Smut Club

well hello All You Beautiful

[Music]

People you know what time it

is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

everyone in

between gather around get you something

real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

your hosts chse and

[Applause]

Hannah hi everyone welcome to smut Club

hey y'all I'm Hannah D in Chelsea sorry

I'm laughing because Brandon doesn't

want to leave the room and my husband is

having to take more drastic measures to

get our dog to leave with him I was

about to say Brandon the Pug for anybody

who may not know Brandon's not a human

that is being harmed nor is Brandon the

Pug being harmed but no one is being

harmed human Kine there's there's no

animal cruelty happening here no no harm

of any kind We're All About Love obvious

animal

cruelty

but what a way to start story not that

it's animal cruelty but just no so a

long time ago I looked at Vance I like

Vance have you noticed how crooked

Brandon's teeth are oh my God

and he was

like I mean a little and I was like do

we need to look into canine braces and

Vance just looked at me and he's like I

want you to repeat those words back to

yourself and also absolutely not no no

we are not dropping what would be

several Grand on Brandon's teeth I'm

like he's a pug pugs are not they're

known for being Majestic in their own

right but like you're never

like this at those teeth yeah always

little goofy looking my pitbull also has

terrible teeth um and my husband calls

her the snaggle tooth princess because

every now and then she'll just get stuck

and her little teeth yes will poke out

and it's adorable it happens with

Brandon as well but it's honestly not as

cute I'm always like oh put that snaggle

mouth back yeah so there was a girl I

was friends with in Nashville when we

lived there years ago did she have knle

tooth how are we I'm interested in the

segue here wine teeth when you're like

do I have them currently you do not have

wine teeth right now um but I was

laughing cuz one night she's like

Chelsea do I have wine teeth but it was

like only one tooth and so I was like I

wouldn't say teeth but I would say you

have wine tooth and she's like what I'm

like ju it's just one you have you have

a wine tooth and so her name um is is

Morgan Dorset she had a roommate named

Morgan as well she went by Dory it was

super cute Dory D and so in my phone her

name was Dory wi

Toth and someone's like who's Dory wine

tooth I was like oh you know Morgan

Dorset and they're

like this is a big leap Chelsea like

like I'm sorry what right also what when

you were in like college did you ever

play that game where like someone would

go through your phone and choose a

random contact and call them and you'd

like have to try and get off the phone

really

fast I I had a contact and saved in my

phone as Skittle tit

Stewart someone was like we're going to

be calling her

immediately who is Skittle tit Stewart

well she didn't have skittle tits

anymore CU she got a boob job and and

then we threw her a boob job party oh it

makes sense yeah but you know I I feel

like boobjob parties are underrated yeah

I and I think this is like not

necessarily just related to boob jobs

but there's like so they're like oh yeah

you celebrate I think there's a lot of

conversations about this these days

right where like you celebrate when

someone has a baby when someone gets

engaged all of those things but like

there's not a lot of celebration of just

like single

milestones and so when you're like yeah

you bought a house like unless you're

having like a stock the bar or something

like that like but even at that it's

normally something that you're throwing

versus someone like you bought a house

we want to celebrate this with you yeah

um H why did I oh the boob jobs yeah

because I was like no you know what good

for you skittle tits yeah yeah you

wanted a boob job you went and got a

boob job now we're peanut &em tits I'm

so proud jumbo peanut &em oh [ __ ] she we

went large we did which to quote a girl

I went to grad school she's like you

know boob are a lot like engagement

rings you always wish you went a little

bigger which I honestly don't know if

that's true no because as a person with

a larger chest I have back pain yes like

smaller my aunt is in her

60s and paid for her own breast

reduction surgery this year because yes

because she um had gotten approval from

her doctor a long time ago but insurance

wouldn't pay for it cuz they're like oh

you need we need to take out X amount

for us to um deem that medically

necessary and she was like but my doctor

says I don't need that much out but I

still need a lot out and they're like if

it's not that much it's not medically

necessary so we won't cover it so she

paid for this whole surgery out of

pocket yeah and just self-paid so that

she could finally have it done and but

she's like I'm a new human like she has

a new lease on life yes in her like in

her 60s I'm like yes this should be

celebrated you should have a breast

ction party yes you know good for her

yes I'm like so if and I mean not that

I'm telling you you need to get your

your boobs reduced but I'm like but it

is like a legit thing when you're like

yeah a huge surgery it's a huge surgery

but also like just the way people don't

realize like your boobs impact your life

you know now that sounds now that you're

saying that I was telling you before

earlier before we started recording a

friend of mine is getting her to removed

I kind of want to throw her a tub

legation party like a yes I'm going to

do that good for her yes be like no we

are celebrating you in this journey yes

like it doesn't have to be a huge party

but it deserves to be celebrated and

acknowledged absolutely it's a big step

it's huge yeah and it takes a lot out of

you physically like I'm here for you

babe yeah now mind you the the boob job

party that we had was just like three of

us and she was on a lot of pain meds

surger well I was just thinking like I'm

going to need to give her at least two

weeks before we have this party cuz it

is actually a pretty intense surgery

yeah you're like this we either need to

do it as a pre-surgery pre tube tying

surgery party or a post recovery right

party right okay all that said anyway

wow what a whole tangent not even

related to the book

and today we are reviewing choosing Theo

o

by Victoria

aine is that a question I had pulled up

I was right I don't know if I'm

pronouncing it right Victoria avaline

okay yep I'm comfortable with that

um it's the first in a series I haven't

read any of the other ones in the series

yet but choosing Theo we start with Jade

Jade Jade is our main character um she

gets kidnapped by aliens as one does

like I'm not ruining anything this isn't

like super far into the book this is

like she's sitting on her couch Hears A

noise some aliens have come and abducted

her she wakes up on a spaceship and like

not like cute aliens

like the what are cute aliens well so

the Indian Planet she ends up on

everyone is essentially just like a

slightly hotter version of

humans um but like I'm like more of like

when you'd think like an alien race like

right that doesn't speak English and

like when with like the big eyes like

like Roswell with the weird shaped head

like like more like stereotypical yeah

aliens yeah okay fair enough um she's

like in a Cell on a ship she doesn't

really know what's happening at one

point they tag her ear with something

and she's like I don't know what that

was but that hurt and [ __ ] y'all

um and she's just trying to figure out

where she's going what's happening then

the aliens come they take her out of her

cell they put her in an egg-shaped

travel device essentially

and they launch her towards a

planet and she's like okay in that that

struggle um there was a can that they'd

used on her previous L that's like a can

that has like a spray that's like a

sleep Mist so she managed to get her

hands on that spray um so she's a little

smart she's a little scrappy right I was

going to say I'm imagining that's going

to be relevant later it's going to be

relevant in about 5 minutes and then

never again no um I think she was like a

landscape architect or something she

lived alone we do love a garden yeah

there was a lot of solitude didn't

really have a community she like at one

point I think she's processing and she's

like no no one will know I'm missing

until I don't show up for work and then

like oh and then she's like the most

recent photo they they'll have of me is

my work ID like is kind of like that

energy um so she

gets booted out of the spaceship in an

egg-shaped travel device um passes out

when she like enters the

atmosphere I don't know is that the

right yes okay thank you I don't know

but it sounds right like I know what

your heart is trying to say so yeah it's

fine I said that with a lot of

confidence that I didn't have but yeah

isn't that most of Life yes it's like

the last for for me I don't know about

for other people like the last episode

when we were talking about how like I

kept confusing brevity and levity but I

just said them and like said them with

confidence and moved on like no one

questioned or at no point was anyone

like I think you're using the wrong word

right I think you mean levity and your

saying

brevity I once in high school this is

different but similar in high school I

was

sitting there was some Club I was a part

of or something we were talking about I

don't remember what but I meant to say

the word

erratic I said the word

erotic but I said it with so much

confidence and so quickly and just kept

moving that nobody said anything and I

didn't notice until after the meeting

when one of my friends was like I cannot

believe you just said the word erotic to

that teacher and I was like

what um words that I historically messed

up

simulate and

stimulate very different words take that

tea out it's it's a whole different

situation and I was trying to say it's a

simulation no so when I lived in

Nashville um and I worked emergency

crisis we used to partner with the

police and so we would go to the academy

and we would help train them on

deescalation and we would go right

before they started in the field it was

like their like final like few days at

the Academy and we would on these

simulations where you were um we we were

essentially trying to help them

ascertain when to use lethal means or

when to try and deescalate right so it

would be like I'd be sitting there with

a fake knife they' get they'd get a call

that there was like someone that was

like could be a mental health issue

whatever and they'd show up and it was

always interesting cuz like without fail

the people would be like Drop The Knife

drop the knife drop the knife she didn't

drop the knife and they just like tase

me or like pretend it and I'd be like

hey like did you ask my name or did you

ask like why I had a knife and like we

just really try and help them like

process

through what you doing can it be

deescalate or not and also but even like

the proximity because when you're like

trying to build rapport and you're like

trying to get closer to the person I was

like but if I'm like really that erratic

and not erotic then you probably don't

want like don't get that close you don't

get that close like you need to stay a

certain distance aways like kind of just

like all of those factors but yes the

number of times I times I would try and

say yeah we go and run these simulations

I'd always have to stop and be like do

you have it right do you have it right

before you say it because you cannot say

that you're about to go stimulate an

entire bise

Academy and they loved you the most and

I never feared getting pulled over in

Nashville I don't know

[Laughter]

