Smut Club

oh we should save

this fans cut this in somewhere this

should be our intro

before the theme song before the theme

song we do have a theme song which is

weird well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Chelsea and

[Applause]

Hannah hey everybody and welcome to

Smart club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea

and and this the podcast where we are

two licensed therapists who sometimes

daydrink sometimes don't while we review

romance novels of varying caliber

typically it's B box we aren't sponsored

by B box it'd be a lot cooler if we were

U but

today our book is uh okay so the book is

dear monster claw by mave black okay and

ma was kind enough to include drink

recipes at the start of the book and we

love that yes there was both a

peppermint White Russian and a like

peppermint coffee recipe oh we went

Peppermint White russan we did and my

husband looked at the recipe before he

made it and was like you I'm I'm going

to cut this in half so that you guys can

have a coherent show yeah and the half

filled

ack class yeah

it's it's just different alcohols like

there's no there's that's cutting this

nope so we're going to see how this goes

yeah come on this journey with us yeah

yes um also peppermint is going to be a

very prominent theme in this book oh

okay the dedication for the book

is and I quote to everyone who always

wondered what what it would be like to

be dick down by a candy

cane I've never wondered

that

sorry oh thank you so much for asking

that's so kind I've literally never

given a [ __ ] about peppermint in a

sexual capacity if anything I'm like

that seems like it would burn I was

going to go sticky but burn also yeah a

sticky burn is the worst is the worst

kind of burn sticky

Burn yeah I didn't like those words put

together if I'm being

honest yeah um all right so the book

opens with so SOI is uh her full name

she is a

cupid oh which is a people group in this

book a people group like an ethnicity

there are monsters and

different types of you okay so I'm a

super people group a supernatural a

supernal I should have said soup and not

super that sounded very sarcastic but

that's not what I meant Hannah did you

not read the dedication of this book

it's okay it's

fine not a candy

cane so she is a cupid and it is a

family business so she has a couple of

siblings like her brother Valentine that

goes by vow um and then she has two

sisters and so they all go around and

Cupids help people find love but they

are not faded to ever find love

themselves they just like oh yes and so

she wants love more than anything in the

entire world um which her like siblings

don't really get because they're like

yeah it's just like not it's not for us

yeah it's not our way if you will we've

practiced radical acceptance and we're

cool with it yes so she is currently

talking to valer at a little coffee shop

in mistletoe Grove cute do I know where

mistletoe Grove is absolutely not thanks

for asking um it is in the human realm

but where in the human realm someplace

that gets snow Pennsylvania we were just

there we'll just go

back much like all I wink for

Christmas we'll just go back to all of

these books in Pennsylvania in the

winter we're all Eagles fans so well and

it sounds like different Cupid families

get assigned different like regions and

so like so is like oh it's so nice that

we get a region in the human realm that

has Christmas in the holidays because

she really likes Christmas and so she's

talking to her brother about her desires

and wanting love and her brother's like

can you just distract yourself like it's

honestly not the most helpful and he's

like you love Christmas just stay in

mistletoe Grove for a little bit like

you don't you don't have any upcoming

assignments of couples that you're

supposed to be helping so just like take

a little bit of time en enjoy your

reprieve sort of energy and the

brother's name is Val right yes I'm just

I just am picturing Val

Kilmer and that I don't think is the

energy they were going for honestly I

could accept her brother being a Valk

Kilmer type okay okay well that makes me

feel better he's not very prominent so

it it doesn't take a lot of mental

gymnastics to get there it won't take

away from the story that's good yes

exactly so she decides to stay in

mistleto Grove through Christmas and uh

they have a house there I don't really

know she's already she's already set up

but she goes into town for some human

snacks not that Cupids need human snacks

she just

enjoys treats and likes sweet things so

when she gets into town she like sees

signs and hears that Santa

is like you can go see Santa and tell

them what you want for Christmas and so

she's like oh my God is Santa real this

is incredible so she like goes and like

gets in line and it is for like a mall

Santa absolutely a and it is exactly

what you think will happen where she

goes in thinking this is like sincere is

like sits on Santa's lap is like all I

want is love Santa's like did the elves

[ __ ] put you up to this I'm just here

for some quick cash like and so she's

just so embarrassed and a I was worried

it was going to get pervy that's better

than I thought oh you know that is

better than pervy yeah just more of like

a I'm just here to try and make some

quick money I don't appreciate you

[ __ ] with me basically like a sure

you want another Fisher Price Toy cool

kid and then he gets to this grown woman

who also cute like the cupid people

they're not all the exact same color but

they're all have their own like pink

tint to them so she's kind of like a

light pink skin and hair that the people

in mistleto Grove except as like

cosplay oh so she's just very committed

yes and so they like see

her thinking she's in Cosplay sitting on

Santa's lap asking for

and he the mall Santa's like he's like

are you a perv like he's like I just

want to pay my rent man it's not that

deep

a yes so she runs off mortified because

that did not go how she hoped we are now

going to switch to

arson

yep so I'm just going to assume this is

a diesel axle

Nut

Job um less of The Nut Job energy that

we normally expect from someone named

arson it's more because he's a dragon oh

okay okay yeah logically I don't know

why that wasn't your first guess Hannah

sorry I should have known I don't know

why Dragon people group wasn't next up

on your

list so

arson my not say he is not human he is

not Jolly he is Santa and a

dragon he is not human he is not Jolly

yes he has lost all of his Christmas

spirit he just he super Grumps yes yeah

uh and is just like going through the

motions and it's also being a being

Santa is a family business like not in

the same way where it's not like there's

like multiple Santas handling different

regions it seems more of like cool he's

Santa and he does this until he decides

to settle down and like meets someone

and then he passes the torch to his

Brother

Pyro obviously yes yeah torch no pun

intended but it did work hey so he's

he's complaining to his Brother Pyro

about his lack of Christmas spirit who

and like pyro is just

like Christmas is coming up bro we're

like less than two weeks out you you got

to find the spirit you got to like snap

out of it people are depending on you

he's like read some letters do what you

need to do

so arson picks up a letter and it is in

a cute little pink envelope and it

smells

sugary and it just draws him in and it

is a letter from Cupid from so being

like Dear Santa do you go by Santa

is that is that your preferred name are

you real I really want love I I promise

I've been a good girl what do I need to

do yes not a good girl not a good

girl oh no he's like and he's reading

the letter and he's like it's making me

feel warm inside even warmer than usual

because I'm a

dragon lust we forget arson is a dragon

yes so he reads this letter thinks it's

the most endearing thing and then starts

going through like the giant stack of

letters and finds all of the ones that

she has sent so he's going through

finding all of the pink envelopes and

just like feverishly reading them and

with each letter he finds her more and

more

endearing uh the last letter smelled

slightly peppermint esque uh and my

notes say a Santa dragon aphrodesiac

he's very into the peppermint smell of

this letter okay and uh like the final

letter she sends him says like can you

grant me one wish I've heard you're a

giving man and I'm a giving girl I'm on

my hands and knees Santa sincerely a

very good

girl so much like this

cocktail this is not subtle

wasn't trying to be yeah no no part of

it in fact we added bitters to the

cocktail which made it more subtle yeah

uh the the cocktail pre- bits really

slapped you in the face it the inside of

a Peppermint Patty without the chocolate

it was like like we read too many trashy

Romance I'm like he had like Lick in the

inside of the ass

ass play with a peppermint P chelse

where did that come

from from the depths is where it came

from oh my God what does this taste like

this drink tastes like

ass with a peppermint

P you know we should start reviewing

like snacks and

drinks with that frame we would be very

successful

oh my

God

so arson decides to go after her good

for him he needs to see if he can find

his Christmas spirit it is the week

before Christmas and Santa is leaving

the North Pole uhoh to go find the good

girl on her hands and

knees sure yep mhm not trying to be

subtle at nope at any point we never

were no you just on bran for us in a lot

of

ways it's why mes are people yeah I was

like okay I respect you more just shout

out to mave thanks Ma so back to se it

is uh day 18 of letter writing at this

point so like yeah it's more than just

like two or three letters I think he

read over 10 of them in all of this and

the last letter she like writes it she

doesn't even know if she's going to send

it it's very sad it's just being like I

don't even know if you're real I'm a

virgin I don't know what it's like to be

loved I just want love man like it's

very like okay I guess maybe it's not in

the cards for me like maybe it's silly

for me to keep writing these yes yeah a

very much her energy and so she falls

asleep on the couch and she wakes up to

hear a noise on the

roof and

like like at no point is there any

um like little Kink or like little play

involved here but some of her like

innocence and childlikeness kind of like

seemed reminiscent of that as I was

reading because she like here's a sound

and unlike all I wank for Christmas

where Holly had very logical responses

of like I should call the police because

there's a [ __ ] person breaking into

my house yeah she hears so hears a

slight sound and it's like is that Santa

goes and grabs her first thought not

even Christmas night no goes and grabs

her ladder to go check the roof oh so

yes and it was Santa but that's not the

point it's very I'm concerned about her

overall safety I'd call it her Caucasian

curiosity but she she's pink her Cupid

curiosity like I'm like so have a better

sense of

self-preservation so she gets her ladder

and is like climbing up onto like the

flat part of her roof and like slips on

the ladder but instead of hitting the

ground she realizes like she's suspended

in

air and she's like what's happening

Santa so baby

girl I just want you to be safe and

Arison is like was making sure she

didn't fall right but and like and his

voice booms she can't see him but he's

like why are you so impatient and she

literally her response is like I just

wanted to see

Santa where I'm

like in the I just want you to live

through the night cognitively are you

all there this feels like you're in

danger to

yourself oh so like no sense of

self-preservation

none but he does she's like well like

show yourself so like like he comes into

view and

she thinks he's the hottest person she

has ever seen she is instantly enamored

he uh has dark red skin and has some

like scales on his

cheekbones um like a contour yes has he

has wings okay uh so very clearly not a

human Santa mhm and he introduces

himself as arson and she's like that's

not Santa's name s and then we find out

Santa is shortened from his last name

Sana stop it you know Aron Santana Santa

for

short

okay I'm

back I just need to sit with it I just

need to have a moment and now I'm back

well I'm just thinking of

like the musical artist from the mids

Santana I'm like okay sure Smooth you're

thinking a smooth I'm thinking of

[ __ ] smooth I'm like sure sure sure

that can be that can be Santa

okay not my

Santa

[Laughter]

