Smut Club

well

hello all you beautiful people

you know what time it is

[Music]

ladies and gents

guys and dolls and everyone in between

gather round

get you something real nice to sip on

and comfy to slip on

because it's time

for smut club

here's your hosts chelsea and hannah

[Applause]

hey everybody welcome to smug club i'm

hannah i'm chelsea thanks for joining us

today uh welcome to smug club

yes we're we're glad you're here we've

got a joint review for you today of

um like a bonnie and clyde-esque smut

book is that how you would describe it

yeah i would describe it that way

it is bonnie and clyde-esque um it is

confessed by nicola rendell

um and it is a

journey

took the word out of my head

yes it's a journey

wow and like so i read this for the

first time

i think early on and the pandemic

and i mean it's a fun journey

there's parts of the journey that i

could do without reliving but like i

it's a it's a fun journey we'll get into

it but yeah when i was going through and

outlining this i was like man

yeah there were some things i forgot in

this journey yep

same and some things i'd like to forget

yep in this journey but we can't they're

imprinted into our minds and now we've

outlined them and we're gonna share them

with you so now they're in writing not

just the author's writing but in our

outline writing as well yep so buckle in

everybody yeah here we go so and this is

this one is dual point of view yep

sometimes it's pertinent to say who's

point of view sometimes yeah

sometimes we'll just go on the journey

so we start with vince yes vince russo

yes so it opens with him basically

immediately following a car accident and

he's kind of like

a little dazed and confused he has run

his truck into a tree someone hit him

someone rear-ended him

um and he my notes say he's wicked

pissed

um

because he had stolen this vehicle from

a walmart or something

like a half hour before right barely got

any use out of his freshly stolen

vehicle exactly before he was running

off the road but then he sees the chick

who ran him off the road and he's like

hot damn

uh

okay it is like insta lust

he like describes there's like marilyn

monroe-esque with her curves and it's

like

he goes from being pissed to like kind

of being a little annoyed but he's like

almost in a way where it's like she's

hot enough that

yeah

that it's okay she's feisty she smells

like peaches he does have the thought if

she were a brunette i'd be [ __ ] and

that is relevant later

um

and

yeah he has definitely done time and so

he's like

no cops and she's like okay

no cops yeah like she's very agreeable

to no cops which we'll learn in a little

bit why she's super agreeable to no cops

but for now she's like okay i'm so sorry

yeah let's not get police or insurance

involved she also

frequently gets into car accidents she's

kind of flighty and like

a very distracted driver

um so she's she's kind of used to this

and

ultimately is like i'm so sorry

um

like we can call a tow truck at the very

least and he's like we don't need to tow

truck but he's also like not gonna tell

her he stole the car so they don't need

a tow truck um

at the very least she's like let me

offer you a ride to the motel or a motel

there's one relatively nearby and

that's the least i can do since

i ran you off the road i'm so sorry

and he's like that sounds great so he

goes to

the truck to grab his bag and wipe down

his fingerprints

um and then as he's walking back he

hears the sound and apparently there's a

moment where he was like the truck's

gonna explode and so he like tackles her

to the ground

and they land together in the dirt and

then he like

sniffs

because she smells really good and then

she's like

are you giving me eskimo

kisses yep and he's like i'm just

checking for injuries and she's like by

like sniffing my face

it is pretty

amusing how all of that shakes out

um but he very much is enjoying being

all up on her body um and he's like

what's your name and she says lucy but

everyone calls me helen and he's like oh

okay and he's like she seems like a

shitty liar

but then he's also like cool i'm vince

and he's like damn it i gave my real

name too like neither of them seem great

at

the not espionage

yeah we're a little flustered with the

con

the artisan

i'm

i'm a con artisan

it is artisanal conic

yep artisanal conning i'm like the

sourdough

of conic

a con artist

listen i've been working on my starter

for

like 10 years my

conning is very artisanal it's very

niche

but not niche enough that i can remember

to give a fake name

exactly so

lucy we then flashed back to 10 hours

earlier from lucy's point of view yes we

um we learned lucy is um the heiress to

a lunch meet empire um

birchette birchette birchette however

the hell we want to say it doesn't

matter

um and they are having a bit of an e

coli scandal um and also we find out

that the sec is looking into like

embezzlement charges and her her parents

like lucy comes from a very affluent

family obviously she's an heiress to a

meat a lunch meat empire yeah i would

call that a fluent um but it's not a

great home life her mom is like an

alcoholic and like popping xanax and her

dad's like you can't embezzle from your

own company can you

and she's like yeah dad you [ __ ] can

yeah so

she's just like i'm over this this is

not a great thing there's scandals on

scandals and

lucy then decides she like she goes to

the parent safe takes 20 grand in cash

out and is like i'm out and runs away

yep um she does say goodbye to her horse

peanut yes she has a little necklace

with a peanut on it because she loves

her horse

it's all very sweet

but then she hears on the radio or she

sees on the news she gets an alert on

her phone but there are 200 more cases

of e coli linked to her family's company

and so she gets distracted and she

reminds someone who turns out to be a

wicked hot dude with tattoos and dark

hair and she's super into that

vince vince for the clarification while

she has several car accidents in her

life there is only one today

yep so we heard vince's experience of

getting hit and her experience of

