Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts ch chse and

[Applause]

Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut

club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and

today we have a special guest so as some

of our listeners know my husband has

done martial arts for 30 years at this

point and I have been very blessed and

fortunate to marry into this martial

arts community and so Whitney is one of

my dear friends that I got to meet I

ironically I think the first time I met

Whitney was at our wedding oh

really maybe it was the black belt

Christmas party but yeah there were deaf

people that I was like oh hey you matter

to my husband were deaf people there no

I just say deaf instead of definitely

there might been DEA people I don't than

Chelsea I'm older than chelse but we're

glad you're here and uh we are are

introducing Whitney to the world of smut

so um we're expanding hor Horizons

you're taking my virginity hey we are we

are taking oh I read a book recently

where he took her virginity and then he

saw the blood and he's like just think

of it as cherry juice and I hated every

bit of it ironically that was also by

the author that we're reviewing today

but a different book [ __ ] a uh so

today today we are reviewing run baby

run by Margo Scott um this is the

prequel to

The I don't know there's I think there's

Stay Baby Stay and then hush baby hush

this is the prequel which ironically I

think is longer than both books in the

series is Margot Scott potentially like

Jan Scott's daughter or something I'm

choosing to believe there's

relation I'm choosing to believe there's

relation cheers I'm thriving [ __ ] Jan

J Scott in all of her beauty and glory

and fame I hope Margot and Jan are

related I hope they spend the holidays

together yes oh my God it's everything I

could want in life um and this does feel

just

as just as good and messy as our as our

girl Js we love it yes okay so uh run

baby run we open with Teegan it is her

18th birthday oh yep that's the right

face to make uh was a Grimace for those

listening and not

watching uh so it is her 18th birthday

she is discharging herself from Foster

Care okay and her social worker Mary is

sitting there and is like are you sure

this is the choice you want to make you

don't have to leave you can stay in the

system until you're 21 and Chan's like

listen I'm good but secretly Chan's like

I have been talking to my uncle he's

shown back up on the scene so my uncle

and I have this whole plan we're going

to go to California I'm going to meet my

dad so like I'm good I'm going to

discharge myself effective

immediately you know as an

18-year-old thinks that this is going to

play

out yeah everything is going to be fine

when you're 18 like nothing's impossible

yes and she's like she's quit her job

because she's like we're moving to

California I no longer need to work at

Trader Joe's she she had been working

there and she also designs uh tattoos on

the side she draws tattoos for friends

yes so she's been saving money but she's

also been giving that money to her uncle

for the car for their trip to California

sort of energy I don't I already don't

like this

Uncle just on a general Vibe Hanna I

knew your clinical

intuition spot on my girl thank you

thank you very much but and Mary also is

like well she doesn't say any of this

about her uncle to Mary she just says

she has a plan and Mary's like here's my

phone number call me day or night no

matter what you need call me Mary's a

real one yes yeah but I think it's

important to note that like she is very

resistant to Mary's affections Mary's

the yes Mary is the case manager and

that's a good point because uh ton has

not had an easy journey and Foster Care

uh she's real pretty and like Mary even

that like comes Mary brings it up later

where like she like says she's like you

know what happens to pretty girls in the

system sort of energy where like uh like

Foster placements haven't gone well a

former case manager triy to put moves on

her like just like not a great setup so

she's not very forthcoming with Mary

your face right now is saying everything

I was feeling when I first started this

book yes again

listeners this is my first experience

with this whole genre which I really did

know existed until Dy told me that she

hosted a podcast about this I was like

we're just throwing her into the deep

end completely we were like five

pictures of beer deep at karaoke when

you're like I was like yeah I have a

podcast you have a podcast and I was

like I don't think I'm describing this

well and I'm like what's it about and

you're like it's called smut club we

were review smut books and I'm like

what's

that and then you sent me a link last

week and you're like pick one of

these which book do you want to read

welcome to the party yeah and I was like

wow those are terrible options and my

first the first synopsis I read I was

like uh I'm not really into like the

daddy thing and then so I read the

second synopsis and I was like okay they

both are daddy things I only gave her

daddy why I only gave her daddy little

girl it's not all daddy stuff it's not

all daddy stuff I I'll send you other

stuff you can give me your number I'll

send you other options Chelsea has

pigeon ho hold you I okay I was not

trying to pigeon hole you overall I was

just trying to find a good book for the

show okay

so that brings me to my story about my

niece no okay so I called him my KNE at

the last minute to babysit my toddlers

today while I came and day drank with

these fine

women woohoo thank you on

video which I also didn't know about

until I

arrived uh and uh so she's like this my

this niece she's all about Jesus she um

worked her whole life to get into Barry

College a great Christian College she

you know she's

just virginal Maggie probably shouldn't

say her name maybe she doesn't like

that she probably doesn't listen to the

show it's fine I would imagine she's not

our Target demographic based on your

description and that is also what I

imagined

however oh when she got to my house to

take care of my babies she was like so

what are you doing today where are you

going and I was like oh I'm going to be

a guest host on a podcast and she's like

oh cool what's the podcast I was like oh

it's nothing you'd want to listen to

It's called smut Club it's about a genre

of books and before I can finish

explaining what it is she's like she's

oh I love smut she's like I actually

read a

lot I was like oh she can be our next

guest here my children it's awesome

but it is super funny because I feel

like when so when Hannah and I first met

uh we had like we were're both

relatively new on the same team at work

and we're both like oh yeah like I like

to read and she's like I like to read

too I like oh like what do you like to

read and we were both like tiptoeing

around and then she like yeah you know

like din vipers and I was like oh I know

okay reverse Harum I know exactly what

you're referring to we are now fully

locked in but there's a lot of like

tiptoeing around until you're like oh

you are a smut reader well in the

referring to well and then we just at

some point settled in with each other

and we would be on links with other

people discussing smut and they were

like what fresh

hell fresh what the [ __ ] one guy was

like wait I just looked up the book you

guys have been talking about for 20

minutes what the [ __ ] are you

reading like that but he's also the one

who recommended the haunted vagina Drew

yeah I hope Drew is doing great they

just had a baby a congratulations I'm

excited for K they're so cute wow such a

CH it's a rich tapestry yeah yes yes um

okay so Tegan has discharged herself

Mary gave her her number and Tegan now

goes to the Extended Stay hotel that her

Uncle Craig is staying at yikes and

she's like I'm just going to stay with

him because we're going to like be

leaving in a couple weeks and

Craig is every bit as Shifty as you had

already been imagining him and he's like

she was like well can I stay with you

he's like well why do you need to stay

with me and she's like well because I'm

like discharged from foster care and

he's like why are you discharged and

she's like cuz today is my 18th birthday

and he like doesn't say happy birthday

he's just like well we aren't leaving

yet like I don't know what like you

can't stay here yeah like cuz she's like

I'll take the couch and he's like

there's no no room for you here so she's

realizing that maybe in her 18-year-old

brain it was a little

shortsighted and so she like bless it

like reverts back to what she knows and

she like finds a car that's unlocked

sleeps in it

overnight gets chased out in the morning

when the owner finds her there like

finds a playground at an elementary

school it's like the middle of summer so

she can sit there and not bother anyone

but like with 10% battery on her phone

she's like I need to call Mary this

isn't going how I hoped H so now we

switch to

Jonah mhm Jonah is Mary's

brother oh

yes I was like okay yeah you're like

don't know where you thought that was

going but I feel like we need to rewind

I felt like just because he lived in an

extended stay hotel and his room was

disgusting and there was like trash

everywhere I didn't feel like that

automatically categorized him as like a

Shifty guy like no I mean you've seen

inside of my garage

like I believe that I am a good person

and you cannot walk a straight line

through my garage like yes but you're

also not taking money from your

18-year-old

niece are you sure and

refusing I'm just kidding that was very

good you don't know my life you don't

assumptions have been made yeah and

should be corrected yeah I'm just saying

like living in an Extended Hotel doesn't

mean that you no no no not [ __ ] on

living on the extended state Hotel

[ __ ] on his personality while living

on living in an extended state hotel I

think it's more it's a couple of things

it's having read several books in this

genre that's fair there are certain

signs that you're like oh this guy's a

[ __ ]

