Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts chelse and

[Applause]

Hannah hey everybody Welcome to smut

club I'm Chelsea I'm Hannah and uh this

is the show where we Day drink and

review romance novels of varying

calibers yep yep and um what it just so

we know today's caliber higher caliber

lower caliber I really enjoyed this one

okay yeah I really enjoyed this one a

lot it's um Fair doesn't actually mean

anything about its caliber CU we've

enjoyed the low on we really have um I

would say so we're we're reviewing

Butcher and Blackbird by brenn Weaver

today um this was recommended to me by

my very best friend from high school

actually um and she told me I needed to

read this and review it on the podcast

it was her special request okay if yall

ever have requests let us know them on

yeah sometimes we we will read them

sometimes uh we've had one or two

requests come through that I'm like this

gets a little dark in a way that like I

don't know if it will translate yeah um

but outside of that still send it over

yeah send it over cuz one of the things

that we've also talked about doing let

us know if this is something you would

like us to do but as as yall know there

are thousands of books and there are so

many books that we uh are not able to

fully get to um or just we don't

necessarily think like the fit the

format like the vibe but we've talked

about kind of doing like a little like

mini like honorable mention honorable

mentioned like episodes that like didn't

make the cut sort of energy and so let

us know if there are books that you'd

like maybe they'll get a full review um

maybe they will get a partial review but

still let us know because I'm always

looking for new things to read yeah well

and this one was one that I was like I

don't know babe because the premise of

it I was like this might

get hairy in a way what's just like the

general premise without like so it's two

serial killers who fall in

love oh no annah didn't we do this

before didn't we do we did but it's not

that I promise I promise you I promise

you because I was like like Chandler I

can't do this again like you don't

understand you didn't see the Betrayal

in Chelsea's eyes the first time can't I

can't tell you the way that I was like

this is really funny haha and then I was

saying it out loud and I was like it's

not funny it's not funny at all this is

[ __ ] but this is not that okay so that

said we're not starting in a great place

it gets better okay we love that so we

open with Sloan she is um has been

trapped in a cage for 3 days she killed

a serial killer and got stuck in a cage

as the fight happened and so she's just

been stuck with his dead body in like a

Louisiana Bayou for 3 days and she can't

get out and she's starving so she she

kills serial killers she kills serial

killers she's a serial killer who kills

Killers she's Dexter yes correct okay

yeah so I feel I already feel better if

she's a Dexter she is a Dexter and so is

he they're both Dexter oh so they're

Vigilantes yes well we should have led

with Vigilantes well that wasn't in the

the original pitch so I didn't know um

but so

they um so she is um really struggling

and um she's like starts thinking about

orzo pasta like looking around she's

like thinking about weird things like

she's losing her mind and she starts

singing Blackbird to herself after kind

of talking to herself about how

delicious orzo would be right now well

and I'm assuming if you were on your way

to kill a serial killer you didn't bring

snacks right so yeah you're really not

doing well 3 days in no she was not like

here for a a camping trip situation well

she was not supposed to be here for a

good time or a long time correct yeah it

was supposed to be very Swift but it was

not so she's singing to

herself and this dude shows up this

gorgeous Irish guy shows up and he's

like you

stuck and she's like uh yeah she's like

would you like me to let you out she's

like still yes assle like what she like

what do you think and he's gorgeous and

all she can think about is that she's

been trapped in the heat with this dead

body for 3 days and looks like hot trash

and probably smells like hot trash

exactly and she's like of course I meet

the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in

my life on a day like today was she at

all injured she was not okay so so well

I mean he kicked her in the chest which

is how she fell into the cage okay but

it wasn't there was no lasting damage or

anything um so makes me feel better like

she hasn't been like bleeding with no

medical attention for years she's just

severely dehydrated and malnourished at

this

point not good M so this book is dual

point of view okay so then we have Rowan

and he is trying to be really chill but

he's like after she comes out of the

bathroom after she cleans up and stuff

he's like oh my God holy [ __ ] and I'm

I'm assuming and tell me if I'm off base

here Rowan is the hot Irish guy yes

correct yeah so he's like trying to

focus and he's like she's she's not okay

like I need to take care of her like I

can't be don't be weird but then all he

can think is she's not wearing a bra so

randomly throughout like this whole

chapter with him he's just going no bra

Focus like no bra no we're focus focus

like [ __ ] come on dude like so when I

used to work

crisis we had a girl on our team who was

super lovely but at one point in one of

our supervision meetings I was like

listen someone has to talk to her about

the fact that like she's not wearing a

bra and they went yeah says the girl who

used to wear the short skirts and I went

what what yes truly and they were like

Chelsea we literally told your old boss

to talk to you about your your attire

and they're like just they're like we

know like the I did I was always like on

the move and just kind of bouncing

around so I would just like if I needed

to consult someone I'd pop up and sit on

their desk and just like I think things

that like nothing was overtly wrong they

like hey someone should talk to Chelsea

about being mindful of how she's

dressing in this moment and I was like

well y'all I need you to know I took

over for that man a year and a half ago

and he never said [ __ ] to me so this is

the first time I'm hearing that my

attire was inappropriate we talking

about someone else's attire being

inappropriate and I'm questioning

everything in life that sucks so bad oh

my God says short skirt Chelsea like oh

my God yeah I I knew what dress were

refer the exact quite frankly yeah and

if you noticed I stopped wearing it

right I figured out on my own eventually

1,000 well I also think it was one of

those where like I was trying to dress

more professionally because the Kodak

contuct technically said like no jeans

and our department was supposed to be

business professional and then I

realized that like no one actually did

that because we were chasing people and

restraining people you do that in

loafers yes um and I was like you know

any day I do a presentation and I wear

heels is a day that the Universe goes

you're going to to chase someone today

so I'm like so I always keep Flats in my

car at this you know like just one of

those where I'm like yeah yeah I figured

it out MH that I should just wear jeans

every day and move on with my life but

yeah no bra no bra and I don't need to

go and my cooworker had great boobs it

was right no shame quite frankly they

were just too good of boobs right for

crisis Lock and Load yes no BR no bra so

he takes her out to get something to eat

and you know um he does he explain how

why he showed up there yes so he reveals

that he had been hunting that guy as

well for a very long time and she just

happened to get there before him and

Keepers he realizes that she is the orb

weaver that's her like serial killer

title and no one knows that she's a

woman and so like for years she has been

taking out really terrible people and

gouging out their eyes that's why they

call her the orb weaver she makes these

like webs and takes people's eyes it's

like this whole thing right he is the

Butcher of Boston and just beats people

to death really mostly and so I love

that we all know what we're bringing to

the table here right and so he gets like

a little bit Star Struck like oh my God

it's the orb weaver like this is so

amazing and he's fangirly he is totally

fan Girling and he says something and uh

or she says something about like you

know well you know I've seen your style

butcher or whatever and he's like says

the chick who gouges eyes and she's like

excuse me I pluck them like a lady like

and that becomes like a running theme

the whole time is like says the gouger

she's I

pluck I am delicate right I pluck like a

lady

so um so there's like some back and

forth about like the FBI has been

investigating both of them and is like a

bunch of [ __ ] idiots and has never

come close to either of them um and

so they like talk about previous kills

and there's like just some bonding

moments but then um so she continues to

call him Butcher and he starts calling

her Blackbird um because she was singing

Blackbird when he found

so he realizes that she's like about to

run like she's highly skittish and like

not like well did he think she was going

to just be casual hanging out all

willy-nilly he really wanted that to

happen was what he was hoping would Happ

he's like damn it so he proposes that

once a year they have a competition

where they get together in a location

chosen by his brother who is a side

character but is into some shady [ __ ]

