Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts Chelsey and

[Applause]

[Music]

Hannah hi everybody and welcome to smut

club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this

is the podcast where we daydrink and

review trashy romance novels and my dog

tries to sit in our laps and hits the

mic so it's really Pleasant for

everyone's

ears nice we love this and now my dog is

looking at me and my husband hband my

husband wants him to go

upstairs before we record and our dog

Vance I think Brandon is just here to

stay I he'll he might follow you at some

point but for now if you hear the Tip

Tap of little doggy feet please just

ignore his little nails are so long we

need to get them to the groomer this

week but all that said that's not what

anyone else is here for no not not here

to talk about me taking my dog to the

groomer

that's a whole

story all right I'm sorry

I'm our groomer oh so we're telling the

story yeah it's worth telling Hannah

okay well I didn't know our groomer is a

home groomer the very F like her website

is like black and neon pink and like

very like it is a statement but she's

like 5 minutes from our house and it's

$30 nice well starts at 30 and then you

know there's add-ons over time course um

but I was cracking up because the very

first time we took him there she's like

just come in through the garage and I'm

like what a I'm like hey Vance I need

you to come with me he like where are we

going like we're taking brand to the

groomer and we showed up and he's

like this just looks like someone's

house and I was like it is you have the

skills of observation um you get it she

was wearing I didn't even know they made

grooming smoks it when we walked in I

was like this woman looks like she is

ready for dog groming porn like she is I

don't I'm realizing I'm not describing

things well cuz I'm too excited to

describe them well she was wearing a

like mid to high

thigh like

skintight smok like a grooming smok okay

um that was like super low cut and her

boobs were spilling out of it and I was

like no part of this outfit looks as

though

you are ready to to bathe a dog right we

we just look like we're ready to show up

at someone's house and say I'm ready to

bathe your dog and then the sex starts

is like right and pant and I left and we

were

like well we'll we'll see how it goes

and there's a Entrance Road by their

house Called Wanda woods and we're like

that sounds like a porn star name does

and then that's what we named our Roomba

so our Roomba is named Wanda and

everyone's like why and I was like oh no

cuz our dog groomer lives off a road and

look like a it was a whole thing that

day

like there's so much back it really made

sense in the time but now we're like 3

years deep and I have to explain why our

Roomba is named after our I guess a road

by our dog grer who's not a porn star

that you know of that I know of right

she could be she could be

so I got a massage a couple of weeks ago

and it was this place that I I found

online and looked decent enough the time

was right I was like cool let's go so I

went and it was somebody's house off of

a dirt road that was barely passable in

the middle of the woods I live in the

middle of nowhere anyway I was going to

say for as someone who lives in the

middle of nowhere did this feel like an

accessible level of nowhere or were you

like this is I should we'll see if I

make it correct I called her because I

was like this doesn't look right and she

was like no it's not you're you're right

it's not right the GPS doesn't know

where my house is so she had to give me

directions to her house and then she was

like is your car going to be okay on a

rough road and I was like oh yeah barely

pass so I pull up and this woman comes

out it's like a lob cabin meets sford

and Sun Vibes there's like [ __ ]

