Smut Club

foreign

hello All You Beautiful People

you know what time it is

ladies and gentlemen

Guys and Dolls and everyone in between

gather round

something real nice to sip on and comfy

to slip on

cause it's time for smut Club

here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna

[Music]

it's a really good theme song it is I

love it Advanced it

a wonderful job making that animal

well

hello everyone and welcome to smut Club

I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea

I I paused like I I would pause because

I was distracted it's still my name is

it that's good I was like and I'm oh no

wait this isn't something that's going

to change it's I'm Chelsea

um and if you hear the little click

clack on the ground or the heavy

breathing that is Brandon the pug

who we also love

um but listening to him review a book

would

it would be a different sort of podcast

it

oh I I'm not like a huge ASMR person me

either

I don't get it and is that like is that

the sort of thing where it's kind of

like cilantro where either like you [ __ ]

with cilantro or you don't [ __ ] with

cilantro is that like how is that what

ASMR

is where people are like hell yeah

I want to listen to people click their

nails and Whisper no I don't I don't

like that in fact it makes me deeply

uncomfortable like certain certain ones

I'm like like I physically cringe I'm

like is this my mesophonia or is this

genuinely like weird and gross you're

what

so mesophonia is a thing where certain

sounds like it's it's like an anxiety

thing where certain sounds make me like

physically like I like cringe and curl

up like the sound of a fork on

somebody's teeth makes me one of them

yes okay very specific sound

Sister Act 2.

go with me on this I realize this is

already pivoting so Sister Act 2 like

the whole movie no no no no no okay that

movie slaps

but the um the scene where Whoopi

Goldberg is trying to get her classes

attention when they're all like acting

and like her nails on a chalkboard even

as a kid every time like I've seen that

movie more times than I can count but

every time I knew that seems I'd like be

plugging my ears because the sound now

mind you I won I don't think I've ever

ever actually heard that word before

um but two I definitely I get a lot of

like sensory overload like I I realized

I'm a highly sensitive person like if

you've ever read a book about that like

you know you know what it is for people

who are not in the therapy space

um yes I realized I'm like a highly

sensitive person and so I get sensory

overload very easily so I've always kind

of equated it or thought of it through

that lens versus like there's like

specific sounds but yeah I'm like you

don't know I can't do that sound yeah

I'll definitely get over stimulated but

there are also certain sounds that just

irritate me like I people love guided

meditations right YouTube whatever

different apps

I cannot stand like I have like two

people that I can listen to because

everybody else is so [ __ ] breathy

that I can't listen to it I'm like why

are you trying to weirdly seduce me

right now this is gross I don't like it

so when I did my yoga teacher training

I did like the Intensive one where it

was like three weeks Monday through

Friday 6 30 a.m to 8 30 P.M

um but from 7 P.M to 8 P.M each night

was like our meditation thing like

portion where we'd like try different

types of meditation like some were

guided it's not like some like binaural

beats like all of those different things

like we would do a walking meditation

but girl

I'm like we have done at least four

hours of yoga today on top of all of the

other like educational things and now

you are asking me to end my day

laying on the ground listening to a

meditation and you expect me not to fall

asleep

setting you up for failure they really

were and I honestly didn't give a [ __ ] I

was like what are you gonna do are you

gonna kick me out of school because I

I was like if anything I'm taking what

my body needs so I understand

that I passed this portion really all

this to say Brandon won't be doing a

book review

so we got a little off the rails thank

you for coming on that Journey with us

so Chelsea tell me what are we reviewing

today well what are you reviewing

because I'm not doing it oh Lord okay so

today

we are reviewing Desperate Measures

bye

bye oh I didn't know we were doing a bum

oh I didn't know Desperate Measures

by Katie Robert

there we go

um

Katie is with two e's not an ie because

she fancy like that because they fancy

like that didn't she also write neon

gods

written a lot I'm actually not probably

maybe I'll have to look it up later

um

I had been watching a tick tock where

someone was like talking about the most

sex per page kind of like book that

they'd read and it was

um a book by her not this one I want to

say it was called like

gifting my gifting you to my best friend

I don't know something

where the title you're like I see where

we're going right I don't even need to

read it because I I got it from there

yeah you're like there's not going to be

a lot of plot here nope and quite

frankly plot's not what you're looking

for there right that's not why you pick

up a book with a title like that yeah

that's like

reading anything by Nikki Sloan and

being like I'm here for the plot yeah I

know you right right we don't have to

lie to ourselves we can be honest

that's true yeah and I've read a lot of

Nikki slum

which is fair

well

one Series has a decent amount of plot

does it though I don't know okay tell me

does desperate measures have a plot

um it Loosely has a plot so this is like

the whole like Disney villains right um

okay this is the first book in like the

Disney villains where like this one is

Jasmine and Jafar the next book is um

like Hades and Meg and Hercules okay

okay

I think they're like seven books in the

series

and I'm pretty sure you can choose your

own adventure like I they are

standalones you meet some of the

characters what whatever right I've read

Desperate Measures and I'm halfway

through the second one but like it just

the second one like you know those books

that you're like it's just like my mood

like I will I would read this in another

time but like what I'm looking for today

is not this yes yes so one of those okay

so this is the love story of Jasmine and

Jafar

um

if consensual non-consent makes you feel

uncomfy

you're gonna be a bit uncomfy today fair

if

like baby girl daddy makes you uncomfy

you will also be uncomfy today

um

I know we've talked about this several

times on the show but I like they say

daddy so much in this book that like I

always think about when I looked at my

husband and I was like

would you want me to call you Daddy and

he was like could you say it with

conviction I was like I don't think I

could especially now like having a

having a baby I was like trying to hand

Ford off to Vance and I was like I was

like do you want to see your daddy and

Vance was like it's still me he's like I

know it's not sexual at all he's like it

makes me a little uncomfortable I still

know I was like what would you like our

child to call you he's like pops dad I

was like oh you know straightforward

classic option but yeah there have been

a few times where like

say like Daddy and I'm like yeah yeah

like not for me am I more likely

likely y'all I'm only like three sips of

wine in

it is also worth noting

um Hannah and I are drinking red wine

but didn't want to get wine teeth so we

are drinking it through straws

they're comically large we have like

those big like silicone smoothie straws

in our wine glasses but it's working

so there's that it works for me sorry

[Laughter]