why oh no

yeah there were actually a couple times

where

like my headlight went out and then a

girl pulled me over and we've been on a

super intense crisis called together

she's like I remember you I was like I

don't remember you but I you were just

there to make sure I was safe I remember

you too I like yeah that was a wild one

right I was so glad that you guys were

there and could

help um no I straight up though that was

one of my favorite parts of the job was

like getting to actually like partner

with police and and um provide context

when it comes to mental illness that

they didn't necessarily have um

and there was

a marked improvement and difference when

like police would be bringing people to

our office for assessments and things

like that and I remember one time it was

one of my favorite police officers but

like there was a

guy he was he was pretty erratic but he

really liked me and he wanted a

cigarette and I was like yeah let's go

outside you get a cigarette we like calm

down yep I there I find no issues with

the situation and I will if this is what

you need to deescalate and calm down

that is what we will do

um but in the parking lot all of the

police officers who had brought him in

were wanting to make sure I was safe and

they'd formed a pretty wide circle

around us mhm and the circle kept

getting smaller and they kept getting

closer and the smaller the circle got

the more amped the guy got right

understandably right 1,000% um to the

point that like he popped off they had

to put him in the safe room like it went

downhill very very quickly yeah but I

really appreciated the um the sergeant

was like hey

Chelsea what could we have done

differently was that preventable and I

was like I was like Here's my thought I

was like this is what I observed he's

like oh he's like I've never even

thought of it like that he's like we

were so focused on making sure it was

contained that he's like it didn't even

dawn on us that like the containment was

what was setting him off right and I'm

like I love that we were able to have

such a great conversation about this and

like we can move forward together to

make sure everyone gets the resources

and supports they need yeah okay to stay

safe to stay safe right all that said

Jade not safe un markedly unsafe yeah

she just got dropped on a random alien

planet that she knows nothing about and

so when she comes to she like gets out

of her egg and she's like okay she's

like clearly I can breathe on this

planet she gets out of her egg out of

her egg her travel egg um and she hears

footsteps and she's like not today

[ __ ] and so she takes the Sleep

spray sprays Whoever has come up behind

her in the face hears them hit the

ground it works pretty instantaneously

apparently and then she just takes off

running and she's like I'll find my way

um which she's like not the most

successful at I was going to say does

she does she find her way she's like I

feel confident she's like I know like

berries and plants and what I can eat

and not eat then she's like but we're on

a random planet and it might not be the

exact same so I shouldn't just eat like

I shouldn't forage my stuff and then die

because I don't know what's cool and

what's not so she's traveling for like 2

days and she sees like this like giant

City in the distance and then she's like

those buildings must be huge because

I've been walking for 2 days and they're

not I'm not getting closer to them oh no

um and she's like I'm tired I'm

exhausted I'm hungry I don't know what

to do and then she sees some movement

and there's like a giant Pod moving

which we essentially it's like their

cars that are all like automated right

okay so she like sees this car move

she's like oh there's a road so she

takes off after it like I think she

throws the sleeping can spray or

whatever to like get their attention and

then she's so exhausted she like passes

out she I'm like is this only from her

perspective um there's a little bit from

Theo's

perspective but but I'd say it's like

probably 8020 okay okay and that might

be generous that actually irritates me

more than when it's 100% from like one

perspective or the other cuz I'm like I

don't know I just want it to be

even it didn't when I was reading it it

didn't bother me okay I'll say like the

way in which it's written it was like it

was honestly moments where I'm like man

I'd love to kind of get like Theo's

perspective here and then it like cut to

Theo and I'm like oh cool and then I got

my my five minutes right and then I

moved on right um

so Jade awakens after being rescued we

learned that what was the ear tag is

actually a

translator oh helpful yes so she can

understand everyone on the planet it's

been programmed with their language but

they can't understand her yet oh

unfortunate yes um

but they're like we need to scan your

translator so we can see what your

language is they're like oh Earthling

they're like oh that's like a level four

planet and they're like a level two

Planet that's like more like Advanced

and oh so it's like Gulf golf

golf wolf we we haven't read a book with

a wolf in a

while golf golf rules yes we're the

higher the number

the

worst the lower the number the better

okay got it so the planet that she's

landed on I think is like a level two or

something and they're like

oh we everyone would just need to update

their translator they're like we can

still communicate with you it's just not

one that's built in I think like all of

like the level one and level two planets

or whatever like those are the ones that

are normally built into the translators

got it they're like yeah so we just need

to update our translators and then we

can talk and it's no problem

so she's like a lot of she's like this

like everyone just kind of looks

like hotter

humans everybody just looks like Henry

Cavell yeah okay now I will say

apparently there's like there's other

aliens and species on the planet um but

like in the city that she is in they're

predominantly more human looking and

there's a lot of similarities in

crossover

um and so she goes to a table like

they're like we're going to have you

meet all of these higher ups cuz we we

lowkey kind of like need to figure out

what to do with you now that you're here

um and one dude his name is zorus I

believe x o r i s zorus I would assume

zorus right um zorus is like I'm happy

to take her and they're

like why well and what for now we like

the more you learn about the planet

which I'll like explain in a minute

you're like oh okay maybe it like yeah

was well intention um cuz currently

that's geevy yeah when he's like I'll

take her and you're like no thank you

yeah um but what we do learn is that due

to Intergalactic law she can't go back

to Earth they're like level four planets

are not as advanced they don't know

about all of us and if they like come to

discover us it's fine and we will adapt

but they're like we they need to figure

out their way and so you can't like just

go back to Earth and be like they're Al

like they're like you can't go back M

sorry they're like you can

travel all of the level two planets like

you don't have to stay here but you

can't go back to

Earth um but they do say that she has to

stay on their planet for at least one

year like a quarantine period or

something I think it's also that like

they don't know as much about the level

four planets and so they're like you can

learn learn our ways and Customs we can

learn way more about Earth than we knew

before so you do have to stay for at

least one year um and then they're like

okay well where did she go for a year

and what do they do and they're like oh

perfect timing there's a coupling

tomorrow and I think his name is zus z i

k

s I would assume zus right I don't know

why I just I'm like I was like here's

how I chose these can you affirm me is

what I feel like is happening now but I

do appreciate the affirmation you're

welcome thank you um like perfect zikas

doesn't have anyone to guide through the

coupling tomorrow so he can guide you

you can go through the coupling that'll

give you a place to stay so is this like

her he just needed a date to a wedding

no it's it's not really like that it's

cuz there she's not going on a date with

him he is like I'd say almost like her

guide through the coupling process okay

um which will also makes sense sorry

that's the weird like paranormal books

you're like there's so much context of

World building you need a a certain

amount of Buy in to it to like yeah and

honestly there's not a ton of World

building here there's just like enough

that it's like we we'll get there a

little bit um but I was laughing because

they're like yeah so perfect you'll stay

here for a year and you'll go through

this coupling and she's like the [ __ ] I

will I did not sign up for this like

like I woke up I don't want to be here

and you're now you're telling me I can't

go home and bump that and so she tries

to take off and like the guard chases

after her she punches the guard in the

face cuz he was not prepared for that

and he'll show up later and like has a

black eye and it's like brooding for the

rest of the book and was so pissed about

it good for her yeah but um also she

like punches him but he still catches up

with her pretty easily he was just kind

of caught off guard um

and they're like cool now that you've

had your tantrum let's explain to you

what the coupling is so there's a couple

stages of it there's the viewing the

choosing and the

testing and she's like I don't want to

do any of this I want to be free I'm

just going to run again and zika say

like where are you going to go babe

you're stuck on this planet yeah he's

like you can do whatever you want and

he's like how are you going to survive

what are you going to do he's like

you'll be free in a year she cuz she's

like I just want to be free he's like

like just stay here for a year then you

can literally do anything and we're

going to take care of you for the whole

year you're here like you don't you

don't know anything and she's like well

you know like when you say it like that

like I sound like an idiot yeah she's

like I don't really maybe I can't

survive on my own here and you're like

there you go baby girl you can't like

there like no one is mean no one is

cruel like she's understandably scared

though yes right and mind you like there

is clearly like she got to the planet

somehow and they're like trying to

figure out how she got there because

it's a against Intergalactic law to like

steal people so she one would hope

pirated essentially yeah okay

um once again all of these details will

play out okay I I don't want to ruin the

surprises for you quite

yet um but as Jade thinks on it she's

like yeah you know what I probably can't

survive on my own so if they're willing

to just like help help take care of me

and help me understand the ways and the

customs and how things work here like

okay cool yeah I'll do that um so then

we go to the viewing at the viewing it's

essentially all of these women all of

the eligible women are all standing in a

room together with like a one-sided

mirror like a debutant ball or like I

was thinking more like a police lineup

sure honestly are those that

different no it's like a cattle show

either way yes and so like all of the

women are just like watching as the men

are walking up like one by one walking

to their side oh the men walk up so the

men are the debutant the men are the

debut not the women I can get behind

that the women are there to choose the

men so but we're at the viewing we

aren't at the choosing yet I I jumped

the gun noted understood yeah so she's

viewing yes so she's at the viewing it's

her and all these other women and she's

like every dude here stupid attractive

and as I said before the cenan aliens

are pretty much like just hotter better