without Community basemental Health

also the number of folks yeah it's

unfortunate but regardless but there's

also something about taking money from

an 18-year-old and refusing her a place

to stay or even saying like you can't

stay here because of X Y and Z let me

help you find somewhere else to be like

that's a different energy right as

opposed to like no you're right I age

yeah I don't like it well and like okay

I'm with you on that like not cuz it's

okay to say no to somebody but you can

also be accommodating and them F

something out yeah but I mean he wasn't

like totally mean he was just like yo

this is not my given where the story is

going I don't think you need to defend

him okay but I didn't know where the

story was going when I started this when

I started it I just thought he couldn't

house her but was very kind and

accommodating and Hannah and I were both

immediately he could have been Kinder

and more accommod

accommodating but as a newbie this I was

like well we don't know there could be a

PL plot twist like I'm not going to make

twists oh boy are there are off oh I

just listened to the podcast about the r

raccoon man raccoon raccoon Tanuki yes

yes Japanese raccoon I was wondering why

he went by raccoon if he was actually

not a raccoon but anyways Whitney's

referencing full sack don't forget to go

back and listen to our Thanksgiving

episode it is everything you didn't know

you wanted for Thanksgiving yes it is a

journey and a half I can tell you that

it is a journey and a half okay so we

meet Jonah uh Jonah is Mary's brother he

is a former police officer Jonah is

Mary's brother Mary's brother yes not

the workers brother got it got it um

he's a former police officer he was shot

in the line of duty mhm and so he now

co-own a construction company he's I

think 38 years old is what they said at

some point yes which isn't revealed

until later in the book yes it's later

sure he definitely framed as like an

older gentleman yeah and you're like we

don't really know an older gentleman

meanwhile I'm like my husband's in his

40s like oh I wouldn't classify him as

he's younger than my husband yeah and I

just turned 40 and I'm like oh okay like

I was a little like that was my least

favorite part of the book was finding

out that the older gentleman was 38 was

like the retired cup late 40s early 50s

were ready for like older gentlemen I

mean changed my whole perspective I was

like yeah oh well never mind this isn't

as weird as I thought it

was okay sorry go ahead oh my God out

Mary calls Jonah and is like hey I need

a favor I have a former like foster

care person from my roster she

desperately needs a place to stay he's

like I'm not a foster parent she's like

well she's not in foster care but like

she like she did discharge herself I

desperately need a place to stay and

he's like okay like maybe shortterm and

Mary's already like yeah and if it works

out like she can get a job and pay rent

and like this could be a great long-term

solution Mary's like I have already

established an entire 5-year plan thank

you for getting on board and J's like

I'll a week what which she will regret

she will yes well and this is also where

like she's saying to Jonah where she's

like she's pretty she's really pretty

you know what like she's like you used

to work as officer you know what happens

to pretty girls in the system like or

really any

girls yeah yeah that is also a weird

thing for a case worker to say though

that feels weird was it written weird no

it wasn't written weird it was written

as like a hey she's desperate and has no

place to go I don't feel comfortable

with her being at a random shelter bed

too vulnerable it's more how it like

read but I I also get with how I said

person who's done a lot of placement I

would never be like hey she's super hot

so oh no no it certainly was not like uh

like she wasn't trying to P him into it

like oh by the way just really good

looking no it was like Hey I need it to

be you because I can trust you I trust

you right right to keep her safe okay

she does and so he Jonah agrees to a

week but he like he goes he gets the

room ready he lives in like a really

nice neighborhood alone in like a four

bedroom new construction house that he

built like as retired CB yes he's doing

just fine with his Construction Company

being a single

bro but he like puts a crystal

hummingbird as like a decoration in the

bedroom that Chan will be in as like a

test to see like if she'll steal it sort

of energy he's like she can stay but

like I don't trust her yeah we'll we'll

see how it goes um so this very valuable

crystal hummingbird that I happen to

have as a single man he called it

retired c a sacrificial

lamb is that what he called he did I

mean the author

did I mean than Marco as a sacrificial

L I won't but I like it oh you

will so vely threatening Mary and tan

get to the house Mary's like brought a

cake for for degan's birthday is like

trying to be sweet and like making a

moment as soon as Jonah walks in the

foyer he's like there is an angel

amongst our midst she's incredible look

at those lips I can only imagine them

sucking me off she is the best thing

that's ever happened in the universe and

you're like you haven't said anything to

her BR yeah and I'm I mean as I read

this I'm like I'm in my bed reading it

on my phone and I'm like vomiting like

I'm horrified

because I mean I like Chelsea but how

could she do this to me

like I'm trying to go to sleep and she's

making me read this rapy like you chose

when you read it why you going why am I

involved in you going but I'm also not

into like rapy Predator during the day

hours like neither

am I'm not really into rapy Predators at

any time a day but I mean like even now

my face is getting like prickly and red

thinking about um how horrified I was by

this transition from I don't want this

chick in my house like once you're

rotten you're rten two um like I want a

[ __ ] her too just like all those other

foster

parents and I just was oh it's making my

stomach tighten like I was so horrified

by this turn

and uh anyway continue with your okay so

he is it's install lust which is another

I literally have installes written like

as nailed it oh my God the exact whate I

have written as he's like show cuz

Mary's like I'm going to go get plates

for the cake uh you show her like give

her a tour her so as he's showing her to

the room he's like all of my

reservations about sharing my house with

this girl dissolve into dust she isn't

going anywhere not in a week not in a

million years my home is hers now my

house my arm arms my bed especially my

bed and you're like bro no I'm wondering

does he have a basement oh

no well I'm like I feel like that's

pretty privilege and I hope that she

cons the [ __ ] out of him she won't yeah

yeah I know she won't but tell me about

pretty privilege oh have you watched 30

Rock sure but not obsessively like epod

with John Ham about his pretty

privilege so pretty priv I'm aware of

research I'm pretty privilege but so

you're just saying like you hope that

she takes advantage of him I hope that

she utilizes the privilege that she has

cuz clearly she doesn't have a lot but

she's got that well historicly she has

not utilized that privilege yeah well

and it seems like in the future she

won't either but well and so I'll write

that myself later write that one well so

he like tells her as she's looking

around the room he's like consider this

your home now like you're safe here and

then he like sees her admiring the

hummingbird and he's like she can't

steal what's already hers like he is

like we went from 6:00 to

midnight so

quickly he was like I didn't realize she

would have [ __ ] lips and now I'm on

board and she can steal from me she can

do whatever she wants because look at

her face and body yeah don't know

nothing about her personality but those

have been enough to to change my opinion

yeah right okay and as someone who used

to work in law enforcement for many many

years um what did you do in law

enforcement I was going to say I did not

know I didn't know you worked in law

enforcement oh no I wasn't like a cop or

like a FBI agent or anything neat like

that I well I thought it was neat um I

worked for a company that outfitted law

enforcement Vehicles oh and converted

police fleets like vehicle fleets to

alternative fuels like propane oh that

is cool which is an americanmade fuel

that doesn't have emissions and it's

better for the environment a little bit

yeah it's cheaper and better for the

environment and so if you can get a

whole Fleet on it cool um fascinating

anyways so I I was in like marketing and

sales I was like out of town 20 days a

week doing uh trade shows and

conferences and stuff like that and

usually one of very few women yeah

events and I don't know if you guys know

that like cops that are on

vacation yep I do know and maybe even

not vacation it is very much like a

fraternity as in like a frat house not a

brotherhood

like my ex was a cop I get it yes so you

know and I used to train law enforcement

in Nashville when we were living there

we've worked with a lot of law

enforcement I liveed with excuses to

touch you guys now mostly because you're

warm

and your house is very cold which is so

funny because I'm the person who's

perpetually freezing and Vance is the

one who's the human furnace so I love

that I can offer something to someone in

this regard cuz normally this is not not

where I thrive yeah well and this is I'm

I've had some wine so I'm warmer than I

was when we started okay so um after

this they have now gone to the

kitchen and uh Tean is has just like

slammed her second slice of cake because

she's also starving because she hadn't

had anything to eat today sure and so

Mary's like oh do you want another slice

and she just like sees Jonah so then as

Mary's like oh you're liking the cake do

you want a third slice Jonah gets up and

goes and just like makes her a grilled

cheese without anyone saying anything

cuz he's like realizing she's hungry and

tean's also like no one's ever just like

cared for me in this way right no as a

person who gets weird about people being

hungry like I have a thing about it and

I'm not sure why but like that is

important to me to like feed people and

when people feed me I have feelings

about it well and also I think when you

look at like maso's hierarchy of needs

right where you're like no higher level

work can be done until your basic needs

are met and so if you are hungry that is

very much a basic need Matt laughs at me

a lot because

anytime we bring Matt's your husband yes

for my husband myself including um

whenever I'm bringing food somewhere I

make a stupid amount of food because I

am so concerned that people will be

hungry or like when we have people over

I'm so concerned that people will be

hungry and he's like everybody's going

to be fine and I'm like what if they're

not people can't be hungry like yeah

he's like then they'll just like Uber

some food to the house like they'll be

fine if we run out of homemade things

that you made

them they'll be fine and I'm like but

what if they're not yeah I have a thing

about food so that would be the way to

like get me as if somebody was like oh

she's hungry me feed her that's fair

that's nice I like it I don't like him

but I do like that I don't have negative

feelings about Jonah I think it's some

install lust in the mess that we readily

read I feel that I'm neutral I don't

like him but I don't not like him yeah

yeah oh God horrified is the face I

don't know if the listener the only

listeners not the only fans just the

only listeners like can see my face but

I am just so horrified that I don't hate

him do you want me to hate

him oh you don't have to make a face

twitch like that but like I mean there's

nothing wrong with you but but there

might be that's what her face says

listen we've read a lot of smut Jonah

ain't that bad all things considered

considering the last one we reviewed I'm

on board with him so far well okay so

Mary has now left uh and Tegan is

getting ready to go to bed for the night

she showers she sees all kinds of soaps

and is just like feeling very cared for

feeling like oh like everything that I

need is in this house this house is far

nicer than literally anywhere else I've

ever slept in my entire yes and I matter

her right like he like made me a yes I

like I feel safe here in a way that like

I matter like not we matter like I just

me like it's not like a community dinner

home I in a car last night and this man

is like having the four chased out by

the car owner see that's why I'm not

going to vilify Jonah for making her a

grilled cheese Whitney because he was a

kind man okay but the grilled cheese was

made an effort to put his penis in her

beautiful lips like all he knows about

this girl is that she's wearing cut off

denim jeans did he force her to suck him

off while he fed her the grilled cheese

or did he just feed her a grilled cheese

and ask for nothing in return okay well

two things she did she did not matter at

all she was an enemy until he saw what

she looked

like I think he was hesitant

as one should be regardless of whether

water should not have should have done

you want me to burp

you no thank you Jonah will burp you I

was going to say I don't have a mommy

but thank you creepy mother she hates

Jonah so much no I love him I love him

you don't have to love him but I just

like at this moment in my introduction

to this story I am horrified by this man

who like every cop thinks like yeah baby

a [ __ ] hero I'm different from all

those you know [ __ ] trashy losers bet

man yeah all those people that took

advantage of her but I'm taking

advantage of her better like but yeah

she is into him taking advantage of her

so it works out well because you don't

know that at this point well but well we

do because she's getting in the shower

I'll quit interrupting you no you

welcome to interrup but we are about to

find out that she is very much into it

because in the shower she's thinking of

him her hands start to wander she starts

masturbating in the shower to the

thought of Jonah sure as you do yes and

so she

uh I didn't love this she like is

thinking of how big he is and how he

could just pick her up and hold her in

his arms and rock her to sleep like a

baby and then she imagines herself

dressed like a little girl sitting on

her lap and then that's what throws her

into her or

orgasm okay yeah I didn't love that as

much

