Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Chelsea and

[Applause]

Hannah hey y'all welcome to smut club

I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and we have a

special guest today who's also the first

guest we ever had turning guest was I

the first guest well you've been one of

two oh honored here's the thing Han and

I like each other yeah um and I'd say

there's a select amount of people that

we want to invite to like come talk to

us about books in person yeah yeah so

that's why we've only had two guests so

like not saying you should consider

yourself special but we do really love

you so we're glad you're here so honored

to be back and to now I didn't realize

this was going to be on video um today

and that's my favorite part that you

dressed up just for audio because you

look fantastic you do thank you thank

you I'm well today you know the book

that we're going to get into I wanted to

channel one of the well actually that's

not why I put on this dress actually to

be honest I put on the dress because I I

want to try and get my cost per wear and

I don't have I never leave the house so

girl mathing so girl I need to get a

certain number of wees to justif justify

my shopping problem yes so this morning

when I was getting dressed I was like oh

my God K's going to be here I need to

look nice and then I was like don't be

weird and then I was like but you can't

wear that though and then I was like but

don't look too nice cuz that's going to

be weirder and so I had a whole

situation with myself before I left show

dress to the night you showed up and I

was like I missed it

[ __ ] out with Crocs so the equation to

girl math and I appreciate that yeah but

I I really was I was like I really

biffed that

yeah damn it at no point did it ever

occur to me that K would show up looking

as fabulous as she does so I did not

have that monologue with myself cuz I

was like we're all wearing jeans and

leggings right and then I I walked up

the stairs into my living room to find

Kay looking like a model and I was like

oh yeah I'm underdressed in my own house

same yeah well and that happens also but

okay K you and I both work

remotely and when I work remotely I

throw on like a company t-shirt and

sweatpants and I'm like yeah I have

makeup on and earrings and it's good

enough you bring a purse to your living

room I wear a purse to and choose most

of the time um because it's a Vibe like

I have to like again justifying my

shopping problem I remember when Hannah

and I were on the same team and worked

remotely and one time she got up and

walked away and didn't turn off her

camera and she was just wearing her

husband's boxers I was yeah luckily it

was only Chelsea on the link because I

didn't realize it until I turned around

and was like ah I was like oh my God I'm

so sorry I'm so sorry oh my goodness it

was just me though it was yes it was

okay yeah it was it was offputting

though okay really you just put us all

to shame in the best way possible it's

not so to make you feel bad it started

just as the dress okay but I don't just

mean now I mean like usually when I show

up to an event that you're at I'm like

I'm underdressed even if I thought I

overdressed when I get there and see you

I'm underdressed but I just like having

a blast that's what it boils down to and

we love that energy so I was like that's

why you're one of two guests we've ever

the book I really did I I put this dress

on and I felt like one of the characters

in the book okay so we should really

tell people what book we're reviewing

yes what are we reviewing today is messy

and magical love it oh my God I was

reading it I was like the mess in this

is like chef's kiss um so get your

alcohol or or alcohol if um you have a

substance use disorder correct because

you will need it as we go throughout

this oh it wasn't for like a cheers but

I love that you lifted it I was like get

your alcohol I was like I have it and

Raise Your Glass to this messy book um

called Empire of Lust by JL Beck I feel

like two thoughts off the rip yeah go

for first of all that title already

invites chaos first and I'm pretty sure

there are other authors who have series

of the same names right that are also

messy right but I mean it can be messy

with a name like that but second thought

and this is one that just occurred to

me thinking of JS Scott of CM stun and

I'm sure there are others that have a

double initial last name and then a last

name yeah it's always

messy like is that the Common Thread

yeah you won't use your first name

depending on how M book well it's like

um it's the more distance well the funny

thing was I was about to say like you

you have do like is like doing like boom

boom clap like so that's like a or like

whoever but a Tucker released the wol

series no no no K Tucker released the

wolf series under Nino West didn't

release it under their name so they're

throwing off our hypothesis okay and I

was scared though when you Rec cuz like

last book that you were talking about

for me to potentially read was with wolf

people and okay K we've talked about

this the wolfs are not [ __ ] humans

okay there's no beastiality there's no

beastiality that is not okay there's no

be but yeah so then when you're like oh

here's another book I'm like okay so

this this involves people only so as a

background I don't read smut really ever

I only when Chelsea says for me too I'm

the worst I'm very pretentious I'm very

literary your best read what was your

best pretentious read

lately H you know what I read East of

Eden finally um The American Classic you

know I didn't know what book you were

going to say but that's a great one

Stein let's start Empire of lust or will

be here forever so we're opening with

Bianca

um Bianca is our main girl she's out

with her bestie Tatum and they are

celebrating their college graduation

okay um Bianca's long-term boyfriend

Lucas had to work at I don't know like

his uncle's gym that he's supposed to

take over and wasn't able to join them

for the evening is that code for he's

cheating on her it will be but yeah this

like not very far in the na it yeah um

it's like a com I have not read this by

the way okay I have not read

this yeah but I also feel like that's

half of your reviews where I'm like

guessing the the final twist five

minutes in you're like damn it

Chelsea I'm sorry that's the first thing

I thought of though when you said he's

oh you're not ruining a single thing

here because yes that does feel like the

like it is very clearly being set up as

the like oh we've been together 5 years

we live together he's never around he's

kind like de beat but just like not

prioritizing yeah so they um after their

first night of partying for their

college

graduation they go back to Tatum's house

to crash for the night Tatum lives with

her dad who we know he's dangerous we

know he's powerful we don't fully know

what he does over time we find out he's

like an arms dealer but everything is

like above board and how he does it okay

okay I didn't he was an arms

dealer I was just like what are the what

is he

shipping guns weapons I was all of the

shipments I was like o the secretive

shipments I was like okay well I get it

like you're like yeah shipments I was

like okay General

crime she really feels like the author

could have honed in but instead we're

just going crime crime yeah you know a

[ __ ]

incredible all right so Tatum's dad is

named Callum it is his

compound also when they get back to the

house Tatum is like talking mad [ __ ]

about Lucas the boyfriend talking about

like how he is never prioritizing Bianca

but then Bianca's also like yeah I

wouldn't say your boyfriend's any better

[ __ ] so like they're just kind of best

friends who are dating Shi heads yeah

and it sounds like they both know and

are just like sitting in the fact that

like we're with [ __ ] but it's

comfortable and like we're in it so

whatever well so that's Bianca's energy

Tatum's energy is yeah things have been

a little stressy lately but as my

graduation gift from my dad uh Kristoff

and I her the boyfriend we going to go

to France for a month it's like the

graduation gift so she's leaving within

the next couple days to go to France

with her boyfriend for a month I'm sorry

I was just tracking the level of

privilege I didn't realize like that was

the level of privilege we were having

this is the level of General crime's an

arm

this is the level of General crime how

yes General Crime Pays well yeah in this

economy you bet it does

honestly right all of us working in

mental health yeah in health care of any

kind yeah less so General crime

General Health Care none of it's

good oh my God so yeah they're having

this conversation we find out Tatum is

leaving in a couple days and then Tatum

crashes and goes to sleep Bianca decides

that she needs a snack and goes out to

the kitchen while she is in the kitchen

drinking whatever smoothie snack she

found in the fridge she looks out on the

back patio Callum is hooking up with a

random woman whose name is

Chelsea

unfortunately I like it you know yeah I

feel like whenever there's a Chelsea in

a book she's usually a [ __ ] there's

never a Chelsea that's like the main

character whenever I see a Chelsea like

side character I'm like I'm sure there's

a good Chelsea protagonist somewhere on

Love is Blind but I don't think in the

books we read in the books they're all

[ __ ] hold on I'm sure that somebody

out there listening knows of a book with

a good Chelsea can somebody please leave

a comment or message us and let us know

because we need we need that Chelsea

needs that I would like to be very clear

I don't need that I'm losing zero sleep

but if anyone knows of a book that has a

good character named Chelsea I would

love to read and this Chelsea isn't bad

this is her only yeah this is it this is

her only moment this is her only moment

in get [ __ ] as you do um so not Tatum

that's the daughter that'd be wo that'd

be another book that I would not read um

Bianca is in the kitchen and looking out

on the back deck sees Callum going down

on Chelsea and is like this is real hot

and I'm real into this so I'm going to

put down my smoothie pop my leg up on

this bar stool and start diddling myself

while I watch

bold move and I also I highlighted every

different way the author

described the like the leaking [ __ ]

because not not a leaking [ __ ] there

always leaking there's always Spots I'm

like you need to seek medical help you

are dehydrated if you are leaking that

much oh no the ropes of come I was like

this is you need

fluids you need have

because you need them well CU she first

was described it as her Center and that

her nipples become stiff peaks sure we

love a good Harden nipple we love a

stiff peak so I really like to bake and

it's very difficult for me whenever a

recipe calls for me to like

whip a stiff peek I'm like okay it's

like you know you like I'd be like a

recipe [ __ ] you know I can't do that

[ __ ]

why the [ __ ] are you telling me like you

know I'm you have any other way to word

what we're trying to do could you say it

differently because I'm blushing every

time I lift the mixer the Whisk out to

see how stiff the peek is you just think

it was funny cuz the name oh I'm like oh

I'm just not that

talented we're on two

different no I'm actually a pretty good

Baker okay no sorry okay let me correct

myself I'm not a good Baker so some

respect bake your birthday cake for you

this year I would love that I would love

that well I was going to make Ford's

birthday cake you were at his party you

saw how sick I was at my son's birthday

I literally called my mom the morning of

his party and went I did not make my

son's cake I did not go to the store I'm

too sick to do anything 30 people are

showing up to my house if you would like

them there to be food when you get here

you will need to pick up the food and

host all of these people in my house it

was great it really was yeah we made

that balloon art I know a lot of time

spent that was a beautiful balloon AR it

was wonderful like you so K just started

a photography business and like

graciously came and just like brought

her camer she's like oh I'm just going

to take some photos I was like yeah sure

whatever and then she's like here are

the photos and when you sent them I was

like oh my God these are the photos

these are so good like I like had been

like out of sight out of mind when

you're like yeah I'm bringing my camera

I was like cool whatever I'm just trying

to survive and then like having photos

afterwards I was like okay I didn't even

think about that yes I was just like me

take photos to take photos yeah I love

that it helped you no it they were great

I now have photos of my son's first

first birthday that I was too sick to

remember so you're the real hero yeah

and and for that I will bake you your

birthday cake since you didn't realize

we were laughing at stiff peaks because

of the title and not because it was

beyond our baking ability because I

basically y'all are saying I need to

setep my cookies up before they crumble

never oh okay no so here's you can just

order from

crumble cookie literally Chelsea and I

will bake for you you don't need to step

up anything oh my God and that's how

baking started the last book that we

reviewed uh but there's no baking

there's no baking in this one you're

right Pippa had the new neighbor and she

was like I'm going to make this guy

cookies and then he's like I'm going to

make you come yeah while I figure out if

you're an

ult as a plot a secret like while I

while I determine if you're a secret

terrorist yes yes Trope of are you a

terrorist or

not oh man okay so so she's dling

herself and as she's starting to orgasm

she like calls out callum's name like

under her breath like doesn't think he

can hear it but then like his eyes pop

up and they lock eyes and she's like I

think he can see me switch to callum's

perspective he can deaf see her can I

just say and piece and love to the

author I love I love and respect you and

I'm proud of what you've accomplished

um all oh yeah oh I forgot my to read

out my I wrote out a

disclaimer everyone please these are my

opinions I'm so sorry I don't want

anyone upset with me about anything like

I'm trying my best soe I need you to

know we've had me messages from authors

that have gone if you could kindly not

tag me and anything moving forward I did

not enjoy your

review and that yeah that is so

hilarious you know we all made our choic

be oh yeah because like yeah if you so

you're tagging them y'all have some

[ __ ] giant

laas

wow

whoa y'all y'all are tagging

them so here's the thing we like a lot

of the books we review we do and also

like we said what we said like I don't

I'm sorry you're you're the one who

wrote a book about whatever right you're

the one who wrote about a [ __ ]

