Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts chelse and

[Applause]

Hannah hey everyone and welcome to Smart

club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea I've

just given Chelsea a heart

attack I just didn't know that we were

recording already oh like I felt my

chest tighten in a real way and then I

was like then I paused for a second I'm

like what are you nervous about like

what are you oh well I just kicked my

mic so maybe maybe that's it we're just

starting off strong right okay um we're

so glad you guys are here yes thanks for

being on this journey maybe you are on

it on a weekly basis maybe you just show

up because you like the book but

regardless we're glad you're here this

is the podcast where we tend to daydrink

and review and read trashy romance

novels correct some of them aren't

trashy some of them are classy yeah I

would say this one that I'm doing today

is maybe like more in the

middle like it's not trashy and it's not

terrible it's more like

um there's

more Exposition than plot does that make

sense yes but also what's the name of oh

sure it's his for Hanukkah by ree

Morrison so I is Ree with a C or an S an

s

okay and I found this author by accident

um they are a um they identify as queer

and they write queer romance awesome um

and I believe that they are

Jewish I'm pretty sure I read that

somewhere well at the very least they

wrote a book about a Jewish holiday they

did they did and

so I was telling you before we started

and then you stopped me so that we could

do on here um yeah I like you and I have

this horrible habit it's why we started

the podcast because we used to enjoy

everyone on our work links talking about

books but I do think the funniest thing

is like we get so excited to tell each

other about the books that we like

forget to save it for recording yep and

then there are moments where I'm like

damn it that was funny but then it feels

weird because you don't want to repeat

the joke you just made that doesn't feel

sincere it doesn't so I'm sorry that I

just earlier Hannah was like mids

sentence and I literally went stop

telling me she said stop stop I like

just stop I save it I want to know but

not right now so sorry wasn't wasn't

trying to like it's good we'll Circle

back around um so um I what I

appreciated most about this book really

um is that as I was saying earlier but I

don't think I finished the thought all

the way is that the reason why this book

didn't feel trashy to me is because it's

obvious that this author knows the

community she's writing

about so like you know a lot of authors

are ooh I want to write about Kink or

like oo I want to write about like a gay

romance or whatever and they have no

real experience in it and it and they

put it in like chat GPT and they're like

exactly tell me about Kink exactly and

so it feels really um like

almost just ridiculous like it's like

that's not how any of this really

works and so it just doesn't it I don't

know it just feels wrong to me um well I

feel like we've had that conversation

about books um that are like BDSM and

things like that and and you're so right

you can always tell that difference of

like oh they understand this community

they're in this community versus they're

like I Read 50 Shades of Gray and I

think this concept is hot but like when

there's like no conversations about

consent or safe words or or boundaries

and

like I think that's always a moment that

I pause and I'm like I feel like the

author

might be new to the community or

learning about it but when you can just

kind of tell like they're not as like

well versed yes yeah what I want

integrated into the community yeah like

active like yeah you know it's like okay

so maybe they went to a club one time to

like learn about the community and then

they were like I got it and decided to

write a whole book about it I did 45

minutes of research right right you know

the confidence of like a mediocre white

man be like I've got this I've learned

all I need to know yeah there's nothing

that can be explained to me because I

explain everything to everyone else

correct yes so um this book again his

for Hanukkah by reys

Morrison so um there is kink involved

it's a queer romance so we've got layers

we've got layers so we start with Adam

Adam um he is really really struggling

um he we know right off the bat he has

some pretty intense anxiety issues his

favorite hoodie which is like his

comfort item got really messed up and so

he's going to get a new one but none of

them feel right and if anybody else has

like sensory stuff you know that like

that's a big deal it doesn't sound like

it but it really is my husband has like

major sensory stuff and so like if

things don't feel right he won't feel

right like for the whole day like if the

textures aren't right I'll say I'm not

that big of like at that level of

sensory but I did just have a very

similar situation with sweatpants for

the first time cuz I had like a pair of

sweatpants that I've worn out because um

I have thick thighs and I get the chub

rub and um yeah it's a family curse my

son is [ __ ] my husband and I both get

it um but we're like I'm like we just

have big thighs and our thighs rub

together I'm like and that's like no

matter how much I work out no matter how

much I weigh I've just like embraced

like yeah that's how we're built yeah we

I I'm built as a thick thighed human but

the

uh I got real thread bear between the

thighs that's always where my pants go

first yes 1,000% and I didn't realize it

until I was sitting on my patio talking

to my sister-in-law and like put like

bent my leg up and just like put it

underneath me and I looked down I was

like that is a giant oh there's two

there's a hole on each side and then I

was holding my baby then he discovered

the holes I'm like nope that's not a toy

mom just has TR but all this to say I

was like cool I need a new pair of

sweatpants the this pair was from Old

Navy and I couldn't find it on their

website again and I looked like for a

long time through all of the reviews I

ended up ordering a pair on Amazon I put

them on in for like 3 seconds and I went

absolutely [ __ ] not took them

straight back

off I was like these need to be returned

cannot wear these yeah at all and found

that Old Navy had like what I think the

pair I had was like extra high-waisted

vintage joggers and now I just have

extra high-waisted joggers and I'm like

these are the same sweatpants but I'm

like but it's the the feeling of them

and as soon as I put them on I was like

oh thank God yeah I was like these are

the sweatpants I was like and I had a

moment where I went do I just need to

buy like six pairs and just

like like stock up on them should they

go out in the future because I've

already seen that I can't survive with

these Amazon sweatpants these have

become a necessity for me yes like and

it was the first time cuz like I think

like I like to be cozy sure but I think

it was the first time that I was like oh

no what what do I do I don't have these

sweatpants

anymore so that is literally the energy

Adam is bringing he's like his whole

life he feels like is in shambles at

this point it's not but he just doesn't

feel good he's not happy he's anxious

and he's really struggling so he has a

high stress uh high-profile sort of job

they have forced him to take vacation

not because anything is wrong just

because he hasn't taken time off in 3

years and he has so much PTO they were

like you you have to take time off

that's it so they forced him to take two

weeks most companies not have like a you

can only roll over so much do do I think

that was the issue I think that was the

isue he was coming to the end of his

like rollover where he could acrew after

years I want his PTO plan that's that's

what I'm really getting at so my husband

is notorious for just having maxed PTO

at all times and I don't understand it

because he does take time off he just AC

Cruis it so fast because he's been there

for so long that he can't burn it fast

enough so he just gives it away to

people like he hears that somebody's out

sick he gives them some PTO he hears

somebody had a baby he gives them some

PTO he's like sweet he was like I mean I

have the document like printed and saved

on my desk so I can just jot it down

real quick and give it to HR a and

that's the energy I feel from Adam where

he's like I don't need it I don't want

it like he thrives on routine and that's

what he wants like he wants the routine

he like he finds a lot of comfort in it

so even though this is meant to be a

time for him to recharge and take care

of himself it does not feel that way yes

he's not excited about this vacation no

so he's at the mall trying to find a new

hoodie and it's Christmas stuff

everywhere um and he is just getting

increasingly

agitated um you know we find out his

boyfriend dumped him like about a year

ago uh because he was too needy his

parents don't really talk to him and

he's thinking you know he really wants

to find a boyfriend more than that he

wants what what he refers to as like a a

full-time Dom not somebody you're just

doing scenes with but somebody that is

like a full-time Dom um but he feels

like he's too needy to ever have a

relationship like that so he's just down

on himself all over the place

um he

at one point somebody like bumps him cuz

the mall is like overrun with people and

it hurts and he he's like wow I'm I'm

kind of being like a little bit of a

wimp about this and then his exact quote

is um why do some things feel so

unpleasant but an actual whipping can

make me

come which I found fun and interesting

what a what a way to to let us know

where Adam is at um

so he's like wow someone pushed my

shoulder lightly and that really hurt

but I can only orgasm if someone's

actively spanking me like basically like

I I don't think the thought is I can

only orgasm then but like definitely can

like you know so uh he's like he decides

he's going to go to the sex club he used

to go to with his ex he he feels like he

lost his friend group after their

breakup because he didn't they were all

friends together mhm and he's been back

occasionally but not all the time and he

just doesn't feel like he fits there

anymore but he decides he's going to go

um so he their friend group fell apart

partly because um he saw his friend Tate

who is a trans male um he had dumped his

girlfriend so they got together while

Tate was transitioning and then the

girlfriend was no longer into it and it

was like a whole thing that kind of like

and then Adam and his boyfriend broke up

and the whole friend group kind of just

deteriorated so the last time he was at

the club he saw Tate and Tate was trying

to flirt with him and he just like shut

down because he doesn't he's not good

with the social interaction and so he

was like I mean I want to see Tate he's

super hot but I don't wanna I I can't I

can't talk to him like so basically what

we find out is that when he goes to this

club some of the people who run it some

of his close friends essentially will

match him with a Dom that they trust and

work out the terms for him so that he

never has to

actually good friends very good friends

and a high level of trust from Adam for

these

people um but that's what he has done he

doesn't do it often really at all um but

if he's going to hook up that's the way

that he does it so for Tate to approach

him is like a big hard no for him but

Tate doesn't know that oh

okay so

um he decides you know what I understand

that it's midafternoon I don't care I'm

going to the club he's like I am over

Christmas right now it is in my face I

don't have did he find a sweatshirt or

does he give up he gave up so I know

nothing felt right so he gave up on the

sweatshirt so

he he feels like Christmas is just like

in his face and there's like a single

manora in all of the the shop windows

and he's like honestly Hanukkah really

isn't even one of the high holidays who

gives a [ __ ] but like come on on like

come on and he's getting like

increasingly agitated about it mhm um

and it makes him feel more and more

invisible so he feels invisible in life

anyway but then

for he feels like his culture is being

sort of erased everywhere he looks and

so he just feels more and more isolated

and

invisible so uh he feels really good

about his decision to go to the club

he's like here for it he's excited we're

doing it so he walks in mid afternoon J

the Club Mid mid-afternoon J to the sex

club yes um which I think is called

Escape I think um well he was escaping

them all he was so he walks in and there

is Tate decorating a Christmas

tree and Adam loses his ever loving [ __ ]

