Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Chelsea and

[Applause]

[Music]

Hannah hey everybody Welcome to smut

club I'm Chelsea and I'm

Hannah and this is the podcast where we

occasionally daydrink and talk about

smudy usually always smudy Romance Books

of Varan

caliber I don't know the last time I

read a book that didn't have at least

one sex scene that was fiction yeah yeah

that was

fiction yeah just to make that clear

yeah yeah

like I uh was recently talking to

someone who was like I'm really into

reading like oh yeah I read a lot too

and then I was like yeah I read like

this many books a year and then they're

like wait are they all trashy romance

novels and I was like first of all take

the Judgment out of your voice second of

all yes I chose to hear it as

a another instance in which our

perspectives are similar and yet

different oh no it wasn't a I just in

that moment I was like I'm a roll with

it willful denial at that point I love

it it was a wow

really I did give her a couple book

wrecks so nice because well and to her

credit uh she was talking about how she

had just started a court of thorn and

roses and was like I don't really know

if it's for me and I was like that's

okay like fantasy doesn't have to be for

you and while a lot of people love this

series a lot of people think this series

is

mid yeah uh it's not always a safe space

to say that right correct but so then

when we were talking she like yeah I

like suspense and I was like do you like

like romance suspense or like erotic

suspense and she was like oh yeah do you

have any wrecks in that category Girl

Rebecca zenetti pull up your chair yep

you already know I do get it yep it was

Rebecca zetti from the jump and then I

was like and then we got some Bren aser

that we can throw in there I like we

have

choices I was like oh you want a book

where they don't have

[Music]

sex huh let me think on

that I can't wait to hear what

recommendations other people give you

yeah please share those with me I was

like cuz they aren't going to be my

recommendations at all um okay so

today we are reviewing the never King oh

yeah so before we started recording I

asked Chelsea what we were reviewing

today and she I was like I know you've

told me like three times and she said

yes I have and I'm not repeating it

until we start the

episode this has been on my list but I

don't think I I haven't read it yet

yeah I

uh I I forget when I picked it up but I

feel like it's one so there are four in

the series we're only reviewing the

first book today and quite frankly I

don't know if we'll review the the full

series in the future because it's like

this well this is by Nikki St Crow but

you know when you're reading like a tate

James series and by the fourth book

you're like everyone got a law sibling

in the soap opera y it kind of gets to

that point where like it's a very fun

series but I was also like I'm

ready for this series to reach its

conclusion um so thoroughly enjoy yeah I

I feel like I ironically I picked it up

and read it and then I started seeing it

everywhere um but this is the never King

by Nikki St Crow which is like a dark

Peter Pan retelling gotcha yes

um which I was thinking uh cuz we've

done like the dark Aladdin right

retelling I really like dark fairy tale

retellings yeah me too I read a dark

Peter Pan that was called

hooked and she wound up with hook

instead of was that

Emily sure I want to say Emily McIntyre

but I've had a little bit of wine that

sounds right but look it up well in this

uh so the never King series is reverse

herum with like uh Winnie darling and

the lost boys but there is also another

spin-off that is

uh I think

it's

hook the

crocodile who's a man sure and then

it might be one of uh the darling women

in from because you don't age and

Neverland right um so they have a whole

spin-off that I haven't read I think I

probably will at some point but like

when you read four back toback and

you're just like I need a break from

this world I just need like a little bit

of like Megan Quinn Ridiculousness and

then I can hop like a pallet cleanser

yes yeah um which I just started for

speaking of like pallet cleansers uh

Helena hunting's new like Toronto

Terrors hockey book um which I'm only

like 20% in strong

start don't know if it'll stay there but

I had some difficulty sleeping last

night and I was like laying in bed at

like 3:00 a.m. trying not to laugh out

loud and I was like don't wake up Vance

that is helpful right and that's always

a good sign I was just telling Vance I

was in a situation in which I had to

watch the Stanley Cup finals and um had

had a little bit of wine during that

experience and I was texting my sister

about it because one of the players was

named

himman and they kept talking about

penetration and I was having a really

hard time because honestly I had like

like a full hourong HBO standup special

running in my head like the whole time

and I knew no one I was watching it with

would appreciate anything that came out

of my mouth so my sister received all of

it

so it probably wasn't as funny as I

thought it was can I get an invite to

that yes next time 100% if I can find

the text messages I will send them to

you is that when you were in Vegas was

yeah mhm sure was I did get a couple

text threads while you were in Vegas and

I was here for it yeah so absolutely

okay so um jumping into the book yes

because we are so good at tangents are

um but the problem is sometimes we'll

like be on a tangent for 40 minutes

before we even we're like oh yeah I

guess this is the book I guess we also

have a podcast yes I guess maybe people

are here to hear about the

book give the people what they want

Chelsea fine I'll give them what they

want and I'll I'll rain my tangents in

it's the amount of wine I've had with

the amount of jet lag I'm currently

experiencing understandable um

yeah I am not operating on all cylinders

firing on all cylinders is that what

sure yeah whichever one of those works

better um so yeah just a girl out here

trying her best which is not

great so just giving that

warning trying to be self-aware okay so

um the book opens with Winnie darling um

it is the night before her 18th

birthday she is is uh when when we open

the book she's literally just like

[ __ ] the like Star Quarterback from

her High School good for her yeah just

like in a car in a parking lot and she's

like this is not great sex and not good

for her then yeah and he's like you've

never had better right and she's like oh

yeah yeah you're great this is wonderful

thank you for a great time um it is just

very apathetic um because knowing she

turns 18 at midnight night the exact

quote I wrote down is and the only thing

I have to look forward to is being

kidnapped by a myth happy [ __ ]

