EP 28: There Are No Saints

This week on Smut Club Chelsea and Hannah are reviewing There Are No Saints by Sophie Lark. You can find every episode of Smut Club at www.smutclubpodcast.com 💁‍♀️ (we’d love you a lot if you rate and review the show 🥰)



ladies and gentlemen

Guys and Dolls and everyone in between

gather round

something real nice to sip on and comfy

to slip on

cause it's time for smut Club

here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna

hey everybody I'm Hannah

and I'm Chelsea welcome to smut Club

where we talk about smut

which is some of it's good some of it

most fits bad yeah

we we literally we the last episode we

reviewed we were like we're talking

about it and we're like

have we ever

have we ever given a book like a solid

like 10 out of 10 or 5 out of 5 or

anything no not on the podcast I know we

have on Goodreads yeah like you and I

like I have rated on Goodreads I think


ugly Love by Colleen Hoover I rated five

out of five


wait for it by Mariah Zapata I like that

one yes

um I think I also gave hands down a five

out of five which did you know if I read

that one did you read the wall of

Winnipeg of Me Okay so the wall of

Winnipeg of me I feel like that's the

big one that like most people know

Mariana Zapata for

there's a dude named Aiden we love the

name Aiden in a romance novel

um Aiden has

um is

it's the whole book is Aiden and Vanessa

wait for it is Vanessa's best friend

Diana right


there's another football player who like

Aiden plays for like a

the Dallas 300 that's whatever made up

football team

um and one of the other players Zach

lives with him and so

um hands down is about Zach and

um there's another book by her called

like the best thing or something like


um that's about like a MMA

or like UFC fighting gym something of

that right

um and it's like the girl who works at

the front desk in that book so it's the

girl from the best thing or whatever

it's called and Zach from the wall of

one and like I Zach is one of my

favorite like I adore Zach noted and how

did we start talking because I gave it a

5 out of 5. okay okay okay I got it I

got it

you yeah read more Mariana's part of

[ __ ] like that is what the world

needs apparently

um what the world could have lived


because there are no Saints by Sophie

Lark which is what we are reviewing

today and I will tell you I found this

um on tick tock

so I don't remember who it was but

um one I found a video this woman was

saying like

these are all of my top really dark

reads if you want something dark this is

for you blah blah blah and I was like

okay wiggle oh I gotta go I like a good

dark green I I like that I'll try it I'm

into it


so I it's been a real struggle for me

not to tell Chelsea details about this

book because it it just is something


um my poor husband when I was about 40

of the way through I just like word

vomited all over him about all of it and

I was like what the [ __ ] is this and he

was like

I I don't know like you okay baby like

please talk to someone else about this

you're like this is what you have

Chelsea for basically basically like

what's the point of this [ __ ] podcast

if I still have to listen to these

stupid books so anyway

um I thought you had the podcast Outlet

so I didn't have to be exactly

you know at least like so we record the

podcast at my house and so at least

Matt gets a reprieve yeah Vance just

sits here and listens to every single

episode and then edits them and the look

of horror on his face some of the times

I'm like I'm so sorry honey yeah and

he's like

so so this is what you read it sure is

and I like I saw a tick tock that I

actually think I sent to Hannah recently



like how women will just sit there

straight face reading like the most

aggressive sex scene yeah and especially

like when you're reading it on your

phone or on your your Kindle or

something like no one's seeing the cover

of these books no one has any idea

the horror Within

yeah when people are like what are you

reading I'm like I don't

you don't want to know yeah like

especially when it like

so one of my

um life coaching clients was like yeah

my goal was to read 18 books this year

and I've read ten and I was like oh yeah

my goal was to read 200 and then I got

pregnant so I bumped it down to 150 and

I've read like 125 so far and he's like

oh any recommendations and I was like

truly not absolutely not like

I'm like and I don't know what that says

about me that I've read

125 books this year and I'm like

how many would I recommend

yeah I've read 204. I did post I know

right I did do a review for a book that

I read recently I think it was the one

you love

by maybe

I don't remember I don't remember but I

read it and I audibly went ugh at the

end of the book

like audibly was like oh

and when I when I reviewed it on

Goodreads that was my review

I audibly said uh at the End of This

Book highly recommend one star

and honestly that's the perfect

Goodreads review to me and I say that is

if we don't sit here and discuss a

single book for like two right hours


but it's an extended reaction video but

in a podcast

no on Goodreads I always try and leave

one sentence reviews yeah me too I'm

like it's I'm like that's all that needs

to be said that's all that needs to be

done you get a one sentence review two

if I'm feeling spicy sure but like

well then we also sit here and talk

about them for hours so it's a lot of

sentences and that's this one y'all

there are no Saints it's just buckle up

okay and if we're sensitive maybe don't

listen although if you're a sensitive

person you probably haven't made it past

like the first one because

blood play if you're a sensitive person

we're glad you're here we love you we

appreciate it is a safe space for you as

safe as we can make it while also making

it safe for everyone who is not a

sensitive person sure

so so this book has two points of view

um we start out with uh Cole Blackwell

classic character name in these books

um he's an artist he's at a show if you

heard that horse running across it was

actually my six pound partially hairless


Craig's living his best life he is on

one today and I don't know what it is

I'm here for it I there he had no catnip

this is not

this is oh natural yeah this is just his

resting state and we love him for it we

really sorry if that's okay oh I wasn't

apologizing to you oh I just assumed

it was more than I forgot about our

audience sorry if it's distracting as

you're listening to this and you're like

what the [ __ ] is that sound in the

background just correct no Hannah's used

to it at this point I was not

apologizing to her I was like that's

fine okay so two points of views Cole

Blackwell yes he's an artist he's at a


what kind of like an art show like a a

gallery opening oh he's like that kind

of artist not like a musical no he is an

art artist he does

that was one of the dumbest things I've

ever said you know but it helped I got

it that way yeah he primarily does

sculpture and some painting

um and his rival Alistair Shaw is also

there showing pieces

um Cole is super haughty very annoyed

that Alistair is even talking to him he

exclusively calls him Shaw just to piss

him off you meant hottie

h-a-u I did not like he's a super hottie

no like he is super hotty not he is a

super hottie classic mix-up

so Cole is super annoyed by Shaw he's

like you are literally the worst you're

so [ __ ] stupid get away from me

um but he sees this girl

and he is like Ugh like literally not a

fan her she clearly bites her

fingernails she's like looking a little

unkempt she's like shoving food in her

mouth she's obviously a starving artist

like I am not into any of that

um but he's kind of watching her and

sees uh somebody get like dump wine all

over her white dress and he's like ah

she's gonna like run away now or cry or

freak out or whatever and the girl just

kind of looks at it and shrugs a little

bit grabs another glass of wine and goes

to the bathroom and comes out he's like

she must be trying to get the stain out

or something she comes out of the

bathroom and she's basically like

tie-dyed her dress and wine and

he's like

huh respect yeah he's like that's kind

of pretty actually

good job

um so Shaw sees him watching this girl

and starts to mock him for being

attracted to her and Cole is like you

literally don't know what you're talking

about why are you the most annoying

[ __ ] person on the [ __ ] planet

like I hate your face

but he doesn't say any of that he's very

like cold and reserved

it's very cold and reserved

oh good job


um sorry so Shaw is a serial killer



Shaw is a serial killer and so

apparently so maybe you shouldn't be

rude to him no but but Cole is gonna be

rude to him because Cole is also a

serial killer so they're aware of each

other but they don't get along

so serial killer artists in the same

Community yes and what are the odds so

Shaw's like do you see my my latest work

referring to a body that was found

