shack happens to
be hopped out of the vehicle and for
some reason started singing there's a
spider like there's a spider
like and like hopping
around
obviously so I reach into my car and get
a book and try to like knock the spider
off yeah i'm not trying to kill you i
just like don't want you this close to
my head right and I was unsuccessful in
those efforts and finally a patient
walks up and bare-handed just grabs the
spider and throws it on the ground and I
was like bare hands raw dog bare hands
he did it raw dog oh
god in front of a lot of patients and at
least two co-workers
i'm like hopping around from foot to
foot raw dog oh god like
why yeah I did that yeah
mhm so when you said you started singing
initially I'm glad you gave an example
of the actual song because I was like
"Okay what song would she be singing
about a spider?" And in my head you
hopped out of your
car and started singing the Itsybitsy
Spider sure yeah yeah yeah
and it was a really great mental image
that I
had spider like but also in a way that I
was like oh really leaning into your
little girl baby girl aesthetic that I
didn't know you had in your life i don't
that I was like that's a new I'm like
we're all learning about Hannah in this
moment we love to learn as soon as you
started singing I was like "Wow that
cleared up so much of the narrative I
filled it in filled in in my head in the
last 30 seconds before that." I was like
"Wow it's a very different energy." Yeah
yeah yeah very much so so yeah i don't
even know what's happening they are
arguing about his need to feed right and
she's like "The doctor says you need to
feed every day." And he's like "She
doesn't know that's not true." And she's
like "It is though and if you are not
going to feed from me then I won't be
feeding from you we can both starve love
that why doesn't he want to like He
doesn't want to feed from her because he
feels guilty like because it depletes
her he's afraid he's going to hurt her
okay because he needs so much blood to
live and she's like "You literally can't
kill me i'm your bloodmate like I was
created for you like like this it
doesn't make any sense you're stupid."
And he's like "I'm not though what if I
hurt you?" and she's like "Cool we can
both
starve." She is here to call every
single one of his bluffs every time so
it has been a full week and Blair was
not bluffing so Damian is getting
increasingly frustrated because not only
is she being angry at this point not
only are neither of them feeding but
Blair is just now being super agreeable
so he'll be like "Can you text me when
you get there?" "Sure thing." And she
does exactly that i'm here i've arrived
he had an issue with her bathing suit so
she now wears a one piece and uh doesn't
argue she goes to bed before he gets
into the room at night and gets up in
the morning before he does so they never
interact and she's just like "This is
what you wanted." No like I'm here i'm
doing everything that you ask of me am I
not
and he's like "I hate every piece of
this." He's like "This really is not
going how I Yep." saw it playing out in
my head yep so he finally asks one of
the sisters "How often do sirens really
need to feed?" And it's twice a week um
and so he confronts Blair about it and
he's like "I know that you need to eat
like this really isn't okay." And she's
like "Well so do you."
So and he's like "No no there's a a
meeting with the other
kings tonight and you have to be there
and you need to feed before you go
because you are radiating magic." And
she's like "Gh that really does suck
right?" So a nickel so I guess I won't
be going then and he's like "You have to
go
or it's going to look like I'm holding
you and your sisters against your will."
She's like "Gh optics kill you every
time you know." And he's like "No
seriously." And she's like "If you want
me to feed you have to feed that's the
[ __ ] deal like that's it." So they
eventually negotiate and come up with a
feeding schedule that they can both
agree on okay because she is so firm and
he is so irritated he's like "Just do."
And she's like "No." Gosh that is a
pickle
goodness so
um uh they agree um and he immediately
has her pinned to the wall and they're
both feeding and um he then gets on his
knees and he eats her out bites her
thigh it's a whole thing um and she says
she would like to return the favor she
wants to give him a [ __ ] and he's
like "Nah you're going to have to catch
me off guard if you want to do that."
