Smut Club

well hello all you beautiful

people you know what time it

is ladies and gents guys and dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for Smite Club here's

your hosts Chelsea and Hannah

[Music]

[Laughter]

hey everybody and welcome to Smut Club

i'm Chelsea and I'm Hannah and this is

the podcast where we occasionally

daydrink and review Smut books of

varying caliber you too are having a

hard time remembering our our OG

elevator pitch and this is the podcast

where we're two licensed therapists who

enjoy day drinking and reviewing romance

novels of varying caliber wow that one

rolled off the tongue we haven't gotten

at the last two episodes it's like when

we when you didn't try really it worked

yeah when you when I stopped thinking

about it and just like went with rope

memory I like looked into your eyes and

panicked and was like "Wait a minute." I

was like "Wait a minute who are we

this is who we are though this is a

pretty accurate representation yeah mhm

so what is today's book oh this has been

requested several times it truly has by

many people we've gotten like DMs

comments friends of ours have requested

it um so we're finally doing it and it

is Not All Himos Wear Capes by C

rashelle c rashelle yes okay mhm mhm i

have not read this one mhm i've seen it

was super funny because uh a a coworker

of of ours had is one who had also

recommended this book and I was on a we

were in a meeting and I told her I was

like listen I know you'd previously

requested this book and then someone

else like we've had several other people

I was like and most recently someone

just requested it again and then I went

on Goodreads and saw that Hannah was on

book four in the series which means

she's read it which means it's coming i

did read the four main books i did not

read the fifth book which was like a

weird wrap-up thing i didn't read that

one but Okay so there four total well

five in the series there are five in the

series and then there's also like

spin-off series from this series it's a

lot it's a lot i didn't realize this

world was I didn't read all those yeah I

didn't read all those i just read read

these and this is the first one so I'm

going to set it up a little bit so that

we can kind of understand the world

we're in okay so basically there are

superheroes and there are villains and

the big corporation that's the name of

it 2

G's has essentially told everybody that

heroes and villains are different

species like they are genetically

different and so that's why they're on

different sides

they control the heroes essentially the

heroes work for this corporation okay

and um the villains just really do

whatever they want as villains do this

might be a silly question is everyone a

hero and a villain or like there's just

like normal humans as well there are

normal humans as well yeah are there

other like are there dragons in this is

is it like just heroes and villains just

heroes and villains they all have kind

of different powers and there are like

family legacies going back generations

oh okay it feels a little bit like

um the energy is a little bit like the

show The Boys um and this is a malemale

romance okay um we've got a lot of

tropes going on so we'll get into it but

I wanted to give that like this is the

world we're in this is the different

sides that we're on i appreciate that

you're welcome i was trying to think of

how to do it is it

okay never mind i'm not going to ask my

question i'm just going to let you take

me on this journey okay oh and I should

also mention that these heroes and

villains are not like they don't choose

their own names like the corporation

names them and there is also I forgot a

Wait but the villains don't work for the

corporation

right but but the the corporation still

gets to name everyone yeah they're like

here's your name yeah

and there is um also a

United Super Nations which is basically

like anybody with

superpowers it is a neutral organization

for them so that does come up eventually

okay but the point is we open with

Xander so he is a villain who did not

choose the name but is known as Dr

anti-hero he hates it a lot um

it's not a great name it's not good and

he is the family outcast because he

never developed powers so he has

heightened senses heightened strength

heightened speed whatever um but he

never showed any superpowers specific

power right so he really doesn't have

anything to add to the family and I mean

he still has super speed and strength

they don't care it's not cool enough um

it's not cool enough well like one of

his brothers is known as the hand of

death and if anybody touches him or if

he touches anybody else they like

explode and die um but that makes the

sex weird it does yeah

um that's the second book

can confirm have read

yeah um so really Xander is not like a

villain villain he is into the

environment he just wants to protect the

ocean and like do

science and that's it like he's science

he just wants to be left alone so like

he's in a family of villains that are

like legit villains and he's like "Sure

I can run fast how would that help me

save the turtles?" So there's a whole

thing about him crying when he found a

turtle that was injured when he was a

child it was a whole thing yeah he's

literally about saving the turtles okay

so Captain

Masculine wanted to see your face for it

it was really good

he is the superhero that protects the

city and

um he just messes with Xander all the

time like throws fireballs at him like

is constantly like he doesn't have a

water power to protect himself right he

has a wave runner that turns into a

submarine

yes he does yeah he does yes he does

yeah he does

so um he hates that [ __ ] guy so it

actually opens with him literally eating

Cheetos on his couch watching news

coverage of Captain Masculine covered in

Cheeto dust and just being like "This

[ __ ]

guy hate him so much." So his best

friend whose name is Kai who does wind

up being really important she comes over

and she's like "This isn't cute." And so

she literally steals his phone makes him

a dating profile um on a site called

Bangers it's not subtle and um like just

starts doesn't even like make the

profile and give it to him she just

starts matching him to people and like

doing what she wants love oh she's

awesome matching people on dating apps

[Music]

i loved like back when when I was on the

dating apps and my friends were on the

dating apps like going and sitting at

like a bar with a friend and swiping for

them although I did have a co-orker who

was once like Chelsea why did I match

with this guy and I went I just really

liked his

eyebrows and she did not view that as a

sufficient answer

she doesn't get it her loss right he

could have been a lovely human i mean

look at Luigi Manny

maybe it wouldn't describe him as a

lovely human but would say the eyebrows

made him intriguing as well my husband

is also known for his eyebrows really i

did not know that i thought the only

facial feature that y'all's household

was known for was your nose was my nose

yeah no Matt's eyebrows matt has Matt's

eyebrows speak for themselves yeah

remind me later I'll show you a baby

picture of Matt because even though he

doesn't have eyebrows yet you can see

the muscles and it's so much to drink in

yeah it's a lot but like everybody on

his mom's side of the family has these

eyebrows and all the children look like

they're scowlling because the arch is so

intense in the eyebrow so everybody just

looks like they're mean bugging you all

the time you know I have seen a lot of

photos of Matt where I thought that was

just his like photo aesthetic no that

was the way his eyebrows are that's just

his face that's just his natural arch

bless her i know so anyway Kai is

swiping and winds up matching him with

someone named Butch okay um so Xander is

in his early 30s Butch is in his early

20s it's not super relevant but I think

it's helpful to like understand their

dynamic so Butch is not having a great

day um he is Captain

Masculine and he basically

does low-level data entry for big

corporation when he is not being sent

out to literally murder entire families

of villains that's his job he is not

enjoying

himself okay

question is this like a Clark Kent

Superman situation mhm

so even though it's all for big

corporation yes big corporation doesn't

know that no big corporation does know

who Captain Masculine's secret identity

is but nobody else knows and it's a very

it comes up again and again it is an

extremely closely guarded thing who the

members of your family are and like who

your secret identity is and all of that

is like there's not a lot of loyalty

among heroes and villains but that's

like the one line nobody will cross so

um he has like the most intense golden

retriever energy of anybody ever he

thinks the word sucky and he is like "Oh

my god I'm practically a villain i can't

believe I just thought that word." And

he just has like an entire like instead

of shitty he said that sucky and then

he's like "They might send me to H

double hockey sticks over."

Yeah that is said h double hockey sticks

does make an appearance yeah

so um and he had made this dating

profile like in the middle of the night

when he was just not having a good time

and he had initially set it up to be for

seeking women only but somehow gets

matched with

Xander

and Xander is just immediately sending

incredibly sexual incredibly dominant

messages

and Butch is like "Oh no I'm so into

that." He's like "Okay."

