Smut Club

well

hello all you beautiful people

you know what time it is

[Music]

ladies and gents

guys and dolls and everyone in between

gather round

get you something real nice to sip on

and comfy to slip on

because it's time

for smut club

here's your hosts chelsea and hannah

[Applause]

hey everybody

i'm hannah

i'm chelsea welcome to smut club smut

puppies

you still have to let us know which one

you want to go with we're gonna have to

start a poll or something we will have

to start a poll so

welcome hope you're doing well today um

so today we're gonna be reviewing king

of the court by rs great so it's going

to be a little bit

of a fun review and by fun review i mean

a [ __ ] show of a review

um because

i normally like

when we choose a book and we know we're

going to review it i like sit down i

reread it i'm i hannah does this as well

but i'm i don't want to get words in her

mouth so

i like sit down i re-read it i make sure

like my outline kind of goes with what

i'm thinking about the book

um

and i outlined this book a month ago

same and

never looked back um hannah and i were

texting about our thoughts on this book

after after we read it and her exact

text was it was a warm bowl of nothing

and i loved it

that was it

i was going to say no i mean i did say a

warm bowl of nothing but did i say i

loved it i probably did and i don't want

to look back at the texture

i got received but i could be wrong i

don't want to look back to prove one way

or another i'm comfortable with this

being a schrodinger kind of situation

we'll just never know

is it because you fear i'm right yes

you're like the world may never know and

i'm like but they could and you're like

[Music]

the world doesn't want to know i don't

want to know

um so yeah that's that is

that's the episode warm bowl of nothing

review over um

so no i mean i think this one

all right i sent hannah a tick tock that

i saw earlier this week that was

describing the difference between spicy

books smut

and erotica yes and essentially it was

like

if you are categorized as spicy your

book has more plot than it has sex and

if you removed the sex from the book you

would still have a solid book just maybe

it'd be like fade to black kind of

scenes right right

and then you have erotica which is where

there's just the sex yeah way more sex

than there is plot

and if you took out the plot there'd

really just be a bunch of sex scenes

that have nothing to hold them together

right you don't really have a book and

then there's smut which is

the

center of the venn diagram yes where

they overlap where there's just enough

sex and just enough plot and they kind

of balance out um

i'd say king of the court

like i wouldn't say it's like fully pg

no but it definitely falls more on the

spicy side yes it's more of like a

a mild to medium spice than

like a ghost pepper it's a mild salsa

it's a peach salsa yes yeah it's one of

those peach jalapeno

like

monstrosities

um there was a show on netflix a while

back

that was like random i think it was

called like we are the champions or

something i could be making this up but

each episode was like a little

documentary

about

different competitions in the like

unique competitions in the world and one

was a pepper eating competition and

apparently the pepper eating

community is very close

and like the way that your eyes moved

with that made me think like incestuous

very close you're like your eyes did a

thing honestly some of them i wouldn't

be fully surprised but like there were a

lot of them that it seemed like they

were like you know i've seen some [ __ ]

in my life and it wasn't until i found

the pepper eating community that i

really found a safe space for myself and

i love that for them um

really even funnier side story to me is

that one of the main guys who's like

well known in the pepper eating sure

he's made a name for himself he has i

forget

johnny habanero i don't know i mean i'm

making [ __ ] up i do not think that's his

actual name um

my cousin was watching the we're the

champions

series and she texts me and she's like

chelsea oh my gosh i recognize him

johnny habanero i'm totally making up

his name

and i was like what do you mean you

recognize him she's like when i was on a

plane

to your wedding

i was sitting next to him and he was on

his way to a pepper eating competition

and he had a really spicy pepper and he

was making a video of himself and was

like do you mind if i film duh

and so she's like

she found the video and sent it to me

and you can see her shoulder because

they're like on a small plane and she's

leaning out of the shot

she was like i think it's the

competition that they have on the

episode it was filmed amazing right she

was like i sat next to him on the way to

johnny habanero that's not his name i'll

have to look it up and i'll make my

husband put it in the show notes for

everyone and i'm sorry johnny or

whatever your name is

um i don't know how we i don't know

either

where we can get back from johnny

habanero is to

uh ben castillo who is our main man yeah

yes he's our main man in king of the

court yes so it opens with him

um his team just won the national

championship um his buddy is banging a

bunch of dudes

chicks not dudes

banging people i don't know how they

know who you are bang who you love being

who you don't love it's a safe space as

long as we're all consenting who really

gives a [ __ ]

as creed said on the office a guy could

have slipped in there there really be no

way to know

so anyway

um yeah they won the national

championship he wakes up like ben wakes

up his teammate is just living his best

life celebrating the championship and

like they have well ben hasn't the

teammate and the girls that he's

spreading with have like trashed the

hotel and he's just like man i'm sick of

like these young

kids on the team who just like

aren't responsible can't get their [ __ ]

together

and then him and his teammate are like

all right we gotta go we gotta go to

texas

yep to prepare for the olympics

basketball team yes the u.s national

team yep that's the word yes they're

going to training camp in texas

for

the olympics

um and then we flash to raylen who is

our main

lady

so let's you say raelyn in my head i was

going raelyn

um

um all the love in the world i'm not

going to do that

you don't have to say it out loud i was

just more like oh am i the only one who

read it that way because yes

i'm okay the only one at this table but

like i can't imagine the only one who

writes about not two words it's one word

which to me is raelyn

if it were she's from texas

it's not hyphenated

sorry

it's not hyphenated chelsea get your

head out of your ass

yeah like raelynn even without the twang

was more how i was reading it

regardless i'm just gonna call her rey

cause that's what i called her in my

notes because i was too lazy to type her

whole name

oh i do that all the time

yeah which is how sometimes i wind up

with some weird [ __ ] that is really

difficult for people to follow along

with but including you like you've

outlined books and then you've been like

[ __ ] man

i don't even

who was that person i don't know i just

called him called her our sweet friend

cinnabon i i don't know i forgot about

this

or jimmy fallon it doesn't matter

okay so we mean raelynn uh-huh um yeah

i'm not gonna do that either i hate it

um so we meet ray she is working at a

diner in a

tiny town in texas she has a second job

cleaning houses as well so she is a

super hard worker who's like

definitely

struggling financially right now and

just like working two jobs to make ends

meet we kind of learn more

about why she's doing that in a minute

yep and then um the town is buzzing with

news about all these basketball players

who are going to be coming nearby for

their training camp

um and then

uh there is so this winds up being

important later there is a guy who named

patrick who comes in and she like sneaks

out like the other waitress is like hey

patrick's here you need to go she's like

good looking out she sneaks out later

um to get away from him and so she goes

to get gas on her way to her second job

cleaning houses and she sees um my notes

just say

uh some hot guys in a fancy car

yeah i just put stops for gas two out of

towners there who are good looking um

so we learned it's it's ben and

his teammate anthony who are there for

the training camp and but they're also

like well this is just her daily life

and her local gas station they are like

where the hell are we this is the middle

of nowhere how did we get here she's

like please don't insult my town

it's obvious you're lost go that way and

leave me alone

um and then we flash back to ben and he

definitely noticed her

um

and i made this note because i thought

it was really weird um it was just a

weird thing to say

um he starts thinking about how his body

hasn't reacted that way ever

and then my notes just say of course

because

of course

nothing like some insta-lust at the gas

station

yes and then he remember he they get to

the ranch where they're going to be

doing the training ranch the training

ranch but it's not for training

at a ranch it's for training for

basketball

classic mix-up did we explain why we

chose this book

we're gonna take we should take that

detour

so some of y'all may know this some of

y'all may not um my wonderful husband

who i'm obsessed with

is

am i not shout out to vance

we love vance he's the best human in the

world

um not that i'm biased or anything

but

vance

does all of our production all of it

like stuff that like i don't know how to

do it or i could learn how to do it it

would take a very long time and he's

just like he just makes all of it i told

him we wanted to make this podcast and a

day later i walked downstairs and was

like what are you working on and he's

like here's your intro music and i'm

like what he's done all of it we just

show up and start talking in a

microphone we literally just read smut

and drink

and he does the rest of the work 100

so he also

um

does all of the the social media post

and you like finds all of the pictures

and puts out everything together i'm not

describing this well because it's not my

world um and he sent me a picture

of like a naked man covering

his junk with a basketball and he's like

can you please read a basketball themed

book

because i found this picture and i want

to use it she screenshotted the whole

thing and sent it to me so we found this

book for that purpose specifically for

vance to be able to use this photo and

make his dreams come true yeah

i had already downloaded this like i was

like on a bit of an rs gray kick and so

i like just downloaded this book and

then he was like

and he's like do you have could you read

a basketball book and i was like oh yeah

i actually just downloaded this one but

i had no idea

what really like it was well reviewed on

goodreads it was like

basketball

reviewed well on goodreads

that was my only criteria

got it and we nailed it so we we nailed

something so this as all of our episodes

have been we just haven't said it this

is specifically dedicated to vans

all of our episodes i mean really he's

the one that does it we just sit here

and talk [ __ ]