And I'm like "What for you for me to
have the privilege I have to surprise
you." But he's like "It's a
vulnerability thing like I don't want to
I don't want to do that yet." And she's
like "Okay I guess I just wanted to put
your penis in my mouth i don't know why
we're being so precious about it." Like
okay why are we being so precious about
it i don't Do we actually like
understand at any point or is that
another thing where he's like "Well I
don't want to make her gag on my giant
dick." So I don't know i don't get it
but when all of this started the meeting
was in 5 hours and then when the sexy
times against the wall are done it's
like it says they're going to be late
and my notes are like 5 hours with like
a bunch of question marks because really
it took you that long to eat her out
like and I'm not saying that like a good
session should not vary in length
depending on who you are your energy
level and your schedule for the day you
know what I'm saying like you live your
best life but 5 hours to get off like
oof especially if it's like only one
orgasm i think it might have been two or
three but like if it's a multiorggasm
Listen there was a night but all against
the wall there was a Vance a night that
Vance and I spent in Pigeon
Forge not the Pigeon Forge
incident go ahead go ahead go ahead
maybe it was Gatlinburgg who can
say either way it was in Tennessee it's
in Tennessee i just
remember it was early enough in our
relationship we were going for like a
sex a palooa sort of situation but I
remember there being a point where I was
like is anyone even enjoying this or are
we just why are we doing this
we've been going for hours it's like
when you try a new toy or a new position
or something and you're like oh this
seems like it was a better idea before
but like we're here now so like do we
commit like you're like this this
position took a lot of time to get into
right i mean
oh mistakes were made but like I'm here
now it's going to take longer to get out
of this position than to just finish
so yeah I remember there like being a
point where I'm like I think he was just
straight pounding into me for like 45
minutes and I was like are we just going
to call a spade a spade at this point
like we can just own that we're done now
like I'm like man only that early in a
relationship are you trying to be that
cool and sexy full porn star sounds just
to make it stop i'm like now we'll be
sitting on the couch i'm like will you
stop breathing so loudly yeah mhm i
still want to jump your bones but could
you just breathe a little while could
you hold your breath while I do it and
I'm like yeah there's some people are
into that breath play right like there's
a snowballs chance in hell that at this
point in our
relationship we're going to bone for 45
minutes straight with no
conclusion in sight no no no we're not
we've been here too long i love myself
too much for that maybe I didn't no I
loved myself that much then that wasn't
that that wasn't the problem it was the
wanting to be the cool girl and be like
"Yeah like we can keep going." I'm like
"What?" But why are we still doing this
what are we proving who is this for
having an existential crisis in the
middle of sex because it's like "What
are what are we doing?" Looking at the
hotel alarm clock at like 4:30 in the
morning being like "Who's this for do I
want to be doing this?"
Well this isn't how I saw it going but
you know it's not bad all before the 6
a.m alarm where he had to go get ready
to staff the summer
camp
anyway they're going to the
meeting with all the other kings okay
and on the way there Damian is like
"Listen you need
to act like a queen i know we say we're
not queen not kings or whatever but like
we are and you are my queen you need to
act like it don't back down if they
challenge you so just this might not be
relevant but because I am actually kind
of kind of curious within the whole
universe are the other
kings like creatures are there queens
that they have or is she like the first
queen coming to the table okay that does
feel pertinent to like the overall
dynamic for sure so there are no other
women in this room that she's walking
into
so it's her and the five kings yeah so
um she does tell Damen she's like "Yeah
but just don't forget that like we're
not a real couple right like this is
fake mating like this is mating of
convenience so that we can feed on each
other because I'm your bloodmate." Like
there are no feelings here right i feel
like Damian loved that response well
he's like he is like "Yes I know i
remember your boundary i remember what
you told me but like we need to act like
we're a real couple because it's going
to keep your sister safe and it's going
to help keep like the we have to look
like we're a united front for the sake
of safety." Okay so they're also denying
that the sisters even exist for their
safety so even though like the werewolf
king 100% knows there are other sirens I
made it her i know she exists they're
like they're like I've never heard of
her clementine silly no who would name
someone Clementine it's a fake name
that's not real like no no so they're
just trying to gaslight the king into
believing oh my god all of them all of
the kings all of the kings know these
sirens exist and they're all like "No
I've never heard of her." Who what crazy
because they can't prove it and the
sisters are confined to the vampire
manor uhhuh so like there's no way to
prove that they have unated sirens
touche so um the meeting goes really
well it is setting up for future books
the fa king in particular the werewolf
king is like Clementine is mine and the
fa king is like you have a sister named
after a fruit
fascinating i would like to know more so
stupid
so all that goes actually really well
everything is great the vamp or the
werewolf king is still adamant that um
he'll get his siren back no matter what
but all of the kings are united that any
move he makes will be considered an act
of war sending the wolves to her home
was an act of war and he is required to
pay for all the damage that was done and
to pay for
like a a crazy amount of those
injections good luck getting a king to
pay for their war crimes exactly
separate
too soon too soon
everything's fine everything's fine
we're all doing fine i'm okay i'm okay
just delete signal but sorry
so so um he also has to pay for those
injections for blood regeneration that
Blair got that are very expensive he has
to pay for several of them um so their
damages are done peace is kept um so all
of that is good but then the next day
Blair like doesn't know how to act she's
like "We really coupled like we we did
couple things yesterday and I don't
really know like where do we stand now?"