and tracks things and so he just tells

them a city where there's an active

serial killer and they just go there and

they have to find the Killer and whoever

finds the Killer and takes them out

first

wins so

without just just the city just the city

like no details about like who the

victims have been or anything he's just

like there's an active killer here enjoy

so um he he's like hey we should we

should compete right cuz we kind of did

that this time so like we should do that

again in a year yeah yeah and that means

I'll get to see you in a year exactly

and she's like okay fine so we Flash

Forward it's the competition Sloan is

freaking out she's like why did I do

this like why like like this might have

been really stupid this like I've been

really careful all these years that's

why I've never been caught is so

intriguing it's really like it winds up

weirdly wholesome it's just really

actually nice it's

yeah yeah good call babe so she is

talking to her best friend about it her

best friend Lark knows

everything they've been best friends

since they were teenagers Lark's family

essentially took her in it's a whole

thing so they're extremely tight Lark

knows about her little side hustle and

is like honey you need this like it's

going to be great you said you really

liked him it's going to be fine um we

love her so so they have some like she

and Rowan have been texting kind of

sporadically through the year so they're

like sending some smack talk back and

forth and whatever it's very cute um and

they wind up in or she is traveling to

West Virginia like the middle of nowhere

West Virginia so Rowan all right just as

a pause I feel like everyone that I know

who's from West Virginia always just has

like Ma just oh yeah I'm from West

Virginia it's out like out in the Sticks

but I feel like more recently I've like

been looking into West Virginia and like

places in the mountains where I'm like

this is stunning oh it's beautiful I'm

like I want to spend more time in West

Virginia it's beautiful yes so I used to

work with someone from West Virginia um

he was very beloved by the team he may

or may not be the office mate I had who

had a very warm cardigan that was not

warm enough for the temperature if you

recall from like our first or second

episode that was this guy and he he left

he moved out of state whatever to this

day when my friends and I from that

place of business are together and have

had a few beverages we will call him and

leave him a voicemail singing Take Me

Home EV like every time I don't even

know how many voicemails he must have

from us at this point he intentionally

doesn't answer because he knows we're

just calling to sing him that song

that's so sweet I know

I know a yeah and anytime I see anything

about Moth Man I send it to

him um one of do you save voicemails

like sometimes I have one voicemail well

I I like to save one from like every Big

meaningful person in my life as it comes

to right but I have one that quite

frankly my friend changed his phone

number so it's not even attached to a

phone number anymore I just refuse to

delete it because my brother-in-law used

to be in this band who was like opening

for Reba at the time like yeah okay not

like a small small gig but they were uh

playing a show in

Indiana and my family who was in uh

Chicago and the surrounding area like

we'll drive down like it's yeah hell

yeah so I have my friend uh left me a

voicemail one who was in the band with

my brother-in-law but the voicemail is

actually my cousin who officiated my

wedding trashed off her ass sh she like

Chelsea we're all here it's been so fun

like it's like one of those voicemails

and you hear everyone shout in the

background I was like I can never delete

this voicemail for the rest of my life

yep but also I only have one of those

and I'm just thinking of your co-workers

inbox I was going to say he has so many

of them at some point y'all are going to

call and it's going to be like mailbox

is full and he's like it's cuz I haven't

deleted any of them I've kept them all

like we've done karaoke and stuff and at

least one time we do take me home we

call him and we hold it up and we all

just we just go to town about is that

the actual is that the technical name of

the song I don't think it's Tak Me Home

Country Roads I'm pretty sure John

Denver okay yeah no that makes sense I

feel like that's one of those songs that

it could have a really obscure name and

I would only ever know it as Take Me

Home Country

Roads [ __ ] is that the real name or is

that just like yeah no that does make

sense though yeah yeah um well cuz we've

talked about the whole Wagon Wheel I

almost brought up Wagon Wheel just now I

was like well it's like Wagon Wheel like

it could be called anything else it

wouldn't matter it would always be Wagon

Wheel except isn't Wagon Wheel called

Wagon Wheel yeah it is but if it was

called something else Frank we would

still only know it as Wagon Wheel Wagon

Wheel known by any other name would

still irritate the [ __ ] out of Chelsea

like it's just all of the troubadors

that's the only reason I don't hate the

song I know but when you hear the song

five times a day played so badly yeah

yeah it really wears on you after a

while it does hit differently yeah

there's nothing like doing a crisis

assessment and there's a bar down the

street and you're like oh my

god with this soundtrack of [ __ ]

