Smut Club

foreign

[Music]

ladies and gentlemen

Guys and Dolls and everyone in between

gather round

something real nice to sip on and comfy

to slip on

cause it's time for smut Club

here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna

[Music]

hi everybody and welcome to smut Club

hey y'all I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and

as we said this is smart Club yep you

know

if if you're on this episode this

probably isn't your first one you know

what we're doing here yep

um but welcome we're glad you're here

today I'm drinking I actually Hannah I'm

cheating on bota box

and I felt a little guilty about it not

that Boda Box gives a [ __ ]

they're fine but I'm like it we're not

sponsored by motobox but it'd be a lot

cooler if we were but also I'm not

drinking bota box

so um we're not sponsored by hijinks

either but it'd be a lot cooler if we

were Hannah's drinking Moto box I am

I didn't know that Chelsea brought me my

already poured beverage so

it's a pretty heavy pour it is a little

bit

like part of me wants you to drink all

of it while you review this book but

then part of me is also like will that

go off the rails we're gonna find out we

will find out at least we have goals and

you know the goals as we move into this

episode that I finish this also I meant

to tell you your manicure and pedicure

look very nice thank you I specifically

noted them earlier thank you self-care

for the win last night I had had a

little bit of wine and I was like Matt I

was trying to do a nude nail color and

when the lights are lower it's very much

nude but it's a little more peachy in

the light and he goes he did a really

good job honey and then I was like you

did it yourself no but I picked the

color and I was really proud of it

I was going to call it like a light

pumpkin it is that's a good yes yeah

it's a light pumpkin and I I was like

thank you and you know what it matches

my underwear too and he was like yep

basically invisible honey you did a

really great job

I was like thanks honey like that was

the affirmation I was looking for

I was like oh like my heart was so warm

and that's how I knew I needed to go to

sleep

you went too far your heart was warm

from the compliment or the wine or both

a little column a little column B yeah

touche yeah all right what book are we

reviewing today the last eligible

billionaire by Pippa Grant

we love a good billionaire book and we

really do all these like 20 maybe 30

year old billionaires that like

it's nepotism

yeah and yet they're like I've worked my

ass off to get here I'm like you got an

internship at your daddy's company and I

don't even know what this book is oh no

that tracks 100 yeah but they're like

have you read this

I not that one

I've read a lot of books with

billionaire that I don't okay I was

dying laughing one of my co-workers text

me last night and was like Chelsea have

you read anything by Carla Sorensen or

whatever her name is and I was like

I think so let me check and I like open

Goodreads and then I text her back I was

like yeah so I've read like nine books

by her she's like nine and I was like

well she's written a lot of books they

were series like don't make me feel

weird about it apparently they like live

in the same town and she like has like a

mutual connection she's like let me know

if you want me to

uh make a introduction for you and I was

like oh I was like well we've we've

pissed off a couple authors

we have a little bit I was like I don't

for the sake of your windows because I

don't live in the same state as this

co-worker I was like for the sake of

your windows not getting busted in in

this introduction

yeah maybe we'll leave it but I also

feel like all of Carla's books are like

that like they're all like sweet Sports

romance right right where you know what

to expect I like feel that with like

billionaire books as well right you're

like I know

roughly like I don't I don't know what's

comfortable yes

and this is no exception and we are

you know we're bimbos for billionaires

and I feel like we've settled into it

is that going to be in our future merch

oh my God those for billionaires yes it

should be

um transfer trillionaires

um is it not so meat cute by Megan Quinn

I don't know I've read so much Megan

Quinn lately I've been on a Megan Quinn

binge I Can't Tell You Why

so the girl is like walking down the

street looking for a rich husband and

the other dude is walking down the

street

looking for a fake fiance but she's like

read an article I'm like how to get a

rich man or something and they're like

braids the answer is brave what

I feel like Megan Quinn's books out of

pocket

they are out of [ __ ] pocket

it's the the truest thing like there are

some things that have like because you

and I have text about like the one yeah

with the blow job yep where the girl was

like I'm really insecure about myself

and like my partner always put me down

sexually

and then her first time ever giving this

guy a [ __ ] she puts her finger up his

ass it is it is a hard left the whole

time and it's not even just the the

sexual things in her book

in her books because I texted you last

night about the one I'm reading right

now where like it's this group of

friends and it's based on the Atlanta

Braves basically but they're called the

Atlanta Warriors I just read it because

it was set in Atlanta I was like oh that

might be fun you're like I live in

Georgia this is great yeah I lived in

Atlanta for a long time this will be fun

and

um yeah so it's all these baseball

players it's like group of friends

whatever and this girl's

fiance is a special operator for the U.S

military and his plane goes down and he

dies three days before their wedding and

then two years later she's been wild now

but she decides she's ready to like get

better and whatever so she makes dinner

for this guy who's really interested in

her and has invited him over to her

house and she opens the door and it's

her dead fiancee I was like what the

[ __ ] is happening right now

what did you read one true loves

um by um

who wrote Daisy and the six I don't

remember Taylor

I want to say like Taylor read Jenkins

or Taylor Jenkins read or something I

could also be very off on this and I

have my phone but I'm not going to check

I'm just going to live I'm I'm just you

know just going to live I was gonna say

like the 90s or like before the internet

but then I was like no I'm just going to

live period

um

well that was like

her

husband had died on a trip or something

and then years later she's like dating

someone about to be engaged I don't

remember something and then the guy her

husband hadn't died but he like was like

surviving on an island and had finally

made his way back like Castaway style a

little bit like like came back like had

like scars and like I think he was like

missing fingers I don't know it was a

long time since I read it

um

but it was one of those where then she's

like trying to reconcile who she is in

her new life since leaving him it was a

little bit more like poignant and a

little less like rom-commy yeah I mean

this isn't ROM call me it's just

straight soap opera e it's not very

poignant it's not there's not a lot of

depth there and there's not a lot of

depth in the book review of today yes we

could continue on this whole entire

thing but the last eligible billionaire

Pippa Grant so

I really enjoyed this book and I wanted

to review it for a little while but I

kept putting it off because like the

magic of this book is in the like banter

it's in the one-liners and so you miss a

lot of the like magic okay that's how I

felt when we reviewed my killer vacation

like I was like as I was reviewing it I

was like I'm doing this book a

disservice yeah because I can't capture

the quick wit and the banter exactly so

I'm gonna do my best but we'll see how

it goes we forgive you in advance thank

you I appreciate it and you should

forgive yourself

I'll work on it it's a journey

every day a therapist trust the process

so

um Haze is our main man okay

um and we open with him he is arriving

he has this like secret beach house and

um in Maine and he's wanting some down

time he is coming from his brother's

wedding and immediately prior to that he

had

um An Unexpected death in the family and

of his cousin that he was tight with so

he was at a funeral and then a wedding

and he is like apparently introvert to

the max his social battery is done he's

over it so he's going to his beach house

to like recharge and have some alone

time and he's exhausted

um and so he uh gets to the house and he

finds it trashed there is like clothing

everywhere the refrigerator door is

standing open there's like it's just a

disaster so he is like some like oh oh

never mind this question doesn't matter

I mean I kind of did I'm gonna ask it

anyway I changed my mind like someone

partied there trash or like a storm came

through partied okay yeah and um what I

loved about the like

the introduction to Haze in this is that

when he gets there and he finds the

fridge door open the thing that enrages

him more than apparently somebody has

broken into his house is that there was

a cheesecake in the refrigerator that is

now ruined and he finds that unfucking

acceptable like his rage level goes like

I already like Hayes so high so I feel

the same about cheesecake

right yeah it's a passion so he hears

music and he follows it up to his

bedroom in his bathroom where he hears

the worst singing he's ever heard in his

life and

um he discovers an intruder in the

bathroom and she's got some kind of goop

on her face she is wearing his silk robe

wide open trying to shave her vagina

with her hair up in a towel

um

and

so for some reason at this point Pippa

decides to rather than tell us what the

[ __ ] is going on she explains more about

Hayes family history so his mother

doesn't matter I mean it will damn it I

just want to know what's going on I was

trying to decide like should I tell you

and then but I'm just gonna take you out

on the journey when Kristin Ashley

starts like going on about someone's

wardrobe I was like that man does not

look at like I'm like the way she

describes the men looking at women's

clothing no I'm like okay and I was like

hey just get there faster Kristen just

get there faster no this is relevant and

important so his mom has been trying to

set him up with someone trying to marry

him off and he is over it he wants no

part of it

um

his family is some kind of like Disney

Hallmark

situation media conglomerate yeah so

they have these like cute little

hallmarky type movies that are very like

um

non-controversial very like easy fun but

they also have a theme park for some

reason so I don't know so

did I read this book no because I feel

like I just read one where I was very

confused because it was another like

media conglomerate where they were like

theme parks yeah and shows

so okay and I

did I read this

I don't think I did but this sounds the

family Dynamic is this a series

no well [ __ ] man okay we're just gonna

keep rolling so um oh I'm sorry she

wasn't shaving she was waxing my notes

say waxing her bachango

have you ever tried to home wax not my

bajango

I wasn't going

did you get there anyway

I'll just there was wax everywhere like

so my sister

my sister's a stylist my sister like

does what like as she had the home

waxing stuff and she had historically

like done my legs for me and she was

like I'm too busy but it's not that hard

here's my setup so I took it home to

Tobias Funke on Arrested Development

with the blue paint where I was like I

just kept finding like sticky things

everywhere I was like this

this was harder than I anticipated and

Messier yeah yeah it was like

I I thought the wax would be easier to

control than it was no okay so she she

wasn't trying to shave what oh I have

questions about did none of these

questions matter I mean you can ask them

like did she bring her own waxing kit

did he have waxing supplies there I

imagine she brought her own because

we're gonna she she was trying to do a

home Spa thing because she had a mask

and whatever

um or it could also be like the um

pre-made waxing strips where you're not

doing the hot wax right we were once on

family vacation and my family told me I

had a mustache and then when they were

buying groceries they bought me waxing

strips for life

or is it honest and helpful Hannah was

it honest and helpful it can be both

mean and helpful

like fair enough when my sister cut all

of her hair off and dyed it brown and

then when she came home from college and

it was greasy and I told her she looked

like Snape

like it was a hard truth but it really

felt like no one else was was going to

be brave enough to tell her yeah if you

can't be honest with your sisters who

can you be honest with really exactly

yeah so like

here's the thing was it a little mean

sure did I have a mustache

also yes

it was actually very nice of them to buy

four

and over the years so it's like stocking

stuffers at Christmas they'll put in

like the little like little the little

tiny razors yeah the face razors they'll

put those in

so thoughtful it is yeah yeah we're a

hairy family hmm as long as you know

that about yourselves right we're a

supportive but hairy people

okay so she's trying to homework she is

she is trying to home wax her lady bits

and he goes to confront her and she

starts flipping the [ __ ] out and

throwing anything she can grab at him

including an electric toothbrush

and she's screaming marshmallow at the

top of her lungs and he is like is this

some kind of weird sex thing is

marshmallow a safe word I don't

understand what is happening right now

um and yeah yeah her tits are waving in

the wind this this robe is wide open

he's getting full frontal green [ __ ] all

over her face it's a mess and um

he realizes all of a sudden I don't know

why he didn't pick this up when she

initially started screaming but he

realizes like oh my God she's terrified

of me right now maybe I should calm down

so he like pulls back a little bit

um well that's good insight and she's

like I rented this house and he's like

no you didn't because it's mine and

she's like no I I paid for it and um

as they are having this argument

um a dog apparently marshmallow comes

flying out of nowhere trying to attack

him

so that's our that's our opener that's

our opener

so Brandon is

sitting here lovingly looking in my eyes

he really is and he I'm sorry to

interrupt you you're the worst attack

dog

he would like

whenever he barks at people walking past

it's never to be protective

it's always because he wants to alert

them to his presence just in case they

want to come become his new best friend

yeah what about Indy

um Andy

has a pretty mean bark and she can be

she can be pretty intimidating but the

issue is and this has happened a couple

of times like once she hopped the pen

the fence at my parents house because

she saw a deer and she took off after it

and she caught it she caught all the way

up to it and then it was like she was

like I didn't think I would make it this

far and she like freaked out and started

like backing up because she was like I

don't know what to do now and so I don't

think it's like oh the deer called my

bluff I was not prepared yeah so I think

she's she is a good like intimidation

Factor but I don't know that she has the

follow through

Gizmo definitely doesn't he's paralyzed

yeah dogs that have to wear diapers yeah

um don't scream intimidation and I say

that as someone whose dog sometimes has

to wear diapers

hey bud sweet boy you're perfect anyway

so begonia is our lady she is freaking

begonia does she does she go by gony

nope she goes by begonia I was waiting

for a nickname like Mia or something

nope begonia B begonia okay begonia and

Haze yep got it so she's freaking out

she's got no cell service at this place

um she was trying to give herself a

post-divorce getaway and a little bit of

a makeover and

um they continue to argue that she

rented the house so

um he makes some like Sly comment about

like

you know her appearance because she is

looking rough as [ __ ]