hitting vince yep um so then back to the

present

like vince is kind of like like what are

you doing and lucy's like going on a

solo road trip and he's like

okay really that

that doesn't

sound factual and then she's like he

like makes a joke about robbing her yeah

he's very obviously casing the vehicle

and like her as a mark and then he makes

a joke about robbing her and she's like

but he's is like super attracted to her

so it's this weird like they're like

flirting but he's also like sizing her

up and he's like

okay so she comes from money she's

driving what is like she's driving like

a bmw yeah bmw suv or something like

he's he's very clearly trying to put

these pieces together but is also like

she is

very hot

yeah and at this point we learn

um from his own thoughts he's running

from the russian mob

um and has several warrants out for his

arrest back east so that's why he is

driving west

um

and my notes the exact

words and my notes are she drives like

an absolute clown show and gives him a

heart attack

yeah great notes they really

they really cover everything there yep

um so they make it to the motel

and

my notes say comically intense chemistry

entering the motel lobby lucy

seductively sucks lollipop

yeah and there's only one room available

oh my stars so then while they are

waiting for the one room i would also

real fast

i thought it was really funny when she's

like okay well like and her hit or she

says like i can leave him here and like

i'll go get another hotel

and they're like

north east of knoxville right um

and

the

manager of the hotel's like i wouldn't

if i were you because of the holiday

weekend every hotel from here to memphis

is full and i'm like if you know

anything about tennessee geography

knoxville and memphis are not close no

um

and i'm like okay well like memphis is

like they're like six hours away from

each other yeah

like

like she could find a room

but why would she because he's working

the hustle

this old man at this motel to get them

to take this one room and so she does um

and then but they have to wait for the

room to be cleaned so vince is like hey

let me buy you dinner

there's a bar across the street i'm sure

they serve food

um and she is

um

a little suspicious and he is like don't

worry about it like i'm no trouble i

promise like i just want to buy she's

suspicious

my notes say she's suspicious and then

the direct quote is you look like you

could turn communion into a misdemeanor

yeah i didn't interpret that as

suspicion i was just like man she is way

too ready to dick down

it was my entire time she died anyway so

you know it does not take long to dick

down so yeah they go to the bar across

the street

vin starts ordering them shots

and burgers

like what did she did she asked for like

a cobb salad or like something that

they're like we're a dive bar we do not

i think she asked for wine like she

ordered wine and they were like babe

oh yeah she was like can i have like

your white a white wine or something

like that and they're really like honey

no

so he orders um

two shots of the four horsemen which

turns out is four kinds of whiskey

altogether

and so she slams it

and so does he and then doesn't he order

more shots he does he does like a few

shots of this yeah

which is illegal which i'm like no it's

not like

what ordinance that's [ __ ] it's

whiskey and it seemed like initially

like the bartender was just kind of like

yeah we don't do that [ __ ] here because

we don't want the trouble that comes

with the sort of people who are ordering

that's the establishment yes i'm like

you're they're a classy dive bar let's

give them some credit

um

yeah so they're doing the shots and then

she is singing johnny cash or puts

johnny cash on the jukebox when their

burgers come out

she takes the onions off the burger

and he's like johnny cash no onions

let's run away together like yep and

there

my notes say more handsiness they get

more handsy yeah like

it goes from six to midnight

real fast with the level of like

physical flirty intimacy chemistry

between them um he puts the next song on

the jukebox and it's phil collins i can

feel it in the air tonight

and he is like apparently it turns into

like a weird sexual thing he does double

check her age she's 23 so she is legal

um

i made note of that um but yeah he

starts dancing with her

to phil collins and kissing her and

feeling her up very intimately and then

at some point he's like i want to hear

you scream and she goes i want you to

make me scream

like i'm like what

and then my notes say

um she asked to go back to the momo but

the room isn't ready yet and the direct

quote is i've never had sex in a

bathroom before

well

and this is such a classy establishment

they go to the bathroom to bone and

there's a sign on the door that says no

[ __ ] here

seriously yep and they're like

we cannot wait until the room is clean

so we need to destroy this bathroom yeah

it seems like a loose suggestion so my

notes say i've never been i've never had

sex in a bathroom before they [ __ ] in

the bathroom and it's a lot um

mine say they bone and then the quote

i'm gonna [ __ ] you like you've never

been [ __ ] before little girl

and then they get caught by the manager

who's like seriously guys we said no

[ __ ] and like with each can't you

read like

they break the sink it's spraying water

everywhere there's soap all over the

floor there's paper towel like destroyed

this bathroom and for some reason i i

have they [ __ ] up the auto paper towel

dispenser and he [ __ ] her on the sinks

xl condom

honestly i didn't even make note of the

condom they made a big deal about it

they did they made a huge deal about it

i'm not disputing they made a huge deal

about it i think i got too caught up on

the i'm gonna [ __ ] you like you've never

been [ __ ] before little girl we

discussed in the very first episode of

this podcast that we ever recorded that

generally speaking when a man makes

promises like that prepare to be

disappointed

although seemingly in this book

she's not i don't know because it's not

real

[Laughter]

