Smut Club

well

hello all you beautiful people

you know what time it is

[Music]

ladies and gents

guys and dolls and everyone in between

gather round

get you something real nice to sip on

and comfy to slip on

because it's time

for smut club

here's your hosts chelsea and hannah

[Music]

hey everybody and welcome to snap smug

club not snug club

what's a snut hannah

i don't know something between

a snort and a [ __ ] like a snort

a [ __ ] snort

the way a [ __ ] snorts is called a snut

yep

look at that [ __ ] snut

i hated that sentence so much

um but hey y'all welcome to smug club um

where it's a safe space for smuts to

snut

i still hate that scent

so stop saying it i was trying to make

it better you we could have edited all

of that out and in fact we should

we should not

anyway i'm hannah and i'm chelsea

welcome to smut club we're glad you're

here

um

we hope you guys are doing great today

we decided that today we're gonna do a

joint review um i we recently if y'all

remember we did rock by j.a house which

was

a journey um there's really no other way

to describe it it was a journey yep it

was an experience for sure

and so we thought we're masochists we

should do another book by her as well

but to be fair

i really like enjoy the like the dirty

ones is our book for today i

enjoy it

at least more than rock it's it's also a

journey but in a very different way

okay so i just want to point out that

when you say that you enjoy it you said

it as a question

and that is not convincing me that you

did in fact

did i enjoy this book um

honestly i think i did enjoy it but it

was more the look on your face was one

of like really and so that was more

where i was like did i enjoy it and i

miss remembering this because your face

is holding some judgment right now it

was um and as a therapist you should

really know how to school that

um

you're frankly you're not paying me for

my lack of judgment so

well unless i feel like you and i are

the therapists that like we'll sit there

and like we we create a safe

non-judgmental space

um

but we're not afraid to look at someone

and be like

you done [ __ ] up here

go oh honey no

yeah

are you now experiencing the

consequences of your own actions i hate

that that sucks for you it does it does

and that'll be a hundred dollars

well and that is

it ties nicely into the dirty ones as

there are a myriad of consequences for

all kinds of behaviors

you know let's just let's just jump into

this because it's okay

it's a journey so

there's

gonna be a myriad of characters that

that we meet the two main ones you have

connor yep and you have kira correct

why we had to go with two hard c names

is beyond me well kira is spelled with a

k

yeah but it's pronounced with a heart c

pardon me or is conor

that's so debate for another time

we should leave that baby

yeah

yeah and um

i

did not take this book seriously

when i was outlining it in full

disclosure and so when i was outlining

it connor became connie

and kira became kitty cat

i just wrote khan

um

and then i just wrote kira

fair enough so

what i i would love if i just like

hadn't told you their names and then you

didn't remember and then you're like can

you believe what kitty cat did in that

scene

all right so the book the

the book opens

with another book it's like a book

inception yes how would you i'm not

described i'm not launching this one so

so we have our friend connor he is in an

airport

um he is buying some gum or something

and he looks over he's a montreal i

think and he sees two women fighting

over this book

and he sees the cover and it says the

dirty ones and he

flips out

and so they're fighting over the last

copy of this book in the store and so he

pulls out a stupid amount of cash like

over three hundred dollars

and says i have to buy this book

let me take it

and

they're like uh okay crazy

person and so he takes the book and then

he

it's told from his perspective at this

point so he's

kind of thinking i can't believe she did

this

you know but so he's like we are hearing

these thoughts of him like being like i

need to go confront her and i can't

believe she did this but the book was

written anonymously so titled the dirty

ones author anonymous so we don't like

we know he's upset but we don't really

necessarily understand all of the

nuances as to why but he decides he's

going to go confront whoever he assumes

released this book correct this

mysterious woman um it's also revealed

through his internal monologue that he

is running for senate and so

for some reason the consequences of this

book could be far-reaching for him as

he's launching his campaign

so he leaves the airport

rents a car and drives to vermont

to go confront this girl who we then

learn

he hasn't spoken to her in 10 years they

haven't spoken since they were in

college they have completely fallen out

of touch but he's like

this [ __ ] is the one who released the

book i'm going to go confront her

he's like obviously she wrote it because

she writes erotica and trash and so

she's the only one

who could have written this book because

that tracks logically i also just want

to throw out there like in the real

world and

my husband and i's personal lives my

husband knows at least two

grown ass men

who write lesbian erotica

names so just saying like i really feel

like conor's jump in the gun here like

there's other options

okay so

so we now pivot the book is going to go

back and forth between conor's point of

view and kira's point of view um

i guess like it's almost every some

chapters that like you need that

trade-off for

point of view and some you're like let's

just get on with it yeah so we then meet

kira

she lives in an isolated cottage in

vermont yep no self-service no tv no

internet

she has a weather radio yeah she has a

weather radio and just sits alone

in her cottage

and writes really dark

smut

and really dark erotica good for her

not disputing that at all but i'm not

i'm like

because look the whole book she's like i

have so many ideas i couldn't write them

all and i'm like what

oh we'll get there there's so much muddy

emily dickinson situation

i'm just saying like emily dickinson

never left her house and wrote all these

love poems she was agoraphobic yeah you

know i forgot that emily dickinson

honestly gun to my head i would have

said jane austen

and i'm really glad i mean possibly her

too i don't know

maybe her but she's not the one who's

known for it at the very least no she's

not

so

yeah so she lives alone and there's a

storm coming in

so he winds up getting snowed in at her

house he says that she needs to come to

new york with him it's like stomping

through her house figure out the book

right trying to pack her stuff and she's

like how about you simmer down because

we can't leave here because of this

winter storm

well and we also find out there was a

group of them in college we don't know

all of their names yet but we know there

was a group of them that were all

together so

connor shows up and it's like i can't

believe you'd write this book

and she's like

did you ask the other girls if they

wrote the book he's like well you are

the one who writes erotica she's like

plot twist all the girls in this group

write erotica [ __ ] they just use pen

names

like my husband's friends

exactly

um so

yeah my notes say some weird cult thing

question mark cause we really we don't

know like most of this book you are kept

in the dark

on a lot of stuff and like pieces just

aren't fully aligning right um there are

implications of a lot of group sex

yep um and then she well real fast this

was a whole group from college yes and

it's worth noting that

she was a scholarship student she was

where it's like a super prestigious

they're like it's like 60k a year they

mentioned that at least five times i was

like we get it it was 60k a year to go

to this school but like her grandma had

applied for a scholarship like kira's

grandma applied for a scholarship the

day kiro was born and apparently kira's

entire

lineage has also attended the school on

scholarship right so some kind of legacy

scholarship thing

um and then

i guess

i guess kara decides to take a shower or

something but somewhere in my notes it

says apparently she got shot for him at

some point when they were in college

together but there's no context for it

he just sees the scar and is like

has some kind of moment about it

um

and there's a lot of implication that

there's this secret organization that is

controlling them also real fast don't

forget that before kiara decided to take

a shower

they had to go down to connor's car to

get his bag but that was also the only

place where he had phone service so he