um

and

um yeah he's like this is not

a good look for you like looks the

situation yeah was it it's not very nice

but In fairness she broke into his house

she rented it he didn't know that it's

been a rough week for him so not her and

her everyone's just trying their best in

this scenario

very true

so marshmallow the dog failed out of

service animal training not because he

couldn't perform the tasks but because

he does them however and whenever he

sees fit

so

he just literally does whatever he wants

um

so

um

they eventually argue about like going

over this rental agreement she swears

she has

um and as they're arguing marshmallow

steals Hayes's phone and just runs out

with it just runs away with it and Hayes

is

pissed oh he's so ready to be done with

everything so we're back to Hayes

um the dog took his phone to the

wireless charger and set it up on it

helpful hey man I saw your battery was

low just thought I'd be of assistance

lesson

um and so then

begonia finally realizes who he is and

who his family is and she starts like

gushing because his brother is like the

main leading guy in all of the movies

but Hayes has never had any part of that

so she's like gushing about his brother

and his family and stuff

um

and she taken the mask off at this point

she has now okay she has now and she

also had dye in her hair so she she was

really having a moment so

um she gets all emotional when he asks

for her last name and she's like I'm

sorry I just picked it this is the first

time I've ever told anybody what my last

name is and he's like what the [ __ ] is

happening just get out of my house he's

really not into it so

um he's also now having an allergic

reaction because he's allergic to dogs

so his face is puffing up and he's

starting to have some trouble breathing

so

um she can't stop rambling she's just

going on and on

um and uh the dog also apparently

accidentally called his mother

which is not something that he wanted to

happen so now his mom knows where he is

and is bringing some

prospective wives to him to his

to his house he's not happy about it

um his brother that just got married

when he married his wife he left Hayes

as the last

eligible billionaire

oh in the world

in the world yep only one

um so

uh begonia has been hoping to ReDiscover

herself she goes out and out of the

shower and she finds she's like thinking

through like well this didn't go to plan

I was trying to like get back in touch

with myself she gets out of the shower

and she realizes that her dog

took all the towels and her clothes

and so

um

she's not pleased he's in the bathroom

Hayes is in or in the bedroom excuse me

waiting for her

um and he put the dog outside but the

dog can open doors and so he just comes

right back in when he's done

um and so she tells him he she's naked

and tries to like slip through to get

into the the closet and she falls and

get my notes say basically gives him a

straight shot of her waxed beaver

fair enough

or her half waxy she didn't she never

finished the wax

so it's not going well for either of

them

um

and she basically she's thinking through

like her ex was super controlling and

like really unkind to her which is why

she left the house trashed because he

her ex was always like

you know everything had to be perfect

and blah blah blah

um

and

yeah

what

well I know I'm trying to think of like

what is important to share here because

there's so many cute details but I'm

like if I get lost in the details we'll

be here forever

um

so I'll give you this detail because

it's cute so Hayes has also showered

when she meets him downstairs and he is

wearing um PJs with hands dancing

hamsters on them and she's gonna say

that again pajama bottoms with dancing

hamsters I thought you said ham dancing

hamsters and I was like

what is that I don't know dancing

hamsters dancing hamsters so I'm gonna

see that I'm not crying because this

book is making me so emotional I was

gonna say it is poignant is the word of

the day

yes so

um begonias hair she left the dye on for

entirely too long because of the whole

situation with Haze so now it's like

bright maroon like it's glowing maroon

um some people pay extra for that

so some people do

so he takes her phone and tries to pull

up her email to look at the rental

agreement and as it's pulling up she has

like 34 000 unread emails nope and

he is having an absolute meltdown about

it and tells her she needs psychological

help and so she just responds and says

my therapist is great and has been very

helpful through this entire divorce

and that's the energy of like the entire

book where people are try to like put

begonia down or like embarrass her or

something and she's just super sweet in

response and people who just don't know

what to do with her because of it

um yeah my notes say what a queen

um so

um yeah so mom is on the way what you

just keep going so

um

nobody but I'm curious what details I'm

not getting but then I agree where I'm

like it seemed like this book is just

like nothing but cute details then it's

hard to pair them down it is it really

is so

I just did it again I'm sorry I wasn't

trying to make you feel weird

damn it I just like see you processing

and trying to figure out which details

to include or not uh have another sip of

wine okay it's a big one it is that was

more than a sip it was close to a gold

so okay this is a detail that is not

important but it's funny so he gets a

text from his brother he's like you know

mom's on the way and he's like yeah I

[ __ ] know and he's like the only way

you're gonna get out of dealing with her

right now is to find some paparazzi

and find a special effects guy and

pretend to drown some puppies in front

of the paps so that Mom will leave you

alone or find a girl and pretend to be

madly in love

if I just find the closest girl

so couldn't you guess what happens next

I can't I'm this one's a real nail biter

yeah

so

um

head scratcher was the one I was looking

for now biter

was not the one I was looking for but it

is the one I committed to yeah we're not

that on edge but

marshmallow then wanders into the room

with a Priceless piece of art in his

mouth that he has chewed on and

um

yeah so I did it again I'm gonna hear it

now every time I do it uh sorry

so he

um tells begonia not to move or speak or

breathe don't even look at him because

she's like I can fix it I'm pretty sure

I can fix it and he's like you can't you

literally cannot that was commissioned

by my family it is the sculpture we had

made of my grandfather your dog

literally chewed his head off like you

can do nothing that's not a good one no

so Hayes comes back a few minutes later

and says that she's going to be his fake

girlfriend or he's gonna sue her for 10

million dollars

that's one way to to do that and she's

like um

he's like going on and on about there

might even be enough time for us to fake

an engagement as well we'll just see how

it goes but you will be my fake

girlfriend sign on the dotted line

is there an actual contract there is

okay he had one drawn up he left her

there she she was like am I allowed to

get off the floor I don't think I am

I'll just stay here

so

um she's like wait a minute wait a

minute are you gay

because wait the other question did he

find the contract

and he left her and went and called his

attorney not not that contract the one

for her renting the place yes yeah

so his he had like a caretaker

groundskeeper person for the house

um who apparently decided to move in

with his girlfriend and then his

girlfriend broke up with him and got

really really pissed at him so she

listed it on like

12 different vacation rental sites for

basically nothing and had overbooked it

significantly so if Hayes hadn't shown

up somebody else would have shown up

because other people have booked it

um

I was wondering about that mystery so

yes I'm glad we got an answer there that

was the nail biter that was the nail

biter so she asks if he's gay she's like

listen

I will happily be your friend and I will

support you but I will not be your beard

your family needs to accept you for who

you are that is unfucking acceptable

she's like on one about it and he's like

I'm not gay I literally just want to be

left alone can you please sign the

stupid piece of paper

um

so

she agrees and then Mom arrives

just with a bunch of women in tow just

two

no

yeah like

I mean I guess if that's your world that

it might not make you feel as weird but

like I can't imagine being like hey hop

in the car gonna drive you over to my

son's house see if maybe you can lock

them down yeah we're just gonna give it

a go one of one of the women in fairness

is his mother's assistant

um

and the other is the chick that mom's

trying to hook him up with

so um only one that she's trying to set

him up with yes but it's also pretty

clear through this whole thing that the

assistant is madly in love with Hayes

and he's just not even paying attention

to it

um

so when the mom walks in she immediately

starts ordering begonia around and like

telling her to retrieve their bags and

all this stuff

um and Hayes is like Mom this is this is

my girlfriend not my housekeeper yeah

and it's super duper awkward

um

and then

um the chick that uh

mom is trying to hook up with Hayes

uh begonia recognizes her she was on

Dancing With the Stars or something and

so

um this girl is being super rude to

begonia and begonia is like oh my God I

was so rooting for you when you were on

Dancing With the Stars you totally got

robbed and she's like gushing about what

an amazing job she did on Dancing With

the Stars and nobody knows what to do

like nobody knows how to handle her

because they're clearly being terribly

rude and she's just bebopping along yeah

so Hayes kisses her

um in front of them to like seal the

deal and she's like oh no that was a lot

more

enticing than I had hoped it would be

enticing she didn't use that word that's

just I was like intriguing no enticing

I went with it and then I hated it but I

had already committed I had already

committed oh I like that kiss a lot more

than I thought I would yes

and uh so then marshmallow shows up and

has a hot pink bra on his head because

he went into Amelia's luggage

and just was rooting around in there so

did he unzip her luggage as well he did

he did so Hayes orders him to give it

back and so he does and Amelia

immediately like throws it around like

trying to be sexy or whatever

um and Hayes pulls begonia in front of

him and she realizes it's because he's

super hard and he's trying to hide his

erection from his mother and she's like

this is the most awkward thing that's

ever happened to me he he was hard

because of Amelia's bra no I think

because of their kiss

is unclear but it seems to be because of

their kids I do have some questions if

her awkwardly waving a bra around that

had been on a dog was enough

no I don't think so I think it was the

kiss

so they're in his room because they

can't sleep separately and

um she's on the floor because she

refuses to sleep in the bed with him

and he's tossing and turning and tossing

internally and finally she's just like

get up move this is enough she light

some lavender incense and then gets in

the bed with him and starts giving him

like a scalp massage and he

is super into it and like starts to

finally relax because they're like not

he's been touching her in front of

everybody but outside of that like

they've had no real

nice interactions at all and so she's

like I just want to go to sleep and you

are driving me up a [ __ ] wall because

you keep rolling around so

um

he finally falls asleep with her

massaging his head

um and it's super funny because he's

like the waves are crashing around

because it's a beach house and he's like

is is that a mermaid like looking at her

like crazy hair because he's like half

asleep

um

so

it's the next day

um begonia goes to get groceries by

herself she sees

Hayes riding in with the chick in a golf

cart and he's like baby you can't just

go places you need security and blah

blah blah what trick Amelia the the

Dancing with the Stars girl yeah okay

um

so she convinces Hayes to walk back with

her and let Amelia take the golf cart

um and

Amelia keeps making snide remarks about

because begonia is like oh I just wanted

to get groceries so I could cook

everybody breakfast and blah blah blah

and Amelia's like that's what the help

is for like like really nasty kind of

[ __ ]