birthday to me so we learn that on the

18th birthday every darling woman uh

with as they go generation by generation

disappears on her birthday H and they

return like sometimes after a couple

weeks sometimes after a couple months

but they're like always broken like they

never return okay and so

Winnie has been raised by her mother

Meredith I think Mary um who has been

diagnosed with

schizophrenia um as a lot of the women

in their family have and um has Prim

like primarily

um kept them alive by selling her body

and so like they've never live really

living in great places and Winnie's just

like this is the life I have and my mom

is always freaking out that like when I

turn 18 someone's going to kidnap me and

like here we go what a life right and so

she gets home that night and her mom is

freaking out like wondering where she's

been and like takes her into this room

and like the crumbling Victorian house

that they're living in that has like uh

it's their special room that has like

protective runes and Talisman and like

Wards and like it's supposed to be able

to keep Winnie safe so her mom is like

you need to get in the room it's almost

your birthday and when's like okay Mom

sure like whatever I guess this is what

we're doing um and as they're in the

room she's like asking her mom she's

like what's coming like what what are

you so scared of what do I need to be

scared of and her mom is like kind of

nonsensically being

like well there's an island and it's

Neverland and the food is good and she's

like what the [ __ ] is she talking about

like like and her mom falls

asleep and then she starts hearing

floorboards Creek and she's like someone

is in the house like it's just after

midnight we are not alone here and then

the door opens and like a figure of a

man is standing there who honestly looks

like a real cool guy like he's got

cette he's got like Tattoos Piercings

he's smoking a cigarette leaning against

the wall that was the the

least cool way to say that that was

amazing honestly just likes a real cool

guy what big cool guy

vibes okay okay well so he looks like

the drummer in a punk band or something

yeah like she's like there's a hot

mysterious cool guy standing in the

doorway is this what my mom was freaking

out about like what Isen be into it a

little bit right and so

uh the guy greets her mom and is like

hey Mary and then he's like I'll return

her

after after what yeah and then like he

looks at Winnie and is like do you want

to do this the easy way or the hard way

and she's like well death the easy

way she's like why would you choose the

hard way yeah she's like if it's

inevitable why yeah easy is my final

answer Alex like why

not and so then uh the guy's like first

lesson there is no easy way then

everything goes dark okay Fade to Black

sure sure right we love the drama um

we're going to now switch to Peter Pan's

perspective we'll get the perspective

from Winnie Peter and then there are

three other like Lost Boys yeah main

Lost Boys it's like seems like the Lost

Boys house has a lot of random Lost Boys

but these are the main core the

leadership of the Lost Boys the Inner

Circle yes the Inner Circle Of The Lost

Boys so uh pan is returning to Neverland

with Winnie and he is like this like

traveling Between Worlds is getting

really difficult the magic is waning

like I need this one to be the one who

is like going to help me get the answers

I've been looking

for um she is passed out out over his

shoulder this entire time but they are

all like noticing that like Winnie is

rail thin like a strong Breeze can blow

her over like she's not well and they

can tell that like her mom has not

necessarily been thriving at being able

to take care of her right um we meet at

this point as uh pan is returning with

Winnie we meet

vain uh v n e and then um I guess it's

Sebastian and he goes by bash and then

castian or whatever and so it's like

Cass and Bash and they're twins okay

yeah I will confuse all of that 1,000%

as you should um none of it matters cash

and Bash got it yes Cass sure yeah

there's not an s on the end of that

one I don't know Cass I have also had a

little bit of wine

[Music]

