Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Chelsey and

[Applause]

Hannah hey everybody and welcome to

Smart club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea

and this is the show where uh we often

daydrink and

review sometimes our favorite and least

favorite trashy romance novels stuff can

be two

things I was I was more thinking of how

many books we reviewed they fallen into

different categories but I guess there

are some books that we've hated so much

that we've love them

yes oh you know that that's a very

specific category it is yeah in I think

JS Scott book JS Scott is the whole

category cuz there's there's just

something they're so comforting to read

even though as you're reading them

you're like damn it this is not

highbrow nope she knows who she is and

we celebrate bedly yeah I wish more

people knew who they were amen yeah feel

like I'm in my 30s and just starting to

figure out we're just settling in now

well it's actually funny I think I've

like

realized very recently I have been

falling in like all of the things that

I've been doing that I'm like oh this is

very comforting this feels very good I'm

like this is all my favorite things to

do in Middle School like I don't like

going out a ton I like staying home I

like doing fiber crafts I like reading

my books and hanging with my pets and I

am living my best 12-year-old life yeah

yeah like I remember my parents would go

out like my sister would have plans with

friends and they' be like what what are

you up to and I'm like um I have 13

episodes of Law and Order SVU on the TVR

I am set don't you worry about me I've

got plans absolutely yeah and now I like

then I feel like in my like 20s I was

like I got to be out and like doing the

things and going to the places yeah and

now I'm like oh my gosh I'm just doing

all of my favorite things which yeah

involveed not really going out but I

also think like not feeling guilty about

it yes I think that's the important part

or

like I feel like for part of my 20s I

had some like fomo going on and I was

like well I need to go out cuz I need to

be like part of it I need to have the

experiences whatever and now I have the

Joo which is the joy of missing out I

enjoy not doing things people will be

like you know I live in a small town

there are a lot of festivals and random

things going on people will be like oh

are you going to go to no no I'm not and

I feel really good about

it okay so I saw like a tweet or a post

about Gilmore Girls recently but one

that was like Gilmore Girls is

essentially at its core a show about

being the hottest person in a small town

yes oh

no like you're

not wrong about

that um but I was like you know is that

your motivator when you live in a small

town you're like I got to go to all the

festivals I gotta be I gotta be seen I

I'm on the the festival circuit

m not for me that is the burden of being

the hottest one in a small town well I

guess I'm not the hottest one in my

small town you might be but people will

never know because of the joy of missing

out I'm the Hidden Gem yeah you show up

and everyone's like where has she been

hiding oh my stars and you're like at my

house with my husband Matt and my pets

Gizmo and

Sophie Who Am I who am I forgetting Fred

damn it mhm mhm yeah and I love Fred I'm

so sorry Fred that's she's okay she

doesn't

mind she has no idea she doesn't she'll

survive just fine okay um so all that

said what what book are we reviewing

today um a book called viciously Yours

by Jamie Applegate

hunter that feels like a real name it

does it does but it also

doesn't do you know what I'm saying what

she mean so when I was uh reviewing my

notes last night I thought for some

reason about um my friend and I were

hanging out a a while back and uh with a

few people and she was talking about the

show The Bear yeah and I was like oh

yeah I've seen like the the trailers and

stuff for that I really like that actor

what is his name and she pretended for a

minute like she didn't

know she was like what well um uh Jeremy

Allen White and I was like okay so you

just full government named him first of

all and second of all now that you say

his name I recall you talking about how

you would leave your husband for him you

knew and she was like that's his name

she got like all defensive that she used

all three

names like if you're going to play it

that you're like it's Jeremy something I

can't Jeremy something white or

something no the

third he's a junior no I'm just kidding

um so I don't know that history for

Jamie but what I do know is that um I

think I told you about this before so

she rather than World building in the

story at the beginning of the book

there's like three pages of information

about the world to set you up for the

story oh hell yes yes so you don't have

to like go through this weird flowery

language to get to like the point of the

this the story yeah like when when

you're trying to build both the plot and

the world right and you're you're like

this is necessary but I want you to get

there faster right right she even says

in there like there Rebels that show up

they don't matter she's like they like

they're they're not important okay and

it's like oky do

thank you right it's like don't panic

about the rebels they're really not

coming back it's like oh okay so um in

the world building what we have are five

kingdoms four of them are Fay one is

human there are barriers between the Fay

kingdoms and the human Kingdom mhm Royal

Fay have faded mates and they cannot

cross the barrier to the human realm

until they are 25 in their full when

they reach their full

power um their faded mates are

human no their faded mates are generally

other Fay or Royal Fay is more common

well I was in my head I was like and

yeah then then when they cross the

barrier when they're 25 they go off on

their adventure to find their faded mate

it's like the year that the Amish people

go live in the Springer yes

like the fa version of ringer yes yeah

yeah okay so that's not where this book

is going it's not though I was like I

want to read that book though that I

just had a moment where I was like I'd

read that [ __ ] but anyway you know what

Hannah write that

[ __ ] I'm sure it's out there I'll just

have to explore for it and I'll read

every Fay romance until I find it every

single one what a what a plight for me

um but normal Fay like just regular old

Fay reach maturity at

13 so the Royal Fay because they are so

much more powerful right it takes till

the age of 25 so um we start with renck

and um it has really like two points of

view and then like smatterings of other

people in there um but renck is where we

start um he is a royal Fay Prince and on

his 13th birthday which happens for all

Royal Fay the name of his mate is

whispered in his

ear right so he hears the name

Amelia that's all the information that

we have right he doesn't know where she

is or who she is but he knows that she's

out there somewhere he knows that they

share the same birthday because all

faded mates share the same birthday but

other than that he h he doesn't know so

he is

terrified that she like faded mates does

not mean love right so he's talking to

his mom about like what if she doesn't

love me and like a lot of anxiety and

stuff right yeah and his mom is super

sweet and his dad's like listen it

doesn't have to mean love this is about

like Bloodlines and stuff you're just

going to do your duty okay you're going

to keep her safe and that's really the

whole point of it love is great I got

lucky with your mom not everybody

yeah it might not and if if it doesn't

happen it'll still be okay my dude is

that the pep talk we're looking for not

for no renck was not looking for

that also I don't I mean I guess if you

know that you share the same birthday

that changes it right versus like every

single person you meet named Amelia for

the rest of your life you're like is

this the one yeah so so she could be

anywhere in the five kingdoms

so it's like yes he has a name and a

birthday like a first name and a

birthday but that's still a lot of

ground to cover but they live in what

essentially amounts to the Winter Court

and he's really worried that she's from

another court and is going to be cold so

he starts like making plans that he's

going to have extra coats and blankets

all over the castle so that she will

always be comfortable and never be cold

cuz he really wants her to be happy he

hasn't even found her yet but he's like

this is my duty as her mate how old is

he at this point okay so I know it's so

cute I like and I was like did he start

he's oh he started making these plans

immediately like in my head I was like

was it a couple years down the line no

right off the rip he was like she could

get cold that's

unacceptable low key as someone who was

always cold same this is what I'm really

looking for in a partner yeah why I

married someone who's a a human furnace

yes mhm yes um and I'm sorry Vance

because the number of times I've just

like put my feet on you and you've been

like oh my God I did that

yesterday Matt was like

why and you're like because we have a

legally binding agreement saying I can

do this did you not read the fine print

on our marriage certificate you gave me

permission to do this until you die so

glad you understand thank you um so he's

like like really anxious about finding

her and everything and how he's supposed

to introduce himself he's like this is a

direct quote he's like what am I

supposed to say hi we're going to get

married by the way my name is renck he's

like that sounds

terrible you know you have some time to

to work on sprucing up the language yeah

while we're searching we can you know we

can find a way to make that a little

less awkward so a week goes by they

still haven't found Amelia and

the so they start the search immedi they

start the search immediately because for

a royal

Fay their mate is a major uh like

vulnerability cuz they can't mate until

they're like 21 or 22 and so there's all

this time in there for someone to hurt

her for someone to take her or something

and so the tradition is that you find

your mate and you bring them to your

court and then keep them safe get to

know each other grow up together that

sort of thing so they can't find her she

is not in their Court um and his dad is

cuz renet can't leave the court so his

dad starts going to all of the other

courts to search for

her

um and so he's he's training that's a

huge part of this whole thing he's

training constantly to like take over

his King and um all of a sudden somebody

like runs out and says that the rebels

have breached the walls we don't know

what the rebels are rebelling against we

don't know we don't know and as she said

it's not that important they are a plot

device at best so the rebels have um

made it into the palace through the

garden and he I know you said made it

into the palace made it but it sounded

like M it and I was like who did they

mate the palace I'm just kidding that's

a different a different

book which we will likely

review um so he takes off because his

mom is alone somewhere on the grounds

and so he starts to panic um but he

makes it to the infirmary as his mother

dies like she was attacked by the rebels

um [ __ ] and he thinks about um how

excited she had been to meet Amelia and

how now they're never going to have that

and he's just like obviously destroyed

he's

13 um and um 6 months later so he's

grieved this whole time and everything

they finally find Amelia in a human

orphanage they're like what the [ __ ]

