Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Chelsey and

[Applause]

Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut

club I'm Hannah and I am Chelsea and

this is the show where we are two

licensed mental health therapists who

like to daydrink and sometimes not

daydrink today we're definitely day

drinking and uh reviewing romance novels

of varying caliber nailed it yes yeah

yeah feel like that's our

that's like our elevator pitch for the

it is actually yeah yeah yeah we want to

let the people know what they're in for

although this is I don't even know what

number episode we're on at this point if

you've made it this far you probably get

it

sorry you're like our listeners are very

capable competent people they probably

do they understand although I will say

the book we're reviewing

today um is one that

um some people who maybe don't listen to

our podcast regularly will choose to

check out because it um has a little bit

of a cult following not unlike unhinged

that we did previously what book is this

it's squeak by Vera Valentine same

author as unhinged correct same

author yeah okay but I'm also going to

reframe that because some people might

be like what the [ __ ] is this book and

then I think other people will be like

this is what we've been waiting for

right this is why we're here thank you

squeak um it's not about a clown nose is

it no no I'm like trying to think of

things that that squeak uh probably not

what this well guaranteed not what this

book is at all but Vance and I were

recently um travel

and we're with some friends and we're

all walking through the airport and one

of the dudes was wearing Crocs that

squeed squeaked with every step and I

was like looking at his wife and I was

like I was like man I really hear his

shoes over there she airport as we

landed in the and this is a two-e trip

and she goes get used to it she goes he

has another pair at home we call his tap

shoes every time he wears them cuz they

squeak so

much I am so no and I'm like

I would just throw the shoes out in the

dead of night oh 100% the shoes would

never be found my issues with sound are

so intense I'd lose my [ __ ] though yeah

I think it's also clear that my issues

with sound are a bit intense because

bless your heart you were trying to tell

me a story earlier and my son was just

groaning in the back just like just

standing completely fine and then he'd

lay down and keep doing it just no and I

was like hey Hannah I really want to

hear your story and I cannot I can't

focus focus because my son who I love

more than anything in the world wouldn't

shut the [ __ ] up he was making a lot of

sound this morning most of them were

very cute sounds lots of Giggles I think

that's the thing it's it's cute until

you're like can we stop and he's like

best I can do is keep making sound just

need 30 seconds of Silence yes I'm like

and then the the problem is when I get

30 seconds and then it starts up I'm

like no no no 30 more like please please

don't take this from

me I was like your mother gets very over

stimulated when there's too many noises

at once I

apologize which I which I do feel like

since having a kid there is some level

that I just like block out now right but

I'm not fully immune to it and I think

as he gets older and

louder it's going to be an adventure

yeah it will an adventure I should maybe

talk to a psychiatrist

about is there a pill for misophonia I

don't think so I don't know but I'm not

a psychiatrist no I was more just

thinking about the level of

disregulation it brings she said I meant

a Valium

Hannah come on now or I could just teach

my son how to use his indoor voice and

save a lot of

money

so previously I've worked I work have

worked in substance use and we had a

female patient bring in some benzo

diazines in God's purse her prison purse

her prison purse yeah and some people

were trying to come up with a name for

what what are those right

and I was like y y'all it's out of

vagina and that was what we landed on

and we continue to call it that because

benzo vagina like didn't it just never

nothing really like ever clicked but

yeah and then I was like if we start

looking at other anatomical words that

we can use I don't know if it'll get

better I don't think any of it's good

but it definitely itely will get worse

did she have them in a container you

know I don't know I didn't investigate

further cuz I I do

feel like your body's absorption if

they're not in the

container you got to double check that

when you're using the old prison purse

you do yeah uh I knew I heard a story

one time of

someone my go

they were trying to pass a UDS so they

were trying to pass a drug test oh no oh

no and they had like a glove or a

balloon or something with the the clean

urine in it that they then wrapped in

foil so it would stay

warmer and then inserted it in their

prison

purse and

then they had a Band-Aid on their their