they destroy the bathroom they like

throw cash at the manager and they're

like this is for the burgers and the

damage in the bathroom and then they go

back to the motel and jump in the pool

while they wait for their room yeah so

she pushes him in the pool

she says i'll race you and then she

pushes him in

fully clothed

and then jumps in after him and then he

starts fingering her

um in the pool and then she notices a

bullet wound on his stomach area and

she's like what what is this

he's like i'm bad news bears baby well

i'm not like

now's when we're gonna start asking

questions yeah now after we already

banged in the bathroom and destroyed it

um the next morning

they have more sex honestly i think i

for forgot the condom part of the the

bathroom bar sex because in the next

morning they've they've already decided

to ditch condoms

because she's on birth control but she's

really flighty and it sounds like her

birth control is all just kind of

rattling around loose in the bottom of

her purse yeah she just grabs one when

she remembers

so this is not the way

to make birth control the most effective

it is the way to make it the least

effective

yeah i'm like

just popping one every couple of days is

not how birth control works

and considering he like makes a lot of

comments while he's kind of like casing

her about like how flighty she is

i'm like we didn't we just trusted her

on that

they

how would you rate their judgment in

impulse control

very poor yes very poor if i was doing a

mental status exam

that is indeed the rating i would give

them

so they ditched condoms in the morning

he says he was in prison last month and

he got tested so he knows that he's

clean

and she's like okay

honestly even if

even if he told her he wasn't clean i

don't know if it would have made a

difference

yeah i mean she was a pretty thirsty

little

little lady there

like

yeah the insight is uh

laughing across the board so they ditch

the condoms in the morning and then they

go to subway for lunch and i do think

it's really funny because it's like

this e coli meat scandal which she like

she hasn't told him who she is or what

it's related to yet but like they go to

subway and she's like they go to order

and she's like so like who's your meat

supplier

and they're like we have no [ __ ] clue

i'm 16 working at subway

minimum wage right and she's like go

check right now yeah she's like i'm

gonna have the veggie sandwich and like

she like tries to get vince to get a

veggie sandwich as well and instead he's

like i'm gonna get extra meat on my

sandwich

um

so

they figure out the meat is safe it's

from a different distributor

vince has no idea what the [ __ ] she's

going on about and thinks she's just

spoiled and weird

um and so when both can be true yes both

can be true um and then um

he like leans across the table to kiss

her while they're eating their

sandwiches and like spills her soda all

over her yep

so she goes to clean up and then when

she gets back out of the bathroom he is

gone

after taking her bag and her car yeah

she comes out still covered in dr pepper

which honestly that just makes it worse

like he stole your car and you're sticky

yeah and she is specific about being

sticky like and soda sticky is just like

a gross kind of sticky yeah

um for all of the ways in which they get

sticky in this book that is that is her

least favorite

it's also my least favorite

soda sticky is it

i really hate sodas soda sticky

fair enough fair enough right here none

of them are great hannah

i'm not like well

i would really prefer this option

that's fair

yeah so she's like soda sticky

covered in dr pepper he's gone her purse

is gone her car is gone

um he did leave her

a hundred dollars in her phone yes which

like so then we cut to vince he's

driving in her stolen car and like

actually like feels pretty guilty and

he's like yeah so like i left her a

hundred dollars under like the soda cup

that i like let's spill all over her and

i left her her phone i'm not a complete

[ __ ] like does feel guilty and he's

never done that before and he's like

obviously i'm going soft because i loved

her it means to

get home because i felt so bad about

leaving her stranded

um and he

feels kind of bummed because he was

really into her

starts going through her bag figures out

her name

um and also sees that she's extremely

messy and not great with taking her

birth control because he finds the pack

and it's like random pills popped out

all over the place and he's like jesus

christ well and like he's clearly better

at being on the run than she is because

like so he stole her car one of the

first things he does is change out her

license plate with another random car

and he removes the yale parking decal

that she has from her college days and

it's just like i'm gonna make this car a

little less noticeable and then in the

like when he's going through her car i

guess in like the the spare tire holder

in the trunk is that why you call that

space yeah um well i don't know but yes

i initially wanted to say wheel well but

that's not the right word

i don't know in the trunk when you lift

the carpet there's a spot that you can

put a spare tire

or you can put the twenty thousand

dollars that you stole from your parents

safe exactly so he finds it and he's

like hot damn jackpot um and then he

also gets a call from

um

the russians that he owes ten thousand

dollars and um they said they need five

more jobs from him because he was their

wheel man

in their getaways for robbing banks

and there were some threats and stuff

but he's like huh

you'll never find me k bye thanks

and moves on

yeah that's

that's about where we leave him yeah and

then we go back to lucy who because lucy

is super flighty

she has like a gps tracker in her car

because she loses it

on a

semi-regular basis

yeah my notes say lucy is big mad

that's what the note says

um uses find my car app decides to

hitchhike

yep like realizes her car is headed

south

to georgia

decides

to follow him starts hitchhiking um well

starts trying to hitchhike the first

person who pulls over

the first car that pulls over has nazis

and yeah they have like swastika tattoos

and prison tattoos on their face and she

is

terrified so she turns down their offer

of a ride

and so they're like they start driving

off but then they

they stop

and then like one gets out of the car

and she's like [ __ ] [ __ ] oh no this is

not good but instead they were they were

nice nazis i did not like that term um

but they like give her a hunting knife

so she can protect herself and they're

like hey like be careful out there and

they give her a knife before they drive

off yeah they're like stay safe bye

um so then

um she winds up eventually getting

picked up by a very nice man who is

driving to atlanta um to visit his kids

he's some kind of security guard small

security

lady in a mall security

vehicle driving to atlanta

so then she steals um his handcuffs

um so that she can be ready for vince

when she finds him

which all right the next details maybe

you uh um

they were a little hazy for me because

essentially they're like

driving down and she

had her phone died at this point

um but then she like looks over and just

like sees her car parked outside of a

motel yeah i'm like well isn't that

lucky for you very convenient yep so

she goes in like to the motel

the mall security guy drops her off and

she's stolen his handcuffs um

sees that he's checked in under the name

michael c escher

m.c escher for you art aficionados out

there

and

he

m.c escher is staying in room 22. yes

so then she goes and knocks on the door

pretending to be management and when he

opens she cuffs one of his wrists and

then he starts just laughing

hysterically and handcuffs her to him

when she like walks in and like gets one

cuff on him and he's like what are you

doing and she's like citizens arrested

she starts like reading him his rights

from law and order or something and he

is like this is hilarious yeah so he

cuffs her to him also like

i would just like to note she hitchhiked

covered in soda sticky

into like from tennessee to georgia that

is a hot

gross like she's not looking her best

her feet are like dirty and blistered

and yeah she's not younger yes

bug bites but ins almost instantaneously

he cuffs her to him and then starts like

apologizing and flirting with her and

like making out yeah he's like let me

clean you up and wash your feet

um i'm so sorry and my notes say she's

still big mad

well she's big mad

for not very long not long i don't think

so i actually wouldn't say she's big mad

i'd say she's very little mad at this

point yeah it decreases

very quickly like they start making out

he

takes bobby pins out of her hair to

pinch her nipples

yep

she thinks that he's gonna pick the lock

on the handcuffs and instead he uses

them as nipple clamps

i would like to note they met yesterday

they did they met yesterday

what a journey they've already been on

they really have together they really

have so her her nips are pinched with

the bobby pins and then

mid bone

as that has escalated there's a knock on

the door

and he is like oh [ __ ]

