Smut Club

foreign

[Music]

ladies and gentlemen

Guys and Dolls and everyone in between

gather round

something real nice to sip on and comfy

to slip on

cause it's time for smut Club

here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna

[Music]

hey everybody Welcome to smut Club where

we talk about the pressure of clapping

I hated that yep I'm Hannah and I'm I'm

Chelsea I'm sorry

so we're starting off really strong we

are and to be totally honest

that's probably the energy we need to

bring to this book review today

I meant to tell you before we started

please ask any questions that you have

because my outline doesn't make sense

because the book doesn't make sense but

maybe

through your questions we can maybe we

can make sense of it okay so my job here

is really to help you process this book

yes to being a cohesive yes unit of art

yeah yeah no pressure so this is a soul

to keep by opal rain

um

it is a monster Romance

okay all right so in this like

universe that we are in

there are demons

that eat people and

this girl Raya lives in a village and

they all believe that she's cursed

because her whole family was killed by

demons but she somehow survived

so instead of being like Oh my gosh

we're so glad that you're okay they were

like cursed so it's like a reverse Harry

Potter

yes like when he survived he's the

chosen one and when she survives she's

cursed and if that's not modern day

misogyny I don't know what it is

precisely

so there are there's this other kind of

like demon hybrid thing called a dusk

Walker

dust or dusk dusk okay like like the Sun

is setting it is now it's dusk it is

dusk with a hard k sorry about the hard

K I just really wanted to make sure to

just spit a little

you're welcome

so there are dusk dusk Walkers

um that are some kind of like demon

hybrid thing and one of them

every 10 years goes to he has this

rotation of villages okay so he goes to

a different village and gets a a bride

and then cast a protection spell on the

village to protect them from other

demons

my my mic just wobbled I didn't even

touch it you didn't Hannah can attest

the fact that I did not touch it I can't

apparently this is just where this mic

has wanted to live

I moved it up my husband moved it down I

moved it up it moved on on its own so

this is where this mic lives now

and that's okay it is okay well that's

nice of him to cast a protective

but where what happens to the wives

that's a great question

so

no one knows

[Laughter]

great question no answer

so

every 10 years he shows up at a

different village and gets a new bride

and there are all these like urban

legends essentially about where the

bride what happened to the other Brides

but Raya has been voluntold by the

village that she's gonna be the bride

this time

and she's like honestly I don't want to

do that but also I don't really want to

live here because it's sort of like a

full Amish shun like they don't

acknowledge her existence and if they do

they just throw things at her or like

you know like they make it really

difficult for her to live yeah she's

like I mean

choosing the best of two bad options is

really where she's at right being a

monster bride could ultimately be be a

better life she's like well maybe I'll

just go with him and then run later and

start over in a different place where

nobody knows that I'm like cursed or

whatever maybe it'll be a really nice

like Sister Wives situation and she'll

become besties with all of the other

Brides that could be but that's not what

happens

so the dust Walker version

it he he shows up it's a whole thing

um he so it goes back and forth between

her perspective and his okay so

um

she uh

nobody has ever like she's like 26 I

think and nobody's ever really touched

her or interacted with her like in any

way since her family died and so she is

resentful understandably she's pretty

angry but apparently demons can smell

fear

and so when the dusk Walker shows up his

name is Orpheus

when Orpheus shows up he's like she

doesn't smell like fear that's really

weird

um because fear makes him hungry and he

eats people

so

oh but is that

this is gonna be a weird question is

that the same as being sexually

attracted to them or fear just makes him

hungry and then he eats so it's not like

a weird situation where it's like that

he gets like horny based on the fear he

just gets hungry he just gets hungry

okay and like flies into a rage and just

starts eating people

well so this is actually a best case

scenario right we love this we do and

he's like well okay I guess she's coming

with me that sounds good so he cast the

protection spell he has like an

Antelope skull for a head

okay and he doesn't have eyeballs who

needs him he has orbs that glow

different colors based on his mood his

like standard is like a light blue color

glowing orb does she have a color key to

his mood ring eyes she does not she will

eventually start to piece it together

got it um so he's like super tall he's

wearing human clothing human type

clothing and she's like

I guess we're doing this and he's like

come along and just like starts walking

through the woods and she's trying to

keep up with him and really can't

um because she's in like a wedding dress

and little slippers in the snow trying

to like run to keep up with him

the The Village put her in a wedding

dress

to present her to him

thank you you could see it on my face I

could yeah you're like

like they were like hey this monster bro

is going to show up any day now so

here's a wedding dress to just really

signify that

you're the one you're the one yeah okay

and they presented him with other

options too because they were like he

might not want the cursed one she's

cursed after all and he was like no I

want that one so it was a whole thing

that I didn't feel the need to go into

detail for but you know that's fair so

um

his whole thing though is that the bride

has to be willing they cannot be coerced

and so he's like asking like are you

willing before he takes her and she's

like yup sure am I'm totally willing The

Village leader is behind her like giving

her like this stink eye like don't [ __ ]

