Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Chelsey and

[Applause]

Hannah hey everybody and welcome to SM

club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this

is the podcast where we are two

therapists who sometimes drink sometimes

don't today is a drinking day we're not

sponsored by Boda box but it'd be a lot

cooler if we were it's a Ros day anyway

we drink while we review romance novels

of various caliber yep and yep caliber

the word the right word there yeah oh

yeah yeah felt like a synonym of where I

was trying to land well I thought you

were going to say like varying quality

yeah that's what my heart said and then

I changed it last minute and then went

oh I like that good both were fine yeah

you know it did work yeah could it have

been slightly

better isn't that my life motto though

things I should work through in therapy

myself there's always room for

improvement progress not Perfection well

it's like whenever I'm like doing my

like uh quarterly or like semiannual

like check-ins with my clinicians and

I'm like okay like how would you rate

your like on a scale of 1 to 10 how

would you rate your self-care and

they're always like you know like in

eight there's always room for

improvement but like when they're like

sitting there telling me they're like

yeah well I've been so intentional about

getting up and working out every day

clean mind clean space I've been like

hitting all of the things I took a two

week vacation to AR Ruba

like every self-care note on every level

you could hit and they're like but

there's always room for improvement so

not a 10 and I'm like why are we all so

unkind to ourselves all the time just

thinking I'm like oh God if that's an

eight yes [ __ ] that's an expensive eight

I know right if a Ruba is in there I'm

counting it as a 10 yeah there's

international travel yeah um really a

twoe vacation of any kind

yeah you're not wrong yeah all right all

that said what book are we reviewing

today today we are reviewing a not so

meat cute by Megan

Quinn yes I think I've read this one

this is the is this one of the cane

Brothers ones yes this is the eldest

cane

brother I don't necessarily remember

their age so instead I'm going to say is

this the first Kane brother this is the

first Kane brother I was like I I know

there are three cane Brothers this is

the this is the first one who was also

the eldest well it doesn't really matter

that's so funny because I feel like I

would have gotten that

wrong like in my head I was like I

thought the third book was the eldest

and I was like but why I have nothing to

back that on and you've clearly read it

more recently than I have I have listen

I knew it was a cane brother yeah you

did nailed it and I'm very proud of that

you nail okay so a not so meet cute a

not so meat cute so we have

lahy who is our main lady and the book

starts with her getting fired by her

best friend so this is like a recurring

theme through the book that this friend

is more of like a friend ofy and has

been super toxic for the entire time

they've known each other which is since

they were children like middle school

high school age I forgot about the

shitty friend and um

she so essentially she had hired lahi to

work for her in her business and told

like at a a low pay and told her that

once she was with her a year as long as

she like grew the business and you know

whatever all the things that met her job

description right that she would get a

bonus and she would get a significant

pay increase blah blah blah well it's

her one year and so lah thought she was

getting her bonus and promotion and what

she got was

fired so she what a shitty business

model know right so she had been like

planning to move out cuz she's been

living with her mom and her stepdad and

she had all these plans for this money

and everybody in her family had told her

not to work for Angela who's the friend

because she's such a freaking nightmare

and she didn't listen and so she is now

distraught because she doesn't want to

tell anybody that like this happened a

bit mortified for the uh for the

upcoming I told you so yes and Angela

has like no Insight that she has just

like torpedoed their whole relationship

because their like high school reunion

or something is coming up and she's like

oh but you're still going to help me

plan that right and like we'll still get

brunch next week that's so funny cuz I

feel like I remember when it's it's been

a while since I've read it I didn't

interpret it as Angela having no Insight

that's so much Kinder I interpreted it

as her just being that big of a [ __ ]

that she was like I know just fired

you uh but I am still going to ask all

of these things of you I think it was

like that level of narcissism that she

thinks that she's so amazing that she

can treat people however she wants like

to the point where she even that makes

sense and this is like a throwaway

detail in the book it's not even in my

notes but she had even like stolen L's

boyfriend and like it like in high

school no like recently like

Angela was actively dating forgot about

that yeah so it's

like gross Power Trip yes ladia want

more for yourself girl like why are you

continuing to be friends with someone

who treats you like [ __ ] at this level

yeah like weirdly No Boundaries when

someone shows you who they are the first

time believe them them believe yes she

didn't believe and then she got smacked

with it real hard two or three times

yeah at this point I'm a little bit like

hey l or three times it's been like two

or three times in the last year and

you've known her for how long this is

not brand new information girl negative

so that's all the prologue so then

that's just the prologue that's just the

prologue because it sets up our whole

story right so then it's dual point of

view then we go to Huxley Huxley Kane um

and so he is really struggling because

he can't close this deal that he's been

working on he owns like a major real

estate company or something I don't know

it doesn't really matter what business

he can't close the deal and um the Kane

Enterprise Kane Enterprises I feel like

they I don't know what we're

enterprising but all the things they're

far-reaching yes they they're

Diversified they and they keep looking

to diversify more but in a way where I'm

like it's like a that one book that we

did where it was like the Mafia One and

like what does he do and we're like

General cry

right right we're like we have no I have

no idea what this man does outside of

General crime Captain crime 100% yes

literally so this is just general

business so what do you do Huxley

business General mind yours like

literally okay so so huxley's out here

doing General business and he cannot

close this deal and his brothers are

like listen dude you are such a cold

fish this guy like wants to know you

like he's clearly a guy you can get a

drink with you do not give that energy

like you're way too cold yeah you're

looking for like a hear the hard number

sort of business deal and this dude is

more of like a I make deals on the golf

course sort of energy right it's like if

the vibe is right the deal is good

whereas Huxley is like if the numbers

make sense we're good to go and his

brothers are like you are not

approachable bro like he doesn't trust

you whatever whatever so Huxley is

getting more and more irritated so he

winds up like going out of the office to

pick up lunch or something and he runs

into the guy on the street his name is

Dave he runs into Dave and realizes he's

with his fiance Ellie who is also

pregnant so meets her whatever and for

some reason words come out of huxley's

mouth that include but are not limited

to I also have a fiance who is also

pregnant she's also from Georgia because

Ellie is from Georgia oh my God and just

creates One Lie y any he just kept

building on that lie my girlfriend's

from

Georgia yep I have a

fiance she is also pregnant we didn't we

didn't need the Triple Crown of Lies

here no but we went for it we sure Wy

yeah and um so then Dave is like oh my

God that's amazing

This Is the personal connection I was

waiting for before a business deal we

should get together for dinner on

Saturday which is 4 days from today and

Huxley is like cool cool cool cool cool

cool cool

[ __ ] oh no I've made a mistake do I have

4 days to find a pregnant fiance from

Georgia yep yep and and that's what he

has he has 4 days to find a pregnant

fiance from

Georgia so we're back to lah

and she is avoiding telling her mom and

stepdad that she got fired and she's

trying to come up with another plan

trying to think of like how can I make

more money how can I move out cuz her

mom and stepdad are super excited to be

empty nesters and they're like ready for

her to go she's like 28 I think um and

um she was supposed to move out at the

end of the week so she calls her

sister um for an emergency planning

meeting of like what the [ __ ] do we do

next now I don't I know you're super

close with your sisters and like I am

close with my sister but I got to say if

I called my sister and was like this is

my situation she'd be like you done

[ __ ] up chel like yeah there wouldn't

really be a lot of like okay how are we

going to get you out of this no and be

like would you like me to hand you a

shovel cuz like I am not digging you out

like it's like oh I'm sorry let me set

my 5 minute timer so I can talk all the

[ __ ] I need before I just go okay

well thanks for the entertainment I mean

my sister's a very kind and loving

person so like I know she would help me

with like real things but just like one

of these where I'm like this is on you

girl great hang babe good luck

like also I was thinking lahy and Huxley

and like Megan Quinn always goes for

like not the most obscure names you've

ever heard but they're all like I was

reading a synopsis for a book yesterday

and it was like the characters names

were Caitlyn and Owen oh so they're

white

sorry what gave it

away yeah it it was one of those where I

was like I'm reading these

names and I'm like they're they're

perfectly great normal names that but

it's just one of those from like oh have

I been reading too much like Megan Quinn

or like people I'm like weird fantasy

situ do you remember that post where the

girl was like when you're reading

fantasy and it's like and I start my

adventure

with and blah and Steve and

Steve so my friend I was with a friend

last night we were hanging out and she

was talking about how her family all her

family loves Dune and she cannot

understand she's never read the book

she's only seen the movies and she was

like I just I don't understand and she's

going on and on about the Ms and about

the the spice and all this other [ __ ]