owed versions of humans so there are no

tentacles in this situation there are no

tentacles there is a side character with

horns but they're not sexual well they

might be I don't I haven't read their

book depends on how you use them right

all horns can be sexual if you try hard

and believe in

yourself

no no okay so she's at the viewing and

there's all of these like attractive

guys coming through a lot of the men

have like marking on their skin that

almost look like just like they're

almost like iridescent like opal like

they kind of move and light up and like

that's just something with like the the

men or the aliens there um but as this

is going on and all of the men are

walking through there's like one of the

final guys to come through he he doesn't

have is it Theo it is Theo but Theo's

markings aren't like glowing and like

opaly like the other ones his just she's

like it almost looks like Pacific

Islander tattoos like he has like tons

of like like Samoan

yes

um and she's like that man might be the

best looking person I've ever seen in my

entire life I am here for his tattoos I

am here for him big fan but when she

looks around the room all of the women

are like grimacing and disgusted and

like looking away and she's like I

don't I don't get what's happening

because have you seen that man that man

is beautiful like 10 out of 10 would

recommend is her energy towards him so

at work where I work I work at a

residential facility there's a guy who

works in transport that like primarily

does admissions so he picks people up

from the airport or like around the

general Atlanta area and brings them to

treatment with us he is a massive Samoan

man but he is also the kindest

individual I've probably ever met in my

life but it's really funny CU we're in a

re very like rural part of Georgia and

so these people who are not having a

good time obviously because they're

coming to treatment get picked up by

this massive [ __ ] Samoan and driven

to a very

rural North Georgia that's like down a

gravel road and people will talk about

like as they're starting the process to

leave us they'll be like yeah and you

know I thought I was going to die cuz

the largest man I've ever seen in person

in my life is driving me down a gravel

road but turns out he's the kindest

person I've ever met and this was a

pretty good experience like he gets so

many shout outs because he's like the

first interaction people have but like

that's what I thought of so funny

because obviously you want the drive

like you want someone super kind super

empathetic super understanding like

because as you said when people are

coming into treatment they are not in

their best moment right and so the fact

that like he like he's like no I'm I'm

here you're good you're safe and they're

like you're going to you're not going to

kill me and he's like I promise I'm not

going to kill you everything's fine like

there was one time he was taking

somebody to the airport when they were

discharging and the poor kid was a mess

and missed his flight

and so and the kid didn't have any money

like didn't have his wallet whatever

this man turned around went into the

airport and sat with this kid bought him

lunch and sat with him for hours until

they could get another flight organized

for him cuz he didn't want him to be

alone like that's like the level of

sweetness I really hope that Theo brings

that level of sweetness we'll get there

cuz like yeah this person is definitely

one of my favorite people I've ever met

he's definitely the kindest

ever I can't say Theo is the kindest

ever no but kind Theo's also not cruel

we'll learn more about him but like

there's been a lot that has led him he's

a very

insecure human not a human he's not a

human alien um so after the

viewing Jade is like yeah I looked all

the people can I go and is like are you

going to choose one and she's like do I

have to choose one he's like that is how

this works if you don't choose one I'll

choose one for you and she's like well

no I don't want you choosing for me and

so but she's just like not understanding

the whole like situation right right

like what's the purpose here are we

getting married are we just [ __ ] or

are we and so what we learn is that on

this planet marriages only last like 3

months so when you're at the viewing um

you

are choosing a eligible husband for a

three-month period um they historically

their like Society had had mates like

true mating like mating is not marriage

mating is like this is your soulmate

that you are bound to this person

forever this is your person they're like

marriage is a means to an end because I

guess like 300 years ago there had been

a plague that had come through and wiped

out like a lot of men but predominantly

wiped out women and so they

are having a very hard time repopulating

the Earth they're like it's very hard

for women to conceive and 80% of the

time when women are conceiving they're

having boys they aren't having females

they're like so we're having a very hard

time repopulating the Earth and they're

like and that's part of why it's not the

Earth it's the planet [ __ ] I you yes

we knew in my heart what I meant but

you're right cenia whatever it's called

I was going to say what are ccans where

are they from I think CIA I believe CIA

I'm comfortable with that and so like

men outnumber women on this planet 20 to

one oh no so women are very very revered

and like when men want like any shot of

having a child they have to like be able

to like show that they can provide for

these women but women are also like yeah

I mean after like 3 months we'll like

know if we're if we're like vibing or

not so you can extend your marriage but

you aren't obligated to anything past 3

months and they're like there's this

like Temple it's called like the [ __ ]

like Pearl Temple or some [ __ ] they're

like all of the single girls live there

so like if they're like if you marry one

of these men you aren't vibing it the

marriage ends after 3 months you can go

live in the pearl temple with all those

women for the rest of the year but you

have to stay on the planet for a year so

like that's a lot more of the context

that we are getting here we do also

learn that when it's like a real mating

that there's

like biological shifts that happen in

your body your body will become like

stronger faster in the female's body

both oh okay yeah so like so that you

can protect your mate your bodies will

adapt that you are stronger and faster

and more primed and able to protect your

your mate and your partner

um and so then as he's like a zika

explaining all of this to Jade she's

like so y'all like really [ __ ] with

women and she's like

so men get really excited at like the

chance to prove themselves over these

three months and she's like so I can

just like choose a guy and

then

we'll hang out and he'll dot on me for 3

months and then I can just decide what I

want to do and I could go find another

one in 3 months and zika say like yeah

essentially she's like well when you say

it like that sign me up [ __ ] yeah she's

like I see no downside to this situation

right she's like okay I'll marry a guy

for three months and then go on to do

whatever I want sounds

good um on her way to the choosing we

meet aiva is how I'm going to say her

name I'm going to spell it because

that's just where I'm at today and I'm

spelling all the names a s i VV

a ooh aa aa I would have said AA but the

double V's make me think aiva right yeah

okay so we meet aiva she's a member of

like the intergalactic Alliance she had

heard that there was a human there and

like wanted to meet her and she' updated

her translator and it's giving immediate

like oh this is Jade's new bestie is

kind of the energy that that we're

having

um and aiva is also really good

because Jade's like I don't consider

myself clo close-minded but when they

just say things about their custom she's

like what that doesn't make sense and

they're like well why doesn't it make

sense like why are you so close-minded

to things you don't understand and like

when like just kind of

explaining their their culture

their like how they how they came to be

how they are way of life all that yes

their way of life and so Jade's like wow

maybe I was like more closed-minded and

ethnocentric than I realized I was yeah

and that well happen a few times

throughout the book like aiva is kind of

like why you judgeing the things you

don't know girl like no let's not do

that H so um jade then goes into the

choosing we did the viewing we're now at

the choosing where all of the guys are

now back in the room but all of them are

essentially holding up numbers and so

you have to like look and see whose

numbers that they are to be like these

are like my top choices and the ones

that I'm most interested in she doesn't

read Clan she doesn't know she she's

like I got the numbers of close as I

could hopefully zikas

can figure it out figure it out and I

don it up with some weird read between

the lines yes um so Jade ends up

choosing a few guys Theo is one of those

I think she chose two others as well um

but when she gives the numbers and

they're like pulling the profiles to

like show her aiva and zikas are both

like is this the number you meant when

it came to Theo's profile and she's like

yeah yeah yeah he's wicked hot yeah did

you see him why why am I the only one

who thinks this man is hot um and

they're

like oh his scars really scare people

and his scars really intimidate people

and like so he's always been viewed as

very grotesque because of his

scars um and he's never been chosen like

she didn't notice scars though right the

markings so all of his tat Maring are

scars are scars which we will like he

essentially had a really traumatic like

accident when he was a kid and like it

seems as though they had started as

markings and then scarred over time I

think was like because he well whatever

we'll get there um but yeah so

essentially everyone thinks he's like

super grotesque and she's like oh he

just looks like a hot tattooed guy and

they're like tattoos like tattoos are

not a thing on this planet well because

they're born with them

they're born with their version of like

they're born with like more like opal

iridescent like

markings um but like at one point that

like isn't super relevant but um jade is

like meeting with one of their doctors

and they're doing scans and tests to

kind of like figure out more about her

anatomy and they're like oh yeah we can

essentially fix everything that's wrong

with you they're like your thyroid seems

to be underperforming a little bit it's

like your something's a little [ __ ] up

with your knee we can like wave this

little wand over you and all of that

will be fixed and like all of your

physical deformities and issues will be

taken care of um and she had like a

little like Star tatue behind her ear or

something and she's like can you leave

that and they were like e why oh oh yeah

I mean sure I guess we can um I'm like

oh so maybe you guys aren't as accepting

of the humans say

right um but yes so they're like Theo

has literally never been chosen because

all of these women think he's grotesque

and she's like we are looking at

different humans not you know what I

mean we are looking at different people

we are looking at different people

1,000% um they read off all of these men

go to husbandry

school um isn't husbandry

like oh isn't that a a job on Earth I

have to look it up on earth like do hold

on I got to Google it

hband I'm about to learn some [ __ ] maybe

I'm not about to learn some [ __ ] why

can't I open my phone oh you haven't had

that much wine it didn't like my thumb

print just now that wasn't even a facial

scan it wouldn't accept your your thumb

my thumb I can't I can't help with that

one no I'm not intoxicated enough for

that

[Applause]

