Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Elie and

[Music]

[Laughter]

Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut

club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and uh

this is the podcast where we are two

licensed mental health therapist who

enjoy day drinking and reviewing romance

novels of varying caliber oh

yeah oh yeah I've

been trying not to think about this

book but I can't stop thinking about

this book cuz I was like I have so many

thoughts and I need to save them it is

hard cuz I almost text you a couple

times about a book I was recently

reading that I was going to outline I

was like no I need to save this it I

need to be fresh well

Hannah has doing this podcast done a

disservice to our texting relationship

it might

have because I censor myself so much

when I text we don't even text each

other happy birthday and our birthdays

are a day

apart I think that's just more us as

people just generally not being birthday

people

but yeah but no there have been times

where I like want to text you about it I

was like no because I might review this

on the podcast and that joke is good yes

literally so yeah what okay what is

today's book it is bound by

Steel by Connie La

Fortune [ __ ] yeah Connie you you my girl

Connie she looks like a Connie too God

bless her and my friend CJ recommended

this book to me to review when we first

started doing this podcast a very long

time ago and I just refused to read it

why I can't even fully explain it I just

was like no I I don't think

so and and then you read it and you're

like there's a reason I put this off so

many there really was and I even was

like I can't even I I don't want to

review this I don't want to outline it

oh God but we're leaning all the way in

so this okay is this like just so I know

what we're walking into and and

obviously there might be brand new

listeners to the show but there might be

people who have been around a minute is

this like R OG roots of like JS Scott

yeah oh hell yeah yeah it's like Connie

and Jan my grows yes it's like if if if

JS

Scott did a lot of cocaine and wrote a

storyline for Days of Our

Lives hna you're

not you're not like making me less

interested and all right just we're just

going to get in we we just have I'm like

okay we just have to get in everything

you say makes me more into it so this

book takes place over a period of a year

okay and um so at various points they

like let us know what month we're in so

we're starting in December and it's

multiple points of view and sometimes it

does matter so we start with rker rker

steel um and he no notes mhm

mhm he lives alone in a very secluded

cabin in the woods with his dog um and

he's been there in hiding for 3 years

what is he hiding from I don't

know his wife died she was murdered okay

three years ago and after her funeral he

disappeared and he's just been living in

the woods ever since mhm

um his wife's name was Bella she was a

ballerina for the New York City Ballet

they lived in New York very happy

together um and she was killed in a hit

and run that he is fairly certain wasn't

a

hit because of his work for the

DEA okay so a bit more targeted than

just like a accidental hit

mhm and he has a dog does he still work

for the DEA yes but just in in secret

hiding

y I love that remote work for the DEA is

an

option you know in the current climate

you really have to be prepared to adapt

and adjust to support your Workforce you

know um I don't actually remember when

this book was supposed to take place but

I think it was like

2015 um

so his dog Cody wakes him up um and is

acting kind of strangely and so he goes

to check the security feeds and he sees

a car has crashed near the lake which is

currently frozen over near his house

okay and Cody the dog had like taken off

for this car

oh so then we switch to

lra she knows that she's dying she

doesn't know how long she's been in the

car but she is freezing she's hurt from

the car accident um and she is just

trying to hold on because her parents

and her boyfriend are expecting her home

for Christmas so this is like December

22nd or

something hey that's for I was going to

say happy birthday Ford I'm pretty sure

yeah um

so

she had been d driving to her parents

and her boyfriend was supposed to be

flying in to meet her at her parents

house and she kind of blacks out she's

like I can't I can't do this

anymore so then she wakes up and she

realizes that she's in someone's house

wait oh like while she's waiting she

like blacks out and just okay she's like

silently apologizing to her family that

she's not like strong enough to make it

cuz she knows like this is it

so she's like she's she's thinking she's

closing her eyes and dying MH oh God

okay we're we're starting dark wow um so

she wakes up and she realizes that she's

in someone's house she's like the [ __ ]

like this is clearly not a hospital what

is going on and there's this absolutely

massive man urging her to like drink

water and he tells her that she has been

out for 3

days and she had has some really

significant injuries to her ribs and her

head okay so she's like okay um with all

of his medical training from his remote

DEA job right from his secret spy DEA

stuff I don't know like also if someone

has been passed out in my house for 3

days I'm

calling someone yeah someone who knows

far more medical information than I do

well and we learn he had been sedating

her for those 3 days so she never finds

that out but he has oh she she doesn't

yeah she doesn't need to know that it's

not relevant to your medical care why

would it be Hannah yeah so she realizes

that she is in different clothes she's

in like her pajamas that she had packed

to take to her parents and she is like

being bratty with him about like I don't

know who you are where the [ __ ] am I

like you changed my clothes while I was

unconscious like what the [ __ ] which

frankly is fair um yeah like I I feel

like i' de get both sides on this one

right you're like wait did she crash in

the lake or just near the lake she

crashed and her car was like tipping in

but hadn't fallen in okay yeah so it's

not like her clothes were soaking wet

when he rescued her well so he said they

were

and I'm like but she wasn't in the

water like I understand that snow is wet

but she was in the

car like and if the car tipped into the

water at any point those details were

seems like they would be relevant maybe

maybe a bit okay so but yeah we see both

sides I get

where if my car hadn't tipped in I too

would wonder why you had changed my

clothes and he's like so you're not

going to thank me for saving your life

and they like it's contentious from the

beginning and she's like it's really not

okay that you changed my clothes while I

was unconscious without permission and

he is like listen direct quote you don't

have enough cushion for the pushing if

you know what I

mean but as he is saying that he is like

pressing her into the mattress and like

running his nose up her neck and [ __ ]

and he's like but we will be sharing a

bed just for sleeping wink like

what wait she's been unconscious for

three days cuz he's been sedating her

and she wakes up and it's like the [ __ ]