i'll ask him if he wants us to more

formally dedicate each episode

he'll have to put it in the show notes

himself though because we don't know how

we don't know how

you if you uh we have a episode

that um i don't quite know when it's

going to get released so it you it has

probably it

you can cut all of this out

honey looking at me i'm saying now um

hidden by rebecca zanetti yeah yeah yeah

it is a super fun book that we review

our friend kay

comes and hangs out with us and then my

husband

also makes his first like appearance on

the show because he was like can i can i

be on the show or am i just doing all

the production i was like if you read

the smut

you can be on the show and he did and he

was yeah so

you get to actually meet him on that

episode of course that episode is like

two and a half hours long so you had to

be super committed if you went for that

honestly though it's worth every [ __ ]

minute i was in tears laughing most of

the time we recorded that episode k was

excellent

as she is in

in most things in life so

um

also shout out to kay yeah shout out

apparently that's what we're doing now

well so like

kay and her husband once came like my

parents live on a lake

and i was like hey it's a lake holiday

why don't you come up and party with us

so they came up and we were playing

dominoes with my parents

and

kaye

leaned forward too far and

her boobs knocked over her dominoes so

we could see all of like her entire hand

and just sitting right next to my dad

kay goes oops my titties be titty and

again and that's

whenever i think of k that's like the

best example

that i have

and you know my response to that would

be tits out bits out doing god's work

so good for her

i want that needle pointed on a pillow

my sister has it on a sign hanging in

her kitchen

i

where did she get it i don't know i

think she made it

i'll find out we'll find out we'll find

out so anyway back to what we're talking

about so we're back to ray we're back to

our warm bowl of nothing yeah so back to

rey she is um so we find out that rey is

working these two dogs two jobs this is

going well

she's working these two jobs because her

uh nan is in a nursing home she has

dementia um

and rey is barely barely making ends

meet um

and the and it was a really bad like

it was a really bad day the day before

because rey is like supporting and like

part of why money's so tight first

because she's paying

for

um a a special facility for dementia yes

that um memory care yes memory care for

hernan to live in and yesterday was the

first day that she'd like gone to see

her name and her nan didn't remember her

yeah so she's definitely decompensating

pretty quickly

yes

so she's working her shift at the diner

and all these basketball guys come in

um and they hit on her a little and it's

all in good fun one of them is super

sweet and he's like can you guys not be

doing that she's just trying to do her

job and she doesn't want your dick like

please stop and i was like oh that's

really sweet

yeah like

be like that guy just be like a good

human yeah

like who gives a [ __ ] how much money you

make or how tall you are for and why you

and if your height is why you make that

much money and your agility i'm giving

you credit i apologize being tall is not

does not equal sexual prowess so i feel

like that needs to be said

suck because you're 5'4

no

you're like wow chelsea this wasn't

about me at all i was referring to men

primarily

um

anyway which is something like i feel

like that's a weird thing on like dating

apps when people are like don't even

message me if you're under six feet tall

and i'm like i saw a tweet the other day

that said if you're over six feet tall

your new pronouns are fifo fum

that one got me

yeah

i saw a while back someone like made a

business card

because they were like six eight or six

nine or something like that and um they

made a business card that whenever

anyone's like wow how tall are you they

just give them the business card that

they're like i'm this tall yes the

weather is nice up here like all of

those no i don't play basketball

i love that these guys do they do they

are a basketball they are the u.s

national

basketball team so that's like all of

like the best of the best

yeah so all of the basketball bros come

in they're flirting with her one of the

dudes is like hey guys just let her do

her job she's just trying to serve us

some

some breakfast and some eggs and bacon

and

she does not give a [ __ ] about you and

then anthony who is friends

with ben

recognizes her from the gas station and

he like tells other guys he's like yeah

well like ben has dibs

yeah

which all right i once had a dude he

thought i was still dating my

ex-boyfriend and then i was like yeah no

we broke up and he's like what you broke

up

dibs to my face i'm like

that's not how it works man

you've you've never even asked me on a

date

like you've never expressed any interest

in me

just i'm like that you can't just go

around calling dibs on humans

he did though did it work

plot twist it's not my husband

that's one of my my favorite sticks that

you do i really enjoy that because you

do it regularly plot twist that guy's

not my husband and i'm waiting for the

day when you say plot twist that was my

husband

oh honestly i never yeah you say it all

the time no i do say it all the time but

i'm like the low-hanging fruit of it

actually being my husband has never

encouraged me but yeah i'm waiting in

work meetings even

like

yeah you know we all have our our sticks

okay so anthony tells all the guys that

ben has dibs um

and then ray gets cornered by the creepy

boss dude patrick so patrick

is like this is my diner and i own it

and she's like your dad owns this diner

and you are a alcoholic and

trash trash person yeah

and he

so

she's just trying to do her job patrick

shows up at the diner like sees all of

these dudes and is like

accuses her of flirting with all of yeah

he asks her out calls her trash and like

a [ __ ] and stuff and he puts hands on

her some um and then ben is like

suddenly there um to i don't know why i

have this in quotes put a stop to it

uh no that's i have been sees asks if

she wants him to put a stop to it for

her got it and she says no

um

i guess she says no like i can handle it

right yeah which honestly i actually

appreciate because

if i

yeah

like maybe just trust that a woman can

handle her [ __ ] and doesn't need you to

fix it for her like maybe mind your own

business like don't like obviously let

horrible things happen

but ask permission if you want to assist

that's lovely of you but maybe you don't

make assumptions

yeah like you don't need to come in and

be a hero that no one asked for but if

like exactly if your services are needed

it's lovely to have you there as an

option 100

so she says no and then after her shift

she goes home to a super run-down

trailer that is owned by the sheriff

that is behind his house and

he just kind of lets her stay there

um

and she gets a voicemail from an old

professor

um that she doesn't want to listen to

and then my notes just say

starts reading an electrical engineering

textbook question mark

yeah so it seems as though

rey's living the trailer and she's back

um and she had to drop out of college

that she can pay

for the private memory care facility for

nan

um

but

within the context of that she like was

like super super smart and like working

on like super super smart people

degrees

and things and whatnot yeah and things

and whatnot and like in electrical

engineering things and in case we

haven't said it this episode we're

therapists and we don't we don't do that

so it's just them is not our strength

you know the sciences

um so then we flash back to ben

um

he's doing really well with the training

and whatnot

um

he walks back to

he's hanging out with one of the other

players his wife is prego

um

and it's all very nice

yeah we meet i think her name is like

lyanna and she goes by lee or something