sorry well so she's like Santa and he's

like I'm arson and she's like arson

Santa I just need to know if Santa's

real and can grant my wish I wasn't even

selfish I just asked for

love it's not a big ask maybe if you're

Cupid it's not a big ass in the human

realm it's a big ass it doesn't feel

like a small ask yeah

yeah so he sees her shivering in the

cold because there's snow on the ground

like it's not a warm place and he's

automatically like I need to get her

inside she's too cold and he's like I

shouldn't care about her that much yet

you

okay I presumably we've flew across the

world from the North Pole to what I'm

assuming is

Pennsylvania to meet her because of her

letters like okay buddy like clearly

you're already invested just double down

on the investment yes and he thinks

she's the cutest thing ever in person as

well and so she's like asking these

questions and she's like so are you

Santa so did you get my letters so you

didn't answer my question and he's like

do you start every sentence with so and

she rolls her eyes and he's like oh the

humans must be rubbing off on you and

she's like they haven't been rubbing off

on me at all I listen to the right

person for the right reasons wink WN oh

look at that brat energy cute yeah big

Kamala energy you know brat brat

Christmas been I'm glad I haven't had to

delve into it but like trying to talk

talk to like my Boomer parents no about

like Kamala is mother she is

brat like what do these work like so

what what's her economic policies

and my dad was telling me that he got

conned into watching the

debate got conned into watching the

debate literally so he was at he has a

cabin in the mountains and he was up

there without my mom and the other

people on the mountain which is like a

community of retired people basically

invited him to dinner and it was just

supposed to be dinner and he was like

that sounds great thank you and then

they put on the debate and he was like

well all right I'mma head out that's a

way to bond with some new neighbors

right and they were like no you have to

stay like stay we're going to watch the

debate stay and he's like you don't want

to do this with me he's like please

don't please

I hate both of them so

much they were like you have to stay and

he's telling me he's like my dad is

generally a very like affable funny

laidback sort of dude and he's like I'm

telling you within the first five

minutes I don't know which one of them

said something but one of them said

something and I went [ __ ] like I had

political

Tourette and he was like none of them

had had ever heard me curse before and I

was like I tried to tell you to let me

leave political

Tourette also what's super wild is that

by the time this episode drops we will

have a new we will have a new

president well they we'll have a

president-elect yeah we'll have a

president- elect yes yeah which is what

a weird season we're about to enter into

we might need more of these Peppermint

White Russians that adjust the recipe so

they don't Us in the face luckily we

have hella schops

so because they didn't sell it in the

size that any normal person I'm sorry

schnaps should only be sold in small

bottles who needs a liter of

schnaps like who who needs a liter of

peppermint schn all right also a call

back to all I W for Christmas it's like

peedy need a thousand bottles of lube

that shops begs the question of how big

were the bottles of lube oh my God no I

was thinking of uh Super Troopers with a

liter of

cola Super Troopers is a deep cut it is

I feel like that's not one that's

referenced as readily these days it

should be though CU it's so good good

for you Hannah yeah thank you thank you

so switching back to so's point of view

she is thinking that he is stupid hot

and gets overwhelmed to the point that

she like passes out

hold on so he's okay okay so he's so hot

that she loses

Consciousness that's how I read it okay

if someone else has read it differently

cuz I reread it a couple times but it's

like she's like starting to get

overwhelmed by like oh my God he's here

is this real what's happening he's so

hot I'm so overwhelmed and she like

faints

sure how

embarrassing being such an [ __ ] it's

very Victorian like a fainting couch

moment yes it's a very much a fainting

couch

moment but when you're reading it you're

like oh oh she is she she she passed out

okay so she wakes up thinking she had a

great

Dream It's like this is Santa is a

dragon yes she's like Santa is the

hottest person I've ever seen in real

life and he's not even human and he came

to see me

so she realizes he's still there and he

asks like in like she fell asleep on the

couch he was kind of in the chair and

she's like oh you're still here this was

real okay and in this conversation he

asks what she is because she she does

have the pink hair and the pink skin and

so she explains that she's a cupid and

he didn't know like it sounds like while

there are lots of

different paranormal beings they don't

all coexist in the same Realms so he's

like

wait what Cupids are real and like he

had no

idea um and so they end up making a deal

that because her big Christmas wish

being that she wants to find love so he

agrees that he will help her find love

if she helps him find his Christmas

spirit and she's like confused by the

request at

first and he's like thinking he's going

to need to explain where she doesn't get

it and then she's really just confused

because she's like wait what you don't

have a Christmas spirit Christmas is the

best yeah of course I can show you how

to have fun at Christmas yeah everybody

loves Christmas who doesn't this is the

best time of the year like yeah and so

she's like yeah I'll I'll take this deal

no problem it's literally in a song it's

the most wonderful yes come on man so

they agree to this deal where he will

help her find her love and she will help

him find his Christmas spirit

again uh it's funny because

she's like he's like let's go find cheer

she's like let's go find love just

they're very sweet it's on the nose it

is obvious the entire time it's exactly

what you expect it to be yeah in a

comforting way if I'm being honest yeah

yeah so he's like all right we've made

this deal like gonna help her find love

I'm going to start with the hard-hitting

question so he's like have you ever

[ __ ] someone before and she's like

what no

this is the difference

between Dragon men and women oh yeah and

men and women not just Dragon human just

generally not to be like you know

stereotypical or anything but men are

like has anyone ever touched your clip

before has anybody ever found the G-Spot

and women are like so has anyone ever

truly seen you right like have you ever

felt fully safe with someone before has

someone ever touched your soul before

right not your [ __ ] but like your whole

soul your whole soul not the whole in

your body not the the back hole hey yeah

so he's like have you ever [ __ ]

someone before have you orgasmed and

she's getting very embarrassed by this

yeah but we also learn she has no

experience has not kissed someone has

not touched someone

even at one point they mentioned that

like Cupids aren't super affectionate so

she like goes to hug her brother and he

like gives her like an awkward side hug

so

like she's just she's also touch starved

yes very much so and he's like all right

we'll start you slow like now that I

know and he so he's like put wraps her

in his arms and he's like I'm she's like

what are you doing and he's like I'm

showing you what it feels like to be

held and she goes I think I like

it my heart I think I like it I think I

like it and honestly she like he's like

well I'm glad she likes being held I'm

just sitting here thinking about [ __ ]