Wagon Wheel in the back ground while

you're assessing for safety Jesus

Christ that's like entirely David Lynch

what is that is there anyone at home

with

you Ro

me and Johnson City

Tennesse Jesus Christ woo all right okay

so they're in West Virginia they no what

they are traveling there they're

traveling there yes Rowan's not there

yet he has two brothers they both know

about his whole situation and the

competition the whole situation being he

wants to [ __ ] they're pretty sure of

that cuz he seems obsessed but they know

that he's also a serial killer um oh the

whole situation of him being serious you

get it well I figured that was covered

in the BET of like what he was going

there to do so his whole situation plus

the bet I was like oh and he's the

Middle Brother there's older and younger

classic middle sibling

that's

me

anyway so um how much older than you is

your older sister oh 14 years okay

that's what I thought that's why you

don't exhibit actual middle child energy

nah yeah I was like I feel like that was

the case but I was like let me check

myself in case I'm

misremembering yeah right I was doing

the math for every sevene difference

right it's another first child right

yeah mhm cuz my cousin uh actually my

cousin's uh son is Rowan and then they

have one who's 7 years younger um and

then my sister waited 5 years and I was

like you just made it you just made it

the cut there sliding in which is also

funny because her second is like the

truest second child energy ever seen oh

no but in like the CH like the chillest

way okay okay yeah like the listen I'm

here for the ride kind of second child

energy side of it um but it is that does

help I think I think

yeah Rowan is similarly like when his

brothers are into some [ __ ] and he's

like sounds good let's do that I don't

even care he's just rolling with it

unless it is about Sloan in which case

he gets real weird

so um he is becoming more and more

obsessed with her as they've been

texting and stuff and she texts him some

kind of like like goofy smack talk and

he's like so I'm in love like basically

this is it for me like and he's very

dramatic and cute about everything in a

way that's like he's not serious but he

is serious yes you know like so he's

being a little bit extra in how he

communicates it but underneath it the

sentiment is genuine is genuine yeah

okay but like it's goofy enough that you

could write it off so but Sloan is at

the hotel so they are staying in the

same hotel and um she's like staying in

a hotel yeah how casual yeah they're

just staying in a you know I just

checked

in to to the H

Sheridan oh what are you in town for

murdering a serial killer don't you

worry about it like

what a

casual I don't know why I assumed it

would be at least an Airbnb for some

privacy nope they're at a hotel his

brother took care of all the

accommodations and didn't tell them

anything else so so like making it like

a legit competition set up here complete

mystery they don't know anything this is

so fun it is really fun but she's my

wine is hitting real way feel it mine or

yours yours I love it sorry I'll stop

interrupting you now it's

okay I'm like wow I'm feeling great what

a beautiful story of some serial killers

you are like really hyped about it and

I'm loving it well I also think after

the last serial killer was stop bringing

it

up what was that one called I don't

remember but it was really bad I blocked

it out you were the one who reviewed it

I know I don't remember it's still a fun

episode is it I don't I think I I chose

not to listen to that one I think your

sister text you after that episode and

said this episode was so funny because

Chelsea was so uncomfortable I think she

did I think she did yeah

anyway Sloan's trying to talk herself

into leaving because she's like this is

a really bad idea yeah and clearly she

just generally has anxiety but Rowan

suddenly shows up and they are the only

two people in the Hotel this is an

extremely small town very small little

in the owner lives in a house behind it

um and he's the only other person there

okay so um he Row's like trying to flirt

with her and like you know like hey what

you doing like and she is want to grab

dinner before the competition starts

exactly and she's like no like none of

it won't entertain the slightest and so

there he's trying to get to know her so

he's like sharing things about himself

he's a chef he owns his own restaurant

he named it um after his brothers um

it's called three and Coach which is

what his brother said when they were

buying tickets to come to America we'll

have three in coach and so that's what

he named his restaurant so it's all very

personal and like he's sharing his story

a little bit I don't even know what she

does she's some kind of accountant or

something she works from home um

and he silly me I just assumed being a

killer of serial killer

sure was a full-time job well I think

it's more like um treated as a a a side

gig like if you want it if you have the

time the energy you go do that thing but

there's no quota as far as I'm

aware touche we're not meeting

numbers no no one's holding you to your

to your Q2 goals no no but I I think in

my head I did just assume that if you

killed serial killers like yeah this is

what you do

not like Allah Dexter you work in the

crime lab and you kill people right yeah

not

like I'm a

CPA and I kill people but by night you

better watch yourself shit's going to

get wild yeah I pluck

eyeballs so um pluck them she is reading

she like has her Kindle out and so he

tries to snatch it because she is

reading Dragon smut and he needs to know

more more about that um she's reading

smut yeah she's reading Dragon smut

which it comes back around later um but

the eventually like the owner comes out

and he's like talking to them about the

area they're saying this is their annual

hiking trip they pick a new place blah

blah blah and he's like oh well you

should check out these um these Trails

they're really great just be careful

like people sometimes go missing on

those Trails um just be careful well

yeah it's not subtle but um he's like

yeah just be careful um they haven't

found that one hiker listen I feel like

the owner of the in is always either the

villain or just like the sweet yes

maternal no backround character a

m30s little [ __ ] face guy yeah he's not

good he's not good no getting that

energy yeah be careful out on your hike

sometimes I kill people when they're

hiking wink wink so um Sloan is like say

to Rowan I'm going hiking and no boys

are allowed unless they have scales and

a breeding Kink and

hiss breeding Kink is of all the times

to leave my dinosaur onesie at

home and she's like I can't with you I'm

done I'm

done so the next day Rowan gets really

mad because Sloan won't tell him where

she's going and he's like what the [ __ ]

are you do like what what are you doing

I'm here to hang out with you and she's

like I'm here for a competition I'm here

to win what is the prize there isn't one

bragging rights oh yeah okay um and

so she goes out and he's like I'm I'm

going to follow you like I'm going to

come with you blah blah blah blah and

she's like I will suck your eyeballs out

with the industrial vacuum here if you

continue to irritate me and he's like

message received cool beans enjoy your

evening he gives far more golden

retriever energy than I expect for a

serial killer does he does so um she

comes back several hours

later and um he can hear her

masturbating in her room oh and he's

like don't be weird like don't be a

creep like back away this is not for you

but then he hears her say his name and

he's like what me oh for me but then he

hears something else like he hears

somebody whispering and he's like hold

on a minute hang on is it a dragon it's

not a dragon that would be a cool twist

but no I was like is this book about to

get paranormal in a way I did not

anticipate no no no paranormal in this

one but there is someone inside the wall

watching her and like whispering to

themselves and Rowan loses his [ __ ] and

like tears the wall down and like drags

the guy out and the guy takes off so

Sloan comes out what yeah yeah

logistically I have some questions about

that I think it's meant to be like um um

psycho you know where the walls are wide

enough that he could like he had his

little area I think that's what it was

meant to be like I think it's more for

me the fact that he like managed to tear

part of the drywall out to grab the guy

he used like a heavy lamp base or

something to like bang it down and then

like pulled the guy out yeah but then

I'm like I don't imagine that was a huge

hole to pull someone through right so

I'm like just it's more the questions of

the logistics of like getting someone

out of the wall of like

sheetrock physics the physics of the

fact that they were able

to still Escape well he got distracted

because Sloan threw her door open oh

because she and the guy ran off right

okay and so she just thinks that Rowan

was out there listening to her and so

she's really pissed and he's like no no

no no no no like it wasn't me I wasn't

out here listening I was in my room

listening come on man and so um then he

explains like no he went that way and so

she takes off and he's like what are you

doing like what cuz he's now concerned

about her safety and she she says I'm

boobing boobly what does it look like

I'm doing and he's like what the [ __ ] is

happening like boobing boobly yes she's

like what is it I'm chasing the guy like

what stupid questions get stupid answers

I'm boobing

boobly okay she may not have been

wearing a bra I would imagine I've only

had enough boob to boob boobly when I

was nursing

[Laughter]

and never again in my

life I'll be chasing that high to boo

boobly for so long it's not that

great it's just not um but anyway it's

the hotel owner shocker all Shockers I

know so

um then um Rowan there's big chase

happens whatever Rowan catches him and

goes [ __ ] bananas and beats the guy

to death um it's almost like he's called

The Butcher of Boston it it is almost

like that and um Rowan like realizes

what he did and it's all the whole time

he's thinking about Sloan and that she

was in danger and all this and then he

realizes like he has probably scared her

away and like he ruined it before it

even really got started and so he's just

like on his knees she kills people too

don't count yourself out quite yet

believe in the me that believes in you

we can do this so he's just like on his

knees like and he just like Whispers

like Sloan like man like [ __ ] me like

he's really upset buddy but then um

Sloan was there she was hiding in the

trees so she came back um and they she

helps him clean up and he won the first

year that's

it so um okay I do feel like maybe the

brother needs to make the competition a

little bit harder if he's going to put

them in the hotel of the killer I don't

think he necessarily knew who the killer

was he just knew there was a killer

there and that like all the hikers had

stayed at that hotel I mean I don't

think it was that difficult to figure

out but yeah um he does make it more

difficult the second time oh the next

year but 6 months later they're still

texting Rowan is regularly gloating he's

like oh guess what I ate this morning

she's like I don't care he's like oh it

was a um

a toaster strudel she's like you are

literally a

chef why would you do that and he goes

so I could write

winner in

icing she's like okay I [ __ ] hate you

I thought he was going to go weedies cuz

it's the Breakfast of Champions

[ __ ] he he is constantly doing [ __ ]

like that and she's like you are the

worst and he's like you will love me one

day and she's like I really won't like

you are [ __ ]

delusional so um but is she also kind of

into it but she's like really scared

she's super skittish okay so L I just

wanted to make sure that like all of his

flirting like even if she is guarded and

maybe not obviously reciprocating that

like yeah no she's into it she is into

it at some level

okay and LK is the best friend right is

the best friend okay so she's like hey

go visit him in Boston like you're

texting him constantly obviously you're

into him just go see him and so it takes

her 3 months to get up like the gumption

to go a so she shows up at his

restaurant she's terrified did she tell

him nope she just shows up and she the

hostess seems to recognize her when she

gets there she's like oh my God it's you

like come right this way and there's

like a booth ready for her and [ __ ] and

she's like she is not putting it

together but it's obvious and then the

whole thing that like he did something

so that his staff would know to like you

know

whatever so Sloan is really nervous she

gets out her Sketchbook she's an artist

she doesn't use color though that's like

a big deal she doesn't use any color so

she's sketches a blackbird and tears it

out and leaves it on the table and is

like intending to leave because she's

like I this was a mistake like she ate

the food was delicious I'm going to

leave this for Rowan and I'm going to go

but then his brother shows up and she

recognizes him because he looks just

like Rowan and she's like [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ]