um but eventually she goes away

these details I'm just gonna leave alone

it's a great book if you want all of the

little details read it but we will be

here for hours because it's super cute

so I'm just gonna keep going

so as they're walking they keep running

into people like local people and

begonia just like charms every single

one of them and Hayes does not

understand he's like this does not

compute to my brain

um but I don't trust it like that's his

immediate thought he's like I don't I

don't trust it

so

um with his upbringing it makes me sad

for him but it also makes sense yeah and

there's all kinds of history that comes

later about that

um

Hayes is thinking like he's finally

relaxing as they're talking about their

childhoods and stuff like that

um and she shares that she's saving up

to move or to move to just go visit

Paris in a couple of years

um and

um don't mind my dog click clacking on

the floor he's doing his best

um Brandon where are you going he's

exploring

well that's like an active construction

area behind that curtain oh yeah that's

like the lobby to the studio the lobby

no it actually like there's like an

exterior door oh I didn't know there was

an exterior door I was like a Lobby how

cute I was like no it's like an actual

Lobby that's just unfinished

um previously known as the murder room

of this house yeah yes where when we

bought this house

um that room everything was unfinished

or like it was like drywall had been

thrown up but like completely unfinished

past that there was like one dangling

burned out light bulb oh no and some

like

really uh

I don't know the right word for it I

want to say like rudimentary or almost

like crude I think is the word I'm

looking for like wooden shelving like it

felt like where they like had

historically kept tools or things like

that right like you walked in and you're

like

someone has died here and in fact when

we were at closing they're like if you

ever get locked out of the house we're

like yeah they're like so you know that

exterior room that's only accessible

from the outside there was no door in

and and we went oh the murder room and

they go yeah that's the one I was like

yikes oh so you two you guys also

thought that this room was weird but

they essentially told us they're like

yeah you can crawl over the drywall and

then what is now the studio used to be

like a bedroom that had closets but

there's no windows down here so like

yeah you'd get a great night's sleep

um very dark but they're like yeah you

can crawl over the drywall into the

closet then get into the house how great

is that and I'm like

is it no I don't want to do that but

then when as soon as Vance realized that

like how it connected he's like I'm

taking that wall out and building a

recording studio and Alas and here we

are but no there is an actual like Lobby

exterior I'll show it to you when we're

done recording that's so funny you're

like oh cute Chelsea it's like a Lobby

no an actual one uh hey Brandon make

your choices bud so she's talking about

Paris and she's saving up and she says

it's gonna take her two more years to

save up all the money she needs to go

um

and he's like I'll just take you to

Paris this weekend

like obviously

um

and she says she doesn't want to because

she hasn't earned it she's like no this

is like this thing I'm working up

towards like I don't wanna and he's like

that's really dumb like I'm offering to

take you to Paris for free come on like

let's do it

and then he realizes she's really scared

about leaving marshmallow because

obviously he has some very unique needs

and most people can't care for him and

he's like marshmallow will be fine we'll

figure it out

um

and she's like okay I guess so she

finally agrees everything's great and

then they keep discussing and he finally

shares about how he sees the world and

how he believes that basically everyone

is just awful

um and eventually gonna betray him and

be terrible

um

and so she uh is like well that's really

[ __ ] dark dude like come on she

doesn't actually curse at all in this

book that's just me adding adding some

Flair

um sentence enhancers yes

he uh

yeah he's like actually I kind of like

this girl though she's really sweet like

like she's sweet and down to earth and

maybe we could be friends but

everybody's terrible

at the end of the day

so uh

she's like well I have a condition for

going to Paris and he's like what is it

now

you're like well I have a condition I'm

like like a skin condition like a

medical condition

for going to Paris and I was like what

and then I was like oh

what you were gonna say like [ __ ] he's

doing you a favor taking you to Paris

what do you mean you have a condition

I thought you meant like a medical

condition

that is not disclosed in the book she

may have one but but but it but Pippa

didn't write about it yeah she gave us a

lot of other detail but not that detail

walls

um so she's like I will go to Paris with

you if you have sex with me

and he's like hard pivot what

he's like uh I'm sorry what

and he's like okay so actually I was

wrong and she is just like everybody

else and she is absolutely using me just

this time not for my money she just

wants my dick great this has never

happened to me before I don't know how

to feel about it

um it she she goes on to explain more

and more that like she just wants to

move on from her marriage physically and

she finds him really attractive she's

like listen we can turn the lights out

you don't even have to look at me you

can call me somebody else's name I don't

even care begonia she's like a girl I

just need to get some

and he just stays silent because he does

not know what to do

and she's very very upset obviously so

he just changes the subject he's like

we're gonna go shopping for a New Dress

because I'm taking you out

tomorrow

and she's like okay

also so you don't want to bone me she's

like all right okay so awkward

you can well bless it you can turn the

lights out and call me by somebody

else's name my heart I know like you

don't even have to look at me

oh begonia babe

awful and uh he's like I'm I just want

to make her happy again because she was

so sweet when she was happy and like I'm

not I don't I don't

so then she gets even more mad when he

says that he's taking her shopping

because

she's like I don't want your money I

already have a dress unless you think I

need something new to be seen with you

because your standards are so high

Brandon doesn't know if he's coming or

going

no Brandon was very conflicted about his

life choice

he was he's upstairs now bye buddy

uh he's just very confused about what

the [ __ ] just happened because they were

having a really nice conversation and

then all of a sudden it was like

have sex with me call me somebody else's

name

which is fair in Hayes defense that's

fair

touche yeah yeah no but it also like

hurts my heart for begonia because like

when you think about it you can you can

definitely see both sides of that

conversation right you can see like her

trying to be vulnerable then you see him

being probably taken aback more than

he's like not into it right but then how

that those wires get crossed yep you

know

like the conflict in every rom-com

so true and he took too much time to

process so she just like backed out I

was like what

so

uh she is absolutely mortified with his

entire situation

um

and he she has some very awkward

interactions with his mom when they get

back to the house

uh and

it she gets it Hayes gets into a fight

with his mom because he's like I want

you to leave this is my like getaway

with my girlfriend you shouldn't be here

like just go

um yeah it is Mom and assistant and

Amelia all stayed once they realized

they were crashing his vacation with his

girlfriend they just rolled up and

stayed yeah

I mean I also imagine if you're a

billionaire it's not like a small house

no it's a pretty decent sized place it

sounds like

so

um

mom completely ignores him and says he

she's taking begonia shopping and he

storms out yelling that he's booking a

fairy to get them out tonight because

he's done

and begonia makes some kind of joke

about men's Egos and how fragile they

are and stuff and Hayes mom laughed so

hard that she farts

in the middle of the kitchen

I I keep like I both feel like I I know

the story right like I know where this

is going but then I also feel like with

each detail you give I'm like huh I

didn't

I didn't see that coming yeah yeah it

just continues to get more ridiculous

and fun so his mom and guests refused to

leave

um so they're all going on a Sunset

Cruise

romantic

uh he is super pissed because there is

some kind of discrepancy in the books at

work he's the CFO

um and he can't find it so he's spending

like hours and hours and hours it's like

a a tenth of a percentage point it's not