recently really severely mutilated it

was really bad

um and Cole is like you are a hack

in everything you do you're the worst


calls like your art and your killings

are derivative basically yes like he he

literally calls him Ted Bundy he's like

can you not be original Ted Bundy why

are you like this



yeah so Shaw exclusively kills women

Cole exclusively kills men

um and he knows that he's better than

Shaw and everything

um and always literally

um but this this show tonight is a

competition he knows that his piece is

better than Shaw's but he has made some

enemies in the art community so he winds

up losing

um to Shaw

so he's very annoyed but he also is like

I don't actually care I know that I'm

better than him and it doesn't matter so

the next day an article comes out from

the art critic that really doesn't like


um it basically just slamming his whole

piece and and praising Shaw and so he's


I think he's gonna die so he goes like

stalks him a little bit lures him back

to his Studio because no one has ever

been inside his studio

um he makes his own equipment it's all

very hush-hush and very secretive and so

um this art critic is like hell yeah I

want to see your your studio that sounds

oh not sure I was gonna die the art

critic he's gonna die the art critic's

gonna die so he goes and

Cole kills him and then he strips the

bones and decides to use them in his new

piece and so he strips the bones shapes

them a little bit dips them in gold and


makes a statue an art installation out

of this guy's [ __ ] bones and then

shows it

that is ballsy on like that's like next

level and then he sells it for three

quarters of a million dollars and he has

this like sick satisfaction that it's

going to be

um displayed like in the lobby of a tech

firm he's like like

oh my God

I feel like that's the sort of thing

that like 10 years later there's like a

news art like a news headline that you

see that's like human remains found in

art installation uh whatever exactly

um so Shaw's really jealous

again Cole's like I don't care about you

so you can feel however you want just go


so then we cut to our female lead her

name is Mara Eldritch

um she's a tie-dye wine girl yes okay um

so she's a struggling artist

um she's working three jobs and she's

very stressed all the time very busy she

lives with seven other artists who are

also struggling in this like dilapidated

Victorian house in San Francisco that's

falling down

um but she loved her art and she's like

things are gonna get better I don't know


and I don't know in it like what sort of

fairy godmother is gonna happen to me

but things are going to get better I

just have to keep pushing so she

promises her roommate Aaron that she's

gonna go meet her at an art show

um she rushes over there she sees the

piece that Cole created with the bones

and she's really like taken by it she's

she thinks it's amazing


and then Shaw approaches her and starts

chatting her up but her roommate Aaron

uh had dibs

will [ __ ] anything that moves at these

parties and her roommate was like I feel

like it's my turn for that because yeah

so I'm gonna be making the move

so got the speed my friend so she slips

away when her roommate comes up and she

starts walking home

and all of a sudden she hears this sound

behind her and she turns around and she

just it's she says it's described as

like this Charging Bull basically like

coming at her

um and so she gets hit in the head like

taken down to the ground there's a hood

over her head and then she wakes up

um in a trunk naked bound and gagged and

with the hood over her head still and

she can't get out of the trunk she's

like trying to figure out a way out

nothing's working

um and a man finally comes around and

pulls her out of the trunk

um and just drops her on the ground so

she's like hogtied so her arms and legs

are like up behind her so she can't do

anything to protect her face or anything

um he doesn't recognize the voice

um but he's like telling her not to


um but she's like what the [ __ ] is

happening right now

and then

he um he pierces her nipples what yeah

so my notes say he pierces her nipples

dot dot dot the [ __ ] question mark


yeah so she's like naked in this like


strappy leather but she's she's naked

and then he pierces her nipples and

slits her wrists and leaves her there in

the woods

so quick

yeah when you said hog tie it reminded

me of a story


why is it that whenever I say like I

have a question or this reminds me of

something you cringe no it's because

it's not that it's that I just described

this one being hogtied and having her

nipples pierced and her wristlet against

her will and so I'm like what sort of

story goes with that okay that is valid

when you say that that's what it is

the story is entirely based on the word

hog tie okay

when I used to work crisis


we had police bring a woman in for an

assessment one night

and she went [ __ ] off like she like

went into the bathroom to give her like

UDS sample


like she's in there forever when they

walk in she's like shattered the tops of

like the toilet seat like taking the

toilet Lids off cracked him nice um

clogged the sinks with like a wet paper

towel like it's just like destroying

property left and right


so while we are working on hospitalizing

this woman because

she was not going to jail for this she

was not mentally well right she was

being hospitalized

um but she was still acting a fool and

so police are there they're assisting us

with like managing and maintaining her

um and it got to the point that like she

was hogtied in our lobby


while we are calling hospitals this

woman is hogtied in the lobby and the

overnight supervisor Keisha has no [ __ ]

to give I love this woman with every

fiber of my being like

she is a absolute queen and I just

remember this woman because I was like

out on a call I come in and I'm like

what the hell is going on this woman is

hogtied police are just like sitting

there cops are just hanging out right

this woman is like yelling to Keisha

who's like at her desk trying to call

hospitals and she's like Miss Keisha

can I have a snack

I think he's just like how are you gonna

eat a snack when your hands are tied

later she's like

Miss can I make a phone call she's like

how are you gonna make a phone call when

you're here

and so whenever I hear the word hog tie

I have this very Vivid mental image of

this woman who's being a long time

because we could like yeah and we had no

other action she was gonna hurt herself

she was gonna hurt us we're trying to

hospitalizer that's where we need like

the like a blow dart with Haldol okay

the number of times I recommended that

right I was like guys I will go get

trained I will take classes I will make

sure I do not hit you while you are

restraining them

they're like generous offers Chelsea I

don't know if our liability insurance


blow dirt alcohol and I was like but it

should and it could have we asked I was

like we need a better plan

okay she was not with me so anyway

getting back into this like super dark

situation that's not nearly as fun as my

hog tie no it's super [ __ ] so she her

wrists are slit and she's tied up in the



and the was she was she already wearing

the no the outfit they changed her into

that oh yeah she was wearing like a

little velvet dress okay that's gone and

she's wearing this leather thing okay

so we then switched to Cole's point of

view again he is dumping the rest of the

critic's body in an abandoned mine which

is one of his usual dumping grounds and

he has like a bleach and chemicals he

uses so nothing's ever going to be

traced back to him


he you know Cole's not worried about

getting caught he's very arrogant he's

like none of this matters I'm I'm

untouchable basically so he starts

walking back through the woods and he

sees a lump in the path and he's like

the [ __ ] is that

that is a girl who was not here when I

walked out here what the [ __ ] is that so

he realizes that

um Shaw left this girl

for him to find because he thought that

he was attracted to her before so Shaw's

whole thing is that he believes that

coal is just as impulsive and

um uh like uncontrolled as Shaw is

um and Cole is like I am that's not who

I am at all so this was was Shaw's

attempt to get him basically to

collaborate on a kill and like prove

that he's just as impulsive

um by using this girl that he just

happened to see Cole watching during

this party


Cole is poor girl someone poured wine

all over her dress she tie-dyes it and

makes them the most out of it and so

now she's the target for two serial


it's not ideal it's not so

um she is clearly bleeding he sees her

in this BDSM get up

um he is livid that Shaw did this so

close to his Dumping Ground because he

realizes he can't use it anymore

um his the mind he was using was like

half a mile or or three quarters of a

mile away

um from where the girl is and he's like

well I can't [ __ ] use that anymore

[ __ ]