whatever on and on and on and she goes

and frankly his name is

Paul and just like like that was a big

point and then just she like sneered the

name Paul and I was like I'm so sorry

and she's like where is the Bilbo of it

all [ __ ] Paul She was like so upset that

he had like a regular name in this like

fantasy world

if I'm ever needing more magic in a book

I'm just going to go where's the Bilbo

of it all right she's like come

on Paul Paul okay so L calls her sister

Kelsey and um she is like trying to come

up with all these options and she keeps

like shooting down all the options she

can think of like um becoming a stripper

asking her ex for job like whatever

whatever and so um Kelsey is like just

call your ex like Ken will give you a

job blah blah blah does her ex do I

don't know I know more General business

fair but it's more like like um Sergeant

business like like Kane is definitely

above it's not General business it's

Sergeant is this Colonel business is

this

yeah oh this is some Lieutenant business

this is like festar General

business

so lahy decides she's going to troll for

a rich husband in the very rich

neighborhood that's right next to

hers and so um Kelsey is like just move

in with me like none like what are you

even doing with your life like come on

now Kelsey lives in like a studio shoe

box there's really actually not space

for her and so L is like listen I'm

going to troll for a rich husband mind

your own business I know I came to you

for Solutions and your solution was live

with me while you figure it out right

instead I'm going to go find a rich TR

for some rich strange yeah basically

so back to H Huxley his brothers are

[ __ ] livid because it's not just

lying about having a relationship this

is their integrity on the line like if

this gets out nobody is going to take

them seriously well yeah it's it's Kane

Enterprises it's not just like Huxley

Enterprises there are other people

involved here exactly exactly and they

employ a lot of people so this is like

this is a really big deal um and so um

they're like just tell the guy the truth

like just be honest and he's like well

no I can't do that I'm going to lose the

deal because all Huxley cares about at

this point is closing this deal

and so um Huxley is like I'm just going

to go for a walk I'm going to clear my

mind like I'm done with you people um

and then he literally runs into a little

BR brunette on the sidewalk like smack

into her and um so he he goes on a walk

to clear his head and figure out where

he's going to find a pregnant wife a

pregnant yeah fiance from V from Georgia

not Virginia nope Georgia yep Tre City

to be exact yeah oh that's so funny

yeah well you know Peach Tree City is

both large enough and small that's kind

of the perfect it is kind of yeah yeah

and she like throws in random things in

there about like fville and stuff and I

was like why but okay all right like

Megan are you from Georgia and I missed

it yeah did you just look up a map about

cool facts from Georgia did you say

what's close to Atlanta but not like and

then you saw those two things and were

like cool cool cool cool cool or like

say no more right I know what to do

here did you fly into the Atlanta

airport and then go for a quick jaunt

during your layover I don't know but

anyway I have questions if that's where

you you jaunt yeah you jaed oh my flight

are our layover had a slight DeLay So I

just popped over to Peach Tree City

really fast you jaunted in the wrong

direction but anyway um so this little

brunette is very sassy um and tells him

that she's looking for a rich husband

for her High School reunion um she's

lost in the neighborhood I mean she's

just like babbling like telling him all

this information so she got lost in the

neighborhood while she was on a walk her

phone is dead um and so he lets her use

his so she can figure out where she is

to get home and he seizes the

opportunity and is like hey

you seem like a person who is also

desperate in a similar way would you

like to go to

Chipotle Chipotle yeah of all places um

and he's he's going to go for it so um

he goes she walked right into me how

convenient is this nailed it want some

guac I'll even pay extra that is an a

recurring theme because lahti has a lot

of feelings about charging extra for

guac

um but anyway so Kelsey is L sister is

like you are going to be murdered and

she direct quote he's not going to

murder me at a place that charges extra

for

guac

yeah so um they sit down they're

starting to get to know each other and

um he's very sweet and charismatic and

he tells her that he needs a fake fiance

and he'll go to her reunion and do

whatever else she wants right whatever

you want cuz I really need this to

happen and as she's sitting there she's

like this is actually insane like this

was a very stupid idea I should have

been applying for jobs she's like what

the [ __ ] it's like she has this like

Moment of clarity where she's like not

like the this is so insane I should do

it but like that this is so insane I

just need to get my life together think

about my choices like why am I wasting

time at Chipotle with this [ __ ]

like I should be apply like I should be

on indeed like what and so she's like

thank you but no thank you I'm out and

leaves and um she gets home Huxley has

sent her flowers that's like please

reconsider and she's like he s them that

quickly yes it was like a couple hours

later she had flowers and so she's like

how did he know where I lived oh my God

and so she gets like real freaked out um

and does the internet

exist she used his phone to look up

where she was in relation to her house

she plugged her address I know right I

was like lahy baby

girl if you were going to be murdered it

wouldn't have been at the Chipotle it

would have been in your home because you

gave him your [ __ ] address in that

mental status exam I'm just like Insight

judgment and impulse control are po

poor so um Huxley is then operating

under the assumption that he's going to

get lahi to agree so even though she has

flat out said no he tells Dave What She

Likes from Chipotle and says that's what

her pregnancy cravings have been and

tells him her name is lahy and all this

other [ __ ] and his brothers are sitting

there like dude what the [ __ ] like stop

digging why are you like this and so um

also obviously they're the two that it's

the dual point of view so we know how

the book will ultimately end but it's

one of those where I'm

like the audacity was on sale that day

like she turned me down flat out and I

am going around being like have you met

me I'll get her to reconsider yeah have

you met my fiance lahy like seriously

she likes the guac right right she's

into the burrito bowls with chicken

extra guac like what what

sir sir and there's even this whole

thing where he's throwing in these

details from their lunch together like

her full name because she said he says

her name is lahy and Dave's like oh is

that short for charet and he's like no

it's short for leisel lot which is

actually her name which is true I

remember that and he like but don't ever

call her that cuz she really hates it

and he's like I am nailing it with the

details and his brothers are sitting

there being like we didn't know until

this moment that our brother is a

psychopath right they like who the [ __ ]