like that or at least i'm going to call

her lee because i don't remember

um the pregnant wife and her husband is

the one who like also stood up for ray

at the diner was like hey guys treat her

like a human and stop hitting on her

just while she's trying to do her job

but like ben can't stop

thinking about rey

also at some point in here we find out

that like

ben is divorced or

separated divorced i don't really

remember from his ex shelby yeah from

his ex shelby and like

while we don't know all of the details

it definitely [ __ ] him up yeah it was

not an amicable split apparently um but

he can't stop thinking about

about rey and

worrying about her after seeing all the

issues with patrick so he decides to go

back to the diner for breakfast the next

day

um

and the conversation starts out very

friendly and she

you know shares she used to live in la

it turns out that she went to what cal

tech or something

um that might be wrong but that felt

right when i said it and i just agreed i

appreciate

i really appreciate your tacit

co-signing of my [ __ ] that means a

lot to me

um um but also he gets there like right

as she's opening the diner and he's like

yeah i'll have the same thing i made

yesterday and so she goes into the

kitchen and like he hears like pots and

pans and then she comes out and like

gives him a plate and it's definitely

not what he ordered a

nor is it like

well done and he's like

he's like all of this

fruit is cut in weird shapes like not

all matching and then he realizes that

like the cook isn't in yet so she made

him breakfast

because she didn't want him to know they

were alone in there which is smart

um safety first ray safety first

especially with people like patrick

so

then ray gets a new cleaning assignment

it is actually

leanna lee whatever we're calling her um

the one player's wife who really that

was that's the next thing oh my god i

got it i found it way to go raelynn

and lily right raylynn and lee lily

terrible

yeah so where my parents live

is real rural

and sometimes my i

my southern accent

presents itself and gets thicker i hear

it sometimes when i do it and i'm like

oh no

no my husband

like when i start like speaking with

like a real thick southern accent he's

like

please stop her i have to leave the room

and it freaks him out so much i don't

know why he hates it so much

but he does i don't know my husband is

from south georgia and sometimes like

when he's really tired i hear it a lot

and then i start doing it and then i'm

like that's not

how you talk like why are you like this

like it doesn't why do you do the things

you do

and so lily asks rey to come clean but

then when ray gets there she's like

there's really not a lot to clean

um and then like

lily feels bad and is like

really just want essentially she just

like wanted someone to hang out with

because all of the other wives are

[ __ ] and like it's like a mean girl

basketball wives club i'm sure there's a

show on bravo about it go check it out

and i'm sure that's pretty accurate for

the situation

um

so she agrees rey agrees to hang out

with lily loses track of time and the

guys come back from practice so ben

anthony and trey who is hubster to the

prego is what my notes say are there

literally in parentheses it says trey

hubster to the prego

but it got your point across it did it

answered some questions because i did

not remember his name

um

yeah so they're hanging out all of the

guys are done with practice they walk up

and then like

lyanna goes to introduce

them and then rey's like yeah no i

already know them like they've all been

in the diner and she's like i'm gonna

get out of here so she goes like pick up

all of her cleaning supplies and then

she trips and like

ben picks her up under his arm is what

my note says yeah so he wanted to help

her with the cleaning supplies and she

says my notes say she won't hear it so

he picks her up and carries her to the

car while she's holding the cleaning

supplies

so like he scoops her up and takes her

to the car and then my notes say sexual

tension moment

and then rey goes home and touches

herself thinking about about him

yeah so i'm not gonna lie

i just i kind of forgot to outline some

of this

and i just have an all caps

hannah fill in the blanks here

stop it

so here's something else that means a

lot to me it's that you trusted enough

that i was gonna do that because

to be totally frank there was a 50 50

shot because

the other books that we are gonna be

reviewing soon i straight up skimmed to

finish so i hope you did a better job of

outlining than i did because

um

yeah

okay your trust may be so what about

this one

i got it

okay that's when i got it

um you're saying that's a chance i'm

saying there's that 50 50 shot paid off

this time

so the next day is her day off from the

diner she goes to hang out with her nan

um ben goes to the diner

um

apparently he started going every single

morning to see her so he shows up at the

diner and rey is there apparently it's

the next day and she tells him he has

sad eyes

um and he is starting to realize like

just how into her he is

and that he is actually really sad and

he's just kind of been ignoring that his

life is a warm bowl of nothing much like

this book

and so

he was satisfied with the warm bowl of

nothing um but then he was just kind of

living on autopilot yes but then

meeting her he's like oh man

um

and he just likes hanging out with her

and then um

yeah some reporters come in some other

um

locals come in

and um

it's a nice little moment but then ben

overhears about her grandmother so he

starts to kind of put some pieces

together

um and then she hangs out with lily

again

they get manicures but then lily starts

cramping so she's pregnant but she's not

very pregnant she's like five months ish

she's not super pregnant

um or far enough along where cramps

would be

an okay situation i guess

so

um rey is like we're not finishing these

manicures we're going to the doctor and

lily's like no no no i'm okay and she's

like um

now we're going to the doctor um so then

everything is fine um wasn't the

doctor's office like closed but because

it's like a small town and like ray knew

the doctor yeah and explained the

situation he stayed yeah she called

ahead to make sure

that lily would get seen

um and then it does turn out everything

is okay and then trey who is husband to

lily shows up

um with ben

to to get her

um

and so then they go pick up lily's car

they're basically just being helpful um

and then ben asks rey

um if he can take her home

um and she is

super embarrassed about him seeing her

shitty trailer that's falling apart

um

but he goes in

um

and she tells him that she did drop out

of college in her senior year to take

care of her grandmother

um

i don't know why my note says she makes

pb and j and they laugh some

that's what my notes say i don't know

it's a nice little bonding moment yeah

honestly i think that was it and i think

that like

it was just a really human moment

between them where like

[Music]

he is coming from like a very like

star-studded lifestyle and like right

she has no idea who she who he is she is

completely really clueless like how big

like but like thinking like

lebron james this like level of like

notoriety is kind of how they describe

him in this book and so she's like

call me pb and j in my shitty trailer

with me and they just like have a good

time

um and i think it was just a really

human

it wasn't it was very very sweet and

then he says he's thinking about kissing

her

and he really really wants to um she

says no no and so he leaves um

uh

yeah and then there's more more human

moments between them

um

he goes and does some pr stuff

record some advertisements and stuff in

new york

um and then he decides to look her up

because he can't stop thinking about her

so while he's doing this stuff

um he looks her up he finds out that

she's a genius

and she was going to cal tech

on a major scholarship studying my notes

say black holes or some [ __ ]