um so that's what he's upset about



so he he realizes what what Shaw is

doing so he's like so how do I the only

way to win here right so he thinks I'm

gonna finish killing her

or I could try to save her

but either way that is that's playing

his game the only way to win here is not

to play

so he leaves her there

he just

steps right over her and keeps walking

oh yeah so we're back to Mara

um so she knows that she's bleeding out

but she starts to hear footsteps

um and she's very clear that these

footsteps sound different than the

footsteps of the man who brought her out

the footsteps of the first guy were very

heavy and kind of lumbering and these

sound very like light and

um whatever fairy feet fairy feet sure

fluffy feet

um fluffy I don't know

um I feel like that's

never mind that's Happy Feet I was like

isn't that something to do with the

penguin like like the penguin movie yeah

that's something to do with the penguin



um she thinks that she is hallucinating

because she's like nobody else is out


I'm in the middle of nowhere

if it's not the guy who dumped me here

who the [ __ ] else is gonna be out here

um and then she sees the most beautiful

man ever on the face of the planet

standing over her and she's like oh my

God it's death he's here


she's still gagged so it's not like she

can say anything

uh it was an internal hey basically

um and then he starts to step over her

and she is [ __ ] pissed and she's like

trying to scream around the gag like

getting him to come back and he just

like leaves her there

so she's like great that was 100 my last

chance of getting out of this [ __ ]

so what do I do here she realizes that

her arms are very like slick now because

of all the blood and so dare we say

slippery I almost said slippery I knew

you were trying not to and I just wanted

to be an [ __ ] well I appreciate that

it's what our friendship is founded on

it is so she gets out of the zip ties

um and is able to get the vines off her

feet as well and she has some trouble

standing she's lost a lot of blood but

she uses the duct tape that was over her

mouth to bind her arm that's bleeding

the worst she is very resourceful she's

very resourceful she's like I am not

[ __ ] dying out here

and so then she takes off through the

woods she's like this is not ideal I

don't even know where I'm going I don't

know if I'm going in the right direction

but this seems right so I'm just gonna

keep going and hope for the best and she

falls and she's like maybe I should just

[ __ ] stay here because this [ __ ]

sucks but then she hears her mom's voice

in her head calling her a little [ __ ]

and like all this other stuff and she's

like she's like you know what

um I'm not dying here I'm not doing it

I'm not [ __ ] doing it and so she

keeps going until she stumbles into a


and that's where that chapter ends so

we're back to Cole so he's been watching

the news for information about the girl

or the art critic but there's been

nothing so he decides to break into

Shaw's house because he can't go back to

the mine he wants to see if Shaw

disposed of the body there

um the girl's body but he's like I can't

go back there obviously so


he goes to Shaw's and just starts

rummaging through his stuff knowing full

well that there were cameras in there he

was like hey buddy like touching

everything like touching all of his

stuff like let's play yeah it's not your

game but let's play exactly so then he

pours himself a glass of wine and Shaw

comes into his own house and Cole is

like would you like some wine

some of your wine that I just took from

your [ __ ] stuff

um and so Shaw is like so what did you

do to the girl like before you died

yeah he's like tell me all about it like

what did you do before you dumped her in

the mine

um and Cole is like he doesn't know that

I left her there

so does that mean he didn't go back to

check or does that mean she was gone

when he went back to check that's a big

yikes but I can't ask him


um Shaw also very clearly has a pretty

significant hatred for women

um and he he did [ __ ]

uh Mara's roommate Aaron

um and stole her ID so he shows the ID

to Cole and he notices the address

um he is adamant that he didn't touch

the girl he's like I don't kill women

I didn't touch her

um and then he tells Shaw if they're

ever alone in the same room again

um only one will leave breathing he's

like I'm so [ __ ] done with you you're

just stupid and I hate you this feels

like it escalated it did yeah

this has been going on for years and we

find out more detail about that I think

actually in the second book

um I forgot to mention this is a duet

um so we find out more detail about the

Rivalry and how it escalates in the

second book

um so he decides he's gonna go to the

girl's house because he saw the

roommate's ID saw the address he decides

he's going to go to the house

and he watches as people start to leave

for the day and then

um wouldn't you know it the girl steps

out of the house and he is like

my notes say he's flummoxed

that's a good vocab word it is and he is

he is like what the [ __ ] is happening is

this a ghost right now

um and so he follows her to a cafe where

she's waiting tables like nothing


she's just going about her brunt shift I

love her yeah she is living her best

life she didn't give a single [ __ ] she's

like okay she's like you know [ __ ]