yeah so they searched every other

Kingdom they couldn't find her anywhere

so as a last ditch effort his dad

searched the human Kingdom and found her

um but the human Queen denied their

request to take Amelia to the fake

Kingdom she said no one knows who she is

here she is anonymous she is safer with

us I'm I'm not letting you take one of

my

subjects

is I'm was she in

danger so she would be as soon as she's

identified as to him okay yeah as soon

as she is identified publicly as a mate

she is in danger got it yeah

but um no one knows she's mated to a

royal she is an anonymous human in an

orphanage so the human Kingdom in this

book knows about all of the other like

they're like coexisting

harmoniously yes so the humans don't

know a ton about the Fay because they

tend to keep themselves separate but

they know they exist they know where

their kingdoms are it's not a mystery

yeah so renic is it's not a grand

surprise no it's not like a haha like no

everybody knows they're there they learn

about them in school they learn the

history of the kingdoms and all that

stuff um but renck is p ecosystem of

diversity I know it's nice a symbiotic

you know um but there is some like um

prejudice against humans which kind of

comes up later from the Fay um but renic

is panicking because he can't cross the

barrier he even tries and and all of the

like the Warriors are just like buddy he

just like runs into the barrier over and

over again cuz he like he just wants to

get to

her so um his best friend can cross the

barrier because he is not a royal Fay

convenient correct and so Finn um agrees

after much berating from renck to

glamour himself and to take a letter to

Amelia he can't tell her who he really

is though um but are we going to get a

really sweet pen pal situation yeah hell

yes so cute it's so cute so he he

decides to send her a gift as well

because he missed her

birthday so he like sends Finn off with

this letter and this gift and so Amelia

is um she's everything is okay right

like she is not ill treated in this

orphanage

um she just is kind of lonely and reads

a lot and just kind of keeps to herself

um and just kind of lives her life but

then one night she wakes up from this

really weird sort of dream and finds an

envelope and the letter is very cute and

like you can see he crossed things out

and like rewrote it and was trying to

make it just right um and he introduces

himself as her mate he calls himself

Nick um and tells her that he felt her

sadness a few days ago because their

mate link has started she can't feel it

but he can and so is that because she's

in the human world do yes yeah that's

what it's made out to be so he says he

felt her sadness and he really hopes

that she's okay um and uh he says that

when he gets upset he likes to go

outside and talk to his mom and he

thinks it would be okay if she wanted to

talk to his mom too that she would

probably like that and I was like oh my

gosh that's so cute

um but then she thinks that this is all

some kind of mistake she's like what is

happening she has no context for any of

this well and when you said that he sent

a birthday gift I was like but it took 6

months right so it's not like it's like

oh I missed your birthday last week it's

like are you sure this was for me cuz my

birthday wasn't recently well and he

says that he says like I'm sorry it took

me so long to find you I'm sorry this is

so late

whatever so then she notices a box on

the window and she goes to open it and

literally screams because it's the

creepiest doll she's ever seen in her

life and she assumes that this is a very

cruel joke she assumes that like

somebody in the orphanage is messing

with her or something and so she turns

around and the letter is gone and so

she's like cool am I also an insane

person this is [ __ ] so she writes

back screw you not sincerely P.S I'm

sorry to hear about your mom and then

she leaves it on the Wind window sill

and is like maybe they'll take it back I

don't know it goes back to

bed but she's super unsettled that

somebody was in her room cuz the letter

was there and then it was gone I mean

rightly so yeah any of us would feel

that way yeah yeah little unsettled

creepiest doll she's ever seen in her

life she's like what the [ __ ] like oh

God so Ren I know and that's the energy

this whole time every gift he gives her

is terrible but he tries so hard it's

just very cute so he is like freaking

out I had a old boss oh no and bless it

whenever there was like an anniversary

or the holidays or his birthday or

something one of our favorite games was

like what did his wife get him this time

oh no because she wasn't a great Gift

Giver mhm now mind you I also think like

he was the primary bread winner in the

house and so they had a conversation

where she was like I'm trying to like

not spend a lot of money on things and

he's like please spend money on my on

gifts for me and she's like oh okay and

I do think it got better after that cuz

bless her heart it'd be things where

she's like it'd be like one shirt out of

like a three pack of undershirts and

you're like what happened to the other

two like where did this that's so bad it

would it'd be things like that be here's

a new sponge for the kitchen and you're

like weren't you going to get one of

those anyway yeah you're like oh it's

just my birthday it's fun this is my

birthday sponge my birthday

sponge the birthday sponge and they they

had a conversation and cleared it up but

for a while it

was really funny that's amazing really

funny is his coworker probably not for

him to actually be oh

yay oh thank thank you refills for the

Swiffer Wet jet like so

awkward the Engles brand the Laura Lin

replacements for theur Swiffer Wet

jet a t-shirt from the Piggly

Wiggly uh I visited Murphy's bur

tennessy and all I got was this shirt

from the pig yes that's correct it'd be

like getting like someone else went on a

trip a month ago and was like here's a

bies listen bies has good [ __ ] though

they do I was going to say like one of

the things that's like not like

something you'd buy to keep there right

when you're like oh this is like the

refillable soda cup from biy sort of

energy yes yeah so luckily like his are

so much thought and effort and he tries

so hard

burs every

time and so he is freaking out waiting

for Finn to get back and his father

comes up to him and is like so you're

waiting you're waiting for Finn and Nick

thought he had been super Sly this whole

time as every Middle School Boy thinks

they are every 13-year-old boy thinks

they have it on Lock and he's like you

knew our plan and his dad's like a

13-year-old boy crossed into the human

Realm you think that my guards wouldn't

tell me that come on kid um and um oh I

forgot the Royal Fay also have familiars

and his dad's is like a giant snow

leopard or something and so he sent it

with Finn to keep him safe to like

escort

him are they all different animals yes

oh so it's like you're Patronus yes and

they get them when they're 15 oo so um

his father is actually in support of him

riding what interesting gifts that like

when you're 13 you get the name of your

fed m and then when you're 15 you get

your familiar I feel like it should

be yeah you know like I don't know that

I'm ready for a faded M at 13 but but I

am ready for an animal bestie yeah 100%

at any age every

age um so his dad actually supports this

whole plan because um if the only way

the m Bond can be broken is if one of

them falls in love with someone else or

marries someone else before their mating

is completed oh so his dad is like

listen this is a great idea woo the [ __ ]

out of her from afar love it for you kid

more power to you um but he doesn't run

any of the gift ideas past his dad no he

does not get feedback on the gifts from

his dad so which is unfortunate so um

she can't write back

because again the whole point of leaving

her there is to keep her safe so he

can't have anything of hers and Finn

always takes the letter back once she's

read it so the only thing that remains

is this are these weird gifts right so

um 6 months later okay um so we jump a

lot in time as they're growing up

Growing Up So 6 months later I

appreciate that I appreciate that this

book isn't going to end with them being

13 no I wouldn't have reviewed it cuz it

gets

weird thank you we've been watching

quiet on set oh

no yeah no and I'm like mm no I don't

like that no

let's be of legal age yes and consenting

yes and we are here yeah um so six

months later Amelia has essentially made

her first friend there's a new girl in

The Orphanage um the girl is really

quiet but they just kind of hang out and

read together and it's just nice um and

on her 14th birthday she receives her

fourth letter so she gets it's not all

the time it's not like weekly or

anything almost seems like quarterly

yeah yeah roughly quarterly well her

fourth letter within 6 months I guess is

not quarterly cuz

first it's every month or two yeah yeah

consistent communication that's not

weekly correct all that matters yeah um

so

uh he tries to tell her about himself

but he's having a hard time because she

can't respond so he's like trying to

like let her get to know him but he's

like I don't know if you want to know my

favorite food but this is it and like I

don't know if you want to know my

favorite color but this is it it's just

really like it's very cute my heart this

poor kid I know and um he mentions his

friends and um how he has been taking

the advice of a female friend um on what

to get her um so that they can spend

time together and like learn more about

each other once they do finally meet and

so

um he she doesn't like that she's like

who is that like I don't understand

what's what are you saying to me she's

like I don't get it so then wait what

like what doesn't she the female friend

she's like she doesn't like that he has

a female friend she doesn't like that

someone else is picking out her gifts

and they're all

terrible well yeah if you're asking

someone for their feedback and all of

the the gifts is it like a jealousy

thing or just like a it's a more like a

discomfort like

yeah yeah and she she's just has more

questions but she can't ask them so

she's just stuck there um with the weird

gifts that someone who's not him picked

out for her correct yep fair so a year

later it's their 15th

birthday and renck is deciding to is

trying to decide what to get her and his

friend Aura tells him that all girls

love hunting and to get her a bow and

arrow uh is Ora intentionally leading

him astray very much yeah she's very

much doing it on purpose because she's

into him and trying to sabotage his

faded mate situation yes this [ __ ]