her and trying to like keep it together

and be appropriate that's also real life

yeah so like he backs up and he's like

all right very successful first lesson

we nailed lesson number one

perfect platonic hugging nailed

it what it's like to be held although I

will say my very first date with my

husband we got very drunk came back to

my house I told him he'd get blue balls

and but at one point we were making out

and he wrapped his arms around me and

even with as drunk as I was on our first

date I remember thinking is this what it

feels like to be held like he was

so and I told I was telling a friend of

mine that story and she goes I felt the

same way the very first time my husband

held me she goes to the point that like

that she had little like banners for

like before she walked down the aisle of

like you're the first person who taught

me what it was like and she goes yeah

but my idiot like nieces and nephews

held it the wrong way so no one could

see the sign a but I was like okay the

more people I speak with though it seems

like that's kind of a common like the

way they're partner held them deeply

resonated with them I didn't think about

it until this moment I've only been

married for seven and a half years with

my husband for eight but I'm like yeah

though actually yeah like mhm yeah

you're like oh there was something about

being like Oh like there's safety there

yeah weird yeah I'm on board now though

something to think about yeah yeah I get

it yeah you're like I hadn't considered

it but now that I have

it's not far-fetched at all well the

moment that like sticks out for me

because this was so the person who like

officiated our wedding sent us these um

like questionnaire things separately

that we weren't allowed to talk about

our answers to that we had to like send

her

whatever and one of the questions was

like when did you

know that you loved them right like what

was the moment and mine

was Matt and I were like laying in bed

and he goes I really

love

this and I was

like well I really love you like it was

just the sweetest thing in the world

that he was like like I could tell that

he like wanted to connect but didn't

want to freak me out and he so he was

like I really

love this eating pizza with you yeah it

was like wait what it was so cute I was

like okay you're like let me help you

out here yeah I love you he's like oh

thank God he was like okay I love you

too like okay good and I was like yeah

that was right like that was good was

that the moment you knew yeah like it

like you like hadn't it hadn't clicked

until he was like yeah I really love

spending time with you and you're like

and I really love you yeah because I was

just coming out of my ho face and so I

just been like dating a lot of people

and going out a lot and kind of like

doing whatever and so I wasn't super

mindful or like insightful about what I

was feeling cuz I wasn't looking for

that but then I was like oh my God that

is what this is I was like oh my God

that's so

cute and to this day like the majority

of what he does I'm like that's the

cutest thing in the world like he is

pretty adorable he's so adorable I don't

know would he like the word adorable

he'd probably be like okay like

begrudging acceptance he would not have

a strong

reaction but yeah the majority of

everything he does is just the cutest

I'm like oh like he's he's been kissing

Gizmo's Paws a lot our dog Gizmo who was

paralyzed he will just like get down on

the ground while Gizmo's on the couch

and just like kiss on his little paws

and on his little head and he just lays

his head down and I'm like I love you so

much much like it's the cutest thing in

the world it's really

sweet man having healthy marriages is

awesome it's [ __ ] wild yeah yeah I'm

like highly recommend

it I I'm like I get it when it's like

this it's [ __ ] awesome I get why

people would want to do this yes and

please hear me I also get and have seen

and personally experienced plenty of

relationships I'm like nope should not

be doing this for the rest of my life by

any stretch of the imagination but I'm

like

having just like a healthy marriage with

your best friend it's really nice I've

also experienced the joy of singledom

like there's no wrong answer just do

follow your heart you know like well and

I think it was like an old

Seinfeld like interview yeah I want to

say it was Jerry Seinfeld who was

talking about like when you know how to

be married like when you understand how

to be married you can be married to

anyone yeah and I'm like yes at some

level like I I get that where you're

like when you understand the level of

communication needed how you exist in

each other's orbits like when you figure

out compromise and communicate like like

oh yeah I absolutely understand where

I'm like you could be married to anyone

when you understand the tenants of what

you need for a successful marriage and I

also just like don't want to be married

to anyone uh-uh I'm like sure I can

figure out how to communicate to make

this work on an ongoing basis but like

mhm it's way cooler to be married to my

best friend who just wants to do dope

[ __ ] all the time yes yeah yeah just

like we just go to concerts and watch

horror movies and like spend time with

all our animals that [ __ ] [ __ ] rocks

and we go to bookstores and

puzzle and I love that we both found our

people we did yes oh this is not

relevant either but it is going to be

helpful when I buy Christmas presents

for my husband cuz he started doing

these um like puzzle models these like

3D things so they're like thousands of

pieces and he has one now that he's

doing that's like a werewolf he did one

that was like a like a skull with horns

thing that like lights up and [ __ ] that

he made um so not Lego but like Lego

adjacent when it ter of constru yes but

it's like metal and they have screws

yeah they have screws and like hinges

and all this [ __ ] and they move like

it's very cool I'm like great I know

what I can get you now he's so hard to

shop for we do for the holidays each

year we do four gifts we do something

you want something you need something to

wear something to read mhm but I somehow

feel like Vance gets a fifth Lego gift

every year

he does love his Lego models he does

love his Lego models and I'm like if the

thing you want to do is Lego I love that

for you yes we can do that I don't give

a [ __ ] that sounds like a great night

this is also let's also like look back

on like Middle School Chelsea where my

parents were like Chelsea like doesn't

really like I wasn't the most social and

my sister was very much the person that

like she had her whole roster so like

the first they were busy she'd call the

next and she'd go down until she made

plans and I was the person where I was

like I wanted to hang out with Hannah

well I called Hanna and she was busy so

I'm good so I'm going to read yeah yeah

yes it was very much me and so my

parents would like always have plans on

the weekends and they'd be like do you

want to hang out with anyone and it'd be

like I got 10 episodes of SVU on the

DVR I'm set and so marrying someone

who's like Chelsea I realized I like

staying home and just like doing puzzles

and reading books with a fire I'm

like yes popcorn and horror movies every

weekend unless he has planned a

concert that's it and I will let you

watch all of the horror movies yeah and

I will do something I'll watch something

else with my husband but I love that we

both have our things we do it's so nice

so we're finding that being held is nice

also so yeah we are but just to be very

clear Hannah and Matt's love of horror

movies goes beyond just watching them

like which just to be very

clear so that's true so our whole house

is decorated in horror movie stuff most

of our clothing has like some kind of

horror movie stuff on it or it's a