this up for us

um and so in orpheus's perspective he

just wants companionship he's just super

lonely he's been alive for hundreds of

years and he's just like I just I just

want somebody to come hang out with me

like that's literally it

but all of his his offerings in the past

because he's had both male and female

Brides offerings whatever

they will either try to run from him and

get really scared and then he eats them

or which he feels super bad about he's

a very weird juxtaposition because he

has the most like cinnamon roll energy

ever but he eats people and so it's a

very difficult thing to get around but

he feels really bad that he's eating all

these people right so

um or they try to run from him and he

has a home that has all this protection

around it they get outside the

protection and then other demons will

eat them and it like really upsets him

every single time

so he's like I may not so he hasn't

wanted to have to replace no bestie

bride no

um and so he's like you know

I don't know how much longer I can keep

doing this because this is really

[ __ ] depressing like

but I don't want to be alone so I guess

I'm just gonna keep doing it and here we

are here's Raya let's let's go I guess

so

um

she keeps falling trying to run to keep

up with him and eventually he just like

Scoops her up with one arm he's huge

like Scoops her up with one arm and like

covers her with his cloak

to like keep her warm and she's like

well that's kind of nice and like falls

asleep because he's like rocking her

essentially while he's walking she falls

asleep a little bit

um she wakes up it felt really safe well

apparently we're really tired it had

been a long day

um so she wakes up at one point because

he starts like snarling she's like the

[ __ ] is that these demon Hunters show up

and they're like finally we're gonna

kill the dusk Walker and he is

cursed apparently when he gets injured

he will also fly into a rage so they

shot him with an arrow or something and

he lost his [ __ ] mind and

um one of the she's like oh awesome like

can you take me to a new Village she's

like demon Hunters don't seem so bad

let's go and one of them is like your

bait [ __ ] shut up and she's like nope I

didn't like that like that's not how I

thought this was gonna go so Orpheus

eats all of them

and she starts running from him and then

she remembers that earlier he had said

something about he likes the chase like

or whatever so she's like what would

happen if I just stop

so she does she just stops and he like

tackles her his eyes are bright red

and he opens his his Jaws his antelope

jaws and basically puts her entire head

in his mouth and she just starts

laughing

and he licks her face

and he's like you don't taste like food

she's like

okay

I'm glad

yeah I mean how do you how are you

supposed to take that I don't know man

when you're

you've been told that you're food yeah

and then he's like ew well it wasn't you

it was just like a huh you don't taste

like food he didn't seem disgusted he

just was like I don't want to eat you

I stand by my ill because quite frankly

if I am about to Chow Down on someone

and then I go oh that's not food ew

it's really more how I had that in my

head I'm comfortable with that we could

stick with it

um so after all of this

um

he

uh he picks her back up they walk they

go to What's called the veil which is

where all the demons live so they get to

the veil and he's like you need to be

silent because if any of the Demons know

there's a human they're gonna come at

you so be silent don't move she's

covered by his cloak

and he's like none of them are going to

approach because they're terrified of me

because I will [ __ ] a demon up no

problem because he's basically

indestructible because she had been all

worried about well you got shot with

arrows like Let Me patch you up and he

was like well that's super cute that she

wants to patch me up I'm I promise I'm

fine but it did nothing yeah

um apparently they heal within 24 hours

so whatever injury a dust Walker has

pretty much of any kind will heal

automatically even if you cut their head

off their body will grow back in 24

hours so how do you kill one

by cracking their skull we will

eventually learn that that's the only

way sorry to it's a crush a skull to

take that from future you it's okay it

doesn't it's not a big reveal you know

so

um

he's like it's endearing to him that she

wants to take care of him so he's like

well that's really sweet

um but he they get back to his home and

she's thinking he's gonna bring her back

to a cave or something but he has a

really cute little cottage

and she's like oh oh

there's like a vegetable garden oh

there's like

furniture and a hearth for her to cook

on so I am a little you said that it

wouldn't make sense

I'm tracking and he seems so endearing

he is really endearing and honestly

maybe it's that

okay total honesty I did not want to

outline this book like deep within my

soul I didn't want to do it so take a

sip of alcohol I will I will do that

thank you for take an alcohol thank you

for inviting me to do you've been

talking so much you haven't had a chance

so

I looked everywhere I could think of to

find an outline for this so I didn't

have to do it

because

we'll get to the part that I really

didn't want to deal with but I was like

I'm just I looked on Reddit I was

Googling all kinds of [ __ ] couldn't find

anything I downloaded nor no less than

four

[ __ ] AI Bots

to outline it everything I've like just

wanted to see if you're at GPT could

like outline a book for me

it'll say it's the title and author and

it is always the wrong book correct yeah

so I was deeply disappointed by that but

most okay

I should take it back the story does

largely make sense it's the details of

it that are like

um okay uh

I actually really liked the story it was

just some of the details were like why

did we

we made a choice but why was that the

choice we made I see you know yeah so

she gets to the house

he has all these like little Trinkets

and stuff hanging up and like Circles of

stuff on the ground and it's all

protection for for the home from the

demons

um and

um

she's like super confused that he has a

house so she's like what the hell is

this and he's like oh

I had a companion about 200 years ago

and she wanted a home and so I built it

for her and she's like oh what happened

to her and he's just like she's gone I

ate her

no it's worse

holy [ __ ] it's worse

to me I think it's worse was worse for

Orpheus but

um

so

um he's very particular with her like do

not go outside these boundaries like

don't touch the little like charms and

stuff don't do anything like just stay

safe

um but he's like obviously she's not

scared of me but she doesn't like me

either like I don't think that she's

gonna stick around

um

so she tries to run she doesn't make it

far because demons

um

he gets her into the house and

um he fills up a bathtub with his blood

I see the pivot okay

yeah no keep going

so he he like she describes he like cuts

his wrist and like starts bleeding over

the tub and does some weird chant thing

and then the tub fills with water

because he's Magic

and he's like you can't drink this

but you can bathe in it

and she's like okay well I'll take he he

pulled a reverse Jesus

I guess but it wasn't wine it was blood

right yeah a reverse Jesus with a

different liquid

yes correct yeah

don't drink this water though it is of

my body don't drink it this really

brings us back to that what would ill

what would your communion yeah what

would your communion be if you were a

deity

oh

so

she's like okay well thank you like I'm

really excited to take a bath and he's

like no you don't understand I have to

bathe you and she's like no I don't

think we're doing that like thank you so

much for offering but I can bathe myself

he's like no you don't understand you

have human smell all over you demons are

gonna be like beating down the door

essentially I have to do a spell over

you while I bathe you to hide your scent

and she's like

no

I'm not doing that and he's like super

adamant about it so eventually she gives

in he leaves his gloves on the whole

time he's super respectful she's like

this is the weirdest [ __ ] thing that

has ever happened to me and I don't like

it this is the weirdest

she's had a lot of things happen to her

and not saying that when it's normal

it's more she's like waiting for him to

do something like she's waiting for him

to like eat her or touch her in a way

she doesn't want or something and he's

just really sweet the whole time yeah

like

it could pivot but at present I feel

like I'm [ __ ] with Orpheus yes I do

[ __ ] with work he is actually super

duper sweet he's like out here trying