while they were down there with phone

service he calls one of the other guys

who had been in this group and is like

what the [ __ ] did you see that this book

came out

and they're also when like they go to

the car because apparently because she

lives in an isolated cabin it's a little

bit of a walk from her house but she's

like i'll go with you buddy system in

this book they mentioned the buddy

system if you made a drinking game out

of how many times this book mentions the

buddy system

yeah

yeah it'd be a successful drinking game

it's really what it comes down

then my notes just say pizza rolls if

i'm remembering correctly

they decide they need to eat all she has

is pizza rolls and there there's a lot

of detail about these pizza rolls and

for some reason that really stuck with

me

like

he's he's making he's organizing them on

the cookie cheek like yeah yeah and then

it's like

like so descriptive of like taking a

bite of the pizza roll i'm like okay

jesus christ like we've all had a pizza

roll

like everybody has been high at some

point in college and eaten a pizza roll

we understand the experience not just

college

i was trying to be discreet you're like

no chelsea this book is all predicated

on what happened in college for them so

that's what we're focusing on for all of

us too

no one has ever smoked in wheat outside

smoking i

we're doing really well with our words

today and i feel like it goes well

i also promise neither of us were

smoking

we weren't

even drinking no we sat down with wine i

had my first sip after we hit record so

there's no excuses this is just who we

are yeah i can accept that

so

so they eat pizza rolls is the moral of

the story and then

and while they're eating they're like

kind of talking about some stuff from

college and like kyra asks how like one

of the girls emily like asks about her

and

then we learn something happened with

emily when they were in college and

emily

is in the hospital

we then after like she asked we do learn

emily was the one who shot kira correct

yeah and so we have no context for this

we just know there was this like secret

group they were in in college kira was

shot

not shot and at some point

not to be confused with schaden yes yes

was um and emily had been aiming for

connor and kira like jumped in the way

right because she's in love with him

um

and so

then i guess they decide to go to sleep

connor sleeps on the couch

but he wakes up at some point and

um

goes to her room

and he's like

seems like she is having a sex dream

probably about me based on my

observation of her sleeping right now

so

i'm just gonna go ahead and get in bed

with her and [ __ ] her

which

i just

i

um

well when he couldn't sleep on the couch

he picked up one of her erotic novels

and then he's like maybe this is some

dark [ __ ] but like maybe it does it for

me and then he's like i guess i should

go check on her while she sleeps and

she's sleeping sleeping with the door

open because buddy system you're like

that's i don't think that's the buddy

system i think she's just lived alone

forever and is minding her own business

right um

pivot real fast oh dear

girl what

um do you remember that disney movie

heavyweights

yes

all i could think of this entire book

was like when one of the hot guys who

comes in on like the on ben stiller's

team is hitting on one of the original

camp counselors and she's like shouldn't

you be watching the kids while they're

in the water he's like i have them on

the body system because he has that like

thick accent and then he just like

starts shouting like buddy

and all the kids shout back buddy and

he's like yeah see they're fine and

that's what i thought of this entire

book

thank you for

the look on hannah's face is

both amused and

and bemused

i'm amused and bemused over here yep

that's me

so anyway they bang that's literally

what it says my notes yeah i put

honestly mine says connor can't sleep

picks up one of her books gets aroused

they bone

go to sleep

and then they wake up to banging on the

door where a plow has come through

and has cleaned the streets and then

left this like

very fancy

letter yeah that's delivered that just

says be there soon and then connor goes

and is like here like who the [ __ ] sent

you this and is like super jealous and

you're like yeah bro you haven't spoken

to the girl in 10 years mind your

business yes and the snowplow guy is

like i literally am just trying to plow

[ __ ] and deliver this letter so

i'm gonna go

um and so um

kara is like

amused that he's jealous she's like

well maybe you shouldn't have been such

a little [ __ ] and disappeared you know

um which i can appreciate this is not

the consequences of your own action well

well well

so then um hayes who is another member

of this mysterious group who for some

unknown reason in my notes i called

hazel

shows up

and is like we have to go to new york

so he takes them to his mansion well

he's like the whole all of us yeah the

whole group from college we're all

getting together at my place in new york

to figure out what the [ __ ] we're gonna

do

about this book and figure out the game

plan i have my

helicopter here so hop in my helicopter

guys

we're all gonna go on this journey

together yes and it turns out that the

note from snow plow guy was from hayes

um and he has been in contact with kira

for all these years um

so conor then realizes he is the only

member of the dirty ones who did not

keep up with kira literally everybody

else has been in contact with her

has talked to her online yeah like

everyone's with her friends and he's and

he comes in he's like

what do you even know about her these

days and they're like a lot man we've

been friends for 10 years she's like

what do you mean you've been friends for

days like what

um so like connor and hayes are having

this conversation on the helicopter

while kyra is sleeping where connor's

putting together that may be like he's

the shitty one who dropped the ball all

this time i don't know my words not the

authors but still

they get to the mansion

and everyone is already there and i go

up to the third floor library

it's in the mansion there are 97 rooms

that is also mentioned

several times through the book including

all of the originals are there including

emily yeah the one who shot kira and we

also do find out that when emily shot

kira emily then has been in a psych ward

for the last 10 years

and a new girl came in named louise yes

louise is not present although i do just

want to tell you i don't know what was

happening when i was outlining this book

but here here's the note i have about

this the other dirty ones are there

including the nutter butter who shot

kitty cat she's been in the loony bin

since then

that's what my note says about this

interchange

so honestly i want you

to try and re-review this book in like

six months without rereading it just

going off of

the notes

that you wrote but yes so but like

emily's there with like guards and a

doctor and like she like grabs kyra and

is like i have a present for you yeah

she keeps saying i have gifts for you i

have gifts for you which is not what you

want to hear from someone who's been in

a psych ward that long because

you're really only gonna get one of two

gifts from that right like macaroni art

of some kind

or

some kind of like

murder plot

like those i feel like there's no in

between you get macaroni art or murder

i feel like those are literally the only

options from somebody who's been in a

psych ward for that long because what is

she going to give them but it turns out

it is neither macaroni art nor a murder

plot at least not yet

it is a notebook that has their story in

it

um

and then my note says nutter butter runs

out and disappears so emily

escapes the room and because this

mansion has 97 rooms they can't [ __ ]

find her

in the house like literally the notes i

have say emily has guards and a doctor

she refuses to leave saying she has

presents for them call on the inside

line the present has been delivered

emily is gone

like that's really how it feels like it

happens in the book yeah she just like

disappears and then like throughout the

whole time they're in this mansion

they'll mention like and we heard

the running of feet outside the room and

hit her pattern pitter patter and then

then people chasing them like yes they

haven't found her yet

and they keep going and they're all just

in this room

and

once emily's gone hayes locks all of the

original dirty ones in the library so

that they will be safe there

and so now they're all arguing about

what to do next camille who is another

one of the dirty ones is super drunk and

is not helpful in this interchange

at all she's a [ __ ]