i need to hide her in the bathroom from

whoever could be coming to knock on this

door yes and before that she did all of

a sudden say tell me

tell me a dream of yours tell me a dream

that you have and he's like i dream of

being an artist and she's like oh

but he is like very touched that she's

not making fun of him or like minimizing

his dream and so he's like maybe this

girl is like maybe there's something

more here and then there's the knock on

the door is that when

like he's like don't joke about that

like is that when that happens i don't

remember i don't know there's so much

it's just like everything goes from six

to midnight so quickly and it all

escalates it does yeah so like but they

start talking about their dreams a

little bit more

in all of this rapid escalation um but

then the knock on the door he hides her

in the bathroom it's the russians

literally i put it's the russian with an

exclamation point

um

and so lucy's overhearing this entire

conversation about vince

owing the russians money um vince

straight up like breaks the russian's

hand in this argument that is going on

um and like lucy overhears all of it and

gets like super freaked out yeah the

russian like puts a knife to vince's

throat

um and is looking for a woman in the

room he says that he smells sex and

vince is basically like it's probably

your upper lip

and

and the russian is like i bet there's a

[ __ ] in here

but

vince like protects her and kind of gets

the russian out before

he finds her

but like she's so freaked out that then

she's like all right

i'm out i'm gonna leave and then

very quickly because i would like to

note just a couple hours ago he stole

her car from her and now he is begging

her to stay yep

um and then he doesn't want her to be

afraid of her or to be afraid of him and

so he's like okay fine like

just go and then uh and she takes her

car back

my note says single tear from him so

apparently he had one single tier um

because after this this 36 hours of of

bangapalooza he was really bummed

about losing her

banga palooza is a really apt

description of what's happening here um

so

lucy starts driving away is like very

sad is like trying to reconcile all of

this because she was like really

enjoying

what was going on between them before

um she overheard him break someone's

hand and found out he was still

affiliated with the russian mob and all

that stuff

but then as she's driving and ruminating

on all of this she a migraine kicks in

yeah and she like a medical level like

has like

medication for it she pulls over and

ends up calling her best friend naomi

who

as an aside um when this book came out

confessed there was a book that came out

a month before

called

professed about naomi um her best friend

yep um

personally i like confessed better but i

also read it first so i think i went

into it with the expectations of confess

and i think if i read them in reverse

order

i might have liked professed more but

it just didn't

it didn't grab me the same way that this

one did like this one is like ridiculous

and over the top but i felt like it

grabbed me a lot more

yeah professed was enjoyable but

confessed just had a different level

like they're both enjoyable but i think

confessed is more memorable yes i would

agree i feel like i've read books more

similarly yes it's far more unique i

think i've read books similar to

professed and i don't think i've read as

many books that i would say are like

similar

to i don't think i've read any books

that are similar to confessed i would

agree

um so she does she calls her bestie

she's like honey please come home and

she's like no

but she does tell her best friend naomi

all about vince

um and stops at a diner to eat and asks

naomi to eat with her so she's on the

phone with her while she yeah so she

doesn't have to be alone um but then

lucy's dad calls her

and

lucy

picks up her dad's phone call which have

the text started at this point i do

think the texts are like yeah funny

because the text like it'll show text

that lucy gets from like her mom that

are like honey did you run away again

and then her dad's texts are just like

don't eat the pastrami and then like the

next texas is like don't eat the roast

beef and just like but then her mom's

like you did run away again come home

are you okay sweetheart where are you

and then her dad is like

don't speak to the press

don't take any calls from msnbc

or cnn like

well and so when her dad calls her he

essentially tells you that like legally

lucy is involved in the embezzlement

scandal and the e coli scandal because

she's set to inherit the family business

yeah he says that they need to get their

story straight and the sec is going to

be calling and she's like i don't give a

[ __ ] i have nothing to do with this and

hangs up mm-hmm

um

switch back to vince he's very sad about

losing lucy he's big sad

is that what we're going with

consistently this whole time it's in my

notes i don't know i don't know what was

wrong with me when i was outlining this

i don't think i was even intoxicated so

i don't have it i don't have an excuse

well

vince is intoxicated because he goes to

a bar to get completely hammered um

because he's so sad about lucy and then

while he's at the bar on television he

sees

on the news the birchette

meat scandal um

and then a dude like and there's

pictures of lucy with her family because

it's like a family scandal at this point

and like a dude in the bar starts like

objectifying lucy

like making like really like

very gross yes gross unnecessary

comments that like

vince is not a fan of so vince is like

i'm gonna defend her honor in another cd

bar

he's like shut up

shut up shut up and the guy just keeps

talking so he punches him in the face

yes um but at this point lucy has now

decided she misses vince cause those 36

hours really left an impression on her

and so she decides to go back

four events and on her way back to the

motel she notices um

a

bar fight happening like a parking lot

actually a fight happening in the bar

parking lot yeah is it a bar fight if

it's in the parking lot it started in

the bar so i would say yeah

okay i started as long as it starts in

the bar yeah if it starts in the parking

lot it's just a normal fight yes

um so she sees vince getting arrested in

the bar parking lot um and she's like

i'm following that cop car

and

follows all the way to the station but

then like

barges in

well so it doesn't we don't get there

yet so then we flash to vince so she's

following the cop car and vince is in a

cell with an old guy

um and the old guy is like you're in

love aren't you what's her name and he's

like mind your own business and he's

like your face looks like [ __ ]

and

um the cop is really nice to vince and

gives him some frozen corn and aspirin

for his face well

he also does because

where wherever they had initially

started out at some point like vince

says something and lucy's like you can

be polite you can say please so when

vince is talking to the officer

and he's like he says please and the

officer's like people are never that

polite i'm gonna give him some frozen

peace for his face exactly and then he

was just really really sad that

he who he lost her and then he hears her

voice because she does barge in to the

jail

um and um she's really concerned that

he's hurt she says she's gonna pay his

bail

but they won't yeah she's like release

him right now and they're like ma'am

he's in the drunk tank he cannot leave

until the morning

and um

he tells her to go

back to them uh to get the motel key

from his things

um to get his stuff out of the motel but

not to stay there

um and that she needs a weapon and she

says that she has a plan and not to

worry spoiler alert she doesn't have a

she is

her plans are never well founded um but

yeah she is like okay i'm gonna do all

that then i'll come back and i'll post

your bail in the morning

she goes to buy a weapon

but like

she goes to like a real

shop and then is like

give it to me cash under the table and

they're like we are not that kind of

establishment ma'am we cannot do that

um and then he's like but you could buy

this

but we don't know what it is yet

um yes we and she was like it's not what

i had in mind but i guess it'll do

right okay so then she goes back to the

motel um to get his stuff she finds his

sketchbook that has a drawing of her in

it and she's like oh my stars like he

really loves me and seemingly

he is a decent artist yes she's very

impressed with his level of skill

uh but then um the russian shows up

which puts a damper on her little moment

of intruding on his privacy

um and so

she pepper sprays him and crushes his

fingers and then pays off the debt with

the 20 grand in cash she gives half

essentially

to the russian

um

and tells him that she will dig out his

eyeballs if he comes for vince again

and then she goes to the lakinta for the

night

that's what my notes say

so one time when i was working crisis

back in nashville um i went on a crisis

assessment at

the airport and i got to say airport

assessments were always the [ __ ] best

you never knew it was going to happen

one time it was not my assessment but

one of my favorite crisis stories um

it was

um a double assessment and the couple

got engaged during the crisis

mine was memorable in a different way it

was this woman she she wouldn't speak

and she would like barely write and

we're like trying to figure it out and

we're like do you speak english and she

was like nodding her head yes um but she

like wouldn't

communicate with us

um

and she

tried to give me

fifty dollars cash in her liking to in

like vip card and i was like man you

can't bribe me and if you could

what are you bribing

that was an assessment i to this day i

still have more questions than answers

about how it all played out but whenever

i think of the looking to end i just

think of this woman trying to hand me

fifty dollars

and her looking to nvip card

i love um

although there are worse places you

could stay so for the record hey there

smud puppies

we'll get you right back to the show in

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i won't keep you any longer

let's get back to the show

[Music]

so to to go back lucy

beats up the mobster yep um

maces him pepper sprays him

gives him 10 grand cash to pay off

vince's debts and then goes to stay at

the la quinta inn yeah um the next

morning

vince gets out of jail yep and my notes

say vince is big happy to see you oh my

god hannah

what the [ __ ] oh no

i don't have an explanation i don't have

an explanation and i fee i don't know

that's better or worse i'll just stop

telling you

i'll just stop telling you honestly

that's not the best at this point i just

need to know how many times it presents

itself

like so far it's for we'll see what

happens so

then they make out in her car and they

start to get frisky in the jail parking

lot but then

he hits the radio and it switches to the

news yeah they like accidentally bump

into the radio when they start going at

it in the car and well then on the news

we find out that there is a warrant out

for lucy's arrest due to

the laundered money

in the embezzlement e coli or chat meet

scandal um which then lucy is realizing

like oh my trust fund that my parents

set up for me

not legit not legit [ __ ]