thumb that they had a safety pin under

that is

elaborate yeah and then you go to hold

the cup and you got to pop the balloon

it takes a lot of coordination as well

yeah but the person who was with them

like had to be in the room to and they

like I just heard a popping sound like

it was a large enough hole for the flow

so it was just like the slow trickle

sound of the littlest p

bre and she was like I think we're going

to have to have to do this test again I

think this one may be

compromised oh

no God bless so it's funny you should

bring up

balloons what a pivot I was going to say

I will take my segue of the Year award

anytime um because because we're not

here to talk about that Chelsea we're

here to talk about squeak squeak the

balloon animal uh-huh yeah you're right

Vance just learned I can make balloon

animals like in the last two weeks well

yeah because you were a clown in

Guatemala or wherever you it Panama but

I'm so impressed that you even remember

that but that also means you remember

the part where they stri me of my clown

duties cuz I kept scaring the children

do remember that um I filled the balloon

with less air this time oh and we were

successful relatively they were the

person had bought the balloons from

Sheen or oh right right right and it

they were the quality of balloons I was

like why does this balloon seem like a

lot smaller than it should for

being a balloon it like like I was

trying to make a dog and I was like it

looks like I'm making like a Teacup

Poodle like I'm like why is this balloon

so small

So based on where this book is going

everything you just said is so much okay

I'm just gonna shut up because

I okay okay so this is this is squeak by

Vera Valentine squeak by Vera Valentine

um

so we open with

poppy okay they named her poppy for the

balloons

because my son loves the trolls

franchise I was like yeah like Queen

Poppy and then I was like that's not

what Hannah was getting aty for the

balloons incredible so she's an art

student and she is sketching people at

the zoo it's one of her favorite places

to go to people watch so she's there and

it is Wicked hot outside and she forgot

her water and she's trying to figure out

like is it okay if I leave all my stuff

and like go over to the water fountain I

don't know

um cuz there were a lot of people around

all her art supplies whatever yeah so

she's like is this a safe place right

she's like I don't know if I just want

to leave all my [ __ ] you know that's

fair and so as she is having this

internal debate a super hot guy with a

bunch of balloons comes up and he offers

to watch her things cuz he saw her like

looking towards the bathrooms where the

water fountains were and he was like I

can watch your stuff if you need to run

to the bathroom or whatever um he works

at the zoo selling

balloons and um she declines that offer

um and he says oh well the the water

fountain is actually broken anyway like

a kid was jumping on it or something um

I can take you to the concession stand

and get you a water on me though if

you'd like to and he's like flirting

with her and she's like she's like I

feel like a drowned mole rat sweating in

this heat I just want some water this is

not the moment where I feel like sexiest

to be flirting with a hot balloon guy

but she's leaning into it she's like if

this is where my day is

going she's like you know I wouldn't hit

on me right now but if you want to

exactly okay you get it so I forgot to

mention this is dual point of

view um well just two so there's a third

but it's only the final chapter okay

yeah so Kean is extremely agitated he is

trying trying to do research he's

sitting in the concession stand trying

to do research because he and Sebastian

are

topas and their magic is wearing out t u

l p a okay that was TOA TOA TOA TOA okay

yeah what's a

TOA

so it is never explained in the book

so everything I'm about to share with

you comes from an episode of

Supernatural just to be very very

clear okay go on okay so aopa is

essentially um a supernatural being that

is formed from intention and belief so

it doesn't technically like fully exist

it exists because people believe in

it like Santa yes okay yeah yes mhm like

um yeah never mind I I will go on a

whole we'll just leave it there so their

magic is wearing out and so he's trying

to find a spell um to fix it and he

question is the magic running out

because people no longer believe no okay

because again if it's never really

explained like Chelsea you're asking for

a lot of details for a 54 I was going to

say in all of the 54 Pages we never get

it I will do my best to fill in some

blanks as we move along but I don't know

how successful I'm going to be um and I

apologize because you know me and I'm

going to be like I have some questions

and you're just probably going to have

to keep

going please see my previous answer at

some point I would be like Chelsea I