because she believes that they are faded

n faded mates um because she also shares

the same birthday and he and his dad

lied about Amelia's name again to

protect her so they said that the name

that he heard was orisa and she's like

oh my name's Ora did you mean aura

she's like you miss not hear it you miss

her yeah so she is convinced to her core

that he just doesn't know that she is

his mate

um so oh no yeah so renck gets his

familiar uh it's an owl he's pissed so

he gets an owl and then he has an owl

tattoo appears which is super cool um

but he wanted something like Fierce and

like his dad snow leopard that could

protect AIA he didn't want an owl with

its naked little legs

correct it's

[Laughter]

indecent um I know we talked about this

before I was shook the first time I saw

an owl's legs right it's not natural I

was not prepared I was like is he okay

and I'm like yeah Chelsea this is just

what owls look like can't be true I've

only ever seen them seed low I yeah

right it's

unsettling it's like he's Donald ducking

it but he's not even wearing a

shirt like a

[Laughter]

speedo animals are the best they really

are nature is wild man they really are

and renck then discovers that this owl

is actually awesome and yeah owls are

Fierce as [ __ ]

mhm and so he writes to Amelia tells her

about the owl is like I hope we can hunt

together and sends her these bow and

arrow

right and then renck realizes he can

send his owl to watch over her and he

can see through the owl's eyes so now

that they have like he and the owl have

fully bonded in their familiar status he

can see through the owl's eyes and he's

like oh [ __ ] wait a minute I might I

might like that she a babe this is good

I like get a lot so and I nailed that

birthday gift for right right

um so um he can communicate with his owl

um and so he like sends it out and the

the first time he sees her he's like oh

[ __ ] like oh [ __ ] and he gets really

excited by how beautiful she is um and

he's not worried that he won't love her

anymore he's like got this for sure

she's a

babe and I've already hidden blankets

throughout the entire Castle so she has

what she needs exactly um I love him

he's very cute and then deeply unhinged

like after I don't know what happens to

him in puberty but after puberty he goes

banana pants but still has cute moments

but you're like can we go back to can we

go back um but he gets worried that

she's not eating enough and so he sends

her food and things like that

um and then it is her 16th birthday or

their 16th birthday so it's we're now

like once a year catching up renck tells

her how much joy it brings him to see

her with the bow that he gave her in her

hair um and that he sent a sweater for

the little fox that she took in because

a little desert fox showed up for her um

like six or S months after their

birthday and he was worried that it

would be cold and so he started sending

sweaters for the fox so that it wouldn't

be cold is it a familiar it's not her

familiar so I thought that too I thought

that it was her familiar oh I didn't

think it was hers I thought it was was

going to be like someone else's it is

it's somebody else's familiar okay Sor

she no I mean it's fine but she because

it's kind of obvious but she doesn't

know anything about it and he doesn't

mention it either but I thought it could

be hers um but it's not so every

everyone has a familiar only Royal Fay

only the Royal Fay only the Royal Fay

get a familiar okay so um then he um he

he sends sweaters and gifts for the fox

which is [ __ ] adorable and then he

got her a necklace that she can wear all

the

time and he says he was going to get one

with her name on it but Aura said she'd

hate that so he got her a necklace with

a trout

pendant Amelia hates Aura

[Music]

deeply a trout a golden

trout and he's like I don't know man

girls are weird but Ora said you'd love

it so

I I see where

she's she's not jealous of Aura she just

has no understanding she just hates her

very much like why are you like this

this [ __ ] yeah again yeah so um but

she's like I'll be damned if I'm taking

this [ __ ] off though it's mine now so

she wears it anyway necklace this is my

trout [ __ ] and they even describe it

it's like flopping with its mouth open

like it's not even like a big mouth

Billy Bass before it starts to sing he's

like mid don't worry

like in my head I was really trying to

make it this like cute

minimalist necklace

no no I was like okay we can make a we

can make it work

no as you keep describing it I'm like

okay so it's a little harder to make it

work now but if we try hard and believe

in ourselves then like his mouth is open

she's like you know what he got this for

me and that's sweet so a thought that

counts or as a [ __ ] we're not going to

focus on that she clearly sees the

effort he's been putting in mhm and the

fact that he keeps saying like I was

going to get you this but AA said you'd

hate that like yes exact she's like this

is not on Nick for shitty gift

indication of Nick's tastes yes like

it's not his fault good on him for he

really

communicating so we jump again A year

later it's their 17th birthday he is

watching her through Greta who is his

familiar he's watching her through

Greta's eyes and sees her holding hands

with a boy on her way home from school

oh no so he sends her a letter with a

mold of his hand so if she wants to hold

one she can hold his he's like don't be

doing that have this and send her a mold

of his

hand all I can think of is like the

elementary school like Fall Festival

yes yes literally I had the same thought

I was like are we spread wide like I

want to know what position the hand is

in for the mold I think my parents have

one in their bedroom that's like them

holding

hands uh that was like an anniversary

gift or

something it's a choice

yeah everybody gets a choice I've seen

people use use like hand molds with the

finger spread for a jewelry holder that

looked kind of cool yeah um this isn't

that though yeah I was going to say i'

I've seen them look very cute and like

done very well and then you've also seen

the ones that you're like this is from

the fourth grade fall

festival and uh we have held on to it

longer than we should have this is not a

precious memory

yeah also hold the stone hand if you

need something to hold right don't touch

other boys hold this

so this is the first time he signs the

letter viciously yours I see yep and um

the hand is massive and she's really

confused she was like I thought he said

we were the same age why is this hand

this [ __ ] big that's weird maybe it

indicates some good things for your

future my girl but then also she doesn't

get there she's still very

innocent so then um she's also really

confused because she has seen him fade

in and out in her room right so it's not

him It's Finn but she doesn't know that

she just has seen through the glamour a

couple of times and she's like he didn't

look that big when I saw him I see weird

Finn is not as tall as his bestie mhm so

um she also is like I'm I'm not going to

put my life on hold for somebody who

writes me a few letters a year like he's

not told her when they're ever going to

meet he's not told her who he is or

really anything about this she has no

context outside of these letters which

are not helpful context right so she's

like I'm not going to not talk to people

like that's you're a

weirdo um but then she also she's like

she still thinks this could be a mistake

like he could be confused or he'll

change his mind at some point a long

mistake well she's like he's never

really like talked to me that's fair

so um so she has she can't clarify with

him right so um then it's their 18th

birthday and he reveals in a letter that

he can feel her touch herself at night

and send some like explicit [ __ ] about

what he wants to do to her and um he

also sends her several dresses Ora

picked out for her they are

horrifying awful truly terrible and even

he even thinks about he's like these are

not very pretty but Ora said that this

is what's like in fashion now so I guess

this is what girls want to wear now and

like send it anyway I don't really get

it but if it's what you're into here

I'll get it for you I'll support you

yeah

all the love right so then we're nine

months later so they are now almost

19 she got a job at the local library

who's recently moved out of the

orphanage um a boy there likes her um at

the library and asks to walk her home

and it feels wrong but she's also pretty

sure that Nick is [ __ ] aura or at

least somebody because she's

like virgins don't use words like that

so like he hasn't waited for me so like

I'm not going

to you know oh no yeah I don't think

renck is going to love this turn of

events he doesn't so

um and she's like I'm not going to put

my life on hold indefinitely because

again he hasn't told her we will meet

when we're 22 when we're 25 it's just

like you're my mate in the future here's

an ugly dress like Okie do are my person

here's a trout necklace here's a mold of

my

hand so um the Fox is still her constant

companion he's still around all the

time and she doesn't like do anything

with this boy she just likes him and he

likes her and she's just kind of like

leaning into that so then some

companionship okay M so then it's their

19th birthday he sends her more gifts

Aura did not help this time and tells

her that he loves when she touches

herself at night um and you know just

more explicit stuff and then he asks if

she'd be sad if something happened to

that boy that walked her home he's like

I'm not saying something will happen but

I'm just saying like but just like

hypothetically would you be upset you

never saw him

again happy sad neutral yeah where we at

where we at um so then it is their 20th

birthday more

gifts um he loves that she still wears

that trout necklace um he tells her he

wants her to wear it when he bangs her

for the first time his letters get like

more and more intense yeah and then it's

their 21st birthday Nick's letters are

fewer um like there's more time in

between and he always mentions Aura in

every letter and so the gift this time

is the ugliest boots that Amelia has

ever seen they are horrifying so she has

like a a section in the back of her

closet that is just all the ugly [ __ ]