minitar sperm bank expect yeah no so

apologies to the author some reactions

but like I didn't like the way callum's

perspective was written because he dried

me up like no other nice it was so I

wish she never did callum's perspective

I wish it was just beyond what was it

about his perspective that you hated so

much we can read we can tell me like

reveal to me he just was very

wordy

uh yeah so Callum sees Bianca diddling

herself and he is very into this and is

like you know she's been around for

years as my daughter's best friend like

as she got older I I took notice of her

but like was never going to do anything

was never going to act upon it never

really thought anything about it until I

saw her diddling herself in the kitchen

watching me go down on this

woman um but like he gets super into it

to the point where like after he makes

Chelsea come she he's like okay you're

going to suck me off but it's like

giving her directions and closing his

eyes like imagining it's Bianca the

whole time as she's sorry there's

another one she rubs the little nub

faster oh if we took a shot every time

we said the word little nub in this book

I will be gone in a few minutes there's

a lot of little Nubs and like little

Nubs little clits

little little lips I don't know just

like all of it is little and I'm like is

it supposed to be her her cute little

I'm like why is it supposed to be little

energy because I don't that's what it's

giving it's giving mid not I'm like

really is she all

that so Callum also at the like makes a

passive comment um he does not like to

have actual sex where he penetrates

anyone because he does not want to get

anyone pregnant so he's very much like

I'm going to come on your face and then

call you an

Uber and so that is what he like he

comes on her face and then she's like I

thought like maybe we could like have

another drink and he's like nah I'm good

thank you your Uber is on its way um but

like by the time their experience is

done and he looks back up Bianca's no

longer in the kitchen

right and so now Callum is sitting in

his office and really like letting

himself imagine Bianca for the first

time cuz he never really like let

himself go there consider that as an

option and he's like admitting to

himself that he's been like denying the

attraction and fighting it for years and

he's already he's like I can just like

picture her belly swollen with my child

and you're like the [ __ ] correct yeah

that is that was my that went from 600

to midnight with a quickness that is

Callum yeah that is uh going 6 to

midnight is his only energy this entire

book while he's sitting there K looks

perturbed I just it was just I was J

disgusted reading his por I'm like

you're cringe and well as you read like

I feel like normally when you read

someone's perspective it like endear you

to their experience like oh now that I

understand where their mind was

I have empathy for their decisions and

instead like the more you read about

Callum you're like Callum no which all

right we'll get there you'll see it okay

um Al he's also sitting there he gets a

call from his ex-wife Amanda um she is

continuing to refuse to sign the divorce

papers and is like a a real [ __ ] they

still married that's who I'm inspired so

I put on the dress and then I was like I

feel like Amanda and then I put on this

coat which has had no use because it's

short sleeve it's a short sleeve coat in

Georgia I love it it's a short sleeve

fur and it so that doesn't make any

sense so I've never been able to wear it

anyway and then little like this

Navigator thingy or whatever it's called

I was like I feel and then like the slep

the grandma's going to don't hit the mic

Grandma's strawberry candy purse um so

yeah and this is my favorite character

this is controversial so when we got

here like Chelsea's like beefing with

Amanda so as we discuss this book like I

I walk up in room like oh you're dressed

for the nins and you go I'm channeling

Amanda and I go

why so all right help me understand help

me understand so she's refusing to sign

divorce paper so they they're still

married they are still married that is

really all we know about her at this

point in the book is that she is

refusing to to sign the divorce papers

and it's very contentious this is not

like an easy or smooth process um and

things are just not good whenever Callum

and Amanda end up conversing got

it so I don't know it's a couple days

later whenever who the [ __ ] cares

Bianca's out at a bar waiting for Tatum

um because Tatum is leaving the country

the next day so it's like their like

final like goodbye drinks Tatum is late

to the bar and so Bianca is just kind of

sitting there like the bartender makes

like friendly conversation with her and

is uh like is he's like yeah like we're

looking for a barbat kind of energy and

she's like oh I'm starting a job soon

but like let me check with my boyfriend

and like realizes she's like oh he was

hitting on me like I shouldn't mention

my boy like kind of like that thought

right right um Tatum gets to the

bar like arrives clearly upset and just

like goes runs to the bathroom so

Bianca's like I should go like check on

my like best friend and when she gets

into the bathroom Tatum's like oh like

do you think there's a problem with like

the length of my skirt and yeah your

face is the the accurate face so that's

why she was late because she was beefing

with her boyfriend because he was pissed

that she was going out in public in her

outfit am I getting from what you read

pretty much yeah it it gave oh my God

like that couple like

stereotypical

controlling boyfriend sort of energy

punch him in the face and move on yes um

as they are about to leave the bathroom

Bianca runs into

someone not great news it's Lucas the

her boyfriend and so when she like sees

Lucas she's like what are you doing here

and he's like oh I like I came to

surprise you and she's like I didn't

tell you what bar I was going to and

then like a cute little girl walks out

of the men's bathroom and is like oh we

should do that again soon like she's the

situation she stumbled upon and like

Terror in her eyes and just like looking

at Bianca and is like I didn't know like

I I swear I didn't know and you know we

can love a a girl's girl in that

capacity she is a girl girl Bianca like

did not fault the other girl but she's

just like looks at Lucas and she's like

you can [ __ ] right off like we are no

longer living together like go get your

[ __ ] right get [ __ ] out yeah and get the

[ __ ] out cuz he's like

what baby I would

never yeah she's confused it's all a

misunderstanding yeah yeah what did you

misunderstand about it right did you

misunderstand your dick into her vagina

like I don't excuse me did they look the

same is that I have questions on how you

got them

confused was it on How I Met Your Mother

that like a girl walked into the bar and

like Barney didn't you hook up with her

and he's like I don't think so and then

she turned around and like bent over to

pick up her purse and he's like oh

Rebecca yeah dang it's almost time for

me to I need to rewatch I haven't

watched it in like 10 plus years yeah

it's time to run that back oh I should

do that well did you ever watch How I

Met Your Father

M um the newer like spin-off version

from I think like the same creators I

could be wrong on that starring Hillary

Duff yeah I didn't never watch SE I feel

like I saw maybe I watched like a

preview but I don't think I ever like

watched it because I love Hillary Duff

though because this is what dreams are

made of yes and one of the main dudes on

How I Met Your Father is from Veronica

Mars oh I do love Veronica Mar yeah I'm

a I'm a tried and true Veronica Mars is

one of my

favorite rihan Kamar or how at your

father or both both o do both okay start

with how no start with Veronica Mars

yeah start with Veronica yeah we I

introduced my parents to it I like went

to visit my parents for a weekend my

parents live in the middle of the

nowhere in the middle of nowhere in the

mountains and so I went to visit them

and I introduced them to Veronica Mars

and this is back when like seasons were

like 22 Episodes and like 45 minutes

each I think I we watched the entire

like when I introduced my parents do it

I think they wanted to like keep

watching and we watch the entire season

in like three days and I was like this

is dare I say too much Veronica

Mars um but big Veronica Mars person

over here would highly yeah recommend

more than how I met your father how I

met your father is like an a good

background show okay yes we love that um

yeah so be breaks up with Lucas and and

is kicking him out after they leave the

club that night Tatum's bodyguard Romero

who is callum's like second in command

um is driving them home when they get to

Bianca's place he goes inside and checks

to make sure that like it's empty and

safe and that like Lucas isn't there

he's like yeah he clearly like moved

fast and like took his ship like no

one's there you're good but Bianca is

also now talking to Tatum and she's like

I don't know what to do cuz I can't

afford rent on my own here like I could

barely afford it with him and I don't

want to move home she like they're like

alluding to her dad is really

overbearing since losing his wife um so

we know Bianca's mother passed away at

some point we don't really have all of

the details of that quite yet but and

the dad's a detective yeah and the dad

is a is a officer um but Bianca really

wants to avoid moving back in with her

dad if she can help it so dad's a cop

and she's got the hots for General crime

for General crime for General crime yes

General

crime also how I met mother reference

crime General crime oh my gosh so tat

like wait girl I'm moving to Europe for

a month I have a whole Wing in My Dad's

Mansion so why don't you just move into

my wing I'm like what is a wing of a h

like what is in a wing can someone

explain to me I think it's meat and Bone

right what what are the meat and the

bones of it like what do you need more

than a damn place to sleep when it

sounded like throughout all of the books

in her Wing we know she has her bedroom

the on suite and

office and I don't really know anything

else that is within her Wing that is

just is she calling it a wing because

she's like pretentious or is it like an

actual wi I mean I think like her dad is

supposed to be a billionaire who owns a

compound so I do think like it's

supposed to be and engages in general

crime so that's how else do you think he

affords the compound you know yeah so we

where what setting do you think this is

they never say this I was like where are

you because so I was wondering that too

because it could be like a like a New

York situation like an East are we East

Coast or West

Coast like Romero and Tatum the the

fourth book in the series is called Dark

Knight it's their spin-off book and they

have to leave town but even at that

they're like we just crossed the state

line is like all they say I'm like which

state [ __ ] I well they mention like

doing shipments from Miami but then I

was like okay never where they are

exactly I was like why say Miami are you

in Fort Lauderdale or are exactly

Chicago are you in Tampa doing Chicago

mob moment how closely are you like how

close are you CU that determines the cuz

I'm trying to get a Vibe of what well

okay mind you I didn't know he was an

arms dealer so I was like okay where

they are located maybe I can understand

what general crime he's

committing like but the shipments are

out of Florida right so I was like drugs

but they never

mention being close to the shipments

just like that's their shipment channel

so I want an answer so do I I author I'm

demanding if you demand that they untag

you can you also answer where is the

setting of this book what was it

Franchesca Penn like I feel like there

was an author that we reviewed

relatively recently who specifically

said they don't describe the main

character so that like you can imagine

anyone anyone like and I I kind of feel

like that's what they're doing with the

location here but I'm like I don't need

to imagine any location I you tell me

that feel halfway like a cop out like

your job is to tell me what it looks

like and what it is so I can experience

pal trees and honestly I feel better

that you didn't read one either because

sometimes these books get so ridiculous

I start skimming them a little bit and

then I miss some details so at one point

I was like did I just miss where they

said where they were then when I reread

it I was like I really don't think I did

I just don't think they mentioned it so

all right so we're in an unknown City

we're in an unknown City corre Bianca's

moving in with

Callum well and he's about to find that

out okay because Callum is now we we

switched to his perspective and he's

sitting at his desk and getting an

update from his number two about

surveillance on Bianca um and like

Romero's like I know she's moving she

like she packed

boxes I checked her apartment the night

that we got there no one was there uh

but like I don't know she's going bro

she's moving I don't know where so then

right after that conversation Tatum

walks in and like drops off her keys and

and her dad's like are you moving to

Europe full-time like why are you giving

me your keys and she's like oh for

Bianca and I was like the [ __ ] and she's

like yeah while I'm gone she's going to

say my in my wing I told her she could

have it have a good day and just like

I'm off to France flounces out flounces

to France so hold

on why was he having his second follow

Bianca is he like obsessed having an

obsession moment well after she was uh

her little knob he was like listen

listen it was dark but I'm pretty sure

that I saw a little nub and I need to

know more I need to know more knob or

nub I don't it doesn't matter he doesn't

care either if we're being completely

transparent yeah um you are correct

Hannah is his energy is like I I watched

her masturbate while watching me and now

I'm fixated because I'm like finally

allowing myself to there so I need to

know everything I can got it got it got

it okay okay so now he knows yes and

then Callum also like looks at Romero

and is like we we've been working hard

you should take the afternoon off and

Romero's like we we work like 20 hours a

day what are you talking about calum's

like take the afternoon off my guy like

trying to make sure the house is empty

for whenever Bianca comes to get the

keys so I feel like I don't know Callum

went to the kitchen got coffee I don't

know he sees Bianca walking into his

office and he's like perfect now's the

the time to have this conversation but

when he walks in she's like crying and

he like I

didn't this isn't what I was really

expecting why is she crying what's

happening right yes was the energy like

I was going to bend her over like that's

why I came in here but now she's crying

he's very conflicted okay he wants her

he knows he should not have

her will that stop him absolutely not

but within like the back and forth so

but like when he sees her crying he very

much he like I'll hurt whoever hurts

what's mine and you're like the [ __ ]

she's not you watched her masturbate

once and you're imagining her pregnant

with your child you have not spoken with

her but it's also his daughter's best

friend let's never forget that for years

yes K is like hold on hold on I feel

like we need to we need to be reminded

this is

gross yeah so he sees her crying and

picks her up and puts her sits her on

his desk then like moves his chair and

it's like sitting like between her legs

okay and he's like asking her what

happened and is being very

sweet um and she like tells him about

Lucas cheating on her and then he's like

hands like on her face like wiping the

tears away with her thumb and is like

stop wasting your tears on him dot dot

dot quote no little bird the only time

tears should Le from your eyes is when

you're choking on my [ __ ] like a good

little

girl the nickname little

bird then all I could think of was Big

Bird so literally that's my visual the

whole book just know that as I was every

sex

scene you were imagining Big Bird Big

Bird no wonder you got dry

right I don't I don't c big bird as a

sexual being if I'm being honest never

have hopefully never I never wanted to

yeah do you

now no judgment All God's Children but

also a little curious I do have a book

recommendation if you're

feeling I'm just kidding I'm just

kidding I'm so sorry okay so Callum is

like you'll only CH choke on my [ __ ]

like a good girl and Bianca's like

wait what and Calum she's like I'm

literally like I just got dumped I got

dumped I'm like this is not a great

moment for me and then Callum is like we

both know what happened the other night

like let's not pretend we don't but like

while he's still sitting between her

legs while she's still crying he's like

have you touched yourself since like

have you like thought of me and touched

yourself at all as she's C so like this

is so weird I was like what is happening

well and he's like I have I've never

come as hard as I did she's crying I'm

like this is well he wiped the tears

okay was that I know so yeah you're

right she get over

it duh how much more support do you want

Jesus Christ ex do you like gets her to

like admit that she wants him and then

he takes off her pants sure and then

tells her to like start masturbating

while he watches then right as she's

about to come he stops her

quote you're going to come for me but

only when I tell you that you can and

only for me no one else will will get to

see this [ __ ] touch it or lick it I'll

find out if anyone else has been inside

you touched you or even thought about

that from now on the consequences will

be grave this is the liquid evaporating

out of my body with a [ __ ] statement

like evaporating out of my body I could

feel my vagina DEH that is so insecure

I'm like you are just disgust I would

have been like ew it's giving so

insecure like why are you ew like yeah

it would have been like big ew like ew

I'm so embarrassed like you this is like

ew big ew right so Callum starts going

down on her I also want to knowe every

time like y'all bianka's [ __ ] is so wet

right there she's perpetually leaving

wet leaking [ __ ] right like that's he's

there's like wet there's a wet spot on

my desk there's a wet spot on the

counter I can lick up she's dripping to

the point that there's a trail in a I

think in the second book he makes her

crawl to the bedroom and there's a

[ __ ] trail of her leaking and I'm

like that is oh okay well maybe that's

the balance that the author was trying

to achieve here the dryness of your

actual [ __ ] reading from him and the

wetness of hers this is look at this is

what I first highlighted when I realized

that I was going to shrivel up like a

prune he says I've got plenty of okay no

no no no because he's talking about like

how his past relationships haven't gone

well and he says I've got plenty of scar

tissue Left Behind from the Burns I've

sustained the difference is you can't

see them I'm like I don't want to hear

about a 50-year-old Edge Lord what is

happening here well I do feel like she

made a comment that was like about him

like being so like spectacular and

wonderful and his his response was kind

of like n girl I have scars you like

don't see I think was like the the hope

there but then that was also the same

page where he first said no little

bird he did choose little

bird K's like I see where you're coming

from but also the little bird moment

negates any empathy that may have been

bu well but okay so he he ends up going

down on her he's like stop masturbating

I'm in control of this I'll tell you

when no one can have this it is mine

um goes down on her makes her come and

then is iMed like as soon as she comes

he sobers up and he's like I shouldn't

have done that I shouldn't have touched

you I shouldn't have tasted you this was

all a mistake and she's like the [ __ ]

like what are you what are you try and

as soon as she tries to like communicate

with him about it he goes I didn't ask

you to speak like throws her clothes at

her and tells her to get the [ __ ] out of

his office and you're like what I

cannot yes Hannah that is the right face

I don't like it no quit looking at me

like a [ __ ] in heat like no is that how

I'm looking at you no that's like the

energy he's giving I don't like it yeah

right after he's like I want to make you

a [ __ ] in heat and then she is and then

he's like get the [ __ ] away from me I

can't have you here but that's the

initial that's like how let me look at

it look at that pattern just like played

itself out just like right there in the

very beginning oh yeah it definitely

becomes a pattern because a few days

later

Bianca's obviously been avoiding him

because why wouldn't she and so Callum

is like sitting in his office working

and annoyed that he hasn't seen her for

a few days you're a dick why would I

want to interact with you 1,000% and

then like and then like gaslighting her

they like why why are you well so he

hasn't talked to her yet okay sorry no

you're good her car pulls up and as soon

as he sees her like arrive once again he

tells the second in command to like take

off again right and you're like

and his second in command is like what's

up like we we don't we work long hours

take afternoons off Bud like we're into

General crime we're General General

crime never

sleeps got to stay quick got to stay

Nimble you

know so Callum sees Bianca returning and

like in gym clothes and then he gets

pissed because he's like why the [ __ ] is

she going to a gym we have a gym here

she can use then he's getting like more

annoyed that she's been a avoiding him

even

though he did this he kicked her out he

he kicked her out so he when she walks

in the house he follows her into her

Wing okay so now that you're getting a

Vibe of

Callum Amanda in your has shifted in my

head to be

justified we haven't even made it to

Amanda yet don't try and justify Amanda

when we haven't even talked about her

again but if you reflect on Amanda now

you're like okay maybe there's a reason

that you're not doing what he wants with

no other context I could have empathy

for aanda I am yeah so now you see how I

hopped on the train judgment is reserved

but like it makes me think of like I

I've read a few books recently where

like the guys are sleeping around and

kind of just doing whatever but they're

always very clear like this is a

one-time thing like that's it blah blah

blah blah blah you cool you're great

good let's go no problem yeah like the

expectations have been clearly

communicated the boundaries have been

set and and that feels better to me

because it's like we're not like there

is no miscommunication about like I'm

calling you tomorrow like from the jump

before we get back to the room like this

is it you know and he's over here

talking about like being all possessive

of her and like your mind and all this

that I want to see you swollen with my

child but get the [ __ ] out of this

room like I don't like that correct SOA

she said correct Justice for Amanda

Justice for Amanda no correct until we

said Justice for Amanda just because

Callum is a piece of [ __ ] doesn't mean

Amanda is not also a piece of [ __ ] so

let me tell you but we will get there

all I'm taking away from this is sadness

and empathy for Tatum that those are her

parents correct Justice for Tatum it's

Justice for Tat Justice for Tatum yeah

okay so Callum follows her to her Wing

when she returns from her workout and

like here's the shower star and just

like Waits on her bed until she comes

out of her shower in a

towel

and it's just so messy because it's so

confusing and it's so back and forth and

like take like rips her towel off of her

so she's standing there naked and then

is like I would I came here to punish

you but I changed my mind and but like

it's a really quick pivot to this

like I no more hiding from me I okay

here's an exact quote I'm going to need

to see your pretty mouth full of my [ __ ]