his best and wants to be seen and known

in love like

all beings do right not humans

like all beings they just want to be

seen and known and loved yeah like

Brandon

us my sweet dog precious boy I was a

couple drinks in I'm about a week or two

ago and started crying to fans about how

much I love our cat

and then I was like Vance he's the

longest relationship of my life

which is true yeah because I've had

Craig just turned nine earlier this

month and I've had him since he was a

kitten so yeah I'm like

he's the longest relationship of my life

and Vance was like don't you love

Brandon and Craig equally and I'm like

almost equally yes I was like but

there's like a point zero zero zero zero

one percent that like Craig edges out

just because like

he was like he was my cat before I had

Brandon you know what I mean yeah he's

the ride or die I get it yes Craig is my

little red or die literally he rides

around on my shoulder and it happened

again we were in another work meeting

like a really serious like

all of the higher ups like our chief

medical officer everyone is on this link

[ __ ] Craig pops up on my shoulder and

even our chief medical officer oh a cat

okay like yep yep this is Craig yeah

um but no I

bran although like Craig is my red or

die I do feel like Brandon wants to be

seen and known and loved more than Greg

once that is accurate just when he leans

on me it makes me feel really special it

makes me feel seen and he does that

little thing where he like rests his

like he nuzzles with his chin yeah which

is really saying something because he's

a pug so he doesn't have a lot of chin

or job I have to work with

he is using what he has and we can

appreciate that he just does this little

like chin rest over like he'll do it on

the couch on your shin when he's sitting

between your legs and it's just

the purest moment my pit bull does that

she'll like come over and lay her head

on my shoulder and I'm just like yep

I'll die for you absolutely yep yeah

yeah well also when I had those few

drinks and I was telling Vance about how

obsessed I was with my cat

not a YouTuber

um she is hairless hey hey is hairless

his name is Greg

my husband just walked into the room as

I made that too

um

my husband was like so I know you really

love Brandon and Craig but just to be

clear should there ever be an emergency

you will say Ford first right I was like

yes honey I'm not a monster I'm going to

save my human child

before I saved my cat I was like however

in a perfect world

I'm a superhero and can save all three

in a perfect world Vance would be paying

enough attention that he could get the

kid and you can get the cat

right and like we will both be present

and we can help each other out if it is

just on me

My Hope Is I can save all three yeah

absolutely

but Vance was like okay I just needed to

like make sure he's like I just needed

it he goes I just needed to hear the

words from your mouth that you would

save forward first I'm like

what do you think of me I was just like

what he's like you're a great mom what

are you talking about I was like did you

actually think it needed to be said he's

like Chelsea I don't think you

understand how emphatically you were

talking about

I understand yeah I do you feel the same

about your pets I do I do Fred

is absolutely the best thing that's ever

happened to anybody ever and so that's

that's that yeah Fred I know precious

how are Fred's meds doing lately Fred's

meds are good Fred's meds are good she

still smells like bacon bits

and she's just living her best life she

fell off of the windowsill into our

bathtub in our master bathroom

so now we don't really have a tub in our

master bathroom anymore because my

husband filled it with blankets and an

old egg crate and pillows so that when

she falls because she's a little bit

high on phenobarb and Gabapentin when

she falls she will have a cushioned

Landing

[Music]

I know also I would like to go back

really fast to the hairless cat joke I

made because I would like to be very

clear that that is Craig's breed type

he's like Devin Rex I do not shave him

um

you didn't try out one of those at home

laser treatments on him

no although my parents do buy me one of

those every like couple of years for

Christmas

and by every couple years it may be like

once a decade but they've definitely

bought me two different more than one

foam laser everything

first I remember they bought me the

first one over a decade ago I was in

grad school

but I remember it because it just it

singed your hair with the leather and my

roommate came in and she's like why does

our apartment wreak a burned hair and

I'm like

I don't know I'm so sorry I did it

I didn't know that was gonna happen we

couldn't get the smell out for like a

week I was like I'm so sorry Lauren I

had no idea that is a really bad smell

yeah yeah

and they bought me another one I think

in the last year or two and then by the

time I was like maybe I'll try this I

was pregnant and it was like the box was

like we cannot State clearly enough do

not use this if you are with child huh

I was like I have some questions about

if I should be using it without child

right

I'm saying

I'm gonna google that later I have

questions yeah yeah I I apparently have

more questions than I realized I didn't

know I had them until this moment okay

so they're doing the bath blood to water

bathing

ritual thing

um

so

lots of little things happen where

they're like

after this where they start to get to

know each other a little bit better

um

she he has like her own little room set

up for her

um he uh gets her she he has stuff in

the house for her to like sew so she can

make some clothes for herself and like

her little garden

she said she wanted to eat in the garden

in the sunshine because it doesn't the

sun doesn't shine as often in the veil

as it does in the regular world and so

she's like well when the sun is out I'd

really like to be in it you know

and he's like okay so he builds her

little table outside so she can eat in

her garden and I know like he go he

leaves her for a couple of days to go

hunting and like bring food back for her

and all this stuff

um and she starts to see like different

colors in his eyes and she's starting to

like connect things so she asks him to

teach her how to make the charms to

protect the house and he's like you

you want to learn from me like nobody's

ever asked that

and she's like you've been collecting

Brides for 200 years and no one has ever

asked to learn that's dumb well

maybe if they had she wouldn't be there

because they'd be alive maybe so so they

do all of that she makes him like

little

decorations for his antlers like with

some of the stuff that they're making

charms out of and so his eyes turn like

bright yellow which apparently means

he's really happy

um and she's like well that's super cute

um

so uh

they are getting to know each other a

little bit more he explains he's hungry

all the time like he's never satisfied

even after he eats

um and like she she's really confused

about why he takes Brides in the first

place and he's like well

the only way for me to be satisfied for

me to be full is for a human to give me

their soul

and I've I've given up on a human ever

doing that now I just would like someone

to hang out with me like that's it

um and so she's really like softening

towards him will it kill the human

no the human will have eternal life

do they share the soul

so he doesn't give her any more detail

he doesn't seem to know how it works

this is the first time I'm annoyed with

you I know he doesn't seem to know how

it works either

um I mean to his credit no one's ever

given him their soul before so how would

he fully know he's like do I hold it I

don't know yeah I'm like

maybe we could strike a mutually

beneficial deal writer right

um but he doesn't even approach that

like he doesn't ask her he he just tells

her the information

um

so he he's continuing to protect her

super sweet

um the baths have to happen like either

once a day or once every couple of days

I don't remember

um and so they wasn't a one and done no

so they start to get more like sexy

time-ish oh

um where he's just lingering a little

bit longer and things like that and she

is excited by that she's like am I

attracted to this Antelope headed person

I've never seen his whole body I've

never really seen any other part of him

but also if she was cursed this is

probably the first time someone has paid

a lot of attention to her Doodles and

bits yep so I can't remember how it all

exactly happens

um but at some point she like goes into

his room and he doesn't have a bed he

has like a nest in there that he has

made and um she sees him with his [ __ ]