concert T-shirt Matt has a lot of horror

movie tattoos he just got a new insane

clown posy tattoo which is not

technically horror movie but it is

horrific

so but horror is

involved yeah so yes we we do love it I

have been watching horror movies from

like the 70s and

80s it's been incredible highly

recommend if you're into Horror in any

way vampire circus from

1972 is like there is full bush in so

many moments I wasn't I didn't know I

did not anticipate the words full Bush

being used I was like what the [ __ ] like

I was like oh this is a fun vampire

movie from the 70s and I was like I can

see her vagina I was like oh my God why

did you just say that like the end of

the

sense I vaginas they're everywhere I

just wasn't ready they don't know their

vaginas I didn't know

I was like oh my God but yeah like

horror movies from the 70s and 80s hit

different they really do well okay so

she finds out what it's like to be held

it's lovely and that hits different and

then she tells him that they're going to

go into town because she needs to get a

tree and then there's also going to be a

lighting

ceremony um for like in in the town for

the town tree right so when as they're

going into town he's like grumbling

because he's like essentially like used

magic I guess to uh hide his wings and

kind of put on a human skin and she's

like yeah like maybe like don't extend

your wings but like you can use cosplay

as an excuse here and they'll accept it

so you can like walk around with your

skin and like feel a little more

comfortable right um which he is very

appreciative of so they are going and

they are looking at trees and all of

them are like too puny and not big

enough and then she finds one that's

like the perfect

tree and all

right here's my question not my question

here's my trouble and I'm about to

explain it because you're just looking

at me the conundrum yeah yeah here's my

conundrum they're like it's too big to

put on the roof of a car if we call a

taxi so instead arson just carries it on

his back all the way to her house so

it's but like he like pretends that like

it's heavy so that he'll seem more

human and puts the tree on his back and

like pretends to like struggle with the

weight of it

okay but he like initially when he sees

the tree he's like [ __ ] like she's like

I want this tree he's like we don't need

this tree and she like puts her foot

down and she's like we are looking for

the [ __ ] Christmas spirit we are

taking this tree back to the house and

we are decorating it like and so the

tree salesman guys when AR like you've

made your wife very happy and so is like

he's not we're not and Aron interrupts

and is like she's just a little bit shy

isn't she and like Taps her on the chin

and then he he carries the tree all the

way back to her house that was too large

to go on the top of a carh and I mean I

I guess

what what I'm filling in here is like

maybe if you are calling a taxi or an

Uber it's a bit presumptuous to assume

you can put a huge tree on the top tree

on top yeah so that's how I've chosen to

interpret it but when they were like

it's too big for that but then they look

at him like you're a strapping man you

could handle this I am picturing him

like Jesus of Nazareth carrying the

cross that is why I made the face that I

made I was like he's like doubled over

hauling it over his shoulder I'm sorry I

just hit my M I'm so sorry V

I was picturing like like Mel Gibson's

Passion of the Christ he's like you

imagining Jim cavel beaten and bruised

with a Christmas

tree yes I

was I'm so sorry do you remember when um

will frell did a Jim cisel

interview as an anchor man Ked

yes Jim cisel I get it

JC okay

Yahweh not

yahe yeah back in the day I was like oh

okay so he's carrying it like what's his

name on the righteous gemstones where

he's like hauling the

cross where they he has the weird

CrossFit cult anyway

so they get the tree back to the house

and they get it in the base and he is

looking at it and looking at all of the

decorations she's pulling out and he is

actually like starting to get excited

and he's like this is the first time

I've decorated a tree in years and like

yeah it is a sweet moment so she is like

oh I know we need we need more coffee

like we need something to drink so she

goes to the kitchen to make them more

pepperment coffee she made some for them

before they went into town and he hadn't

really had any of

his and so when she's making them more

he's like not drinking the coffee and

she's like do you not like you don't

like it you don't like the coffee I made

you I made you this gift and his

internal monologue I wrote it out for us

when your [ __ ] is literally candy cane

striped and curved inside a person

hitting their pleasure spot peppermint

flavor means something

different okay enjoy your Peppermint

White Russian

I see why you didn't tell me before

now

yep I was like hey Hannah I need you to

pick up these drink supplies on the way

to my house that we're going to make

with no contest

none yeah except I sent her a picture of

the recipe yep and even the liquor store

person was

like is she trying to puke is she trying

to die do she want to die yeah she did

say that yeah well because she presented

me two peppermint options she was like

this one will make her puke and this one

will make her die which would you like I

guess puke is better than death yes like

I don't want her to

die oh thank you you're welome we've

made it that far in our

relationship a low bar oh

no you know the bar is low but people

still be tripping over it so that's

true he uh he takes a sip of the coffee

and it's very good but like as soon as

he takes a sip my notes were supposed to

say gets hard as a rock but I uh

autocorrect apparently chose sock

instead so it gets hard as a sock

disappointing yeah not that hard

actually you can believe yeah if there's

enough schnaps in it it would be hard as

a sock wouldn't

it yeah this schnaps are hitting now

proud of for show for

show he compliments the coffee and she's

like oh thank you she's like peppermint

is my favorite it's like my favorite him

of year and she's like it's why I love

candy canes and he's just

getting more excited yeah as this

continues and so she has a little bit of

coffee like of the residue on her lip

and so he leans forward to wipe it off

and they end up kissing they are getting

up in their kiss and the mug falls on

his lap which he's like I'm a dragon

it's not really that hot but like it did

break the moment and break the mood so

he goes to the bathroom to clean up

clean up so switching back to so's point

of view she is super flustered and he uh

he is walking out of the bathroom and

like the pants could not be saved by

simple bathroom magic they need an

actual yeah dabbing bathroom Magic

dabbing is the better word there and so

uh she's like I'm so sorry I'm happy to

wash them for you and he's like okay so

he just like starts taking off his pants

and she's like I I didn't I didn't think

you were like taking your but I was

offering to wash them I didn't know

that's was

immediately but I'm also like is he just

supposed to wear right do you have some

of your brother's sweats peppermint

coffee pant dance um but as they're also

standing there she's getting more and

more flustered and he's like what what

is it like are you and she's like wrong

she goes was I bad at it and he's like

bad at what and she's like at at kissing

a and he's like far from it and she's

like but like I don't understand she's

like it was like my first time so like I

assume I was bad at it and I need more

skill and so she's like Could you teach

me to do it right nope yeah

mhm we found the Trope got it okay just

the one Trope in the whole book well

candy cane dick is a new one for me

so that is

fair not every book we read have candy

