Smut Club

well

hello all you beautiful people

you know what time it is

ladies and gents

guys and dolls and everyone in between

gather round

get you something real nice to sip on

and comfy to slip on

because it's time

for smut club

here's your hosts chelsea and hannah

[Applause]

without

ray j where would the kardashians be the

answer is nowhere so

that is the energy we are bringing into

this episode of smut club welcome i'm

hannah

i'm chelsea honestly i don't even know

if the intro to the show has already

happened because you really just jumped

in and there may be some editing so

hello

hey everyone thank you for joining us um

we were having

a really existential debate on where the

kardashians would be without ray jay's

involvement yeah um

and chelsea's husband decided to hit

play and so now or record or whatever

the [ __ ] here we are i really don't have

an answer except i do feel like ray j

just not gonna get enough credit for the

enemy

on their lives he doesn't he deserves a

lot more than he's gotten although i do

also think of moisha who is it his

stepsister real sister i think it's it

is his sister i just remember

she is his sister's sister sorry oh no i

just remember

when militia was on punk'd

and she did not handle that

no she didn't

no she that was not a good look on her

like some people like i feel like punch

was really the make or break like are

they gonna take it in stride or are they

gonna show out she showed

she really did um

much like the book we're gonna review

today so here's the thing guys hannah

and i

need a lot of alcohol for this episode

hannah's wine glass is missing um i

can't do anymore i can't i i literally

pounded the glass that i had in

preparation for this and it's gonna have

to just do for what's gonna hap happen

you know i respect your moderation and

knowing your body's limits thank you i

poured myself more

before we started but i also didn't

pound mine before we started so i 100

different approaches i am regretting not

pounding mine but i also there's still

time well here's the thing hannah i had

a speech impediment as a small child we

know i struggle with the word wolf

and

wolf

and i recognize i slur easily so i have

more i have to take more of a paste

approach and just drink continuously

throughout the episode because like you

compound beforehand and be fine

throughout it if i pound beforehand

i'm just gonna sound like

this and then my words are gonna slur

and

i don't want them to slur well i also

have to drive eventually so

that's also part of it

i wasn't i think that is also a wise

decision i wasn't even thinking of

driving i was just thinking of trying to

sound like a competent human while we

recorded this episode however no one in

this book that we're going to review

today is competent but we haven't even

told you what book it is yet because

honestly

yeah like we were like whoo this one is

gonna be a book to get through so

today

we are doing a joint review of

rock by j.a huss

um

it is worth just stating straight out

the gate

this entire book was inspired by

constantine by something corporate

um like and their lead singer andrew

mcmahon yes and

um

the nine and a half minute

piano rock ballad that is constantine

mind you

i'm a big something corporate fan i'm a

big jax mannequin fan

um

but also i'd say like constantine was

never the song i gravitated towards

well all of that and i said this earlier

i feel like the only reason and again

like don't at me about this but i feel

like the only reason that

constantine was

like as

popular as it was

was literally because andrew mcmahon

refused to play it and the reason that

he refused to play it y'all is not

because he was like this is my deeply

personal ballad that i can never play

it's because it was too long and it was

gonna [ __ ] up his set like he said that

in an interview it wasn't that it was

like

too much to play live it was just gonna

mess up the set

it feels like we have a lot of feelings

like i feel like

all right so also what i pounded before

we started is starting to hit so

okay

so

rock by j house rock is our main

character other names that he goes by

are rowan kyle which does not roll off

the tongue i want to be very clear

and rk so definitely doesn't roll off no

so we've got rock row and kyle or rk um

he is the lead singer and front man for

the

wildly popular band son of a jack yep

and so in the

prologue he is describing laying in bed

with this girl named missy

and

talking about how much he loves her

and it's very short but he's like i just

love her so much like she's gonna be my

one and only forever i'm gonna marry

this girl

and then the final sentence of the

prologue is so why did i kill her

i don't know

that's how i feel like almost every

chapter

in this book it ends in a way that that

is the music that i had going on in my

head um and i i mean so

a lot of the books that we have reviewed

are

light on the plot

you know

like it's mostly banging

and like a little bit of plot in there

which is fine because this is smug club

and that's what we did literally here

for that is the first rule as previously

established is that we talk about smut

but in this one it's like j.a huss was

like how much plot can i put into this

without having a plot well

and it feels like

there's it's less that there's plot and

more that it's just like

the mystery of what's gonna happen in

the next chapter like the tension of

suspense

was really driving the plot more than

there was

a plot because i also feel like at the

end of this book you're like wow we

wrapped that up real quickly and yet i

feel like a lot of things are left

completely unanswered here yeah we've

got a lot that is unresolved in this so

i guess instead of warning you of what's

to come we can just hop in and it's also

worth knowing all right we got rock row

and kyle rk he's gonna answer to all

three

he really uses the names depending on

who he's with so like the people he grew

up with he is rowan kyle the people who

know him as a superstar

rock god know him as rock close personal

friends call him rk yes and it's also

worth noting he is a recovering addict

which kills me y'all it uh we'll get

we'll be yeah there's a lot there just

kills but what we kind of know going in

is that he's in recovery

for

opiates opiates and had his bandmates

had forced him into rehab last year and

there's there's more to unpack there

um but that's kind of where we're

jumping in

so in the first chapter he goes home

to some small town in colorado

yes so eight weeks ago

um

what we know at this juncture is eight

weeks ago there was a car crash that

killed his entire band

except for the drummer his drummer

kenner um who he has not been in contact

with um

rock

rhone kyle rk has been in rehab for the

last eight weeks

and we know his throat was injured in

this house so he's not in in

in rehab for substances he's in rehab