yeah so it was very sciencey it was very

sciencey and i am not

sciencey enough to know if any of it was

legit if it had been more

biology based i probably would have had

a better idea um because i was pretty

good at biology but

the physics and i did not get along i

needed a my final science credit in

college was a class called biological

issues

um

i had to take advanced biology to get my

psych degree are you kidding me i went

to seminary

for grad school damn it um

so you know it was a little different

but like i i had a lot of theology

classes

so my husband i told chelsea earlier has

been obsessed with watching these

documentaries about the ocean

and they will regularly say something

about

this

life form is unchanged from 17 million

years ago or whatever and he's like

uh oh

the creationists can't even watch this

uh oh

every time

every time because he goes he goes a

little bit about that

yeah and i'll say

i went to a um

christian high school my freshman year

and then i left and went to

normal school where i learned real

science normal school

and

our biology teacher

really struggled to

answer questions that like we're like so

where does science

science doesn't really line up with the

the world only being 2000

years old

it doesn't um

and she was like but the bible and i'm

like

but also science

um and

if we believe that all truth is god's

truth then science is also god's truth

so

um

yeah that's not the high school i

graduated

so

um i don't know why but every time you

said the word science just now i thought

of the weird science video where he goes

science like

all weird like that

anyway

so then so this is how much we know

about science is this is a weird science

video science video and me being like

i really don't think the earth is only 2

000 years old

and whatever random tidbits i picked up

while my husband was watching ocean

documentaries while i read smut that's

all i got

yeah that's that's the gist so

essentially ray knows a [ __ ] of a lot

more about science than we do we are

smart but not we actually

um

you know we can go into gardner's theory

of multiple intelligences

and just like

own which types of intelligence we have

versus which types we don't have so i

was explaining something to someone the

other day and and he was like oh my god

like that makes perfect sense and i was

like yeah it's called social dominance

theory and he went somebody went to

school

and i was like

oh i feel really smart now thanks buddy

i actually learned that from youtube but

that's not the point

so like mental health tick tock yeah i

think it's a really weird place because

there's some things that i like watch

and i'm like yes that is factual you are

a therapist and i'm not saying that the

only like mental health truths on social

media are from therapist alone but

there's definitely things that like

people will say with a lot of confidence

and then i'm looking and i'm like

should you have that much or i'm like oh

you're 20 years old so you learned this

in your psych 101 class or from your own

therapist yes which doesn't like

discredit it

but i'm like let's maybe not take

everything and run with it without fact

checking it because i think that's the

thing about the internet right like you

can find any truth you want on there

you can and like at least one or two

sites to back it short the site might

also say that there's alien babies on

earth right now you don't know that's

not true

no i did see a post that there's like

four different types of like alien life

forms that are verified almost verified

i don't know it wasn't it also the fbi

recently at this point our scorpion's

mate episode has dropped so you never

know what kind of alien babies are going

to be out there

well in the last like couple of years of

the pandemic didn't the fbi confirm some

ufos and everyone's like whatever y'all

like that's not even who gives a [ __ ] at

this point we're all just out here

trying our best

like come take me bro aliens show up

like that sounds like a good time like

whatever anyway so this is super smart

so here's what i'm thinking someday we

need to classify our

episodes into different things and this

one is going to be

in the tangent section where we don't

really talk about the book at all and

it's just random [ __ ] here's the thing i

think we've talked about it a lot and

let me give a summary of everything

about the book that we've discussed thus

far we have been he plays basketball

he's very good at the basketballs we

have ray she is no longer in college

hernandez in a memory care facility she

works at a diner and as a house cleaner

they are attracted to each other in a

small town in texas yes um they ate pb

js together and there's been a lot of

human moments have i missed anything

nope and there has been no actual sexual

contact but there has been sexual

tension

and masturbation us back to oh yes and

the one and the one

which brings us back to

ben shows up at ray's trailer super

pissed that she is riding away in this

tiny town

um

after um being all brilliant and getting

all these scholarships and stuff and not

fulfilling her potential

and

she tells him that basically he can [ __ ]

off that her nan has no one else that

her parents are trash people who are

addicts and disappeared

and

hernan is all she has and her

she is all her nan has

and he doesn't know what he's talking

about and he can suck a dick basically

well and i also feel like from earlier

when he was like do you want me to take

care of this for you and she's like no

but thank you for asking i can handle it

myself

now that he's like more into her he's

like

let me fight all your battles and she's

like

[ __ ] off like i am

i am surviving right now and doing the

best i can and how dare you say that

like my surviving is not good enough yes

so then he is appropriately chagrined

they sort of kind of hug

and then he tells her he's leaving for

the olympics in two weeks and if she

changes her mind that he is here for her

he wants to help her all she has to do

is say yes and she's like please just

leave my [ __ ] house right now

so

then um again

uh ben doesn't show the diner but lily

does and

um

says she has a surprise for her and like

dresses her up and and puts her in a

dress and does her makeup and her hair

and stuff and then really is really the

um unsung hero lily is my favorite

character in this book she's just this

like kind girl out here trying to

trying to be a good friend yeah she's

just being pregnant living her best life

minding her own business she's like well

i'm interested in she's not minding her

business she's finding rey's business

she's like i'm in this tiny town what

else am i supposed to do except try and

play [ __ ] cupid and you're like

okay

so she uh turns out she did all this to

take her to a team dinner that is the

surprise

um

and of course there's no seat for her

because nobody knew she was [ __ ]

coming so ben kicks somebody out of the

seat next to her um and makes

her sit next to him um

and she is

kind of mad

that she was tricked into this situation

um one especially because she's like i

can't afford an this like nice

restaurant yeah she's super concerned

about the money um

and

so

they're very close at the table they get

a little handsy there's more sexual

tension

um she's like i know that you want me

and he's like i do and i'm driving you

home good call kid and she's like um

well and also like ben

recognizes the stress and like realizes

that she is on a very tight budget now

and so he like orders multiple meals and

then

is like gets the leftovers packaged to

go but then because they pretty much ate

most of the meals he had them like make

actual new meals like very sweet trying

to help in a like subtle way that's not

overstepping or overbearing yeah and she

winds up in his lap somehow

um

and

um

ben

does take her home

and

she is very quiet until she tells him to

pull over

um

and in like a field

right mine would say next to a quarry

either way it's very

isolated yes yeah under the stars and

i'm like honey

we were so smart about about patrick and

not being alone with him and making wise

choices

we don't know this man

but hannah

would she be following her heart if she

didn't say take me to the quarry how

many women have wound up in the quarry

because they followed their heart

you know we might need to run some stats

here

i mean too many but anyway

that doesn't it doesn't end that way for

rey thankfully because that would be the

end of the book so

or maybe never mind we'll just leave

that

so

um she plot twist he kills rey

and is a serial killer and that's where

the second half of the book is secret

serial killer um so yeah they

they move to the back of the car

sex things start happening ben goes down

on her

he i so i have in my notes that he

double checks consent he like he is he

is making sure like you're on board with

me babe like you're on board with me

babe like the way through stop getting

mad at her for following her heart at

this point because he has proven himself

as a better human in the piece of [ __ ]

i'm not mad at her i'm not mad at her

i'm just saying

that if you're gonna bang somebody which

more power to you boo but if you're

gonna bang somebody that you don't

really know maybe don't choose a quarry

that is a convenient place to hide a

body you know what i'm saying like

hannah i have a lot of questions about

your sex life that's where your mind

automatically went to that you're like

[ __ ] it's near a quarry

well we all know how this is gonna end

i'm like do we i'm brought back to creed

from the office he lived near the quarry

so

yes he checks consent several times we

love to see it consent matters

um

i just have ben goes down on her grabs a

condom enters her

realizes she's a virgin

but she never says she's a virgin

um

pulls out

they talk it through they finish

so my notes say

suits up and starts to [ __ ] her but

realizes she's a virgin and stops says

she wasn't waiting for anything special

and she's sorry he didn't tell her or

tell him he's sorry he didn't ask

but she wants him to keep going

he does but i'm all he's sorry he didn't

ask i'm like

why would you is that the first

so before we go just want to make sure

are you a virgin are you not

i just

no don't ask that

mind your [ __ ] business

why would you ask that yeah i'm like it

would be weirder if you did ask that yes

but also i do feel like it puts you in a

weird position to like not

no

yeah but like also at the same time

does it matter like why are you asking

me that mind your business no i'm not

even talking about the

the uh like yeah i agree like it would

be weird to ask and honestly it would

ruin the mood it would like it would but

screeching cold but at the end but at

the same time

not knowing and then finding out

mid-thrust

also also feels weird also a mood killer

but also it's like

hey can you imagine i've never been in

this situation thankfully

can you imagine some dude being like are

you a virgin it's like sweetheart what

answer do you want cause that's a real

weird thing to be asking right now is

that a fetish right is this a kink thing

100 i like i do think it's weird like

well like i'm sorry i didn't ask i agree

that's weird no you shouldn't ask but i

also do feel like

that's a tough situation to navigate

because i also feel like if you disclose

that

then it puts a lot of pressure on the

situation it does yeah

because like because if you're like hey

just wanted to give you a heads up i'm a

virgin but like i wasn't i wasn't

holding it for anyone special keep going

yeah there's not really like a simple

way to do that when it's a casual thing

if it's a relationship

i feel like there's more

more intimacy

around that yeah yeah no that's fair but

we're that's not the situation we're in

honestly we just we are so contagious so

they [ __ ] so they [ __ ] yeah

they apologize for not just asking each

other

he re-enters her and they finish

and can we just give ben a quick shout

out for staying hard through that cause

that's just good for him

it wasn't a boner killer

good for you bud real proud of you man

so then

um

rey um thinks about how sweet ben was

and she's going to visit her nan

um

also she'd been with like the money

like in the financial strain that she

had she was behind on payments as well

for this like very expensive facility

that nan was staying at so she's very

stressed when the admin people come up

to her but then they're talking about

occupational therapy and music therapy

and all this stuff essentially like

expensive add-ons yeah she's like the

[ __ ] are you talking about and they're

like oh

this foundation donated a ton of money

to your grandmother so she has access to

all this stuff now and she realizes it

was ben and she is super pissed

yeah she

she real pissed she goes big mad as i

like to say

we don't say that

i do and we don't i do

um rey goes to the basketball compound

to confront ben and she's all kinds of

pissed and it's like i would have

refused like that was an overstep and

like he's very much like seeming like

yeah well like we're moving this

relationship along now right like i'm

into you you're into me and

she's like i want to keep this [ __ ]