one of the owners no he's just a regular

so the the feel of this is very much the

way that my friends who are active in

Kink communities describe theirs where

it is sort of a big family where people

just show up and they hang out and

sometimes there's a scene sometimes

there isn't but they do holidays

together and things like that that's the

energy so Tate is just helping to

decorate for their holiday party well

and okay I was having not a conversation

about Kink communities recently but I

was talking to a co-worker about where

you find your community as an

adult and

cuz he was talking [ __ ] about one of his

friends who had joined um like a

crossfit box and was like I think my

friend joined a cult and I was kind of

like well if you think about it like

where do you meet you meet people like I

feel like a lot of like you you grow up

with friends that are just old friends a

lot of adults find friends in religious

communities um or hobby communities

which I would include like physical

fitness like kind of can fall in that

category right I'm like yeah my cousin

still has friends that he will he used

to live in Nashville he now lives in

Texas 10 15 years later and he had

joined a running club when he had first

moved to Nashville and he still flies

back to do events with that friend group

yeah right

exactly but I yeah we've just had a big

conversation very recently about like

where do you find friends as an adult so

like it makes complete sense to me that

like you're like oh like-minded people

who feel safe with and Trust of course I

want to spend more time there absolutely

and it's you know it you're right he

doesn't feel like he can fit in or have

community at work he's very good at when

he focuses his anxiety kind of eases and

so he's very good at his job he's a team

lead and even with his anxiety he's able

to like manage all this stuff and he

does really great um outside of that

structure though he has a very difficult

time but because he has been in this

Kink Community it would seem for several

years they know him he trusts them they

understand his anxiety and they really

support him through that which is what

he needs cuz he doesn't get it from his

own family either

so he sees Tate decorating a Christmas

tree and loses his [ __ ] and he just

walks over and like kicks a a present

box

like an empty one that's just for

decoration he just kicks it and Tate's

like hey hey Adam you you okay bud like

what you doing you good my dude and Adam

is so escalated he can't even respond

and

so this is the way that it is described

is Tate puts on his daddy voice and uh

tells him to Kick the Box again like he

can see that he's having a hard time and

needs some kind of release so he tells

him to Kick the Box again and so Adam

Goes Bananas and he starts yelling about

how um no one cares about him no one

asks him about um his his holidays like

he names several he's talking about yam

kapor and rashash Shana and all this

other stuff um and uh he's always alone

you know and he is a regular attendee of

synagogue like he goes every single

Saturday but he still doesn't have like

the religious community aspect of that

and so he doesn't have people to

celebrate these major holidays with and

so after he destroys a bunch of stuff he

just starts sobbing his eyeballs out

while Tate holds him like he had this

big like explosion of emotion and then

it seemed like a a an adrenaline crash

after literally what I was just thinking

yeah like a big adrenaline Crash from

all this rage that he had been kind of

holding on to really since his breakup

which had been a very significant amount

of time yeah uh you said it the breakup

had been like a year before I think it

it may have been even longer but it was

at least a year um and so he realizes

that he feels warm and safe with Tate

kind of holding him um and he's just

kind of quietly talking to him and he

gives him some water and just kind of

sits with him while he comes down and

then he start to lick Tate's neck and

then realizes what he's doing and is

like like oh no oh abort Mission like

like I've made a mistake um and he's

like like was just cuddled in Tate's

laugh and Tate was taking care of him

and like he was just comfy yeah

yeah so uh he's like I really like this

guy is the kicker to all of this like I

really like him he's super hot they've

been friends for years because they were

in the same friend group and he's like

and now I've probably ruined any chance

we have at like rebuilding our

friendship after all this time because I

just destroyed all the hard work that he

did and then made it weird by licking

his neck great work like but was Tate

into the the neck licking well he

doesn't

know so he's like he got two in his head

about it right so he's trying to pull

away and Tate like

holds on to him tighter um and Adam

keeps reminding myself like he is not my

daddy like that's what he's looking for

that's like the Dom type he's looking

for he's like Tate's not my daddy he's

not my dom like I need to have bound

like emotional boundaries here through

this and need to recognize what this is

and what this isn't exactly so he says

that out loud like you're not my daddy

you don't have to take care of me it's

okay um he's like you know but I I know

I understand this wasn't a scene like we

didn't set this up I'm really really

sorry uh and Tate just tells him not to

move he's like don't move so we kind of

we sort of get both points of view but

it's all in third person so that was

like Adam's setup for this whole thing

so we go to Tate and he is super excited

that Adam is in his arms uh he's always

wanted more with him he's always thought

he was really attractive

um and he's realizing now that a lot of

the weirdness because Tate had moved

away for a while okay and then came back

and had like finished his

transition got it or as much transition

as he was going to do like he did all of

that and he had started tea and there's

like a lot of discussion of all of that

and um so he knew he looked different

and he was like maybe he's not attracted

to me who maybe aren't as familiar could

you explain what tea is for people yes

tea is testosterone um so there are

varing ways in which a person can

express their gender and so sometimes

that's through medical intervention and

T is just one of those medical

interventions um and

so uh yeah he's like he's really anxious

but he seems to be into me if the neck

lick is any

indication he's like seems like uh I

might be misreading this but but seems

like I I might have a Fighting Chance

yeah like maybe maybe this is my chance

and I'm going to take it you know way to

shoot your shot right we can respect it

yes so he keeps referring to Adam as his

boy like in his mind like that's my boy

and stuff like that um and he really

really really wants to take care of him

um so he he's trying to figure figure

out how do I do that like how do I do

that in a way that it feels safe for him

and like all that other stuff he's like

I'm pretty sure that we are

compatible um in a lot of ways in terms

of like Kink and in terms of what

they're looking for but he doesn't know

for sure because Adam is so anxious he

has a hard time communicating all

that so um like in a way where almost

ically Tate would be someone that they

would set Adam up with as far as like

exactly yep you are looking for the same

thing we stress this person we like but

hasn't been able to have that

conversation exactly and and Adam and

Tate both want more they are looking for

the same type of relationship they just

don't know that yet don't know it yet um

they're they're going like man I really

wish this was out there for me exactly

exactly uh so Adam is so out of it he

doesn't even notice people like walking

by or one of the other uh people in the

community bringing Adam water like he

doesn't notice any of it and Tate is

just like obviously I have to take care

of him like you know he's not he's not

in a good place he finds him super

adorable Tate finds Adam super adorable

um and he tells him that it's an honor

that Adam felt safe enough to let go

like that that he felt safe enough to

have that kind of emotional experience

with him what a beautiful reframe of

something that like I think historically

people can feel a lot of like shame and

embarrassment exactly and that's

definitely where Adam starts out like a

lot of Shame and embarrassment so

um Tate has been questioning because

every time he's tried to flirt with Adam

Adam has gotten weird and he thought it

was because he was trans he was like

maybe he's just not into me because of

that and then he starts to realize that

it's it's because of the anxiety um and

so you know Adam had said I didn't think

you were into me and Tate's

like buddy I've been flirting with you

hardcore I've been trying so hard to

flirt with you for so long yes he's like

I stopped because I thought I was making

you uncomfortable and you weren't into

it because I'm trans and Adam's like no

no I'm very into all of it just anxious

yeah it's a very cute moment um so

um Tate like the the theme of the whole

book really is that Tate works so hard

to understand where Adam is coming from

and like what what's going on instead of

making assumptions or um decisions for

him he really tries to understand what's

going on with him I got to say what an

admirable quality I know

because well one it's an admirable

quality period like no

comma but I will also

say that is something that like I did

not realize was a difficulty of mine

because I think like I'm always just

like moving so fast

right and I like let's say sure I get it

right like 7 to 8% of the time I'm like

nope knew where we were going already

got there on to the next like help me

help you my guy like right but then

there's like the 20 to 25 and obviously

these numbers I probably get it wrong

way more [ __ ] often than that these

are generous numbers in my comtable

giving you that kind of credit I'm good

with that thank you thank you but I feel

like that's something that I didn't

realize I did and now being married for

years and years I'm very aware

of like I hell I'm pretty sure I did it

several times this week and there are

times where my husband's

like in the kindest way possible if you

let me finish my

sentence that's that's not where we were

ending um see how you got there but if

you could let me finish my sentence

you'd see that we weren't going to end

there

either so just I truly appreciate that

quality because that is not a quality

that comes naturally to me right and so

seeing people who do it better I'm like

one it's not hard to do it better but

being like oh oh what a healthy that's

so precious and and kind cuz like I'm

the same way and it's usually for me it

comes from a place of anxiety where I'm

like so anxious to understand that I

overshoot and so then I like mess it up

yes and so for for like the Kink

Community as well that's a big deal for

him to to be that uh gentle and open

because he is definitely still a Dom and

also the way in which he is dominant is

also kind and supportive and caring

rather than like a aggressive maybe is

the word I want okay this is going to be

a very weird pivot but just go with me

on this okay I'll track well as you know

I watched The Challenge a lot when I was

pregnant and now my baby loves TJ Lavin

voice and stops crying if TJ laughing is

on but I did know that but at some point

I'm

like we we got to we got to switch to

miss Rachel or Bluey my dude we got to

find a different Comfort show but what I

always find super interesting is on like

team challenges or like partner

challenges um the differences in

partners and the part like just cuz

there are some where you're like you are

screaming at this person and they're not

moving fast enough and you're like I'm

[ __ ] pushing you up this mountain and

like an aggressive way that you're like

this isn't helpful at all versus the

people that are like okay you're doing

so incredible like I know you have that

weighted pack on your shoulders like

right okay yep just how can I help you

we got to make it 50 more yards than

we're at the puzzle or like hey if we

make it up to this hill I'll take 10 of

your pounds off your like out of your

pack and put it in mine right

MH and sure sometimes the aggressive

people win but do they win right like

right no because when it like everyone

just thinks you're a huge piece of [ __ ]

when that's when that's how you're

communicating versus the people who were

like like there was one challenge where

uh the guy was like listen I know I'm

the last place dude and I know she's the

last place female no amount of time that

I like I like I can't catch up I've

already lost so instead of leaving her

in the wind and just letting this girl

finish the run on her own I'm going

going to stay with her and encourage her

and support her through it and like

we'll cross the finish line together yes

in a way where you're like

Oh What a Beautiful M like just like

those moments where you're like you

don't you don't have to be in a dominant

role and be an [ __ ] exactly so I'm

loving that energy in this book and it's

so different from most of the romance

out there because it usually is very

mutually exclusive like if somebody is

dominant then they're also a dick yes

and that's just not true for Tate which

is really cool yes here for this so Tate

is enjoying this entire interaction Adam

is being a little bit bratty and needy

and he's like I'm into this whole

situation I'm loving it starts calling

him his little star um and um this book

is so intering I know it's really sweet

um and so they t start talking about

Adam's past hookups and his needs um and

uh he's like super turned on that Adam

is following his directions like cuz

Adam tries to get up a couple of times

and he's like stay come back you know

and he's like following all the

directions

um he Adam is like I'm I don't want to

be too much like you know he's like well

you're brater than I thought like I'm

loving that and he's like I'm really

sorry and Adam's like oh do I need to

turn it down he's like do I need to I

and he's trying to like turn it down and

and you know make himself less

essentially um and Tate is like hey so

you're going to come home with me and

I'm going to take care of

you and um Adam is like well for for how

long and Tate is thinking forever but

that would be weird uh can't say that

this soon he's like so uh for eight days

you're coming home with me for Hanukkah

right and so um I see I see what we did

there yeah so it's all very sweet and

again we don't get all of their history

but they've known each other for years

because on one hand I was like big yikes

Bud why didn't anybody else in the club

say anything cuz that felt really risky

if they're always caring for Adam but

they've both been going to this club for

a long time they've both known each

other for a long time so I still felt

that you know if anything was unsafe the

people in the club would have said

something um so Adam's freaking out I

love you looking out for Adam like that

I know I was like

a you're like not my Adam

never so he's freaking out uh because he

doesn't know the plan so because I have

similar anxiety I need to know the plan

yeah I need to know we did this last

night when we were discussing what we

were wearing ing today I was like maybe

I need to bring options you were like no

ironically when you said you were

bringing options I thought that means

Hannah's going to bring a flannel button

up and then you showed up in my house

wearing a flannel button up and I was

like I'm so I know Hannah we've been

friends for years now I was like I got

that [ __ ] right oh my god well that's

this is like my hoodie like that's my

comfort hoodie is my flannel um but

anyway so Adam is panicking because he

doesn't know the plan so Tate is able to

read the anxiety and he's like what do

you need and he's like I don't know and

he's like what's going and he like

explores it with him and then he tells

him um okay so here's the plan um I'm

going to give you a bath we're going to

cuddle there's going to be no sex we're

going to order your dinner and then

we're going to go to

bed and we're going to sleep a [ __ ]