everywhere this woman comes out with no

shoes

on and in this dirt

driveway and I was like I might be

sacrificed like she was like this older

lady with like long white hair I might

be sacrif in the middle of the woods I

was

like so how was the massage it was

awesome

actually it was great right yeah but I

will never go back there oh it wasn't

that good no it wasn't that good I did

like her but also yikes yeah you're like

I don't like you enough to

offset yeah the you're like the tension

that this drive is you're like I'm

trying to get rid of tension I'm try to

add tension okay it's Cabin in the Woods

vibes I have a lot of thoughts on that

we could talk a lot about Cabin in the

Woods the Trope if you will that's a

different podcast yeah that's a

different podcast that's a different may

maybe it's not a different podcast I'm

going to challenge

myself oh no there's the um Megan Quinn

romcom with the agitators in Canada and

they're all in the woods and her car

breaks down and she like shows up at

their door and then they

all they're like we're hockey players

and she's like prove it like they play

with like a an umbrella yeah

yeah so it is this podcast it is did you

just hit your own glasses I did hit my

own glasses in my moment of being like I

feel so smart this is our podcast I hit

myself in the face and I really thought

we were just gonna move on but

I'm Vance looks at me all the time and

he's like way to keep me humble

babe but I also think that's kind of our

our friendship like not in a shitty way

no like just in like a we feel safe

enough

to lightly poke fun at the other person

yeah well because neither of us take

ourselves too seriously and so it's like

no have you seen I definitely

can't I'm like I dress my pets up for

our holiday cards each year yeah you do

I don't think I'm my husband literally

told me my the personality of my know is

Jewish yesterday so like

no yeah everyone's going to need that

the cont the context of that because so

before we hit record I was telling

Chelsea for some reason last night when

I was with hanging out with my husband

that I thought of the time that I passed

out at

school and you like in Middle School

yeah I was like 13 I think it was like

8th grade um I woke up as I was coming

to to Consciousness a teacher was there

with me apparently she had like carried

me to the nurse's office and she told me

that um I was actually very beautiful um

and she started describing all of my

features and told me that I have

beautiful Alabaster skin and my lips

were well proportioned and I have great

um cheekbones and that my eyes are

really beautiful and my nose has

personality and so as I was telling my

husband this story last night I asked

him I'm like what what what personality

does my nose have cuz there are lots of

different ones and he just went Jewish

and didn't add anything else after it he

just left it at

Jewish was there more that needed to be

said no for anybody who's watching the

video or has seen a photo of me nothing

no nothing else needs to be added I

would also like to know that Hannah once

told me a story that I'm just about to

tell one of you

I don't know what it is cuz I've shared

a lot of stories so here we go well so

Hannah and her husband work together and

that's how they met and when her husband

told another coworker that he was dating

Hannah when Matt was like yeah I'm

dating Hannah one of their co-workers

was like isn't she

Jewish and you're not I am not you just

have a nose with a lot of personality I

have a schnos

yeah none of that's relevant to anything

that we're doing today

got I I I wouldn't have even described

her nose as a nose of personality I

literally never thought about her nose

in my life

before for what it's worth only some of

us have noses with personality thank you

well no what I was going to all right

let me give a little bit more context

for everything damn it we're going to

get to this book eventually okay so when

I was 17 I worked as a personal

assistant to the sewing expert for the

Home Shopping Network she she'd had a

ton of like elective you know you just

you work the entertainment industry you

have some elective surgeries to make

sure you're looking young and fresh

right and I told her I was like hey I

have like just casually in conversation

day I was like oh yeah I was like my I

was like I have one connected Earl and

one dangly earlobe and she was like

Chelsea you could get that fixed and no

one would have to know my head I was

like but why would I like why it's not

hurting like there's no issues with my

ears I'm just noting that like this is

what my ears look like it's a unique

thing it's a unique my ears have

personality they do um but I was

thinking of the you could get that fixed

and no one would have to notice people

would notice because so we had a friend

who once again never thought of her nose

just thought it was a really normal nose

during the pandemic when we were all

under mask mandates she got a nose job

and so she comes out the other side and

planning like I think it just worked out

that way but like the first time like

she like took the mask off and I was

like something is different what it like

it took me a while to realize it like

didn't even occur to me but I just get

thinking like no one would have to know

and then I was like I don't I don't know

if you would be able to get a nose job

without people noticing it no there's

too much personality people would notice

people would notice but for what it's

worth I have spent hours looking at you

and never noticed anything about your

earlobes if that

helps it does okay thank you happy to

help i h no well so like my earlobes are

like I have one connected and one dangly

cuz you get them from your parents and I

forget which parent has which but my one

has one and one has the other um my like

my toes are like lowkey like partially

webbed between a few of them like it

doesn't go the The Crack doesn't go all

the way between the toes okay so like it

looks partially webbed between never

noticed either right here's the thing

these aren't big I'm not going to pay

anyone to adjust these things I accepted

and my fingers are slightly crooked to

the point that I can hold my fingers

together and I can see Hannah between my

fingers when I hold them together I

never broke this finger it's just always

been like that and I once went to flip

off one of my friends in grad school and

my middle finger is also crooked and it

was like pointing to the side and he's

like are you flipping off me or that

dude over there cuz your finger's

pointing like an air I was like [ __ ] you

what a burn oh it was such a good burn U

but the best burn was one day I home for

the holidays hanging out with my dad

Chelsea who do we know like weird

earlobes they don't match yeah Dad

that's me no no no no no no it's not you

like weird fingers to and like web toes

I like still me dad you're still

describing your daughter and he's like

no no no no that couldn't possibly be

you I would remember that and I'm like

you can deny it all you want still

sitting here

letting you know it is me your Earls

have

personality I mean why would you notice

them right like the only time that

anyone ever really noticed them was when

I was a kid and like when you have like

the cute little Bob and they were like

cutting it to be like an inch below my

earlobes and couldn't figure out why it

was

crooked yeah okay what sorry this is

this is a a book review podcast we're

here where we are going to review the

book so Hannah

it's all you I'm

sorry no I'm I'm enjoying it um we are

reviewing the dirty curve today by Megan

Brandy um so I really enjoy this book

it's a little bit of a comfort read for

me okay it's very like

um there's an there's it's mostly plot

but none of it is like so intense or

like like trauma heavy that it is it

evokes a lot of emotion does that make

sense yeah but still enjoyable it's just

an easy read yes it's a very easy read

so um it's told from two perspectives so

we open with Tobias he is a baseball

player um and he is failing a couple of

his classes specifically Anatomy sports

college romance sports college romance

there is something about Just Sports

College romances in general that I find

deeply comforting so deeply comforting

like I but also in that way where like

you've read one you've read them all and

like you keep reading them and they just

keep changing the names yep but there's

something so comforting well and this

one has like just enough of a Twist

where it it like keeps you in it but not

so much that you're like this is a step

too far like you know what I mean I

don't it takes too much energy to follow

because I I just want to know the

twist we'll get there so um Tobias has

been told that he has to do mandatory

tutoring he is very unhappy about it so

he's on his way to his uh coach's office

to talk to him about it and he um is

thinking about how he is known as the

Playboy pitcher and people are

constantly like commenting on his sex

life and girls are all over him and you

know like classic [ __ ] like that so

on the way to the coach's office he

overhears a girl in the coach's office

saying that she is not going to do it

assign him to somebody else I'm not

interested I'm not doing it and the

coach is like yes the [ __ ] you are this

is your this is literally your [ __ ]

job you're going to do what I tell you

and she is very clearly upset and she

runs out of the office and doesn't even

look at Tobias I started calling him

Toby honestly I don't remember if they

call him that in the book but you're

it's a safe space to call him Toby I am

going to call him Toby and we'll get to

the nickname I gave the girl Which is

less

sensical which shouldn't be surprising

to anybody you wri this outline when you

were a few is she big mad when she's

leaving the coach's office

Hannah yeah she's big mad you're

correct and for those who are wondering

um Chelsea made our our vodka lemonades

today and did a little bit of a heavy

pour so we'll see where we get and how

it looks by the end um but the great

news is my face gets more pink the more

I drink I feel my face getting pink

actually like I can feel the heat in it

right now so that's really fun on that

beautiful Alabaster

skin and you know what this morning I

was like I'm looking a little pale I'm

going to put just like a little bit of

Cream Blush on cuz I don't want to be

give like full ghost and now I realize I

didn't need it so um anyway so she runs

straight past Toby she's so upset that

the coach is like yeah you're going to

do your job yeah so the coach is like

she's going to do it you know and then

tells him that she gets paid double for

every hour she works with him um and you

know he's like okay um well fine

whatever I don't really give a [ __ ] and

then um he goes home and bangs some

chick and he's just like bored with his

life at this point he's like there my

life has no meaning outside of baseball

I don't care about school I'm just

trying to get drafted I don't give a

[ __ ] so we switched to the girl's point

of view her name is Meyer and I chose to

call her lemons like Meer

lemons I get it honestly I was thinking

is Myers also an ice cream

probably are you thinking of

Briars I was like I feel like it's not

quite right yeah no I'm

think I we also like I'm only a

fusive prade for this we can't I mean

I'm going

to I'm going to use VOD cinate as a

scapegoat

correct um and this lemonade was not

made with Myer lemons for the record I'm

assuming or Bri

lemonade you know milk milk lemonade cuz

it was like neon green in the picture so

I don't think it was made with Myer

lemons I and squeezed all of those

totally kidding well so the funniest

part was I accidentally dropped part of

the lemonade powder packet on the

counter and then it's just like white

powder but then when it reacts with

water it turns so I'm like I have like a

Clorox wipe on her counter and I'm

wiping I'm like should I be consuming

lemonade that turns this color on

contact this color that is not found in

nature I was like [ __ ] it we're here

yeah we are okay so she's going to get

double out to double pay I was going to

say double that's what coach tells Toby

so we switched to Myer's point of view

yeah we switch to Myers's point of view

she is pissed that she has to uh work

with him and gets an email from him

that's like basically so you're going to

do all my work right good deal here it

is thanks k

bye um and she just chooses not to

respond to it she's like I'm not going

to give this my energy thanks though um

and her bestie is there um giving her

lots of love and support this bestie her

name is Bianca she's kind of like

constantly in in the background but

doesn't give too much to the plot um she

the next book I don't that's how most of

these series go you know I don't know

cuz I didn't read it but maybe um like

but I'm not betting against you correct

yeah so yeah literally I just started

calling her lemon

so lemon says that um uh Bianca is the

only one who stuck by her when [ __ ] got

real when things got really hard in her

life and then there's this moment where

Meyer goes into her bedroom and she just

says hi baby girl and then the chapter

ends so we don't know who the [ __ ] she's

talking to so does she have a child she

sure does but it's like does she who

could it

be whatever so Toby goes to the library

to meet with tutor girl because he put

like in the email um um that he expects

to see her at the library at such and

such time and she should have all his

work done by when when she shows up so

he goes and she's not there and so he is

pissed and goes to the tutoring center

um and they refuse to give her to give

him Meyer's number um so he calls coach

and um coach gives him the number and

she just won't respond

to any of his texts because all of them

are like why aren't you here where's my

work it's supposed to be done what's

even the point of

view so coach is like I'll take care of

it and so we switch back to

Meyer um she does have a baby the baby

is sick um and she sees tons of texts

and phone calls from Toby um but she is

like I'm just not I just can't like yeah

she's got to kid at this point so she

goes to respond to him but then

accidentally answers a phone call from

the

coach and he tells her that um when Toby

wants something she better do it um and

he threatens her job and is like do you

do you like working do you like having

money to eat then you're going to do

what I say um and so she just starts

crying and hangs up the

phone so um 2 weeks later coach tells

Toby that he can't play because he's

failing two classes um he hasn't called

Myer he still doesn't know her name by

the way he just calls her tutor girl he

just knows the girl who ran out of

coach's office is supposed to be doing

all this [ __ ] for me right and so he

hasn't called her so Toby gets super

annoyed that he can't play um and is

like I'll get it done whatever text the

tutor um and uh she just says sends him

her office hours she's like no here are

my office hours um so he threatens to

call Coach if she doesn't show up when

he says um and she finally agrees to

show up so um bestie is watching the

baby Toby's irritated she won't look at

him she like won't make eye contact

won't look at him at all and it's just

all business um and is not showing any

interest in him at all which he finds to

be unacceptable just the narcissism is

just it's there um is that something

that is going to like be worked through

or is that just like he's just okay yeah

so he you never know I feel like that is

one of those things that like some books

are like wow he's a dick they're like oh

we're really just committing to

accepting the dickish Behavior no so he

really does turn it around so um I had a

patient recently ask me because I was

walking with

purpose um he was like are you on your

way to Humble a man because that's what

that look

says you

know and Meer is on her way to Humble a

man so um before that he asks if she's

on drugs because she's looking really

messy she's got like a stain on her

shirt and stuff and um I feel this in my

soul he's like I know you do and

honestly part of why I wanted to review

this is because very much later there's

a kink in here that I'm

like um but I can't identify with it so

oh good you

could you could so we'll get there but

um he is um he like ask if she's on

drugs and she's

like

yep super high thank you for asking like

what the [ __ ] so um he just continues to

make more and more demands on her time

and she is like I can't meet before noon

like what part of this do you not

understand and he's like you're just

going to have to [ __ ] figure it out

sucks to

suck but in his mind he's like well she

gets paid double for me though so why

like why wouldn't she want to spend more

time because she's getting paid extra

yes in the world rves around him correct

yeah um so he just continues like they

continue to meet and she like she

continues to show no interest in him as

a person at all and he really is not a

fan of that um so he buys her a coffee

because he's like maybe like we'll have

a

conversation um and he's just really

agitated that nothing he's doing is like

permeating right she's just all business

all the time so

um she he's like well athletes take

priority and she gets super mad she's

like yeah athletes take priority your

coach has made that abundantly [ __ ]