[ __ ] [ __ ] I got to get the [ __ ] out of

here like oh my God and then Rowan comes

out and sees her and she's like I was

just well I'm assuming his staff alerted

him that well that's the whole thing it

comes up later oh so he had no idea she

was there so he was coming out to see

his brother and he's like Sloan is here

and he's he like looks at the hostess

he's like what the [ __ ] she's like I'm

so sorry I'm so sorry like I got

distracted I I meant to tell you Chef

I'm so sorry and he's like are you

[ __ ] kidding me right now and he's

like hey Sloan like don't leave yet and

she's like no no I was just here in

Boston for business I wanted to stop by

it's been great I got a plan to catch

see you later and like so awkwardly

leaves um and she just like bolts out um

so Rowan is super upset that she didn't

didn't stay and he's like she came all

this way and like didn't didn't stay to

talk to me yeah she was here for work

and came to my restaurant where she

works from home like what so um he goes

to her apartment which is in North

Carolina he goes to her apartment but he

doesn't just knock on the door or

anything he hires a neighborhood kid to

drop off groceries to her house

and then he calls her on the phone and

he's like hey did you get did you get

some groceries and he's like hiding

behind a tree so he can see her and he

talks her through cooking a meal so that

he can like be with her and like cook

with her but in a way that maybe she

would be okay with because she has so

much anxiety so the first meal is orzo

pasta because he

knew that she was having some weird

fantasies about orzo pasta on the day

that they

met I'm sorry

pause okay do you remember the movie

Crazy Stupid Love yeah and when Julian

Mo the pilot light isn't out but she

calls Steve Carell to walk and then he

walks her through relighting the pilot

light even though he's spying on her

from the yard and knows that that's not

happening at all yeah that's what this

scene is giving yeah but like he drove

all the way to North Carolina like not

just like like he could have stayed in

Boston if he was going to hide in the

bushes to walk her through making a dish

he literally could have instacart it and

called it a day but he did not do that I

literally once told my best friend who

lives in Texas that I was out of Tess's

hob Ando Ranch because my local grocery

store that I go to didn't deliver it and

the next day she texted me and said are

you home and I said yeah and she said

bet there's a delivery coming and she

sent me flowers and a bottle of the Tess

Habano Ranch you she is a great friend

I'm obsessed with her and she was in

Texas the whole time it happened I don't

know why but that just what he did and

he did it for several days like for like

three or four days yeah he'd already

driven there yeah or what however he got

there that's a technicality he already

got there and he just pays this kid

every day to go deliver her some

groceries it's not even an instacart guy

no it's like a kid he found in the

neighborhood and he's like hey kid what

are you saving up money for and he's

like a new PlayStation and he's like

cool cool on the last day when he knows

he's not going to do it again he gives

him like more than enough for a new

PlayStation and leaves um I'm [ __ ]

with this book so much I know I know

right that's how I I I literally texted

Chandler when I was halfway through and

I was like why is this all so wholesome

like what is that well this has actually

been on my TBR for a while so super cute

yeah thoroughly enjoying and um so they

have very cute phone conversations this

whole time about you know getting to

know each other better Sloan shares that

she's an artist and you know she only

does black and white we learned more

about Rowan that his father was abusive

one thing I appreciate about this book

is like they both clearly have like some

tragic Back stories there is no detail

it's not like there are no flashbacks to

like this is the terrible thing that

happened and like this is all the Gory

detail because it's not necessary like

it's not necessary for the story but

it's enough to round out the character

well and quite frankly sometimes like

there are so many books where we that we

read where it's not necessary and it's

still included yeah and it feels icky

sometimes depending on how it's done

depending on how it's done for sure and

I and I think there's something about

like reaching a place with your personal

trauma MH where you are able to go I

have gone through this it was horrible

and I don't want this to be my identity

I don't this want this to be what I'm

known for and I don't want this to be a

giant name tag on my forehead as I'm

just existing in the world um and so

while there are some books where I do

think it's necessary I also do

appreciate books where it's like

yeah we've gone through some

[ __ ] and life moves forward and we have

to figure out what our new normal looks

like accordingly mhm exactly yes and so

this one is like you know clearly their

new normal isn't the healthiest as they

both became serial killers but like it

we didn't have to go into like all the

Terrible Things it it's not written on

the page you can tell like you can

understand from the context what

happened but it was necessary to be like

graphic and make it like gross you know

um so anyway

um he continues to tell her they're

going to be best friends and she's going

to love him one day and she's like you

are actually delusional does she know

that he's in North Carolina no she

thinks he is so she like comes out and

looks around she's like who the [ __ ] is

this kid like like where she's like

something is happening she's asking him

like who gave you these groceries like

why are you doing this and the kid's

like it's not like the kid is going to

the grocery store to get the stuff he's

going to the store buying all of the

stuff and having the kid just drop oh my

God the kid's like well I don't know in

my head the kid was at least going to

the store with the list for some reason

no fair no so then we Flash Forward

again it's the next competition so this

is now their second year um and um

um Sloan is definitely winning she has

figured out who the Killer is she's like

out at a bar with him whatever and um

Rowan shows up because he followed her

because he cheated and she's real pissed

about it but the guy that she is trying

to like get to um invites both of them

to dinner because he finds Rowan

terribly charming and so he invites the

two of them to dinner the next night and

like in a terribly Charming like hey

we'll I'll have threesome sort of way

terribly Charming like it has like creep

energy but not to the point where you're

like there's clear context that okay

there are

expectations um so at the dinner the guy

is like increasingly weird and obviously

a foodie and really excited that Rowan

is a chef and he has a guy serving

dinner that has like weird bruises

around his eyes and Sloan like

makes eyes at Rowan and she's like

mouthing labotomy because the guy's

moving really weird and like clearly he

is not okay and he's not speaking and

it's just really really weird and so she

doesn't really eat or drink anything the

whole night and Rowan doesn't seem to

notice and is just having a great time

Rowan you are a serial killer be smarter

my friend he's not and so um I'm really

rooting for him he he get gets drugged

right yeah and so then he's just so high

he just goes on a diet tribe about how

beautiful she is and how um he's been

abstinent since he found her that day

and his brothers keep making fun of him

because he's saving himself for someone

who doesn't even care about him that he

only gets to see once a year and then he

just passes out into his

plate and Sloan's like oh my God oh my

God oh my God the [ __ ]