we do not King Shame here no we but I

will say we we don't King Shame the

saying don't yuck someone else's yum is

one of my least favorite sayings I don't

like it I a poster I can buy yes

probably yuck someone's yum but I hate

that saying so like don't yuck my yum

and I'm like e but that was something

I'm yucking them

now okay so honestly like I found out in

my 20s that um that I was like a biased

[ __ ] and um I feel like that's when

most of us learned is in our 20s oh yeah

I always think I'm special and it's I'm

the only one that it happens to so good

to know well I mean I can't speak for

everyone but for me I certainly learned

that I was a bit of a dick in my 20s

some adjust I have so many moments

between high school and early college

that I look back on that I frequently

think should I just text them in apology

now or we'll text them in apology out of

the blue just like Weir yeah no I have

so many moments where like on one hand

I'm like that's really funny and then I

think about it for a second and I'm like

that is sorry

about that's super Petty and awful and

like maybe I need to do some work on

that you know yeah it just depends on

the situation and the mood I'm in but oh

1,000% anyway I don't remember where I

was going grow and change that's oh my

point was that the Yum yuck thing like

as I read this book I kept trying to

remind myself to not be an [ __ ] or

judgmental or freaked out by other than

myself

like it's okay if you have a daddy

complex like sure clearly from my porn

browsing many people do they do yeah

yeah um it's a big genre as long as

everybody's consenting it's just like

the other way around that's concerning

is like if you have a baby

complex well and then I think there's

also differences within like the Daddy D

little girl Community where like some

people okay see I'm just learning that

these are communities that have names

like very valid hopefully we've we got a

new viewer here that's also new to this

community we love to learn and grow we

do well learn and grow I think that's a

brand of children's toys that I the

children's toys also sounds like my prom

night you know say something about the

daddy Community we don't I don't even

know where we going to the daddy

Community we're good all right uh yeah

she imagines herself sitting on his knee

dressed like a little girl and comes

very hard at the thought sure now that

her shower is done she goes to open the

door and realizes that her towel is

across the room like she forgot to grab

it before her shower so she goes to get

her towel and slips because she's wet

and I'm imagining like Charlie Chaplain

on a banana peel yep I was like she she

slips she falls she Yelps and then as

soon as she like Yelps the door crashes

open because Jonah's like is everything

okay I heard you Yelp are you safe

definitely I am but I'm also nude hello

Daddy yes but she doesn't even notice

she doesn't even notice she's too

focused on him coming to make sure that

she's safe which let me tell you as like

a persecuted maybe isn't the word but

like as a girl that's been um I don't

know the words escaping me cuz I'm

nervous but like a woman who's like the

only woman in the room at a c party like

yeah no I get it like no the first thing

you're thinking is not that my arm is

broken you're thinking like I'm naked

situational awareness yeah but are you

also thinking how hot are all of those

officers while I'm laying here naked

because that's the book we'd read

Whitney I've I've never had that thought

Whitney but I said it with a Whitney

because I have had wine so I was hoping

we'd move past it but unfortunately this

is where I am thought you like me as

much as I like you I do the unfortunate

know you read so here's the thing school

for a speech and I was going to say

Chelsea often struggles with words I

really do on the Hub sub club sub Pub

yeah so sometimes we point it out and

sometimes we don't it just depends on

how we feel today and so if you want to

point it out I'll back you on that but

like if we want to let normally because

normally I don't even know if you're

saying a word incorrectly like which by

the way just means that they learned the

word from Reading well your well your

name is Whitney and there's no r in it

so calling you Whitney I think we all

know I had wine and that is what

happened there cheers indeed if you need

me to help you get more boxed wine I

cannot so you should ask can I was G to

say I cannot text B B can you come down

here and help us okay so Jonah uh he

rushes into the bathroom he ends up

picking her up to like carry her and

she's like oh he's going to like take me

back to my room no he carries her to his

room AB

puts her down on his bed and like let me

go grab a towel so he comes back and

just starts doing the slowest towel dry

of anyone's life taking some slow time

over the tits I was going to say just

you yeah everything was normal until you

got to her chest and that's when I

started jerking

off I'm just kidding I would never do

that like you can it's cool again we

don't judge but yeah we don't yuck

others yum oh my God I hate that saying

so much heays he pays special attention

I've also had mne he pays special

attention do you more to the chesticles

I do actually to the chesticles the cter

PO breast no I still have red in here I

can't do Rosé on top hold

slee and so as he's like drying her and

Terry clothing her boobs he's like

you're an angel Tegan my angel from now

on on you never have to worry about

feeling sad or scared or hungry and

that's when I stopped jacking

off not that I have a PE she said that's

when I reached

completion no no no no no I'm sorry that

was I think that's when she dried up

totally misinterpreted that's when my

hand went right back out here to scratch

my forehead or something like I was like

ew too much too soon bro

I mean I liked when there was like some

unspoken like towel drying that maybe

turned her on but wasn't intentional and

like okay yeah and she's like I'm too

nervous to say that I like it so I'm

just going to stick my chest out a

little bit and he's like he's like is

she sticking her chest out I'm not sure

I'm going to like do this and see if she

does it more but then he's like oh

no he's like

what you're ever leading here this is

your home now you can have the crystal

bird and I was like sacrificial

lamb real it in sister like well but he

keeps drying her and she is very into it

though that's the thing and he skips her

NE regions well yeah he does a leg at a

time and then he gets to the Apex and

then

when and that's when I'm like oh well

that explains why is 120 or 160 Pages

like we got to get to it cuz I thought

it was a little fastpaced for

my we we really do just hit the gas

because then he's like say the words

angel I need to know you want this as

badly as I do and she's like I want you

to be my

daddy daddy yeah then she like covers

her mouth cuz she's like you can't

believe I just said that and we're like

no one can if we're being completely

honest Tegan no one thought that uh I

don't know you met this man two hours

ago you shared some cake with him and

his sister and now you're like I want

you to be my daddy this has escalated so

quickly this is the first night when I

tell you that like generally

speaking I'm like good with it like

we'll just roll with it you know like

we'll do whatever if you want a rapid

Dismount you can be my daddy within 2

hours is like a yep that's one okay for

me with you if you you can be my daddy

is like zero all the way it doesn't

matter if it's been 10 years like we are

done like um I love my dad and maybe

that maybe that's part of the problem

like I have no interest in

mixing that oil and water

like it just and that's why that's why I

was so concerned about our relationship

Chelsea when you sent me these two

options oh my God I'm unw and I was like

okay my choices are daddy or fat daddy

like um I don't know I ended up choosing

the one that I chose because it it was

listed as best-selling

author which Chelsea later informed me

both were by the same author well no cuz

my favorite was I said hey here are two

books let me know which one you want to

review and she goes I'll re review the

one by margos Scott and I said they're

both by Marco Scott I'm going need to be

more specific I'm both hyperventilating

and

cry you haven't done that in a while I

know it's been a moment baby I can

revive you you're my angel now you're my

angel now you're safe you never have to

want for anything again remember that

time I made you a grilled cheese yeah I

am highly food motivated but I don't

think that a grilled cheese would get me

to like F motivated L we forget the time

you crashed your car trying to get to

[ __ ] boiled peanuts first of all oh

my God are you my soulmate probably am I

your

daddy probably I love yeah no they were

the Cajun kind and I accidentally drove

into a ditch and some very nice men with

a wch had to come and pull my car out a

winch a winch on the front about the

word winch

yeah not a bar winch but like a winch on

the front of their vehicle well do you

know that the word winch

like originally referred to a young

woman like you could only be a winch if

you were young oh that's nice I didn't

know that I was a winch then when I

drove my vehicle into a ditch and not

why those men helped me yes men love

winches apparently um yeah I did do that

I drove my car full into a ditch for

boiled peanuts yeah girl you really did

write a book I'll read it and review it

on a

podcast so as soon as Tegan is like I

want you to be my daddy she like throws

her hand over her mouth in

embarrassment but he's automatically

like yes I can be that for you turns out

I'm into that yeah he kisses her then

she admits it's her first kiss ever and

then he gets very excited thinking about

all of the firsts that they will have

together it's really Kismet is it Kismet

the right word like um what are the

chances that these two people like one

that needs a daddy and is into that and

one that wants to be a daddy and is into

that because I don't know about you guys

and again maybe you keep hitting it

maybe this is just me

uh maybe this is just me like feeling

that this is very other that

like I feel like this is a rare so I do

Kink it is a there is a kink Community I

think the thing that frustrates me about

this book is not actually the like Daddy

Dom little girl relationship it's the

lack of overall communication about what

that relationship entails because like

there are very clear boundaries and

limitations when it comes to this type

of relationship usually and this book

doesn't really address any of those

conversations to get them on the same

page it's just automatically like okay

I'm your daddy and you're my little girl

and that means I take care of you and

there's like no conversation beyond that

and that's probably my biggest

frustration with the overall Kink and

how it's presented in like I don't if

that's your thing live your life I don't

give a [ __ ] but I think just like how

it's presented in this book is a little

misrepresent is a little misrepresented

of uh as far as well not having actual

convers can certainly write in and tell

us if feel like it's misrepresented in

this book well I think in the king

Community there are written contracts

where it's like this is what we're

agreeing to these are the boundaries

these are the hard lines this is what's

okay this is what isn't and it is

actually a really lovely way to

communicate with your partner about like

what you're expecting and what you're

wanting and in a lot of these books

because it is fantasy because it's not

real like they leave all that consent

and that like conversation out and it is

meant to be left up to Kismet that it's

just like this amazing thing that you

found your unicorn on feel so abive when

you're wearing it not wearing it reading

it I mean wearing it too like if you

were you know well I was about to say

that like I think that's a very healthy

way to approach any relationship

especially a sexual relationship if you

want to have a Rel a budding flowering

um I know you guys hate that word from

the last episode that I listened to

deflower

I yeah you were

like well if I was like well Whitney if

we were G to say Jonah's about to

deflower Tean how would you

feel ick you wouldn't like the word

deflowered there would you I'm not

trying to put words in your mouth you

can tell me no I'll tell you like it

wouldn't even do flow doesn't bother you

no not as much as potentially

juice sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm

sorry I'm sorry sorry I it's actually

the next book in the series okay but I

do think that like oh my gosh if you

want to have an awesome sexual

relationship with someone or any kind of

relationship with someone like to have

the confidence and the

wherewithal just to be like hey this is

what I'd love to get out of this

relationship this is what my boundaries

are this is what I can give to this this

is what I can't give to this like wow

like you're just setting yourself up for

major success or major efficiency where

you're like oh hey actually no we're not

on that all we are not compatible and I

Think You're great and I'm great and

we're great in different ways and if I

meet anyone that meets your needs or

meets mine like I'll let you know yeah

think it's interesting when you meet

when you're like when you when each

person in that relationship has the

vocabulary to express that and

communicate that efficiently right right

but because I think it is one of those

also weird things where you're like yeah

like you look at couples that that

you're like oh you started dating when

you were like 18 19 you didn't

necessarily fully know what you were

into sexually at that time but then like

trying to figure out communicating those

needs as they develop as you figure out

what you might like as you might not

like as you read more smut and go oh

that does sound like something I want to

try or we didn't go youy my absolutely

not do not do that that she said nipple

clamps okay yeah

what's Google Adam and eve.com GS Google

that [ __ ] she's wants a daddy and he's

like turns out I'm into that uh he's

thinking of all of there first and then

uh they work their way through several

very quickly he has her like touching

herself while he [ __ ] her to orgasm as

she's lost her

virginity oh yeah and you're like the

what and he good for her quote daddy

wanted to be careful with his little

girl but one taste of your sweet [ __ ]

