Smut Club

foreign

[Music]

ladies and gentlemen

Guys and Dolls and everyone in between

gather round

something real nice to sip on and comfy

to slip on

cause it's time for smut Club

here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna

hey everybody Welcome to smut Club

welcome I'm Chelsea I'm Hannah

um

we have it like I feel like that like

the intro wasn't even done it wasn't

even like a and this is where we talk

about the Trashy romance novels we read

and Day drink well because we need to

because these books are crazy it was

literally I'm Chelsea I'm Hannah oh

I'm like do we need to change our names

what's wrong no I was just thinking

about sugar daddies

which is the book we're reviewing today

not your sugar daddy just

sugar daddies by Jade West not the

candies right and not just the one

there's more than one ooh reverse Harem

not really we'll get it we'll get it

it's like Chelsea don't ruin this book

already we haven't even started yeah so

this book is

um

uh has enjoyable moments

however

I didn't particularly like the story are

you gonna make me wish I could drink

alcohol yes during okay probably

um so sugar daddies by Jade West yes so

we have two points of view that happen

here okay

um we open with Carl

Carl is uh with Rick who is his

boyfriend and they are discussing a

potential match from a sugar daddy site

that they have been advertising on

so

like they are seeking a sugar daddy no

they are seeking a sugar baby okay yes

they are the daddies they are the

daddies

um so um

so

um there's all this illusion discussion

around they're looking for someone to

take both of them at once we don't know

exactly what that means but we also know

what that means so they've been there's

only so many options of what that yep

there's only so many holes and all of

them are relevant so sorry

no hole is off limits in sugar daddies

so

they've been trying for a really long

time and Carl is like this is the last

time like this is the last time we're

doing this I'm tired of this I don't

want to do this anymore

um like try and find a match yeah okay

and Rick is like

super sweet

um and super eager and Carl is he's a

lot more reserved and he's like just

because you like this one and you say

she's different you've said that about

the last six like this is not different

okay like

so

there's also some funky like illusion to

that there's something else that they

want from this woman but they agree

they're not going to tell her what that

is for six months

Okay so

Katie is the girl so they're looking at

her message they're looking at her

photos and Rick is like no this one is

different yes okay and she is different

and that when they matched

um she did send a few photos but she

didn't send any any nudes at all she

just said I saw your

um ad I guess or your your profile

um uh I've always fantasized about being

with two men I really want to try I've

never done it before she's a little

Bohemian a little bit like hippie to be

also I forgot this takes place in the UK

it doesn't really matter but it it does

so Carl is like fine

fine so that's all from Carl's point of

view so she's not necessarily like

more conservative I can't think of the

word that I'm like looking for here just

maybe not as like blatantly sexual as a

lot of people she's like not as well

okay so they they say like a lot of

times they match with a girl and she's

immediately sending like all the nudes

and like hell yeah I'll take to it once

Ayo and Katie is like I've never done it

but I want to try and like seems really

sweet yeah so then we cut to Katie's

point of view so Katie is extremely

anxious about meeting with these two

guys

um and so she's like talking herself

through like coaching herself like how

do I how do I introduce myself what do I

do like hi I'm Katie nice to meet you

did you want me to get naked like what

the [ __ ] do I do like

she's very clearly never done anything

like this before she's it's not that

she's inexperienced sexually necessarily

she just this is a weird situation

so

um she finally pulls up to their home

she's like this is a super nice

neighborhood where I do not belong she's

driving a super beat up pickup truck and

it's this is a very upper middle class

sort of neighborhood I probably have an

HOA

probably yeah

so that's my standard

so she is straight panicking about the

whole thing as she's getting out of the

car but she's reminding herself this is

going to help me reach my goals this is

that's the point of this that's what I'm

doing but we don't know what the goals

are yet so Rick opens the door super

sweet and precious very welcoming

um Carl is extremely intimidating he's

like in this this suit and he's not

smiling and is really kind of short with

her and she's like oh

um

so Rick is a graphic designer he works

from home super laid back kind of guy

covered in tattoos Carl Works a more

corporate job

um but both are super duper hot

um and

um

she's continuing to panic like she's

just having this whole internal

breakdown moment

um but they go to the lounge and she's

like are they going to want to [ __ ] me

like right now what are the rules I

don't know somebody help me she's like

oh my God

um so they talk requirements the guys

want uh a companion not just some

somebody to [ __ ] but they want a

companion both men are bi okay they've

been committed to each other for several

years they want a woman to be involved

so this is intended to be more of a

polyamorous situation than like a

reverse Harem or a menage okay

um so uh also pause question okay

why what is that I don't I don't I don't

know that I'll have answers but go ahead

and ask

no okay so this is my own just lack of

knowledge

what would be the difference between

polyamorous and menage

so

my understanding generally of Pop well I

guess Minaj could be considered

polyamory is it like a square rectangle

situation

yes okay yeah so polyamory like Minaj

could be considered polyamory but not

all polyamory oh my gosh then I was

conceptualizing correct like that I was

like yeah quit because you're like

wouldn't be Minaj would be and I was

like but

you're not great at the math

as we all know

two penises there's too many for me to

conceptualize

but not too many for Katie

so I mean I can conceptualize that fine

it was just more of I was like what

would make I was like when I think Minaj

I think three right so I was like

there's three of them totally right the

two dudes and Katie so in my head that

I'm like that would count so when you're

like it would be polyamorous not but I

was like oh what am I I'm

misconceptualizing somewhere yeah

because Minaj is like both guys are

focused on the woman

um right so she as as Superstore put it

because that's what I'm gonna refer to

is this TV show there's the like the

hinge between the Romantic Partners she

is not a hinge they are all

together

okay so that's the difference yeah okay

so I mean they can both have three

people it's just one has a hinge one

doesn't right okay yeah continue so

um they talk money they agree on three

thousand dollars for three weekends per

month and Carl goes ahead and sends her

a grand for the current weekend and she

is like hell yeah all right like I can

quit one of my jobs I can focus on what

my dreams are I don't have to get like

all swept up in this other [ __ ] and

so but she does think they want to like

[ __ ] her right away so she's like should

I should I get naked and curls like

you're not a [ __ ] so no what the [ __ ]

is wrong with you and she's like I'm

really sorry I didn't know I don't like

Carl nobody does so

well I guess Rick does does like Carl

become have like redeeming qualities

that present any time I guess I I never

really liked him honestly so

it's a struggle maybe he is he is more

likable by the end there are some human

moments that make him more likable

um Rick is definitely the Peacekeeper

he's like why don't we get a drink he's

like let's all go to the kitchen

um and so she explains that she is

saving to buy her own small farm for

horses

um I feel like she's gonna need more

than three grand for that she is that's

why she they said like a minimum of six

months she's already been saving for a

really long time for this but it's gonna

take her

a hell of a long time working as a

waitress okay to make this money

um so she says she already has a horse

that she loves this is her passion blah

blah blah Carl is really cold and she's

like I don't know that I could [ __ ] this

guy like he's scary and cold and weird

and I'm not even for money right

but she's super into Rick she's like I'd

hit that for free oh

um but I guess that's it balances there

she's like one I wouldn't touch unless

someone paid me really well and one

she'd do for free so right and she is

getting paid really well she is yeah

um but they made it very very clear that

um

there can't be any favoritism anywhere

in any of this

um and so she goes out to The Patio with

Rick they're hanging out and he's like

Carl's a really cool guy I know he seems

really really Gruff but

he um he's really sweet you just got to

get past all this other stuff she learns

a lot about Rick including including

that he has several piercings including

his [ __ ] which she's like oh I I would

like to see that how many piercings does

he have in this car uh I think two if

I'm remembering correctly possibly three

he's not the Jacob's Ladder situation

yeah

Madison Kate yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

that's what I was thinking of where I'm

like he had like eight yes he had eight

piercings in his dick yeah no I think if

I'm remembering right there's he has a

Prince Albert in the head and then

there's like one at the base I think

I think that's a good amount that's

enough yeah like

like I'm not shaming you if you're into

more by by any stretch but I'm just like

damn feels like a lot it really I mean

I've never felt it

[Laughter]

