Smut Club

Well, hello all you beautiful people.

You know what time it is.

Ladies and gents, guys and dolls and

everyone in between.

Gather around. Get you something real

nice to sip on and comfy to slip on.

Cuz it's time for Smite Club. Here's

your hosts, Chelsea and Hannah.

Announcement time. Um, so we have been

doing this podcast for several years

now. Um, we launched in 2022 and we've

built such a wonderful community over

these last several years and are looking

for new ways to kind of expand and be

able to connect more deeply. So, the

first one of those ways that we've been

talking about is life coaching. um which

is a chance to work one-on-one

individually to help make life feel a

little less sticky. Um spots will be

limited as we launch that. So if you're

interested, we will have a link in our

show notes and in our Insta bio. So

definitely go and join the wait list so

that as soon as we launch, you are first

in line to grab a spot. And if life

coaching really doesn't feel like a good

fit or not quite your jam, but you're

still interested in connecting and

engaging more with our community, we are

also looking into launching a book club.

So, if you're interested in that option,

follow the same link and uh you can get

on the wait list for that as well. And

now back to the show.

Hey everybody and welcome to Smut Club.

I'm Hannah.

And I'm Chelsea.

And this is the podcast where we are two

licensed therapists and life coaches who

sometimes daydrink and sometimes don't

while reviewing smut books of varying

caliber.

That was the exact elevator pitch we've

perfected over a 100 episodes.

I know. It was smooth as [ __ ]

Yeah. Last time I was like, you know, we

like day drinking. And I was like, no,

that's not what we say. I was like,

"Damn it, Chelsea. Oh, we're in triple

digits on these episodes." And I'm

I'm keeping it fresh. You know,

got to stay sharp. Got to stay fresh.

Got to stay nimble. If you don't try new

things, you won't find out if they work.

Unfortunately, most of the time,

it's also how we found out they don't

work.

Life keeps us humble. Okay. What What

book are we reviewing today? Gods and

Graves by Katie May.

Okay. Gods and Graves by Katie May. That

sounds like it's likely the first book

in a series.

It's not actually, which is why I'm

reviewing it. It is a standalone

complete story.

Oh, we love that. Especially because I

know we talk so often about like

different books that we like think about

reviewing or want to review, but they're

setting up all of the other books in the

series and

it can get a little daunting to be like,

"Okay, what matters in this review? What

what matters if we were reviewing the

second book in the series?"

So, will the will it become a series at

some point or it's

I don't think so.

Okay.

That's not the way that it reads, but I

suppose it's possible.

That's fair. Gods and Grades definitely

like I made an assumption.

It does have series vibes and I would

totally read more if she did decide to

turn this into a series.

So we open there are multiple points of

view here. We open with Thea. Now this

is a paranormal reverse harum.

So literally like two days ago I was

like Vance what do you think about the

name Thea? And he's like no. And then he

just moved on with his day. I mean

Thea's cute.

I thought it was cute as well. And to

his point, not that we're planning on

necessarily having another child, but if

we did, there are girl names that are

already picked out. So, I think for him,

it was more of like,

why why are you saying that? We already

have names we like better. And I'm like,

I don't know. I like to throw out

options. You miss 100% of the shots you

don't take. My bad. I won't recommend

Thea again.

So,

that is uh weirdly fortuitous.

We'll get there. So, Thea is a reaper.

Okay.

Okay.

And she is being held in this room and

the room meets all of her needs. So,

is this the prequel to The Room?

No. That would be a twist, wouldn't it?

No. So,

played by Brie Larson.

Um, well, so

I just went through a whole process to

witness on my face. Was that about Brie

Larson? Was that about the role? I have

questions.

All of those things. Yeah.

Are you Do you do you not like Brie

Larson?

No, I do. I was just like, would she be

good in with this? And then I was like,

she would though. Well, they would never

turn this into a movie. And if they did,

Brie Larson would not be in it to be

clear.

I can't wait to find out the rest of the

book and then be like, you know, Touche,

that wouldn't be a movie.

