Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Chelsey and

[Applause]

Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut

club I'm Hannah and I'm

Chelsea and this is the podcast where we

sometimes Day drink other times don't

today is a drinking day we will need it

we will need it and we talk about um

romance novels of varying quality and

caliber and

caliber choose your vocab word

um I am

um

trepidacious about today and the book

that you have chosen I have no idea why

it's just a book called Teddy that's a

paranor a paranormal teddy bear stuffed

animal romance I don't know why you are

experiencing any level of trepidation H

it's just your typical paranormal teddy

bear stuffed animal Romance

H okay

Han I just I'm just going to point out

and this is no judgment cuz you know I

adore you you read a lot of weird [ __ ]

and then whenever I roll up and I'm like

so I found some other weird [ __ ] you

always like

oh that's a

choice but then I like I'm like is mine

is mine weirder am I going more out of

pocket is it all the same level and you

just don't expect it from

me I think maybe a little column A and A

little column B um you know yeah it

could be

both I apologize for the haunted vagina

none of us know none of us knew we will

continue to blame Drew for that forever

but shout out to Drew that was our

former coworker or my former coworker my

current coworker um but no I think the

difference is that you've done a lot of

inanimate object ones well two I

shouldn't say a lot this is the second

right I got nervous for a second when

you said two I was like two that we've

already done I was like oh God did I

black out did I forget one I was like

this is the second inanimate object this

is the the second that's fair but to

When someone tells you they have an

erotic romance about aore who's not

intrigued I mean I certainly have

questions you were telling me earlier

today about a balloon animal one I was

yeah and quite frankly I'mma let you

take that one I'm going to do it maybe

not tomorrow but I'm going to do it like

you know what Chelsea I'm going to keep

it and then when the moment's right I'm

going to remind you least suspect

it okay so welcome to The Squeakquel

this book is Teddy by Christina

maddingley

okay um it is less than 200 pages okay

so a a pretty quick simple read in that

regard we start with Aaliyah um Aaliyah

is on the phone with her mom and

complaining about her boss and she's

like I just wish that handsy fool would

get hit by a bus sort of energy and her

mom is like

Aaliyah you know that the things you

speak manifest things so like watch your

words girl like and so you don't really

know yet you're like if is that like a

real thing is that like a passive

thing but we do know that Aaliyah at

least has a history of speaking things

into happening okay not like into

existence not being like I would like a

bottle of wine to appear like not

Conjuring million dollars right yes but

more of the

like uh I think like her mom said like

at one point she like wished that like

oh do you remember when you wish that

the neighbor's dog would like get hit by

a car so would stop barking in the

middle of the night and then it did

remember when you like caused the whole

class to like get sick before a test

like that sort of stuff has maybe

historically happened like The Witches

of Eastwick where they accidentally like

make every yeah never mind yeah great

deep cut thank you yes was that the one

with Channing Tatum

xwi no there were a couple witch series

around the same time that all blend in

my head feel like Witches of Eastwick

was older than that but maybe not I'll

have to look it up later we'll have to

figure that out later yeah so Aaliyah

has a boyfriend Devin also apparently I

was writing this very quickly when I was

jotting my notes because it says Ali's

boyfriend Dave neither of those are

characters in this

book we're here for the attempt da it's

fine uh Devon is a like travel paramedic

and he takes a lot of contracts outside

of town so he travels a lot it seems

like they have a very sexually open

relationship and um like bringing other

people into the bedroom with them and

like a lot of toys and exploration when

they're together but when he's not there

he's been like

hey would love for us to be monogamous

and like only explore those things when

we are together yeah so it's a it's a

lot of longdistance phone sex which is

leaving

her a bit frustrated also because

apparently as soon as Devon finishes

he's like nothing worse than Dad come am

I right and just like hangs up so

they'll be like on FaceTime and he'll

finish and then just like hang up very

abruptly and she's like this doesn't

feel great and like she's tried to

communicate that to him and yeah he's

like well you know how it is with the

with with the dried [ __ ] like just kind

of then have a tissue ready [ __ ] or

like a wet wipe come on now yes like it

feels like we have some proactive

options we aren't pursuing here and like

your girlfriend is expressing a need

that you aren't hearing mhm and he will

send her nice gifts he sent her like a

Tiffany's necklace oh and he also sent

her a giant teddy bear it's like a 4ot

tall teddy bear oh it was larger than he

anticipated um so they Aaliyah and Devon

or Ally and Dave call them what you want

uh they

are having sexy time on FaceTime he

hangs up immediately after and she's

feeling very sexually frustrated and

just decides to use the teddy bear he

gave her as a toy so she starts like

[ __ ] the face of this teddy bear She

lays it down sure on her bed I guess it

Sout was well shaped I don't know I

started that sentence and then regretted

it but still had to end the sentence I

saw the moment that you found your

regret and then the moment that you

realized you were in too

far and sounds like my prop night

hey I okay all right okay okay listen I

just needed a slight wine break I mean

so using things that maybe were not

intended as toys as toys cool like meet

your needs cool cool yes so she is face

[ __ ] this teddy bear and like and is

verbal and like speaking out loud as

she's doing it so she's just like man

like I wish you had a tongue to use on

me like this feels so good like that

sort of thing and then she's like she

also took an edible at one point and

this matters because she's like I swear

I said that and I like I felt a tongue

like what and then she's like this

edible must be it is hidden yes very

high quality drugs that I consumed so

like she has a great orgasm comes very

hard and falls

asleep when she wakes up her room is

clean like and she's like I know I made

a mess yesterday like there were toys

out Teddy's face should be covered in

some substances sort of deal and she's

like my room is clean and there's like a

warm presence and then realize it's like

Teddy's spoon her

so but once again not like moving his

body just like she woke up and the teddy

bear is spooning her and once again

she's like my

edible was Far higher quality than I

really had any understanding up and just

kind of is writing it off more potent

than I anticipated which I think is the

normal reaction to an edible yeah yeah

and I'm like if you wake up the next day

and your like room is clean you're going

like wow I should do that again this is

a once a week edible Hi Chelsea was so

productive yeah absolutely thank you Hi

Chelsea going to make this my cleaning

routine just pop an edible wait an hour

and a half and see if things get

[Laughter]

clean um and then she I don't know gets

a call text from a cooworker who's

like whatever the boss's name was hit by

a bus and she's like oh [ __ ]

are we still having to go to work is the

cup and they're like right because I

guess it's like a small I actually have

no idea what the what the job is at any

point but she she does have this

coworker who lets her know that Haley I

think is the cooworker lets her know

that the boss was hit by a bus but uh

we'll be making a recovery I was going

to say in the way that Gina from

Brooklyn 99 was hit by a bus and like

recovery is possible or she become a

celebrity spokeswoman after dead now as

horrible as the sounds I think he was

recovering quite frankly it didn't

matter to the the teddy bear part of

this for me and but yeah I think he's in

the hospital I don't think he's dead

Okay um but we also it like comes up in

this section that like she is a mage but

like we don't really know what the full

scope of those powers are it sounds like

she can just kind of like sometimes

speak things into happening over time

more than it's like potent power right

right she decides that before she goes

to work she wants to have some fun so

she puts her strap on on

Teddy I just love watching your face

with the details um yeah you just said

that so casually how was I supposed to

say it Hannah I don't know but I can

tell you that if I wasn't locked in I

would have missed it so I said it too

casually because you were like and so

anyway yeah so she wanted to have some

fun before work so she puts a strap on

on Teddy okay

mhm um also I learned some things about

[Laughter]