and he can't help himself he's got to

own you inside and out also while

they're [ __ ] he's like and I really

realized in this moment I'm in love with

her and then he comes inside of her with

no condom and is like no matter what

happens I love her okay and this is

where everything goes wrong for that

14-year-old girl out there that's losing

her virginity okay she's 18 I need to be

very clear

she's book All You 14-year-old girls

that are like again not our Target the

boy that I lose my virginity too like he

is not the one he loves me this is

everything no

it well isn't it Taylor Swift who says

like when you're 15 and someone tells

you they love you you're going to

believe them yeah yeah no they don't

know they're in their um like what is it

like your social critical period in your

brain development your brain's def not

developed when you're looking at any of

the development but also looking at Eric

Ericson and his stages of development

for sure definitely yeah Eric Erics in

like the WSB podcast guy no no like the

develop theorist yeah oh oh that classic

mixup yeah classic mixup okay I haven't

been in Psychology school for like 20

years so psychology

School uh major yeah okay and with bring

it back so the next morning uh she wakes

up alone in the bed she smells coffee

bacon like is just like um like thinking

of last night and is just like feeling

very safe and very sad satisfied and

just like I'm home now like she has no

issues with with how last night she's

not intending to steal the hummingbird

no no she is not and so he go or she

goes to the kitchen and joins him and

he's like making eggs and ask like he's

like how do you like your eggs she's

like oh like however you like them is

fine and he's like no that's not what I

asked I asked how you like your eggs not

how I like my eggs I know how I like

mine and just like asking like

thoughtful questions that but I think

that's very Runaway Bride you remember

that literally exactly I thought was

rich what egg did she decide on I forget

I don't remember the egg she decided on

but I remember that she ordered every

egg type yes to match like her fiance at

the time yeah cuz but I also remember

her showing up and being like I tried

all of the eggs this is the kind I like

like towards the end I don't remember

the kind no I don't remember either do

you remember the movie I Remember the

movie but I do not remember the scene

like I just I'm going to be straight up

with you guys like I'm not somebody that

remembers movies or lines or whatever oh

you want me on your team then I'm movie

Tri you know what I just recently found

out that my husband and his family they

speak in movie lines and I you know this

whole time I mean 20 25 years I thought

they were all just so freaking

clever it's been they've been quoting

movies this whole time and you've been

giving them credit for it whole

time they've just been using these like

Harvard Stanford writers LS and I just

thought they were all so smart and

clever and

hilarious I mean they are still smart

and clever if they like had the comedic

timing to use those lines appropriately

yeah yeah okay yes but like um box my

wife I'm just here to tell you that then

they're like what you haven't seen that

movie we got to watch that movie

together and then they thought they were

introducing me to something beautiful

and really what they were introducing me

to was

disappointment like I just thought I was

marrying into this Brilliance yes it

turns out all you guys have is a good

memory um I also all I have is a good

memory good memory uh I mean because

that is maybe I'm just justifying my

marriage choice but like that is

valuable you're also describing fans's

marriage choice because I do love fans

and Matthews

you don't know Matthew but yes it's the

is Matthew also Matt yes yeah your

marriage choice I don't know why I full

named him he's not ever used to that so

Matt is great he likes to gift people

little dicks y That's not excuse

me oh my God oh my God my God oh my God

giving was the thing yeah no it is so

much this week so my husband little digs

or little dick dicks so he found di he

found these little little laser wooden

cut penises that are like a quar of an

inch and whenever he feels that someone

is having a bad day he says it looks

like you could use a little dick and he

gives that person a little tiny laser he

literally sent one with Hannah for me

one day he's like like I was like hey

Matt wanted to give this to you he said

it sounded like you'd had a hard week

and you might need this and then she

just hands it to me I was like is this a

wood a laser wood cut dick she's like it

is yeah that is absolutely what it

is yeah so that's what he does yeah does

he have a laser cutter he bu no he found

them on the Internet somehow I'm not

aware of exactly how maybe for me I used

to work for a laser cutter

manufacturer oh my God full circle it's

Kismet

K okay so Jonah he's asking about her

interest um and so at this breakfast

Jonah's also asking about her interest

she talks about the fact that she like

really loves art designing tattoos and

is also she's really afraid he's going

to minimize it and the fact that he

shows like genuine interest in her

interest means a lot to her

in my day drinking I totally forgot we

were talking about a book go ahead go go

ahead is it still daytime it is

technically still daytime yes sweet and

so she's like yeah well like I really

like want to find a job and then I can

start paying rent and he's like no no no

my little girl does not pay for anything

and like she showed up yesterday it's

been like less than 12 hours my guy this

is freaking a okay we fully committed um

but then he gets a call into work and so

like she's disappointed he has to go in

but he like leaves her like $200 in cash

and it's like hey Uber to the next time

over where they have that good craft

store get yourself like the good art

supplies that you need and it's it's a

very thoughtful gesture yeah that's nice

yes so she goes to buy new art supplies

and then uh stops to visit Uncle Craig

on the way

home yeah and Craig's like oh like where

do you get what do you need those

supplies for like what are you spending

money on and she's like oh well like

tattoo designs and he's like are you

designing for anyone right now and she's

like uh not at the moment he's like

where'd you get the money and she's like

the guy I'm staying with and he's like

oh what' you have to do for that like

he's just kind of

being he's de being a little

shitty he's not deaf she's just saying

definitely because she's not a

boomer you get it well and so like he

wants more money for the car but like

it's also telling her he's like I talked

to your your dad he's really excited to

see you and she's like oh like when did

you talk to him what did he say what's

his number like yeah yeah and what does

he look like what's his laugh sound like

yes does he love me and Craig is giving

very vague answers in this whole journey

cuz the dad doesn't exist will not

believe what happens se cuz the dad

doesn't exist what no that's not

everyone has a dad D

Dad I know you're like a clinical

professional blah blah blah you've had

some education but I'm happy to inform

you as someone without a master's or a

PhD or something

the no dads exist every single

time unless you're different species

some species like replicate without

daddies some worms yeah some worms some

worms do do that indeed so like Craig

implies that she's [ __ ] Jonah for

necessities and T gets really pissed off

and like throws like an a fast food

container that's just like on the table

at his head sure yeah and then cuz she's

also like telling him like I've started

seeing someone I want him to come to

California with us and Craig is like

well if he can pay his way like he can

come with us and so then she like tan

still had the other $100 cash after she

bought the art supplies but she was like

well like I don't feel good giving it to

Craig like that's not my money Craig is

the uncle yeah Craig is the uncle um and

when when Craig is like well like I need

an investment like he's going to come to

California with us she like gives him

the other $100 and it's like how's this

for an investment and just like doesn't

realize how she's being manipulated in a

way that like kind of hurts to read yeah

because Craig is a piece of [ __ ] um Mary

calls Jonah to check in and she's like

hey how did everything go the first

night and he's like yeah like went great

we had breakfast this morning and she's

like like you guys and he's like yeah

like she like talked to me like we live

together she's living in my house we had

breakfast it's fine um his she's living

in our house his colleague Austin over

here is Austin is the main guy in the

book hush baby hush so two books later

next ladies well don't skip which one

this was run baby

run I didn't read any of them but I did

remember

Jonah also uh just asks if she'll be at

the barbecue or no Austin asks Jonah

like hey do you still need me to bring

the ribs to the barbecue and Jonah is

like oh [ __ ] I forgot I'm hosting the

monthly company barbecue that we have

cuz it's a it it's a construction firm

they're all very close-knit they're all

very tight they all hang out a lot and

so they have a monthly barbecue and

Jonah is the one who's supposed to host

this month um the the barbecue the

barbecue he forgot who was hosting the

barbecue and he asked one of his crew

members Jonah asked one of his crew

members about where he gets his tattoos

done because he knows that tan wants to

potentially be a tattoo artist and is

seeing if that is an

option um does tan have any tattoos not

yet okay yes she will get her first one

very soon does it say Daddy's girl no it

doesn't actually thank God I watched a

Tik Tok recently where this girl was

like I have a tattoo in Hebrew that says

Jesus saves as a [ __ ]

stamp I was like oh that feels like

every early

2000s coded worship event you know

trendy right now [ __ ] stamps are coming

back oh so is

Jesus sorry

okay no but my tattoo artist was liter

she was not my like tattoo artist is

like in her 20s but she's oh yeah like

trims are definitely coming back and I

was like oh oh oh in a good way sorry

let we forget that was the one question

I asked my anesthesiologist at my at

when I was in labor that was the one

question I asked my anesthesiologist

which was can you still get a [ __ ] or

can you still get uh a what is it called

epidural an epid Al yes can you still

get an epidural if you have a [ __ ]