so all right

um we open on this book meeting Jasmine

we switch points of view a few times but

like

it doesn't really matter nothing really

matters yeah

in life you know let's just get

existential for a second so like yeah I

was like taking notes on this book and I

was like do I even need notes for this

book let's see how kind of far we get so

Jasmine is in her room in her dad's

Palace Mansion

um and like it's very much a gilded cage

she's never actually been she's like 25

years old has never been off property

um

but it's like very smart right and her

dad has betrothed her in a business deal

to Ali right you see AKA Aladdin Aladdin

yes right this is an arranged marriage

situation yes and Aladdin is not the

hero of this book

um so you know we're like I don't know

that he was really the hero of the movie

If we're honest but we'll get into the

the we can get into the details of

Disney's problematic

history later or never there's

like as a kid you were just not aware of

any of those nope things at all okay so

she's in her room she knows that like

she's like

being sold off essentially as part of

this like business deal and she's not

about it and she hears her bedroom door

open and she has like I don't know like

a letter opener or some [ __ ] in her hand

that she's like

whoever came into my room it's Jafar

it's not Ali

and in this is Jafar still her dad's

like main advisor

I'll tell you in three seconds oh okay

my bad my bad you're getting ahead of me

Hannah sorry not really it's all once

again does does any of it matter yeah so

Jafar was her dad's top advisor and

Jafar essentially just came in and was

like

everything is mine now your father is no

longer in play

I've dethroned your father this is my

territory everything in this territory

is mine you are mine

it's a bold move

bold move Jafar bold move

and she's like

Okay so

can I just leave and

um would you mind giving me my trust

fund to my

right and he's like run and if you make

it to the door before I catch you you're

free to go

and she's like do I want that I don't

want

that but then like there's like a

narrator voice being like she does want

that like it's pretty much how like the

whole like consensual non-consent is

written out throughout this book it's

like her being like I don't want this

and then in her head she's like yes I do

it's like oh they kind of write it this

whole time

um yeah and so she's like okay so like

what if you get like what if you catch

me before I make the door he's like then

you're mine body and soul and she's like

so I either get to go completely free

with my trust fund

or you own me right cool right

I wish I wish we had more background

because this for me is like damn Jafar

like do you even know her do you even

like her like is this just a new thing

for you like we have a little bit of

background that comes out throughout the

book we're like he's worked for her dad

for five years and like

they've always kind of like looked at

each other across the room and like had

that like sexual tension but like

nothing had ever happened right we will

find out far later once again I'm

deciding it doesn't matter I'm keeping

no secrets this book's a [ __ ] show

um

like we find out later that like

he had been working towards like taking

like betraying her dad and taking

everything over but then when her dad

sold her off to Ali it like moved up

jafar's timeline so that way like

he could keep her safe got it yes got it

so he's like you have to count a ten so

she like takes off to the front door

guess what Hannah

does she make it

she doesn't she doesn't make it to the

front door and this is very much he like

tackles her on the tile floor in the

foyer of the mansion and she's like I

don't want this I

was like

and he's like are you sure you don't

want this because you're like pussy's

dripping like right it's just like

that's most of the book is her being

like I don't want this and he's like

your body tells me otherwise let me put

some fingers up there and tell you that

you're lying

[Laughter]

so yeah so

I have worked in a lot of different

places in mental health treatment okay

okay follow me

going on this journey I need my silicone

ones you do so

I thought of this I'm not exactly sure

why but

um at one of the places I was working

there was an incident where we knew that

two patients had engaged in sexual

activity

it's not that rare but also not great so

our risk manager

pipes up in our treatment team

meeting where we're discussing what

needs to be done and she starts talking

about the incident report and how we

need to make sure that we have one for

digital penetration and that's all I

could think of when you just said that I

don't know why it's never happened

previously on the podcast where I've

thought that when you've said it but all

I could think of was her going

digital penetration before nine o'clock

in the morning every time he's a digital

penetration in my head I just go digital

digital get down

which really makes me think about

in sync a little differently

um

yeah

I see you processing right now in a way

that you're like oh [ __ ] I didn't like

that

okay so essentially jofar plows her on

the foyer floor

um and we're back yeah and we're back

and but like she's like we both know

what did she say like we both know I

can't make you stop I won't make you

stop

um

and then like when when all said and

done he's like let's not pretend you

weren't into it you were and we're gonna

do that again we're gonna do that a lot

like you made your choice you didn't

make it to the front door

you're mine now but we also learned her

they have a safe word it seems like

we entered the book with them already

having a safe word but I don't fully get

like where the safe word like

came from the safe word is Raja

the tiger yeah which also I had a cat

named George based off of

who I loved and like it was truly a a

parent's blind love because I thought

that cat was the most beautiful cat in

the world and now I look back at photos

and I was like

everyone was right she was a little

ratchet looking oh well she was a Devon

Rex which is the breed of Craig

um our our current cat and so like

looked like we gave her a shitty haircut

but which is like naturally like that

but like

produced a lot of body oil and would

just kind of leave like a belly oil

trail

and this is all I could think of every

time they'd say they're [ __ ] safe was

it belly oil was a belly oiled Devon Rex

cat named Raja

yeah um also maybe not my best helmet I

may have told you this story before so

when I moved from Florida to Texas for

grad school I couldn't take my cat with

me like Russia had been purchased as the

family cat but was very much mine so

stayed with my parents and the thought

was like yeah when I'm done went in grad

school for a few years I'll take her

back well my parents became the primary

Caregivers for my great-grandmother who

was like 98 years old at the time passed

away at 100.