anything massive but he's stuck on where

is this money where did it go

so he's very distracted

um

from his work because he can't stop

thinking about how begonia offered to

bang him

and because apparently it's just because

he's convenient he was like this is very

new for me women usually use me for my

money I don't understand not just for my

dick right he's like I don't get it

I don't think I like it

oh you want to be loved for who you are

Hayes yeah what a nerd

so maybe think about the fact that she

literally offered to turn the lights off

and let you call her another name

It's Like A Step Above I'll wear a paper

bag over my head it's fine I'm like

basically I know I'm like I'm very stop

my heart hurts for her I know because I

wouldn't say I'm the most confident

person in the world but I'll still yeah

but that feels like another level and

also just like the vulnerability of like

that's how you view yourself and

communicate about yourself

my heart okay it is I'm so stuck on this

it is pretty painful and reading it is

even worse because it's from Hayes's

point of view at that point so she she's

like going on and on and on and he's his

you can obviously know his thoughts

where he's like what

but I don't what the [ __ ] is happening

right now I don't oh my God and then he

like visibly sees her shut down and he's

like oh wait wait wait wait wait wait

wait oh too late oh no okay all right

would you like a new dress

wrong thing to say like

yeah yeah

so

um

yeah they get to the boat and begonia

starts to panic and he's like what the

hell is wrong with you right now uh and

she's like well what if I get seasick

and what if I go overboard and she

starts like hyperventilating

um and he's like begonia if you go

overboard marshmallow will save you

and he's like trying to lighten the mood

and she's so terrified it just sails

right over her head uh so finally he's

just like okay all right

she's like what if I give the captain

twenty dollars and like pulls it out of

her bra and he's like

what what else is in there

I was thinking what is the 20 what are

you trying to bribe the captain to do to

leave her to take everybody else and

leave

and he's like babe

he's been working for my family for

years twenty dollars is not gonna do it

and she's like what about a little like

tit squeeze or something do you think

he'll just go

so finally he's like begonia forget it I

got it and so he tells them to just go

so but his mom and the two guests are

already on the boat so he's like

so at least he doesn't have to

ultimately it all worked out how how he

wanted it to and she didn't even have to

flash the captain correct but in this

whole exchange he's like trying to give

her money back and accidentally like

touches her boob and he's like no

he's like I have feelings about that I

shouldn't have done that and gets more

Awkward just from a little like boob

craze

it makes me think of what's that movie

with um the holiday

Maybe

Jack Black and Kate Winslet yes thank

you the sushi restaurant yes yeah

sorry I'm sorry about the boob Grace but

I the well the funny thing is I was also

thinking of that exact scene but I was

thinking about it because the first time

I saw I thought he said boob Grace not

Grace and he's like the boob Grace and I

was like oh that's an odd boob

compliment

do boobs have Grace

I was thinking more like oh the common

Grace of breasts

like the boob Grace like oh

your boobs are that nice sure

um but I love that we were both thinking

about the same scene and you're like you

know that movie I'm like oh yeah the

holiday with Jack Black and Kate Winslet

at the sushi restaurant yep I am who you

want on your team for like movie pop

culture

um not more recent trivia but like

I can't I like here's the thing I'm not

old

but nope when I look at like red carpet

photos and I'm like who the [ __ ] are

these children I was like I don't know

who any of these people are yep but like

last night my husband and I are sitting

on the couch decided we were going to

re-watch new girl there's a episode that

has Parker Posey in it first I thought

she was Ali Sheedy because I once again

had something in my eye I've been having

eye issues recently so I went on a whole

tangent about Ali Sheedy being in The

Breakfast Club and then her briefs knit

on the show Psych as she was Mr Yang in

several seasons then I realized it was

Parker Posey and I was like oh yeah

Parker Posey she was in You've Got Mail

and Vance was like literally no one

remembers that she was in You've Got

Mail the only I remember that she was in

you've got the mail and then I was like

yeah no he's like who was she and you've

got me out I was like Tom Hanks his

original girl yeah I was like and Greg

Kinnear was with Meg Ryan and he was

like Chelsea literally no one remembers

anyone in that movie outside of Meg Ryan

and Tom Hanks and f-o-x and I was like

I I can assure you they do I do

case in points yeah we're done recording

this episode

I'm gonna rub it in his face so hard

the first person I've talked about the

sense and is like yeah no obviously I

remember posia and Greg Kinnear and then

I was also talking about how part wasn't

Parker Posey the villain and Josie and

the Pussycats

who had the lisp

I think she was I think Alan [ __ ] was

the assistant

you really are who I want on my team but

like only for like this very specific

era anything that's like dropped in the

last like since the print pandemic

probably I'm like I don't know who the

[ __ ] these kids are so I was talking to

a co-worker

about some music or something and I was

like yeah it just dropped recently and

she said she's younger not that much

younger though she goes not dropped

Hannah come on and like started laughing

at me and I was like that's what people

say

I was like is that not what people say

what is I don't know but I felt very

self-conscious about it and she was like

then started quizzing me on gen Z

terminology which I did pretty well on

like no cap

on God yeah yeah yeah

batty I was like that is a pretty

obvious one right I was like

I'm not that old no but I feel that old

now also

dropped is still very common terminology

isn't it

at least I thought so I'm like am I too

much of a dork to use that word like is

that what she's saying because that

would be fine I would feel better about

being a dork than being old I think well

it was funny because I was talking to my

sister and my best friend recently

and by recently I mean in the last like

couple of years

as I said I was like this conversation

wasn't that recent all time Blends

together but what I forget what I was

talking about but I said like it slapped

and both of them were like what

what is that good or bad if it slaps and

I was like

y'all aren't that much older than me

you know my sister's like three years

older than me and my best friend

I should know how old she is

I think she's

six years older than me essentially

like the youth group I grew up in like a

high school girl with like Mentor middle

school girl right right like I was in

Middle School and she was in high school

but then we just like

she like became a part of our family and

we've been like best friends for

20 plus years so I'm like I should know

like that's what I always think of I

always think of her being able to drive

and me being in middle school is like

I'm like how much older is she than you

and I'm like at least four years oh she

can drive

as though I'm not in my 30s

um oh she can drive like that's

legitimately how I still think about it

but yeah I said slapped and they were

like is that

is that good or bad

I'm like it oh oh it's good oh it's fine

yeah I was with a bunch of friends and

I'm close to the youngest but there was

one person there that's like three-ish

years younger than me

and she was like she said something

about have you seen that Tick Tock and

like said something and all of us were

like no I don't I don't think I've seen

that one and she goes all right you guys

are too old for tick tock and we all

were like no excuse me like excuse the

[ __ ] out of me and so that's what we say

to each other now like the whole group

of us and she gets so embarrassed she's

like I'm so sorry that's not how I meant

it I'm like that's literally the words

that came out of your mouth I had a

counseling client who was like a

freshman in college oh no and she was

like do you know what Tick Tock is I was

like I'm not that old and I forget what

she said in response but it was like one

of those where it was like well I wasn't

sure like or like however she like that

wasn't what she I don't even remember

but it was something to the effect of

like I mean yeah but you're old enough

to have a master's degree to have been

in the field for a while right like ouch

I was like I'm not

I'm not that old I graduated with my

masters when I was 22. [ __ ]