you were changing my clothes without my

consent and he just like pins her to the

mattress with his body and runs his nose

up mhm and he's like don't worry about

it you're not attractive

so uh sharing a bed won't be a problem

we've been sharing a bed for 3 days it

won't continue to be a problem you know

like simmer down so we've been sharing a

bed for 3 days it turns out oh no that

she looks identical to his dead wife

Bella yeah big yags big ick all around

and

so he

like immediately gets out of the room

cuz he's like I'm going too far like I

don't like this like this isn't good

well it's good he's

self-aware not a lot but a little bit

was she into that she was more shocked

and

like offended but then was like I don't

want to be offended like it's good that

he's not into me like what is wrong with

me yeah that sort of thing and so um

also I made this particular note as we

have discussed previously he started

calling her precious we are 15 pages

in Connie Le Fortune coming in hot I

love you I'll fight for Connie Le

Fortune at this point I

mean she committed in all ways so he

tells her his name is rer steel and he

realizes that by Saving her life he has

damned her and she can never

leave but we don't know what what that

means like that's just the end of his

point of view like she can never leave

what okay he's damned her to his remote

T Health DEA

job yes his tella Health DEA

job exactly you get it so she she wants

to call her family and obviously and

he's like well can't do that all the

cell towers are down because of the

storm that she had crashed

in

um and she's like o

okay all right like I just want to go

home and he's like can't do that

weather's too bad can't get off the

mountain can't make any phone

calls let's go to bed

nothing we can do

Chucks may as well go back to sharing

the bed like we've been doing the last

three days but now you'll be aware of

the sharing awkward so rker doesn't

really sleep um he is super horny and

all he can think is that he wished that

he would have stopped in town at the

pleasure Palace to see the chick he

always sees Sonia he has like a chick

that he always sees at the broth a

standing Arrangement standing

Arrangement at the brothel with Sonia

and um he's like I really should have

stopped to see her cuz I am pent up it's

not ideal

so he is about to get up and lra like

pushes back against him and his morning

wood and she calls out for her boyfriend

Gage and he decides not to take

advantage as if we should give him

credit for

that and the direct quote again is

she'll come to me they always do and I'm

just like

dude haven't you been in mour on the

mountain for 3

years he's he has not been sitting shiva

I can [ __ ] tell you that

like

sorry so this

morning I pulled some socks out of my

drawer okay I put them on and realized

they were my Hanukkah socks hell yeah

and I was

like but one of them has a hole in the

toe and I was

like so I didn't wear my Hanukkah socks

I very nearly did cut a hole for all

eight

days no I'm going to have to patch them

so I can actually wear them but um

anyway so lra like fully wakes up and

realizes who she's in bed with and he

starts to like he he gets up behind her

and kind of grabs her and starts kind of

feeling up on her and [ __ ] um and she

pushes him

away and because she has a boyfriend

yeah and she feels real guilty that she

was turned on by that

situation but he eventually like

leaves and when she goes to get dressed

she sees that he has unpacked all of her

belongings from her like suitcase that

she had into his closet and dresser and

she's

like I don't I don't like

that like can you imagine that feels

almost more unsettling than sharing the

bed for some reason literally my notes

say freaky don't like

it no

so she keeps asking like I want to go

home when can I go home when can I call

my family and he's like listen I saved

your life you are disrupting my life and

routine I will take you when I feel like

it and she's like what cuz they're miles

from anything it's not like she can like

hop down the road to a neighbor to

borrow a phone you know like they're

really remote and there is a lot of snow

and all that stuff and her clothes have

been fully unpacked you're here

now settle in stay for a while literally

Hotel California situation you're like

okay like we all know you can never

leave you don't know you can never

leave you're going to find out soon

though we so when I used to work crisis

we had uh three voluntary units on our

campus for Hospital

diversion um and so people were like

well I'm here voluntarily right so I can

leave voluntarily right and I was like

oh

no yeah you checked yourself in of your

own

valtion but it is a little bit more

Hotel California esque than maybe you

realize when you're checking yourself in

for treatment yeah that song was

shockingly grounded in reality I'm so

sorry okay another song so my husband

bless him he has become more and more of

just like a cragan old man he wants land

he wants he wants a farm he wants a farm

he wants to grow things he just wants to

be in nature a couple weeks ago he was

pruning a tree in our yard and when he

like came back into the house he's like

Chelsea I really feel like I'm

developing like a great relationship

with that tree and I was like I love

this for you but uh we just had like a

random playlist on when we were cooking

a couple weeks ago and paved Paradise

came on and like no omber look on his

face and he was like it just hits so

differently he's like remember when we

bought our house 4 years ago and they

hadn't put that development up yet and

just like and I was like oh yeah oh a

couple songs do really hit different as

time and life goes on that's going to be

stuck in my head all day now you're

welcome it's a classic and it also

always reminds me of two weeks notice oh

yeah

yeah which is also a class

very much so okay so she knows she can't

go anywhere and he's like I'll take you

down the mountain when I damn well feel

like it yeah but for right now your bags

are unpacked stay a while yeah I don't

feel like it now yeah I have a library

Avail yourself or don't like hang out

with the dog and so he goes into his

office which has like really intense

locks on it um yeah and he calls his

boss his top secret DEA work right he

calls his top secret DEA boss Hawk to

report about lra and like tell him

what's going on and he tells rker to

eliminate lra he's like kill her you're

compromised what what the [ __ ] he's just

like I may just murder her I was

literally just about to be like is I was

like Hawk is the name of someone who's

going to have their own book in this

series and then you're like and he said

to killer and I was like well I got that

that one wrong that's Jan not Connie

yeah yeah yeah so he's like do you

realize who she is like her mom is a

reporter a freelance reporter but she

generally writes for like the New York

Times she is a very prominent

investigative reporter her dad is a very

prominent professor at

NYU and she looks just like your dead

wife this is a setup you need to kill

her like someone is coming for you and

rker is like no even if they find me I'm

not going to do it we still don't know

who they is and honestly I'm still not

sure I know grammatically that was the

right way to say it is but I really had

to pause on that for a

second I was like oh no then I was like

oh yeah

grammar who is they who are oh okay

anyway I'm gonna get stuck I'm gonna get

[Music]

stuck you know how my brain does that

sometimes I get stuck so at this point

rker is like lra needs to know that she

can never leave so he sits her down and

he's like listen here's the deal your

family is is going to assume that you're

dead they are going to move on with

their lives um and welcome to the first

day of the rest of your life you're here

with me forever now and she flips her

[ __ ] and attacks him and so then he

drugs her again he like had a syringe

ready he is not the hero we want or need

he needs to go to Rikers

yeah yeah

what again it's like he wants credit for

not murdering her like what

okay he's like but don't I get credit

for all the days I didn't murder

you like literally no that's not how it

works definitely not [ __ ] face so lra

wakes up and she's still really livid

and so she just punches him Square in

the face as soon as she like wakes up

all the way she just punches him um you

know I respect that cuz I do feel like

there are a lot of books where like they

wake up and like what even happened I am

more subdued now and she's like no this

is still [ __ ] warped yeah this is

still [ __ ] so he brings her ice for

her hand and he's like listen I know

that you didn't want this frankly I

didn't want this but I couldn't just

leave you there to die like let's just

agree to stay out of each other's

way we'll figure it out we're just

roomies you can't leave

yep yep and he's like I'm being so

reasonable what doesn't she understand

about this situation

mhm and

so that night they're going to bed rker

like very abruptly gets up and lra's

like what are you doing and he like

showcases his boner like Vanna White I

imagine and he's like are you going to

take care of this for me no well I am

going to take a

shower wait wait what what that's how I

felt this whole book this is one where

like normally it well not normally in

several Duets and trilogies and stuff

like that I'm like we really could have

done this in one or two this one I'm

like we needed to there so I can't

there's no transition so how long is

this book it's like 250 something pages

I think oh so like it's not like it's

not like they packed it in a Nolla like

it's it's but there's so much plot in it

that it's just like oh my God

so

he goes to wank off thinking about Sonia

but he winds up imagining lra but then

that like Blends into a memory of his

wife

Bella and like the first night that they

met you know he went to see her in the

ballet and the only reason he was there

was because his best friend is Bella's

cousin and so like they were going to

support her whatever and it was love at

first sight

and he is like I can't I can't do this

and so he decides he's going to sleep on

the couch so lra wakes up and she finds

him there on the couch and he is very

obviously having a nightmare and he is

screaming for

Bella and lra is like who is that and

he's like none of your [ __ ]