Yeah we're acting really couply for
people that are married for convenience
yeah for people who are not a couple
like she has a a pillow barrier between
them at night like she's that adamant
that like we are not real like we can
bang and we can feed but that doesn't
mean
anything so
um Damian is really angry she left
before he woke up again
um and uh to go have breakfast with her
sisters and he texts that he's coming
for her and this then sparks a new game
where she runs from him all over the
manor and he chases her all over the
manor to feed on her that's actually
really cute um and you know she does
stuff like hiding naked in the pool or
you know just random places where he
won't think to look um but like it's
cute and playful between them very cute
it's very light listen he was adamant
about the one piece so if she's hide and
nude I'm hoping that it's for fun sexy
times and they do ensue those sexy times
so he kicks everybody out of the pool
they bang in the pool she's like "Oh my
god sex in the pool incredible." Because
I don't mean to brag but my magically
purified water is it slaps and so this
is incredible like we should do this
more i wonder if all of the local people
who are suddenly able to use the
purified water are also loving the lack
of chemicals they are like they are it
does come up the funny thing I was like
I was about to be like I doubt it comes
up and you're like no it does it does
and they're super into it um so after
their sexy times um the a bunch of other
vampires show up and they had scheduled
a movie night in the pool so they're
like projecting a movie on the wall and
eating and playing games and stuff um
and Damian really encourages her to stay
for the movie night he's like "Well your
sisters might mate someday right like I
know you spend a lot of time with them
but they might not always be here so
it'd be good for you to have friends
like in the community and stuff right
like maybe it'd be good for you to get
to know people and Yeah like maybe think
of this community as a place you might
want to stay and not a place that you
know you ended up at because a crazy
king mated your sister without consent
but like cuz you want to be here and
make friends
yeah so they play sharks and minnows and
of course that seems cute it was really
cute all of the vampires are like we
want Blair on our team like
um and they eventually have all of the
sirens or the sharks and all of the
vampires or the minnows and they of
course obliterate them and it's really
funny
um so she is still adamant that like
love is not a thing but she could have
done worse than Damian for a partner cuz
he's like getting into the fun and it's
a really nice bonding time they're
finding a really sweet rhythm with each
other yes and she is now feeling more
committed to like being an actual
partner for him so um she realizes that
as his mate she should helping she
should be helping to run the Vampire
Nation that was a weird sentence but um
she should be doing more and so she's
like "Oh well I could do that." And
she's like "Yeah I can be more
involved." Yeah she asks why he didn't
bring it up and he's like "Well because
I already forced you to mate with me
when you didn't really want to and I
didn't want to be like also it comes
with this job that you probably don't
want like I can do it it's fine." And
she's like "No no I'm going to do this."
Um and so she
uh she says that she's going to help but
Damen is like "You're still radiating
magic." Because their agreement is not
enough for both of them to be actually
full it's just enough to keep them going
more consistent yeah more consistently
but they the the bond marks have turned
black at this point right they are still
exist but they are not in agreement on
feeding each other fully got it so there
is another big fight because Damian's
like "You can't help me run the nation
unless you feed more to be fully
satiated so you're not radiating magic."