sex you know honestly that's why we do

this to learn and growing up when I

repressed Christian households this is

how I've gotten my education thank you

um comprehensive sex education matters I

don't know if they teach this in sex ed

I did not know that there are squirting

dildos what I like looked it up

afterwards like I Googled it so my

targeted ads are going to suck for a

while but yeah squirting dildos like

that have like pumps so like you can so

uh Aaliyah has a breeding Kink okay vary

in to seen okay wants all of the seen

sure like at one point in the future of

this book I don't quite remember when

but like they're [ __ ] and like

Teddy's like I'll give you more seen

than five men combined could ever give

you together and she's like over the

moon about it um and I'm not saying I'm

going to hang up on someone immediately

on FaceTime after finishing but I am

probably closer to Devon on this

spectrum of

like K is kind of gross it's been I'm

like I'm not like like she's like buying

fake [ __ ] to go in the squirting dildos

like that level of and this is not

please do not hear me judging anyone if

this is what you're into this is a new

territory for me that like I did not

know squirting dild existed until

earlier this week yeah well that makes

me think of because I've read so many

times where like they're like and I

could feel him paint my walls or

whatever and I'm like you what

what well or also sometimes when they're

painting the walls and they talk about

like the temperature difference and I

was like how warm is their SE yes I have

questions isn't it supposed to be colder

than body temperature is it yes I have

no idea yes why is it so warm then it

shouldn't be that's what I'm saying like

I felt his warmth flood me like what

you're never mind nope I just

that's my hang up with these books some

of them but because when they're filling

them they're filling them with warm

seen didn't didn't love that but here we

are so she's like getting all of her

toys ready she's filling the syringe for

the squirting dildo just so much prep

okay well she her boyfriend's on the

road a lot so she is getting her knees

met yes that's just a lot of prep she's

also very vocal with Teddy like this

whole time as well okay um and when she

starts coming she

realizes that she's filling this like

the come fill her um but she didn't

actually press the button and so she's

like oh like maybe it was faulty maybe

it was like just realizes right right

right that like the strap-on did what

she wanted it to do but she just hadn't

initiated it

manually uh and then like as she's like

looking around after she's like coming

down from her high and is like oh my

gosh everything is so messy and is she

like looks at Teddy and is like huh I

guess it'd be too much to ask like ask

you to clean up right like uhhuh you're

a teddy bear and just like moves on with

her day um but is very aware of the

level of mess that she left to the point

that she stops on the way home to buy an

upholstery

vacuum mhm mhm your eyes just got so

large and then you like took a second to

process it and you went okay deep breath

and

continue well so the thought I had was

was the upholstery vacuum for Teddy was

it for her area rug like what was

requiring that

level yes okay all right we're just

messy with the the toys and the fake SE

and

hell maybe not everyone has been there

but I like to think this is more of a

universal experience you open the lube

you try and squeeze a little loud how

much Lube goes everywhere look Touch Too

Far yeah yes and you're like oh God what

am I going to do with all of this Lube

so then I pretend to rub my husband's

back just I don't have a

towel that that part might just be

me that might not be a universal

experience you do the sexy thing where

you're like rubbing your boobs with it

it's like my husband like why are you

rubbing the back of your hand on your

boob I like don't worry about it man

like and not every time by God but like

I do feel like everyone has had a Lube

mishap at some point yeah where you get

overzealous or whatever and you're like

well here now and you're like don't know

what to do with the rest of this yeah um

so I'm I think it was partly Teddy I

think it was partly the BET like just

all of the yeah yeah yeah the things um

and when she walks in her house like

with a poolery vacuum in hand knowing

she left a mess this morning her house

is spotless like everything is put away

everything is clean Teddy's just like

sitting in the chair in her bedroom and

she's

like what the [ __ ] is happening like

that's great but also horrifying well

and so she uh is like text Devon just to

say hi and he is like oh did you get my

surprise and she's like what what

surprise and he's like oh I called your

cleaning lady and like to have her come

cuz I thought it would be like nice but

then Aaliyah is sitting there mortified

cuz she's like holy [ __ ] my cleaning

lady came to the

house I left a strap-on on the teddy

bear there's like fake Lube on the bed

toys everywh and she's like mortified

and this is a like a cleaning lady she's

used before this isn't a oneoff so she

she calls the cleaning

lady uh to apologize to her and Beth

Beth is the cleaning lady and she's like

no problem at all she's like honestly

like it was so clean it like barely took

me any time I charged Evan half price

and then she was like then Beth makes a

comment she's like I thought you were

cheating on me with another cleaner cuz

I've never seen your bed made but like

when I've like come to the house and so

then ol sitting there and she's like

what this is getting more confusing

she's like I'm no longer mortified that

she saw my sex Cho but I do have more

questions yeah now I'm just more

confused that she didn't see my sex toys

uh and so Aaliyah is sitting there

trying to figure this out ends up like

calling her mom to check in and on the

phone call with her mom like something

her mom says kind of triggers the

manifesting and she's like well I was

talking to Teddy but I like didn't say

like I wish you would like as

objectively as she's previously

manifested things she's like I didn't

say anything like that she's like but I

guess I was still communicating my need

so she's like I don't right I don't know

I was communicating desire even if I

didn't say like I want you to do this

exactly and so she just like when the

phone call ends with her mom she goes

into her bedroom and like looks at Teddy

and she's like

so what tell me what what happened here

right and he just looking at him it's

like this is ridiculous maybe he'll

answer maybe he won't but like like

she's like I don't know she's like what

is happening and then she hears a voice

in her head uh that's like it's really

difficult to speak into your mind when

your thoughts are so loud and Fast like

you're clearly distressed like love to

communicate with you but like I need you

to

like take a breath and she's like what

the [ __ ] this is not the way to calm me

down no a new voice in my head is going

to do the opposite right like do I need

a how doll

shot

like

no

no oh yeah I was just thinking of a like

working in like Crisis units where

you're like okay so like this is like

non-voluntary Med injection at this

point cuz this is the level that we're

at and when everyone takes like a

collective like sigh of relief that

we're like we got the meds in you they

just need to take effect everything will

will be fine in a few minutes and then

those people that their adrenaline just

like burn straight through the meds and

you're like oh [ __ ] like

well we uh when we were still living in

Nashville the company I was working for

we'd had our it was in like an office

Park that we like retrofitted to be the

crisis center right and so we were we

were building a brand new crisis unit uh

which was necessary because we had

finally had a safe room built on like

the the retrofitted side

um it like someone managed to like break

the window the first day we had that

room right sounds right yeah uh and so I

remember we like had a super ESC we

finally got them in the room and we like

all took that like Collective like okay

they're there they're locked in they're

safe they're safe we're safe everyone's

safe we're like working we're working on

this and then all of a sudden we just

hear a like shatteringly loud sound and