um but vince

knowing how to be on the run far more

than lucy does he's like all right we're

gonna throw away your phone like these

are the things we're gonna do like

starts kind of like putting together a

plan of action

yes but lucy is freaking out pretty

badly

so she uh makes a call through her

car

yeah he like takes her phone from her

and she's like [ __ ] i can still call

from a steering wheel joke's on you so

she calls her dad but her dad's cpa

answers and he says that her dad's under

a gag order and that she did in fact

embezzle this money through her trust

fund even if she didn't know it um

and

uh that she is guilty and that she

should run yeah she's like what should i

do and he's like you should run like

hell yeah and vince is like you can turn

yourself in or you can run what would

you like to do

and she's like i'll run if you'll come

and this is a really sweet moment

big sweet where they decided to run away

together

i hated that sentence

i loved it big sweet big sweet they

decided to run away together

um they have like

eight grand left in cash after

the bail and paying off the the mob and

all that and so they're like kind of

getting their game plan together they

have the eight grand left and vince

realizes how much money he's gone and

he's like what the [ __ ] happened to the

risk the money that you had yesterday

and lucy tells him that she used it to

pay off his debt to the russian mob

which

once again big sweet um

no one's ever done anything like that

for vince before yes

and um through all of this as they're

having this conversation they pull off

into the woods and get rid of anything

identifiable from either of them so

their ids

um she gives up her

necklace that her peanut necklace her

peanut necklace that represents her

horse and he photos her phone everything

um

bury it in the forest yep gets buried in

the forest and then um he she takes him

out to the woods and they [ __ ] on the

forest floor is what my notes say yeah

mine say they buried all in forest they

[ __ ] in the forest vince tells her he

wants her filled with his seat

yeah my notes say he tells her another

dream is to knock her up and that she's

his forever

feels a little soon to be honest is what

my notes say

because it's been less than two days uh

correct um

yeah

maybe that works for some people sure i

don't know that that's a real quick

turnaround

um i have some concerns but also

do your thing like i think of um

i think it was like a ziz ansari stand

up where he talks about like

people like his friends getting married

have been dating a year and a half and

he's like i have sweaters in my closet

that have been there a year and a half

he's like and i look at it i'm like i

don't even [ __ ] like this sweater

and that's what i think of when it's

like

yeah so it's been like

48 hours at this point yeah

yeah

um and he is just

enthralled by her so he's watching her

while she sleeps um and thinking about

how into her he is

um

he decides they need to stop at a

drugstore so they can fix lucy's look

um because she's on the run and her

picture's all over the news and it's

like very like connecticut

bougie like long long blonde hair j crew

yes fairy j crew

um and she's like it took me years to

get my hair this color like

um this is once again one of those i'm

like hey lucy my girl

i don't think you understand the

severity of the situation yeah

priorities babe

priorities but my hair and he's like do

you essentially like do you want to go

to jail or do you want to be blonde

these are your options

yeah so um she agrees to

darkening up her look

um and then lucy is freaking out about

her hair

um and then he

uh

also is like and also we're gonna cut it

and she's like excuse me because

apparently she has several youtube

videos of her braiding her hair

and that's like her thing and she loves

her long hair and she's super depressed

that he's gonna cut it but then she's

like fine

you can cut two inches and he cuts all

the way up to her chin like he goes from

astogen and she's like that's way more

than two inches and he's like it was

always gonna be more than two inches

that was never

never how this was gonna play out and

then he dyes it for her he's very

thorough

um and uh he's very careful he says he

used to do it for his mom before she

died and she's like oh

big sweet

that's not in my nose

we're doing it now

um so then they shower together

um and then she tells him about her

dream of owning a horse ranch and lucy

decides um and he's like

really no

okay which like we don't like fully

understand right why right um

but yeah as like tells him her dream of

having a horse farm he's like oh like we

are like pretty much everything she says

he's like we're kindred and you're like

sometimes it makes sense to you why he

says it sometimes it doesn't and it's a

mystery for the future yes and this is

one of those where it's a mystery for

the future however lucy does decide that

she wants to do a grand reveal of her

darker

look

like has like rock girl

makeup now like like grungy

darker clothes boots that sort of thing

maybe black nail polish i don't remember

if that's something i think there is

black nail polish yeah yes um so then

she says trust me

and um i want to choke you out

while i ride you and so she does that

and he has my notes say he has a massive

orgasm

i have

new rocker lucy takes control chokes

vince

some breath play

calls him daddy

yep

um and then i my notes say vince decides

to take the power back and flips her

over so after he comes he's like that

was great

you didn't come though and that's

unacceptable to me

i just

like i know we say ever we've said it

several times everything this book

escalates very quickly everything goes

from six to midnight but like i really

feel like the daddy

yeah escalated very quickly too much

i once said to my husband is that

something you would be into

and he went

could you say it with conviction

i was like i think that's our answer i

could not say it with a straight i asked

my husband and he just said

no

[Laughter]