Um and he threatens to lock her in their
room at one point like it escalates to
that point where he's like "I will
literally lock you in your in the room
like if that's what I have to do to keep
you safe." And she's like "Oh will you
all right cool cool cool." He still has
not learned that he should not be the
one to do that because then she goes up
to their room and locks him out of
it she's like "Oh if you get get to
threaten to lock me in here then I get
to lock you out [ __ ] damian the
unilateral decisions are not
working well at all they're not
effective so he does apologize actually
very well and fully he's like "Listen I
understand that what I did was wrong
here's why it was wrong and here's why
I'm not going to do it anymore can you
please let me in the room?" Oh okay yeah
um so we love an insightful king
eventually he admits that he's just
terrified that she's going to get hurt
or be taken from him um or that she's
going to run away from him or something
and so they make up agreement to feed
more sexy times ensue everything's great
but when Blair is feeding on his
emotions she picks up something new and
she's like "Uh-oh it's like devotion."
And she's like "That feels real close to
love." And we said no to that she's like
I don't like that she's like after the
trauma that my family has experienced
because of quote unquote love yeah i
don't want to do this
yeah so she waits until he falls asleep
and then she sneaks out to talk to her
sister and the sister is
like "Yeah you're an idiot of course he
loves you." She's like "I'm afraid he's
in love with me." And she's like "Yeah
babe." Literally everyone can see that
like yep he sent he sends photos of
you to the manor chat all the time
he's super in love with you
he's been obsessed with you from the
jump like sure moments haven't landed
super well but like it's not for lack of
love and affection from him but she's
still holding on to he forced me to be
here he forced me to mate like I can't
love him he's not safe and finally the
sister is like what do you think would
happen if you tried to leave and she's
like I would be stopped like I'm not
allowed to leave here and she's like
yeah you are come with me and they walk
out the front door and the guards are
like God bless have a great
night they go to the garage and they're
given keys to whatever vehicle they want
drive safe and her sister's like "We are
not prisoners." like he really is trying
to keep us safe and so
um yeah she's like the rest of the
sisters like we're not sitting here
feeling like we are prisoners we feel
like we've been offered a safe haven a
fresh start we have freedom you are the
only one who has the lens
of boundaries here right and the sister
also is like do you not are you not
paying attention like Damian's been
actively working to find a solution to
the werewolf king issue so that we don't
have to stay here for a year like he is
actively working to make us safer not
just to keep us safe um and he's been
like meeting with some vampire or not
vampire werewolf that they don't know
who it is but um to try to solve this
this problem for her and she's like "Oh
maybe maybe I've been misreading this."
So she gets back to the room and she's
like "Maybe I need to reconsider what
this mate bond means." And I should do
that by waking him up with a
[ __ ] which is what she does and then
my notes say 69 with anal play fang in
her
[ __ ] which I didn't find to be arousing
but apparently because of his magic it
was like awesome sauce which is great
for her oh I'm glad for her i felt my
body clench same we both went
um I like the sound effect that we also
both made
it just went back in a little what went
back in a little don't worry about it
don't worry about it but it's in but it
went in a little
so the next day more shower sex
everything's great um and then Blair
asks Damian about like what he's doing
to try to keep her sister safe and he
explains that the rightful
alpha who left the pack
he's trying to get him to come back to
challenge the werewolf king oh [ __ ] yes
will he get a book he will because Yay
yay if Damian kills the werewolf king
that's a declaration of war but if the
rightful alpha comes back and kills him
then that is like
any other Tuesday you know that's just
how we do it yeah
so um he's like "The problem that we
have here is that the rightful alpha
says that he will only challenge the
current werewolf king if we give him a
siren to mate with that is his
deal." One of the other kings the dragon
king oh is also saying that he needs a
siren not to mate with he just needs an
unmated siren for undisclosed reasons
and all the other kings are like "Okay
well if you tell us why." And he's like
"No." And they're like "Well then we're
not going to give you a siren." And he's
like "But I need a siren." And they're
like "Okay well if you tell us why you
need help we'll help you like we are
here to help." And he's like "No I'm
We're in an alliance like you're not the
enemy like if you need one we'll give it
to you." A circle over and over i do
need one yeah just like Why
it's a secret just real bad i need one i
just need one don't worry about it don't
talk about it don't look me in the eye i
just need a siren
it's not for anything nefarious give me
one we'll never talk about it again i'll
return her probably like return her like
literally he's like "I will give her
back when I'm done." They're like "Done
with what don't worry about it just give
me the siren it'll be totally fine
pretty sure so um they're like "Well
we're not gonna do that right like we're
not gonna give the werewolf one of the
sisters." Like we've already decided
we're not doing that with the dragon
doesn't seem like we should do it with
the werewolf either like it's if we
won't do it for one species we shouldn't
do it for another it should be fair
exactly equity matters
so Blair is like "Let me talk to my
sisters and ask right if any of them
would be willing because it doesn't seem
right for me to unilaterally make this
decision let me ask maybe one of my
sisters could feed him or feed off of
him like once a week or something maybe
he would agree to that." And Damen's
like "He won't but you could try." He's
like "I mean I guess but he he's not
going to do that."