we look and he just [ __ ] kicked the

door I'm like I have no idea how you did

that but now we're all right back where

we were 10 minutes ago only worse

because now you have glass as a weapon

super I was like cool cool cool cool

cool this is great and it was one of

those days where I was like I forgot my

hair tie so I'd already like broken a

like a plastic glove and was using like

the wrist section as hair tie with paper

clips cuz I didn't have bobby pins and

I'm like this is not a great day at work

if I'm being honest I had better dates

yeah yeah bless Vance's heart in that

era of like when we were dating and

early married and he'd like how was work

today and as soon as like well I've had

better he's like oh no yeah he's like

that could mean someone ate your lunch

uh from the fridge or it could

mean you had to call 911 cuz someone was

chasing you down the street and I don't

know where this is going to go yeah

Vance very quickly realized uh in our

relationship not to tell me that he'd

had a bad day until he'd ask me about my

day cuz I like oh how's your he's like

not good and he'd like tell me a story

he's like how was your day and I'm like

well an HIV positive teenager spit blood

in my face and he'd be like should have

asked you first yep in retrospect should

have double checked

yep but it's nice for you and Matt cuz

you work at the same facility we do so

usually if one of us has had a bad day

we've already seen the email about it so

we know to tread carefully we've already

seen the email we know to tread

carefully not our communication about it

because we don't work in the same

Department n but we saw the email to

know what to expect when we get home

yep o yeah so Teddy's sitting there and

he's like hey trying to talk to you

through your mind take a deep breath

girl love to connect

yes need you a little calmer

communication will be

easier and he's like you still seem

distressed is there anything I can do to

like ease your mind ease this tension

and she passively thinks to herself

she's like best way to ease my stress H

an orgasm or five and he's just like if

that's what you want I'm happy to oblig

she's like I am your teddy like I am

your comfort item I am literally here I

exist to provide you

comfort and so he's like I he goes if

that's what you want I'm happy to oblig

I believe you said you wanted to use me

to make you come do you want me to use

my do you want to use my face again or

would you like a [ __ ] this time it's

just like help me help you how do we

manage this stress

girl all

right which is like such a funny cuz I'm

like just thinking through yeah being in

this room when you're like oh my God I'm

freaking out because my teddy bear is

talking to me in my head right and then

when he's like you seem really stressed

what would help and she's like an orgasm

and he's like okay my face are a [ __ ]

and you're like I'm like maybe if my

teddy bear stopped talking to me I would

be less stressed yes and like she like

starts to get like woozy because she's

like

and then like sees Teddy actually move

to like help keep her up and support her

uh and he and Teddy being her like

Comfort item who exists purely for

her Comfort I don't know is there a cym

that I need ribbed for her

pleasure furry for her pleasure I don't

know if he's

ribbed I think for soft on his paw

probably right uh but as he can tell

that she's freaked out and he's holding

her he's like okay no problem I'll hold

you and then when you're relaxed I'll

feed you whatever you need girl like

like bless Teddy really trying to walk

her through this journey and be a

support okay so Teddy is is a daddy he's

caretaking and providing and like yeah

yeah yeah I guess I guess you could call

him a daddy and probably maybe

overselling it considering it's like 180

Pages total but just of this like

comforting her through learning this and

as they're cuddling and he's like i'

like can I make you feel good and she's

like like sex and Teddy's like isn't

that your favorite coping skill like I

can see in your mind like you think it I

can make it happen so you seem to like

sex if sex will help help me help you my

girl

okay aiyah in this this is no longer

freaking her out she's like it is my

favorite coping skill thank you for the

reminder that edible lasted so

long I've never had an edible last 24

hours before Oh my God they could sell

this for way more

money so she starts uh grabbing toys and

then like realizes for a second she's

like did you trigger the like the seamen

and my squirting dildo yesterday and

he's like yeah like that's what you

wanted so like that's what I I did cuz

that's what I figured you you were

wanting then she was like oh can you

come inside me like and he's like

probably he's like I don't really know

the limits of the magic but I exist

literally like I'm a comfort item this

is what I am here for so like if that is

what you are needing and it brings you

comfort probably I guess we'll figure

out how your magic

works and only is like okay I want to do

reverse cowgirl and he's like okay

where's your cowgirl hat and she's like

no that's not no hats

required so it's just more of that right

and he's like I exist to make you happy

and fulfill your needs and Aaliyah's

like okay okay now that I'm past the

shock of this I'm into it bet what are

your thoughts on double penetration

and he's like if that's what you want

and then he like pauses and he's like do

you want me to be dominant or passive

and she's like oh dominant would be

great right so she's just like it feels

like she accepted this very

easily yeah yeah

yeah dare I say too easily I'm still

looking for Thorazine like I'm like like

if I'm in this

situation I'm still wondering where my

Geodon and Adavan are I just if you

suspend belief you won't need any drugs

so what I keep thinking

about is how working in a residential

facility people pack all sorts of

items in their bags or in their prison

purses

both I was thinking in their

bags but technically both but

technically both yeah

so I specifically keep remembering this

one time

that this ra who was very new and very

very sweet and maybe not as um familiar

with things

came across

a a silver item that had a jewel on it

that was wrapped in a tissue so a butt

plug uhhuh but she did not know that and

so she thought this must be a valuable

item it should go in the

safe and listed it on the valuables

list oh God cuz I forgot you have to you

have you have to write down to L it you

have to log it so she she wrote it down

and then brought the valuables to the

business office and one of the people

who worked there was like baby girl nigh

neigh nay allow me to

explain I found out about this later I

did not know when it occurred so I

talked to her and I was like laughing

about it and she goes it's not funny I

didn't eat for three days I washed my

hands so many

times because she didn't know what did

she list it as I don't

know it's like some kind of jewelry or

something she really didn't know what it

was um

incredible yeah but people bring a lot

of different things

yeah I guess I've never really thought

about cuz like I was one more of like a

short term like right 72 hours sort of

unit situation yeah

um I hadn't really thought about the

like more long-term are do you all allow

SE like vibrators all of it gets

just that makes the most sense yeah

wasn't

sure how Progressive and open-minded

your residential substance abuse

treatment facility was not

that honestly as I asked the question I

was like this feels unlikely but you

know you never know unless you ask -

yeah unless like unless it's something

that someone does not realize is a sex

toy yeah and it sneaks

through yeah and goes in the safe and

goes with everybody's cell phones and

laptops and and

jewelry yeah and it and Ashes one time

somebody brought someone's ashes with

them yeah people bring a lot of things

people bring a lot of things and they do

a lot of things that are

fascinating I do remember a girl her

like cat had passed away and she wanted

to get it cremated and turned into a

necklace but she was saving up money for

it so she just put it in her

freezer okay like next to the ego

waffles sort of energy um and her case

manager was next to the French bread

pizza yes ill prepared for that visit

and the dino

[Laughter]