stamp and he was like yeah that's all

you want to know I said well I feel like

from the early 90s people were putting

the fear of God in us that a tra stamp

disqualified you for an epidural he's

like nope you can still get him but my

nurse was like it's true my mom tried to

still the same feeling you were like how

old are you yeah I was like I'm glad I

feel seen In This Moment by my nurse

connections were made right um so on

Jonah's way home from work he stops at

two toy stores different types of toy

stores like

like toys adult toy stores like a like a

like an adult toy store and as Whitney

said more like a Toys R Us toy store so

one of each but it's not clarified it

just says two toy stores but it it does

become evident once you learn what kind

of toys he purchased h yeah so at home

that when he gets back that night like

tan is sitting there drawing and he asks

her about her day and then he tells her

about the tattoo shop that they can

check out Whitney's already feeling

uncomfy about the sexing that's about to

happen or she's cold it might be a

little bit of both but she's covering

herself very UNC comfortable with

this okay so uh sorry I lost where I was

at in this toy St on the way home from

the toy store she's drawinges yeah so

they're at as they're eating uh dinner

he tells her about the barbecue that

weekend and he offers to postpone it

he's like hey I recognize that like you

I forgot this was happening I don't

think you knew what was happening if

you're not comfortable I'm totally okay

with postponing it and like doing

another month instead and she's like no

no no it's fine like everyone can come

like it it would be nice to meet

everyone then he also says that he has a

surprise for her after dinner good

surprise or a bad

surprise well depends on which way

surpris is kind of shitty when like

you're scared of everything I'm just

saying well oh and also I forgot cuz he

was like saying how excited he was for

her to meet his crew and she was like oh

yeah there's someone I want you to meet

and he's like oh who and she's like my

uncle Craig and he's like you have

family nearby she's like yeah he like

just showed

yeah like but like yeah absolutely in

that way where Jonah's like alarm bells

are going off like

uh why are you here if you have family

nearby and she's like oh like he like

didn't have room for me kind of energy

um so he gets the surprise ready from

the two toy stores he went to so when

she walks into their bedroom there's

like a a giant stuffed animal on the bed

I was going to say is it coloring books

in a butt plug because I'm out

almost no that was XOXO

daddy oh God actually I don't think

there was a butt plug in that one no and

rat respect but there were definitely

coloring

books it's my

head uh so on the the stuffed animal is

like an extra large stuffed rabbit

that's

wearing bikini bottom

underwear and has a vibrator inside

the underwear the answer is no and

Jonah's like look at your new phone that

I bought you with the app that goes to

the vibrator so he like turns on the

vibrator she has no issues with this she

just like immediately like jumps on the

bed hold on yes hold on hold on time out

and Rewind

because I think I have shared previously

I have a legitimate phobia of rabbits

you do like an actual phob you a bagel

on a plate that had a rabbit on it and

you I was upset were not thrilled I was

upset

so my

husband Matt Matthew love of my

life he came up to me with his tablet

like tucked to his chest and this was

recently like a couple of weeks ago oh

no and he was like I'm going to show you

something and he was like I think it's

going to make you feel different things

and I want I want to know what you

feel what would you do if Brendan walked

up to you and was like holding a tablet

to his chest and went I'm going to show

you something it's going to make you

feel different thing I would say are you

okay because my husband does not know

technology and I feel like where did you

get that tablet and do you know it

requires electricity

so go ahead so he's like so I'm going to

show it to you and I want you to tell me

what you feel and I was like okay like

what the [ __ ] are you talking about and

he shows me he shows me this image that

is women in

lingerie but they're wearing rabbit

masks okay and I was like babe did he

think you'd be into that no he wanted to

know what my response would

be and I was like I hate it I hate it a

lot I'm into it a little

bit but not enough to not hate it and I

texted my sister to tell her that he did

this and she was like you really found

the one I'm so happy for you you and

Matt are very well suited for each other

no one will will disagree with that but

he was like I knew

it and like walked away I saw this photo

of women in lre with rabbit heads with

rabbit masks on I thought where's my

wife

literally see if my husband did that I

wouldn't even understand the question

like okay I see the

image

and and yeah what is the question I

don't if van showed me do you want me to

describe it yeah what do you what what

do you want from me in this moment what

reaction are you looking for well I'm

fairly openly by and also have a fear of

rabbits and so he was like what does

this do for you what would happen which

one is more prominent when look at this

what does this do for you this is my

getting to know you exercise this is an

icebreaker for we been married eight

years here's an icebreaker

how you marri years already it' be eight

years in May it's pretty close seven and

a half for some reason I thought you

guys were a couple months behind vanai

not a couple months ahead of

vanai

okay such similar timelines in life

Hannah across the board okay parallels

so Tegan is very into this stuffed

rabbit has no issues with it just

automatically like straddles it and

starts humping it and then it's like I

should take off my underwear and keep

humping this stuffed animal and he's

like absolutely you should then she

starts like sucking him off while she's

riding the stuffed animal with the

vibrator and its undies um and he comes

down her throat but then is immediately

like I've got to be inside you there's

no refractory period at all sure yeah

38-year-old men are notorious for

their perod for just being like I know I

just came I'm ready to do it again 3

seconds later yeah as all 38-year-old

men are known to do oh any men really

yeah right like even in your early 20s

there's a refractory period there's at

least a moment yeah I mean for me

honestly

personally I want to go to bed like

please make me a

sandwich where's my grilled cheese now I

where I wanted the grilled cheese no

like truly there's cheese and bread and

butter and a pan in my kitchen

what do you want from me like like oh

job you

want

like okay go ahead finish your story

well so he like immediately gets her on

all fours to keep going and then like

has a thumb in her ass sure I also want

to remind

everyone even if you like a su in your

ass she lost her virginity to this man

yesterday like this is not she turned 18

yesterday yeah anal plays a big leap I

feel yes we like we really skipped a lot

of steps and once again no real

communication about it MH he's just like

we're here for this right she's like

yeah Daddy and he's like okay he's like

it's there so I should put my thumb in

it right yes well and he's like he's

like saying he wants to fill her and

asks if she like if he if she wants him

to put a baby in her and she's like yes

daddy fill me with your baby then they

climax together and fall asleep but like

there's no conversation about like did

you mean that or was that just like a

Heat of the Moment so a breeding Kink is

different than wanting a

baby what to be clear yes there is such

a thing as a breeding Kink I'll send you

a

link no thank you um but how is that

different from wanting a baby okay oh

because you have a daddy complex you

want B no you don't actually have to

have a daddy complex to have aink is

different from from a daddy complex so

breeding King basically is like the idea

of getting pregnant or getting someone

pregnant kind of gets you off but having

a baby is like a lifetime commitment

that is different than just like

impregnating yeah yeah yeah multiplying

is very different from caring yeah yeah

yeah I got you on that mhmh but I do

want to say that like she definitely

like after that interaction she's like

that was weird um did he mean that I

think I don't think she thought it was

weird I think she wondered if he meant

it okay yes was he serious yeah I think

it was more like oh was he serious like

in the moment was that just a Heat of

the Moment or was that a real thing more

than she was like ew that was weird did

he mean that I think she was like did he

mean thate yeah she was

like yes the hopeful undertone to it

more hopeful than E Yeah but were both

like was that the Heat of the Moment or

yes because he also like acknowledges at

one point that like they haven't talked

about it afterwards it was just it was

the conversation was In the Heat of the

Moment but if the intent and meaning

behind it was In the Heat of the Moment

was the difference for sure so all right

it's now the the next weekend it's the

barbecue people start rolling in they're

not acting like a couple also because

all of these people know his sister and

so he's like we need to be able to like

get a couple things clarified before we

tell Mary about our plans

here yeah which is not ideal your face

is giving that well my sister's name is

also Mary oh [ __ ] I forgot about that

confusing so I'm

like yeah what if Mary came to NOP

family Barbecue not to mention Mary's

the bar separate thing but also similar

cuz my sister Sister Mary is

gay similar to the bar my parents is gay

there's also a woman who owns property

in my parents neighborhood who's

referred to as concubine Mary which I

don't know if that's how everyone refers

to her or if my parents are just being a

bit

persnikity but there's deaf a woman that

they're like oh yeah that lot concubine

Mary talking about deaf

women so confusing best uh so at the

barbecue tan is getting along with

everyone she's engaging like there are

lots of kids running around she's doing

great with all of them but she also

keeps checking her phone because Uncle

Craig has not shown up yet and is

running late

and she invited him she invited him to

the barbecue to meet Jonah and he's her