clear like my time doesn't mean anything

and he's like coach has done coach

basically saved my life like coach

literally gave this to me why are you

like this about him he is a great man

and she's like sure he is whatever and

there's a lot of weird tension that we

don't really understand yet I have a

hypothesis as to can I tell you my

hypothesis please do I was going to say

What's the hypothesis coaches the baby's

daddy

possibly

okay like I realized there's still a lot

of book to get through but I'm like I

can neither confirm nor deny okay fair

enough

so lemon gets a call from coach to show

up at his office so she goes to meet

with him and he rearranged her schedule

and took away some of her students to

spend more time with Toby um and she's

really upset because she actually gets

paid by the student not by the hour and

he is taking away 25% of her income by

restructuring this um and he is like I

don't really give a [ __ ] and in her mind

she's like I just really wish that he

would look at me like he used to but

there is none of that there none of it

at all so I feel like I'm

right I feel like you might be right

too but I'm not going to say it too

loudly cuz there's still more book

Chelsea so much more so um it's been two

weeks of tutoring um she continues to be

super professional and he asks her to

dinner Toby Toby asks her to dinner not

the coach correct and um she's like no

I'm not doing that so he chases her out

of the library and she is like can you

please step away from me because there

are plenty of people here you're going

to start some kind of weird rumor and

I'm not interested in that like step

away from me and he gets more mad um and

she finally is like what's my name

Toby and he's like uh wait we're this

far in and he still doesn't know her

name it's been like 4 weeks and he

doesn't know her name so she's like yeah

like you're into it you want to take me

to dinner that's great what's my [ __ ]