business and she's like oh okay well I

am really lonely and I'm really sad and

I'm really scared so um I'm going to be

planning my Escape like oky doie she's

like I kind of thought maybe

like maybe there was something

redeemable about this guy possibly like

it's clearly he's really sad like

there's a lot going on and she's like

yeah no JK I'm [ __ ] out of here like

absolutely not so it's January okay um

reer and lra have fallen into this

Rhythm basically um where they avoid

each other you know but they live

together peacefully um so she's just

accepted

it she's biting her time as much as

possible because then rker is like hey I

need to go get supplies from town I'm

going to be gone for two days I'm going

to see Sonia at the pleasure Palace so

have fun with the

dog see you later or not I guess and

leaves um oh R and she's like now is my

time to shine so yeah how did he think

that was going to go well they're

literally miles and miles and miles from

anywhere and there's snow like 6 feet

deep on the ground he's like she's not

going anywhere but she definitely does

he also has security measures all around

his house so he kind of figures so he'll

know yeah

so tou sh lra locks the dog in the

library so because the dog she doesn't

want the dog to follow her and get hurt

or something um well that's sweet and

she takes off through the snow first

thing in the morning and after about 7

hours of walking the Sun is going down

and she's like I'm a dumbass I didn't

bring a flashl it's [ __ ] cold I

haven't seen another

house like I a blanket so her re she

spent all this time you like she's

biting her time I thought that meant she

was like making a plan but the plan was

just like to

walk

walk so she watched which direction he

drove to go to town and she was like I

will follow cuz he has a plow on the

front of his truck so she's like I'm

going to follow in the path of the truck

so it'll be easier to walk like those

kinds of things but like she's had no

access to any kind of like internet or

Maps or anything and she's just like I

don't know where the [ __ ] I am but I'm

going to follow the truck let's see what

happens um so as she's walking she's

starting to panic a little bit that like

this is pretty bad like it's going to

get colder and it's going to get dark

but then she sees another truck coming

down the road towards her and it's an

older man in a pickup and she's like my

name is lra Harper whatever her last

name is um I've been kidnapped I really

need help and he's like it's your lucky

day sweetheart get on in everything's

going to be

okay so then we switched to rker okay

and he is literally about to walk into

the pleasure Palace to see Sonia when

his phone rings and it's Hawk telling

him that lra has escaped according to

the surveillance in Riker's

house and rker is actually like kind of

excited that she escaped he's like I

didn't think she had a dinner this is

awesome like this is fun and so he takes

off for home and he's still feeling kind

of excited until he realizes that Hawk's

truck is in his

driveway and he's like I don't like that

like Hawks in my house like I don't like

that and um turns out he was the guy who

picked up lra and has tied her up in the

house I know so rker h is like you

cannot kill her like seriously she is

completely innocent in this she's been

here for like a month and nothing has

happened like yeah we we don't need to

murder the innocent girl who looks just

like my deceased wife exactly the dog is

also okay I included that note because

it mattered to me I appreciate that the

dog is okay um Hawk drugged the dog to

keep it subdued but like the dog is okay

um so so the dog doesn't like Hawk No

not particularly I don't blame the dog

the dog recognized Hawk but was like H

I'm not into that so um eventually Hawk

agrees to leave he's like this is your

mess like [ __ ] figure it out MH and

so rker um takes lra and the dog

upstairs and he's like we are all

sleeping upstairs tonight cuz they had

been switching off on the couch and he's

like we are all sleeping upstairs

tonight I need to keep an eye on you all

of you like because the dog is his the

last thing he has of his wife they

adopted her together um and so like she

is very important to him so well at

least he loves the dog he does love the

dog it's very nice um rker takes care of

lra Cu she's a little bit banged up and

um tells her that someday he is going to

get her home he doesn't know how but

like someday he's going to get her back

to her family um and she like throws

herself at him to give him a hug and is

like thank you so much and she's crying

and stuff and he's like hey you may want

to cool it on the physical shows of

gratitude I still have not gotten laid

and she's like 104 Roger Wilco back and

off like

whoops so now it's

February Ming so they're basic Bally

besties now but they're still completely

platonic but like they talk regularly

they eat their meals together they're

still sleeping in the same bed they're

great roommates now sharing a bed yes

one bed

roommates we've seen that Trope so um

he's having a sex dream about his wife

and then he's like kind

of it throws him off for the day and um

that morning lra finally asks who Bella

is again because he's been calling her

name out she's like who is that and he

immediately storms off um and she's like

[ __ ] like I ruined it we were making so

much progress like so she goes and reads

her diary because he had had some like

empty journals and so she's been like

cataloging everything all her

experiences and she sees the progression

of her feelings for rker and she's like

ah this is Stockholm

Syndrome she's like I see that now in

black and white um and she's like but is

it cuz I do really care about him and

he's so sad and I'm like let him be sad

you're not responsible for his emotions

but you

know I like that in my head I was like I

mean it can be both yeah and you're like

just let him be sad it's not your

responsibility and I'm like oh well I

don't enjoy him I don't blame you yeah I

don't I don't enjoy him so he finally

comes out of his office where he had

like locked himself away and he's like

I'm going to town to see Sonia is the

subtext that he doesn't say out loud but

um she's like please don't go like

please don't leave me here and he is

like if I can trust you

well he says like can I trust you not to

run again or do I need to Cuff you or

something like um and she promises not

to run um and then she tells him to

double wrap to avoid creepy C

crawlies in their bed when he

returns and I'm like I don't love the

way that we are

painting this poor sex worker who's done

nothing wrong poor Sonia like she's done

nothing wrong I'm not double rapping

doesn't work like that no it actually is

less

effective I won't get into the sex out

of it all but it's less effective come

on

lra it's a true indictment of the

American school system

so um rker is actually testing her to

see if she'll run again um and he is not

going to see Sonia um this was Hawk idea

um and Sonia isn't available anyway so

he gets a motel um in town and he spends

the night watching her on the cameras

and of course he sees her touching

herself on the cameras um and is very

into

that um which again I'm like I don't

love that like she didn't know that she

was being filmed I don't I don't like

that um but oh she didn't know that

there were cameras in the house she

didn't know there were cameras in the

house no

he just really makes some big decisions

with no consent yeah it's

mhh um so

he goes home the next morning early and

tells her that it was just a business

trip um and he says I'm going to take

care of myself in the shower again like

leave me

alone and she just busts on in there

while he is

mid-stroke and she gets in the shower

with him and he undresses her and he

says that he has boundaries before they

do this if they're going to do this um

it's going to be from behind only no

kissing no feeling um or no feelings

she's going to be very into it he's like

you're going to love it trust

me um but the huous of some of these men

in books I know and he does he is

pierced

for her pleasure

is um so she agrees to the terms he

cuffs her to the bed and eats her out um

and he is fascinated by a like

heart-shaped birth mark she has on her

cter he's like it's

beautiful

okay that's how I imagin him saying it

it's beautiful it's

beautiful sorry I didn't mean and she

has this birth mark on her and he just

keeps going it's

beautiful we're in ASMR podcast now um

okay I am not going to [ __ ] you I

loath ASMR videos with a burning passion

I liter there is something about people

speaking breathily that deeply unsettles

me I don't like it oh and like just like

the clicky tappy with the like I feel my

body tightening up in this moment that's

because we have mopon we don't like

sounds like that no we do not sorry

anxiety worse so um he bangs her from

behind and as she is coming and she does

love it she does love it and as she is