it's amazing so then Rowan wakes up to

Sloan torturing the guy and um he is

throwing up a lot and freaking out in

general as Rowan is as she is taking

this guy out I'm assuming he's puking up

all of the drugs and [ __ ] that had been

in the system and there was cannibalism

there was a cannibalism issue oo yeah

which is also why she didn't eat

anything and that's why she she tried to

tell him like without telling him she

was like the whole time and he just

wasn't putting it together oh my God

yeah yeah it's real bad so he's vomiting

a lot and um she does a little bit of a

monologue about how she knew a man like

him it was her art teacher whatever and

she's like I killed him too because he

touched someone that I cared about and

like turns out that's bit of oh so they

met an art school the art teacher had

been praying on slown for a while and

then went after Lark and that's when she

snapped so um I'm like quite

frankly art school students are not the

people I want to [ __ ] with no dude no no

the

creativity like I don't think you want

that creativity Ingenuity and the

creativity mixed with The Angst of

students um you had that coming if you

decided to go after an art student

absolutely you did much like Machine Gun

Kelly doesn't want to go after the

sties

like nope do not go after art school

students mmm we know our limits we

understand yeah they are in the kindest

way I can say this tragic in a way you

will not recover from if that is who you

decide to Target and that's so true

because Sloan is just like masterful in

murdering this guy and um Rowan

remembers everything but he realizes

that she is not in a place where she can

like be okay with that and she's going

to run if he thinks if she thinks that

he knows whatever oh okay so um he just

continues to mess with her instead and

he's like hey uh the left eye is looking

a little gouy and she's like my left or

his

left like his left and she's like that

is clean as hell like do you need to

come over and do you need to take a

closer look and he's like

no um Not the Same by any stretch of the

imagination what a what a not the same

what a start but probably when my son

was about like 4 months old uh he was

getting

really bad um diaper rash on his what

was technically his right ass cheek got

you but when you are changing him and

the changing pad that we have his head

is on the left and his feet are on the

right I'm right-handed right and so I'm

explaining to my mother-in-law I was

like yeah I just wanted to like she was

going to watch forward for the night and

I was like just wanted to give you a

heads up he had some diaper rash on his

left side and so then she's like yeah so

um changed them everything was good did

notice she's like his his left cheek

looked fine but his right cheek was

bad and I was like no no cuz I saw it

like right before you got here they

didn't change I like yeah his left she's

like his right Chelsea and then I like

paused and like thought about it for a

second and I was like that Ash cheek has

been stage left this whole time hasn't

it it's been stage and she was like it

has and I said okay well I apologize my

son's stage left ass she has some really

bad diaper

rash and she's like I put some ointment

on it I said you're you a real one thank

so much amazing such a funny she's like

his right cheek and I was like no his

left and I like called my husband I was

like it's been his right cheek and he's

like oh my

go we' been talking about it to each

other like yeah his left cheek the whole

time he's as as my left or his left yes

my left or his left stay left ass cheek

his stage left

eyeball woo so

anyway they are looking a little gouy

looking a little gouy um so they're just

messing with each other in general she

continues to give him [ __ ] again in

general cuz he's so sick from the drugs

and from the things that he ate and

she's like I [ __ ] tried to tell you

not to eat them this is on you bro and

then they're like where is the guy David

they're like where where's he at where

is he so they find him in the kitchen I

thought she was torturing him no she's

killing the killer but I'm talking about

the manservant guy with the bruises the

labotomy guy labotomy okay the labotomy

guy so they go looking for him and I'm

thinking like oh he's like a Secret

Killer like whatever no he's hanging out

in the kitchen eating ice cream and

they're like oh look it's homemade ice

cream and Rowan's like please don't

please please don't Sloan I beg of you

and she goes let's check the

ingredients some of them were normal

others of them were Seaman milked April

10th through

13th dated on the

label on the label and so he continues

to throw up some more um I

remember I was talking to a coworker

once and it was the funniest

conversation it was there were

technically four standing there me uh

one female and then two male

co-workers three of us are married me

the female and one of the males the

other one is kind of always a hot mess

when it comes to his dating life

and yeah and the purest way that you're

like godamn man yeah I'm reading for you

yes but we were talking about um semen

and people being like well you know it

has protein in it and so maybe like we

you should have [ __ ] more often and

my coworker dead ass in front of this

whole group goes yeah and I looked at my

husband and said if you want to put that

in a cup I'm happy to put it in your

morning smoothie for

you she's like if it adds that much

protein yeah let's incorporate it into

your diet that sounds like a very smart

idea sweetheart and she's like and

believe it or not he wasn't into it yeah

she's like crazy right I really thought

he'd take me up on the idea

of [ __ ] into a cup then letting me

make his morning smoothies with it it's

a protein like supplement

right not for Rowan continues to throw

up but so they decide good now yes so

they decide now that the winner gets to

ask a favor like anything you want right

so Sloan asks him to take David and set

him up as a dishwasher in his restaurant

she's like he has nowhere to go like he

clearly can't take care of himself so

Rowan sets him up in a local group home

for adults and the staff at the

restaurant um take turns picking him up

and dropping him off and he just comes

and he washes dishes right so that he

has a place to be my heart I know quite

like oh my God and Sloan is like so

listen we are officially best friends

now I've cleaned up your vit and he's

like awesome do you want to do karate in

my

garage oh my God I know

right do you want to do karate in my

garage yeah he's like cool cool cool um

for some reason it's giving always sunny

day

man

yes champ wait day man ah Master of the

night man yes champion of the Sun or

like yeah master of karate and

friendship for

everyone I'm going to have to rewatch

that whole thing now just the one

episode yeah I mean Always Sunny is

always worth a rewatch but that episode

in particular is clutch yeah absolutely

um okay so months later he invites her

to Boston to go to a charity gala so

he's really besties but like they go

back to living their lives he's in

Boston she's in North Carolina they're

still texting regularly um and he

invites her up for this Gala um as his

date or just to attend well she doesn't

know and that she's like real weird

about it um but Lark is like obviously

he's into you how could he not you have

gold star tits like lean into it like

obviously he's into you what what it

must be like to have tits that good gold

star tits um so she's nervous but she's

excited and so he's like well known in

the community as a businessman and stuff

and so he's getting an award or

something so he's very sweet he's very

flirty um they dance a lot he's been

really stressed with opening a new

restaurant um and so you know they dance

and she's really like maybe maybe this

is a date like maybe he really actually

is into me and then he says he's like do

you see that guy over there he is

somebody that maybe we should take out

later if you want to have some real fun

and she's like oh oh you brought me here

for that got it okay even though I'm

guessing in Rowan's head he's like what

a building opport for our relationship

that we can do this together right and

so he realizes that like she didn't know

that he invited her there for that

purpose and so he said he says like

you're really here she's like what are

you talking about yes I'm I'm like real

I I don't understand but just as they're

about to have like a moment where it all

becomes clear he gets a phone call there

are issues at the restaurant and he has

to go so then four months later it's the

competition again right like we're

moving oh wow okay so I also appreciate

that well and in the interim like they

had been texting less and she knows he's

really busy with the new restaurant and

like the original restaurant's been

having issues so she's like you know

whatever but he's really upset about it

actually and like wants to build more so

they meet up for the competition they

are chasing a chainsaw killer in Texas

um Rowan doesn't want her anywhere near

any of it and like tries to he's like

like this competition is less fun

because I can't protect right

my

Nemesis my bestie my competition I can't

protect my competition through this

competition like I

want so she refuses to back down on

anything um she gets taken by the killer

big fights ensue like lots of things are

going on they find a victim they rescue

whatever the guy had his mom's corpse in

the house that was like all off

psycho um and so they eventually

overpower him and she uses the corpse of

his mom to torture him and then he has a

heart attack and she's really upset

about it she's like you son of a [ __ ]