is L like what is happening so um he

decides he's just going to show up at

L's

house so that's what he does he shows up

at her house un announced with I mean at

this point what other choice does he

have he's dug himself in this deep so

deep like so incredibly deep and so um

he just ambushes her and her mom being

the sweet lovely woman that she is

invites him to stay for dessert and lahi

is not having it and so Huxley is like

100% taking advantage of the fact that

her mom is like lahy like don't be rude

this is your boyfriend L's like oh my

God

like I I don't know if I'm as chill as

L's mom uh no if my kid who's been

living with me right had a secret

boyfriend I think they said for like 3

months they've been seeing each other

but the excuse was like Huxley is in the

Limelight a lot and he doesn't have a

great reputation when it comes to dating

and so lahti wanted to keep it quiet

while they were getting to know each

other like that was the whole story he's

fun or whatever well he's spit in a lot

of stories so may as well yeah just add

it to the list at this point

and so um he is so desperate that he's

like listen I will do whatever it takes

he finally gets her a loan and he's like

I will pay off all your student loans I

will get your sister who owns a small

business I will get her a meeting with

Kane Enterprises she's like an organizer

or something like a

green organization or something like

that right right he's like I will get

her a meeting with Kane Enterprises she

will be responsible for all of our

offices which is like a ton of them this

would be a huge contract for her like I

will get her a meeting um I will go to

your reunion with you I will do all of

these things and she finally agrees

because of how it will help

Kelsey um because she's like that's

going to make a huge difference for her

like she's already kind of on the cusp

of big success like this would really be

it so she agrees so lah winds up moving

in with Kelsey and it is a very tight

space which includes L having to sleep

on the floor like the space is

so it's so small there's not even room

for a second twin bed like it's that

tight in there um and um lah is freaking

out because she realizes that she did

not read the contract or the NDA that

Huxley sent over um and so her sister

keeps being like what about this claw in

there and she's like

what so Kelsey knows all of the details

right also signed in NDA because she's

been aware of the whole thing from the

very beginning so they had her in on the

NDA as well and so she's like did you

seriously not read it and she's like

isn't it just like standard stuff and

she's like no you should always read

what you signed you're 28 years old like

babe come

on so that is something we all could

probably stand to get better at or maybe

I'm projecting that on everyone else

because I could defin itely stand to get

better at it and I want it to be a

normal situation and not just me um I

would like to believe that if I was

signing a contract that some Rando gave

me to be their Fake Fiance that I would

I would read that one very thoroughly

yes because she starts to realize like

she just she's like I don't know what

our story is like I don't know how long

we've supposedly been together I don't

know how we met I don't know anything

like I know this man's name is Huxley

Kane full stop like that's all I got and

I know his Chipotle order

right yeah like if you're accepting the

updated terms and conditions for Candy

Crash it probably feels a little bit

different uh maybe it shouldn't maybe I

should also read those justce you know

but I'm like I do feel like this

contract I would uh yeah read in

detail I would hope that I would yeah um

but I also like that neither of us has

has fully claimed we're like we would

we're like I'd like to believe that

should I ever find myself in that

circumstance I would make a better

decision and the extraordinarily

unlikely event that I for some reason am

a Fake

Fiance which would require a whole host

of other prerequisites for me to be in

that situation Matt would have a lot of

questions he would have a lot to say I

think um although if they were going to

pay off both of our student loans he'd

probably be

like okay

well when you say it like that you know

I'm not gay but 20's 20 is that the old

quote Oh but I can tell you I won't

touch tongue to tip for

[Laughter]