nuggets yeah you're like ooh right next

to the ice

cream I just made like smoothie packs

for the week like I prepped those last

night with like bananas and blueberries

and like greens and stuff and I'm like

oh next to my smoothie pack yes yeah

that sort of energy just opening your

freezer next to all of your smoothie

packs ashes

dead cat not even the not even Ash yet

no like the whole cat oh my God I

thought it was ashes no oh my God we

hadn't made it to the cremation yet my

God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my

God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my

God it's like Dwight from the office

where it woke up and clawed all the the

french fries the frozen french

fries

yes I'm like straight faed could not do

that my gosh all right so in this

Teddy's like yeah all about double

penetration if that's what you want I'm

literally here for whatever you want I

have no personality at this point I can

be a DP Dom yes here to serve starts

with a butt plug sure they got it out of

is it

jeweled they got it out of the

safe your facility what there was a book

that I read where they were like doing

they were building a

hotel and the designer was like the Mean

Girl sort of energy but like whatever

poles that she had chosen all looked

like butt plugs so at one point he's

like [ __ ] the girl on one of the

abandoned

floors uh and reaches over and like uses

one of the poles as a butt plug cuz they

were that similar and I'm like I on a

construction site feels like not the

move if you want to use it yeah just

clean it first yes you know I'm like I

don't think someone else had used it as

a butt plug but it has been sitting on

like a dusty ass construction site yeah

I'm concerned about her health and

safety more than she was if we're being

honest yeah OSHA would not

approve

sorry I uh I was thinking about our for

for like OSHA nurse like director of

safety when I lived in Nashville and she

was doing the annual OSHA refresher and

she's like listen it's some dry material

I know that so she's like trying to make

it engaging make it a competition

amongst the tables tossing candy out and

the former VP of HR went giving candy to

everyone in a competition is

participating in the wussification of

America you should have only given it to

the winners at previously dated you

would and saying that we participating

in the wussification of

America it's one of my favorite

insults

oh nope I cannot say the thoughts that I

have about that right okay so back we're

now in the double penetration sure yeah

so like we start with we start with the

butt plug from the safe he's like ride

my paw and I'm like I can't every time

you say the word paw I just lose it it

does not feel

sexual um in this that feels like like

Little House on the Prairie like where's

Paul like I don't like that I don't like

that I don't like that I'm so sorry Pa

having a w on the end did make me feel

slightly better then where is Paul but

now that you've said it I can't unhear

it I'm so sorry um after she's writing

his paw they switch to the double

penetration with the two dildos and then

in her head for a second she thinks

she's like one day I'd like to see what

it feels like with

three and Teddy's out here and he's

like manifest baby girl so then suddenly

there's three dildos and

then all of them are squirting dildos

that he's made I'm not really sure so

much come so much come that her belly is

swollen with it is a note in the book

and that's dare I say too much

come your

face yeah so then he Teddy's like I want

I want a final orgasm out of you like

through all of

this uh and is like telling her to come

on his paw again sure and then Aaliyah

thinks for a second she's like man like

what would make this like final orgasm

easier she she like there's nothing like

a man's tongue on you once he's just

filled you okay uh which I feel like

there was a Nikki Sloan book that

referred to that as a cream pie am I

remembering that correctly I don't know

that's a saying I'm not the most

familiar with uh because the eating out

after coming inside someone is is a very

specific Kink I would say yeah um and so

as she's thinking that Teddy switches it

up up and then she feels a actual human

tongue on her [ __ ] and passes out from

the orgasm okay good Mission achieved

yes to relax her

right Teddy was created for one thing

and one thing only and he is thriving at

he achieved that goal he really did yeah

so she when she wakes up from passing

out yet again from this orgasm I guess

the first time she had fallen asleep and

and had taken the edible so she didn't

pass out shock but even still uh when

she wakes up this time Teddy is now in a

human form and is like the hottest dude

she's ever seen in her life sort of

energy okay so does she immediately know

it's Teddy or is she like this is a

strange man in my [ __ ] room right now

no she's like very aware that Teddy is

now in a human form but also as she's

like aware of it and into it she's also

like what the [ __ ] do I tell Devon I

still have a boyfriend

um and so Teddy's

like I exist for you so like whatever

you need like if if you just need me to

like stay in my bare form when he's here

I can do that

like my bare form yeah I can just be a

teddy bear in the corner of the room if

that's what's needed um but then

also this is the first time she's seen

him in human form and she's like keep

your eyes on his face Aaliyah like he's

a human keep keep your eyes on his face

in this conversation but then when she

looks down he has two dicks and she's

like oh my god there are two and he's

like what I you seem to like too I

thought you would enjoy it I no give me

a second and like goes back to one very

quickly and can change his body and

manifest whatever she will like the best

but yes uh started with two dicks

because he's like this is what she will

like the best and then she sees it and

it's like oh my God okay that's weirdly

endearing it really kind of was yeah

that's like weirdly endearing okay and

he's like and he's a little embarrassed

about it and he's like I thought that's

what you want so I my yeah here's one

it's

fine just

kidding yes and then beyond that like

they just kind of settle in for like a

sweet cozy day where she's like well

this girl's covering my shift and I

don't need as much help at work because

my boss got hit by a bus so sure going

to hang out with Teddy and Teddy's like

we can watch your baking shows I can

braid your hair what do you need like

I'm I'm just here for you yeah um and I

think it it does read us far more

endearing throughout the book like it

doesn't read us like

obsessive um but I do also recognize it

you're like what do you do I don't have

a job I exist for your pleasure what

what do you need comfort that's all I

know how to do I am a one trck minded

bear so it's like but also a little like

hey man get a hobby outside of me well I

can see like how could he he's a bear

the fantasy of having someone that like

exists to meet your needs like in theory

that's amazing and awesome and in

practice it's like Jesus wept get out of

my face

like find a friend find a

friend like oh my God phone a

friend was that Who Wants To Be A

Millionaire yes was that the yeah yeah

yeah sometimes they called friends that

were straight up idiots yeah dude and

honestly what Panic you must have F Well

I guess it wasn't live was

it cuz that would be a different thing

cuz that would be another level of panic

to be watching your friend on a show and

they get asked a question no I don't

think it was live and that was also

before like Google yes the goo the Googs

yeah so he goes back to having one dick

and then they just have like a very

sweet cuddly cozy day yeah we love that

yeah so later she's FaceTiming Devon and

like at one point he like asks to see

the bear cuz he sent it to her but is

never really he's like yeah he's like

honestly I didn't realize how large it

was until I saw the shipping amount and

then they were like yeah we don't do

free shipping on like this size thing

and he's like if you want something

smaller like I'm I'm happy to return it

and she's like no no I'm happy with

Teddy no please and he makes a joke and

he's like oh named him Teddy huh like

what like is he can be your boyfriend

while I'm out of town hahaa and

like she feels guilty about it right in

a way that like Teddy's like in your he

gave you permission but it seems like

you still don't feel cool about it sort

of energy because he doesn't understand

that like it's a

joke yes right right well and Devon also

does understand that she's actually been

[ __ ] her bear like yeah so just kind

of her living in that like this doesn't

feel ideal yeah but Teddy being Teddy is

like I can tell you're distressed would

you like an orgasm would you like to sit

on my face he's like like you did that

first time so she sits on his face

they're having a great time she turns

around introduces him to 69ing and then

she's about to come when her phone

starts ringing again and Devon his face

timing her and she's like [ __ ] [ __ ] so

she gets off of of Teddy but clearly

looks a little flustered and Devon's

like oo are you playing like do you want

to play together like she goes okay well

how about we play the game where you see

my face and guess what toy I'm using and

then just goes back into her bedroom and

it's like if I keep Teddy off camera

it's fine you'll never know I don't know

if your boyfriend would feel fine about

that probably not yes especially cuz at

this Point Teddy has a human form yeah

Teddy is is fully sensient with a human

form at this point yeah yeah 1,000% so

I'm

like and so she is uh riding Teddy and

FaceTiming Devon and then like Teddy

starts like saying dirty things to her

in her head that like Teddy or that like

Devon can't hear uh and at one point

like they're like talking about like

McD's like oh are you are you using that

vibrator with like the knot and she's

like no guess again but that knot would

feel so good and then suddenly like

there's a not stretching her yes very

much that sort of

energy and so uh much like Devon had

been doing to her the whole as soon as

Aaliyah finishes she just like hangs up

and it's like well great chat bye yep on

to the other things I was doing with the

dude actually lost

game I

win

bye-bye I win was it a race to see who

could finish first and then we hang up

nailed it cuz that's what our

relationship has turned into recently

it's kind of that energy right right so

when they hang up she's then looking at

Teddy and she's like I want you to use

me and he's like but I exist for your

pleasure and she's like but I want you

to pretend that I exist for yours

pleasure right is like oh okay this is

role

playing I can do this I can do that

1,000% so I will say I reread this

little section A couple of times to make

sure I didn't miss it still could have

missed it but he handcuffs her to the

bed he now has two dicks again because

she's very into the the double

penetration s of sort of situation uh

and but then he's like jack me off so

I'm like but I thought she was

handcuffed so I know if she just

manifested out of the handcuffs I'm not

quite sure but she was handcuffed to the

bed then suddenly she's jacking him off

and I'm not quite sure how we got there

he like scooted up towards her

hand um but one was inside her one dick

was inside her the other dick he wanted

her to jack

off maybe one hand was

cuffed I thought both were but maybe

yeah you're not

wrong I don't know I was like was it her

feet

we have logistical questions which is

even more impressive if he is inside of

her with one to be using the feet on the

on the other one yeah no that wouldn't

work uh one he's like trying to get her

all prepped before he [ __ ] both holes

is kind of sure the classy wording and

then her mom

calls sorry I should have waited until

you weren't taking a sip of wine and in

retrospect The Classy wording and then

her mom called

before I [ __ ] both holes and then who do

you know barbs Colin I don't know what

her mom's name is but that felt Barb

feels right Barb does feel right

yeah and Teddy's like your mom's a great

woman I answered the call for you here's

your

phone while he keeps [ __ ]