coming she calls out Ry like as a

nickname and my notes say rer

immediately Dismounts without

finishing oh and later called him isn't

it yeah so later lra finds him

downstairs and she's like hey I'm listen

I basically threw myself at you it's

really okay if you weren't into it I'm

not going to take it personally like no

stress I know I don't have enough

cushion for the pushing yeah like I know

you're not actually attracted to me this

is like a proximity thing I get it and

he flips his [ __ ] and like hauls her

back upstairs um and he says I forgot a

boundary do not ever call me Ry you can

call out rker or God or Gage her

boyfriend's name for all I care but do

not ever call me rye and of course she

immediately starts crying when he brings

up her

boyfriend he like why are you like this

like so anyway yeah like it could have

been rker or God like you didn't have to

bring up Gage no just feels like you're

trying to dry her yeah it's very cruel

and like how can I get you out out of

the mood yes how can I diminish any and

all arousal that had been in this

situation so I had a stuffy nose a

couple of weeks

ago and I said to my husband I don't

know why it seems like only at night for

like four or five days my nose was

really stuffy and he was like I don't

know babe but that's going to make

[ __ ] a lot more difficult and then

he paused for a second and he goes I

would

[Laughter]

assume and I was

like you know there was like a 70%

chance I would have been into

it I would um no there have been times

so as you know when Vance and I make a

bet we are betting [ __ ] I do know

that

yes and there was a time where Vance was

like I want to cash in one of my like

bet wins and I was like bro I got a cold

like I my nose is too stuffy for this

and he goes and your country thanks you

for its

service woo

mhm said heard got you fail understood

friend so um he just like distracts her

with more org as she's crying and then

finally bangs her to

completion um she curls up next to him

like immediately after they both like

flop down on the bed and she kind of

like curls up and he pushes her off of

him and is like don't fall for

me okay I don't love

him cuz I feel like and I'm not trying

to ruin any surprises this book will

offer but I feel like it it's like just

going to switch from him being like

ultimate dick to just like being like

I'm in love with her ultimate protection

like doting and everything yeah like

kind of but not really like there's not

enough Redemption for me no I'm not even

talking about like the doting just like

the like still Gruff it just went like

from like the I'm doing this to protect

her and now I'm doing it to protect her

because I love her like just in that

kind of you're like H yeah okay we're

just going to make an immediate shift

with like no actual Behavior your change

but suddenly you love her mhm okay mhm

so the next day lra is like yeah I no I

won't be falling in love with him he's a

dick like no that's not a problem no

worries Riker but then it's like a

delayed reaction where she has a

complete meltdown kind of processing

that she had sex with somebody else when

she's still technically with her

boyfriend even though the boyfriend

probably thinks she's dead at this point

she's been missing for like 3 months

um so rker how long do you wait after

your partner goes missing dude I don't

know I have thought about like what what

is the appropriate time frame and also

like boyfriend there right like right I

feel like it's a little they had been

together for years and we're living

together

and yeah but I just meant more like if

like you went missing or I went missing

or one of our husbands went missing like

years into our mares like might

feel slightly different on the timeline

but you do kind of Wonder yeah hopefully

I'll never find out but well you know I

also feel like the internet just like

people have a lot of opinions on like

how long well I think it's individual

for everybody 1% can't judge cuz I was

thinking specifically of like Pat and

Oswalt getting like draged after his

wife had passed away and he found a very

kind loving woman like a year later who

I think had also maybe lost a partner

maybe don't quote me on that but like

they like developed a great relationship

and people were like I can't believe it

that you would like disgrace your wife

she's only like passed for like a year

and he's

like I think my wife would want me to

like be in a loving happy relationship

and like be like glad that like this

woman has come into my life and like

that sort of shift but like yeah you do

kind of have to wonder how

long and it is definitely a different

answer answer for each person yeah well

and for each relationship you know it's

different for everybody but she's like I

don't know if I'm ever going to get to

go home like I don't know if he thinks

I'm dead you know and it's all kind of

like hitting her the true gravity of

everything and

so my notes say rker comes in and asks

what's wrong like a [ __ ] idiot

so she just screams at him that like he

didn't use any protection so she's

probably pregnant now with some kind of

STI that he picked up from somewhere

which again I'm not looking the hate on

Sonia Justice for Sonia so he reiterates

that um he will get her back to her

family someday like he doesn't know when

but like it's going to happen he tells

her that he's never gone without a

condom um with his one partner at the

pleasure Palace um and he had a

vasectomy

and he's like also you have an implant

you told me that before like you're fine

like a birth control implant he's

like very dismissive of her like also I

literally had a friend who had an

implant and like the like a month after

she like got it she was like it felt

like it like had like got loose like it

like had like shifted position so she's

like so I went back to the doctor and

they like reinserted it to like get it

back where it was supposed to be and and

then a week later she just texted me

goes what the [ __ ] and it's just a photo

she was peeing and it just fell

out no and also I was like why does that

look like a craft that I could make from

Michael like the copper I the copper

it's like Twisted copper yes I was like

[ __ ] I could make this I don't know if

we should be inserting this how much did

your insurance pay for that I can give

you a discount what was your co-pay

Michaels is always having great

coupons the

horror yeah she was like oh

okay oh my god well and we went to the

same

o and this was when I was living in

Nashville and this was when I had the

arm implant and it was like making my

emotion I was so labile I was like so

like erratic crying one moment F the

next I was like I can't be doing this

and they literally when I called to get

it out they were like we can get you in

in 3

months and then like I was getting

married so it got delayed and then when

I actually got it out the doctor was

like we can always get people in for

things like this and I was like I need

you to explain that to your staff

because there seems to be a disconnect

cuz she's like what birth control do you

want from here and I was like nothing

you're offering I my friend's IUD fell

out of her

I couldn't get in to see you for

months I don't know why you think we're

going to have a lasting

relationship I cannot do any form of

hormonal birth control I found out

because it makes me insane well so my my

friend who had that one the one she had

specifically was the non hormonal one

because she had like a weird like

genetic thing that like the hormonal one

is that what you is it a

I didn't well maybe but I didn't know

because I had been on birth control

since I was 15 and so I didn't know I

just thought I was like

this and I finally came off of birth

control when I was like

27 I guess and I was like what is

happening right now I was like I

don't I'm not just bursting into tears

when Matt looks at me

sometimes like my poor husband

unfortunately if I do that now there's

no birth control to blame it's just me

literally like damn it and then I was on

a different hormone medication for

something else and it made me banana

pants to the point where like I'm pretty

sure I've told you this but like I just

was crying one day and Matt is like what

is wrong with you would you love me if I

didn't have arms or leg

legs he was like no please go to

sleep he's like honestly I wouldn't

honestly probably not cuz what them

hands do you know what I'm saying but

like maybe just go you still have the

mouth so I told him I'm having surgery

in a few weeks and he was like I told

him I was like yes no sex for two weeks

apparently he's like you still got a

mouth and like walked away

I'm making him sound terrible these are

all jokes and I love him very

much I just realized people who don't

know him are probably like oh oh he

didn't mean that no it's meant all in

love mat just has great comedic timing

and shouldn't be penalized for that he

shouldn't damn

it where were we what I don't [ __ ]