for his

phase three larynx fracture

wait what i missed that

yeah i thought it was a like a hybrid he

was there both because of his awareness

fracture and because

of his sub his history of substance use

no so i literally just finished

listening

i just finished reading it this morning

[ __ ] when i got here like i don't know

in chelsea's driveway

so

he has by his report

eight months clean from opiates

yes

and so he's not in rehab for substances

he is in

rehab for like physical therapy type

rehab for the injuries he sustained in

this accident they are not nearly clear

enough about this i've read this book

twice

too many times honestly you're not wrong

i feel like most of hannah and i's text

threads have been

damn we are still rereading this one

um because also in

like with the backstory that we like

have to have going into this

um

the the girl from the prologue missy is

a twin yes her name is also melissa so

she goes by both melissa and missy which

is in case you weren't confused enough

by rowan kyle rk rock well and so then

to make it even more confusing missy

melissa

is a twin

identical identical twin and her twin's

name is mel so you you like you think

melanie yeah

right so you have melissa and melanie

who you think could both be nicknamed

mel because it is the first three

letters of both of their first names

just throwing that out there but instead

we have

mel and melissa who are identical twins

yes um and

rock

survived the crash that killed melissa

five years ago on prom night on prom

night so that's

a trauma we gonna come back to

again and again

more than you want to more than i want

to more than anyone wants to yes so he

in the first chapter he comes home to

this small town in colorado for the

first time in five years the first time

since melissa's funeral he comes home

and he gets to his house and his so it's

the house that like he had grown up and

yeah and his dad passed away last year

yeah and he did not go home for the

future yes he did not go home for the

funeral and the house was left to rowan

kyle rk rock

and

the his dad also had a bar called floats

which was left to

rk's brother

tj

toby john which also doesn't roll off

the tongue no like who named them

somebody drunk right so

rock is released to his home

that he inherited from his father his

father is no longer living and

rock's brother tj inherited floats which

is the family bar essentially yes and rk

has been essentially like

not house arrest but county arrest so

he's not allowed to leave the county

where his hometown is in

for the time being yes there's an

investigation because of the death of

his bandmates and so

he has been told he can't leave the

county until the investigation is over

so like he gets to his house and then

melissa not melissa

mel i'm gonna they are so confusing this

entire book lord help us all so melanie

shows up at his house and is on just

like full of angst like comes out super

[ __ ] honestly i feel like most of

their their interactions i'm like

neither of you

all right if we're just like going full

gottman theory

like if we're going for like couples

counseling i'm like we have all four

horsemen we really do have all four

horsemen

man that joke is going to be for a

select few but the ones who get it will

love it

um

but like i feel like one of the things

that john and julie gottman talk a lot

about is how you engage in conflict is

representative of how that conflict is

going to potentially resolve because if

you come out swinging it's going to be

way harder to resolve conflict right

it's just going to escalate yes and i

feel like that's just like what happens

this entire book yeah is i'm like no one

is wanting to come into these

conversations to just have like normal

conversations

so no one's here to resolve anything

right it's like melanie just like shows

up and is full of all of this angst

um and it's like i have a lot i've been

wanting to say to you all this time yeah

and

rock like flips out when he first gets

home and takes a sledgehammer to some

like concrete blocks that are in the

garage or something

and so mel finds him on his knees in the

garage

and he has just let out this like

guttural scream which is unwise because

of his phase 3 larynx fracture i got

really stuck on that i was like is that

a thing i had to look it up

it is a thing and i was like

ok ok

i guess i mean what the [ __ ]

it's soft tissue damage it can't be a

fracture fractures are for bones

whatever

that's i shouldn't guess that's not

gonna be the largest plot hole we

experienced today but it is an important

one so

melanie

lays in

to

rk

rock rock i

why do i keep wanting to call him rook

that's not even his name lord help us

rock that's just i'm gonna i'm i'm

choosing one of his three names because

i'm not gonna say row and kyle each time

yeah and so melanie lashes out at him

and then honestly i don't really

remember but like then he goes to floats

so he goes to his brother's

bar well we're missing something

important so

she

follows him into the house and she's

like you're gonna talk to me and he

like makes motions that he can't because

of his throat and

then they like hate [ __ ] on the floor

and it

right

probably i'm pretty sure i can't

remember if that was that one or the

next time that they interacted but i

think you're right i'm pretty sure it's

the first time and he's like i hate you

because you're not her

like right after she i think that might

be slightly in the future because never

mind okay

yeah that's but that's gonna happen real

soon though so it's pretty much the same

my bad so he does go to floats trying to

find drugs

for pain

but also like to say hi to his brother

and his brother much like mel also a

dick just like such a dick completely

lays into him i'm not a fan of tj this

entire time he's an [ __ ] this entire

book so then

like rk had gone to his brother's bar to

see him and they're like you're just

here for drugs

and then he goes to the liquor store

instead because that's what you want to

have happen yeah but honestly at the

liquor store he gets the best referral

because the kid working at the liquor

store is like my was it his uncle yeah

he's like my uncle's an ent in the next

town over and he can help you with your

throat issues and

rk's like thumbs up thanks buddy right

so

i mean how many of us go to the liquor

store and leave with a referral for a

new ent

and the guy does also offer him weed

but rk's like i i can't smoke i can't

smoke my throat yes

um so then within all this we learned

more about the band and the band mates

so kenner is the drummer kenner survived

and

our

yes had a lot of injuries but rk and

kenner are the og to the band and then

after they had decided they wanted to

start a band then you had ian moe

and elias yes and elias

join um

but what we currently know is that elias

ian and mo

are dead

[Laughter]