So one of the sisters is immediately
like "Yep I volunteer as tribute because
she hates being with the vampires." Not
that she hates the vampires she just
feels really trapped and she wants to be
outside and she wants her freedom back
and she's just like "I don't want to be
here anymore these are not my people."
Um
and so she's like "Not a problem." And
on the way out she's like "The kings
will be sorry they forced us to mate
with them when we take their thrones."
She's like "Fuck yeah." That's the
energy she's rolling into with this oh
hell yeah i love that energy so her name
is Izzy so Izzy and Blair go talk to
Damian um and let him know the decision
blair does not like this decision but is
respecting it because her sister is an
adult and can do that
um but Damen is just glad that Blair is
going to be safer and that things are
going to quiet down now that the true
alpha is coming back they have history
there's trust in a relationship there um
but this showdown between the current
werewolf king and the true alpha is
going to happen like immediately like
tonight this [ __ ] is happening
i assume it would be a buildup in their
own book nope it's like right the [ __ ]
now we're doing this so they call the
true alpha he agrees to come he issues
the challenge and while they are waiting
for the werewolf king to get there um
they are alone and there is more sexy
times blair gets under the desk while he
is on a video call and gives him a
[ __ ] through this very boring
financial meeting um and he's pretty
into that shockingly he's very into it
who wouldn't be quite frankly I wouldn't
be i would be too stressed out very much
so i wouldn't be able to is there a
camera involved if there's a webcam on
No you are not getting under the desk in
that regard nope it's a video call have
I I did once mess with Vance when he was
on the phone i've done that
that felt fine that felt safer something
about not having to worry about the face
yes
the managing your facial expressions yes
all non-verbal cues would be problematic
yeah oh I would fail immed i would not
enjoy like that doesn't even sound sexy
or fun to me that sounds so stressful
nightmare yeah nightmare but Damian this
is the moment when he's like I am in
love with her no doubt damian we knew we
knew you've been in love with her for a
while welcome to the party yeah glad you
caught up but he's like trying to be as
low-key as possible because he knows how
trigger shy she is that's fair so she
has a heartto-he heart with her sister
blair is coming to terms with like the
feelings that she has for Damian and
understanding Damen's feelings for her
because she can read them and everything
um and um the the issue now is that
she's like "He might not know though
because I'm a siren i feed on emotions
and sometimes those emotions are really
deep like he might not know that he
loves me i know so she's like "Should I
do I say something or like maybe not cuz
what if he doesn't know?" Like I'm like
you know valid it's a whole thing so the
sisters choose to spend the day together
um before the new werewolf king shows up
because um they don't know when they're
all going to be together again like
there's some concern about we don't know
this guy like Damian says he's great but
like he could just take off with our
sister and we could never see her again
so yeah like hope it all plays out how
we think it will cuz also what if he
claims the sister cuz that's the price
he challenges the current king mhm and
loses what if he loses that's the other
thing if he loses then the sister will
be alone forever like once you have a
sealed mate bond like a truly sealed
mate bond even if your mate dies that's
it like that's fully it for you and we
find that out now like as the sisters
are preparing for this big fight
um so they're like "Let's just spend a
lowkey day together at the pool for no
reason i love you guys so much." Like oh
god fun beach
day lol
so um yeah uh it would also mean that
the sister who is mating with the
werewolf king would also be fully left
unprotected at that point yeah like well
we did all we could whoops like that's
not good so our plan A failed and there
is no backup plan
right because before the fight the