great night I know I was like a throw a

puzzle in there I know right I'm

sold throw in a season of The Challenge

and you have Chelsea

catnip honestly we've watched so many

it's like burning are we over it

now

I I've I know I've watched too much

because we started going through the old

Seasons because I was like we've watched

all of the newer ones um Seasons 10

through

38 are available on Paramount

plus oh

Chelsea yeah now I will also say this a

lot of like the early Seasons they were

like the 20 minute episodes the show got

more popular they became like hourlong

episodes but then the seasons became a

lot shorter right and then they were

like okay now these are like longer

episodes and longer Seasons um so I will

say it is also something that's like

normally like passively on in the

background it's not something that like

you're actively

watching yeah like when they're like can

you name all of the seasons in order I'm

like what like who won this season like

when like you're watching like trivia on

the show and I'm like y'all know these

things like right I'm like I have pretty

good attention to detail no [ __ ] clue

yeah I'm like there's there's too many

seasons there's too many things well and

we have other priorities

yes then who won the 37th season of The

Challenge yeah well like cuz like

Amazing Race and Survivor and like all

of those shows are like like big brother

I think is on like season 25 or

something where all of them are pretty

far in and I'm not [ __ ] on this at

all but it's a legitimate question I

have like does the being the winner of

season

33 feel as good or carry the same like

Prestige yes yeah I don't know that's a

good question just like with all of the

shows not just the challenge right yeah

I and especially now that like it's just

its whole universe right so like you

start on One show and then you'll like

Go crossover and be a guest on like a

bunch of other shows

right yeah I mean it feels very like a

closed circuit you know it's like cool

you just have to like get your in on one

of these in you can't get out and if

they like you right you can stay in this

this universe as long you want yes which

is a wild thing to think about like that

can that's your job yeah that is weird

yeah I mean it's interesting well cuz

there are some people who like do the

challenge and historically they're like

this is my like this is my job this is

what I do cuz I don't know how often

they shoot but I mean if you make it

you're shooting for at least probably

two months if you make it through the

full competition you know MH like that's

a long time a long time and the

physical capabilities that you need for

so many of those shows that you're like

cool well I got cut early because I

wasn't

physically in shape so now I'm working

out way more in the off season so I can

come back and win and then it's just

like next thing you know it's like a

professional athlete for your Seasons

well I also think what's like when these

shows started like it was like 19 year

olds 20 year olds on the real world

right and now you have people that

they're like like Johnny Bananas on the

challenge I think he's he's been in over

like he's been between 20 and 25 seasons

of the show like he's in his 40s now and

I'm like you are competing with people

that like are now oh sorry that was

Craig oh I'm so sorry Craig oh my God

for those who didn't just see that Craig

was sniffing my foot and I thought

something was crawling on my foot and

then I kicked and Craig

um he's fine he's okay it wasn't like a

large that was sorry Craig I didn't mean

to kick you but yeah all that to say

like it's reality television is no

longer a young man's game corre you have

people in their 30s 40s like 50s that

are like yeah I've had kids I've like

had a

full career right and of this and now

I'm 45 and a reality star right but like

didn't start there some like you know

I'm like some of the shows cool you got

on it when you were like in your late

30s early 40s like you were you L led a

full life before that and now you're

here right where others it's all they've

known it's weird I mean good for them

2023 is a weird year to be alive yes for

a lot of reasons not just that but I do

think like the concept of like being an

influencer 15 years ago yeah what yeah

even still now that's how I know that

like I'm I am no longer young really is

like I don't I don't get it like I'm

like oh

no so why why is this person cool like

what what is a yeet I'm like you know

what I mean um I asked I asked Vance

recently I was like so talk to me about

Olivia Rodrigo and he's like what do you

want to know I'm like where did she

start how did we get here yes yeah and

then we looked it up and I was like oh

what and now I'm forgetting if she was

like a Disney child start or something

like that but just one of those where I

was like how how is this 18 year however

old she is that whole song about her

driver's license which I felt way too

old to be that emotionally impacted by

well and I you know the other day we had

somebody you know at at work who was

admitting and I was looking at their

birth date and I was like that's got to

be a typo you know they were born in

like

2004 and I was like oh my God they made

people after 1998 I like really like I

really had hard time with it I saw a

post where someone was like biggest blow

I've had recently was uh went to buy

some alcohol and when I handed them my

ID they immediately handed it back and I

was like do you not need to check it she

was like oh no I saw your birthday it

starts with a one like your birth year

and I was like oh God oh God

anyone oh [ __ ]