casual you cannot even have my phone

number i was gonna say he's like well

give me your phone number and she's like

nah

yeah she's

all kinds of mad about this um but she

says if i see you i see you and then

leaves

which is a real power move right i'm

honest so the next morning

ray gets to work at the diner ben is

sleeping in his car

um in the parking lot and

is there to like try and make amends and

apologize she once again

makes him breakfast yep

what time does the cook get there right

why are you opening the diner without

the cook what the [ __ ] yeah i have some

questions i'd be real mad um some my

notes just say she makes him breakfast

he fingers her on the counter

my notes say

my notes say um he helps her set up the

diner she cooks in breakfast

they eat together he finger blast her on

the counter oh blast i'm sorry i forgot

that word finger blast i don't know i'm

really sorry

hubster to the prego

love hannah's notes um and then he's

like cool now that that's settled i'm

gonna come to your trailer later and

then

he

gets there real late because he

is a busy man like he gets her silly

she's asleep he joins her in bed

then and then they bone and my notes say

they bone give morning head

so

my notes say

ben kills it at praki

why are you abbreviat it's not even less

syllables hannah i don't know

like practice pracky

i don't know

i must have been watching letter kenny

or something and listening to the hockey

players

i love when you're like chelsea i was a

couple

alcohols in when i outlined this so it's

a crap shoot i mean

literally it says ben kills it at prakky

he grabs food to take to rey she's

already asleep he goes in and lays down

with her

intending to let her sleep but he's too

horny so he wakes her up and they bang

ray wakes up

good morning bj

yeah then i don't know if i was just

feeling lazy if this is actually how the

book works but then fast forward because

he'd been like i'm only here for two

weeks for the training team and then we

move forward

it's like a week later and there's only

three days left

of been in texas and it seems like in

this time

um

like ben and ray have found like

a cute little rhythm and like he like

sleeps at her trailer most nights and

it yeah

so

anthony apparently gives him a reality

check about all this he's like bro we

leave in three days you barely know this

girl y'all live in different states

does she even know about your ex-wife

like you're making this more than it is

simmer the [ __ ] down and he's like you

know what

i'm gonna talk to her about all of this

because i really like her so thanks

anthony and anthony is like that is

literally not what i meant

at all

um but ben is like all in about it so he

turns to like literally leave the

practice

place gymnasium whatever it's called

court to go

what is this no try more words hannah

don't stop now

i'm doing a really good job i think this

is one of our better episodes

oh my god

yeah so chelsea just literally handed my

wine glass to her husband to go refill

well it was empty i thought it was

polite

i'm sorry

also i we might need to post a picture

we opened a fresh box of wine for today

and hannah got distracted when she was

opening it and i turned around like

hannah you had some anger you took out

on that box of wine it looks like the

front was mauled by a [ __ ] bear

i was gonna say it looks like it was

mauled by a werewolf but i know you

wouldn't pick that word

wow

low below

sorry

yeah so it looks like it was mauled by a

werewolf because i just own that this is

who i am

um so yeah ben turns around to leave the

practice facility and

plus my sweet husband i just like handed

him her empty glass of wine and didn't

say a word and he's like okay just got

up and filled it this is why we love

vance actually like we love him for a

lot of reasons i legit like my husband

is one of my favorite humans in the

entire world i would hope that all those

things are true that you just said

for you for your you know but anyway no

i was i was talking to a co-worker and

we were talking about like

how some people they're like yeah like i

don't know like our first year marriage

we just like

never never done something so hard in my

life and it was a real struggle and

she and i were talking she was like

chelsea marriage is the best because it

is

unlimited sleepovers and secret time

a hundred percent yeah i was like 100

that is absolutely what it is it's just

like

[Music]

an indefinite sleepover with your best

friend and all of the secrets yes it

isn't an it's an excellent time in my

experience

i mean i enjoy it we i think we both

lucked out and married really wonderful

people that we did yeah um so you know

that was a that was a sweet that was a

human moment

oh no i have to tell you now oh no so my

husband and i work at the same place

and he forwarded me an email that he

sent to the leadership team

about the insane clown posse where he

included a photo

he sent it to me

and said i am your all caps your husband

and you should be exceedingly proud

or something along those lines and i

sent him a meme that said it's almost as

hot as my wife outside and i said you

should be

equally proud

we are excellent

and that is

like

my marriage goals have been achieved

they really have and

i'm such a pessimist because you just

said my marriage goals have all been

like a bit of cheap and i'm like and

it's all downhill from here and i'm like

oh

i hate that no it's not it's not you're

like no this is all just that one yeah

i'll set new ones and they're gonna be

met and it's gonna be awesome my husband

went on like a four day bachelor party

trip a week or two ago

and the entire and especially while he

was gone

it was like a remote cabin they were

staying at there wasn't really cell

service and then the wi-fi went out so

like imessage wasn't even an option and

i could only talk to him when they like

went into town to a brewery

and i was talking to a co-worker and i

was like yeah like my husband's gone is

on the spatula trip like there's really

limited cell service so it's kind of

blown because i can't talk to him as

much she's like oh yeah

like limited cell service at the

bachelor party right i'm like my husband

is obsessed with me i can't speak for

what your fiance is doing on bachelor

trips

but

my husband is sad he can't talk to me

right now sister friend in the uh and

i saw him at work we don't we work in

different departments so i don't usually

see him during the day i saw him at work

and i was like oh my god did i tell you

i met tim and he went hannah you

literally texted me that

and i was like oh i did yeah

so my husband and i both work from home

and i work on like we have a two-story

house on a basement and i work

upstairs

on the second floor and my husband works

in the basement and i probably facetime

him at least twice a day

i'm like hey i missed you what did you

want to do for lunch or a lot of times

we play this game um before i send work

emails when i'm feeling a little sassy

and i'm annoyed and i play a game called

am i the [ __ ] um before i send the

email yeah right and so i frequently

make my husband come up and read my

emails to make sure i'm not the [ __ ]

before i hit send um it's worked really

well damn it us and our [ __ ] tangents

today okay fine

so back to ben

ben

is he doesn't really heed anthony's

advice but thinks he's heeding anthony's

advice and he's like i'm gonna go talk

to ray about this [ __ ] he turns around

to leave the practice facility and who's

standing there but his ex-wife shelby

and she's pregnant

and so so a little bit of context that

we missed earlier in the non-amical

amicable will we break no

we know now oh yeah honestly she cheated

on him yeah she cheated on him well with

the same a lot with the same guy yes it

was just the one dude yeah she like fell

in love with someone else while ben was

like super busy

and was always away playing basketball

and so she shows up and she's like i'm

pregnant and he's like cool go enjoy

your life with your new guy and she's

like yeah it's not his baby it's yours

yep and then ben doesn't show at rey's

they had

she was kind of expecting him and she's

like i'm not going to be disappointed

i said we were keeping this casual now

numbers right that was my boundary i

can't even text him it's my business

um and then um patrick shows up and

pulls her hair and calls her a [ __ ]