only Lifeline to her biological parent

right right right exactly so he does

finally show up but even when he shows

up the energy is still off like it's

like he's like admiring like a Harley

that's out front he's like I really miss

riding and Tan's like you hate

motorcycles you said they're a death

trap and my dad shouldn't ride them

anymore and he's like oh yeah I started

riding them to feel like closer to my

brother and she's like that's weird and

like doesn't make sense and and Jonah's

also getting kind of the same energy

that like things aren't quite right and

then also Jonah being an ex cop his old

cop partner Cal who the next book in the

series is about shows up at the barbecue

and he's also kind of like clocking that

Craig ain't right well like like Craig

does that thing where he like walks he's

like I'd know there'd be cops at this

party don't worry officer I have a

prescription yes the the main way to be

cool when a cop is present that's what I

always do yes every time I see a police

officer I go I go I have a prescription

so there was this one time oh no when I

was in college that when you were dating

a cop when you were in college right is

this related to that so he wasn't a cop

yet okay but he was a criminal justice

major and he was in the military at the

time fair and we were walking back to

campus from a bar and we were both

underage and this cop stopped us and was

like Hey like what's going on and my ex

was like hey I got it like don't worry

and I was like sure you do and he had

done something to piss me off that night

and I don't remember what it was but

I've grown a lot since

then so that's how all my stories start

from now I've grown a lot a lot since

I've grown a lot since then so he was

like babe I got it I got it and I was

like okay so he was like officer hey and

it's like talking to this cop and the

cop's like have you been drinking

tonight and all this and he was like no

oh sir of course not of course not and

he starts giving him like a field

sobriety test and I was like officer I

am so sorry but I actually have an exam

tomorrow and would it be okay if I just

went ahe home because I actually just

met him and I he just offered to walk me

back to my dorm Hannah I really need to

help Hannah and I left him you left your

boyfriend with the police officer I did

and the best part is the best part is

that I wound up working for that

University and like my second week I had

a 1013 and we had to call Campus Police

for backup for the situation what's a

103 it's an involuntary psychiatric hold

so they were going to take somebody to

the hospital and that cop showed up in

my office did he recognize you I don't

know I don't know he was like how'd your

exam go I don't know but I recognized

him and I was like

hey okay so let me ask you do you feel

bad no I don't I either because leaving

her boyfriend there with the police

officer so no he was if I was still with

him I might feel bad about it like I

might have some guilt about it but he

was not the most supportive and kind

person yeah so I don't feel bad about it

now but we stayed together after that

for a minute so

yeah so I did I was like I'm so sorry

officer I have an exam I just met him is

my favorite part I'm surprised your

relationship lasted beyond that like he

offered to walk me

home I feel like a relationship might

last longer like a romantic relationship

might last longer if you were constantly

in the head space of I just

potentially that's the best part

sometimes it's the early days that's

true the early days are very indeed it's

a very good point well okay so uh what

at the barbecue Uncle Craig

Jonah Jonah walks Cal out and uh Cal

agrees to look into Uncle Craig for him

because everyone's sensors are kind of

going off in that regard then it's like

I don't know a few days a week later

this timeline is so quick across the

board but Jonah takes Teegan to get a

tattoo at the shop that his employee

told him about and like brings up an

apprenti

ship and also you and I being people

with lots of tattoos know that like

apprenticeships are not easy to come by

no but this tattoo artist is like show

me your work and sees her portfolio and

is like start next week you can start

shadowing me this is no problem I'm like

I know people that are incredible

artists that wait like years and years

to get tattoo apprenticeship

start by answering the phone like that's

how you start one of my best friends her

wife just recent husband now uh just

recently like retired from the mil from

the military and went to get like a

piercing or something at a tattoo shop

in Kingsland Georgia and was like I'm

looking for a part-time job and they

were like well do you want to be a

tattoo apprentice and now he

is an apprentice at

that's this tattoo shop full time like I

don't know this maybe different

experiences yeah I'll say different

shops different experiences I I know a

lot of people that work very hard to

find Apprentice ships and have a hard

time finding one so the fact that he may

Kings Georgia King George is the way to

yeah the way to go if that's what you're

looking for the place to be so yeah she

gets her first tattoo uh it's of a

blackbird sure yes it's not a daddy's

girl tattoo which we love um but yeah

she's going to start shadow next week at

this Apprentice ship then they go to get

ice cream after and she's a little

pensive and he asks what's up and then

she asks him if he was serious when he

like talked about like having kids and

he said yes and then she just talks

about like

hey my dad took off when I was four my

mom overdosed when I was six I've never

seen what Like Loving parents look like

I don't know if I'll be good at this um

and so like I don't know if this is

something I want to consider cuz I don't

I don't know if I'll be okay at it

because look at the line that I come

from and he's super encouraging and

super supportive and he's like you know

like me and my S like he's like me and

Mary like we lost our parents young but

like you get to choose your family and

like just because that's the family you

were born into doesn't mean that's where

you have to stay and just like a very

encouraging conversation but also

escalates very quickly because then

she's like I want to be a part of your

family and they're like let's go home

and make a baby

oh yep yeah which I just like want to

note that this is totally desparate

Spirit totally opposite is the word from

his initial beliefs on children or

adults that have come up through the

Foster system that like they are a

product of their situation and their

genetics and like you can't you know you

can't nurture that out of them and now

he's all like did he say you can't

nurture that out of

them I mean I didn't do any the lines

but like we read between the lines but

he was like in my experience as a cop

that

like yeah people that come up through

the system and have these experiences in

these parents like they are what they

are like why do we keep like trying to

fit them into a circle when they're

square like it is what it is like like

believe me she's going to steal this

read I didn't read it as that deep I

think I read it as more of like a I like

living my life independently and having

no additional responsibilities and I

don't necessarily know if bringing a

stranger a stranger into my house into

like all of my belongings when like yeah

like I know nothing about her but you're

telling me cuz I know he like at the

beginning he does ask Mary if she has

like a criminal history and she's like

oh she stole a lip gloss like 2 years

ago but that's like her only criminal

history right so like he's kind of

asking those questions but there's also

no overt or obvious examples of like

well clearly she's going to be this way

so I feel like it was kind of like a oh

like I feel a little hesitant we'll see

how this goes and then he saw her and

he's like yeah I don't have concerns

anymore because she's hot and that's how

it goes you get it yeah I know pretty

people are never criminal pretty

privileged so convenient I mean it's

just like movies right but um I mean are

there ever um are there ever ugly

criminals in Disney movies yeah

so definitely I felt like he was like oh

my sister Mary she's so domb and

experienced like she thinks that

everyone can be saved and everyone has a

good heart but she just doesn't know

because she's she doesn't have the cop

experience I didn't read it that way I

read it more as I'm like oh Mary is that

social worker she is the dream social

worker that you want who's like hey you

discharge yourself you can still call me

and I'm still going to make sure you're

safe even if you aren't technically on

my roster right right and I think I'll

find you resources I'll find you

somewhere safe to be yeah as opposed to

like working with cops who are more

jaded who are like everybody's a

criminal like you know nobody's

trustworthy yeah yeah yeah I feel like

he Jonah just like really jumped from

like the jaded cop to um the doting

Daddy yeah you're not pigeoned being hot

is so convenient for

CH and everyone

really that's why I'm trying to be hot

in my 40s let me tell

you I want a better life this is for me

and my husband and my children the

hotter I get the easier all of our lives

are

yeah that's why I was so disappointed I

put my leggings on backwards this

morning oh why does that point you it

feels nice because it's not as

hot I didn't look as hot my leg back yes

that's the bigest but it felt better it

did a little bit okay

anyway anyway I just reminding when I

was texting you from that like love

whatever gas station bathroom like Oh I

thought I was losing weight but I just

put my pants on

backwards it's always a humbling m

sure I was like my butt's getting bigger

and my waist is getting smaller no my

pant are anyway happy

July

bye so it's now like it's literally only

two weeks later I think it's important

to note we're only jumping two weeks met

two weeks ago yeah they've met two weeks

ago uh she's now officially started her

apprenticeship great love it so Jonah's

picking her up after work from her

apprenticeship and she's like oh I need

to like stop by like my uncle Craigs on

the way home and Jenna's like oh like

for what and she's like oh well like

just like drop off some money for our

trip and like alarm bells are like

flashing for Jonah he's like the the

[ __ ] you mean you need and she's like oh