So, it would be a movie that I would

watch. I just don't think most people

would watch it. So, she is in this room

and she has no memory of anything except

this room. So, she gets sent out to

collect souls at random and it's

extremely painful. Like she experiences

this like full body physical pain and

she gets pulled to another location. She

has a dagger that she uses to reap the

soul. Once that is complete, she is

pulled back to the room and she remains

in significant pain until she puts the

dagger on like a special pedestal or

something that has runes on it and then

she's fine.

Does she retain memory of all of these?

Yes. Okay. So, like she has no memory

outside of the room outside of the

reaping that she has done, but like

anything before that, her origin,

anything like that?

Yep.

Not quite the same.

But Dollhouse by Jos Sweden.

Oh my god, love it.

Like the like, oh, yep, you're a doll.

You then like go out and do this thing

and then you come back to the dollhouse

and you're like, yeah, white back to

zero. And so I I know she's retaining

her memory, but like that was the

first association I kind of made.

Yeah, I love that show.

It was so good. My biggest issue with

it, and Jos Sweden has said this in an

interview, he's like they were trying to

cancel Dollhouse from like the time it

was green lit.

So yeah, like the second season was like

slamming multiple seasons of plot

into one season cuz they were trying to

get through all of it and it was

you felt it.

Oh, you really did.

Yeah. It was unfortunate.

But season one,

chef's one of my favorite.

Yeah, it's the perfect show. Yeah. So

good. Maybe we'll we'll go back and

rewatch that.

I was just thinking that. I wonder if

it's held up. I'll find out. Um, but so

Thea, she nobody can see her or hear her

or anything when she is outside of the

room and she has no interaction with

anybody inside the room. She's

completely alone.

So when she goes to reap someone's soul,

they can't see her. So there's no like

no one's trying to fight her when she's

doing this. She's just invisible. Yep.

going stabbing them

with the dagger for their soul.

So, it's just their soul that she's

stabbing. So, once the soul has

separated from the body, she collects it

in the dagger. So, she can hear the

souls. So, she hears them screaming at

her. And that's part of the pain she's

in is she can hear people saying like,

"Why did you do this to me? How could

you? You killed me." which none of that

is true, but like it is driving her

insane. So, she's do she does stuff like

pretending to eat popcorn. Like, she's

going to reap a soul and she's like, "I

wonder which one I'm taking. Is it this

one or this one?" And she's like

pretending to do popcorn. And then the

guy dies and his soul separates and he's

like, "Who the [ __ ] are you?" Cuz his

soul turns and sees her

and she's like, "I'm your father." And

he's like, "What the fuck?" And she's

like, "Darth Vader." No. Cool.

I'm here to collect your soul. It's like

very she's very chaotic. Um, and the

only interaction she really has is with

her cactus that she calls Potty. And she

just talks to Potty. And she's like,

"Quit being a prickly bitch." And like

that's her whole vibe. She's insane, but

she knows it. Well, but also being alone

in a room where like your only sensory

experience is lots of pain.

Yeah. Sucks.

Yeah. I get why like we're a few fries

short of a happy meal in this situation.

Mhm. And so she is currently in the

process of like accepting that this is

going to be her life for eternity. She's

been here for hundreds of years and she

will be here for hundreds of years.

There's no way out, right? that she has

found. She's like, "I've tried to get

out. There's no way out."

So, we switch to Everett. So,

we have Greek gods here. The gods, they

revealed themselves to humans several

centuries ago. And because of that,

humanity also became aware of like

supernatural creatures. And so each god

created a like

special team to protect humans from

rogue supernaturals.

I'm pretty sure I had that shirt in my

middle school western evangelical

God's team to protect like

Yep. Mhm. It was sold at the family

Christian bookstore

on that wall.

Not the family Christian bookstore. I

had crumb and fish. the Bible that had a

a soda can on top that that was metal

that said thirsty on it.

Yeah, like the tiny one that had the

magnet clip on it. I know the one that I

think my sister had that one so I had

the metal version that had the like

scratchy cross on it instead

had that Bible.

Yeah.

For and then I needed a Bible with

larger font.

It was so

was not super user friendly. Um, so

Everett is one of the team leaders

for these different teams.