and rk believes that he was driving and

drove his car off a

cliff or something and killed the three

of them

and injured himself and kenner so he has

all this trauma because he's like

melissa died on

prom night because of me in a car crash

and now all of my band mates have died

because of me in a car crash five years

later

um

so when

rk gets home from the liquor store

melanie is in his bed

yep and

then he screams for her to get out of

the house and then she

like while he screams like get out she's

like stripping

and is like why don't you feel me up

instead and then rk is like oh she

sounds so much like her dead sister who

i was in love with

so i'm just gonna get into this instead

and then that yeah nigeria is when they

hate [ __ ] and then when she's like i

hate you for leaving and he's like i

hate you for not being the one that i

want

right so then she puts it pushes him off

of her and it's very clear that she

comes during this but it's not clear if

he comes and in the second reread i was

like does he not

does he not i got the impression he did

not like me too yeah no i definitely got

the impression that like they were

mid-hate [ __ ] she finished they got into

a fight while his dick was inside of her

right and then she pushes him off and

leaves like slaps him across the face

yeah like kicks him off of her

and although i mean to be fair

yeah like if i had a identical twin

sister and i were [ __ ] a dude and he

was like i hate you for not being the

sister i want

i would probably not respond great to

that either

no he had poor timing if he wanted to

finish he should have saved that for

later

he has only himself to blame here

so then he calls his manager jace

um jace is like a tiny sprite of a human

that

very fast yeah like

kicks but takes names i don't know like

she's they all love her um but then

jace is like i have to report that

you're home if you don't want the

sheriff issuing a warrant for your

arrest

and then but like we don't really know

we don't understand all of these threats

and we don't really understand what's

happening and we're not

arrested right then we know kenner has

woken up but kenner doesn't remember

anything yeah so ken what happened is

texting

rock and he's like

what the [ __ ] is happening don't leave

me here he tries to call him and rock is

like i can't talk

right now

like physically

yes he's like my throat is broken and

kenner's like please come see me and

then jace calls and is like no more

communication with kenner yeah she's

like tanner's confused and he needs time

to recover so no more communication

um which we don't think anything of

right now but then like in the future

you're like that's a little weird so

then the next chapter starts and it's

just this like super hard pivot where

rk wakes up to knocking on his car

window because he's sleeping in his

running car

on a monday morning in the parking lot

for the ent doctor that the liquor store

kid

referred him to yeah and all this

happens on a saturday night so he's lost

all of sunday

and the ent is like i don't have a ton

of appointments this morning like do you

want to come in like let me take a look

at you rock and so he does he goes in

and

the guy

does an evaluation he's like you've

clearly exacerbated your injury were you

doing a lot of yelling and he was like

maybe a little bit

and he was like we'll cut that [ __ ] out

and gives him a prescription for

anti-inflammatories and opiates and he's

like i am not here to dictate whether or

not you can manage your pain

um

but please don't fill this unless you

need to and then he's also like and

here's a referral for a licensed

therapist she's upstairs a licensed

psychologist she's her credentials are

lp phd lp

so yes licensed psychologist although i

have a lot of questions about her ethics

that we'll come to in the future so

yes he gets this referral then he

goes to the pharmacy picks it up gets

home he does not fill the opiates he

only fills the anti-inflammatories

valid good good point way to give him

credit i'm trying to do something why i

don't know

i don't know anymore honestly that's

okay so he gets home from filling the

anti-inflammatory

not the opiate prescription um once

again to find mel

in his bed

and so sleeping yeah she's like

completely sleeping in his bed and so

he's like well i guess i'm gonna go take

a shower and then when he gets out of

the shower she's gone she's gone but

then he starts to notice like a lot of

her belongings

throughout his house so then he decides

he's gonna go over to her house to

confront her yes um

but then we go to a flashback

where

we learn that

mel and missy

with their twin status

um mel would frequently

pretend to be missy yeah so mel tried to

convince rock that she was missy to go

on some kind of like

weekend trip with him

and missy shows up while rock is kissing

mel and he's like wait a minute who

what the [ __ ] is happening like you are

not missy

and

she's like it was worth a try and like

leaves and he's like what the [ __ ] is

happening right now

and we learned that like she's done this

a lot there have been times where they

look where they have like cottoned onto

it quickly there have been times where

you just never really know which twin it

was so we have that flashback just like

suddenly learning like

melissa would pretend to be missy on an

ongoing basis melanie would pretend to

be missy what did i say

melissa melissa would pretend to be

messy melissa is missing whatever what

the [ __ ] is this book

they are the same they're both mel god

damn it

like i'm like they could have named

these characters in such an easier

capacity

yes come on i apologize damn it

melanie

was pretending to be melissa

yes mel was pretending to be missy yes

and we we don't know how often she did

it but for all intents and purposes it

seems as though she pretended to be her

twin a lot

yes

and then we flash back to the present

and

i don't know what happens it's a lot

so

back to the present

um

rook not why do i keep calling him rook

that's not even a name in this book

i don't know why this is a thing for me

rock

just like goes to floats

um but like when he walks in like all

eyes are kind of on him like the band

like announces he's there

yeah well because um melanie is on stage

singing and playing

with the band

and he's there because he wants to get

something to eat

and

so he's feels all awkward and then tj

suddenly is being really nice to him

yeah like tj's like i'm sorry i was such

a dick last night in my head i'm like

you were a dick last night uh yeah

like you couldn't even say hello you

haven't seen your brother in five years

and you can't even say hello okay lay

into him yeah okay

um so he sees some friends from

childhood

sean and gretchen who

can [ __ ] all the way we will we'll get

to gretchen in the future but it's also

like they're like childhood friends that

he hasn't been close to but it just

seemed weird when they were like we all

tried to come and visit you when you

were in the hospital but like they

wouldn't let us in and you're like none

of you seem that

close

like

at no point is he reaching out trying to

engage with any of them the only time

that he ever engages with him is if he

happens to be in person in the same

space right so i'm very confused as like

why they like talk about them as if

they're like these like besties for life

yes yeah

um so

rk gets his take out

to go he picks it up and then falls

asleep and then wakes up

to find

melanie in his room

again

and then she's like i moved into your

house from across the street from my

house when your dad got sick

two years ago to take care of taking

care of is dying and you're like wait

what

so you've just been living

in this house

and then rk like loses it and screams at

her and then

is kissing her and then

melanie is like if you close your eyes

i'm her

which is gross and weird

like

and then

she started to like suck his dick and

then he's like no i can't do this yeah

he's like if melissa is looking down on

me right now i do not want her to see

this right and he's like sorry like

you're not the one i love but then

plot twist she's like

i am the one you love i'm not mel

i'm

missy and he's like [ __ ] all the way off

no you're not get out of my house and

kicks her out while she's naked

basically

what a day that was

all around like honestly like if we like

if we we could keep going but like we

could stop and just process that

there

what is even happening nothing and

everything

like his brother is being a dick not

being a dick he runs into some old

friends he gets them take out he goes

home his ex is like i've been living

in your house for the last two years

because i was taking care of your dying

father

also i'm not melanie i'm melissa i'm

missy i'm the twin you are in love with

yep and she keeps saying it over and

over and he's like get the [ __ ] out this

is the most [ __ ] up thing you've ever

done to me

i hate you you've always lied to me and

she's like no seriously

come on now like it's me

and he's like

no it's not

which also like

it's he's been home for a minute they've

already engaged in some sexual stuff

yeah

and all of the comments she made

were saying that she's melanie that

yeah and that melissa's dead

yeah

okay so [ __ ] it so he passes out

whatever we we uh we can't figure out

the mysteries of this book he he passes

out wakes up the next morning like

someone trying to like kick in his front

door and it finds it to be jace his

manager who then tj and tj but then like

they're making comments like we told her

not to say a word to you

like i think jay showed up and said that

and like yeah showed up like she's a

lion [ __ ] and it's like what

right and then all of the random

hometown friends

show up show up including gretchen and

yeah including gretchen who

she's in school to be an lmft and she

licensed marriage and family therapist

thank you

but you know what she's not no she's not

an lmft yet she's still in school and

hasn't done any sort of

residency program or associate license

program or whatever the [ __ ] you call it

in whatever state you live in but all

i'm saying is she is not equipped to be

a fully licensed therapist and she

shouldn't be touching any of this

because they're her personal friends for

[ __ ] sake

yeah honestly i love when personal

friends come to me and ask for [ __ ] and

then i'm like i'm so sorry

that would be an ethical violation

unfortunately ethically i can't help you

but i can provide you with some

referrals thanks bye

right or i'm gonna sit there and eat my

popcorn and tell them exactly what i

think i'd be like thank god this is in

therapy so i can tell you my exact

thoughts

but then yes so like everyone shows up

and then everyone is like no mel was

telling the truth she's not mel she is

in fact missy yeah and he's like

she has fooled everyone like this is not

missy this is melanie i don't believe it

and then he's like maybe i do

and she's like please give us a chance

and he's like okay

let's do it because i'm gonna prove that

you are melanie

none of it makes any sense y'all

like no matter which way you slice it we

can't make it better because then after

this whole revelation the next scene

starts

rk is back in his car waking up in the

[ __ ] ent parking lot

wearing rock climbing gear wearing rock

climbing gear and then

the ent like looks at him and he's like

yeah you're fine but you really need to

go up and upstairs and see margie

the licensed psychologist

um

and but it's like it's one of those

things where he's like we've never met

before like i've never seen her before

and then she is sitting there being like

we went over this years ago

mel died and then tells him he has

selective

dissociative amnesia

which

ah

it's just not that's not gonna be the

first poor diagnosis given in the well

no it is the first it's not gonna be the

last

diagnosis it's not gonna be the last

because and then she keeps saying he's

experiencing dissociative fugue states

where he apparently goes rock climbing

well we'll learn more about those but it

is one of those where you're like this

isn't a thing like he blacks out and

wakes up in rock climbing here because

she does tell him she's like there's

pictures all over facebook of you rock

climbing with your fans and so like she

like pulls about all of these pictures

and shows them

but then

he's like wait do i only black out from

mel's memories when i try and remember

what happened on prom night

who knows it's a mystery

[Laughter]