Oh no I like this so much yeah yeah so

he goes home and like masturbates to

these messages about like um All right

this Just making sure the messages are

not from Kai no the messages are from

Xander okay justander Xander got the

phone back he did he did xander's like

"Kai you bitch." like

um but he's like calling him a good boy

there's lots of praise and and

degradation and stuff going on like

already off the rip so um that feels

right yeah yeah so Xander's family is

essentially like a crime syndicate

and everybody has to be registered

everybody with powers has to be

registered with the USN but they never

registered Xander because he never had a

specific right so he is like their

secret their little secret buddy and

there are very strict laws that heroes

and villains are not allowed to kill

normies but because he doesn't have any

powers and he's not registered his

family essentially like uses him as a

weapon to kill normies when they need

him to okay um so he is not having a

good time like he's having a pretty

rough day because of family things going

on um and so he shows up for the date

with Butch and immediately he's like "Oh

damn." He's like "He is exactly my

type." And the direct quote is "He's big

hot and dumb we can do that." Like yep

big hot and dumb like exactly my type

big hot and dumb listen know thyself

know that's what you're looking for on a

recent season of Love is Blind yes

there was a girl who was straight up

like from the from the jump she's like

"I want to be a trophy wife." Like like

she was not looking for someone to match

her intellect that they could go be this

like power couple she's straight up like

"I would love to be a trophy wife." Yes

i'm like you know good for you babe yeah

if that's your goal and you know that's

your goal okay good for you good for you

but I'm like I wonder how many people

won't just like allow themselves to lean

into it to admit that like also to be

fair she was hot enough that she could

she could say that as horrible and

shitty as that sounds she had the

insight to know this is an achievable

goal

my goal is very attainable have you seen

my tits

yes exactly okay so he So Xander was

having a bad day because So everyone's

been having a bad day recently going

into a good time yeah no one's having a

good time and Xander shows up to this

date and sees Butch does not know he's

Cat Mask and is like Mhm yes he's the

one all about this yeah so they both

think that the other is a normie so they

are okay like both pretending to be

normies at this point so Butch is just

like so happy to be here he's like you

know I've always kind of been into men

but like never really explored it and so

I'm like so excited to be here and this

is really amazing

and every time Xander says something

incredibly out of pocket like you know

you did such a good job picking this

restaurant that I really just want to

bend you over this table and like like

just like you've made daddy so proud

like so he and Mason from Butterfly

would be great friends no and I'll tell

you why so Xander realizes that Butch is

essentially having like a sub awakening

he's like "This sweet little baby does

not even know." He's like "He doesn't

even know I can teach him." He's like

"Hell yeah." So which is a fantasy in

itself very much very much so Butch is

just like "Oh my god I've never been so

turned on in my life through the whole

dinner and he's like "Keep it together

and try to be a normal person." Oh my

god so Xander repeatedly checks in with

Butch and is confirms that he is into

this he's like "I saw you were seeking

only women i'm not really sure what

happened in the algorithm i just want to

make sure like you are into this." And

which I appreciate that like Mhm we own

that like the it was an accidental match

yeah like it it's not just like a oh it

suddenly somehow says men i don't know

how that happened like a hey I see that

it was a glitch right but since we're

here you you did agree to the date so um

and Butch gets really confused about

consent and no one has ever asked him

like what he wants before or like like

like in his life no one has ever made

sure he understands that like he can say

no to things and stuff and he's like but

Xander's like checking in with him about

it and explaining consent and stuff and

Butch is like "But but you're a top

so you'll just like do whatever you want

right?" And Xander's like "Absolutely

not sweetheart." He's like "No no no no

no no." And so explains like every step

of the way like this is what we're doing

this is what we're agreeing to all that

stuff

so Butch cannot curse can't he's like

constitutionally

incapable he cannot say the word [ __ ]

can't he can't he can't do it so when it

comes to asking for what he wants it's a

struggle so eventually Butch like builds

himself up to saying like "I want your

huge co-ac cock." Like like he tries so

hard and Xander's like "Yeah we're going

home chuck please thank you so much like

we're getting out of here." And

so immediately they start like making

out outside the restaurant and he's this

is escalated so quickly swiftly and he's

trying to get Butch to the car and he

realizes that his car has been stolen

and he's like

[ __ ] so he's like well [ __ ] and um Butch

is the precious little cinnamon roll

that he is and he's like "Oh no." He's

like "Oh my stars." And Xander pulls out

his phone and sees messages in the group

chat from his family from all his

siblings his sister stole his car his

sister stole his car his sister stole

his car and she her villain name is

Ultra Violent and she's like pretty

terrible generally and

so she's mad about something that

happened before doesn't really matter um

but they have a little bonding moment

about like stupid family politics and

like all the ridiculous stuff that goes

on in their families but again they're

both still like don't freak out the

normie

like this is all regular oh yeah cuz and

I also imagine like when a vehicle has

been stolen you're like not that there's

like powers that you're immediately like

unless you're running home i don't know

like Right but still trying to be like

oh like I'm used to fixing these things

or doing more like using some of my

power and having to sit and pretend like

I'm just a human everything's fine yep

oh no oh gosh what so um Xander's like

"Hang on." Like "Hold that thought let

me see if I can like order a car or

something like I'm not worried about

getting my car back right now like oh we

need to get to a private place i don't

even care."

And so Xander's like "Yeah yeah yeah my

car got stolen and if we don't [ __ ] Yeah

immediately I will truly not be okay."

Yeah he's like "I don't even care i

don't even care." And so

um Butch is like "Well I mean my

apartment's like right around the

corner." And Sandra's like "Love that

idea never been so happy about that idea

let's do that." Um why you still talking

right literally don't talk about it be

about it let's get moving so they like

rush to his building they get there and

he's like "Oh this is like an incredibly

fancy building where fancy people

including like some superheroes live."

He's like "Huh?" So they get up to his

penthouse apartment wait okay Hannah

yeah they're both him his he Oh sorry

butch they're at Butches but Xander was

the one who was like processing that

like "Oh this is a bougie building that

some superheroes live in right?" Like he

like Butch must make more money than I

realized xanders kind of thing he's like

"Okay Butch definitely has family

money." Like I'm You're like "There's

more to Butch." Yeah then I than I've

learned and you know the whole hour that

I've known him right where we've had

such deep meaningful conversations right

obviously so he's fully into it like

ready to get get it rolling xander

Xander and Butch both of them are like

fully into it until Xander has this

weird like urge to be protective of

Butch because Butch like clearly isn't

comfortable in this apartment like he

obviously doesn't like it just like the

way he's carrying himself yeah like it's

clearly not like his style home that

feels okay mhm fair so Xander's like

"Well he should have whatever he wants."

And then Xander's like "Um no I don't do

feelings." He's like "No no no." And

he's literally like about to bolt and

Butch drops to his knees in like a

perfect sub position and Xander's like

"Oh he doesn't even know oh god." Oh but

I can't leave now yeah i was going to

leave cuz I don't do feelings and I feel

like I already like him too much but Mhm

look at how perfectly he's kneeling [ __ ]

yeah yeah so he's like I have no choice

but to take my dick out like that's that

is the next move the only logical

conclusion Xander is just "Yeah dick

out." And he's like "All right honey

just relax and enjoy." Okay thank you um

so and this is dual point of view it

will matter later doesn't matter so much

now um but Butch is definitely getting

off on giving his first [ __ ] um he's

gagging a ton which Xander is loving and

um that's why you got to use your hands

more

yeah butch doesn't understand that yet

well it's his first time yeah um but he

does rub one out at the same time which

I feel like that's coordination for your

first time and on your knees like that's

that's pretty good you know getting

yourself off and someone else off at the

same time look at those multitasking

skills superhero skills

um so as soon as they both come they

both kind of like fall down on the floor

like they're like they've not paid made

it past the foyer like and Butch just

immediately starts to cry a and Xander

is like flipping out he's like "Oh my

god I went too far i'm so sorry like are

you okay what do you need?"