500 I should go back and rewatch I'm

sorry soon yes you should so good so

anyway Huxley shows up to the apartment

and is a ma massive douchebag like the

guy from Chipotle is long gone the guy

from dessert with her mom long gone all

business like straight to the point Y

and he's like dictating what she's going

to wear and how she's going to do her

makeup and her hair and she's like what

the [ __ ] and he's like did you not read

the contract because there's a clause in

there I get to

choose what you wear when you're

representing me

right and so then

she he realizes they're like basically

on top of each other and he's like

you're just going to move in with me

this is really stupid oh like just when

he got to the apartment and was having

this conversation saw how small the

space was that they were like on top of

each other I was thinking like a sexual

tension moment for a second where he's

like and he realized they were on top of

each other and I was like oo I don't

remember this at all and I'm like oh

just in the the studio apartment he's

like oh this is small I've got extra

space he's like you're not going to

sleep on the floor I have seven bedrooms

My Fake Fiance isn't going to sleep on a

correct studio apartment floor yep um so

he has seven bedrooms

why great question good sir you are

single yeah living alone and like in the

way in which you supposedly have so much

money it's not like you're like okay

well like this bedroom became a study

this bedroom became a art studio it's

like this is a gym it's like no you

already have all of those as other rooms

so the [ __ ] are you doing with seven

bedrooms it feels so excessive it is

extremely excessive so especially cuz he

doesn't seem like the sort of dude who's

like I bought this house cuz I want to

have a family with 15 children right

well and like this is like the

neighborhood to be in I guess in this

town so maybe that was part of it and

his brothers also have houses like on

the same street I think so maybe it was

more of like a location it's just more

of like a billionaire mcmansion Lane

sort of energy yeah I think so um um

sorry I didn't need to be that

judgmental it just felt like a a lot of

space for one man it's very excessive I

feel like I would get lonely living in a

house that large by myself I think that

he is lonely I think he lacks the

insight into understanding that he is

lonely his anger and irritability

towards everyone is really because he

has some unmet needs cuz he sad he's a

sad boy a I know my husband one point at

one point looked at me he's like see you

just love collecting the sad boys you

like taking all of them under your wing

and

just keeping your sad boy

safe I was like what no I just have

friends with a lot of feelings they're

all

musicians I was like I hear it now yeah

she said no I see it whoops I said this

is great Insight I didn't previously

have into myself I did not ask for it

either but but here it is and isn't that

the beauty of marriage listen Insight

you did not ask for about yourself oh

God that is very necessary and helpful

like how Matt told me that even though

he injured himself he didn't want me to

stay home with him because I would

probably bother him too much trying to

take care of him I learned that about

myself and that's a fresh learn that's a

learn we're still processing in case you

can tell by both my tone and slight

sneer I am slightly resentful about this

new information I learned night

traditional context Matt accidentally

fell while walking their blind dog

yesterday and injured himself but like

in in a real way yeah um but also in a

way that like probably I don't know he's

he's 40 right like yeah he knows how to

sit on a couch and nurse an injury yeah

he he knows how to take a Tylenol yeah

he does and yet I needed to be there to

ensure that he took the Tylenol and

you're like but what if the Tylenol

doesn't kick in right what will he do

then what then what if he's hungry and

can he can still use both arms to make

something but what if I'm not there to

make sure that he makes something what

if he needed to lift it and he only has

one arm to lift it and the sandwich is

incredibly heavy you get it

love learning about myself I love it so

much I love it so much yeah to the point

where he sent a text message saying hey

babe I fell and I hurt myself followed

immediately by because I was at a

friend's house followed immediately by

this does not mean you need to come home

please stay where you

are love you too

honey did you stay where you were or did

you go home I stayed I stayed I checked

on him regular

see I feel like Vance is now at the

point where he just like wouldn't tell

me until I like called on my way home or

I would have been livid yeah and then

he'd be like hey just like wanted to

like put this on your radar I'm fine if

if I weren't fine I would have told you

earlier I like I feel like yeah I feel

like Vance doesn't believe I would stay

even if he told me I'm fine stay where

you are I'd be like okay well until I

see you I'm going to have to check well

he told me he was totally fine and then

he was like I may need your help getting

my shirt off when I texted him and said

I was coming home I was like are you

[ __ ] kidding

me I'm fine I'm fine I can't remove my

clothing unassisted but I'm fine I can't

lift my left arm at all but you know all

good whatever it's like a Monty Python

he's like T but a scratch is but a flesh

wound yes correct and you're like you

can't take your shirt off and he's like

it's not a problem I didn't need it off

right now it's all good I didn't need it

off right now and when I needed it off I

could have taken it off yeah it's a

nonissue I could have done it with a

shimmy whatever okay where were we oh

Huxley has the large house and he was

like hey come live with me you're not

going to live on your sister's floor yes

he's having his staff move all of her

things from her sister's house into his

house while they are at this din so they

go okay and they are just quietly

sniping at each other all night like

doing that thing where you like lean in

to like whisper a sweet nothing but what

they're actually saying is you're the

worst [ __ ] person I've ever met in my

life and I hate you so much and but

saying it with like stars in their eyes

for the couple across from them 100% got

it um and Lotti does like an incredible

job of selling the whole thing oh and I

forgot he tells her on the way to the

dinner that she's also pregnant he left

that part out she didn't know he left

that part out yeah so she's like are you

[ __ ] serious she's like oh my God she

like I can't even drink during this

thing correct so

um she tells hugley like that he is a

dead fish because he is giving her

nothing she's like I'm putting on the

performance of my life out here and you

give me nothing and um she mocks him and

she's like listen if this is because you

have a teeny weeny and you need me to

make you feel bigger I can do that um

clearly you don't know how to use it

it's okay if it's tiny if you know how

to use it like she's just provoking him

all night maybe that's why I I don't

remember this super well cuz like as

you're saying it I like I don't love

like the the provoking unnecessarily

like biting Petty sort of like yeah they

do it back and forth to each other a lot

and it's really like

it hurts me in my heart yeah like it

doesn't feel like fun and light-hearted

it feels like mean and pointed like a

little hateful yeah like like the things

that when people are like no I was

saying that as a joke and you're like

you but you weren't but no one's

laughing no one is it wasn't funny so

regardless she does a great job the

dinner goes really well and they get

back to his place after dinner and um

they're in separate rooms but he told

that her that they still have to pretend

to be engaged the whole time for their

staff like only one of his staff really

knows that they're not actually engaged

she's like why are we in separate rooms

and he's like oh we're trying to be

celibate before the wedding or something

really stupid with my pregnant fiance

yep okay um and his staff unpacked all

her stuff including her sex toys that

they just like left out on the dresser

so she does stuff like um stroking her

dildos and stuff in front of him to try

to like get a reaction because he's so

flat um and um yeah it's just a lot of

like he took all her clothes so she

wears the skimpiest pajamas she can find

to breakfast the next morning and like

things like that to

likeing things just super petty stuff

really and so

um he is distracted by how hot she is

but is keeping really strong boundaries

because this is a business relationship

blah blah blah um and he has paid all

her student loans off like she gets the

notification and she's like woo like

okay um and so uh she starts working

with her sister in her business and

um they're having a meeting and it turns

out it's with Huxley and his brothers

but Kelsey didn't tell lah that and

lahti didn't ask Kelsey was like hey we

have a meeting and kelse or L was like

cool cool cool and then they get there

and she's like oh my god oh this

meeting's with my fiance My Fake Fiance

uh yep and so she's painfully awkward

because she doesn't know who these men

are with him doesn't know if she's

supposed to pretend like they're engaged

and she it's just a very gross awkward

interaction um and and I'm assuming well

and assuming and like vaguely from what

I remember cuz it's been a long time

since I've read this but like then like

not really showcasing or setting her

sister's business up for Success which

was like the whole point and kind of

like ruins the meeting she absolutely

ruins everything and biffs it so hard

that's what my notes say biffs it so

hard so he kicks everyone out of the

room after this super awkward

interaction and um then he's like hey so

because you behaved so unprofessionally

and didn't even know who you were

meeting with we now no longer have time

to hear your pitch so meeting

cancelled and she is really mad at him

about it and her sister is like you did

this like this wasn't Huxley you did

this yeah like you might not like his

response and saying we don't have time

but like that response was in direct

relation to your actions and behavior Y

and her sister really calls her out like

does not let her sit in this like be mad

at Huxley moment she's like no this was

all you babe like and just is like I'm

not I'm not speaking to you quite

frankly it's Kelsey's business like yes

lah could have just sat there quietly

and let Kelsey run the whole thing like

she wasn't needed for it and this could

have been like a major turning point for

Kelsey's career like this wasn't just

like a fun little thing like that she

set up with Huxley this was really

serious and so Kelsey is incredibly hurt

that she did that um what they don't

know is Huxley actually feels really bad

um there was like a a crisis that

happened people were hurt in one of his

buildings and so he was going to take

care of it it wasn't just that like oh

had when he said we no longer have time

to hear your pitch it's because there

was an actual crisis happening it wasn't

just him

proving a point and being a dick okay

well that makes me feel a little bit

better cuz I think I'd forgotten that

yeah yeah that does make it a little bit

different um but he doesn't tell lahti

that so um yeah right that's still I was

I was like oh that makes it better but

not if she doesn't realize that so like

he just communicated it to his brothers

letting her but like to her letting her

think that like you [ __ ] this up so

now we can't hear more of it even though

his brothers know that's not the case

yeah but like Kelsey doesn't know that

correct so at dinner cuz he insists that

they eat breakfast and dinner together

so at dinner that night lahia is like

completely shut down and like not

because she realizes now that like she

really [ __ ] up and she's really

embarrassed about her behavior because

Huxley also called her out he was like

you should know who you're having a

meeting with

like you should have done research into

this you walked into this meeting

completely unprepared why would my

business do business with yours like why

would we make a deal with you one thing

that I will say in question because it

has been a while Kelsey should have yeah

I'm like it Kelsey just told her like we

have a meeting in an hour get ready and

gave her no context right so I do feel

like like maybe if she'd had more time

to go into it yeah but also did she ask

she didn't ask she never asked okay yeah

cuz she's very self-centered through

this whole thing like all about what

she's going through and that's part of

why she show so shut down is because

she's like stuck on realizing like yeah

like maybe been a little

egocentric um so and Huxley is it's like

both of them are I feel like I'm just

like

not I no point have I been rooting for

them no me either it's yeah they are not

people who are in the best moment in

their lives when we meet them you know

