Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Chelsey and

[Applause]

Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut

club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this

is the podcast where we sometimes Day

drink sometimes don't today is

definitely a day drinking day yep and

review uh romance novels of varying

caliber yes yes mhm yeah and share them

with each other yes and then share them

with you um but only if want them I

guess if you don't just turn it

off what

the yeah do that but stick around cuz

we're pretty funny I think yeah I like

to think we're a catch

yeah oh my God okay

so I was speaking to a client and I said

something about my husband like I said

my husband and I had something for

dinner or whatever like

whatever and this person goes hold up

you're married and I was like yeah and I

like pointed to my ring I was like I

wear my ring every day like yeah I'm

married and he went no no no no no no

you're married to a

man what like flabbergasted in such a

way that like he genuinely was like no

you're not and I was like yeah I am and

he was like like okay so like does your

husband

know and I was like no what and he goes

you know and like did a little shake

with his hand and I was

like yeah no

what

what does your husband know that I've

assumed you were a single lesbian this

entire time I've known you I was like

what is happening right now believe it

or not Matt doesn't know any of I was

like oh my God oh my God so immediately

after that which it was you know it was

especially funny because I was wearing a

shirt that day that somebody had told me

was looking very queer and I was like

cool cool cool I love that aesthetic for

me so I just leaned into it apparently

and so I've told everyone everyone I

know now knows that like this guy

genuinely was like that can't be true I

was like what have I

done well also like not even like a like

what vibe are you putting out in the

world because I've known you for several

years so I know the general vibe that

you're putting out in the world but I'm

just

like fascinated with the lens through

which he has experienced you yeah me too

and also it just like dumbfounds me the

things that people feel comfortable

saying to other people that they

don't have that level of relationship

with no I was like uh quite frankly I

thought I overstepped with my massage

therapist earlier this week because he

was telling me he like works like a

full-time job elsewhere as like a

director of operations but he's like

yeah I work like a 90 hour week last

week and so I was like okay so we need

to talk about boundary

setting CH see why is he working a

second job poor guy does he just like it

uh I think that's just like a bigger

a bigger got that we are not paid to

analyze is what you're telling me that I

also think that like with anything right

you're like okay I want to start

something that like might not be the

most lucrative from the jump so I have

to support myself while I build that but

then like the thing that you're

supporting yourself with also needs time

and attention right so then I think and

can easily take over

1,000% so that's my rough Assumption of

what's happening in his life but none of

this is relevant to what we're here to

talk about tonight what are we reviewing

today wow starting strong okay today we

are reviewing the XEX by Aaron Sterling

okay um that I believe is uh an alias

for Rachel

Hawkins oh okay

yes the only reason I learned that is

because I had Googled the XX and it was

like by Rachel Hawkins and I was like no

you silly [ __ ] the other giant book

with the same

cover silly and then I was like oh maybe

this has a chance for me to learn

something new sorry I called you a silly

[ __ ]

Google we can be open to new experiences

right we can learn all of the things um

okay

so this book is

like just such a cozy fall read oh I

want to read it on my front porch with a

cup of like mold CER

M when the leaves start turning on a

chilly night with the fire going sort of

like that's nice yes um so that's just

not that that's relevant for anyone else

but I need everyone to know the

environment and WEA I was longing

for this is the vibe yes

1,000% so we open in the prologue with

viven she goes by Vivy um she is a witch

she is 19 years old and she is drunk as

a skunk in the the bathtub crying

because she just had her heart broken a

by Rees that's how you if your name is

spelled RH Ys that's Reese right yes as

a child phonetically I [ __ ] that up

and ever since I've doubted myself even

though I've since corrected but I still

have that moment where I'm like was

9-year-old Chelsea right

was she no she really she

wasn't like I think that's also what

happens when you read a lot as a kid and

like there like words that you're like

no one taught me how to pronounce this

I'm just like read it you didn't read it

right I know what it means but I can't

say it yes yeah so viven just had her

heartbroken by reys

penhollow uh he is his family is one of

the founding families of graves Glenn

Graves Glenn Georgia

this book takes place in Georgia is this

like a savannah area or like no it's

like supposed to be in like the North

Georgia Mountains area yeah but at one

point they are like and she crunched

through the snow in winter and I was

like no she didn't that's not Georgia

that oh I was like we must be in

different georgas cuz that's don't know

her we haven't had snow in 3 years right

yeah even I feel like there was a weird

year where we had snow that like hit in

Atlanta and like in Dunwoody and we

didn't get it further north yep and I

was like but I would like that just a

little bit just a just a little yeah

even though I work remotely so no one

will give a [ __ ] and I don't you don't

get snow days as an adult no no no you

don't um okay so Vivian and Reese had

been having this fling for the summer

and it was like all well and good and as

they're like laying in bed and they're

Afterglow he's like yeah I'm going to

have to go back to Wales to sort things

out with my betrothed and oh no yep and

that was viv's response and she was like

[ __ ] you and the horse you rode in on

I'm

out and so he's leaving to go back to

Wales she has called it because she did

not know he had a betrothed this whole

time where they've been like [ __ ]