that is where i'm at right now props for

that

and we're nowhere near done so you

better keep going

we buckling in for this

so

um

he leaves the therapist after she's like

telling him he has selective

dissociative amnesia

and then gets back to his house and all

of the friends are there again all of

these like childhood friends

and then everyone is like once again

saying no mel really

was pretending to be missy because

gretchen

had a master plan

the

the girl who's in school to potentially

be a therapist had a plan to prote have

missy pretend to be mel yeah to like

stage some kind of intervention or

something to see if he would remember

he clearly did not

nope he failed that test

he failed that test

real bad yeah

um

so

then he goes to sit alone with his piano

and ponder his thoughts and starts

playing this nine-minute piano ballad

allah constantine

um that he had performed at

mel's funeral

aka missy's funeral missy's funeral that

he wrote for his dead childhood love

whichever one she was

whatever

we

playing this nine-minute ballad he looks

out the window and missy's just standing

there sobbing

watching him

and so then he like opens the door and

brings her in when he's done playing and

then he's like wait he's like did you

tell your sister to break up with me on

prom night if it wasn't you did you tell

your sister to break up with me on prom

night and she's like

no

okay but she says no but then she's also

like i didn't but we were going

different places yeah like her tone is

very much like i might not have been the

one to initially pull the trigger but

like the trigger was there and my finger

was on it yes like my sister just

tripped and pulled the trigger but like

i had it fully locked and loaded

beforehand

so she's like we were going different

places but then starts trying to explain

mel's behavior

yeah um well and she also says like

so apparently rock never wanted to be

a rock star he wanted to go to school

for music and just do music and live a

quiet life she wanted to be a rock star

she did not want to go to school and so

that's why they were going different

directions

also i don't think we ever mentioned

they are

across the street neighbors and their

dads were best friends and we're also in

a rock band together who were like a

one-hit wonder kind of fan but they

continued to write and sell their songs

to other bands

but none of that matters in light of

mel's childhood

schizophrenia jesus christ

and so you have missy being like

mel was your girlfriend at least half

the time she was sick

and he's like [ __ ]

off and she's like no seriously she was

sick

it was this childhood schizophrenia and

she starts describing like the first

time they switched places they were six

years old and melanie woke up one day

and said i'm missy you're melanie

let's see if we can fool the adults and

like made it a game

and

melissa

felt like it was just a game

like

this is so bad that chelsea is just

dying like she's just coughing because

she is ready to die

that's so unnecessarily dramatic

i have a tickle in my throat that i

can't seem to get rid of no matter how

hard do i have a layering structure

i do i'm pretty much rk this book was

based off of my life

and andrew mcmahon

right me and something corporate

inspired this book

so

she is like explaining essentially

sociopathic behavior

from

melanie well but also don't forget

she like starts telling him this stuff

and she's like no she had childhood

schizophrenia then he gets all pissed

and he leaves

and goes to like the next town over to

go to a bar oh right right right and so

he just like wanted to go sulk alone so

i want to

pause for a moment because

we are not describing the symptoms of

childhood schizophrenia

not at all anyone who has ever

heard of the dsm can probably tell you

this is not what childhood schizophrenia

looks like no first of all childhood

schizophrenia is

extremely rare

extremely rare and when it happens it is

not like

literal sociopathic

behavior yes like the way they're

describing it in this book is like a

manipulative six-year-old who

intentionally takes over her her twins

personality yeah and then just continues

to do it for the next 12 years

that is not childhood schizophrenia

childhood schizophrenia is like you know

having hallucinations

yeah i i i

think we can leave it there oh my

childhood schizophrenia because it

really does hurt it's me

hey there smud puppies

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[Music]

so

rk goes to out of town to another bar so

he can sulk alone but then like everyone

shows up at the bar to make sure he's

okay tj gretchen and missy all show up

yes and then missy's like i just want

the car ride back to the house to

explain can you just give me the car

ride home which is three hours

damn was it really three hours yeah he

drove a long ass way i i knew it was out

of the county i don't think i realized

it was that far

yeah whatever that was a weird matter

and so

technically this drive is where they

start to explain

that like

the that mel started

taking over missy's life when she was

like six

um but then we also learn that

on prom night

mel

pushed missy and locked her into the

like back like their basement bathroom

yeah like knocked her out like didn't

just push her but like

pushed her she hit her head and i think

i wrote punched not pushed well it

doesn't mean it's a very small font

ultimately

it doesn't matter

in the grand scheme of things

it doesn't matter regardless it does not

missy was knocked out melanie locked her

up in the basement

their dads both rk's dad and

mel and missy's dad were away

out of town and so

missy wakes up she's banging on the door

trying to get out screaming but nobody

can hear her

and melanie put on missy's prom dress

and all of her

jewelry and stuff um to go to prom with

rock

and like we also learned that like

missy didn't [ __ ] with mel like taking

over her life like she like cut all of

her hair off

and then

mel pitched to fit until their dad took

both of them to the salon

and then like they had matching haircuts

again yeah so there's just like a lot of

like

okay essentially i mean we've probably

explained this enough mel's a psychopath

we understand

but we also don't we also don't know if

his current girlfriend

love interest is mel or melissa right

um so then

what oh so then the next morning

missy gets up for work and she is a

server at floats tj smart for brunch on

the weekends so the night before rock

agreed to let her stay at his house so

she sleeps in his bed and he sleeps on

the couch so she gets up for work at

like five o'clock in the morning goes

into the kitchen and he wakes up and

she's like you should come with me and

he's like

no and she's like no seriously like come

with me well so she's like come with me

and then when he finally caves he's like

okay well i need to like go find some

new clothes and i think this is one of

my favorite scenes in the entire book

because he goes to change clothes and

his manager jace had sent all of his

stuff and so he's like going through the

boxes and sees one labeled gear and it's

rock climbing gear then he's like i

don't want

missy looking into this so he tapes the

box back up and puts a label on it that

just says secret yeah and i'm like i'm

sorry has anyone ever seen a box labeled

secret and not been like that's the one

i am immediately [ __ ] up that's the

one that you write like bathroom or

clothes or something on that you don't

want people going into what you don't

write is secret or kitchen because

people are going to go into [ __ ]

that says kitchen because i need kitchen

stuff

or a secret because i want to know

what's in there

yeah all i'm saying is if you really

wanted it to be a secret you screwed the

pooch on this one that is not how you go

about

like also he labeled it secret rk so

it's not even someone else's secret it

is clearly

only his secret

i'm like i i feel like we really missed

an opportunity here but

whatever

so

they they go to brunch at floats and i

don't know his relationship with his

brother tj is really weird i never

really get it but a waitress comes up to

him

and has a ticket stub for a show from

boston from the previous year and is

like oh my gosh could you please sign

this ticket stub i was at this show and

it would mean a lot to me and

the tj sees this happening and it's his

waitress and he's like no i've told all

of the staff not to harass my brother

not to bother him and get like super

pissed at the waitress right and her

name is alice he's like alice get away

from him

yes and so

rk is like okay i was just trying to be

play i'm gonna bounce now like i

do not care yeah

um

and then they get home from brunch i

don't know am i missing something there

i mean he goes out to help the guys who

are working the dock because floats is

on the lake

um and so he goes out to help the guys

who are working the dock and to get

prepared for

the

music festival season i'm still not

quite sure what's happening yeah

something like that

a

a pre-festival

party yeah then there's i don't know if

it's like a music festival i'm still not

really fully understanding again but it

doesn't matter it does not matter

ryoko's not rook dammit

holy [ __ ]