struggling to take every inch while I

[ __ ] your throat like he's like I'm

going to need need something from you

I'm going to need you to choke on this

dick and you're like what Callum so now

all I can think about is office space

when he's like yeah I'm going to need

you to

work I'm going to need you to work on S

like yeah I'm going to need you to choke

on this dick like that's all I can think

of I will never be able to think of

office space without thinking of the

flare yes and do you remember back in

like 08 Facebook days there was like

when you could add like things to your

timeline when it wasn't a timeline it

was like you could add it like to your

profile they had a virtual corkboard

where people could send you pins that

were like flare oh I did not know that

and they could be specific for like

whatever that was one of my favorite

features in OG Facebook days was the

flare board that I just had of

various hypothetical

pins that yeah I just loved the flare in

love that for you yes the flare was

excellent yes did you ever watch office

space do you even know we're I've

watched a few episodes of office

space not the office the office office

space is a movie okay then I've never

seen Office Space need to cuz Jennifer

Aniston is in it and other people that

you just need to wash it yes should

would recommend it is

aend so after Callum does this whole

like grabs her towel choke on my [ __ ]

situation sure Bianca's like okay like

relents very easily gives him a grae low

job it's her first time swallowing so

that's a big moment in a girl's life

um but callum's also like every drop you

miss you're licking off the floor she

didn't miss a single drop right she was

an overachiever she but I'm like good

for her right but I'm also like that's

how he's communicating but like there's

nothing to communicate it like it's not

like she was spitting it on the ground

you know what I mean like he's just like

if you drip any of this you're going to

have to lick it up I said he's very

wory yeah so just mean he's talking too

much talks I literally oh my God every

drop you miss you're licking off the

floor and other sweet sentiments and

other sweet how he communicated to her

where you're like oh okay but like hell

she's into it and he's telling her

you're mine and like they they end up

having a relatively sweet moment after

and by that I mean like I guess they

just like talk for the first time they

just have like a conversation well and

she like tells them like I was always

like worried you'd see me as a little

girl and I think in his head he's like I

wish I could see you as a little girl

which sounds like a weird sentence to

say yeah I was like oh I was making lots

of sound effects no he's like not I I

don't think of you as a child um and so

then after they're having this

conversation Bianca realizes like she's

still naked from the shower so she goes

to throw on a shirt and just throws on

this oversized t-shirt and Callum like

freezes and he's like who the [ __ ] like

whose shirt is that and she's like it's

my ex-boyfriend I didn't think about it

I just like took it in the move I always

sleep in oversiz shirts everything's

fine mad this this is when because her

pussy's been dripping so much so far and

I knew it was coming I knew you knew she

was coming no no I felt the word squelch

coming I knew it not the word and then

it happened and she said I'm wet enough

to squelch a

little I could to haveen and there's

nothing I could have done to prevent

it and that's the worst part is the

powerlessness I get it the word squelch

of all of the words that I've been like

I can't do that word in a book squelch

has never been on my list it was on

mine it I got the vibe that it was

coming and it did so right well okay so

Callum is like big mad about wearing

another man's shirt he declares he's

going to destroy the shirt and he picks

her up and she's like where are we going

he goes to our

bedroom I just wanted to see your face

when I said that if I'm being honest cuz

I knew it would annoy you be F that

really pisses me off well so like when

they when they get to the bedroom he

rips the shirt off and is like you're

only

mine but then he's also like do you

trust me she goes I don't know you oh no

hannnah the correct answer is yes as he

then then whips out the four handcuffs

on all points of the bed so he can get

her chain to the bed so few questions

firstly were the handcuffs already there

yes okay did he just place them there

for her or does he just have them on at

the ready that was my understanding Kay

what was your understanding I didn't

understand any

of so he walks her into the bedroom goes

do you trust me she says yes he throws

her on the bed automatically pulls out

the strap and cuff so so like they're

already in his bed my hope would be that

he did this in anticipation of her I

would love that that's the energy that

yeah that's not the energy okay if you

need to pause and really build out that

narrative in your head because it makes

you feel better than him just having

these on his bed that we never really

address or look into in the future nor

do we ever use the rest again ever again

again all three books what I no I'm not

willing to give Callum that much credit

if it's not outright stated jump exactly

and he drops gems like bet you'd feel

like hot silk wrapped around my [ __ ]