name and he's

like I'm sure you have one like so is he

into her romantically or is he still

just like trying to

like get her to interact with him like a

human it's more like a weird curiosity

thing okay like he's like what I can't

read anything about her she doesn't seem

to be interested in me she's not lusting

after me like most girls

what is her deal I don't get it

so she just walks away from him at that

point he's like I don't know your name

and I am just realizing that and he's

like super horny about it and he doesn't

understand any of it super horny about

it super horny about it I don't know

what descriptor I thought we were about

to use but horny wasn't wasn't the one

that thought we were going to land on

right well my notes say he's super hard

so whatever so Toby is continuing to

really struggle he's not getting any of

the information as Meer is trying to

tutor him and so she takes him to the

baseball diamond to help him learn she

does some weird thing with like the

chambers of the heart or something I

don't know um so they start playing a

little and they start having a lot of

fun and she finally takes off her hoodie

cuz at this point she's been in leggings

and super huge hoodies every time

they've gotten together and he realizes

she has a rock and bod yeah says uh Toby

decides she's a goddess that's a direct

quote um and then all of a sudden she's

like I gotta go um and she he's like can

you like look at me though that'd be

really cool she doesn't give him any

kind of reaction and just dips

out so Toby's at a bar after the game

and um he's just not in to any of the

girls who are throwing themselves at him

and he walks outside just to get some

air and he sees lemon walking alone it's

like really late at night and she's just

walking by herself um and he's like

worried about her like why are you doing

that this isn't safe and so he catches

up to her and starts walking her

wherever she's going and she's like it'd

be cooler if you left me the [ __ ] alone

I do this all the time like go away um

but he walks her all the way back to

campus um and he's like trying to mess

with her to get a reaction and again

direct quote uh pretty sure you were

calling me Daddy and telling me not to

stop last night and she says back Oh

Daddy I could never forget our night

together believe me I tried and he's

like

what super confused by the whole

interaction so he leaves her she makes

it where she's going safely um so then

he starts going out to the bar to every

night to see if she's walking by herself

and he knows that she wouldn't like

welcome him walking her so he just

starts following her to make sure that

she's safe but doesn't approach her

which gives this really weird

like protective energy but also stalker

energy that's really difficult to like

reconcile yeah that's one of those where

it's like the whole like if you're into

them it's sweet if you're not into them

it's like really really unsettling yeah

like a he liked me so much he knew I was

like walking home and so he was like how

sweet is that versus if you don't like

him you're like yikes he was hiding in

the shadows watching me walk home every

night this is not okay right so um

eventually he talks her into going to

dinner with him they go get pizza it's

really sweet she reads to him and he

starts to realize like oh no like I'm

into her like up to this point it's been

this weird curiosity and like I just

want to get laid sort of thing but then

at this point when she's reading to him

he's like oh no like I really like her

as a person so that's when it sort of

turns for her so Toby has an away game

and he is really concerned that he's not

going to be there to walk her home to

like follow her home so he calls

her um to make sure that she's okay um

and she is like like I am in a tutoring

session like I thought this was

important I'm fine I'm tutoring bye and

he realizes that he's really jealous

like who is she tutoring is it one of

the football players is he cute like

what what's happening

um so it's a whole thing so then there's

like a whole studying Montage of super

cute moments with them together um and

he starts to get to her and she tells

her best friend um and she's like I

really like him but I can't like I can't

go for it um but we don't know why like

what's holding her back from all of that

I think I do I bet you do but we already

heard my guesses so we'll just we

did we'll just continue and see if all

of my hypothesis that you've already

confirmed should have been

confirmed okay um so again more St more

tutoring really sweet times um Toby

decides to go to her other job which is

at a diner so all these times she's

walking home late he realizes she's

wearing a a uniform so goes to the diner

where she works and drives her home and

tells her about all the times that he

followed her back to campus to make sure

that she was safe um and she's like that

is kind of sweet like thank you for

making sure that I was okay um and then

all of a sudden like totally like

they're having this really sweet moment

and then all of a sudden she like leaps

out of the car and he's like what are

you okay like what is happening and she

like Sprints across the street and her

bestie is there telling her that she

can't find Bailey's Mimi and Toby's like

what the what the [ __ ] is that

situation um and lemon like climbs in

the black back seat and reemerges with a

baby um and hold on hold on hold

on I'm very confused by how this was

just worded

yeah why you're nodding like yeah you

should be confused by how this because

the chapter is

confusing so did Bianca they were in the

parking lot

yeah of her apartment he was driving her

home

so Bianca was somewhere with the baby

and just also happened to be in the

parking lot

she was getting in the car with the baby

so the baby was in the car Bianca was

going to the store I think that's the

part that I it was like she leaped out

Bianca standing there they're looking

for this suddenly there's a b she

reaches in the backseat and there's a

baby I'm like what whose's back seat

Bianca

Bianca bian was like I was trying to go

to the store process this for a second

and then there's a baby the baby was in

Toby's back seat I like I get bean is

back Bianca's back seat okay so Bailey

is the baby's name Bailey is the baby um

and so Toby is

like oh no like I get it now and he

feels like a total heal for all the

times that he demanded that she meet him

at a certain time and like whatever but

then he remembers that coach told him

that she gets paid extra for meeting

with him and so he's like I'm just going

to fall behind so that she can get paid

more even though he doesn't she doesn't

actually get paid more right he thinks

he's doing her a favor and so he

intentionally stops doing his work and

falls behind so that coach will demand

he meet with her more um oh no

so Toby I know he's really trying to

help it's so sweet in theory so sweet in

the not going to work how you think it

will my my guy no so then the next day

Meer wakes up early and she has a text

from Toby offering to do their tutoring

session that Sunday

via Zoom so that she doesn't have to

leave the house and she can stay with

her

baby um and she declines and he's like

well but can I call you later would that

be okay um and she forgets that he asked

that and switches shifts at the diner so

she doesn't answer when he calls and um

he kind of freaks out and she gets home

and he's there at her apartment with

pizza he was like well I was really

worried you didn't answer and I was

worried you maybe didn't eat so like I

brought you some dinner like a um he's

had a lot of growth very quickly a lot

of growth he has had a lot of growth um

and then he says he doesn't even try to

go in he's like I just brought this for

you and I will see you on Sunday and

she's like o o okay um she doesn't

realize that he said I'll see you here

on Sunday and so he shows up to her

apartment for their Tut ing session

trying to make it easier for her so the

baby is

sleeping they go out to the patio to

study and all his work is already done

and she's like why are we having this

session and he's

like and his mind he's like getting you

paid babe and she's like you're

literally wasting my Sunday

morning bless it yeah um so then the

baby wakes up and um he's

like trying to give her some space

because she's like well I have to feed

her and he's like have you eaten let me

cook for you I'm going to go back to my

apartment and make us some food and I'll

bring it back and she's

like okay like why are you being so nice

to me this is really [ __ ] weird but

he's trying to be respectful of her

space and

everything so they eat and the baby Toby

notices has bright blue eyes just like

his and he's like a that's really sweet

um and he holds her as she falls asleep

and he's like this is actually really

nice like this is really cute um and so

nothing like some baby cuddles nothing

like some baby cuddles and then they

wake up and start screaming and it no

longer feels that way well that's why I

like other people's babies cuz I can get

the cuddles and then hand them back when

they start to scream or smell I too like

other

people's but do you like yours oh I love

mine obsess with mine took a while it

did take a minute it it took a minute it

did take a minute yeah but we're there

now no I think it's like I I think and I

we've talked about this before but it's

weird because and like this was my

journey and I feel like some people

they're like they have a baby and the

first moment that they look at that baby

they're like my world is complete what

was I doing before I had this child like

my entire access has

shifted and I was sitting there and I

was just like looking at him and I'm

like I'm sure you'll be cool but I don't

know

you like right now you're just kind of

like a tiny lump yeah who needs a lot

yeah and there's no interaction you know

like there's not like there's no nothing

and I'm yeah and I'm not saying like you

have a kid for the sake of being like I

have a kid for the way my baby makes

feel like no but it's just weird when

you're like like I think I felt

more indebted to my baby MH and like

obligated to care for my baby more than

I was like I'm a mom this is like

[ __ ] I a friend from Nashville she

like dm' me when I posted a photo of

Ford like in the first like month or two

of having him and she's like isn't me

mommy just like the best thing ever it

was within the first month cuz I

remember just sitting there and like I

think I'd like spit up in my hair and I

was just so sleep and I was like reading

her message and I and I wanted to

respond and be like is this

sarcasm and I realized I'm like oh no

you are one of those people who like

feels this way and and I love that but I

also think

like I felt like I was wrong for not

feeling that way right I was like oh no

like am I a psychopath that I don't

automatically love my baby and like like

all of these poster people like this gu

like and I just walked in like 2 days

after my wife had our baby and she's

sitting there sobbing holding her and

being like we could have done this

sooner I could have loved her sooner and

I'm

like my life was really [ __ ] awesome

before I had a

baby like not

a no I get what you mean it sounds so

shitty but I also

this it needs to be a more normalized

conversation yeah that like life can be

awesome and complete without babies yes

and if you choose to have one to like

add to the team that's great if you want

to add a baby to your team absolutely

let no man stop you but if you're on the

fence about adding a baby to your team

don't do it there's no take backs

correct you can't return the baby to

Sears no no the hospital literally makes

you sign a piece of papers saying no

takeback well that like I think that was

like the the weirdest [ __ ] for me

especially my husband and I were having

this conversation recently um where he's

he was like yeah he's like you know like

being young dating married he's like no

one ever like pressured me he's like

like truly no our familyes never like so

when are we getting great like never

getting the grandkid pressure anything

like that mind you both of our parents

have grandkids from our other siblings

so there was a little less pressure on

us in um but Vance was like I feel like

since we've had Ford people have really

started being like so when are you

having your next one right oh when's the

right no ma'am so my dad put it in his

speech at our wedding party like can't

wait to start seeing

grandkids and I was

like you're going to have

to and then you're like are you sure you