cane dicks in them it's true that is a

hell of a curve

though he can curve it and uncurve it at

will Jesus we okay

okay I'm so sorry I brought it

up so I was like oh Hannah there is

unfortunately an answer for this one and

I don't think you wanted an answer but

there is

one uh so he is very into extending

lessons here right uh lots of Praise

lots of telling her how good she is and

being the best girl and he calls her a

very good girl right uh has her sit on

his lap again ask for what she

wants and she's like I just want love do

you think I'll find it and like he gets

a little jealous at the thought of like

oh wait like it might not be me yeah

like are we on different waves here

because I'm very into her mhm and I'm

teaching her these lessons for me not

for somebody else to benefit it would be

very convenient if all of these lessons

ended up with me

right and so they end up going to the

tree lighting decorating and it's cute

because when they get into town uh

they're handing out ornaments to all of

the people to they go okay we want

everyone to like put their ornament on

at the same time and then I guess the

tree is large enough that like they'll

like have cranes come in to like

decorate the top it's kind of like the

community comes in and like they all put

their ornaments on the bottom that's

nice right I'm like I I've never lived

in a town small enough to do something

like that but it's very cute mhm so uh

as they're hanging out ornaments they

hand her a green ornament and they hand

arson a pink ornament like right after

and like without like as she's kind of

like oh man I wish I had a pink one like

without asking he's like automatically

like pink is your color and just like

switches them and it's no it's very

sweet um after the lighting they go on a

walk down Candy Cane Lane

they get hot chocolate bombs and are

just walking and enjoying the lights and

the view you looked confused for a

second at hot chocolate bomb well I was

like oh no I know I got it I was

thinking of a bath bomb I was like how

would we enjoy that right now but that's

not what it was in a small cup it's just

a CH I mean a bath bomb is really just a

hot chocolate bomb without chocolate

it's true yeah it's more of a brine

I'd like to simmer in my

broth my broth

bomb honestly I'm sure there's some

Boutique company no doubt selling broth

bombs if they aren't that feels like a

great business model that we should

stumble into yeah my dad sent me this

meme years ago that said something like

um if you

rub Epsom salt and olive oil into like

strained muscles you will be both

greasier and

saltier

like just classic dad moment that does

feel like a solid dad mhm Thanksgiving

meme yeah what a brine

yeah what a brine

so as they're going on the walk they see

a uh like a grinch figure set up and

they he like makes the comment about

being like more Grinch like than Santa

like and she's like oh like maybe I'll

write like monster claws next year

instead um and then he asks if she'll

need him next year a and she's like

absolutely she like it'll be our thing

I'll write you letters you'll fly down

and entertain me and like the response

like she's get gets like excited at the

response and he's like oh like so we

won't be together except for Christmas I

don't think you'll need me next year and

so he's getting a little more sad and

like it makes her a little somber too

because like that wasn't what she meant

but like how he interpreted it and so

they end up just like talking a little

bit more about their lives and we

learned that uh the reindeer aren't

reindeer as we know them to be they're a

breed called Drakes which are

essentially like how we like when we

think of dragons it's more like the

traditional dragons that we think of not

the like shifting dragons like humanoid

dragons well and like also like when

he's like I'm a dragon it's Dragon like

it's spelled like the d r a e g y n sort

of and he's like and the Drakes

are dragons

spells

traditionally right

okay that's more my explanation than his

I got you uh so they fly the lane we

learned that the next day there are new

lessons to be had

um she also the night before she was I

guess Cupids have the ability to like

influence the weather they can't control

it but they can like like make oh we can

make it windy like we can like cause

some snow flurries but then like what

ever happens beyond that is not within

their control so she had tried to cause

a little snow to like have some flurries

create some Christmas magic White

Christmas yeah yes and and now it's the

next day and they're like snowed into

her house and she's like my bad mother

nature whoops didn't mean for that much

to happen so they end up having a movie

marathon and so it's kind of like her

lessons during the day for him his

lessons during the night and so now that

like their Hallmark movie Marathon has

ended he's like I need you to go put

some lace

on okay okay once again sitting on

Santa's lap a lot of sitting on Santa's

lap um and technically this time it's

more of straddling Santa's lap my notes

say it's a lesson in dry humping to

completion for one or

both both oh okay good that's nice

yeah if I'm remembering correctly it was

both cuz he's but he comes in his pants

like like she still has not seen him

right so she does not know that he has

she does not know he has a candy cane

penis yet sure what a fun surprise for

her in the

future um he then goes down on her and

tells her any man who won't isn't the

one amen you know thank you arson wisdom

from

Santa not the wi is I don't know if

Santa's ever someone I've looked to for

wisdom but I love if I'm like hey Santa

any

advice if you won't eat it he can beat

it yes sir

okay

sorry can we get that embroidered on

your

stock yeah we can do that

I have friends who cross stitch I was

literally just thinking of having to

place that order with someone and be and

what would you like the cake to

say if he won't eat it he can beat

it just could you repeat that I want to

make sure I got it right well that's I

told you a friend of mine got a new job

and so on her last day somebody got her

a cake that said boo you [ __ ] on it and

so I asked him I was like did you like

order it that way and he was like no no

I did that myself I didn't think that

the folks at the hawasi Engles would be

open to riding [ __ ] on a cake okay but

I do know a guy ironically he's a

dentist now but when he was in college

he worked at a Carell

nice and I always loved going in and

like I would just hang out with him

while he was working but I remember one

day he was like writing on a cake and it

was a goodbye going away cake and it

said something that was like it wasn't

boo you [ __ ] but it was something I

feel like the word tit was in there

something about tits in the actual quote

and then just signed love all the

[ __ ] and so he like wrote all the

[ __ ] in

icing on the cake and he's like that's

what they wanted so like all right what

they ordered yeah yeah so maybe Hai

Engles should be less judgmental they

won't be they won't it's but we can Hai

Engle yeah we can hope real hard but we

won't hold out much hope yeah there was

an Engles that used to be like 5 minutes

from my house I like Engles I really

enjoyed it I was so sad when it closed

it's now a floor and decor which I

preferred it as Engles and I would

always do my grocery shopping like in

the middle of the day and was just

bonding with all of the Engles people

and I was so sad when they closed mhm

and technically there is still one an

exit down I have I have to pass like

four grocer I was going to say there's

so many Kroger in publes between here

and there like yeah I was like and a

sprouts and an Aldi like I'm

like good in theory but we can have the

Nostalgia for

angles maybe they'll write something

vulgar on a cake if I ask they might I