And butch's like "No you don't

understand like everything was perfect

i'm totally fine i'm just a little bit

overwhelmed like I'm I'm these are happy

tears." Like if anything these are happy

tears and so Butch is

like just very shyly asks Xander to stay

the night he's like "I don't want you to

think I'm needy or anything but like I

would really like it if you stayed with

me." And um he is internally coaching

himself but is like do not be clingy do

not be weird you really like this guy if

you want to see him again like you got

to be cool but at the same time he's

like please don't leave well and

also some afterare in this your first

date with a male your first sexual

experience with like all of the things

it's a lot

it's a lot yeah and Xander to his credit

is like was planning on taking care of

him anyway and like gets gets him up

gets him to the bathroom cleans him up

gets him in bed all that really sweet

stuff um but then when Butch wakes up

Xander is gone m so we switch to Xander

he went out to get breakfast for Butch

and the whole time he's thinking to

himself like "What the [ __ ] is wrong

with you?" like we don't do this like

just go home like why are you being

weird you're not being weird you're

being sweet i know but then his sister

texts him while he's on his way back

with breakfast um to return his car so

she drops that definitely superheroes

including Captain Masculine live in this

building

um and um Captain Masculine i know it's

so bad and so his she also tells him

that their dad wants to see him and

that's bad like their dad is basically

the worst and he's like "Fuck." Like

that's not great um but he's like "Yeah

I'm not dealing with that right now not

dealing with that right now." So when he

gets back to the apartment he just

immediately relaxes to be back like in

Butch's space and to to know that he's

near him and he's trying not to freak

out that like they've known each other

for a cool 12 hours and he's this deep

into

it um but when he gets there Butch is in

tears and like shaking and Xander is

immediately like "Who do I have to

kill?" like unacceptable and Butch asks

who the woman was that he was talking

to and Xander lies and says it was just

some tourist asking for directions no

stress like don't worry about it and the

reason he lies and I'm he butch was in

his apartment so like he could see from

the street he saw so he was that close

returning but his so

his sister returned his car yes

to Butch's apartment building because

that's where Xander told her that he was

yes yes but I'm like yes a tourist

dropped off your car so I'm like what

all did Butch what did he see right so

Xander is assuming he didn't see a lot

because he was in the penthouse

apartment but Butch has super sight so

he saw quite a bit um he didn't see the

woman get out of the car but he did see

the woman and he doesn't know what

Xander's car looks like anyway because

it was stolen before he saw it um so it

was like "Yeah you know every tourist

just hands you some car keys for you."

Like that's why I was like I what how

okay thank you you're welcome so um

Butch is like "I'm really sorry for

being weird i'm really sorry." Um and

they both admit that like they like each

other more than they thought they would

fair um and Xander just really wants to

like spoil him and take care of him and

all that stuff

so Butch saw with his soup site that

Xander was talking to one of the most

notorious super villains in the city and

that's why he was shaking and crying was

like he didn't know what to do

because technically this super villain

wasn't doing anything yet but he was

like if I try to get down there she

might attack him before I can get there

but if I don't try to get down there she

could really hurt him and so he was

really genuinely like freaking out that

she was going to hurt him for Xander

safety right and because the big

corporation has the photos of all of

these super villains so even though they

wear masks when they're in their villain

persona he knows what they all look like

um

so they have a really cute breakfast but

then he gets a Butch gets a text from

his boss um and Xander then at that

point realizes that he works for big

corporation right and Butch tells him

he's an accountant um

and Xander on his way out like as he

leaves so that Butch can go to work he

plants cameras in the hallway because

his sister realized that he was on a

date and he's actually like genuinely

concerned that his family is going to

try to find Butch and like [ __ ] with him

because they're all such dicks he's like

"Uh okay Hannah all I'm saying is when

Xander plants cameras we're like "It's

for Butch's safety." And when Mason

planted cameras in

Butterfly it was not okay at all but I'm

just cracking up we're like in fairness

to me they're in the hallway they're not

in Butch's bedroom in the bedroom

they're in the hallway you know what

i'll I'll give you that one yes it's so

different planting cameras in a hallway

instead of in the room dramatically

thank you for

understanding

um so the other thing that happens

because he has planted these cameras is

that he sees Butch take the stairs from

the 98th floor penthouse he's like

"That's weird maybe he's super into

fitness." No my man went to the roof and

flew because he's a superhero

maybe he's super into fitness and just

wanted to go down

98 stairs i lived on the seventh floor

of my building in grad school and maybe

once a quarter I'd go I'm going to be a

fit girl and I'd walk the gross seven

flights and I'd get to the top and I'd

be like I made a horrible mistake yeah

mhm i was like yes burning and also the

stairs exited like right by the elevator

so there were times when I was like

screw this i got I like I walked the

first three flights of stairs get out on

the third get off on the third floor and

take the elevator to the seventh hey you

still did some stairs that's pretty good

thank you

yeah you know I've been trying to [ __ ]

on myself less

for level of like physical activity cuz

I feel like historically there have been

like oh like it wasn't enough and I'm

like you moved your body and that's okay

that you moved your body the sound is

back the sound is back and we're going

to ignore it and we're just going to

move on i was I actually wasn't even

going to mention it at all yeah where we

at so Xander is at work he is doing

sciency stuff trying to protect the

planet save the oceans all of that and

he is texting with Butch and he's trying

not to be too like overbearing about it

um but is just so sweet xander is like

"Oh somebody's going to take advantage

of him." He's like "I could take

advantage of him." He's like "This is an

easy end to the big corporation that my

family has been fighting for generations

i could very easily like use him." Do we

know

what why they've been like the lore of

Not yet but we do find out more

eventually um because he also wants

Xander wants to take down Captain

Masculine and he's like this would be

the perfect opportunity to like

infiltrate the Mhm you know the the

corporation and all of their superheroes

yeah but he's like "But I don't want to

do that because Butch is precious and

should be protected." So

um they agree Butch and Xander agree to

meet up literally that night xander is

like "Yeah I was going to say they have

really just jumped fully full throttle

into this relationship." And so Xander

is like "Okay I understand that you have

to work i understand that it's also a

Saturday so I will be picking you up at

5:00 p.m from the the headquarters

building you will not touch yourself all

day and you will be in my vehicle no

later than 5:02 period we're done and

Butch is like so excited by this he's

like "Just focus and get this [ __ ] done

counting the minutes is not helping you

like come on."

Um but he also feels really guilty that

he hasn't been honest with Xander about

his superpowers and his true identity

and stuff and I'm also like "Sweetheart

it hasn't even been 24 hours it's really

okay that you haven't told him

everything."

Um so he is just trying to like simmer

down um because he does like him so much

and he's like I don't want to freak him

out but like I just want to focus on

having a good time at dinner and that's

it butch yes

so Butch

um yeah he's just so excited and he

keeps letting out accidental pulses of

power because he's so

excited um what what is his power do so

he can fly he has he can like throw

fireballs that's the main ones and like

super strength and super speed but he

loves [ __ ] with Xander but he's never

seen what Xander looks like or does

Xander also wear a mask but he's not

actually a superhero sorry I So they

both when they are in their when Butch

is in his hero persona and when Xander

is in his villain persona they are fully

masked and fully covered from head to

toe so they have been [ __ ] with each

other for quite some time but they do

not know what the other one looks like

um and because Xander has never been

um uh formally registered with Yes thank

you there are no pictures of him oh okay

and they don't even know what family he

belongs to um he's just a rando that

showed up so

I see okay good perfect good questions

thank you thank you um so

Butch eventually gets in the car with

Xander he's still randomly like pulsing

power and trying to like get his [ __ ]

together butch thinks that Xander won't

notice because he's a normie and normies

don't pick up on those things and so um

let me guess Xander picks up on it he

really does and so when they get to the

restaurant is when the pulse gets like

really intense and he's like "Is there

is there another soup here tonight?"