[Music]

okay but I mean yeah

no I I'm like you know you got both ends

covered I feel like that's a good yeah

that's a good amount like when they're

like

like because I remember in

um Madison Kate whichever of the books

it was I think it was the second one

she's like giving him a handy and I'm

like how does

wouldn't that pull on yeah I was like

does that feel good for him

is that

I guess you're getting a hand massage

with all the little balls but like

but

I don't know someone who has these

piercings please let us know somebody

enlighten me

um so all right he Rick has two

piercings in his dick she's into it she

also learns that he has that Carl and

Rick have had two previous or sorry

eight previous companions eight eight

but none of them have worked out

and so she's like eight Jesus Christ

what the hell happened so then we flash

back to Carl

um so he knows that Katie is into Rick

and that she's scared of him he's like

this is how it always goes Rick is

charming he's gorgeous he's very sweet

like this is what always happens these

girls are into him they're always scared

of me

um maybe you should take a long hard

look at yourself my guy uh he doesn't

what he does do is get a little handsy

with Rick and to see like what Katie's

gonna do okay

um and she clearly gets a little bit

turned on

so they they say you're welcome to stay

tonight in the guest room or in our room

wherever you're more comfortable totally

fine right

um and so she says I I'd like to stay in

the guest room thank you and

Rick so they walk her upstairs and Carl

has a plan we don't know the plan but

Carl has a plan

um and so they drop her off at the room

and Rick is super agitated because

Carl essentially like [ __ ] blocked him

was like no kissing like like let's

sweep it away and Rex like you couldn't

even let me kiss her good night Jesus

Christ and Carl was like I have a plan

if you would shut your [ __ ] mouth

like you will see the plan okay okay

so I am really not a fan of the way that

Carl talks about Katie like in his mind

in a lot of this

like uh overly sexualized he's like

she's a [ __ ] and he she wants it so bad

like that kind of stuff that feels

really gross and degrading and Andrew

tight yeah

so did you hear that Andrew Tate got

banned from Facebook and Instagram Tick

Tock hasn't said anything yet so well by

the time this episode drops who knows

what the situation will be but yeah

well good it needed to happen yeah yeah

um

so then he leaves their bedroom door

open

and he orders Rick to get on the bed

so we're back to Katie's point of view

um she's still panicking but she's like

I'm alone in this room I'm okay like

yeah there's strange men here but like I

think I'm gonna be okay

um obviously she's super into Rick

really scared of Carl

um and she's getting ready for bed when

she hears Rick make a noise

and so then she starts listening to them

[ __ ] through the wall and she's like I

am into that so she starts touching

herself and then she feels like she

can't hear enough she's like I don't

like it's too muffled

so she decides she's going to go into

the Hall hoping to maybe see something

um my notes just say Carl has a filthy

[ __ ] mouth he really does it's like

he's like that tight little ass wants my

[ __ ] doesn't it like you're like he's

just like

he he is going to town about it if that

works for you that works for you

and I know we've had this conversation

before when like

I told you how

you can ask my husband where I was like

do you want like would you be into being

called daddy do you want and he was like

could you say it with conviction

and like that's how I feel yeah like I'm

like if you're into it you're into it

cool but like

I don't know if I could

say that with a straight face or receive

that

with a straight face yeah I feel like I

would do a lot of giggling although I

did hook up with a guy once and he was

he said something about like you like

that don't you and I was like shut the

[ __ ] up and then a little later he said

something again and I was like did I not

tell you to shut up you're like this is

not like doing it for me like no like

you like that don't you you're like

until you spoke well no I was like no

you're not doing a very good job so the

dirty talk isn't helping your case

you're like I don't really like it

actually so maybe focus on what you're

doing and shut the [ __ ] up

did did he believe he was doing a good

job he did

he did

yeah that

poor guy

no I I don't have I don't feel bad

well it's it's more I think in my head I

just was thinking

probably wasn't an isolated incident

you sorry Hannah just took a big sip of

water it almost just like bit like you

know like I'm like

I

at least you were honest enough to tell

him right and I wonder how many partners

have been like no

no I don't like that but like I don't

want to hurt them I was literally like

stop talking

whatever anyway

so she watches Carl finish

fair enough

um and she is super duper turned on and

she's like now I could see myself

[ __ ] Carl because God damn like

if he [ __ ] me like that I'll be into it

like I can get past this shitty

personality if he [ __ ] like that

exactly okay so then Carl sees her and

she's like oh I'm so sorry I I needed to

use the the bathroom here and he's like

well that's interesting because you have

an ensuite I was literally I was like

this isn't I was like this this has

gonna have an ensuite she sure did so

then he's like are you gonna join us

because Rick still needs to come so you

get you come in or or what and so pun

intended

yep and so she goes in

or Rick does so

we're back to Carl's point of view he's

feeling very smug and Victorious that

his little plan worked

um I like how like his whole plan was

just [ __ ] Rick loudly with the door

open that was the plan

it did work but like it's very effective

yeah

um

so

he's very I wouldn't say that he's like

a Dom but he's definitely he definitely

has top energy going on yeah so he

orders her to get naked

um she's still like

very clearly skittish of him like she

tenses up when he gets into the bed and

stuff

um so Carl is also kind of like amused

and laughing to himself because she

clearly thinks that Rick is gonna be

like the gentle lover type and he is not

and so he's like like

that was the weirdest Michael Jackson

impression I've ever heard

sorry

um

anyway and none of it's good

so

um I was watching some stand up last

week where this dude was talking about

Michael Jackson no he's like

he's like yeah it's weird to like like

Michael Jackson's music but then also

reconcile listening to that and being

like and he touched a bunch of children

I'm like yeah yeah I mean it's kind of

the same like R Kelly yeah sure has been

my go-to karaoke song for years ignition

yep remix to ignition and I feel as

though I need to choose a new karaoke

song yeah I feel that

Confessions Part Two is my backup

Usher I was gonna say usher what a

backup yeah yeah that is

I can respect that yeah my my father's

go-to karaoke song is proud to be an

American and I've only ever seen him oh

well no I've only ever seen him do it on

cruise ships

um where people are already three to

five sheets to the wind

um

and the response that he gets from the

crow like people like drunk cry sing

along like they're like I've never seen

more patriotic people your dad has a

presence that's what you're telling me

like

taking actual politics out of of any of

it it's just like it's just a bunch of

like

drunk white people on a cruise into it

yes like getting tearful like as they

ruminate on

being proud to be an American

does that song Land nearly as well as it

used to no no no it doesn't but also I

haven't been on a cruise with my dad

since before Trump was elected

it was a different era

times they are a changing yes so Rick is

not a gentle lover no so my or not not a

shy lover yeah my notes say Rick finger

[ __ ] her hard eats her out then [ __ ]

her even harder

Carl is super into her like watching her

through this whole thing

um he's like there's lots of description

of the sounds she's making and all that

other [ __ ]