yeah you know that's fair yeah i'm like

no but i i feel like that's like

not all books but i do definitely think

that's something i'm like

where the daddy just like comes out of

nowhere it's like a daddy sneak attack

i heard it yeah no i i hear it

no

okay so vince takes the control back

and he's like you need to come too and

so then

i have

vince takes control back whips her with

belt and then the quote turn your little

[ __ ] face to daddy

yeah

yeah i also have that quoted um he says

before that he says i'm going to hurt

you and if it's too much you have to

tell me to stop because safe words are

not for us and she's like say that again

and he's like [ __ ] safe words and she's

like no the other part and he's like us

and she's like yeah

yeah well no i'm like

i think we're focusing on the wrong part

of the sentence lucy right not safe

words aren't for us i'm like

no

safe words are for everyone

that should be on a t-shirt or

safe words are for everyone

and consent matters consent matters safe

words are for everyone but yeah like

safe words aren't for us

say that again

us

so then i have he starts whipping her

and she calls him daddy while he calls

her [ __ ] um and he checks on her

several times like that is he does that

he's like are you good

and then um but he's just whipping her

this whole time he's not actually

[ __ ] her and then finally

after he has just like whipped the snot

out of her with his belt

um he does uh

[ __ ] her

with his thumb in her ass is what my

notes say and then she comes really

really hard and cries a lot

so i have a few more notes in this scene

oh no no and then um

oh no well so she's like have you ever

done anything like this before and he's

like

once and like she's like gets a little

jealous

and then

we find out he's like it was to a horse

not a [ __ ] a horse

like and he might the quote i have is

once to break her like he broke a horse

yeah

and

like really this entire like all of it

it's very codependent vibes you're like

what is happening here this is not

oh okay that what is happening here and

then um

and then i just have the quote was that

[ __ ] up

no way it's ours

and i'm like

those aren't mutually exclusive i was

gonna say it can be both right i'm like

it can be it can be both

it was

because like for as much like insta

insta-lust chemistry

rowdy raunchy sex as had already

happened in this book

to go into like some breath play and

whipping and no safe words and daddy and

little [ __ ] face like

a little [ __ ] face

that doesn't work that's the difference

i know but in the book when it said that

i was like

like i had a physical response to that i

literally text hannah when i was

outlining this book and i was like this

whipping daddy scene

goes on for so long it does

and then it ends with him feeding her

pizza

that's in my notes he feeds her veggie

pizza yeah it's there's no it's not meat

lovers it is not you don't know what the

meat supplier is

so what is a veggie pizza

um he feeds her pizza

he then tells her he has a place that

they can go in new mexico and so they

start like

loosely heading to new mexico and then i

kind of like my description is like it's

kind of a montage of their carefree road

trip they're taking a very scenic route

to get to

new mexico because it like they talk

about like being in arkansas then being

in the panhandle i was thinking the same

thing i was like what the [ __ ] are y'all

doing like we are not going as the crow

flies why are we going i was like you

went due south of arkansas um my notes

say road tripping good times listen to

old cds and she reads fear and loathing

in las vegas

yeah that's that's a great montage of it

um

oh they do they get pulled over for yeah

so in this montage they get pulled over

for expired tags because the plates that

have been stolen were expired which i'm

like

bro you're supposed to be like this

brilliant criminal mastermind and you

stole expired plates amateur hour well

and then

they like they play it off really well

and they like have like pretend to have

this like lover spat about it but then

the officer who pulled him over he's

like oh yeah well there is like an apb

out on this make and model because it

belongs to that like lunch meat princess

right

um

so be careful out there

basically

um so then they get to a small town

in new mexico

and

um

my notes say turns out vinnie boy has a

ranch his father left him and he wants

to help lucy live out her dream of

owning a horse ranch well it already has

horses it does have horses already

they're wild horses yes his dad left him

land that has wild horses

um my notes get to new mexico vince

tells her his dad left him land with

horses they bone i think who knows at

this point

[Laughter]

that was a very exaggerated eye roll you

did there as well

it's how i felt yeah and vince tells her

that he's falling for her

um and then eats her out in the kitchen

is what my notes say

um and then um they go to the store so

vince does that will they uncover the

motorcycle

they get the motorcycle

and then vince um decides he wants to

cook her dinner so they go to the store

because

the like the house has been left for him

but like

his dad passed away right well there's a

note that says there's a caretaker who

lives on the land

okay but are they stocking the fridge

like there's the difference between like

caring for the land right so i'm just

like right so it does feel like they're

just like

we showed up and we're here for it now

and like it is what dusty and there's no

food in here so yes like but the way in

which like it is kind of sweet and

endearing because they're like this is

our little slice of heaven and like our

magic and like reading it and you're

like

is it it is very dusty

it is my thought it is big dusty

not big dusty not to be confused with

big daddy oh no that's not right that's

not sorry

yeah so then in the garage there's a

truck yep and there is a motorcycle yes

so they take the motorcycle into town

vince buys her a little horseshoe

necklace to replace the peanut that she

had to get rid of

um and they're just loving the little

small town um and they're checking out

they have some really sweet interactions

with some of the locals and then they

forget something and so then lucy goes

to grab apples i think and then

all of a sudden vince hears tires

screeching and lucy is gone her purse is

next to the bananas

important detail i don't know if that's

actually accurate but it was produce

it was produce

um yeah so they're getting their

groceries and then suddenly lucy's gone

um cut to lucy she's been taken by a

private investigator mitch who

um was hired by her father yep um

she notices like he has like a

connecticut phone number and so

he's now like all right i've handcuffed

you

to my car and we're road tripping from

new mexico to connecticut and my only

thought was well i hope it's a more

[ __ ] direct route than the one they

took to get to new mexico because that's

gonna take a long-ass time

yep

and she keeps trying to get him to pull

over and he won't but then finally he

does because he's out of gas um and so

he goes inside and she tries to pop her

cuffs with a bobby pin but she can't

figure it out well that's because vince

never showed her he was too busy using

the bobby pins for nipple clamps right

priorities

so then um she's like vince isn't coming

at this point they've been driving for

more than an hour she's like vince isn't

coming i'm super [ __ ] like i have to

get out of this myself but then vince

does show up on the motorcycle and gets

her out of the car and they take off

he picks the lock on the handcuffs he

does with the bobby pin yes

um and yeah then shows up like kicks the

lock really fast

and then

they zoom away yeah on on his motorcycle

he does slash the tires of um

the private investigator

and then they go back to the ranch and

to switch out the motorcycle for the

truck

and um he's like we gotta go we gotta go

we need to go get passports and we need

to go get new ids yep and she says no no

you stay

um she feels really bad that he's giving

up this gorgeous land and you know a

potential home and all of us these other

things for her

um

and vince is like what the [ __ ] did you

just say

[ __ ] that

it's you and me for life and i'm like

sweetheart it's been like a cool five

days

surely it took longer than that with the

scenic route they took to get to new

mexico okay so a week

thank you

more accurate

because cause that two days

is where the magic happened that's where

the daddy whipping scene happens yeah um

so they go they go to get the passports

they have to get to albuquerque oh i

forgot my notes say she tells him to

stay she feels bad he's giving up so

much he politely declines it was not

polite he was like the [ __ ]

get out of my [ __ ] face i honestly

didn't even note that my next note after

they switched cars leave to go get

passports roadhead

from albuquerque oh they're driving to

albuquerque to get the passports and my

notes say lucy gives epic road head

they pay for passports

to a man named the taylor yep um

he has an actual like tailoring

business

and like they're ordering everything all

like the new identities in code and like

okay so you need new buttons but like

lucy's really excited and has like no

chill about any other thing at all like

even when they get the idea she's like

oh look how good my new id looks and

vince is like shut the [ __ ] up

um

yeah so oh no to be fair yeah they don't

have the ideas yet i was jumping ahead

of myself they

go they get the pictures they order it

they yeah they get a room and then the

kid at the front desk tells vince he's

like hey so i just want to let you know

like something's wrong with the tv

um

and vince is like thinking have you seen

lucy i'm not worried about watching tv

right now and then the dude's like no um

the adult channels

are are free like oh no it's stuck on

them it will only play them

but a variety of them that's the part

that lost me none of it makes sense but

that's what it says yeah tv is broken

porn is free is

yeah mine says cable in the room is

busted and only shows porn vince doesn't

tell lucy

also reminds me of an episode of friends

of course it does the one with all the

porn i think was the name of it where

they like they stumble on a channel that

has free porn so then the guys are like

well what if we turn the tv off and when

we turn it back on the porn is gone so

we can't turn the tv off so they just

like have the porn going how it works

yeah and so but then like

they're like it starts to seep into

their daily lives like the weirdest

thing happened

um we had a female pizza delivery lady

and she didn't take her clothes off when

she ordered the pizza or when she

delivered the pizza and it's like this

whole thing yes so lucy

is in the bathroom here's

the tv turn on

um and then like comes out to join vince

and essentially

vince like puts lucy on his lap

and mine says he puts her on his dick

sitting behind her while watching

bondage i thought it was fingering her

maybe both well but it so like he puts

her in front of him and then it's like

fingering her

and then is like flipping through the

channels to figure out what porn she's

most into right and so then when it gets

to the one that has all of the bondage

she's like oh

you damn near squirted like right you

are all about this you are flooded wet

right now

so then he demands that she come without

any any clip play

for those who may have listened to that

previous review

um no clitoral stimulation is happening

here

um and she does and she screams out that

she loves him while she's having this

super intense orgasm and he does not

reciprocate

like he feels very strongly for her yes

but does not reciprocate in that

capacity yes um

so that scene goes on for a long time as

well they go to get their new ids the

next day where lucy has no chill none

whatsoever and it's like oh i'm elena

colburn now how great is this i'm so

cute look at my picture

um

my description says they get their new

ids go to el paso

more [ __ ]