can't because you already are and you're

doing it with style and grace so much

style and grace my dad's great so then a

couple weeks ago we were at my niece

niece and nephew cuz they're born really

close together um their birthday party

with my husband and his family and his

uncle leans over and is like why don't

you guys have any yet is it you or is it

him so not just

like holy [ __ ] balls yeah and I was like

it's me and he went you're still the

best thing that's ever happened to him

and I was like I

know it was like what a weird and sweet

interaction he's so

old like and it's I mean I we just are

choosing not to but I was just like it's

me because he may not understand that

like we're just you you know I didn't

want to get into that so I was just like

it's me well but I and I also think when

you like are just trying to say like we

we don't want CH like this is a choice

right people are so quick to invalidate

and minimize your choice oh you'll

change your mind oh you're young yeah

you'll change your mind like I'm not

that young my guy like I told Matt like

recently I was like so listen babe cuz I

just had a birthday as did you happy

birthday yeah I realiz that we didn't

text each other happy birthday we didn't

I realized that on my sister's birthday

which was the 19th I was like oh

Chelsea's birthday was the

nth no the funny thing was on my

birthday I was like Hannah's birthday

was

yesterday and you know it just left me

and no one was upset what a beautiful

thing in Friendship what an excellent

friendship we have you're like we have

full robust lives we do we show up and

enjoy ourselves when we have the time

and outside of that there's no

expectation no one is offended no not a

single person is offended not at all but

I told Matt and I was like well I just

turned 32 and I was like so listen if I

get to be 35 and there are no kids I'm

getting my tubes tied just for the

record cuz I cannot imagine a worse life

like already the idea of pregnancy makes

me kind of terrified and nauseous um and

so like the idea of pregnancy after 35

is like not

geriatric pregnancies correct like

that's not something I want to do I

don't want to be have advanced maternal

age like yikes well I think that's a an

interesting conversation as well right

because you

have people like I have girls who were

in my youth group when I worked in youth

ministry who have three kids now they

were students when I was in grad school

high school students when I was in grad

school I've been out of grad school for

a decade it makes sense right like these

things happen

but it's also one of those where I'm

like okay so I feel like you either have

the energy to chase after all of the

kids but like you're you're eating a lot

of like boxed mac and cheese and like

M things just aren't as stable or you

wait until you're a little bit older and

more established to have children and

then I'm like I

don't but but now I don't have all of

this energy to trace you forever mhm mhm

yeah it's a conundrum yeah so my

aunt U my aunt got married at 38 I think

when they came back from their honeymoon

they were already pregnant and then

right after they had their daughter they

got pregnant again because she got

married at 38 and they wanted to have

kids and then they had twins so at like

40 years old she had three under

three the most impressive thing the most

terrifying thing and that like oh my God

no yeah cuz my mom had me when she was

37 and my sister when she was 40 mhm

yeah like yikes I don't know it's just a

different world yeah I don't want to do

that I have no desire I was like I feel

like I was like getting

pregnant at

30 Fel I was like this feels like the

right the right time yeah if there is

such a thing right I'm like we're

established we're not stress like

financially there like we're in a good

place but also that like

I'm like I I I don't think

I I I don't know if I want more now and

that is also another weird inv

validating thing when people are like

whenever I'm like yeah you know I really

love my one kid and they're like but

don't you want them to have siblings and

they're like once you get to like a year

and a half you'll change your

mind I don't owe my son more kids for

the record right like and I've had

people be oh like he'll like you know

like my husband was an only child and

his mom said she was like we Vance

really wanted a sibling growing up but

like you didn't owe Vance a sibling and

look he didn't get a sibling right

except for the older ones but I'm like

but he has great friends who may as well

be siblings that he's had his whole life

1,000 I'm like it's fine yeah I think I

like felt in my head I was like oh no

will my child be okay in the world if

they're an only child I'm like right

yeah there are a lot of only children

they're going to be fine like I I think

I told you a friend of mine um she she

actually got her tubes tied like last

week or two weeks ago um and she was

really anxious about it and everything

and she's doing okay poor thing she was

like yeah so this really does hurt I was

like yeah I know um but people were like

invalidating her decision to do that and

it was just really gross that's so

shitty yeah so anyway no one invalidated

Myer's

decision no one invalidated Myer's

decision she invalidated Myers well we

don't maybe they did maybe I don't know

um but um

she he wants her to go to her game go to

his game and she can't um and you know

she watches it though and text him

congratulations and he's already on her

way on his way over to her place with

popcorn like it's those kinds of things

where he's like showing up for her

without

expectation um and so they fall asleep

together

you know while he they're hanging out

and she wakes up to the baby crying but

he has already like gotten up to get the

baby and like brings her to Meer so Meer

can feed her and they fall back asleep

and it's just this really sweet moment

um that would be really gross if he

hadn't already had all this interaction

with the

baby cuz like I would be like don't

touch my [ __ ] kid if this this was

some Rando that I was tutoring you know

what I

mean well yeah Hannah I think think

that's been the whole book been like

building this but even still at first

when I read it I was like I don't know

that I would be okay with him just like

going into my baby's room but then I had

to like I was like okay well I guess she

is so that's what

matters I mean I think there's been a

lot of buildup and trust and like build

relationship building like it's not like

it's their first tutoring session right

and he's like oh your baby's

crying babies love me

like allow me like no but anyway so all

this really lots of Sweetness from all

of that and so then Coach demands that

uh Meer go on uh an away game with them

and apparently like Toby worked it out

she gets paid like hella bank for all of

this he shows up with a rental so that

she can take the baby instead of paying

someone to watch the baby for a few days

um so she gets even more money from that

and

um Toby's very sweet with the baby like

buys her like a little baseball like a

squishy and like all this other stuff um

so they have adjoining rooms um they're

hanging out together it's really great

um and he's like waiting for her to make

a move but she doesn't and he's like

come on he's like I'm trying so hard to

be really respectful and show you that

like I'm worth it that I'm willing to

wait and that I really care about you

but like I want you to make the first

move and you're not and I'm like what am

I like so she asks to shower in his room

so they don't wake the baby and he's

like yeah of course and he is like my

notes say that he starts feeding the

geese I love the hand

motion attached to it yeah I'm really

sorry okay and then he's like what am I

doing like no no no like her baby's in

the other room she's like maybe not into

me like that like I need to like slow my

[ __ ] roll and so she finally gets out

of the shower and he's like are you into

me and she's like I can't answer that

have a great night and like goes to bed

separately so he takes them to meet his

parents like her and the baby cuz

they're near his hometown and mom is

like going off about how like when are

you going to stop playing a child's game

and like you're not like all this other

[ __ ] about baseball about baseball okay

so then he is just like I'm just going

to take the baby outside thank you and

like goes

outside and lemon stands up for Toby

hard like she's really upset she's like

do you understand what he does do you

understand how hard it is and the time

and the hours he puts in and um he hears

it cuz he comes back in and here's the

tail end um and so then he's like you

have to come to my game like please come

to my game me like it would mean so much

to me and she's like of course so she

gets the baby ready gets herself ready

and then his mom shows up and is like

you know what you helped me realize like

I really regret the way that I raised

him and like comparing him to his older

brother and all this other [ __ ] and

Meer is like would you like to go to his

game and gives him the ticket or gives

mom the ticket to go to his game and so

he which is sweet but not what he right

was hoping for so he's freaking out cuz

she's not there but then he sees his mom

and is like oh my God cuz Mom's never

come to any of his games so it's a

really sweet moment um and so then um he

at least it was

sweet yes like I was like I was like

emotionally preparing myself for you to

tell me that like heartbroken yeah he

was pissed and there was a fight or like

something said he like saw his mom and

like connected the dots and realized

right see that's what we were saying

earlier there's just something about

like the drama never fully sends it

Comfort not really um and so he like um

they get back he backs her into a wall

and like kisses her um or is about to

and Coach calls him and so he has to

leave um and they they win because they

have a second game they win and then he

has an interview with a a very Saucy

reporter who's like very clearly really

flirting with him and into it um and he

is like well I have somebody waiting at

at home so I got to go and she's like me

like oh okay um

wait lemon is like me like is watching

the interview and okay I thought you

were we switched to lemon's point of

view I'm sorry you're like yeah he's

talking to the host who's clearly into

him and he's like I've got someone at

home and she's like me and I'm like wait

what the reporter sorry I was like I was

like bold assumption to no you're

interviewing someone he's like I've got

someone at home and she's like it must

be me it's our first time meeting he's

clearly down he's into me um so then um

Meyer runs into the coach in the hotel

um and he's looking for Toby and he

insinuates that he went out to a bar and

she's like did he because in the

interview he made it very clear he was

like going straight back cuz he wanted

to get back to

her so um but it's been 4 hours since

then oh and she locks the door to the

adjoining room and then Hears A Woman's

laughter like under the door and she's

like I was very stupid like I really

thought that he was coming back for me

and he

wasn't so we switch to Toby he wakes up

apparently very hung over in coach's

room and is has no idea how he got there

he was like I literally was on my way

back to Meyer and it's morning and she

doesn't know where I am and she doesn't

like I didn't go home like this is bad

this is really bad and so coach says

that he called uh drunk and Toby like

coach had to go pick Toby up and so he's

freaking out coach gives him or tries to

give him some pills he's like these will

help with the hangover yeah these will

help with your hangover and it's meant

to be like it's ibuprofen or something

like that um but he doesn't take it and

he gets back to his room and lemon is

walking out with like all her bags

packed and the baby um and he tries to

explain and she's like I never should

have expected anything from you we

didn't have anything like we never had

any agreement or there was no

expectation and I'm really sorry that I

had expectations of you I should have

known better like apologies um not like

passive aggressive no it's actual like

resigned like acceptance really um and

he has worse yeah it's very sad like you

know and then he has no idea what she's

talking about and then his door opens

and his teammate walks out with the

reporter oh so his teammate had taken

his key and gone into the room and Meyer

thought that and my was standing there

with him and like watched the teammate

and reporter walk out right okay um and