that he has given her incredible yeah

and he she's just like she doesn't

understand like what is going on and so

she's like makes sense it obviously he's

not writing me as often this is fading

just like I thought it would like you

know so Finn the best

friend has still been delivering letters

and gifts and stuff and um this time

he's stuck around to see uh what's been

going on and this is when he realizes

that aura has been sabotaging

renck um and he confronts her about it

and Aura denies it and says that um Finn

is jealous of her and her relationship

with renck um and and um he's like I you

are literally delusional like what the

[ __ ] is wrong with you so cuz I mean she

is has spent all of these years fully

convinced yep that they are mates yep

that she's going to be queen that they m

i mean sabotaging him with the gifts

isn't cool but like my heart also kind

of hurts for her that like this is well

and that's the kind of and we'll get

into it a little bit more but like

she has been behaving this entire time

as if she is his mate to everybody

except for renck and she's hateful like

to all of the castle staff and

everything she's truly terrible um so

she's tried to step into the role

already mhm and not in a way that anyone

nope is are they accepting of it are

they do they just like put up with it

they kind of just ignore her but her dad

is really high up in the government and

so they don't push back on her because

of that because of who her dad is got

it so eight months later renck is at a

party and he can feel Amelia [ __ ]

someone oh through their bond and he

like falls to his knees and starts to

panic that she has fallen in love with

someone else and um he's really beating

himself up because he knows that he

should have told her that he might not

be able to write for a while cuz he

hadn't written in eight months oh and so

he he's like I should have told her

they'd been hunting the rebels that

killed his mom so he had been like all

over the kingdom and um they

finally defeated them whatever

eradicated the rebels right and so he is

thinking about how he's just really sad

like he's not angry with her at all

because she has needs and he's not there

to meet them and so it's okay that that

happened he's just really sad that he

couldn't be there for her the way that

she needs mhm so he sends his owl to see

who this guy is um and he realizes she's

not wearing his necklace

anymore and he sends her another letter

that she she says like or he says I felt

you [ __ ] him last night like you know

whatever so Amelia is livid like super

livid she hasn't heard from him for very

nearly a year at this point

well and like what what's the goal of

the letter right because it

just I oh I haven't heard from you in 8

months and I like I imagine it reads a

little accusatory even though like in in

his head he's like she has needs I

haven't written her I need to let her

know I still care right but that is not

what comes across in the letter um and

so she uh she's like this guy was sweet

and he made me laugh like

why why are you like this don't make me

feel bad about it right and then at the

same time she also had this thought that

if Nick did ever show up obviously he's

like super experienced with the way that

he writes and she didn't want him to be

disappointed in her like he want she

wanted to know like what to do if he did

ever happen to show up and so um she

imagined that it was Nick the whole time

that she was with this other guy and she

knew that she would not sleep with

anyone else again she was like I'm not I

I just can't um and she was like I had

really thought that it was time for me

to like move on with my life um and then

she's mad that he only reached out

because he felt her with someone else

she's like okay that's like possessive

and gross and that's not actually about

caring about me and like wanting to

reach out to me which might not

necessarily have been his intent right

but intent versus impact matters it does

every time every time so this is where

we become um slightly unhinged so renck

kidnaps the guy who [ __ ] Amelia OH and

castrates him

it gets so much worse it gets so much

worse renck has snapped he has

snapped we went from 6:00 to midnight I

know so fast I know that's how this book

does though it like lurs you in with a

trout necklace and then we're castrating

people and lurs you in with jewelry and

takes a hard turn at

castration it is a hard turn it is a

hard turn and we don't ever come back

because he he says like he doesn't

intend to kill this guy um no he just

wanted him to never be able to [ __ ]

ailia again I get it right he's like

that touched her logical respon have so

it's mine now it's mine he doesn't say

that that's just I just thought it and I

reg it and I put it in a

jar keep it on my shelf

not like the little Crystal dicks that I

actually have on my mantle you mean the

little one that's sitting on my

husband's desk right

now think he has an amethyst

dick just like it's about like an inch

inch and a half tall

yeah yeah you told my husband those

existed did and we had purchased some

before you left our

house but like it's like a bag of like

20 it's so little Crystal dicks and I'm

like what so many what do we do with

this many of

them leave them fun places yeah for

people to find honestly it does bring me

joy yeah Matt does that with he had some

little laser cut wood ones that are flat

he'll just randomly put them places or

if he has to send something somewhere in

the mail he'll put a couple in there I

just

because but that's not what renck does

he does not put this dick in the mail

what he does do is delivered yeah he

explains why this is happening he's like

you you [ __ ] deelia and the guy is

like listen she was nothing like it

didn't mean anything and renck loses his

[ __ ] yeah more piss excuse me she's

everything how dare you and then he

kills

him um and so he sends a letter to

Amelia and says listen that guy is not

avoiding you just a heads up um but he

won't be back and he also sends her the

guy's pants with the hole in the crotch

where he castrated him covered in blood

he sends Amelia the

pants and and then writes a little note

and that says don't worry it's not my

blood and Amelia's like what the

[ __ ] believe it or not I don't feel

better knowing it's not your blood I

know she's like what is this mean

like she's like this is the weirdest

[ __ ] pin pal ever right how did I get

here so um Finn is the true hero in all

of this and convinces renck on the their

22nd birthday to send Amilia money

instead of a gift this time CU he has

been subtly now since renck has started

writing more regularly again has been

subtly switching out gifts that Ora is

picking

out so that Amelia doesn't hate

everything has Finn told renck that he's

doing this I mean he a real one but like

why would he tried to tell renck that

like Aura is not right and he's renck

can't hear it so um it's their 22nd

birthday renck sends her

money and in the letter he writes he

tells her to buy lacy underwear like

he's seen on other women

[ __ ] a Rena and she loses her [ __ ]