um

husbandry yes the care cultivation and

breeding of crops and

animals I knew

it do you feel good yeah I do right kind

validating um so husbandry school here

is more

like you have classes in cooking in

massage in it's home economics in

preferences of women G School

of

sexual things it's gisha school for boys

yeah essentially it's gisha school for

boys um Theo apparently top marks in I'm

sure in cooking in massage in sexual

satisfaction um not as good as scores

when it comes to communication and

appearance we also learn is a mercenary

For Hire from the government is his like

full-time job and he's made a stupid

amount of money doing that over the

years so are these men like required to

do this because if I was a dude who made

good money and was like having a good

time but knew I was technically like

deformed I

mean I I if you ever want a chance of

having a kid oh that's a whole

conversation as well right where they

talked about like cuz at one point

Jade's like so what about people that

are like

in like same-sex relationships and

things of that capacity and they're like

you can be in a same-sex relationship

but if like they're like but over time

as our numbers have become 20 males to

every one female they're like if you

want a chance of being chosen by a

female of having a kid if you ever want

to have a kid you would need

to see if someone would be chose would

would choose you right yeah yeah okay

that makes sense yeah um so zikas then

is like all right I'm I'm going to go

tell Theo he was chosen and then we cut

to Theo and Theo is like just so like

down on himself and he's like I do this

I I go once a year to this stupid thing

and it always ends the same and so like

he always leaves right after the

choosing because he's like I'm literally

never chosen there's zero point in

staying around right and zika shows up

and he's like hey so you were chosen we

need you to come back and he's like what

well and he's like last time someone

chose me it was because they just wanted

to like have a chance like see the freak

show up close um and zikas is like

trying to explain to him like no this is

a human it's like this is not someone

from our planet who like knows our ways

um and like Theo was so

like he can't comprehend that yes not at

all and to the point where zikas is like

cool you can go voluntarily or by force

but you are going to the testing

regardless of if you really want to um I

think after that was when Jade went to

like the doctor and they were doing

scans and trying to figure out like is

there anything on our planet that like

you're allergic to and there's like one

thing they're like avoid stuff that

comes from this tree we'll let your

husband know so like like just pretty

straightforward they're like yeah

there's a few an anatomical upgrades

that were made and they're like for all

intents and purposes ccans and humans

are very very similar they're like the

human women have two pleasure centers

ccan women have

one congratulations yeah they're like if

if anything it'll be better for you this

way um but outside of that they're like

not a ton of differences yeah have a

good time right so then we get to the

testing okay like what are we testing

for yeah no valid um I'm like STI or um

sexual competency is what we are testing

for competency okay well here's the

thing these women just are like he's

pretty like maybe I'll marry him and so

then they have the testing to see if the

man would be able

to perform and sexually satisfy all of

them so all of the men essentially are

in these rooms blindfolded

because cuz they not supposed to know

what wom chose them okay and then the

women get to test them out take take him

on a joy

ride and if it goes well choose that one

and be like yeah I I've chosen I'd have

sex with that for 3 months exactly yeah

like he seems like he could sexually

satisfy me for three months here we go

so um jade didn't necessarily fully

realize this until she's standing in the

hall and there's all of these doors and

she's here ing moaning and she's like oh

and so one of the other guys she had

chosen they're like she's hearing like

very loud moans come out of his room and

they're like oh yeah do you want to go

in and wait for your turn and she's like

no what she's like no I don't I don't

want to go wait for my turn um and she's

like are any other women also trying out

Theo to day and they're like nope you're

the only one who chose Theo she's like

then to Theo I shall go she's like I'm

not not into sloppy seconds yeah she's

like I don't want to go stand in the

room or stand outside the room and like

listen or watch homeboy so she's not

into voyerism or her thing yeah she's

like or what cockled thing okay that was

I thought that's what you said but I was

like you know you don't really hear the

word cuck holding that often when I

think of the word cuck hold I think of

um

[ __ ] what was that movie Crazy Stupid

Love oh yeah yeah yeah where

um Steve Carell is like super drunk and

keps keeps talking about the guy that

was sleeping with his wife and calling

him a cuck hold yeah that's what I think

of whenever I think of cuckolding I just

think of I mean I guess this situation

technically would not be cuckolding but

it would be

voyerism I don't think I technically I

don't think I actually know what [ __ ]

holding

means I think traditionally it has to be

the man watching a woman with another

man like cheating on him with another

man traditionally I think Shakespeare

came up with the word

CLE

definition the husband of an adulterous

often regarded as an object of

derision

yeah like a derogatory term for a man

watching his wife or a man whose wife is

cheating on him tucked somebody to make

another

man that doesn't make that I was only

getting half of it a man whose wife or

partner is sexually Unfaithful and who

is typically regarded as an object of

dur okay I I learned something today

look look at us go um but yes Jade is

like I'm not going to get in

line I'm going to go to the one who just

get my fast pass out and go check out

Theo my fast pass I I pre-registered for

this time slot so I could cut the line

um she's like listen Theo was my top

choice I don't need to try out this

other person who's currently being tried

out by other women right um so she is

outside of Theo's room and zikas is like

zikas whatever I'm making it up every

time it's a little different every time

I seeus um but he's like hey just as a

reminder Theo hasn't updated his

translator yet so you can't communicate

with him so go in have a great time you

can't really talk to him right God my

dear say no all you want but that's what

I heard that's scary to me oh that's

scary to me that's consent issue

right well here's I think it's also the

men are just there to try and please the

women but like the are the pace it's not

like you're going go and then like if

you're clearly trying to not be next to

him like

okay wow Hannah well I just thought

that's a consent issue if he doesn't

understand and she's like I'm not into

that like he wouldn't

know that she said that touche but also

it doesn't fully get there that's not

the point of this I'm sorry that I took

it there I'm so sorry I'm so sorry like

going okay in your life Hannah that's

where we need the process for the most

part yeah my life's actually [ __ ]

awesome right now so when she walks in

um Theo was blindfolded cannot see her

um I don't know if the blindfold

technically well never mind that's a

stupid statement as like covers his

ears no wouldn't matter it wouldn't

matter um but he hears her walk in and

then like just stands up starts getting

naked he's like okay here we are we're

here for the testing and starts getting

naked and she's like damn he is so

goodlooking I am very into that yes and

she's like mesmerized by his scars um

that once again she just thinks look

like really hot tattoos like she does

not think of these as like grotesque or

ugly markings or like deformities at all

um yeah and so she like he's walking

closer to her she's mesmerized by his

tattoos and like puts her hand on them

and as soon as she like touches his

tattoos he like grabs her hand and is

like the [ __ ] not like like yeah no no

no like oh like and especially because

he was already afraid that like whoever

chose him it was just for the freak Show

yeah

to because inquiring minds want to know

right right and so he like grabs her

hand and like Yanks her like pretty

close um but then once he

does he smells her I was going to say is

it a scent thing it's always a scent

thing he gets a whiff of her and it's

like real close up in her neck and like

takes a deep whiff and she's like this

is oddly doing it for me and then he

like licks her neck mhm and she like

moans a little bit be and she's like

what is happening like I'm bu into that

yes but as soon as she like moans he

kind of like realizes what he's doing

and like lets her go and like turns

around and so she's like is is that it

is that is that the testing have we

tested yeah and she's like I don't

really know what's happening so I'm just

going to leave so she walks out and Z

zikas is like how did it go and she's

like so he he smelled me zikas is like

he did

what like what is happening here so we

cut back to Theo Theo is sitting in the

room and is like has heard that she left

and he's like I can't believe I scared

her like that was not what I was trying

to do and he's like he's like I I lost

control he's like but she smelled so

[ __ ] good and her skin was so soft

and I was very much about it in a way

that I like lost control of myself so

zikas comes in to help like remove the

blindfold um cuz you know they're more

advanced blindfolds on alien planets it

was like a hard blindfold that like

really like suctioned where like you

like couldn't like it seemed like zikas

like had to take it off for him like a

scuba

mask it almost mind you I read it this

part very quickly and it is not that

important but it almost seemed like it

would like lock in like like it was like

softer and then like when when it was on

your face you could like make it like

harder so it would like solidify and

stay H okay I don't know honestly I if

anyone is listening to this podcast who

has read this book and they're like that

is not what happened at all you're right

let us know I I I won't say I read for

detail all the time so sorry if that

detail mattered you and I [ __ ] it up

um but zikas comes in to remove the

blindfold and he's like so like how did

that

go like playing like like he doesn't

know that he sniffed her and the and

Theo's just like yeah went fine can I

leave now and zikas is

like yeah but don't forget to grab your

wife on the way out and Theo's like the

[ __ ] she chose me my what and Z's like

yeah man you finally got chosen hell

yeah like he's like so excited for

congratulations bro he's like I've known

Theo since he was a baby he's never been

chosen I'm so excited for this historic

Moment Like bless it um but as s like

it's so funny because as soon as he's

chosen Theo completely switches a flip

and gets super suspicious cuz he like

felt really bad for like scaring her and

all this and he's like immediately

becomes super suspicious and he's like

why would anyone choose me what's up

with this situation right but he's also

a mercenary for hire and so he's like

I've pissed off some people I wouldn't

be surprised if someone was like trying

to infiltrate like I just turn down some

contracts this feels like very

coincidental timing that I don't super

trust right so this would be

like like it doesn't make sense I didn't

even give this woman an orgasm and she's

chosen me and like obviously like like

no one has ever chosen me in my entire

life everyone thinks I'm grotesque all I

did was lick her and sniff her yeah like

and she picked me well I think he's less

focused on the immediate sniffing of her

I think he's more focused on the

overall everyone on this planet thinks

I'm grotesque so to choose me would be

ridiculous you yeah there' like there'