want to tell you but I can't I'm not

keeping secrets from you like I want you

to have this info

too so anyway okay so they're topas

whose magic is running out and he is

trying to find a new spell yes to

stabilize them I guess okay so um he is

in the concession stand at the zoo and

he gets very agitated when Sebastian

shows up with this girl so Sebastian's

the hot guy with the balloons

okay um and shows up with poppy um and

um my notes say keen and Sebastian are

lovers in the

nighttime and Kean does not enjoy the

way poppy is checking out Sebastian like

it's like pissing him off a little

Sebastian started it

exactly so but Keen doesn't know all

that and he's feeling very Territorial

and anxious about the whole situation he

he's disregulated right now I can give

him that he is he is and he is extremely

rude to her like unnecessarily so um

until she finally leaves and Sebastian

is really upset and he so we get a

little bit of backstory they were um

created by someone named Zena and not a

warrior princess she was really terribly

abusive to them she made them out of

balloon animals and then gave them like

humanoid form because she is a topam

answerer I don't

know whatever question you had I don't

know you can see it on my face I can't

see it I'm

like keep your mouth shut

Chelsea a a toam

answer

yep okay that was not in the episode of

Supernatural so I don't have any

background on it also how many seasons

into

Supernatural I have no idea maybe like

the six season like aula doesn't feel

like day one no no that feels like they

they went through the list of obvious

yeah paranormal mhm Creations yeah they

dug deep for

aula listen Jared padaki whatever his

name is

just yeah will always be Dean in my

heart 100% yep who wasn't my

favorite is that why I never watch

supernal it's a ridiculous show but

especially in the later Seasons like

they know they're ridiculous and so it's

very funny yeah just leaning into it for

sure which does make it

enjoyable yeah I also feel like that's

one of those shows that like has a cult

following but if you try and pick it up

now it's like just dated enough that

you're like I don't get it what are we

doing here and so I think that has been

my more recent hesitation to it it's

it's been a show that like I've always

thought I would enjoy yeah I've just

never prioritized it on my list it's

like a good random CW Show that's low

stakes and ridiculous and whatever but I

I always like I'll try to rewatch

it I never make it past like the ninth

season though and I give up wait there's

like 13 or 14

Seasons I never make it past season

nine yeah and you know what Hannah I

think if you've made it through nine

Seasons I can still consider myself a

fan right yeah you've uh you've still

earned that that rewatch thank

you um so

anyway Zena was terrible she was really

abusive to them and awful and um

so they can't inflate for any woman but

her but they can

inflate for each other so the words in

the book I I think my favorite part

about that whole description was the

deep

sigh end capping it like on both sides

we just went

okay this is what it is yep yep okay yep

so they if if they want to Bone a

woman they can only inflate for zena

correct but if they want to Bone each

other live your best life y so they

figure out one day that they're able to

give each other pleasure um and they

make a an Escape Plan um they know

nothing about the world they're just

like we're out and so they ran like

hundreds of miles until they found the

Zoo they'd been working in a carnival

makes sense right for however long

they've existed cuz they just were fully

grown men when they were

created so are they good at making

balloon animals yes okay yeah um and so

that's how they got the job at the zoo

was they were trying to find like what

what do you do with Carney skills well

work at the zoo and and I was like I

feel like I need to clarify if they're

just like I identify as a balloon animal

so you should hire me versus I'm really

good at making balloon animals so you

should hire me no I don't think anybody

knows that they are balloon

animals um oh okay so they they shift

into men and into animal balloon animals

when they want

to so when they're boning are they

they're balloon animals

almost it's a little of column a and a

little of column B if I'm

honest

what the look on your face

is just this like begrudging acceptance

of being like why did I outline this

book yep you know okay let so is a

little unnecessarily rude to her and

then we also learned the history about

Zena yes so Sebastian is saying that

Poppy really could have helped them

because they need sigils for the spell

that have to be really exact and she's

an artist and she could have done that

for them um but Keen is like listen I

don't really give a [ __ ] we'll find

somebody else she's not the one and

decides to distract him with a [ __ ]