could probably I think I'd have good

cake handwriting I think I could do it

you were known as calligraphy hands if I

remember correctly you do remember

correctly not to

brag okay

so she uh has her lesson in dry humping

to completion and then he is eating her

out and telling her that any man who

won't isn't the one yep um he washes her

in the bath after and it's um it's very

sweet she has super curly

hair excuse me and he asks if he can

wash it and she so she's like teaching

him like how to care for her hair right

that's so cute yes especially cuz like

curly hair is a [ __ ] yeah it

requires a

lot like I absolutely get where you

don't want someone touching your curly

hair mhm if you do not have 100%

confidence so like it was just a very

sweet like can I wash your hair and

she's like yeah and like teaching him

how to do it so she then crashes and he

carries her to bed um the next morning

he calls his Brother Pyro and uh as

they're checking in is like asking like

hey like what do you know about Cupids

and Pyro did know Cupids are real

already

knew and but also knows that they aren't

supposed to find love and like has had

his own personal encounters and is like

warning

off um it sounds like he had been like

[ __ ] a cupid for a while and it was

really great until it wasn't got burned

a little bit is it going to be Val maybe

maybe I mean absolutely yeah I don't

know if they have their own book I was

going to say is it a sequel there are

other books um and I've seen cupid in

the title I did not do a deep dive into

which characters are represented in the

other books

um but as he's like talking to pyro and

Pyro's

like yeah like Cupids aren't supposed to

find love I would be careful like just

be

mindful so walks out and like he like

hangs up the phone and and it looks

Shifty yeah where it's kind of like a

who are you talking to like no one no

one I wasn't on the phone and so it's

just kind of like oh okay like what's on

our agenda for the day and he just tries

like pivot and sh right um and she's not

subtle yes and she's like all right

we're making gingerbread houses today

and just kind of like rolls with it and

moves

on um and

apparently the North Pole while they

engage in a lot of holiday things like

baking isn't really their thing so he's

like I've built snowmen and I've done

things like that but like I I he's never

actually built the gingerbread house so

they make the dough and he's like all

right what now she goes now it has to

sit for several hours and he's like so

what are we doing she's like well now

you teach me my Les my next lesson tag

you're it and I want to learn to give

you

pleasure yep yep and she's get out that

candy cane son y when she's trying to be

more assertive and so like she's even

like brushing off she's like I'm just

going to like Overlook the fact that

like it seemed like he was hiding

something in that phone call earlier and

so it's time for [ __ ] lessons sure uh

she finally sees his candy cane

dick and it can curve like one it's not

always curved but he can curve it yeah

that' be a tough [ __ ] if it was

always

curved she seemed to enjoy when it was

curved cuz she's like like when I eat a

normal candy cane I try and put the

entire curve in my mouth at once I've

never done that I feel like I did it as

a child I was going to say like not on

purpose like I've probably done it but

like not yeah I feel like as a kid when

you're like oh this would be fun to see

but like outside of that also though

like I don't know the last time I ate a

c candy cane right so there's

that interesting

um there's more praise about how well

she's taking him she's very into it

because candy canes are are her favorite

and his favorite

this is a win-win hence the peppermint

yeah yeah um and he asks how much she

wants to learn and she says like I want

you to be teach me everything yeah I

want you to be my first oh uh which he's

like super into let's go all the way

well and then she's like how will I know

what to do if you don't show me first a

which like bucket of cold water on his

head yeah but like I get where that's

not what she intent versus impact right

right right right getting therapeutic

with it but like she's like oh like I'm

just new to this so I need someone to

show me but like he interprets it as

like for the next guy

yes uh and so it makes him sad but not

sad enough to stop the last not sad

enough not to hit it yes yeah

um and the next quote is I'm your

present tonight Santa that's what I want

for you to wrap me up and use me and

he's like say less fam so he tells her

to lay back and close her eyes and he

goes and gets decoration supplies so

when he comes back she's laying on her

back legs up in the air and he wraps

them with ribbon and hangs ornaments and

lights on them and it's like it's my my

own personal Christmas tree it's a long

time to keep your legs straight up also

she's a virgin right and he's about to

[ __ ] her yeah with her legs Bound for

her first time yeah that feels

uncomfortable that feels like a both

higher and lower bar than most people's

first somehow better and worse yeah yeah

uh I put wraps her legs like his own

Christmas tree a Christmas tree he wants

to [ __ ] is literally what I wrote in my

notes a bangable Christmas tree a

bangable tree have you ever looked at a

pine tree and thought I'd like that to

be a little

sexier I can't say that I have no

literally never if I'm being honest but

I've only ever had fake trees maybe if

I'd grown up with real

trees I would feel more sexually

attracted to them

so what my younger sister is allergic to

Christmas trees oh okay so we had real

trees that we put on our sun porch

because we lived in Florida and so we

would keep the sliding glass doors

closed so we could see the Christmas

tree but my sister wouldn't get sick but

then when we moved to Georgia we started

getting fake trees

and I always Florida is where you got

your real trees yeah Florida is where we

got the real ones and so for years and I

still feel bad about this I used to make

fun of my sister and tell her that like

Christmas just wasn't for her because

she's allergic to cre to Christmas trees

and she ruins everything and she ruins

everything yeah I took it further than

it needed to go but that's kind of what

older sisters do sometimes

but I have since apologized

I should probably should

again should tell her again or apologize

again maybe

both I stand by it and I'm sorry that

it's

true so her legs are bound in a some

some Christmas tree bondage uhhuh and

then he puts an unwrapped candy cane on

her CLP

yeah and it's like every time you

struggle against your binds it'll like

rub that little [ __ ] of

yours and then he eats her out and his

tongue has ridges because for her

pleasure yeah because he's a dragon sure

for her

pleasure um ruffles have ridges as we've

previously established so I'm sorry okay

yeah go

how small is the candy cane how in

gorgeous is her [ __ ] like

I it we didn't talk about engorgement

levels

um so

sorry I'm like isn't the hood in the way

like is Cupid Anatomy different that

like she doesn't have a hood to be in

the

way I'm so sorry I take it all back I

don't need answers

well here's the thing these are very

valid questions that I just don't have

answers and quite frankly I'm not going

to make up answers about the anatomical

makeup of Cupids and if they have

clutoral hoods cuz that

feels you know I didn't write this

universe I don't want to make

assumptions for what mave was imagining

right but yeah so there's a candy cane

on her [ __ ] that rubs nicely and there's

some peppermint flavoring while he eats

her out and then she's slippery enough

that for her first time he just like

sinks right in and she just my notes say

she comes from vaginal penetration her

very first time we should all be so