um and she

my notes say she gives him the five

finger slippy while Rick finishes inside

her and then licks her fingers clean

of Carl

that was both soda script

not descriptive at all

um

slippy the five finger slippy

yep

yep that's what my notes say that's

literally my notes say she gives him the

five finger slippy so she gives Carl a

handy wow no we got Ricky's [ __ ] her

Hannah you didn't need

I didn't I didn't not understand and it

wasn't enough I was trying to be helpful

I made it worse I'm so sorry

no I just liked I was like I somehow

feel like I have a very clear picture

but I I meant like it was like I was

like there was clearly a lot of [ __ ]

that went down in that scene yeah there

was that's really more one okay okay not

that I didn't understand what five

finger slippy meant

um

yeah

yeah and it's it's the licking the hands

clean for me there's a lot of discussion

of fluids

we here at smut Club can keep that

discussion to a minimum because I think

just the word fluids

yeah is enough so anyway yeah we're back

to Katie's point of view

um she wakes up early

um in the morning with both guys

um she needs to go

um

ride her horse Samson not a euphemism

not a euphemism

um Rick wakes up she's trying to be very

quiet and like slip out

um because it's so early in the morning

and Rick is like where are you going and

what are you doing she's like I gotta go

take care of Samson and he's like does

your horse not know about a Sunday lion

like we should be sleeping in right now

and she's like no he doesn't I really

have to go

and so he is like okay but yeah are you

coming back like you're coming back

right

um and she's like of course I am yeah so

she goes to the farm the owner tells her

that the bank is really after him so she

sends him like 700

um before going on the ride

um with Samson she really wants to rent

the land from the owner

um but she needs time to save up and

then oh I forgot about this part oh no

okay so she uh masturbates while writing

thinking about both guys [ __ ] her

and then

yeah there there I have a logistics

question

uh-huh

so is that like when we say she was

masturbating while writing

in my head I'm thinking of it like when

they tell like a woman like sit on top

of your washing machine or your dryer or

something like that like and the

vibration between your like is is that

what's happening it's like no I mean

she's touching herself and she's like

like hitting the the Horn of the saddle

to like stimulate okay yeah

so then

um she finishes and her father calls her

oh

um that

what a sentence yeah

is a hell of a sentence isn't it so he

saved in her phone as sperm donor and

she does not answer

oh okay

so we're back to Carl

um

the guys are doing their morning routine

together and

Rick is

on the toilet with Carl right there and

Carl gets this like sick sense of

satisfaction seeing Rick do a little

wince because he [ __ ] him so hard the

night before and I'm just like

oh

I could have lived without that

like I don't know what that's supposed

to add to anything

I know it's what we do here it's not

close but I too could have lived without

that I'm so sorry okay I'm so sorry no

no I mean these things happen that's

where we're at yeah

um

yeah so there's more I wrote more detail

about it I'm Gonna Leave It

um about Carl's satisfaction yeah yeah

so Carl doesn't think Katie is coming

back he's like nah like

she got her little Minaj experience

she's not coming back

um but Rick it's actually like

super pissed and he's like she's coming

back she's coming back

but even if she doesn't I love you and

that's all that matters and then

he Carl won't say I love you back and so

Rick starts to get super pissy about it

he's like why won't you just say it like

why don't you ever just say it we've

been together for years so then

uh Carl gives in eventually they jerk

each other off with Katie's panties

left there I'm assuming yeah

um I was gonna say I would have more

Logistics questions yeah she couldn't

find them in the morning when she got up

she didn't want to turn a light on

because it was so early so she couldn't

find them so she just left them so yeah

they jerk each other off with Katie's

panties and then they're like talking

about how they're gonna [ __ ] her

together they're like all into it

so we are back to Katie's point of view

um

she gets home her mom tells her like you

need to call your dad you really need to

call your dad and Katie is like no I

don't give a [ __ ] what that son of a

[ __ ] has to say I'm not interested

thank you for playing and mom is like

there's an opportunity

um you should call him blah blah blah

it's some kind of like

there's a horse

Whisperer trainer person in the U.S

um and uh so that's the opportunity like

she has to take an internship with his

multi-billion dollar company for six

months and then he will send her on this

trip with this guy but her half-sister

is also involved and She [ __ ] hates

her half-sister okay so she does agree

to call her dad

back to Carl Rick is super anxious and

um Carl is just like call her like why

are you being so weird

just call her if you want to talk to her

um so Rick is like I have an idea let's

take her away for the weekend like a

weekend trip or something

um somewhere neutral where she'll feel

safer blah blah blah Nick has an anxious

attachment style he sure does

so Carl agrees as long as Rick promises

that they're both gonna [ __ ] her by the

end of the night he's like this always

happens like you get to [ __ ] the pretty

[ __ ] and I do not

and we don't like him

I hate that sentence so much your face

says everything I feel about it

I don't well one I don't know what my

face looks like but two I took my

glasses off for a second and so now I

really don't know what my face looks

like

I hear it

do you

[Music]

oh [ __ ] okay yeah yeah it's not not a

good time so we're back to Katie she

calls her dad

he uh she is not very nice she's like

the [ __ ] do you want I'm not interested

he tells her

um he wants her to come to his office

she's like no I won't be doing that and

he says

um

yeah she has to come if she wants to see

the horse guy

um and she's like he's like how about

Monday and she's like no I can't this

Monday how about next Monday like

literally just to be a [ __ ] because she

doesn't want to see him so but she does

agree to see him

um Carl back to Carl he's at work he is

running an intern program

um and the boss's daughter whose name is

verity

um is in it and he is that the half

sister uh maybe so yeah no spoilers so

um he can't [ __ ] stand her so

um she's an entitled little [ __ ] he

kicks her out so he does this thing

where everybody has to stand up and sing

Eye of the Tiger together I don't really

understand why but Verity refuses to do

that he's like cool get out

and she's like you can't fire me and

he's like I really can should we go talk

to your father together okay get out

so

back to Katie it there's so much

flashing back and forth it's just

between Katie and Carl so oh we never

get Rick's personal we never get Rick's

person I know you said it was Mutual

point of view but it makes me sad we

don't get to hear from Rick because he's

so sweet so she's she resigns from her

job as a waitress now that she has all

this sugar daddy money coming in and she

gets a text from Rick inviting her to

lunch without Carl

um he's very adorably awkward he's like

nothing sexual

although maybe you didn't assume that

I'm so sorry like it's really sweet

actually

um

and then she also gets an email about an

interview at her father's company and

she

um she's like I never agreed to a

[ __ ] interview I said I would come

see you I didn't say it was gonna work

for you what the [ __ ] and

um she's like fine whatever because her

mom's pushing her to do it so then Carl

tells Rick about his day about how

Verity's a little [ __ ]

um and she had to come apologize and

then sing the whole song so low in front

of everyone that gave him like a sick

satisfaction that she went and wanted to

her dad and her dad was like tough [ __ ]