have to be an ulterior

motivation there um and so he's like

waiting for her to come back in CU he

hasn't seen her at this point um and

he's like all right I'll know depending

on how attractive she is what people to

rule out because if she's super

good-looking that must mean that like

she was like it's like a super high

paying client right she must been really

expensive so she walks in and he's like

is like the most beautiful thing I've

ever seen and he's like so it must be

one of my high paying

client she was obviously very expensive

yes and he's like okay I'll take her

home and figure

out who paid her like she will not best

me in this situation bless him um and so

they get him like the Pod to travel back

once again his his translator still

hasn't updated they can't communicate

so he's just sitting there glaring at

her on this drive and like opens

like what seems like a canister filled

with hard liquor and it's just sitting

and sipping it and Jade's like just

staring at him and he's staring at her

and Jade like puts her hand out and it's

like can I have some of your whatever

you're drinking she's like I assume it's

alcohol and I need some alcohols right

now and so she like takes a sip or two

and she's like o this is some good stuff

and he's like sitting there watching her

which we it's called like M and he we

learned that like women do not normally

drink M like that is like very potent so

he's like she's just sitting there down

in that like God damn yeah she's getting

real giggly and just like chatting away

and she's like he can't understand me

anyways and he's just like

babbling oh I love that they arrive at

the house he gives her a whole tour um

all she has is like the clothes that

they'd like already put her in but she

doesn't really have anything else so

she's like wearing this dress and she's

like I don't want to be wearing this

anymore and so she's like motions and

like tries to like be like can I borrow

like one of your shirts or something um

which apparently on their Planet women

don't like wear their

men's their partner's clothing a lot

um and so he's kind of like looks super

confused like okay whatever um he brings

her like a like a big button-up shirt

and some pants and she's like the pants

are huge I don't have a belt these pants

won't stay up I guess I'm just wearing

his shirt like that's fine right what

does it matter at this point big oversiz

shirt she walks into the kitchen he sees

her just in his shirt with no pants on

and is like so into it without thinking

he like shatters the glass in his hand

like he sees her the glass shatters

because he's so focused on her and she's

like oh my God like he automatically

picks her up puts her on the counter

because she's Barefoot and he doesn't

want her to cut her feet he's cleaning

the floor up she's just sitting there

watching it happen but then she sees

blood on his hand and is like what oh my

gosh let me take care of you she's like

what are you a masochist like just like

babbling and babbling and just sitting

there and like taking the glass out of

his cut is very much like caring for him

and he's just sitting there kind of

watching it happen and then she's as

she's babbling she's like looking at him

and she's like man I want to lick those

tattoos and he just goes do you now and

she's like wait what update unlocked

yeah he's like I updated my translator

while you were changing clothes and

she's like well [ __ ] wish I'd known that

before I was just love that for you

babe

awkward but then like the's like damn it

my whole plan had been that I was going

to update my translator and not tell her

so I could like gather all this Intel

about her and she wouldn't know that I

could understand her he's like and I

broke in less than 10

minutes some mercenary

yeah he's like who would hire me if I

can't even like get this right um and so

he's like she must be the most highly

paid highly trained actress he's like

because all of her reactions seem so

genuine he's like she's staring at all

the stuff in my house like it's the

coolest [ __ ] she's ever seen in her life

and it's like mundane things that I've

never seen before he's like she is

laying it on thick she is such a good

actress and he's like but her reactions

seem genuine right I'm like because they

are but cuz she doesn't know so like he

she's still on the counter he like

presses up against her and like a

standing between her legs and is like

who sent you and she's like I was

abducted from my planet and he's like

like hell you were abducted like I'm

going to get to the bottom of who took

you or or why you picked me like I doubt

anyone took you because there's a

snowballs chance in hell you would have

chosen me um

I'm clearly being set up

here oh right like your heart kind of

breaks for Theo that like

yeah he has been treated so poorly his

whole life that someone shows interest

in him and he can't believe that it's

actually genuine yeah that's really sad

yeah but he's like I'm going to get to

the [ __ ] bottom of this and she's

like I'm starting to deeply regret my

choices because I thought you were

really hot and now you're like holding

me against the wall and holding me

against the counter and being like tell

me the secrets and she's like there are

no [ __ ] secrets I was abducted what

do you like the secret is what the [ __ ]

is happening do you know cuz I sure

don't truly so he like takes her picks

her up carries her through like puts her

in her bedroom and he's like I don't

trust you I don't want you wandering my

house and she's like okay so the next

morning she's like well can't wait to do

this again um 3 months of this right

right she's like this is not I thought

she's like the way was I just thought I

was s up for like 3 months of sexy time

damn maybe he would lick my neck some

more I don't know right I really thought

the sniffing was super erotic not

erratic even if it was

weird so the next morning when she goes

out he's made her

breakfast and she's

like what I can't get a read on you last

night you were like holding me against

the wall and yelling at me and today

you're making me food and I I can't tell

which version of you is right the best

or the most accurate well and that's

stressful too because like if you're

going to be like mean or cruel or

whatever consistently that's one thing

yes you know what to expect right but

then like sudden kindness is like how do

you trust that cuz like when is the

cruelty going to pop back out well and

but he says he's like you

know she's like what's this I thought

you thought I was a spy he's like I

still think you're a spy but I don't

need to be mean and I'm sorry I lost my

cool and like I'll just wait you out

because you'll break at some point but I

don't need to be mean until then but I

still think you're a spy H

yeah um and so then Theo's next thought

he's like she'll have to keep pretending

she doesn't know our rules and customs

and he's like and eventually she'll

break he's like so I'm going to start

creating [ __ ] rules and customs and

things to like kind of like throw her

off and like force her hand to like see

like so that she'll like eventually like

cave and be like that's not true and

he's like ha I knew you knew is like

kind of thought so um he's like he

starts his dog's name is

sibo Sao CE e b o sibo sibo sure I'm

comfortable with that who we got from an

from an exotic breeder pretty similar to

like a human like an earth dog um but

apparently like slightly bigger and it

has like a split tongue and their eyes

are slightly bigger but like almost

sounded like if you have a Golden

Retriever with bigger eyes and a split

tongue who's

like the size of a

wolf you know what I mean like it's kind

of like yeah the the equivalent but

apparently cenan women like don't like

pets in the house and like that's not

really like a thing and so he's like

I'll piss her off I'll introduce her to

my dog and that'll do it and so he's

like all right I got to show you

something and she's like okay what is it

and as soon as she sees sibo she's like

a dog and she like gets on the ground

and is playing with the dog and it's

like what I didn't didn't know you have

a pet I grew up with dogs we always had

a dog in fact back on Earth I was going

to go rescue a dog before I got abducted

and it was and he's

like what like not only does she love

dogs she was going to rescue one she

really cares about the animals but he's

also like this did not play out how I

thought this was going to play out he's

like this completely backfired on me

right and she's like come on sio let me

show you my room still don't trust it

yes

1,000% so then that night Theo's making

dinner and he's like oh um don't forget

that now that we've been married for two

days um the the bathing ritual has to be

completed and she's like what bathing

ritual he's like yeah you know the

ritual where husband and wife bathe

together it's mandatory and she's

like kind of makes me feel a little

weird I don't know if I want to do that

and he's like too bad it's

mandatory you it is in fact compulsory

yes um and she's like I really don't

think I want to do that that makes me

feel a little uncomfy that I would be

forced to bathe with someone who thinks

I'm a spy and so she tries to like take

off and run she makes it like 3 feet

yeah barely in his yard and he like

chases her down and grabs her and like

brings her back back um and we like he

was super into that we learned he has a

little bit of a Chase Kink M like a

primal situation where he likes to like

hunt

her yeah it's he specifically said it

was the chasing that did it for him okay

yeah yeah

um he has a beautiful bath like a whole

room for just the the tub and she walks

in and she's like ooh this room is

incredible and like she's like I know it

it has jets but I want some Bubbles and

so she's like I don't really know what

everything is on this planet but I'm

going to put this in it and hope it's

like bubbles and then she's like you

know I'm reminded of when I used to live

on earth and my dad had to get rid of

our hot tub because I tried to add

bubble bath to it and broke it she's

like hope it doesn't happen here and

just like so when Theo walks in the

whole tub is filled with bubbles and

he's like what and she's like bubbles

are great who doesn't love Bubbles

you're welcome welcome yes she's like

Welcome To Earth bathing that makes me

think of Bob's Burgers when Linda puts

an entire bottle of bubble bath into the

tub to try to have sexy time with Bob

and then it it

burns because she puts so much

in yeah and it's like sludge when they

try to move through it [ __ ] I'm sorry I

used that word not quite the same I

don't know if it was the brand of epson

salts that I used but I had was taking

like an Epson salt bath the backs of my

thighs that were like the salt that was

like on like the bottom of the

tub I had like an actual reaction like

the back of my thighs turned like bright

red I was

like I don't think I used too much right

but I something is not a lining here

yeah so I'm like I it's like maybe I'm

not just going to put EPs and salts in

here you're good not that brand anyway

yeah no I use epsom salt all the time

right I was like I feel like everyone

loves to go to Epsom salt bath why is

this happening and using like the

um like the bubble bath that has like

Epsom salts in it different it is yeah

yeah so I was like man I want to do this

but not enough that I'm going

to have my thighs break out every time I

try oh yeah it must I'm hoping it was

just the brand I never really circled

back on that one was it Mr

teals no it came in a

carton okay I like Mr teals yeah yeah no

these ones came in a carton okay I

don't I I don't know if it was me or the

salts but we were not vibing um so

regardless they are taking their

mandatory bath together it's like a

Jacuzzi size tub they're not like on top

of each other they actually sit they're

having like a really good conversation

they talk about their families we learn

how he got his scars so his mom um both

of his parents are deceased and her

parents are deceased as well and when he

his mom is not from clenia she's from I

think traxia was the name of the other

planet um which are known for being like

a very like violent very like aggressive

people and um his mom and dad I don't

know if they were actually true mates

but they like stayed married and had a

really good relationship they had five

kids four boys he's the oldest um and

then a daughter as

well and at one point his mom took him

back to traxia to meet all of her family

and like the day after they arrived

their city was attacked his mom died

like saving his life and it took a long

time for his dad to be able to get onto

the new planet and save him and in that

time I think I it may have been like in

the Sun or something but like all of his

markings burned and turned scars um but

she's also kind of able to say

like yeah I actually asked like keep my

tattoos like I thought they were tattoo

like just kind of he's like oh maybe

this is right I think they're beautiful

I thought they were a choice and not

something that like happened to you yes

1,00% um

so in this conversation she's like hey

like I made this friend to civa could

she come over like I'd like to like see

her and he's like I'll ask her to come

over um he's like yes she can come over

only if you lick my scars he's like you

but he's like you said you wanted to

lick my markings in the

kitchen now's your chance you won't is

guy like and she's

like okay no like I meant that she's

like I'm embarrassed that you heard me

say it because I thought you hadn't

updated your translator she's like but I

wasn't lying I was just embarrassed I'm

definitely into it yes and so like she

like approaches him in the tub and it's

like standing between his legs and she's

like I'm she's like I'm only going to

lick one you got a lot of them but like

licks one of his scars and is like

continuing to lick up his neck and like

like bites his ear and he starts purring

oh um and she's like are you purring

right now which kind of broke the the

moment for him um and he's like what no

I wasn't [ __ ] doing that and then

like gets up leaves the room and just

like doesn't come back and she's like

well I guess the bath is over like but

he goes to his room and just masturbates

and he's like I can't believe I lost

control like that and apparently like

the seat in the tub is marble and he

like was so frazzled and is so strong he

broke the tub in that moment like like

broke the seat uh so is this like an

Omega verse Alpha per situation

what did you just

say you know in the books with the Omega

verse like the alpha purr that like

relaxes the Omega or whatever um no we

learned that purring I I see what you

mean now um purring is just like more

like a how a cat purrs just like a sign

of contentment um but I what we also

learn is that like it's been a long time

since like Theo has purged

oh so like he didn't know it was

happening yeah it was just kind of like

an innate response and she's like are

you purring and he's like what the [ __ ]