like having a heart attack like a little

turd um my fun had just started exactly

um but she is really hurt like she is

really really hurt and so Rowan starts

to freak out a little bit and he decides

to take her to his little brother who's

a doctor so he puts her in a car and

drives what a high performing family oh

for real right um Chef serial killer

unknown sort of dark thing that older

brother is doing and he does leather

works and also and also a murder travel

agent murder travel

agent yes

correct um he and Lark get their own

book that's the next one that's not out

yet brother yeah the older brother llan

and Lark get their own book

and he's the murder travel agent and

then the younger brother is the doctor

correct okay so they're on their way to

book I'm sorry he probably will it just

hasn't that's fair yeah I forget that

this series is newer where like they're

not all released yet we I usually don't

start books like this until everything

is out but it's a complete story so well

I feel like there are some that like

you'll read the first one and then the

first one is so well received that

they're like I guess it's a series now

[ __ ] and they like sure or I'll read

the next one but but then the first one

doesn't read is though it's a series so

it's a far better read than the ones

that you're like well this is setting me

up for like five books right now right

well and there are little pockets of

that but it's not like other books where

it's like these Side characters have

like their own little missions and like

side drama through the whole like it's

not like that it's like these two are

kind of orbiting each other like these

two are being weird it's like two

sentences you know that's my preference

for when they're going to continue a

series is where you're like ooh just

enough draw that you're like ooh I want

to see what happens with them but not so

much that you're like do I even need to

read the book cuz I read half their

[ __ ] [ __ ] in this one right yeah um

so Rowan notices that her nipples are

pierced as he's

driving and he's like Focus she is hurt

get her some help get your [ __ ] [ __ ]

together so he gets to his brothers

there's like some very cute silly

moments he has a circus performer there

who's hurt that's like recuperating

that's like a whole thing I don't even

know um I'm assuming that'll be the

third book I was I was going to say I'm

assuming that that's the third book cuz

the circus performer sees how injured

Sloan is and she's like on crutches and

is like throwing her crutches at Rowan

because she thinks that like he hurt

her it's very cute actually uh

why are there so many moments of this

books and I'm like why is this so cute

it's adorable and then at one point his

little brother is like don't make me

whip out that childhood nickname he's

like you shut the [ __ ] up and he's like

whatever you say [ __ ] Flicker and we

never find out what that is about but

Sloan loves it and immediately is like

so I have a few questions like first of

all who [ __ ] yours someone else's was it

human was it animal why why did we do

that honestly all of those are very

valid question in what direction for

what purpose yes it's really funny um so

then Rowan's taking care of her and he's

really struggling trying to get her into

the bathtub and he's like I have been

[ __ ] suffering for four years cuz

she's like teasing him a little bit and

he's like I have been suffering for four

[ __ ] years just get in the [ __ ]

bathtub and she's like it's only been

three and he was like yesterday was the

third year we are in the fourth year

year get in the goddamn bathtub he like

had enough of it um and so he's like

listen I don't care how bruised up you

are you're beautiful um I'm super

distracted by all your piercings and he

declares his feelings but he's like I'm

not going to touch you because you're

hurt valid she's like you respect that I

don't actually care and so she puts the

moves on him um but we do respect that

he didn't presume yes we do respect

expect that so he gets super dominant

energy going on he goes through all her

piercings which were fascinating to me

so she had both nipples belly button she

has a couple on her face but then she

had her [ __ ] labia and foreset and I was

like oh

no okay three in her VJ yeah in the

area that's the most I've ever heard of

a a single female having top and bottom

yeah like I feel like every now and then

like we'll read a book with like a dude

will have like a Jacob's Ladder that has

like right right eight piercings a

ridiculous number his Dick's just that

long they had to keep adding them right

but like I feel like it's not that

common that like a female has that many

genital piercing right right um he's

very into it um so he's like she

eventually says like she's teasing him

some but then she eventually says like I

haven't been with anyone either like he

hasn't been with with anyone she's like

I haven't either and he at that point is

like about to snap and he's like you

need to pick a safe word right now she's

like

chainsaw and then all bets are off so

major Dom Vibes lots of dirty talk um he

goes down on her after he comes and then

spits it in her mouth so that's a thing

that occurs I don't I know you

don't I know you don't well there was

also a Nikki Sloan book book where um

what was the term cream

pie yeah what about a cream pie

Chelsea where she was like do you want

to lick your own cream pie sure it was

like one of those scenes and every like

it was hot enough when you're reading it

but then also logistically you're a

little

like maybe maybe not

I mean is that just me no I get it I get

it yeah yeah where she's like if you

come before I

do inside me you'll have to lick it up

and clean it

off and I'm like I get if that's some

people's thing it's not my thing

yeah

yeah this is

like there this is supposed to be like I

think they're coming together finally

solidifying or just their first I

wouldn't say it's their solidifying I

would say it's more like taking the edge

off of like they've been circling each

other for years now so then he is like

just so excited to to have her and like

to be able to care for her and so he

tells her to sleep with him it's still

inside her that doesn't work for her um

um so they they [ __ ] again and then so

they [ __ ] again so they [ __ ] again well

if you won't let me sleep inside you

best I can do is come

again like best I can

[Music]

do he does better technically because

she sees that he has a tattoo um I can't

remember if it's on his back or on his

chest but he has a tattoo and it's the

black bird that she Drew and left for

him at the restaurant and she's like oh

oh okay and he's like you you don't get

it so then he I've been in love with you

for years yes he's like literally since

the moment I saw you so then he [ __ ]