like go do whatever Carl says

so

um Rick tells him he's going to see

Katie during the week and Carl says he's

like I can't not be at work blah blah

and he starts to feel weird about it

because they don't ever do things

separately with these women and so he is

like

and then I didn't know that this was

relevant when I read the first time but

I did go back and and double check it

because it does turn out to be important

so Rick then shows Carl some stuff that

he printed off of Katie's Facebook we

don't know what it is but Carl is like

well that settles it then she's not a

fit and Rick is like no no no no no give

it more time we said six months

um and I know you really like her so

Carl's like fine so

um yeah see that is one of those like

weird details that like the first time

you read it you're like

oh cool that happened whatever and then

like when you're like

um I don't know how but it is it all

comes together

um also just for like my own knowledge

because

it seemed like I know you saw like

there's a lot of back and forth and so

it's this weird thing because it seems

like there's a lot of back and forth but

it also seems like there's not a ton of

plot happening but there's a lot about

back and forth how long

was this book like how many like Pages

hold on I'll tell you

maybe possibly I think maybe maybe not

this book was

440 Pages oh Lord yeah

okay the so there's a lot of setup with

like all these relationships and all

this different stuff and then the plot

kind of happens all at once and then it

stops happening again and then it

happens all at once like it's just a lot

okay so Katie

um goes to see Rick they eat lunch

um she's like I could totally be with

this guy like for real he's so sweet

he's so thoughtful he's so handsome but

Carl makes things complicated and then

they start making out with a lot of

dirty talk about okay I forgot about

that they start making out with a lot of

talk about stretching

things

I like how you said things there

like you're like I need to I need to

make sure you understand when I say

stretching I don't mean yoga

we're not doing Pilates

so like stretching to prepare her for

some DP yeah okay yeah

and

um

Katie is like this is not like are we

are we cheating right now like Carl's

not here and so Rick pulls back and he's

like

that's these are our boundaries like we

come together or not at all like that's

their deal we come together not at all

so then he starts to say something else

he's like well there's something that

you should know about Carl like Carl's

got this thing like he needs something

else from you and then

um Carl shows up Carl's like what would

that be and they were both like cool

oops

so

um

Carl is like yeah we're gonna go away

for the weekend

um and you're coming and then Rick

realizes how much Carl must be into her

because he's like putting all this

effort in

um

and then we're back to Katie they go

away to the seaside

um and there my notes just say cute

throuple time with lots of innuendo

foreign

yeah I appreciate when we're able to

summarize it you're like yeah you know

if there's some Sweet Moments with ice

cream and whatever like it's nice yeah

um and they talk about family Rick's

family is super normal very supportive

Carl Lou alludes to like a really really

rough time but doesn't really give

detail

they ask about her father and she says

she doesn't have one worth mentioning

she's like it's he's literally a blank

spot on my birth certificate that's who

my father is right so do we know why she

hates her father so much we do not we

just know that she feels abandoned by

him and feels like he ruined her mom's

life but we don't really know why

so um they go out dancing things are

getting spicy very handsy

um they go back to the hotel and Katie

is [ __ ] freaking out because she

knows what's gonna happen but she's also

really excited so they get naked

everybody's making out there's

my notes say there's fingering and

eating out and whatnot there's just a

lot happening

um this is one of those sex scenes that

goes on and on and it's like oh my God

like like we get it can we just finish

like I'm like oh my God

um

yeah I think it's Nikki Sloan I've read

a lot of Nikki Sloan this year but I

feel like

she always tricks me because

her sex scenes will go on four chapters

yeah and so like I'm like oh we we hit

the end of this chapter

then the next one like oh nope we're

jumping straight back in like here we

are right why do we even have a chapter

break yes

so

um both guys are like going at it with

her the whole time and then they start

stretching her with toys so there's a

lot of description about that

um and then

oh my notes say uh talking about making

her [ __ ] gape for them

again why that's what my notes say okay

again why gape I don't like that word

that loose like a Wizard's sleeve like

that's what I like that's what it makes

me think of so gape made it onto my list

because of this book

all right question because I know when

we reviewed pen pal we were saying

we don't like nibble or slippery uh-huh

is gate in this context worse for you

yeah and slippery yeah is it worse for

you than nibbling I think for me it's

equal to nibbling but worse than

slippery

it feels worse because when I think of

like gape or gaping I think of a gaping

wound like I think of like people

bleeding and violence that's what I

think of when I think of gaping

like what other contacts do you hear

gaping in besides I'm gonna stop saying

it but what context do you hear that

word in besides like major violence or

as horrible as it sounds when I hear

gaping I'm like yeah something that's

open and like flapping in the breeze

[Laughter]