know so oh he

she's had a meltdown yeah she had a

meltdown and he was not the most

considerate through that So eventually

she calms down a little bit and she's

like listen I have to get the [ __ ] out

of this cabin I've literally been

indoors 4 months I am losing my [ __ ]

mind like I can't do this that's a fair

assessment as someone who loves being at

home and I'm like especially with modern

conveniences I'm like everything can

love my house right I was like why would

I leave you will bring it to me I'm

happy to pay you to bring it to me but

there is still a threshold where you're

like I just got to put on real pants man

I got to like get some fresh air I got

to just like not be in these walls a

person it will be best for everyone if I

can leave this space I can get a little

bit of space so he takes her for a day

trip on like the snowmobile he has and

it's a really nice time but when they

get back hawk is there oh

with some goons to kill lra he's like

listen I have given you time you are

[ __ ] this up royally clearly you're

not going to take care of it so I'm

going to take care of it it turns out

that Hawk is Bella's dad so he is

Riker's

father-in-law and has like and this is

when it's revealed which is why I didn't

tell you earlier cuz I was I read it

like three times I was like I'm sorry

what

so he has always hated rker

and whatever so

he shots are about to be fired at this

point yeah when Cole who is Bella's

cousin Riker's best friend like shows up

in the

woods and arrest talk literally my notes

say Cole the best friend shows up in

arrest talk question mark what the [ __ ]

is

happening that's the energy

oh so what is he arresting cuz Hawk is

Riker's boss right for the DEA yeah for

his top secret remote tella Health DEA

job so I guess rker had gone into hiding

because he had been undercover with a

mob boss and then obviously was

collecting a lot of evidence

whatever well it turned out that Hawk

had been working for that mob boss all

this time I hate it when that happens

yeah yeah like so they just let him hang

out in the woods for 3 years when they

knew where he was the whole time and

like what I don't understand but anyway

so Cole thought that rker was dead this

whole time and he is like wait Cole and

rker haven't been in communication and

planning no not at all Cole's like what

and then he's like so I thought rker was

dead and this chick looks just like my

dead [ __ ] cousin so he's just like

what have I walked into I was just

following Hawk to arrest him what is

happening oh yeah so

um rker

is just freaking out like he's just

freaking out his whole world's crashing

down Hawk has betrayed him people know

he's alive now [ __ ] he's been alive this

whole time yeah also how far into this

book are we we're moving we're like

halfway

through

what it moves faster I cut out a lot of

the second half because I was like we

don't need this wow this is yeah okay

I'm cuz I was like I need to know where

we're at cuz that's going to let me know

how much I need to Buckle in and you

saying half buckle buckle now okay

triple check that Buckle [ __ ] yeah yeah

yeah so it's March um rker admits that

he's in love with lra to himself and

um are they still in the woods because

at this point it's all been resolved so

she can go back to her family right in

theory because Cole is still figuring

everything out so he doesn't know what

information Hawk has given the a police

officer I guess I don't know that's very

unclear

so um my notes say once Cole figures

everything out lra can go home plot

holes for days with three

[Laughter]

Z's

so

lra um and rker bang reverse first

cowgirl because she's like I want to

make love to you and he's like no you

don't it's still got to be from behind

and like flips her

around and they're still only [ __ ]