out and it's huge and has

some Frills on it

though that's the word

not like decorations no I I was

imagining like

cilia like little hairs kind of that's

what I imagined when it said frills

I was thinking of the movie Office Space

with all of the Flair the flare the

pieces of flares when you said Frills I

was thinking his dick has a lot of flair

because it it also has tentacles so she

so it's like wrapped in tentacles he has

a seam

as we have seen in other of the Monster

books I have reviewed he has a seam and

the his dick comes out of it but it's

wrapped in these tentacles because

apparently the a I'm I'm gonna stop

doing emotions the air

I love that you just actually sat on

your hand

his dick doesn't like the air and so

so the tentacles are like protecting it

or whatever

so I like wrapped around it but then she

goes to touch it and the tentacles like

hold on to her hand and she gives him a

handy with his tentacles all up in her

[ __ ] and she's like well this is

interesting and he fingers her at some

point or something

does he have human fingers no

um the way you thought that was like oh

damn no I thought we were gonna skirt

past that one he has retractable claws

so she's like freaked out like

please don't slice me up like oh God yes

which is a valid fear

um

and we learn that as after the sexy

times begin

um and they continue to get to know each

other we learned that he

dusk all dusk Walkers are essentially

born as Darkness like they're amorphous

little dark things and once they start

eating they take on the characteristics

of whatever they've eaten

so the first thing he ate was an

antelope so that's how he got the skull

yeah

so then he she sees more of his body

he's got like fur on it and some

feathers and some fish scales somewhere

he's like a little collage yeah so these

are all the different things he's eaten

and then he he explains that

the first time he ate a human was

essentially an accident because he

didn't have any intelligence he was just

an animal essentially so he just

happened upon a hunter in the woods ate

this human and started to gain knowledge

and empathy and emotion and

understanding and so he continued to eat

humans to build his intelligence and to

become more human essentially huh

so um you are what you eat

is how it

how it all works yeah

so I'm just imagining being the author

of this book and being like how do I

make you are what you eat but sexy

but is it sexy I don't

how did you feel when reading about the

tentacle handy

was there anything about it you were

like oh this is intriguing or were you

like

this is something that I'm reading very

clinically

it's more it was more like

um

watching a nature documentary was it

intriguing yes

did I have questions also yes was I into

it no I'm like okay yeah

um

so I also speaking of Nature

Documentaries oh no

why no no no I don't know because this

book is

it stresses me out so a long time ago

when Snoop did Pleasant at Earth

I showed it to my father who still

thinks it's one of the funniest things

he's ever seen

and tries like we'll just add like like

he thought plazan at Earth was a really

funny title and I think maybe at least

once whenever we see my parents he makes

some sort of like trying to like make us

like a turn of phrase or like a play off

of it but like my dad really [ __ ] with

Santa

and to be fair

I like it more than most major

documentaries I would agree

it's all about the narration and I feel

like they're like we we got this really

Regal sounding narrator David

Attenborough yeah I'm like cool and I'm

just gonna doze off while I walk like

yeah

but when Snoop does it I'm like I'm

invested I'm engaged all the way yes yes

absolutely yeah so if you haven't

watched planet Earth

maybe not 10 out of 10 would recommend

but

did it start as a Kimmel bit

I don't know

I don't know very unnecessary tangent

here

but that's okay just processing out loud

I can appreciate that that's what most

of this is for me right now is trying to

process out loud okay so we learned that

you are what you eat he yep we are and

then

um he there's a demon Town that's like

further into the veil and he is gonna go

there to get supplies and stuff and she

wants to go with him and he's like

absolutely not like it's really not safe

you can't come okay and another dusk

Walker shows up

and he is clearly less he's eaten less

humans than Orpheus he doesn't have a

name and he's like will you give me one

and she's like no

I don't think I will give me one why a

name oh he's she's like I don't I don't

think so but like that's really

important that should be somebody who

like who you really care about should

give you a name right and he's like also

cinnamon cinnamon bun energy where he's

like wanting to touch her and stuff not

to be gross but he's just super curious

because he's never been this close to a

human woman before and so he's like got

all these questions and as soon as she's

like nope nope don't like that he's like

okay I'm like his eyes turn pink like a

reddish pink color which apparently

means they're embarrassed and he's like

I'm really sorry

um and then of course Orpheus comes out

and is like I will literally crack your

skull

don't ever touch her again like get away

um but this little demon is like well I

want

I want a companion too will you teach me

how to build a house and Orpheus is like

no I will not do that and Rey is like

Orpheus like go help him come on

so he takes this other desk Walker they

go to get supplies

um I'm glad he's helping him I honestly

got a little sad for a second well

Orpheus was like

Rey is my focus I'm not I'm why would I

no you're very dumb I had to figure it

out on my own I'm sure you can get there

like well you had to eat a lot of humans

and you can help him and save human

lives exactly just saying Orpheus don't

be a selfish dick he's not he does help

he's not

I just

I just want everyone to be successful we

just want everybody to be happy yes oh

and I forgot in all of this Orpheus is

also training Reya to use a sword for

protection

um okay which is really nice

um so

yep yep yep

um okay so okay

he goes to the demon town he helps the

other dusk Walker he comes back

Raya is adamant that because he can't

his dick is so big he can't get all the

weight in her and she's like but they've

now tried yes okay and I mean they

they've been successful he's just not

fully in like it's a partial situation

for him she's full up but got it that I

was actually wondering that I was like

is that

I was like would more Lube help or does

she just her little human body only has

so much room to give right okay so she's

like

you know I'm like begging him

essentially like I want I want all of

you I want all of you and he's like I

can do that but it's gonna It's Gonna

Change you and she's like