she's like you castrated someone cuz I

slept with him and you're telling me to

buy lingerie like your other [ __ ] as

I'm assuming like how she's in literally

she's like you sent me the pants of the

man I [ __ ] one time don't worry it's

not my

blood but you want me to dress up like

The Other Women you [ __ ] like what the

what oh renck so she um throws

everything that he sent away and screams

out at the room not to come back because

she's certain that Nick is still there

even though it's Finn she doesn't know

that yeah

so she's like so you expect me to be

celibate and did Christ knows what to

the guy I [ __ ] one time what are you

that I already decided I didn't want to

[ __ ] anyone else right stop helping me

yeah stop like stop helping me you are

not actually helping your ca here at all

so Finn goes back to renck and he's like

why would she be upset I don't

understand you told me to send her money

should I have sent her something else

and Finn is

like let me break it down buddy

okay he's like how would you feel if she

said buy some underwear like I've seen

on other men how would you feel he was

like well I would kill those men and

then buy the underwear

and then buy the underwear yeah and

Finn's like okey do let's run it back

and try again so he writes a letter and

apologizes for not being clear and tells

her there's no one else and she's just

more confused she's like I don't

understand anything that's happening so

then it's their 23rd

birthday um God renck begins writing

weekly state of confusion this poor girl

Liv she's like I don't I

don't and she

she still can't write back she still

can't write back I really feel like a

decade in we would have maybe found a

solution or a workaround nope nothing so

she has no idea about anything so um he

starts to write weekly um and um Ora is

still a

[ __ ] but he's like oh not this time Ora

told him to get her chocolates that's

really sweet just kidding it's slugs

covered in

chocolate that's what Aura gave renck to

send her so this whole time renck is

thinking that she that Ora is like a

true ride or die helping him like pick

out these gifts and like and he realizes

it slugs before he sends she realizes

when she bites into one yeah so it's not

ideal it's not good it's not good uh

um yeah so um I don't know where I

thought this book was going or what I

thought was going to

happen what a fun weird Journey we've

been on so far it is so then now it's

their 24th birthday and he sends her

dildos does does he ever learn that he

sent her slugs no M cuz Finn didn't

stick around this time he just dropped

it off because he thought they were

chocolate so there was no reason for him

to like be concerned so I don't Nick

never knew yeah so is they 24th birthday

he sends her dildos in varying sizes to

prepare her for

him um what a confident move yep and she

wore red lace the night before hoping

that he'd finally touch her because this

entire time she has thought that Finn is

Nick cuz she's been seeing him through

the glamour and so she's like why won't

he touch me like he's here I really

really don't understand like why won't

he talk to

me so

um she has fantasies about this guy that

she has glimpsed in her room and um she

is really upset that he won't touch her

but she's really looking forward to

playing with the dildos she's like

finally a gift I can use

like mhm I've been waiting this whole

time for a gift I can

use finally nailed it so now 25th

birthday there's no letter and she's

really worried that something is wrong

right cuz he has been writing far more

consistently like you said weekly at

this point like he's okay MH so she gets

dressed and she also can't

find her fox or her best friend so her

best that she met in the orphanage

they've stayed besties this whole time

they lived together when they moved out

of the orphanage like all this stuff

right but she can't find bestie can't

find her Fox and she's like well happy

birthday to me I guess and um just

starts heading to

work and then she hears hello love from

behind her and she turns around to see

two men one who is stunningly gorgeous

and the other is the guy that she's

glimpsed in her room who is also

gorgeous I appreciate the who was also

gorgeous also gorgeous which comes up

later because she throws herself at Finn

because she thinks that that's Nick so

renck loses his [ __ ] and Finn is like

Frozen and renck throws him to the

ground and then realizes Amelia is

afraid of him and he's like this did not

not go how I thought it was going to go

none of this has my

guy you have miscalculated for 12 years

on every almost half your life yep yeah

oh so much ground to make up bud so um

Finn is super confused about how Amelia

could have seen through his glamour at

all and is like I don't I don't know

what happened man like I never touched

her I've never spoken to her like I I

didn't cross a line I have been your

true Rider guy I have helped you when

you have not even realized in ways you

didn't even know dude so um Amelia

doesn't believe them so renck takes off

his shirt to show his tattoo that he had

told her about to like prove that he is

Nick um and she's trying to like get her

head around all of this and he's like

making plans to just take her home to

his kingdom like right now and she's

like what the [ __ ] she's like um I I

don't know you like I'm not going

anywhere with

you and um he's like I'm not leaving my

entire life and everything I've known

yeah this is my home bro like I'm not

leaving I don't know you and he's like

okay then I'll move here and she's like

I'm sorry what what he's like hey if you

won't be with me I'm going to be with

you where you go I go yep you jump I

jump Jack let's do it and that's it and

so

um he follow he's like if that's what

you want we'll stay here that sounds

great love it here so excited love a

change of scenery can't wait to meet the

humans so she has a list of questions

for him so now that she has settled into

you are Nick I'm putting it all together

she has a list of questions for him and

he answers about the Glamour and the

barrier and why he hasn't come sooner

and a bunch of other stuff things that

like would have would have been helpful

context yeah at any point correct um and

then he asks about the gifts he'd sent

her since um he hadn't seen her use very

many of them and she very diplomatically

says that she and Aura have different

tastes what a kind response yeah she

well Ora and I just have different taste

I

think um so but he can feel her jealousy

a little bit through the Bond and he is

very into it um but he is confused why

she can't feel his emotions so this

whole time he didn't know that she

couldn't feel him um so super

confused but he tells her that and I

think you already said this but just

making sure I got it right that is

because she has be been in the human

Kingdom yeah on the other side of this

barrier she but if she went back on the

other side of the barrier that's what

they think that's what they think they

think that that will work so he tells

her that he had an entire personal

Library built for her in the castle cuz

he knows she loves to read um and it's

just lots of sweetness and she's finally

like okay I guess I'll go see the

library um okay twist M about going to

see this beautiful place you built me I

guess um but she's like but we can't go

until I quit my job I find my best

friend and I find my fox like I'm not

I'm not leaving without that

so um yep they never do find bestie

she's gone she's gone and they don't

know where she is she's not shown up for

work for a couple of days she's not at

home and um Amelia thinks maybe maybe

she went home cuz she was from like a

different part of the Kingdom so she's

like maybe she went to visit like an

aunt I heard her mention one time like I

don't really know um it seems unlike her

but I guess she could have gone

somewhere there's no other explanation

so she's like okay so the Fox shows up

that

night um and he's constantly I forgot in

the letters he constantly asks why the

fox is not wearing his sweater or if he

needs more sweaters constantly he's so

worried about the

fox um so um does the fox have enough

clothes yeah he's like is he okay and I

think she calls him Ed it's very cute

um she calls him Nick and he he

immediately is like that is not my name

right I know that that's how I sign

those letters but you associate that

name with Finn please don't call me that

right like please call me renck and

she's like okay request I I get it um

she's like I will do my best so she

cooks for him and then they decide to go

to bed since they're leaving early the

next morning for the mountain Kingdom

and um he's just very thoughtful like

making sure that she bathes first so she

has hot water

and like little things like that and

she's like a [ __ ] I know I said I don't

know him but I do know him he's been

writing to me for 12 years and I'm in

love with him and this is stupid she's

like too far um so um only one tiny

bed what will we

do um she finally asks as they're like

settling into bed what happened to the

guy she slept with and he tells her that

he killed him for saying that she was

nothing not for sleeping with her he got

castrated for sleeping with her it was

for saying she didn't mean anything

right that's why he's dead and um I mean

makes sense he's he is Nick is aware

renck is aware that like he may scare

her away but he wants her to understand

like the links that he is going to go to

for her like she needs to know him that

way um she tells him okay like I

understand whatever they settle and then

she's like by the way we are not

sleeping together right now I'm not

having sex with you um but she's super

horny so when he falls asleep she starts

touching herself and then she I guess

forgets that he can feel when she's

doing that so he wakes up and um demands

that she ride his face um I mean I do

think it's a bold move to start

masturbating in bed next to someone

right regardless of a mate Bond through

which he can feel you right you're like

what yeah next to somebody in a teeny

tiny just being like here's a twins siiz

bed for this man that the way they

describe him he seems like he's probably

six seven right an actual Mountain yes

and then you bold move like you just you

didn't think yep or did did you think

and you were hoping uh unclear but

regard lless she does and ride his face

and then she goes to [ __ ] him and he's

like no no no the first time is going to

be special I'm going to take my time

we're going to have space we're not

doing that here so he tells her to ride

his fingers he puts when in her ass it's

a whole thing um

but he makes it all about her cleans her

up after and then they fall

asleep so they the next day they go to

the f Kingdom

unhinged cinnamon roll he's an unhinged

cinnamon roll and that's what's so

challenging about this he is an unhinged

cinnamon roll just taking care of her

and wanting to give her presents and

like being really sweet and then like

castrating people it's like how how what

for her so much

love um not related at all but there was

a day where it was like a Friday and uh

I was done sing my clients for the day

and didn't have anything to do and ended

up like taking an edible or something

and then my husband was like oh I'll

take one with you and then the next day

something came up and he's like he's

like well I didn't get that done

yesterday cuz I got high on a work day

for

you oh my

God the sacrifice though honestly that's

what marriage is all about

wow for that was for me for

you amazing still one of my favorite

quotes from him to this I'll change it

all the time I'm

like we ordered this on a weekday for

you when I'm like clearly the one who

wanted it obviously oh I love it yeah um

and that's how renck gives gifts that is

how Ren gives gifts I did it all here's

his dick I cut it off for for you um and

so he act he's feeling very grateful for

her as they're like on their journey to

his castle she's really conflicted that

like he wouldn't actually want her if

they weren't mates there's that whole

thing going on um he notices that she's

upset and she asks if there's any way to

stop the connection because he's feeling

through their bond that she's upset and

he's like whoa whoa whoa like you don't

you don't want you don't want to mate

with me like you don't want to on with

me like oh my God oh my God oh my God

and she's like no no I just would like

to have some private thoughts and

emotions sometimes that's it valid I

thought that would I do feel like that

is something with like a lot of like the

Paranormal

romances where they can just always

sense how their partner is doing yeah

I'm like yeah sometimes I'm might have a

moment where I'm annoyed but I don't

need you to know it or feel it I just

need to like have my frustrated moment

and then move on with my day sometimes

my thoughts and anxiety are unhinged I

don't need you to know that I've done a

lot of work to be able to manage that

myself so you're welcome I've done a lot

of work for you to not

realize I've done this for you you're

welcome years of therapy for

you so

okay he's like you know he's very sweet

about the whole thing he's like but your

joy brings me joy and when you're hurt

or upset I want to be able to fix it but

if this is what you want we'll figure it