from behind but he's like I'm in love

with her yeah so he tells her go to

therapy Riker seriously so um he's like

you're going to be able to go home soon

um all this time I thought that Bella's

death was my fault but it turns out that

um Cole cleared things up but we still

don't know what Cole figured out but we

know that Bella's death was not linked

to Riker's

work so um I mean I guess that's a

relief he should probably still go to

therapy though probably probably a wise

decision

um

and uh yeah

so after a lot of emotion um

rker tells lra that Bella was on her way

to an interview like a press interview

because she was in the New York City

Ballet when she was crossing the street

she was hit by a

car um and he always thought it was

connected to his under cover work and

then he gets like blind drunk like he's

like pushes zero away and he just gets

absolutely [ __ ] obliterated and

hallucinates his dead wife reminding him

of the note she left in the dog's collar

that says that um Love is one soul and

two bodies or whatever that's

paraphrasing but it's Aristotle

so and that comes up later but so Le is

taking care of him and they have not

kissed to this point either so it's not

just that they're like not facing each

other when they bang they haven't even

kissed and so they finally do and they

finally have sex face to face um and he

tells her that it will be the first and

last

time

okay um so I was like oh they're they're

hitting a turning point in their

relationship and you're like no no no

that's that's not what's happening here

because the next day she gets in the

shower with him and he's like hey it's a

new day the rules are back in place so

unless you want to get [ __ ] from

behind you might want to step out she's

like cool cool cool [ __ ] you very much

like I really hate you um he isn't

really

like someone with many redeeming

qualities that are outlined in the book

no like I want to root for him I do too

but I can't but yeah he's really not

making it

easy

so um Cole shows up and tells

lra um that he's going to be taking her

to a safe house for a week to debrief

her and go over some things make sure

that she's safe before taking her home

she can never ever mention rker um she

can only use his Alias Jonathan day so

the story that they're constructing is

that Jonathan day this weird guy living

in the woods found her car that was

crashed and then kidnapped her and held

her hostage which is all accurate but

it's Jonathan day and not Riker

steel so um say so we are telling the

truth of what happened right just a

different name so rker tells her to go

be happy with Gage that's all he wants

for her and is like very tender with her

and she's

like and

um she finally gets in the car to leave

with Cole and as they're driving down

the road the cabin explodes that rer is

in oh

yeah so now it's

April I tell you yeah it gets worse

so lra has been in the safe house now

for actually a month because she's been

grieving essentially and um she has been

reunited with her family but she's just

not back home yet um she's been signed

ndas because it's all like protected

stuff for the DEA reporters have come

out of the woodwork trying to find out

what happened to her and

everything and um Cole found Cody the

dog on the property and brought her to

lra um and when you said Cole found the

dog on the property then you like took a

beat and I was like oh no no she's okay

and then you were like to reunite them

and I'm like oh thank God I was like

emotionally I was like Han sorry no no

no I wouldn't have mentioned the dog at

all if anything bad happened to her um

so we do struggle more with animal

cruelty than human cruelty

so um Cole also tells her that they

never found Riker's body so they don't

know where he is if he's alive if he's

dead they don't know he's alive he is

definitely alive so Gage we get Gage's

perspective oh welcome to the party Gage

Gage shows up so Gage I was about to say

do we like Gage do I need to prepare for

that yeah it's unfortunate so Gage is

really panicking about

lra coming home like he's really excited

but he's like I don't know what happened

to her like I don't know like I don't

know what state she's going to be in

um and she hasn't been willing to talk

to him about it and she also hasn't been

willing to be physical with him in the

times that he has v visited her in the

safe house and he's like that's honestly

okay I just need I just want to know

like I just want to know that she's okay

like MH so um lra is now fixated on the

idea that rker is still alive

somewhere and she feels really bad

because she's been kind of like pushing

Gage away this whole time and finally

she tells Gage that she slept with her

kidnapper

consensually because he's like I

understand that that's what's like

that's what happened to you and she's

like you don't understand like I I was

an active participant I can to it um and

it's not there voluntarily right the I

engaged in those behaviors volunt

behaviors were voluntary so he had said

like nothing you tell me right nothing

that happened is going to make me stop

loving you right well then was that the

limit she discloses all this information

and he's understandably very upset he

doesn't say anything like hateful

towards her he's just like what like

what the [ __ ] and um she gets super

manipulative and gross in is how I read

it because she said like would it have

been easier on everyone if he had just

let me

die you said you would love me no matter

what is that not true and I'm like

yeah let the man have his

feelings but anyway yeah don't love that

mhm I feel that both Sonia and Gage

deserve justice so I hope they get a

spin-off yeah seriously so

um he is just happy that he's home and

he recognizes that like no matter what

she says she did what she had to do to

survive like this is you

know she's home and that's all that

matters so L's bestie comes over um and

Gage overhears lra telling her best

friend that she was in love with her

abductor which causes a big blowout like

that is the line like if there's going

to be a line for him that's really it

and so that does feel different than

like hey was there for several months

had sex with him had sex It lines were

blurred it was confusing it but it was

consensual it does feel different than

I'm in love with a man who will only

[ __ ] me from behind yep who held me

against my will for several months Okie

doie

so Gage moves out of the house that they

share

together and he's been gone for two

weeks when lra finds him in her house

and um wait he comes over to talk like

he had moved out but he came home and he

was like hanging out with Cody which

initially he did not want Cody any

anywhere near her he's like I don't want

any part of that man like near her mhm

but he understood that like Cody was a

really important part of like how she

survived that whole thing and so he he

winds up getting on board and is

actually you can't blame the dog no he's

very tight with the dog now so he's

visiting the dog and he wants to talk

about um them so they have sex actually

like things escalate really swiftly and

Gage is concerned the whole time that

she's thinking about rker and like he

she keeps saying like harder harder or

whatever and he's like she was never

vocal like this before

like did she do that with him and like

he just doesn't feel good about any of

it which is no like I get it a difficult

situation and yeah very much very much

so he then tells her like

he apologizes he's like I didn't come

over here for this I came over to tell

you that um I'm taking a six Monon job

in Toronto like I'm moving to Canada oh

um because I want you to have time to

heal me being here is not going to help

that for

you you need to decide if you

still want to be with me right like he's

like I want nothing more than to be here

with you and I also know that me being

here is preventing you from like

processing everything that you've been

through Justice for cage man I know

dude so

um

he before she had come home we find out

that he had read all of her

Diaries from her time in the cabin so he

knows that Jonathan day is rker

steel um and he Googled them and saw

that Jonathan day had like straggly hair

and like a very unkempt beard and like

black beady eyes where rker is cleancut

with blue eyes um but it's definitely

the same guy um and he saw photos of

rker with Bella and he's like oh he

brainwashed her into thinking like this

is pretty [ __ ] like it's pretty gross

um it is a pretty [ __ ] situation yeah

so but he still loves her and he just

wants her to be okay and if she's going

to be with him he wants her to be sure

of that so

um she begs him not to go and he's like

I I have to like this is important for

us right if we're going to be together

we both need to be sure and you are not

sure right now and so that all happened

in April and now it's

June jumping ahead again so um lra is

doing her best to heal um and is

reminding herself that ryer clearly

didn't love her because if he's still

alive somewhere like he let her believe

this whole time that he's dead and he

hasn't shown up so like he obviously

didn't love her the way that she loves

him I feel like he's been in her bushes

this whole time that he may or may not

have moved into the house next door so

um say in that was not a euphemism I

meant the literal bushes yeah that too

so

um Cody is acting really strange one day

um when she's outside and when she comes

back um there's a note in her collar

that says love is one soul and two

bodies which is the note that gauges or

Riker's wife had left in the collar

before so yeah before rker moves in next

door rker had been staying with Sonia

this whole

time and he is very tempted to [ __ ] her

cuz he's very pent up um but it doesn't

feel right after being back with lra and

Sonia is his friend and this is one

thing that like if there was a redeeming

moment for rker it is this um he tells

her that

cuz she kind of is coming on to him and

he's like listen you are too important

to me to [ __ ] over like that like you

matter um and she does know all of his

secrets and everything like he really

trusts her and so they have this really

tender moment where he is

like if I wasn't in the situation that

I'm in like I would have taken you away

from this like I really do care about

you and you deserve someone who is all

in with you and that just can't be me

and it's actually a very nice moment

that they share give him credit um so

um he is also upset because he knows

that Gage left lra and he's like so he

put his career before her and like all

this other [ __ ]