happens here we are yep

back on that ground I got bills to pay

no didn't kill me so here we go



he knows that she saw his face but he

doesn't know if she saw Shaw's face so

he's like this

is a conundrum and he's super pissed

that he doesn't know how she survived

he's like how like she was lit half dead

there's no way she made it out of the

woods by herself who helped her I don't


and then also he has this weird thought

that he wishes he had taken a photo of

her all tied up like that because he was

super into it but he's starting to lose

the details now

and I'm not going to give you poor baby

the description because he's gets very

descriptive of that and it's not my

favorite thing

um so we're back tomorrow

this is I guess a few days previous she

wakes up in a hospital bed

um strapped down they think that she

tried to kill herself

and she's like are you [ __ ] stupid do

you not see the the marks on my wrists

and on my ankles do you not see that he

pierced my [ __ ] nipples like are you

kidding me right now and they're like



you've got some old self-harm scars so

did the guy do that too and she's like

uh obviously not

um and the the cops like you into some

kinky sex stuff went a little too far

and she's like well he slipped my wrist

and left me to bleed out in the woods so

yes I would say things went too far

officer like she is not pleased


so she doesn't tell them about the angel

of death hallucination she had because

she figures they already think she's

insane and she doesn't want to make it

worse so she's released after four days

um and she only tells one of her

roommates if she tells Aaron what

happened but she doesn't tell anybody


um she doesn't she says she doesn't want

to talk about it anymore she's like I

can't do this Aaron I don't I I don't

want to say anymore but

tell me about what happened with you and


and Aaron is like oh yeah we hooked up

but I haven't heard from him

um and Mara's like I'm sure we'll see

him again soon because they they're all

in the art scene so it's a very small

sort of insular Community


so and solar is also a good book I'm

really killing it today

with my vocab maybe not with the rest

but you're like

much like these serial killers


you're bringing good vocab words I'm

bringing bad puns and diapers I'm

appreciating it I mean it's a good


so even though she is like

showing up to work and she's just like

doing her thing

she's not doing great she's having a lot

of nightmares

um and some general hyper vigilance

clearly some acute stress disorder

um that needs treatment so it doesn't

become post-traumatic stress disorder

but she doesn't have any money or health

insurance I love that you clarified that

for everyone thank you yeah

um and so after a few weeks things start

seem to be getting better

um she got her waitressing job her

bartending job and her job


uh walking dogs she got all of her jobs


and her roommates help her out with

money because she couldn't work for like

a week

um and so she is still having all of

these really really bad nightmares but

it's getting easier for her to fake it

during the day


so we switched to Cole's point of view

um he is stalking Mara online now

um she's not into like self-promotion

she doesn't

um like post a lot of like long rambling

things about herself

um but a lot of her friends use her as a


um that's like a common thing for

artists to do for each other and so he

finds lots of lots and lots of photos of


um but doesn't really get to know her

too well there

and then he sees that she posted about

needing Studio space and he's like

I think I may have a plan

yeah hey


that was all it was just that smell

just that sound I think I had more

thoughts and then I think they

what I went with was better

encapsulating all of those thoughts

that's fair yeah

um so

he like in this chapter and in his

internal thoughts he's think he Compares

himself to a god he's like I control

everything in my world


and but he says um

you know I'm a God but even Zeus was

fascinated by Mortals occasionally so

he's like becoming obsessed with this

girl but he's comparing himself to Zeus

it's just weird

um so what cluster B diagnoses are we

going with for him anti-social buddy

yeah and a little narcissist with some

narcissistic traits for sure yeah so he

then breaks into her room when he knows

that she's out walking dogs and it's

gonna be a few hours before she gets

back and he finds her sketches


um and

um he's really intrigued by all the

talent that he sees he just starts kind

of rummaging through her stuff sees you

know she's reading Dracula


and he lays in her bed and really likes

her scent

and then he is like getting off on the

idea that maybe when she lays down next

time she'll smell him and either be

afraid or also turned on and then he


he finds what he assumes are panties

from the night before on the floor

and so if I see masturbate into them

yeah he smells them and then he

masturbates into them

um and

he also licks them it's really cringy

it's just

it's it is what it is so then he just

drops them back on the floor

he's like I'm just gonna leave these


and so he's looking around her room she

lives in the Attic of this house and he

realizes that the house behind hers has

a window that looks directly into her

room and he's like I am going to go call

my real estate agent

foreign so we're back tomorrow

she's late for a date with a guy she's

been seeing on and off for a couple of

months and she doesn't really like him

very much at all but she's like whenever

like he fills the time it's convenient

enough so she's rushing around to get

dressed she finds she grabs the

underwear off the floor and then she

realizes that they're wet and she's like

am I did I just start my period

and then she's like oh my god what the

[ __ ] is that and so she starts to like

freak out a little bit and then she

starts to try to rationalize like maybe

maybe it's something else maybe one of

my roommate's friends got up here or


um but

she can't tell if if anybody's been in

the room otherwise

so then she just leaves without

underwear on she's like whatever I only

own one pair well so she hasn't done

laundry in a really long time and that

becomes relevant later

so she goes without underwear she meets

her date he is a dick but she just rolls

with it she's like I honestly don't even

care if you're gonna buy me dinner I

don't even give a [ __ ]

um and we've all been there amen did I

ever tell you about my cousin who

when she was single and was dating and

was very much on a tight budget she used

to strategically plan

her tindered fumble whatever app

matching dates to be every other night

and then she would make sure she brought

home her leftovers

that's brilliant for the off night yeah

so she's like I never have to buy myself


and I was like work it you know good for

you girl that's a great plan yeah it's a

hello strategy


so he didn't even notice that she was

missing for five days

um because they really only get together

like once a week or so

um he touches her ear

um when he's trying to push her hair

behind her ear and she flips the [ __ ]

out she hates having her ears touched

and she like has told him that multiple


um and then he's a real [ __ ] about it

but then he apologizes later

um and touches her thigh and he's like

is this okay and she's thinking this is

the first time someone's really touched

me since someone tried to kill me this

is we're gonna see how this goes


um he asks her if it's okay when he

touches her thigh and she just kind of

nods or whatever


she just Smiles through it and he keeps

going until he realizes she's not

wearing any underwear and he thinks that

she did that for him and starts like

playing with her under the under the

table and doesn't seem to notice that

she is like quietly losing her [ __ ]

so she finally fully Freaks and says she

has to leave and he's real pissy about

it but she really doesn't care so she

gets home and pulls her mattress out of

her bedroom onto her balcony

um to sleep because it's too hot in her

room so she just kind of lays down and

decides she's gonna put on some music

and just finish the night

um back to Cole

I know

tell me

you look flummoxed

you know I was thinking like

I don't know what I was thinking


I have a lot of thoughts and that's how

I felt reading this whole book like the

entire well the duet the whole time

reading it I had a lot of thoughts

okay so she pulls her mattress out to

her balcony yep okay now we're at Cole's

point of view okay so he finds that the

house behind Mara's is on Airbnb and

convinces the guy to cancel all of his

guests for the rest of the month and

pays for the month to to rent the house

um so

here is a dick

and he's like I don't understand why

this girl fought so hard to survive her

life is absolute garbage like look at it

none of it's good


and so then he goes and sets up like a

a what's that a telescope what's the

thing called

um I just want everyone to know Hannah

trying to figure out the word for

telescope and the hand motions

accompanying them it was she was it was

very much like a shake weight motion

um it was

thank you for sharing are Shake Weights

still a thing I don't know

I wonder if they were discontinued or if

they haven't bought them

a lot of people did they buy them to use

them or buy them as gag gifts is

probably their real question here that's


but a lot of people did indeed I'm

there was a season there was yeah

well yeah I feel like they were in like

an SNL skit or something sure yeah so


for everything a season


including literally just thinking that



so he sets up a telescope

um and watches her put the panties on it

he came in and he is super turned on by

that and decides to follow her on this

date that she's on and watches her date

and is very confused by his reaction

um he's never felt jealousy before and

so he's like what is this wait I'm

confused because she didn't put the

underwear on or she put them on and then

she realized they were wet and then she

took them off so he watches that he's

watching the whole thing and he gets

turned on by how freaked out she is

um he does not understand jealousy but

he is pretty sure that's what he's

feeling he's like the [ __ ]

um so then he is super pleased when she


um so he follows her home watches her

pull her mattress outside

um and rain starts falling and he

expects that she's gonna like jump up

and pull her mattress back inside

but instead

um she gets naked and he watches her lay

on her mattress outside naked in the


um listening to music

um and he reads her lips because she's

like singing along to the song and

Googles it so he can also listen to the

same song and then she starts touching

herself so he does too obviously

um and he doesn't understand why he is

so freaking fascinated by her this isn't

so unsettling yeah it's not gonna get


so she's freaking out about Studio space

the studio space that she was using she

can't use anymore but then she gets this

uh email from someone that she doesn't

know offering her this really incredible


and she's like honestly I probably did

apply for this like young artist Grant

or whatever but and I just don't

remember because she was so frantically

looking for space

um and then you know she somebody tried

to kill her so she's had a lot going on

yeah so wait around justifies justify a

girl exactly so she's super excited and

goes the place is perfect there's no

deposit it's very affordable gorgeous

wonderful light all these great things

and she's like

you know what maybe this is my good

thing for all the [ __ ] I've been going

through like maybe things are finally

looking up this is pretty amazing

um and she's told that there is also a

um Grant available

um from the artist Guild and


that she is eligible for and she's

really really excited it's a lot of

pressure so she she's working on a

collage or something when the guild

members show up

um and they're coming to like view her

piece to decide if she's going to be in

this special show and get this grant


um and she recognizes Cole as the man

who left her to die who is apparently on

the board for the guild oh plot twist

um so she is flipping the [ __ ] out


she knows she can't start screaming

at him right now so she's like the [ __ ]