do it like I want you to do it and he's

like are you sure he's like super big on

consent this whole time is like are you

positive are you really sure she's like

yep so while they're banging

he digs his claws into her belly

for like his whole hand

and literally rearranges her guts so

that his whole dick will fit

okay took me a second I've processed I

accept we can move forward

yep yep yep yep

so

after that he like and even before

he can't stop touching her he wants to

be banging her all the time he's like

super obsessed with her and eventually

she's like Orpheus

babe

I need a break and he's like oh

oh so you you don't you don't want to

like you just had to tell me like we

don't have to like I'm really and she's

like sweetheart I literally need a day

for my body to just rest for a moment

that's all I'm asking for like I'm not

saying I don't ever want to have sex

again yeah just like

we've been having sexcation yeah

non-stop Non-Stop

please give me a moment and he's like oh

are you hurt and she's like no and he's

like well let me take care of you and

he's like

making sure that she's okay and like

holding her and you know he asked her to

teach him how to cook for her

um so that he could make her things and

all that stuff it's very very sweet and

he like immediately switches to

caretaker mode

um which she's like I'm kind of

regretting that I told him I didn't want

to bang because this is doing it for me

so

eventually

more stuff happens this book is over 500

pages by the way which is why I'm like

skipping some things yeah okay so I'm

pretty sure I'm hitting all the major

plot points but I'm skipping some things

because it is 500 pages here's the thing

if you miss a major plot point I'd never

know

good point so don't put that much

pressure on yourself thank you because I

will never know because I'm not gonna

read it I probably am not going to pick

this one up when there are seams

involved when they're a sexual scenes

it's I'd say that's more your book

energy than my book energy I did I don't

read a lot of Monster books

and I feel like I've read one or two

but I feel like it's more like I'm like

I'm like dipping a toe right in the

monster water sure right yeah

where I'm like oh

if they were still mostly human that

would really help me conceptualize as

I'm like

testing out the waters I can understand

and

then I think some of the Monster books

that you read and review are just fully

sending it so when we talk about them

I'm like oh I don't know if I'm ready

for that

I'm like oh

I need to be eased in yeah yeah I

understand I mean it's kind of like when

you're reading a like reverse Harem and

you're like we're just gonna start with

three dicks like

we're gonna build I read one book and

there were seven up for them and like

and I feel like three of them had P

names and I just kept confusing all of

them and I'm like there's too many

what did I read the seven sins of snow I

think was like a snow white retelling

where there were seven and I was like

what is hat like I can't logistically

and just

I can't keep track of where all the

dicks are yes you know like it's too

much to track at one point you're like

did I count eight right like wait where

did that one come from or one shows up

and you're like I forgot about that one

holy [ __ ] like

quite frankly

the thought of being personally

responsible

for the pleasure of seven dicks

is exhausting yes

and I'm not saying if I weren't a kept

woman

but like

that's a full-time job kind of I'm not

working if there's an expectation that

I'm sexually pleasing seven men because

you know what I'd like to think that

their incomes combined I was gonna say

able to like I might be able to be

supported yeah because yeah I'm like

there's there's just not enough of you

to go around right and I like read one

of these books and this house out here

like seven dicks deep bacon cakes being

like the town healer and I'm like girl

you are doing the most right now too

exhausting truly like

when do you sleep

right I would be in the bed at all times

like you know where to find me I

understand my job but this is where I

live now well but also it seems like

every time she would go to sleep she'd

wake up with someone in her bed touching

her no stop touching me and I feel like

there would need to be two I would need

two bedrooms right I did like this is

the bedroom that just has an open door

policy

right and this is the bedroom where I

actually sleep and if I'm in that

bedroom don't touch me I need actual

rest yes

seven dicks is just so much

if you're interested in reversing your

room we do recommend starting

with three

with a book with three otherwise it's

too overwhelming

we've also talked about this before but

reverse Harem always makes me laugh when

it's like the college or like yes I'm

like what all of these like 18 year old

high school students or freshmen in

college completely ripped full tats

here's dicks like come on now come on

laughs

okay so back to the monsters clearly

it's easier for me to wrap my brain

around seven ticks than it is with a

sexual scene honestly I don't know which

one is more mythical or unlikely an 18

year old with the kind of sexual prowess

we read in some of these reverse harems

or um sexually confident women you will

ever is this like 18 and you know

I

I should have been more sexually

confident when I you know but I'm like

all of you are just

I was like we we grew up in very

different households if you are this

sexually liberated

I mean good for you yes it's like

[Music]

I was like I don't know also you like

your body just doesn't have enough holes

or hands

you got some feet oh I'm trying to be

like now I'm using

well but if you're using your feet

wouldn't that make it more difficult to

use the holes you do have

yoga

but I do feel like both feet

would have to be for one right yeah

we've we've topped out at six yeah yeah

you're like

I've got three holes

two two hands

and

one foot hybrid

I mean two feet for one dick though so

right right six

technically does your body have other

holes

yeah none that will not not that are

gonna be used for anything but what they

were

designed for originally but what the

Lord intended

that's the line

okay but what the Lord intended

okay on that note where her guts are

rearranged

yep yep okay so that's where we are her

rearranged guts yep

so then

they have to go back to the demon town

she begs and bags and begs and finally

Orpheus agrees to take her

um it takes a few days to get there he

carries her most of the way it's very

sweet

um they get there and she's super

overwhelmed because it's like a little

city and they're just all these demons

walking around and what are essentially

human clothes and Street vendors selling

human meat and she's like what the [ __ ]