which also is not better no just

flapping flapping stop saying that word

Jesus Christ what a damn laughing

okay so we we found another one

we might just need to make like an

ongoing list of like words that we hate

here at smut Club yeah gape flap nibble

slippery

not just slip you can you can sleep okay

you can slip on a banana peel and we

don't give a [ __ ] but slippery in the

context yeah sex

yeah this only gets worse so

um

there's a lot of stuff so Carl [ __ ] her

while she's blowing Rick and then Carl

fists her and then decides that she's

ready

um just for like for both of them right

okay I was like

like how big is he if you need to be

fisted before you can take one dick

no I hate I hate everything so then she

does take them both and the guys are

[ __ ] ecstatic about it and they are

like you're you're the most beautiful

woman we've ever seen and like there's

lots more like dirty talk and praise and

whatnot

um

and she's like hell yeah I did that like

she feels really good about it too I

guess

um I would be proud of myself

achievement unlocked right like I don't

that feels like a big account like

that's not gonna feel like a big

accomplishment hey yo

two big accomplishments if you know what

I mean yeah Rick's piercing also made

things interesting so

yeah I forgot about that yeah do you

remember Whose Line Is It Anyway I do

yeah

um do you remember the game where they

were just like like it was like all

euphemisms and they just like no matter

what they said it was just they would

just say if you know what I mean

afterwards

and I just remember there was like a

weightlifting competition it was like

she took 200 pounds in the snatch if you

know what I mean and then like I forget

who said it but I because I remember

watching it like the night it aired when

it happened and you see I think it was

Ryan just like look on his face and he's

like that's never gonna make air if you

know what I mean

but yeah and it was funny because I

remember seeing a rerun like years later

and it was that clip and it was 100

bleeped out that's awesome yes but I was

like that was a brilliant joke that is

really good guys yeah I can I can

I can give credit for that right okay so

high fives all around yeah they're all

very proud of themselves yes and we're

back to Carl's point of view

um so Katie gets up while he's out on

the the little balcony Terrace Terrace

sure

um and they have a very intense moment

she talks about her

um dreams of renting the stable

um and he's like you could he's thinking

this girl could do so much more she's

brilliant she's strong

she could do so much more but he doesn't

say that and then

it seems like he's gonna make her some

other kind of offer because she's like I

really want this but it's going to be a

year or two before I'm able to to make

this purchase blah blah and he's like

it's on the tip of my tongue to say blah

blah blah blah

um but I still don't know what we still

don't know what but then Rick comes out

and then they have uh so all that their

moment is broken and then they have a

very nice drive back

um Carl decides to stop at the Stables

um and so uh he tries to like get in

good with Samson the horse Samson is not

about Carl he is not a fan he does not

like him but he's very into Rick

Carl so that's on brand like Samsung has

good taste yeah

Samson is clearly reading the room

um so back to Katie uh she stays with

him another night even though she has

the meeting with her dad the next day

oh my God so Chelsea's cat Craig is

doing like

it's like a gargoyle moment

and she keeps like giving him little

high fives and it's very distractingly

adorable because Craig is standing on

his back legs with his front paws up and

it like just keeps giving me high fives

it was pretty cute it seems the moment

has passed but it was very adorable yeah

he turned away from me and I think he

was done with like I'm over you now

um that was cute while it lasted so

Katie is like frankly I don't give a

[ __ ] about this meeting with my dad

um so she really wishes that she could

just continue to be with Carl and Rick

without getting paid she's like I really

like them like I don't feel the need to

be paid I would spend time with them

anyway

um and she's thinking about all this

while she's on the way to the meeting

with her dad she's wearing dirty jeans

and a shirt that says bite me

that's the energy she's bringing to this

meeting

he is pleading with her

um to give this internship program a

chance he's like it's a six-month

internship you get to go stay for a

month with the horse guy please please

let me do this for you I want you here

blah blah blah and she doesn't really

want anything to do with any of it but

the pay is good and she wants to meet

the horse guy so she's like I mean I

guess so and like mind you I'm like

missing some details here because I

haven't read this one but like

I think the hard thing for me is that

like

how do I say it

like it's a very transactional situation

right like yeah her dad's like no I love

you I care about you I want you here I

want to do this for you but you have to

do this for six months first instead of

just like

like it's not like there are strings

attached right it's not a true gift so

it's a lot of strings but also the way

that it's described dad is desperate

like he wants a relationship with her he

is like pleading with her like please

come on so it seems like this is his

last Stitch effort to get her into his

company so he can at least see her a

little bit

um so he's like pushing it

so finally and she's like

fine I guess whatever

and so her dad is like great let me

introduce you to the guy who's running

the intern program and she's like oh

it's not you like I don't have to work

directly with you and he's like no no of

course not and the guy comes in and

surprise

it's Carl hey there's my puppies

we'll get you right back to the show in

just a moment but first

do you like us maybe even love us cause

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if you do love us don't tease us don't

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maybe even send us over to a special

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because you know the first rule of smug

Club is to talk about smut Club

all right I won't keep you any longer

let's get back to the show

thank you

so my notes just say Carl POV awkward

yeah that's that's what it is

um

so her dad so Carl with a k or a c

what's a c okay that's how I've been

conceptualizing it but I do feel like

you bring in different energy as a human

if it's with a K I agree yeah yeah

um so dad goes to introduce them and

he's like we've already met and Katie is

like

clearly wide-eyed like shut the [ __ ] up

Carl and so she's like oh yeah um I I uh

I know Rick I've hung out with Rick

that's how I met how I met Carl

um

and Carl feels some type of way about

that so then dad leaves and Carl is

confused he's like how how did you not

know

how did you not know like surely you

looked me up please tell me you didn't

just go meet two strange men without

looking me up and she's like of course I

looked you up and he's like how did you

not know I work for your dad and she's

like my dad's company isn't listed he's

like it's a subsidiary everybody knows

that and she's like I don't I don't

[ __ ] talk to my dad like I had no

[ __ ] clue geez this age she's

freaking out so

um

she he also is like your dad is one of

the best men I've ever met in my life

I've known him for 20 years he's an

incredible person

um and Katie is like well that might be

your experience but he's a judgmental

[ __ ]

um and he's like

well

your dad gave me a chance when no one

else would he saved my life

and so then Katie we're back to Katie's

point of view she is really embarrassed

um and Carla's like listen you are not

taking this seriously this is a serious

program if you're not gonna take it

seriously that's fine it's not for you

that's okay

but she's like no I'm [ __ ] doing this

she's super adamant

um

and then he explains that he was a kid

with a record when he met her dad

um and he gave Carl a chance

um she tells him that he knocked up her

mom

um who was his secretary at the time and

then fired her when he found out she was

pregnant

and wanting nothing wanted nothing to do

with Katie basically like abandoned them

both so her mom lost her job she was 19.

um and

lost her job was alone and Pregnant wait

who she's telling Carl this she's

telling Carl okay yeah and so Carl says

that that is not the story that he heard

and she's like I don't give a [ __ ] I

lived it that's the story

um so then

Oops I did something to my notes

okay hold on I got it so then

um

she is super adamant she wants to give

the the program a try and Carl's like

fine I'll drive you to the other office

so that's the other reason she didn't

know is because her dad's main office is

not in the same town where Rick and Carl

live it's a satellite office so she had

no idea

so he takes her to the other place

um and then all of a sudden he's he

pulls over like while they're on the way

and he is like

um so if you had to give up two years to

get two hundred thousand dollars

for your farm would you do it

Would You Do It

um and she's like well I would need to

know what that entails because he's

thinking back to their conversation on

the Terrace where she said it's her

two-year plan essentially and he's like

would you give it up and she's like

well I need to know what it is and she's

like I mean as a joke she says I mean do

you want a kidney

um and Carl's like I mean kind of she's

like what the [ __ ]