out we'll figure out a way for you to to

close it down a little

bit yeah like I just hear her saying she

wants some

control

of what's shared yeah so he um she hides

her ears her rounded human ears with her

hair when they get to the castle he

reassures her that everything is going

to be fine but she is panicking that his

people will not accept her as Queen

because she's human I forgot to mention

the Fay and humans have the same

lifespan there is no like immortality or

anything so none of that comes into play

um but she is um well and to be fair

this whole time I was wondering if she

was actually human or if she had just

ended up in the human orphanage she has

rounded ears and no magic well I didn't

know about the rounded ears until I just

said it well it didn't come up until ago

it didn't come up until then um he

didn't send her trout

earrings does she hang them from the top

where what part of an industrial

piercing with a trout a golden trout

incredible just that's like so when I

was 18 I got my belly button pierced and

I had the same just like standard

jewelry in it until I had to take it out

for medical reasons years later but I

remember uh my sister we were walking

through the mall and they had like a 2in

dangly belly button ring for sale that

like had like a bedazzled Playboy Bunny

on the bottom and she's like oh do you

want this and I was

like what about this do you feel like

matches my style and she's like I mean

you did get your belly button pierced so

I just figured we were trying to flaunt

it I'm

like

no literally never and that's no offense

if if that is what is in your belly

button but I'm like that's not your

aesthetic it's never been you my bigger

fear is getting it caught in something

that's fair I'm like you've seen how am

I supposed to wear a wool sweater a wool

sweater all all of my pants are

high-waisted there's no way to wear

dangling like belly button jewelry and

not get it caught on something at least

in my my personal life but yeah sister

was like well since you got it pierced I

assumed you wanted dangling jewelry of a

Playboy bunny rhinestones does too much

you know me you get it very much I feel

seen my my style and

aesthetic oh my God so he reassures her

through all of her anxiety she's going

to take on some of his magic once they

fully mate she's going to have guards

all the time she's going to be safe um

and he's like

I'll kill anybody who messes with you or

doesn't like you and she's like you

really can't kill everyone who doesn't

like me there will be no one left in

your kingdom and he's like well it'd be

easier to

manage he's like and for you i' do it

anyway yeah he's like I only see the

upside here you're not you're you're not

doing what you think you're doing you

can't just go around killing people

there will be no one left and fin the

herd like what

[Laughter]

yeah so they go through the castle they

meet Aura she's a real [ __ ] um he

introduces Amelia to her as his friend

for Amelia's

safety but does he think Ora will do

something to her at this point he trusts

Aura but not enough to jeopardize

Amelia's safety like that's his thought

process okay um and so but Amilia

clearly knows who Aura is yeah so he's

like we'll see you at dinner bye also is

it a A or is it o o a o r a in my head

it was O R A and then I just had a

moment where I was like AA Ora AA Aura

yeah aura or Aura Aura I don't know I

regret it I didn't like it um so um

she's really confused about why she's

not staying in her own room she's like

you told me no one could know we were

mates for my safety until after the

ceremony so like what he's like you will

never be apart from me again that's

it um and she's like well okay so they

decide to have a bath he invite or she

invites him to bathe with her um and she

says she's not as experienced as he is

and she's really worried that he's going

to be disappointed and he's like I have

literally never touched another woman

why would you think that

and she's like um because you write

dirty

[ __ ] as with the skill of someone who

has a lot of skill you shove finger in

my ass the first sexual encounter we

ever had like I don't know it just G

we've talked like it was Megan that

Megan Quinn book yes yes it's like oo

like

okay like just a finger up the asked the

first time with with no

convers yeah it's the no discussion for

me so he is like listen there are places

here like the Fay are not weird about

sex like humans there are places here

where you can go watch people I've gone

and watched people for years so that I

would know how to take care of you but I

would never disrespect you by touching

someone else I've known you were my mate

this whole time and so she's like uh M

oh oh I understand why you castrated him

now yeah I still don't approve of it but

this is helpful Conta yeah so she he

starts fingering her in the bath and

this the whole thing and he tells her he

loves her and then she calls out Nick as

she comes

oh and he immediately like locks up and

gets out of the bath and he's like it

wasn't me you saw as Nick was it cuz

she's confused at first

and then she's like a

[ __ ] so renck leaves and Amelia I know

Amelia feels so bad she feels so so

awful and she's determined to find a way

to make it up to him um in her mind Nick

and renck are now the same people

because she un it wasn't Finn's face

that she fell in love with it was the

letters and um but he doesn't get that

she has known him as Nick for 12 years

right right transition to me yes for her

they are the same person yes um so then

at dinner a maid brings a tray in so

even though he had said they were going

to eat with everybody else obviously

she's like well I guess that's not

happening he's really really upset guess

I'm not invited um and so um she asks

the maid to meet to eat with her and she

makes a friend it's all very sweet uh

renck never comes back all night and she

thinks maybe he went to see Aura but she

is determined not to think the worst of

him she's like

nope I'm going to trust him like he has

been waiting for me for 12 years like

I'm not going to do that so she puts on

some of the very ugly clothes that aura

had picked out for her grabs her bow and

arrow but you know I do love that she

just like challenged the thought and

just wasn't like I'm just going to let

this like

negative thought run rampant she was

like okay is this based in reality is

this based in the truth of what I know

like I I know this is how I'm feeling in

the

moment way to use those therapeutic

skills yeah we love a cognitive reframe

yes so um she's like I'm going to ask

him to go hunting with me I know that he

loves hunting just the thought of it

makes her nauseous but she's like I'm

going to do this for him it's going to

be good so she sets out gets lost finds

another maid and makes very fast friends

with her she's like making friends with

all of the castle staff unlike Aura

exactly so then the maid takes Amelia to

renck study and she overhears him with

aura and they're like laughing together

and she realizes that her first thought

was right that he had gone to her and so

most people in the kingdom do believe

that aura is his mate and that he has

never recognized her be for her safety

and the maid tells Amelia that cuz she

doesn't know either she doesn't does

know Amelia is his

mate um so her heart is like shattering

and she wishes that she was invisible

she's like I really just wish that I

could disappear like I can't handle this

anymore like this is way too much and

then all of all of a sudden the maid

flips the [ __ ] out and starts like

screaming and then just stops and and

she's like to Amelia she says you're

Royal and then IIA is not paying

attention to any of this and takes

off so she runs

away and then we flash to renck he feels

like he's having a heart attack like his

heart is being like ripped out and he

realizes that it's Amelia and Aura is

like do you need me to call A Healer are

you okay and she's like touching on his

back and stuff and he doesn't even

acknowledge her just takes off to go

find Amilia um and the maid like

points cuz she's like what the [ __ ]

she's like oh my God so she just points

so um he chases AA follows and she

touches his arm at one point like he

stops and turns and Aura touches his arm

and then the pain in his chest gets

worse and he doesn't acknowledge Aura in

any way and eventually gets Amelia back

to their rooms like Scoops her up and

like takes her back I missed I missed

something here scoop so he found found

her he found so she the reason that his

chest hurt more is because Amelia was

right behind him when Aura touched his

arm so he turned and saw her and like

scooped her up and took her back and she

is packing her things and she's telling

him that um she was planning to explain

her feelings to him and found him with

another woman um he's upset that she

would accuse him of touching someone

else and that she would even try to

leave and they're like freaking out both

of them are like not handling this as

well and when she tells him um that Ora

touched him he's like what are you

talking about she's like I watched her

touch you and he's like where tell me

where and so she points to his arm and

um he cuts off the skin where or it

touched him even though he had been

wearing a shirt what what he cuts off

the

skin what and he's like there now

there's not a speck of Flesh on me that

has been touched by Aura

done

what and Amelia is like oh my God oh my

God oh my God you need a Healer oh my

God and he's like it's all good and

she's I don't need to heal her she

freaks out my love for you will heal me

exactly exactly literally exactly he's

like and we can tell uh aura that she's

banished from the castle tomorrow and

Amelia's like can I tell her

and renick's like sure thing babe you

can tell her and she's like

bet so then she pulls out a stack of

letters and gives them to him and um she

says you'll never question that I fell

in love with the man who wrote me these

letters not the face once you read them

so she wrote responses responses to him

he could just never see them so um

he leaves to go to his office and starts

reading the letters he is just like

enthralled by the whole thing she says

that she until she says that she's seen

him and she loves his new blonde

hair so Finn had started dying his hair

blonde and so renck is like I want to

burn down the salon where Finn gets his

hair done and then he's like no that's

silly

and before he can do the thing that he's

gonna do Aura walks in and he tells her

to get out and she like laughs and he's

like this is not a joke get out get the

[ __ ] out and she's adamant that they're

mates and he is flabbergasted he's like

what are you talking about she's like

literally everybody knows that we're

mates renck like why are you being like

this I know that you want me and he's

like I literally don't not at all she's

like you're just confused you heard you

heard heard Aura not orisa like you know

what and he's like uh get out come back

at 4:00 tomorrow and she gets all

excited thinking like this is her chance

oh no and he's like she really is

delusional how did I never oh my God

he's like holy [ __ ] he's thinking about

all of those gifts that she chose yeah

so then um renck writes a decree and

gives it to Finn who comes in right

after Ora leaves and Finn starts

cackling laughing and renck is like this

is not a joke you will do this and

renick's like oky doie but we don't know

it is yet not yet okay so Amelia is

looking for her Fox and winds up in the

training

area and as she makes her way there a

lyx starts following her H and um she's

super confused but she's like okie dokie

he doesn't seem to be trying to hurt me

so welcome whatever um I'm a friend to

all animals M yeah she's she is like

Cinderella but with less cute things so

she's behind a weapons rack in the

training area when Finn comes in and

announces that all blonde males must

shave their heads until the king's

married that's the decree all blonde

males have to shave their

heads [ __ ] and so they do every

single one step steps up and is like

okie dokie well it's the Royal

Decree King said

so step up so they all shave their heads

and then um Finn sees her and comes to

talk to her and um she realizes that

renck did this because of one of her

letters and Finn says that the mate Bond

could be easily broken if she married or

fell in love with someone else um and

that's why he got so worried about her

being attracted to someone and she feels

really bad cuz she didn't realize like

how much the bond was like Weighing on

him because she can't feel it yeah so

she feels terrible so um she goes back

to find renck and the lyns is still

following her um and she gets there and

she says that I love you right like

that's

it yep so

um yeah the lynx just hangs around

really for the rest of the time so she

thinks she can feel the start of the

bond they get really excited um about

being on failand then they finally

bang he's really worried how far in like

most of the way like we're real far in

now we're real far in now like 80% of

the way I would say 65 probably

70 I feel like that's where like you

normally see it and like the like a

uh just like a standard offit like a

very simple like I feel like the buildup

is always like they they [ __ ]