like oh my God I hadn't been prepared

for yeah that no no mentally or

emotionally did you see the Tweet a long

time ago where someone was like someone

just said that I they're like oh yeah

she was born in the late 1900

yes I was

like right right casual we're fine we're

everything's okay we're all doing great

I'm okay it's okay okay how did we do

this where were so Tate was explaining

to Adam how he was going to take care of

him yes so they get to Tate's house and

Tate had casually mentioned that Adam

was going to be punished for his

tantrum and Adam was like say more but

Tate did not so they get home and uh

Adam is asking about his punishment um

and he is like shocked by his own

forwardness he's like why is this coming

out of my mouth shut up shut up shut up

but he's still going for

it um so uh Tate says we'll talk over

dinner um about what we're both looking

for right so to make sure we're on the

same page so um Adam starts spiraling

again and he's like is this just for 8

days is it going to be more what's going

on am I just his for Hanukkah or is this

going to last right excellent see what I

did there I did and I liked

it um it was low hanging fruit but I

appreciate the

response so

um he's like he is uh what I like to

call Future tripping where he's like

well if this works out like I can give

Tate power over my my finances if he's

going to be my Daddy he can pay my bills

like you know if he's going to like not

that Tate is going to pay his bills but

literally giving him Financial power so

that he can just manage his money

because it just stresses him out really

bad and he's like pump the brakes at him

like maybe slow down

buddy whoa like he's like scaring

himself oh so okay hold on Adam was

saying all that it's like an internal

monologue yes he didn't say that out

loud when you said pump the brakes I was

like wait Tate told him to pump the

brakes I was like he said that out loud

to Tate oh my God and I was like I think

I think that misinterpretation was on me

okay so internal monologue and just like

and yeah funny cuz it's like it's not

like

catastrophizing right it's like reverse

catastrophizing right he's like moderate

your expectations babe like we just got

here like slow down so um I uh

I feel like you say this as well in

sessions but I feel like all of the time

I'm just in session being like listen

that is a conversation and that is a

problem for future Chelsea and future

Hannah but current Chelsea and current

Hannah cannot do anything about that but

future Chelsea would love to have that

conversation yes yes where you're like

and I feel like that's what Adam's doing

Adam's like okay this is a conversation

for future Adam to have with future Tate

not current Adam to have with current

right right either one really

neither neither one is going to be

helpful um and so um Tate is like

picking up on the spiral and um gives

Adam a spanking which was the punishment

from before

MH um and uh he also tells I'm guess

Adam was into it well oh so he he tells

Tate tells Adam that the punishment

really is because he should be bringing

his anxiety to tapate before it spirals

so that they can work through it

together and so he needs to trust him to

do that and so um Adam is very

conflicted about this whole moment that

they're having and he is sobbing his

eyeballs out um and so Tate just

snuggles him for a little bit does Adam

have a

therapist I think it's casually

mentioned but he may need a new one yeah

he may need a new one cuz it's a lot I

was like it makes me sad that he's like

going through that much you know yes

like I'm like this is like this anxiety

is 1,00% impacting his ability to like

function in day-to-day life yes it is

and that is like cuz we we are both

anxious people yep and but that's like

where I've always been on the fence with

medication management because I've

always like no no no I have a [ __ ] ton

of anxiety and it

doesn't impact my daily functioning

right where I'm like I've I've been able

to manage it enough right and sure there

have been Seasons where I look back and

I'm like I could have used some help

there yeah probably probably should have

considered some Med management at the

time

um just no so I think for Adam he has

been managing pretty well but because

his routine is all messed up because

he's not at work and because like all

these other it's the holidays it's all

like a perfect storm of stuff because it

sounds like he's generally very

successful he's just also anxious but

then you take away his routine and you

take away or and you add the stress of

the holidays and feeling invisible and

not having family and he's like he can't

manage it so so Tate like just snuggles

him and takes care of him and tells him

like this if we're going to do this like

you have to tell me when you're anxious

like that's like we have to do that

together we have to agree on that um and

then he tells him and this is really

sweet he tells him that he looked up how

to DIY a manora because Tate's not

Jewish so he doesn't have a manora and

so he DIYs he gives him several options

so they use wine glasses and like beans

dry beans and rice in the wine glasses

and like set up birthday candles in it

um to light the

candles and um Adam is it night it's

night one yes correct cuz it was a whole

eight eight days okay mhm So Adam is

like well we don't have to like he's

he's like hedging he's like you know

Hanukkah actually isn't really that

important to me like it just has become

important culturally because of

Christmas but it's like not really um

and uh it was never special when he was

growing up and then he Geeks out hard

over the history of the holiday and goes

into like all the detail of how we have

Hanukkah and why and it's not even in

the Torah I'm guessing Tate's like so it

sounds like maybe Hanukkah is something

we're into Tate's like this is the

cutest [ __ ] I've ever seen he's like

this is so [ __ ] cute and so um they

do the whole thing and um they say Gra

attitudes which is part of the whole

deal um the Mitzvah as it were and um I

recently found a gold dinosaur manora

there is reference to a dinosaur manora

later but I don't think I put it in my

nose I wanted it then I was like we

that's weird yeah I'm like might be

weird well I'm like I have like extended

family that are Messi onic at the same

time it's still enough that I'm

like sure in the future if I start

making a regular practice when like yes

then I could justify the the cost of

this

$80

$80 then I was like damn it who do I

know who needs a gold dinosaur manora

and then I was like [ __ ] it do I just

send it to someone and no gift note just

being my best friend is Jewish she would

love that and so would her sons you send

me the link I will send you the link

1,00% I was like do I just send it to

like my cousins and not like tell them

it's going to show up don't tell them

it's from you just a random um I did

that not with a c dinosaur manora but

several years ago I was several drinks

in and um was telling my cousins about

the Claremont

Lounge have you seen the tie-dye shirts

they have on their website no they say

like I saw your mama shaking it at the

Claremont

Lounge a and I was very Tipsy and

thought I should just buy one and mail

it to my cousin with there was like no

like

place to put a note or or like this is a

gift or whatever nothing and then I

completely forgot she textt me and

because she lived in Chicago at the time

and she's like hey

Chelsea is this from you and I'm like oh

my God yes no forgot about

it what an awesome thing to forget yes

but like who else would send it I have

questions you know that is the bigger

like if someone else sent it you

probably should have concerns but I'm

like you

know I I would love for that to be the

energy I carry throughout my life you're

like oh you never know what's going to

show up at our house chelse had a few

glasses of wine and got excited and she

like I just thought you needed this it's

fine and that's why everyone in the

future will have a gold dinosaur manora

so if you receive a random gold dinosaur

manora just know it was from Chelsea

it's me but for real I will send it to

you for your friend please do yes yeah

her kids would love that so

um Adam is like this is really nice just

remember it's temporary like he's

continuously reminding himself he is not

your daddy this is temporary like eight

days y don't get attached so Tate does

not want to have to go to work and leave

Adam um because he wants to spend time

with him so he gives him Specific

Instructions for the day and like makes

sure that he eats like he has him text

in pictures cuz he's really bad at

eating regularly for some of us with

anxiety that is a big

problem so um he is just getting a lot

of Joy from taking care of Adam he

really likes it um and like making sure

that Adam is like happy and and

comfortable so he he instructed they

have not had any sexual contact really

at all aside from the spanking a little

bit of neck licking that's really it

like there's been no nothing else if I'm

making weird faces it's because I have

to sneeze and I'm trying so hard to not

sneeze but I recognize that I keep like

squinting up at the lights and trying to

stop it so if you're looking over and

going what the [ __ ] are you okay Chelsea