B yep that's how we will refer to the

mix all I can think about is The Clash

Rock the CB C bash I'm so

sorry cast bash Rock the C bash

incredible all

right woo okay so he gets back we meet

the three other Lost Boys the only ones

who really matter and then he like

reminds him he's like no touching the

dark darling and he's like it's like the

one house rule we have is like we don't

[ __ ] The Darlings and then like and like

to himself he's kind of like yeah like

they're the ones who got us into this

mess so like we don't really know all of

the details um win wakes up and she's

like chained to the bed or like chained

in the bedroom and her first thought is

kinky that is real Roxy from Denna Viper

Vibes yes 1,000 my save word is Bubbles

like Okie doie yeah she's like maybe I

should be faced by this and that is a

lot of like you can tell the amount of

trauma she's lived through that she's

like I feel so alive right now and I was

like that is not the response most

people have in this

moment like okay we'll get there

right um so as she's chained to the bed

Cass and Bash come in and they're kind

of like the Kinder ones who are the ones

who generally greet The Darlings and

ease them

into whatever is happening yes

1,000% uh and she just like starts

flirting with him immediately and like

in her head she's like I mean like what

else would I do like great way to pass

the time I hate to be alone and so like

yeah like

she honestly needs a friend yeah

um which I don't think is the

therapeutic Journey she's choosing for

herself

mhm but if I could provide any insight

or casual feedback to ponder

on I would

maybe say that we're uh looking to get

some base needs met and some

inappropriate relationships that will

turn appropriate at some point I guess

whatever um

yeah so when she's meeting the twins

they're like we're the nice ones and

she's like who's the mean one and then

vain shows up and as soon as vain makes

eye contact with her she feels immediate

Terror um like tears start streaming

down her face and she just like wants to

run and like he tells her he's like

don't run because I'll chase you is kind

of the energy he is giving in the uh

like RSE Harum quartet like the

Axel dies diesel

yep he's giving the like true Insanity

Vibe he yeah he's that one in the group

for

sure um the twins are then making her

pancakes and that is when we meet Cherry

who is uh one of the only girls around

and like lives there as well I mean

she's really excited for the darling to

be there and and is being super nice to

her and is like yeah sometimes the guys

can be a little a little rough cuz like

most Lost Boys are but that's just cuz

they've all been abandoned by their

mothers and like and the boys are like

shut the [ __ ] up Cherry like stop

helping me cherry yeah

Jesus and that is Cherry's energy I kind

of like that yeah but also in that way

where

like Cherry also needs friends because

she lives around all these dudes that

like

might [ __ ] her because she's convenient

more than that's sad yeah that is kind

of her energy um we then go to Peter

he's waking up we learn he is a

nocturnal and there's an aversion to

sunlight okay at this point we don't

fully know why and he's talking to Vain

and he's like saying to Vain like I can

tell your Shadow is getting

restless um and that like you need the

Chase and he's like go chase Cherry like

go do whatever you need but like I can

tell your Shadow is needing a release um

so we're just kind of like piecing

together these like tidbits is we like

why did they take Winnie we don't really

know um then we have Peter or I guess

pan and Vain and Winnie are all like

walking the

shoreline and uh Winnie is like talking

talking V and starts to feel that like

just like Terror over her whole body and

and runs and then Peter realizes he's

like oh vea is really struggling to

manage his shadow like he wasn't trying

to scare her right um and so like Peter

takes off after Winnie and is telling

her he's like vain like one of his like

abilities is he can make people feel

Terror like that is not just you having

a weird response like that is something

that like he has the power and

capability to do to make you feel

Terror which in the grand scheme of

superpowers isn't the one I would want

no no I don't think I would want that

one either I like what do you do with

that outside of run a really good

haunted

[Music]

house like how far does that skill get

you in life as a

superhero I mean is he meant to be a

superhero we're focusing on different

parts and that means you're focusing on

the real things and I'm just out here

like but what if this was another book

and he was a superhero and that was his

power like way to rain it in you and I

trade the role of the one that is

keeping us grounded and the fact that

it's me right

now should be be an interesting Journey

for all of

us yeah but I do feel like that is we

trade we do cuz it's about

balance you know we are very similar

people mhm so it makes sense that we end

up trading some of these things off also

happy belated birthday oh yeah happy

birthday to you

too to be fair I couldn't text you

because I was in Japan and you have an

Android I do yeah and I you know I guess

I could have whatsapped you now that I'm

thinking about

it I could have whatsapped you but yeah

I like that each

year we just like let our birthdays pass

and then we're like hey Havey birthday

good to see you you you had a good one

right me too sounds like a

plan um all right when they get back to

the house we do get a little bit of

clarification and I think it's pan who

says like the darling took something

from me a very long time ago and they

hid it and I want it back and you're

going to help me find it and she's

like I really have no idea what you're

talking about but sure this is better

than what I was

doing in my world right I'll go on a

scavenger hunt that's cool yeah is kind

of her yeah she's like I don't really

know how I'm going to help but okay I'm

here for it um the twins end up taking

her back back to her room and are

relocking the the chains um and I can't

remember if it was to the bed or just

like a general

circumference of the room of the room

yeah which I would prefer for her right

but she decided she's like well I'm

bored I think I'm going to try and

seduce a lost

boy she's like I have nothing else going

on jokes on you [ __ ] shouldn't have

let me get bored right so she uh calls

Cass back to the room and is like I'm

scared like comfort me and he cast an

illusion onto the ceiling that's like

like a beautiful night sky or something

and like she's like oo like what's this

fun magic ability and she asks and she's

like so what are you and he's like I'm a

fairy and she's like I don't believe in

and he like stops her and he's

like that will kill me like you cannot

say you do not

believe like a topa

is squeak really the book we're going to

call back because when we were recording

squeak I almost said like in Peter Pan

where you have to believe in

Tinkerbell yeah I really wish I had said

it now anyway I wish you had as well

because you just let me go with my Santa

Claus and I did and you had a whole

other and you went sure Chelsea like

Santa

perfect okay so we have to believe

fairies um and so she's like okay fine

like I won't say the words and then

she's like asking him about his tattoos

and her hands start wandering and he

stops her and he's like we don't touch

Darlings and she's like the

[ __ ] but he's clearly all pinned up now

so he like gets up and leaves the room

and goes down to the bonfire that all of

the lost boys are having and like

there's a random girl sitting there and

he just goes up and he's like get on

your knees and like takes his dick out

and he's like suck

it and she's like well if I want to hang

with the Lost

Boys I I guess this is what I'm doing

Okie doie yeah and I if I'm remember I

feel like Winnie can like see from her

window like sees this all happen and

she's like okay so then back comes into

the room and is like he like what did

you do like why did he just like tear

out of here to go get head from a random

girl she's like I didn't do anything you

kidnapped me I am the victim

here I could appreciate that

energy she's like what are you coming at

me for your brother went down to get

some head I'm the one who got kidnapped

I'm still chained to a [ __ ] wall what

do you think I did

well and so then bash in his

exasperation he like do you think we

want you here do you think this is fun

for us do you think watching pan slowly

die is fun for us and she's like he's

dying like what like I

don't I don't have all of the details

for why I'm here um and so she's kind of

a little like wait what but then she

starts like pressing closer into him and

like one of those where I I reread the

transition a couple times I don't know

within like 3 seconds his dick is out

and she's bouncing on it

and sure she couldn't have been that

chained to the bed to have that level of

Mobility what I keep coming back to so

yeah he's like bounce on my [ __ ] and

she's like I would love to literally all

I've been trying to do for a while all

you had to do is ask yes happy to be

here poor girl I know like truly so then

pan walks in uh and Bash freezes cuz

he's like we don't [ __ ] The Darlings

we're not supposed to touch the Darlings

like oh no I'm about to like get in a

lot of trouble and pan is just like

don't stop on my account so then pan

just watches bash [ __ ] Winnie which

Winnie is into and I was like this is

not making

me less

wet uh-huh

mhm so bash comes and then pan pulls

Winnie off of him before she can come

like she's about to and he like throws

her in the chair and Bash

leaves and then she's like I still would

like to finish so she just starts

fingering herself at this point sure and

then Pana is suddenly helping her

finger herself and then tells her to

lick his fingers and then calls her a

[ __ ] and she's like yeah that was my

nickname in high school which was like

last

week yep accurate like she's like been

called worse Bud try again yes yeah

uh and he's like we we don't [ __ ]