again my notes

say nope I

can't he literally inflates his dick

okay and then when he finally comes it's

funnel cake icing and I'm so

sorry I'm so

sorry because here is and I you know

that this is a thing that I do I get

stuck on something in a book and I'm

like I don't understand it this this is

the thing for me of all of it

because I have never had a funnel cake

that has icing on it it's always

powdered sugar so what is it is it like

the grease from a fresh funnel cake

mixed with powdered

sugar I'm just going to go with wet

powdered sugar that's worse no it's

not the the fresh funnel cake grease

mixed with powdered sugar none of it is

good

okay that is also fair but I wouldn't

say it's worse I'd say there's just no

it's a lateral move there's no

good so question about how they inflate

are they using a balloon pump no okay

they breathe into each other's mouths

and direct the air to the

dick I'm so glad I asked

and these

balloons have the little tie off on the

tip of

it of course they do and they also have

an area at the base that inflates more

than the rest of it like a

knot from an Omega verse I was lit so

this is also an Omega verse

yep we packed a lot into these 54 Pages

wow kudos to you ver Valentine yeah she

it's full sand it really is yeah yeah so

now that Sebastian is sufficiently

distracted and relaxed they sleep

Tangled Up In balloon form so they like

hold each other and then shift back and

then gently drift to the floor in the

concession stand what happens if one

steps on them in balloon form I had a

lot of questions like what if some what

if you pop like do you die but that's

never addressed so it remains unanswered

I don't know if you've watched this

movie uh but like the cartoon on Netflix

Leo I have not watched it very fun um

but also you are really not their Target

demographic considering it's like a

kid's musical uh but one of the girls is

having a birthday party and they have a

uh

bubble balloon

artist so he'll like blow the bubble and

turn it into a dog and as soon as he

hands it to the kid a little pop and he

keeps like you're not holding it right

that's so

[Music]

mean it's one of my favorite parts of

that movie cuz it's just this like small

side thing that happens at this birthday

party hold it more gently yeah yeah yeah

got to protect the bubble balloon

art I also have questions about that I

think this episode is going to leave us

with far more questions than answers

yeah yeah it's going to be a challenge

for all of

us so so Sebastian's feeling way calmer

since he was inflated into a [ __ ]

correct um

so poppy is is sketching Keen for an

assignment um again she's an art student

and the assignment is Stern and his

expression because he was so frustrated

with her she decided that was like the

perfect thing so does she go back or is

this the same day so she does go back so

she tried to draw most of it from memory

but then like couldn't quite get some of

it so she knew she had to go um so she

shows up and he is not pleased to see

her surprisingly enough

and she's just finishing up her sketch

when Sebastian comes up to her um and

they continue to flirt and all this and

that but then she's

like the way that Keen was acting before

like are you guys together like what I I

don't want to

be yeah feels like there's a a tension

in y'all's Dynamic here and

I I literally just showed up at the

concession stand for some water yeah

what is this right she's like I don't

want to be causing issues in any

relationships or like get involved in

anything like that um and uh he says

that he doesn't know what they are um

they've never really talked about it but

then he's like we've done lots of stuff

that that we saw on and he names like

some like dark pornographic website and

she's like

[Music]