like bunnies for 3 months straight right

and so now she is drunk in the tub

Conjuring like the smell of his cologne

with her magic and her cousin gets home

and it's like oh my God you're giving me

a headache will you

stop like this is

pathetic and she's just like drinking

vodka and like tons of candles lit and

just like a complete mess and so her

cousin is like let's just curse the

[ __ ] and they're like haha okay

so they like she she gets out of the tub

and they like set the candle and get all

like the the salt Circle all created but

then they're like throwing out

ridiculous like may your hair never flop

and do the thing again like may you

always think the clitoris is a quarter

inch away from where it actually is like

those sorts of

things which I'm like these are

incredible that's excellent yes uh

they're like may you never darken her

doorstep or her vagina

again and but at the may they never be

darkened yes then viv's like just goes

like I curse you pen Hollow you and your

whole stupid line and when she says that

like the candle flame like jumps up

super high in the air like the windows

slam shut whoops and she's like H

whatever I'm drunk this was fun and then

they just like kind of like move on with

their life and they're like silly

cathartic girl things you

know so not the same

but a friend of mine in college my

college

roommate found out that her boyfriend

had been cheating on her and they'd been

together for a really long time and it

was all very messy and so we collected

everything he had ever given her every

memory they had and we took them to my

dad's house and to burn them and my Dad

decided to put gasoline in a spray

bottle and so um he burned off quite a

bit of the hair on his arm because

the the flame followed the trail of the

gasoline back but we had all been

drinking and we were just like burn it

down like you're like not you Dad we're

not trying to burn you down like that's

not what we meant I know we said all men

but we didn't mean you

like was he okay he's totally fine yeah

okay so he just singed a couple of hairs

it wasn't great he we didn't curse an

entire bloodline or anything no yeah you

get it yeah you know just a light

Tuesday afternoon amount of fire sure

not the weekend

cursing right you get it okay so we are

now 9 years in the future is where this

book is picking up okay so we're 28 now

yeah we are now in our our late 20s and

we are opening with Rees um he he has

opened his own very successful like

travel Expedition company in London that

like had started just as him and like

now has like 10 employees and has really

built a very successful business he's

traveling back to Wales at his father's

behest his father Simon is known for

being like a very

intimidating very like old school man at

one point like his dad's like you're a

warlock and he's like that's an

Antiquated term that we don't use

anymore like that sort of old school

oldfashioned traditional and his dad

when he gets to whales like his dad is

just like annoyed with the life of

frivolity that Rees is living and so

he's like hey it's the uh 100y year I

think 100 year uh founding of graves

Glenn and so we need to send a

representative for like the annual

Founders Day Festival and as you know

every 25 years us as like the founding

bloodline we have have to go and we have

to charge the lay

lines um so we need you to go and do

this for the family which he's like not

super into but he is like I wonder if

Vivian is still

there so he's not married no okay single

as a pringle that's not a saying is it

it should be I liked it a lot as I was

saying it I was like no that's not a

thing

I really liked it though it doesn't even

make sense it doesn't cuz who eats a

single

Pringle I'm like a single can

of

Pringles I'm like yes okay we'll work on

our uh analogies our Rhymes yeah we'll

work on those in a smidge but yes he's

single and he is like okay like I don't

really want to go and do this but like

I'll go Char like make a speech charge

the lay lines be out two days later and

be back doing what I want to do but he

is like also

like it'd be cool to see Viv and if

she's still there um and he's like

telling his brother about her and like

that he thinks of her as kind of like

the one who got away yes H so now switch

to Vivien uh she is still in Graves

Glenn and is a professor at the college

that she went to so Penh Haven College

um they have a whole like magical degree

progam so like they have a whole section

of their college that's like four

magical students but she teaches on like

the Normie side so they're like yeah we

just like like you can apply for like

the historical folklore degree but like

right if you're not magical you just

think it's really hard to get into and

they only accept International students

like you just choose another major right

right um but also we learn like viven

was uh her mom was a witch maybe I

forget if her dad was a witch as well if

I'm being honest my bad uh but she grew

up in a house not that didn't really

practice magic she didn't know she was

magical for most of her upbringing so

she's like I kind of feel more

comfortable

being on the human side of things and

with the human students uh but then

she'll

like enchant the papers while she's

grading them so like it'll like

automatically let her know if anyone

cheated and she's like and the words

turned red and bled off the page and I

knew he hadn't written it and I was like

oh that'd be a great magical I was going

to say so she's like settling into the

human side but she's still using like

yeah the most magic that I do is like

reheating my tea without a microwave

kind of energy um her cousin Gwen and

her auntie Lane she Liv with them and

they live local they have a like kind of

like witchy novelty shop called

something wicked that sells like tarot

decks and uh crystals and cute yes all

of all of those fun things smudge sticks

probably yeah yeah all that good stuff

right sense mhm whatever you think of

when you're thinking of that shop the

answer is yes you are

correct um but while she's hanging out

with her aunt and cousin her aunt or not

her aunt her cousin gets a text and

she's like cuz her cousin is [ __ ]

Jane the mayor of the Town they're sure

so they have an ananan thing I think the

next book is about Ginn I don't know

didn't even look at it sorry if you're

interested you can find it uh but Jane

text Gwenn and was like oh they're

sending a pen Hollow representative and

they're like oh [ __ ] is it going to be

Rees she hasn't seen him they haven't

talked like we don't know and so Gwen's

like let me like do a reading for you

and like starts pulling cards and she's

like yeah the fool whoops it's going to

be

him so they're like already prepared for

his return cut back to Reese who has now

arrived in Georgia and he is just having

a shitty day like flew into Atlanta

there was bad traffic got a speeding

ticket as soon as he like made it to

Graves Glenn got a flat tire tried to

fix the tire with magic but his magic

was on the fritz and so he's just like

it's about to rain I'm standing on the

[ __ ] side of the road I'm exhausted

like cool that feels like a hex doesn't

it well maybe maybe just a smidge I mean

maybe it's just a terribly awful day

yeah it's a bad day no matter what the

cause is I guess if we really break it

down so he's standing on the side of the

road being like guess I could walk [ __ ]

I don't

really have like a great plan and then a

car is coming so he's like all right

stand here look Charming trying and like

get their attention but like the car is

getting closer and he's like they aren't

slowing down and they're veering right

and I'm on the right and so like then

he's like [ __ ] they're about to hit me

so he like jumps off the road but like

kind of like falls into the grass like a

trenchy ditch area right and then the

car stopped and was like oh my God sorry

I didn't even see you until you move

like that was the weirdest thing and

it's Vivien but at this point she's now

like tripped and fallen on him and

naturally yes as as one does and she's

like oh okay it's you and he's like oh

were

you like were you driving down this road

to like come to my house to greet me or

something she's like no my aunt still

lives on this road like get the [ __ ]

over yourself like no he's like well do

you want to be a Good Samaritan like

give me a ride and she's like why

should I and he's like well for one I am

here in town to charge the lay lines

which helps everyone so that you're

welcome me being here is beneficial to

you and two I didn't even make a pervy

comment when you just fell on me and

three I three was going to be a pervy

comment so maybe you should just leave

me

here okay that's kind of good that's

pretty good yes but then Vivian

goes okay I'll leave you here and just

get up and drives away and like as her

tail lights are going he's just

like fair play yeah like she really left

me cuz I'm imagining there was some like

oh she'll turn around like like she did

she is like right yes but also as soon

as he saw her he's like she's just as

beautiful as I remembered her

being but then he was like well I guess

I'm walking and then like the rain

starts falling and he's like like [ __ ]

all of this what a

scene yes dejectedly walking down the

road after you just fell onto the

shoulder into a ditch in a foreign

country in a foreign country after your

ex just left you

there after the one who got away e just

left you there yeah that's rough yeah

that feels like a little extra Twist of

the knife you know um the next morning

like Gwyn and viven are just like

laughing about the fact that like Vivien

left him and gwyn's like you're the

baddest [ __ ] I've ever met and Gwen's

like or Vivian's like well you know

I I like both feel proud of myself but

also a little like I really left him

there yeah um but then Jane shows up and

is like I I have I can't find Reese

where the [ __ ] is Reese like he's

supposed to like he hasn't checked in at

the welcome station and he's supposed to

give this and like none of this is

working and so Gwyn calming her love

interest is like don't worry Vivan and

Reese are old friends she can go track

them down no problem's like [ __ ]