darling stop [ __ ] around or you'll

regret it and she's

like you just had your fingers in me

like something is not aligning here I'm

sorry you kidnapped me from what was

amounting to a pretty lackluster life

and brought me here and chained me to a

wall what what's the threat here bud

like you gonna kill me Okie do she's

like you haven't yet yeah hot guys keep

coming in calling me a [ __ ] don't talk

about it be about

it quit threatening me with a good time

yes yeah so pan is like now on the beach

after and is like what the [ __ ] just

even happened and and vain comes up

looking a little more settled because

apparently he got a Chas in with cherry

we don't really necessarily know the

full details of that but the next time

we see Cherry she will be covered in

cuts and

bruises that she'll wear with pride

because she was in vain I guess okay as

long as she's into it right uh so Pan Is

Telling vain uh that bash [ __ ] Winnie

and uh then vay's like what about you

and Pan's like I taught her a lesson and

he goes like did you teach one to

yourself cuz I can smell her all over

you

so maybe let's not put all this on B

yeah what kind of lessons were we teach

in there

Pan um and then vain just like reminds

me like don't let her get under your

skin like she's here for a reason we

need to stay true to that and then pan

is like going back to his tomb that is

what they call it because at one point

Winnie's even like why do they why do

you call it a tomb and they're like

because it is literally underground with

no windows and one door um since he

cannot touch the sunlight and this is

where we learn uh that he no longer has

his shadow and without his shadow he

can't be in the daylight

oh yes so is that what the darling

stole yes got it nailed it I'm tracking

yes yes you are I feel really good about

it myself right now as you should yeah I

don't even feel like we've had that much

wine but I somehow feel like we've had

that much wine yeah I feel like it for

you it's the jet lag and for me it is

just the ridiculous nature of my entire

week that has led me to be punch drunk

and stupid yeah I think that's

the cuz I I got back into the country

like 5 days ago yeah but then the week

I've had since then a mess had no

recovery to it yeah in fact I apologize

because I think at one point you text me

to check in and I was just like I'll

respond when I have time and now you're

at my

house so I very much appreciate you

being such a wonderful friend and

texting me and checking in and I

apologize I didn't respond that is what

I appreciate about our friendship though

is neither one of us will ever take that

personally we're just like hey I'm here

if you need me check it in you doing

okay you good oh you not good okay well

I could show up for you yeah but if you

don't need that I

won't but if you don't need that I'm

still really content sitting on my couch

and reading a book and not talking to

anyone so yeah you just tell me what you

need I got your back and I'll be there

nailed

it um okay so the next day Cherry is

bringing Winnie some breakfast and

that's when like Winnie's like she looks

tow up from the flow up she's like got

in a fight with a weed eater and lost

yeah she's like okay well she's like you

okay and Cherry's like I fell down the

stairs like is kind of the energy yeah

um and when he's like Cherry's nice

enough may as well try and find an ally

and so she's like asking Cherry like oh

like who's your favorite Lost Boy of

like and she's like the most into vain

um but then Cherry also gives us a

little bit of like knowledge and context

and understanding

to the world that they're in where we

learn that there are more Islands than

just Neverland there are seven islands

total and seven Kings um so each island

has two Shadows a life Shadow and a

death

shadow um the king always claims a

shadow and can claim whichever one he

wants if it's the life or the death

shadow um and then the exact quote I

wrote down was pan picked a long time

ago but when pan lost his shadow he lost

the power and now the island is

suffering and he's dying so like at this

point we still don't fully know how he

lost the shadow right but at some point

he lost it and The Darlings were

involved yes um and this is also like

when Winnie realizes why she's here and

she's like oh it's about the shadow I

don't [ __ ]