vince then declares his love and decides

to cook her dinner yeah my notes say

they go to el paso and get an airbnb

they make sweet sweet love and he tells

her he loves her and says he's excited

to meet their children

which again

that escalated real quick

real quick and like

to to give vince a little credit like

he's what like mid 30s

34 yeah he's definitely older than lucy

like 12 or 13 years i think he's ready

to take some bigger steps what do you

think but it is seven days i want to vet

a person a little bit more before you

decide to have children with them what

else does he need to know about her she

loves johnny cash and doesn't eat onions

and is into pretty much anything sexual

like she is down to clown with anything

she is he

he wants to do yeah um i then have the

quote

i used to be dangerous now i'm just

yours

like codependent bonnie and clyde vibes

so painful

so vince decides to cook lucy dinner

um

goes to the store

he starts to cook she is in like just an

apron

trying to seduce him a little and he's

like babe i'm gonna burn your food

go like get out of here so she turns on

the tv she sees a story on the news that

her dad was arrested for dui with a

hooker

in the car

and um released a statement that she had

nothing to do with the embezzlement and

asks her to please come home yeah like

there's like a full press conference

after he was arrested where he like

takes all of the blame and is like my

daughter had nothing to do with any of

the embezzlement she had no idea what

was going on clears her of all

all blame

and begs lucy to come home so then

vince is still cooking just want to note

that

lucy calls her mom then

yeah and mom is begging her to come home

and like mom is not doing well she's not

okay if you remember from like early on

i know there hasn't been a lot of

mention of mom thus far um but like mom

has some substance abuse issues that are

a lot of like self-medicating kind of

from all of the [ __ ] that's going on in

their life

um

so mom asks her to come home and then

lucy asks vince to come back to

connecticut with her and he says no

um realizing that he is just not any

good for her at all um and that he will

ruin her life um so he needs to push her

away so

he calls it off he tells her to go home

and then he pulls her

actual like lucy burchette id

out um and her peanut necklace

and he did not

bury them in the forest and she's like i

thought you buried these and he's like

i'm a thief like i like

i'm a con i'm an artisan

[Laughter]

so um lucy is in shock and he's like you

meant nothing to me you were just

another mark go back to your life like

get the [ __ ] out and then leaves her in

the hotel room

or in the airbnb and and is gone

she like lucy calls her mom again and

then while she's on the phone with her

mom her mom overdoses yes and like lucy

like like mom passes out lucy like calls

9-1-1 like is like i need you to connect

me to the local 9-1-1 in connecticut

this is the address this is the garage

code my mom like you need to go get her

asap yep so she's been waiting at this

point for hours for vince to come back

and he hasn't so she writes a note um

with her contact information and she

leaves because she needs to get to her

mom who is now

um on a 72-hour psychiatric hold

um

after they pumped her stomach

um

well

like it hasn't quite cut back to vince

yet in the book but we do learn that

like she's been waiting this whole time

but vince was actually like

hiding across the street from the airbnb

waiting for lucy to leave and was like

waiting to see her actually take off

before he would actually return right

so lucy gets back to connecticut um and

her mom is admitted to the hospital she

cannot see her mom because as we said

she's on a cycle um and it doesn't sound

like it was necessarily an intentional

overdose but it was still a very serious

overdose and they're like has she been

under any stress lately and they're like

uh yeah she's been under a ton of stress

lately lucy then also like calls her

best friend naomi again

to kind of like fill her in and tell her

everything that's been going on and

naomi comes to sit with her and is like

i'll be right there don't panic you know

whatever um so then

back to vince he's been waiting this

whole time for lucy to leave and then he

makes a snap decision to go back east he

was planning to go to

um

mexico but he makes this snap decision

that he's gonna go back east

um and then he

he gets to new jersey it sounds like and

approaches the police officer who has

been investigating him this whole time

um and he says that

um then says that he will give him the

russian in exchange for immunity for

himself

and this is like one like hasn't

officially been said but he's just like

suddenly like i'm gonna go back east and

we're like but not to get lucy back like

but okay but like back up north east

where lucy also is

and like but he goes to the

the police station and the detective's

not there so then they're like he like

goes to the diner that the officer hangs

the detective hangs out obviously at the

denny's

well and then when he's like i'll give

you

what was it like gregory grigorovich or

something like a ridiculous russian mob

name no offense if your name is gregory

grigorovich

it's a safe place for you as well um

but

they like he pulls out the the knife

that had been used um at the motel very

early on in the book that is has um the

fingerprints for gregorovich yep and

he's like here's your evidence

i'll testify

i want immunity

um and then it cuts back to lucy

um her mom is out of the hospital and

she's recovering no more booze so lucy

is like dumping stuff in the sink and

clearing the house

um and lucy is really really sad that

vince isn't there but she is trying to

focus on supporting her mom

um and she so she's clear like has

poured all of the alcohol down the sink

and is taking out the garbage with all

of the empty liquor bottles and lo and

behold who's standing in her driveway it

spins what i didn't see that coming oh

my stars big surprise

yes but it's not so vince is there with

flowers for her mom

and for lucy which is sweet which is

very sweet and he introduces himself um

to her mom and tells the whole story and

lucy i remember had a whole scenario

ready for how he was like an iraq war

veteran and that's why he had all of

these tattoos and scars and [ __ ]

and

and vince was like hey i'm vince i got

out of prison about

six weeks ago

well and like her mom is like

you're honest i was i was married to a

man who wasn't so

good for you loose is kind of like yeah

mom is like very accepting very quickly

of all of this which like lucy's excited

about she introduces him to her mom she

introduces him to peanut the horse which

is also very fun

um and then they they bone on a hill

mine says he meets peanut the horse and

they [ __ ] in a field

yeah i think i think we wrote the same

thing he did basically

introduces him to mom and horse bone on

a hill

like he meets peanut they [ __ ]

honestly let's go with yours because you

know i'm a [ __ ] for alliteration i know

that you are and that's why i brought it

up at all so they [ __ ] a field big

love

but that's that's also the end i mean

there is an epilogue that we will cover

but like that's where it ends they

[ __ ] feel look

field [ __ ]