I don't know how old she was at the time

anyway

um

my cat hated my great-grandmother

like didn't hate a soul it was just like

a normal cat who wanted to cuddle except

for my great-grandmother would like bite

her but like old people's skin is like

so thin yeah

and my parents were like

Chelsea we have to get rid of the cat

she keeps biting your great-grandmother

and I said keep the one that will live

longer

laughs

the comment was not well received no

um I know we're all very surprised it

was not my best moment I was really sad

but then my parents like we'll get you a

new cat when you finish grad school

and that's how I actually got Craig oh

I wonder whatever happened to Raja

I don't know she became a safe word

her spirit lives on in Desperate

Measures oh gosh if that's her spirit I

have bigger questions okay so anyway

yeah so they like have the safe word

that like is Raja we it I'm like where

like we never really know where the uh

maybe I missed it but it felt like they

were just like oh yeah we have this word

let we both knew but I'm like where did

it come from anyway

so like Jafar loads her up it's like

we're going to my penthouse and like

bless him

he's not a good man but he is like oh

like as they're walking to the penthouse

he's like oh I took her she doesn't even

have shoes on I'm going to pick her up

and carry her into the penthouse because

I'm not like a total [ __ ]

but also on the way there he's like so

like are you on birth control and like

you didn't think to ask that

before you tackled her in the house and

just like had your way with her like

yes yes

um

and then he's also kind of like she

could have made it stop with one word

and she didn't like at no point is she

using her safe word and I want to be

very clear about that is like throughout

this entire book it like it truly is

like consensual non-consent from that

vantage point of like she has an out

that she knows is there that they keep

coming back to and like she's aware that

she's not taking her

her true out if she wanted it right and

she trusts that he would stop if she

used it yes right well because I guess

like he like said something one time a

long time ago like before the book start

where it was like

she used the word and he like backed off

immediately like whatever he'd been

saying so like we do trust that he would

actually

respect and honor her safe word

um yeah so then he's like all right well

I gotta go out I gotta do some business

um she's like I don't have any clothes

here he's like you can earn your clothes

and then he's like and I would like you

to be kneeling and naked at the front

door when I get back when are you

getting back who can say just be there

that's a no for me

yeah

I know

so yeah it's a no for Jasmine as well if

we're being honest yeah because he

leaves and she's like [ __ ] that noise

I'm gonna go Snoop so go snooping finds

his home office

and in his home office is like trying to

guess his computer password and like a

little green light pops on and she's

like oh like there's like a camera that

turned on and she's still trying to

guess his computer password and isn't

getting it right and the office phone

rings and it's Jafar and he's like so

what are you doing in there

and what will I find on the video when I

check it and she's like oh it's not like

a live stream he can't see me so then

she just like masturbates

while on the phone with him

and like comes and then like hangs up

like what

we got from six to midnight real quick

yes

yes what

okay yeah he's like good for her and

she's like let me back up and she's like

and I stuck my fingers in my [ __ ] and

I'm like

so many fingers in your [ __ ] and that's

hold on and then after that she's like

all right well

still not gonna go to the door and kneel

so I'm gonna go to my bedroom and lock

the door and go to sleep but like also I

was kind of like thinking she's like oh

wake up she she wakes up to Jafar like

breaking into her bedroom where he's

like you were not where you were

supposed to be

um

so this is like a weird Master Slave

brat

thing he does call her brat a lot yeah

like I

I wouldn't say full like Master Slave

which is the kneeling at the door is

Master Slave vibes

I think he's really looking for a

submissive in a

but then it's also like

I don't know we'll get into it like

later in the book where it's like

like he is trying to keep her in the

penthouse to keep her safe

and he's like yeah like she's not gonna

have to stay there forever but in her

head she's like I've just traded one

cage for another right

um

so is she on birth control oh yeah okay

no so she I just realized we never

answered that

would it matter though probably not

probably it was more for me the fact

that I'm like you didn't you didn't

check proactively right

whatever this whole book so he tells her

that like

someone's gonna be coming the next day

to outfit her in some clothes then

they're going out the next night and

she's like I don't want to and he's like

I don't really care what you want

and she's like give me my trust fund and

let me go he's like if you want your

trust fund like he's like if you really

want to go prove it say say your word

say it like you don't have to stay oh so

that so he's like the word is not just

for sexy times the word is for all of

this say it now yeah okay okay I'm not

keeping you here I'm not holding this

money over your head

you have to say one but I'm also like

okay what would you would you have

actually like I think like sexually he

would have respected the word but I

honestly don't know if he would respect

the word if she was like

I I want to actually leave right but

it's presented as though he's like okay

if you really want to go you have it out

right you haven't used it that's on you

so the next day The Stylist arrives we

meet Tink The Stylist yeah there's tank

will meet hook later

oh

oh yeah

there they cover a lot of different so

do Tink and hook get it on in a later

book they're like seven [ __ ] books

Anna probably I'm gonna have to look it

up I I don't know if I can commit to

reading all seven of these well I would

probably pick and choose like I would

probably read a tank and hook one

and then I would just see what the other

ones were and if I was into it I would

read it

that's fair instead of trying to roll

straight through

well and so like Tink

works for she's a stylist but like she's

affiliated with the underworld that's

like the sex club that's run by Haiti so

she's kind of like giving these details

of like that's where you're going

tonight as like this sex club and like

if you really like is trying to help out

Jasmine and she's like if you really

want out you could like make a deal with

Hades but like

that's probably like last last case

right what am I trying to say like maybe

don't do that worst case scenario worst

case scenario not last case scenario I'm

like I think the word isn't there on the

tip of my tongue

um but then Jasmine's like okay like

thanks also I noticed you only brought

me a couple of like really [ __ ]