know where does one look for a shadow

like turn around bud I don't know and

she's like okay so he thinks I will be

able to help him get it back um and then

she's also like okay so if he what

shadow did he have pan had had the life

Shadow but then when they're like

where's the death Shadow they're like we

don't know like the death Shadow for

this island has been missing for a long

time so so both Shadows Shadows are

missing an action for

Neverland um

and at some point like we connect the

dots that vain has and this might be

later I don't it doesn't [ __ ] matter

uh vain has a death Shadow from one of

the other Islands

oh yes okay yes feel like that's helpful

and connecting some dots yeah

mhm um we also have Winnie asking Cherry

about the Twins and like we cuz we like

learn like the twins are princes but

they've been banished and we're like why

were they banished why are they now

rolling with the Lost Boys And we learn

that that is because they killed their

father and got banished from the

Fay

Community they uh their Community is

still on the island of Neverland yes so

they

still from Neverland but was from

another Island originally

yeah um and Cherry is human she is not

Fay does not have any like special

powers and she is from hooks territory

which is uh like on the other side of

the island that the Pirates have kind of

taken over and she's like yeah like the

Pirates like want to want to take over

the island at some point so like the

Pirates are not uh very encouraged to

helping

pan try and find his lost Shadow because

they want to take over the island at

some point got it and when he's like

well like do they have a shot at taking

over the island and Cherry's like maybe

my

BR Hook is really Relentless so like

when's like okay so you have a

relationship with him you're something I

don't there's a connection there so

she's like Winnie's very much trying to

put all of these pieces together which

I'm like yeah just explain to the person

why you kidnapped them right if you want

her help then help her dude feel like

some basic communication skills would

really help everyone across the board

yeah in most of these books I actually

really felt that in squeak when we just

reviewed that one too I was like and

honestly not even a lot of communication

just like some basic communication would

have yeah served them well MH um the

lost boys are having a bonfire that

night and Cherry's like it would be

really cool if Winnie could join even

though that's like probably unlikely

that she could join and Sherry's like

well pan is asleep until it's dark out

so let's see if the twins are more

inclined to agree with us they

are uh plot twist yes absolutely the

twins are like we don't give a [ __ ] sure

this could be fun um and then Winnie

also asks Cherry if vain gave her all

the cuts and bruises and uh that's when

Cherry's like yeah comes with the

territory and we can and I think that's

when we connect the dots about like the

death Shadow from another Island being

his

um when the twins are talking to Cherry

on the beach and they're ask she's

asking them about Winnie being able to

come to the bonfire we learned then that

the twins have a sister a younger sister

named

Tilly who is now like the queen of the

Fay people and she will be there

tomorrow night uh like she will be

coming to where all of the lost boys are

and they're

like because whenever they get a

darling Tilly has a power or an ability

that like they have been trying to use

to help get the answers they need but

like the twins are kind of like lowkey

as asking themselves like is Tilly

actually doing what she says she is with

the Darlings or are her purposes maybe a

little more selfs surveying right when

she

comes um and this is where we take a

hard pivot just for like a random

chapter to the perspective of one of the

brownies who lives in the Fay territory

and serves Queen Tilly I looked up

brownies yeah they're kind of fairy yeah

mhm you yeah that you said that like it

was common knowledge I remember it from

that plumber Dragon book we read

elements of Mischief that's the one

ironically I remember the name of the

book but I don't remember the

brownie yeah which one was the brownie

she was the

neighbor

oh the annoying neighbor MH

yes listen she wasn't a main character

she wasn't and that book was messy she

really wasn't even there for a lot I

just maybe I'll pick up that

series I only read the first one it is a

mess from start to finish I yeah I don't

imagine that one gets less messy as as

you continue for sure so we cut to uh

the brownies perspective who um is going

to tell Queen Tilly pan officially has

the darling here uh and til's like yep

I'm preparing like he'll summon me and

I'll just I'll do what I've always done

sort of energy and then but they're also

sitting there and like the brownie like

I don't think pan has like this is the

last darling like he doesn't have enough

power uh to hold out another generation

yes like this is kind of their last shot

and then we learned that like the

brownie uh while he's serving Queen

Tilly is still continuing to serve the

royal family more in allegiance to the

twin and Tilly's mom who is deceased but

like that's who uh he was really there

for who was

Tink

ah

yes there you go got it yeah okay I

haven't even had that much wine

Chelsea just threw her own glasses off

her face for those who were

doing I was trying to scratch my nose

and then my

glasses went away from my face and just

but they my favorite part is that they

they closed and like fell in my hand

like hey Chelsea were you trying to take

off your glasses and I'm like you plant

it I like nope not

really uh yeah and so in this

conversation that the Brownie and Tilly

are having he says like uh well what

would your mother want you to do like

with the magic dwindling and then

they're like yeah Tink loved Pan Once

and he killed her

so it's messy I get that yeah I feel it

and this is also

like there's four of them but they are

not super long like I like I want to say

this one is like under it's deaf under

300 pages okay I want to say it's maybe

even under like

250 200 feels pushing it but like it's

like a very quick read for the level of

mess that we're already experiencing

experiencing and all of like the dots

that you kind of have to connect within

that right yeah this feels like when you

have to pay attention

to yes right yeah yeah a little bit more

than you would anticipate you're like

it's a dark smudy

Peter Pan relling how deep can it be and

then you're like wait who killed who who

[ __ ] who who has a shadow what's a

shadow what's it yeah how does any of

this work um so we are now back at The

Lost

Boys compound I don't know and Cass is

apologizing to Winnie about last night

and he's like my brother shouldn't have

[ __ ] you and she's like no need to

apologize I had a great time like what

else would I be doing like napping yes

and they're just like realizing they're

like she's not like the other Darlings

we've brought back right I was

like because it seems like she started a

little like as horrible as it sounds

pre-broken where they're like we break

them before we return them I'm like I

think she had had such a rough life

already yeah that she's like none of

this phases me like none of this is

worse than well being raised by a mother

who's clearly extremely paranoid and

diagnosed with

schizophrenia like Cass being like you

can't say that it'll kill me she's like

Okie doie because like you know that's

not any weirder than anything her mom

probably spouted at some point so she's

just used to rolling with the punches at

that point well and there was a whole

section that like wasn't the most

relevant to the plot but where she like

talked about like is reminiscing

about um living next door to a woman who

um was like a very high-end escort and

how like from a very young age woman was