is happening right now well Orbeez

didn't want to take you yeah there was a

reason

uh she's a little overwhelmed

um and then

um Orpheus keeps like panicking that the

demon king is going to see her or find

out about her and is he not allowed to

have a human companion

so he is okay like the demons can

essentially do whatever they want for

the most part but he's worried because

the Demon King hates the dusk walkers

because

he's trying to build an Army and the

dusk Walkers all refuse to be a part of

it and because they're essentially

indestructible The Demon King doesn't

know how to kill them he hasn't found a

way to do it and so he is just pissed

that he can't control them so he's

worried that the Demon King will do

something to Raya out of spite

um

so she meets some demons who are really

nice

um there is a giant white owl that is

following them around and like leading

Reya places

um leads her to a bookstore it's a whole

thing

um apparently the white owl is like a

friend protector of Orpheus she's the

one that taught him how to plant the

garden and stuff so Hedwig yes

she also can transform into a human

though so okay well maybe less like

Hedwig in that regard yeah but um I

stand by it yes and he

um yeah she showed Orpheus

um a lot of what he knows about humans

about how to plant the garden and what

they need and that kind of stuff

um so then Orpheus

they finally get home they get their

supplies I'm sure there's other drama

um

they get home and Orpheus shares the

story of the original woman that he

built the house for and he explains that

he really he really loved her a lot he

thought and that's why he built this

house for her but

um she was always really miserable and

only ever wanted material things from

him jewelry and whatever and he did

everything that he could to keep her

happy and they were together for five

years but then at some point she left

him for the Demon King

so he shares the whole story and then

Reya starts crying and he's like what

what's happening why what's happening

and she's like I'm just so sorry that

happened to you and he's like you're

crying for me and it's this really sweet

moment where he's like you do care and

it's a nice little connection that they

have

um I feel like she had children she

cared before that I think that he was

afraid to believe that because he

believed it about this original woman

and then she like really destroyed his

heart and basically told him he was a

monster and she never wanted him to

touch her and like all this other stuff

and he does reveal I can't remember when

he reveals it but

he reveals that um he had never had sex

with any of his other offerings until

Reya

um we just had to rearrange her guts we

just had to rearrange her guts yeah I

don't know why the other ones weren't

more open to that

I do I very clearly do that was me

making a joke but absolutely [ __ ] not

if my organs have to be rearranged yeah

is too big

it's too much commitment

um

maybe if we've been married a long time

and it's still an ongoing issue right we

haven't found a workaround

I don't know if we're getting to

marriage yeah yeah okay sorry I'm just

what happens next

um so she's very touched that like he

hasn't slept with anyone ex other than

this other original woman he hasn't had

sex with anybody in like 200 years so

um she's like oh maybe that's why he

wants to do it five times a day every

day forever basically uh so some more

time goes by more Sweet Moments between

them Orpheus goes to get her some water

that she can drink and cook with because

the the blood water the blood water

won't do it

um and so he leaves her at the cottage

and then the Demon King shows up at the

cottage to take Reya away and

um Raya does try to fight him but

he's the Demon King he's the Demon King

he's still very early in her training

correct okay and so she's unsuccessful

so when he's on his when Orpheus is on

his way back he can smell the demon king

and starts to flip the [ __ ] out and so

he's like running around looking for her

I can't find her

um and so

um he's like well maybe maybe she left

me like the other one did maybe maybe

everything was a lie maybe she didn't

really want to be here and then he's

like wait wait wait no she kisses me the

other one never kissed me she holds me

the other one never did that she smiles

at me for me not just when I give her

things like she really cares about me

she wouldn't have just left me

um and so he loses his [ __ ] and starts

running back to the demon city

so the Demon King can teleport

um his name is Jabez

um Jabez can teleport and so she's

transported back to the castle and

there's this human woman there

and

um she's like this human woman is like

you're free now we've set you free

you're gonna be okay the nightmare is

over and she's like what the [ __ ]

what is happening right now like

no I didn't get my guts rearranged for

nothing

to not get [ __ ] down by Orpheus every

night

get your head out of your ass random

human lady right that's not no that's

not why we're here

so she's like

clearly I'm not safe clearly these

people are [ __ ] nuts so I'm just

gonna play along here and like Orpheus

will come for me

so

the woman is like well come here you

know take a take a bath you know wash

off that disgusting spell that he put on

you like blah blah blah and she's like

how does she know so much about him hmm

weird is it the original it is so she

um doesn't give her any privacy really

after she gets out of the bath and so

Reya is like going to get dressed again

and the woman is like staring at the

scars on her belly from where he

um rearranged her guts and

um she's like I knew it I knew that

you'd had sex with him and she's like

what are you talking about and like

trying to cover up as quickly as she can

and she's the woman is like totally

misreading everything and she's like you

don't have to be ashamed of what he made

you do and she's like what are you

talking about like she's like no this

isn't like a Stockholm no like I asked

him to do this I don't understand and

she's like well I get it because it

happened to me and she like lifts her

dress her name's Katarina she has the

same scars and she's like and now the

only person that can even sort of maybe

get me off is Jabez because he has a

huge [ __ ] but no human's ever going to

do it for me and even with Jabez it's

pretty [ __ ] hit or miss at this point

so she's like I'm

she's like really I'm sexually

frustrated by my own choices basically

she's like so I'm really sorry that

you're gonna be stuck [ __ ] demons

forever because

like you're never it's not going to work

with a human anymore she's like

perfect because I want to keep [ __ ]

my demon literally the whole point here

so um

Rey is super confused and she's like how

are you still alive that was 200 [ __ ]