like no yeah versus like through as

their relationship develops he purs far

more often right um and it's just like a

sign of contentment okay yeah fair

enough so after the bath though Theo was

completely trying to avoid her and is

like I lose control every time this is

not working out how I thought it would I

just need to stay away from this woman

um aiva ends up coming over and oio had

given Jade like a little like device so

she could order a bunch of clothes and

have everything that she needed it's her

Amazon Prime

essentially

sure I or any

app well most companies you can buy

clothes online now that's true you don't

have to subject yourself to just Amazon

clothes that are offbrand or those brand

that you've never heard of before I was

thinking onstop shop like anything she

wanted well she says that she like she

had like chosen a bunch of clothes but

then um she was like I need your help

she's like cuz there are a lot of like

hair products and things like that she's

like I can't read cenan so I don't know

what these are gotcha um but just as far

as like clothing and basic things that

she needed he was like yeah have here's

this device you can like pick out and

buy whatever you need I don't know their

setup as far as if it's a if it's an

Amazon situation if it's one stop um

those are not details that felt

pertinent when I was reading it fair

enough I I didn't didn't even dawn on me

to ask their their online retail set

up next time pay attention to what

matters all right well so aiva comes

over and is like hey I just thought I'd

deliver all of the stuff that you

ordered she's like but I also looked at

everything you bought and I went ahead

and picked out more for you you needed

to order way more than what what you did

and Jay's like I ordered enough for like

a year and as if was like Theo is loaded

to the point where like it would get

around and reflect poorly on Theo if

people knew how little money you spent

because he makes so much money like you

needed to spend more and she and Jade's

like what about people who like don't

make as much money they're like well

then they they spend what their husband

tells them like this is like how much

you can she's like but no it will

reflect poorly on Theo if you didn't

spend more money she's like so I went

ahead and spent more money for

you um but Jade's also noticing like a

civil walking around like knowing where

things are in the house and she's like

why is she so familiar and getting like

really possessive and she like so how do

you know Theo and asa's like you mean my

big

brother ah so she's the one sister yes

she is the one sister

um but we talk of like like Jade is just

updating aiva on how things are going

across the board that like Theo is

continuing to be very suspicious of her

um and she's like I mean like I'm trying

my best like show them like I'm I'm here

I'm genuine she's like I even did like

the the bathing ritual and as was like

what bathing

ritual and J like the [ __ ] you mean and

S was like that's not a

thing oh no the mandatory bathing ritual

is not a thing Theo just wanted you

naked in a

CH that is such a little sister move

right throw the Big Brother under the

bus so then Jade and AA are like let's

let's make up some of our own rituals

yeah let's get back at them a little bit

so when Theo gets home aiva is no longer

there um but Jade is looking great she

like has on her new clothes she is

vibing herself and she's like yeah I'm

so excited for female choice and Theo's

like what's female choice and she's like

well oh aa just said you probably forgot

to mention it but like the ritual where

like I get to like choose like what we

do for the full night he's like

yep that is also a

ritual yep mhm sounds right like what

the [ __ ] now I need to call my sister

and figure out what lies she fed my

wife

awkward but like Jade is 1,00% trying to

put the moves on Theo and she's like hey

like I need your help and he's like oh

like what do you need my help with and

she's like well I have a cut on my upper

thigh from the tub from yesterday and

he's like oh my god when I broke the

marble when I got like too riled up in

the bath she cut herself on it um and so

she he's like yeah I I have the Healer

like my little healer stick thing that

they have in their society and he's like

I can I can help you um

but then clearly like calls her Bluff

whatever it ends with him finger

blasting her

like I

don't there sure there are more details

um but like she's clearly trying to get

a rise out of him right and and is

somewhat successful yeah like she like

here's the cut it's super high up my

thigh let me lift my dress so you can

see it and he's like kind of like is

this what you want and he like loses

control like his eyes flash black

instead of their normal color and she's

like oh he's really lost control

whatever I got a great orgasm out of

this so priorities you get it yeah as um

she's like well I'd love to return the

favor thank you that was a fantastic

orgasm the front door keeps

ringing and feel was like [ __ ] a no

one ever shows up and now I'm about to

get my dick wet and now someone showing

up for the first time basically in ever

yes seemingly so and so he goes to open

the door and it's zorus is

there and zorus is there being like hey

wanted to update you CU we've been

continuing to look into like how Jade

got here what all happened um it seems

as though her translator only was

programmed with ccan so like most like

translators on the market if you're just

buying a translator out of the box it's

going to have all of the major planets

and all of the major languages and like

you can update it like how they're all

updating theirs for English or maybe not

English Earth how they're updating it

for Earth languages um sure but they're

like hers was only programmed for clan

so clearly she's a plant cuz why would

she only have Clan not where I was going

with that not a plant so much as the end

goal was to get her onto this planet we

don't know why just so much as like yeah

well I'm thinking like if he was

suspicious of her in the first place of

being like sent by someone I could see

her only having his language on the

translator would be like yep there's the

confir confirmation I need she's not I

think from

his specific insecurities and suspicions

that does make sense I think zor's

thought as a whole had been more of like

the whatever the plan or whatever the

goal was we're still looking into it but

it was for her to end up on our planet

right

um so then as they're having this

conversation um about like Jade

essentially getting smuggled onto the

planet she walks into the kitchen and

apparently smell is more of a thing

there it's not like a huge thing but

like at one point like there's

definitely conversation of like or Theo

can smell her fear he initially smelled

her arousal and thought that was the

smell of fear and then later he smelled

her fear and he's like so what was that

other smell um her arousal so he's in

the kitchen with zorus and Jade walks

in and you can just smell her arousal

like they they both can and it's

apparently a super like heady

aphrodesiac would that not suck really

bad if everybody could smell when you

were turned on God I would hate

right that so

imagine that's what I'm doing it's

awful Chelsea that is his it in fact

that would be the worst

right no

like okay

miserable so but like zorus like his

eyes get big he's clearly smells and

it's like starting to like move towards

her and like Theo like gets in his way

and like essentially throws him out of

the house um but Zora says like you need

to explain some [ __ ] to her because

other men won't stop the way I stopped

and Jade's like I don't know what I did

wrong right like Theo's like clearly

pissed and she's like you give me a

great orgasm I was she was like he's

like why didn't you stay back in the

room where I told you to stay and she's

like because you also think I'm

suspicious and that I'm like looking

around your house and like searching

places and I didn't want you to think

that that's what I was doing so I was

trying to come out here so that you

wouldn't think I was like trying to

discover your [ __ ] secrets she's like

there's no winning um so that's kind of

that whole

situation Theo goes to a civas and is

like so can you explain to me what the

[ __ ] female choice is that you like told

my wife is a thing that's not a thing

um and they like they have a whole

conversation but aa's also like why

don't you just allow yourself to enjoy

these three months like someone chose

you right lean into it yes 1,000% like

she's like if it's a spy if if Jade's a

spy she's not going to get anything from

you because you have all of your stuff

very tightly locked up she's like so spy

or not you still

have comp months in companionship just

like make the best of it

1,000% so this may not be relevant but

like if marriage is only for 3 months

and it is like trying to get pregnant

what do you do with a kid is it always

shared

custody so so it seems cuz we learned

like

aiva she's been with her partner for 4

months she extended their marriage but

she has at least two former marriages

and two former children she had two sons

each of them live with their respective

fathers oh um and I think Jade at one

point was like do you visit them do you

have relationships with them and she's

like no like it would be too hard with

like the way our culture is set up for

survival she's like you just kind of

have to like

move on to the next one that's sad right

yeah yeah it

really it's it's a very heartbreaking

like system that they've

created I mean I can appreciate that the

men are responsible for The Offspring

cuz that's very opposite mhm to most

situations that is fair on Earth um but

yeah like if it was yeah that's sad

well and as we were saying before like

if it's 20 to1 ratio right it makes more

sense yeah

like you're trying to repopulate and

so you're hoping for a girl at some

point now what I don't know is like if

you had a girl would you keep the yeah

like if that would if that would change

that

um which is a valid question so over the

next week Theo's really like considered

what aiva said and is like he's far

kinder to her they're

like eating meals together they're

bonding more they're talking more female

Choice night arrives where essentially

Jade gets to choose whatever she wants

to do and then Theo has to do it this

fake ritual right um and so she's like

what what we've also learned is that

they don't really kiss on their Planet

like they have sex

but like it sounds as though sex well

there's some level of enjoyment they're

like yeah like why would you pick a man

who can't make you orgasm you like valid

question um fair

point but there's not a ton of

intimacy past that I think because like

you're only with most people for like 3

months it's just a like sex is not for

connection or anything like that it's

just to get off or maybe make a baby but

it's not like there's no emotional

component yes and so she's like teaching

him how like what she decided she wants

to do for female choice is teach him how

to kiss because kissing is not a thing

on the planet and he's like kissing is

incredible why doesn't everyone kiss and

they're like making out and he's like I

10 out of 10 big fan on kissing and I'll

say in the epilogue he like kisses her

and his brother is like what was that

like what are you doing yes and he's

like maybe one day you'll be be lucky

enough to kiss someone cuz it's just

like not a thing

um so then from there they're kissing

and he's like I'm really trying to stay

in control right now but I like want you

so much and Jade's like lose control I

want you to lose control do it you won't

you won't and so she runs again and

takes off because he likes the Chas yes

he likes the chase it like makes him

lose control

um he gives her a little bit of a head

start but easily catches her once he

starts trying to catch her yeah that

sounds like a primal Kink right yeah

yeah um there's a solidifying [ __ ] in

the

woods that's very Primal right he

carries her back to the house um and

then he like puts her on her bed and

it's like okay I'm going to go back to

my room now because apparently most of

them have separate rooms all the time

she's like you aren't going to stay and

he's like do you want me to stay and

she's like yeah and she's like let's

spoon he's like what is what's a spoon

he's like spooning that's not a word

that translates in this like context

here

spooning like what um and so he ends up

sleeping in her room with her and he's

like oh like he's like starting to allow

himself to be like Oh I'm experiencing

things I never dreamed for myself that I

like never thought I would be able to

experience um we also learned that the

Gathering is coming soon the Gathering

happens a month into the new pairings

where essentially it's like a Citywide

party for all of the couples to show up

all of like the high rollers just a big

party to see how everything is going

um it's also a chance for like men to

kind of talk to women to kind of get

their foot in the door for like future

marriages and things like that and so

Theo's already mad at the thought of

like having to go to this gathering with

Jade and let other men talk to her and

like that they might that she might

choose these men for future marriages

right some possessive stuff yes cuz he's

like no I've decided I don't think I

want to share her I think she is mine um

Theo gets a message from one of his

contacts in the mercenary World who's

been helping him look into like how Jade

got on the planet and all this stuff and

the message is just like there's

treachery treachery really close to you

like contact me ASAP he's like okay I'm

I'm going to get on that but I got to go

to this like stupid Gathering first so

at the Gathering they're all dressed up

and essentially they're like yeah so all

of the husbands you go sit in this area

while all of the eligible men talk to

your partners and you just have to watch

them talk to your wife and then when all

of the men who want to talk to your wife

are done talking to her she can come

back over to

you and Thea's like I [ __ ] hate this

I can appreciate the like matriarchy of

it all

mhm but that does

suck yeah you're like you literally just

have to sit and watch it I'm like man

this is shitty so all of the men are

talking to Jade Theo's just watching it

getting more and more annoyed like one

dude comes up and asks Theo he's like

he's like I'm a scientist tell me about

like inner Species sex and Theo's like

I'd really like to keep the details of

my marriage private and the guy's like

okay I'll just ask her next husband like

like yes is like everyone's like so

[ __ ] shitty

um and a civa like goes up to the's like

how's it going now like it seems like

you've really like been bonding there's

been some updates like and he's like I

don't want her to leave me I want her to

stay with me indefinitely like I really

think she is my person then I said was

like do you think she's your

mate and he's like I don't I I wouldn't

go like that far um do we even have

those anymore yeah he's like that's just

like a thing of yester year and like no

um he's and she's like you seem like

real possessive and he's like I finally

got one kind right right um and then

he's like but I want to ask her to stay

with me more than just the three months

more than just like extending that like

but like long term um and Jade has

already been coming to those conclusions

on her own as well but hasn't had that

conversation with him so like aiva goes

up to Jade and is like so how's it going

like not going to tell you everything my

brother just told me but like you into

it yeah EXA

um and Jade is like I want to see if

Theo will like let me stay with him blah

blah blah blah blah um and then

aiva is like oh have you noticed his

like eyes changing colors at all and

Jade's like yeah super freaky how they

flash black right and like aiva just has

like look of shock on her face because

that is something that happens when it's

a true mate oh yes so was like like my

suspicions were correct like this is my

brother's thank you yes mates are still

real

[ __ ] um and

so after AA and like J having that

conversation and aa's like shocked

because she like holy [ __ ] this is a

real thing zorus walks up [ __ ] zorus

and is talking to Jade see maybe a

little like not so

good I don't know Hannah we'll have to

find out we're almost at the end of the

book you'll find out soon I got some

skevy feelings from him from the jump

why did you um gesture to your

pelvis hand was so low you're like I got

some skevy feelings from him I was like

I have a lot of questions I meant like

in my belly like gut like a gut

feeling I don't know man doesn't feel

good in my veg like that was the energy

not in my Coter but like in my

[Applause]