and like openly assaults her in front of

customers at the diner and is like i

heard you've been [ __ ] that

basketball boy yeah

and then the town vet intervenes and is

like so listen i'm calling the sheriff

and you're a [ __ ] and get out of my

face like i don't ever want to see your

face in here patrick get away from me

and so

actually i think that happened before he

didn't show uh ben didn't show at her

house right or did he not show two days

in a row i think it was two days in a

row okay

because then

um

she is at the diner and

this pregnant woman comes in

and she strikes up a conversation with

rey

and somehow

reveals that ben is her baby daddy

yeah well she like

has been like oh like have any like the

basketball like players like coming to

the diner and like where's like oh yeah

a few

and then like she asks about ben and

then she's like yeah he's one of like

the few

white guys on the team

um and then yeah somehow she like

casually drops like doesn't know who ray

is like this is not like a malicious

name

but it's just kind of like oh yeah well

like we have a history kind of more like

that energy and like

drops that like she's his ex and

do we even know if it's that ray knows

it's his ex we just know like rey finds

out she doesn't know really much of

anything i don't think well that's cause

he hasn't [ __ ] told her anything it's

been 13 days like in fairness

to both of them valid that is real valid

um

yeah so shelby drops that like ben is

her baby daddy and then rey goes to saab

in the bathroom yep and then she tries

to clean herself up she finishes

finishes her shift and decides not to go

home

she goes to

uh stay with her nan and she stays there

overnight because she also doesn't want

ben like she's so upset like she doesn't

want ben to come to her trailer right so

she's like i'm gonna go stay at my dance

yes

so then ben shows up he finds her at

hernands anyway um and he tells her the

whole story that he and shelby

had been married really young they

drifted apart she had an affair

and she finally told him about the

affair and asked for a divorce

um and they had only had sex once in the

last year but apparently that was enough

apparently his swimmers were stronger

than dude buddies swimmers

and

she is pregnant with his baby shelby

should really track her ovulation better

right just saying

um so

yes genetic testing confirmed that the

fair guy is not the father

and he starts saying that um he's gonna

have his assistant look at his calendar

he likes ray so much yes that he's gonna

figure out when he's gonna be able to

come back to see her

and she hugs him and

just doesn't really say anything until

he leaves yeah just like kind of thwarts

his like

forward thinking comments about them

yeah he's like we can do this and she's

just like no

and then she just goes back to reading

her electrical engineering book and

crying yeah

and then my notes say ben is an empty

shell of nothing

yeah ben

has to leave for the olympics and so he

leaves and gets on a plane to tokyo

and then lyanna being the great wing

woman that she is shout out to lily um

yeah she is like hey like ray would

probably be upset knowing that i did

this but like i had asked for her number

so we could stay in touch and so

here's her number and gives it to ben um

he tries calling it several times and

then realizes that rey gave leanna a

fake

number yep and that's kind of

where that part ends well then he does

try to call the diner but it's the

middle of nowhere town and they don't

have a website or any information listed

so he can't find their number he even

thinks about hiring a pi to track her

down he starts to call the nursing home

to see if she's there

and then he's like what the [ __ ] am i

doing like

holy [ __ ] like i am doing too much

i apparently have a baby on the way

this girl is dealing with a grandmother

that's dying and i am being a psycho and

i need to pull back and i just made it

to tokyo to play in the olympics and

maybe my head should be in the game to

not disgrace my country yes we disgrace

ourselves enough we need the wins

dishonor on you dishonor on your cow are

you

you're quoting mushu

i will always quote mushu

i

like this

hot take mulan is my favorite disney

princess yeah and i know a lot of people

are like she's not a [ __ ] disney

princess but she is she is a princess

she is a princess we love her we do hey

there smud puppies

we'll get you right back to the show in

just a moment

but first

do you like us

maybe even

love us

because we sure love you

and if you do love us

don't tease us

tell us in those ratings and reviews

wherever you're listening right now

maybe even send us over to a special

sexy someone that would enjoy getting

smutty with us

because you know the first rule of smug

club

is to talk about smut club

all right

i won't keep you any longer

let's get back to the show

[Music]

so um it's a year and a half later it's

in tokyo all that [ __ ] he's like okay

i'm not gonna be creepy and psycho and

i'm just gonna let her live her life and

focus on the olympic games

part two a year and a half in the future

yep

so it turns out

rey's nan died basically right after

ben left

yeah like a couple of

weeks after ben left

nan

passed away also yes um

so she was in a special memory care

facility i have a co-worker who i got a

text from a couple weeks ago and she was

like chelsea

um my husband's grandmother was in a

memory care facility and has alzheimer's

and she

escaped

and drowned in a koi pond oh my god and

there's now an investigation

and i text her back and i was like stop

chuckling

well when i text her back i was like

your life is very story generating and

she's like that's such a kind way to say

my life is a [ __ ] show

um you're gonna have to tell me who that

is later

yeah but like when when she like i

thought it was a joke i was like

there's no way this is real and she's

like unfortunately yes there's an

investigation um so reading nan in this

book for clarification did not die in a

koi pond um natural causes this is what

we're led to believe what we're led to

believe

who can say

um and so

rey was like devastated because she'd

like pretty much

stepped away from everything in her life

to

be able to care for nan um and then

rey's professor the one who'd left her

the call like the voicemail at the

beginning of the book um comes out to

texas and like convinces her to return

to la to re-enroll in school that like

they really want her in the program

and so ray's like all right

son of a [ __ ]

um so now that it's a year and a half in

the future

ray is back in school and she's

currently working on her master's yes

she's super busy and her professor

decides to give her and the other grad

students free tickets to a basketball

game yeah like she the professor got

like four like

damn near courtside yeah very good

tickets tickets and like couldn't use

them or they were gifted

to the school or something and so she's

like all you guys do is live in

this like

10 by 10 square foot room doing research

like go please have a good time um so

like rey is still on a budget in life

but it's just a little bit different now

because she is back out in la but so now

she's just on like that broke grad

student budget yeah um along with the

three classmates yes and she does try to

get out of it but they are

not having it like her friends are like

no [ __ ] you are coming to this

and then i don't know why my notes say

this but apparently she thought about it

she did try to hook up with somebody

else at some point but she just cried

and couldn't do it

um

like at a party or something she tried

to hook up with somebody and then was

like she just burst into tears and and

was like i can't do this

yeah ray essentially just like hasn't

moved on since

um all of the [ __ ] went down with ben

and she's just been like focusing on

school like um so one of the

co-grad students is like i'm going to

get us all shirts it's all it's going to

be a thing um because i think it's also

one of their birthdays and so they're

like guilt into being like this is what

we're doing for birthdays as well so you

have to come and then the shirt they end

up getting her has ben's number

on it yeah she's like well damn come on

guys

um so she does go to the game and she's

flipping the [ __ ] out and all her

friends are like what is up with you and

she's like mind your business it's fine

but she gets really excited because she

knows a lot of the guys on the court and

so she gets really excited for them but

she does try to stay cool so that her

friends won't know that she's being

[ __ ] weird because she is obviously

not into basketball

but is suddenly like cheering out these

players by name and they're like um

like who are you

you didn't even want to come here um

and then

at some point

ray and her like classmates they end up

on the jumbotron

and anthony great wingman that he is ben

has a lot of great wing people he does

he does he has leanna and anthony just

great wings all around um the two the

two wings carrying him do you need more

no apparently not isn't that how many a

plane have

i'm not i'm not strong enough in

aerodynamics to speak to that but anyway

like we already clarified stem is not

where we thrive um yes so she ends up on

the jumbotron

anthony notices and like sees her on the

jumbotron and then realizes like she's

there and catches her eye

um and like completely they like make

eye contact and he confirms that she is

there in the flesh and she wins they

wave um and then after the game anthony

like chases down ben and is like i saw

her i saw she's here she's here and

ben's like what are you even talking

about yeah ben does not believe him he's

like okay bud

um and he really loves being a dad um

and

ben has a little son named caleb he does

and um

custody stuff has all worked out shared

custody

he gets to spend good time

um with his kiddo and his ex is married

to that guy that she was banging while

they were married

um yeah like honestly outside of the

fact that like

like it seems as though both ben

and rey have fallen into their like

their work and outside of their love

life they've like found a good lane for

themselves like rey's back in school

learning about black holes like she

loves

and

ben is like kicking ass and taking names

and his face is on every billboard and

he's like really found a good rhythm

with like being a dad

and

has shared custody and like

they're doing well yeah things now seem

amicable with his ex-wife when they did

not necessarily before as they're now

sharing custody so

then

now that he's had a little bit of like

time to sleep on it he's like

is ray back let me find out he googles

her

and he's like oh damn she is back in

california

and he finds out where

the class that she teaches as part of

her grad program

is

and he just decides that he is going to

show up there

yeah he just decides he's going to visit

caltech which like

good on you man but i like he has to

have like private security with him the

entire time

this is not a simple drive-by

and so

um

i feel like she's like on break between

classes and like goes to like her

favorite binge so my notes say rey

leaves her class and sees two guys in a

secluded courtyard where she likes to

eat surprise it's been

yeah i was so like she

ray has a favorite bench that she likes

to go during her breaks

and ben just happened of all of the

benches on

on caltech's campus he chose that one um

most awkward ketchup ever like it's just

very stilted

and weird and he gives her a pass to a

private box for the tomorrow's game

essentially and she does not commit to

going because rey is

continues to be non-committal

um

but then like all of like essentially

all of rey's like friends and her

advisor are all like girl you need to

stop being a hermit yeah and it's the

start of spring break they're like babe

you cannot work through spring break you

need to go have a good time

yeah she's in this like really rigorous

master's program at caltech and is like

done with all of her coursework for the

semester because she's that

she's that person which is not me

oh no not at all um when i was in grad

school i once

skipped a class because i was behind

like at the end of the semester i was

like super

i was i wasn't super behind i just did

not um anticipate how large of a final

project i had for a class and like i'd

worked like entirely through the night

really like

worked my ass off on this project but

the next morning i was like i'm so tired

i skipped my class the next morning um i

go to slide

my finally finished prod like project

under the door for the professor who i

had the big project for but what i did

not know was his office was right across

the

hall from

the professor whose class i skipped and

he was walking up to his class and sees

me slide the paper into the door and he

goes did you skip my class

to work on that project and i said

absolutely not sir

and i just thought now it's a good time

to confess that i 100 percent

did do that

um so i'm going to lie to your

seminary instructor

yeah i did

i love you so much god i really do

i love you too

so her friends are like stop being a

hermit because girl you need a social

life

she decides that she's going to go to

the game

um

and she has a reunion with lily yeah

lily's in the box and like

lily's super chill and not

horribly pissed that she lied and gave

her a fake phone number

just a little she's like i knew that you

knew that i would give it to ben so i

get it but also that was [ __ ]