sister fully mates with the werewolf
king you are mine you are mine marks are
made dunzo and he's like "Cool cool cool
well let's go have a fight there." It's
literally like "Hi my name is Porter hi
my name is Izzy." Or actually no he
doesn't ask cuz that comes up in the
second book he's like "Hi I'm Porter do
you consent to this mating?" And she's
like "Yeah." And he's like "Cool cool
cool you are mine." And she's like "Okay
I guess you are mine." And he never asks
her name or anything he just mates her
and then goes to this fight i really
feel like maybe the agreement should
have been that they made it after well
that came up and one of the sisters was
like "He's not going to go for that
though because we could just decline to
mate after he wins." Like he's never
going to agree to that like he doesn't
have any leverage after that so
unfortunate maybe a signed agreement
first pinky promise i'm just saying if
he dies like It's really bad it's really
bad high risk high reward you know
seriously so Damian literally ties Blair
to him with a piece of rope when they go
to this fight and that's been throughout
the whole book he like threatens to tie
her to him and this time he's like "No
no I'm not joking these werewolves are
outside their [ __ ] minds and if
anybody tries to grab you I am going to
know about
it." Period you know I get it solutions
oriented yes creativity in the moment so
um Izzy and Blair go down separately to
the fight um with tons of guards because
they also can't be seen together so the
dragon king is also there like to watch
the fight and he's like that better not
be one of her sisters and she's like
I've never had sisters ever in my life
that is just another unmated siren we
happened upon uh who is the mate of that
guy never seen her not my sister don't
even know sisters what
crazy and meanwhile the demon king is
standing there like literally laughing
in the dragon king's face because he's
like "I just needed a [ __ ] siren."
The dragon is like "I still need a
siren." And they're like "What's it
for?" And he's like "I just need one
just trust me i need one i will maybe
give her back eventually why does he
need one um so he has a dragon in prison
uhhuh in his side of the manor that has
basically half shifted so his exterior
is all scales but he's still in human
form so he can't be injured by any kind
of like weapon at all but he needs to be
killed because he's a serial killer and
he killed a lot of female dragons and so
they're hoping that a siren's magic like
the lustiness would make him shift back
to human long enough for him to be
vulnerable for them to kill
him but we don't find that out till the
fifth book spoilies fifth book yeah
literally every other king gets a siren
every other king gets a siren okay i was
wondering if each if it was going to end
up with if it was a king siren matchup
yeah every other king and he's just like
"You got to be [ __ ] kidding me i've
been kindly patiently asking for so
long." Damen comes up with this [ __ ]
system where he's like "Well you're
going to have to submit a written
request and if I happen upon an unmaded
siren it'll be considered." And the
dragon king literally every week submits
a new request every single week and
every single week he's ignored every
single week he puts it in the dragon i
know it's so
pitiful but anyway we don't know any of
that right now but the point is
um it's a big nasty fight it's really
brutal but the true alpha wins um so
everybody's safe good times thank god so
now that that's settled the sisters are
somewhat safer and the one with the
forced mate bond is now released from
that so everybody's good significantly
safer
um so now Blair is like I guess I should
talk to Damian about feelings is that a
thing I should do yes like where are we
at you know I guess maybe I should talk
to Damian about that i'm just here to
take the temperature you know
just a quick pulse check how we feeling
well so she's like "Hey can we talk
instead of having sex?" Cuz he's like
feeling up on her a little bit and he's
like "Of course we can." And immediately
he's like "Okay I'm going to I'm going
to touch your nipples though while we do
that." And she's like "Oh whatever."