you fully thrown under the bus 1,000%

that has sister energy yes they they are

cousins but they are sisters I got you

yes oh you and your sisters would 1,00%

do that to each other oh yeah

mhm I my sister and I um our phone

number numbers are only two digits off

the last two digits are different mhm

and um it never dawned on me that I

could just if I I could give someone a

fake number so I just always gave them

my sister's number

Chelsea that's pretty good is

that I like that a lot that's pretty

good which probably means it's terrible

in retrospect I don't know if she found

it as funny as I

did yeah that's pretty

hilarious my

bad what are you going to do

um viven tracks him down he has like a

giant coffee in hand and she's like he

is

not looking like he is doing his best

since he got here um but she's like but

damn it he's still cute and so she gets

him over to the welcome station like

explains where he needs to be and then

he's like well after all of this tonight

I'm going to go charge the lay lines do

you want to come with me like do you

want to see them which like it's not

open to the public it's not

like like Vivian even says at one point

that cuz I think he asked if she's been

there and she's like no like my aunt was

always very clear like this is like

sacred magic place like you don't just

like casually go to the lay lines right

right it's not a tourist attraction

1,000%

so then at the festival Reese is giving

his speech and like he keeps it short

and sweet like the way you want a speech

at an event like that but then the

statue of his like great great however

many greats there are grandfather griffi

who's the one who founded the

town uh the head just falls off the

statue and like is like like he like

moves out of the way but like almost

decapitates him and he's like

this doesn't just feel like bad luck

like starting to feel more targeted now

yeah like he's like maybe something is

wrong and so he goes to Something Wicked

uh to ask viven and her cousin if they

have I guess a scrying

mirror uh and they're like well we we do

in the back and he's like yeah I need it

to communicate with my father and

they're like oh most people I didn't

know you could FaceTime with this crying

mirror yeah and he's like well they

don't have my father so he uses this

magic mirror to essentially FaceTime his

dad and be like I think I'm cursed

something is a

Miss yeah

and he's like is it cool to charge the

lelay lines if I'm cursed and his dad's

like you're not cursed you're being

absolutely

ridiculous the bad traffic in a speeding

ticket is what happens in Atlanta yeah

like sucks to suck you just chose to

travel like a human and that's the human

travel experience don't be ridiculous

don't call me again yeah and he's like

no pin hollow man has been cursed for a

thousand years go like do what you went

there to do and [ __ ] come

back I was like you

so he he's broken the generational non-

curse like never mind I was like we're

breaking a generational curse but that's

not what's happening because he is

cursed my brain's not well my brain's

not the funny part is that uh you kind

of stumbled onto something that we'll

discover later in the book oh where

there are maybe maybe hypothetically

some generational ties into all of this

well excuse me then yes so it's like a

thousand years is a long time how do you

know well so as uh like as the one

chapter ends with Reese's dad being like

you're not cursed you idiot the next

chapter starts with Vivian telling Quinn

I think we cursed

Reese I think that vodka KN yeah she's

like do you remember that night like

nine years

ago I was crying in the bathtub yes I

cursed his entire family line gw's like

you're just being

ridiculous uh but also like it's

like you're being ridiculous about the

curse but it does seem like there's a

little bit of a spark between the two of

you should we talk about that like you

two still seem like a little into each

other he

he and vian's like I really feel like

you're missing the point of what I'm

trying to say In This Moment Gwen's

trying to be a wing woman Vivian's

trying to save a life yes one like like

there are deeper problems here and

gwyn's like

yeah also like gwy exclusively calls

Reese dick bag this entire book like to

his

face that is definitely sister energy

for sure um also I will say cousin

energy in my case because I think you

have heard the general folklore of that

time that I my boyfriend came on a

family trip to Guatemala with me and 2

days into the trip we broke up but then

he stayed for the rest of the weeklong

trip um and the only person who knew

about the breakup because I was too

embarrassed and also like wasn't going

to tell my whole extended family that I

was with um was my cousin who I was

sharing a bedroom with so she obviously

knew cuz I came in after the breakup and

like she heard all about it being upet

so like the next day we're all taking

like a group photo at this Winery and

she just goes hey can you stand on the

end so I can cop you out later

that's so

good that's so

good I love that I know she also

officiated my wedding like we love that

yes but I'm like what an

incredible she's like yeah whenever

someone's dating someone we always try

and get them on the outside you

know I do know I like it's a great way

to live if we're being completely honest

yes we're just planning ahead staying

smart you know

mhh so um at the lay lines that night

they get to the caves and uh reys and

viven

are trying to find their way through the

caves to where like the secret entrances

and Reese is like definitely a little

bit lost and she's like do you not know

where the [ __ ] you're going he's like no

I just like need to like reorient myself

and she's like because you're lost maybe

it's that like shadow on the wall behind

you that like looks like a secret

entrance that shadow that's shaped like

a door yeah where she's like it's it's

kind of obvious like that that's where

they're

going and so when they like enter I

guess like the Chamber of the cave uh

they both start to feel the very

palpable physical effect of magic which

I guess like the physical effects like

sometimes magic can make you feel giddy

or sometimes lethargic and some magic

can make you feel very

horny I'm shocked right and so she's

like looking at him as they're like fing

this pole and she's like is this mag

like what is what is happening but

they're like getting like closer

together and he's like she's still the

most beautiful human I need to kiss her

and like right as he's like closing his

eyes and leaning in she's like did you

really bring me to a magical sex cave

like was this your end

goal like [ __ ] you bro oh Reese read the

room babe oh my God and he's like oh is

that

not is that not what we're doing and

like to be fair it's not like it was

only affecting him like right she like

realized it and like actively fighting

against this just like innate pull

that's happening but he was already

wanting it before so he just didn't

fight it yeah that is also very true but

she asked she's like so did you ask your

dad like what to expect like did you

know that was going to happen and he's

like well like no and she's like so you

brought me here not knowing what we were

walking into a potentially very unsafe

situation yes and he's like not getting

why she's frustrated and she's like

because you didn't check like you

invited me here not knowing what to

expect into like what yeah a very

potentially dangerous situation like

cool so you weren't really thinking

about me in this moment

kind of energy yeah and so they're

bickering and they're like whatever

let's just kind of like get the lines

charged to get out and so he starts like

putting his hands over them doing

whatever he needs to do to charge the

lines and they're like glowing brighter

and brighter and then suddenly there's

this like cracking sound and the way

they describe it is like the lay lines

are like clear like bright purple like

glowing lines of magic through the rock

I guess who knows uh

and then there's suddenly like black

ooze and like sludge is kind of starting

to

fill the the magic lay line oh no yeah

and they're like we should

run time to go yes they're like oh [ __ ]

we were not prepared for that and so as

when they leave like Reese is like what

the [ __ ] was that and then Vivian's like

so funny

story uh

remember that time you cheated on your

fiance with me and he's like I wasn't

engaged I was

betrothed that's the I'm

like we're splitting hair is it just

what is the difference like that's a

real question is the difference between

like an engagement and a betral is like

betral is kind of like

dibs

like like an intention to be engaged

yeah it's like like cuz I feel like

people describe betrothed once you're

engaged interchangeably but like in that

like oh to keep the family line strong

we know our daughter is going to marry

your son at some certain age so are you

is that just your betrothed until you

are officially engaged I have no idea I

don't either and I've never thought

about it until now and I have questions

but if anyone has answers please let us

know I think okay okay okay so from

Vivian's side for me I would be like you

still had a commitment mhm to someone

else that you didn't tell me about after

we've been sleeping together for 3

months so regardless of if it was like

an arranged marriage and a signed piece

of paper like I still deserve to know

that information yeah like you knew even

if you didn't know who the person was

yet that your dad was working on setting

up an arranged situation for you right

so

would have been nice to know that

information yes like very much like a

Lie by Omission sort of situation and I

can see from his side if he was like I

never even like I had no intention of

marrying this person I didn't know who

they were yes and he's like you were

beautiful and I'm 19 right right I'm a

very stupid boy like what do you want so

in the car on the way back into town

viven is like telling him like

about yeah so like I may have have

cursed you um but then she gets a phone

call from Gwyn and she's like you need

to get to Something Wicked immediately

so they book it to Something Wicked and

when they get there and walk inside they

had like been stocking the shelves for

the Founders Day Festival and so they

had a lot of like chachies and kitsy

things including like hundreds of

plastic

skulls which have now come to life and

are trying to bite all of their ankles

that's good they like that's some Buffy

the Vampire Slayer [ __ ] 1,000% they like

walk in but there's like humans in the

shop and and so they're like working on

like trying to sweep a path so they like

throw a broomed Reese who's sweeping a

path to the door for the humans to

follow him like sweeping the skull heads

left and right and he's like this is why

you don't buy [ __ ] online

internationally

and just like don't use Teemu like very

much always have a verified vendor as

he's just helping them to the

door so they get the girls out and uh

like our shutting doors and Vivian tries

to like use magic to shut the curtains

and like fire shoots out so she like

causes a fire and they're like this is

not this is A Series of Unfortunate

Events yes and they're like well should

we just go hide in the back in the store

room which is also like like a magical

store room like when you walk in you're

like oh this isn't just like a normal

store room this is like a Gryffindor

Commons store room sort of energy like

Okay so let's go hide in the store room

because we don't have a better plan and

then suddenly like the front doors to

the shop blast open and anti Lane is

there and like has

like I don't know disabled the skeletons

use some magic where the skeletons are

longer actively trying to eat people

yeah I don't even know what I

do so pitiful I don't even know what I

do that is a that is a helpless

situation I think that's one of those

where honestly like if there was a mouse

or a lot of mice after me I wouldn't

know what to do I would jump up on a

table and hope for the best probably

like yeah and you're like I think the

thing what it comes down to though is

being like okay so is this just like a I

have to outlast them until they lose

interest or do I just live on this table

now is this my home now so my sister

texted me and told me that she

discovered she has a primal fear of mice

that she did not know that she had and

so there was a her cat brought a mouse

in and it like jumped up and she said

she was like screaming and like trying

to crawl up the stairs it was like

having it like a full meltdown about it

and she said I'm pretty sure I get it

from dad because she doesn't remember

but I do one of my very first memories

is my father tugging his pants into his

socks and carrying a broom into our shed

to try to deal with a nest of mice in

the shed and he was terrified they were

going to crawl up his pants

was that like firsthand experience he'