um oh she's like Okie doie I was just

wondering if you guys were together I

didn't need the explicit details of what

you do in that time together right it's

like is this it still is that a yes or a

no like what is happening um so Poppy's

like maybe you should go talk to Keen

about about that right about what label

y'all have um and then as he's walking

away he's like hey could we hire you

um to do a piece for us it's very

personal it's very private

um and she is pretty sure that he's like

asking her to sketch them nude or like

whatever and so um she's like I I maybe

maybe I could do that and he's like we

might have to demonstrate a few things

and Keen will need to show you what he

wants so you just have to be sure and

she's like God damn she's like okay like

these dudes are wicked hot like all

right um so she promises to go back and

everything Keen is really pissed that

Sebastian and Poppy are like flirting in

front of him because he's watching from

the concession stand um and Sebastian

explains that Poppy is going to help

them and um so Kean decides that he's

going to follow her um to the art school

just to make sure she's actually an art

student like she claims well no to find

a different

artist he's like Sebastian I will take

care of it like I will take care of it

we're not using her and so he's trying

to find a different artist and Sebastian

is deeply upset about this whole thing

that he that Kean is trying to like

control him and it's he's like why are

you being like this I really don't get

it um

and he's because I love you basically

which is a different issue so he gets to

the art school and gets mistaken for a

nude

model and um the professor is just like

oh my God thank God you're finally here

come on in like strip down whatever and

he comes out and like the room Falls

silent and everybody's like oh my God

cuz I guess he's packing and they're

like holy [ __ ] and the professor's like

everyone be grateful that we get to have

such a wide range of of artists or of of

models to draw this is our our pleasure

as artists to be able to to capture the

beauty of all human

form and more than most amen and so then

poppy winds up that she's in that class

she's late and so she runs in she's like

oh [ __ ] and she's very very flustered um

and after class she Corners

him um and she is like what are like you

could be [ __ ] all this up for me um

and he's like listen Sebastian is mine

and I don't appreciate you flirting and

she was like well okay he approached me

twice but okay like sure

understood like okay I'll stay away from

him

was like I literally was just sketching

at the zoo and a dude walked up to me

and offered to get me a water on him

yeah and then he he did it a second time

I was just sketching again and he walked

up so um she said like she's really glad

that they cleared the air um before she

sketches them since Sebastian had hired

her right and oh no Poppy realizes she

misunderstood and is highly embarrassed

she's like oh no and Keen seems to be

like deeply enjoying how embarrassed and

like off-kilter she is um and all of a

sudden like it seems like maybe he's

suddenly like oh she's not yeah a huge

threat look at this cute girl yeah so

then he makes out with her he's like I

get it

now I see what Sebastian sees in you put

your lips on my lips

um what a pivot yeah and then he tells

her to share breath with him and she's

like that's a really weird Kink but okay

and so she breathes into his mouth um

and he eats her out and

then she like they're in a closet at the

Art School by the way like they're in a

closet thank you for that very important

clarifying detail there's like old drop

cloths on the floor

like that's where we are now and to

catch the funnel cake

grease you don't say grease like that

yes grease is the primary problem

here you're right I'll walk that back no

the primary problem is that she finally

feels his dick and she's like when did

he put a condom on that was really

thoughtful

it was like so long ago and I honestly

don't even remember who told me the

story but it was a story about like this

like high

schooler the one who was like going to

have sex for the first time and he work

on him all day put it on that morning

and wore it to school and had it on all

day

yeah it's going to fall off I think if

you do that I'm was like did you not

have to use the bathroom at any point

during the

day did did you put it back

on you just took it off and put it on a

couple times throughout the day at

school I just have so many questions

that I don't want answers

to and this is why we need comprehensive

sex education in schools but no well to

be fair kudos to the kid for knowing he

needed protection right we're halfway

there

yeah I I

how much detail do they need to give it

kind of feels like condoms are

relatively should be

self-explanatory clearly

not okay but is that just one of those

where like yeah coffee's

hot

like like don't eat Tide Pods yeah like

this feels like I'm like is this

actually a larger issue or is this just

user error because you're you have like

a 15-year-old brain how often would we

find out though because I feel like if

there's anybody that's going to hide

their shame it's a 15-year-old boy about

not knowing how to use a condom

properly yeah I was talking to someone

about like I was mind you as a child I

did a lot of chores and like doing

family laundry was one of those chores

when I was talking to them like as soon

as I wash my son first crusty sock I no

longer did his laundry he now did his

laundry nope I was like I think that is

a great boundary what a milestone to

reach I I stopped cleaning your [ __ ]