that's like you don't need to get

emotional like your eyes are watering

I'm like it's okay he just has Adam wait

for him in a submissive position at home

nothing bad's going to happen no need to

cry about it nothing bad's going to

happen

um so um yes Adam is in a submissive

position with a blindfold on um and he

like goes and gets a

traditional uh like seasonal pastry

Jewish pastry um and they they do some

food

play um and he's really worried

that Adam is going to judge his body

because he's

trans there's reference to his Top

surgery um and just you know that he

looks different and he's just really

worried about that um but uh he's he

just decides that he is going to just

focus on Adam's pleasure and so he uh

there's my notes say orgasm denial

follows Follow by a BJ for Adam so Tate

gives Adam a [ __ ] got it um

everyone's happy and then you know Tate

didn't come and Adam is like weird about

it and he's like no no you don't

understand like I got more pleasure from

having this with you than whatever

whatever so orgasming wasn't my only

goal of this experience right orgasming

was not the point of this right um

bringing you pleasure and H experiencing

you was the

point I [ __ ] love that my pets are

just like thank God Hannah's here they

are well Craig is in a half crouch on my

lap and I just want him to settle and be

comfortable oh his eyes are closing

he'll probably fall asleep like that

he's not all the way down nope okay

buddy whatever makes you happy no there

are a lot of times where I look at Craig

and I'm like this is a choice you're

making right you don't have to make this

choice I do that with my cat Fred all

the time because she'll like lay right

on the edge of the bed she has plenty of

space and then she will like do and then

slide off the side of the bed and I'm

like so I have pillows lined up around

my bed so that she she has a gentle

Landing cuz you'll look over and she's

like on her back with her little paws up

and her eyes still closed like

what ridiculous anyway are the best So

Adam uh Tate worked it out so that he

could work from home for like most of

the rest of the time that Adam's going

to be with him and so Adam is getting

really bored watching Tate work and um

he's like buzzing around trying to find

something to do he's like his anxiety is

starting to build because he doesn't

have a purpose for all the energy so

he's like buzzing around not knowing

what to do and then Tate finally gives

him instructions for lunch like get the

following items put them on a tray bring

them over here like very specific stuff

to

do um so then question yes would it have

to be that specific or could he just be

like hey clean the bathroom so Adam

wants it to be that specific got it it

like helps him he doesn't even usually

like it when Tate gives him options he

literally just wants Tate to decide cuz

his anxiety gets so overpowering he has

a difficult time I recognize that that

is what they are into and what they are

both looking for in a relationship

and I need Adam to get a new therapist

yeah well so Tate will give him options

and then say or do you want me to choose

and then Adam will say I want you to

choose and I love that they have like

established that but I'm also like at

some level I'm like Adam like his

anxiety is that like it it makes me sad

his anxiety is that bad yes and also

glad that Tate recognizes it and has had

has like built some strategies to help

him yes but also yes a new therapist

would be good yeah cuz I feel the same

I'm like I love that like Tate

understands what the situation is and is

helping navigate it

and mind you I'm feeling in a narrative

here right but I'm like that's a lot of

pressure on on your partner yeah like

even if like you're into caring for them

like your partner being like please make

all of my decisions for me because I am

too anxious to do anything on my own

right that's a lot it's a lot of

pressure that's a lot of pressure I like

I yeah and even if you're into it like I

I very much know my husband loves taking

care of me and my husband is looked me

dead in the eye and been like I can't

take this for you right and you need to

find someone professional to talk to

like not in a mean way not like it is

because he loves me it's more it

is because I want to take care of you

that I'm going to tell you that I can't

yes and we're going to find you somebody

who can absolutely and I I think that

you know Tate gets a lot of joy and

fulfillment from it and you know as long

as everybody's cool that's great if

everyone's cool and everyone's happy I

think therapist Chelsea is like how long

is this sustainable yeah before like

resentment and those things like but

also that is why early on Adam was like

I recognize I'm a lot in these

situations and it takes a very specific

partner yep to be able to navigate that

with me right to fulfill this need yes

okay so so Tate started giving Specific

Instructions which Adam was very

grateful for yep and then Tate feeds him

by hand while Adam is like seated on the

floor next to him and then Adam gets

sleepy and he falls asleep on the floor

next to Tate and it's like a cute moment

um so Tate wakes him up to make lot Keys

which you know are excellent like okay

this is a legit question is it Lis or

lkas cuz I always thought it was like

more of a like the other sound like a C

Sound instead of a key sound mhm but I

don't know so I have no idea I've heard

it both ways okay one person told me

that it's more like if you

are Eastern European oh just more like a

regional yeah I don't know that to be

true I'm just like it could have been

full of [ __ ] you know but it could have

been a fact could have been something

they made up in the moment it absolutely

could have fair enough and I would

believe it anyway honestly I really

would I'm like okay if you say anything

with enough confidence unless I like

blatantly know it's wrong there's a

certain level where I'm like I won't

question it but honestly even if you say

it with enough confidence even if I know

you're wrong I might still be like maybe

I'm

wrong right like I am susceptible to the

gasl light apparently because if you say

it with enough confidence I will

question myself

yes you know basically like okay but

guess like implies intentional like

manipulation right no I don't mean

malice you know what I

mean but you're also not wrong I

probably am more susceptible to

gaslighting than I want to admit I think

most of us are like I don't you know

that's fair it's just a thing I think

it's something that like sounds so

obvious that like when you're hearing

stories that you're like what I would

never fall for that but then when you're

like actually in it you're like oh I

fell for that no I fell for that very

like twice

yeah

yeah like

twice maybe three times for good

measure what what was that um do you

remember when okay this George W bush is

the younger one yeah uhhuh when there

was like an audio clip where he was like

fool me once sh shame on on me like fool

me like I don't remember that I don't

know remember it being like that blatant

but just one of those where he was

trying to be like fool me once shame on

you fool me twice shame on me but like

[ __ ] up the saying like fool me

twice [ __ ] who's the shame on like sh

everybody everybody gets shame for

having to witness this moment with you

yes yes but I love that that man have

you seen he

paints no oh my God George W bush does

Pet

Portraits okay so we're going to have to

hold that for later cuzz I have a lot of

questions and I'm going to need to

Google you're like sorry Chelsea you

can't just drop that and move on

casually we can't just pretend that

didn't happen at least I think it was

Pet Portraits well I'm going to find out

might have I might it could be nature

escapes for all I know either way I want

to see it and I want to know more touche

yeah okay so Adam fell asleep by Tate's

feet yep I keep wanting I think Adam I

keep wanting to say

Tatum that makes sense

so anyway Tate gets every like all the

ingredients ready and just like all Adam

has to do is put them

together um

so Tate

as

like Adam is starting to make these he's

getting a little choked up cuz like

nobody's done anything this thoughtful

for him in a really long time and so

he's like all emotional and then Tate

comes over and basically starts feeling

him up while while he's trying to make

these which makes it very difficult for

him to effectively mix the

ingredients um okay

question maybe this is just a Vance

thing but I had to get it like lay not

lay into Vance but like had to look him

squarely in the eye because Vance will

do this thing if I'm doing the dishes

let's say the sink is has been

completely full I will get 90 to 95% of

the way through the dishes and then

Vance will come up and like start like

try and like grab my boob or kiss my

neck and I'm like my hands are still wet

I've made it 90 to 95% of the way

through this task can I just [ __ ]

finish this last dish and dry my hands

and manance was like like I feel like

that's like the Perpetual conversation I

was like listen I drove the car all the

way here you going to park it in the

garage for me

like let me finish this

task

I just want to be able to cross it off

my list yes I'm like I'm so [ __ ]