previously had with that fear based on

don't I still don't know but I

distinctly remember the pants tucked

into the socks and him just screaming in

the shed while we all just like sat

there pretty sure my older sister had

some chips

but yeah so that's I would be like

tugging my pants into my socks if there

were

like little things like that trying to

bite me if there were hundreds of

plastic skeletons

heads trying to bite your ankles if

there was any indication that they were

climbers pants into the

socks yeah well cuz I guess

like I don't know how much skill they

have with their teeth right which is a

weird sentence to say especially on this

podcast what did you say earlier that

guy has a Prince

William so something on TV this guy had

was like I have a balding situation and

Chelsea goes that guy's got like a

Prince

William and both Hannah and my husband

paused and looked at me and they were

like we don't think we know that sex

piercing like how do you know about his

dick piercings like what are you talking

about is he like a secret porn St was

like I've never even heard of this man

how do you know what dick piercings he

had

I was like no I just met his

hairline the one on his

head his actual head on his

shoulders yeah not the one in his

pants there was a there was a high

school coach that that was uh the advice

he always gave his like I think it was

the track team he's like oh think with

the head on your shoulders not the one

in your

pants like some of his go-to advice for

the team a golden nugget of wisdom um

even better Golden Nugget of wisdom this

is my husband's F story that I think is

one of the funniest things I've ever

heard where he was at

Christian weekend Camp growing up and

they were talking about purity and

saving yourself from Marriage oh no and

the speaker was like if you guys don't

hear me say anything else the entire

weekend just hear

this keep it wrinkled

no that was and that was a period not a

comma there was no followup to that I'm

like

what what that was the that was the

official advice you gave keep it

wrinkled okay so anyways they're all

debriefing the magical heads

okay and Gwynn's like none of this would

have even happened if reys had broken

viv's heart and Reese is like I didn't

break her heart and then he like pauses

he's like did I wait like did I break

your heart and Vivian's like thanks

[ __ ] again Gwen no you didn't break

my heart I was a little bummed I was 19

I got

drunk It's not that

deep then she's like but also maybe a

little you broke my heart but like

trying to save a little bit of a face

there right mhm and so they're like

let's just call tonight let's all go

home let's get some sleep uh like

tomorrow Auntie Lane will start looking

at like how we can like remove curses

and Gwyn will run the shop and like

manage the founders day crowd and we're

going to get it figured out nobody panic

we're just going to do it and so like

the next morning the magic is still

wonky which uh has now just transferred

from Reese's magic being off to The

Whole Town's magic being

a little

off right uh and so Vivian wakes up and

her cousin's cat sir Pur Civ all uh is

looking at her and just goes

treats nope and she's like the [ __ ] cats

are not supposed to do that she's like

I'm hallucinating and then she's like

I'm not hallucinating apparently that's

just a thing

now so when Vivian goes down into the

kitchen reys is there with her aunt and

then talking about uh just hypothesizing

potential fixes and being like okay well

the good news is that we think when like

reys was charging the lines he a lot of

the curse that was on him is now in the

lay line so now it's it's not as potent

in him like his magic isn't quite as

Haywire like still can't really just be

using it but

like he's less cursed now that he shared

it with the rest of the

town uh so thoughtful right exactly and

then what happened who even knows uh

hopefully you hopefully me

listen uh

I was a few drinks in when I outline

some of this and so I'm doing my best to

remember they they decide at breakfast

that Rees is going to go to the college

with Vivien and so while she is teaching

he's going to go to like the magical

section of the library and try and get

some

answers so when they get to the college

she goes to drop him off at the library

and they're like there's like

a The Vibes are off but like on like a

magical level where they're like it

feels like a little like cold and

ominous and like things aren't quite

right but

like okay we're we're still got to do

what we got to do so reys is starting to

do research when she goes to teach a

class and then calls his brother to be

like maybe he will know what to do with

all of this and but he's also like don't

tell

Dad I am

cursed I've ruined the streak yes uh the

family line may be ending with

me my bad and his brother's like so you

need to come home so can fix this and

he's like well no I'm going to be here

trying to fix it and his brother is like

you need to come back ASAP and you need

to tell dad and he's like no this really

wasn't the advice I was looking for uh

so I'm going to go

now which all that feels like some real

sibling [ __ ] yes

absolutely no I was looking for this

when I called you I was not looking for

whatever [ __ ] you're offering up I

need you to cosign my nonsense not come

up with actual solution thank you yes

yeah you're like no I need you to be

willing to burn it all down with me I

was not looking for you to provide a

really logical reframe

of what actually happened in this moment

if I was looking for maturity I'd call

somebody

else like who would I call if I was

looking for maturity probably my husband

M cuz Vance Vance is really great at

like if there's something that he need

that he's like yes I will ride with you

on this all day but if there's something

that he doesn't think should be

happening he will not blindly ride with

me uh which we need that balance and

accountability though yes where he's

like love you hear why you're

upset and I'm not going to burn this

down with

you let's find alternate

solution yeah which also sometimes cuz

like my he works in the basement and I

work on the upper floors in our house

and so sometimes I'll FaceTime him to

like when I'm mad about something and

there was one time where I was like this

is not what I was looking for I needed

you to agree she was being a [ __ ] and

then I just like H

up you are not meeting my

needs I needed you to say wow she really

has it coming and he's like I will not

I was like damn it but I also like to

think I do that for him yeah I'm just

trying to say I'm not fully

unhinged just trying to calm me down all

the

time Chelsea's just walking around

plotting revenge and murder and Vance is

like maybe not today okay I'm like I'm a

I'm a pretty happy person I'm not I'm

not that

murdery there's a certain threshold that

I have to get to you know as we all

have I would like to hear about the um

threshold um at a later time this is

something to process I don't want to

spoil that for everyone else well no

that's fair but I do think that like I'm

super I'm super chill until I'm not

super chill mhm and where is that

threshold where is that murder line

maybe I shouldn't call it a murder line

mine was yesterday when somebody

interrupted my lunch and I thought I was

going to catch a charge I was waiting

for my

quesadilla and I got a phone call that I

needed to come back to the facility and

I was like rage like I just wanted my

quesadilla I do think my murder line is

often food related it was 100% food

related yeah yeah I'm like I even when

I'm mad at someone so much less murdery

yeah with a with a snack in me mhm

yeah my son unfortunately seems to have

that uh characteristic as

well Han he does yeah and I know you saw

a little bit of it before we started

recording today but I need you to know

that man this morning has had three and

a half

bottles a full bowl of strawberries a

full bowl of yogurt melts two hash

browns oh my

God three applesauce

pouches and that was still him y'all are

going to have to take out a loan when he

gets to his teenage years oh can you