dresses

is there any underwear is there any

jeans and things like I brought what was

ordered like I don't

yeah so we switched to jafar's

perspective really fast and I just

wouldn't touch it again

I just hit the mic stand with my hand

and it bounced and I'm not touching it

anymore

we have a new setup this season and it

it involves more body awareness to not

hit the mic we're adjusting we're

adjusting so I apologize if they're like

loud noises that you're like what the

[ __ ] was that

um it's us trying our best

square that leaves us so I need a

silicone wine straw Break

um do you have any questions about the

book so far what are your thoughts

so my thoughts uh interesting premise I

like the premise right yeah it's a cool

premise

um a little confused about it I mean we

just we just escalated real quick just

right off the rip yeah we did without a

lot of context which again if you're in

the mood for

could be great

um and I am thinking that Katie Robert

did write neon Gods which was also a

Hades spoof that makes sense but it

wasn't Hades and Meg and Hercules it was

like

different was it all of the furies

no it was Hades and then this girl he

he's like a like a crime Lord

essentially

um

everybody hates him but he's into like a

lot of voyeurism

you know

seems like the man had been into

voyeurism I'm looking up neon gods

I might need to add it to my list or do

I need to add it to my list I did enjoy

it I haven't read the second one it is

Katie Robert yeah I haven't read the

second one but

it sounds like there's a similar theme

because in

um neon gods

they're very clear about they have a

written agreement before they enter into

this relationship they have like a clear

understanding of where everybody's lines

are safe words all of that stuff which I

really appreciated because in a lot of

these books with like non-con and like

dubious consent and all that other stuff

like

it's never really just yeah it's not

like in a way that you're like there's

really no clear boundaries just like

gross and really uncomfortable yes but

with the way that she wrote neon gods

and it sounds like sort of in the way

she wrote this one it was like oh so

this is maybe not like you know the the

Pinnacle example of how we engage in a

healthy BDSM Dynamic but at least it's

closer than most of the other yeah stuff

out there you know so I appreciate that

yeah it's like

you know it's a weird thing when you

like read this much month that you're

like oh I really appreciate them like

writing and like like consent consent

yes we love consent we do and I do agree

I think there's like a lot of books

where they're like this is so hot and

I'm like

this is like setting you up for failure

and like absolutely setting you up where

it's like oh that was never a boundary

was never clearly like outlined or

discussed and now it feels icky

um okay so we switched to jafar's

perspective real quick

we learned that like Ali is in the wind

uh oh jafar's men are like trying to

find him trying to capture him

he is not to be found so jafar's like

gotta keep her

locked up like gotta keep jasmine safe

until we can find Aladdin

um because Aladdin does is not pure in

his intentions sure Jafar is though so

we can respect that you get it yeah

Jafar is a true gentleman here

um

so like he gets back to his place and

Jasmine is swimming naked because you

know she doesn't have swimsuits because

right he didn't order those before

we do what we have to

like

just

this is neither here nor there but

because he was like yeah and she was

like cutting through the water and like

really like booking it in the pool and

I'm kind of like

if your titties aren't in a swimsuit

right flat in the wind yeah if they're

just water if they're just flapping in

the water how much does that slow you

down I would imagine a bit it makes you

less water Dynamic not aerodynamic right

yes and I think it also depends on what

sort what you're working with like for

some people it may be kind of a

non-issue for others of us

we'd be getting a black eye do you

remember it was like my

this was one of my favorite jokes as a

child and now I'm looking back no that's

the right look on your face Hannah so it

was like a blonde to brunette and a

redhead like when like blonde jokes were

like yeah Peak comedy right and talking

about how

there was this like swimming competition

down this River or whatever and it was

like a breaststroke competition and so

everyone's lined up they they start

going and down at the Finish Line like

everyone is coming through and they're

like man it has been like an hour and

like the blonde like still isn't here

like the redhead has made it the

brunette has made it yeah and then when

the blonde gets there at the end and

they're like

what took you song she's like well I

don't wanna

I don't want to start [ __ ] but also I

don't think that's how I communicate

with this joke as a child right um but

like I don't think the other swimmers

were using their breasts

was my favorite joke as a child oh

I think we just learned a lot about me I

think I just learned a lot about I

gained a lot of insight and a lot of

things make sense now between that and

the cat yeah yeah yeah we're learning so

much okay

um

so Jasmine is swimming her breasts are

making her less water Dynamic I don't

know the right word for It Whatever

Jafar is watching her

um nothing really important happens in

this scene at all except at one point

she's like you're so bossy I should call

you Daddy

and like I'm like oh I'm watching a kink

be born right like this is where this

originated is that like she like calls

him daddy like jokingly once or twice

and she's like maybe I like that

am I into that yes yeah there's also a

lot of like good girl which

we were talking earlier about like and I

know we've we posted it on our Instagram

story but like the Russ book talk yep

where like

I just keep thinking of every time Jafar

says good girl in this book I just hear

it and Russ's

singing voice with Russ's aggressively

sexual thirst trap tick tocks right good

for him man yeah carry on

but he has another song called handsomer

where he says I'm five six but the money

make me six five

and I'm like is he actually five six

I'm gonna have to look that up oh it's

such a good yeah it's I'm I know I mean

how tall is

but the money make me six five she said

I love your songs I told her to list

five

I like that yeah I mean I'm gonna look

up the song but it's called handsomer

how tall is Russ

yeah we need to know how tall Russ is

this is very important

um he's a cool five five he gave himself

an extra inch oh no he gave himself an

extra inch

y'all

that means he is about an inch taller

than me which means he is two inches

shorter than me bless his heart

you know it doesn't seem to be stopping

him

I mean no judgment good for you bro like

we're already like you're doing great

he really is we love a Shortcake energy

so all right in the car to on the way to

the underworld that night Jasmine's

wearing one of them

[ __ ] dresses where like they're like

the front went down between her blow

between her boobs and the back went down

even lower than that and there were

slits on both sides that like went all

the way up to her hip bone and I'm like

so she's one strong Breeze away from

like

full nude yes yeah no one really seems

upset about including her

so on the drive there they do confirm

that like Jafar killed her dad didn't

just like knock him out of power but

like he did

um and then he tells her that like at

the underworld she needs to be like

silent and obedient and like eyes

towards to the ground and we also are

starting to realize like yeah Jasmine

has never been in the real world at all

like right she has never been anywhere

outside of like her family grounds and

property outside of this Penthouse that

belongs to Jafar so like she starts to

have some anxiety throughout the night

and he does he actually like is very

sweet about managing it

um

but yeah when he's like you need to be

obedient and silent and she's like what

do I get if I do and he's like I'll take

care of that pretty [ __ ] tonight

like you were gonna do that anyway

like don't make that out to be good

really you were gonna do that anyway I'm

like really

okay you're just doing what you're gonna

already do but we're just re-labeling it

yeah got it

um and then

then he's like what do you want as a

reward if you obey and she's like I want

it like it was before like I want you to

force me

and

I put quotes on it but I like lick my

[ __ ] daddy make me come and I'm like

I wish that you hadn't

and then he goes down on her

he gives her a [ __ ]