rock goes um and is helping and then

miss e is done with her brunch shift and

they go back to the house yeah and then

they

shower together and then they reminisce

and then they go back to floats yeah but

they don't bang and

they're just in the shower like bathing

each other and then

she's like you should come to floats

tonight i'm playing and he's like bet

let's do this

and then like at floats that night

also they have not had these

conversations like he's saying to people

he's like i'm i'm here to support my

future wife and like

then

does he pull her into the break room is

that what it is

does that happen then i think it does

happen then so he watches her on stage

there's a lot of security there's a lot

of sheriff's deputies and people around

for security he's like you guys there's

like 35 people who live in this town you

can probably calm down

but and we never understand why there

are so many of them

well later i guess we do but presently

we do not and so he's watching her on

stage and he's like holy [ __ ] that's the

hottest thing i've ever seen and he's

drinking

um a lot and then he pulls her

away and she takes him into the employee

break room and they bang

and then

he tells her he loves her and comes

inside of her yep and he is like how

could i have ever doubted that this was

missy obviously this is missy i'm also

like

was it just having your dick in her that

made you convinced well and the thing is

they never had sex when they were

teenagers he never banged her

before so their first bang was that hate

[ __ ] when he got home

where she was pretending to be her dead

twin yeah yeah there's a lot here

[Laughter]

so

anyway he

they [ __ ] he comes inside her tells her

he loves her but unfortunately the next

morning yet again he wakes up in the ent

parking lot

yes and once again he's wearing rock

climbing gear he lost a whole day so

this that was saturday night it's now

monday morning he lost all of sunday

and then the ent was like i'm not seeing

you go straight to the therapist or

something like that so he goes and he's

talking to the therapist and then margie

is a psychologist none of it she is

having not a single bit of it she's over

it

well and here's the frustrating thing

she's over it but in a way we're like

she knows all of the details and he

doesn't and i'm like hey maybe if you

just like clued him in on some [ __ ] this

would be a lot easier but she does not

but she starts like talking about the

night

that mel died and she's like no we

talked about this the night that mel

died like we talked and then

he like she's like why do you think you

survived the crash and she didn't do you

remember it and he's like i don't and

she's like well then

you need to go to the library and look

up the articles right like she's like

you're not trying hard enough you need

to be an active participant in your

recovery you need to go

figure this out i'm not having this

conversation again

you are not allowed to come back here

without enough but like also kind of

[ __ ] her yes like he is showing up

without an appointment but at the same

time i was like you know all of these

details and you just keep telling him

like you need to go answer the trolls

riddles three and like get your answers

and i'm just like we are not setting him

up for success while getting really

pissed off at him for not doing this

lord of the rings the man is ill

you just told him he's having

dissociative fugue states and we're not

going to help him or give him any haldol

like jesus christ we're going to send

him to the [ __ ] library

well and so here's my thing he goes to

the library and he's talking to the

librarian is like hey i'd really love to

see the news articles from like the days

because the library is closed that day

but the librarian is there prepping for

some reading programs honestly i could

not have even told you the library was

closed i did not give a [ __ ] well so i

remember that because he's like

smooshing his face into the window to

try to see if he can get in and the

librarian is like oh hello margie said

you would stop by

no i honestly i remember that part

because i remember thinking

when he goes into the library and starts

looking through everything then the

librarian comes up to him and it's like

hey just want to let you know margie

called and checked in with the sheriff

for you and i'm like so his therapist is

just calling everyone in town with

updates which is quite literally not how

hippo works no

at all not even a little bit and so

i don't know that really rubbed me the

wrong way because i'm like this book is

not painting therapist in a positive

light and we try really hard to not be

these people but also

she's not actively treating him the man

has clearly not signed an informed

consent

he's just shown up at her office twice

and she's been like i know secrets about

your past go find him

and then he's like can i have some help

and she's like don't come back without

an appointment and a trip to the library

and i'm still so confused by it she's

like

um

i could

help you right now but instead i would

like to encourage you to go on a

scavenger hunt

so he

is looking at this news article

and

like and he keeps in his head every time

he reads it it says melissa vetty died

from and it's like blurry and he can't

read it

yeah and so he has to ask the librarian

he's like what does this say and she's

like it says melanie

yeah and which gives the impression that

apparently christ and everybody in this

county knows

that this poor man

is experiencing some kind of weird

trauma response delusion situation

and is just chilling about it

like everyone is in on this weird town

secret but nice but it also feels like

they're very quick to get pissed off at

him and i'm like i don't know what you

want from this man but you are not

setting him up for success

so he leaves the library she gives him a

printout of the article because he's

like i can't read this right now it's a

very important piece

and then he drives back to his house and

the sheriff is there yeah and the

sheriff is like pissed that he'd escaped

their

lookouts i don't know yeah apparently

the sheriffs have been like chilling on

their street

to keep an eye out and he somehow is

getting past them and they're like how

did you get to your car at floats

because gretchen had given him a ride

home

yeah cause i'd had so much to drink

right is fair

and then

rk is like i rappelled off the cliff

behind my house that i'd installed some

anchors in my second day home and you're

like what the [ __ ]

and he's like in my heart i knew it to

be true yeah he's like i had no idea how

i knew that happened but i knew in my

heart it was true and i'm like this

feels like something you should know if

you're installing anchors into a cliff

feels unsafe so you can repel

down it so he rappelled down the rock

face

hiked to his vehicle in town and then

drove to the ent slash therapist office

and fell asleep in his truck in the

parking lot

but doesn't remember the entire day

chelsea literally just twitched

she literally just twitched it

i really i don't think i realized but

you're not wrong at all

well so then like the sheriff is laying

into him

and then while he was out

missy found his rock climbing gear

yeah she's like the [ __ ] is this and

then he's like now's a good time to tell

you i've been blacking out and rock

climbing when i do and he's like

suddenly i know the names of all of

these pieces of equipment

okay

right and then

so from there we suddenly jump to like

them talking about the news article that

he brought home and so he like says he

read an article

and this is where we actually find out

mel died by suicide yes and it was not a

car it was not a car accident so rock

was not responsible for her death she

died by suicide and he finally remembers

her jumping from the cliff yes and

there's a lot of detail is this where he

has the whole flashback i could not

[ __ ] tell you i skimmed it well

regardless he has a whole flashback at

some point i'm gonna assume it's here

where he remembers

driving like he remembers prom she

didn't want to dance with him she was

being really weird all night

and he was like what is going on and she

is basically breaking up with him and

he's like what is happening she's like

i'm not sleeping with you tonight and

he's like i've been waiting for this for

years you think that that's going to

make a difference to me like i just want

to spend time with you like

why are you being like this and she

grabs the wheel while they're on this

very treacherous road and

nearly takes them off and he's like what

the [ __ ] is wrong with you and she's

like pull over pull over i want to drive

pull over

he she's like you're drunk he's like i

had literally two drinks over six hours

can you calm the [ __ ] down and the

answer is no she cannot she's like i

will do it again unless you pull over

and so he pulls over at this little

turnout like turn-off point on the road

and

she gets out and he's suddenly like

you're not

missy you're melanie and she's like no

i'm melanie i'm melanie

and

oh yeah no i'm missy i miss you

and then he she gets up onto

the guard rail like standing on the

guard rail where there's like 150 foot

drop

and a cop pulls up and is coming towards

them

and she's like

she's like he's like this is obviously

melanie like please get down please get

down and she's like say my name i'm

missy i'm missy

won't you feel terrible

when you realize that i was missy and

he's like was

um excuse me past tense pardon me um and

so he's like missy okay just please come

down like he's trying to talk her down

off this guardrail

and she's like

um

basically you did this you killed me

i'm missy and then jumps

[Laughter]