imagine yeah like I saw a post where

someone was like you think Toddlers and

diapers are expensive just wait until

their teenagers and eat through $300 of

groceries in two days and I was like my

one and a half-year-old did that last

week I'm like I'm I will never

financially recover from this situation

we're going to have to get that only fan

so that you could feed your kid yes I'm

like I'm like an a relatively

accomplished professional and I'm out

here being

like should I start with selling feet

picks or used underwear which is the

right

option which is the most bang for your

buck cuz my kid eats 15 meals a day and

that ain't cheap

all right so he hung up on his

brother

sorry I'm so sorry nothing like

snorting red wine oh my God let me get a

sip of

water holy [ __ ] we really went all the

way around on that I'm so

sorry we did so Vivien gets to the

library after class and is joining him

in their research and like a in they

still haven't found anything they're

getting frustrated and she's just like

it shouldn't even be that hard to

reverse this since we were barely a

thing and he's like I know I'm annoyed

but like don't [ __ ] on what we had is

like in his head he's like he [ __ ] on

what they had well that too a little bit

but like he's like hey that summer meant

something but then it like starts to a

little flirty she's like I barely

remember it and he's like so you don't

remember the first time we kissed and

she's like I've kissed a lot of guys who

can say yeah and he's like would you

like me to kiss you now to jog your

memory and she's like I mean if you must

is kind of the vibe so they start

kissing great kiss things start to

escalate he's pushing her against the

desk he's standing between her legs at

one point she's like touch me and he's

like gets his hand under her pants

between her legs but above her tights

and uh she the moment his thumb touch

with her she's like well I guess the

clip part of the curse did not come true

yay me that is great

news uh but then right as things are

starting to escalate they hear a scream

oh and they're like oh and then they

keep kissing and then they hear another

scream and they're like maybe

something's wrong maybe we should pause

and go investigate so they go out into

the uh main library and uh there's a

ghost sure yeah

my actual notes wrote It's a

[ __ ] ghost

y'all is it Moaning Myrtle her name is

Piper but it's not that far off of an

energy but when as soon as the ghost

lays eyes on reys she like shrieks and

like charges at him and like flings him

across the room oh yeah and they're like

wow that is an angry ghost and then like

she sees pip not Piper is the ghost oh

she sees viven and then just like the

ghost disappears and they're like okay

that was weird and then suddenly Dr

arbuthnot Who's over like she's the head

of witchery for the college shows up

witchery is there another continue is

there another word for it it's a fun

word it is a really fun word that's why

I wanted to say it yeah yeah I didn't

have anything to add I just what does it

say witchery

witchery please continue

exactly it's like the back part of a

spelling be like you didn't actually

spell the word but it's when they like

yes w t c h e r y

Witcher please

continue so Ree and viven are meeting

with Dr arbuthnot and they're

like there may have been a mishap with

the lay lines and Dr AR is like well

that mishap did just release a ghost

from a very powerful binding spell like

she was into some dark magic y'all need

to fix this and they're like oh our bad

but then like Reese is like that is an

intense woman I get why you don't [ __ ]

with the witches here like I see why you

stay on the Normie side wow buzz kill am

I

right so he's really not necessarily

taking this as serious ly or he's giving

the energy that he's not taking things

as seriously as maybe he handles

everything with like a slight level of

like humor and ambivalence right which

ironically going into like this very

next section because as reys and Vivien

are walking I think it's like they get

back to her office and he gets a phone

call about his company that like

something has like gone wrong and he

like she hands him like a pad of paper

and a pen and and he starts writing

notes and like making phone calls and

she's like and I watched him transform

into the most competent human I'd ever

seen in my entire life and it was hot as

[ __ ] to like see that like that side of

him exist she's like makes a girl Swoon

you

know

competency I'm not going to disagree

with that though no I get that yeah yeah

seeing someone be competent yeah mhm or

even all right not quite the same but

still

competent uh like we used to have when I

worked Community Mental Health and one

of our like overnight stay units we had

mental health Texs on on the unit and

there was a dude like he wasn't the

largest man like we had some text that

I'm like you are like 65 and 300 lb and

like you're probably never going to have

to go Hands-On but it's just like your

presence is what is keeping everyone

safe here but it always fascinated me

with like the mental health techs who

were the short Kings cuz like I don't

know about the mental health techs that

you've had that are the short Kings but

like they have a level of just like

confidence and competency that I'm like

I trust you yep no like implicitly mhm

not exp explicit

implicitly both okay

both I'm not I trust you fully there it

is wine we found it we found it teamwork

but yes yeah yeah no I get what you're

saying yeah and I was like you are not

someone that you look at physically and

just like think like oh this person is

going to beat the [ __ ] out of somebody

or like can protect people but there's

just something about the way in which

you carry yourself that says you've got

this you've got all of us yes it's the

best um

so I don't I don't know there we jump to

like a couple of cute scenes right so

you have like Vivian talking to gwy and

she's like grinning like an idiot and

then gwy is kind of being like if you

can make that face from Just a Kiss like

I get why maybe you cursed him like

seems you seem a little bit giddy then

like after that debrief viven and Rees

end up going to get coffee and he tries

to bring up and like talk to her about

the kiss uh and she's just kind of stoic

and is like yeah like it was like it

shouldn't have happened and just like

shuts it down and can read her well

enough to be like I want to talk about

this but like she's clearly closing this

off and like I'm not going to push this

conversation

so uh she's telling him kind of about

the shop because he notices he's like

are the breas magical like are they

witches and she's like yeah everyone

that they employ here they're like

primarily college students who practice

magic uh and then she's telling him that

like they use small magic to run the

shop with like dishes never break orders

are always right no one ever spills

anything and just like those like small

always the perfect temperature like that

kind of stuff very much but as she's

saying that suddenly there's this like

shattering sound and they look and they

like go over to this dude who mug has

fallen on the ground and he is frozen

solid oh yeah and they're like the [ __ ]

he should not be frozen solid but then

like as they're like looking around and

like the manager is like calling

911 they see a barista like sneak out

the back so they go to talk to her and

it's a student who's apparently been

dealing

potions to her classmates so it's

supposed to be like a Viagra

potion but because the town's magic was

on the fritz and she didn't know that no

it didn't just make him hard why would

you take that in a coffee shop I'm like

was it on the start of the date well cuz

like my assumption was that like she

like puts it in their Dr Cofe right but

I'm like maybe she hands it to them and

then they decide when they take it and

he's like starting my date early and uh

and maybe a little explicitly like I

don't know are you trying to get a handy

in a coffee shop H valid question why

was he taking it in the shop regardless

that's hilarious and he is now frozen

[Laughter]