me too you and I have led very similar

lives we have and we were born like a

day apart yeah because you're the eighth

right yep yeah and I'm I'm the ninth

there you go look at those cancers which

also probably makes sense as to why

we're very similar because we're you're

literally

one day older than me do you know what

time you were born

6 30ish p.m oh damn okay

but we were born in the same general

geographical area as well

were you born in Florida yeah

you know I did know that

because I was born in Dunedin

I was born at Arnold Palmer in Orlando

oh yeah so like only two hours away

you're like 27 hours

older than me there you go we're

basically the same person but you know I

would be super curious because my sister

um does like human design readings and

coachings and things like that and but

you have to know the exact location you

were born and the exact date and time

that you were born and so I would be

super curious how similar our human

designs are because I'm like

as we said like it's a two-hour Drive

between where I'm like it's really not

that far apart so

I wonder if how much commonality

that would be really interesting right

because Vance and I have even had this

conversation about my sister and his

sister because his sister

her birthday is April 10th I believe and

my sister is April 17th and mind you

my sister was born in the 80s and his

sister was born in the 70s but even at

that there's like a lot of commonalities

between them and like personality

similarities

um where I've been like oh I wonder how

much of that is that they're like the

same star sign and like just all that

that entails so I would be curious

because you and I have so much overlap

we do yeah we do we thought of the same

Jack Black Kate Winslet mode without

without prompting what movie I was like

yeah the holiday you're like what is it

no it

trust me Hannah this is what you were

thinking of okay follow me here so back

to the book they don't get on the boat

and the the captain doesn't touch her

titty correct so

um

they decide they're gonna have a picnic

on the beach but everything is closed so

begonia basically goes door to door and

just is like hi you guys everything is

closed and we're really hungry do you

have any leftovers or anything that you

feel like sharing you don't have any

food in their mansion apparently not

so she just people just love her because

she's so cute and bubbly so they just

give her a [ __ ] feast

they have wine they have cheese they

have okay you've seen that girl on

like I know it's an old thing that

people did but like a girl like made a

whole like Tick Tock series about it

where it's like she started with like a

bobby pin and was like trading up oh

yeah to the like

watching that Journey she got traded

some incredible things over time like at

one point I forgot that like Chipotle

did that like

Magic card that was like free Chipotle

oh so like she got traded one of those

at one point then at one like I saw she

got traded like a like a farming tractor

I forget what her ultimate goal was

but yeah that's what it made me think of

like when like you were a kid and you'd

like go and you'd be like yeah can I

like what you would like trade up yep to

ultimately get and so she got a whole

Feast she got a whole feast and uh

they're just having a really sweet time

some local towns people who are

musicians come and start playing their

fiddles on the beach for them and it's

like a whole thing and they're having a

really great time and she is really

settling into it and Hayes kisses her

and she starts to wonder she's like did

he change his mind about us doing the

deed because I'd be into that and as

soon as she starts to think that like uh

cameras start flashing and she realizes

that he realized Paparazzi were nearby

and that's why he kissed her is that

actually why he kissed her or was it

just like bad timing it was why he

kissed her oh Haze be better yeah

and finally she just gets kind of fed up

and she's like why are you so hell-bound

on being alone like I don't understand

like I just I just don't get it and

um

he's like listen you could never

understand my life it's super

condescending the way that he says like

you wouldn't get it

and she's like okay so if I drop it will

you [ __ ] me

and he is very fixated on that well she

starts laughing because she's trying to

like defuse the whole thing like she was

trying to make it a joke and he was he

did not think it was funny

so she's just like you know what I'm

just going to ignore the atrocious

company and focus on the fact that

there's beautiful music and a gorgeous

speech and really delicious food here

I'm just gonna pretend he's not here

so that's what she does

um so later that night Hayes is not able

to sleep he goes down to get some water

or something and his mom is in the

kitchen and his mom starts going on one

about begonia like you can't be serious

about this girl I know this is one of

your fake relationships again trying to

get rid of me

um I don't understand why you're doing

this again she's so ridiculous like

really judgmental awful things

um

and she says this is worse than your

last rebellion girlfriend

it's just really not nice and he shuts

his mother down hard

um and he's like begonia is good for me

and if you can't see that and treat her

well then you can get the [ __ ] out like

I'm not doing this with you

and then he realizes begonia heard the

whole thing she had been in the hallway

also apparently coming to get some water

so she runs out of the house and he

chases after her

and she explains that like she's sobbing

crying and she explains that she left

her ex because he wouldn't defend her to

his mom because they were trying to have

kids and they couldn't get pregnant and

the mom kept blaming begonia but it was

actually like an issue with her husband

and the mom still made a begonias fault

like well she didn't feed him enough

vegetables and she didn't like stupid

[ __ ] like that

um constantly telling her she was stupid

and things like that and her husband

would just sit there and like

agree if anything so

she's like great you did for me in two

days what that man couldn't do for me my

entire marriage and this isn't even real

like damn that it like it really got her

a lot

um

so he starts to realize that he really

does really really like her and he's

like you know what we I'm never gonna

love her but we could be really good

friends she's a really good person

so

moving on there's a whole montage of

them hanging out and doing cute little

couple things around town

um he moved back to the guest room his

mom left the following morning after he

was like get the [ __ ] out is Amelia

still there nope mom took all the ladies

took the Entourage with her yes okay

um so he mostly is working sleeping in

the guest room

um

so then one night she begonia has a twin

sister

and her name is hyacinth

Lord help me yeah so uh he realizes she

really misses her sister so he connects

her phone to the Wi-Fi so she can call

her sister and Wi-Fi this whole time not

this whole time so she he goes through

her email and her voicemail and is like

do not listen to or read anything from

your mother

not a single thing because it's really

bad her mom is telling her that because

now all the photos of them have been

published by this point so she's telling

begonia like she'll never keep a man

like that that she's just pissing off

her ex and if she wants to get him back

she needs to stop doing this stuff and

all this other stuff so she called she's

like okay whatever you say

so she calls her sister

um and they are having a cute little

moment and begonia tries to dance around

the fakeness of their relationship

because she did sign an NDA

um but she also knows her sister will

know if she's lying they're twins like

sister's gonna know so

um

yeah and this is not an important

detail but really funny begonia reveals

that marshmallow somehow got into Hayes

mom's luggage and brought her

brought begonia Hayes mother's vibrator

uh

and when she shares that she hears a

noise which confirms that Hayes has been

listening to the entire conversation

like he like chokes on his spit he's

like oh my God so uh

then he brings her some teas tells her

he's going to bed and

um now begonia is starting to realize

she really likes him and

um wishes that he was someone she could

actually love because their relationship

has actually been really fun even though

it's super fake

so they go to Albany New York where

family business headquarters are

and he sends begonia off to go exploring

and he is extremely irritated because

when he got into the car an executive

assistant was in there

um and she is obviously putting the

moves on him she's got her tits halfway

out she keeps touching his arm and he's

just like oh my god get off of me and

she starts immediately issuing orders

and ignoring her completely and then he

tells the assistant to tell his uncle

that he needs to stay at the family

house for the next two weeks because he

told begonia they would have to share a

room because his uncle was going to be

at the house but that wasn't true so now

he's like making it true

so

um he has to hire a new assistant and

he's freaking out about it he's busy all

morning and then in the afternoon he

finds his Lobby completely full

of women like 50 women

there to interview for the job of his

assistant and he is like I can't I I

can't like what the [ __ ] is happening I

feel like if you're the CFO you're not

doing those interviews right yourself

right

maybe that might just be me unless all

of these women have already made it to a

final interview well we'll get to this