i like i love her because she could not

stop making references to clue

she's like she just kept being like

i guess it was a pretty emily in the

library with the candlestick right and

then when they're like they're the

conservatory later she's like are you

sure we're not in clue

she's like i called dibs on professor

plum

like outside of her clue jokes

i didn't really kind of the worst she's

really the worst i did not need her i

enjoyed her antics um and also the fact

that you don't need her will become

relevant again later oh um sorry damn

sorry so what they decided like cool

well we need to just start reading the

dirty ones out loud let's read let's

read the book let's see what the actual

story is that's listed here

and then conor was always apparently

the

rita louder of the group yes like

they're like they make reference several

times to him

always like reading books out loud to

kira and sophia yeah who was another one

who is also there who we will meet so

i'll just just to recap who all is in

the room because we've said all of the

names already we've got

connor

kira camille

hayes

bennett and sophia

and then emily's on the run somewhere in

the mansion yes and louise is not there

with them louise apparently

at this point we are told she still

lives at her parents house

and like

while hayes has tried to maintain

relationships with everyone else like

emily you're not emily louise doesn't

[ __ ] with everyone right

and so

connor does not want to read this book

but everybody kind of agrees that he

should so he starts reading it aloud

there's information in the book about

their instructions

to have sex with each other

and for kira to essentially document

their sex acts so she has to sit there

and watch all of them bang and then

write it down

because she was the scholarship student

apparently

yeah and it turns out that her she comes

from a long long line of erotica authors

so it all makes sense oh what was her

mom's book i don't remember

the seduction of sadie no jesus mary

joseph i would read that

you really would

i one of my favorite things is whenever

i open goodreads without fail at the top

of my notifications list or like like

the thread in the feed there's always

what hannah's reading and i'm always

like

i don't know if i want to read

like i'm always like i hope she doesn't

text me asking if we can review that for

the podcast because that one looks

like a very specific type of journey i

don't know if i want to go on today

which is totally fair

it's totally fair so or the other thing

that i see is that like all have like

recommended a book series to you and

i've read like the first like two or

three and i'm like all right i'm out

like i get the gist it's becoming

redundant and then i'll see your post

and it's like hannah's on book 11 in

this series

uh-huh

uh-huh and i'm like well at least you

can give me the updates for it i can let

you know if you should continue or not

perfect so sorry i sidetracked us connor

starts reading this book and then

bennett really is like fixated on like

kira being the author so like

everything connor's reading like bennett

kind of keeps interrupting and like

grilling kira about like why she wrote

it also in the book that none of them

are actually listed

by name they're all listed by initials

yes and so the opening of the book is a

lot of description about the tower that

they were in

that they met in and that does become

relevant later

um but

um

so as they're reading they find out that

emily was told that she could get out of

this

this group

if she shot connor

and so that's why

she showed up

to shoot connor and then kyra got in the

way well

there's also the added feature

future

added feature

so

um

hayes and kira had found a gun with

instructions to shoot emily and they

were like this is weird we're not gonna

do this then when they go find emily

emily also has a gun and has been

instructed to shoot connor yeah

apparently pulls the trigger

kira jumps in front of him saves the day

i.e the bullet wound in her shoulder yes

and then they continue reading and they

find out so apparently

kyra connor and sophia were

in a throuple situation

um

and they find out that

the reason for that was because sophia

was told that if she didn't get kira to

join her and conor

in their sex acts that um kira would be

killed

so and then we also find out that

bennett was and like discloses that he

was instructed to rape camille yeah so

like we kind of go like we still don't

really know what the [ __ ] is happening

with the original book where it is

suddenly like getting all of these

pieces of like they were all instructed

to like do some pretty atrocious things

that none of them were on board with

right um but kira is like real upset

because she thought the thrupple was

real between them so she feels very very

betrayed

um

connor stops reading sophia gets up to

go to the bathroom

and kind of does

a weird like wink nod thing for kiera to

co go with her and they fight and sophia

says that she um has always loved kira

and based all of her

erotica characters on kira because she's

been

like she was in love with her basically

um

and so then conor comes in

and my notes just say

connie comes in they all bang kitty

narrates awkward

minor thought mine says

so sophia and kira clear the air connor

comes in announces he wants kira

sophia's upset connor gives her a hug

she kisses him sophia and conor bone

while kieran narrates and just like

it's like whispering dirty things in

connor's ear like yeah as if it were

like a scene in one of her

erotica novels and kind of like how

she's narrating this yeah she's she's

all like look how wet she is for you

connor she's such a little [ __ ] for your

dick and it's like jesus mary what

we go from six to midnight so quickly

throughout this book where you're like

oh but like with everything in this book

you just kind of accept it as you're

going like you're like this may as well

happen why not and then you move on

so here is narrating the sex apparently

everyone hears yeah everyone hears and

then hayes confronts conor and then like

and says like here is not your future

don't do this and you're like

what well he's like you're set on

becoming president man that's why you're

starting to run for senate

let your father

they're never gonna let you

marry or be with an erotica author if

this is what you want so you need to

stop leading her on because that's

[ __ ]

um which is very nice that he is like

standing up for her in a way

i can appreciate it great reframe thank

you

so then they all go down to dinner

and camille is still very drunk

and yeah the clue jokes have now just

switched to the whodunit and

the dining room also emily's still on

the loose yeah they've read this book or

not the whole book they've read like the

first chapter they have accused each

other there's been a sex scene

and emily's still just like

wandering this house yeah she's just

doing her thing and then there's some

weird vibes between hayes and kira

that connor picks up on they're like

cutting eyes at each other and like he

is not he he is upset about it

um yeah connor i don't

he's an [ __ ] i was gonna say he's

here [ __ ] and he's like his first

thought when the book comes out i need

to go like confront this [ __ ] because i

can't believe she dropped this book and

then he goes and he's like i'm gonna

bone this [ __ ] instead

and then he find he's like wait all of

you been friends with her this whole

time yeah and then he's weirdly jealous

of his friend and the mystery note

writer and all that he's like all upset

and it's like dude

you have less than no right

it's true also they're bringing dogs in

to look for emily oh i forgot about my

dog they're like we're bringing the dogs

in i was like this is the most over the

top

[ __ ] and i'm here for it so but they

forgot to bring a copy of the book down

to the dining room with them but then

i think it's hayes it's like we don't

need the book we have kira and she

remembers the truth and like documented

all of it so

we have kira

um and so he's like can you continue the

story

and then haze and kira talk about the

first night they met louise and hayes is

like

we killed someone together

yep and then bennett is like everybody

shut up

and give me a dollar because he's an

attorney

he's a lawyer it wasn't a weird stripper

thing he's a lawyer so he's like

everybody shut up stop talking

give me some money i'm now your attorney

um

so that way you know all the privilege

or whatever and then he's like you know

what i think that camille and i are just

gonna go because at this point camille

is three and a half sheets to the wind

and he's like we just i'm like benedict

we have to go meet his dad and

they're like you're a grown man and he's

like you know how my dad is i'm bringing

camille with me because

buddy system

buddy

yep

um so let's not forget the flashback

because they're like weak like haze and

cure like we killed someone that first

night and then we do have like a we go

back to the scene where

hazing here are at the tower louise

shows up like dressed very nicely and

heals and then it's like all right i was

given instructions we have to kill

someone it's a man in the basement

and then they're like kill him no

and then they they do yeah they kill him

and then they discover that there's a

tunnel from the tower to a cemetery yep

and so they bury him and that's their

first night

so so the way that it's structured they

are paired off basically um and so then

each saturday one pair has to go to the

tower to receive instructions

kira has to be there every saturday to

document and so this was

hayes and

louise's first night

and so in case it wasn't obvious already

um

it was haze and louise

camilin bennett and then sophia and

connor yes and emily was originally

matched with hayes but then obviously

when you shoot someone you lose those

privileges correct

hey there's my puppies

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is to talk about smut club

all right i won't keep you any longer

let's get back to the show

[Music]