squeezing begging for my seed and then

she describ well my bigger concern was

when he's like you need to learn and

this is the only way I can teach you the

[ __ ] are you teaching her my guy like

it's a grooming moment but there's no

like we grooming her what we exactly it

was just

but it's his bulbous purple head up with

her flooded cleft not a CLE and her swen

a not a c Jesus wept not a

c yeah so he's like I'm he goes you need

to learn and this is the only way I can

teach you I'm the man who's going to

tear down your walls he then he's like

what's your birth control situation and

she's like I'm the pill and he's like

that's not enough you just get the tip

so then he only puts the tip

in pulls out and comes on her stomach

and then massages the come into her

vagina that says it he massages it into

her [ __ ] which

feels um

counterintuitive when you're like let me

scoop up my semen and get it closer to

the to the goal like I don't I don't

know I really struggled with that and I

and is that just me no because now I'm

thinking of Scrubs when yes when J got

what's her name pregnant God I love you

but he didn't he didn't come inside oh

my God oh my God oh my God that is

literally the exact thing I was thinking

of what a deep cut I was like you mean

like when when JD got Elizabeth Banks

pregnant on Scrubs and he didn't even

ejaculate inside her he like came too

early cuz he was excited and it was

close enough that it it like yielded on

her and like yes that was life will find

a way exactly where he's like that's

that's too much of a risk for me to like

come inside you with just the pill so

I'm going to stick the tip in anyway and

then just rub it into you correct like a

massage okay you look so

uncomfortable like a massage um

not the massage I want to pay for but

you I think it's the massage Bianca

wants to pay for she's you know we're

very different people and I'm okay with

that right well and so he did I mention

he tore the shirt so like she like could

not wear when he like threw her on the

bed she passes out the next morning when

she wakes up there's like a tray filled

with breakfast food and like a folded

new t-shirt of [ __ ] that she can wear

okay

well and that's like I feel like that's

always the thing like there's like an

appropriate level of

possession I don't know if if I I take

back that sentence I don't love that

word I knew what you meant but the way

that you said it was not good no I did

not wear that well like I feel like when

you're reading a book of this capacity

you can suspend belief to a certain

level of possession yes where like the

dude is like super Territorial and

you're like oh like it's like it's

protection it's not insecurity like he's

keeping her safe he wants to know she's

all right he wants to take care of her

that's different than

this well energy so far so also not like

possession but I was laughing because my

husband and I had a very funny

conversation recently my husband and I

um we recently had a family friend move

in with us we have a new roommate and we

were all standing in the kitchen talking

and we were talking about the show I'm

sorry and there's a episode where the

wife asks her husband how much he thinks

she can make as a prostitute and she

does all of the math and then comes back

and is like and he's like okay i' I've

run the numbers I think you can charge

$500 as a prostitute and his wife is so

offended and she's like 500 I wouldn't

touch tongue to tip for

500 um which I always thought was an

absolutely hilarious line also because

if you watch I'm sorry it does feel like

watching my marriage

on screen in case you're you're curious

love the show in to that show such a

good show it really so my sister

literally at my son's birthday that you

were at goes Chelsea have you watched

I'm sorry I feel like you and Vance are

I'm

like it's so accurate though it is

completely accurate you know what I need

to run that back too actually but Vance

and I were then having conversation with

our new roommate about I wouldn't touch

tongue to tip for 500 and I looked at

Vance and I was like quite frankly

tongue to tip isn't a big ask so right I

would 500 but in this

economy sacrifices have to be made well

so Vance is like I would absolutely put

tongue to just tongue to tip for 500 but

then Vance looked at me and he goes your

price is higher he goes he goes we don't

need $500 that badly for you to put

tongue top for $500 and like that's the

right level of possession right that's

the right level of

hey totally hear you you're worth more

yes thank was very you're correct I

think our roommate just stood there

thinking Vance and I were agreeing to an

open

marriage because like just in the

background like what am I listening to

he had taken an edible for like the

second time in his life and it had

definitely hit and he's just like big

eyy looking between Vance and I having

this conversation I'm like but our

marriage is as strong in solid as it

like I'm obsessed with my husband you

know this there is no threat to our

marriage but yeah you could definitely

see his eyes he's like oh my God I'm

watching this couple get an open

marriage in front of my eyes but then

also open marriages can be strong and

solit Shout to the

polyes well no my husband and I were

having the conversation cuz I was like

yeah I would probably be most open to a

threesome with another man and he's like

I would be most open to a threesome with

another woman and I went and we kind of

look to each other I'm like and that's

why we're we're probably never going to

have a threesome

because we both have different

expectations of the third po person

joining our party then it would just be

a five sum I wasn't trying to add two

people that feels like too many

holes

no this is all

hypothetical because so I I have a

question oh no no no no no no no no I'm

I'm we're doing a hard pivot and you're

just going to have to come with me oh

thank you okay so I just had the thought

I just had the thought we left Bianca

tied up on the bed okay so sometimes

when I'm reading I won't stop like if

they're in the middle of like a a fight

scene or something middle sex scene or a

fight scene that's weird because I'm

like even if it's the end of the chapter

that is even if it's the end of the

chapter because I'm like I've just left

them that way like I can't leave them

like that literally okay as if they're

like suspended somewhere waiting for me

to come I feel you just came to the bed

until you read the next chapter exactly

poor things sorry Bianca I'm back that's

what I just thought I was like poor

Bianca she's just to the bed while we

I'm

back sorry Bianca I didn't realize it

had been so long I've

returned you can now be un unleash

unhook

by this right guy well and so like

Bianca wakes up the next morning sees

the T-shirt sees the breakfast it's on

cloud n right she like sends him a text

like thank you so much for the shirt we

cut to Callum Callum is in his

gym punishing himself with this workout

to the point that like when he gets off

the treadmill Romero is

like yeah I thought you're about to like

vomit like you like are clearly like

what is going on my d right

and you know like Callum is just

thinking through the fact that he's like

[ __ ] his daughter's best friend and

like yeah what do the future for this

realistically look like and he's let

that like I know I can't have her long

term but then like is whenever he thinks

of another man touching her he just like

whatever is in his hand breaks because

he crushes it so hard under his weight

and you're like

Callum what the [ __ ] my dude you're in

your 40s you should have better

emotional regulation I was going to ask

do we find out how old so teenage Edge

Bo 4ish I just don't like the way he's

written I just wish I never read his

perspective because

his yeah but I don't know if not reading

his perspective would actually make it

better yeah um so there there is that

aspect um so again he's like never mind

yeah a little like a little bit like

walking it back and he also ends up

having a meeting with the pi who he has

tracking his wife because he's like

something's up I like I need to figure

this out but also as his feelings

develop more for Bianca he's like more

and more pressed to try and get the

divorce paper signed which he has a pi

in like following this right defenseless

woman

Amanda she said this true Queen so I'm

I'm just going to pass and until we get

later on because you know so I have a

question yes um do we ever find out why

he's so weird about getting somebody

pregnant is that how like Amanda trapped

him into marriage in the first place or

something that's exactly what happened

we do find that out later but great

guess thank you you hit it like 99% on

the head well it was just bothering me

that he was like I'm like then put on a

[ __ ] condom weirdo like she's on

birth control put on a condom why are

you being weird like I don't get it but

now I do but I also the number of books

that we read where like the possessive

like I need to feel you skin to skin I

know and no one else has ever felt you

skin to skin except me

yeah it's a little bit of a weird it's

weird and it's like dude like There's 7

billion people on the planet get real

this [ __ ] been ran

through oh my God what are you what are

you talking about the show why are you

imagining other men the show The

Challenge there is a character not a

character a contestant he's a a real

human um but for years his name is

Johnny Bananas he was on he was on the

show and had a girlfriend so then he

when he and his girlfriend broke up he

showed up to compete season after season

single starts just like flirting

starting romances with like the new

girls that are like new and fresh to the

show that people don't really have a

history with and someone at one of the

reunions was like yeah what is it with

you and these like young brunettes or

like whatever and he just goes they

aren't run through like the rest of you

it's literally what he said and I I was

like Johnny Bananas I have less respect

for joh basting for you he was on the

blanket he was not on the blanket okay

he wasn't on the blanket never mind so

all right the blanket that Kay is

referring to is the best gift I've ever

received in my entire life and it wasn't

even a gift to me um I'm honored oh it's

so I don't know why you felt insecure

that blanket is like the best thing ever

so um my husband and I our families

watched a lot of the challenge I guess

we were watching it just like on air in

the background when I was pregnant and

then after I had my son Ford loves TJ

Lavin's voice and will stop crying when

he hears TJ Lavin's voice I mean now

that he's older it's like not a thing

but like when he was like a baby so we

watched so much of the challenge I've

watched every single season that has

like been on like i' I I know the the

Journey of these characters um but also

he knowing that my son stops crying when

the challenge comes on made him a

blanket for his first birthday where she

chose six photos of contestants from The

Challenge and photoshopped my son's

face over each contestant so you have

these like big bulky strong men with

like literal baby faces cuz it's my

baby's face on each of them like one is

wearing like a

ston with my son's face on it there are

six of them inred I use it at work and

I've showed it to all of my coworkers

that is a genuinely that's brilliant yes

yeah it's

disturbing

incredible you called it disturbing I

called it

art so for the record all right the next

day Bianca is going to her new job so

Bianca when she graduated already had a

job lined up so when like Tatum was like

oh like you're not going to have a place

to live why don't you just like come to

Europe with me for the summer beond was

like because I have a job like she's a

very like grounded hard working 22y old

All Things Considered she her dad calls

her as she's like driving to sign her HR

paperwork and you can tell like he's

very proud of her she's really all he

has um but she notices that like he

sounds like stressed and frazzled and

like is like you you doing okay dad and

he's like oh yeah like working on

something big but like very vague kind

of this whole time um but we ALS her dad

makes a comment about like your mom

would be so proud we find out that like

Bianca's mom was murdered of course she

was yeah um and her dad has just like

never recovered from the loss of his

wife quite frankly the same way I expect

my my husband to never recover over my

better not

yeah you better not recover absolutely

Fair no I've told Vance I was like I

would want you to find love again and

Vance goes still be destroyed no no no

Vance goes if something ever happened to

you I need you to know Ford and I would

disappear off the face of the Earth and

no one would ever see us again he's like

we would like go into the dark we would

live our own lives he's like but I would

like completely disconnect if anything

ever happened to you I would disappear

from our our community why so sorry in

advance um if anything ever happens to

me and you reach out to my husband and

if he doesn't answer don't take get

personal oh my gosh have you met my

husband he's a very intense human and I

best way but in a quiet way no but this

is exactly how it would play so un

assuming that's the thing I would die

and and I'll be like well Chelsea called

it on episode whatever of smut Club yeah

on episode 57 I don't Big Bird episode

on the big bird episode of SMU Club if

you weren't turned on

yet turned on before I'm like listen um

I don't want you to find love again I

don't I don't want that I will haunt

your ass like oh like pin Pals when she

was Haunting her husband at the end like

I want you to like you know valid hold

on to my memory there needs to be a

shrine obviously like of course I'm full

I want to be a problem in your marriage

I told I want y'all to have to go to

therapy about you finally letting me go

so that and then but then obviously

overcome this in therapy and then

flourish and live a great life but there

needs to be growing pains but see I told

Vance just to like flourish from the

gate and Vance was the one who was like

I will not flourish I will shrivel no

I'm like suffer first and then live a

good life no I'm obviously kidding but I

have told him that if he pisses me off

sometimes that I will haunt him I will

haunt his kitchen cabinet I

wholeheartedly believe that you would

haunt Matt yeah not in and I've told him

too like not even in a way that's like

hurtful but in a way where like helpful

no not that either just as irritating as

possible but not hurtful like I'll just

open all the kitchen cabinets like I'm

not hurting anything I'll just oh like

just taking the batteries out of the

remote 100% I'm just going to move his

keys into a Sho ha your ghost I hate

your ghost too I can not that's go no

that's a horror movie we need to get to

pitch this to somebody a little bit

irritating well all right like the last

episode when I was referring to my son

as the master of my new May that is like

that is you as a ghost nothing that like

you would ever actually have an exorcism

for but just enough to be frustrated no

I would have a the I would have the

biggest Exorcism of all time I'm saging

all that [ __ ] what no did I ever tell

you when Matt was I think I've told you

my husband had to work third shift at

one point when he was covering a shift

for some

and there's like this

empty building at work where sometimes

staff members would sleep if they were

working funky shifts and he still had to

check that that building as part of his

shift so he went in when somebody was

sleeping there and he opened all the

kitchen cabinets and then just left and

it's like like part of the lore at work

that that building is 100% haunted

everybody knows that building is haunted

we all know and so the next day the

person who was sleeping there is a

friend of mine she called me and she was

like Hannah you're not going to believe

this [ __ ] I am never going to do this

like it was my husband 100% he texted me

a picture of it at like 2:00 in the

morning he's like ha so he did it to

[ __ ] with her when he was he did it 100%

And then the next time he had to do it

he put all the chairs on top of the

table in the kitchen and just left it

she was like I'm not sleeping here again

I can't do it I can't do it did you tell

her incred all right so not quite the

same but a while ago and by a while ago

I mean over 5 years

ago I would frequently log into my

sister's Netflix account and reset the

language to

French and then just move on with my day

um and one time we were all hang out as

a family she's like it's so weird

sometimes when we log to Netflix it set

to French and I don't know why it

happens I was like oh my God what then

my head I'm like it's me I am 1,00% the

reason your Netflix is in

French I should log into their account

and do it again you should especially

now motivating me to be the worst right

now I I'm constantly like sending

pictures of like okay my sister is like

on her boyfriend's lap from high

school and it's the most funny picture

and I have are they seeing each other

tortured no I've tortured her with this

picture I really want your sister to

win oh it's not like a new no no no this

is like a boyfriend from like when she

was in high school okay it's not like a

new photo of her sitting on his lap no

no no no no this is the same photo from

the past at McDonald's now I have to

okay yeah we can proceed but I have to

find it I'm going to send it to her

which s the married one or the the

single one right yeah the single one but

it's still it's just funny because it's

a funny it's I want to see it knowing

which sister it is I honestly I don't

care which sister because each of them

have their own like incredible

personalities um but the your two

sisters they have very defined

personalities oh my God stop right now

stop right now stop right now oh I

didn't know you were from Florida like

Hannah and I I was going to say it's

this is because he is giving Central

Florida I was about to say in a way I

could not comprehend let's go okay I'm

send the haircut it's like he he was

very much Tampa Co

no no Tampa Tampa's an actual City

Tampa's not the one I'm no shade to

anyone in the audience from Florida we

love you guys we're from flid We're from

Florida I'm from Tampa [ __ ] anybody

anybody from Florida I'm over here

disclaimer On's behalf oh no we

frequently [ __ ] on Florida but in that

way where like I imagine that they were

in Florida honestly in the the best way

I can mean this they look like they were

in Florida in that photo but I think Han

and I both tend to [ __ ] on Florida in

that way where like as soon as someone

else shits on it we're like well [ __ ]

you can talk about that way but like

really I imagine there's book in Florida

though oh no I I agree yeah no it was

giving Florida that whole photo was

giving Florida um so is the phone call

that Bianca has with her dad where her

dad is just like your mom would be so

proud and we find out her mom was

murdered but like Bianca's like going to

sign the paperwork and it's just

realizing she's like this is so boring

this is so safe like this is like this

job is stupid the saltine crackers 6

months maternity leave is a great job

well so that is the thing she's like as

she's signing she's like they have great

benefits they have great pay like I

should be really excited but I'm not and

I'm just like I'm not excited about any

of this but she made a note of the

maternity leave right they are talking

about it in the benefits yeah like with

how great the PTO plan is the paid

parental leave like all of that I mean

that stuff really matters but I Al feel

like when you're 22 you're working your

first job like now I'd be like hell yeah

I'm not even trying to have a kid but

like 6 months of maternity leave like

that means you take care of your people

like the company I worked for um

straight out of grad school yeah so my

department had a like we had a 5year

retention turnover rate the uh case

manager retention rate was about 6

months and that is they geared those

benefits towards was like

23-year-old girls with Bachelors in

Social Work yeah that were perfectly

healthy humans and we're not going to

use these benefits in a year yeah um so

that was the full benefits package that

they had built out and when I started

that job it never dawned on me to like

look at what a benefits package should

be entails I was just like oh I have

insurance what a treat I know I was

blown away when I had had insurance for

the it was trash but like I had

Insurance me how the first time I showed

up at the pharmacy to pay for a

prescription and the girl run my card

and went wow this really doesn't cover

anything does

it no no it it did not but that like I'm

like as I was reading it I was like

these are great benefits and as a

22-year-old I was not thinking about the

benefits I would not have appreciated it

no not at all but also as she's like

signing the paperwork Tatum calls her

and Bianca's like well [ __ ] should be a

little vague because kind of [ __ ]

your dad but then she also notices like

Tatum is a little vague and she's like

something's up with Tatum but also I'm

not being the most transparent but

like something feels a mess I have a

guess but I'm going to keep it to myself

I think you already know I do so well we

we can get there so

Bianca um we well we're switching to

calum's perspective but it's now like

she was supposed to be home from work 30

minutes ago and so Callum is like losing

his [ __ ] because he's like where is she

she was supposed to be home because this

man has no chill or understanding now

that like shoot her a little texy text

you all right I'm like but I'm was like

for how many years you circulated around

each other watching her didd her [ __ ]

once has thrown you into a tizzy a

tizzy so when I worked in a bar many

years ago go on yeah yeah um I was

standing bar and there was this one girl

and God lover looking at her she was

like not the most attractive person she

was like a a lovely person but she was

not the most

attractive but she ran through every man

who worked in that bar and everyone was

what a queen destroyed afterwards

[ __ ] no

I like oh emotionally damaged she was

not interested in settling down and she

was one of those ones that would be like

listen we're going to [ __ ] we're going

to be done like set the clear

expectation the friend and all the guys

like okay this will change they're like

sure thing babe sure thing and then they

would like follow her around the bar

like they would be like like but but why

didn't you call me like maybe we could

hang out again and then like one or two

of them even would like at the end of

the at the end of the the shift key was

going they'd be like she got that puss

that's what I thought we were did she

did me and for her my friend who also

worked at the bar we were like she's got

some kind of like vagina magic like

she's got some kind of like you ask

situation what was she doing with it I

have a questions well

I I'm married but I'm trying to take a

class I'm still trying to take a class

right I need to tuneup so she did tell

me one time that she was she was doing

something she was on top and she like

leaned back and cuz I asked her like

this this one guy was super sweet like

such a lovely guy I was like really

you're not going to like no like no

shade or anything but like he seems

great to go out with again yeah and she

was like yeah because when we hooked up

I was on top and I like leaned back and

tried to lean on his knees and he moved

them so I fell

off sometimes I really miss working in a

bar I really do but like mostly no but

occasionally

yes oh yeah I I hope she's doing well I

hope the particular mess of the

hospitality industry is unmatched and

also like the best thing ever and the

worst thing ever but I I miss it yeah

but I don't miss it kind of the same way

I miss working in crisis yes yes I miss

it in theory Less in practice right yeah

absolutely okay anyway so

Bianca is late getting home by like 30

minutes and Callum is like super antsy

he asks uh Romero to he's like hey who

are all of the people on our books that

are overdue for payment like he's so

ansy he's like I want to go like bust

them heads like we're going to go do a

Shakedown like give me this list General

crime General crime General crime yeah

absolutely so he like sees Bianca

pulling in like his like text her and

he's like come see me immediately so

like when she walks into his office

office he locks the door and I'm like oh

oh okay so then he fingers her on his

desk sure and right did she leave a wet

spot he stretched her tight channel oh

her tight channel right oh and then a

channel like the English Channel wetness

it's dripping her arousal coat at his

hand the Chunnel the Chunnel nope nope

no we don't want to think of the word

Chunnel no we would prefer to stay on

channel okay good good to know that

that's where where the line is yeah

squelching Chunnel the seling Chunnel so

sorry oh God I'm so sorry I said I was

being attacked from all angles earlier

are we attacking you is that I said de

demons are attacking me from it just

like burst into my brain came out of my

mouth I'm so sorry that's that's that's

squelching for you well so they locked

the door and then he was like fingering

her on the desk and then like right as

she's about to come Romero tries to walk

back in cuz he's like bro I got that

list you wanted and calum's like go go

away and Rome's like what do you mean

you just told me to get you this list

Romero not a great wingman a great

second in command sure but not a great

wingman yeah J as for Romero well he

gets his own book oh so that's fine

um but then like Romero as he's trying

to like access the office callum's like

[ __ ] like there's no way to get you out

of here hide under my desk so so Bianca

climbs under his desk and then starts

blowing him well unlock he unlocks the

door he sits down she starts like

feeling him up sure as Romero is telling

him like about like here are all of the

names that are overdue for the general

crime for General crime and Callum is

like cool cool cool thanks have a great

night and was like what like thought we

were going to go Shake people down and

so he's like normally like if I like

told you this like you would have

already like busted heads right like

makes a comment that is like very much

giving away their criminal Empire that

like callum's daughter Tatum is all like

yeah like my dad's like a powerful man I

don't really know what he does like it's

fine she knows but she chooses not to

know and so her bestie Bianca has

obviously been in that same boat but now

Bianca is feeling up Callum under the

table as Romero's saying this and is

like freezes when she realizes that

they're talking about going and like

doing General crime doing General crime

yes

hurting

crime okay

K do you want to describe what happens

next cuz it's so messy and I'm happy to

describe it wait what well okay so I

will describe it then

because I can Callum finally gets rid of

Romero and then it's like just Callum

and Bianca in the room and Bianca being

like the innocent 22-year-old is like

kind of like trying to give him an owl

and is a little bit like Al like you

don't actually do those things right you

just like talk about those and like

callum's like how do you think I got to

where I am now like what like just and

but then decides he needs to scare her

because he's real he's like

oh I need to keep distance this isn't

okay so like has had that shift yet

again of like come to my office starts

fingering her she catches wind that he

actually does have illegal dealings and

then he's like well I need to scare her

away from me now and that's why I

highlighted after when he explains all

of his wrong crime

ways he said you know the monster

staring at you the one who just had his

fingers deep inside your [ __ ] well but

he's also like is this what you wanted

no matter how tight your [ __ ] is one

day you can need need to settle your

accounts with

me hold up he talks so

much

[ __ ] talk so much [ __ ] oh my God so like

okay this is how I know again that

Bianca and I are different people corre

because in that moment I would be like I

do not recall requesting to open an

account sir like I I don't recall doing

that so maybe like back up and try the

[ __ ] again like I don't have [ __ ] to

settle with you so she tries to take

more of the approach of like I don't

think you really want to hurt me I think

you're just like just saying this and so

then Alum is like oh am I just saying

this and pulls a gun on her sure yeah

and then it's like dragging it like

seductively down her body and it's like

do you want to feel this in you're [ __ ]