so there's

that just had to finished my wine a

moment ago and uh slung it all back

there honestly we might need to take a

wine break because once again we're not

sponsored by BX it would be a lot cooler

if we were um so after dinner she like

just gets up and kind of walks away and

he pins her to the wall and starts

fingering

her yeah I remember that going from 6:00

to midnight yeah it was like uh what and

then she has an orgasm and he's like we

will reschedule your

meeting and like that's the extent of

the interaction wait does he tell her

that there was a

crisis does he like ever give her that

additional context no he doesn't Kelsey

does the next day because his assistant

called to reschedule the meeting and she

explains the assistant explains to

Kelsey what happens so Kelsey then tells

lahy

and she's like oh I might have been a

little bit of a dick because again

egocentric and didn't consider that

maybe something else was going on for

him I made it all about him punishing me

cuz it's all about me um right and it's

this weird thing where I'm like you did

make it all about you and he didn't tell

you or give you context to have any

insight otherwise right so like no one

is

entirely at fault here but also no one

is entirely blameless here correct yeah

okay sorry it's just I'm I'm starting to

remember more and more how much I like

wasn't rooting for them I forgot how

much I wasn't until I started outlining

it and then I was like oh balls like I

got like halfway through outlining and I

was like oh man well we're here now but

I did like the story like and there were

a lot of fun Parts which include the

lamas class that Huxley takes her two

with Ellie and

Dave um and um I have had a whole last

kid and I did

not take a Lama's class and I feel like

everyone kept asking if I was going to

take a

class and I I'm not minimizing Lamas at

all but I kep I was like I've been a

yoga instructor for a decade I know how

to breathe yeah I can figure this out

and just never went to a class well but

like YouTube exists like I'm sure I can

like watch a cool 5 minute video on how

to breathe practice that a few times

yeah and I know they give like more

helpful tips and insight and Fe it's

lots of practice and partner building St

but I will also say I was kind of like

listen any plan anything that I try and

prep for it's just going to go out the

window anyway yeah I'm going to show up

to the

hospital going to have a

kid I'm going to leave with the kid

it'll all work itself out like I was

like I should probably be it'll work

itself out yeah it will when they when I

got to the hospital they were like do

you have a birthing plan and I was like

to have a kid literally that was my I

like to to have a baby and they're like

but like more a birthing plan with more

detail like in Brooklyn 99 where it's

like talking a berry white Voice or

whatever I forgot about

that yeah I was like okay so like

uh if I get an epidural or I don't get

an epidural I don't get an award right

like doing it unmedicated and I still

take the kid home yeah and they're like

yeah and I go no birth plan we'll just

figure this out as we go epidural it up

thanks but the drugs please send those

immediately yeah and they were like well

we need to hook you up onto an IV first

and like go through a b and I was like

okay well if we could do that now um

ready yeah

I'll tap it for you I'll get my veins

all warmed up oh the tattooed side is a

little too hard okay I got my right arm

we have options like go through my hand

if you have to just make it so even the

anesthesiologist was like do you have

any questions and I was like should

I and he's like well not really and then

I go o actually I do have a question and

he goes oh yeah what is it shoot and I

go is it true that if you have a ramp

stamp tattoo you can't get an

epidural and he's like that's your

question I was like yeah I I I feel like

I was told that a lot growing up like

and he's like yeah that's not true at

all like absolutely can still do an

epidural and I was like huh I wonder if

that was just like a '90s mom thing to

scare you from having tattoos and my

nurse goes my mom said it too so that we

having a whole bonding moment over and

the anesthesiologist is just like well

if you don't have any real questions I'm

going to leave right so now you know

that for your next trivia night I'm

going to go

like I was like am I having a kid right

is this how this normally goes I get a

baby at the end right and it's funny

that you mentioned uh Brooklyn 99 cuz

that's literally I was laying on the bed

on my side with a epidural and I had the

little like peanut ball between my legs

and then like cool we got to flip you

and I was watching Brooklyn 99 and had

the laptop on like the little tray cart

thing so my nurse would flip me and then

my husband would just move the cart with

the laptop to the other side of the bed

and I just like laid in the hospital

watching Brooklyn 99 until they told me

it was time to push and I was like

okay I love that I'm like is this not

what this is like for most people

apparently not no it was a very

experience not chill enough that I

necessarily want to jump into having any

more children uh but as seamless as a

process as it as it could be all things

considered um I can appreciate that yeah

so that's the really long way of saying

Lamas tell me more cuz I missed it well

so it turns out it's not Lamas it's a

birthing class but in this birthing

class the instructor whose name is

heaven um has I know what sort of

birthing class this is yeah yep it's

very La is what it is cuz P.S we in

La she has them mimic the positions they

were in for

conception and like pulsing into each

other and like making a lot of eye

contact I have to say that was not in my

birthing plan nor did that happen

between the episodes of Brooklyn 99 at

no point in the hospital was anyone like

Vance if you could thrust on Chelsea a

little bit this would really move the

process

along what yeah so there're supposed to

be like building a connection in with

their partner [ __ ] I had a connection

with my partner that's how I got here

like that's literally how we found

ourselves in this position like okay

thank you so oh my gosh lah is like

babbling it up and

intentionally gets Huxley hard to [ __ ]

with him and the one of my favorite

things is like the instructor calls them

Lonnie and

Hanley and so that they like

sarcastically call each other Lonnie and

Hanley randomly throughout the book

which is kind of funny um and then um my

notes say they see Dave's boner because

Dave also got hard and then just stood

up loud and proud about it and they're

like

like oh my God like this is lowkey

traumatizing we thought we were going to

a like a birth breathing class and now

they're having us mimic the positions

that got us into our pregnancy they're

like what is this weird orgy I didn't

sign up for

this I I don't know how I would do in

that class if I if I went in not knowing

oh I would be deeply awkward yeah it's

like that be like I don't know what to

do with my hands well no it's like that

time I told you I was at the like House

show and there was like the hug Circle

and I was like how do I get out of this

I didn't know this was happening I was

like can I slowly back out of the

room Ricky Bobby right like I don't know

what to do with my hands I feel like I

would be like so listen I know you won't

believe me I know how to have sex but

like I'm not going to show you because I

don't know what to do with my hand leave

you me I know how to do the things

you're wondering if I know how to do

yeah I can do them and possibly more but

but I don't I don't recall where I put

my hands when I do

[Music]

that and possibly more I'm sorry I'm

stuck on

it I can do all of those sex things you

mentioned and possibly more it's going

to go on a t-shirt not all of

them there's always room to grow we come

back to sounds like my prom night

there's

okay anyway so Dave stands up loud and

proud and they're like what the [ __ ]

birthing class is this yep and then

they're like insisting on going out to

ice cream after it's just all deeply

awkward not like all of them right just

like Dave and Ellie or like the whole

class goes out Dave and Ellie for a

communal scoop like okay so now that

we've all seen each other have sex

yeah now that we've all gotten uh front

row seed I was going to say

lubricated

collectively yeah and then I was like I

really hate the wording but I can't find

better wording now that I've seen what

the outline of your dick looks like in

your pants let's go share a scoop now

that I've witnessed your pants ttin yeah

no it's you want mint chocolate chip or

rocky

road moose tracks anyway sorry

so Dave and Ellie wind up having to

leave for some reason and Angela shows

up and um at at the froo place or at the

birthing center at the froo place

talking mad [ __ ] um and lah shut down

what you talking [ __ ] about about like

oh like are you with Huxley like s like

just like really backhanded [ __ ] about

like oh you don't seem like his typee

and that kind of thing

um do you feel like Angela is so obtuse

that she doesn't realize how [ __ ]

she's being or do you think it's

intentional bitchiness so part of me

thinks that it's not intentional and she

is that self-centered and narcissistic

that she doesn't realize

it but then another part of me is like

nah like she knows what she's doing and

it's a Power Trip like she's getting off

on it I think that that's more what it

is like she's getting off on it for sure

so

um later that night um she lahti tells

Huxley that this is not working for her

like this Dynamic that they have because

they're so hateful towards each other

all the time and they're constantly just

trying to be shitty an agonizing yeah

and so she's like can I just can we just

try to get to know each other and so

they start this question game so they

get two questions during the day that

they text each other and two questions

during dinner and this is how they're

going to get to know each other

um eventually the questions lead to

sexting um about like like what are you

into and what's your favorite position

and like that sort of thing kind of

starts up really feels like maybe we're

like burying the lead on some just like

actual getting to know each other yeah

and I mean there is that of like what's

your favorite color and like what's your

favorite board game and like that kind

of stuff um so sorry knowing that

someone's favorite food is mac and

cheese and knowing that reverse cowgirl

is their favorite position doesn't

really feel like you're knowing them on

a deeper level no no it doesn't but at

dinner um when they ask the questions

like in person um there's they're asking

each other like have you ever been in

love and like has anything ever consumed

you have you been like truly passionate

about something and um then buley gets

real turned on by the the consuming

question and so he eats her out um what

yeah has anything ever consumed you that

you've so felt that passionately about

and he's like yes you're [ __ ] literally

he's like allow me to demonstrate what

being consumed feels like and like sets

her on the dinner

table so she really really yeah fine

sure she really really wants to dick but

she chooses not to go for it that night

she's like I don't know if he's like I

don't know if we're right there yet I'm

like he's had whatever like

okay he's literally you've done some

things together for you to wonder if

you're at that level I think the

intimacy is already there but okay um so

um Kelsey and lahy reschedule their

pitch with the cane Brothers it goes

amazing um and Huxley turns down a

meeting with Dave that he's been waiting

for Dave just shows up um but he turns

the meeting down so that he can honor

his meeting with Kelsey and lahi and

that means a lot to her and they wind up

getting the contract and everything um

that night lah comes to give hugley a

[ __ ] because she's been wanting to

like reciprocate yeah she's like I'm

Into You we there's something here mhm

we I've been try like we've been slow

playing it but like I'm also

seeing a a softer side of you if you

will and I'm getting to know you more

I'm getting to like understand you and

what's underneath the cold businessman

thing and so

um he turns her down because he thinks

that she's like trying to thank him for

hiring her and her sister and he's like

well no like in her head she's more like

I've wanted to do this for a while this

is like a progression as as our

relationship has moved forward and he's

like oh this is just like a Tit for Tat

I I gave you a contract so you're

offering me a [ __ ] right does that

bum him out yes okay but then she like

makes some other overtures and he winds

up following her into her room cuz she

leaves the door open and is like walking

around naked and she's like I can't get

more obvious about it

[ __ ] me already for real for real so

then she is in the shower with one of

her dildos that has like a suction cup

on the wall and she is like [ __ ]