her and I never have any desire to

accidentally end up on the phone with my

mom mid thrust M it's a no for me hard

no in the throws is not the moment for

me to be checking in with Mom and Dad

I'm like the only way I'm accepting that

call is if my ass accidentally hit

answer yeah but outside of that I can

call you back after uh

yeah yeah but I still might not call you

back after because in that post qual

moment I don't know if call calling my

mom is what I want to do then either no

I might wait a few

hours I don't morning how much time

you're going to say but for some reason

like I might wait a few and then I was

like longer than minutes

Hannah make it longer than longer than

minutes you're like hours I was like

okay we can work but yeah that feels it

can't be minutes it can't be minutes it

can't be

minutes it can't be like okay we've done

the obligatory cuddle for the full 2

minutes I've gone pee we've said I love

you thank you I've put a shirt back on

now I can call my Mom it's been 4

minutes

no no no none of that

sorry okay but then like it's just like

a quick phone call with her mom and then

she's like hanging up because at that

point he has his two dicks in both

holes and you can't talk to your mom

during that you can't talk to anybody

during that no nor do you want to no um

and then after they have more sex they

once again just like settle in for a

cozy evening of like things that she

actually likes and her interest and like

watching her baking shows and she's just

like wow how great is this a partner who

cares about my

needs and listens a partner who wants to

do the things that I

enjoy

yeah groundbreaking amazing

revolutionary a partner who doesn't

treat me like well not like [ __ ] that's

being hyperbolic but anyway the next day

she wakes up because well yeah this was

another thing in the book she wakes up

to Devon back in town surprising her and

she says that she had like was so shock

she like hit him with like her no like

he was like waking her up and like she

like sat up and like headbutted him and

headbutted him sort of energy but it

also said that Teddy had had his arm

around her so I'm like was he back in

his bare form because you'd think Devon

would notice if there was a grown ass

man in bed with his girlfriend you would

think that so I guess it must have been

in bare form but that doesn't feel like

it was clearly communicated or I missed

the communication of it or maybe he

shifted back with a

quickness he like hurt the front door

and was like whoop yeah cuz I there are

a couple like things throughout the book

where like uh Aaliyah talks about like

oh like I'll make us food do you need to

eat and he's like I don't need to eat

but if it would bring you pleasure to

like feed me you're welcome to make me

food and I can consume it but I don't

need it for sustenance and so I feel

like sleep had kind of been the same

where like he like didn't need sleep

yeah maybe that was it like Deon showed

up and he like Turned turned into bare

form

H but it's funny because Devon's like

well I switched shifts with the guy so I

had a few days off so I thought I'd

surprise you but like wanted to check

and make sure everything was okay cuz

you like hung up as soon as we like you

finished yesterday and like wasn't sure

if you were mad at me and she's like you

do that all the time and he's like oh

like that bothers you and she's like I

I've told you it bothers me and he's

like oh well like DED come is the worst

right and she's like it feels like we're

kind of like

talking in CES Point here um and then

she's like okay yeah I needed to go to

the farmers market today like let's just

do that and it's like The Vibes are just

kind of off here right and so he's like

okay well like do you what do you want

to do before we go to the farmers market

so she's like yeah cool let's have sex

like not in a passive way I think she

was into it but then when he goes into

the bedroom he like just pushes Teddy

off the bed and she's like hey please

don't do that like please treat my

belongings with care right um and I

would I'd ask you not not be respectful

of my things in my space that you

haven't been in 1,000% like we don't

live together this this is her

place and he's like you're being

ridiculous like this is a bear you're

overreacting and she's like I'm not

being ridiculous I've spoken very calmly

and very kindly I've let you know that

this is something that bothers me I've

asked you not to do it I've asked you to

correct what you did and you're choosing

not to right and like that is what is

bothering me at this point is you like

not treating my feelings or my opinions

with care which is the theme right

because she asked him to stop hanging up

immediately she's asked him for more and

he's chosen not to give it 1,000% so she

just kind of like keeps holding this

boundar as he's like you're being

ridiculous and she's like I'm not being

ridiculous like thanks so much and he's

like all right well call me when you're

lonely and want dick later and just like

leaves

and she's like cool cool cool cool I'm

just going to go to the farmers market

and get my groceries yeah and then come

back so when she comes back it's very

sweet Aaliyah has like bought Teddy some

like sweatpants and t-shirts from the

farmers market that are all like branded

but she's like that way he'll have his

own clothes uh cuz I think he'd been

like using a pair of like Devon's old

sweatpants sort of energy

mm Teddy is absolutely surprised and

delighted that she like got him a gift

and that like she thought of him the bar

is real low for both of them like he's a

teddy bear so I get why the bar is low

for him but like with her I'm like

Aaliyah believe in the me that believes

in you girl I need I need

more are you okay clearly not clearly

not yeah no well and it's also funny

because as she gets back from the

farmers market like she's like showing

Teddy she's like this is like the spray

to use on uh fruits and vegetables to

clean them so he's like helping her like

put everything away and her mom calls

and I guess her mom is a mage who's like

gift is like having a really strong

Intuition or like knowing when

something's off so like calling because

she like felt like The Vibes were off

with Devon uh but in that way where like

Ali's like

yeah he surprised me and came home but

we had a stupid fight and he left and

her mom is like I never liked him for

you anyway and aiyah is like we didn't

break up Mom just had a fight and her

mom's like well maybe some things to

consider right it's not too late like so

the day I got married to my

husband or the day before I went to get

my hair done like you know whole

situation my hairdresser who's in jail

now I I don't think she's in jail she

did get arrested oh no no no it's a

different it's different it's different

MTI arrested it's different it's

different oh my

God but my favorite part is how

passively you started answering that

question before you realize that two of

your former hair stylists have been

arrested for various reasons yeah no

different different different one so

um like no I don't think oh [ __ ] no

she's not still in jail Jesus Christ

anyway no

anyhoo so I'm getting my hair done and I

was talking to my mom about my

ex that I had been with for many years

and blah blah blah blah blah and my

mom's like Oh yeah we never liked

him I was with him for 10 years Mom oh

my God 10 literally all through High

School all through

college and graduate school Hannah I'm

not beating that but last

night what so my parents are in town my

parents don't live in Georgia uh but

they do have a have a place here so they

were in town and we were hanging out

last night and as Vance and I are

walking to the door we were like at the

door to

leave my dad looks at my husband and