you previous episodes if you had like

context for that joke for me everybody

gets a [ __ ]

he goes down on her in the limo

so they get to the underworld she's a

little bit nervous

um and that's where we also meet Meg

Megara

one of Haiti's Furies his favorite of

the furies I would say Obviously

um and Meg is like she is exquisite like

look at you go Jafar you want to share

and he's like if she's into it

um

and then when like Meg walks away

Jasmine's like you told her you'd share

me

and he's like

yeah you really don't seem that upset

but like okay like Whispers a lot of

dirty [ __ ] in her ear and it's just kind

of like not saying anything that you

don't want like right like calling her

Bluff essentially yes like

this whole book really I'm and I'm

giving way more detail than it is needed

for as much as is actually happening

Hades meets Jasmine that happens

um

they go to like the main Lounge area

where like everyone's out in the open

and like a lot of business talk is

happening and like Jasmine is realizing

like oh part of her being here is like

Jafar to show like the power that like

he has taken over her father is no

longer in play and she's there with him

and like kind of like being used as a

pawn a little bit

but she's also like I get that

appearances matter and like I'll be like

you're a good girl

okay baby girl good girl Daddy not none

of it matters

so they're sitting in the main club room

and

um

she's sitting on his lap like and he is

fingering her and then hook walks up and

like

Jafar is having a completely like normal

business conversation with hook well

engaging in digital penetration yeah

while engaging in digital digital get

down

that's it from now on that's it you you

see

um

and then

like jafar's like what do you like what

do you think of that business exchange

like after hook walks away and she has

come all over his fingers or whatever

the [ __ ] happened and she's like oh I

think he's nervous that like you're

gonna like make a play for his territory

in jafar's like oh like

you're pretty perceptive of business for

someone who who is engaging in the

digital digital get down during that

whole conversation

um

wait what else did I even

oh oh I skipped a whole none of it no

sitting in the mid Club room she's on

his lap he's rubbing her leg and under

boob she spreads her legs to give him

more access he says Wicked girl maybe I

should just blindfold you and put you in

a spreader bar then let everyone take

turns eating your [ __ ] until you're

begging for mercy

and then we meet hook I apologize that I

really got this plot out of order

honestly I don't know how we could have

moved forward with the review without

that context

it made all of the difference it did the

book would have made no sense no if we

didn't have Jafar saying he was going to

put her in a spreader bar there's a lot

of like next time I'll let everyone take

a turn

um

the only person who gets a turn outside

of him later in this book is Meg like I

was gonna say knowing full well he's

never going to share her with another

man that's never gonna happen

I don't know well there's seven books in

the series maybe they'll make a

reappearance who can say

um so then he like realizes that she was

perceptive in that conversation and he's

like you were like such a good girl what

do you want as your reward and she's

like make me Daddy Hannah it's then like

two or three chapters like 20 Pages

worth of just like

sex like one of those where it's like is

this scene over and then it's like no

it's not yeah it's like they're like

[ __ ] around yeah and then he's like

wait

hold on and then like Tink shows up

there's there's a whole costume change

she's then like dressed as a school girl

they moved to a different room and the

sex club Playhouse called the underworld

like that's an office then they're like

playing out some of their fantasies of

when like he used to see her walking

around when he was there doing business

with her dad and like it's

I'm like I just had to take a moment to

look it up because it was like hearing

you describe it I was like wait a minute

was neon Gods like part of this

storyline am I misremembering was that

Meg it absolutely was not so she wrote

two books about Hades I just had to look

it up really quick because I was like

wait what was her name because I wasn't

positive but no it was Persephone so she

has a hair if it was Persephone it was

Persephone and neon Gods so it was she

has Hades and Persephone book and then

she has Hades and Meg book I just had to

like clarify because I was like wait a

minute this is all very like for Hades

man right get it

um but it I was like this is very like

reminiscent of neon Gods like a lot of

the vibe

one of my favorite classes that I took

in undergrad was

um Greek mythology

because it was literally just

storytelling every class you'd sit there

and you'd be like

what happened what Greek god got someone

pregnant this week

like what Greek god [ __ ] a human this

time

um yeah so then like

I'd say it is worth noting that like

jafar's like you like would like wanna

want people to watch like want to be on

display and then she's like writing him

and he like flicks a switch behind him

and like defrost the window because

they're in the sex club and there's like

a bunch of people watching them go at it

and she's like I'm into that

yeah so like that happens she passes out

from all the orgasms they like sleep I

hate it when that happens

find a nickel for every time I had

six or seven orgasms in one night

at a sex club right called the

underworld yeah

I'd have zero nickels

I was gonna say what are what are we

buying

um from the Dollar Tree nothing because

with inflation

well yeah I I would be still nothing

Nicholas

not not a man named Nicholas classic

mix-up

sorry I was so bad that was not my best

joke I liked it it was just bad

it might I was gonna say not my best

joke not my worst joke it might be my

worst joke as I said it I was like I

deeply regret this

um yeah so she passes out after all of

the orgasms and then when she wakes up

in like the bedroom where they spent the

night Ali is in the bedroom uh oh yeah

and he's like you know like Jafar killed

your dad like I don't know maybe he says

that now maybe he says it later Ayanna

it doesn't [ __ ] matter

um but it's like I'm gonna rescue you

from your father's murderer and she's

like

no oh no and he's like I'm you're mine

and she's like [ __ ]