her ass and like declares his feelings

in that moment um wait we got anal the

first night

mhhh bold move my guy yeah and then he's

like very gentle and tender and like

cleans her up and everything and he's

like I'm taking you home to Boston

so that happens because she works

remotely yeah so a few weeks later she

is moving we love a post pandemic book

that allows people to freedom of

movement yeah um so a few weeks later um

Sloan and Lark go to his restaurant this

time the hostess immediately is like got

it I'm going to go tell Rowan right now

but she shows there's like a sheet of

paper behind the host to stand like

taped up that says like if anyone calls

in reservations under this name or this

name or says this or comes in and looks

like this you immediately take her to

this booth which is permanently reserved

and you tell Chef immediately I'm not

[ __ ] kidding like it's like really

cute it's really cute um I'm surprised

the hostess is still working there after

she didn't let him know last time I know

um so Sloan is like still a little bit

crazy

understandably and so she like puts a

camera in the kitchen cuz she just wants

to be able to see him sometimes so

she'll just like randomly check it to

like what's he doing is he okay whatever

I want to say she's crazy but also my

husband and I share locations with each

other and I check his

location far more than he checks mine

well I think the thing is he doesn't

know there's a camera in his kitchen

holy sh know you know tou sh it's

different I think it's different when

you know you know I assumed he knew and

I recognize now the error of my

ways yeah okay but it's it's still sweet

in a way that I feel like he wouldn't be

upset about it oh no he would love it

yes so into that level of interest and

possession from her Lov me yeah yeah

100% so um he takes her on a walk to

show her the new restaurant which is

opening very soon and it is called

butcher and Blackbird and he has

decorated it like in their story so

there's like little nods to the all the

times they've spent together and like

their inside jokes and she has a

reserved Booth that's like got her got

Blackbird like burned into it um into

the wood and stuff and so saying square

footage in Boston is a hot commodity so

to have a whole Booth reserved just in

case she decides to show up when she

lives out of state

yeah well she lives with him now this is

her moving in

now oh that's still that's fair I guess

I wasn't just like a you're coming home

with me for a trip and more of like oh

no this is it so you're moving to

Boston you're mine now like okay I have

had both your [ __ ] and your

ass no takebackspace

d i BS e d God's comma God's D yes God's

comma the Lord's comma

D that's definitely the Lord's comma

yeah especially in this context

obviously um so they cook together she

helps him with some menu items and stuff

and then they [ __ ] in the kitchen

there's lots of like the restaurant's

not open yet um which I feel like is

important for someone who worked in food

service to be like listen you saw my

face to be

clear we are still Serve Safe approved

um

anyway we got 100% health code rating

we're not [ __ ] that up for some sex I

mean we might um but there's a lot more

Dom Vibes and like dirty talk and you

know ripping of panties um she clearly

has a praise Kink there's lots of like

you know my pretty little slug and that

kind of stuff okay this feels a lot like

the last book that we reviewed not so

lucky where like yeah a lot of it as

you're reading it doesn't really feel

like possessive praise Kink energy but

then the sex scenes just kind of like

switch a flip and you're like okay we're

doing it golden retriever Rowan has

taken a seat I don't know what dog that

is now Cane Corso probably

okay sorry I'm

sorry I was like we could just get off

on a whole tangent that we probably we

could oh my God so I took Sophie to the

bed this week because of her allergies

and we're sitting there and this little

old man was so cute he was asking me

before Hannah continues I need everyone

to know that her dog has a visual

impairment oh yeah she's blind yeah

she's real blind and the tech forgot and

when they went to the vet she like

walked ran into the wall walked her dog

into the door and was like oh my God I'm

so sorry I forgot your dog can't see and

like couldn't figure that one out on

their own sorry keep going with your

story I just felt like that was very

important well this little old man was

waiting for his cat and was like

obsessed with Sophie and like wanting to

pet her and like meet her um he was so

cute and as we're sitting there the

largest dog I've ever seen in person

came out of the back it was literally

because I asked

180 lb Great

Dane 180 lb brindle great

dane oh my God I was like holy [ __ ] wild

thing to me I've never met a Great Dane

who understands how large they are no

she was so cute too oh my God she was so

adorable so we're like sitting there

this little old man is commenting on how

huge this dog is and then one of the

smallest Chihuahuas I've ever seen came

out of the B

and decided that she needed to assert

her dominance over the Great Dane who

easily weighed 170 lbs more than she did

and the little old man was so tickled

and he was like look at what we've got

here small medium and extra

large he was so excited about the whole

thing and Sophie is like sitting behind

my legs cuz she can hear things but she

doesn't know what's going on it was just

super pure but that was the largest dog

I've ever seen but she was so like she

did not give [ __ ] about anything she was

just having a good time

yeah the first time I had a great dane

put their paws on my shoulders I was not

prepared I don't think you can prepare

really no like especially I have a pug

right like and he is a tried and true

every stereotype you think of for a pug

mine really exhibits

and so when there's an actual big dog

around I'm like oh I don't I don't

understand this world I don't get this

no okay sorry that was not the point no

we just we went on a whole thing I liked

it but yeah um because dogs are the best

and the best you're so right yes um did

you see that clip of the golden

retriever who like crashed the live news

interview and just sat there like

smiling at the camera the whole time as

the host on the network is just like

cracking up cuz he's like what is

happening but the dog's just sitting

there he's like I'm just happy to be

here yes and I love that the truest

retriever energy you've seen and I loved

it and I'm grateful for that

um anyway so it's opening night of

Butcher and Blackbird everything's

amazing Sloan is settling into Boston um

she gets along great with his brothers

um but he's really worried that she's

not actually happy because she's so

different from him because she's so

introverted so he's like a little

worried but she keeps telling him she's

happy like everything's good um so he

messes up one morning saying that um she

she said she needed something or had a

question about something and he says

like I can't handle worrying about you

um you know I've got all this other

stuff anymore like I can't I can't

handle worrying about you with these

competitions and stuff like I've got all

these other things going on like what

level of stress was it inducing this cuz

I feel like he's been super into it the

whole time to suddenly like Snap and

make some shitty comments like that so

the The Butcher and Blackbird opening

was stressful but it went really well

but then the three and coach has been

having like weird m issues like things

keep breaking and

like stuff that he has to deal with as

the owner like nothing's going smoothly

as it should and he's just stressed

about all of that and he's she makes a

comment about their next competition and

he's like we're not doing that like I

can't handle worrying about you again do

you not remember how hurt you got last

time like I can't I can't do one more

thing okay so less of like the I can't

be bo like I just can't be bothered to

like worry like worry about you and you

need to like get your [ __ ] together cuz

I can't worry about you and more of like

why would we still be doing that like

we're beyond that and I can't I don't I

don't want to add worrying about you

back to my plate right so slightly

different intent maybe the same impact

yes but different intent and so she like

kind of shuts down on that

um her there's some mention of like her

parents she doesn't talk to them anymore

like they're out there somewhere in the

world and so she's always kind of felt

like a burden and like she doesn't quite

belong and so she tries to brush it off

he feels really bad so he says listen I

got to go do something at the restaurant

just meet me there at 4:00 we'll go get

some dinner like pick a spot we'll go

and

so he gets there and David the

lobotomized guy is still there after

closing it's like 4:00 cuz they do like

Sunday brunch or whatever and he's like

oh like he's like checks the schedule

and he's like the person who was

supposed to take him home didn't take

him home he's like well I'm really glad

I came in man like yeah don't worry I'll

I'll get you taken care of and keep in

mind this has been two years this guy

has been there he oh wow okay he like

this is a routine it's not like we're

all just like adjusting to him being

there it's like no we've been in this

Rhythm for a while and making sure he's

here and has what he needs and he hasn't

spoken a word but he just shows up and

he washes dishes and he goes to the

group home and that's it right so um

he's like well I'm really glad I came in

like I would have hated for you to be

here all night man like just hang out

for a little bit I'm going to go work on

this I'll take you home so um he goes to

fix whatever needs to be fixed and

somebody busts in with a

gun and says you know your little orb

weaver um is going to be here soon and

you need to get rid of her or I'm going

to kill her and he's like

great he's like I know who both of you

are right and I am going to [ __ ] you

guys up basically some kind of something

we don't really know why or who or any

of it so so like this hasn't been like a

long-standing villain since the

beginning or something okay this is just

some dude shows up you know Hazard of

the job well and like we don't know who

it is right but Rowan is like

oh okay like obviously I have to keep

Sloan safe that's the whole point of all

of this so she's feeling really insecure

but still hopeful that like everything's

going to work out but when she gets to

the restaurant Rowan tells her that he

can't do this that it's too much with

both restaurants um and she is making

him miserable that she is a monster and

that um she's like but you you said you

loved me like she's like genuinely

confused she's like you said you love me

you asked me to move to Boston I picked

up my whole life like what are you

talking about and he's like listen um I

can't love you because you're a [ __ ]