the epilogue is two months in the future

they are back out in new mexico um

and lucy's mom and peanut have also

joined them

um

her mom is apparently a low-key badass

and like takes vince's motorcycle for a

ride yep and just like takes off on the

motorcycle and then as we mentioned

before

lucy's very flighty and not great with

the birth controls yep and so

she's looking real worried and says that

she needs to talk to him and he's kind

of freaking out

and

she's kind of freaking out and

uh my notes say

uh tells him she's prego he's big happy

and asks her to marry him

i just have lucy's pregs vince proposes

um

well like i remember in the book

she's

panicking clearly that he's not gonna be

okay

but he like falls to his knees and like

puts his face in her belly and is like

crying and he's been saying he wanted

his seed in her since day two

i'm just quoting the book hannah

seed stop it johnny appleseed

johnny cash

um how many times how much weird

association can we make probably a lot

you know we could keep going but we

won't put you through that um yeah so

that's the end lucy's knocked up and

vince is very excited and proposes yep

um and they all live happily ever after

in new mexico

on the ranch with the horses and her mom

and the baby

eventually hopefully

yeah we

it doesn't go there in the book it

doesn't i'm making an assumption we are

it's an optimistic assumption here for

it um

okay so

now that we're here

what's our rating scale artisanal

sourdough loves

uh beef salami

um how many peanuts

oh yeah peanuts i was gonna say subway

sandwiches but there was all that [ __ ]

with jared and yeah we'll leave that no

one

no one

needs to bring his meat into this we

don't need to discuss a foot long at

this point

oh that's mighty generous

or a six inch

so peanuts peanuts let's do peanuts

so peanuts are pretty small are they

shelled

that feels important here

well now all i can think about is boiled

peanuts

like the time you ran your car off the

road trying to get boiled i was gonna

maybe tell that story but then i was

like maybe i won't but thank you for

bringing it up yes i did once drive my

car into a ditch because i was so

excited about a boiled peanut stand that

i didn't see the ditch

and so i drove my car into it and then

some very nice nice locals who didn't

have as many teeth as i would have

expected

had to pull me out of the ditch

and then the stand was cash only

but the guy felt so bad for me because i

guess i looked like i was gonna cry that

he gave me peanuts for free but i did go

back and pay him later oh that was nice

was it

well how are the peanuts

they were cajun and delicious

but

the point is i drove my car into a ditch

that had a little sign on it next to it

that said beware of snakes

that's where i drove my car

that's where i that's where i drove my

car

i don't think i was

i knew about the snake aspect of it yeah

and there was a group of about 10 to 12

individuals on horseback waiting to go

on a trail ride

behind me watching the whole thing as i

drove my car into this ditch with the

ass and straight in the air and then

tried to get out and my rear wheels just

spun like nothing

um

not quite the same but if it makes you

feel any better one time i was meeting a

friend for lunch

and um i was running late and the

parallel parking was very tight and it

was not my best job and i like went up

on the curb a little bit but i was like

i don't really have time to correct this

[ __ ] i'm running very late for lunch and

before i got out of my car some people

were walking down the street saw how bad

my parallel parking job was stopped

pointed laughed and took pictures of it

while i was still sitting in my car

that's pretty good yeah so that's pretty

good you know we've all been there in

our own way um

well boiled peanuts weren't part of the

story i do think the shells are

important because it just dot on me

her necklace would just look like an

amoeba if it wasn't a

shell it needed a shell yeah um

but also

i think of like cody's roadhouse and

those restaurants that like they just

peanut shells yes where you just like

just go so hard on peanuts and just

throw the shells everywhere

so

you can eat so many of them

um so i don't really have a good

50 100 like 25 what let's let's go with

50 peanuts out of 50 peanuts

um

i would give it

all right let's say

our numbers at the same time on 1

3 35.

look at us go oh god yes 35 i think 35

is a great number yeah we're just 15

peanuts shy of a bucket

yeah it's a cool seventy percent we're

passing but by the skin of our teeth

that's what this book is

you know vince did a lot of stuff by the

skin of his teeth and he sure did

yeah like it really

is it

is it essentially just codependent

bonnie and clyde abso [ __ ] lutely

yeah um is it a really enjoyable ride

and just like fun to get there even

though there are moments that you're

like oh all the cringe

okay

big cringe

sorry

well i was just thinking of the daddy

whipping scene so yeah big cringe is

appropriate yeah um

so 35 out of 50 peanuts yeah um if they

were

boiled cajun peanuts that scale might

shift a little bit but that's

that's another metric for another book

that is my preferred peanut to be honest

you know i get that that makes sense

i mean i drove my car into a ditch for

those peanuts like that's my preferred

peanut

by the way my car was fine the locals

pulled it out and they double checked it

and they were like i don't know how you

did this but there's no damage have a

great day and i drove off into the

sunset

that story feels really true to who you

are as a person

you

know i feel

like that might be insulting but i'm

gonna choose to take it as a compliment

no honestly it i didn't mean it as no no

no big insults um

i meant it more as like i feel like

you frequently find yourself in these

like comical situations that just like

always kind of play out okay that you're

like

oh really okay

everything's fine

cool sounds good how are you guys yeah

um so we're gonna go 35 out of 50

normal shelled peanuts um

let us know what you all think what you

would rate it what your favorite peanut

type is is it the cajun boiled

um it should be

i'm i feel very strong i feel like

hannah will fight you hannah will throw

hands i did once have

pickled oiled peanuts and they were

surprisingly delicious i don't even like

pickles really but they were boiled and

instead of cajun seasoning or just salt

or whatever they had like

pickles pickle brine that they were

boiled in basically they were good okay

were they better than cajun

um

they were just different and i've never

seen them before or since so i can't say

if they're better because i only had

them the one time

okay well then let's not use that metric

okay cajun only thank you unless

you have had

our great listeners

pickled peanuts pickled boiled peanuts

more than once

then we would love to hear your thoughts

welcome to the south and thank you so

much for joining us thank you we love

you smut [ __ ] smut puppies

whatever names you want to go by today

what like all names yeah it's a follow

your bliss follow your bliss um

unless your bliss falls it follows a

similar journey as lucy and vince in

some ways and then um maybe call us

before you follow your bliss and we can

produce that not us just a therapist in

general to be fair i didn't mean that as

a therapist i mormon like it'd be a

funny story to tell on the podcast

i was thinking as a therapist because i

was thinking you need therapy oh no

don't call me if you're needing therapy

no don't i do not want to walk you

through that negative ghostwriter

all right thanks for listening guys

thanks for freaking out i hope you have

a great night bye y'all

next week on smut club really even

funnier side story to me is that one of

the main guys who's like well known in

the pepper eating sure he's made a name

for himself he has i forget

johnny habanero i don't know

i'm making [ __ ] up i do not think that's

his actual name um

my cousin was watching the we're the

champions

series and she texts me and she's like

chelsea oh my gosh i recognize him

johnny habanero i'm totally making up

his name

and i was like what do you mean you

recognize him she's like when i was on a

plane

to your wedding

i was sitting next to him and he was on

his way to a pepper eating competition

and he had a really spicy pepper and he

was making a video of himself and was

like do you mind if i film duh and so

she's like

she found the video and sent it to me

and you can see her shoulder because

they're like on a small plane and she's

leaning out of the shot

she was like i think it's the

competition that they have on the

episode it was filmed amazing right she

was like i sat next to him on the way to

your johnny habanero

well that's it for this week's mutt

[ __ ]

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[Music]