gut my C is telling me this is not a

great

situation oh my

God oh my

God like that hand motion was real low I

got some questions what What secrets are

in your pelvis do we need to go back to

the episode of The Haunted

vagina maybe another day not

today okay so zorus approaches

and starts trying to hit on Jade and

Jade is just like shutting it down right

um and like he makes some comment about

how like she'll be his in a future like

like something like that and Jade just

like laughs in his face but Theo looks

over sees like zorus has put like his

hand on her and she's laughing and gets

like insanely jealous insanely

possessive like goes up like hits zorus

and takes her and he's like we're

[ __ ] leaving and just like throws her

in the Pod and they start heading back

to the house and on the way back he's

like you're mine no man can ever talk to

you if any other man ever tries to talk

to you I'll [ __ ] lock you up so you

can never talk to another man again and

she's like you cannot tell me who to

talk to also I don't even want to talk

to zorus but on principal you can't tell

me who to talk to mind your own business

and he's like like like hell I can't

tell you who to talk to she's like what

is happening and so as they're like

getting back to the house she's like you

need to off like let's take some time

yeah she's like I'm going to go inside

you go on a

run come back when you're feeling a

little bit better now so he apparently

goes on a run and just runs until he's

like completely depleted himself she

goes into the house and it's just like

I'm going to go hang with the dog chill

that was weird um hopefully we can have

a real conversation about this when he

comes back and she hears the front door

open a while later and she's like oh

he's back and then sibo starts like

growling and she's like oh that that's

not

him and um do you remember the security

guard that she punched at the start of

the book right he show oh I was like is

it going to be zorus like OB love you

the K in there as well zorus whatever

well like zorus better because zorus is

actually a far better name the book I

just finished last night had a

dorcus and so I just was like

zorus watching Pete DAV 's bup kiss on

peacock yeah what a Vibe of a show yeah

he has his like virtual reality

augmentation augment no what word am I

going for here his the VR his VR glasses

virtual reality glasses sure augmented

reality is that what I was thinking

maybe what am I trying to communicate

here whatever he the very very start of

buiss like within like 10 minutes the

first episode he has his VR goggles on

he's watching porn made for his VR

goggles he starts masturbating his mom

comes downstairs to drop off his laundry

and right as he comes his mom is

standing there and he comes on his mom

like Seaman shoots out and she just

looks down she's like well going to

throw this back in the laundry and she

just turns and walks out of the room I

was like I wasn't

no prepared for that to be the energy

you can't come back from

that if it's your mom you kind of have

to don't you if it's your mom how do

you yeah it didn't really seem to face

them ultimately well perhaps it should

boundaries are different from family to

family that is the truest [ __ ] and I

know we've talked about this before but

like all of the things that you think

are normal in your family until you

start dating someone and bring them into

your family and they're

like what

yeah it's like the glass shattering and

you're like oh oh this isn't how

everyone else operates mhm cool now I

know okay so homeboy the security

guard um he comes to kidnap

her and we do learn he works for zorus

you were right not to be confused with

orcus yes um that's in the

sequel

so she fights does not win he takes her

to an undisclosed location Theo gets um

back from his run right as aiva and

zikas are getting to the house and

they're

like Jada is your mate and he's like

what are you talking about and they're

like your eyes have changed colors which

is a sign of mating you wouldn't know

because you can't see see and Jade

didn't understand the significance so

she didn't recognize what that meant

either and but then as is also like when

you punched zorus the um it's like

almost like tattoo markings that show up

on your wrist and fingers she's like

those flashed on your she's like I saw

the markings on your hands Jade is your

[ __ ] mate bro um and he's like oh my

God that would explain all of the crazy

possessiveness because apparently until

you like claim your mate like you can

get more and more amped and

escalated and so

um he's like this makes so much sense I

need to go tell Jade he walks in and

sees like things are broken in the house

and she's clearly been taken and he's

like I'm a mercenary this is what I've

made for it's a real Liam n moment yes

yeah

yeah I have a very specific set of

skills yeah

right but also so accurate yeah yeah

he's I will find you yep he's like I'm

going to go and find you and get my wife

back yeah um so then cut to

zorus Jade is um like lock like she's

like restrained in a chair we

essentially get zor's villain speech he

has I love a villain monologue though

right yeah well so we learned he has

been abducting females from planets for

a long time trying to to solve the

issues of Extinction that are like

happening on their planet and he also

was like man humans and clinians are

super similar he's like I wonder how

much crossover we have so we learned

that like humans descended from clinians

oh yes Allah the ancient aliens on the

History Channel have you ever watched

that show I have not well you should

because it's amazing like anything

anything they're like aliens did it

doesn't matter what it is doesn't matter

what it's about they're like obviously

humans could not be that advanced aliens

and then they'll be like well how did we

evolve from um from an ape or a monkey

aliens did it they spliced our DNA

obviously it's a it is amazing real show

it's a real show on the History Channel

ancient aliens look it up it's excellent

is it satirical not at all like they

look at like like uh like Hindu and even

Christian and other religions like lore

essentially and they're like oh they

said there was like a battle in the sky

and like there were Chariots of the Gods

in the sky aliens did it it's like

couldn't have been somebody's

imagination or a storm

aliens did it it's

amazing was your takeaway after watching

it that aliens did do

it my takeaway was the same I had no

takeaway there was nothing nothing

changed for me because the answer is I

don't know like who knows but they have

so much confidence like that's what got

me it was so much confidence where they

were like obviously aliens like no one

their answer they're like we've got this

covered right aliens they're like

indigenous tribes talking like being

able to track the Stars they couldn't

have been like smart aliens did it like

that's the only solution they never

could have

known okay aliens right couldn't be that

someone with a modum of intelligence

looked at the sky and was like huh and

tracked it nope a

aliens it sounds

satirical it does and it feels that way

when I watch it but the people like the

the guests or contributors or whatever

you want to call it they seems so

serious like it doesn't feel like a

joke well zorus also isn't

joking fair enough so zorus has like

discovered that like humans descended

from clinians and he's like there's a

lot of cross over so he's been like

stealing human women and keeping them

locked up and like essentially trying to

prevent extinction by artificially

inseminating all of these women like

doing like science

experiments he is the one that she

sprayed in the woods nice and he's like

if those aliens had done a better

job I we wouldn't have had to go through

all this he's like I would have just

locked you up

initially um and she's like oh this is

not great but she also knows zorus as

like super attracted to her and so she

um Works her skills of Seduction and is

kind of

like okay well instead of artificially

inseminating me I know on this planet

like um when a female orgasms

essentially like cenan women can't have

sex again for like 24 hours um because

their body is kind of like trying to

like keep everything in to them the best

chance of reproduction that they can

have and so Theo had also been amazed

that Jade could

[ __ ] repeatedly and he's like oh you

don't need to wait no refractory yes hey

but like for like women on their Planet

it's like a 24hour

refractory yeah not super relevant um

but Jade is all is essentially like well

if I would have a better chance of like

if you're you're trying to impregnate me

wouldn't the chances would be better if

you actually had sex with me and I could

orgasm versus like artificially inating

me and zorus is like you're right I'll

let you out of these restraints and

Jade's like you're a [ __ ] idiot right

um but

also zorus had promised security guard

dude with the Shiner a turn with her and

so she's like please don't give me to

anyone else he's like I won't you're

just with me and then the security guard

like realizes This and like he and zor

get into a fist fight she tries to take

off zorus did not win that fist fight

with the security guard the security

guard goes off after her he is like

about to attack her after he caught her

Theo has found her there are details on

how Theo found her they don't matter he

found

her um but she does pass out again from

all of the exertion exertion of it all

um when she comes to it's like aa's in

the room because she did ask Theo she

like told Theo she's like there's a lot

of other women here you need to like

help save all of them and he's like okay

I will so he's helping like save like it

was predominantly human women but a like

females from a lot of different species

um I want to say like it was at least

like like 10 to 15 women like kind of

like yeah it was a lot of them yeah so

he was dealing with that she was at the

doctor passed out they were trying to

make sure she was

okay um she is pregnant with a baby in

the epilog we find out it's a

girl what and that's pretty much How It