um so then there are two bedrooms in

this like wing

um

that they're staying in while they're

still searching for emily

all right i did have questions on that

because from my interpretation of the

book and tell me if i was interpreting

it wrong

hayes had lot they after dinner he locks

them back in the library when they've

asked about bathrooms he was like yeah

off of like those doors but don't you

like only use these bathrooms not those

because those ones are accessible from

the outside hall as well but it sounds

like there's two bedrooms that are only

accessible through the library yeah okay

not just me no okay yeah

um this this house wasn't well planned

or maybe it was maybe they were like

someday there is going to be another

butter running around this house and we

need to be able

to have a safe sequestered area

for an extended period you know i do

feel

like back in the day when they were

making mansions they were really like of

that caliber they were planning for some

contingencies they were planning ahead

yeah like i've never built a house and

been like

i really need to think about if there's

ever a threat but i want to keep

sleeping

correct

so then connor um and hayes continue to

kind of argue about kira

connor finds out that hayes has been

basically having lunch dates and movie

dates with kira like once a month

forever

and he's like what the [ __ ] well i'm

like when they were on the helicopter

earlier

connor was like i mean i bet this is the

kira's first time on a 12 million dollar

helicopter and then hayes is like

i pick her up for lunch once a month man

like

connor is very like

i want to be with kira now but there's

really been like little conversation

between them

yeah and they hadn't talked in 10 years

like he shows up at her house accuses

her of writing this book

they [ __ ] and then he's like

dibs

eternal dibs basically and i can't

forgive the last 10 years which does

come into play because then he goes into

the room with kyra gets naked and gets

into bed with her and then it switches

to her point of view she is dreaming

about an orgy and there's a lot of

detail about who's doing what and she

the dream orgy was like a christmas

party that they all attended in college

together and then bennett is in the

dream telling her that this is wrong and

she's like if this is wrong i don't want

to be right

and then she wakes up to

uh connor in the bed

um and they [ __ ] again

and kyra

continues her dirty talk but this time

she does it as if sophia is with them

she's like what would sophia be doing

right now if she was with us

um

and then

that's weird to me but okay well

yes that the well was not going to be a

quality yes absolutely that was weird

also worth noting when they went back up

to the library

sofia was like

i'm gonna buddy system with haze tonight

and so

like haze and sofia were off in their

room connor and kira are in theirs they

bone again they go to sleep and then

they wake up

to sophia

and hayes coming and joining them

um

for a more recent group sex scene yeah

not just a memory and i had a lot of

questions about this group sex because

just the the

physics of it the logistics are very

difficult they don't track no

they don't track so it says they all

[ __ ] connie's in sofia's ass

hayes is eating her out while

connie eats out kitty who is sucking off

hazel how that's my nose

no i remember actually having thought

when they were like i'm like okay so

wait hayes is not haze connor's laying

on his back right

in sofia's ass correct

no was he sitting up at one point i just

remember they were suddenly like yeah

now he's eating out keira and i was like

i paused and i like went back a couple

of paragraphs to reread because i was

legit trying to figure out the logistics

of like how short is sophia and how tall

is connor that

kara wasn't sitting on sofia's face

which again which would be fine in this

group sex contest but the thing that

like once again i got annoyed with conor

about is that at some point once again

the logistics of this are

are hazy

um

kira

is

riding hayes's dick right and hayes

seems close to finishing and conor's

like i can't have another man come

inside her so she he pushes kira

off haze's dick and then pushes her face

down so hayes will come and cure his

mouth

and once again

the logistics of this scene

also if you hear that slight rhythmic

vibrating

sound in the background um it is my dog

snoring on the ground

he

really likes to be right next to us so

on the ground next to where

where

where

we're

recording

that was so hard to get out um

he we have a little dog bed for him that

he lays on but i have a pug and

he's

he's not a quiet snorer no honestly

they're snuffleupagus there are nights

where him and my husband trade off and

i'm like i guess i'm just not gonna

sleep tonight because the two of you are

just really making their own symphony

so there's the group sex scene

that the logistics

really

don't make sense yeah connor so the next

morning conor wakes up hayes is gone but

the girls are still sleeping so connor

decides he's gonna go find hayes but

then like here's footsteps behind him in

the hall and like a

giggling and then suddenly emily is in

front of connor right because he's lost

in this stupid house because there's 97

rooms right so then he sees her but he

doesn't know where he is and she tells

him that um she didn't shoot kira

and he has no idea what's actually going

on

and then hazel starts yelling for him

and so he turns around

i'm just going with the names i made up

now

you're like but i like all the names i

made up yes like hey

hazel hayes shouts that um like come

find me in the conservatory but then

emily is like telling conor like your

memories are false and i didn't do it

and you need to know the truth

um so when when hayes shouts for conor

he like

turns his head to hear where the

shouting is coming from but then when he

turns back emily is gone again

so then when connor goes to like get to

like finds hayes hayes is like oh no

emily was found last night she was like

hiding in the what was it the dumb

waiter yeah something like that i don't

know

um and she's been back at the hospital

for a few hours already and connor's

like what the [ __ ] cause i saw her and

she told me not to believe anything yep

and then they switch gears and start

talking about the night before

and hayes is like i want us all to be

together like why can we not do that

like i've been in love with sophia

forever like let's just do this thing

um

and so

then conor is like i cannot do this with

you people right now i have to go to

work so he leaves well but something

else that we find out in this exchange

between them

is that hayes knew about the book first

oh right right so like

connor thought he had brought everyone's

attention to it when he called bennett

at the beginning of the book and told

him about it and hayes was like

no i already knew about it we need to

finish the book

we need to know how it ends and connor's

like we were all there we know how it

ends and hayes was like do we do

[Music]

and then conor's father it calls and is

like you need to come back so we can

talk logistics about your campaign

um yeah so then connor's like i have to

leave and go to work

and then but i also i interpreted that

seem a little different i didn't

interpret it as them all wanting to be

together i interpreted it as like or

haze wanting all of them to be together

i interpreted it as haze

being like

yeah that was fun i've been into sofia

for a really long time

i read it as like not not so much that

we're gonna have a polyamorous thing but

more of like

i want us to like have like do life

together like i want to continue these

yes yes

yes and maybe if group sex happens again

that's cool but like yes he's been in

love with sophia which is helpful for

conor's jealousy over him and kira

um but then yeah so then he goes to work

uh

sophia and kira wake up in bed together

they have a nice moment um where they're

both like you're super hot

and

that's how i read it anyway

um i would say that's about how the

debrief went yeah like i will say it's a

very sex-positive book it is while

there's like

some sexual trauma that they all

apparently experienced in college

together like present-day them they're a

very sex

positive sex forward

group yeah they're good with it

um so

so then hayes comes in and is like you

guys need to get dressed we're going to

go to sofia's in the city

um like hayes mansion is out in long

island

and kira live not kyra sophia lives like

in new york city proper and he's like

we're gonna go to sofia's and keep

figuring this out

um

so they go

and kira feels very out of place

she so sofia lives in a hotel don't

forget though

when hayes tells them this hayes is also

like also we're all going to a party on

saturday oh yeah it's a mandatory party

[ __ ]