he's like Vance I just to

say I just really love you for Chelsea

and like you're such a great addition to

the family and just like it was like

actually a very kind very sweet

endearing moment but I was like what the

[ __ ] were you going to do man it's our

7year wedding anniversary this year and

we have a one and a half year- old Matt

and I just celebrated s months a few

weeks ago yes seven years seven years

what did I say seven months seven years

a few weeks ago wait Hannah I've known

you for several years so if you've only

been married for seven months you've

been burying the lead in a way that like

I don't know if we'll be okay

with like this might be the end I was

like have you been lying to me for years

seven years a few weeks ago yes

yeah well I also brought up last night

to my dad I was

like yeah do you remember when Vance and

I wearing engaged and like we had a

six-month engagement roughly we already

had like The Wedding Date book like

there were a couple things that had

already been planned

proactively so it's 3 months before the

wedding we're all at the lake for 4th of

July and I'm on a jet ski with my dad

just the two of us on this jet ski and

my

parents live on a pretty isolated remote

lake so he and I are just going down to

like the very end of the lake that is

even more isolated and remote and my dad

is just like shouting over his shoulder

he's like I really like Vance for you he

brings out good good things and just

like keeps going I'm

like Dad we're

engaged like and like not like yesterday

like right all deposits have been

paid I was like you would save the dates

have been sent invitations have been

sent at this point so I'm like are you

going to look at your wife my mother in

the eye and tell her that you just now

like it was just so funny I was like

yeah the ship has sailed my guy if you

didn't like him for me you probably

should have let me know yeah before we

got

engaged yeah my mom was like oh we never

liked him I was like when were you going

to tell us mom I was like why didn't you

tell me that and she goes well we just

kind of thought that maybe it wouldn't

be open to our opinion I was like okay

would you have been I was like I I don't

know but I was like how do you feel

about

Matt like okay not talking about the

dude from uh for the for those 10 years

that we dated but for the one that I'm

uh signing a legally binding contract to

today what are your thoughts concerns

any questions you know yeah oh my gosh

that is yeah wild well I I may or may

not have told you my mom Matt brought

Gizmo our dog who is paralyzed who he's

had before or we got together Brock

Gizmo when he met my parents I feel like

that would endear your parents to him

very much so Matt is has some some

tattoos that he got well incarcerated

and some other tattoos that are show how

many Insane Clown posy tattoos does your

husband have seven okay keep

going um you know and um you know random

things like that and I remember being

concerned because my mom is very um

Southern old school Christian kind of

situation I remember being a little

worried about like if she was going to

be cool and she said oh that must be a

really good man to take care of that

little dog like

that and so that was like the deciding

factor for that's a great deciding

factor and I will also say uh I dated

someone well dated people before my

husband as I'm sure you know big shock

there but the guy that I dated before my

husband my parents and my sister and

brother-in-law all very lovingly like we

had a conversation where they were like

he's very kind he's not your person he's

not it and it was a very difficult

conversation to go through um and they

were not wrong I knew it and just

like just holding on to it yes uh so so

we'll say I don't know if it's better or

worse cuz like having that conver like

that conversation [ __ ]

sucked but at the same time I'm like

grateful that they were like hey we love

you enough to like this isn't about us

this is like right but I also see where

you're like well we don't really know

how this is going to be received and

it's going to play out how it plays out

so we'll just love our daughter through

this journey yeah and hope we come out

the other

side where we all would like to be

like you know and we did yeah that's the

thing right you're like well it played

out how it was supposed to I just

remember sitting there with like foils

in my hair being like are you [ __ ]

serious like

what yeah and you're like but once again

the foils are in so how are we feeling

about Matt just double checking right

I'm stuck here for a minute so maybe

like Now's the Time my gosh

um all right so within all of this

Aaliyah then kind of has like a a

debrief with Teddy where like Teddy like

Can Tell She's like feeling some type of

way and feeling very conflicted and he's

like I can just be a stuffy like I I

won't be able to meet all of your other

needs but like if that's what you need

from me like yeah if I'm confusing you

yes like I can just be your your stuffy

but also like Teddy kind of points out

that like

Devon is selfish yeah and he's like it

seems like uh he doesn't want you to be

with other people when he's not here

because it's more of an ego thing for

him yeah and like it feels like maybe

y'all are are a bit of a Miss but like

once again like your relationship like M

you you do what you need but Aaliyah it

has now like given her enough thought of

like maybe I'm not happy maybe this like

hasn't been what I've wanted um

they nap again there's a lot of naps I

love that me too I'm like yeah so they

take a nap uh my notes say sexy times

incoming okay not incoming Georgia where

I live just incoming sure sure yeah

important clarifying Factor um I forgot

that people giggle when they

hear yeah coming Georgia um like I

forgot to point that like a friend who

lives in Missouri sent me a post where

like someone was like traveling through

Georgia and they were in a Walmart

that's like 5 minutes from my house that

like had all of these like coming mugs

and I was like I know where to buy those

that's right next door it's around the

corner I was like would you like one I

can send one to Missouri for you no

props the answer is yes I should I

should just send her a mug that would be

great uh

then

also like sexy times are incoming and

Aaliyah's like I want to come on your

hand and he's like okay like here are my

fingers girl go for it and she's like no

your whole hand inside of me so we're

fisting now so we're fisting and then uh

with her breeding King she like wanted

his like come as

lube so he like comes inside her

first okay with his dick with his dick I

was like wait does his fist suddenly

like you know with how this book has

been going that's a great clarifying

question no it was with his dick okay

okay okay uh but in that like no human

produces this much this is a paranormal

level mhm of

ejaculation I read a dragon alien

situation where there was like a whole

thing about like their belly would

expand with the amount of come and that

was like part of the king and like

yeah yeah a breeding Kink is never one

that I've personally experienced or had

any desire to

explore because I like in my head I was

like oh well is it like a just like a

[ __ ] kink like a semen Kink right uh and

sometimes a little bit yes maybe yeah

but I'm also like once again on the

Aaliyah to Devon

Spectrum I don't want to be drowning in

a PO of [ __ ] I don't want to be

distended distended with

[ __ ] no like i' like I hurt just thinking

about it yeah I get distended when I eat

gluten I don't need to add semen like

gassy come like no neither is good I

don't want either thank you it's not for

me he comes inside of her to use it as

lube he fists her he Tong his [ __ ]