and then he like takes off then Jafar

shows up and jafar's like oh like she

looks out of Swords I must have like

gone too hard last night and she's like

Ali was here

and he's like oh well that's no good so

I go and like tell Hades then Hades is

like oh I'll rescind his membership

that's that's really all that happens

there

okay we didn't think to rescind his

membership previously well why would he

have rescinded his membership previously

I don't know I thought he and Jafar were

tight so I figured

I mean I think they're tight but like in

that way where like business associates

who both have a lot of power are tight

we're like

a lot of [ __ ] goes down under like

like at the underworld which gives Hades

even more power right so I think like

unless something happens it's like you

ain't special like right you can be

besties but unless someone like [ __ ] up

and breaks the rules I have no reason to

kick them out I think it's more of the

energy so then like when that actually

happens

right they're like okay well we're send

his membership

that makes sense

um

I don't know they go back to the

penthouse and like Jasmine's like don't

like

don't lock me up like this is like my

like that last night was like my first

taste of the real I'm like girl you have

been three places in your life

you have been on your father's grounds

jafar's penthouse

and a sex club like what a life so is

she a virgin when Jafar took her at the

palace great question she hasn't been

anywhere where she like bang him

she was technically a virgin

is how I believe she described what does

that mean um I think that just means

that a dick had never entered her but

that plenty of toys had

oh okay yeah okay I think that is really

fair enough how we're gonna describe

that I feel comfortable leaving it at

that

um

they like have a conversation that night

where she's like don't like lock me up

like my dad and he's like I'm just

trying to like keep you safe

um and she's like I don't just want to

be a pawn and I like that's really where

the tension starts to come in where

she's like I'm I'm more than just

upon in everyone's business Deals they

go to sleep she wakes up he's not there

but he gave her a phone that just has

his phone number and tink's phone number

they have phone sex

that's all Tink comes over brings more

clothes Meg is with her though this time

so Meg brings in another rack of clothes

and there's actually like normal human

clothes there's jeans this time not just

like [ __ ] dresses well that's nice

right

and Meg offers to help Jasmine Escape

and it's like

would you like my assistance like I I

can help but the steal expires in seven

days like so you don't need to you don't

need to decide right this minute but

like

you've got to decide at some point

um

so Jasmine is like thinking that over

and thinking it through when Ali not Ali

when Jeff Farr gets back and her and

Jafar are like sitting and having dinner

um

and she like asks them like oh like how

was work like what were you up to today

and he just kind of like deflects and is

like

so if you thought about like do you want

to go to college like what are what do

you want to do now that you like have a

little bit more freedom than you have

before and she's like oh well he's

clearly not telling me the details

because he clearly is still just viewing

me as a pawn and all of this right right

um and I'm just a possession and it's

like and like

it switches to jafar's perspective and

like he can like see that shift and he's

like I don't know what happened but like

she just like

shut down some right I [ __ ] up somehow

but I don't know how

but we also learn Jafar is real stressed

out because when they were out looking

for Ali that weekend six of his men went

missing oh

I was gonna say

show that right like babe I'm sorry I'm

not all the way with it today six of my

men are missing because I'm trying to

find a man who's trying to capture you

right

if we were a little bit more

collaborative and communicative

communication man right that's like

it's I'm like not that I want to be

Jafar and Jasmine's couples therapist

because quite frankly hard pass yeah and

I don't love doing couples therapy

me either did you have a lot of couples

before like when you weren't working

like in a treatment facility I had a few

mm-hmm but I just always you know

anytime there's family or you know

couples it's always like

yeah I'm always like none of you are

you're all terrible yeah yeah like

you're just all terrible occasionally

I'm like you're the less terrible person

but I can't even really engage with that

you're like you're causing the least

amount of conflict in this but you still

aren't blameless right and I think

that's the thing is like everyone always

thinks they're blameless yes

man well also let's let's note if you

were charging insurance for couples

counseling insurance pays out so much

less for couples than for individual

therapy and couples is so much harder

because you're man you're just managing

more people it's more to like

navigate and mediate like I remember

doing a couple session and this was like

at the start of the pandemic

they were in such a big fight they

called in to zoom from separate rooms of

the house

and were screaming at each other so loud

you could hear it picking up on the mic

from the and I'm like

and I was literally like if y'all can't

use your inside voices in the next three

seconds

we are ending this session because none

of this is productive

and I'm like I don't

get right like yeah couples work is just

like it's a different level

but like I feel like people who like

[ __ ] with couples love it love like I

was overseeing in clinician and she's

like I only want to work with couples I

don't like doing individual talk therapy

and I'm like

let no man stop you right I'm like

because that sounds like a special kind

of hell to me to only do couples therapy

I feel that way about working with kids

though as well like people who are like

only work with kids I'm like my God and

it's not the kids themselves it's having

to deal with their parents usually

that's the issue oh my gosh like it's

bad enough working with adults the

parents are like ghosts in the room but

working with kids it's like oh God no no

no no like hats off to people who

specialize in that well yeah especially

because like

the parents are the problem most of the

time absolutely and then they're like my

kid won't stop doing this and I'm like

maybe if you stop doing that they would

stop responding in that way

no you you're not right um [ __ ] me right

okay my favorite is when they show up

first and they're like we'll do anything

we can like we want to be supportive of

our child and make sure that they have

what they need and like we're here to

help and I'm like oh my gosh that's so

awesome here are some tips and skills

for you to try and then they're like we

won't be doing that

no but like what are the tips and skills

for my child to try right 100 yeah

you're like that's not what I meant

when I said I was going to be supportive

I thought I was going to support their

behavior change not my own behavior

change get the [ __ ] out of here

um okay so all that said switches to

jafar's perspective and

yeah he could have just communicated

more whatever

um

but they do end up having a little bit

of a real conversation about the future

where he's like what do you want to

Major and she's like I've literally like

I've never been afforded this

opportunity like I I haven't put a lot

of thought into this but like probably

software engineering he's like what

software engineering and she's like yeah

a lot of the measures in our business

and our company are archaic and like we

could expand into the digital digital

get down world

that's not the digital penetration world

just like inter more of like like they

could just expand the modernize yes

modernize and he's like oh wow like

she's so smart and like she said like we

like she thinks the boss is like

team a power Duo

running the legal underworlds together I

don't know

um

then he's like I have a surprise for you

Meg is there it's another probably like

20 Pages worth of sex I don't know they

have

a giant threesome

a giant threesome I say giant just

because there were so many pages

I was like oh yeah it's still going oh

yep

good for you yeah well I'm like there's

even like I remember there's like this

moment where

he's like I don't know like suck my [ __ ]