glitch in the system in a moment

so he then calls begonia in an absolute

panic and is like please help me you

know how to deal with people you can

read people you can hire my assistant

right and she's like

sure thing have you eaten and she like

goes and gets him lunch and comes uh and

uh

she's just

so precious and sweet

um

and then uh

she gets to the office and gets down to

dealing with all 50 of those women

and it turns out that there was a glitch

in the HR software and all of the women

for those who don't see the video Hannah

is doing air quote I am doing air quotes

a lot of them

um that apparently all of the women who

had already been interviewed initially

and discarded they all got an email

interview oh yeah

hmm and he's like this feels sucks my

[ __ ] mother again he's like gen Z

word

to be clear we're hip to the drive on

what the kids are doing

um the youths

not the youths

um so uh several hours later Hayes is

losing his [ __ ] because he just has way

too much to do and he's super

overwhelmed and all of a sudden begonia

like blows into his office and she's

like these are your two new assistants

this job was too big for one and just

like gives him a rundown of both of

these women and is like you will meet

them tomorrow to confirm that you're

comfortable with them for breakfast at 8

30 I've already put it in your calendar

thank you and like he's like thank you

thank you peconia I appreciate you

but then he realizes how like exhausted

and frazzled she looks and he's like

okay so we're going home now like we're

gonna go home yeah so um she's terrified

because they're taking a helicopter for

some unknown [ __ ] reason do we

understand her trauma about modes of

transportation

no she's worried this time because she's

worried that marshmallow is gonna open

the door

so so he's like I got it and holds this

90 pound dog in his lap the entire trip

and is slowly dying of an allergic

reaction but he's like he's got his one

bodyguard guy at one door in begonia at

the other door like guarding it in case

marshmallow gets away

so um

begonia sees his house and is like what

a pretty Hotel I can't imagine staying

in such a lovely place and he's like

babe that's my house and she's like I

can't go in there like oh my God

and he's like it's just a house it's

fine we can do this but she's seriously

panicking and she tells a story about

how her ex always told her that he was

um embarrassed to take her out nice

places because

um

quote the wait staff out wait staff

outclassed her

which is like super mean what a shitty

comment yeah and Hayes Ellie is like I

don't understand this undeniable urge I

have to beat the [ __ ] out of another

human being but like that's what I'm

experiencing right now

and he's like but obviously I can't do

that because that is not on brand for

the family throughout this whole thing

there's been like little comments about

how he has to keep up appearances for

the family it's super stressful for him

um

so anyway they get to the house

um and Hayes's cousin is there

telling her they're going to be besties

she's also a rock star which is

interesting and then another woman pops

out of nowhere while Hayes is really

desperately trying to get the two of

them upstairs and like away from

everybody

um so they can just eat and go to sleep

and begonia is

slap happy and hangry and she is losing

a little bit of her

her I don't know jovial her innocence

yes her sweet

kind thing shtick she's losing it and

this other woman says that she is Hayes

fiance and begonia just claps and says

that that is so adorable because she

already met his second grade wife who is

Amelia by the way Amelia was like well

we got married in second grade and she's

like that's so fun I love that for you

guys so she just starts clapping and

it's like I already met his second grade

wife

and then starts calling this woman Angie

repeatedly because she looks like

Angelina Jolie the woman is not amused

she is not amused so finally Hayes just

grabs her and starts like pulling her up

the stairs did his mom send this one it

seems that way okay

um and uh he's like listen that woman is

not my fiance no matter what she says I

promise you and begonia is like you're

not good enough for Angie anyway and

he's like you need to go to bed bless it

uh so

they um

get back to his rooms they start to

decide to have dinner whatever the chef

brings it up because they're all super

rich and

um all of a sudden he's just like I'll

have sex with you

and she chokes on some bread for obvious

reasons

um and then just not the only thing

she's gonna choke on that night

ayo

but then she just pretends he didn't say

anything she just moves on with the

conversation

um

and he's like well now I'm more confused

than I was before

um so then he just all of a sudden

interrupts her and he's like why did you

help me pick an assistant and she's like

because I like to help people

and you're not a people person and

that's okay so I decided to help you

what does she do for a living she is a

high school art teacher

that feels on brand right and that will

actually become a thing later as well

but

um she mentions her ex again and like

all the work that she's done on herself

and

um

he all of a sudden asks like

why are you why do you help people like

I don't understand this whole thing

people suck and she's like I get joy out

of helping people and he's like well

who helps you though

and she's like wow thanks so much for

pointing out that flaw in my life I

really appreciate this heart to heart

that we're having

um and he's like realizes nobody takes

care of her like nobody makes her a

priority so he goes and kneels in front

of her

and stars they start making out hardcore

she's in a robe there's titty fondling

happening and he finally eats her out

it's like this big moment right

um and then marshmallow keeps nudging

Haze and Hayes just keeps like like

pushing him back

um and she is just about to come when

the fire alarm goes off and the

sprinklers start going off in the room

because she knocked over a candle that

had been on the table and marshmallow

was trying to warn them that the room

was on fire oh my gosh

it wasn't good no so she's outside with

haze's entire family because they're all

there

um just hanging out awkwardly waking

waiting for him to come back and take

her upstairs

um and uh

she her phone starts ringing The

Imperial March from Hayes pocket because

he had grabbed it from the room

and he answers it it's her ex

um begging her to come back to him and

Hayes is like never call this number

again you're [ __ ] done you lost Her

She's Mine whatever

um

and then he finally gets her inside and

drops the bomb that they probably need

to get engaged and maybe even married

because all these women keep showing up

and his mom isn't gonna stop so we

should just probably just go ahead and

get married

and

um he keeps going on and on and on about

updating their agreement and begonia is

like

is there is there more wine

because I'm gonna need more wine yeah

and this is a conversation for alcohol

yeah not that like alcohol should be

your only coping skill correct but it

can be a helpful one in certain

situations for some people yeah right

yeah not for everyone but for some

people mm-hmm

so the next morning she's hungover as

[ __ ] and

um she talks to his cousin who gives

details Hayes's cousin about

um he proposed to somebody in college

and was like absolutely manly

madly in love with this girl and then

found out she was cheating on him um

the basically their entire relationship

with this guy that he thought was his

best friend but had betrayed him in

college and was like like sold fake

stories about him to the to tabloids

about him having like a foot fetish and

being like the the freaky brother or

whatever

uh so then there's a really sweet text

exchange Haze promises he's gonna be

home for dinner

um and they're gonna go out for burgers

it's all really sweet and then he she

tells him that she really loves she had

told him previously she really loves to

do Pottery but she's terrible at it but

she enjoys it so it doesn't matter you

know we love a queen who will still do a

hobby just for the sake of enjoyment and

not yeah like I do and I feel like we've

talked about this before but like

I feel like Millennials have turned

every hobby into a side hustle and like

we don't really do things

for Joy for Joy like we only do them if

we're good at them yep and

so I really appreciate that that tidbit

that she's like no I just do this

because I enjoy doing it like yeah

like I'm not gonna sell this [ __ ] it's

yeah it's not good like I know it's bad

so he sends an entire Pottery setup to

the house like he ordered it to have it

sent and set up

and he tells her that he knew that she

wouldn't take diamonds as a thank you so

he wanted to do something special for

her so that's what he did

so

um Hayes is extremely late like they had

all these cute plans in this sweet

moment and he's extremely late finally

gets home and he's still talking on the

phone and she starts thinking about her

ex and how he used to do this [ __ ] all

the time just like put her off and make

her feel like she wasn't important and

she's really really angry because she

was also worried about him like that's

how late he was and he wasn't answering

his phone but then she's like I don't

think I get to be angry actually like

we're not in a real relationship so

I don't think I get to be mad

I know because she's so sweet you guys

the whole time I want to be like I want

to be more like begonia she's so nice

but I don't think I have it in me

[Laughter]