so then um he kisses her and they make

out super hardcore and she agrees to

come to his game it's all very sweet so

um blah blah

blah oh so then later um Toby sees a

picture of him and Meyer making out with

the baby like at their feet in her

little carrier um in the school paper so

the reporter had taken a picture and

published it and he is very upset he's

like I got to tell Meer in person this

is really bad um why is it really bad

because she doesn't want she's been very

clear that she's like I can't be with

you I don't want that kind of attention

like I don't I'm not interested in it so

um he goes to see her but she's gone and

she texts him and says she won't be home

that night she'll be home the next day

she'll call him later and he's kind of

concerned but he's like whatever his

friends invite him to a junior college

baseball game so he decides to go and he

sees lemon there with another dude like

across the field and he gets big

mad um you know I get it yeah I'd

probably get big mad yeah he's big mad

so he punches the guy in the face which

may have been a step too far oh well

that's bigger mad than you would have

gotten that's big big mad that's a

double big double big that's a big ma

yeah Big Mac mad I hated that but I I

said it we

committed um so then yeah he punches him

in the face and she's like this is my

brother you [ __ ] and he's like my bad

maybe I should have asked before I

started throwing bows yeah um so they go

back to lemon's apartment with the

brother and they're all hanging out

they're having a great time and then

Bianca and bro are like we'll watch the

baby you guys go out and have a good

time like go have a good time we got the

baby so they go to a party and he's like

very weirdly possessive and jealous the

whole time like in a way that she's into

or in a way that's like annoying her or

in a neutral way she's into it but to me

it was like o a little bit red flaggy

but like most of these are like that

where it's like a little bit red flaggy

but you get into it and it's not

I quite frankly I don't know if if I've

read a

single romance novel that doesn't have

some element that you're like that's a

red flat

like yeah yeah yeah but I mean that cuz

like that's every dude in a romance

novel mhm I've never read a romance

novel about a me a Meek pacifist right

someone who's well adjusted and healthy

no not at all yeah that doesn't equal

great sex it doesn't appar trauma

apparently equals trauma bonds equal

great

sex oh

no I hated that I said it and I hated

it it doesn't for the record you don't

have to be traumatized your partner

doesn't have to be traumatized for you

have a really great sex life it can be

great and fulfilling um without

emotional turmoil correct but it's

because like she knows all the athletes

because she tutors them so they're all

coming up and they're like what's up

babe like all very platonically but he's

like yet another dude yet another dude

he's like I hate it they're all coming

after my goddess right so she steps out

to call home to check on the baby and

Coach shows up and he is extremely nasty

to her and says that they had a deal

that she stay away from his athletes he

threatens to withdraw her from school um

and then he tells her about the article

on the school website cuz Toby has yet

to do it so um he tells her that Toby is

being pulled from her schedule to end it

with him and that's it and so she makes

out with Toby some more after coach

leaves and then he takes her home so

like coach you can't have it both ways

you took all the ways you took away part

of her case load right so that she could

spend more time with him and now he's

like well hated that situation so don't

do that anymore no not like that right I

meant it differently so Toby is texting

her and he's like going by her job cuz

she says she's at work she's not there

wait wait wait

wait coach left they made out more he

takes her home he takes her home this is

like the next day or two days later the

next day so was she pissed about the

article if she made out with M was she

just like oh okay here's a fact she's

more like scared about it scared because

coach is like making all these threats

right so Toby is texting her trying to

go see her she's brushing him off like

very clearly ghosting him and um she

he's like okay well she's like I'm going

to go see my brother like obviously

avoiding him and he's like well I could

stop by like you're supposed to be home

and she's really not responding and he's

kind of freaking out because um he has

an away game and he's like trying to see

her before he leaves Hees Town um and

she knows what she's doing and she feels

awful about it but um Toby shows up

while she's tutoring someone else and so

she runs and he's like

what the [ __ ] is happening but she's

like in obvious avoidance mode so I

obviously haven't read this one yet but

I have some guesses but when he he shows

up to another tutoring session and she

runs in my head she's just sitting in

the library with someone and Toby walks

up and without saying a word she just

literally picks up and like takes off

and like that is what happens like

leaves her stuff level of like I don't

remember if she in my head she just like

sees him and like rabbits yeah yeah okay

yeah that's definitely the energy so she

gets away from him and then she has an

email of an acceptance letter to UF so

they're in California I think oh so she

has this acceptance of a transfer to UF

has this been a thing so she's been

thinking about like maybe I could try to

leave but she feels like she can't but

she still is like taking steps to be

like maybe I could so she has this

acceptance letter and she's like oh it's

all real now okay so Toby is waiting for

her when she gets home I'm also here's

the unfortunate

thing just like not a

UF fan I'm not like a huge like school

raw

ra I just feel like I have a lot of

allegiance to FSU that's fair yeah yeah

feel like UF was like the the

default over hype yeah

like mhm like people who went there

cared a lot more that they went there oh

yeah yeah yeah my brother-in-law works

there oh I didn't know that yeah on like

their um maintenance team or whatever

yeah he could give a [ __ ] less but he's

excited because if he works there my

nephews could go for free oh hell yeah

so he's like leaning into that here's

the thing if I were offered free

acceptance like I'm not saying I

wouldn't go right to be clear I would go

yeah I never applied

me

either I did apply to UCF for a doctoral

program but then decided not to

go I went Chicago School of Professional

Psychology for their International

psychology program huh and then very

quickly got into their program and one

that was when all of my health issues

were going on so I was like this is not

the season to be in my doctorate and I

like dropped out of my PhD program 3

weeks in um

but moreover my BL my brain just went

completely oh I just got into it and

realized it

wasn't what I like I was like this is a

great program and I like see where the

benefit of this is but it's not for what

I want and yeah I was like I don't

actually think like if I wanted to Pivot

into this Arena this would be a really

great and cool thing like but that is

not where I think I am in this season

understandable yeah yeah but no I uh I

didn't apply to so fun fact undergrad

and grad school I applied to one school

and I went to the one school I applied

for for both of them

nice but all and I'm not shooting on my

education at all like so so hear me when

I say that I will also say I did not

apply to schools that I felt like were

really outside of like it's not like I

was like ooh I'm reaching I'm I'm

applying for Brown and I'll see if I

make it into the IES like I was

like this is what I want to do this

school has a great program for it yep I

meet the requirements I'm going to apply

to this option and I just applied to one

for each of them I think I did two for

each oh damn you you blew that up I did

I went for it yeah it really did it all

worked out in the end here we are where

did you do undergrad uh North Georgia

College

I knew that it's un now changed name

because then you worked at un mhm yeah

yeah um Weir works at yeah all that

stuff yeah yeah um so any who okay so

all that said he's she runs yes so then

he and she has the UF acceptance letter

right yeah so then he's waiting for her

outside her apartment when she gets home

he's like been waiting for her um and

he's like when can I see you how can I

support you like I want to be here for

you and she's like listen you're not my

student anymore and like CL door he

didn't know so she closes the door um

and he goes to coach and has an absolute

mental breakdown about it and is like

put me back on her schedule cuz he's

like something was growing between us I

know that it was she's pretending that

she was just my tutor but I know she

wasn't like if I can get back on her

schedule and like she has to see me like

it'll work out and um he punches his

coach in the face because coach is like

I'm not doing it like she whatever

whatever so um he is spiraling like big

time spiraling he winds up punching his

catcher in the face at a game he gets

ejected he puts hands on an ump like

it's a whole thing um and he just is

melting down Meyer is watching all of

this on TV and she is thinking that she

can protect him if she just holds strong

and transfers and doesn't talk to him

anymore like that he'll level out he'll

be okay um and so he

is hammered he just gets super drunk cuz

he's like I don't understand like after

the game that like that night or yeah

okay so he's like building a bond with

this baby and with this girl and he like

loves both of them and he's like I don't

understand so he gets very drunk and

goes to the batting cages and

essentially and y'all like think through

this for a moment if you've ever been to

batting cages he just lets the ball

machine Pelt him over and over again cuz

he is like so drunk initially he's like

hitting them but then he's like I don't

give a [ __ ] and just like stands there

and lets the ball like there's angst

here that like there's not enough trauma

background that I feel like there should

be this level of angst like that can do

like leg damage damage that's not like

me throwing a baseball at you and having

it hit you in the chest yeah which I

think it goes without saying that would

still be bad no it

wouldn't we don't need to fear for our

lives you might need to cover your face

because I'll probably miss right well

but also like my nose has enough

personality it's been broken enough she

doesn't need assistance you don't want

to add some of the Owen Wilson

personality no I've got enough of a bump

anyway is Owen Wilson Jewish I don't

know does he just have the nose for it

his nose has

personality what personality would my

nose have je

Jewish Jesus Christ so um all that's

happening he goes to practice

hungover and his buddy is like uh you

look like uh when I took Molly and when

I did that

coach gave me some pills to flush my

system and I kept some of them do you

want them and like hold his hand out and

they're the same pills that the coach

tried to give him at their away game and

Toby's like hold the [ __ ] phone cuz

he knows that he did not get that drunk

when they were at this away

game and so um yeah to's like I know I

did not put myself in a situation where

I would pass out like that right cuz I

was looking forward to spending time

with Meer and baile so like I wouldn't

have done that and but he couldn't

remember and he had no reason to

distrust coach so he just leaves

practice he's like [ __ ] you guys I'm

going home and leaves I get it also the

ice has melted and this is yeah mine was

also melt but it's not considering how

much vodka was in it when we started

it's not that bad no it really isn't it

a way that I'm like God damn this is

drinkable in a way that I feel like is

more dangerous now

mhm yeah we're we're doing great I could

take a much bigger gulp then which is

dangerous

so all right you know icing

people

yeah when I don't know if you've ever

seen my husband get iced I have never

seen someone down to smernoff faster I

don't know how he does it like like

physically

like he will take a

knee I've recorded a video and by the

time I hit record I like he was already

done drinking this the smir like he'll

down it in like 3 seconds I'm like how

do you he's like I just open my throat

and I'm

like what what do you you just open your

throat which is funny because I feel

like like teas lemonades things like

that I can just like TW

ch I can tuug

[Laughter]