when it started getting

crusty oh so

anyway H girl out here like Keen is so

thoughtful that he already put a condom

on yeah when did he do that he's really

Swift

also maybe I'm overthinking this I'm

looking into it too much but it does

feel like a bit of a hypocritical double

standard that

like Sebastian smiled at her and Keen is

like he's mine back the [ __ ] off uhhuh

and then as soon as he's like maybe I'm

also into her he bangs her yeah and we

like didn't have a conversation with our

partner that n we've been claiming and

demanding exclusivity from yep okay just

wanted to make sure I was processing

that correctly you

are so she's like how thoughtful of him

to put a condom on yep she's like wow so

sweet and he she goes oh one of those

open-ended ones that he had to tie

off she didn't see any of it which is

why she's so confused about when he did

it she put a condom on and it was just

open and both oh that defeats the whole

point like yeah I just have to tie a

quick loop on the other

end no for her pleasure it feels like a

flaw in the design for her pleasure oh

my

God no they do quite a bit for her

pleasure um so they have the most

amazing sex ever and she feels like a

weird bulge at his base um that when it

hits her and like goes in sends her into

outer space and she like doesn't even

know like she leaves her body the orgasm

is so incredible and astral projection

from an orgasm basically and she bites

him and then he bites

her and um she's like coming down from

like the high of everything and then

realizes like oh my God like I drew

blood and then she's like oh my God he

drew blood and she's like start starting

to worry she's like I know you wore a

condom but like this is really bad I

promise I'm clean like are you clean

she's like concerned about bloodborne

pathogens at this point rightly so

uhhuh and he stops her finally he's like

poppy poppy you're safe everything's

fine everything's fine but I have to

tell you something and he turns the

light on to

reveal that his dick and ball are royal

purple and translucent because they are

balloons but he has blood but he has

blood I wondered that too I was like if

your [ __ ] tastes like funnel cake like

what does your blood taste like like and

your blood wasn't inflating your penis

mm- the physiology of this one like

usually it's like the logistics right

this is the physiology is like I'm

missing something on

TOA

Anatomy Fair me too yeah okay so he

shows her his

translucent balloon animal dick uh-huh

and she screams her head

off understandably so then did you touch

up your purple hair just for

this

no to be fair for those who are newer

here Hannah has had purple hair for

years I have had purple hair for a long

time not new for the

show she had a situation where she had

to find a new hair stylist did it was

it's been a journey and so it's been a

shockingly dark journey to find somebody

to do my stupid hair there have been

legal ISS

along this journey that I'm not going to

go into cuz they're not the bot is

involved in multiple counties

like so Hannah finally found someone and

like your hair is now like when you

watch my house I was like oh Hannah

looks like Hannah again like she has

like the purple's back the purple's back

yeah yes so no for the record I want to

be abundantly here I did not color

coordinate for the for the review today

oh my God what a level of commitment

though I know I don't have it but I

applaud those who might so this is our

last bit and it is all from Sebastian's

point of view because he is panicking

like freaking out wait so when you said

the last chapter we're already oh we're

already there yeah okay yeah for some

reason that's harder for me to wrap my

head around than the balloon animal dick

yeah yeah okay yeah what what does

Sebastian need is he okay so he is back

at the concession stand running it

because keen's getting his balloon dick

wet right and it's closed now and kean's

been gone for hours and he was supposed

to just be running out to the library

cuz he lied about where he was going so

Keen said he's going to the

library and he's not back and he's like

starting to freak out but Kean finally

shows up with po and they're both like

clearly shell shocked and have blood all

over them all over them it says it's

like down their fronts like down the

front of them I was like how hard did

you guys yeah did you get an artery or

something I'm like the number of like

books we've read that have vampires that

will break skin suck your blood and then

they're like and then I just like licked

the wound and closed yeah and she just

pulled her bra strap back up and we

moved on with our day right that was not

the case it looks like they were in a

car accident level of of blood that's

the way it seems okay um and Sebastian

realizes what's going on because he had

read some of Zena's books before they

escaped and he realizes that Keen and

Poppy are mates

she is

a true tulpamancer

Omega Keen is an a TOA

Alpha your

face is Sebastian a beta is he also an

alpha he's also an alpha okay um so he

is trying to calm them down and like

explain to them what's going on while

also mate they did they didn't like

neither one of them knew um because Keen

had never read the book and they never

talked about it um Sebastian and Kean

never talked about it because they were

running for their lives and stuff so let

me guess once you're

mated that's it for life your your penis

will inflate for them too yeah so that's

nice I mean I guess she already inflated

it because we had that that whole sex

scene but it makes like

make sense on the why she was able to

when historically they've only been able

to find pleasure in each other

right and that's the end almost oh okay

so Sebastian is also trying to process

through and make peace with the fact

that like now that Kean and Poppy are

together like there's no place for him

in that Dynamic so he's like goes into

problem solving mode to get her a nest

cuz he realizes like she's going into

heat because like her Omega just woke up

or whatever and so they need to get her

somewhere safe and everything um but

then he realizes like Kean brought her

to him to help him take care of her and

it's all confirmed that like of course

Sebastian is going to be a part of this

Bond um and uh they get her off in the

car in the parking lot before they go

back to her apartment so that she can

nest and like ride out the heat poppy

agrees to bond with him too um with

fashion as well and they [ __ ] a whole

lot at one point

she ties little knots into keen's dick

to make anal beads

[Laughter]