do I do

um I'm really not trying to look like a

crazy person so she very is struggling

through her interview with the board and


um she Cole just stares at her the whole

time so then they all file out and then

finally she snaps and chases him out of

the room

so coal is ecstatic at how freaked out

Mara is he is loving her discomfort and

um is glad that he has cameras in her

studio so he can watch it back for

himself later to watch how freaked out

she is yeah it gets worse so

um she comes out and I don't know how to

feel about the fact that like every

single time I'm like holy [ __ ] you're

like it's not gonna get better and then

I'm like [ __ ] hell and you're like it

gets worse like every single thing that

I'm like oh you're like I know right

Buckle in like reading this I was like

am I doing like why am I doing this but

I just kept reading and I Can't Tell You

Why actually I can't tell you why that's

a lie so I was doing a a virtual


and so I was sitting at home all day

wait was this when you did your virtual

ethics training no no

this was a different training and I

didn't have to have my camera on and so

I was like what am I gonna read so this

is a book that I chose randomly to read

during this training that I just had on

in the background and I was like

what's happening

and I couldn't stop it I don't know I

can't explain it to you but I did it and

now you're gonna experience it also

um you know what I do appreciate is that

it's like I read it so you don't have to

this really is that that is

this is definitely that well and here's

the thing I feel like I read a Sophie

Lark book

maybe I'm getting my authors confused

she has some other stuff that's really

actually pretty good

yes I just read that one yes I read

brutal Prince

and it was fine but I also think it was

forgettable because I just as as you

just heard I went

was that the name and earlier you you

heard me be like so the wall of Winnipeg

and me hands down wait for it let me

tell you about all the characters and

how they love each other and how they

all interact and how adorable it is and

how much I love it all yeah and this one

I'm like

I'm like 80 confident that wasn't like

yeah I could not tell you what that book

was about nor am I asking to be I mean I

could tell you but you don't want to

know it doesn't matter yeah like I read

it and I already

forgot it this is a book that I will

remember but not fondly

fair enough okay so he's really excited

um has cameras in the studio so he can

watch the playback of her losing her

[ __ ] yes okay so he agrees to talk with

her when she comes out and just she's

like can I speak with you Mr Blackwell

so then as soon as they get into an

empty Studio she's like accuses him of

kidnapping her

um and cutting her and he's like what

are you talking about

that wasn't me

um and he realizes that she does not


who did it

um so she didn't see Shaw's face

um but he knows that she that he

realizes that she knows that Cole was in

the woods but she doesn't know who

actually kidnapped her this question

does not matter at all but it's just for

my own understanding not even my own

understanding I understand plenty

we wish we could understand

Haw his name is Aleister Shaw

which is a weird name so Hannah and I

used to work for the same company and we

had a co-worker whose first name was


we adore Shaw

I he will probably never listen to this


probably not if he randomly hears this I

would absolutely crack up

um but like we love him and whenever I

think of Shaw I think of

our friend Shaw not a weird serial



Shaw's from Pakistan like

every time you'd see him like his hair

would be different he had this he has

this like incredible mustache that like

he can grow overnight so like I swear

we'd be like see him one day on like a

work meeting link and he'd have no

facial hair and the next day I'm like

where the hell did that full ass

beautiful mustache come from my guy yeah

and so

every time you say shop I think of our

speak of our shop our mustache Shaw our

mustachioed friend who like we always

also used to laugh when we were working

because we would be on links like when

we were all like peers on the same level

and Shaw would be wearing like a

sweatshirt or his like shirt would be

like unbuttoned like a couple like not

like weirdly just like yeah and then

whenever we had a meeting with our boss

like we'd like literally be like okay

we're getting off of this Google meet

link to hop onto this Google meet link

and we hop on and shot a shirt it's like

fully buttoned all the way up top so we

started calling it top button we're like

oh we're like we're top button


that's the the quick turnaround is you

just do all the buttons and so this is

what I'm thinking about and now we're

professional with our mustache well

nothing professional is going on between

Cole and Mara

um can we keep talking about our shot I

think she's like I don't want to hear it

anymore I think I might like that better

I'm sure that you would but we're we're

in it now so

um she threatens to go to the cops and

he's like you're just gonna look more

insane and you're gonna lose your studio

space and any chance at this grant is

that really what you want to do you want

to kill your kill your career is that

what you want

um and so uh he

she pulls up her shirt sleeve and shows

the scar from where her wrist was cut

um and she is like


uh he points out the the scars from her

self-harm and he is he he says that she

is a walking Beacon for predators


and said she probably had an alcoholic

father who never loved her

um and she's like actually that was an

alcoholic mother and a shitty stepfather

thank you for playing

and um

uh he she continues to threaten there's

like this whole exchange and he's like

go ahead honey no one will believe you

you go do whatever you want

um so he she asks she's like why are you

doing this to me like I don't understand

why would you offer me studio space why

are you doing this and he's like because

I want to

so we're back to Mara's point of view

she is losing her ever loving [ __ ] she's

like smacking herself in the face like

trying to like calm down and she doesn't

know she she doesn't know what's real

she's like maybe I saw his face at a

party and I really did hallucinate him

in the woods and then she's like no no

he was there I know that he was there he

was trust your gut here Queen where are

our instincts

um so then she starts thinking about all

of the emotional and verbal abuse that

she suffered from her mother as a child

and she is like no I am not she she has

like urges to self-harm and she's like

nope I don't do that anymore and so she

goes Ham on this canvas and just starts

painting like mad and it's her basically

a self-portrait of her bound and gagged

and bleeding

um and uh she's basically in a days and

paints all night

so Cole is watching all of this so he's

watching her in her studio

um his assistant comes in and he's like

yeah Mara won the Grant and she's like

don't you need to talk to the rest of

the guild and he's like no I do not Mara

one thank you and


there's a random reference that he had a

really shitty father but a very very

wealthy family

um he doesn't understand why he's so

excited he's just he really doesn't he

he can't comprehend human emotion

um so he just watches her paint all


so then in the mara in the morning Mara

is cleaning up and

um starts to walk out for her brunch



um she sees that there's a camera in her

Studio she's like

she's like

um yeah she's gonna spray paint them I

don't like that


um she

is she gonna spray paint them no no but

she runs into Cole's assistant

um whose name I think is Sonia I

literally could not bring myself to give

any shits about his assistant's name but

um she tells Mara that she got the grant

gives her the check for two thousand

dollars Mars like oh my God you're my

fairy Godmother you're amazing

um so does more connect the dots on why

she got the grant no she's even more

confused so she goes home she tells her

roommates about the money

um but decides not to tell them that

Cole was there the night she was


um and she uh they're like so why is he

helping you are you are you banging him

and she's like no I don't I really don't

know why I don't know I don't know she's

like but I do know

so then Cole shows up at the restaurant

where she works

um and waits for her shift to end

um demanding to eat with her

um she is furious and very very

skeptical about what's going on rightly

so her boss is shipping them from the

jump he is like look at this handsome

man he is here for you we love to see it

this is great and he is basically a

father figure to her and she's like can

you please shut the [ __ ] up right now

Arthur like can you not

um Arthur is not picking up the The

Vibes though so I had a boss not I mean

obviously it wasn't a serial killer

situation but I had a boss who like

never quite picked up the vibe but was

very much like

Father Figure situation when I was like

living in Texas and my parents were not

living in Texas and I was younger and

like I was in like holidays with him and

his family like kind of energy and I

told him I was like casually dating or

like casually talking this dude once

he added him on Facebook

and then I'd have a whole ass

conversation with this kid where he's


so I think we might be in different

places oh and I was like what are you

talking about he's like well like you're

like your boss is adding me on Facebook

and I was like

he what I was like

well we need to have a conversation

about I was like not you and me have a

conversation about that me and my boss

have a conversation about that because I

I told him I was casually talking to

someone and he did not read that Vibe

correctly that

he should add you on

social media we're now in a very awkward

place yes yeah yeah a lot I mean the

dude's not my husband that's not the way

that I'm marrying but still damn okay so


um they eat together he says that he

wants her to be his Protege and she's