years ago and apparently she made a deal

with Jabez for him to keep her alive

so

um

she

yeah she really believes that she's

doing Raya all kinds of favors like she

really thinks she is

um

and then

Reya realizes Katarina was so like

basically full of herself and just kind

of a [ __ ] that she never communicated

anything with Orpheus because she's like

oh he forced himself on me all the time

and Rey is like did you ever like let

him know that you weren't in the mood or

did she ever

say no and she's like I couldn't say no

like

I did like pretty regularly he was cool

like he just made me soup right like if

I said I didn't want to [ __ ] he'd be

like okay here's a present like honestly

right right she's like okay whatever you

say

um so

um

apparently

Katarina and Jabez have been watching

orpheus's house for quite some time they

can't see inside but they could see

outside

and so

um

yeah so

I covered all this except the demon king

is half elf

so he's half elf and half demon and he's

from A Different World

okay because he's a hybrid his home

world was like

they hated him there and so he opened a

portal took a bunch of demons with him

so that he could grow their numbers and

their strength and then go back and take

over his home world so he has all this

magic and stuff because he's half elf

which is why he can teleport and all

that other stuff

um

so

essentially they took Reya to get

Orpheus to the castle because Katarina

part of the deal she made with Jabez was

that um she would be allowed to kill

Orpheus someday once they learned how to

kill a dusk Walker she'd be allowed to

kill him and so

um really it had nothing to do obviously

with rescuing Raya it was about getting

Orpheus to the castle so

um

Raya

stands up and is like absolutely not

like he's he's kind and caring and you

guys are [ __ ] nuts and blah blah blah

and Katarina gets pissed and she's like

well here's what we're gonna do

I was just gonna go ahead and kill you

but now you are going to watch while he

picks me over you

you're just a cheap replacement for me

anyway like he's been looking to replace

me all these years blah blah blah so

you're gonna watch

and then

we're gonna feed you to him and then I'm

going to kill him like

she did like a whole villain

she really covered that whole monologue

full villain monologue about it so

um

then uh we flipped Orpheus he's super

confused super upset and he's terrified

of what's happening to Reya while he's

not there so he gets to the castle he

finds Katarina

um Katarina tells him that Raya agreed

to be her replacement for the Demon King

so that Katarina could go back with

Orpheus she's like I know you've been

wanting me all these years and Reya made

that possible for us

also that's not the same as him choosing

no so no no no

um so he's like he feels super betrayed

that Reya would do that and then he's

like so but did she I need to talk to

her like I'm not interested in talking

to you I need to find her so then

Katarina gets more and more angry and

breaks one of the little like

decorations that Reya made for his

antlers and so he loses his [ __ ] he's

like Rhea told me she'd be really upset

if they got broken or anything happened

to them and Katarina broke it like why

would you do that like he's really upset

that Rey is gonna be upset like that's

why he's mad

um so then

um she suddenly appears the Demon King

had had her cloaked in the room to watch

this whole thing so um he couldn't or if

he's couldn't see her smell her so she

suddenly appears because apparently she

nailed him in the seam which is the same

as nailing him in the balls to get him

to let go of her so that she could run

after Orpheus so she's like sprinting

full force at him and she looks really

angry and he's like she must be really

upset about the Bell from my antler he's

like oh no

but it turns out Katarina is behind him

with a knife and she was about to crack

his skull but I forgot to mention they

kidnapped another desk Walker and like

figured it out at some point yeah you

kill him tortured him repeatedly until

they figured out how to kill him

so she um tackles Katarina to the ground

then

Orpheus fights Jabez Reya fights

Katarina big fight scene

um lots of things happen eventually Reya

kills Katarina and

um Orpheus tells the Demon King he's

like listen we are evenly matched like

it's not gonna happen you're not gonna

kill me clearly I'm not gonna kill you I

want to go the [ __ ] home I'm not

interested in doing this anymore

and just let me live in peace bro right

like I have no desire to lead a

revolution I just want to go home

so

um Jabez is pissed and he's like listen

your human killed my human unfucking

acceptable so Orpheus had been like

scooping Raya up to like leave with her

and sets her down because he thinks

Jabez is gonna like teleport at him

again so he sets her down so he can be

ready but instead of teleporting he

throws the knife like into Reyes back

and

um he the Demon King's like fair is fair

[ __ ] mine's dead yours is dead but you

better hope she dies really fast because

with all the blood she's bleeding your

hunger's gonna come out real quick I'd

really hate if you hate her while she

was still alive

what the [ __ ]

like

ew wow wow horrifying

he doesn't sound like he should really

be leading people no he does not sound

like a leader of

demons as I say leader of men but he's

not

no no

yeah it seems like he has some selfish

motivators that are not for his people

no no he clearly doesn't give a [ __ ]

about a single person ever

so

um

yes

Reya is dying she's like on the ground

bleeding a lot

um and he it's so sad he's like begging

her not to leave he's like you promised

you wouldn't leave me like you promised

like please don't and she's like not

really sad that she's dying

because when he had told her about

eventually like through all this she'd

been like do I want to give him my soul

she's like I don't really want to live

forever I don't really it's not that I

don't want to be with Orpheus it's that

I like I don't particularly want eternal

life it hasn't been great up to this

point like yeah I'm not really

interested in prolonging it but she's

like man I really don't want to leave

him like he's gonna blame himself and

he's you know she's like you'll find

another you'll find another companion

and he's like but they won't be you and

they won't make me Trinkets and they

won't and he's like listing all these

things about her and she's like

um

she declares her love

um

and so she's not dying that quickly no

but it's happening with a quickness now

that she's like declared her love it's

like really happening so then she's like

you know what

how do I give you my soul and he's like

you just have to want to and she's like

okay well

I do so [ __ ] what now like I'm

bleeding out [ __ ] like moving along

so there's this whole thing where she

feels this burning in her chest and this

like light comes out of her and she like

holds it up to Orpheus and he eats it

UPS why do you seem so confused about

that Hannah

well well because she's confused about

it and then she's like she's like of

course he ate it he eats everything like

as she's dying so she's like taking her

last breaths and she's like of course he

[ __ ] ate it

and she's like well I guess it didn't

work because this is me I'm out I'm

really sorry like she's like apologizing

to him

and she dies and he's like holding her

it goes to his point of view he's like

holding her in his arms and he's like no

no no no like I did what I was supposed

to do you're supposed to live forever

now like what the [ __ ] is this and she

like turns to Ash like in his arms and

he's like holy [ __ ] like

oh God and so he's like losing his mind

so he's like well maybe maybe she's not

dead like maybe she's still alive

somewhere like I have to go find her so

he like searches the whole castle The

Demon King is heckling him and he's like

I will literally [ __ ] kill you get

away from me I have to find her so he's

running through the woods he goes and

checks his house and she's not there and

he's everywhere and he can't find her

but he can sort of smell her sometimes

and like sort of thinks he can hear her

voice and he's like I'm I've gone insane

like she really is dead like I've gone

nuts but of course she's not dead

um

um how long was she gone like

um it seemed like it was a day or two

okay

um so

she comes to

with Orpheus kind of like over him

while he's running through the woods and

she's like

this is different and new

I am a ghost

she's like hold on because she's like

holding up her hands and she's like well

I'm I'm translucent which is new

um and she's like yelling for him and he

clearly can't hear her and she's like

well what the [ __ ] like what

this is not gonna work and she's like I

really wish I were solid again and then

she becomes solid again but he's moving

so fast he's like gone in the woods and

so some demons show up and eat her

because he took off and doesn't know

that she's there

so she comes to again over top of

Orpheus and she's like well that was a

super unpleasant way to die like

cross that off my list of things to do

in the future because that [ __ ]