lucky this is the least believable part

of the whole book truly I'm like I can

[ __ ] with like Santa being a dragon but

I'm like wait you bound her for her

first time having sex and she came from

vaginal

penetration and I apologize I know y'all

are listening to this at the holidays

you surrounded by your

families and these are the words we're

using you're in the parking lot waiting

for them to bring your curbside order

like I'm so sorry like you you I hope

you paused it or you and the Kroger

employee were just about to really Bond

you know yeah yeah and so like while

they're [ __ ] it's very like you fill

me up so perfectly the only one I want

is you just a lot of those sorts of

comments

um makes her come and it's like a very

sweet taste and he loves

it no way that's when he's eating her

out I don't know there's a lot of sex at

all

like my notes are starting to

blend the moral of the story is that his

jiz is peppermint flavored Hannah that's

all we're trying to get to and so

their their come combined is a very

heavy flavor to him and at one point

they say he Scoops it and puts it in her

mouth and I don't like the word scoop in

relation to

come there I said but it's a safe space

scoop does not feel like a word well can

we wear AWI and take a moment to

recognize that you described it as

he okay Chelsea wait I did you did the

flavor is

he oh my God we're a bit into this drink

at this point and I apologize

y' Edie

oh no oh

God we like how many episodes we're over

70 episodes in you'd think I'd be better

by

now no I'm like wait did I just describe

this my bad that's part of our

charm okay uh so everybody's getting off

yes my notes say he's very into their

combined taste and I love that for

them mhm so they've now now that they've

started [ __ ] they haven't stopped

they've been [ __ ] for days oh okay uh

going at it having a great time it has

fully escalated he's talking about

taking her ass filling her with his seed

like fully sending it and suddenly they

hear voices and he's like did you leave

the TV on and he's like I know shouldn't

leave the TV on because we've been

[ __ ] for days like yeah I would have

noticed

know yeah well so her siblings are there

sure and so Val is like looking at arson

and he's who the [ __ ] is he and she's

like don't talk to like don't talk to

him that way it's like defending arson

but it's like don't talk to him that way

he's my friend oh does not land well

with arson right um but they're like

yeah like you have a new couple that

like you got to like do your Cupid magic

for like you got to get back to work

like it is now Christmas Eve you have

been here m M like so's been there for a

couple of weeks at this point right um

it had been a week before Christmas when

arson got there but like they've

definitely lost a couple of days to the

[ __ ] and now they're

just well who's going to who's going to

deliver the gifts right if and who's

going to bring the

love well the

friendship that that had to cut you know

a so pyro also shows up uh because he's

is there to get Santa and is like hey

man what you doing you are Santa and

they're like what are you guys even

doing here and so was like banging he's

helping me find love oh honey

yeah oh sweetie yeah awkward and so

arson like kicks everyone out he's like

we don't need everyone else's opinions

um like so sister on her way out Dolce

is like DOL nice right she's like if I

knew he was Santa I'd be coming tooy and

so is

like jealousy like like flustered

embarrassed but also like the [ __ ] did

you just say about this man that I might

be in love with quit looking at him yes

very much that energy and so as all of

them leave

uh it's a very reactive conversation

that doesn't like super make sense

because reading it I person personally

felt like arson had been like everyone

you need to leave give us privacy we

don't owe you explanations this is a

deal that we made that sort of energy

mind your business yes and so uh as

Dolce leaves like arson looks at so when

is like don't worry like I've only got

eyes for you and she's like why are you

such a button Pusher like what buttons

was he pushing like he wasn't

antagonized like yeah he wasn't trying

to fight her brother I feel like

compared to a lot of the books we've

read where like that is the energy

inating for sure yes like I didn't

really interpret it as

such and so when she's like why are you

such a button Pusher he's like me I'm

your friend oh yeah and she's like I

didn't mean and he's like well like what

did you mean your friend who knows what

you taste like and all that yeah yeah

well and so in her head she's like we

are friends and we have an agreement

which like it's not just that but she's

like those are still facts right uh and

when she I'm honoring the agreement yes

and when she's like we are friends and

we do have an agreement he's like oh

that's what this is to

you I've got to go right like presents

have to be

delivered I have a job to do and so do

you yes good day and he's

like all and she's like what about our

deal and he's like I'll help you find

your love but like not today it's it's a

bit much in this moment I need to

leave uh like there's nothing to talk

about our deal is complete and he takes

off um so she walks out the front door

and all of their siblings are still

standing there since they just kicked

them out and is very upset and like her

siblings are comforting her and she's

like I love him and like Pyro's like he

loves you too he's a hotthead he's got

to go deliver some gifts he's got to

work but like 'll be back he risked

everything to like leave the North Pole

for whatever agreement y'all made so

like this isn't casual to him but he is

a hotthead and he's like got to go to

work what you have is real don't worry

I'm going to go check on my brother kind

of energy right so arson we switched to

his point of view uh he's checking the

list twice which is he's also only

checking it because apparently so made

fun of him because he didn't check it

even once because he was so like I don't

even give a [ __ ] at this point so he's

like I have to check it twice so she

won't make fun of me

oh I know right I don't want to let her

down yes and so pyro gets there and is

like talking to him as he's going

through the list and Pyro's like you

need to apologize and Aron's like yeah I

love her and Pyro's like no [ __ ] man

it's obvious like y'all are mad about

each other like she was sobbing as soon

as you left and AR's like oh wait oh no

my bad she cried yes cuz he's like I was

nothing but a stepping stone for handle

anything but her tears yes and Pyro's

like you're an

idiot

like pyro is the real MVP yeah yes uh

and then also like as this is happening

arson happens like see her name on the

nice list and he's like I knew it she is

a good girl oh my God

oh

God uh so then before he goes to deliver

the gifts he goes out and is talking to

all of the what we refer to as elves I

guess the rainish people sure it's a

people type whatever it's a people

type it's a people type a lot of the

books don't worry it's a people type

uh Morning Glory milking Farm the

minitar it's a people typ it's a people

type so he's going out and telling all

of the elves he's like I found my wife

she's incredible she's actually Cupid

they're like when do we get to meet her

she's like as soon as I convince her

She's mine and I'm going to get her back

soon as I can convince her we should be

together yes and then when he goes back

to his room to like get ready for all of

the gift delivery uh he finds a letter

on his bed that has a Post-It inul CH

sent it so the final letter that was the

super sad that's like I'm a virgin will

I ever find love who even exist for me

yeah doce sent it to him so that he

would know that it was real yeah yes and

signed it the cool

sister which made me laugh um the