like does that are you are you asking me

to have sex with you like I don't

understand what's happening right now

and he's like do I look like a man who

needs to bribe women for sex honey like

no that's not what this is and he says

that he'll be her mentor and she'll do

everything he says

um he says that he wants to know

everything about her so they're still

eating they're hanging out I guess

um she explains that her father died and

they didn't have much money so food was

very scarce that's why she eats the way

that she does like he he's like struck

with how much passion she has for food

um so then she says her mother remarried

um mom is a parasite dad stepdad's a

psycho she hasn't spoken to either of

them in several years

um when I think of eating with gusto I

think of friends when


is talking to Ross about how quickly he

eats and he's like I grew up with Monica

if you didn't eat fast you didn't eat at


yeah that's basically what's happening


um so she doesn't know


how he got so much information out of

her she's kind of freaked out by that

um but she felt like he just listened

like he didn't judge or ask questions or

say like oh it's gonna be okay or oh but

that's your mom he just listened

um so then she's like I'm just gonna go

back to painting because I don't know

what the [ __ ] is happening in my life

right now so I've had enough of it so

Kohl's Mara Obsession continues

um he goes to her studio

um and she is really really mad and he

goes her asking if she wants to hurt him

and um she says no the evil men always

try to make you break as bad as them

but first

do you like us maybe even love us cause

we sure love you

and if you do love us don't tease us now

listen those ratings and reviews

wherever you're listening right now

maybe even send us over to a special

sexy someone that would enjoy getting

smutty with us


first rule of smug Club is to talk about


all right I won't keep you any longer

let's get back to the show



I feel like I missed something and

honestly I don't know if I care that I

missed it because I feel like they just

had like a nice dinner and she was like

oh look at him listening well so he

comes into her studio and tries to touch

her paint like he tries to touch her

painting and like make changes to it I

didn't explain that very well and she's

like don't [ __ ] touch my [ __ ] she's

like don't touch my [ __ ] no that would

be super offensive I get it now yeah

yeah so he


realizes that she still thinks it was

him that kidnapped her and slit her

wrist and yet she's alone in a room

standing up to him and so this is a

direct quote she's more Twisted than I

ever dared dream

he's like look at how [ __ ] up she is I

can't believe how into that I am

so lucky am I right

so she decides to

um walk to the show for her new painting

rather than riding with Cole like he

demanded and he sent her a dress she's

like not wearing it she's like I'm just

not doing this I'm not playing this game

with you


um she uh wants her painting to be the

centerpiece she's like I'm not showing

up on Cole's arm and have everybody

distracted by him showing up with a

woman for the first time ever my

painting needs to be the thing that's

the most important here

um so she realizes she's getting to know

him and all of the different masks that

he wears to charm people and get what he

wants and she wonders if maybe he uses a

mask with her too

um like the coldness and all that maybe

that's a mask

and her painting was basically a

self-portrait of a woman restrained and

shot through

um with arrows and knives and um like

her head is caved in it's a very it's a

very violent art

um and she called it the mercy of men I

was like that is really [ __ ] dark


I apologize to everyone who's listening

um because I feel like what you you

aren't getting from us and what you

aren't getting from me

is all of my facial expressions there's

so many there's so many and I really

feel like my facial expressions are

their own Journey here

but like I so instead I'm just like

sitting in silence making a lot of faces

that's okay it's okay I understand I

really do

um I really do uh so we're back to

Cole's point of view he is livid that

she didn't wait for him like absolutely

[ __ ] raging

um he shows up and


he's concerned that Shaw is going to

show up at the show and realize that

she's alive because he doesn't think

Shaw knows yet so he

um he just wants to be with her all the

time like watching from afar isn't

enough anymore fully a man obsessed at

this point yeah so he gets to the

gallery storms up to her to confront her


um she turns to him and said says I

missed you too sweetheart and just

kisses him full-on on the mouth

he's like who the [ __ ] do you think you

are not listening to me when I tell you

to do some [ __ ] and she's like miss you

too babe and they make out

so he kisses her back so hard she bleeds

um and they work the room it's the whole

thing she pulls him into a an empty

office because she is so turned on

in the moment

so she decides to give him a BJ but then

it turns out the office wasn't empty so

there is somebody in there and Cole

offers for Mara to suck off this random



as an appetizer


yeah is is the appetizer freezing yours

or Sophia Larks or Sophie Larks not

Sophia Sophie larks

I don't think that's exactly like

verbatim I can't remember if you caught

it a warm-up or an appetizer but it was

something like exactly

it was something like that

um so Mara is she gets up off the floor

and she's like you know what I was

genuinely attracted to you but you don't

own me so we're done here yes I feel


I can't keep like I'm not rooting for

him no but I feel like all of like

they're like these moments I'm like you

just keep shooting yourself at the foot

my guy like is this close yeah that's

close so she walks out and grabs a

tattoo artist who's like a friend of a

friend that she's met before that

actually did a tattoo she has on her


um and she's like you're coming with me

and pulls him out so Cole

has once again livid when he sees Maro

leaving with another guy

um he gets caught up talking to someone

but then the motion sensors go off in


um studio and he's like oh thank God she

ditched the guy she went back to work

this is great but he pulls up the feed

because he wants to see her and sees

that she brought the guy with her to her

studio and so


she starts blowing him they have some

super like super intense [ __ ] session

they get covered in paint like they

knock paint over on the floor they knock

paint over everywhere and then they wind

up on a blank canvas [ __ ] and

um and she sells it for a quarter of a

million dollars not quite so coal is

furious and also turned on

um and but then he sees Mara like turn

and look up at the camera and so he's

like oh she knows God damn it like he's

like she's just [ __ ] up his eyes she

did all of this on purpose so I would


um and that is exactly he decides she's

even more eventual and [ __ ] up and

perfect than he thought

so he jerks it and then he's like you

know what no more of this the next time

I come it will be on Mara's face

I'm not not inside her on her [ __ ]

face on her face

um so one of my co-workers

my Segways are fantastic they're on

point today

one of my co-workers recently did a

presentation on like considerations and

Sex Therapy

and one of the things that she was

talking about was

porn and expectations created through

porn and like fantasy right and how she

had a counseling client who was like

yeah I'm gonna can't wait to come on my

girlfriend's face

and she was like has she consented to

that and he's like they love it in porn

and she was like yeah so

maybe she doesn't watch the same porn as

you bro like has she consented to that

he's like no but they always love it

like what like and he like truly didn't

understand and to be fair I don't think


yeah he doesn't care he doesn't have a

moral compass but that's what I

thought of consent does not matter to

Cole he doesn't care at all not even a

little bit it matters to me and to me

so the next morning he gets to this the


um in his in the studio super early and

he smells Mara in the room and he finds

that she hung the canvas she [ __ ] on

in his office like took down the art

that he had hanging and hung that [ __ ]

above his desk


kind of the ultimate power right


he is

thrilled by how seriously by how

spiteful she is like he's excited about

it and then he has a moment where he

sits and thinks about it and he's like

getting excited about how he's gonna

punish her and then he sees she titled

it best night of my life and he's like

instant regret Like That Could Have Been

Me like

and I'm an [ __ ] yeah yeah and so now

it's not

so he then smashes he loses his absolute

[ __ ] he is like focused on her

submitting like he was cruel hoping that

she would submit but she didn't so he's

like obviously cruelty is not working

for me he loses his [ __ ] destroys a

Priceless work of art

um with a golf club

um and this is a direct quote from the

end of that chapter he says um I loved

that piece but sometimes you have to

kill what you love

so I find

you and I pull very different direct

quotes when we're outlining books like

I'm I'm pulling like

I'm gonna come on your face you dirty

little [ __ ] [ __ ] like you you little like


I was like he sucked her [ __ ] like a

nipple for milk like these are the

quotes and then I feel like I'm like

here's seem oddly poetic well that one

just stood out to me I don't know why

but anyway you know like I mean it it

was like the first time where we're like

oh he might actually kill her because up

to this point he's been like obsessed

with her there hasn't been any violence

from him towards her yours feels like

do you have your um Kindle set where it

will show you like what like the common

underlines that like other people do so

it'll be like 208 people have underlined

this passage like that feels like a

quote that like a lot of people would

underline yeah I think I just pull

quotes and I'm like because this [ __ ]