itug I'm not even I'm not even drunk

that's the best part about this like I

can just like chug and chug and chug and

like really take those down and then as

soon I don't know if it's a carbonation

is that what it is when it's like a soda

or something like yeah cuz I feel the

same way as when that's what made me

think of it when you were just like I

could take bigger gulps I'm like no I

could drink this I could down this in

three sips but knowing how much vodka I

accidentally poured in this not going to

do that that yeah you shall

not okay so he leaves practice y so

coach shows up at Myers's apartment

looking for him he's not there and then

Coach is like you need to [ __ ] fix it

and it's like dude you broke it like

what are you talking about so um and

he's like I will destroy you you [ __ ]

fix it and she's like

okay so Toby is not willing to do any

school workor not willing to talk about

anything he only wants to talk about

them and like what happened so she runs

from him again and goes back to her

apartment so she called him to try and

fix it mm him I'm cuz he's failing again

so coach is like fix it and she's like

okay so not fix it he like ran off fix

that he's failing again right and like

get his head back on

right so then um he's like begging her

he's like tell me you don't love me tell

me you don't love me and I will leave

like they haven't even had sex at this

point they've like made out twice but

he's like I'm in love with you tell me

you don't love me like and I will leave

um and she can't do it so they have lots

of Declarations of Love they finally

bang um and this is the this is it this

is the moment so she's still

breastfeeding oh I have a feeling this

might be it yeah and he doesn't in this

interaction which is good cuz it's their

first and that may be a bit much but he

is like talking about how he can't wait

to suckle her

later that I'm like I'm not trying to

Kink shame but that doesn't feel sexy to

me like nipple play for sure like get

into it

but actual

suckling it's a it's a weird thing my

relationship with my boobs right since

I've had my son has been a

Journey like very much so because if

you're like cool I'm into if you're into

any sort of like boob nipple play at all

right like you're like well there's

licking and there's sucking and there's

touching and there's things like that

right where you're like you're not

trying to produce milk right it's just a

yeah but if there's a sucking sensation

on your boob for a second like we're

like I think there were like those

moments was like no don't touch my boobs

no like right just figuring out what

that yeah is but also like if you are

into boob play at all you kind of and

other people feel feel free to weigh in

on this I've had one kid I I don't know

a ton I also like I'm not an over

producer I

just right I'm a small breasted human

naturally right but I'm like I feel like

if you're into boobs at all you really

can't avoid some semblance

of

accidental right but he means like he

wants to like that's the purpose of it

like he wants to get it like he wants to

like have the

milk I think there's a I guess my

follow-up question as someone who hasn't

read this book would be

like is he looking for like a full 6 o

serving or is this like like is he

wanting a full bottles word that is not

or is this just like

you know I'm into boobs you have great

ones I'd love to suckle those and if a

little bit of milk comes out it's

something I'd be curious to tr that's

more of the energy maybe that's more of

the energy but when I was reading it the

first time I remember being like H I

feel like if you see the word suckle

yeah you're like right like I've noticed

the word suckle a lot in reference

to giving a lady a [ __ ] as you like

to say like suckling the [ __ ] and I'm

like I don't I don't love the word

suckle I don't know I was also reading a

book and she a guy was going down on her

and she was like he gives great head I'm

like yes head

[ __ ] going down these are not these

are interchangeable yes gender

specific whatever yeah even rihan you

sent me RNA and her day drinking with

Seth Meers clip talked about ladies love

blowj

she did say that yep I was like thank

you

Rihanna thank you for your ministry cuz

I have people out here making fun of me

cuz I said everybody gets a

[ __ ] we love to be validated

especially by Rihanna there are worse

people to be validated by twoo

true okay so where so they have sex

we're almost done SE so they have se he

wants to he he's curious

about Boo which have had their milk come

in correct which fair enough whatever

yeah so then they sleep together they

fall asleep and he wakes up early he's

trying to find his clothes and he sees

her ID which has the last name Reed on

it which is the same last name as his

coach and so he is

like she's coach's daughter that

explains everything like that explains

why he's so controlling and that

explains like why you know he's whatever

I'm sorry I'm sorry hold the [ __ ]