mandatory fun

you will have fun at this party damn it

pretty much yeah so hayes is like

we're all gonna go to this party on

saturday i texted bennett and camille as

well like this is something all of us

are doing together

and the parties at louise's yes because

we need to confront her like she's the

missing piece in this blah blah blah

so

um they go to sofia's kira feels very

out of place sophia lives in this

massive penthouse at the top of a hotel

it's a gorgeous place

and um camille lives across the street

in a penthouse there and they can see

into each other's apartments which will

become relevant later

um and like because

sophia and camille are both erotica

writers as well but underpin names

they'll sometimes each sit on their

individual terraces like

across the street from each other but

like right together and then kyra's kind

of like oh like that's nice oh i live in

a cottage in vermont where all i have is

a weather radio to keep me company

maybe it would be nice yeah

um and then we switched to connor um at

work bennett is there apparently he's

the like attorney for his campaign or

something like that and camille is with

bennett um they're there with papers for

connor to sign to declare his candidacy

for the senate um and conor just does

not want to sign he's like i

don't want to do this like he's

10 years in he's like maybe

my parents have been setting my life

goals for me and this isn't what i want

no and it just took [ __ ] kira to

realize this

magic [ __ ]

so

i mean

it must be it must be well and so then

camille and ben

or no i have as ben shorthand what what

names did camille and bennett get in

your phone hannah penny and cammy

well at least you know who those ones

are i do know who those are

so then connor's dad shows up to his

office as well and like he's like sign

the [ __ ] paperwork and then connor

starts to be like i don't want to sign

the paperwork because i don't even know

if this is what i want for my future but

like as he's starting to push back to

his dad for the first time

hayes text him and he's like don't

confront him just sign the paperwork

like right go along with the plan

um i i have something in the works we

can't we can't rock the boat right now

like just do what he wants so he does

and then well and conor's dad is like

knows he started hanging out with the

dirty ones from college against music

you need to stop hanging out with them

and like nothing can ever happen with

like that kira girl because

um everything that happened your senior

year was because of her and i have had

to work so hard to extract you from this

right to clean up this mess yes so we're

still not like 1 000

at this point i think we might be like

60 of the way through the book i could

be off on this

um i don't know but like far enough that

i'm like we are still

completely in the dark about what

actually happened yeah we we don't know

except that there was a lot of weird

coerced sex

and then also apparently they were

having

group sex together outside of

the the mandatory sex at the tower they

were going to parties together they were

hanging out together yeah at that point

like their group had really just like

solidified and bonded so then pretty

much any chance they got they were all

just like [ __ ] like rabbits

i just imagine it like them sitting

around at a party kind of being bored

and then just being like orgy orgy orgy

and then like finding

a semi-private place

imagine just like being at a party with

them with no context and yes that is my

dog snoring

oh brandon brandon we love a good pug

who is a little overweight we do

those are the best kind so then hayes

comes and picks up connor from work and

they have dinner with sophia and kira

and um it's really nice like they have a

really nice time of this like weird

alternate domestic bliss after all of

the chaos and group sex that they had

and then conor realizes that it's not

just hayes and kira that have been

hanging out without him it's literally

everybody yeah we find out that like

haze and sofia have been hosting game of

thrones parties together every week for

like years

and they're like oh connor do you want

us to add you to the facebook group so

you can be invited and he's like what

the [ __ ] there's a facebook group for

all of this yep but then when they're

all hanging out on the couch afterwards

like

haze and sofia are coupled up and then

kyra and connor are coupled up and like

connor kind of has this moment where

he's like yeah this is how we're all

gonna move forward together like i don't

think we'll ever

have an accidental orgy again

um

and they'll be a couple and will be a

couple so i just want to say i just want

to point out

accidental orgy would be an excellent

band name

like i am into that

hannah i'm not gonna lie if you text me

tomorrow and you're like like and we

were trying to find a recording date and

you were like so sorry i'm not free that

night i'm gonna go see accidental orgy

play i'd be like

that is exactly the band i expected

to go see

zero part of me would be surprised so

before we started recording i told

chelsea that somebody called me a crazy

queer cat lady because i had on a shirt

that had a cat on it who's wearing

rainbow sunglasses and socks that have

cats on them and a sweatshirt that had

socks on them and it wasn't intentional

but it's a thing that happened and your

hair has some rainbow highlights and my

hair has has rainbow colors in it

presently and so

um

yeah

yeah so

somebody was like you look like a crazy

queer cat lady which is very on brand so

so accidental orgy and crazy queer cat

lady are like the brand

for me apparently

because

no one has been surprised

you know

although i guess it's good that i'm

consistent

yeah people know what they're gonna get

exactly they do

so

back to the book

um

so my notes say

my notes say kitty and connie make sweet

sweet love and she goes to write it down

in a notebook in sofia's office

um i have

conor has small existential crisis that

all of them have been friends and

interacted a lot over the last 10 years

they couple off connor vows to kira that

he'll never cheat on her and will never

leave her again they have a solidifying

[ __ ] that was what i put as my note

like and i was like all right well we we

just boned so i guess this is as good as

a contract deal is sealed yes so after

the sweet sweet love

which would be the first album for

accidental orgy

it would be sweet sweet love

but then there will be a track on that

album called solidifying [ __ ]