like Diesel

from viers from din vipers yeah except

without the fanny pack yeah a the fanny

pack was the best part it really was

yeah yeah no that is 1,00% like pulls

this gun dragging it down her body

asking if she wants to feel it in set

like intentionally trying she she runs

off terrified as she's like yeah she

like do you want this and she was like

No And I was like okay I was like good

Bianca and then first SM decision you're

like okay we've made progress right and

then she like runs away right well and

you like want to think she's made

progress but a couple weeks have gone by

and she's like actively avoiding him

within the house and she's like yeah I

used to like really look forward to

Friday evenings but like now that just

means I'm like going to be at this house

with no plans for the weekend and like

that like doesn't really feel great but

then also she like Loki like wants to

run into him even though she's like I

know I shouldn't but like I kind of hope

I run into

him I know she does not have a great

sense of self-preservation I was going

to say like

M like after he pulled a gun do you want

to feel this inside your [ __ ] no no I

don't there's no coming back from that

at least for me

Bianca clearly feels otherwise right but

I feel like if a man pulls a gun on me

I'm done yeah message message fully

understood yeah I'm

out right um there's nothing I need to

be told again that you don't want

me I I don't need to be told yeah you're

like I get it writing not even writings

on the wall the gun was the real

punctuation mark on the end of that

sentence so I'm going to go that gun was

a period not a comma right I understand

there was no semic definitely a

semicolon but then like a couple weeks

later she has that like boring weekend

at home and it's like I hope I don't run

into him but if I did what happens and

like by

Sunday she's like home girls trying to

run into him at this point she goes into

the kitchen we meet well I don't think

we actually but we like Chef Cheryl is

in the kitchen and like they have a

great conversation and Cheryl like makes

her

breakfast um and as she trying to like

head back to her Wing she runs into

Romero and Romero's like oh like wanted

to check on you how have you been and

she can tell he's asking because he's

like been put up to it and ask Romero

she's like why won't you just check on

me himself I'm like Romero's not a part

of this girl do not bring him into this

like just let this man live his life as

the number two in

command he's like good good good I'm

just gonna play high school games where

I check on my boss's side piece love

that for me right I'm like R like stand

up Hees but what we also find out in

this interaction is beona like makes a

comment she's like oh yeah like I have

everything like almost ready like back

in Tatum's room for her return cuz it's

been a couple weeks and she was supposed

to be gone for a month and Romero's like

oh she's not coming back yet like she

just like talked to her dad like the

trip is being

extended and Bianca's like wait what she

didn't she didn't tell me any of this um

and then Callum comes out of the office

to like talk to Romero about something

and as soon as Bianca sees

him she runs away yeah I was going to

say hi tail it I think like that's

that's the obvious good job butter yeah

and then like Callum after seeing her

like still feels Restless cuz he's like

wanted her this whole time but it's

like figuring out his feelings because

he shouldn't have her right yeah your

favorite yeah yeah your face is giving

that that my face is giving my least

favorite he said my almost non-stop

jerking off the last three weeks has

done nothing but make me want her

more like very fixated there's nothing

I'm like call Chelsea not you the one

from the beginning right like but for

$500 well per my for $500 my husband

will show up apparently my price is

higher apparently tongue to tip costs

more if it's coming for we haven't

determined that price yet we don't know

what that number is a I I love my

husband he's the best um so Callum is

obviously as you said jerking off

multiple times a day and it's doing

nothing to ease the ache he has for her

so he also decides to because he's like

so Restless he follows up on like a

shipment that had been delayed um but

like beats the [ __ ] out of the guy when

he like go like to the point that like

he stopped himself but like Romero's

like we need to get out of here

immediately like you cannot beat someone

to within an inch of their life and like

stand around and like keep hang we need

to like get the [ __ ] out of here but

then immersion breaks when he's like

I've heard it called blood money before

but I never considered the term

literally I'm like shut up and just do

the general

crime so much fire from K oh I love

it also

like after he's done beating up this

person he gets a phone call from the pi

who he has tracking his ex-wife Amanda

who tells him that like Amanda's hanging

out with a young kid we don't know how

young that is but like young enough to

be Amanda's kid but also I would imagine

that Amanda is roughly the same age as

Callum so like in her like early to mid

40s so not saying like everyone is old

enough to be her kid but like yeah if

her daughter just graduated from college

they it could be a daughter friend yeah

like I'm like okay so like early 20s and

younger that's a that's a

pretty broad pool of potential

people yes um and we don't really know

more than that MH so Bianca and Callum

are like still not talking still

avoiding each other Bianca goes out to

the bar with all of her new co-workers

it's the same bar she met Tatum at a

couple weeks ago when she found her

ex-boyfriend cheating on her personally

I would choose a different bar if I

found I the universe was just far too

small in the book The Universe also I

can see like if all your new co-workers

were like we're going to this bar if

you're 22 and just started I'll allow it

she didn't chose the bar she just be

like went with everyone we love that we

love empathy I will have one drink and

then leave like well and I think she's

like trying to have a couple drinks and

like have fun but the bartender

recognizes her from a couple weeks

before and like they're having like a

fun conversation he's just like asking

about her new job and mhm a very

innocent conversation um but then

suddenly he gets a phone call from

behind the bar and like automatically

like is no longer fun and personable he

is like very professional just goes back

to pouring drinks and is no longer

talking to Bianca I wonder who was on

the phone what who could it be well then

Bianca's ex-boyfriend shows up at the

bar again cuz apparently it's one of his

regular haunts with all of uh his

buddies from the gym that he works at

sure and he's kind of being a dick to

Bianca yeah like what do you have it

highlight like what he said like he's

like made some sort of like

douchy I don't know yeah just like

General douchy why are you at like when

like you don't have to be such a [ __ ]

I'm here with friends from work same as

you are it's a shame you didn't like to

have fun when we were together I might

have stuck around more nights yes like

those lines which become very um

discongruent with who he is is later on

in the book but we'll we'll get there

because he's he's trying to talk to her

and like making these like assholish

comments and one of the things that he

does mention though is he's like oh like

how's your living Arrangement and she

kind of pauses and she's like what what

does he know like what does he like

refer does he know I've right what are

you talking about yeah what like why why

would you say that it's fine yeah it's

fine why yeah very much that kind of

energy so she tries she's just like I'm

just going to go to the bathroom get a

chance to cool off um as she's in like

that bathroom hallway it's a it's

apparently a very popping hallway

considering the first time she found her

boyfriend cheating on her this time she

run into a strong broad

chest is it Callum who owns the

bar oh my God is so large Big Bird Big

Bird no well Bianca's big bird no she's

little bird oh right I think viewed her

as a big bird which is part of the

dryness I'm picturing him as the Big

Bird which equal amount of dryness I

think she's been picturing some

beastiality with and I get why that did

not it was a man furiously [ __ ] big

bird

yes and talking okay all right the and

talking nonstop well and so there's like

a I did tell a hookup one time I was

like shut the [ __ ] up and he was like

okay was it mid hookup what yes he

wouldn't stop talking to me I was like

shut the [ __ ] up and he was like okay

and then he tried to say something again

and I was like please stop talking and

he was like twice so all right I will

say early on in my marriage I I just

always have a running checklist of the

like I always like my brain is always

going and there were times where like

mid boning I would like try and start

pivoting to a real

conversation and my husband was very

clear he's like hey Chelsea

not the time yeah don't give a [ __ ] I

give a [ __ ] about what you're saying but

in that

moment why are we talking about the

to-do list for the weekend and I'm like

I just thought it was a convenient time

when we were together we're both here

you know right in the same room

yeah bless my husband sweetheart bless

him because probably like within a year

of marriage I was like you'd be so proud

of me I had a thought about her to-do

list and I didn't even say anything love

that

but now that we're done um great it's

another I have written it out for you

thank you so instead of talking about it

you just get to read it you're welcome

you get it it's a PO coidal text message

well okay so in callum's office it's

like oneway GL like the office in the

bar yes he's in his office in the bar

it's on the second floor so through the

oneway mirror you can see everyone on

the Dance Floor see the bar but like

they

cannot see you um and as soon as he gets

her up there he's like I'm tired of

fighting the inevitable and like he like

decides he's been the one doing all of

the back and forth like she's just been

chilling she's just been down to [ __ ]

this whole time I'm like you're the only

one battling it out sir yeah yes like

bringing her along your journey when

she's like I've literally been here for

this and down for it the whole time the

whole time but like also when they're up

there he's like accusing her of like

flirting with the bartender and flirting

with like oh like you like wanted it

like kind of that yes nope um and like

he makes her come on his fingers but

then is also saying [ __ ] like I don't

know just like walking back previous

threats right where he's like you're

safe with me and then he's like I know I

threatened you before but that was just

like scare you away and like I can't

think straight around you and I'm like

no like you don't get a pass for pulling

a gun on her

and then being like it's just cuz I

can't think be fair he was a scared

little boy don't know how he's doing he

no control over

himself [ __ ] big

bird doing crime doing crime not Pap do

you're a billionaire arms dealer who

like is up like who is unraveled by 22y

old yeah like I'm like so he's never had

[ __ ] before and like I'm sorry but

that's a turn off if it's clear that

you've never like that you don't deal in

[ __ ]