Like what is going on like that's really

not normal um and wait Xander's the one

thinking that yeah Xander is like I

don't understand why I keep feeling this

okay this isn't right and he's also

feeling like feeling that weird power

internally and he's like I like who is

here like something is not right but the

hostess tells them nope nope nobody's

here yeah there's there's no superheroes

here nope nobody's here um must have

been a a strong breeze

so strange so Butch get is just really

like nervous and giddy and like so he

just word vomits all over the place

about how much he likes Xander and how

he wants to be good for him and how he's

been doing research on like how he can

be good for him and he just he just

wants to do whatever Xander wants him to

do and he's like oh my god I am talking

too much

he's like "Shut

up." So Xander realizes that he actually

finds Butch's energy like really

adorable like how nervous he is um and

so they have this really precious heart

to heart about like no one has ever just

let Butch talk like that before nobody's

ever listened to him and so Xander is

very clear that like he can do that but

can do that with Xander um and asks him

eventually they they get around to um

Butch picking a safe word and he chooses

orca because he knows that Xander does

like sea life marine life

research it's very cute

um there's like Whenever I think of

marine life research I think of Zeus and

Roxand

do you remember that movie no with Steve

Gutenberg

no classic '9s The dog and the dolphin

become best friends oh h do they become

best friends i don't know there's a dog

and a dolphin who I believe are named

Zeus and Roxan i love that yeah I

remember watching it on VHS a lot as a

child but also I feel like there were a

lot of movies that I thought were normal

movies and my dad loved the that big VHS

bin that ultimately became the 588 DVD

bin uh yeah I know exactly how much each

of those DVDs cost the 588 bin

we just had some deep cuts that I

thought were real normal movies that

everyone watched and people like that no

never heard of that one so I don't know

if Zeus and Roxan was a big movie or if

it was just big in my house i don't

remember it but that doesn't mean it

wasn't big we watched a lot of Sarah

Plain and Tall and Christy which were

not

popular they were not no they were not

i've heard of Sarah Plain and Tall

pretty sure I told you about it honestly

probably from you you're not wrong yeah

yeah yeah okay uh but anyway so um he

chooses Orca he does he chooses Orca and

so they get in the car to head back um

to I think Xander's place and Xander has

Butch touch himself on the car or in the

car on the way home tons of dirty talk

he's like "Do not come in my car

i will make you lick it up you'd

probably be into that wouldn't you?" And

like just keeps going it's a lot

um and he Butch admits to Xander that he

is a virgin so the only time like

hookups he's had with women in the past

have been like impassing oral um because

it is a huge like no no for soups

to procreate with normies and so there's

not allowed to be like even an inkling

of a possibility of a chance for that to

happen okay um because they don't know

if normies are even physically capable

of carrying suit babies like they don't

even know if that's physically possible

so um and yeah Xander is real excited

about that um he has Butch get undressed

and everything but his tie he uses that

as a like a leash

um and their sexual relationship has

escalated 0 to 60 yeah so fast it's a

lot it's a lot and then Xander starts

pulling out like toys and stuff

and at one point he pulls out a plug and

Butch is like "That's not a plug that's

a monster." It's like this huge [ __ ]

thing and

um Xander is like "Sweetheart none of

this is for you calm down no we're not

doing that." Um but God bless Butch's

willing little heart i know he's like "I

really want to tell him I'm a soup and

he's not going to hurt me." It's like

literally just so we can like get it but

Xander is very much mindful of not

hurting him um and so you know there's

some anal play more BJs um

well Xander gives Butch a BJ and Butch

wants to reciprocate but um Xander's

like "Oh sweetheart no no like you're

going to rest now thank you so much."

And just does like really good afterare

with him um I do appreciate the good

afterare it is really nice and then um I

this is not relevant to anything I guess

but I did include a note that Xander

also has a cat that is called um Neil

Degrass

Meows that's what they call him meows

it sounds like it's supposed to be cute

it's not really okay it's not really

cute but Meowin isn't terrible but I

would just call him Neil right i would

also just call him Neil but anyway I

really feel like of that full

name we latched on to the more difficult

part yeah it is kind of difficult to say

meow

i'm

like we like Craig's full name is Craig

Ferguson obviously but we don't call him

Ferguson and we don't say Craig Ferguson

we just call him Craig

and so I feel like they could have just

called him Neil i'm just just really

trying to simplify this for them no one

asked me to simplify it for him but I'm

I'm willing to i mean our our cats two

of them are um Annie Wilks and Lizzie

Bordon but we don't call them that we

call them Annie and Lizzy or the fat

ones depending on the day they're hefty

but anyway

like how big are these cats i have

questions they're like 17 lbs each

okay i need them to be out on your

driveway the next time Google satellite

comes through because the last person I

know who had a cat that hefty and that

large it just looked like a shadow but I

think the cat's name might have been

shadow something like that but literally

their cat was so large you could see it

from the Google satellite map

scan our cats don't go outside but if I

ever get the notice I will figure out

how to leash them or something and put

them out there um yeah they don't they

don't really do a whole lot

do I mean do any cats do a whole lot

they don't i like they cuddle sometimes

when they feel like it yeah right they

eat their food mhm they lick themselves

they occasionally try to murder my

dog you know Craig doesn't try to murder

Brandon but Craig does often find that

he wants to sit exactly where Brandon is

sitting and Brandon will just be laying

there and Craig will just walk up and

pop him repeatedly in the face

and look at him like "What are you going

to do about it bitch?" I'm like "He's

not going to do anything about it he's a

pug."

Like you're a six lb cat yep of terror

when you want to be mhm as all cats are

right but I'm like I don't Craig you're

just being a dick at this point annie

will be just laying there and Sophie my

poor sweet dog will try to walk by her

sophie can't see her because she's blind

she doesn't even know she's there anyway

and Annie will be like "Bitch you

thought just like pop her as she's

walking by." And Sophie Annie's bullying

the blind dog yeah and Sophie's just so

confused cuz she doesn't know what

happened she's like "Where's that coming

from what what's happening why is this

the thing?" And the cats are so mean

because also they have their spots where

they generally tend to lay the most m

and so sometimes Sophie will be like

"I'mma get a cat to play with me." And

so she will go like do a little growl

and put her butt up in the air and

wiggle to try to get the cats to play

but sometimes they're not there

oh but she can't see to know that

they're not there so the cats will be in

other places just watching her just

watching her wiggle her butt trying to

make friends with

nobody it's really pitiful so I know

it's very pitiful my heart i know okay

where so So they hooked up yeah resting

after he's like "You don't need to

return the favor you just rest." Yep

okay perfect and then they fall asleep

okay next day Xander's bestie Kai she

like busts in the apartment and she's

like "Bitch where's my deeds?"

cuz she can hear everything through the

wall and is she also a villain no she's

a normie she's a normie who just is his

next door neighbor okay and she just

kind of decided they were going to be

best friends and Xander was like "What

is happening?" She's a normie they were

just that loud okay uh-huh um and so

um Xander starts to realize like he's

catching feelings as he watches Kai and

Butch like interact um is this whole

like Xander you just are perpetually

realizing that you're catching feelings

yeah literally the whole time he's just

like "Oh my god do I really like him?"