like for the car and like all this stuff

and like Jon's like okay but like he's

like trying to be cool and not saying

anything but even Tan's like are you

okay you are like white knuckling the

steering wheel it seems like you're yeah

I don't that you're giving the stranger

money yes and so like as they're getting

there his phone rings and it's

Cal and so he's like hey you go up to

your uncles's I'm going to like take

this phone call so on the phone cal is

like yeah Craig Moss died 8 months ago

whoever that is is not her uncle don't

engage yes and he's like well we're

already here and they're like well don't

engage we're sending police police

officers they're in

route uh but then Teegan never went up

to Uncle Craig's door and just overheard

this whole conversation so she's like my

uncle's dead and she being the impulsive

18-year-old she is just like runs to his

store and starts pounding on it as you

do yes and it's like when he opens it

she's like you are my uncle who the [ __ ]

are you sort of energy and like throwing

things at him um yeah so

Craig the impersonator is her father say

is it her dad yes it's been her dad this

whole time and he's like I daddy right

well and he's like I father my uncle

going come for you eventually but I

didn't want to pay child

support and she's like you didn't come

for me I found out that my uncle had

returned to town like you did nothing

here yeah so like she's throwing [ __ ] at

him he tries to like I already have a

daddy is literally no that's Jonah's me

on with that voice

Hannah have a well and that's Jonah's

energy he's like she doesn't need him

she has a daddy at home she has

everything she everything she need she's

safe like who are you Jah you've known

her two weeks my dude yeah so like Jonah

like restrains her so that she'll stop

attacking him and like carries her out

in his arms while she's sobbing and in

the car she's a little bit like yeah

sorry I sometimes lose my temper

I guess I should rain that in before the

baby

comes I actually kind of forgot how

quickly the story moved at the

end because at that point I was just

like inundated I was just like oh okay

this is what we're

doing oh yeah and she's like I took

three tests to

confirm and like I'm like I'm sorry

that's not how OB population works it's

not it's not you lost your virginity in

two week well maybe Margo Scott is

actually a dude that lives in

Norcross doesn't understand how this

works yeah maybe doesn't understand

basic female anatomy and so like that

they like they get back to the house and

he's like fingering her during her

bedtime story then while they're boning

I'm

sorry I have to cover my bedtime story

yeah bedtime story okay once she's done

coloring there is a significant amount

of coloring in the book okay less than

others welcome to smut Club welcome to

smut Club so during and after the

Bedtime Story she's being yeah she's

being fingered they end up actually I

liked but go ahead they end up B yeah

like like maybe maybe that's something I

want to try you know uh while they're

boning he proposes and she says yes so

now they're officially engaged and

pregnant and she started her tatto still

fingering her while he asks her to marry

him and she's contemplating it as she's

being brought to orgasm yeah finger

fugged yeah finger [ __ ] to orgasm finger

blasted if you will goodness like I just

wish that my

husband would insist that I make every

decision as a

finger I did not know until I read this

book that that was an option like what

are we going to eat for dinner on

Saturday I don't know you tell

me let me just like what okay I do think

it works better with yes or no

decisions like are we going to get

married that's more important and easier

to decide or I don't know baby do you

want Asian or pizza like do you want

chili or lasagna I don't I have ground

beef in the fridge it hasn't expired

yet do you just want those homemade

tacos or do you want to order

pizza tacos for sure

tacos then they're like we still have to

tell Mary about all of this because Mary

still doesn't know Mary is not going to

be

amused that right the [ __ ] now Mary has

invited Jonah she's always wanted to be

an aunt maybe she has right I'm just

kidding I don't know her but she invites

Tegan and Jonah over to like swim in the

pool and like for like a backyard hang

with like her and her husband and like

their kids and as they're clearing the

table after the meal

Chan like is moving the fruit salad and

like the smell C like brings about like

a wave of nausea and like so she's like

trying to breathe through her nose and

like get through it in that moment like

Jonah comes over and like puts his hand

on her stomach he like are you okay and

like Mary sees it and is like tells her

girl she's like hey girls I need you to

go outside immediately go play out I

need to have a conversation with your

uncle Jonah what the [ __ ] Jonah and

they're like yes we are engaged and

expect

and in

love and Mary's real mad at Jonah but

then also Tegan is like hey Mary I love

him these are my thoughts and Tegan as

you pointed out earlier Whitney with all

of her trauma she's real quiet she's

never been the chattiest so like she can

even say she's like I think this is like

the most Mary's ever seen me talk in

like one like moment and but Mary's like

well if you guys are happy then that's

all that matters and tan hugs Mary yeah

and they hug and she gives them her

blessing and then we're at the epilog

okay all right yeah okay so most of this

book happens in two days and then like

two weeks later they [ __ ] and find out

they're expecting and tell her sister

tell his sister and then we're at the

epilog okay which I'm I'm wondering as a

new smut reader yes um is this typical

because I feel like the last episode

that I listened to the only episode that

I've listened to of this of this podcast

was full

sack the thanks also in my perspective a

short book which was very fast-paced in

the plot

development I also felt this was very

fast-paced in the plot development I was

a little intimidated by the pace of yeah

uh is this typical for this genre I

think all books are different like there

are some books we read that like we read

books that are like 500 pages and that's

just the first book in the series then

we read other books where it's like 150

Pages all in right oh all in for sure

yeah and so you're like you really

can't I would say like anticipate

fantasy is going to be more like there's

more World building there's more like

stuff involved okay is this one that we

read considered fantasy no no because

when I left my nie with my children she

was like yeah no I'm really in the smut

but only fantasy sled like I'm very

particular and I was like

oh what I'm probably like assistant to

the villain yeah a court of thorn and

Roses assistant to the villain Throne of

Glass yes any um Bri J whatever Bri

Sarah J Mass no well that's a cord of

thorn and Roses no I know but there's a

different author whose last name is Bri

that I can't remember the last name is

Bri yeah yeah yeah sorry I was thinking

first name B

sorry okay this one we're reading is not

fantasy how would you categorize this

contemporary Kink yeah contemporary Kink

okay and it's Kink because of the daddy

thing yeah yeah the Daddy D little girl

which is oh also when I completely

skipped out over the two week later [ __ ]

when they stopped on the way home for

her to him to buy her like a baby doll

like an American Girl doll sort of and

then she like held it the entire time he

was [ __ ] her and then subsequently

proposing that felt

important and but like not cuz I liked

it just cuz it felt

important um again holding my vagina

because I'm cold not because I'm in cuz

I don't like that so then I don't like

that the epilog is three years later

they've had their kids she's opened her

own tattoo

shop excuse the [ __ ] out of me and

they're thriving as a person with a lot

of tattoos that generally takes 10 plus

years yeah to do I will say my artist is

probably the Midway point between

Whitney's friend and your people because

I feel like my artist like had a

multi-year apprenticeship but then like

had been tattooing for like 5 years or

less when she opened her own private

shop but she opened it as like an

individual like just sweet yeah like got

like a salons by JC sort of energy

andless of like a m opening like a big

shop with multiple artists working under

her sort ofy right but yeah so like

that's kind of weirdin oh they have anal

that's

weirdin

oh oh CU they're like oh it hasn't been

our go-to position since having a kid

but like we decided to do yeah where she

like Whispers in her in his ear she's

like I want you to take my no no hole

and I'm like [ __ ] that sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I don't like I don't like the

term no no ho in a

sexual

setting I just feel like if you are

going to ask for something you should be

able to ask for it with the correct

verbage there so many options there's

like back door [ __ ] rear hole like

there are so many options I yeah even

like I want you to take me from behind

could be

behind right those are questions to ask

but I feel like just I want you to take

my no no hole just just makes me think

no shame to the the the

community no no Community I'm sorry I'm

sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm

sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm really not

trying to shame I just no no ho is

something that I struggle with I think

what I struggle with when it comes to

the daddy Dom little girl Dynamic is uh

some people who enjoy like the full

sexual age regression within those

moments because there is a difference

between like hey I'm I'm coloring and

drawing and have some stuffed animals

around me before we [ __ ] and I might

call you Daddy but like that around the

boundary of it versus people that are

like oh I want to role play that you

have an age regression where I'm like

[ __ ] a child who doesn't know these

things and I'm teaching them these

things those are different

Realms right okay I don't know if you

have enough time in this episode to

explain to me how those are different we

can discuss it off pod off pod what's

our rating system for our rating scale

for this episode for this um baby dolls

bunnies oh I hate both of

those than that kind of part of your

Kink though birthday cakes what what'