does anyone currently listening want to

make this album please oh my god please

we will listen

i won't say we'll both go to the shows

if you're if it's good we'll both go to

the shows if not hannah will go just for

the name

and then i'll tell her to report back

and i will buy a ticket probably but not

go

because i want to support you

um but i also don't want my ears to

bleed

you're making a lot of assumptions here

and a lot of judgments but anyway i'm

honestly just more trying to cover my

bases because what i don't want to have

happen is someone records the album and

then it's not good and then i'm

committed to going to the show fair um

so i'm what you hear me doing is giving

myself an out if it's necessary but i

really want to hear the album and see

where it goes in the future but yes to

your point they have their solidifying

[ __ ] and then kyra's like i'm gonna like

can't sleep and she's like i'm gonna go

journal about this in sofia's office yep

so then connor wakes up sees that she's

gone

and goes to find her

um the reason that he wakes up is

because camille has been calling and

texting kira's phone

that she needs to call her

kyra needs to call camille immediately

right

so

y'all buckle up because things are about

to take a turn i was not prepared

mentally or emotionally for what what

happens next so

conor so if you don't want like

i mean to be fair the rest of the

episode is probably

um what word am i going for

what spoiler that's the word i was going

i mean it's all spoilers but

um this could be i've only had one glass

of wine and i couldn't think of the word

spoilers this could also be

very triggering if that is also very

true if there's any kind of like if you

have any uh emotional upset around like

suicide or anything like that you

probably want to stop listening now um

because conor goes to find

kira um he talks with her

um and she's convinced that he read her

the great gatsby and he is like i

literally have never read that book yeah

he's like i failed a english lit class

because i didn't read that book but he's

like so i guess what we learned here

roughly is that

when they were in college kira used to

make homemade journals from other book

covers and so she would like hand stitch

and hand sew the pages in and had all of

these like homemade journals right so

connor is like oh yeah you had that

great gatsby journal she's like no i

never did this with like the great

gatsby and yeah i would never yeah and

she's like you read the great gatsby to

us all the time but i never had a

journal and he's like what the [ __ ] yes

you did like i've never read the great

gatsby but i sure as hell remember

you having a great gatsby journal and so

we're like realizing that their memories

are not they don't man yeah so then they

look across the street

to camille's apartment and they see

camille and bennett also it's like

almost 4 a.m yes they see camille and

bennett fighting through the window and

it looks like they're yelling at each

other they're a little bit concerned

because it's super heated and getting

kind of aggressive well and then

connor's like oh yeah camille text you

keira that like she needed to talk

right

so then camille goes out onto the

terrace and they see that camille has a

gun

and so they then go out onto

sofia's terrace right so

now

camille and bennett are on the terrace

across the street

um and uh

kira and

connor are

are watching and they're yelling at them

um trying to figure out what the [ __ ] is

happening and then bennett gets the gun

from camille and she's just starts

screaming over and over that she can't

do this she can't do this and sophia and

hazel were haze so sorry sophia and

hayes were upstairs

in this penthouse and there's another

terrace so they come out on the terrace

upstairs and they're also screaming like

what is happening what is going on like

everyone is telling camille like go back

inside please go back inside let's all

talk about this right camille just like

is inconsolable and i was like i can't

do this i can't do this i can't do this

yeah so then she gets up on the railing

of the balcony

and she jumps

and everybody is like what so there's

like this beat of what the [ __ ] just

happened and then they hear a gunshot

and they look and bennett has shot

himself in the head

yeah it really

escalated super fast

it did we went from like

conor and kira's solidifying [ __ ]