Yes yes you do you really do um so he

asks Butch to come to work with him

um so he has like a lab but where he

takes him is to the bay just to pick up

trash like that's kind of what he does

he picks up trash and he logs it and

then he goes and studies it in his lab

that is also his layer like whatever so

um do you want to go to work with me do

you want to walk down the beach and pick

up trash with me honestly what a great

work day i know it's so nice so um they

both independently are realizing that

like they are looking for Dr anti-hero

and Doctor or and Captain Masculine

because they're usually around the bay

but they don't realize that that person

is next to me and so they're both

independently like "Oh I hope he doesn't

show up." Like

so that's cute um this whole book seems

cute it is actually like surprisingly

adorable um

so they also both have an attraction

to the other in superhero form but they

don't know that like who they're

attracted to yeah they can't like

outside of like you can't say tall dark

and handsome you're just like they're

tall

i know nothing else about them pretty

built there's like a Lycra situation so

you can see all of it like I'm into that

aside from that I couldn't tell you but

it's like they both have this hero

villain fantasy but they're both like

that's probably kind of [ __ ] up so um

so

anyway

um they're bonding learning more about

each other but reveals that he like

genuinely hates his work so much um but

he does it because it's a family legacy

and he He literally doesn't have a

choice so it turns out Xander doesn't

know this yet but it turns out that

Butch's parents signed a contract for

him to work for big corporation before

he was even born so I don't think that

holds up in a court of law it doesn't it

really doesn't but poor sweet Butch he

just doesn't know he doesn't know any

different he doesn't know what the rules

are

he's just going with what he's been told

his whole life the big corporation who's

telling everyone that they're out there

to protect everyone is actually taking

advantage of people

what i know shocking that doesn't sound

like big corporations anywhere no you

have to suspend belief for that so

um Butch then gets a call that there is

an emergency at work and he has to go in

like right now so um Xander kind of

jokes and he's like "Are you a secret

spy?" Um and he says "But it doesn't I'm

I'm just kidding." Like Butch like locks

up he's like "It's a joke dude like I'll

take you where you need to go." Cuz

Butch is like "I got to go." And he's

like "Sweetheart we're in the middle of

the bay where are you going to go were

you going to fly?" Like as a joke and

he's like "No no I definitely wasn't

going to do that would never do that

silly

thing." So he asks Butch asks Xander to

drop him off somewhere um and all Xander

asks is just that like "Call me later

and let me know that you're okay." Yeah

like that's it i understand that you

can't tell me about your work i just

want to know that you're safe i

understand you're having an accounting

emergency right obviously let me know

that you're safe from your accounting

emergency later today right so Butch is

in fact in an extremely brutal fight

with a villain um and he has to drag it

out he's contractually obligated to drag

it out until the news vans get there so

he's just like letting this guy beat him

up until the news vans get there and

then he murders him brutally like kills

him very brutally

um and um he his boss from big

enterprises shows up comes to pick him

up and just immediately starts giving

him new tasks and new things to do and

all this other [ __ ] and Butch is like "I

don't feel right like something's

wrong." And he just like loses

consciousness all of a sudden and so he

wakes up and he is in his parents' house

and he's fully freaking out um he's

demanding his phone because he's the

first thing he thinks is "Oh my god

Xander's going to be so worried." And so

um which is valid but there might be

other pressing things to to consider

right now like your consciousness you

know um but all he wants is just to talk

to Xander like that's all he can focus

on sweet buddy um but his parents tell

him that he is still expected to marry a

suitable soup and that this normie is

like a passing phase and they're already

actively arranging a marriage for him

and so they just dismiss everything he

says so his parents really just had him

for their own Yeah purposes yeah he's

[ __ ] autonomy yeah he's just a commodity

to everybody um which does explain his

confusion about someone listening to him

and consent he's like "What i get to

choose?" Oh you you weren't just gonna

take what you wanted and I just had to

sit there and be okay with it yeah man

poor Butch i know it's really sad sweet

buddy

um Xander on the other hand is

absolutely fully freaking out he hasn't

heard from Butch in 2 days um oh it's

been 2 days damn so he finally does hear

from him he knows that he's okay but he

hasn't seen him and he's just

like so he's going to therapy which is

another running theme um Xander is very

active in his therapy he very actively

uses his skills throughout the book to

manage his anger and anxiety

um so he is having some breakthroughs

about his self-esteem and stuff in

therapy and then suddenly Captain

Masculine is outside the window of his

therapist office just absolutely wailing

on a villain like going to town and um

Xander is just super turned on and this

is a couple days later couple days later

and he still hasn't seen Butch from the

bay so Xander's like super turned on and

then all of a sudden Captain Masculine

like murders this guy and then like

drops his head in his hands and is

clearly like not okay and then makes eye

contact with Xander through the window

and

Xander takes off running he's like

Xander took off running yeah xander's

like whoops because that's like Captain

Masculine started to reach for him and

he's like "Oh [ __ ] does he recognize

me?" Like "Does he know that I'm like Dr

anti-hero or whatever?" He's like "Oh

fuck." Also very confused about how

sexually attracted he is to this guy

right now

so um then he Xander suddenly gets a

text from Butch asking if Butch can come

over

um and when Butch shows up he's very

obviously not okay like he's pretty

bruised up he's pretty beat up well

that's why I was like "Okay so he's

already like in another fight and

killing someone else 2 days later damn."

Yeah damn big corporation not Why don't

we care about our workers

butch wants more than a pizza party okay

literally come on now

um so Xander is just focused on taking

care of him like getting him cleaned up

making sure that he's okay he's like

Butch is like staring off into the

distance and like clearly not well and

so there's this really sad moment where

Butch is like "Will you just please

remind me that I'm good?" And like tears

are streaming down his face and Xander

is like "I don't know what this

corporation is doing to you but I want

to burn it to the ground." He's like "I

don't know what's going on but I [ __ ]

hate it." Um so yeah like I hated them

already and you work there and how

whatever they're doing behind closed

doors is Mhm in line with all of the

animosity I have felt towards them this

whole time that like but I'm also like I

need to know the lore i need to know why

the big corporation has been against him

and his family this entire time you'll

find out okay so um there's more

BJ's lots and lots of like possessive

talk and like good boy stuff and um it's

surprisingly emotional and Butch it like

keeps asking Xander like you know will

will you be will I be yours no matter

what cuz Xander kept saying like very

possessively like you're mine he's like

do you promise like no matter what like

cuz he's really afraid because he Xander

ran from him like Butch knows that

Xander ran from him as soon as he saw

him and he's like I terrified him like

he watched me kill somebody yeah i mean

he he did watch you kill someone

it's not ideal it It's not but you know

maybe everyone is keeping some secrets

mhm mhm and maybe it wasn't about you

Butch not everything is about you i mean

most of it but most of it it is a book

about you so I guess a lot of it is but

not He wasn't running from you he was

running because he thought you

recognized him yeah which none of us

know anything yet um

so they get honest a little bit xander

tells Butch that he was super turned on

by Captain Masculine and like he watched

him like beat the [ __ ] out of somebody

and he was super into it and Butch was

like "Oh okay really tell me more."

Turned on you say how did How does his

butt look in that Lycra right like do

you want to play Heroes and Villains

with me because I'd be into that so

um they go out with Kai um they have

this really amazing time and when they

get back they're both like loosened up

like they've kind of like shaken off the

weirdness of the last few days and Butch

just outright begs Xander to finally

[ __ ] him um and it's the first time he's

ever said the f-word and he like builds

himself up to it internally he's like

you can do

this like coaching himself on it um so

then they finally [ __ ] um and Butch

keeps feeling internally like his powers

are like reaching out to Xander and like

trying to connect with him and he's like

there's nothing to connect with though

because Xander is a normie so I don't Do

superhero powers connect no like he

really doesn't know what's going on okay

so it's not something that they're like

"Oh this is a pull that I would feel to

another soup m this is just completely

like what is this pull that's happening

okay so

um Butch then later tells him he has to

go out of town for work um and

um both of them realize they need to

look in the USN archives for information

about like soups and normies being

together so independently they're like

"We can't legally be together so we need

to do this research so we can figure out

how to be together so how can I get

there so that he won't notice?" I'm not

going to lie i'm This book sounds very

adorable i'm glad that you read it and

not me because this like

miscommunication ongoing

it drives the be Jesus out of me when I

read it i'm like "Oh oh my" like I felt

the same way watching like Serendipity

the movie like just the whole like I'm

like "Oh my god just like have the just

just be honest." Well no this would

happen if you would just communicate and

in the way that this was cuz usually I'm

the same way where I'm like "Oh my I

cannot." But the way this was written

felt really cute to me it felt more like

adorable than just like "Oh my god." Um

but anyway so Butch

um wipes out an entire villain clan just

kills a bunch of people he winds up

going being sent back to his parents um

and he goes to tell them like he is not

engaging with this like arranged

marriage situation but instead he

overhears them arguing um and he's super

confused about what they're arguing

about because they keep referring to him

and like his mom is saying like "I don't

want to hurt him like you hurt me." And

it's like "What the [ __ ] are you talking

about right

now?" So instead of approaching any of

that Butch just decides he's going to

fly back to Xander he's like "I just

want to be around Xander i can't be

[ __ ] with this right now." Who knows

what the [ __ ] my parents were arguing

about i'm just going to go Yeah spend

time with my not boyfriend

they haven't really labeled it but

there's been lots of possessive sort of

energy um but they just spend time

together they hook up some more

um Xander they eventually go to the USN

archives xander says he wants to look

something up for his research

um so eventually Xander invites Butch to

his family dinner oh damn and as soon as

he does it he's like "That's a bad

idea." He's like "I can't bring this

normie into like my super villain family

[ __ ] right now." Um but is so

excited that Xander's like "Oh [ __ ] okay

well just ignore all of them this isn't

going to go well it really doesn't

because Butch shows up and he's so

thrilled to be meeting Xander's family

until Ultraviolent shows up and it's his

sister and he's like "Holy fuck." Like

"Oh oh [ __ ] i'm going to die tonight."