Like "Okay." And then she's like
"Actually I changed my mind we should
just have sex." Cuz she's like "I don't
want to talk about this." And he's like
"Blair you really wanted to talk about
something come on now and so finally
declarations of love ensue they have a
big talk it's actually very cute damen
takes notes about well we're real mates
now so what are the what are the things
real mates need to talk about so they
make a list of like kids where do you
want to live finances vacations like
everything they could think of they make
a big list and they rock through the
list all night they just talk about
everything um and then finally a
solidifying [ __ ] ensues oh finally the
solidifying [ __ ]
the other [ __ ] up until then not
solidifying i mean
no never mind i take it back i was like
what's not quite solid a gel and then I
was like I'm getting I'm in the weeds
too much i don't like it we're just
going to roll that back yeah I'm going
to Is that the end we're at the epilogue
oh okay so
um what I left out the werewolf battle
was really the big finale crescendo
moment and the new werewolf king like
bites the sister in front of everybody
and like hauls off with her and Blair's
like "Is she going to be okay?" And
Damen's like "Probably." Yeah pretty
sure those crazy kids they'll sort it
out they'll be all right um so now it's
the epilogue it's been several months
it's a few days before Christmas and
Damian gives Blair a gift and it's a wet
suit and she's like "I swear to God
Damian like I have told you I'm not
wearing a [ __ ] wet suit." And he's
like "Open the rest of the gift." And
there are two tickets plane tickets to
take her on vacation and the wet suit is
for him because it's winter and it's so
cold he's like "I'm not going to I'm not
going to live through that you will
though you're going to love it."
He's like "I said I would get you a wet
suit i didn't say who was going to wear
it." Very cute um and
um yeah that's the end it's it was a
really fun read a lot of it when I was
outlining it I was like it's not as much
plot like as I remembered it being but I
think it's because they do so much setup
for the for the sisters because the next
book is the werewolf king and the Izzy
and Porter mhm it's Izzy and Porter and
of course his name is Porter the water
stuff comes up because the fay are going
through [ __ ] and they need the purified
water it's like all that stuff comes
back um so there's a lot of setup but it
was a really enjoyable read um yeah the
next one I think is Love Bites Harder I
think um but yeah it I just liked it and
it was an interesting take on like the
glitter comes up over and over again too
and it becomes like a trend in the
community the supernatural community so
like for Halloween all these [ __ ]
show up like with glitter glitter all
over them just means you swam in a
chlorinated pool incredible so like all
these vampires and demons and [ __ ] are
like me too and they're like all covered
in glitter it's pretty funny
what's our rating system o um wet suits
wet suits wet suits is a good one yeah
we do wet suits easier than Grotto yes
and I didn't even mention he built all
of that for her like he found out that
his blood mate was a siren realized it
before he even found her he magically
built this incredible pool um and pissed
off the entire vampire nation cuz they
wanted a mini golf course but that's
beside the
point blair still builds it just
somewhere else um a mini golf course
yeah they're like it comes up repeatedly
the the vampires are pissed they wanted
their mini golf course
um so it really was like fun and
lighthearted it was really and like
there's a little bit of dark stuff in
future books it kind of gets a little
bit darker but never past like that it
It just is nice to read it's not like
super dark and awful at any point it's
just nice
how many wets suits i think five cuz
there are five sisters and five kings
yeah yeah would that be 10 or we just
sticking with five we could do 10 let's
do 10 i feel better about 10 whatever
makes you feel better well because I was
like three but like three out of five
but I was like well I want a little
higher than that so I can do seven out
of 10 seven out of 10 i can do seven out
of 10 that's great yeah it was a fun
read it was a nice setup for future
books um it was an interesting take too
of like the siren situation was fun
um yeah it's it was just a fun read and
I really liked the whole series so yeah
I'm going to add it to my list yeah
highly recommend actually I think it
might already be on my list but now I'll
prioritize it i love that for you on my
list yeah mhm mhm yeah mhm listen you've
given me reason to prioritize it and I
love that for me too
yeah i like that we can share that all
right y'all let us know how many wets
suits you would rate the book what style
of wets suit is it full body is it the
shorter kind i think that matters as
well cuz that might count as a half wet
suit depending right context matters it
does yes let us know how many wets suits
you would rate the book we're going
seven out of 10 for our final offer
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