solid and but it's also when uh when

Vivan is talking to she's like maybe

like hold off on like using magic for a

while uh and the girl's like well you

wouldn't get it since like you don't

like she's like that's like asking me

not to breathe like I just like magic is

part of my everyday life and she's like

you wouldn't get it and Vivian's like

I'm a witch the girl's like wait what

like he's clearly magical you teach on

like the Normie side she's like you're a

witch

huh which just more to the like how

Vivien grew up right uh and not growing

like her parents are

deceased they didn't practice magic

growing up at one point uh reys is like

so the full Potter huh and she's like

what and he's like yeah like you like

didn't find out you're magical till you

were older the full Potter she's like no

one calls it that he's like sure they

do so it's sort of like like um growing

up in a home where your parents are from

a different country but they don't speak

their native language in the house but

then like you go around your extended

family and they're all speaking the

native language and you're like supposed

to know but you kind of know but you

really don't like and that's how I'm

like conceptualizing it um I think with

viven it's not necessarily a lack of

knowledge it's just a lack of habit and

a lack of practice where like everyone

else like when she practices magic she's

very good and very competent and can do

lots of things um but because she did

didn't grow up with magic being a part

of her regular daily life and practice

she doesn't utilize it as readily right

okay and so like she's like yeah I still

clean my house like I don't use magic to

do that so I think it's more of those

things where it's like not that she

can't do it or figure it out it's just

that she it's not Beyond her she just

doesn't it's not part of her regular

habits I got you okay okay yeah thank

God because I was like am I getting me

um

no I get what you're

saying so the next day

uh there when Vivan is at work a witch

shows up to from the witch

witch from the witchery

Department The Witch's Department the

witchery Department the witch Department

the Council of

witches whatever the Muggles no way

wrong we're just getting it all

confused and uh she's like oh it's like

a newer Young

like Professor her name is Amanda she's

like oh she actually seems cool she's

not as like stuck up as the others and

Amanda wants to talk to her about Piper

The Ghost and asks for Vivian help

capturing Piper again uh so they can

rebind her so we find out that like

Piper uh would had been trying to do

like a summoning spell and it was some

darker magic and it was too powerful and

like that's what killed

her so that night Vivian calls reest to

meet her and they he's like what are we

doing she's like We're going to capture

a ghost he's like okay so they're going

on this adventure they are going to the

house that Piper lived in when she'd

been alive so that they can find her

altar uh and then Amanda has given viven

a uh I always [ __ ] up the pronunciation

idy sure yeah

I should have just said that with more

confidence instead of being like I might

be butchering I don't know what it's

supposed to be so sounds right to me

yeah a idy candle uh oh

yes oh it's because you didn't say

candle why I need to say context I get

it

now the candle context makes all the

difference woo so so they're like we

have to they're like very simple all we

have to do is find her altar light the

candle it will bring her spirit back to

the flame she will live in the candle

and then we can get it back to the

witchery

Department done that's the whole plan uh

but when they get to the house they're

like she lived in like a [ __ ] haunted

house it's creepy as [ __ ] it's like a

dilapidated Victorian or something very

much that energy yeah and so they go in

and they're like starting to like look

around and then they hear some noises

and so they go and they hide in the

closet and it's some students from the

college and one of the college Bros is

trying to use it as a hookup

spot cuz I walk in and like notice like

this room like like one room wasn't

Dusty the way the rest of the house was

you know at least he cleaned it up a

little bit I guess great positive

reframe I try if that is strength based

if ever I've I've heard it h

so they're like what the [ __ ] he's using

this as a hookup spot but like as he's

like trying to like talk the girl into

he's like come on like I promise it'll

be like good and she's like that's what

you said last time it was only 2 minutes

and they're like in the closet hearing

this oh my God you can't come back from

that you can't come back from that by

God he was

trying but they're pressed together in

the closet it's like feeling more

intimate and they're hearing that out

there but then like the kid realizes

he's like yeah maybe this isn't the

sexiest thing like let's just explore

then like well we can't have him like

finding us in the closet so Vivian

starts using her magic to like Shake

picture frames on the wall and like slam

doors and windows and so they're like we

need to get the [ __ ] out of here so they

managed to get rid of the students and

then as they're like still pressed close

in the closet she like leans back

against the wall and feels like a zap in

her finger ERS and is like like feels

like a magic tingle and then it's like

oh this is like when they like turn

their flashlight around in the back of

the closet is where her full altar was

oh yeah happy accident right very

convenient they light the candle they

feel Pipers I was going to say Essence

but I guess presence is is your spirit

your

essence yes

I don't know yes you're like hey Chelsea

that feels like a bigger

question that I'm not prepared for In

This Moment didn't realize we were like

going full Nichi or some [ __ ] today or

whatever kind of pick a

philosopher Camu I just like to say that

that is a fun one M yeah uh I am having

a hard time naming philosophers cuz in

my head all I'm thinking of is like

counseling theorists which are not the

same so that's why I'm not really saying

anything I almost said

yolum like we're about to go full Adler

on this

[ __ ] uh so Piper is like being drawn to

the candle and like she's like starting

to whisp into the candle but is talking

with them as this is happening and she

says cursed pen Hollow cursed for what

was taken and like looks at Reese and

she's like it was never yours [ __ ]

like you took it and he's like is this

about me doesn't feel like it's about me

I didn't do anything yes but then she's

like what was wrong must be writed what

was taken must be relinquished and then

the flame goes out

yeah and so they're like well let's take

the candle to the Something Wicked store

room for some safekeeping until we can

get it back to the witchery

department and like at as they're

getting back to the store room they're

just like laughing about like the

students lack of

game and uh she's like you know thanks

for never trying to feel me up in a

haunted house when we were 19 and he's

like it would have been worth it but

then he goes he's like I was mad about

you and then he pauses and he's like

maybe that shouldn't be past tense he's

like I am mad about you I'm still mad

about you and is like still very into

you uh I've never stopped and so then

they start kissing and it's very sweet

and then uh he said say if you'll allow

me to make you come tonight I consider

myself the most fortunate of

men which is such a formal request to

finger blast someone I was going to say

that is so British like oh my

God I'm

like so British well I was trying to say

okay Mr Darcy but I couldn't think of

Darcy so I almost just said okay Mr

Weasley

so I

almost hooked up with a a UK like

exchange student or whatever and it was

almost because we were about to get it

and he said will you allow me to lie

with you and I went nope deed out

[Laughter]

you're like when it was happening

organically I was just rolling with it

but now that we've actually stopped and

put a question why did you say it like

[Music]

that so the next day on campus viven

meets Amanda to hand her the candle then

Ash's walking to her office she like

sees Amanda walking off and she's like

huh that's not the way to the witchery

Department maybe she knows a show cut

I'm not in that department and just like

moves on with her day uh but then a

little bit later Dr arbit KN knocks on

her door and is like we need to talk and

like that's where that chapter Fades to

Black next scene next chapter

reys uh Rees is thinking about how into

Vivian he is uh and then she knocks on

the on his door and is like clearly

upset and so she tells him that she's

like yeah apparently Amanda isn't a

professor she's a con artist oh my God

all right t- Ms YN

tamson t m Sy YN tamson yes tamson okay

uh wellknown con artist for like dealing

in magical artifacts oh no so they're

like cool we just put this very powerful

Ghost spirit in this candle and handed

it to a con artist nailed it yeah uh but

it's also super funny because this is

like I one of the first times that uh

Vivian has been to his house and

apparently the family house there is

this like creepy ass Gothic mansion like

she go of course it is yeah like she

like goes into the bedroom and she's

like is this Dracula's bedroom like of

course you have a [ __ ] canopy

bed oh not a canopy right and so they're

just like very endearing things seem to

be escalating and at one point she like

looks at him and she's like I've run out

of ways to say this is a bad idea and

he's like we've made a lot of mistakes

but like I don't think this is one of

them and she's like are you going to

kiss me he's like I'm going to do a lot

more than kiss you if you let

me that's cute maybe I'll lie with you

may I lie with you and that's the that's

the deal

breaker I don't know

why but as soon as he said it I was like

I think I'm going to go

oh listen we've all had those moments

that you're like this this is a deal

breaker and it's just like an instant

flip well it was like I just got pulled

out of the moment and was like never

mind like yes you have a great accent

and that is not enough to carry this so

I'm going to go you're like actually

would you could I just hand you a book

would you mind reading to me instead

that feels like a great way to spend the

night yes

1,000% um so he takes her to the bedroom

which they describe as a creepy Sex

Dungeon oh my God like he's making jokes

about it and she's like why didn't you

ever bring me back to your house and she

he was like this place like when we were

you wanted me to bring you to the creepy

Sex Dungeon cool um they bone yeah

excellent I'd say it's like they're

solidifying [ __ ] right and so uh next

chapter we're now a week in the

future they've had a great week they've

been [ __ ]