I wish that I did

I don't think I do well I did think

earlier when he was talking about like

or when Hayes was processing that no one

takes care of her I did have an ex tell

me I was altruistic to a fault

thank you yeah and I was like

that's

I was that a compliment was that an

insult

to this day I still don't know

it remains a mystery it does but I'm

like

I don't think he was wrong but I'm also

like

so what do I what do I do with that

is this constructive oh [ __ ] sorry

everyone I just hit my mic she did like

she meant to I like I hit that hard with

my elbow and I apologize if anyone heard

that

sorry Vance that you're gonna have to

edit this sound a little bit

bless my sweet husband We Appreciate You

Vance shout outs to Vance but yeah no

I'm like altruistic to a fault I feel

like at the time I took pride in that

and now I'm like

um on retrospect I don't know if that

was meant to be a compliment

yeah yeah boundaries matter they do okay

so we would all love to be more like

begonia yes and her

unrelenting optimism yes that's exactly

what it is unrelenting optimism so he

immediately comes over gives her a big

hug grabs a picnic basket and then

carries her like lifts her up and

carries her out through the grounds of

the house outside

um before setting them both up on the

ground on a blanket

um and they have basically a charcuterie

and drinking wine and having a great

time and so then he puts on the moves on

her puts the moves on her I've almost

finished this heavy pour have you I I

was actually thinking I haven't seen you

drink any of them yeah I've had like two

sips yeah it's uh good for you girl yeah

it's

I love that you're trying to show it to

me to prove how much you've had to drink

I'm gonna put it back down girl just

take another sip if you want one I'm

doing a really good job for free you're

free to do what you need also I feel

like I'm sorry our sound panels behind

us aren't even they're not oh that's

me we'll deal with that point so he puts

the moves on her and tells her that um

he wants to make love to her knowing who

she is and saying her name

like I want to be able to look at you in

the eyes I care for you I enjoy you they

have a solidifying [ __ ] she offers her

rock paper scissors with him for who's

in charge

and he's like no

we won't be doing that

for those of you who can't see my face

right now

I don't yeah I don't love that it was a

weird thing to do I think she was really

anxious

and she was like do you want a rock

paper scissors like I don't know for

who's in charge or who's on top or the

words were who's in charge so then he is

like it's actually really cute and sweet

because in a lot of these books it's

like the guy is all Alpha and he's like

I know how to please a woman and like

stoic and whatever but he's like

stuttering because every time she

touches him he's like like that's

awesome it's super cute

um and he keeps telling her how amazing

she feels

um

and she's like oh no

I have feelings for him and this is

temporary but you know what I'm just

gonna enjoy it while it lasts because

this is pretty great

so he is going on and on in his mind

about how

um begonia is the Sun and he's a but a

blade of grass basking in her light like

this is his thoughts he's not saying any

of this out loud

um they continue to share their

charcuterie naked in the Moonlight

outside I was like oh no charcuterie a

euphemism

no not today I want to share my

charcuterie with you no my charcuterie

charcuterie

oh no I like charcuterie better

charcuterie

we are the worst okay

I just felt I'm so sorry in advance to

everyone but now all I can think of is

meatballs

no Chelsea

no I don't like it for me either

but I can't

so all right pivoting for a second

just not that we needed more brevity but

because I need to not pick up meat folds

anymore so at work each each week as you

know because we used to work at the same

company we have like what we call a

Segway question which is essentially an

icebreaker question we do and we all

rotate who asks the question so the

question that was asked two weeks ago

was if there was a religion that you

were the deity of and people were taking

communion

oh no what would your body and blood be

that they would be consuming what it was

such a good question oh my God I love

that question what was your answer

bota Box Chardonnay and

um like carrot cake or key lime pie

um and then the follow-up question I was

asked was

are we just are like how is the Boda box

being passed out and someone was like

are they just getting on their knees and

you're pouring a shot and I was like

yeah yeah but then one of the girls on

our compliance team shout out Mary Beth

oh hi Mary Beth miss you

what I still I don't honestly I think

she said like a skinny margarita would

be her blood I don't remember what she

said her body was all I remember is that

at some point when she was taking about

taking the body and blood of her as the

Teeny she's like get on your knees and

take it

and I thought about it at least once a

day since then I don't even remember

what her body was I I do believe her

blood was skinny margaritas

wow what would your body and blood be

Hannah I was just thinking that

part of me wants to say my blood would

be pineapple infused tequila oh okay

because that used to be my jam back in

the day I worked at a tequila bar and we

had this big vat

of tequila that we put a bunch of

pineapple in that sounds delicious and

we did like birthday shots from that and

like a couple of other drinks from it

and uh whenever we would kill the vat we

would eat the pineapple and if you want

to get Smash Hammer drunk you eat

pineapple that's been sitting in tequila

for Christ knows how long yep so yeah my

first thought when I thought about what

my body would be was cheese

yeah like bread cheese if you know what

I'm talking about bread cheese no okay

well bread cheese is like

a little bit like paneer in the texture

okay but like my husband is obsessed

with it and they have all different like

flavors they have like Chipotle and

pizza and garlic and all these random

flavors and he's obsessed with it but

you cut it up and put it in the

microwave for like 30 seconds so it's a

little bit melty um I think that would

be it

okay when you know I probably if I

pivoted to a cheese I'd probably be like

an infused like a cranberry goat cheese

oh yeah or like a nice gouda or a Brie

I do love a good soft cheese oh no okay

one of the best soups of my life

yeah would that be blood or body

a suit well we also know I love a

two-for-one special so if I can combine

these that feels even more on brand

there's a restaurant in Dallas where I

went to Grad School Dallas Texas not

Dallas Georgia common misconception

actually it's not a common misconception

only if you're from that area yeah if

you're from Georgia and you're like oh

Dallas Georgia you're like no no one is

ever referring to Dallas Georgia

um but there's a restaurant that so to

be fair my friend lived within walking

distance and we all just like walked

over and then we didn't know it was like

at that point in time rated the most

romantic restaurant in Dallas you know

just like four single girls living their

best life they had a champagne Brie soup

oh yes

I I don't like it's it's one of those

that it's been so long that I like can't

even fully remember what it like I just

remember it was

so good but I can't like recall if it

was more champagne or Brie or whatever

but I'm like okay if I'm combining those

to a body and bread special two for one

yeah absolutely I would be a champagne

soup yeah I mean if I

part of me says bread cheese cheese in

general because it's easily passed you

know what I mean like it's easy to give

out but like when you are a deity that

thinks about others I am I am altruistic

to a fault you get it

but if in a perfect world if it were

possible it would probably be like

chorizo tacos would be what I would want

to give a little baby slider tops yeah

like a little baby like Tapas style

adorable would that be right but that

would be difficult to like pass out oh

good news my husband just walked back in

the room hey Vance your body and blood

as a deity I if I'm remembering

correctly your blood was a Green Point

cocktail what was your body

oh no

you also I need you to know there have

been times in our lives where we haven't

been at the movies but we've stopped by

a movie theaters to get movie theater

popcorn to take home with us for the

evening they let you do it do they

really yeah you're like walking but it

also like I guess to be fair depending

on the setup of that movie theater

because some concessions are past the

ticket some are before right but no my

husband

walking in and he's like I would like an

offensive amount of butter and then

they're like yeah and he's like no no no

no

I want you to hear me when I say an

offensive amount of butter to the point

where it's like they'll like throw like

one scoop of popcorn in butter it

another two like they will only one time

ever in our history has he been like she

maybe understood the assignment too much

he's like that might be the only time

it's been too much butter but yes movie

theater popcorn was an offensive amount

of butter all I'm thinking about right

now is um uh Nick Offerman and Parks and

Rec when he's at the diner bring me all

your bacon and eggs and then he's like

no no no no I fear what you heard is

bring me a lot of bacon and eggs I mean

all all the bacon yes it that's the

energy it's that energy we're like well

I also realized early on in our marriage

and mind you my husband his health our

house as a as a whole has been a journey

right but at one point in time like I

was like oh when you're getting the

large movie theater popcorn with an

offensive amount of butter that wasn't a

shareable stuff oh that wasn't for both

of us

got it oh but also the movie theater

that we always used to go to do you

remember like before Movie Pass crashed

yeah yeah when it was like seven dollars

for as many movies just like you wanted

to see before they there there were any

stipulations on it and as you were going

you're like this company is losing money

yeah

um and then they did and that's why it

all crashed right but we would go and

the movie theater also had a um Cheeto

popcorn what and they had a hot Cheeto

popcorn so there was literally like the

popcorn was tossed in some of like the

powder and then they were like the

Cheetos or the hot Cheetos in it as well

and that was the one I wanted anyway so

I'd get like my little like hot Cheeto

popcorn and he'd get his offensive

amount of butter movie theater popcorn

but yes he was a Green Point cocktail

with movie theater popcorn

is his deity

communion communion yeah I love that but

it's like it's a I was like oh this is

such a good Icebreaker question it that

is a really good one yeah at first I was

like what and then you think about it

for a second it's like No actually

that's fantastic I know it's my job to

choose the Icebreaker question this week

ooh heavy I know I'm like

because I feel like some people are just

like oh do you like sweet or sour or

like

sweet or safe like it's always like this

or that and then I'm like oh I feel like

I always take it a little bit too far

I support that I want you to continue to

do that well I remember when you and I

used to work together one of the

questions we got asked was like what's

like a fashion trend that you

uh my regrettably have fallen into

growing up yeah I don't remember what I

answered for that but no um well you had

shaved your head oh yeah I did do that I

can yeah I did do that yeah and then

mine I was talking about like the

studded Bell buckled on this side with

like the mini skirt layered over the

jeans and like the converse and like the

band t-shirt

and I remember her boss that I was like

oh wow I'd love to see photos of the two

of you and I was like no I feel like her

Trend was just like

Bermuda shorts or some [ __ ] it was like

very like I'm like oh no we are not the

same we are not the same we are not the

same okay sorry that was a very long

tangent okay where are we at I don't

know uh where this episode is gonna be

forever yeah okay what's the Reader's

Digest of the rest okay so she

okay

okay

take a breath take a moment take a sip

of take a gulp of wine new goal

I'm no longer giving you cute details

we're moving

we're shaking if you want the cute

details you can read it for yourself and

it is fantastic it doesn't I'm very

little Comfort read adorable a couple of

teasers including an antique dildo

collection Hayes phone winding up in the

freezer their clothes going missing

while they're outside marshmallow on all

of these yep oh that's marshmallow I do

have questions about an antique dildo

collection but for the sake of time I

will I will hold back my questions

so

um they have very sweet morning after

situation he calls his brothers Jeweler

to get a ring for her and then the the

book says a very pregnant begonia walks

in and it's like did we just Flash

Forward no it's her twin sister hyacinth

oh [ __ ] wait also is it so they're

moving forward with the fake engagement

okay so

um

she's like this Jeweler is terrible she

won't like any of this stuff this is

really stupid come on man like get it

together do better good for you hi son

yeah do better she's like I know you've

only done it for a week so let's clarify

what she does and does not like in terms

of jewelry do better

so

um they have plans to go to this Gala

together and

um they begonia has a nice spa day with

her sister and Hayes cousin

um Hayes really wants to keep her longer

so he's just like how can I keep her

without actually having to be vulnerable

and like ask her to stay like how can I

extend the contract whatever whatever

so

um they go to this this Gala together at

the zoo she meets his ex the one that

broke his heart and his arch nemesis

slash former best friend

and begonia is like you know what come

with me

so she pulls him out of the area and

into another area of the zoo

and um

decides to blow them and blow him not

them

I don't know if I'm moving too fast or

if the wine is hitting I'm not sure what

the situation is wait I may have missed

it because I was honestly thinking about

movies

I could kill some movie theater popcorn

right now why are they at the zoo for a

Gala yes it's a fundraiser I was like I

feel like she said it but I was really

thinking about popcorn for a minute I

but it's okay I have no idea how long

this episode has been so far so I'm

trying to move faster because I feel

like we've been talking for a really

long time not in a bad way but like in a

way that people may not want

people may not be able to hang this long

so the beautiful thing about podcasters

you can pause them and come back you

have to finish it in one sitting that's

so true but also we can still move

faster and we can so

um she gives him a blowy and uh right as

like it's actually a kind of a sweet

moment and right as he comes

Paparazzi find them and there's like

flashing lights of her giving him a

[ __ ]

this is very bad I love that you said

it's actually a sweet moment

right as he's coming

Paparazzi show up I remember before that

before that like

such a sweet woman right as he comes and

I was like wait the [ __ ]

that's not what I meant no before that

there's lots of eye contact and it's

very very sweet like he's like like

caressing her face and is all gentle and

like I really like this woman and this

is it for me and all that kind of stuff

and then paparazzi so

this is really bad yeah obviously as

this is clearly not on not a sweet

moment it's no longer a sweet moment

um this is not on brand for the family

this is a big [ __ ] problem so he did

try to buy off the pops but that like

that didn't really work

so he's going on and on but like so

we're gonna have to get married we're

gonna have to stay married for two years

like I'm gonna take care of you for life

like we'll we'll sign the paperwork like

we'll get it all together but like this

is what we have to do and she's like

take me home

like I'm not just take me home I'm not

doing this to her house or herself to

her house because she declares her love

and he just sits there silently and

she's like I don't want to be fake with

you I want to be real and if you can't

give that to me I need you to take me

home so he tells the pilot to turn

around

um so she hasn't she like she doesn't

leave her apartment she's not really

eating she's really really struggling

and her twin shows up and

um

turns out the NDA that she signed along

with a lot of the other paperwork that

they had done was leaked to the Press so

everybody knows that it's fake so she's

like I can't believe he would do this to

me like that's yeah really [ __ ]