yeah yeah

that's true

and so because of that little guilt

moment she lately convinces rey to go to

an after party at a club

which

i guess ben normally does not go

to the parties because

he didn't really like partying in the

first place and

he is also now a father of a one and a

half year old that he likes spending

time with

and also

i am like at the level of fame that they

just like being like lebron james

essentially um

i imagine it's hard to do the white

lebron the white lebron james it's hard

to lose that larry bird

um isn't larry bird the player that they

reference in summer girls by lfo yeah

the great larry bird jersey 33.

um

i think it was like when you take a when

something i just

buzzed like a hornet billy shakespeare

wrote a whole bunch of sonnets

why did you keep going with that [ __ ]

because i could rap most of that song

for you if you wanted

and honestly i don't want it well damn

it hannah i'm proud of myself that we've

made it this far and i haven't even gone

fast

we did send each other the link for that

song basketball is my favorite sport i

like the way they dribble up and down

the court like

i'm just saying

um but you broke that streak now you

ruined it

you mean i made it better you mean i

fixed it

honestly i was embarrassed i made it

this far without referencing it so

you're welcome

um so they go

ben finds out that she is going to this

part after party at the club yeah and so

he's like i guess i'm going to the club

yeah but then it's like a really chaotic

experience super chaotic he like pulls

her into a corner they get handsy he

tries to explain that

he

he now has probably [ __ ] her over

because everybody saw them together at

this club

and she's no longer her picture

and

she's like i don't care because she's

all in the moment and he tells her

they're leaving and they get out of the

club

and the paparazzi are everywhere and

it's a mess that's what that's literally

what my notes say the paparazzi are

everywhere and it's a mess yeah and he's

like and retro respect me showing up at

this club was a little short-sighted but

like he just can't seem to help himself

where she's concerned

so

security is like listen benjamin you are

going straight home

do not do not pass go do not collect 200

get your ass home like this is not

kosher

um and rey is kind of in shock she's

like i don't even know what the [ __ ] is

happening so they get back to his house

and they make out some

um

but ben is like whoa whoa whoa you've

had a tough night you're in shock we're

not doing this when you're all emotional

like that

um

and

she showers

and

they get in bed

um

and he's like you know we could have

made it work back then

we really could have made it work

and she's like no we couldn't have

and

um

he was like i was already too far gone

for you i think we could have done it

and he's kind of a little resentful and

he's a little resentful but it also

feels like

he like finds out she lives in

california

and is like okay

looks like we're gonna be together now

yeah

there's a a big leap there if we're

honest like it doesn't feel like there's

a lot of conversation kind of outside of

this one about like

and this one is just more him being like

we could have made it work and i'm a

little salty that we didn't try but now

we can and you're like

oh

this is the second time you've seen each

other

sin since you learned you were both in

california and the first time was a

super awkward encounter

on her favorite bench

at caltech and not even a fun encounter

on a bench just like what is a fun

encounter on a bench hannah i don't know

being bent over it i guess

you right you're right

don't ask questions you don't want the

answers to no i did one the answer to

that i wanted to know where we were

going to take it

i like

every time all the way every time

so

oh my god anyway

so

eventually he's like listen this was

serious for me and she's like baby it

was two weeks and he's like no it was

serious for me and takes her to his

study where he shows her

the same image of the hubble telescope

that she had in her shitty little

trailer

he has it like super nice framed on his

wall i forgot about that yeah i only

remember it or any of this because it's

in my notes he's like it wasn't you're

saying it wasn't real for me let you

show let me show you the science i put

in my house as a result of you and he

also put

um

like

stars all over the ceiling in his son's

room like those little glow-in-the-dark

stars

um

and

he's like do you get it now do you get

it now and she's like i mean i guess but

i don't know if it's a good thing that i

get it babe she's like i guess but once

again this is the second conversation

we've had since we both

learned that we're here in california

and then my next notes say ben watches

ray sleep

what the [ __ ] dude like maybe

calm down

no he's he has no chills all in and as a

person that also has no chill in general

like this well established i have no

chill none whatsoever and i'm

comfortable with that but this dude

needs to simmer the [ __ ] down

but ultimately it works for him

i mean i guess

do they not end up together is he not a

super successful nba player

is it a spoiler

i don't think so

this is like

a half-baked rom-com

there's no calm

nothing is funny

there is no calm it's just a half-baked

rom

which means it's a quarter damn okay all

right yes it's a quarter

of something it's a quarter rock what is

our rating scale for this basketballs

diner pie slices diner cups of coffee

that song has stuck in my head now

black holes

out of three that was my nickname in

high school

three black ones

lord help us

so

there is no help for us um three hubble

like maybe hubble telescopes

okay

maybe

yeah [ __ ] okay how much more of this

book do we even have i don't know

hopefully not that much let's just move

so

they keep spending time together they do

um

he's worried about how all the paparazzi

[ __ ] is gonna impact her

um

they wake up they go down to get

breakfast

um he's like

we

are gonna be in a relationship

um

and she's like um excuse me

what

um they have breakfast they start

kissing and making out and then all of a

sudden ben's kid shows up as they're

making out

um and jumps in their laps and

my notes say awkwardness ensues between

his ex and rey

yeah shelby didn't realize that ben was

going to have company because to her

credit ben

hasn't he never has come back he never

has company and he's just like obsessed

with being a

present father for his child which we

love to see

um but yeah so she's like

i'm gonna take him to go like it just

gets very awkward yeah so everyone is

super awkward but very nice and overly

polite

and shelby is just cannot stop

apologizing for interrupting she feels

so bad she's like i'm so sorry i'm

feeling sorry honestly we ultimately end

up liking shelby i do like shall we i

enjoy her i appreciate her

um and

um

so rey goes to change because she's like

jesus christ this is a mess i'm just

gonna sneak out

um

ben is like please stay

my housekeeper ordered clothes for you

please stay

um

and so he tells her that he wants her

there

and they all eat breakfast together and

ben's kid is adorable

um but rey is like i don't belong here

this has escalated so quickly i was just

trying to get a couple orgasms this is

so much right now but they had they

didn't even [ __ ] but like but i also

feel like ben's focused on the wrong

things about potentially making rain

he's like how are the paparazzi gonna

make her feel i was like how does she

feel about becoming a stepmother a day

in to your reunification right

how does she feel about co-parenting

with your ex right now

right

home girl's just out here trying to

learn about black holes and

you're now i can't say black holes

without hannah giggling like a small

child but also

yeah me too

thank you any time

um

what would that sound

that was terrible so anyway

i giggled and you just went that was

terrible

you

you didn't giggle you went

like that one that was weird you giggle

okay sorry this is a tangent again let's

get back on track

my face hurts you're welcome

um yeah so they all have breakfast

together and

ben winds up having to take a call so he

steps away and then shelby is like hey

can i talk to you

i'm rooting for you i'm rooting for ben

um

i am supportive of your relationship and

she's like relationship [ __ ] i

literally just got like whisked out of a

a club last night like i'm not trying to

do [ __ ] about [ __ ] oh but you know i do

appreciate that shelby's like i'm not

trying to stand in the way like i'm not

like i'm not that person like i want him

to be happy i like shelby but ray is not

there

um so then she

winds up playing with caleb for a while

um and then they all go to the park

um

my notes say rey is in her feels about

being alone in the world and wondering

what it would be like to have a family

because she is just basically completely

alone

it is really sad

so then they go back and my notes say

caleb continues to be precious

um

ben is like you want to move in with me

and she's like um

[Music]