so Carl's about to say something else

and then the phone rings

um now we're at Carl's point of view on

the phone is Rick

um and he his voice comes through the

Bluetooth in the car so everybody can

hear everything and he is absolutely

gushing about how much he loves Katie

and how amazing she is

um he won't let Carl get a word in like

Carl keeps trying to interrupt him to

say like Katie's in the [ __ ] car but

Rick won't stop talking

and Rick it's super explicit about how

he's gonna [ __ ] her ass and that he's in

love with her she's their keeper she's

the one we've been looking for and Katie

clearly is looking a little freaked

she's like the [ __ ] is happening

um and Carl finally is like Rick Katie's

in the goddamn car

and Rick is like that's very funny Rick

that's very funny no she's not

um and then Carl's like no she is and

then Rick's like uh Katie are you there

and she's like hey Rick hi super awkward

um but then he just laughs he's like I'm

sorry about the ass thing babe but I

would be into it if you are anyway I

love you both bye and like

he has like golden retriever energy

where he's just like messing stuff up

but you love it he really does yeah we

love it we love it

so then

um Carl does not pick up where he left

off with like what this mysterious thing

is that he needs her for two years for

um and then he introduces her to the

rest of the team and it's very clear

that her half-sister Verity is

displeased that she is there like real

pissed

so back to Katie

um Carl and Rick take her shopping for

work clothes the guys are very very

sweet very supportive and they get home

to celebrate her new job

um and Katie thinks back to her

childhood how Verity would belittle her

like Dad Doesn't Really Love You Like do

you see all of my horses do you see all

of my dolls like Dad doesn't really love

you like really really put her down

um and Carl says that he'll help her

catch up with what she's missed at work

um

and she realizes this is her chance to

prove that she's better than Verity like

that's basically she's like all right if

I'm gonna do this I'm gonna [ __ ] Verity

up like let's do it

um so then my notes say gratuitous

threesome including a blowy and the guys

taking turns and lots of dirty talk

that's what my notes say I I know I said

it before I feel like a lot is happening

but nothing is happening

yeah it's accurate okay so I'm that's

why I'm talking really fast I'm like

none of this matters gratuitous

threesome anyway

um so the next day at work things are

going really really well for Katie she

has lunch with Carl

um when they get back and then Verity

Corners her in the bathroom and

absolutely loses her [ __ ] she has like a

full breakdown about how um Katie is

never gonna take what's hers this

company is hers she has no right to it

um and tells her she can stop drooling

over Carl because everyone knows he's

gay

and which is kind of funny

and then Katie tries to leave she's like

I'm not I'm not doing this with you so

she tries to leave and then Verity

starts pulling her hair and slapping her

and like scratching at her face and

stuff and Katie is like what the actual

[ __ ] like we are grown women are we

having a slap fight right now this is

the dumbest [ __ ] on the planet

so then

Katie shakes her off and tells her

um that she gets that one but if she

ever touches her again she will [ __ ] her

up

so then Carl sees Katie we're back to

Carl's point of view sees Katie um with

a scratch on her face and her hair is

really disheveled and then Verity comes

right behind her and she does not look

disheveled and she's like he's like what

the [ __ ] is happening so

um he tries to fire Verity he's like

absolutely the [ __ ] not like there's not

gonna be physical violence here that is

[ __ ] ridiculous you're fired but

Katie uh begs him not to he's like she's

like please don't please don't so he's

like fine and then he starts to realize

that he has real feels is what my notes

say for Katie

um he talks to Katie's dad

um about the situation with Verity dad

says that he

he didn't know about Katie

her mom told him that he had that she

had had an abortion

so he didn't know she was pregnant when

he fired her he found out she was

pregnant afterwards when he went to her

to say something about it

she told him he had she had had an

abortion and he was too late

so he never knew he saw them on the

street when Katie was 10 and he was like

hold up

um

and so then he hand he says he handled

everything wrong he tried to force Katie

into their family

um and he asked Carl to build Bridges

between the girls

um through the program and Carl is like

uh

I guess I can try but frankly you need

to get your [ __ ] together that does not

feel like Carl's job and I don't even

like Carl no it's a whole last disaster

um so Rick tells Carl that they need to

talk

and rethink the whole we come together

or not at all rule

um they what they agree on is a courtesy

call

so they agree they're going to call each

other before they [ __ ] Katie solo to get

permission

I don't look like

just decided so like what what are you

gonna do not [ __ ] one day like you're

gonna call and they're like actually I'm

not really in the mood for that I'd

really rather you didn't [ __ ] her today

is that how that works

I mean I guess but regardless

um Rick and Carl have a solidifying [ __ ]

as we often term it and then they both

declare that they love Katie she's not

there

like that's my whole thing with this

whole scene is I'm like not present for

any of this they're declaring their love

and [ __ ] and [ __ ] and it's all this

beautiful making love moment she's not

there

what the [ __ ] whatever

um so we're back to Katie's point of

view

um she decides to do a competition with

her horse because her sister is also

doing it

and she wants to beat her that becomes

relevant later

um she buys a horse trailer the guys

insist on going with her it's all this

very sweet like making sure you're safe

kind of [ __ ] and then

um after they have lunch uh

[Music]

Rick says he wants to have chocolate for

dessert no

no

he does not my notes say worst euphemism

ever with periods after each one

that's what literally what my notes say

right now so years ago I worked in youth

ministry

foreign

behold Chelsea Queen of the non-sequitur

you're welcome

um

and I used to be in charge of like all

of the programming so like when we would

do like a student camp for like a week I

was in charge of all of the games and

programming and like making sure that

like our actual like event time ran

smoothly

and one of the games and it like didn't

even dawn on me because

I was very young and not really thinking

it through but one of the games that I

planned you had like

teams from each grade and one person

laid on the ground and one person like

essentially stood over their head and

was given a pudding cup that they had to

put between their knees

[Music]

he had to like

get the pudding in their partner's mouth

Chelsea no

and I remember

and then being like we're not going to

go with vanilla right

like we don't want pictures

but that's yeah that's what it this

chocolate's not better literally my

thought

I'm like at least

at least chocolate doesn't look like

semen in a photo

it just looks like [ __ ] how is that

better

I'm sorry

what if you were a parent and you

received a photo of your child at summer

camp

I feel like at least chocolate pudding

on their face you're not going to think

why is there [ __ ] all over my 16 year

old's face but if there's vanilla you

might be like why is there come all over

my 16 year old daughter's face I I need

to have a talk with a youth pastor none

of it's good yeah it's not it wasn't the

best game I ever planned

you know what the best game I ever

planned was I'll tell you tell me

and honestly I think part of it was

choosing the right students so

um we went and bought like

tiny like it was like a beach camp and

we went to a little shop on the beach

and bought like tiny like beach crabs

and we showed them to the students and

we're like hey

we're gonna take you outside we are

building a maze out of these crabs and

you have to walk Barefoot from one side

of the maze to the other without

stepping on one of these crabs

so then they take all of the students

outside they bring them in one at a time

and blindfold them meanwhile we've just

thrown pork rinds all over the floor

like or pork rinds they have a great

crunch too much they do and so

the look on a student's face when they

hear the Crunch and think they've killed

a crab that is so dark

that's amazing oh my God now I want pork

rinds

yeah I could [ __ ] up some pork right I

could [ __ ] up some pork rinds um but

yeah one of my like favorite students

ever bless her she like by the end of

the mace they were tears streaming down

her face

well like you have like 150 students all

sitting watching this happen in front of

them it was a it was a great game

um

10 out of 10 would would recommend yeah

I really want some pork rinds okay so so

I guess we'll get back to this if we

have to so

um I mean I guess not that's the end

everybody no okay so

um how much more is there a bit a lot oh

[ __ ] [ __ ] okay I'm just gonna go real

quick

um so they all have a big [ __ ] fest Carl

brings in a mirror

so that they can watch themselves and he

I just want us to note that you're like

I'm gonna go real quick

so he brings in a mirror for their [ __ ]