or something and she like starts like

almost like get excited to it and she's

like oh no wait I'm supposed to pretend

I don't want to

hahaha

I don't know bless it yeah

this is

far more detail than is needed at all so

yeah they have this big threesome

um the next morning

Jafar is gone Jasmine calls me again is

like I'm accepting your offer I want out

and Meg's like okay like I got my plan

in place be at the elevator at this time

like because I guess I forgot Jasmine

I'd like tried to get in the elevator

previously from the penthouse and none

of the buttons would work like you

needed like a code or something

um

so escapes down into the car when she

gets in the car we find Mega's there

with Hades who had already made a deal

with Ali oh no yes so then they're like

oops sorry about your luck kid

we already made a deal she's like I made

a deal with you he's like but but he

made a deal first so we're handing you

off to ollie uh oh

who like puts her in like the trunk of a

car and dries off and she's like

drives off not dries off I realized I

said that very quickly where I think we

all knew what I meant but I did yeah I

was following thank you

um so this is a frying pan fire

situation

like she's out of the frying pan and

Into the Fire yes it shook me sorry did

you see the look on my face when you're

like it's a frying pan fire situation I

was like

what yes did I just speak French or

something like that was your face just

now for real for real yes um but that is

an accurate description and so she's

like I'm gonna kill

Aladdin Ali whatever they're calling him

um switch to Jafar jafar's man calls him

and it's like

Jasmine's gone

and jafar's like okay just keep a man on

her like

she needs to be able to spread her wings

a little bit I get it and they're like

no no no you're not understanding like

she's gone like in the wind yes like we

think Aladdin has her and so Jafar

realizes that like a deal was probably

made with Hades he goes to the

underworld and Hades like won't see him

and

um they turn him away but then as Tink

is Lee or as he's leaving Tink walks up

like hands on like a note that said like

lets him know that Ali has Jasmine at

her dad's Balthazar I think was her

dad's name I don't know

his old grounds and property

um but like on the Note like Hades is

like now we're even I think from like

when Aladdin had like gone into the room

when he should not have and they

resented his membership and all that

[ __ ] right so this is Haiti's plan to

get Ali to Jafar this wasn't necessarily

like a full betrayal

I think Hades just makes a lot of deals

got it and because then he he can

collect a lot of favors right so I think

it was less about like overtly helping

Jafar and more like

Ali had made it into the room we [ __ ]

up from like our Like rules of our sex

club here so like this evens the scales

yeah I'm like less of like overtly

trying to help him and more just like

I no longer owe you any favors for our

[ __ ] up got it yeah yeah yeah

um even though he handed Jasmine over

right but it seems like we could have

done that without endangering her but

whatever who might have split hairs but

if the deal was that he to get Jasmine

right whatever what's next

I just realized it doesn't matter

yeah like I was getting caught up in it

and then I was like wait a second you're

like I really need to understand this

and you're like no I don't yeah

um yeah so Jasmine is back at like oh

not I'll eat Jafar is like okay I'm

gonna like get my troops together I'm

gonna go save my woman and then

we go to Jasmine Jasmine is at the

grounds Ali is not a good man like

probably smacks her across the face at

some point her father smacked her across

the face at the beginning she had a

bruise

pistafar off

I don't just you know coming full circle

abusive men

um

she gets close enough she kills Ali good

for her Jafar shows up to like save her

and all of the men who are there have

now like pledged their allegiance to

Jasmine and then he we all have Ollie's

men pledge their religion

well because like you realize like some

of the men had been like balthazars

before that and like

and then some of the men had maybe been

Jafar like everyone just kind of like

lots of messy loyalty yes a lot of messy

loyalty everyone pledges their loyalty

to Jasmine including Jafar when he gets

there and then she's like but you can

still be in charge in the bedroom

I don't there's more detail none of it

matters that is

um the end they probably thought

okay they are now going to rule

everything

together

the end the end yeah so

I'd say it's like probably a 200 Page

book and I'd say that probably like over

100 Pages or sex

if I well maybe less I don't know by the

time you include digital penetration

probably half the book is

daddy baby girl digital penetration

costume changes other kinds of

penetration yeah a lot a lot of

penetration yeah

um a lot of nudity

like they're like there is plush and

titties flapping in the water hippies

titties

yep titty slapping in the water really

she will not win the swimming contest

so what is our rating scale I was just

trying to think of like what's the

rating scale for this like like rajas

but that feels weird given your

your tied in the name maybe we could do

tigers we could do tigers okay yeah

um

I'm gonna say Wicked tinks

looked at Little Tinker Bells Little

Tinker Bells spreader bars

oh I'm sorry Hannah took a sip of her

wine through her giant silicone straw as

I said that and was not prepared and

almost just put it out all over our like

very light colored couch

so glad you kept that in

spreader bars sure

whatever makes you

um no I think I think tigers it's a safe

choice

I don't know because like

if you're thinking of it in the grand

scheme of like

all of the different books that we read

like

I think for its specific genre and what

it's trying to accomplish

it's it's

good right you know but I think like if

you're looking at it in the context did

you spray wine on your hands

got it that I got it on my face

incredible

um

but like

I think for its genre and for what it's

set out to do

it accomplished it right

um but I also don't think anyone is

going to read it and be like this is a

great

literary Masterpiece right so for what

it is it achieved its goal yeah was it

enjoyable

I I would say towards its goal it's

enjoyable okay yes I would say like once

again if you're reading it for like a

lot of plot

like you just have to know what you're

getting going into it right

um

so I'd say

if there are 10 tigers

I would give it like

I like feel like I'm trying to rate it

on two different scales yeah I would see

you trying to figure out like towards

its goal and for what it is it it did

what it intended to do but like in terms

of comparison to other books that maybe

were a little richer if yes short yes so

I'd say like

probably five Tigers out of ten or like

six Tigers out of ten if I'm trying to

marry those I think honestly it's

probably like six tigers

if we're looking at like it's set out

what it's trying to do it's not going to

win any awards maybe it has I don't know

um like no shade Katie yeah just saying

like there's

there's enough plot that like to to

carry you through so yeah I'd say

I would say six out of ten Tigers I know

you didn't read it I did not from

my great retelling

for the best retelling of all time I

would support six I'm doing suppressed

your judgment

[Laughter]