sucked don't want to do that again

so she like comes in front of him to

where he can see her ghost and he's like

but this isn't you're not supposed to be

like this how can you be with me if I

can't touch you like like I want to

cuddle like what are we gonna do and

she's like I need you to take me home

and he's like but you're not at home

like your body's not at home I already

looked and she's like I know I

understand I need you to take me home

it's not safe for my body here I need

you to take me home and he's like okay

fine whatever

Sprint's home

to their Cottage okay she becomes

physical again and he like loses his

mind he's like

he is crying she didn't realize he could

cry he's like leaking blood what is his

blood essentially from his little eye

sockets

um because he's so upset about

everything

um and

um

then she he wants to like hold her and

feel her and all this and she's like I

don't

I don't want this like I don't want you

like this

she's like so you're gonna have to catch

me and he's like what the [ __ ] are you

talking about I don't want to chase you

and she's like but I want you to chase

me so she just goes incorporeal over and

over again every time he catches her she

goes incorporeal until he gets really

mad like he gets really mad his eyes are

bright red

um and she he catches her again and he's

like I've got you and

she says

if your dick isn't immediately in my

[ __ ] it doesn't count and goes

incorporeal again eventually he catches

her

they bang it's super violent

um but she's into it that's what she

wanted

um he's still trying to hold back

because he doesn't want to hurt her and

she's like what do you not understand I

literally can't die like [ __ ] go for

it like come on now

give me those crab claws which he does

so

yeah

immediate regret on your face immediate

regret on your face

yeah so then

it's very sweet he takes care of her he

cleans her up they go inside they bang

again but with her on top and they had

never done that before he's like well

I've never done this before with anybody

ever and she's like great well I'm

excited

I'm gonna I'm gonna leave out some of

the details because

just because they don't that yeah it's a

safe space to leave out details I don't

I don't think we need them they don't

need to be said but like his tentacles

hold her while they bang and she's like

can you not do that well I'm trying to

ride you because it's like inhibiting a

lot and he's like I I mean I can but I

really don't like it so she adjusts so

his tentacles are holding her ankles

and She Bangs him and there's lots of

Declarations of Love everything's

amazing and then he's like after they

have their sweet solidifying [ __ ] and

everything

he's like will you make me another Bell

for my antlers and she's like yes of

course I will

um so

honestly

that's really it the owl shows up again

at some point to explain that she's

actually orpheus's mom which is weird

um

of course

obviously Antelope headed man

mother uh of course and she's like

um you better get him to do a spell so

that you don't get pregnant she's like I

can't get pregnant we're not the same

species and she's like well you couldn't

get pregnant before but you're a phantom

now so she can she has two forms you're

a phantom now so you can so you may want

to figure that out

um which is fun thanks owl mom

appreciate it like should I call you mom

owl mom what what do you prefer

um so yeah

that's really it and then she he offers

to go back to the Village to like kill

all the people who were mean to her

um and she's like are you going to eat

them and he's like well I could but that

that will change me and she's like no

he's like well maybe she maybe she

doesn't like me maybe she wants me to be

more human and she's like no we should

give them to the other dust Walker he's

very stupid and could use a little bit

more humanity and he's like oh

I really love that that came full circle

so that's what he does he goes and he he

kills all the people who are mean to her

so

that's the book there is another one

that follows the Dumber dusk Walker

um

so

huh yeah

seems like a perfectly fine

monsters my book

it's the eating people

like like I'm sorry it's

it's the eating people

it's really hard for me to suspend

belief

the eating people seems tentacles Frills

okay not Flair

not Flair but like the eating people was

just

okay it was a central theme and there

was like a constant threat that if she

got scared or got her period he was

gonna eat her because the smell of her

blood would be too much

but look at all that they overcame to be

together

you're right they did yeah okay so

rating system ratings go

I don't know antlers cinnamon rolls

cinnamon rolls Bells we could do Bells

we could do Bells

um

total transparency I gave this book one

star on Goodreads right after I finished

it because I was so like

what the [ __ ] we're just

we're just gonna end with him giving

humans to his buddy to eat that's how

we're gonna end and humans that had it

coming I mean our an argument could be

made Fair

um but yeah total transparency I did do

one star and I think I think that my my

review was something about like

why are we eating so many people

it doesn't matter ironically the way in

which you reviewed this book

verbally right I would have assumed it

was a higher rating

so I liked the story a lot like the

story was really interesting it was like

a Beauty and the Beast thing a little

bit

um and I did like the story but some of

the details were just like like and I

think you left out some of the the

details right so I think that's why I'm

like oh it's not that bad and you're

like but it's really the eating people

Chelsea and I'm like they didn't eat

that many people and you're like oh but

they did there were 500 pages there was

a lot yeah there was a lot and I I left

out some things and some things in the

sex scenes were like

oh no

[Laughter]

and I have I you know I have read some

monster smut that's not the issue

clearly I was just like what no I don't

I didn't like that

um so the story itself the storyline

itself I really liked it was just some

of the details took away from the story

for me okay

um so one star was probably a little bit

harsh well but if it's like Liberty

Bells like those are very large Bells

true and he is a large man are these

more like hand bells like little like

trinkety like well they were like like

Jingle Bells were what were on his

antlers okay

um so I could do I would give it

if I could separate the ratings into

like the story and the the details okay

it would be the story would be like

probably a seven and a half out of ten I

really liked the story damn okay but the

details of it made it like

a two and a half out of ten so if we

split it I guess five out of ten

I was gonna say four out of ten four

five four and a half sure so we'll we'll

bring it to like two out of five two out

of five we can do two and a half out of

five if you feel better eat between a

two and a two and a half

Jingle Bells not Liberty Bells is where

we land on this one yes um let us know

your thoughts let us know what you'd

like us to review next don't forget to

like And subscribe and tell all your

friends and tell all your friends and

we'll see you next time smart [ __ ] bye

y'all bye

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