her not

his I was like what the [ __ ] no I like I

was like hold on hold on that was my

that was my bad that was my bad okay he

Tong her [ __ ] got it okay he tongs

her [ __ ] as they're finishing there's

a knock at the door so she goes in her

robe to figure out who's there and it's

Devon and he's like oo like were you in

the middle of something and she's like

just finished like and like isn't

stepping back to like let him in right

and and he's kind of like yeah like I'm

sorry things got so out of control

earlier and just like tries to like walk

in and she's like well that's not a real

apology and he's like what do you what

do you mean I just apologized she's like

no apologies involve ownership of Your

Action in it and being like Oh so sorry

everything got so out of control it's

not the same as being like you

specifically asked me not to disrespect

this and I did it and like that

accountability yes accountability being

a big thing there and so it's just like

Devon's not really getting it it's

leading to increased

tension and like it kind of like comes

out in this conversation that he's like

yeah like I just liked having you wait

until I got home because you were always

so much more excited and like aggressive

and like I was into that more than

thinking of like her needs right

throughout all of

this uh yeah so just that kind kind of

shitty he's like I mean yeah we can like

make it just sexual instead and she's

like wait you'd be willing to throw away

our relationship just for like a casual

sexual

one seems like a little bit Yeah so just

like not yeah not a great long-term

partner sort of situation like he kind

of makes com he's like okay like good

luck and she's like I already have your

replacement lined up like this is not

this is a nonissue right yeah thank you

next but then when uh Aaliyah goes back

into the bedroom the bedroom is still

messy from like everything she and Teddy

had just been doing and like Teddy's

like laying where she left him and she's

like like Teddy is no longer sensient

she's like speaking to him oh cuz she's

like oh like maybe he just like didn't

like clean it up like that's fine cuz

like he can CLE like he just does all of

these things in his mind so like at one

point they like she needs to shower

she's like oh do you need a shower and

he's like I kind of just like think

myself clean and it happens so that's

kind of how he' been cleaning her space

this whole time was just like thinking

it clean but when she walks in she's

like oh maybe he just like didn't and

then when she's speaking to him what a

power I would love to think things clean

oh my God yes like I would love to

manifest that for sure so she's super

freaked out and uh it's like okay I'm

going to go in town and she's looking

for ma who's the Fay leader in town okay

also until this point we've like had no

real conversation about it being like

yes and that's why I I felt like this

book was almost a

prequel because I was like okay it feels

like it's setting it up for this like

Paranormal town it's like this is how

we're getting introduced to people I

don't know I was reading through the

author's list of Publications and was

was a little confused this is the only

one that I've read um so I'm not quite

sure how all of this plays out and if

other people in town have other books

but like she goes looking for Ma they're

like oh Ma's not at the diner she's had

a meeting with the fire chief the fire

chief is like a very kind man who's also

like the alpha of the local shifter pack

sort of energy that does feel like a

setup yes yeah and so she's like talking

to the Chief and it also seems like

she's talking like hypotheticals like

where there's like she doesn't want to

get in trouble for using her magic and

I'm like what what are the ramifications

I have no idea um but as she's like

talking to him and like well the

hypothetical like I

like was turned him sensient and now

he's not and I want to get my friend

back sort of energy and the fire chief

calls a guy named Kingston and is like

hey I have a young lady here who I think

may have been affected by the incident

this

week okay okay so like Kingston shows up

they explain the situation to

him um and Kingston's like oh yeah I can

recreate that spell so he like goes to

her house with her helps her recreate

the spell to keep Teddy this way

permanently and like says something

about like whatever he'd been whatever

Kingston had been doing earlier in the

week had like caused an uptick and

magical ability for the Mage population

huh so like her uh manifesting was a

little bit more potent I'd say than it

normally was okay so like a solar flare

yes like almost like a magic solar flare

is a how that it kind of seemed alluded

to okay um and he's

like there you go there you go Teddy's

here now if you need help getting him

papers so he can be a real human let me

know and I can help with that as

well and now Teddy's back and that's the

end that's the whole book

okay that is a journey

right the the look your face is giving

is like a it's a journey that I just

might need to sit and process for a

little bit to figure out how I feel

about it well because on one side it's

like okay so she just created the

perfect

man this wasn't like they found each

other no she like made a person yes she

had a teddy bear that she turned into a

human whose Soul existence was to make

her happy was yeah to be a comfort item

for her

and so she was like yeah this is a

better option than my boyfriend who

doesn't really always think of my needs

or

interest and now Teddy and I are in

love in a weird way I'm like good for

her like I know yeah no I actually do

like I felt the same where I was like

okay I respect you realizing what you're

worth realizing that the relationship

you were in was ultimately making you

unhappy and uh finding the freedom and

The Bravery to hold that boundary and

have that conversation yeah cuz I

absolutely say that as someone who like

dated someone for 10 months that like

every week I was like this is the week

like it's time to go The Vibes are off I

just need to end it and then 10 months

later we're still in it I'm like well

this is a me problem yeah he's not going

to end it he's very happy it's me that's

the problem here yeah and so like I

respect her like coming to that

determination over time but like I'm

like well if you hadn't have created the

perfect [ __ ] toy for yourself you'd

probably still be dating

Devin and I think that feels like a

weird thing to reconcile

right cuz there's this like I know my

worth do you but you didn't 12 hours ago

like yeah you didn't until you literally

had someone who was a comfort item who

then became human who still as a human

their sole ex reason for existing is to

provide you comfort in whatever way you

need

comfort but if you didn't have that I

don't think you would have left your

other

relationship well I think it's about the

level of comfort right because she was

comfortable with her ex and the dynamic

that they had until she understood that

like it could be different well it also

seems like she didn't necessarily

realize that her ex was being selfish

and kind of taking advantage of her and

that it was more like just about his

needs and ego versus her interest and

until it became a little more

like in his face and blatant that like

things weren't where how they had been

or how he wanted them to be right but I

will say to her credit and something I

forgot to mention was like in the

conversation that she's having with

Devon about the future of their

relationship he's like okay so you just

like want to break up with me if you

can't [ __ ] other people and she's like

no I'm I'm perfectly willing to like

wait until your contract is up and we

can navigate this together she's like

but I I can't do this long term like I

want someone who wants to watch my shows

with me and like has similar interest

yes she's like I want someone that like

I can go to the farmers market with and

so if you are willing to meet me there

I'm happy to have that conversation and

Devon like wasn't willing to meet her

there so it wasn't like she was just

like I know my worth I have a teddy bear

who [ __ ] me you're out like there was a

little more conversation to it for sure

right but but yes very interesting

because she essentially just like

created her perfect man

right and then was like well now that I

have him it's like Weird Science where

they make the perfect woman science you

know like I like

sorry science like that did not age well

you know what I mean like if you've seen