that's so much pressure so oh so the

reason why I can trust and support is

because I did read neon gods and I did

it that whole like clarification on the

consensual non-consent and all that

stuff is really like that matters to me

yeah and so I'm like okay so for what it

is especially given that I will support

the six yeah

six out of ten Tigers final offer did

you read um LJ Shin's new Thorn princess

I would be curious your thoughts because

like talking about like consensual

non-consent where like there's a scene

where like

like that's what he's really into she

walks in on him having sex with a woman

who's also into that like she doesn't

know yes like

then like she has like sexual trauma and

like it's a whole

messy add that to my list and we can do

a joint or something on that one later

in the season yeah possibly I would just

be I'd be curious your thoughts

regardless I yeah that one

might be a messy review I don't know I I

like LJ Shen a lot yeah but I also feel

like

her books either like really land for me

or they really

don't like like yeah I was like hell

yeah or I'm like well we finished it

right we can mark it as a red on

Goodreads yep closer to my annual goal

yep how many books did you set as your

annual goal this year 300 100 yeah

I don't know if I'm gonna meet it this

year oh really yeah oh damn I mean I

might but I'm at 81 I think

that is low for you while also still

very far considering when we are

recording this it is spring yeah yeah

yeah so only a couple months into the

year and you're already at 81. yeah I

well because historically I've set my

goal as like

I like hit 200 for a couple years then

last year when I was super pregnant I

think I hit like I had been like

powering through and then I just like

hit a wall yeah and I think my goal I

lowered it to 150 and then this year I

was like don't set yourself up for

failure like you don't need to like set

a high goal like you have

a less than one-year-old child

so I set my goal I think as like 50

books for this year to my head I'm like

you know like a little less than one a

week

pretty much one a week since there's 52

weeks so if we split that math on those

those last two books right I was like

okay

um and I think I'm

somewhere in the 20s yeah so like we'll

probably surpass yeah but I also

I don't know I'm like why set myself up

for failure right you know where I'm

like

I'm the one setting the goal I don't

need to like at least like I don't need

to be stressed about it I'm like also

even if I stopped reading if I didn't

read any more books this entire year

I've still read a lot more books than

most people than a lot yeah yeah like

I was scrolling through Facebook and a

friend was like

I it was at the end of 2022 and she was

like man like I I hit my goal of reading

10 books this year and in my head I was

like 10. what

I call that January right but then I was

like I'm not like I was like no no

judgment yes but I'm also like if you

are not a huge reader like 10 books is a

lot and you know what let's also own

when people are like I only read 10

books this year most of the time they

aren't reading desperate messages by

Katie Rob like

they're probably reading you know like

something like Swan Song by Robert

McCannon that's like I don't know

more than a thousand pages and it's like

this Epic Journey that you go on yes and

it's just doing the most there's no

romance in it at all like there's not

really any romantic relationship happen

that's what people are reading when

they're reading 10 books a year or

they're reading they're like this is

like self-help like was it like where

the crawdads sing or like

or uh culture

yeah yes where I'm like oh they are

reading books that like maybe hold a

little more weight in substance yeah

then I'm like

I'm reading a book called triceratops

and bottoms so like let's keep things in

perspective so like not like but just

one of those words like oh 10 books and

I was like good for her but then in my

head I'm like man I didn't hit my

150 book goal for this year and like

we're all doing great we are we are all

doing fine we are and with that in mind

if y'all have read Desperate Measures

let us know what you think yes let us

know share your thoughts how many tigers

would you choose a different rating

system yeah we did just come up with

that on the fly so if you I would be

surprised if we can come up with

something better

I know that's a big plot twist that we

choose a different rating system on the

fly every time I don't know usually

obviously clearly we put a lot of

thought and energy into the rating

scales well so bless my sweet husband

who like does all of our like back-end

production and all of that stuff and

gets everything ready for like social

media but he will

um

when he uploads it to YouTube he'll

normally like for the background try and

choose something that was pertinent to

the show and there are so many times

where I'm like the [ __ ] did you choose

that background for and he's like

because that was your rating scale of

this book and I was like oh [ __ ] it was

and he's like yeah Chelsea I didn't just

choose Hugh Jackman that was one of my

favorite that was amazing that was

amazing it was just Hugh Jackman's face

it was good right but yeah it's really

good there are several times were like

I don't even remember and my husband's

like yeah I I'm just I'm not out here

choosing these things willy-nilly like

they are pertinent to the show there's a

method well damn yeah so Tigers it is

Tigers it is rajas yeah still really

there was no conversation about their

safe word they just like had a safe word

which okay that neither here we had it

we do which is more than most great

stories

okay

but I hear someone moving I I don't know

it sounds like Brandon followed by Vance

yeah sounds like my dog fell

on the ground which he

will do when he's following you around

for food he'll like not pay attention

and then slip in a fit of joy and he's

like I also get excited about food I'm

highly food motivated

and I'm ready for a snack oh yeah it's

snack time okay six out of ten Tigers

let us know what you would rate it

um not just rate that but feel free to

like subscribe give us a rating on the

show on whatever your preferred

streaming platform is it always goes a

long way yeah and a friend yeah yeah

tell friends yeah no we've had this

conversation before I'm like you know

know your audience

oh you're cool friends don't tell your

narc friends

okay we can't wait to see you until next

time have a great afternoon

[Music]

I hope it was good for you cause it sure

was great for us

if you're digging what we're doing it

would mean a lot if you'd take a minute

to rate and review the show wherever

you're listening right now

maybe tell that sexy someone Linda senir

we love you

we appreciate you we'll see you next

week

stay spotty

[Music]