to

camille and bennett almost felt like

they were romeo and julietting it yeah

yeah but like we still don't really once

again there's a lot of details we don't

really know here and we're not quite

sure what's happening so obviously other

people have woken up because everyone's

been shouting and detectives show up and

start questioning

they're super suspicious of kira and

she's like what do you think i did i was

across the street they killed themselves

like what and so it's all very very

weird well and like

camille had been had like called her

lawyer earlier that day and

named all of the dirty ones so

like earlier in the day all of their

names were associated with each other

and camille called her lawyer but like

what the [ __ ] did you call her lori

about we have no idea right

um so then um hayes is like listen we're

gonna all go to vermont and stay at

keira's

um

he tells connor that he needs to go talk

to his dad

and

ease his mind or whatever

yeah and then meet them in vermont don't

forget though while the detectives are

there

they like somehow mention i honestly

don't fully remember because

everything's a little convoluted

um

they mentioned like emily wasn't

returned to the psych hospital she's

very much still at large hayes lied yes

hayes completely lied when he said she'd

been found in the dumbwaiter thing or

whatever the hell she was found in um

and she is still out there in the

universe yeah

so then they have this plan conor's

going to go talk to his dad

hey because it is the day of the party

yeah so the party that hayes was like

we're all gonna go to this [ __ ] party

um the party that louise is hosting is

connor's

announcement

i'm running for senate official launch

party

so then hayes is like connor you gotta

go like appease your dad because

he'll he'll know something's off um and

you gotta go do damage control and so

then his dad is like cool you're gonna

stay at louise's but he refers to her as

dr livingston's for the night right

and um

kyra was like he can't go by himself

buddy system and they're like please

stop

they're like it's gonna be fine he has

to go you can't go with him like his dad

hates you blah blah blah so then um

conor goes to talk to his dad and

his dad is like yeah we're gonna go to

dr livingston's um connor is like no i'm

not doing that you know i have to go i

have [ __ ] to do two of my best friends

just committed suicide in front of me

like i'm not doing this with you right

now so then he gets hit over the head

and drugged

yeah like you just know connor pissed

off his dad when

also connor was like i need a new phone

because the police have mine and she's

like what do you mean the police have

your phone i'm like i don't think that's

that abnormal after an event like this

yeah then suddenly conor gets hit over

the head um and then he wakes up

tied to a bed

and like when he wakes up they're like

oh he's awake and they like give him

more meds yeah and then he's like kind

of in and out and he wakes up at one

point and emily is there

and she is telling him that he knows

everything he knows all of it but they

they make you forget she just keeps

saying they just gave me they made you

forget don't let them know you know the

truth you know all of it but he's like

in this drug-induced haze so

once again we're like we don't really

know what

there's really no

um context reliable narrators like

everyone in this book is a horrific

historian yes and we're going to find

out why yeah to be fair it will make

sense but up until at this point you're

like reading see i like that you said

that it will make sense it won't

i i'm here to mediate expectations

that's not

it's not gonna make sense it won't

it like covers the bases

i think when you read it you're like oh

okay i get it and then afterwards you

like close the book and you sit down and

you're like

no i still have a lot of questions all

right a minute

so okay so then haze um

they do wind up going to kira's when

conor doesn't show up they're all kind

of freaking out that he's not there you

know what we completely forgot to

mention we're processing this so kira

lives

in this cottage oh on a lake also the

cottage is attached to like or on the

property of a main house that's the

house kira grew up in but apparently

her mom left the house to

in a stage yeah that was like that the

college that she attended was over so

kier was only left with this cottage not

the original house but keira lives on

the other side of a lake

from this college you can see the

college you could like take a boat

across the lake to get to the college

yes

so um they're all kind of freaking out

where is connor like something must be

wrong blah blah blah

and hayes is like you know we need to do

we need to go back to the tower and the

girls are like are you high right now

that is not what we need to do we need

to find connor blah blah blah blah so

and hayes is like let's just go to the

tower and everything will make sense

will it when we get that was haze's

words not mine this time

we're like everything will make sense

when you get to the tower so

haze takes them to the cemetery

where they're walking around and from

earlier like oh yeah there's that tunnel

that connects the cemetery to the tower

but then when they're looking around

there's no tower there is no tower

there's zero tower and then

like hayes is like you wrote a book but

it's not what you think and then he's

like it all actually happened it didn't

happen in a tower it happened on the top

floor of the theater

which just can i just

something about it happening on the top

floor of the theater of the college just

made me like

like okay so so

was there a college improv group having

a show

beneath them while [ __ ] was going down

in the attic like like

just something about it

sorry like it really troubles me like

why

well let's let's finish it then i think

we can so

like

hayes is like it all happened on the top

floor of the theater

and um you know what happened that night

so you start to realize like or maybe

not start do you realize hayes knows

more than he's let on this whole time

and then we find out he's like the whole

thing was a cover-up and he's like emily

didn't shoot you kira

connor's dad did oh my stars so i bet

none of y'all saw that coming not even a

little bit because then we flashed back

to that night so it is an alumni party

um all of the dirty ones are there

um along with their parents who are all

also alumni

and kiera's mom is flirting with

connor's dad right

very blatantly very obviously everyone

sees this happening and conor's dad is

well known for

philandering

so

not being philanthropic

not no

just philandering just don't worry don't

get your

don't get your fills mixed up

don't confuse your films

philandering philanthropy classic mix up

here

yes so his connor's dad is like known

for like oh yeah like it's kind of like

a different woman each year at these

events

and then sophia and camille go and

approach

kira at this alumni dinner to kind of

like like they see it happening as well

they don't know her super well because

she was a scholarship kid and was on the

fringes but like kind of a loner yeah it

seemed like they were trying to be

kind

and like they saw it happening like

didn't want her to bear that weight

alone right so they're like we know the

secret spot where connor's dad takes his

women like let's go hahaha right so then

it switches to connor's point of view

um

and conor is super drugged up

and it turns out louise is a

psychiatrist she is not their age she is

significantly older and then he also

flashes back to that night my favorite

though is like

connor on a bunch of meds just looks at

louise and he's like you can't be louise

you're old

which i'm like damn louise is not

innocent but like

way to kick a woman while she's dead

right she's having a tough day um so

he flashes back to that night

and he had seen kira around for all the

years they'd been in school and been

really drawn to her but never really

approached her and then that night he

joins up with kira sophia and camille

and hayes and they all decide they're

gonna go

like

spy on his dad and it's gonna be funny

and like let's go to the the cemetery

well it almost seems like they all like

got there by chance because like here it

kind of goes with like sofia and camille

and then it sounded like

connor and hayes were kind of like

leaving to do their own thing

and then saw them then followed them and

then they're walking and they see

bennett is making out with emily by a

tree and they're like cool

where are you going

yeah so then they just joined the party

and then all of them collectively sneak

into the arlington family mausoleum

which is connor arlington yeah so they

sneak into the family mausoleum

and they're all kind of hiding and

giggling whatever and then conor's dad

comes in with kiera's mom

and they are they can't really see them

because they're hiding but they can hear

them and emily is kind of like poking

her head around trying to see what's

going on

and then connor's mom shows up

with a dude

and a gun

i was like i'm getting rid of this

year's trollop she's like turnabout's

fair play [ __ ] also i'm taking somebody

out and so she starts shooting

and or shooting starts i think there's a

struggle for the gun it's very unclear

yeah it's very like because they

couldn't really see they're like it was

all kind of chaos but like all we know

is that like at the end of the chaos the

random dude connor's mom had with him

was dead

and kira was shot right conor's dad

shoots kyra like connor's dad ends up

with a gun somehow

and then he shoots kyra

um and then um

conor comes out of that flashback louise

says that she's going to drug him again

and he shrugs it off

yeah it's like get in line or you get

another syringe right and he's like okay

and he remembers that hayes told him to

go along with whatever his dad was

saying and just like go along with it

because there's a plan like you're gonna

be okay well and also when conor came

out of that flashback or that memory um

he looks in on the table his dad has a

copy of the dirt of the dirty ones book

that was recently published anonymously

and

he has kira's homemade great gatsby

journal from college right and he has

them both there yes

um and he's like i literally have no

idea what the [ __ ] is happening

i'm not trying to get drugged again so

they're saying like either you go make

this speech or we are going to drug you

again and he's like

bet let's go make a speech

i'm a little high well and then like

kieran hayes and sophia all get to the

party and they see louise and they're my

favorite is that once again like kiera

and sophia are like that can't be louise

she's old and he says like she was she

was always old yeah she was never young

ever in her life her life

it was like a benjamin button situation

she was just thinking about halfway

through she just went back up the other

way she never stopped he went there

um so they're there at the party

um

super freaked out really worried about

connor and then they see him and

kyra's like he is not okay you know he's

very pale he's a little sweaty like he

really really does not look okay and so

then connor starts his speech

um

and he

like

locks eyes with kyra across the room and

instead of announcing that he is running

for senate he announces that he is in

love with kira

um and that she is an erotica author

and explains the whole story about how

his dad shot her

and um outs kira as the author of the

dirty ones

and then emily hayes and sophia

corroborate the story well and well i i

do think you're missing a piece of the

story that's like going so yes louise is

the psychiatrist oh right you're right

but one of the things are like my

favorite i love how dramatic it was

because like connor like starts the

speech and then sees kira

and he puts down his speech and it's

like kira come on stage with me

and he's like i love i love this erotica

writer and no one can tell me otherwise

i love this woman and then he

like picks up the dirty ones and he's

like this book explains my father's

choices and this old hoe louise over

here

who was never young

i'm like how haggard does she look

um she's

off louise was drugging us for months on

end and feeding us fake stories right so

apparently louise created all these

false memories of the group sex and of

emily shooting kira

and of the the instructions that they

received to have sex and all this stuff

so it turns out that louise was just a

dirty old lady and would drug them up

and make them have sex together she did

not take the hippocratic oath seriously

as a psychiatrist nor did she honor her

code of ethics

very correct um yeah and then louise

made kira write it all down so that it

would be

true yeah and then and then

conor would read back what kira wrote as

like a i guess a way to solidify these

false memories

um

and so then connor's dad is like it's

all lies none of it's real

but then suddenly emily's there

emily that girl is mobile for someone

who's been locked in a psych ward for 10

years she gets around she really does

and so she pops up like when connor's

dad is like it's all lies and emily in

my head she's still wearing the scrubs

from the psych hospital is like

no it's true and he blamed me for

shooting kieran had me locked up you're

like she's like she pops up like a

whack-a-mole at random points throughout

this book and it's like we can't keep

her down she's coming for you so then

emily's on stage with connor and kyra

then the rest of them all go up and

they're all like it's true and they're

all corroborating each other's stories

and they all hold hands together and

then walk out

holding hands yeah and then my notes say

everybody gets arrested

right i'm like details of the aftermath

of or detail the aftermath of the arrest

louise

um

conor's dad there was a random dude who

was on like

the campaign team who was somehow

involved but he i think his name was

stephen he was only mentioned like twice

the entire book so we didn't really [ __ ]