no

i don't want to do that

um

and he's like well will you at least

take one of my cars because you don't

have a car and she's like also no and

he's like okay well at least take my

security with you everywhere you go

um and she's like also no and he's like

but will you stay here another night and

she's like okay

yeah he

you gotta walk before you run buddy

he has no chill

so

my notes say they go to leave the next

day no sex question mark because it

wasn't clear in the book

but it apparently they did not bang

um and he agrees that he's going to

leave her outside his neighborhood at a

bus stop

um because she's like you don't need to

be yeah she doesn't have a car in l.a

and so she relies on public

transportation yeah he wasn't just like

go

[ __ ] you

i'm leaving you at a bus stop for

clarification she was like i ride the

bus places and it works great yeah just

drop me off at a bus station or bus stop

and i will handle myself

except that there are like a jillion

paparazzi waiting

and she's like oh

like i see now what you were saying i

will agree to the driver

um so he also gives access to his

calendar

um so that she can see when he's in town

when he's out of town all that kind of

stuff

um and he's like i'll promise i promise

i'll text you when i land because i'm

going to an out of state game um

and then the security guy that is

assigned to her is super sweet taking

her around

um

ben texts her and he's really worried

that she hasn't left the office because

i guess the security guy is reporting

back and he's like you haven't eaten and

she's like

mind your business

i'm working and he's like no but like so

i will say i feel like this one is a

little bit of a weird dichotomy because

ben is still continuing to overstep a

little bit but also

ray continues to neglect her basic

like needs in like her adls she does so

it's like

for adls for those who are not

in the field that we are in is

activities of daily living i.e hygiene

nutrition

basic sleep that kind of thing and so

like she's getting frustrated but at the

same time i'm like girl

just like

staying in your office for 12 hours

straight and not leaving and not eating

isn't healthy yes so he sends her dinner

he insists that the security guy get her

dinner and he also insists that when he

gets home that she stay with him um and

then she watches his game on tv

um and she texts him about it

and he's like

what how do you feel about coming to

oklahoma to watch my game because it's

still spring break this all of this

reconciliation has happened in like two

days

yeah it's not even full um

so she's like what the [ __ ] why not i'm

going to oklahoma and i'm like of all

the spring break destinations for me

oklahoma is not the one

i've never been to oklahoma in fairness

so it could be amazing

oklahoma 88 like that's i just like i'm

like imagining like the neon t-shirt all

i'm thinking of is the musical

like oklahoma where the winds come

sweeping down the plains yeah so just

think like a [ __ ] version

it's like girls gone wild shorter skirts

still gingham

but shorter skirts you know you're into

what you're into it's entire like

everyone has the things they like listen

okay so i know this is not going to be

released in pride month but we're

recording in pride month like

mind your business some of us are into

it's a plaid

on women never mind i don't know why i

said that it was weird and i'm sorry

so

my husband my sister

my sister sent me a tick tock actually

not my sister my sister's fiance sent me

a tick tock

of this girl pulling a

a

shelf out of a car

that said i don't need men i'm a

bisexual with a god complex and like

walking away and she was like your

sister told me to send this to you and i

was like

why

but also okay

so what happens next in the book

she goes to oklahoma

please erase all of this

which now that i said that i know it's

not gonna happen and i snorted so i know

it's definitely not gonna happen

so

she says she she disguised to go to

oklahoma but he doesn't know that so she

decides she's gonna surprise him

so she goes and she waits for him in the

hotel room

and he's like

listen

i knew you were here because my staff

updated me the whole time

and i'm really annoyed that you didn't

respond to my text messages

um

and so

damn i was just trying to surprise you

and do something nice yeah

so then they shower

together

um

honestly

the book keeps going he proposes it ends

i'm sorry did we miss anything

like my notes say they take a shower

together he fingers her two orgasms

before she gives him a blowy okay i'm

sorry i missed the shower

finger blasting

and she's he's like i'm in love with you

and i don't care if it's too soon to say

that

she goes to another game

um

she feels weird

um yeah hannah i think i summarized it

you did i'm trying to see if there's

anything that else that needs no like

honestly i feel like it they're like

there's no like big final tension moment

where you're like what's gonna happen or

like like it feels like the big tension

moment happened before part two and then

all of part two has just been this like

yeah reconciliation so rey's friends

realize that she's dating him that's

really the only intention they're like

what the [ __ ] like you didn't tell us

you were dating like the most popular

basketball player of all time since

larry bird they didn't say that

but basically um and then

um

she goes out with her friends and some

other people and she gets smash hammer

drunk security guy takes her to ben's he

takes care of her

um

and she says

um or he says he loves her and she says

that she's not brave enough

um

or she won't be brave enough in the

morning but she loves him too because

she's drunk

and that they should get married

so then it's been a few weeks is what my

notes say it's been a few weeks um ben

is super happy with rey

and

they they host a pool party yep they

host a barbecue he proposes it's [ __ ]

over very happy i'm so done with this

book

i don't i don't it doesn't matter so in

the epilogue ben and ray have three more

kids ben is retiring from the nba

and ray is like are you sure and he's

like yes i know you have an offer to go

back to caltech as a professor and i am

gonna be

mr mom while you do your thing

and

she agrees

and

my notes say they all live happily have

happily ever after and i i think we said

the same thing hannah we did but i said

more about it and i'm sorry

if we did say the same thing

i just provided more context

um

hubble telescopes

is that where we're at um

i don't know who are you texting right

now my boss

i'm sorry

i got distracted

she's she's getting a tattoo of the

rebel army from the star wars symbol and

i was trying to tell her to not do that

oh yeah

i shouldn't have stopped you then you

know i i apologize if i

if she ends up with a statue because of

me i will have to live with that for the

rest of my life but i will also say i'm

the person that whenever anyone's like

i'm thinking i might go get this tattoo

i'm like you s

you son of a [ __ ] i'm in absolutely and

then i go with them and then i'm looking

like that is a shitty choice um so i am

also that person i'm also that person

generally i'm like you should do that

but with this i was like

why are we doing it like no and maybe

don't

so hubble telescopes is that where we

landed

sure

i don't know if there's a

how many warm bowls of nothing is this

that's what it is it's warm bowls of

nothing how many shitty trailers behind

the sheriff's house

is this

i mean out of

five

two i don't even know what happened

yeah no i mean i think i summarized

earlier and i can summarize again all

summer is the second half this time

ben finds out she lives in california

he shows up and says

we are together now and she goes are we

and he goes yeah and that happens for a

while and then she goes

yes we are together

and i love you too and then

it ends

um yep

so this is so bad brandon brandon is

snoring

yeah that's my brandon oh my dog brandon

as

this one did not entertain him um

yeah like two

two out of ten

two out of eight

would that be 25 percent

um don't try to do the math honey yeah

we already learned we are not stem

people yeah two

i'm 1.5 rounded up to two hubble

telescopes out of five

final offer i can do no better

and as we previously discussed before we

started recording today i generally

round down but in this case i will

default to chelsea and we will round up

to two i'm comfortable with that so i'm

really sorry i don't know what happened

on this episode and i

this is one i probably won't listen to

when it comes out

i don't want to hear myself say any of

this again i don't think saying

i wouldn't listen to myself on this

episode is a great self no it was

probably very funny but also very i'm

not proud of it

you're like i'm not disputing we're

hilarious i'm disputing that i'm proud

of myself

yes i'm going to talk to nancy my

therapist about this later and that's

all we need to know about it

you love nancy i do love man thank you

nancy um we couldn't do without you we

couldn't so

thanks for joining us on

what was a squiggle of a journey that

just zigzagged all over the place and

was not a straight line um if i had to

guess 20 minutes of this hour and a half

or whatever the [ __ ] it was episode was

actually about the book and the rest was

just talking [ __ ] about nothing

and that's how much it deserved

so thanks for joining us we love you we

hope you have a wonderful rest of your

day let us know your thoughts

and how many black holes you would give

this book and yeah i said it because i

wanted to giggle more and hannah thinks

i giggle

like a psychopath so i will keep my

giggle to myself so long for my flutes

bye

[Music]

well that's it for this week's mutt

[ __ ]

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[Music]