and and you're like this one really

stood out to me

I'm like it did I'm like well yeah that

tracks so then

um Mara we're back tomorrow she feels

guilty that she used tattoo guy

um and also really nervous about what

Cole is gonna do because she realizes

he's gonna retaliate so the next morning

um she finds out that another body was


um seriously mutilated with a tattoo in

the same place as Mara's

um and her head was missing like they

have the same body type it she really

starts to freak out and then she

realizes that the body was found about

an hour after Mara left the party with a

tattoo artist so she's like oh [ __ ] like

did he do that while I was [ __ ] this

other guy

um and so then she throws up

um I mean I get it


um so we're back to Cole he finds out

about the new body but he just misses it

because it's Shaw's work and it's trash

um and so uh his feelings are so

derivative so derivative

um so she's not at home she's not at


um and he decides he's gonna put a

tracker on her phone because he can't

find her and so then he goes to the uh

to her social media finds tattoo guy and

goes and finds tattoo guy and confronts


and the guy is like listen man I didn't

know she had a boyfriend and Cole is


um I am not a [ __ ] boyfriend she's my

goddamn property you will not ever touch

her again

and tattoo guys like I don't even have

her number bro she wouldn't give me her

number like

I did a tattoo for her one time can you

please stop and Cole is like I just

thought I was having some good sex he's

like literally like I just thought it

was hot man what the [ __ ]

so Cole is like go get your tattoo gun

right the [ __ ] now and the guy's like

okay oh I'm sorry yeah you won't like

this so we switched tomorrow's point of

view she's in her Studio late at night

she knows she can't hide from Cole so

she's just like he's never gonna cool

off like it's not like if I give him a

couple days he's gonna be fine so I'm

just gonna we're just gonna go with it

um so she's painting her next piece in

her series that she's doing and it's the


um Cole shows up scares the absolute

[ __ ] out of her and handcuffs her to a


um and then pulls out a tattoo gun and

says that she can't have another man's

mark on her body

um because she belongs to him so he

starts tattooing her ribs

which he exposed along with her tits as

he ripped her [ __ ] shirt off

and so she freezes like she had been

struggling really hard but as soon as he

like put the needle on her skin she

froze and

um then

he starts playing with her [ __ ] and

[ __ ] and she is really trying not to be

into it but she really really is and he

demands that she admit that she belongs

to him and she will not do it

um so she comes super hard as he's

finishing covering up the snake with a

bunch of flowers

um so the snake is like peeking through

let's see also a skill tattoo artist

apparently yeah that was another reason

I couldn't get there with this book so

yes that's why the lack of realism

you're like how would it how would this

tattoo be rated on Ink Master exactly

um so the snake is still peeking through

in some spots whatever so then he

releases her and demands that she tattoo

him and he she's like no I'm not a

tattoo artist what the [ __ ] and he is

like I literally don't care what you

want you will do what I say right now

and so she does she tattoos two snakes

coiled around each other on his back one

black one white


yeah so then the next morning

I don't know tattoos

they really are apparently they took

several hours which of course they would

if they were done well

um which I doubt yeah I I accept highly

doubt that if you don't know how to

tattoo but you're like going the right

depth right and we're free handing all

of this on skin skin is not the same as

paper or canvas it's very different

but whatever so it's morning Cole's

point of view

Cole asked him to walk with her

um he is just fascinated by how she sees

Beauty everywhere

um and she starts talking about how her

um it comes up organically but it

doesn't matter her stepdad used to make

her stand with her nose against a wall

for hours and if she moved the hour

would start over and so he would leave

her there for hours and hours and hours

um and Cole feels

something he feels like really angry

about that and he doesn't understand


they're back they walk back to the

studio they keep talking about their

parents Mars mom's a monster Cole's dad

also a monster


and if you tell me they realize they're

siblings I will get up and walk out

right now no I was no no no

no no no no no no we're not that far we

don't go that far

um so Cole like doesn't believe in love

they're doing all this other stuff

um she goes to leave he's like where are

you going we're having this this

conversation and she's like I have to go

to work I'm going to a bartending shift

and so he's like great I'll come with

you and so he sits in the corner and

watches her 10 bar all night and then um

some guys start hassling her and one

smacks her ass and so Cole beats the

ever loving [ __ ] out of everybody starts

slicing people up with a broken bottle

and she's like so we gotta go like we

gotta get the [ __ ] out of here so she

pulls him out

um and she realizes that she probably

just lost her job and she is really mad

she needed that money and Cole is like

you don't need that money your painting

just sold for twenty two thousand

dollars so no you don't need the money

um so then he tells her to come to a

Halloween party with him and

um she's like is this like a date and

he's like no and she goes okay

well I'm gonna be Medusa

for Halloween so I guess I'll see you


okay so

um it's all a mess Cole is then cleaning

up his Studio like his private Studio

not the public one where he runs other


um and he thinks about bringing Mara


um he drags a table to the center and

like imagines laying her out on it and

thinking of all the tools that he'll

need and he's like I'm gonna have to get

all new everything because and I'm gonna

have to design some special tools for

her because no common drills and saws

are gonna be enough for my angel or

whatever the [ __ ]

um it's gross and weird and creepy

so they go to the party

coal dresses as a Greek warrior who's

turned to stone so he like to go with

Medusa and they dance and make out she's

ready to bang him

um and they go to leave the party and

Shaw shows up and sees her

um I was wondering when he was gonna

return yeah and he gets really weirdly

excited so she doesn't know that Cole is

the one or that Shaw is the one that

kidnapped her so he's like getting

really weird and she does not understand


um and Cole says she means nothing to me

um tell Shaw to stay away from her she

she's Furious

um and he's like you he you don't

understand he's dangerous like Don't Go

Near him and she's like like you're


and Cole is like listen Okay Shaw does

what I do badly okay so yes like me and

so Mara realizes that he could kill her

at any time like whenever the [ __ ] he

wants but he just walks away and leaves

her on the street

um so he continues to watch her

um and then he sees a figure under her


um outside her apartment and is like oh

[ __ ] I bet that Shaw follows him Shaw

winds up luring him into an abandoned

building where he finds a woman dead

strung up with snakes and stuff in her

hair to look like Medusa

um and then as

Cole is walking around he hears the cops

show up and he's like great love this

journey for me so he realizes Shaw lured

him to this building with a fresh kill

called the cops so he runs

um and

um he makes it home and realizes that

killing Shaw is going to be a really big


um and that Shaw's only goal will be to

kill Mara and so Cole's like well I

can't protect Mara and kill Shaw that

shit's not gonna work

um so he decides that Mara belongs to

him and so does her death so Shaw

doesn't get to kill her he's gonna kill


um so then I I feel like that that might

be faulty logic a little bit yeah

so Mara is at a laundromat finally doing

laundry for the first time in like two

months and

um things are finally starting to fall

into place she realizes that Cole's been

stalking her

um she realizes that he's also watching

out for Shaw

um figures out the whole scheme about

Shaw kidnapped her left her for coal

because he had

said to her you were given to me at one

point when she says like I'm not yours

I'm not yours he's like you were

literally given to me you are mine

so then Cole shows up at the laundromat

and um fingers her against a dryer

um telling her that it's time for her to

come home to to him and she says no that

she wants to see his Studio he's like

fine you just have to be [ __ ]