it's not funny i mean it is funny but

it's i mean come on y'all what it's also

like damn this whole book

so

then flashback to the present yeah

and he

is asking missy to like come out to l.a

with him

yeah and it's been this weird thing

because like she was the one who had the

dream of being a rock star

and

he was the one who went and lived that

dream and

but then like you can't tell you're like

does she want that life does she not

want that life what does she want

because honestly then they just had a

weird fight i don't like it nor do i

care to get it and then she was like you

need to go finish the funeral song

yeah which is like i'm not coming with

you to la like that's not you're just

running away

i'm not doing that

but so the nine-minute song that he had

performed at mel's funeral

had previously been leaked

yeah um which we then find out his dad

was the one who had recorded it and

leaked it but it's one of those songs

that he'd never played again and

everyone was always chanting and

everyone was always wanting him to

perform the song right because it never

had a name

um and melanie or melanie [ __ ] a

missy was like you need to finish it i

think it's really important blah blah

blah blah

um and so

sh he's like i i don't the piano's out

of tune i can't do it and she's like

well lucky for you this whole recording

studio in your dad's basement did you

forget about your dad's recording studio

so he had he had and she had fully

stocked it with food and stuff for him

to go down there not what you stock a

music studio in a house with when you

just have a kitchen just walk upstairs

all i'm saying is then he's like i

wouldn't like

he just like doesn't sleep and has a

manic episode and finishes the song and

then you realize he's like been up for

like two days

um so then he's like you need to come

hear the song and then plays it for her

and then he's like no well like i want

to record another version with kenner in

the future but like you're the only one

who will ever hear this version

and then deletes it i'm like what is

even the point of this this side thing

that's going on so then we move forward

to

the pre-season party for whatever has

been going on the preseason parties that

flipped and it's a ticketed event and

barack is kind of like why is it a

ticketed event why is it a big deal and

then missy kind of discloses it so they

could have a roster for the sake of

security because there are threats being

made against rock to know like who is

there like who's coming in

and this is just for

the bands who are going to be performing

at this festival

and like the people who are working it

and the staff and that's it

it's supposed to be there

correct and then

rock is trying to ask his brother

tj about kenner

and realizing like his brother kind of

keeps pushing it off and then rock kind

of starts to realize he's like wait i'm

not the one who's not willing to talk

about my accident with my bandmates like

no one else is willing to talk about

yeah tj's like we'll talk about it

tomorrow we'll talk about it tomorrow

not tonight man like just enjoy yourself

not tonight

and this is a wednesday

which does wind up being relevant

because then

he takes missy home and they bang again

no no

oh oh i forgot yeah so as the party goes

on and he's drinking more he like goes

to the bathroom and comes out and runs

into a waitress the same waitress who

had asked him to sign her ticket stub

from the show in boston alice alice and

she's like a huge fan and has all of the

most recent episodes of like metal notes

magazine but all of the recent articles

are like where is rock like yeah he's

been on the cover for like three months

and he's like what the hell yes and he

like has no idea what's going on and

then she also pulls out like a bunch of

ticket stubs as well yeah then alice the

waitress is like asking for these

autographs and she's looking at me and

she's like do you even remember me don't

you remember don't you remember

and then tj shows up and he's like what

the [ __ ] alice we've talked about this

like stop fangirling over my brother

you're fired

um so then tj drives rock and missy home

that night he was their designated

driver

but then missy starts like asking him

about his rock climbing triggers and

blackouts and whatever right she's like

are you gonna black out tonight you do

it every time you drink and he's like no

i don't think it's related to drinking i

drank a lot when i was in la

and she's like you never blacked out in

l.a and he's like no

i'm lying about that he doesn't say that

out loud but he's like that's not true

but he's like no

of course not

so then tj takes them home and they bone

but then the next day

rock wakes up in in a hospital yes and

this very nice nurse

whose name is also alice this elderly

woman

is like who

seems to not have any [ __ ] to give

about hipaa yeah

hipaa is not a thing in this book it is

not fair this is the world where hipaa

does not exist she's like i looked up

all the information on your friend

kenner here's what i know well until

like he was here and then he was

transferred to a high security facility

because of the threats being made and

then he was kind of like

like rock is like wait what threats and

then alice is like oh wait

you don't remember i thought you'd

remembered everything

i didn't know you hadn't remembered or i

wouldn't have said anything so i can't

say anything more and then you're like

why the [ __ ] yeah she's like he was

life-flighted from big bear in

california and he's like

california what the [ __ ] are you talking

about all right but then alice the nurse

does tell him that someone had smashed

his throat in with a blunt object

and his bandmates were shot and killed

they were not killed in a car accident

yes and kenner

was also shot a few times and his arms

were broken also with a blunt object

yes but then the nurse is like saying to

rock she's like you know who it was but

you made yourself forget so like then

suddenly you're like oh [ __ ] the

killer's still out there he didn't

know like you like this book has gone

from him being responsible for the death

of like everyone to him being

responsible for the death of no one but

people still treating him like a social

pariah for

causing everyone's death yes i don't

know maybe that's how i interpreted that

but i do feel like i'm like everyone's

kind of addicted to him considering it

seems as though he hasn't really done

much of anything yes and then he is

walking out of the hospital and he's

like holy [ __ ] i'm bait

that's why all these cops have been

following me that's why all the extra

security i'm bait to see if the killer

is gonna show back up i'm bait yep and

so then he drives home yeah so he

realizes he's bait and then he

gets home and then

does he read the articles about him i

don't know i honestly doesn't matter

yeah he does he does read the articles

but they're not super helpful yeah they

aren't super helpful he's just like

getting more questions and answers like

we are reading this book and then

he gets home

and realizes melissa

missy is gone she is missing

missing missing actually gone and like

everybody's there tj the brother jace

the manager gretchen the friend all the

cops everybody is there

and tj punches him in the face and is

like where is she you did this just like

you killed your band i know that you did

this where is she tell me where she is i

really don't [ __ ] with dj the same time

dick

and he also this isn't really relevant

but apparently he was in the military

and

was deployed several times and like

is like an ultra badass or something i

don't know

so

and apparently he's gonna run for mayor

at some point in the future

whatever yeah so he's not gonna be a

good mayor if he lacks impulse control

of this capacity but

so he like is all upset with rock and

being like she's the reason like you're

the reason she's gone and you're the

reason she's missing and then he pulls

rock into the vetti house so like

missy's how she grew up in across the

street

from rock's house and there's like a

full stalker murder wall with tons of

photos of them and it says like

lying [ __ ] and spray paint on the wall

there's all these creepy

like long distance photos of mel or

missy

changing and naked in the shower and all

of this stuff and he is like i didn't do