back

oh this part I was like so

um

so then he he [ __ ] Rick while Rick

[ __ ] Katie okay it's a lot there's a

lot of dirty talk and a lot of

descriptions and fluids so Katie

realizes that she doesn't want their

agreement to end in six months because

that was the original bet six months

so Katie's doing really well is it a bet

well not a bet agreement okay I mean

kind of a bit between Rick and Carl

because Carl didn't think it would

really happen so I apologize to everyone

listening if you hear a slight

whimpering

um the whimpering is my dog sleeping and

dreaming yeah it's not her husband

listening to this [ __ ] book right now

although it could be although every time

I look over at my husband he's just like

shaking his head

so

Katie's doing great at work she's a top

performer yeah she is her yeah she is

her dad shows up to give her a bonus

um it's super awkward

um Verity has a meltdown Carl finds her

crying and she thinks that

her dad loves Katie more than her

um and if she feels at the internship

her dad was gonna hate her all this

other stuff

Carl's very supportive and he says he'll

help her Carl then takes Katie to

celebrate

um and she asked to go see the horse

um she has to stop for clothes first

Carl then meets her mother

so

um

it's very awkward like it's super duper

awkward and then he

then pushes to try to figure out what

Katie wants she's like I don't know what

the [ __ ] you're talking about

um she rides he loves watching her and

he finally makes friends with the horse

it's a big moment and then

um Katie comes back after talking to the

owner of the stable super upset

um the bank is repossessing her dream is

dead

um so he really wants Katie to feel

better like he's like I don't know what

the [ __ ] to do I just want you to stop

crying

um so he's like I could buy it I could

buy the land I could buy the land and

you could rent it for me and she thinks

that he's joking and he's like no I I

want to help you blah blah blah and she

um she's like okay so you want to help

me with my dream but what's your dream

and finally he blurts out that he wants

a baby

and not by a surrogate he wants to have

like a throuple and a baby

oh

yes

and she's like I don't want kids

and um that was the printout that Rick

had from her Facebook was like a couple

of posts she made about like thank God

I'm never having kids and so

um he's like I want to start trying

right away I'm almost 40 like I really

really want this

um and he's like she's like please just

take me home like I can't I can't do

this with you like please just take me

home so he's like I

[ __ ] this up I'm really bad he's like

Rick is gonna hate me for this like I

really really [ __ ] up

um and so he goes home and Rick was all

ready to celebrate about how well

Katie's doing at work but then Carl

comes in alone and Rick is super pissed

Carl then tells Rick he's like

you can be with her like I'm the problem

I'm the one who wants the baby so bad

you be with her I will remove myself

from this and

uh it just says Declarations of Love

Rick isn't leaving Carl for anything so

I mean that's sweet it is sweet

and then Rick shows up at the farm

um from Katie's point of view they have

an emotional talk he says that he tells

her all about about Carl so

um Carl's mom died when he was six and

um he was never well cared for he

bounced around the system his dad showed

up when he was 13 started using him to

run drugs

and so then

um so Carl had a rough upbringing very

rough cool and

um then finally after he gets out of the

system dad's a piece of [ __ ] he meets a

girl and they think that they're really

into each other

and then they that's how they met Rick

they the two of them wanted a threesome

so they find Rick online Rick shows up

um the girl LED Carl on really bad

um saying that she wanted a family and

wanted to try for a baby but then Carl

found out she had had three abortions

with his babies this whole time

so he had been like that's all of life

no I don't either

that's all he wanted his whole life was

to have a baby and this girl did this

after she lied to him

um so then that's how Carl and Rick

wound up together

so Katie feels terrible that she can't

keep them with what they want so then

she agrees she goes home with Rick they

all party after they agree we're gonna

give it six months and then we'll see no

more sugar daddies just an official poly

relationship

um they'll tell her dad because that's

gonna be a big thing

um and she wants her mom to know

solidifying [ __ ] in the shower

uh very there are so many solidifying

[ __ ] there's so much sex like I'm I

have notes about the sex but I'm it

doesn't matter

um

none of it matters because literally all

the plot in this book is in like the

last 15 so I'm trying to like get to the

part that matters

none of it matters but I'm trying to get

to the part that that's at least a

little bit entertaining I'm really

trying so

you're like you have to I'm hold on let

me math something really Jesus Christ

what

why is that your response you know why

so you have to get through 375 pages to

get to the plot yeah

that feels like when people used to like

what was the the show Lost yeah yeah

when people are like

there are a couple weird Seasons so you

just have to get through like three

weird seasons and then it gets good

again and like that's such a commitment

right I'm not willing to make it no but

I made it here I don't I can't tell you

why because you read so quickly and you

read so much you probably read this in

one sitting probably if like at most two

to three sittings so I feel like I feel

like you just like Blitz through I did

books like this and you're like this is

so shitty next page be like I hate this

next page I think you finished the

booking like that was not worth it on to

the next one pretty much yeah

um so so they go out to celebrate

they're all drinking yeah and um she

asks how the whole baby thing would work

she's like so two daddies and a mom like

that feels really weird blah blah blah

and they're like

so they explain again they come together

or not at all because they don't want to

know who the biological father is

they're like

it it doesn't matter

um they say like kids might be mean

um and the parents other parents might

not get it but it doesn't matter we're

gonna make it work blah blah blah maybe

we'll adopt later

also like we want one of our own and we

might adopt later well I feel like they

just like like kids is like a deal

breaker like yes

about that yes so to know that like

they're not on the same page and then

have a solidifying [ __ ] right it's like

why are we here yeah I'm like what are

we solidifying our differences

so Carl basically says like we will have

as many kids as you'll give us

literally like we'll have as many kids

as you'll give us and then my notes just

say combo gets weird when Katie says she

ruined her mom's life

she's like I never wanted kids because I

ruined my own mother's life why would I

want to have babies

um holy [ __ ] but it gets dark all of

them need to be in therapy goddamn real

bad so

um

Carl is really worried about Katie and

Verity

um he talks to her well there's lots of

stuff about like he's trying to get her

to see that her dad really loves her and

all this other stuff she's very

resistant

um and then all of a sudden he like

blurts out that he didn't her dad didn't

know that she existed all this time she

thought she was abandoned so back to

Katie's POV it just says long emotional

talk with Mom

um who confirms that dad never knew she

existed

um so Katie decides that she

um is going to tell her mom about her

new Holly relationship

um everything's very supportive and

lovely with Carl

um Katie wants to bang on the way home

but Carl says that they need to talk to

Rick first

um

yeah and then do we have permission to

[ __ ] on the way home

they don't they don't call him they

decide to actually go home and then they

all [ __ ] together I just love that bit

out

um

so uh then she confronts her dad about

the whole thing and he's like yeah I

really [ __ ] that up like I didn't know

that you existed but when I found out I

could have done better I'm really really

sorry

so then

um Verity starts being really nice to

her and it's weird

uh like like in a way we don't trust

yeah she's like

I don't I don't like that like little

comments about like her horses and stuff

like trying to get to know her and be

supportive like you did great with sales

this week or whatever

um so then

uh at Carl's point of view they get

caught kissing at the office

and um they haven't told her dad yet

they have not so he decides he's going

to tell her dad the truth dad is not

pleased

um and so he's like are you gonna leave

Rick and Carl's like no that's the whole

point I'm not leaving Rick we're all

together

and then

uh Carl and Katie [ __ ] in the office

with Rick on speakerphone it's very

explicit oh yeah

um so okay so this is where we get into

some stuff that's like

sad and weird so for Katie's point of

view she's at this horse event

um it's like a jumping thing there's

some family awkwardness but Mom is

pretty chill and the guys are both there

dad's pretty nice

um and then his he has two

legitimate sons and one legitimate

daughter Verity

um and his wife they're all there

everybody's playing nice at this whole

thing because her half-sister Rarity is

also there competing

so Katie is doing really really well

um but she's super fixated on beating

Verity's time and she winds up missing a

jump and she falls and it's really

really bad so that's how her point of

view ends at that chapter as she hits

her head super hard and she blacks out

um so Carl's point of view my notes say

it's a [ __ ] [ __ ] show it's really bad

um so Katie wakes up and she is

screaming Samson is really hurt

um the vet says it that if if the horse

can't stand up he's he's dead like they

can't move him he has to stand if

they're gonna get him to a hospital but

even then a horse with a broken leg he

might not make it

so it's a whole thing Carl and her dad

get the horse Rick I used to have a

therapy client who had two special needs

horses

it's a special sauce

I don't know why I whispered that but

what's a special needs horse

like

they were truly like two horses that

like without her love and attention and

constant like

making sure they had everything they

needed they would not have survived that

long

like they were like [ __ ] blind and

they're like their legs needed braces

sort of deal like you don't understand

that no it was a lot

it was so much I mean In fairness I have

a dog who's paralyzed that we change his

diapers every day and we have a cat with