like use your assets use your body like

right you do what you need to do beauty

is power baby use it yes and so that

level of like just having such a

difficult upbringing in life but then

knowing

how to use your body and your resources

to get what you want and maybe not even

what you want but like just what you

need for survival right that's her

leverage absolutely um and so she has a

lot of body confidence for like someone

who's gone through like the level of

like trauma that she has because she's

like this

is I was just thinking is it Cheaper by

the Dozen Ashton CER when he's like this

is the money maker yes but her with her

body she's just like this is the money

maker is very much her yeah I say that

all the

time quoting Ashton Kutcher from I

didn't remember that it was Ashton

Kutcher until this moment and I may

never quote it again but why not do you

just like him no it just feels weird to

do now that I know where it's

from I be like this is the money maker I

feel like if anything it's helpful when

someone's like what's that

from it's me

definitely don't Google

it absolutely came from the top of my

head with no influence from

earlys family movies St Martin Steve

Martin and Bonnie Hunt a Bonnie I love

Bonnie

Hunt I might make van rewatch return to

me soon oh that's a good one and I think

she directed it are you I think I think

you're right yeah cuz there was one of

those around that time frame that she

did yeah big Bunny Hunt fan feel like a

like I feel like the people who think

she's cool think she's really cool but I

feel like most people are like who who

and I'm like you are missing out she's

such a sleeper like you know as soon as

you see her you know I'm like she's so

funny and it's like so understated yes

absolutely this podcast will now moving

forward just be a Bonnie Hunt fan club

appreciation

podcast thanks for

listening um so then all right bash is

making pancake batter and like Winnie

put her finger in it like licks her

fingers clean and then bash puts his

fingers in the batter so then she like

is sucking his fingers clean but then

vain walks in and sees it all happening

and then just like gets B like wipes it

on her like lips and Chin so it's like

dribbling it's like not in her mouth and

she's like I'm not going to take the

bait I'm just going to like lick my chin

and moan and be like taste so good and

move on and like not give

him the the power in this situation

right and he just kind of like Huffs and

walks out and Bash is like no that's so

hot well and Bash is like no one ever

makes him that exasperated he's like

always the one who getes the last word

he's like wow

you've annoyed him so much that he's

left this is

impressive um at the bonfire Winnie is

drinking and having fun and starts like

flirting with like one of the random

Lost Boys there why not yeah uh well

here's why not I was going to say why

not it's probably because pan and or

Vain and or CA is going to like lose

their

[ __ ] they're just the same person now

they are they well they're like Cass is

the nice one and I was

like yeah so the twins are nicer than

the other two and that's all that's all

we that's all we need um well so vain

goes and wakes pan up early and is like

yeah I just want to let you know the

darling is drunk having fun at the

bonfire and so pan gets like very

agitated like rushes up and like sees

her kiss the random Lost Boy and he goes

over and grabs the dude and like and

like the poor Lost Boy realizes wrong

place wrong time I've made a mistake I'm

so sorry I didn't know I didn't know uh

yeah pan like [ __ ] straight

roadhouses this dude just like punches

through his chest and Yanks his heart

out that feels like a bit of an

overreaction you think I do that's my

clinical opinion

[Laughter]

I don't remember a bit of an

overreaction being listed in the DSM but

it's probably under an impulse control

disorder oh Intermittent Explosive

yeah

yep well so then pan is like looking at

Winnie and he's like are you trying to

provoke me and she's like my nickname is

literally Winnie [ __ ] like a yes that

is the response where she's just

like this is who I am like I've accepted

this she's like I feel no shame about

who I am this isn't about you I'm just

doing what I want to do

1,000% and but when she's like my

nickname is literally like Winnie [ __ ]

he's like then I'll treat you like one

and just bends her over and [ __ ] her in

front of all of the LW boys at the

bonfire

yikes and she is super into it so into

yeah yeah it is very much working for

her uh and then like when pan finishes

bash walks up and is like so can I get

next

or like what are the options here and

they're like yeah why the hell not so

then he's like Cass come over here so

then they're like spit roasting her okay

so we're running train at this point

yeah we're running train just in front

of all of the lost boys just in just all

the Lost FR of olive uh and then after

pan claims he's like no one else touches

her like this is if you're not in the

Inner Circle she's not your Winnie [ __ ]

it's like his go find Cherry

like like the energy but yes you are you

are not wrong and so then vain walks

over to her and she's like like is this

finally about to happen and he spits in

her mouth and then goes that's all

you'll get from me and walks away we've

had a lot of mouth spitting I feel like

in our recent yeah well you you did

review a whole book where they also had

to inflate their

penises by mouth breathing I did do that

you got to breathe into my mouth share

your breath with me share your breath

with me um but win's also like pissed

because she's like yeah I recognize I

own my body and I have no shame in that

but

like that's different than you actually

treating me like a [ __ ] and like right

that level of degradation if you will

right

uh my notes just say after all of this

ends pan still has feelings about the

Winnie s [ __ ] he grabs vain they choose

violence so they beat the [ __ ] out of

each other they literally are just like

do you want to go to the local bar and

like [ __ ] [ __ ] up and they find some

pirates that are like sorry like yeah

Beer's better over here like we like

meant no harm coming to your side of the

island and like leaving the pirate

territory and they were like well you

chose the wrong day and just like kill

them sure like we should really be

working through these emotions and in

different ways um but before pan and

vain had left he was like Winnie like

you're sleeping in like the room with

the twins tonight like and he's like

twins like don't let her out of your

sight and Bash asks like as she's

falling asleep she like oh like what's

your favorite food and she's like

croissants which is very sweet answer

and so like the next morning when she

wakes up he's made fresh croissants for

her and it's it's very sweet um and then

the twins are like teaching her like

cats had gone fishing so they're

teaching her how to like clean and

prepare a fish yeah well she's like I

don't really want to learn and they're

like you're GNA you're yeah you're gonna

um and that's when they tell her that

they are like faay princes and why they

are banished and all that good stuff um

they killed their father but it seems as

though they were doing it to protect

their sister but then their sister just

kind kind of turned on them a little bit

Yeah like used it as her own power grab

as well right um and then Winnie is

wandering and uh stumbles upon I'd say

like more like a library like room um

where vain is reading and my notes just

say antagonizing banter she calls his

bluff and sits in his

lap and then he's like well now that

you're here like what are you going to

do about it and so she's like okay so

she just like takes off her

shirt and then he starts like making out

with her boobs

sure and then he's like listen very

carefully like you don't want to [ __ ]