everywhere and uh it is now right before

the Fall Fest Vivian is supposed to be

helping Gwyn run a booth uh but they are

a little bit late because they were

[ __ ] you get it yeah yeah which is

also funny because like like he's like

no one will care if we're late she's

like Gwyn will care if we're late and

then she gets sidetracked then they're

an hour late and gwyn's like where the

[ __ ] were you

yeah yeah we were we're getting ready to

be here with you right uh so at the

festival Reese has apparently never had

a Tarot read before and so gwyn's like

let me like do a pull for you and so

she's like okay this and then they show

uh the emperor on the final card and

they're like well that's not like the

emperor is not bad they're like no just

like a little like for boing and like

you know like Authority and rules and

stru and Reese is like my father they're

like yeah like your father he's like no

my father and like points over when

should he like [ __ ] my dad is here so

now they are all talking with Dad and

his dad's like why the [ __ ] didn't you

tell me you were cursed he's like I

tried to tell you I was cursed you told

me I was being ridiculous you told me

that's just how humans

[Laughter]

travel which uh when we recently went to

Japan CEO green was on our flight shut

the [ __ ] up in Delta 1 why did you not

tell me

that I am right now you I've seen you

before this are you a big CEO girly I

didn't know I feel like that's a thing I

would tell people that you're a CEO

girly no that I saw CEO on a plane I

didn't cuz he was in Delta 1 oh okay I I

did see like people in our group took

selfies with him at one of thep I got

you I got you but apparently they also

had their own separate entrance and exit

from the plane huh like in [ __ ] there

were like

two vestibules to the plane huh yeah

they had their own special exit so he

didn't have to walk amongst the yeah

yeah that's why I didn't see him because

I'm a

peasant

understood uh so when his dad is like

have you even really what have you been

doing for these last like for the last

like week and a half since you've been

here here and he's like not just

[ __ ] other F other things he's like

we've been trying to like reverse the

side effects of the curse uh

and Simon asks viven and gwy and aunti

Lane he's like do you all have any like

ancestors that are buried locally that

you could like draw from their magic and

their power um and they're like

yes I don't a e l

WYD lww

nope you're just let me suffer on that

one okay like a Aid a I wholeheartedly

apologize to everyone who's like these

dumb asses this is the most obvious

thing please teach us how to pronounce

this I guess I could also have Googled

this before we recorded all of our Welsh

listeners are like y'all can go [ __ ]