close feel the room I've been doing the

dishes for 30 minutes and he walked up

in the last five let me finish see I do

the opposite thing to other people all

the time where they are almost done with

a task like clearly they're almost done

and I'm like hey do you need any

help it driv my dad [ __ ] bananas he's

like no no I don't he's like great

timing kid perfect I'm like thank you

also that is a quote about the drove the

car all the way here that I was once my

um my extended family who are Messianic

I would go on their annual synagogue

Retreat when I was in Middle School and

everyone was puzzling and my dad and

uncle had been working on a puzzle and

it was one of those like the last 10

pieces and someone sat down and tried to

help and my uncle was like no we drove

the car all the way here but thanks for

parking it in the

garage and the guy like got up and like

walked away oh faux pop like that is

puzz puzzle etiquette 101 puzzle

etiquette come on man bless it the sweet

so Vance and I are big puzzle people but

we'll start a puzzle and then I'm like

okay I did the edge and now I'm going to

go read a book and then I'll come back

but Vance like when he gets in the zone

the focus yes and he will go like fully

finish a puzzle and I'm like well damn

it I wanted to puzzle with you but I

didn't like need to finish the puzzle 3

hours after the Box

opened and so even when he's like I like

even if I sort like three pieces at the

start Vance always saves the last piece

for me to put in the puzzle oh my God

that's the cutest [ __ ] thing I've

ever heard it's really it's the sweet

and I was like Vance I didn't do this

puzzle and he's like yes you did it's

our thing and it's oh my God that's so

cute isn't it oh my

God like it's such a small thing but

it's so sweet that he's always like I

know I just did a thousand piece puzzle

by myself but it's our thing it's our

puzzle it's

yeah I love that it's very sweet okay so

much like you're getting emotional

now not the puzzle a puzzle Adam um was

getting emotional and thought it was

very sweet yes and as he's getting

emotional Tate starts feeling them up

yes and um so they are like going at it

in the kitchen and then yes and then

Tate winds up banging him on the kitchen

table

and um after Adam finishes he feels Tate

start to like move in a different way

and he realizes that Tate is trying to

get off and he's like oh okay like I see

what's happening here I got it I got it

so um Adam makes this like off-hand

comment that trans guys are the best and

Tate like freezes up and he's

like and Adam explains that um Tate was

like super sexy getting off with him and

he was really into it um and it's super

cool that he could have any size dick he

wanted that's what he said and I was

like okay like yeah all right what a

reframe okay i' never thought of it that

way before that makes a lot of sense

either yeah me either and so Tate is

like we had that conversation about

boyfriend dick versus husband dick so

many times you can have any kind of dick

choose your dick choose your own dick

your own dick adventure oh my God so

Tate is like super relieved about the

whole thing um and he's like oh man what

a yes I can't imagine that no

like not only having that physical

experience and transition mhm which you

are already having to live with and

reconcile on a daily basis right but

then to bring in an intimate partner

right and that and like when you're

still figuring out yourself and it's

like a different level of vulnerability

yes you know and so Tate is like kind of

floored by the whole thing he's like

what am I going to do with you and Adam

is like uh keep me like

hey and there you go Adam that's the

confidence we love Yeah that's what

we're looking for so there's lots of

cute moments where K is realizing that

um Adam wants instructions for

everything and has like what the king

community refers to as little like he's

not a little but he has little energy so

that's like got it somebody who is uh

like gets into a childlike headp space

and wants to be cared for he doesn't

Adam doesn't go like all the way to that

place but he has tantrums and he can be

a little bit like extra um Moody a

little Moody yeah um but he is also

thoughtful and really mature in in

conversations that matter um in moments

that are important he's he will lock on

to that and he is actually a really

mature and lovely

adult um and well like what I what I

kind of feel like I hear you saying

there is like yeah Adam has those

moments but also has enough wherewithal

to kind of know when you can have those

moments yes time and place like he's

able to read the time and place and meet

Tate's needs when like when Tate needs

him to be a grownup he's a grownup um

and so that's a big deal for Tate so he

decides to put a [ __ ] cage on Adam um so

he can't touch himself all day and that

becomes like their thing like Adam is

like always in a [ __ ] cage like all the

[ __ ] time um and he loves it and um

he makes him wear it all day while Tate

goes to work um which I had questions

about the safety of that but I don't

have one and I've never used one I don't

have a [ __ ] nor have I used a [ __ ] cage

is what I should say so like I don't

know that information cuz like with

nipple clamps you have to take them off

like you can't leave them on for a very

long time M um but I don't know I and

this could be a very naive and ignorant

statement and I can own that about

myself I imagine that it would depend on

the [ __ ] cage probably CU I I would

imagine that there are the types where

like if it's like more constricting like

a nipple clamp where like y that one has

a time limit versus something that's

like a little bit more of like cool

here's a little like chest that's like

hugging around your like treasure chest

is what not

like yes sure I got it I'm tracking but

something that like cool this clamps on

but you you have movement right and it

like it doesn't restrict any blood flow

it doesn't restrict blood flow like you

could still urinate if you needed to um

but I think my question with those is I

imagine what pants do you wear over your

cck cage right

sweatpants yes I mean can't be jeans I

would hope not oh my God ow yeah I think

those are the logistical things that I'm

wondering about yeah yeah but I'm right

there with you yeah yeah um so he Tate

tells Adam about his family um that uh

they're a bunch of [ __ ] and well his

parents anyway and they're going to dead

name him and make shitty remarks to his

brother-in-law who is Chinese American

and they're just generally like they

don't sound like the most welcoming and

compassionate

people um so even still he asks Adam to

come to Christ at their house with him

um because he just would really like to

have him there and so Adam is like

absolutely like let's do it so um Tate

is realizing that um he loves how like

um like clingy Adam is um but he's also

trying to like cool down his desire for

control because he doesn't want to like

run him off cuz he loves giving him

instructions like he he gets off on that

this setup works very well for both of

them yes but he doesn't know how well it

works for Adam and so he's like trying

to pull back a little bit don't want to

freak him out but Adam's out here like

give me more yeah like I'm I'm ready um

and so uh Adam goes Christmas shopping

for Tate's

nieces um and my notes say they play

strip Dr old question Mark it's a good

night so yeah that's what they do they

they play strip drel so throughout this

the other like piece of this theme is

that Tate is going out of his way to

like understand the customs and

traditions and make sure that Adam gets

to engage them um as much as possible um

so Adam it's Christmas Day Adam is super

laid-back about meeting Tate's family

surprisingly because Tate is freaking

out so he's like I got this like and

he's also like well Tate told me what to

expect he told me to expect them to be

douchebags I can handle that like I

don't have to be worried I as long as I

know to expect them being douchebags I'm

I'm not great with them being douchebags

but I can do it right yeah um so it

doesn't go well right um Tate's dad

makes really shitty comments um to Adam

about him not eating the ham and about

him being like one of those Jews and

stuff like that that gets really gross

and awkward um not just like a little

like shitty General level of shitty

really shitty like also really shitty

comments about his um the brother-in-law

who's Chinese in front

of their daughters who are also half

Chinese like making these really like

[ __ ] comments about them speaking

Chinese because they're learning

Mandarin and so it's like a whole thing