herself from behind and then he gets in

the shower with her and she gives him a

[ __ ] I forgot about that scene but I

remember reading that scene and it

reminding me of don't don't look at me

like

that woo well I'm locked in now so when

we live in Nashville our neighbors were

moving out and they were just like

loading their cars and were like doing

more like slow trips of taking things

out but I remember laughing really hard

because at one point I just hear

cackling like giggling laughing super

hard and I like was letting Brandon out

so we were in the front yard and I look

over and it was like one of those like

monster dild suction dildos and I'm like

is that a and a half long what do you

even do with with all of that and they

had found who like it wasn't the person

who lived there but whoever was helping

them move I'm not sure who it was and

had suctioned it to their car window so

I'm like letting Brandon out look over

and I'm like oh that's a dick that is a

large wow

wow good for her yes yeah we should have

been better friends when you all lived

here missed opportunity yeah but I just

always remember I was like look looking

over and be

like logistically I have some questions

but I don't know you well enough to ask

those questions yet right that is always

the barrier isn't it like where's the

boundary is her relationship at that

level that I can ask this question

without it getting weird did I ever tell

you about the porn in the

ceiling okay go on okay so my family

owned like two houses in Charleston that

were next to each other that were my

grandmothers and my great-grandmothers

and my dad bought my grandmother's they

sold my great-grandmother's it was the

whole thing so we were cleaning out both

houses and then we were renovating my

grandmother's house whatever well there

was a drop ceiling in my grandmother's

house on the bottom

floor and that was used to be my

grandmother ran a preschool out of that

bottom floor right it it's not gross I

mean it's gross but not in a well so we

were taking out the drop ceiling and my

dad like pulled down a section of

ceiling tile and porn just like rained

down from the ceiling like hardcore

horrifying

porn my dad was like kicking it with his

foot and there had been renters in that

house and

so like my cousins lived there at one

point random people lived there we had

no clue CL whose porn this was you're

like we assume it's not the children's

correct but they couldn't reach the

ceiling it hadn't been a preschool in

like 30 years so they're like uh that's

not my concern just the length of their

arms that was my only hold

up stretch McGee situation no no no so

yeah so my dad was like kicking it with

his foot and I was in high school at the

time my high school boyfriend was with

us and he was like uh uh uh

and my dad was like do not let your Aunt

Mary see this and so he like double

gloved to like put it in trash bags and

he was like do not ever tell anyone else

in the family about this am I understood

and so we're not telling anyone else in

the family unless they happen to be

listening to the podcast they're not but

at least I really hope not if so I'm so

sorry Aunt Mary but anyway also hey Aunt

Mary you you you didn't want to see it I

still remember it just the covers it's

not like I opened anything but the

covers were enough the covers were

enough to leave an impression oh

gosh incredible my dad liter I will

never forget my dad just like kicking it

like I'm like it's not going to bite you

and then everybody who had witnessed

missed it like looking at other members

of the family like was it you like who

put that there see and I'm pretty sure

in my family when my great grandmother

passed away so my dad and mom were

helping clear out like her house um in

her closet on like the top shelf I don't

know maybe it was the attic I have no

idea um my mom found some like tag still

on neverbe worn

lingerie so she took it home with

her yep so the best part was watching

your face as you like processed the what

I just my mom was like what like it was

never worn like the tags were still on

it and I was like your your husband's

dead grandmother's laerie that took me

like a full 15 seconds cuz you were you

were nodding along and then I just saw

like the look on your face as it clicked

I was like yeah yeah Grandma's house

lingerie okay nope yep nope oh no

yep I'm like so tags were the

determining Factor

here if the tags had been

removed you might have gone it looks

like new can't trust it but the

tags the tags let you know you could

take it home the tags indicate never

worn so it's totally

fine okay okay uh

so all this to say L's [ __ ] a dildo a

suction cup dildo and for her sake I

hope it's smaller than the one on my

neighbor's window cuz she would not be

walking for a couple of days the size

was not indicated but it did not sound

like it required the prep that a foot

and a half dildo would require to be

clear um and if you don't need prep once

again have more

questions good on you I guess or see a

doctor I don't know I don't know it's

either good for you or see a doctor

there's no in between I don't

know um but anyway she gives him a

[ __ ] they hook up he eats her out

they don't actually like have sex um but

Huxley realizes like he is actually

really into her and he tells his

brothers about it they are not surprised

they're like bro we totally saw this

coming she's incredible you're an idiot

like the hot super fun girl that you

convinced to be your wife like yeah

something about her like it wasn't just

that you ran into a r on the

street correct well we like to pretend

it is they had to be a certain level of

hotness for you to take them to Chipotle

and spend extra on guac also correct and

I didn't mention but lahti had like

looked up how to trap a rich husband and

it said they like like braids so she put

braids in her hair while she was walking

so she could like catch him so maybe it

was the

braids um

so lahy like the next day is skinny

dipping in his pool um and he home no

but then he comes home and they wind up

napping naked together in the pool like

on a floaty thing um she teaches him to

make grilled cheese they're just a lot

of these really sweet moments s

humanizing yeah where their relationship

is

solidifying sort of energy um and so

later that day it starts to rain and

Huxley remembered that lahti had said

previously that she just wanted a quiet

place to sit in the rain he was like

what do you want she was like a quiet

place to sit in the rain and not be

judged like because it doesn't rain very

often in LA and so it's like a very

beautiful thing for her so he takes her

out to this quiet rooftop deck so they

can sit in their rain um and then like

at his house he has a rooftop de yes but

it's like in this weird spot where you

wouldn't

normally you wouldn't easily find

it and then my notes say dry humping to

completion Huxley suddenly shuts down

again no kissing lah is

confused so is Chelsea yeah so they like

are sitting out in the rain and then he

like takes her top off and then they are

like humping each other

everybody comes nobody's really naked

and Huxley never kisses her and lah he

like pulls away after has he kissed her

previously I don't think so okay I don't

think in any of the hookups like they've

actually kissed and so she's like are

you pretty womaning me like are you

Vivan she's like so confused about it um

and she's like why do I even care he's a

douchebag

like I mean she's not wrong I did know a

couple that they had an open

relationship and kissing was the limit

they're like yeah you can [ __ ] anyone

they're like kissing is way more

intimate than having sex with someone

and like that was the limit in their

relationship which I found very

interesting but I also don't line is

right okay and I think when I was

younger like I like couldn't

conceptualize how kissing was more

intimate MH as an adult I've very much

see how kissing is more intimate yeah

yeah I'm like oh you know like your face

on my face is much more intimate yeah

I'm like you can have sex without

emotion yes which I I wouldn't always

recommend depending on like the the

state you're in and why you don't have

emotion right um but I think as far

as that level of like emotional intimacy

right versus the emotional intimacy of

kissing I throughout the years I'm like

I get this more and more how that was

y'all's boundary I mean I think they

have done like pecs on the lips in front

of Dave when they're supposed to be a

couple or whatever but I don't

think kissed kissed um so they dry hump

to completion and then he just like

shuts down yeah and like pulls away and

L's like what the [ __ ] is

happening so then later um Ellie invites

to a breast pump store to get like

fitted for breast pumps and there are

like faked tits on the wall and like all

this stuff is happening and Ellie like

insists that lahti touch her nipple and

she's like I'm squeezing another woman's

nipple I what the [ __ ] happening and

she is

like it's just a nightmare situation but

it's so funny and like she winds up

getting sprayed in the face with fake

breast milk from one of the tits on the

wall and she just like not having a good

time I also yeah we're just going to

talk about breast pumps we're going to

talk about sure do

it I remember when you were trying to

fit yours for the record yeah when I

ended up getting the silicone ones that

had more breathing room and they were

like your nips just need to be between

this amount of centimeters and this

amount of centimeters for you to be this

size because when they're like are you

22 or 23 cm I was like my boobs are

continuing to change shape in a way that

is surprising us all yeah uh

it's defying science I'm like I could

not measure and get accurately fitted

before I had a kid my boobs continued to

change too much

yeah I

also

don't I it's La they do [ __ ]