Like I'm I'm going to die like this is

the most notorious villain family in the

world

i'm in their compound offering myself up

unintentionally on a silver platter and

his first thought is Xander knew who I

was this was a setup but then very

quickly realizes that like Xander has no

idea who he is and the sister has no

idea who he is but the mom knows and so

it gets real awkward real quick and how

does the mom know i don't know that's

never like revealed um and I don't know

why she wouldn't tell her other children

if she knew it's unclear but regardless

yeah the the person that you're you want

to take down more than anyone else and

you you know what they look like without

a mask and you don't tell the rest of

your family who also wants to take him

down more than anything else I can

suspend belief it's fine

so as they're like getting out of the

car Butch just suddenly blurts out that

he loves

Xander because he genuinely thinks he's

going to die he's like I want Xander to

know that I love him before I die and

I'm still willing to walk into

this he doesn't know what to do because

if he

starts flying away cuz he doesn't know

if any of them he doesn't know what's

going to happen he doesn't know if

somebody's going to attack him are we

all going to pretend we don't know each

other like

so

um Xander does this super cute scold

he's like "Damn it Butch like I had this

whole adorable plan to tell you that I

love you you just beat me to it like

that whatever."

Um so um yeah basically everything's

super awkward xander's mom is a [ __ ] um

Xander eventually gets summoned is she

like making comments like alluding to it

a little bit yeah like real sideways

type comments about like "Oh what do you

do for the big corporation like you

know?" Mhm so Xander gets summoned to

his dad um who didn't show up to the

dinner and never does show up to family

dinners he's like always in his weird

dungeon doing horrifying experiments on

live humans so

um his big brother promises to keep

Butch safe as he's walking out he's like

"No stress man i got you like I'll I'll

watch him." Um so um is there a threat

that Butch needed to like I mean obvious

like I think it was more to reassure

Xander fair then the brother realized

like Butch was in actual danger fair

just more of like hey you don't need to

worry about it

more than a there's an actual threat and

I will keep him safe yeah okay fair um

so Xander's dad wants him to make a

weapon for him because he knows sciency

stuff um and dad's powers are to

cryogenically freeze people at any

distance and then he can just shatter

them and so that's why everybody is so

[ __ ] terrified of him and so Xander's

like "Yeah I just need to get the [ __ ]

out of here." He's like "I'm just trying

not to be murdered by my

dad." So that's a pretty gnarly power

it's super gnarly so everybody is like

again just wicked terrified um and um

the hand of death is the older brother

he stayed with Butch the entire time to

protect him butch didn't know that he's

like "Cool cool cool cool cool cool

cool." Everybody left except the hand of

death and glacial girl who can just like

use ice as weapons to murder people

excellent this is it

um but um eventually when Xander comes

back they just leave they're just like

"Yeah it's time to go." and Butch asks

to sleep alone at his place um because

he's trying to process like Xander has

also been keeping secrets clearly and

it's illegal for villains and heroes to

be together also so that really doesn't

help and it's just a lot so um yeah so

not even just the normie

versus powered battle it's the like

soups and villains are also it is

illegal right because the narrative has

been that they are different species

so um I feel like that's the lore it is

yeah

so and we're about to get the full

picture of that so butch um his mom

calls and says Like I know you're having

a difficult time i know that I have not

been a good mother to you and I am

telling you to see this through with

this man like trust me okay like see

this through like unprompted mom calls

and does that um so

um Xander is distraught that like his

family has scared Butch away um Kai

comes and just like pets his hair and

tells him everything's going to be okay

and they just have a really nice best

friend moment um and he determines

like me and Butch are going to be

together no matter what um and even if

Butch doesn't want it

not quite that far um but um so he goes

to the bay just to ride his wave runner

and clear his mind and Captain Masculine

is there and he is like preparing

himself to die horribly and Captain

Masculine just waves and he is like what

the fresh [ __ ] and just like runs he's

like

nope i don't know if he's high or what

but I am not sticking around to find out

and has Butch connected the dots that

his beach buddy is indeed Xander yeah

but Xander hasn't figured it out yet so

eventually Butch calls Xander

um and um he had been thinking for a

long time I don't understand why I can't

be friends with Dr anti-hero he's

literally never hurt anyone he's just

like hanging out like like why do I have

to keep such a close eye on him he just

seems like a cool dude oh so the big

corporation has been ask wanting him to

keep an eye on

specifically so he hasn't figured out

that Xander is anti-hero yet but he Oh

okay he is attracted to him and he is to

anti-hero and he is wondering like well

Xander is a villain and he's not bad

like maybe Dr anti-hero isn't bad so

he's getting closer but he's not like

all the way there we hadn't fully

realized it yet there we go right that

does actually matter later i forgot

about that so um so they Butch and

Xander apologize to each other for being

weird they agree to meet um and go to

the USN archives um they get in with one

of the council members who's like

definitely a villain advocate

technically

um they're both sneaking off to

literally find almost the same

information so they do this cute little

thing in the archives um and Butch winds

up seeing a very strange case with a

hero and villain and his mom was the

hero and he's like "I don't get this."

And so just takes pictures of the whole

thing because he doesn't know like

what's going on um and doesn't have time

to read it all so as they go to leave

together some douchebag comes in and is

just awful he's a normie but it's just

awful to Butch

and all of a sudden there's this power

surge and Xander is like "What the

fuck?" And he's like looking at Butch

and Butch is like "I know that wasn't

me." Mhm it felt like that came from

Xander but it seems like he doesn't know

that that came from him this is really

[ __ ] weird and so um they wind up

getting pulled by the big corporation as

soon as they step out of the building

and Xander insists that he's going with

Butch he's convinced that like someone

is hurting him like he's being abused

somehow um which he is but just not in

the way that Xander thought so they get

there and um the Butch is very clearly

terrified

um of what's going to happen because his

dad Butch's dad is there when they get

to Big Corporation it's a lot

is his dad like the CEO of Big

Corporation no he's just a

retired superhero who used to work for

bigoration honestly that is more

unsettling that he's there then i

thought he was still an employee but if

you don't work there and you're there I

too would be a little more just retired

he's just retired and um it is like a

well-known fact that soups can't kill

their parents don't know why but like

it's a well-known thing and so he's like

"If my dad attacks Xander there's

literally nothing I can do." like I

can't protect him and so he's really

freaked out so

um

eventually Butch's dad gets Xander out

of the room and like takes him up to the

roof and he's like "We're going to have

a conversation so that Butch here can

talk to his boss." Xander doesn't know

that this is Butch's dad no idea oh

so um So he just assumes it's a random

dude who works for the corporation

mhm he doesn't know who he is

love Butch's dad's confidence though

that he just walked in and like Xander's

just like "This man still works here

i'll do what he says." He's like "All

right whatever i [ __ ] hate everybody

here doesn't matter don't need to learn

any of y'all exactly [ __ ] names."