like oh you don't deal in [ __ ] I vastly

misunderstood the situation she's like

arms only hard

pass well and so as he so he fingers her

and then he's going down on her and he

like her phone vibrates and like the

pocket of like whatever she'd been

wearing and when he pulls it out he sees

that Lucas like called her and Lucas

texts her and was like where are you

like I want to like finish this

conversation so he decides that after he

Rams his boner inside of her that they

should call Lucas so when Lucas is like

where are you and he's like she's with

me the man who's like deep inside her

like just one of like you'll never have

her again like just talking again more

speaking oh yeah don't that like but

then they can like see Lucas through the

window like see him getting pissed about

it I I see my hands she's doing a lot of

hands today why do I not talk with my

hands um like Lucas threatens to kill

him and like callum's kind of like okay

well I'm inside her right now so I'm

going to go do that

instead and hangs up but then

Callum gives her a pearl

necklace like an actual pear necklace

okay Noe not an actual I was just

confirming I was just confirming I

figured a Sean one I was like it would

be weird if he was like here's some

pearls it's somehow less weird that it's

seen right you're like oh thank God it

was just a c necklace the ropes thank

God I was afraid he was going to give

her real jewelry dehydrated ropes of SE

dehydrated imagining like the ropes at

the gym oh my just doing the ropes oh

threw my phone and by through I mean

bumped it with my elbow yeah so then

Callum was like I'm going to take you

home and they head out the back alley

where it is should be private right and

they're like waiting for the driver and

just kind of have this like sweet kiss

um when they get back to the house also

as that scene was happening and Callum

was like I've decided I'm not like I'm

done fighting the inevitable I'm going

to lock her down he also decides he's

like going to get her pregnant so when

they get back to the house and she goes

to shower he goes to to find her birth

control finds it in her drawer takes a

photo sends it to one of his contacts

and is like I need you to replace these

with sugar pills and if you could also

give me 3 months of fertility injections

that'd be dope as

[ __ ] your face is the correct

face cuz as I was reading it I was like

are you [ __ ] kidding

me no no n mm- yeah negative nope no

real not a fan on of didn't that happen

on Desperate Housewives too never mind

don't worry about it I don't know I only

watched a couple episodes Terry Hatcher

was on that right yeah whenever I think

of Terry Hatcher I literally just think

of Lois and Clark The New Adventures of

Superman with Dean

Kane I will never be able to think of

Terry Hatcher successfully in something

without linking it to that that's fair

no I think it was evil Longoria's

husband in the show I think switched her

birth control and then maybe I don't I

don't remember she got pregnant with

Somebody's Baby I think I don't remember

oh was it his I don't remember but I

don't think so I'm pretty sure she

[ __ ] Gardener you were the one who

switched to birth control then didn't

end up being the father of the child

it's like on a the office when Daryl's

like I tell my I tell my my girlfriends

all the time like don't read my email

you're only going to hurt

yourself like don't do that [ __ ] I

[ __ ] love Craig Robinson yes he's so

good so much um Brooklyn 99 H yes Doug

Judy Doug Judy yes have you watched his

show on PE killing it uh-uh highly

recommend it on peacock okay yes it is a

very interesting premise it is set in

Florida God bless all of

you so um next bianka's having lunch

with her dad and she's distracted

because she's really just thinking about

all of the turns that her life has taken

recently right yeah there been a few

well she's thinking like Lucas has kind

of been following her and like called

her non-stop until she blocked him then

like he showed up was like in line

behind her at the coffee shop she

normally goes to and then when he like

says he's like is something wrong with

your phone cuz like you haven't been

answering my calls like in a public

setting she's like nope the block

feature works great like shouts it and

just like moves on and it's like no

we're not what are you doing do not yeah

yeah yeah do not follow me she's Just

Not That Into You Bud yes but like as

she's sitting there like and talking

with her dad and is clearly distracted

her dad asked like about how their

relationship is going and she like he's

like oh like how's Lucas and she's like

yeah I think we might like break up soon

instead of telling him like they've been

broken up for a while um and her dad's

like oh you might break up soon cuz he

stopped by the house yesterday and

bian's like well [ __ ] did not see that

one coming why would she not just tell

her dad they broke up well so she she

just like when she asked her dad what

Lucas said and Luc and her dad's like

you know he said it was a

misunderstanding which usually means he

like a man couldn't keep it in his pants

yeah and Bianca's like yeah that's kind

of the the situation here and when but

when her dad asked about where she's

living she knew he she knew he would

want her to move home oh okay okay it

makesense ites sense it Mak sense and

they just kept doing so much comparison

between like her father being so

overprotective and all of this and

Callum being yeah well and so she when

her dad asked like where she's living

she's like oh like I'm like subletting

from a friend but I'm like going to look

at an apartment this afternoon after I'm

done with work and so she goes to the

apartment and

like is planning on signing the uh

property manager is like a little pushy

and he's like I have three other people

also thinking of signing I'm like really

do you what right um but she's like okay

give me like the night to think about it

but when she goes to leave Lucas is once

again standing like on the street I

don't like that no like he's I don't

like any of the men in her life to this

point they are not dang even her dad

exactly none of them dang

spice cuz like I just like picture her

dad as like you know Teen Mom like

Chelsea husa or whatever like her dad

like Randy the dentist guy

anyway he was so nice and so good that's

I was picturing him

as that's wishal thinking yeah cuz I'm

imagining like a guy whose wife died who

became like who became like super

obsessed with who murdered his wife and

totally neglected his child that's more

accurate and you didn't even read the

book I was picturing Chelsea hosa's

father

well you live your life so Lucas is

following her

and Bianca's just like yeah like we're

we're not doing this [ __ ] Lucas makes a

comment it's like like Bianca when she

says we're not doing this [ __ ] like

starts like kind of calling out like you

cannot cheat on me and then like think

like what are you doing um but in kind

of like holding her boundaries Lucas is

like not surprised at the Outburst given

the company I hear you've been keeping

lately and Bean's like the what are you

what does he know what does he not know

but like he like keeps kind of like

alluding to things and he shoves this

like manila envelope in her hands and is

like you like need to see this and Lucas

is just like I can't leave you alone

after like I like you cheated on like

what do you mean but the Trope when like

you cheat you were a piece of [ __ ] yeah

they held a boundary and now you you

don't understand why they held that

boundary really bothers me yes yeah the

narcissism yes so he gives her this

manilla envelope is like we're never

going to be over I can't leave you alone

then goes in like tries to kiss her

bian's like what the [ __ ] so she like

pushes them off yeah but then also we

switch to what's your face sorry I hit

the mic oh oh it's fine uh we then

switched to callum's perspective Callum

followed Bianca to the apartment viewing

sees Lucas try to kiss her then it's

like the only reason he's still

breathing is cuz she like pushed him

away and like didn't like okay so if she

was into it you would have killed him

right like

what but I feel like you need to be a

busier billionaire than this don't you

have other things to do another thing

added to the dryness okay I'm so glad

you said that because reading this

entire Trilogy the whole time I thought

I don't think they know what a

billionaire is like I don't think they

know what a billionaire is like or an

adult

man I don't or an adult I don't think

the author has spoken to a

man maybe in a while a and I want the

best for her well so Callum decides he's

not going to act a fool and that's a

fresh take for him is driving home

distracts himself by calling Tatum but

also when she answers he's like hey baby

I hope you're having a great time I love

you you're my daughter I want you to

have the best trip ever you've maxed out

two of your credit cards buying your

boyfriend suits so what the [ __ ] is

going on and Tatum's like oh like you

said like you'd like cover part of it

he's like I said I would cover your like

your trip yeah like the flight and your

hotels but like this is not what I like

he agreed to pay his own

way and while they're on this phone call

though Tatum pivots and I was like well

I heard a rumor that you were sleeping

with uh my best friend Bianca just

sneaking around with

her and when callum's like the yeah I

mean what like doesn't deny it but like

I think what did he say he's like I'm

being careful with her is what he says

but then Tatum's

non-reaction yeah Tatum just kind of

like whatever like know like she's had a

crush on you forever just like treat her

well I'm sorry if my father

was busting you

down I would have a bit more of a

reaction me too okay me [ __ ] chill

well that makes me think like that

either she's manipulative and shitty and

it's like if I just let this ride he

will pay off these credit cards and like

continue to pay for me to stay FR I'm

going to use this cuz that's the only

reason you would be soill the impression

that I got was a little bit like less of

like trying to use it and a little bit

more like she had her own [ __ ] going on

that was the other my other thought was

like or she like they aren't really that

close and she's just like it's cool like

we're more friends than like father

daughter so you do whatever you're going

to do I don't care like even [ __ ] my

best friend I'm I'm I'm

trying I'm I'm reaching K I'm aware well

she and like she said she's like it's

weird but I guess it's like not the most

surprising like every time you've walked

into the room for the past 5 years she

has turned the color color of a tomato

I'm very aware my best friend has had a

crush on you it's not surprising but it

is a little uncomfy but it's fine don't

be horrible to her like right just don't

ruin my friendship please yes I think

was like kind

of the F we're suspending belief we're

suspending yeah yeah that I'm in I'm

suspended

we're in suspense suspended well so

Callum gets home stops by Romero to pick

up uh his little delivered Brown wrapped

package of uh sex toys I was going to

say sugar birth control pills and

fertility treatments I just was making a

a I was hoping I guess for something

other than that but okay no they don't

their love is explosive enough they

don't need sex toys Hannah he said I'mma

lock it down you get it well and so he

goes to pick up this package they are

also talking about a work associate Jack

[ __ ] um who's wanting to set up a

dinner for a business

proposition which like we like don't

know a ton of about in this moment we

just know like it's a it's a business

associate who's like trying to get an

inn with Callum who's also like

historically propositioned on a regular

basis um the uniting of families through

marrying their children right and where

callum's kind of like yeah Jack like

kind of keeps like casually bringing

like I'm not going to like marit Tate

him off but like I'm happy to let him

think I will for the sake of a business

deal right for General crime for yeah

when I'm doing General crime I'm I'm

happy to use my daughter as as a part of

it really are you as a potential

bargaining chip but I won't actually do

it right which is like what do he keeps

s i I wasn't actually going to do it I'm

like well maybe without involving her

with oh no no he threw it in at the end

yeah he does right before the dinner

well so he tells Romero to set up a

dinner uh letting [ __ ] know like

letting morone know that like kind of

keeping him on the hook thinking that

they're open to all of it um but then

also as Callum is getting back to his

place he notices that his office light

is on and when he walks in he once again

finds Bianca sitting in his office

crying this time it's not because her P

piece of [ __ ] boyfriend had cheated on

her but because within the manila

envelope someone has taken photos of her

and Callum making out in that behind the

bar so it is not as well-kept of a

secret as they had

hoped yeah so Lucas took the

pictures we are not sure we know Lucas

gave Bianca right but he was also there

so well he was um but like when Callum

sees the photos he asks her where she

gets them she's kind of like doesn't

matter like someone's f following me she

has felt and sent sent someone following

her um and she's just like my dad would

kill me if he knew that like you and I

were romantically entwined and call

makes a comment like you're bold you're

trying to say your Bulldog of a father

wouldn't let it go and like but in a way

where like Bianca's

like what that's weird wording like what

are you huh what how do you know my Dad

yeah like what are you

referencing sort of kind of

yeah leaves you curious but like doesn't

actually like answer the question in

that moment um but then Bianca is also

trying to make it clear to Callum that

she's like if my dad knew that you and I

were involved he would try to destroy

you like he would not respond well to

this it would be a very bad situation

and he would not let it go um but then

Bianca's like but honestly more than

that I don't really care about my dad

dad because someone is following me

right the issue is not the pictures the

issue is someone's following me well and

callum's like I don't think someone's

following you I think someone may have

been following me and you kind of like

got

caught in the web um but Bianca's still

freaking out and is like the photos were

taken like that doesn't really matter

then Callum goes it doesn't really have

to mean anything it's just photos from

your

ex but she didn't

so how you know that exactly so she like

freezes and like pauses and like how did

you what how how did you know that he

where these photos came

from because Calum won't shut the [ __ ]

up stop talking Bud like you're making

it worse well she's like I didn't give

you the apartment address and he's like

I just followed you from work I don't

see what the big deal is it's like truly

doesn't in his grandiosity does not

understand why like these are not

appropriate things to do right yeah and

so Bianca's like [ __ ] this I'm out I

cannot stay here you are following me

she runs to Tatum's room to and like

locks the door and starts like grabbing

all of her [ __ ] and is like I need to

get the [ __ ] out of this place um and so

Callum cannot believe that she has the

audacity to want to leave after

everything he's done for her so he does

kick down

the bedroom door the the wing door to

his daughter's Wing to get his new child

bread oh no does that sound

judgmental I don't I don't mean to be a

[ __ ] just yes you did a little bit yeah

yes you did to get his his child I mean

hold on

okay okay I'm what part of that were you

trying to reconcile I saw you like I

need to sit with it I need to digest no

so what I've been over here strugg with

really this whole time is like okay so

he hates his ex-wife with a burning

passion because she got pregnant on

purpose to trap him in a marriage that

he didn't want to be in and he's doing

the same [ __ ] to her and then he's

following her and discounting her

anxiety that someone else could be

following her and telling her that she's

being too dramatic and then has the just

so flabbergasted but here's the thing

Hannah it's all of love and I think

that's what you're missing just listen

to the rhythm of my heart it's ra yeah

you like put your finger so when you

think why is Amanda not being

cooperative she's Justified no um I'm

just I'm about to drop a spoiler for

book nobody's winning I'm about to drop

a real spoiler for book two

no you're not going to read book too

you're not going to read it Amanda is in

cahoots with Jack [ __ ] to kidnap the

pregnant Bianca and her [ __ ]

daughter her own daughter gets kidnapped

Tatum in the second book because Amanda

is in

cahoots with the other dude Cahoots but

at the end of the day she's using the

tools that she was

given oh my God K said this is the hill

that I will die on I Amad on neither of

them deser iosing on this is winning

here to be clear

am on this I am not choosing team Callum

to be clear I'm not choosing team Callum

I'm certainly not choosing team I okay

to I also have not read any other book

than this first one so if there's

additional [ __ ] that like there's more

context later the only person that I'm

even remotely like he might be all right

is Romero that's the only person that

I'm like well maybe maybe he's

okay I'll allow that because Callum

after Chasing Bianca is like you have

the audacity to run from me like this is

how you repay me for my kindness and for

taking care of you he decides he's going

to spank her as

punishment um my favorite line my

favorite line in all of this and it's a

bit of a paraphrase I'm going to smack

your ass till the whole thing looks like

a boiled Lobster yeah there's nothing

sexy about that's when I someone boiled

Lobster and then I was like okay maybe

this is set in

Maine gu why else would Lobster just

casually come

up we lost Chelsea we lost chelie no

okay okay the lobster roll well I guess

it's that in Maine that's the only

logical explanation he wanted to smack

her ass to it look like a lobster I

guess they're in

Portland that's my iic oh my God I'm

thinking so many things that I don't

want to think okay okay all right so as

he is spanking her she is getting wetter

to the point because she's always

dripping yeah yeah he notices because

the wet spot is growing under her mhm

she should no one am I wrong like no

unless I am have vastly misunderstood my

own sexual anatomy yeah that is so much

liquid unless you're like squirting but

that's this is not that she's just

becoming aroused right and she will

squirt in a bit well good for her but

like well actually I think here yeah

she's about to you called it yeah well

and so it's very I hate that about

myself right now he's spanking her he

starts teasing her is then like oh yeah

cuz he calls it her sloppy hole my God

work first wording if you want to talk

about getting dried out sloppy hole is

enough for me yeah that's enough for me

I'm like we suspend belief for a lot of

[ __ ] in these books like her sloppy hole

at one point he might call it a sloppy

dripping hole for all I know and that

feels accurate with how they have gone

about it in this book but like he's

withholding her orgasm until she agrees

that he decides where she lives and what

she does and where she goes and she's

just like so out of it and wanting to

come that like she agrees to everything

he says she's like yeah like H asde and

like come so hard she passes out correct

and so then he like picks her up and

carries her and he's like I'm taking her

back to our bed where she belongs to her

nest as the little bird that she yeah

but then he's like oh well now that

she's passed out this is the perfect

time to swich out yeah to switch out her

uh birth control and to give her an

injection and the next morning she wakes

up and is like why she's like why what

did I dream I got stung by a bee on my

ass

ass cuz you got injected with a

fertility treatment that you didn't ask

for or and as someone who injected

fertility drugs into my ass there's no

mistaking that no so I don't but we're

suspending I'm okay question because I

have not had fertility drugs in my ass

if someone spanked your ass repeatedly

so hard it looked like a boiled Lobster

and then injected you with a okay you

know what well I don't wow I don't know

well we are going to

maybe do IVF round too I can Circle

back let us know thank you for doing

this for science for science it's all

for science I can Circle back yeah yeah

okay well but I can still feel a

fertility treatment the next day if my

ass looks like a boiled Lobster so again

to be clear she's 22 and very stupid so

I can see her being like stupid for real

I can see her being like that's so weird

that I had that weird dream and that my

ass is like super sore he really spank

me literally her thought well and she

like he like fully he finished

undressing her so she like wakes up in

bed the next day feeling like she had a

dream about a beasting on her ass naked

in bed while he's working on his laptop

next to her like laying in bed and she's

like okay like I need to get ready to go

to work and he's like you never need to

go to work again and she's like what and

he's like you your sole purpose in life

is to be my person and she's like I

really don't love that I would really

love to go to my job and I will never be

happy if I am caged and it's like trying

to explain because it's bringing up a

lot of like because her father was so

overprotective after her mother's murder

and like her mother's murder has

remained unsolved and it's just this

huge Thundercloud over her relationship

with her dad but she's like I I cannot

be caged again I worked so hard to get

out of that I I cannot go back to it and

she's like let I I'll keep my job but I

will come home immediately every day but

as she's saying that she's sitting there

thinking she's like as soon as I leave

work today I'm going the [ __ ] over that

other apartment and signing the lease

because what is happening like

absolutely not so she's finally like

wait a minute yes and she's like I know

if I don't tell him what he wants to

hear I will never be G to leave this

house so I'm going to like tell him

enough where he like relents enough and

it's like okay you can go to work but

you have to come home straight after so

that we can be together and be happy

forever cuz he's a big

boy he's [ __ ] delusional though he's

a big

boy cuz I'm a grownup grown up this is

yeah this is a grownup

man Hannah how do you feel about the

fact that you didn't this book

grateful yeah she said validated I'm

experiencing a lot of gratitude yeah I'm

exper we love gratitude in my

meditations this morning I really

focused on gratitude for not reading

this

book well and so after work Bianca does

go to sign the lease but as she's like

about to walk up the steps she's like I

can't do it like I really do love Callum

and I really want to be with Callum and

I really want I said

to [ __ ] with Bianca like you're a dick

drunk babe you don't love him you

exactly I'm like what about everything

he's done thus far do you feel about

outside of the orgasms and even those do

you even feel good about those he made

you cry for half of them right and also

like it's time to go to the OBGYN let's

figure out why like get an IUD and

therapy yeah are my recommendations

that's where we start yeah yeah yeah we

we'll add from there so as Bianca though

is realizing she's not going to take

your recommended treatment plan of an

IUD in therapy she's like [ __ ] it I want

to be with Callum I need to go to his

house and let him know so she turns

around to leave and as she steps off the

curb she gets hit by a car by a car this

is when the book this is when I said I

need to finish this [ __ ] book because

how dare you sorry I'm so how dare you

do a car in as a plot device right now

what have you what are you talking about

why is she getting hit by a

car I got very upset yeah and then did

you think it was intentional or were you

shocked to find it was intentional well

I rolled my eyes and I was like what the

[ __ ] is happening I was like so this is

just heading I mean I would assume it's

intentional but I was thinking of um

Gina from Brooklyn 99 getting hit by a

bus like that's what I was imagining and

that's why I laugh oh my god when she

tries to dance with her brace on yes and

she's like

and like it's squeaky like the screws in

her head oh my God I need to watch more

than the one like one season of shows I

watched like the first season of

Brooklyn you want yeah I feel like

Brooklyn once you make it into it you

will thoroughly enjoy it but I know it

I've been trying to persevere I'm going

to get there I just have to hit my

stride Captain Hol oh RP I can tell I'm

going to really love that show oh I was

so sad when Andre BR too that was a real

bummer okay so Callum is sitting at home

after Bianca's been hit by car not

knowing she's been hit by a car but is

Big mad because he's like she [ __ ]

promised me this morning that she would

return as soon as the workday was done

and she's 30 minutes late and this is

not acceptable and like leaves her this

like scathing voicemail of like I can't

believe you'd [ __ ] do this like kind

of like that General energy he decides

to send his men out looking one of his

random men is like oh I didn't know we'd

be like we'd be on babysitting duty

tonight Callum so unhinged he breaks his

nose keeps beating the man until Romero

is like

hey bro you need to stop leave him alive

especially if you need him to Aid in the

search that you're wanting all of the

men to go

on yeah yes Romero is the the true hero

right so as they're well oh that was the

other thing is I feel no I'm I'm skipped

too far it gets a little more messy at

the end if you can believe it um but

after Callum breaks him breaks his

random dude's nose he then gets a call

from Bianca and he's like where the [ __ ]