psycho so you know she's like well what

about the gala like cuz some stuff

happened there and um or or no she asks

like um when did you know like when did

you know that you couldn't love me and

he was like oh it was it was um at the

Galla like around April 10th or whatever

and she's like April 10th he's like

April 13th I don't [ __ ] know it was

at the gala that's all that matters

like that's when I knew is he trying to

tell her something secretly she's not

getting it okay so she takes off and she

starts booking flights and like packing

her [ __ ] and like getting ready to leave

she calls Lark and starts talking about

it and then she realizes like the gala

wasn't on that date and she's like wait

a minute

that is the date that was on the Seaman

ice cream though mhm hold on a second

and so she checks the camera in the

kitchen and starts booking it back so

that's all we know so um Rowan is being

tortured by David he's been faking this

whole time what yeah he's been faking

this whole time so he tells Rowan all

the Terrible Things he's going to do to

Sloan and when Rowan is like so Rowan

doesn't understand either he's like why

were you in that guy's house like I

don't what David doesn't answer any

anything for him just continues to

torture him and then Sloan storms in

with a gun and tells David like listen

I've been waiting for you to make a move

man like took you long enough and he's

like you know how did you know whatever

um and she's like well I'm assuming that

you knew that I would be coming after

you and you found another killer and

decided to team up realized we were in

the area and pretended and he's like

basically like I didn't know you were

going to bring me home with you that was

different for my plan but uh all worked

out in the end

clearly did it David you've been doing

this for years but apparently he's been

like killing people and living his life

cuz he lives in a like he has no

supervision really so and nobody expects

anything of him so he just does whatever

he

wants he's been having a great time so

um he before Sloan stormed in um David

was saying like oh yeah you know maybe

I'll pretend to have a miraculous

recovery and like trick Sloan into

sleeping with me or something like like

really weird [ __ ] but he's very fixated

on

her so um Rowan is like begging her to

run like please just get out he's he's

is going to kill you like you've got to

go um and she is like why would I do

that I've been looking for a partner

clearly you're not it David seems like a

good candidate so you know whatever um

but she's basically like luring him in

David in and kills him but she's still

very mad at Rowan for everything he said

to her before um but he finally

convinces her to like untie him and and

that he her more than anything and

everything's going to be okay um

so she calls his brother to help with

cleanup and there's a whole thing with

that but then it's it's weeks later it's

sexy times

um they then have a tattoo appointment

to cover the scars left by David um from

the torture she drew it for him as a

surprise and it has color and he gets

like really emotional cuz she hasn't

used color since her art teacher and so

it's like a whole beautiful moment that

they share

together and then um they're hanging out

killing a dude as they do and um as they

do he's like that left eye is looking a

little

gougi and she's like what she like gets

up and she's like what the [ __ ] there's

like a note in the eye socket and she's

like what the hell is this and he's like

read it

and then he's like but I think you need

to check the other eye and she's like

what she pulls out a little package he's

like so read the note and then open the

package and he proposes to her and she's

like did you just propose on a napkin

with a ring that you stuffed into a

guy's eye

hole and then she's like that's so sweet

and he's like oh thank God cuz I really

thought I [ __ ] up there like

incredible just imagine being at a

cocktail party and someone asking you

the story of your

proposal yeah well you see there was the

the

rapist oh that that New Hampshire rapist

of whatever year that we were taking

care of oh my God yeah he said the left

eye was gouy the left eye was gouy so

we're at the epil

he got a dragon onesie and a matching

purple vibrator because in her Dragon

smut they had two dicks and um she says

it's like being [ __ ] by the velvetine

rabbit because it because of the texture

of the onesie and he refuses to take it

off he's like I am committed to the bit

little human run from me and like it's

so cute it's so cute um and then he

tells her that he set up like a whole

spa getaway cuz she's been really

stressed about the wedding he's like I

booked this whole thing for you and for

Lark like you're going to go you're

going to rest you're going to have a

great time but he actually planned the

whole wedding he was like I know yeah

he's like I know you've been really

stressed about it so she's like getting

a massage and then he shows up and he's

like hey so if you want to I actually

knew a dude back in Nashville who pulled

that move really yeah did it work it did

they're still married and it's been like

10 years cool yeah like pulled off a

full like Hey we're getting married

today here's the dress here's what you

need to do yeah actually fully pulled it

off so impressed well and that's really

what she wanted cuz she was so stressed

about the whole thing so the only thing

she had done at to that point was pick

her dress and Lark made sure the dress

got there and then they were already out

of spa so they got all primmed and

pampered and then her or his big brother

walks her down the aisle and they have a

a beautiful time there is a second

epilog that is setting up Lark and

lain's book okay that I did not outline

um but I really enjoyed this book like

so much more than I expected weirdly

wholesome right yes um I have I have no

idea what our

our rating scale is

though is it blackbirds we could do

blackbirds was like orzo

pastas they're so tiny

noodles noodles

let's do black birds let's do blackbirds

um I do have a big black bird

tattoo you do yeah and also I've been

watching a lot of the movie boss

baby uh because that's the era of life

I'm in but the song that the parents

sing to the son is Blackbird cute and so

then

like that is a theme and a trend

throughout the movie where like towards

the end where the boss baby hasn't had

his special formula so he's not staying

a boss baby and he's turning into a

regular baby but he needs to get him to

jump he sings Blackbird to his brother

to get him to jump into his arms so I

hear the song a lot and at this point I

honestly tear up a little and that's a

problem for

me a listen I am who I am I love that

for you overly hormonal I get it

postpartum and by postpartum I mean like

16 months

postpartum we're still adjusting we're

still adjusting um okay so how many

black birds is this out of um 13 feels

right that feels right okay yeah 13

feels right I'm going to say

like 10 or 11 probably out of 13 I

really really liked this book and I

wasn't able to like fully capture all

the banter because there was lots of

like texting and lots of like other

things sprinkled in Cut moments um super

cutesy moments like at one point when

Lark meets Rowan she likes him so she

carries gold stars she puts a gold star

on his face and he refuses to take it

off like there's so many moments of like

that cuteness in there that like I

couldn't fully get um but it's just like

a very enjoyable read and I am excited

for the next one um so yeah I'm going to

land on I think 10 out of 13 I think

that's a really solid score look at us

two really high scores in a row I know

it's like we like to

read it's like we read a lot and

sometimes we read better things yeah

shout out to Chandler for this one for

real yes thanks Chandler yeah um it's

also funny because before we started

recording today Hannah told me that

Chandler text her and was like I'd love

to be on the show and Hannah's like well

should have told me sooner cuz we're

literally recording the book you

requested

tomorrow so sorry about that Chandler

thanks for the recommendation we'll um

next time you recommend a book we will

plan far better so that you can join us

for it we would absolutely love to have

you let us know how many blackbirds you

would rate this book out of MH mhm well

how many out of 13 yeah or choose your

own rating we don't give a [ __ ] whatever

works better for you but let us know

don't forget to like comment subscribe

we can't wait to hear your feedback and

we'll see you soon

bye smut [ __ ] bye well that's it for

this week's smut [ __ ] we hope it was

good for you cuz it sure was great for

us if you're digging what we're doing it

would mean a lot if you'd take a minute

to rate and review the show wherever

you're listening right now maybe tell

that sexy someone to lend us an ear we

love you we appreciate you and we'll see

you next week stay smudy

[Music]