whatever I'm like reaching like I don't

think so buddy good sir you are not

involved in her life right now says the

secret spy DEA agent who was going to

murder her theal DEA

agent the remotework DEA agent can you

um please hold up those drugs for me to

see closer to the camera thank you so

much are you free to hop on on this

Google meet link real

fast oh my God

okay it's July um and and reker is

actually coming out of hiding because

they arrested the person who killed his

wife um they uncover that the hit was

actually taken out on

lra and Bella was killed by mistake

because they look basically identical so

what

yes because lra's Mom the reporter had

written an expose on the same mob boss

is not safe

we don't know we don't know do we we

don't know she she not what a fun

game um and so at this point rer moves

into the house next door um so he can

keep an eye on her out of his warped

sense of whatever possession possession

but like thinking it's chivalrous that

he's like keeping her safe while

stalking her we also find out here that

he is the one who got gauged that job in

Toronto he set the whole thing up he set

the whole thing up to get Gage away from

her but then was like and Gage chose his

career over her and you're like

rude like you wanted him to I'm like you

guys deserve each other you both suck

these are some messy

[ __ ] holy [ __ ] straight up the whole

thing I was just like you know I think

this might really put the why in messy

because what what are we doing here so

okay

lra gets a package that's obviously from

rker it's a snow globe with a ballerina

in it that she had seen in the cabin

before it

exploded so then she starts having these

weird like memories and

dreams of someone else's life and she's

just super confused and she keeps

dreaming about blue eyes but she doesn't

know anybody who has blue eyes and so

she's like don't what's going

he always had in black contacts but she

didn't know that she didn't know they

were contacts oh

so lra calls her

mom

because she alludes to a time when she

was having hallucinations and was in

therapy and she's like do you remember

like was I hallucinating about ballet

like do you remember that like I don't

know what's going on

and so her mom is like I'm on the way

and she's like no I'm fine it's fine

everything's fine um but she is not fine

and she is trying to get Cody inside

because she doesn't feel

right and she goes to the neighbors for

help because Cody is like out outside

somewhere and she passes out as rker

opens the

door one of those like he opens the door

and she's like is that Riker and then

fade to black yeah she got the the

vapors as it were the vapor should I

ever tell you about the time I went to a

doctor I had passed out at work like

cold like just passed out cold at work

one day and I went to a doctor a couple

of days later to get checked out and she

couldn't find anything wrong this was

like 8 years ago I think Matt and I had

just started dating and she was like

sounds like you just had the vapors you

seem fine I did not go back to that

doctor I did not return to that

healthcare provider so I have no idea

why you didn't feel like they were a

trusted and valued member of your

treatment team did you suddenly lose

Consciousness for an unknown reason it's

probably the vapor where you're wearing

a corset like what the [ __ ] you just got

the vapors

what seriously those were the words she

said to me

so rker is not sure what is going on um

he is not wearing his contacts anymore

he's cut his hair and now he looks like

himself again and he is not sure what

she

remembers um she keeps calling him

Ry and then all of a sudden lra's mom

shows up because she had just called

her and um rker is like hey lra precious

why don't you go next door and make your

mom some

coffee thanks I'm like like pat on the

ass get out of here while the grown-ups

talk and he starts choking her mom out

and asks if she's prepared to die for

killing his

wife and the mom is like I don't know

what you're talking about you're

crazy she's like just because I

interviewed Bella the day that she died

doesn't mean that I did anything to her

the interview she was going to was with

the mom whatever so um rker asks how she

pulled it off he knows that lra is his

wife lra is Bella and so he asks her mom

like how did like you stole her from me

like how did you do

this and she's like that's not true I

don't know what you're talking about and

he like yells out like I think it's

described as a roar he's like you think

I don't know the heart-shaped birthmark

on my wife's vagina

like I was wondering if the birth mark

was going to come back the birth mark

comes

back yep

so um the mom explains that the night of

her interview with Bella lra went

missing for 36 hours and was found in an

alley with no memory and some something

really traumatic happened to her but

nobody knew what um and but like she had

all of lra's ident like ID purse phone

all of lra's things were on this person

and so they were like obviously this is

lra

MHM um but she's like

um she tells reiker that she will help

him figure out what really happened if

he lets Bella continue to believe that

she is lra

and he's like

what so finally he just agrees he's like

sure yeah and he's like yeah sure I'll

agree whatever what's what's happening

here yeah he's like if she doesn't

regain her memory sure but like who's to

say she won't remember on her

own

so a a week or so later he decides to

take lra to the apartment that he shared

with Bella in New York

I am literally telling you the way that

it is written because it like there's no

transition time it's just

like yeah well so are are we assuming

that he has the information now when

he's taking her on this trip he doesn't

he's positive that this is Bella but he

doesn't know how it happened he doesn't

know okay EX exactly Yep this makes

sense so she has been avoiding him a

little bit she says that she really

needs to talk to Gage and she can't be

with rker um until she does like it's

just not fair to him um but for some

reason she agrees to go to New York with

him

and when I can't talk to you until I

talk to Gage but I will go on a road

trip with you but no

sex so when they get there lra starts to

wig out about being a replacement for

his wife she's like is that why you

brought me here like that's [ __ ] up

and he tells her that he fell in love

with lra at that cabin regardless like

he loves her and um she keeps having

this really strange day jabu and then

all of a sudden she passes out

again and when she wakes up are not

enough medic Professionals in this book

for how often this woman loses

Consciousness no I'm really concerned

she needs an

EKG so she remembers that she's Bella

when she wakes

up just being back in her space yeah

that he's been paying for this apartment

for 3 years

yep no one questioned that even though

he was

dead nope of course why would they sorry

didn't mean to interrupt so then they

bang and there are Declarations of

undying

love and she explains that she and lra

were in fact

twins separated at Birth and adopted by

different

families um and they just happened to

find each other in the city when they

were both living in New York they like

happened to be in the same place or

something crazy they had blood tests

done to confirm it and everything she

doesn't know why she didn't tell rker

right away she's like I don't know why I

didn't tell you I just I just didn't at

the

time and um they had decided to play a

trick on lra's mom cuz lra's Mom had

called to request an interview with

Bella and um so they switched places to

see if the mom would notice cuz they

thought it would be funny like Parent

Trap but there was a hit out on lra at

the time

and

so when they switched when she went to

meet with L's mom the people

assumed it was lra and killed

her but she had Bella's ID on her so um

okay she does not remember what happened

after lra got hit by the car that's

where her memory ends and then she woke

up in the hospital with every everyone

calling her lra and telling her that she

was

lra so that's

that and now it's

August wait yeah

yeah

yeah I have more questions but they

probably won't get answered so I'm just

going to let us move

on so now rker and Bella are living

together in the house next to the one

that she shared with Gage so they're

like back in this smaller town um they

can't tell the world that she's alive

because they don't know if the mob

threats are still there um but they do

know they need to tell lra's parents and

Gage um but the mob threats weren't

against her right so

right right okay

a plot device is

coming at the very end that's supposed

to answer all of those I will let you be

the judge of whether they do or not so

um they bang some more good for them 69

with him on top all that good

stuff um rker meets with lra's

mom um and she knew there was a hit out

on lra

so she

intentionally scheduled an interview

with Bella knowing that they were twins

so that Bella would be killed instead

but that backfired

obviously and here's fun here's another

fun one um she also paid

Gage all these years to be with lra paid

him the whole

time mhm wait what mhm mhm paid him 4

years to be with lra to keep an eye on

her because he also

knew no he had no

idea still don't know why she felt the

need to pay him he's a very sweet man he

seems sweet he was just going to be with

her anyway yeah I mean I guess if if you

wanted to pay me to do something I was

already going to do I'd let

you so a couple of days later so ryer

and lra's Mom Bella

everything and a couple of days later

Gage shows

up but he does not believe the story

that Bella is telling him he is like

you've been brainwashed like this story

is [ __ ] nuts like no

no but did he admit that he'd been

getting paid so he explains that she was

adamant that he take this money so he

opened opened a separate checking

account and was putting the money into

it and has never ever touched it and he

had been planning on like giving her a

check for the full amount on their

wedding day to be like go [ __ ] yourself

basically um and he had been planning to

propose to her that day like when he

came home he's like I've missed you so

much in Toronto and so I don't don't

think when you've disappeared for

several months to be like I you need

this space and like you need to figure

out what you really want and if what you

really want is me like I don't think my

return day with no conversation of where

we landed is when I'm going to show up

with a ring in my pocket right so it's a

very tearful goodbye M there's a lot of

love between them he's a very good man

he gives her the r and he's like sell it

throw it away whatever but I bought it

for you so you know keep it and think of

me and know that like I'm always going

to love you like no matter what I meant

it when I said it like I I'm always

going to love you like I hope that he

makes you happy

basically so um and he is taking a

permanent position in Toronto so he's

leaving for good this [ __ ] I

know he was going to propose

and was he and quit his job yes was he

just going to quit or did he was he

going to propose and be like and we're

moving to Toronto no he was going to

quit yeah I mean I don't fault him for

moving to Toronto When It ultimately did

not work out but I do feel like if you

know a outof country move might be on

the

table if an international move might

warrant a discussion like maybe at like

maybe talk about that before you propose

yeah just check in you know

so it's

September and yeah okay who should show

up at the New York apartment where Bella

and rker have moved in together but

Sonia Sonia shows up Sonia how do she's

about to be pretty terrible but then I

guess it gets better oh no so she tells

Riker that the mob boss who was after

them is going to leave them alone now

she's like listen what trust me you're

safe forever

now and something in the way she says it

has she been undercover this whole time

too

no kind of so something in the way that

she's acting like triggers a flashback

for rker and he loses his [ __ ] [ __ ]