epilepsy but that feels like a horse is

massive like that just feels like so

much more than a 10 pound dog and a six

pound cat well and she like when we

first started working together she had

said she's like my dream has always been

to like have my own land with my horses

and

I am afraid I'll like by the time I'm

financially stable enough to do that

they won't be alive did you tell her to

hit up sugar daddies.com

well okay no I didn't that's really

where I saved where I should have zagged

she had fun she's like hey like she was

like I think I'm gonna like go and like

start actually like looking at some like

houses with property

I found a realtor who like specializes

and like like needing land and like

getting it and blah blah blah

and so she comes to sessions next week

and I was like how'd it go she's like

not great Chelsea not great at all and

I'm like whoa oh well

um

what happened and she's like

what like what breed was it like German

Shepherds or some [ __ ] she's like the

house I went and looked at they had an

underground dog fighting ring where they

were breeding the dog oh my God and I

was like to be fair that's really not on

me

I would not have

predicted that yeah

um but yeah so I'm very is Samson my

favorite character in this book he's my

favorite character I really think he is

yeah horses are the [ __ ] man sure

um but so Samson's leg is very broken

he's very hurt Katie's leg is also very

broken and she is very hurt

um if you hear thunder it's Thunder I

I would like if we ever have merch

I think that needs to be on something

like a a mug or a fanny pack Maybe

yeah like a good crossbody with a quote

on it I I really wish like

I don't know when we reviewed like pen

pal and it was like the entire book was

like ominous creepy rain and wind and

thunder and lightning like if the

weather could have cooperated with us it

would have been better would have been

great

I don't I don't need the Thunder when

we're talking about Samson because it

feels too ominous and I really need

Samson to survive

I'm not invested in the book but I am

invested in Samson and I need him to

live is what you're telling me yes I

understand

so she begs Carl to go with Samson God

Bless America

um and so he does they get him to the

hospital they get him into surgery and

dad her dad asked Carl to tell him about

his daughter he's like tell me

everything you know he's like well what

do you want to know and he's like

literally everything like I know nothing

about my daughter yeah tell me

everything

so we are back to Katie's point of view

we are almost done we are so close we

are so close and yet maybe not so

um Carl and Rick handle her recovery

um they wait on her hand and foot

there's a line in there about how they

do everything for her including wiping

her shitty ass

um Samson she broke did she break her

arms as well well so the way that her

leg broke was so severe that she it that

she came to recovery that she can't

reach her I didn't ask laughs

just like logistically I know what this

book has led to several Logistics

questions uh yeah

yeah but yeah I'm like

and like unless she broke her back and

her like and her leg but I'm like I'm if

I break my leg

I'm just need to clarify with my husband

now I do plan on wiping my own ass I

don't

laughs

my husband I lived without that I just

looked over at my husband and he was

like making a wiping scooping milk why

are you scooping what the [ __ ] are you

stupid

oh God I really could have lived without

all of that

oh and I was like I don't need to know

what y'all do when we stop recording the

podcast bubbles it's my safe word

I could stop are you feeling unsafe

oh my God anyway so they are really

really focused on taking care of her

they're very sweet Sampson gets moved to

her father's property

and Verity takes over his care so they

start actually mending fences she starts

to trust Verity to take care of Samson

severity wasn't actually like being a

malicious [ __ ] when she started like

to be nice and ask questions she was

actually just like trying to build a

relationship with her sister she really

was and Katie was being a bit of a [ __ ]

yes

um so as the guys are caring for her

she's like oh my God they would make

amazing dads and then she decides to

stop taking her birth control

so

and she's got something like she like

tells them or is that like a surprise

it's a surprise okay so

um they basically she watches them [ __ ]

a lot but she can't really participate

um that feels more likely than the

wiping up the ass right

so

um then she tells them she's well enough

no we're also gonna have to have some

kind of merch that has just fanciest

hand doing a weird little curl

Hannah looked over

for making eye contact just doing the

weird scooping motion I'm like what the

[ __ ] is this

you were doing it I'm I get to say what

the [ __ ] you do not no I felt it though

like as I did it I was like I don't know

what's happening here nothing good you

what did you say

oh

do you remember the um the outtakes from

Parks and Rec where it was Chris Pratt

and he's like was he like at the doctor

or something he's like sometimes I just

wipe and wipe it's like a marker yes

oh good all right sorry they're building

fence it yeah metaphorical emotional

offenses yeah

he stopped taking her birth control and

then when she's well enough they bang it

out and then she tells them that she

does want a baby

four months later she's pregnant

everyone is very very happy it's all

amazing

and then it's the epilogue nothing

happened in this whole book what's the

epilogue and Samson's okay right Samson

is okay okay so we actually get to that

so she

um

her dad wound up buying the farm for

Katie

and giving it to her

um and so they have finally moved Samson

to the new Farm everything is looking

great

um it's Katie's birthday she is very

very pregnant she goes into labor the

end

I didn't even talk about the water

sports because that was in there

things going on I didn't want to include

I don't know what I expected you to say

when you said we didn't even talk about

the blank

but water sports was not you know what

that's a euphemism for right I do but

growing up in Florida

growing up in Florida I just keep

thinking of like kneeboarding I'm gonna

say skimboarding

you're like I just think of like some

good Lake water activities

uh no

that wasn't that

do you think our listeners know what

you're referring to Hannah or do you

think you should explain it just in case

I would really rather not but I mean I

guess water sports River refers to like

a golden shower situation

um Google that I'm not going to give you

any more

oh my God so there's a new show on

Netflix called how to build a sex room

oh yeah I watched the first like episode

and a half yeah I think

honestly the thing for me is that like

they like you'll like it's like one one

sex room is finished per episode but you

meet someone then they like start the

sex room then you have to watch the next

episode to finish it and I was like I

don't know if I want to commit I just

want to watch one the one full sex room

right right yes I've watched a little

bit of it well there's one episode with

a uh polyamorous group of individuals

and there's like six of them or seven of

them oh wow it does feel like a lot and

they want a room they don't live

together but they are all together

and that was very ominously punctuated

by the Thunder it really um

and so like if you've seen the show you

know like the designer goes in she wants

to know like what's everybody's fetish

what's every what does everybody want to

see in the room and one of the girls is

like

um I really think that a drain on the

floor would be really helpful and she's

like oh okay so for For What and the

girls like water sports

it helps with the fluids I was like

you know I will say

if you're going through the effort of

getting a Sex Room built and you're into

water sport get a drain yes because to

spend all that money on a sex room and

then be like now the fluids are

everywhere right

not ideal not ideal one bit

Yeah the more that we say the word

fluids the more I hate that word

fluid it depends on the context yeah I

don't think there's any context where I

like nibble

that's fair yeah yeah that's fair um so

how how do you want to rate

sugar daddies because just just to recap

they're looking for a sugar baby

they find someone they like

they ultimately all decide to be in a

relationship together

her horse is fine and gets its own Farm

they have a baby in the end nailed it

I mean we could do

there were a lot of dildos involved I

mean we could do dildos we could do

horses we could do saddles

Saddles saddles

saddle feel right I don't know horses

are large I don't even know if this one

is one whole horse it might not be

we'll do Saddles so glue

oh my God so what how many fluid ounces

of glue oh [ __ ]

um how many interns how many how many

Monica lewinskies how many mirrors

um we really we have a lot of options

and no options

we have a lot of options and no options

yeah let's just do

let's just do horses we'll go out of

three

it's a half a horse

it's the back half of a horse

it's just the main the back half of a

horse

um

I mean

I like I could go one horse it's a hoof

yeah I'll give you all four Hooves okay

not the attached legs sure just well

Samson's is pretty [ __ ]

anyway so

I mean he lives but he can't be ridden

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

oh yeah yeah four Hooves is my final

offer but I didn't read the book so

I I mean

the thing about this book is it's

terrible

yeah yeah it is and I wanted to like it

I really did because I thought the

premise was interesting

but but you didn't like it I didn't so

yeah it's the back half of one horse out

of uh out of three ah out of five

yeah we're looking at a solid point five

star we're looking at a solid 10 is what

we're looking at

Yeah final offer

let us know what y'all think

let us

oh gosh this book okay or don't

or yeah those are those are your options

we can let this book live we're honest

it's really up to you I'm comfortable

where it is

you're like I think we can move on to

discussing other books and be done with

this one so this is where we will leave

you as we will not be circling back no

we won't to sugar daddies nope good

night and good luck have a good day bye

that's it for this week's months

we hope it will

it was great for us

if you're digging what we're doing it

would mean a lot if you'd take a minute

to rate and review the show wherever

you're listening right now

maybe tell that sexy someone to Linda

senir

we love you we appreciate you

we'll see you next week

stays buddy

[Music]