yourselves I think I'm like

60% Welsh of course you are this is not

great um but they're like

yes Grandma a is that Granny a gran gran

just gonna yeah granny a actually came

over at the same time as like Griffin P

pen Hollow and like when he founded the

town and she's buried there uh and then

Simon is like all right well like I'm

going back you guys need to fix this and

he's like I'll leave you to sell your

crystals and chat skis and Vivian's like

hey like we we do sell crystals and we

do sell chachis and we still manage to

curse your whole [ __ ] family so maybe

lay off you

think good for her yeah they're like

little little bit of a badass yeah yeah

like very sweet softspoken Professor but

can like turn it on when she needs to I

don't think she swore at him I swore at

him for understood I get it also

uh I know this is a podcast so most

people are listening from a podcast

platform but for those of you lucky

enough to be watching on YouTube right

now my cat Craig my 10 year-old six

pound hairless cat has joined us but my

favorite part is he likes to tuck his

head in like under and then Fred does

that too and then sleep and it's the

funniest he looks like a little so cute

a little raw chicken it he does he looks

like like a little raw chicken there's

something about when a cat does that

that you're just like I what is extra

endearing about this I don't know but

it's so cute but it

is um okay so the next morning reys

wakes Vivian up and is like hey I can't

really use my magic but I called my

brother and he can use his magic so I

had him run a tracking spell on tamson

she is just like a town over how

convenient let's go get that candle

back so they go to the next town over

and get into the lobby of the Airbnb and

Reese's whole plan starts and ends with

him like Charming the front desk lady

into telling them the room number men

are the worst right like right as he's

like starting to like be like well hey

there how's your morning tamson comes

into the lobby and it's like thank God

you guys are here come upstairs with me

and they're like wait what what that

shouldn't have happened right that felt

different yes so then when they get up

into the room Tams and is like y'all

need to help me and they're like what

and she so she shows them the candle it

is like radiating dark energy in a way

that they're like it's not supposed to

do that she's like yeah I've sold a lot

of these over the years and it's not

supposed to do that and she's like and I

can't travel with it I can't sell it and

she's like so I was trying to figure out

what to do and y'all just showed up like

some [ __ ] witch Angels so thanks yeah

[ __ ] fix it yeah and so Vivian's like

I guess we could do you the favor of

taking this candle off your hands and uh

ree is like yes at Great personal cost

to our own

well-being as you can see the candle's

dangerous so you're

welcome and when they leave they're

like that could could have gone better

if we planned it

right so they get the candle back to

Something Wicked and Vivan lights it and

Piper appears and Piper is like I

recognize you and she's like yes from

the library uh I'm the one that cursed

the pen

Hollows you might recognize me you may

remember me well and Piper's like hold

up like it wasn't you then she's like

well not just you like I know the magic

surrounding the pen Hollows and like

it's not only

yours and so then Piper goes on to say

there's other magic running in the blood

of the Town mag magic that was stolen by

the pen Hollows

hidden Grandma a deserves her

revenge oh damn cuz griffi stole her

magic to start the town oh damn yes

thank you Keenan Thompson was what is

that I don't know I was here for it

though I don't know I gave you two odams

it felt I felt good about it I felt good

about receiving the odam

so thank you um so we do learn within

this conversation that Piper had been

trying to summon uh Grandma A's magic

and uh what had been trying to summon

her and like Piper's magic wasn't enough

and so it was trying to summon

Vivian's ancestry line that killed Piper

um but then they're like because viven

was blood when viven cursed Reese and it

summoned her it was like enough to like

break through that barrier so it is a

blood curse that like gave more power H

uh but the curse was that Griffin's

Legacy and heirs would suffer and Salon

is the the very next night and that's

when the veil will be thinnest and Magic

will be the most potent so they're like

the curse will reach its peak and so

they're like both the town and Reese are

going to die at midnight tomorrow oh

[ __ ] yes yeah casual not ideal no not

not if you're Reese yeah not what you

want to hear

really no that's a that's a bitter pill

to swallow

yeah not what you're like okay we just

went through all this effort to summon

this ghost was hoping she'd bring better

news I'm going to die in 24 hours

noted yeah not a lot of time to figure

it out from there so reys and Vivian are

like going back to his place and she's

just like feeling the weight of all of

this and he's making jokes and like

making light and it's like yeah like

well when I die like maybe like give me

like a Vikings funeral and she's just

like this isn't funny and he's like oh

yeah like he's like you're right like

you've had a really long day like this

has been like a very emotional day like

not the time for quippy jokes she's like

no don't say that like I don't find it

funny because I'm tired it's not funny

cuz I [ __ ] cursed you and if I don't

solve it you're going to die tomorrow

night and that is on me because I cursed

you and none of this is funny yes so

she's just like I I'm she like having a

moment where she's like you don't really

take anything

seriously

and I'm think I'm going to leave and go

back to my place for the night so the

next morning reys wakes up alone and is

like having a moment where he's like you

know when I was 19 and like told her

like apparently when he was 19 and was

like yeah I have to go back to wheel to

whales to deal with my betroth situation

she like threw his jeans at his head and

took off and he's like she like didn't

let me explain didn't let me say

anything and he's like she didn't really

like trust me or like give me the

benefit of the doubt and he's like and

she's also not doing that now which

stings he's like because I love her and

it she doesn't trust me yeah yeah

um and so his younger brother he has two

brothers the older one is back in whales

the younger one I don't really know

where he is I don't know if he knows

where he is uh but he facetimes him and

he's like you don't look too hot and so

his brother like he's telling his

brother all of the stuff that's been

going on with viven and his brother's

like she's right like you don't take

[ __ ] seriously and he's like what I take

I take a lot of [ __ ] seriously like work

her I'd take you seriously if it wasn't

for your beard and he's like like M case

in point Bud let's just

pause I'm going to repeat your words

back to you tell me what you hear in

that yes excellent yes his brother

didn't like Go full therapist but

definitely made the point yeah his

brother's like tell her you like like

tell her you love her talk to her like

mhm communicate maybe show her you're

taking this seriously yes so he goes to

her aunt's house to try and talk to her

or no maybe he goes to Something Wicked

I don't know wherever he goes he gets

her aunt and his her aunt is like hey

Vivian's not here she's already gone

back to her place to prepare for for the

night I get you want to talk to her but

like this is more magic than any of us

have done and she needs to focus and she

needs to prep and so like you'll need to

save whatever conversation you're trying

to have with her until after right any

Declarations of Love Can yes which

1,000% respect yeah she's like hey

totally understand feel the

room not the moment if you're still

alive after all of this we can we can

work from there so they all get to the

cemetery that night and by all of them I

just mean viven Gwyn Elaine and Reese

okay and so uh the three women are all

working to summon Grandma A's Spirit uh

and then she uh possesses vivien's body

and is talking to reys and so he's

saying

like I he loves her and he deserves to

be cursed and then she's like so like

what if I like spared the town and took

your life he's like take my life as long

as like she's fine and then uh Gwenn is

like Reese no and he's like oh finally

not dick bad

[Laughter]

I have a name on the way out nailed

it which I

love he's like cool checkbox that one

finally accomplished that's the last

item on my bucket list apparently so

ghost grandma is like I am within her

body I can tell like she loves you too

she's asked me to spare both you and the

town and because she is my blood I I

will do that

and let go of the fact that you know

griffi drained all of my magic when we

were supposed to combine them together

so he could start the town and then he

took full credit of it and told everyone

I died of the influenza or small pox or

some [ __ ] like that I don't know but

yeah so like she's like okay I I will

like retract my curse I don't know from

you in the town but then like a moment

and she's like

I'm not strong enough at this point and

like it's too late like the curse is too

strong sorry I

tried you are

cursed did you try grandma and then just

like Vivian collapses to the ground and

when she comes too she's like looking

around and her aunt's

like that was such impressive magic and

she's like but it didn't work I can see

it on your face like don't play G me

don't tell me it was

he still going to

die uh but then she's thinking through

the that she's like wait our blood also

like our bloodline and our magic also

fueled this town so Gwen and Elaine and

viven all go to the caves and then they

all combined their magic and power

to clear out the lay lines I guess okay

yeah it works I don't know sure yeah

that's like Town saved yes Town Check

Yes and like reys was like waiting in

the car so he like pops his head in at

the end he's like so we're

good the lines look like they're running

purple again great work

ladies so now he's like okay I'm no

longer cursed I can confess my love to

viven they're like driving back and she

tells them to pull over and there's a

field where she's like oh like that's

where summer solstice took place like

where we first met when we were 19 and

then they [ __ ] in the car and he's like

I haven't done this in a long time but

then right as

uh right as he's like this is my moment

to declare my love for her and he's like

viven she like nuzzles her her head in

his neck and is like I'm really going to

miss you and he's like oh this was our

goodbye [ __ ] whoops misread that yes and

so when get back to her place she like

invites him in and he's like I am

leaving tomorrow and she's like wait

what and he's like yeah sorry like got

to go back to Wales so they just like

say

goodbye um so

now it's a couple of months ahead

because it's when they said the winter

semester is starting which I would count

winter semester as spring semester that

starts in January yeah was my thought

with it uh and Vivan has picked up a

couple courses that she's going to be

teaching in the magic Department as

well and I guess like recent her a book

for Christmas that was um about like the

history of whales which is what she did

her master's thesis on actually on like

griffi pen Hollow or someone along the

line and he's like oh my family line say

you did your Master's thesis on okay so

he sent her a book but it was just like

for your office sign Reese like no I

miss you no any of that stuff so she's

going over to the magic side of things

and the magic side of the college and as

she's walking down the faculty Hall

she's like seeing all of the placards

with all of their names and is like

whatever arth not and then se's one that

says like r pen Hollow and she's like

and she like opens the door and Rees is

sitting there and he's like yeah

apparently when your ancestors founded

the school and the town it's pretty easy

to get them to agree to let you teach a

course or two

so he said

nepotism he like in the Name of Love

though nepotism in the Name of Love

because he's she's like what about your

travel business he's like I can run that

from here so he decided to pick up and

move to Graves Glenn Georgia to be with

the love of his life uh but also my I

really liked how he communicated it

because he said I realized that

uprooting my life and moving to Georgia

for a woman might fall into the Reckless

and ill-thought out category but the

thing is I'm very much in love with that

woman that woman is you just to be

clear

a that's oddly endearing right that's so

nice there's no epilog that's just like

the last chapter of the book and that's

the end that's a cute story right H and

I do feel like we managed to capture

some of the charm in it yeah but I will

say there was a lot that uh could not be

included just for the sake of time but

yeah if you are looking for just like a

cozy fall read like this is one like

obviously like there's some some sex in

it but like even at that I'm like I

would recommend this one to my parents

yeah like compared to some other [ __ ]

that we have reviewed that I might not

but like this one like yeah very fun

cozy fall

read okay what's our rating system

though um plastic skull yeah plastic SK

skulls skeleton heads I guess sket

candles but like plastic skulls is is

the money I feel Ury Ur candles Ury I

don't know if you're saying that right

uy candle oh yeah you're actually saying

that right wait candle was the

difference there

I was like are you saying a name is that

like a Greek god or something I mean it

sounds right God it's it's a Greek word

yeah I feel like it's a mythology I'm

going to have to Google that [ __ ] yeah

we had some learning to do before we

started recording this episode and

that's on me so plastic skulls it is so

out of how many

um you know most of the book takes place

in October let's go out of 10 okay

um I would say out of 10 I would

probably give

it like an eight oh damn okay yeah I I

think there were like some things and

like some sections that I reread that I

was like eh they were fine but I think

like overall it really is a fun

endearing cozy read yes uh like I'd say

like depending on

what I'm basing it on I feel like I

could like go like 7.5 to 8.5 depending

because if you're going for like the

cute banter and like funny things i' say

like 8.5 I do think there were some

things like that were written a little

clunky for my preferences and that's why

I'd probably say like

7.5 so I think on good reads it has like

a

3.5 uh with like hundreds of thousands

of reviews at this point right um but

yeah so I feel like in that like 3.5 to

like four territory if it's out of five

so I'm like yeah that tracks is like

that's like roughly what I put it at on

our 10 rating scale as well like a

7.58 yeah I mean it feels nice

especially if there are more in the

series I will probably read it I'm going

to add it to my list for sure yes uh cuz

I know that like there are plenty of

books that we read and review and we're

like so glad you reviewed that one or

like yeah oh like I'll add it to my list

but like it's like a niche list that we

are working on and I feel like this one

is just like a very accessible

fun like the the biggest issue I see my

parents taking with it is probably the

magic feel like uh Harry Potter is kind

of the limit there we cannot stand a

witch woo that gets a little dangerous

you know I know it does I know it does

so all right um eight out of 10 plastic

skulls let us know how many plastic

skulls you would rate it don't forget to

like And subscribe um and rate and

review on any platform that you listen

to your podcast uh we're so honored and

glad that you wanted to spend this time

listening to ours so thank you and we

can't wait to do it again thanks guys

bye smut [ __ ] bye smut puppies well

that's it for this week's smut [ __ ]

we hope it was good for you cuz it sure

was great for us if you're digging what

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[Music]