you say birthday cakes oh birthday cakes

oh remember when we reviewed birthday

girl I do remember that the only book

I've ever really liked by

pelas that was way so in listening to

that one episode that I listened to I'm

like oh my god do these authors listen

to your shows sometimes sometimes and

are they hurt sometimes sometimes

because that somebody f f f somebody

like with a full sck yeah my

heart for her I my heart doesn't feel

that bad for that one so I have a lot of

respect actually for people who are

intentional enough and have the time to

make something right right that's

Creative Energy and

also I also believe that in all

creative ende efforts

Endeavors um we can seek to do better

and we can grow and learn there's a low

barrier to entry yeah I all Endeavors

really we can seek to do better yeah

there certainly was for Tean there was a

little

bitan sorry I'm sorry I'm

sorry but

also not all books are for all people

just like not all kicks are for all

people so there have been books that I

have really liked that Chelsea has been

like what the [ __ ] is happening to me

right now and vice versa mhm so like you

know Different Strokes for different

folks and all that don't yuck someone

else's yum and I'm literally never going

to say that again after today cuz I've

never I feel like you're going to say

that 100 times you said it three times

and I feel like that's yeah Thrice is

your well if you notice today was the

first time you've heard me say it it

will also be the last time you hear me

say it won that's the Threshold at least

on the

we speaking that into the universe yeah

not not doing that to us birthday cakes

yeah birthday cakes

crayons feels gross um it does but it

also kind of feels not as gross as

Foster fames oh Foster definitely feels

gross um right that's my same face but I

will also say Foster families feels

gross within the context of this book I

do want to say I have lots of friends

and people that I that are within the

like Foster community that I deeply

respect and do very difficult and very

hard work and so I will also just like

honestly for as large of a pivot as as

this is on this episode like if that is

something that you've ever considered

look into your Lo look into your local

foster care needs and system and like

see what you can do to get involved

because there's a lot of it's it's a

very difficult system but there's a lot

of uh very hard and very necess Neary

work yeah that uh I know like Hannah and

I have previously engaged in and yeah it

is a it it can be a very heavy topic but

it can also be a topic with a lot of

like hope and light

and yeah overarchingly no it really can

and like gosh I mean I if you just hear

one story it's hard to sleep at night

once youve heard one story you're just

like encountered one person and you're

like wow I don't need to make any more

children there's so many children out

there that like yeah that I could be a

gift too and they could be a gift to me

and yes 1,000 and maybe you don't have

to be their daddy yes yeah and we can uh

leave some

unnecessary kink out of it and yeah

right yeah just provide people the the

resources they need they can can be

separate exactly sorry that's why I was

so horrified by book in the beginning I

was like no in this I will say in this

genre of smut and romance in general

there's a lot of suspension of belief

yes of ideals of a lot of things to just

get into the story but also a

recognition that like SMUD is not

reality and like obviously and so

understanding that people who do

practice like a daddy dong

little energy

Dynamic there's usually a lot of

communication and kindness and support

and really good things that are often

left out of smut books in general

because it's not sexy to like talk about

a contract about their contract and then

we signed the bullet pointed contract

that we made about what this

relationship would look like that makes

me feel so much better to hear that read

some Katie I was slightly disturbed by

this whole genre neon Gods by Katie

Robert would be a great place to start

to look at like how the king

relationship can be built and how people

can look at consent and what it means

this is fantasy and it is not where we

all know what's going on well except I

didn't know well I think what's hard

about this is because like when your

niece said she's into fantasy we know

exactly what sort of fantasy fantasy

she's into high fantasy High fantasy

this is like this is a contemporary book

but like the fantasy being that like the

suspending belief of like how we went

about this how we did or didn't

communicate about this to easily come to

these conclusions when like there's

typically a lot of conversation there

are contracts involved there are like

like this was so passive where he's just

like and then I bought her a stuffed

animal and she [ __ ] it and like like

and that's our Dynamic now you're like

oh yeah okay that's not how this that

was very presumptive yeah yes yeah okay

but that's not how it would happen in

real life with people that actually have

these Kings no not at all and fantasy

Romance Books is more like fairies and

you know Wizards and whatever the [ __ ]

right

werewolves right that's what we mean by

fantasy

romance this is considered contemporary

romance but it is not reflective of the

king

community yeah okay yes yeah step into

my office yes okay I feel like this is

wonderful like background information to

know before you record a

podcast I don't think before you before

you record as we record I think as as we

record it's more fun okay good to know

that you guys aren't just like into this

yeah no not for me that you know more

than I know which is kind of the Story

of My Life

like I'm trying to think of other when

we had uh my my good friend Weston on

the show we reviewed a book about a girl

who was [ __ ] five Dragon shifters

yeah so like there's a wide range of

things that happen toaster C events come

out of them teal ones no no not in that

one we're not lucky enough for that that

was just full sack all right what is our

rating system for this did we just say

crayons markers birthday I think

birthday candles cand 18 candles that's

18 candles for her 18th birthday unlike

Jonah's 39th birthday which will be his

next stop it what's wrong with that I

mean he's a young

guy he is a young guy sorry yeah go

ahead you guys tell me your ratings

before I tell you mine or do you want me

to go first go first out of 18 candles

how many candles would you rate it okay

let me ask you this am I reading this on

a scale of just like General books I've

read or um erotic books I've read or

overall enjoyment oh overall enjoyment

out of 18 candles I would give

this

14 wow wow wow God damn okay well here's

some things I loved about this book okay

I'm ready there was a very fastpaced

plock it kept engage yeah we're moving

moving yeah and as a mother of

toddlers come on give me a we need to

get the me yeah yeah I don't have time

to know your backstory I don't care what

color your beard is like just [ __ ] her

already yeah [ __ ] her already are you

good or bad just let me know like you

don't have to give me a bunch of contact

clues like just tell me are you good or

bad and then I'll know and then we can

move on with the story with the story

um my only my four candles removed are

because the very beginning was deeply

disturbing to me like as someone who has

considered fostered care and who has

family members who have been very um

involved in the foster care

system felt a little too close to home

yeah it was just um it was a little bit

much that like wow okay so you're one of

these people that sees someone in a

vulnerable position but thinks that

you're above that and you believe that

everyone else was taking advantage of

her but when you do it it's cool you're

taking care of her however everyone else

that tried to do that to her because her

lips were so Heavenly or whatever like

they were bad guys but when you do it

you're a good guy that's not healthy in

your brain That's not healthy for her it

just like even right now my chest is

getting tight thinking about it so

that's my minus four points maybe it

should be more like nine points off the

18 I don't know but once I got past that

and my children went to sleep it was

great Chelsea Chelsea you

know I think going into it as someone

who just like automatically suspends

belief for like books in these varying

genres yeah I think think I was just

going into it being like I know what

level of ridiculousness I'm

automatically engaging with um I do

agree I think it was fast-paced I think

it's like entertaining and fun enough I

think my bigger things are like than not

really having

conversations

uh the like literally 2 hours after she

was at his house she's like I want you

to be my daddy and you're

like did you hold up where is your IST

appointed through through this system

like but hold on I've like definitely

wanted to [ __ ] people that I met two

hours ago but the daddy thing threw me

off but that's just it's not my cake

well if you're at a daddy Meetup that's

different than like meeting somebody in

a bar there are daddy

meetups

no there might be rooms at clubs though

there absolutely are daddy meetups and

rooms at clubs and things like that yeah

yeah like give me your number I can send

you a link but it's a separate I'm

definitely giving you my number girl

it's a separate thing I think I'm going

to go to separate

things 10 out of 18 okay so we can split

it to 12 we can yeah I think we can

split it to 12 I like I do think it is

like entertaining enough it is very

fast-paced I think there are also just

lots of things where you're like okay we

just really we're just going to go with

it that's not even how ovulation works

but like sure we'll just suspend for all

of this um I'm like okay yeah so I think

that's now that I know that's what we're

doing I can get on board you're like oh

if I'm suspending belief send me more

books I might I might be interested just

less daddy books just less daddy books

oh we have plenty of other options

apparently are you interested in

milking penis milking cuz I just found

out about that a few years ago and I did

Google it a few times we have those

hav't but we do have those option like

uh breast milking or those options we

have both we have both we have those

options that's her response yeah we have

those options yeah penis milking or

breast milking

yes milking options are available well

it turns out I'm just learning in the

last 10 days what maybe I could be

into and that I feel is what this

podcast is about learn what you're into

so 12 out of 18 for those playing along

at home like we love it for you let us

know your thoughts on the number of

birthday candles that you would assign

to this book yes would you go 14 would

you go 10 would you go less than 10 let

us know your thoughts we can't wait to

hear them don't forget to like subscribe

review share with your friends uh only

the cool ones only the cool ones yeah or

the virginal ones no

maybe not those ones that go to

Christian colleges share with the

friends who can match your freak don't

necessarily share with the Barry College

Community oh no did I say the name for

college wow and name delete

delete and we can't wait to see y'all

next time bye smut [ __ ] bye smut

puppies well that's it for this week's

muts [ __ ] we hope it was good for you

cuz it sure was great for us if you're

digging what we're doing it would mean a

lot if you'd take a minute to rate and

review the show wherever you're

listening right now maybe tell that sexy

someone to lend us an ear we love you we

appreciate you and we'll see you next

week stay spoty

[Music]