this i got this wasn't

this wasn't me

and tj's like

you're a [ __ ] face it was you where the

[ __ ] is she and

rock is like where is kenner well no so

then the sheriffs are like hey tj we

were on him this entire time he's at the

hospital it was not him we have been on

him this entire time right and so then

tj's like well who hates you enough to

kidnap your girlfriend

and then rock is like whoever killed my

band mates

but then tj's like

you killed your bandmates

and i'm like really i don't think he

[ __ ] did i don't think you're giving

your brother any credit he smashed his

own throat with a blunt object of course

as we all have so then they're like hey

kenner is actually across the street

waiting for you to talk

right back at like rock's house he's

waiting kenner also knows who did it but

he won't talk until he talks to you

so

rock goes over to his house he sees

kenner they have a little moment of well

and then they're also like we need to go

someplace private in your house to talk

because they found like the sheriff's

found cameras in every room of your

house she's been watching you this whole

time yeah and you're like she's like

you're just hearing like she's been

watching this whole time and like your

girlfriend is dead if we do this wrong

but you're like

who is she

who is she we really still don't know

and so

then they're like we we don't have much

time or she'll kill her like she killed

us

yeah

so then rock kicks everybody out of the

house and then go down into the basement

recording area so they can talk

and kenner shows him all these photos of

him with this very beautiful gorgeous

blonde girl

rock climbing

and spending all this time with her and

he's like hold the [ __ ] phone

what

well and so what we learn and what we

realize is like oh this hot blonde who

he's rock climbing with and all of these

photos is alice the waitress

no

[ __ ] no one and by no one i mean

everyone

saw that coming so like in this

flashback and everything that's like

kind of being pieced together

alice had like they had met i think she

had initially met kenner rock climbing

and built trust and like has tried to

meet the other people in the band

and then alice was the one who actually

started giving rock

opiates and pills and like it kept

escalating then everyone else and the

heroine to heroin that's concluded

heroin have a great day so then everyone

in the band was like alice is bad news

bears and we should do something about

that so then the band forced rock into

rehab essentially to like protect him

and get him away from alice this crazy

chick this crazy chick but then

alice showed up in big bear and just

killed the entire band

yeah am i missing something i feel like

that's about how it went yeah so we have

like a little bit of a flashback where

rock starts to remember what happened

and it's like

the doorbell rang

mo answered the door and is immediately

like shot in the head

one of the other guys is like covered in

his blood and stuff and then he gets

shot and then she shoots somebody else

and everybody's just in shock like

standing there like what the [ __ ] is

happening

and then um

rock remembers that he

um tried to stop her it didn't work she

tried to shoot kenner she did shoot him

a couple of times

and then she turned to rock and went to

shoot him in the head but she was out of

bullets and so it was empty

so that's when she pulled out the baton

and beat him in the throat with it and

then turned around and beat kenner with

it because he was dying rock thought he

was dead because he'd already been shot

but he started screaming when his arms

were just horribly crushed and so he's

like at least he's alive

and then

um

they start hearing sirens alice turns

around stomps on his throat one last

time he blacks out and she disappears

this is so much

oh my god

so

then

back to the present we're piecing all of

this together and then we find out alex

has been like cryptically texting kenner

over the past few days essentially like

a poem or lyrics or something

of her it sounded like she was writing

her own [ __ ] haikus

there was nothing i was like i don't

think these are lyrics i think this is

just like her own doing but then

as

rock is reading through the

haiku's poems whatever lyrics that she

had been texting kenner he realizes

that

she has that alice has kidnapped missy

and taken her to the place of missy and

rock's first kiss which is a waterfall

that is about two miles away from his

home with a cliff

obviously yes

there you can't have a waterfall without

a cliff you know correct um so i mean

great news guys that second day he was

home and i think what might have been a

fugue state he and he installed those

like

anchor bolts for

for

rock climbing and repelling so he's like

all right

kenner let's grab our [ __ ] guns and

repel down this mountain

and it goes saved by women woman not

women no he doesn't want the other one

so then tj shows up and is banging on

the door of the basement and he's like

what the [ __ ] are you guys doing where

the [ __ ] are you like we don't have time

for this

missy is in danger

blah blah blah and rock is like listen

he is starting to remember he needs 10

minutes i don't remember he remembers we

need 10 minutes so that he can have a

moment and get himself together so he

can tell us what the [ __ ] is going on

and tj is like bet 10 minutes i'm timing

you don't [ __ ] with me

and rock is like 10 minutes will be

enough time to gather our rock climbing

gear and our rifles and rappelled down

the mountain and so they do

yeah so then you just like run into the

woods with their weapon i just like

so

no that's that's the right response

hannah take it

y'all i have to sneeze and it's one of

those where like i don't know if it's

gonna be better or worse if i like do

you have those moments rick i didn't

sneeze but it's ultimately so

unfulfilling yes okay i'm having one of

those so

they get to the waterfall yeah

and

they find like they they look up and

like a hundred feet up there's a

portaledge

tent

because alice is a pro ass rock climber

doing all of this on her own while also

carrying a body of a grown ass woman

yeah so somehow she gets an unconscious

i'm assuming missy

up the mountain into this or up the

cliff into this portalage tent so rock

they start to hear

the cops and tj and all these people on

dirt bikes and stuff in the woods and

they're like we gotta do this fast

because if they show up

like alice is gonna just kill missy like

this is gonna be real [ __ ] so we gotta

do this fast kenner

you stay in the woods stay

like i need you to cover me i'm going to

go out there

and so

he goes out y'all just like

do you even want to hear the end

yeah so let's see how we can best

summarize this in the quickest way we

can summarize it

um alice

finally sees that rock has gotten there

she cuts one of the tethers to the

portal edge tent yeah um rock's trying

to talk her down like i'm here for you i

love but then he's like you

she insists that he needs to climb up

then he's like a free climb of a hundred

feet up is a little bit dangerous i'm

like no [ __ ] my guy

and so go into a fugue then it'll be

fine apparently he's at his best with

rock climbing when he does not remember

these instances and just wakes up in

rock climbing gear

so he climbs up

and then

honestly i don't remember i don't really

care to remember somehow he gets alice

out of the tent

well i think she was already out i think

she's actually like trying to cut the

tether

yeah and then he managed to like get the

upper hand so like she falls a hundred

feet well no so so they start struggling

honestly hannah i don't care i just

listened to this so he shoots at her she

shoots at him it's a whole thing they

both drop their

guns she tries to come at him with the

knife that she's using to cut the tent

down and then her head explodes on the

side of the mountain because kenner

shot her

from the ground you're not wrong i think

i was thinking of then when her body

fell to the ground and then kenner went

back up to her body and then shot her in

the face

multiple times

so many times he was real mad so kenner

is like cut her body down cut her body

down it's weighing down the tent like

blah blah blah so

rock does that and then

yeah then he saves melissa yeah he gets

her strapped to him no one gives a [ __ ]