are you and like then as soon as like he

hears her crying and I was like I need

you to come pick me up he realizes like

oh she's hurt and I'm a dick 1,00% we've

had we've had that shift and now we're

at the hospital and he is feeling real

bad he's like demanding every single

test be run on her and just one of those

but then he also has that like moment

and I know this moment will annoy you

the moment where he's like I realize she

called me instead of her dad

both of your faces you're like we're

just so [ __ ] over this just disgust

though so okay okay okay

okay um Callum also asked Romero to like

all of the businesses that are on the

street that the apartment was on he

asked him to see if he can get security

footage so that way we can figure out

who hit her because we do not know at

this point we just know she was hit by a

car and then the car did not stop right

and and kept going so it is now 4 days

after that um Callum has been very sweet

stayed like stayed home tending to

Bianca um just really trying to to take

care of her your face K it's it's the

teeny tiny head shakes for me it's

the I'm like and I'm also like oh Bianca

but only this stupid 21-year-old would

fall for any of this nonsense but that's

why they pray on stupid 21y old because

me I would have been like you're a

[ __ ] [ __ ] and you're sad what a sad

little boy you are yeah like that is

what I would be saying to a grown man

acting like this when you were 21 is

that what you would have said to a grown

probably no when you probably I was

going to say I would love to say that

that's what I would have said it's not

what I would have said but I do believe

it's what you probably definitely would

have been like what I I love to believe

that that's the strength that I had at

21 but I also know that that's not true

for myself at

21 unfortunately if I'm honest with with

myself I would probably have

responded not completely like Bianca but

not as far off from Bianca as I want to

like imagine I would respond I'm like no

I feel like at like 21

I was really passive and did not want to

upset anyone or that's what makes it so

disgusting I'm like these poor

21-year-old

like she's a [ __ ] [ __ ] idiot but

love her what she shouldn't have diddled

her [ __ ] in front of him and we wouldn't

be in this situation that was the first

crime committed in the book about

General crime I didn't feel good blaming

her for that so please no one at home

take that for fact um that it's all her

fault no it's all her fault she

masturbated in front of them and so he

he switched her birth control yeah she

she's all fous y'all it's all fous

it is 100% I didn't get the chance to

read my disclaimer um it's 100% callum's

fault yeah you know valid um Tatum ends

up calling Bianca and is real pissed

she's big mad because she's like the

[ __ ] why didn't I know you got hit by a

car um I guess Callum was the one who

told Tatum and Bianca's kind of like

sorry I've been on a lot of pain meds

like it wasn't a secret I've just right

this isn't about you it's very tender

and I literally just got hit by a car

which also Callum didn't freak out

because when he was at the hospital

she's like I was leaving I wasn't going

to sign a lease like I promised I wasn't

going to sign a lease and then he's like

no like I know because she got hit on

the left side so like she was facing

away versus if she'd been walking to the

apartment it would have been the right

side that like it was like he's like so

if she'd been hit on the right he'd have

been like sucks a suck [ __ ] like I

wondered you know like he's like no I

knew she like was wasn't lying because

of like the where she got hit and but

then this is also rtim again no reaction

to because like she was like oh yeah by

the way I know you're [ __ ] my dad and

then she said listen it's not my

favorite thing in the world but it is

what it is and dad knows I know that is

the totality of her

response to well we are also about to

find out that Tatum's had a lot going on

herself h I okay we'll when we get there

but I don't I don't care

how let's get there let's get to the

mess I'm ready for More Mess yeah well I

said that I don't know that I well as K

said in that phone call Bianca is kind

of like there's something I need to tell

you and Tatum's like oh like that you're

[ __ ] my dad awkward and then like

yeah like it's weird but cool whatever

as long as y'all are happy I guess it's

fine so Callum walks into the room

towards the end of this phone call and

is telling bian

after they've hung up that like they got

footage um and so that they know who hit

her and it was

Lucas and that Lucas sped up when he saw

her step into the road so it was like

not an accident it was very intentional

that Lucas clipped her with his car and

kept

driving and so like Bianca makes a joke

not really but like makes a comment to

[ __ ] was like oh like you're going to

kill

him yes and callum's like do you want me

to like this is but like callum's

actually like you're the one who got hit

it is your right to decide I'm not going

to make a decision for you and you're

like oh look at him that's personal

growth I'll give him half a point he's

at negative 7500 though so really made a

difference yeah start chipping away at

it you know there in no time yeah yeah

so Bianca as she's sitting there and

thinking about it she's like it's not

that he deserves to live she's like but

I also don't want his death on my

conscience right she's like so don't

kill him because for the sake of my

conscience I I

won't do well if that is what we do but

like it's cut to callum's perspective

and Callum is kind of like sitting there

and he's like does she understand what a

[ __ ] big deal it is that I like gave

her the the power to decide this like

she should be grateful like he's so

proud that he's that he gave her the

opportunity yeah like didn't just kill

him but like asked her what she wanted

and he's like I deserve all the cookies

for

that and then you know of course they

[ __ ] and he calls it her covered

Mound um I would call this one probably

unfortunately I would maybe call this

one their solidifying [ __ ] yeah her

fluttering right after she got hit by a

car right yeah yeah yeah yeah that's

what I was thinking I was like her

fluttering days later it's 4 days later

yeah she just got clipped it's fine

Tatum said she was going to come back

because she's like I clearly need to

like come help you and blah blah blah so

Tatum finally makes it home a couple

days later Bianca and Tatum go out

shopping and while they're trying on

clothes Tatum is like oh what do you

think of this and opens or Bianca says

that and opens Tatum's like dressing

room door as Tatum's like give me a

minute and then when she opens the door

she see Bianca sees Tatum covered in

bruises M yep yep exactly unfort is that

what you guess yep

unfortunately yeah and so Tatum like

admits like he was abusive like it had

started before the trip but I thought

like if we went to Europe like and he

was happier better get a reset yes um

and unfortunately that that did not give

us the reset we have a full gamut of

stupid 21-year-old right now oh no Tat's

like I don't even know where he is right

now like he like went off with some

friends and

Milan and now adios like took that

opportunity to run essentially yeah like

go keep partying in all of his new

$330,000 worth of suits that she bought

him and she's back with her family and

like does not know where he is and you

can tell Tatum definitely feels lighter

after like finally being able to like

confess that to someone even though

she's also like Bianca you cannot tell

my dad because my dad will kill him

right and so like this is indeed a

secret as Tatum and Bianca are trying to

leave the mall and leave shopping um

they who's following them but Lucas in

the parking lot imagine I said there's

one Street in this entire

universe right it is not a big city that

they are in one so where in Maine maybe

not Portland they're in Florida they're

in Florida they're in Keystone Heights

for sure

they're God dead I'm so

sorry not in Jupiter Jupiter's too big

Jupiter's got too much going on yeah oh

my god

um but as Lucas is approaching them they

are noting they're like he is not

looking too hot like his eyes are

bloodshot he is disheveled he is like

smell like he like you okay bro like

things are not going well for him and as

Bianca tries to walk off he like grabs

her wrist and like won't let her go it's

like Bianca is then like I'm the only

reason you're alive after what you did

like [ __ ] right off but it's also Tatum

doesn't know that Lucas was the one like

she like didn't tell tat that part she

just like told her she got hit by a car

but Tatum does not know it was Lucas and

so Bianca's trying to be like leave me

the [ __ ] alone you are lucky you are

still breathing that is like because of

me you are still breathing right get

away from me they keep running each

other on that one it's just one Street

in like four buildings well and Lucas

keeps like I just need you to listen to

me but then she's also like why is he so

persistent on feeling like needing to

talk to me that is also true and she's

got the magic [ __ ] well and yeah you're

like you dated for 5 years but I also

feel like considering how desperately

he's trying to talk to her

now how big of a dick he was to her at

the bar doesn't feel like it makes sense

right like why is he hitting her with a

vehicle right yes all mess no logic but

now being like I need to talk to you but

minute would have been dead had you had

your way and now we the time for disc we

want to have a chitchat well and so

Tatum starts like shouting loudly and

because they're in the mall parking lot

other people start looking and paying

attention and so Lucas runs off as soon

as like other people are paying

attention to like him grabbing right

bianc in the parking lot so that's all

we know in this moment um we now go back

to Callum he is meeting with Jack [ __ ]

whose whole business proposition is that

like they've been using this like

shipping line as a contract and like

let's just get our own ships then we can

cut out the middleman then we'll we'll

have higher profits sort of energy but

also Jack keeps being like how's your

daughter like very much trying to get

this like marriage thing going he's like

oh like yeah my son and I are in town

for a while my son heo yeah so Callum is

like yeah let's all do dinner tonight

just like sees what Jack is trying to

put down is like I'm going to skirt this

but I'll make him happy I'll make him

think he's going to get what he wants

let's schedule the dinner so he has

Romero schedule um a reservation at a

restaurant he owns for six people so

it'll be Callum Tatum Bianca Romero

Jack [ __ ] and then his son Dominic are

the six who are going to be in

attendance now okay when Callum tells

Bianca and Tatum that they're going to

this dinner he very casually says to his

daughter he's like oh yeah just let you

know like Jack thinks you're going to

marry his son it's like be mindful of

that when we go to dinner tonight and

J's like why the [ __ ] would do you think

I'm going to marry his son and he's like

oh you know just like business

anyway yeah just like completely does

not give a [ __ ] about his daughter's

feelings Tat's like well I I got to go

get ready so she leaves and then Bianca

looks at Callum and is like so I'm

attending this and he's like yeah and

she's like so who am I to you at this

right how should I be mindful yes like

am I the spare in case he doesn't like

your daughter like option like your [ __ ]

buddy is also the spare like what is the

thought yeah here yeah like you yeah

well and he's like callum's just like I

want you there like is that not enough

and Bianca's like trying to be like are

we official yeah and but like in that

way where she's like are we Facebook

official it's clearly not enough but

Bianca's like I guess I'm so cool about

it yeah super chill I've never CH like

[ __ ] women and they're stupid and needy

I'm not like that I I'm fine with the

bare [ __ ] minimum well and so because

she like tries I went ahead and buried

the bar for you so you wouldn't trip

well and she tries to ask him at some

point she's like oh so like how am I

being presented there like what's the

and he's like well like I want you there

it's that not enough like doesn't matter

what other people think of us and she's

like maybe I want to know for

me and he's like I intend you I intend

to keep you with me always I want us to

have a life

together but as like you're kept woman

or your partner that's all she needed or

she was fine then well was she because

she's like okay I guess that's enough

and they like get to the dinner and as

they sit down at a six toop like Callum

is at the end of the table Bianca sits

on his right side Tatum sits on his left

and then Romero is next to Tatum so when

Jack and Dominic get there Dominic sits

down next to Bianca and then Jack at the

other head of end of the table head of

the table right

right

and Dominic [ __ ] does not give a [ __ ]

that he is there potentially in a

proposed marriage to Tatum he is like

talking to Bianca and she's like yeah I

like have a job doing whatever account I

don't know she looks at spreadsheets is

really all they ever say about her job

economics economics vague it's a job yes

General crime an analyst an analyst

she's an anal an analyst that's all

General analyst General she a general

analyst all day for a business with

great benefits with 6mon maternity leave

crime crime spreadsheet spreadsheet

right but Dominic's like oh like it's so

refreshing that you work like most women

are just like

Housewives women [ __ ] suck disgusting

things am still sexually attracted to

women right yeah I'll still [ __ ] them

but like I don't gross women

[Music]

right like the whole like for the first

like three courses Dominic is like keeps

bumping knees and bumping legs with

Bianca to the point that she's like I'm

turned sideways in my seat and he's

still bumping my legs and at this point

I'm bumping callum's legs not to be sexy

because I'm trying to get away from

[ __ ] Dominic's legs and I I'm just

caught between the legs and like what

the [ __ ] stop touching me yeah and like

tries to like like say to Dominic like

hey I am not single please leave me

alone and he's like who gives a [ __ ]

about like labels in marriage like yeah

I'll be married but like my free time is

my time you know and so then when he

keeps trying to feel her she's like I'm

just going to subtly handle this I don't

want Calum to get upset I don't want

this to be big scene so I'm just going

to take the fork that they just put on

the table and lightly stab it into the

back of Dominic's hand just a gentle

stab yeah and then she's like oops

accidentally stabbed it harder than I

meant cuz he jumped up from the table

and shouted what the [ __ ]

it's like the whole yeah well and so

then Callum is like looking at Bianca

and he's like what did you like why is

he like looking when I'm trying to avoid

causing scenes I also stab people well

and so Romero's like uh well Romero goes

I've been watching the whole thing

Dominic has been messing with her for

several courses she asked him to stop he

didn't and she took it into her own

hands and and Bianca's like I could hear

the pride in Romero's voice as he like

expl cuz Romero is the true hero

Romero's like no we know what's

up and so we we love that Romero said

this but then Callum is like she's here

with me you should have said that [ __ ]