phone he declared his love and didn't

know her last name

correct to be fair he didn't know her

name at all for the first four weeks

they were interacting wasn't declaring

his love I know all like really

yeah yeah Toby is he

struggles okay yeah I just fully hit my

mic with my boobs I'm so sorry after she

said I'm not a big breasted human she

just nailed I'm still not a Bre Bre

bested brag bested person I say as I

grab my boobs we're fine we're we're

doing great here this is on video so he

goes to confront coach um about drugging

him and about Meer being his daughter he

is extremely angry that he hasn't helped

Meyer cuz she's very clearly struggling

financially

um and so coach reveals he's like Hey

listen um you slept with her do you

remember that before you guys got

together just now like you slept with

her do you remember that he has no

recollection of that he's coach is like

yep out a party already found you guys

together she was one of your your

leftovers that I had to take care of for

you cuz that's what I do like and you

don't even [ __ ] remember her and Toby

is like his brain is out of control

because he's like hold

on I'm like am I not good enough to love

your daughter is that why you've been

trying to keep her from me like I don't

understand like and then he's like oh my

God Bailey's my kid like Bailey's my

biological daughter like holy [ __ ] and

he is like losing his [ __ ] and then his

coach is like you will finish this

season you will get a a huge contract to

go professional that is what you will do

like I've had enough of this I'm over it

get the [ __ ] away from me so what it's

like this very weird interaction where

the coach isn't giving him any

information like Toby's making all these

Connections in his mind and he's like

trying to figure out what the hell is

going on and Coach is giving him nothing

uhuh and he's like wait a minute no I

would have remembered if I was with her

like I love her I would remember that

and the coach is like would you would

you get away from me it's the whole

thing so then he goes back to Meyer and

is like I can forgive you for keeping

Bailey from me like I can forgive you I

understand I loved her before I knew she

was mine like I get it like oh damn yeah

yeah and he is like I I have loved you

for a long time like your dad can't stop

us from being together like I'm I'm here

for it and she's

like what are you talking about it's not

her dad no she's like please slow down

like you are not you're not Bailey's

father and like pulls out custody papers

so that's what the coach has been

holding over her head this whole time is

he is saying that he will take the baby

from

her if she doesn't do what he says

because she wants a divorce and he won't

give it to

her it's like this very disgusting

convoluted thing where apparently she he

made her sign a contract that she

wouldn't tell anyone about the two of

them having sex um or get into a

relationship with one of his athletes

and or she surrenders All rights to the

baby which doesn't sound legal but she's

also 20 years old and probably doesn't

know [ __ ] about [ __ ] what sort of napkin

contract right like I'm like I don't

feel like this is going to hold up in

court the way this man thinks it is well

or the way Meyer thinks it is which is

what's important cuz I have a feeling

coach knows it's not watertight but like

she again she's 20 years old and scared

out of her mind like she's not she

doesn't get it and so um when did they

get

married so we're about to have a

flashback yeah so he's freaking out and

um so then Toby is like can you please

tell me how we met the first time like

is that true so there's a flashback

they're at a party Meyer is there alone

and Toby spots her and like follows her

out um they talk and it's really sweet

and it's a very nice interaction but

he's BL

and that's pretty clear so she tells him

that um she's pregnant and she's scared

and he's like well let me make you feel

better cuz he's super drunk and like

doesn't know what's going on and she's

acting out because the coach is being a

real douchebag and

so um they [ __ ] in the like basically in

the yard of the baseball house and um

he's like I really want to see you again

like let's make that happen but then the

coach shows up and takes Meyer home and

starts making promises about the future

he's like baby let's just get married

like it doesn't have to be like this I

you know I didn't mean it when I told

you to have an abortion like I want to

be there for you like all this other

stuff right okay so they were not

married before she got pregnant she got

pregnant yeah coach married her

essentially to to hold it over her head

use it as like a manipulative tactic

right okay so

um Toby then goes to his parents who are

now very supportive of his whole thing

um and uh Meyer quits tutoring tells the

coach that she's transferring to UF and

he's like I'm not going to design sign

any divorce papers like you're stuck

with this for life and she's like I

don't care I just want to get away from

you so she and um Toby are not

interacting at all anymore because Toby

understands that like she's really

afraid of that the coach is going to

take the baby so they have all these

sweet moments from afar but they're no

longer speaking or

interacting so she moves to Florida but

before she starts school she goes on

vacation with Bianca in Hawaii and um

Toby shows up on the beach and he is

like hey I had my agent drop these

custody and divorce papers there are a

lot of questions about how and why and

what for but of them are

answered we just know he shows up with

his agent like a white knight and like

everything's going to be okay and so um

my notes say lemon is free yay lemon

so that's it like it's done so then

epilog two years later Toby's at the

World Series he wins yay everything is

great and then Toby is extremely happy

he's adopted baby Bailey so like she's

legally his now and um lemon tells him

that she is pregnant like on the field

after the game yay lemon they live

happily ever after the

end

it's it's not going to be that easy for

him to get custody

no but I think that's not that that's

like the the the biggest plot that's not

the CR Crux of it no it's not the crust

of it it's not the crust either Double

Stuffed it's neither the crust nor the

Crux

does pizza still do their stuffed crust

I'm sure they do I feel like stuffed

crust used to be huge it did like no one

really gives a [ __ ] about stuffed crust

anymore Matt is still into it like all

the time for some reason that doesn't

surprise me that your husband is still

into stuff's crust it's very on brand

for him it is yeah I'm comfortable with

it yeah

whatever listen

Matt gives the energy of someone who

likes what he likes correct he's like I

don't need to try everything brand new

in 2023 nope whether it be the Insane

Clown posy or stuffed

crust he knows what he

likes I did recently I like said

something came up about Insane Clown

posy and I was like brought up Matt and

Vance was like oh yeah I think he is

really into I was like oh no I can

confirm seven ICP

tattoos

tattoos I thought you about to say shows

no seven

tattoos

visible uh

yeah yeah like not not

visible like visible for me not for you

uh no like just visible for everyone be

everyone shallel see I don't have

special glasses that allow me to see my

f he's got the great malinko on on his

calves um he's got

several on his in clown POS no negative

okay I was wondering I saw you do that

with a lot of apprehension like do I

want to know this about you I am wearing

a knotfest t-shirt for slip knot but I'm

not into the Insane Clown posy it

wouldn't FAS me if you were into Insane

Clown posy no mm- I'm like for the

record I think it was just more of like

a oh is this something I don't know

about more than I was like are you into

this I I was not trying to come off

judgmental for the record you were not

you you weren't I now I feel like I have

to I made an assumption because I would

be but like oh no Chelsea if you were

into a sing clown posy I would judge you

I'd have thoughts about it no so I know

a lot more about the insane clown posy

than I want to um okay that's fair but

like actually I have a lot of respect

for them I'm not into their music but as

people surprisingly I have a lot of

respect respect for them like they did a

huge lawsuit through the ACLU against

the

FBI um that was huge they have a lot

like most of their music within the last

like 15 or 20 years has been very like

anti-racist it's been like Pro

lgbtq it's very surprising like you

wouldn't think that but it is and even

like their early stuff that was like a

little bit homophobic and stuff like

that

violent Jay has come out and been like

yeah I [ __ ] up I didn't know I didn't

get it and you know since I've had kids

and had to look at my kids and be like

yeah I said that I understand now like

what I did was wrong and it's very like

opposite to a lot of people who like

when they

apologize for stuff in the past more

plating and like yeah I'm sorry I did it

right said he's like oh no yeah like

[ __ ] that up like I didn't know I know

now I'm going to own it and it's very

like I can respect it

and I feel like we've had a lot of

conversations about this recently I feel

like you and I have talked about it I

think I've just talked to a lot of

people about it but I get really

frustrated with cancel culture cuz I

feel like cancel culture has no room for

that right no room for growth there's no

room for personal growth MH like and

here's the thing if someone is held

accountable and continues to

engag the same behaviors that's a very

different situation than someone who's

like I'm so sorry now that I know better

I will do better moving forward

and we're all growing and learning and I

and I didn't

know um but I feel like there's just

like not room to not have it right right

like there there's no room but also like

who decides what's right it's very like

yes confusing and like it's a lot but

the way ICP has handled it has been

really great and you know Shaggy too

dope um has uh is in recovery he's doing

great that's really cool I now know at

least 400% more about ICP than I knew

five minutes ago well technically jug

and the Insane Clown posi um are

classified as a a gang by the FBI and so

um they're

anybody who had jug or ICP tattoos or

bumper stickers or whatever were

automatically basically had less rights

because they were immediately seen as

gang members or gang affiliated um so

people it had a lot of like far-reaching

consequences so that's why the ACLU got

involved there's a great there's a great

documentary about it if you're

interested oh yeah that actually does

sound really interesting it was they

marched on Washington it was the whole

thing wow yeah I'll I don't remember the

title of the thing but I'll find out and

I'll send it to you yes yeah maybe we'll

add it to the show notes if we find it

in a timely manner yeah maybe we won't

if we don't find it in a timely manner

also you know what if there's something

we forget in the show notes Google

exists it does oh we love that and we're

just Googling stuff we are and then

adding it to the show notes well no I

when I was really pregnant um my parents

for coming into town and my mom's like

yeah like we're going to be here in case

you go into lab blah blah blah she's

like can you send me the address of the

hospital and I was like this is the name

of the hospital she said can you send me

the the address I was like I also only

know the name I don't know the address

offand so we both have the same amount

of information Google I'm happy to

Google it and send it to you but I do

want us to

recognize you also are able to Google M

and I was like so pregnant at that point

and I had so little patience I probably

was not the kindest and how I said it

like can you send me the address we both

know the name of the hospital we have

the same amount of information [ __ ]

figure it out you're a grown woman

believe in the me that believes in

you yes that's what Vance always says to

me all right um rating

scale yeah we can do baseballs that

let's basb easy um I'm going to say like

should we do like G

study test

guides no no we should do baseballs yeah

we should definitely basball gr no talk

about a trauma response um well see

that's also part of why I only applied

to one grad school they didn't require

the gr so you never took it I never took

the G that's horeshit in fact I when I

start I took it twice when I started at

my grad school I wasn't sure I liked it

and so I was like well looks like I'll

have to reapply to a school that

requires the gr so here is what happened

to me

I took it when the like the very first

time that they switched to a new scoring

scale so I took it and then showed my

results to a professor who didn't

understand that there was a new [ __ ]

grading scale and he was like Hannah

these are really bad like you need to

retake it and I was like oh my God like

I studied so hard like oh [ __ ] so I took

it again and the scores were like

marginally different like not enough and

then I was like [ __ ] me

twice you just did I

did my scores were great both [ __ ]

times incredible awful oh I hate that so

much for you you have a look of Glee

your face like that's like one of those

like hilarious like oh [ __ ] in the

moment it was not hilarious but now yes

that's something like in retrospect

you're like I can laugh about it I

couldn't then 10 years out I can laugh

so baseballs baseballs

um three and a half out of five it's

very comforting that's higher than I

anticipated it's enjoy like the I don't

think I did it justice like because I

had to leave out a lot of the very sweet

and cute like baby moments and like

moments between because it's a longer

book but like it's enjoyable very much

so yeah so I would say three and a half

maybe out of six five or six I don't

know we'll just stick with five three

and a half out of five I was going to

say we could do four out of six we could

it's

negligible we'll do four out of

six we'll do four out of six four out of

six baseballs final off let us know what

you think let us know what you would

rate it don't forget to like And

subscribe and give us your

recommendations tell a friend yes tell a

friend and we'll see you soon bye y'all

have a good day smut

[ __ ] well that's it for this week's

smut [ __ ] we hope it was good for you

cuz it sure was great for us if you're

digging what we're doing it would mean a

lot if you'd take a minute to rate and

review the show wherever you're

listening right now maybe tell that sexy

someone to lend us an ear we love you we

appreciate you and we'll see you next

week stay

[Music]

body