But then he realizes who this is and he

not that it's Butch's dad but that he is

an extremely powerful superhero um okay

and he's like "So are you the one that's

been putting all those bruises on

Butch?" Like you know and the dad tries

to essentially throw Xander off the roof

with this like wind power but as soon as

the power hits Xander it like boomerangs

back and hits the dad and so the dad

does not fall off the roof but Xander's

like "Is that a power?" He's like he's

like "Is this what is this mine what?"

Oh my stars he's like "Is that is that

his power?" Yay oh I'm so glad he has

one so he never knew because no one

thought he had powers and so nobody

attacked him with powers before so like

nobody knew so jokes's on you Butch's

dad exactly but Butch's dad gets the

last word out of the building because as

he goes to leave he's like "So you're so

worked up about who put those bruises on

Butch you should talk to Captain

Masculine it's all his fault and like

walks away and he's like I hate that

[ __ ] guy like Xander is fully just

rage

monster so

um he Xander winds up getting kicked out

of the building he doesn't know where

Butch is or what's going on um Butch is

like this is so chaotic it's so chaotic

i'm trying to like hit the points that

matter but it's it's a lot so Butch has

to go back to his parents

um he reveals to his family Xander

reveals to his family that he has

powers and Xander decides he's going to

tell Butch everything about everything

as soon as he sees him again

um but he goes to the bay again where he

just generally hangs out and Captain

Masculine is sitting on the beach and

Xander just loses his [ __ ] so he goes up

and just starts screaming at this

guy butch has been given direct orders

to kill Dr anti-hero

so of course he has that's why he's

there um and he really doesn't want to

so he sees Dr anti-hero and kind of

comes closer onto the beach and he takes

his mask off and Butch realizes that

it's Xander and is like about to fall to

his knees and just like lose it xander

starts screaming at him about like if

you ever touch Butch again I will

[ __ ] kill you like that's it whatever

um that he's just a bully and a monster

and all this other stuff that Butch kind

of already believes about himself

because he's also realized like he's

been sent out to kill all these villains

but he's never seen any evidence against

them and he's like "Oh [ __ ] i might have

killed a lot of innocent what have they

been doing this whole time?" So much as

we've just been told they're an enemy

that needs to be eradicated yep

um so Butch just feels so incredibly

awful and so he just says "You're too

late but Hawthorne is already dead." And

flies

away and Butch genuinely means that like

he genuinely is like "Butch is dead."

He's like "I'm an empty shell of

nothing." Like he's so upset

um

so he eventually realizes the order was

on purpose they knew big corporation

knew that Xander was Dr anti-hero

they knew who they ordered him to kill

um yeah it was no accident that they

ordered you to kill your boyfriend yeah

because a marriage contract has been

signed between him and another soup um

and has he signed it no but his parents

have and that apparently is good enough

like it's been signed between the

families

[ __ ] autonomy in this like superhero

world lord help me mhm so Butch is like

"Yeah no you guys can literally go [ __ ]