65% there's the conflict at like 75 to

80% to wrap up by like 92% yeah exactly

yeah so um yeah they finally bang um he

eats her out he apologizes for coming so

quickly um but she's like I felt your

pleasure through the bond it was great

you have nothing to be sorry about but

then he goes and gets one of the dildos

that he sent her and [ __ ] her with that

until she comes cuz it's also modeled

after his penis so not only did sent her

yeah a mold of his hand but he sent her

a mold of his penis so um were they all

modeled after him I thought he yeah but

just in in different he shrank them yeah

yeah I don't I'm sorry I did that with

my hands so

um they just have a great time he then

cleans her up after and they go down to

dinner and he gets warm fuzzies because

he hasn't been fully paying attention

but he realizes like she knows a lot of

people's names and people are greeting

her and like it's really sweet

yeah so Aura shows up and starts talking

[ __ ]

immediately talking about the necklace

that renck got her for her 18th birthday

it's like a little heart and um renck

immediately is like you picked out for

yourself I just got you what you asked

me for like why are you yeah like I

didn't choose this as like a big

romantic gift I asked you what you

wanted and this is what you picked out

and I bought it yeah and Amelia is like

sweetheart that was not very kind and

he's like what and he's like you got her

silver that's such a cheap metal you

could do

better excellent work um and then Aura

like takes the chair to renx right um

that he had specifically pulled out for

Amelia and um obviously Ora is trying to

start a conflict Amelia just ignores her

and just sits in renick's lap and they

eat um and then Aura continues to go on

about how um you know I know you wished

that your mate had had dark hair when

Amelia's a blonde um and things like

that and um you also said you wish that

she would be short enough to ride on

your shoulders Emelia is really tall for

woman and so Amelia like um shake from

Love is Blind yes did you watch that yes

I love to go to a festival and put a

girl on my shoulders just wondering

could I put you on my

shoulders if you're man enough [ __ ]

like come on now I was going to say do

you lift

bro don't make this a me problem right

whose fault is that right um so um

Amelia fakes a yawn and is like let's

just eat together in our rooms and um he

says sure thing honey and then carries

her out on his

shoulders puts her up on his shoulders

and carries her

out uh back in their room he gets a

blowy so

wait I'm I'm not this isn't about the

blowy I I clearly understand how that

one works that's not what my question is

about but like so he introduced her to

everyone is a friend but then they're

clearly not friends but this hasn't been

announced yet so he's basically like

she's my special friend but he h

everybody knows at this point but they

haven't officially said it okay they're

planning to be married within the next

couple of days like it's coming with a

quickness oh okay so um that he bangs

her everybody's having a good time she

tries to get off the rug afterwards

she's like I'm going to ruin it like

we're going to ruin it it's going to be

gross um and he puts her back down on it

and um there's lots of like your [ __ ] is

going to soak me up I don't care what we

wrot like all that sort of language and

then um he comes back with a butt

plug and she's worried it's going to

hurt and he says actually did really

appreciate this he says that he would

never hurt her and she's like on purpose

you wouldn't hurt me on purpose and he's

like no I would never hurt you anyone

who says they're scared of hurting you

on purpose is warning you that they're

going to hurt you I am never ever going

to hurt you right and so I was like oh

okay like he really means that he's not

like oh no I lost control in the moment

and I've went too far y but for the

record I do think people can say the

first one and still mean it I'm sure

they can I'm sure they can I feel like

like I understand the point he was

trying to make that's I I appreciate his

point is what how I should say it I

appreciate his point I was like I still

want to give credit to the people that

like are like no I'd never hurt you on

purpose yeah I'm like yeah but we're

human and we do things sometimes that's

where I'm like okay like we we like it's

not

intentional you're right you're right

like I do agree with the point that it's

a it's a sweet point he's making

yes and I think if someone says to you I

would never hurt you on purpose that

doesn't necessarily flag they are yeah

it's not a red flag they're not

necessarily warning you that hurt is

imminent prepare for pain like no no not

necessarily um but she like agrees to

the whole thing and but then she gets

like freaked out that she's going to

poop and he's like well then I'll wash

you and we'll try again and she's like

you are outside your [ __ ] mind like

oh my God but none of that happens a de

like knew like I remember being in high

school and knowing a dude that convinced

his girlfriend to let him bone her in

the ass and he hit something and she

shat all over his dick in that like like

truly like the

horrific first anal experience Zach and

Mary Make a Porno do you remember that

scene no I I think I fell asleep I if if

I start any movie honestly at any time

of

not just at yeah at night there's a good

chance I'm just going to take a nap

regardless of how much I even I could be

this is my favorite movie in the world

and I will be asleep that happens in

Zach and Mary Make a Porno yeah I mean

it's accurate yeah it it can definitely

happen yeah I'm like oh I don't know if

uh if that's your first experience and

you're

like still in your Coming of Age Era yep

like I don't know if you're 17 and that

happens if you're really

like this is something I'm going to try

on several more occasions right I mean

at least they're 25 but they're both

extremely unexperienced you know yeah so

yeah he's like if that happens we'll

just no

worries like clean off and try again

yeah no need to panic so um he

eventually gets the butt plug in and

she's enjoying it very much and and he

makes her wear it for a few hours to get

ready for his dick on their wedding

night so um is that part of the mating

process or is that just he just into it

yeah he's just into it so later that

night listen with how unhinged this book

is if you're like and for the mating

bond to fully

solidify she needs come in all holes

yeah no not in this one um so uh later

they have a heart to heart

and um agree that they're going to get

married in six days um or no they're

going to get married like the next day

they were supposed to get married in six

days they're going to do it like

immediately imediately um all the Royals

from other kingdoms are coming um she's

really nervous but she's like yes let's

do it so the next day renck is away on

business um Amelia winds up meeting his

father in the hallway and his giant snow

leopard familiar which scares the [ __ ]