siblings clearly are the real heroes of

this

story kind of cuz they really aren't

there for like

97% of

it well they shouldn't be there for some

of it so valid yeah so is now uh making

gingerbread and she's baking it because

it was still sitting in the fridge they

never got to it preparing icing here's a

knock at the door and he like is it

Santa no [ __ ] Santa's not going to

knock your door yeah he comes down the

chimney dummy yes and so there but there

is a gift there and it is from pyro oh

it's literally lingerie and he goes wear

this when you go to bed also Santa likes

peppermint cookies like that's what the

note says which

I would feel not that my husband has a

brother but I would feel mine does no

thank you well I've heard

stories nope yeah I don't need my

husband's

relatives buying me

lingerie M that's a

boundary yeah uh what I I have no desire

to cross no yeah that's a boundary I

desire to hold firm yes same 1,000% so

she wears the linger to bed as she's

told to do and Santa wakes her

up arson is back and he says he has her

gift is it his penis I mean it's him but

we can go with penis

and they confess their love for each

other and they have their solidifying

[ __ ] lovely and then my notes say she

squirts and he calls it the perfect

present for

Santa okay yeah yeah all right yeah and

then they do anal sure and then he bites

her to lock in their mating Bond okay

yep and then he's like will you marry me

and she says yes and that's the end and

then we get three epilogues oh yeah uh

so the first epilog she meets the Drakes

cute who are literally on the roof of

her house while she's [ __ ] arson uh

one of the Drakes I guess uh chooses her

kind of as their familiar if you will

yeah and I guess the Drakes also when

they reproduce they uh have an egg and

then they give them to

uh arson and his family for safekeeping

until they hatch and then they give them

back so arson was telling so like hey

when this Drake has an egg in the future

like you will be the one to the

caretaker of it yeah yes uh which she's

also super into and then they head back

to the North Pole and then she meets the

rainish people and then he proposes with

a ring that he

the elves make

her and then he

starts melt melting which is essentially

he says he's like it's like a rut or a

heat so like essentially he like

proposes with the ring that was made and

then realizes that he's like I'm going

into a heat do you want to have babies

or do you want to wait to have babies

it'll be a lot easier if you want to

have babies now because I'm melting I'm

in it yeah so then she's like yeah [ __ ]

it so then he does [ __ ] it and then

they there's more [ __ ] in the epilog

and then we get the final epilog where

they have kids and then he are they

magenta what color are they yeah

actually they say like one of them is

like the the perfect combination between

her light pink and his dark red I think

all of them kind of have their own Hue

and then he [ __ ] her with a candy cane

dildo that is supposed to look like his

candy cane sure and then he puts that in

her ass while he [ __ ] her and that's

the end of the book and they have kids

and live happily ever after love that

for them and also the fact that like

Cupids aren't supposed to find love and

they're like her parents were upset they

got over it is kind of the whole like

that's all that's ever really discussed

about like right it's not a hard and

fast rule I

guess so yeah that is monst dear monster

claw which is also why when you asked if

candy cane should be the rating system

for I was going to say yeah I all for

Christmas where I was like no they can't

because we need candy canes now we need

candy canes now yeah yes so out of how

many oh

no I don't know she wrote 18 letterss

yeah yeah let's still go with 18 candy

canes that's a face I don't know that's

just my face like it was very cute and

very Charming was it very on the nose

yes was it what I needed it to be yeah

yes yeah

um I want to say like 12

out more than more than half right like

I think the thing for me was like the

way at least I read and experienced this

book cuz it's it's like aund

60 Pages total it's not super long um

but like it like they're like [ __ ]

and then suddenly it's like you're

reading the sex scene plot yeah well

more like you're reading the sex scene

and you're like okay we're in this scene

we're in this scene we're in the scene

oh now they've been [ __ ] for a week

okay and now it's continuing it's kind

of like right as you're reading it

you're like wow that just jumped from 6

to midnight real fast

yeah but ALS so if you're just looking

for

like a little pot a little plot yeah yes

and maybe a little pot live your life no

judgment All God's Children uh between

pot plot and sex and smut uh yeah very

smut forward more than plot forward sure

uh lots of Praise Kink if you don't mind

some like a little bit of light breeding

Kink which is funny because I feel like

was it when we reviewed Teddy that I was

like I'd never really heard the word

breeding Kink before MH and all right

not to that extent that was in Teddy

where it was like well that is also true

she was stuck on the amount of seen

right yeah there were like three dicks

at once and she wanted she wanted as

much semen as as possible but when it

comes to breeding Kinks like you know

when you get a new car and then sudden L

every car that you see on the road

you're like oh I'd never noticed this

car before like whatever that phenomenon

is where like you hadn't noticed it

until you had it and then you see it

everywhere yeah not that I have a

breeding Kink but now that we've

discussed a breeding Kink I feel like

every book I've read since we reviewed

Teddy I'm like did I just like yeah open

Pandora's box of breeding Kinks a little

bit um which thoroughly entertaining to

like books that that we've read right

but I do think limit for me is using the

word scoop when it comes to

come yeah

just if you can scoop it it's too

much I don't like the word

scoop the word scoop in this context is

like worse to me than like the word

moist use

regularly yeah yeah no I'm with you 100%

yeah so 12 out of 18 candy canes mhm um

you can choose which candy cane brand

which flavor there's so many these days

uh for the sake of the book it probably

be best if you went with like a

peppermint flavor like a traditional

instead of like the I don't know spree

candy cake Smarties candy canes I don't

know I feel like they make a lot of like

those

like the sweeter sour candy candy canes

now so keeping the peppermint varietal

but any peppermint varietal you want

from there the big ones the small ones

we don't care the sticks the have big

one you don't need a small one yeah you

know well maybe maybe you still do maybe

you do no judgment All God's Children

amen so 12 out of 18 final offer yep let

us know how many candy canes you would

rate this let us know what brand and I

was going to say breed of candy cane no

nope nope we're going to walk that we're

going to stick with brand we're going to

yep we're going to stick with that we're

going to like and subs crime The

Peppermint White rations really uh did

did hit their Mark as intended so don't

forget as Hannah said to like And

subscribe let us know how many candy

canes you would rate this uhhuh and we

hope you have a wonderful rest of your

holiday

season sorry the holiday

spls bye

bye well that's it for this week's muts

[ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it

sure was great for us if you're digging

what we're doing it would mean a lot if

you'd take a minute to rate and review

the show wherever you're listening right

now maybe tell that sexy someone to lend

us an ear we love you we appreciate you

and we'll see you next week stay SMY

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