which is a [ __ ] hard language to

learn yes it is and Adam also speaks

some Mandarin for his job and is working

on learning it and so he like practices

with the nieces which is really cute so

they go to um they decide they're going

to leave they're just like you know what

we're done with you people and so they

go back to Adam and oh well they go back

to Tate's house and they do it's Shabbat

it's Friday and so they do um Shabbat

they light the candles it's the whole

thing and it's very very sweet they play

games they order Chinese food which is

like a Jewish tradition on Christmas day

to like eat Chinese food for a lot of

families um and it's a it's just really

sweet and so do you remember um Rachel

yes um Rachel always makes me laugh

because she's like oh I never take off

at the holidays she's like just like the

Jew I am Jesus Christ like but in like

the funniest way where she's like oh no

I'm Jewish I'll just eat Chinese food

that Daya she's like oh I'll cover for

everyone cuz everyone's out normally

that week between which I'm like just

shut down right every just who's even

whatever yes 1,000% and but she's always

like yeah I'm Jewish I'll cover you I

don't

care bless her yeah yeah she will

whenever we have like a te team

Icebreaker questions like what's your

favorite holiday tradition she's like

I'm Jewish she's like apples and honey

for rashash Shana I don't know

like kind of

the like lot cuz yeah for the record I'm

like it's in the context of those

conversations like I realized I'm

communicating this as though she's

someone who's just like hey everyone

announcement I'm Jewish which is she

true she's not like that at all but it's

like when we're having holiday

conversations it just always makes me

laugh because she's always like yep I'm

just going to be eating Chinese food

it's fine yep so why not so the next day

is Saturday which is the Sabbath and so

they go um to the synagogue Tate agrees

to go and he feels really really honored

that like they're going and um feels

honored yeah t feels honored that Adam

asked him to go and he's like is it cool

for me to be here like I know

that perhaps some other religious groups

would not be super stoked about two

dudes showing up together one of them

being trans like that may not be

acceptable um but it actually a bumer

but that's also like such a valid

question to ask before you like go up

like before you show someone's religious

community yeah so Adam explains that in

Judaism there are actually like six

genders and trans is like for

most people who are active in Judaism

it's not a thing like they don't care

because it is already

established um in their in their

religion and um so it's really nice Tate

has a great time and is like shocked by

it he's like used to a standard

Methodist situation and if you've ever

been to synagogue it is not a standard

jewi or standard Methodist sort of thing

where you sing some hymns and sit down

and listen it's very active yes um so he

enjoys that uh they go back home for uh

sexy times and um Tate's like is this

okay on the

Sabbath it's really funny and Adam's

like yeah yeah it is yeah we can [ __ ] on

the Sabbath thanks for asking like he's

like well you said we're not allowed to

do work I'll do the work Adam's like

that's not what that

means like like we don't work on the

Sabbath so that we can experience life

and all of the joy that there is in life

and sex is part of that so thank you for

asking but also let's get naked like

like no like Tate for your purposes like

just put the fridge on Sabbath mode

you're good you still [ __ ] put the

lights on a timer let's we're done um

Adam doesn't practice like that anyway

but like you get it so um they Adam

decides he wants to give Tate a

[ __ ] which is a big deal deal MH and

so

um so is Tate open to that he is but

when he takes his pants off Adam safe

words not like full safe word they use

the color system so red yellow green he

says yellow and Tate's like [ __ ] like he

must be disgusted by me like he starts

getting really freaked out um and Adam

explains that he doesn't want to do it

wrong like just give me directions cuz I

want you to feel good um and so Tate

talks him through it

um and Adam is still in the cage this

whole time and is not allowed to come oh

gosh

um and Tate tells him that they are

going to the club tomorrow and he'll

take it off then so it has to be like

looser so that he doesn't get hurt um

but anyway so they get ready to go to

the club can't be a stom sleeper though

no

ah maybe you can be I don't know

anything about this someone please

educate me that may have been the most

ignorant joke I've ever made and I

apologize well I don't know I've just

imagining my husband is a stomach

sleeper and uh I don't think that would

go well no no yeah no okay he has a hard

enough time just finding a pillow that's

comfortable as a stomach sleeper I can't

imagine finding

a

okay what a specific instruction when

you're like look you're like we need a

[ __ ] cage just one that I can sleep on

my stomach while wearing right I'm

imagining like uh them using like I've

seen pregnant women use inner tubes to

like put their bellies in so they can

sleep on their stomachs I'm imagining

that but like with a hemorrhoid donut

honestly I should have tried that cuzz

I'm definitely a like side toach sleeper

yeah and but there's also on the flip

side you can't lay on your back fully

right like past a

certain uh I I forget I feel like people

said it at different amounts but like

pretty much like after your second

trimester starts it's not ideal to be on

your stomach or on your back but then

also not like fully on your stomach yeah

it was really funny when I would go to

yoga classes and like I've been an

instructor for a decade so I'm like I

like know like the general modifications

but there were definitely things where

I'm like okay everyone's on their

stomach what do I

do like and depending on the instructor

because one instructor like brought me

two bolsters so my stomach would be like

elevated yeah would be in between them

other instructors are like oh yeah just

stay on all fours instead of like going

fully on your stomach right um but

definitely things to consider yeah when

you are historically someone who loves

to sleep on your side stomach and

then suddenly can't yeah that would be a

challenge yeah I had a friend she was

like that's the first thing I did after

I had my baby I just like splatted face

down on my bed she's like I just needed

to like lay on my stomach and be like I

can do this again a sweet relief yeah

yes

1,000% so we don't know Adam's sleeping

position we do know he's still clock

cage so they go to the club um and Adam

is just trying to focus on enjoying the

moment because he knows it's going to be

over soon cuz we're coming to the end of

Hanukkah like this that's what's going

to happen Tate has given no instructions

that this is going to last past eight

days so and Adam said correct this is my

Hanukkah

experience so they get to the club and

Tate has organized an entire Hanukkah

party for Adam at the love Tate I know

so Tate's like yeah it turns out there's

a huge Jewish community that comes to

our club and they never felt safe enough

to stay anything about wanting to have a

party but they all loved it and we got

it catered and it's like it's all

decorated and it's just a really really

sweet time um so they have a wonderful

time with their friends and one of their

friends who is at the club and is Jewish

has a dinosaur manura that's not in my

notes but I remember it like it it

important after our previous convers but

now I remember it um and so um Tate

finally takes Adam to do a scene um he

like ties him up and like whips him to

completion he finally takes the cage off

it's a whole moment um so one would hope

it you get a full moment for that after

you've worn that cage for so [ __ ]

long 36 [ __ ]

hours yes you deserve a moment for that

you do you do and he did he got one um

and so they have just a great time with

their friends and it's just a really

like nice moment for all of them and so

then um Tate it's the next day it's the

day before the last day of Hanukkah um

day seven yes so it well so it's weird

because in the Jewish culture it's

measured by kns

um so Adam doesn't know if Tate meant

nights or if he meant the days and so

he's like uh should I leave like cuz he

like made a whole dinner for Tate Tate's

freaking out because he's late getting

home he was like making some stops for

things for Adam mhm and so he stopped at

a jewelry store to pick up a gift for

him um and Adam has stopped responding

to his texts and he's like [ __ ] [ __ ]