with steven

um but then hayes had actually been what

we learned then after all of this has

come out is that hayes had actually kind

of been the first to start unraveling

the truth and realizing things weren't

quite right

um and that like kira had actually never

been taken to the hospital after she was

shot and they were all locked in a room

together to get their stories right so

right so she received treatment from the

university

like infirmary yes and then haze

as he's kind of like

piecing this together that things aren't

quite right

their their monthly lunches where he

would pick her up in the helicopter he

was actually taking kyra to see a

hypnotist

to get the truth um but then she doesn't

remember it but then during those

hypnotism sessions was when she wrote

the dirty ones and so it wasn't what

they all thought had been released this

entire time was her journal of all of

their sexual acts right but that's not

the case she actually wrote the real

story

but what killed me about this whole

hypnotist thing is they explained kira

forgetting the hypnotist sessions by

saying that the hypnotist made her

forget at the end of every session

and i just y'all that's not how memory

works that's not how brains work and i

i'm so troubled well what i

the part that like kind of threw me in

all this is that like haze is aware that

the hypnotist is making here at like

bringing these memories to the surface

and then like

burying them again once kiera's written

the pages so kira did write the book

um but then hayes just like shopped the

book around and got it published

um without talking to her about it at

any point because he thought that would

kind of like kick everything into motion

so in the in very modern day

the book has been republished but all of

their names are on it because they're

all the dirty ones

right and um so we find out that louise

was charged with a bunch of stuff but

never went to trial because she died in

a very suspicious

car accident

like a couple days before the trial

started right and then conor's dad is in

prison for like at least 30 years steve

is in prison i guess whatever yeah that

was his name i keep freaking um and then

um yeah and then it's five years later

epilogue

epilogue um connor and kira get married

um connor

has

you know he is a lawyer

he just never really like he went to law

school passed the bar never practiced

because he was on his parents like track

to ten years ago

become a politician so

he and kyra get married and then he

opens a little law practice in vermont

and then each year on the anniversary of

camille's

passing he live streams

reading one of her famous books online

to all of her fans and it's this like

cathartic thing for everyone um kyra's

pregnant

oh yeah and then haze and sofia are

married with two kids now and kiera and

sophia

are writing erotica together now but

sophia is no longer using a pen name

yep and then they all live happily ever

after y'all and and that's the end and

and here's ellen connor never runs for

senate he doesn't

people really want him to

i guess but he doesn't and and

also they talked about how he'd run for

a lot of like different political

positions before and always lost so i

don't know why everyone is like suddenly

on his dick

to be senator when i'm like

he lost some smaller places that were

probably where you should start that

i just so okay

here's the issue i have

with j.a us in general it's not not just

this book but like all the plot holes

oh no it's

if you don't understand something

you don't have to write about it

like if you don't understand

memory and how the brain works and

mental health

you don't have to write about it that's

the same issue i had with rock like baby

if you don't understand dissociative

fugue states then don't write about it

does not everyone rock climb during a

dissociative fugue state i mean i'm sure

someone has

but

not like that

yeah i

i do feel like there's some like

the research needs to be more thorough

right because you have these things that

happen and i'm like it feels like you

googled this

you're like you read this on wikipedia

baby like you googled like how to

hypnotize

and then

you're like that tracks and then like

but it was like someone's home blog that

you read the instructions from like a

mommy blog but for

major mental health problems

and hypnotists

i just

okay

i did enjoy this far far more than rock

yes i'll give you that because i i love

a good

murder mystery i love a good whodunit i

love

the kind of like

i love a good like

20s era great gatsby and there's a lot

of like like sophia's penthouse is very

like deco and like

but i don't necessarily feel like we

like

like you read this i think what like my

thing with j.a haas is that like

you end that like the books always have

a lot of questions and then there's like

this very quick wrap up at the end

and she's like i covered all my faces

and everyone reading is like

you did not well it's like

if you're gonna have plot holes which i

understand happen but things cannot all

be all wrapped up every time i

understand that and i will give you

license for that but if you're going to

do that then what you write about

should make sense

also

like if you want me to buy into these

plot holes i'm gonna need there to not

be a random hypnotist who meets with

somebody for one hour once a month that

can bring up memories and then make that

person forget both the memories and the

hypnotist session okay hannah but i

think what you're forgetting here is

that hayes and kira had been friends for

years and conor didn't know

so it wasn't like i honestly my thought

was like how long was kira seeing this

hypnotist once a month to bring this to

fruition also just like ethically

um was hayes sitting in the room during

the hypnotist it didn't sound like that

it did sound like he was just sitting

there which i'm like

as a therapist i wouldn't say just bring

in a random friend and to sit in the

corner of your session where here's the

other thing i'm like is this like a

party party trick hypnotist making

people quack on stage and [ __ ] or is

this like a hypnotherapist that has been

trained in some way like i just i

i can't like i just i can't

get there i can't

i can't

um so how many hypnotists would you rate

this book

well

apparently it only took one

so

one part-time hypnotist is your final

rating

yup

um

i'm gonna give the book

like four homemade journals

out

out of 20

out of 15.

i don't know like honestly like

it's a it's super ridiculous it's super

over the top i think this is a fun one

it is like if i had to sit down and

choose between reading this and rock

again oh this one dirty every day

for sure and i do think for the very for

a very specific audience i would

recommend this book sure

i

i would not recommend

rock most of the time

i have out of spite

like someone wanted a book

recommendation and you were like

i hate this person so i'm going to

recommend raw yes or i thought their

reaction would be really funny and so i

was like you will hate this

tell me how you feel hannah you've got

to stop doing that why like your

co-worker who's like i want to read some

smut and you were like here's some

reverse harem done a viper [ __ ] and they

were like oh

we have different definitions of smut

like

you know exactly what you're doing when

you make these referrals

i do

and i don't feel bad like i don't feel

bad

maybe i should

but but i don't

you know at least you can own it about

yourself

listen i'm the crazy queer cat lady

who's into accidental orgy i mean i feel

like making intentionally bad book

recommendations is also on brand

no one's gonna trust your book

recommendations

you're gonna be like oh you should

totally read this one it was so good and

they're gonna be like

fool me one santa i will tell people i'm

like this is really bad you should read

it

but if somebody is genuinely asking me

for a true like good book recommendation

i will be i'll be serious about it

once

and once is all you get and then yep

just like one part-time hypnotist that's

it

yeah that is a good point between like a

party trick hypnotist and like a

hypnotherapist

you're like what

what is your schooling in education

right are you making people do the

chicken dance on stage or were you

making carrot do the chicken dance while

she was relaying this

traumatic experiences but also my other

question because it's like a full-length

book that the dirty ones was released as

um it's a pretty quick story

in what actually happened where because

because they keep being like

oh well if we actually sat down and we

all got to the mansion at the beginning

of the book

and conor was reading out loud if we'd

pushed through another chapter two the

real truth would have come out we would

have all been able to like formulate

this game plan moving forward so i'm

like how long was the book

if we're gonna get those answers well

how fast was conor reading i don't know

i don't know i just

that's the review guys

that's the review we have four out of 15

to 20 homemade journals and one partner

part-time hypnotist not a hypnotherapist

um that is our final offer on the radio

in this book but it truly it is a fun

it's a fun read it is a fun read you'll

have a lot of questions that will go

unanswered that we will commiserate with

you when you get there um actually well

we've already you already listened to

the whole review you probably don't

don't have the same questions

i mean you might

because i don't think we answered them

you know that i if anything i think our

debrief has caused more questions than

answers so yeah that's it four out of 15

to 20 homemade journals and one

part-time hypnotist is our final review

let us know your thoughts on this one

thanks for coming and having fun with us

today have a great day gentle reader

what no

i hated that i hated that as it was

coming out of my mouth but i did it all

right gentle reader you heard me

i

like that made me feel

like what i imagined when you said

gentle reader was you like caressing the

back of your hand down someone's face

being like hey gentleman really intense

eye contact yes like no no blinking

anyway we apologize my husband asked for

a smut shout out so here it is babe yeah

that's it hey matt you're great i've

never actually had the chance to meet

you in real life

um

you're great i can't wait for that that

day to be upon us at some point yeah

we'll just keep doing this forever yeah

we hope you have a wonderful rest your

day bye

next week on smut club um we were having

a conversation recently about

wanting to give you a name other than

friends so we were kind of going between

like

smut puppies and smut [ __ ] yeah my

husband's vote is for smut [ __ ]

maybe we could just do like

a variety

between them

or like a scale like maybe like

smut puppy it's like you've dipped your

toe in and then you're a [ __ ] pup

yeah and then you're a smut [ __ ] yes

you guys let us know

let us know if you want to be called any

of those because consent is important

and it matters yeah and

you know names are also important and we

don't want to give you a name you hate

honestly my husband's just really

excited about shirts that say smut [ __ ]

on them and have

uh

flowers and [ __ ] in his words on them

it like smut [ __ ] feels to me like

something that you would find in an in

an adult coloring book

surrounded by some flowers yeah i could

see that

well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ]

we hope it was good for you because it

sure was great for us

if you're digging what we're doing it

would mean a lot if you take a minute to

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maybe tell that sexy someone to lend us

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and we'll see you next week

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