there yep I just you know I measured my

nip and the comfort of my

home didn't even ask my husband to check

the measurement I just went I believe

that this is the size and I moved

forward and good for you good on you and

maybe that's why my pumping Journey

ended at 6 months in retrospect and I've

had enough yeah truly yeah uh um I had

no appreciation for the full-time job

that pumping and breastfeeding it seems

truly horrifying like when as a person

without children like I didn't mean that

to be like it is a little bit horrifying

like that was that's the right word

Hannah uh well cuz I feel like I like

see friends post and like historically

I'd see friends be like just ended our

like breastfeeding Journey at like 18

months or like at like 12 what like

longer amounts of time and being like oh

cool good for them and like just moving

on yeah yeah and then realizing I'm like

oh I read used to read those posts with

no understanding or appreciation for the

level of commitment of I'm like

you have been up every 3 hours for the

last year yeah I think my nephew was two

when my sister stopped I think oh my

gosh yeah your sister deserves all of

the accolades for that well she

breastfed two at once because she had

two under

two oh yeah like back to back she had

them which is also fascinating cuz a lot

of people will like stop bre cuz

breastfeeding like works as kind of

birth control depending on yeah your

hormones and all all that stuff that we

aren't really going but like in a way

where like I know people who have

stopped breastfeeding so that they can

get pregnant and it didn't dawn on me

that you're like well now now now that

I'm pregnant I guess I can try and get

my milk supply back up fascinating and

we don't need to go into the the nuances

of this any further than we have but any

whoo it is a different appreciation for

like scenes like this yeah where I'm

like oh but also no I'm just going to do

that in my home I'm not going to go well

and like lah is truly horrified cuz

she's never thought about having kids or

or breastfeeding or anything she's like

what the [ __ ] has happened so she like

Huxley gets home and he has decided he's

going to ask her out for real like he

wants to make like a real go of it and

she's like staring into space and he's

like he's like it's going to be okay and

she's like nothing is okay nothing will

ever be okay I touched Ellie's nipples

she's

like and so um they all had also bonded

over music like they both love classic

rock and stuff and so um he had gotten

her tickets to Fleetwood Mac in Portland

and takes her on the private jet to go

see them um and this is where they

finally like declare their love for each

other because initially she thinks cuz

he says like you know you didn't have to

do that whole breast pump store like

this like this is a thank you for

everything you've done for me and she's

like oh this is like a bonus for work

like but then eventually he's like no no

no no no like this is for real for real

and um yeah they just kind of keep

misinterpreting the uh intention cuz

neither wants to be fully vulnerable and

so it like takes a minute to get there

so then they have a solid in [ __ ] on the

plane ride back to LA from Portland

where they're like this is for

real we are officially a couple we're

for we're actually it now mhm so then

they go to a birthing class um with

another one yeah so no this is like a a

parenting class with Dave and Ellie and

so they have a oneeyed demon baby doll

that like actually pukes and poops on

them and like lahti has it all in her

hair

Dave and Ellie are like endlessly amused

by them and like think they're super

cute and also how long has this been

going on at this point like a few weeks

and so lah and Huxley feel really guilty

this is like their fourth or fifth

interaction with them where they've been

lying and they just feel really gross

especially now that they're really

dating um and so

um uh they're trying to figure out what

to do

and lahy thinks because they're like

getting closer to huxley's getting

closer to closing the deal so she's like

oh like he's going to want me to move

out so she starts looking at apartments

he gets upset about it and there's like

this almost fight and he's like why

would I want that like we're really

together like you're with me blah blah

blah are they sleeping in the same room

at this point they are okay and um my

notes just say more banging family

dinner

so they're F they're like [ __ ] a lot

more now obviously now they've broken

the seal and um lahti meets his brothers

more officially as his girlfriend and

her parents come over and they just have

a really nice bonding time um Huxley is

doing really sweet things for her and

for her family um and my notes say more

sexy times they're really at it now

we're really going for it we broke the

seal and it cannot be unbroken we're in

it yeah um and so Huxley is in a

business meeting and is thinking about

like he's distracted thinking about lah

and like how much he loves life right

now and how happy he is and how

incredible all this whole situation is

until his business associate offers him

fake

congratulations he's like oh I suppose

fake congratulations are in order and

huxley's like uh excuse me and he's like

yeah uh uh Dave told me about your whole

Fake Fiance thing

hilarious Dave told me Dave told me so

Huxley and his brothers like keep it

together in the meeting and his brothers

are oh my gosh all of them are watching

this all of them are in it and so then

as soon as the the guy leaves they're

like holy [ __ ] like what happened how

does Dave know like what the [ __ ] is

going on and um they're like did lock

tell Ellie because they had spent aone

time together together yeah and like she

clearly really did like her so like did

she do that on like oh my God oh my God

oh my God so while Huxley is having a

full mental and emotional breakdown

lahti is getting ready for a date night

to tell him that she loves him so she's

with Kelsey talking through her plan to

like disclose this

love and when he gets home it's

immediate fight he's like did you tell

Ellie what did you do blah blah blah

blah blah and she is like I've been

getting ready to like tell you I love

you why are you yelling at me she's like

one of the things that we've been

consistent on is that I am a very loyal

person that's why I wound up in the

situation I was in with Angela because I

gave someone who didn't deserve it my

loyalty yeah we talked about this like I

was vulnerable about that with you like

you know that that matters to me like

how could you think that and so she

calls Kelsey to come pick her

up and is like I'm not doing this with

you like doesn't even deny it or

anything she's like so you believe that

I would do that to you she's like oh if

you think this is my character we have

larger problems I'm out yep okay so um

Huxley is like oh [ __ ] like whoops what

did I just do like and he's like begging

her to stay and she's like nope and so

he shows up the next morning at Kelsey's

apartment and is absolutely distraught

that she would choose to sleep on the

floor in her sister's house than choose

to just sleep in one of his extra

bedrooms like yeah he's like we could

have been in a fight and you could have

just slept in another and in you know

the other six bed bedrooms I have

available yeah but instead you would

rather sleep on the floor than have to

be near me yep so he's like really

realizing like he really really hurt her

at this point and so he like apologizes

over and over again and asks her to

dinner and like brings over a bag of her

things cuz she left with nothing he's

like I brought you your phone charger

and some PJs and blah blah blah um and

at that point he decides he's going to

tell Dave the truth because Dave

obviously knows yeah Dave oh Big Move

telling Dave the truth Dave the dude

already out here telling everyone else

the truth right so um way to be a man of

integrity Huxley so turns out just so

over Huxley sorry very much so so but it

turns out that Dave knew the whole time

like Ellie knew from the first night

because Huxley was so cold with lah that

Ellie was like there's no

way there's no way they're together

lahti sold it 100% Dave tells him it was

all you man we didn't believe

you like whoops that's a humbling moment

but especially when uh your first

inclination was to be like oh L

destroyed my dress right L hey Dave

sorry about those lies lahti told you

right and he's like hey Huxley you're a

[ __ ] actor very much yeah very much so

then um Dave was like but we could tell

after the parenting class that it was

real and all had shifted we loved you

guys together like I thought it was kind

of funny like wasn't taking any of it

seriously and he was like I just kind of

liked messing with you about it because

you're so uptight I just like I just

liked messing with you dude like CU

you're such a douche like that's very

much the energy

um and so Huxley admits that like he

loves lah and he has really [ __ ] it up

and well and if I'm remembering

correctly and tell me if I'm not but I I

feel like like Dave's not a cool guy no

he's real dorky yeah yeah like it's not

like it's not like he's just like two

Bros like doing bro pranks to each other

no he's

like I don't I don't get out a lot I

don't have a lot of fun I really love my

fiance that I don't understand why she

gave me the time of day but she did and

I'm obsessed with her yes that is

absolutely it he's like I have a lot of

money I don't know how I did that but I