[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] this is not good so he's

like racing home and there is a huge

mess in the kitchen like huge mess um

and he finds Adam like curled up in the

bed in the bedroom um and Adam is like

refusing to speak to him and so Tate

puts Adam in the corner for punishment

so I didn't get into it but they came up

with their like list of acceptable

punishments um and what the punishments

would be for got it previously so that

was one of them so um after Adam has a

full whole entire meltdown um about you

know the last week the whole last week

is has been fake he's like please stop

taking care of me none of this was real

like I need you to stop like I really

need you to stop um cuz he's really

trying to distance himself at this point

he was trying to lean into like this is

our last night like let's make it really

special and then Tate got late he got in

his head and it became a whole thing he

didn't mean to make a mess in the

kitchen for the record he burned his

hand when he was trying to like get the

food to stay warm since Tate was late

and dropped it and then was like [ __ ] it

like [ __ ] all of this so Adam's having a

meltdown I've been there not that exact

situation cuz that's a very specific

situation specific but like you're

you're like you're feeling super anxious

you're trying and you're like cool take

some deep breaths we just got to get

through this like okay we'll make the

most of it and then like one more thing

and you're like [ __ ] all of this I I can

no longer yep like it's like okay you

know what I have reached the maximum of

my distress tolerance capabilities but I

I can do it I've got it I can handle it

and then one more thing happens and it's

like that was literally all I had so I'm

not going to give anything [ __ ] you and

good night yeah so I'm going to go sit

in a dark room by myself yes I'm going

to lay down on the ground and once I can

re-regulate we can try again but until I

re-regulate there's no point in trying

[ __ ] right now it will not go how anyone

wants it to go nope I will make this

worse yes in fantastic

fashion like I don't mean to brag but

it's gonna be real bad you're like

that's not a threat that's a promise

baby I will ruin this [ __ ] yes that is

me

1,000% yes that's

correct oh my God okay so um Tate starts

to cry because Adam is like I can't do

one more night like I I can't I can't

pretend for one more night and Tate is

thinking that Adam has can't prend to be

into this for one more night so Tate

starts to cry

um justifiably so yep and he is like in

his head he's like I have to pull it

together to take care of Adam like if

this is what he wants if he wants this

to be over that's okay right um cuz the

whole point is for me to take care of

him and give him what he needs so if

what he needs is for this to be over

then like okay so he's trying to pull it

together but then he finally realizes

that Adam this whole time has just been

thinking that it was a fling because

Tate set expectations early so that Adam

would know the plan right um but then he

never reset them or communicated that he

wanted something different and so um

which God bless I love this because like

literally 30 seconds ago I'm like man

all of this could have been avoided with

some simple communication but they've

been communicating well yes like it's

more of like oh you know now that I

pause I realized an important one one

important combo was missed yeah one

important detail yeah and so that's kind

of the whole thing is that like Tate was

assuming that Adam knew how he felt

about him because he was doing

everything he could to show him and he's

realizing that because you know there's

stuff in there about Adam's past

relationships telling him he's too much

telling him he's too clingy telling him

like all this other stuff

that like he wouldn't have been able to

read the behavior like he needed the

words yes and so um he

uh he has Adam open his last Hanukkah

gift that he picked up from the jewelry

store Adam's like I don't want a present

and Tate's like open the [ __ ] bag

like open it just open it just open it

it'll click and so um it is a um so in

the Kink Community when a sub has been

like claimed essentially by a Dom often

times they will wear a lock right some

kind of necklace that has a lock on it

that can't be removed um to show like

ownership

essentially and so it's a lock with a

pendant that says Little Star on it um

and uh well it says Tate's Little Star

on it and so Adam's like what

what for real and Adam's like yeah dummy

like I kind of like care about you a lot

duh and so

um they agree to be in a relationship

for real and they're going to go for it

Adam is excited to get reconnected to

the Kink Community since he's been

pulling away and they're like yeah we're

going to do this for Reales and that's

the

end what a sweet little story I know

it's a very sweet little story but I I

just thought about so I read another

book

recently where this guy is trying to

propose to this girl and the ring is in

a cup of coffee and she is really that

CU that's their thing like they have a

saying and so she is mad at him about

something and he's like baby just drink

your coffee and she's like I need the

words man what are we doing here and

he's like baby drink the coffee and

eventually she just flings the coffee

like out into the yard and her grandma

and like her family are standing right

there and they're like oh [ __ ] did

anybody see where it went and the guy is

like cracking up he's like laughing

really hard she's like did I just throw

my my engagement ring into the yard and

he went yeah yeah yeah you did you sure

did and that that's the energy is he's

like just open it and he's like I don't

want to open it and he's like [ __ ]

please just finish the coffee just

[ __ ] open

it but it is a very sweet story again

like there's a certain amount of of

authenticity to it because it's obvious

this author understand understands the

queer community and understands the Kink

community and apparently Judaism as well

because it's all very accurate um but

it's a nice read there's very little

angst there's very little like there's

no major plot really of like horrible

things happening or any it's just a very

nice two people coming together and

figuring it out so what's our rating

system dinosaur

Manas regular

Manas lot Keys is it eight Manas that

were or eight

candles um yeah maybe we just go with

candles let's do candles out of out of

eight candles out of eight candles

placed in a dinosaur

manora um I'm going to

go I think I'm going to go with six yeah

like I would read it again um and it was

one that was yeah it was nice it was a

very uh Pleasant departure from the

usual Kink and queer romance that I have

read cuz it wasn't it also wasn't all

about like overcoming the adversity of

being queer it was just a relationship

cool we happen to be queer Y and this is

our love story exactly versus like the

focus of our love story is that we're

queer right exactly so yeah I would say

six out of eight pretty

comfortably yeah I didn't read it but I

feel I really loved them they were like

well I know I said it before do I want

Adam to find

a new therapist and maybe um a new

medication regimen sure at some level

yes and I thought the way in which they

engaged the whole time was like so sweet

and endearing

and like what you want to see out of a

healthy relationship yes cuz do you ever

read yes you read [ __ ] a thousand

books more than I do um but you know

like when you're reading a like a

there's conflict there's a legit

disagreement fight happening that you're

like this hasn't been worked through y

but they're like the tension and buildup

of a fight and now we're going to [ __ ]

and you're like where's the resolution

oh I'm sorry I I

can't like get there with y'all suddenly

being intimate with how that conflict

just went down right especially if they

don't resolve it after like if there's

resolution after I'm like oh okay still

not my favorite but I will if we come

back around like I can get behind it a

little bit more because it's

like what uh like this we're just going

to have this fight again yes right so

like what have we accomplished nothing

yeah when they're like well in this

fight we both just realized how

passionate we are and then we started

making out and you're like no doesn't

solve the issue yeah so I I really

appreciate that like their approach the

whole book was seemingly like hey like

let's solve the issue mhm and we'll go

from there together exactly and that is

just like refreshing as a whole very

refreshing I haven't read anything else

by this author but I am going to yeah um

I've been reading a lot of very trashy

motorcycle club you've been on your

motorcycle club for a minute for a

minute like it it's like a JS Scott

moment there's so much of it I'm just

like plowing through it when that's done

I will likely read more of Rees Morrison

cuz I did really like it fair enough

well everyone let us

know what how many candles you would

like this how many nights of Hanukkah

are we making it through in your review

um thanks for joining us don't forget to

like And subscribe if you don't like us

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if you hate us that much um if you did

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happy holidays we'll see you next

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