yourselves and takes off." His mom tells

him

that Xander is his

inventus which is apparently this like

soup connection and that's why they've

been feeling these power surges but it

is so incredibly rare that like nobody

talks about it but it is essentially a

mate and you can powers share and it's

like a really big deal

but usually the reason why it's so rare

is because if if anybody finds out that

an Inventus pair has matched they will

kill one or both before they fully bond

so that they can't powers share because

they become too powerful

so the mom reveals

that Butch's dad killed the mom's invent

so that he could have her instead and so

she knows that Butch did not kill his

Inventus he knows like she knows that

there's no way that

happened

so Butch decides what a loveless mar

like this whole situation it's brutal

yeah it's really awful oh my gosh so but

it is connecting some dots

so we're picking up because then Butch

decides he just needs to skezander so he

texts so Kai had texted Butch and been

like "Where are you did Xander murder

you he is not okay like what is going

on?" And so

um Kai says like "He went to his parents

like he left the cat with me like what

the fuck?" And so Butch empties his bank

account and flies to Xander's parents

house and just shows up in full Captain

Masculine Regalia in this villain

yeah at his like mortal enemy's house

yeah so Xander we switched to his

perspective he had searched everywhere

he could think of to find Butch because

he was like "Captain Masculine is a

douche i bet he was lying i just need to

find him mhm so he sees all of the

footage from the hallway

um outside of Butch's apartment and he

just sees Captain Masculine coming and

going and Butch coming and going always

from the stairs and he's like "It was

Captain Masculine who hurt him." And

it's like Xander for the love of God

buddy here's the thing Hannah when we

started this book and we're like "Hmbo

like a male bimbo." And then we were

talking about Butch's golden retriever

energy i thought that Butch was the Hmbo

yeah but godamn Xander cannot put two

and two together he cannot figure this

out it's about to happen though so he is

with his sister and all of a sudden he

hears screaming outside and Captain

Masculine just like landed in the front

yard so all of his siblings are like

attacking and his mom is like "Everybody

calm the [ __ ] down nobody is calming the

[ __ ] down everybody's freaking out um

and um he just hears Captain Masculine

screaming his name and he's like

"Um what?" And this is when he puts the

pieces together now finally now finally

he puts the pieces together so he goes

out and Butch takes his mask off he's on

his knees he's begging

forgiveness he's swearing so much and

literally that is Xander's only response

is like you just swore a whole lot cuz

like he's like I thought you were dead

like I don't know what's

happening so Sandra's like my mortal

enemy my lifelong nemesis told me that

you died and now my lifelong nemesis is

here taking off his mask and you are him

and I'm

very th this is a lot to process and I'm

not great at processing things he's like

I need a

minute so he's

like starting to barely process like we

should be together no matter what

whatever when his big brother the hand

of death comes up and

touches Butch on the head um they both

wipe out xander also loses consciousness

his other brothers did that and so he

wakes up his other brothers he has so

many brothers they get a book it's a lot

no no no but like it wasn't because of

like their like mated power bonding that

they both went down the brothers yes

okay that's It was separate i assumed

that it was like the the mated power

bonding was what took them both down at

once but no just all of his siblings

just all of his siblings are being super

helpful silly me so Xander wakes up to

his big brother telling him that he just

knocked Xander out he did not kill him

and um he's

in he finds Butch tied up in their dad's

workshop and

um dad has decided he's going to do some

experiments on him for funsies

and um Xander now can feel the power

loop between them he still doesn't

exactly know what it is um but huge

showdown big fight his dad tries to

cryogenically freeze him and he does his

they call it his Uno reverse powers he

Uno reverses and freezes his dad um

I'm assuming killing his father his dad

so that's part of the like terror of his

dad he can freeze them but then they

don't automatically shatter right okay

they freeze and they can be fully

conscious and alive technically in this

ice but they can't ever get out of it so

it's like a permanent state

of being frozen and conscious it's

terrible i need you to know that very

early on in Vance and I's marriage I was

like we should have a conversation a

very like not a conversation we want to

have like if something happens to us

like what do we do here what are the

wishes what are the plan I was like

personally I'm a cremation girly like

same and Vance was like no we will be

cryogenically frozen so that way once

scientific research has progressed far

enough we can be

unfrozen and live

forever and I really feel like that

tells you all you need to know about me

and my husband and one fell swoop Yeah

that's kind of cute actually he's like

he's like you will not be getting

cremated because we will need to

preserve the body

you will be frozen

a

it's such a sweet comment that is really

nice bless him but I would prefer to be

cremated i think personally I remember

telling someone I was like "Oh yeah my

grandmother was cremated she was always

like sailboat every weekend like

hardcore and so her funeral everyone was

out on boats and we dumped her ashes in

the Gulf of Mexico and someone was like

"Do you get so sad every time you go to

the beach?" And I just went "Yeah I

apologize every time I step on the

sand." And I was like literally I'd

never thought about it before that

moment that maybe I was I was like "Oh

no i I don't I I miss her i have tattoos

in her memory but like

Yeah I wouldn't think of that either no

it like didn't even dawn on me they're

like "Do you get sad every time you go

to the beach?" I do now thanks for

ruining the beach for me i'll never view

a sunset the same again

okay so the reverse Uno power he froze

his dad yeah dad is still alive just

frozen just frozen so then but dad like

has a follow-up so then dad can like

crush you in that state is that what

Yeah it's like a It's a two-part power

yes i kind of imagine it like a um like

a when people or when stuff's frozen

with like nitrogen and then they like

flick it and it shatters i imagine it

like that i like that i can roll with

that um so

then more fight showdown whatever

ultimately Xander is able to fly Butch

out because they now fully share powers

so Butch knows that and so he's been

holding on to Xander this whole time

like feeding him as much of his power as

he could mhm

um so then they hook up it's lots of

like superheroes and villains

degradation lots of praise um

bootlicking is involved it's a whole

It's a whole It is a lot i don't know

where what I thought you were going to

say but bootlicking wasn't wasn't part

of it it's so much and then of course

declarations of love go with that it's a

lot um so then

um basically

um the big brother the hand of death

shows up and he says "PS I finished off

dad for you nobody knows it was

me." He's like "All that [ __ ] about

soups not being able to kill their

parents hot garbage they were literally

just trying to keep everybody from

killing each other because our parents

all suck so bad our parents are all such

horrible people that they convinced us

that we couldn't kill them because they

deserved it

yeah yeah so um Butch is like "Oh I

there's also this marriage contract."

And his brother is like Xander's

brother's like

"Listen you guys are probably the most

powerful soups now because you have this

power share so I will take care of this

contract for you as long as you owe me

one giant favor and we are going to be

allies now everybody cool excellent and

like flies off you're like the heroes

and villains don't need to be enemies we

can be allies and as long as we're

allies

take care of each other yeah so um is

that what the second book is like the

second book with the marriage contract

or is that No so it's all about to be

taken care of now so Oh okay xander and

Butch do this huge info dump they're all

on the same page everybody understands

where they're coming from and all that

[ __ ] um and Butch reveals that he wants

to switch sides he's like I've decided

that um I you know I was looking into it

in the USN archives and like there's

precedent for people to switch sides and

Xander's like I don't think I could be a

hero he's like the only person I want to

protect is you and the ocean i'm not I

don't think humans are for me and Butch

is like "You don't understand i want to

be a villain." It's really cute yes

Butch with your villain energy bless you

and so um news breaks about the um that

Butch has run out on his fiance um and

his dad says that he was kidnapped by Dr

anti-hero oh my gosh it's a whole

[ __ ] thing

so

um more sex lots of things are happening

um they go to meet the guy from the USN

the council member it doesn't really

matter why they're there but ultimately

the council member reveals there is no

difference between heroes and villains

the only difference is that heroes

signed contracts with big corporation

and heroes refused to sign villains

refused to sign villains refused to sign

heroes signed villains refused so that's

literally literally the only difference

like genetically they're the same wow

the lore is is huge that they've

convinced everyone that it's that

different and really one just like

didn't have a ballpoint pen on hand mhm

okay so they get photographed they're

both in like superhero villain regalia

they get photographed and he's Butch is

like "I think maybe we should ask them

to delete those pictures." And the

council member's like "Trust me you are

going to want photographic evidence of

where you were right now just for the

record." And it turns out that Xander's

big brother killed Butch's fake fiance

oh holy [ __ ] and he framed their

mom and basically we're almost done

we're so close i know it's so much it's

so messy so back at the layer they're

like "Holy shit." Like that got taken

care of and so the photograph was like

evidence that they didn't do it

it was their alibi photo it was their

alibi

photo incredible

so a little bit later they get a call

from Butch's dad and he has kidnapped

Kai the

bestie what we're almost done we're so

close so he's like "You guys have 10

minutes to show up or I'm going to kill

her." And they're like "Cool cool cool

we'll be there." So they fly down there

is a big showdown they're rescuing Kai

um lots of battling going on and then

Xander's mom shows up so the big brother

basically set all of this up so that his

mom would think that Butch's dad killed

their dad so the mom would want

revenge it's a whole thing so anyway

they kill each other so they rescue Kai

and then um Hannah I need a white board

yeah i need like get some expo markers

cuz I need you really showing me these i

know what it's We're all We're so close

we're so close i will fail the quiz on

this book so ultimately they rescue Kai

okay butch's mom and Xander's dad kill

each

other and then thought Butch's mom

wasn't that bad wait butch's mom and

Xander's dad xander's dad was already

No Butch's dad and Xander's mom jesus

what now i don't know

i was like well Butch's mom I'm not like

rooting for her but she did call him and

she filled in some She's nice some plot

holes right okay so Butch's dad and

Xander's mom kill each other yes because

Dr hand of death or whatever the [ __ ]

the brother's name is

orchestrated and set all of this up yep

masterfully very mastery yeah his book

was highly entertaining as well um so

then you know couple weeks go by mhm

butch and Xander are falling into a

really cute

routine and then Xander gets a letter um

from this like um nonprofit organization

for saving the ocean and he just starts

crying because when Butch emptied his

bank account he just donated everything

in Xander's name to this organization to

protect the ocean and Xander's like

"This is the nicest thing anybody has

ever done." Like "This is awesome." I

don't know if anyone had ever done

anything nice for Xander or Butch before

they met each other short of Kai yes Kai

is actually the real MVP in all of this

um and they're all kind of hanging out

kai the bestie Butch and Xander are all

hanging out she just casually drops

she's like "Oh by the way if you guys

ever decide you want to have kids I'd be

so happy to be a surrogate just keep me

posted." and they're

like "We need to do some research and

make sure you can survive that." But

that's really sweet so that is

ultimately the end there is an epilogue

um Xander proposes with a [ __ ] ring and

tells Butch that he gets to top tonight

and that's the

end okay

this sounds like a very like very fun

very sweet book and one that I also feel

like I'm like I need to read this for

myself cuz there were a lot of moving

pieces there were that was my hesitation

when people like requested it in the

past is because there's so much like

political history and family history and

like so many side characters

it's just a lot but it's very endearing

it is super cute actually um and it's

really fun

what's our rating scale i mean we could

do capes better than [ __ ] rings that's

true butch

hates capes he thinks they're incredibly

stupid and refuses to wear they're very

dangerous yeah they do reference the

Incredibles in that as they should and

they're like that was true there's a

real reason unsafe i think capes is is

still a good option capes feels good um

let's do out of 22 cuz that's how old

Butch is

um I would say

like

maybe 14 yeah my gut was saying like 15

14 15 yeah but I like I like when

they're even like when they're both even

i don't like it being an even number and

doing an odd

rating

it makes my eye twitch

well I'm happy to help with that thank

you um yeah so I think 14 out of 22 it

was a really fun read it was a lot of

moving pieces it definitely wasn't one

that you could like kind of read and not

fully be Yeah you need to pay attention

to this one mhm because there are so

many like I left out a lot of like

smaller details of all of it um but like

Yeah i mean it was fun it was good to

read so I do recommend it yeah I have

had it on my list and I think I will I

feel like there are some books that you

review and I'm like I'm so glad you read

that for us thank you and I feel like

this is one that I'm like oh no I'll

actually like read this at some point

i'm very excited to okay well let us

know how many capes not [ __ ] rings you

would

rate this uh don't forget to like

subscribe comment share with your

friends if they're into these books if

they're

not maybe uh be a little more friends

yeah sorry you said that nicer than me

whoops be a little more intentional in

the recommendations and Hannah's like

hang out with cooler people why are you

hanging with narks

what a bunch of [ __ ] nerds dude

anyway we appreciate the recommendation

yes please please please send us more

recommendations we are always very

excited to to hear and read what y'all

are currently reading um and we will see

you next time bye Smuty

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