difficult whatever yes find the studio

tomorrow night

so he is ready for Mara

um we're back to his point of view

um he

Mara shows up and he tells her that he

hasn't made anything since his last

piece but he's starting something new

and she's going to help him it's a lot

of like like alluding to the fact that

he's gonna kill her tonight



she follows him through to the main

Studio he shows her some other stuff

um and he she sees the table set out

with all of these apparent [ __ ]

torture devices and he she tells him

that she knows that Shaw left her for

him to find

um tells him that she doesn't believe

that he'll hurt her

um and he's like how much do you believe

that are you willing to bet your life on

it and she's like yup and gets naked and

gets onto the table voluntarily and Cole

is like I have to admit I was not

expecting that

so she's trying not to panic he tells

her that he knows everything about her

and that he watched the video of her

[ __ ] that guy over and over and over

and over and over again to learn what

she likes

um I made a special vibrator to mimic

the dryer from the laundromat

so she has some super intense orgasms

he is all so he's like an artist like a

sculpture wrist a Sculptor

there we go

he's a sculptor tattoo artist an


he's mechanical engineer apparently yeah

ends up he's a talents are multinational

so I have a lot of detail about this sex

scene because it is so [ __ ]

um there's a lot happening

um he flips her over and starts spanking

her at one point after she's had a bunch

of orgasms with the dryer vibrator

um and she told him like I don't like

that don't do it and he continues to do


she reveals her stepdad used to do that

to her a lot and then he starts being

super sweet

um and like trying to care for her a

little bit and then just straight up

[ __ ] her ass without warning

um it's just so much like this it goes

on and on and on so finally she realizes

that she's not tied down anymore that he

like laid down beside her and released

her wrists and so then

um she gets on top for a little bit

um brings his hands up to her neck to

squeeze and then she blacks out and

she's like if this is how I die I feel

like I'm cool with it no so

coal washes her up and he just has this

overwhelming desire to care for her and

like whatever he feeds her they put on



I'm sorry oh my God I don't know why

that that's the part that is

yeah yeah


that actually becomes relevant in the

second book like I didn't have the


when I outlined it at first but then I

was like oh if we do the second book

you'll you'll want to know Hannah about

Labyrinth Anna don't tell me

do we have to do this we absolutely

don't we absolutely do not have to do

the second book it's gonna say

who hurt you and why do you hurt me by

making Sophie Lark hurt me

Sophie Lark hurt me


yeah okay so he doesn't know when he

decided not to kill her but he's like

I don't I don't want to like I want to

keep her around for a long time


now we're at Mara's point of view coal

drops her off the next morning and she

kind of stumbles up to her room it's

locked from the inside which is really

weird but she's able to like Jimmy it


inside she finds her roommate Erin dead

on her bed apparently drowned

um covered in flowers and

um she staged like a painting there I

think it's like Ophelia or whatever

um and so she the six other roommates

are all freaking out she's screaming

they call the cops Cole calls when the

cops show up and because he's obviously

he's watching her


um she

she tells him what happened and he says

do not say anything to the police just

keep your mouth shut do not talk to the

cops and she disagrees she's like this

was Shaw I know it was Shaw he's gonna

keep hurting women this is not okay

Aaron deserves Justice blah blah blah so

um she talks to the cops

um but Shaw has an alibi and no one will

believe her just like when she said that

she was kidnapped the first time nobody

believes her Cole shows up and he's

really really angry but he gets her out

of of interrogation

and he takes her out to um out of the

station and says that she is moving in

with him

um right now because he can't keep her

safe by continuing to follow her he's

going to take care of Shaw she just

needs to stay safe

um and she uh agrees with that

assessment and that is the end of the

book stop that is that's where it ends

if she agrees to move in with him yep

I wish you guys can see Chelsea's face

just crumpled I don't even know what the

emotion was behind it but your whole

face just crumpled


I want alcohol so badly

and this [ __ ] kid I'm pregnant with

for him I won't but

it's but that book makes me want to

drink I know

I really do


so what what's our rate I don't even

want to rate it

like paint brushes

yeah that that feels safe

that's what we need right now we need to

feel safe

let's talk about coping skills yeah and

emotional regulation yeah maybe

um a nice warm bath

um it doesn't matter what the rating

scale is it's just one of that thing out

of it an infinite number of that thing

human bones sculptures

how many human femurs

are there are there 106 bones in the

human body I thought there were 206.

is that how many I'm gonna look it up

how many bones I don't know I dropped a

human anatomy in college you were right

it is 206. no I got oh six you you got

the the two with our powers combined

um I remember

I saw a card once that was like the

human body has 206 bones when I'm with

you I have 207.

which is a great line well if we're

gonna do it out of 206 bones the answer

is the answer is still one and honestly

I think that's why I liked I was like no

no it's like out of 10 paint brushes one

is too many yeah um it's one it is like


pinky toe bone

is it your pinky toe or your big toe

that if you don't have it you lose your

balance I don't know I would imagine

either would be a challenge

I think it's your big toe

without your big toe you lose balance

yeah you that would be hard to stabilize

that's fair

um yeah so one out of 206

gold flaked

human bones yeah so the thing about this


um was that I was rooting for no one and


hated it like the story parts of the

story I was like okay I'm into the story

actually like the premise of it is

really interesting but the detail was

like I

a full body cringe all the time and the

second book doesn't get better

I don't even know why I read this I'm

going to kindly and respectfully ask

that we don't

and I'm gonna honor that request because

consent matters and I'm gonna honor that

with you

thank you because then we'd have to like

it end up like

two out of 412 bones

and that is too low of a rating


yeah so whatever y'all do for self-care

yeah you should you should go do that

you should prioritize that should do

those things I'm gonna go sit in a dark

room and think about my life choices for

a little bit

um yeah I'm gonna drive home and

probably Listen to I don't know like a

Kendall Ryan book or something that is

just the exact polar opposite of that

whatever whatever you need whatever

helps regulate you

well I'm also going to delete the

outline I have for the second book so

that I don't ever accidentally look at

it if we're not gonna do it I don't even

want to accidentally look at it

I think that's a really fair assessment


um thank you for joining us on

on such a roller coaster on such a

journey I'm so sorry y'all I'm so so

sorry y'all I really am


and I I think the crazy part was like

watching you like go through your

outline I was like I can tell Hannah's

skimming some parts of this I really do

it gets weirder and it gets worse it

really does a lot

so go prioritize your self-care go

prioritize whatever you need to do to

emotionally regulate yourself after that


um and let us know what you do for

yourself care and

I'd say your thoughts on the book but I

I don't even feel like I want to

recommend like reading it and trying it

um so yeah just you let us know what

your self-care looks like smut [ __ ] I

will tell you what I took away from this

book is that I should not get book

recommendations off of tick tock that's

what I got from this book primarily

um but I appreciate y'all learning that

lesson with me but I I think this book

was exactly what was advert like they're

like you want you want some [ __ ] dark

[ __ ] here you go and you're like yeah

I'll go with some dark [ __ ] and then

you're like oh this was darker than

that's not what I meant yeah yeah so now

that we all learned our lesson I

appreciate y'all and we will see you

next time [ __ ] we're sorry and goodbye

we hope it was good for you cause it

sure was great for us

you're digging what we're doing it would

mean a lot if you'd take a minute to

rate and review the show wherever you're

listening right now

if you tell that sexy someone to Linda


we love you

we appreciate you

we'll see you next week

stay spotty


EP 28: There Are No Saints
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