Ends and

then her and Theo are true mates and she

decides she's going to stay on the

planet and not leave after a

year and then she meets his

siblings how do they like this may not

be relevant and it may may not matter

but like how do they like know true

mates like is it just the eye color do

they like cuz a lot of

like Omega verse or shifter or whatever

there's like a bite involved or there's

some kind of Mark that appears do you

remember Rebecca's and nettis is it dark

protectors where like the mark like

appeared on their hands it felt most

similar to that to me it was like I

think the initial telling is you see

their eyes changing colors once again

Jay didn't know right so like she wasn't

aware that that was related because and

he couldn't see it and he couldn't see

it and she only saw it in moments when

he was like losing

control um but then I think the markings

had shown up

involuntarily on his wrist and like

shown up but didn't stay cuz he hadn't

accepted the mating ful yet but when he

punched zorus AA had seen them and was

like oh [ __ ] those are true Mark like

true mating marks true mate

markings nailed it there we go yep I

knew what you meant you did um but then

as soon as like he realized she was his

mate and accepted it the marking stayed

there

permanently but because Jade is a human

she wouldn't experience that on her get

the marks right right which I did

appreciate that they didn't like they

weren't like yeah and then she had the

markings too and you're like the [ __ ]

like how yeah like I could see

potentially like if you were that

invested or whatever and it was possible

like finding a tattoo artist to do it

for you probably not on gania because

they on those yeah although I do Wonder

cuz I was like well would people rever

those markings on Theo where they hated

the rest of his markings because

M like the that they're the first true

mates in like 150 years oh wow yeah it's

been like a long time so like everyone

thought it was just like folklore at

that point um and then to find out that

there actually was a true mate situation

yeah I haven't read any of the other

books in the series yet I'm sure I will

at some point it's a very easy read it's

a fun read yeah um

it it won't change your

life but it's a fun read yes yeah yeah I

could see it being kind of like a like

a I don't know like a a small dessert at

the end of the meal where it's not like

it's the end of the day and you're tired

and it's sweet and easy but it's not

anything that's like ah that was good I

was just going to say like it was a

comfort read sure like I could see it

being more of that I don't know why I

made that so

no I really liked that whole journey but

I was like I feel like we're saying like

the same thing where you're just kind

like yeah it's easy at the like it

doesn't take a lot of brain power um

it's a quick read I think it's like

under 400 Pages like okay 350 375

something like that but like I'm pretty

sure I read it in a day day and a half

sort of situation where you you can get

through it pretty quickly mhm and it

doesn't take a lot of brain power but

it's still a very

enjoyable Journey like I imagine I will

read other books in the series in the

future I just had other series that I

was like already in yeah well I feel

like there have been so many books

recently where like I was waiting for

like the next book to drop then several

of them dropped at

once yeah and so then I was like okay

I'll come back to the series but it also

doesn't feel like a series that like you

have to plow through it's also I think

each book in the series is a standalone

so you I like

yeah well and also like I find sometimes

with Comfort reads like that like I

prefer to stick with the series as much

as I can because it is comforting

whereas like even switching to another

potential Comfort series you still have

to get used to like the story line even

though the story line is probably

recycled it's like you know well hell I

felt that way um cuz I know we both had

just read like Megan Quinn's Vancouver

agitators series and I read the whole

thing and I was like you know I'm on a

Megan Quinn cick I can read more oh just

go for it but then like the next one I

started was like the first book in the

can Brother series and I was like [ __ ]

man got to learn all these new

characters but then I'm like oh it's the

same yeah but it's new

characters and there is crossover in a

lot of her books and like references and

like um cuz the second book and the cane

Brothers series I just finished that one

with Kelsey yeah so not meant to to be

what girl I'm we were I just saw it when

I was updating my good reads you're like

not a meat cute so not meant to be um

with like the Harry Met Sally style like

podcast interviews that Kel did yeah

yeah yeah but how all of those were just

like characters from other books so like

podcast interview yeah I was like oh

that's such a cute way to kind of

introduce those characters it was also

funny cuz I was like did I read that one

and there were definitely more than I

read I realized I like man I was like

wait a second all of their names blend

but all right all that said what's our

rating damn it no I was going to ask

first well I'm

like

tattoos baths I was going to say baths

bubble baths eggs I do love

eggs the shape or the food or the food

they're like my favorite

food what yeah I don't think I've ever

heard I don't think I've ever asked

anyone what their favorite food is

before and they've just been like

eggs like are you talking scrambled are

you talking setting set up are you

talking within a cake it doesn't matter

like I will eat eggs every day

hardboiled

sure I have not met an egg preparation

that I was like n not

salad depends on the egg salad I'm a

little picky about egg salad deviled

eggs

I'm picky about deviled eggs but

generally like eggs on their own that

have not been like huh manipulated I

feel like I just learned so much about

you we can do eggs I feel like that is

the

obvious I don't feel like that I no I

think that's the problem this book

doesn't have like an obvious like

there's not a standout for me like it it

I liked the plot like it was cute but

like there's not like a this yeah this

is it

um yeah let's go eggs okay let's go with

a dozen eggs as not that's not my final

just like out of 12 is Right I'd

say I'd say like eight like seven or

eight 7.5 eggs seven and a half out of

12 seven eggs and a

yolk

fair enough right like yeah I would

write it above just like an app like cuz

six would be half right I think it's

more than that like it really is

enjoyable it's fun it's not one that the

whole time you're reading you're like I

just need to get the [ __ ] through this

cuz I cannot do this

um it's not changing lives as we said

it's like a very just like easy

thoughtless you can just kind of like

get through it you're like oh that was

nice and then you move on to the next

one right um and no offense to anyone if

you're like but that's my favorite book

it really did change my life tell me

more i' love to hear how this book

changed her life it just wasn't

necessarily that for me and for me I was

like oh yeah this was easy this was fun

this was

cute and on to the next I think was more

my experience I mean like it followed a

few tropes yeah that were comfortable

like it wasn't like the story at any

point took like a sudden turn or

anything um like our last one where

people were just showing up out of

nowhere and there was no context for it

like this was very like yes predictable

but not in a

boring way yeah I think that's a really

great way to word it it's like there was

nothing that you're like wow really

didn't see that coming like cuz the

whole time they're like alluding to

someone was trying to get her there for

nefarious reasons we don't know why but

like she was clearly smuggled onto the

planet um were you super surprised that

it was zorus not really

um did he pay the other aliens to abduct

her her and the other humans was that

like the yeah okay so the thing with the

she was like oh so you asked them to

like kidnap me or abduct Me or however

you want to say it and he was like well

he's like technically not you I just

gave them the parameters for what I was

looking for and they chose

you so like he'd been doing this for a

while yeah e yeah

um not it's not great yeah yeah not not

great at all so yeah I think like seven

and a

half okay eggs okay seven in a Yol is

where I'm going to land that um I would

agree yeah

yeah I I would recommend reading it and

and I know there are some books that

we're like we read it so you don't have

to

yeah this book is like just like a super

comforting little like oh it's easy it's

it's predictable but

also fun yeah yeah um I've added it to

my list perfect yeah knowing you you'll

probably read through the rest of the

series before I make it to them um cuz

like I'm pretty impressed with myself

especially for having a a new a newborn

my goal had been 50 books this year

which I was like that feels manageable

yes I'm going to hit 50 before July nice

yeah okay which this episode isn't going

to be released until after that but

still I'm like I'm going to hit 50 I'm

like oh so I'm actually on track for

like probably 100 that's awesome which

is still a lot of books a lot of books

the way in which you and I read books

you're like oh only 100 bucks but I'm

like no [ __ ] man with a baby and a

full-time job that's a lot yeah 1,000%

um okay seven in a Yol let us know what

you would rate the book um can't wait to

hear your thoughts don't forget to like

And subscribe and thanks for joining us

today thanks y'all see you later smut

[ __ ] bye smut puppies we still really

should figure out which one cuz we just

keep committing to we do okay bye

bye well that's it for this week's mutl

[ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it

sure was great for us if you're digging

what we're doing it would mean a lot if

you'd take a minute to rate and review

the show wherever you're listening right

now maybe tell that sexy someone to lend

us an ear we love you we appreciate you

and we'll see you next week stay

[Music]

Spidey