about the details like there's so many

details i'm like and honestly the

details get a little too heavy into rock

climbing gear where i'm like i

don't care to envision this further than

i currently am i learned the the word

portalage

and i didn't want to

honestly i've always thought portalic

like tens were super dope

i mean it's super cool

i would be interested to be very scared

to stay and i wouldn't want to do that

no that wasn't the terminology that

bothered me so that just makes me think

of

so

at work recently one of my co-workers

showed up wearing two different shoes

okay

they were they were like knee-high boots

and she apparently had a different

knee-high boots different knee-high

boots she had gotten dressed in the dark

and one of them was like a solid black

and one of them was black and then had

like a brown

cuff at the top yep very different boots

like the build of the boots totally

different she didn't notice until a

patient pointed it out to her and she

was like [ __ ]

okay so she just had to go through the

whole day wearing two different shoes

and she and i were in the nurse's

station talking to the nurses

and she's like i just feel like a

[ __ ] idiot wearing two different

shoes

and one of the medical assistants was

like no

listen

listen okay

like

this is a statement it's like an

asymmetrical top you know what i'm

saying like you are starting a trend and

she is hyping my co-worker up so hard

she's like this is like you do you like

nobody cares like this is awesome you do

your thing and then she's like i mean i

wouldn't do that

that's how i feel about portal instance

like i will hype it all day i wouldn't

do that

no such a story i'm sorry

it's just what i thought of

i was like i think for the longest time

i was like where is this going to

connect we're just getting stuck then

honestly like it felt like the punchline

landed and i was like i still don't know

where this connected and i was like oh

portal

i forgot i forgot about them along this

journey i just want to see how many

times we can say the word portalage

it's so many syllables yeah so

essentially rock saves missy

from the edge portal portal into portal

um

they make it

down the mountain without dying or being

crashed into rocks he makes her like a

makeshift harness

because he's a pro rock climber that he

didn't remember being um yep and then

they live and then the epilogue he's

like

i

so the epilogue they

go to the opening festival like two or

three days later

and kenner plays and tj plays and missy

plays and rock plays

the song

right oh i was it the song i never i

play something i don't [ __ ] yes so

missy had already been like headlining

this festival

and then as a surprise yep rock and

kenner and tj all came out and then

kenner was really nervous because he's

like what if i suck and then rock was

like it doesn't matter just us being out

here saying we survived saying like they

won't get us down like that's the win in

itself so like right he's like i could

sound horrible because of my broken

throat you could sound horrible

because of your broken hands trying to

be a drummer but like people will still

love us because we are out here trying

right and so

they go on the stage and they perform

i

was not under the impression it was the

nine minute song

but i did it doesn't matter it doesn't

really matter nor does it really clarify

um but then in the

they go

back to the studio in the basement of

rock's house and it's like him and missy

and then he's like

did you think that version was the final

version of the song that's not your song

i wrote you a different song and she's

like when did you write me a different

song

and he's like today while i was on stage

it just came to me it's a different song

and she's like oh well like what's the

name of this song the [ __ ] me song

and he's like the the will you be with

me forever song the will you marry me

song and she's like

what

what and then he's like so what's your

response and she's like the the yes

song i don't know some [ __ ] absolutely

song something stupid that's how it ends

and here's the thing y'all there are so

many reviews on the line on goodreads

that are like

this is such an epic love story and i'm

like i'm still not convinced it's not

the evil twin if i'm being completely

honest i think this might still be mel

in her final power move that would be

very verity

oh verity yes that would be a verity

move we we should review that at some

point it would be very calling hoover it

would be very colleen hoover too and we

do love colleen hoover

but yes the the way this ended was one

of those where i'm like

what

i feel as though

we tried to wrap up everything but like

here's the thing they make casual

reference to the fuke states he was

having when he was living in california

and i'm like so no one is [ __ ]

concerned about this kid

having regular fugue right this 23 year

old

kid

like

this should be a bigger

concern

i'm concerned

and then for for missy to be like

you are husband material

like they went from zero to reconciled

so fast yeah

like it really felt as if they had very

few conversations she just has a bomb

ass [ __ ] like he got in it and was like

i need to lock that down and that was it

okay so here's my question

what's our rating scale

twins how many twins no

no twins i can't how many fugue states

how many puke states

how many carabiners how many how many

hipaa violations yes

how many hipaa violations

like other people don't care about hipaa

violations we should choose something

more

more general

more inclusive yeah um well the other

thing that bothers me about this is if

he is truly a person in recovery from

opiates the amount that he's drinking is

highly concerned okay i felt that the

entire time but then i also feel like

throughout the book we realized

they were never concerned about the

opiate use they just wanted him away

from crazy alice right so i don't know

if he was an addict so much as he was

casually using opiates and then

physically dependent regardless he like

oh

i just okay so why don't we rate it by

the number of carabiners yes i do think

that is the same

out of how many

well they're small

out of ten but they hold a lot of weight

oh that's terrible so out of ten

i'm so ready to be done with this i

can't um yeah i'm gonna go

four carabiners that's generous

i was gonna say three

i think i was

i think i was at like three point two

five and politely rounding up

so i think we really gave it the same

review

oh just settle on three

um

so

i love to review books that we hate

i also love to review books that we love

so we do need we need to sprinkle in

more that we enjoy because this was not

enjoyable this was painful even on my

first read-through i am not gonna lie i

committed one of the worst sins that a

reader can commit

about like halfway through i was like i

cannot and read like the last two

chapters

i know yeah i know i know i know what

because i was like

you mean to tell me i sat through the

full version of this [ __ ] twice

and i had the option to sneak to the the

audacity no the audacity was you telling

me to read this [ __ ] book

i think i said

you want a train wreck

like i don't think i ever went into this

book giving it like a favorable review

but that said we do have several like

several books that we've recently talked

about that we want to review that are

super fun that

do not crush our souls the way this one

did so join us for those as well um you

should also read this and let us know

your thoughts because maybe we're

missing something maybe we're just

judgmental [ __ ] in fact not maybe we

are judgmental [ __ ] i will say in

all fairness this book has everything

you know like it has everything we have

identical twins we have childhood

schizophrenia we have dissociative fugue

states we have rock stars rock climbing

we have rock stars climbing we have

stalkers we do we have murderers we have

county-wide conspiracy we do like

we really cover so much ground in this

book yeah and yet cover no ground in

this book if anything we lose ground

yeah i'm giving up ground every time i

read this one i'm like we are falling

further behind yeah um but

read it form your own opinions let us

know what they are we'd love to hear

them so thanks so much for joining us

and can't wait to catch you next time

thanks y'all bye

next week on smart club

they decide they need to eat all she has

is pizza rolls and there there's a lot

of detail about these pizza rolls and

for some reason that really stuck with

me

like

he's he's making he's organizing them on

the cookie cheek like yeah yeah and then

it's like

like so descriptive of like taking a

bite of the pizza roll i'm like okay

jesus christ like we've all had a pizza

roll like everybody has been high at

some point in college and eating a pizza

roll we understand the experience not

just college

i was trying to be discreet you're like

no chelsea this book is all predicated

on what happened in college for them so

that's what we're focusing on for all of

us too

no one has ever smoking weed outside

smoking

broken i hate myself for that

holy [ __ ] i said it i was like that is

not damn it that is we're doing really

well with our words today and i feel

like it blows well

well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ]

we hope it was good for you

because it sure was great for us

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