with me and she's like I just want to

get [ __ ] by

you okay that's how I felt reading it

I'm like what

sure why wouldn't this happen yeah okay

he slaps her boob

that okay yep

uh and then he starts doing like the

terror thing but she's like trying not

to run and like not to like give into it

um but then he says like I'm not going

to make you my pretty little broken [ __ ]

doll and then

leaves H

yeah the push and pull drama of vain is

a little extra yes yeah uh unlike the

rest of the book you which is just

right so then pan gets up for the night

and uh is giving details about like what

is to come where this is where we're

learning uh that Generations ago a

darling took his

shadow but memories are passed down by

Blood and so the Fay have the power to

like get into your mind and search for

those

memories okay um is that something any

Fay can do or only

Tilly I don't know cuz I don't know if

that's something that like the twins

would have been able to do before they

were stripped of some of their like

powers and titles got you um so that is

a valid question that I don't have an

answer for yeah but before while they're

waiting for Tilly to get there for the

night pan takes Winnie to the never

Lagoon um that there's like magic in the

water and he uh is telling her he's like

yeah like this water can be really

healing and he's like I brought your mom

here when she was here years ago he's

like because she was having some pains

and difficulty and like I brought her to

this Lagoon and like it cared for her

and nurtured her so we're like we're

getting some details like that and then

as they get back to the house to prepare

Tilly gets there and they're like

getting her all set up and they're like

okay it's time and uh Tilly puts her

hands on Winnie's head and Winnie starts

screaming in pain like this is not like

an easy or fun process oh but like all

of them are watching and like they've

like developed these feelings for Winnie

and so they're like like the twins are

like do we intervene like this is like

not this doesn't look good and like we

like care for her more

I think it might have been normal like I

don't know like I think that may have

just been the process got but they all

cared for Winnie at this point um and as

the twins are about to be like this is

like does she even know what she's

looking for at this point where so many

generations down the line vain jumps in

and stops it and is like no more like

she's not like we're not doing this this

isn't okay we're not really getting the

results that we need and so then vain

takes her and like goes and like lays

her down uh

and when Winnie goes to sleep she like

has a dream

about the trunk that they that her and

her mom have like carried with them from

like house to house oh and that like

there's a compartment in the trunk that

has um like a like a secret box in it

and so then Winnie is talking talking to

pan when she gets up and is

like ex figuring out

that uh the original darling had a

little sister who was in the closet

watching all of this happen and like

watching the original darling and

Tink work

on Ste stealing the shadow yes um and so

all of the darling women

that they have kidnapped since then have

been the descendants of the little

sister who was hiding in the closet

because they've been trying to like get

to these

memories so they uh figure it out but

they're like oh we can't fly we have to

like jump off this rock into the like

this cliff into the Lagoon uh to get

back to your world so all five of them

go back to our world world so that they

can get the chest and I need a sip of

wine yeah that was a

lot I feel like I'm tracking though like

I say do you have any questions it feels

pretty concise but

uh I don't the only question I have is

what happened to the original darling

the older sister like did she die is she

still on the islands you know what I

mean like where's she at um why haven't

we gone after her descendants

that does get addressed in

future B got it yes got it

um but they go back into our

world then one of the brownies shows up

the one who's like the most loyal to

Tink and is like trying to stop them

from being able to get the shadow and

he's like oh yeah like we've known where

the shadow was this whole time

like just you didn't need to know pan

cuz we didn't want you to get it back

because we didn't want you in charge of

the island so now I'm going to stop you

from getting

it right and so uh Winnie's mom is there

and so she's has more sympathy for her

mom and being like this was all real

right like oh somebody really did kidnap

her mhm and it really was a fairy or

whatever the [ __ ] yeah yes and so Winnie

goes and like opens the secret

compartment and takes out the box that

like she's like I guess this is like

what the shadows in the guys all kill

the brownie it felt like it was supposed

to be this like big fight and

then it wasn't yeah was at least my

experience of it um but then Pan's like

all right well thanks Winnie you're home

now and she's

like I'd love to come back to the island

like yeah what am I I want to see this

through now like I'm invested yeah she's

like I feel she's like I don't know why

but like I feel like this journey is not

done and like I'm here to like help

through

it and so they agree to her coming back

and then she asks her mom if she wants

to come back and Mary's like no I'm good

uh thanks for the invite and Winnie's

like okay I'll visit when I

can and so then the epilogue of this

book is p

is uh opening the box to get his shadow

back and two Shadows pop out oh and that

is the end of book one

okay I was imagining Pulp Fiction when

they open the

briefcase that's why I had that stupid

look on my face I was wondering what

your face was giving that's why I had

that stupid look on my face I was

imagining Samuel L Jackson yeah sorry

okay that makes sense

though but yeah so that is the first

book in The Lost Boys it's the Lost Boy

series it really is a very intriguing

read in series um there are definitely

some things I like glossed over right um

and I would encourage you to like you

and the colloquial you everyone to the

Royal you the Royal you to like it is

worth reading all four okay I also think

for like how we outline and review books

on this podcast

like it doesn't get less messy

like yeah just go on the journey if you

want to go on it yeah um I think I will

yeah yeah I think you should I think

yeah I'm currently reading an Omega

verse right now that's very dark it's

darker than I

anticipated I'm almost done with the one

when I finish the third one I'll

probably pick this up yeah yeah

I was recently reading like two

different

series each of them have four

books uh the first series I like made it

like ha halfway through book three and

was like

I feel like I've accomplished what I