they just announced yeah then this is

their announcement like we could have

avoided all of this if You' used your

words at the [ __ ] beginning cuz at

the start of the meal Bianca was like

how's he going to introduce me and was

like nervous about it and then he

introduced her as Tatum's friend so was

already like okay keep a smile on your

face don't yeah like this is not ideal

but just like keep it together she's

getting hit on by Dominic stabs him in

the hand and then like K is finally like

we're together and she's like I mean I

guess it wasn't a declaration of love

but like it's better than nothing it's

better than Tatum's friend I

guess yeah well and so he they in the

dinner call off kind of the business

arrangement and and Callum pulls Bianca

from the room to make sure that she's

okay he pulls her into like a spare

banquet room um they end up [ __ ] I

was going to say so they [ __ ] correct no

this is where I was reading to like my

husband I was like I was like this man

talks so much and I am like literally

there is not an ounce of moisture in my

body I so I read him this paragraph damn

you beg so sweetly Bianca my cock's

already dripping come from your sweet

moans and cries of pleasure if I had the

time to tease you I would but I don't

and my desire to be inside of you right

now is my only

thought is that what you want to hear

objectively no okay so here's thing

here's the thing so with that hookup

that I told to shut the [ __ ] up

objectively the reason I told him to

shut the [ __ ] up is cuz he did he was

not doing well and I was like talking

game to me right now is not assisting I

need you to focus on what you're doing

like maybe do one thing at a time feel

like talking is distracting not adding

yeah so maybe do one thing at a time and

that's the energy I get from this look

at her reaction and it's the final thing

on the bottom of the page after after

that

paragraph the the and her her response

is an italicized yes in all caps with an

exclamation I don't I don't like I she

said yes and I said no so they well and

all right guys here's where it Shi

because they [ __ ] he comes inside of her

oh and then it tell at her entrance and

then goes like hey go to the bathroom

clean yourself up but leave my come in

you where it belongs right not knowing

that he has [ __ ] with her birth

control and I'm also like I'm sorry when

you told him you were on birth control

and he said that's not enough and only

gave you the tip and then the next time

he just like rammed into you and fully

sent it did it not dawn on you that

maybe he'd had a shift that you should

be aware of well I could see again

advocating for a stupid 21-year-old I

could see her being like Oh my God like

he's really in this with me now like he

really trusts me now like I could see

her being oh he's like claimed me in

front of people now and like being very

stupid and not being like why is he

doing those things

though toou shame you know so she goes

into the bathroom to clean herself up

and then the door opens

and Lucas walks in and chloroform and is

like this is the only way I can there's

only four people this is a town of five

so anyone from a small town in Maine

please pipe in with where you feel this

it's m it's Maine so we've jumped the

shark okay yeah Lucas is here is out at

the table and uh like talking to

everyone or talking to Romero and Tatum

and Tatum's kind of like really Dad like

that's the winner you were going to sell

me off to great great catch right and

then as they're kind of talking Callum

real like Tatum's like oh where's

where's Bianca and he's like she's in

the bathroom then realizes she's been in

the bathroom for a minute and then they

hear the emergency alarm go off because

the like the back exit door so like they

all kind of like Tatum goes to check the

bathroom they like realize that Bianca

has been taken um but also as they

realize this C's automatically like we

can use the tracker I put on Bianca's

phone to find her

the

[ __ ] what L [ __ ] I'm experiencing

immense

disappointment and I'm disappointed in

myself for being disappointed because

obviously he put a tracker on her I was

waiting for you to be like actually that

beasting was a Tracker there's a Tracker

in her ass so like I'm still

disappointed but not as disappointed as

I could be we love that I love balance

we love balance we take what victories

we can you know well so Bianca wakes up

and when she wakes up they're at Lucas's

parents cabin and she's like what is

this your parents cabin and he's been

living there for a a few days cuz we do

find out at some point I forget when but

like Callum and Romero had been talking

that like they' been trying to find

Lucas since he hit her with the car and

had been unsuccessful in their Endeavors

to at least keep an eye on him and like

1,000% yes and so Bianca wakes up

realizes that she's at his parents cabin

cabin and uh like Lucas is like I saved

you from being

groomed and Bianca is like actually I

saved your life because like you would

have been killed after you hit me with a

car which Lucas takes like her saving

his life and advocating for him as like

she does love me our story is not over

we're Eternal right I'm the main

character yes right in love and so like

starts trying like they were like she W

she woke up on a bed he is like starting

to try like like force himself on her

and then Callum shows up and just shoots

his head off right sure that moment yep

because it's I mean the street is only

one block so it didn't take showed up

right in time yeah yeah um Callum then

like takes Bianca back to his house as

they're starting to walk in the house he

like tries to put his hand on her and

she like completely flinches away and he

recognizes that and is like trying to

like be respectful and give her what she

needs and so Tatum's like hey let me

help you get clean like let's shower

like you are covered in your

ex-boyfriend's blood right now is kind

of the the energy um but then is it as K

remind me is it as Tatum and Bianca are

talking like Tatum tells her about the

tracker app on the phone yeah cuz like

she's like cleaning her up and then she

was like

um uh then then she was like oh I want

to take me back to my dads and then

she's like if you go back to your dads

you're going to have to explain

everything

G um yeah so they she puts it together

that there was a tracking app on her

phone she still wants to avoid going

back to her father's because of his his

overbearing ways also I forgot to

mention when she and her dad were like

getting their lunch earlier and they

were talking about Lucas and the breakup

her dad did not look like he was doing

super great and told her like he's like

I'm working a big kid like I'm like so

close I really I'm about to have a

breakthrough it was kind of the dad's

General energy um so as Tatum and Bianca

are having this conversation and Bianca

realizes they the only reason Callum

found me was because he put a tracker on

my phone this is a huge invasion of

privacy I cannot continue this way right

I'm out and so she's like telling Tatum

this and Tatum's like I'll go with you

I'm your best friend so they just pack

their bags and jump out the window and

turn their phones off so that the

trackers won't

work so now yeah okay that's where we

are that's where we

are this is where we are we're now 20

hours later I think is roughly what it

was and Callum is beside himself because

Tatum is not using her cards and he did

not have trackers on uh Bianca's

financials yet so he does not know where

they are he cannot find them he just has

all of his men driving around trying to

find them is like oh no how do I keep

him safe what if something happens well

like Lucas isn't a threat and then he

like thinks of his ex-wife and then it

suddenly kind of Dawns on him and clicks

and he calls the pi and he's like what

did the dude who looked young enough to

be Amanda's son who was with him with

her look like it was Lucas so Amanda and

Lucas had been in what yeah navigating

and figuring this out the whole time the

entire town mhm the entire

town right on the road so as Callum is

about to tell everyone that they just

need like telling all of his men like

all hands on deck we need to go find

them we need to go find yeah I I don't

give a [ __ ] whatever you need to do to

make it

happen uh Bianca calls Callum and is

like I need you to come to this hotel I

need I need help with Tatum Tatum's not

okay and so when they get there Callum

is like beside himself and Bianca's like

okay here's what happened we were

hanging out we decided to go down to the

bar to have some drinks some dudes

started hitting on us we were having fun

wasn't a big thing uh Tatum asked if

they all wanted to come back up continue

the party up here which like obviously

super pisses off the possessive father

and then Bianca's like I was sitting out

here on the couch with the other two

just hanging out they'd been in the

they'd gone into the bedroom for all of

one minute when Tatum started screaming

and kicked the guy out and locked the

door and she hasn't let me in since and

when callum's like about ready he like

wants to rip the kid head off like I

know like the kid he was fully dressed

he and like he was like I didn't TCH

like we kissed and she like started

screaming and I left was like kind of

the energy so Callum goes like knocks on

the door and when like bian not Bianca

when Tatum realizes it's her dad she

opens it and then she discloses to all

of them that like it wasn't just

physical abuse that there was some

sexual abuse that also happened with

Kristoff and that she doesn't know where

he is um but like this decision has

numbered Kristoff's days you know like

you're not you're not going to survive

once you disclose this no not to someone

who does General crime not to someone

who not someone who General crime no no

not at all certainly not yeah so Romero

gets Tatum and is like getting her back

out of the car and then Bianca and

Callum end up having a little bit more

of like a heart tohe heart again where

she's like it is an invasion of privacy

and he's like well if I didn't have a

tracker on your phone I wouldn't have

found you and then like you like

wouldn't be safe right now and she's

like I'm not disputing that you could

have talk to me of private yes she's

like that is the issue and she's like I

cannot live in a cage like I will resent

you for it this is not like I want to be

with you I want to come home with you I

I I love you and I cannot do this if

this is the way that we are going I'm

not going to live like this yeah yeah

well good for her with some boundaries I

suppose yeah well in Callum s I'll try

I'm you know it's not easy for a man

like me but I'll try for you E Yeah so

then like they all go back to the

house the disgust from K well I'm like

the next day they're just like [ __ ]

in bed all day and they're like having

happy day how much can we do this

as his daughter is sleeping in her

bedroom po trauma she's just [ __ ] her

best friend that's what I was like I in

the other books that it like Dives

deeper into Tatum like Kristoff stuff

otherwise this just seems so gratuitous

and gross well Tatum does get her own

book okay yeah she gets her own

spin-off okay so we can make her trauma

worthwhile you get

it make her trauma mean something yeah

mean something instead of just like

sprinkling in there for just listen K

everything happens for a reason right I

just I hate that so much while they're

[ __ ] the next day he once again

withholds her orgasm until she agrees to

have his baby and she's like yes fil me

I don't care so basically that whole

storyline of him taking away her birth

control was for no reason because she

ended up agreeing to wanting to have a

baby

anyways but I do think that there's a

difference between saying yes fill me

with your seed while you're about to

come versus actually carrying a child

for 40 weeks that is different yeah that

does hit different but he like but like

he was like oh like have my baby and she

was like yeah I want to have your baby

but then also as soon as they were done

[ __ ] and she was no longer in that

high she looked at him and was like so

did you really mean that like let's have

a conversation about this so I don't

think she I think she said it so she

could come more than she was actually

like I hope I'm now pregnant right was

at least my interpretation of that right

okay

but then she did after was like oh my

God we but we just talked about having a

baby I interpreted that more well okay

we'll get there in a second um so

they're having this conversation where

she's like hey like did you really mean

that and he tells her about how he and

Amanda got together very young she

intentionally had Tatum to trap him so

he has always been very mindful about

like who he would bring into his life

expanding a family like and she's really

like the first person that he would want

to do that with then he gets a phone

call saying Amanda's on

property Amanda just then like walks

into the master suite there's only one

building actually not five oh like

considering they said that I live on a

compound where all of the security lives

I'm like you'd really think someone and

it just says like oh she somehow Is Here

Yeah like so like she walks in the door

oh my star well when he's like what the

[ __ ] are you doing here she she's like

I'm here to see my daughter and but then

she also pauses and looks at Bianca and

it's like but I guess the rumors are

true that you're [ __ ] my

husband and so then Bianca is like wait

what like you're still married yeah

Callum and Amanda start

fighting and be Tatum runs or Bianca

runs again again but before she runs

she's like wait wait wait are are you

still married and calum's like yeah on a

technicality then just like go straight

back to like fighting with Amanda

but like is then saying [ __ ] to Amanda

like I know you were working with Lucas

what did you give Lucas the idea to hit

her with your car with a car and so then

Bianca's like he knows a lot more about

all of this stuff than he had told me

right this is yet again our our ongoing

problem um and Callum also told kiss

he's like yeah go to your room and get

dressed what that is the

most it's dismissive and shitty the most

dismissive thing like so shitty and so

she's like I'm going to get to rest when

I'm sure hell not coming back so she

grabs all of her bags runs out gets in

her car and I was like i' I didn't want

to but going home going to my dad's is

the only option at this point I have no

other place to I can't keep doing this

yes so she finally relents gives up goes

to her dad's house when she gets there

like her dad isn't in the living room

and she's like Hey Dad like here's some

aloh bottles everywhere yeah and then

when she like is like call calling out

to him she's like his voice sounds

slurred like he's clearly drunk and then

when she's like Hey Dad like you okay

he's like we're celebrating like I'm so

glad you're here to celebrate with me

and she's like what are we celebrating

he's like I finally found the evidence

that I needed in my case and she's like

what are you talking about he's like I

found the evidence that Callum murdered

your mom what Cliffhanger in a book end

of book end of book and I got to say

book two and three don't get better

sure I feel like book two and three are

then like cool we have to sort our way

out of all of the messes we made in book

one but a lot of like long form

conversations that drag on a bit oh that

doesn't

improve from there I mean I have a few

thoughts okay I'm ready I have a few I'm

ready so do an include please the Amanda

justification is there an Amanda

justification hear my thoughts

both Amanda and Callum are the worst why

is Amanda the worst I'm sorry K what

book did you [ __ ] read and I say that

as someone who loves you with every

fiber of my being she do

wrong she trapped a

man say there's worse CRI who hasn't

exactly who Among Us has not you mean

when she was in cahoots with Lucas to

kill Bianca oh yeah she said I but like

talk

if we're talking about like a

billionaire like Fortune

thing Callum must have done some crazy

[ __ ] to make her here the thing they've

they've both been awful like there's no

doubt about that neither of them is no I

do not need to root for either Callum or

Amanda this neither one are heroes here

but also like I'm I'm also thinking like

I have had friends who have done

fertility treatments like extensive

fertility treatments and um the side

effects though of those shots like right

so that's the only shot he getes her why

did he why did he feel the need to give

her a shot like just stop the birth

controlly she's 22's 22 depending on how

long he's been on the birth control it

takes a while to work that out so I

guess he thought that the fertility shot

would give her a leg can't wait like a

mon

she would have been fine so that's that

was ridiculous um yeah that I was like

oh bless your hearts you seems like not

a whole character she's not that's so

okay Justice for Tatum because Tatum was

not fully fleshed out at all her

character does not make sense she's the

trash can she gets a little more fleshed

out but also a lot of that fleshing out

until her own individual book is really

just focused on her not wanting to work

through her trauma and them like trying

to love her and like take care of her as

she's like I'm just going to stay in my

room and watch murder docu series on

Netflix for until I decide

otherwise um so that's about as like FL

like you really see the impact of the

trauma over the next couple books and

then she gets her own book where I feel

like they then

uh really worked her through her trauma

quickly in the name of a

relationship if you will oh great so her

story never improves then well it does

she ends up with Romero I knew I mean

that was obvious duh right it does not

become less obvious in the next couple

books yeah oh no the next few books are

just cuz there's only five people in

this entire city and entire universe

well it just feels like Callum is a

Manchild who's throwing Tantrums tantrum

and he grows I I still would not say by

end that I'm like he's a real cat here

doubt

growth yes I uh I hope he like goes to

jail for his does not go to jail but I

will say complete spoiler for either the

second or third book I cannot remember

but at one point Bianca does obviously

get pregnant and then she's like oh I

hope Callum isn't mad like it's like

trying to reconcile that and then when

they go to meet with the OB and he does

the ultrasound he's like wow that

happened so quickly especially after

that first fertility treatment or like

something like that cuz the doctor was

the one who gave Callum the meds and so

then Bianca's sitting there confirming

her pregnancy finding out that Callum

had messed with her birth control to

heal these results right probably being

worried that he was going to be angry

and think that she tried to trap him

again and all this and that right right

right yes and then finds out that that

obviously was not his his concern at all

because he knew the whole time so like

at all of his

sins get uncovered throughout the

trilogy and did she ever wake up and

leave no they end up married with their

baby I ever after you get it yeah but

like I will say the second and third one

were not as messy I I enjoyed the first

one more cuz I feel like second and

third were just like cool we now have to

like work through and reconcile all of

the [ __ ] that we did in the first book

right and I feel like where it ends

you're like okay there's happy as it's

going to be like I wouldn't say they're

my favorite fictional couple I've ever

read but I'm like they're as happy as

they're going to be given the

circumstance circumstances yeah

yes

so what's the rating scale big birds big

birds big birds yes you're right you're

correct yeah big birds not little birds

No Big Bird yeah yeah 100% um how many

big birds out of how many big birds yeah

what number do you want to give

it like out of seven out of 10 you tum

was gone for a month 30 days 30 big

birds 30 big birds out of out of 30 30

how many big birds would you give this

book out of 30 um so when I you know

like if you if you're a Kindle user and

you finish the book and then it like

your good reads like thing like and it

pops up my

finger hit one star so fast it was

honestly visceral but then I went back

and put it at a two oh at a two so if

you convert that that's times six so

eight big birds out of 30

okay yeah I was going to I'll give it

like 10 out of 30 big birds oh wow okay

33.3 mhm yeah I feel good about that

okay it's messy but it is also

entertaining right it didn't take it was

over 300 pages and it took me literally

like 5 minutes to read it because

there's no substance it is very there's

not it's not challenging to like get

through there's nothing it's very

there's no friction yeah yeah like when

I'm reading all my pretentious nonsense

I think there was all friction because

you were dry as the Sahara I was going

to say there was no Fric there was that

friction but I was just like trying to

figure out just how dry I can get

challenge Bianca has no friction all of

us have extra I have extra but then you

know what I was thinking because I read

H what's that book called um blah blah

blah blah blah you make a full out of me

cuz I'm like okay cuz you know I'm a

pretentious reader yeah I read um you

make a fool of death with your beauty by

aqua amzi and they were fantastic author

and it's a kind of the sameish premise

where like the main character is [ __ ]

the father figure but like written in a

like very literary pretentious way you

know oh you do and I was like I like

mess more when is the ain't no friction

like so I cuz I'm like okay well maybe

if it was like more meaningful but then

I read the meaningful version and I

didn't like it either so so the premise

was the

issue yeah that's true yeah the promise

I hear that okay so 10 out of 30 big

birs final offer 8 to 10 you know nine

out of 30 big birds sure yeah nine out

of 30 say 30 so it makes the rating

sound better no we will say 30 because

we want to give an accurate

rating of our experience but if if you

would rate it closer to 30 big birds let

us know how many big birds would you

give this book yeah thoughts comments

concerns I have a lot of concerns left a

lot of I feel that they will be

processed on my drive home like I just

need quiet to myself I'm also going to

like set the expectation now we won't be

reviewing book two or three or four the

spin-off oh yeah you said Trilogy and

then said four books so yeah so the

first three are Bianca and Callum then

the fourth book is Tatum and Romero okay

yeah

um I feel really solid about our 10 no

not 10 nine out of 30 CU that's three

out of 10

right yeah I think three out of 10 so

much math oh no this is a book club

podcast

don't we don't let us know how many big

words big not big words big birds you

would rate it I did learn a new word

Hackle that's a reile of like made my

hackles rise yeah I learned that new

word so big we

love big bird and big words big birds

big words we love to learn oh we

apologize to Sesame Street fans but

other than that we love you guys li like

subscribe comment thanks for having me

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us

shout out to K don't forget to like

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next time smut [ __ ] bye oh wait what

was that smut [ __ ] I love that I love a

smut [ __ ]

moment well that's it for this week's

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[Music]