yeah it it does say that she was really

worried that it was going to be hurting

him and so they had to continuously

convince her that like it was not

causing him any pain and he was into

it he just said kiss me and then take a

deep inhale and take some of the air

back out and then there will be enough

room just deflate me slightly so you

have more room for the

knots we didn't get that deep into it it

was literally just like she's she tied

some

knots um and then this is the really

good bit this is like oh this is the

reason this a really good bit this is

like the final two paragraphs okay Zena

shows

up to take back her

toppas and Poppy is still in heat and

goes all crazy territorial grabs her

seems like she's going to kiss her but

winds up blowing helium into her mouth

and Zena floats away they live happily

ever

after I told

you and you said there's a sequel there

is a sequel it is called

squeal squeak and

squeal but I did not read the second one

Squeakquel The Squeakquel yeah yeah yeah

which is what ver Valentine named it

which I can't appreciate respect all

around for ver out

here wow

yeah

yeah ver really packed so much in those

54 Pages she really

did it only took me like less than an

hour to read

it no shame to those of you that don't

read as quickly as Hannah but but if 54

Pages took you longer than an hour I'd

probably be checking in to make sure you

were okay I appreciate that yeah yeah I

move with a

swiftness you do yeah which and I even

had to reread parts of this to be like

wait a

minute yeah this feels like there was

probably a lot of like am I missing

something let me go back I must have

missed that and then you're like oh no I

didn't like hang on a second what m okay

okay yeah so this was one that

um it had more plot than I was expecting

I would say so packed into those 54

pages and I feel that based on the book

description it delivered on on what it

promised in that book description I got

more than I anticipated out of these 54

pages and I didn't even read it mhm yeah

mhm so balloon animals are the rating

right there's obvious there's no other

option here

mm funnel

cakes no balloons balloons balloons I'm

sorry listen I'm here for for the funnel

cakes I think uh your question of what's

the consistency made of is really I did

ruin it and I'm just like yeah it's just

icing if I just go it is like powdered

sugar icing over a funnel like

I I think when we included

grease it really turned it you know what

I mean though I do but all I can think

of is the grease

traps oh no I get it yeah and I think

that's where I'm like yeah no I get it

but

also

yeah what

I'm really curious about the squeak wol

cuz I'll also say I feel like there are

books that we've read where we're like

there's one sex scene that's 54 Pages

yeah yeah yeah and so I'm like wouldn't

that be incredible if this the squeel

was just a fully sent one

scene that would be pretty awesome I did

read the description though and it

sounds like they introduce

another partner oh from the description

I couldn't really

tell I'm glad that they all found each

other yeah because I imagine that's

a that's a difficult conversation on a

first

date is that is that a first dat

conversation

though I feel like you're really just

making balloon animal snakes like you're

not I was like trying to make an octopus

last week

that doesn't feel like something for

this book no no right just I think just

snakes which is just a a long balloon

just a long balloon just a long balloon

but his J wasn't a balloon when he was

posing for the art class right so it was

only when he was

inflated was my understanding that was

not explicitly purle and engorged yeah

okay yeah so how many balloons is this

out

of

eight

54 oh yeah out of 54 we can do that

um 20 I was going to say I think like 20

yeah like 18 or 20 I'll defer to you

since you're the one who read

it 18 to

20 yeah 19 out of 54 19 out of 54 final

offer there was a 20th balloon but it

slightly deflated

so it floated away like Zena at the end

yeah that was one I read like three

times I was like I'm sorry this is the

big fight scene and she

like kissed her so she floated away what

yeah okay but when she kisses the guys

is it helium that like are they

inflating each other with helium or just

air I don't know are there are there

dicks floating up I don't

know okay so 19 and a partially deflated

20th out of

54 balloons um let us know how many

balloons you would rate this um and

don't forget to like subscribe review we

would love to hear all of y'all's

thoughts cuz

this this was a journey I'm still

processing I will be processing this one

for a while I think that's also part of

why I didn't read this second one

because I was like I need time like I'm

still just processing the first yeah I

need time all right 19 out of 54 don't

forget to like subscribe comment review

we would truly love to hear all of your

thoughts and we will see you next time

bye smut [ __ ]

bye well that's it for this week's muts

[ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it

sure was great for us if you're digging

what we're doing it would mean a lot if

you'd take a minute to rate and review

the show wherever you're listening right

now maybe tell that sexy someone to lend

us an ear we love you we appreciate you

and we'll see you next week stay Spidey

[Music]