needed to in this series I was like I

don't know how it's going to end but I

know how it's going to end

yeah and I was like maybe I'll pick it

back up but like when you're just like

yeah we're three and a half books into

this yeah I I get it and then the next

one I was reading I finished it's four

books I finished the second book which

ended on a cliffhanger and the

Cliffhanger was a bomb threat has been

called in so like one of the dudes might

not be safe and I was just like he'll be

fine I like he'll either be fine or he

won't yeah I was like

and that's a chance I'm willing to take

and I think that a Trilogy is the sweet

spot for me is what I'm coming to learn

like more than a Trilogy like I hit a

wall and I might come back later but I

probably won't well and I feel like a

lot of books I'm like it you needed a

Trilogy and maybe an extended epilogue

but like you didn't have enough for four

so we just like started throwing [ __ ] at

the wall to see what would stick and now

we're all just like wanting the journey

to be done yeah

um and this like The Lost Boys this

whole series is very very fun but like

I'm like everyone has

a former lover or sibling coming out of

the

Woodworks like you'll like learn in the

future that like like Croc like the

crocodile

is Vain's brother of course yeah

uh and one of the I think it was the

original

darling uh like pan like you like find

out like he had taken a wrong turn at

one point so like she did not returned

to the real world she was just like

stuck on another

Island and so I think that may actually

be the spin-off of like hook Croc and

the it might be the original darling got

um

yeah

it's a lot of impul control issues it's

pretty chaotic very

reactive yeah but also with Winnie I

understand all of her responses oh yeah

100% yeah no I was just thinking the

older I get I'm realizing the less I

react to things I'm like Okie doie

like I'm like I'll I feel like I'll just

like maybe sit in silence like I'll sit

and

go okay I needed 5 Seconds to adjust and

here we go and now we're adjusted now we

just move forward yeah yep what should

our ratings I don't know I was just

thinking that pancakes no could do

pancakes one of the the things that they

serve it with is like the fruit is cloud

berries cloudberries I don't know what a

cloudberry looks like I don't know so I

think pancakes would work sure how many

pancakes normally come in a

stack I think three is a short stack and

five is a

regular what that's so many pancakes I

weighed tables in a

diner I wasn't doubting the answer well

they're not like the big ones like IHOP

like if you're getting Diner pancakes

they're the smaller ones yeah that

makes so deep in the details on the PC

and you're like the circum cumference of

the pancake is there circumference of

the perfect pancake yeah okay

so out of five pancakes we can do a full

stack you said a full stack was five

right okay um yeah of my full stack of

pancakes I want to say like three mhm

maybe three and a half pancakes okay

hear me I picked this up and like

finished the entire Series in a week so

was very much into it but it also is

messy

and you're like okay

so he fingered her and then ran out of

the room and then punched out a dude's

heart for kissing her and then [ __ ]

her in front of everyone then they just

ran train yeah and then she comes back

with that like yeah sometimes I'm in the

for like the M like the mixed signals

like push and pull thing and other times

I am not into it I'm like I just need

you to [ __ ] or get off the pot I have to

be in the right mood for that and I I

think there's enough of like with like

the Caspa it's a sure thing with them

right right uh vay is definitely the one

with like the most push and pull and

then Peter and so yeah like would would

encourage reading the series and because

of the level of messiness and just like

what the [ __ ] is happening I am going to

give it three out of five

pancakes

accepted yeah yeah I feel like that

tracks and I am going to read it

regardless yeah

yeah yeah if you would rate it more or

less pancakes or if your pancake stack

has a different number of Pancakes that

we're basing it off of

listen Maybe it's geographical and it

could be like maybe someone in the

Northeast is like the [ __ ] are they

doing in the

South that's a ridiculous number of

Pancakes that's the wrong number of

Pancakes I don't want to assume whatever

you do in your pancake journey is yours

yeah we support you and all pancake

Journeys but do let us know both about

your pancake Journeys and about your

thoughts on this book more more or less

yeah like comment share subscribe tell a

friend

yes I was like did I do all the ones I

think I did I think you did and then I

was just pausing thinking what episode

would they tell the friend about like

they were like okay you want a real

snapshot of smut Club

unhinged honestly probably that's a

solid yeah yeah or Morning Glory milk

you know what we're about yeah you

listen to us talk about centaurs getting

jacked off by humans sure do we're not

subtle people was not trying to be what

what one time I was uh at my parents and

like was saying something to Vance where

I was like hey what do you think like

whatever I was saying was

like it wasn't passive aggressive I was

like in my head I was clear in what I

was trying to communicate to fance but

the way the the conversation went my

sister went well that was a little

passive aggressive and I just wasn't

trying to be passive and she goes so

just aggressive and I was like no no

that wasn't that's not what I I got I

did that wrong my

bad how passive aggressive wasn't trying

to be passive just aggressive all gas no

breaks all right uh as Hannah said don't

forget to like subscribe comment tell us

about your individual pancake Journey we

want to hear about it and we will see

you next time bye smut

puppies oh last time we said smut [ __ ]

cuz sometimes we say smut [ __ ] and

sometimes we say smut puppies sorry

[ __ ] you're also included in the no we

were only included in last week's

episode not this one this one's for the

puppies I this one feels like more for

this mut [ __ ] than the

puppies it doesn't actually

matter you would you prefer to be called

a puppy or a

[ __ ] that's that's really what

it of the Dee from Community with this

Dalmation

finish I love Dean P yes so much all

right we'll see you next time bye

bye well that's it for this week's muts

[ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it

sure was great for us if you're digging

what we're doing it would mean a lot if

you'd take a minute to rate and review

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now maybe tell that sexy someone to lend

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and we'll see you next week stay smudy

[Music]