brutal

so

um she loses her job because she's a

high school teacher giving people blow

jobs I mean one person but this is the

second time you've made it plural Hannah

one person giving them [ __ ] you know

she lost her job because she's a high

school teacher giving [ __ ] nope nope

hold up that's a different book we've

probably still read it we probably have

but it's got this one so

um

so she is super upset obviously and then

their mom shows up

with her ex

[ __ ] yeah and it's like listen honey

he's still willing to take you back even

though like you've ruined everything and

her twin loses her [ __ ] and is like Mom

you are [ __ ] dead to me get out of

this goddamn house and Chase if I ever

see you again I will kill you like I

like they will never find your body get

the [ __ ] out and it was like a very

sweet like sister power moment

so Haze is completely betrayed and

feeling overwhelmed because he thinks

that high or that begonia leaked the NDA

because he didn't do it so he doesn't

know who did it but he knows that it

wasn't him he's pretty sure it was

begonia and he's super duper upset about

it

well

not quite was it [ __ ] marshmallow

wait for it okay damn it but yes it was

marshmallow it was marshmallow

so his brother comes in with the two

assistants that begonia hired who love

her and are like get your head out of

your ass blah blah blah she wouldn't do

this

um and he's like I don't think I want

this job like I hate this job I'm

miserable I'm I'm over it like I miss

begonia blah blah blah so she begonia

goes to her brother-in-law's family's

condo by the beach somewhere hyacinths

yes

condo okay she's like I probably should

have done this in the first place for my

getaway because this is a [ __ ] mess

she like pawns some of the dresses that

he bought her so that she has money to

like support herself for a few months

because they're like

20 or 30 000 these dresses he is a

billionaire lest we forget

um and then his mom shows up

and um is like you know

her son has always been really sweet and

kind but he shut himself down after so

many failed relationships and you

brought him back to me and blah blah

blah blah and she's like

um your relationship wasn't fake and

begonia is like he literally

leaked these documents to make himself

look better and ruined my [ __ ] life

like I lost my job I keep saying my

heart hurts but it's true I know and

then the mom is like listen

here's the thing

um marshmallow brought me that contract

the first night that I was in Maine with

you guys at the beach house so have you

considered that maybe he's the one

and

um

then she says no matter what happens no

matter what you decide to do like I care

about you you're important to me like

please feel free to call me anytime

because you're a great girl very sweet

from when she was [ __ ] on her vast

Improvement

um well and she even says like initially

I was like you're not real but now I

realize like this is really who you are

and you're sweet and really good for my

son

so

um

then Hyacinth calls begonia in a panic

because they grew up at this summer camp

that their dad owned and he had to sell

it and then he died of a heart attack

like very quickly after that and so

um this this Camp means a lot to them

and she calls and says the camp was sold

again and the new owner wants to see us

and begonia is freaking out blah blah

blah blah they want to turn it back into

a camp

so

um she goes and she's like sobbing she's

really upset there's some really cute

funny moments with her sister's kids

that are really adorable

um and so

Hyacinth drives her to the camp and to

the the art Hut is what they called it

that's like where begonia fell in love

with art and like teaching art and

um Hyacinth like this is where the guy

said to meet him I don't know and of

course it's Hayes and he's like I bought

this for you I'm not going to be working

such long hours anymore I talked to my

dad and we're going to start a new

division of the company that's for

summer camps and you get to run it and I

love you

for those of you who can't see me I'm

Hamming it up

I I feel like that translated did it it

did just with my tone just with your

tone okay I could I could sense the ham

through your tone not the ham dancing

hamster so that was confused about

earlier oh no

um so he like sees her crying is like

I'll I'll kill whoever made you upset

and she's like you made me upset you

turned the plane around and he's like

that was the biggest mistake of my life

so then

um he's like

I know this is too soon after your

divorce I know that like you wanted time

to find yourself but like maybe could we

like even take things slow because I

really love you a lot and she's like bet

so then

um there are two epilogues I'm gonna

skip the first one because there's

nothing interesting in it the second one

um it's a year later it's the end of the

summer camp and they're doing like a Big

Show and the whole family is there

uh Hayes proposes on stage in front of

everybody marshmallow jumps on stage so

the antique dildos were

sorry

go on the antique dildo where begonias

grandmothers

no yeah that we're passed down no that

is not laughter they were left to her in

her will she left dildos that is what it

was implied I don't know I didn't read

the will but that's what was implied so

when my dad's grandmother she died and

they were cleaning out her house there

weren't dildo I'm really terrified my

mom did find some lingerie that she took

home and then she was like the tags were

still on it I'm like I don't I don't

think that matters when my grandmother

passed away and they renovated her house

they found

um a lot of porn in the ceiling

like in the drop ceiling like in obscene

amount

and they're pretty sure that it was my

cousins from when he was living there

some of it was like

do you need to see somebody like it was

like yikes my dad kept like kicking it

with his foot and my high school

boyfriend was there and he was like uh

uh

my dad was like don't let your Aunt Mary

see this

foreign

okay but the moral of the story is

neither of us have been left or are

going to leave

sexually explicit items in our Wills

that is not my intention okay but

regardless

um marshmallow jumps on stage with one

of the antique dildos in his mouth as

Hayes is proposing

classic marshmallow classic marshmallow

so

um marshmallow Haze tells marshmallow to

go take it to his grandma and which is

his mom so marshmallow takes it to

Hayes's mother and then begonia says yes

and it's very sweet and that's the end

that was sweet

it was it feels like manic pixie dream

girl meets billionaire a little bit yeah

yeah a little bit like

like Jess day on new girl yes it is very

just day energy yeah yeah

but I still think I'll probably read it

at some point because I do feel like I

know like I could tell there were so

many cute moments you were like just

like skipping over for the sake of time

um

and do we want to do hamsters as our

rating system hamsters we could do

hamsters we could do marshmallows we

could do antique dildos I was gonna say

I'd really rather avoid the antique

dildos because Vance tends to use our

rating system and the graphic the

graphic and for the sake of it not being

pulled down yeah maybe we shouldn't go

dildo fair enough fair enough let's do

hamsters

um where we could do marshmallows

which would you prefer you're the one

who read it let's do marshmallows let's

do marshmallows I would give it

um

eight and a half out of ten oh damn

marshmallows I loved this book like it

was really heartwarming and fun I don't

know if I've ever like in a quick recall

I don't know if I remember you ever

writing a book this High I don't think I

have a lot of the books that I would

rate this High we wouldn't review

because they're part of big series or

they're like really heavy

um like fantasy and it would be

difficult to review them in this kind of

forum I do feel like we've had that

conversation where like there are like

some like high fantasy books that are

would be super fun to review but there's

just so much time World building yeah

that have become so difficult that

you're like oh well like this thing

about this world and this thing about

that world and you're like wait what and

it just doesn't necessarily translate as

well but this book was super fun there

wasn't anything that I was like that was

unnecessary or like any it was all very

like

rich and fun yeah yeah

eight and a half out of ten that's

hybrid I know I feel like I should make

it lower just because of who I am as a

person but I'm channeling begonia

talk to your therapist about why you

feel like you need to lower your rating

Lauren help me

did I tell you I went back to therapy no

I haven't been back like I haven't been

as a client like on that side of the

chair

in a decade

yeah since I was in grad school okay

yeah well good literally I had my intake

this week nice

hurt

so shout out I believe her name is

tyronda we haven't bonded that much yet

because we've only had one session and

like it's also it's so weird being on

like this side it is weird especially

when I'm like okay it's an intake I know

what questions you need to ask and like

yeah I found myself like just giving her

more information before she could ask

because I was like let me just help you

well or even at like the 54 minute Mark

she like wanted to do a breathing

exercise and I'm like oh girl okay so

you don't just hold a 53 minute session

when you're doing a 90837 like yeah I

kept being conscious of like

I don't okay it's time to be done right

like looking at the clock like it's time

to

yeah

one thousand percent where I was

challenged like I'm like sitting there

doing this breathing exercises thinking

of running the clock

like breathe faster but that's not the

point breathe slower yeah I was like if

she wants to hold her because I'm very

much the clinician I was like if it's a

90837 I'm holding a 53 minute session

you know for those of you who are not

therapists 90837 is the billing code for

insurance that says a hour-long therapy

session which is a 53 yep to 60 Minute

session a 90834 is a 45 minute session

which is 38 minutes to 52 minutes is the

actual time frame there just in case

you're wondering I know you they weren't

like you were Hannah's like they

absolutely no one gives a [ __ ]

um but yeah I'm like sitting there

during my breathing exercise thinking

about the clock thing and I'm like okay

if you want to be the clinician who

doesn't hold that boundary and keep and

then I'm like do I respect you less as

my therapist because you you let me go

to the 60 Minute Mark and then I was

like whatever for the intake I feel like

I give more leeway

that's fair

and she did laugh because I did tell her

that that I was like thinking she's like

how is that breathing after this I was

like I was really trying to like let

myself go bring it back in I was like

but this is what I was thinking about

and I told her and she laughed at me

um yay well did I tell you one of my

clients recently was like yeah Chelsea I

was telling my friend

um who was looking for a therapist she

goes yeah sometimes my therapist lightly

roasts me

[ __ ] I was like what

and she's like yeah you know like a

couple weeks ago and you're like and you

never spiral so you wouldn't like go

down that thought pattern or thoughts

like whatever and I was like oh

oh [ __ ] I was like but also she's like

Chelsea it was necessary

oh my God it just made me laugh that's

how she's describing therapy or at least

her therapist is that I lightly roast

her and I'm terrified to know how people

would yes yeah I don't want to know okay

so I you're going eight and a half

did you read the whole book and have all

of all of the cute details I'm gonna go

six in it and five and a half

marshmallows okay

two hamsters

[Laughter]

okay I'm making a combination I can

respect it quite frankly I felt like I

needed to go half on the marshmallow one

not the hamster because that just felt

dark dark

very dark I was like oh I don't want to

say one and a half hamsters the other

half go oh no is it the front half or

the back half

side to side oh no oh

oh actually I had that thought earlier

when you said she had a hack a half

waxed bead I was like top half bottom

half or is it side to side then I was

like once again wrong questions I would

assume side to side but I don't know

that was not disclosed

yeah no that would make more sense yeah

because if you're going like up one leg

and up one side okay so because I didn't

read the book eight and a half

marshmallows zero hamsters or or hamster

portions

eight and a half marshmallows let us

know what you would rate it what what

marshmallows you would choose if that's

like the flavored kind if that's the

jumbo size if that's the flat kind that

they make specifically for s'mores now

Minis oh yeah minis like the hot

chocolate the hot chocolate mini minis

the micro minis not just like the kind

you would put on hot chocolate

like the dehydrated ones yeah yeah yeah

okay so many marshmallow varietals to

choose from

[Music]

um

zero hamster portions eight and a half

marshmallow varietals no hamsters

No Cap I did not use that right at that

moment oh my God Chelsea

all right thanks for joining us on this

journey we can't wait to see you all

soon don't forget to like And subscribe

um and can't wait to see you for the

next episode thanks for hanging y'all

bye

[Music]

well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ]

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[Music]