and Bella is not home at this point so

Sonia's just in their house house and he

comes to and has like ripped all of

Sonia's clothes off looking for a

wire he thinks well who cares if she's

wearing a wire what does that have to do

with anything nothing but Bella had come

home while he was losing his [ __ ]

mind and is trying to comfort Sonia and

take care of her because he hurt

her and

so honestly I'm glad that that's how

that sentence was going and not like and

saw him taking off her clothes and said

Sonia's such a [ __ ] no we're seriously

almost done like we're about to move

into the plot device that's supposed to

like put a bow on it and so like okay

I'll shut up I'm sorry no no no no no

like Sonia is the plot device

so he and Sonia share a very tender

moment and they like declare that they

do have feelings for each other and like

there is love and companionship between

the two of them they were there for each

other in times of need and all that kind

of stuff and Bella is like oh so this is

how he felt when I was with Gage this

[ __ ] sucks like don't like that and

um eventually Sonia tells them that um

again that they are both free the mob

boss is her

brother and she told him that she loved

rker and that he was a good man and he

was he cared for her very much and she

gives rker a letter from her brother

explaining that um Hawk is actually the

one who orchestrated lra's accident near

Riker's cabin in an effort to like

punish him so he would have to kill

somebody who looked just like his wife

or something it's a little bit convolute

um and he also says he is lifting any

hit order or surveillance that had been

on the two of them and they are

free

no and

that's we're about to move into the

epilog so tell me your thoughts and

feelings no I'm going to wait for the

end of

theog so it's December again mhm of

course is Bella is back performing with

the

ballet um she is not anywhere near where

she used to be professionally it's going

to take a long time to like condition

herself to be able to do that but um she

is doing a debut in a

showcase um she has reconnected with

lra's Dad who is essentially becoming a

father figure for her um because her own

dad lest we forget is Hawk and and he's

in prison so but wasn't he an adoptive

father as well yes not that that's

discrediting adoptive parents just in

the

overarching convolution of is

convolution a word cuz I like should be

I like it like the word I I'm on board

with I will coign that thank you

convolution so um L's dad comes to the

Showcase and so does Gage because they

have reconnected and they are good

friends

um I left out an

entire secondary tertiary I don't even

[ __ ] know storyline about Cole the

cousin and the best friend they wind up

together Hawk hates the best friend

deeply and I'm like that's even more

reason why I hate you but they're all at

the

Showcase it's a triumphant night

everything is great

and that's a happily ever

after she really did rated Days of Our

Lives episode she did with secret Twins

and like yeah wow secret agents and

faking our deaths and Amnesia lest we

forget the

Amnesia I love any mystery that can be

solved by a cter birthmark

that was really that was the clue we

along all into motion for rker that's

the clue we need it all

along oh okay uh-huh I'm honestly I

might still read

it I did leave out a lot that sounded

ridiculous but in like the most fun

ridiculous way it was very much one of

those where like you're reading you're

reading you're like okay I get it I got

it I know where we are and then you're

like where are we I'm sorry what the

[ __ ] hang on and then you go back and

you're like did I miss something no no

we just moved from you know April to

June well that's like was it that book

seeing double that we reviewed where I

was like wait she's cuffed she's cuffed

to the and suddenly her hands are on

them and I was like but how like maybe

whatever book it was I just remember

being like no I've reread this scene

three times and I don't get how it

happened mhm

yes well okay um what's our rating

system ballet slippers she's ballerina

birth marks birth

marks cter birth

marks so I I had a birthmark that looked

like a perfect Target it was dark light

dark In Like A Perfect Circle and they

were like hey cool cool cool that is

cancerous babe and they cut I was like

this sucks cuz it's so

cool but I had no take my less cool

birth mark I know right it was big too

it was pretty big I'm like man that

really

sucks but I also have one in my tear

duct and so every now and then people

will be like you have something in your

eye and I'm like no I

don't oh that's like one time my dad

told me I had something on my face but

it was just my

mustache very good that was a humbling

moment yeah very good yes um I think

ballet slippers I think ballet slippers

feels right

so we'll go out of 12 cuz we went over

12 months

we love that yep um this is individual

slippers not pears it's not a 12 verse

24 situation people trying to be as

specific as possible to avoid confusion

cuz I'm still processing the book 12

right-footed ballet

slippers

um I think like

your

face I

I I think

four three

four honestly I was probably going to go

slightly higher from the review I

received it sounded messy but also once

we as we said before like enjoyably

messy it was enjoyably messy I just

hated rker so much yeah Ryker

isn't my favorite and I see what you

mean where like he didn't really become

kind at any point he just suddenly had

his wife back

yeah and there were moments where he

took care of her and like you know like

he bringing her eyes for her hand when

she punched him in the face and like he

cooked for her and you know but it was

it was not he got supplies in town for

her while he was getting it with Sonia

so it's like

okay I guess he didn't hook up with

where the [ __ ] was Sonia living that her

brother is like the head of the mob so

there's B like some kind of explanation

that there is stranged or something

and she ran away and lives in a brothel

but she wrote him a

memo being like she was like wink wink

bro

hey I know we don't really talk but if

you could do me a solid for my ex-lover

rker and that's kind of why I'm going

for it because there was so much that

like I would have loved to know more

about Sonia and like her history and

where did she come from and like more

time for rker to develop like there was

a lot that like felt like missed

opportunities to for the characters cuz

the story was messy and super

interesting and like yeah very Days of

Our Lives and it was a lot but I like

wanted to know more about the characters

and it just felt like it was just

missing you

know yeah a little too much plot not

enough character development that's fair

so four out of 12 mhm individual ballet

slippers five we'll go five wow I know

I'm really going for it well that throws

off I was about to do some fraction

reduction if you're going five out of 12

well wait okay so 12 is six pairs nope

nope that's why we didn't do the 12

verse 24 Hannah you won't you won't

trick me with that four out of 12

individual right-footed ballet slippers

let us know how many ballet slippers you

would rate this are they pointed are

they shoes yeah right and I forgot to

mention there were so many so many steel

puns that I chose to ignore

fully I'm a little sad about that yeah I

didn't have the space because I was like

I'm trying to understand what is

happening I can't get caught up on the

puns maybe we'll do a bonus episode

where you just you're running down the

list of puns with no additional

explanation I like that idea Peak social

Med Med content yeah we really got to

get our Tik Tok reinstated I don't know

what

happened all right don't forget to uh

tell us how many ballet slippers you

would rate this and also don't forget to

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got several or make a recommendation and

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know okay but for real leave us your

book recommendations cuz we really want

to know what they are and on that note

we will uh we will bow out graciously

see you next time smut I my puppies well

that's it for this week's mut [ __ ] we

hope it was good for you cuz it sure was

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