out of her

um but then as they're like hanging out

in the hallway um a guard starts

shouting that Rebels are attacking the

palace so I guess they didn't get them

all and so um she hides with her guard

thought we were very clearly told we

were

very told um but we again we don't know

why they're rebelling why are we here it

doesn't matter so um she hides with her

guard the and the King's familiar and

the King takes off to go like take care

of it and she's in a closet of full of

coats she's like what is this it's it's

her coat closet duh yeah and the guard

is like renck ordered it when he was a

teenager no one knows why but there the

the castle is covered in these closets

full of coats no one knows she's like

okay that's really

weird um so the door of the closet they

in rips open and there's this massive

blonde man standing there and the Snow

Leopard seems to recognize him and so

she's like okay so maybe he's not a

threat I don't know what's going on but

um this guy demands to see Amelia and

then renck shows up and he's totally

fine her Fox is there um but he is the

blonde man's familiar and she's like

what the [ __ ] is going on the fox is the

blonde dude's familiar yeah the giant

blonde we don't know that we have never

met okay so renck is like well I will

kill this guy if you want to keep your

sending if you want to keep your Fox

I'll kill the human he goes with I've

been sending no he's a fay but like I'll

kill him I'll kill the the person you

knew what I meant yes yeah I'll kill

this guy you want your Fox um and she's

like I have been sending him clothing

for years so why okay no we need I oh

we're going to get it we're going to get

it so she's like no need for that is it

okay if I I visit my fox and he's like

I'd really like that and he introduces

himself as the desert king so then they

go to renick's study so renck is

currently the Mountain King or whatever

Winter Court and the blonde his name is

Amos he is the desert king he tells

Amelia this story and um he says that

she's never going to forgive him but she

needs to know the truth it turns turn

out that she is his twin sister and

their mother hid her because their

father was a monster and was planning to

kill Amelia okay so he she has no magic

because she was born on human lands like

their mother fled and was friends with

the human Queen the human Queen hid her

she had twins she left Amelia with the

human Queen and went back to the the

desert Kingdom and because she was born

in the human Kingdom she has rounded

ears no they clipped her ears when she

was born they clipped them they clipped

them so that no one would know yeah so

they clipped her ears and put her in a

an orphanage to keep her

safe so

um

uh yeah the human Queen was very very

close to their mother and that's why she

agreed to do that for them when renck

and his father were searching for her

Amos told them the whole story so he

hadn't known until like the year before

his mom was dying and told him the whole

story and said you have to keep this

secret you have to protect your

sister so she's completely overwhelmed

um and remembers the maid saying that

she was a royal cuz she had accidentally

glamored herself when she wished to be

invisible and she is like flipping out

so renic starts to panic that this m

may have told someone but Amelia is like

listen she is my friend and if you hurt

her I won't marry you so button that

down right now you can't just keep going

around threatening to hurt people that

you think don't like me or might be not

a direct keep a fox everybody calm down

everybody calm down um so then she's

exhausted after all of this so renck

takes her back to their room um bathes

her and everything and he tells her that

his dad went to the desert Kingdom often

to check on her brother that once they

knew that she was his sister his dad

felt like a sense of protection and

obligation towards him cuz their dad

really was a monster and so he made sure

that her secret was safe but also made

sure that Amos was safe this whole time

so their families are very very close

and her dad is dead now um and he didn't

tell her sooner so he he has known this

entire time who she really is that's

what I was just thinking about he's

known this entire time who she actually

is but um her brother wanted to tell her

face to face and begged him not to tell

Amelia the truth and so he honored her

brother's request and she's just like

okay like that's it I feel like I would

be upset and feel a little betrayed

person I'm sorry is her brother a rebel

are we just are the rebels still

attacking the rest of the C while

they're having this conversation no

apparently the rebels are gone

now

what they were they were hiding from the

Rebels the door gets ripped off it's her

brother she learned she has a long lost

twin and is Fay royalty yeah and is not

a human as she thought but as she's

learning all of this the rebels just

walk it back Fade Into the Night

yeah yeah okay so the next day um

there's really cute moments with her and

the rest of the castle staff renck has

the whole Palace searched for her

because he can't find her um and then he

wants to take her

hunting she absolutely hates this plan

but she goes cuz she wants to make him

happy she's still wearing the plug to

get ready for their wedding which is

going to take place the following day um

she's been wearing the plug for 24 hours

now no he put it in before he left that

morning okay yeah I like I thought she'd

had it in so since before the rebel

attack and she learned she had a breath

he took it out before they went to bed

and then he put it back in nope it's

been in the whole time okay I'm

comfortable with that narrative that

feels true to the book it does doesn't

it so the wedding involves holy oil on

the skin and an exchange of blood so

renck has been like explaining all this

to her they walk and talk and Amelia

finally reveals that she hated basically

all of his gifts

deeply and realizes finally that aura

has been sabotaging him this entire time

and as they're like going to to hunt she

starts to cry because she can't kill

anything he's like oh look there's a a

deer or whatever like you got this babe

and she's like

okay and um I would probably cry if yeah

me too if Vance asked me

to he was he's like honey I thought you

wanted to do this and he's like super

touched that she did it for him yeah so

he [ __ ] her against a tree we love that

so we now we have aura's point of view

oh so she has stolen some holy oil and

she believes that Amelia put some kind

of spell on renck and she's going to put

holy oil on her lips and kiss him and

bite him um to exchange blood to force a

mating with him this is her plan so will

it still force a mating even if you

aren't

mate like will the exchange of blood

still you can still mate even if they're

not faded yes okay so um back in the

woods Amelia decides on Primal play and

tells renck if he can catch her he can

[ __ ] her and

um so she takes off but then renck was

so focused on going after Amelia that he

doesn't realize Ora is behind him he in

that moment bans her from the palace

they had been planning on doing it later

in the day but he's like you are truly

[ __ ] insane you cannot you need leave

like get out so um she slams into him

and draws blood to complete the marriage

and he can't move like he has this

really intense pain in his

chest and Amelia realizes renic should

have found her by now and goes back to

find Aura basically all on top of him

and um then she hears Aura call him

husband

and she goes [ __ ] feral like Amelia

goes batshit banana pants and kills Aura

like just slits her throat and that's

that like what oh she was all worried

about killing [ __ ] Bambi and she just

slits over his throat low key I get it

though yeah I yeah we flipped a switch

and that's not good it's not a good

switch to flip no or a made made a

mistake

assaulting someone and then getting

killed and return she's like so

delusional that she really believed she

was saving him oh my gosh she like truly

truly insane renck is smiling like a

loon like absolutely loving it and she

realizes what she's done and she sees

all this blood and she's like oh my God

oh my God oh my God is he able to move

at this point or yeah he's like this is

the best day ever that was so hot and

she passes

out Amelia passes out and so he carries

her back to the

Palace um and she feels bad that she

doesn't feel bad for killing Aura um

because she realizes now that she

wouldn't have stopped like she would

have continued to try to harm them renck

tells her that um the forced marriage

doesn't work like it requires consent

for it to work so their bond is still in

intact and no need to

worry so then they announced to

everybody that she is his mate and her

bestie Clover is there like at the

dinner that night and um it turns out

that she's Fay and Amelia's brother had

sent her to guard Amelia all those years

ago and like stay with her and Amelia

slaps her brother in the face she's so

angry she's like how dare you take a

13-year-old child from her home and put

her in an

orphanage what is wrong with you like

she's so mad and he explains that like

he tried to bring Clover home like he

realized he made a mistake and she

refused to return like she wanted to

stay with

her um so then you know they have a very

sweet moment he regrets everything that

he did and she realizes he was just a

really scared kid trying to keep her

safe the only way he knew how

so I mean all this whole book has just

been about scared kids trying their bath

literally that's it yeah so then at the

wedding renic is really irritated that

Amelia insisted on wearing one of the

ugly dresses that aura got her and the

boots that are super ugly and the trout

necklace cuz now he like

realizes the glass has shattered he's

looking at all of these gifts and he's

like oh my God what was I thinking and

she's like no you got these for me

therefore they are precious thank you so

after the blood exchange um Amelia gets

a familiar Mark it's the links that has

been following her around is her

familiar so that's really exciting and

after the ceremony um her brother and

clover the bestie fight um because and

then [ __ ] is that the next book in the

series yes it is she wants to leave and

he's like begging her not to and then

Amelia realizes that they're mates so he

sent her away Amos sent Clover away as

much to protect clover as to protect

Amelia and she has never forgiven him

for

that so um then renck and Amelia have

anal for the first time happy

wedding and I mean she has been wearing

that butt plug for like 48s it's been

like three

days if she's not primed by now will she

ever be no she won't stop trying um so

then the maid that she initially made

friends with who ate with her and stuff

there's also a setup for her with

another one of the Kings like one of the

Kings recognizes her as a mate at the

wedding how convenient mhm and then

seven years later epilog everyone is

happily mated with kiddos there's kids

running around everywhere renck is very

very sweet with their daughter

everybody's super happy and that's the

end

wow I

know okay yeah I feel like that one like

took a minute to get going and then once

it got going it was like oh my God like

yeah they they really decided to fully

send it once they committed oh yeah it

was

sent trout neck I was like trout pendant

TR pendants yeah how that's our obvious

rating system obviously

out of 12 years for how many years they

wrote letters um I'm going to

say like a seven like a six or a seven I

think seven out of 12 trout pendants

necklaces yeah cuz it was a fun read it

was unique I appreciate I don't think

I've read anything like it yeah I I

really appreciated certain parts of it

certain parts I was like we what m what

um but she told us that was going to

happen so yeah she's like listen I just

needed a couple of plot points yeah they

might have some plot holes but you get

it yeah yeah Jamie delivered what was

promised and that's all that really

counts so yeah I'm comfortable with

seven out of 12 and that's it for

viciously yours seven out of 12 trout

open mouth trout Billy Mouth Billy mouth

fast do they still make this I don't

know but they were all the rage um let

us know how

many Big Mouth Billy

baths you would rate this out of 12 um

don't forget to like And subscribe on

any platform that you choose to listen

to this on yep and send us your

reations yeah well know your audience

before you tell your friends yeah not

all of your friends just the cool

ones just your cool

friends and on that note see you later

SM see you next time

y'all well that's it for this week's m

[ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it

sure was great for us if you're digging

what we're doing it would mean a lot if

you'd take a minute to rate and review

the show wherever you're listening right

now maybe tell that sexy someone to lend

us an here we love you we appreciate you

and we'll see you next week stay spy

[Music]