did or what to do with it right but it's

really cool that I have Ellie now right

yes that's absolutely it like he's

completely obsessed with her and so Dave

is like you better [ __ ] fix this with

lah also you have a deal and like gives

him the deal gives him the contract is

like we we love you guys together y not

going to be happy with you if you've

actually [ __ ] this up for yourself yep

go fix it so um Huxley takes off to fix

things with lahi um and lahti is very

much regretting that she agreed to have

dinner with him because she shows up cuz

he had begged and begged and begged for

her to have dinner with him and she's

like fine fine I'll agree to one dinner

and then be done right

clure so Huxley has drawn up a new

contract and he pulls out their old one

and shreds it and she is like destroyed

because this is like the last thing that

was like tying them together and like

this was like their thing that brought

them together but then he pulls out a

new contract and it's very clearly one

that he wrote this was not lawyers and

it's like L forgives Huxley L moves in

with Huxley for real

lah agrees to actually be engaged to hug

fley which is kind of

cute um and so my notes say he does

propose for real with a different ring

like he even gets a ring that actually

matches her personality instead of one

that's just being like showy billionaire

whatever instead of like the yeah you

needed a ring to sell this right this is

like a I know you now and I know that

you would like this

and she agrees and it's warm fuzzies all

around like we understand each other now

forgiveness yay yay and that's the end

and then the epilog is um they go to the

high school

reunion um Angela is there with some guy

who is not L's ex like L's ex left her I

guess and then she's with someone who is

actively checking out other women and

like clearly chasing tail like while

he's there with

Angela um in a way where I'm assuming

everyone's like and Angela got what she

deserved my notes literally say Angela

gets her come

upins you know what here's the thing

Angela did some shitty [ __ ] as well I'm

not going to pretend and yeah shitty

[ __ ] is my official it was shitty [ __ ]

yeah it was shitty [ __ ] uh and I still

don't wish that on people no like I

still don't wish a shitty partner on you

because you had some not great moments

in your life mm she and she's had a lot

of a lot of Not Great Moments I'm not

going to like dispute that but like it's

still kind of she has work to do yeah

yes there's growth to be had um but

that's L

wins reunion homecoming queen right I'm

making I don't think that she just

decides to leave she's like I don't

actually want to be here you want to go

get a burger and they like just leave

and hugley is madly in love and that's

the end of the book like that's

it

so

yeah my initial inclination was just

like well I'm glad they found each

other yeah but so I liked the story and

there were a lot of like really funny

moments that I couldn't like fully

capture in a review like this um that

were truly like very funny um

but neither one of

them were people that I was like rooting

for it didn't feel like either of them

were like yeah there was they were both

so egocentric there was no compassion

for others and it just really

like well and like sure we see their

growth and where they both like have

their moments where they kind of realize

their selfishness but like also in that

way where I'm like cool I feel like that

made you like 2% less selfish and now

there's still more work to do you're

late to the party like a little bit we

should have known that like we should

have got there sooner I feel like um but

yeah so I mean it was an enjoyable read

for the story and for those funny

moments um well and I also feel and this

is not like trying to discredit Megan

Quinn as an author by any stretch but I

feel like Megan Quinn has so many books

in so many series it's not like you're

like oh this one book is like the best

representation of her as an author ABS

no no like I have loved a lot of Megan

Quinn and I've reviewed other Megan

Quinn books um but this one like I did

like the other can Brothers stories more

than this one I liked J uh because JP

which is the second brother the second

brother JP and he's in love with pigeons

then also ends up in love with Kelsey

the sister the sister

right the pigeons was not hyperbolic he

actually he supports a pigeon Sanctuary

it's very endearing it's very cute at

his wedding he has the Pigeon in

attendance and got him matching clothes

the ring bearer I think or something

like that um but like that book had more

like of those things where it was like

character and like and I think it's a

hard thing right when you're

like the thing that made Huxley Huxley

was his like analytical

not em like watching break through that

anding that more out him but I think the

way it got brought out or at least felt

like it got brought out was less of like

a oh cool you're becoming a better

version of you and more like oh cool we

finally broken through the ice by just

pissing you off right um until you like

got to the other side and you're like

this is what emotions feel like well

yeah it was like I made you so angry

that it got Lusty

and then you came and now you're softer

and more open to

emotion that's like it did like that's

just kind of what it felt like and so

again not my favorite Megan Quinn but I

very much like the poop not my least

favorite there there was one baseball

one that I did not finish of Megan Quinn

but I I do agree I'm like this is

I'd probably call this like a a mid tier

yeah at least from my personal Megan

Quinn preferences I would agree no

offense if this is your favorite Meg I

would agree again the second one in the

series loved and I have loved a lot of

other Megan Quinn but um this one it is

funny like if you're looking for a

lighthearted funny like nothing is that

deep there is not really any trauma

going on like I'm trying to land a

millionaire billionaire boyfriend so I'm

I Googled how to land put some braids so

I forgot that at the end like um

huxley's like oh yeah like I'm I'm so

glad you went walking that day I'm so

glad you got lost or whatever and she's

like it was the braids wasn't it and he

was like yes it was the

braids all braids nothing else have led

us to this moment it was the braids yeah

okay what's our ratings go breast breast

pumps

I was afraid of that I

mean yeah yeah I think it's breast pumps

unforunately ounces of breast milk yikes

yeah no we'll save that for that one you

sent me about the human cows or whatever

the [ __ ] oh God were they human it

literally is H cow h u w is the name of

the series

Chelsea I didn't actually read it

well I didn't read it but I read the

description you sent me okay so for

those who don't know what we're talking

about which is literally everyone who's

not the two of us right now I a book

came up based on my reading that was

recommended for me and it was called

milked for the holidays and I 1,00%

assumed that was going to be more like

Morning Glory milking farm and so I just

sent it to Hannah and moved on with my

day and now I'm understanding why the

text I got back from Hannah just said

wow with a period

because because it's not quite where

where I thought we were going no it

wasn't um maybe we'll do a smut club

Holiday ho down though hey I like that

and uh cuz there have been a couple

really out of pocket holiday ones that

have popped up yes like there's all like

the simple sweet holiday ones but every

now and then you get one and you're like

oh we're just really making a point out

of what you can do with

a Christmas tree there's the Hallmark

holiday versus

the various uses for ornaments well and

then

there's a very merry meat cute I think

is maybe what it's called SRA Simone and

another author whose name is escaping me

Po Julie

Murphy I hope I got that right I

apologize if I did not uh but it's about

a porn star who gets a uh role as the

leading actor like in a Hallmark movie

but then it's like and like the the main

dude in the movie like used to be in

like a boy band and he's kind of trying

to stay relevant and so it's like their

story so it's like Hallmark but also

porn star porn star yeah sure so anyways

how many breast pumps is this out

of

eight yeah that feels like a safe amount

so go out of eight I'm going to

go and yeah I was like I'm going to go

four and a half I think yeah like I

don't I don't I could I could say five

yeah I could give it five depend I also

feel like this is a one of those books

you read that like depending on the

season yes it's very mood dependent yes

like I feel like there are seasons where

like you might feel a little more an and

you're like identifying more with Huxley

and L I feel like there are seasons

where you're just like they're kind of

[ __ ] but I'm not really rooting for

as much mhm um and then that day it

might be four brass pumps yeah but but

for today for today four and a

half five yeah well honestly I was just

thinking of one boob not getting

pumped I was also it a double breast

pump and then I started thinking the

logistics of the type of breast pump so

then is it out of I was also doing that

math and then I was like I've got to

stop so on that note final offer 4 and

A2 out of eight breast pumps you decide

if it's two-sided or one

um let us know your thoughts how would

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time bye smut [ __ ] bye well that's it

for this week's smut [ __ ] we hope it

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[Music]