Weird Science it did not age well

no but this is feels weirdly

empowering I was in a A continuing ed

training last week where the uh trainer

made a passive reference that clueless

hasn't aged well and I didn't it hasn't

this was not a training that like I knew

anyone in this was not like anyone I

knew but I almost wanted to unmute

myself and be like but Paul red has hey

and like not the point of this training

it's a trauma training we'll stay there

did I tell you about the abene Abalone

incident I did didn't I

remind yes you did because abene Texas

yeah I was in a meeting and somebody

said they were from abalene Texas and I

was like isn't that a snail and somebody

was like that's an abalone it's a

mollusk also that is a person I want on

my trivia

team the thing is I had watching a lot

of Psych and I knew that it wasn't abene

was a mollusk I knew that but I was like

that's funny and I almost said when she

was like that's an abalone I was like

isn't that an Italian dessert like I was

so close and then I was like I instead I

just said I've heard it both ways and

only one person laughed it was very

awkward for me oh but as soon as you

said I've been watching a lot of Psych

my first thought was I've heard it both

ways yes I literally was like I did say

out loud like I've heard it both ways

and just left it but like yeah um dle

Hill is probably one of my celebrity

crushes 100% And His tap dancing is

incredible such a good dancer oh my God

yes shout out does not get enough

accolades or attention he does not get

enough credit no shout out to douay

sure the main dud is great too but like

James rode I was forget I was like I

forgot his last name I was like it's

James something rode Rod day yes because

it was

Rodriguez well I was going to say James

Rodriguez and I was like that's not

right but I'm forgetting where I'm going

astray here yeah but when he joined sag

there was already a James Rodriguez so

he changed it to rode um I just learned

that that's like Emma Stone oh really

she's an Emily oh and changed it with

sag H but there was a someone at a

recent press conference that called her

Emily and someone else was like it's

Emma and she was like my name's Emily

thank you cuz I guess she like made a

comment recently she's like I'm I'd love

to go by Emily like it's been weird

having my name change

um I was like a good for you girl yeah

reclaim your name but no that uh I

forgot the SAG aspect of James

Roode he's one of those that like much

like Alexis BL like English is not his

first language I think I don't think so

I'm pretty sure his his dad is from

Mexico I feel Spanish is his first

language cuz there was that uh Spanish

soap opera episode where you're like

you're a little too fluent and you're a

little too good at

that this doesn't feel like someone

faking a

bilingual biling willness the official

wording um all right what I shudder to

ask what is our ratings is it I was kind

of trying to avoid what it's going to

have to be four foot teddy bears right

it's going to have to be giant teddy

bears I refuse to make squirting dildos

our basis I I shudder to think what the

graphic that Vance would choose for that

would be LS oh my God so you're welcome

Vance it's teddy bears yeah we're going

teddy bears not squirting Doos we don't

want this episode to get pulled from the

interwebs which we still have to figure

out our Tik Tok Channel got like removed

like hardcore band removed I'm like we

had like two videos I I'm I have so many

questions yeah um yeah so we'll see if

we can get back on the Tik toks we

should we're working on our social media

presence in general we work full-time

jobs and I have a kid and Hannah has

like several animals that need a lot of

attention and love um so we try our best

we do what we can really but also it's

not really a deterrent like we love like

the we have like such solid yeah pretty

good Eng listeners and people that I'm

like oh like you you guys don't give a

[ __ ] if we're on Instagram and we love

you for it I was going to say we're very

grateful for y'all like yes keep us off

of social media and we'll love you even

more we'll get on it it's fine we but

truly like we do love to interact with

all of you on social

please let us know what books you want

to recommend it's funny because uh I

pulled up our like Tik Tok Channel

recently and like someone had like

commented and they were like clearly

responding to something very specific in

the episode and I was like I'm going to

have to go back and listen to this

episode again I have no idea what that

reference is this is great my sister

does that all the time she listens and

she'll text me like a comment on

something we said and I'm

like okay yeah I have some questions

about the things that I say yeah and

concerned sometimes and quite frankly

you we record multiple episodes in one

day and there are times that like I'll

forget what we said in the last episode

yeah um because there's only so much

smut that can keep that space right you

got to you got to let go of ice Planet

barbarians to make room for Teddy am I

right um so all right all that said

we're yeah teddy bears how many how many

teddy bears are out

of

75 oh okay oh well they're 4T tall we

need

fewer 50 out of yeah out of 50 Teddy

Bears

um I feel like there are a lot of

different rubrics that I could use sure

for this one i' say out of 50 teddy

bears I'd probably go

like 20 I was going to say 20 yeah 20

out of 50 4 foot teddy bears uh feels

accurate I do think it's a pretty

seamless read but like the there were a

few moments that I like know I'd pointed

out where I'm like wait what like she

was handcuffed and now she's not wait

what his arm around was around her was

it human or be I don't know like I think

there were some moments like that that

like needed a bit of polishing for me

sure um I I think is like an overall

premise it was very fascinating and I

haven't read anything like it um and so

I thoroughly enjoyed that aspect of

it I I do think that there were some

things that like probably needed to be a

little bit more fleshed out for uh for

more than than 20 yeah but

204t tall teddy bears is still a lot of

teddy bears just saying I was going to

say that that yeah that's a lot of teddy

bears like sure 50 is more no one's

going to dispute that 20 Bears is a lot

of [ __ ] Bears it's a lot of bears

yeah yes so 20 Bears is my final offer

um yeah let us know your thoughts I'm

personally still

processing and probably will be for a

while to be

honest um this yeah and I think that's

the thing like this one kind of stays

with you like not in a but not

necessarily like a good way or a bad way

just in like a

you know there's more to process like

it's a very neutral way I was going to

say in like a huh huh yeah yeah huh

that's how I felt reading it and so I'm

not sure if uh you're feeling that

because that was my experience of it and

I was so like maybe it would be

different yeah if you've read it let us

know more than 20 Bears less than 20

bears are the Bears of a different size

than the ones that we used we used ours

based on the books so if they if yours

are a different size maybe you read a

different book and then I have questions

was he 4 feet as a human as a human no I

don't think so oh my God I think that

was just as a bear I think as a human he

that just occurred to me I'm so

sorry I'm so

sorry no cuz I feel like that would have

been a bigger talking point yeah it was

it gave more of the who's the 6' three

Adis in front of me versus the like like

look at that V and those abs [ __ ] yeah

yeah yeah no I got you a little less of

the oh who's the cute little man is that

cutie yeah more Adonis and less of a

padding on the head yeah yes okay uh

noted oh my gosh sorry what a different

book that would have been sorry that's

so helpful to me okay I'm

glad so 20 out of 50 4ot tall teddy

bears not humans need to be very

specific and clear teddy bears are 4

feet humans are not for feet are

probably at least in this book six foot

plus sex Gods sure sure yes yeah um so

let us know how many teddy bears or sex

Gods you would read this book and we

can't wait to see you next time yeah

thanks y'all bye smut [ __ ]

bye well that's it for this week's smut

[ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it

sure was great for us if you're digging

what we're doing it would mean a lot if

you'd take a minute to rate and review

the show wherever you're listening right

now maybe tell that sexy someone to Lind

us an ear we love you we appreciate you

and we'll see you next week stay spoty

[Music]