He's not a god. He's just a team leader.

Correct.

For a god.

Um, and

assistant to

assistant to the regional god. Um, who

in this case is Aries. Aries is their

okay like boss, I guess. And so only one

team is awake at a time. and the gods

have turned it into like a competition

to see whose team can live the longest

basically. It's kind of [ __ ] up the

way it all happens. Um

and every team it was it was pretty

[ __ ] up. Um Everett's team has been in

basically a stasis for four centuries.

They have just recently been woken up as

it's their turn to

be the team, right? to be the

supernatural popo, I guess.

So, um, he is some kind of shifter, but

we don't know what kind. It's all very

mysterious.

Do we find out later or is that an

ongoing?

We do. So, Christian is an elf and he's

very much a ladies man.

Mhm.

Zed, I think is how we say it. It's

spelled Z A I D. Zed is a wraith and he

can take on shadow form and so he's a

fantastic spy. He just basically goes

wherever. Um, and then Raphael is a

blood fay who is being driven insane by

blood lust. So the way it's described,

the blood fay sounds sort of like a

vampire. So that's how I made sense of

that.

That makes sense. So Everett is feeling

like

something isn't right with a lot of the

missions they're going on, but he's like

this is our life. Like we are just going

to do this job until we get killed off

and then the next team is going to show

up. Like me getting wrapped up in this

is not going to be helpful. Um

well that's a downer.

Very. So Zed is the wraith and he is

super gentle and very sweet and he is

kind of like the therapist of the group

and so people are always coming to talk

to him about different things and they

have all been together since the age of

10. So the children are born with the

mark of a god and that's how you know

the god has selected them to be on their

team. So, the parents surrendered their

children at the age of 10 to be trained

by the gods until it was time for them

to take on this

thing mission.

Okay. Enders game.

Yeah. Yeah.

Like Yeah.

Oh, that. So, like, oh man, your kid's

just like born with the mark. Then

you're like, oh, great. So, I going to

have to sacrifice you to the gods at

some point.

Yeah.

And they're all supernaturals.

Um

Okay. They're all supernaturals.

Yeah. And Aries is a bit of a dick

generally, but he's the only father

figure they really have. And so, um Zed

is like, you know, I think he genuinely

cares about us. Like, he's raised us

since we were 10. Like, you know, it's

not a great relationship, but it's kind

of all they've got. You know, I'm just

picturing Aries standing there going,

"I'll be your father figure.

I'll drink that brown liquor." No,

I was thinking of George.

I was going with the new Taylor Swift

father, which is I'll be your father

figure. I'll drink that brown liquor.

I'm like made a deal with this devil.

Turns out my dick's bigger.

Good.

Yes. Um although it was people were like

how does George Michael and like estate

feel about

I was going to say George Michael

doesn't care.

Yeah. And I'm also like it's catchy as

hell. So

yeah like even I was like

I'm not even like I'm not a swifty

father again. That's George Michael.

That is um I think we're fixated on on

different parts of this. So where are we

at? So Christian comes to Zed and he's

like, "Hey, I need you to watch out for

Chris." Who the [ __ ] is Chris? It's the

nighttime version of Christian. So we

find out that he sort of has this weird

split personality. So Fay are either

born light Fay or dark Fay depending on

the time of day they're born. But

Christian was born at midnight. So he is

half light and half dark. So at night he

becomes a dark fay and he has no memory

or elf I guess whatever the [ __ ] elf. Um

it there was this girl I knew and I

forget

what the fake name was. Um, but she had

a neon sign made that had like

So, this is not her name, but I'm

thinking of a co-orker who we always

whose name is Gerilyn, who we always

refer to like her sassy side when she

like needs to get firm with someone as

Geraldine.

And so like oh like Geraldine's coming

out but this girl and I'm forgetting her

name so for all intents and purposes

we're just going to go with Geraldine

had a neon sign made. The top said

Gerilyn, the bottom said Geraldine. And

so

she could light up which one was in the

house.

She got a few drinks in her. She'd flip

that switch and be like it's Geraldine

[ __ ] Like whatever her name actually

was. But that's what I'm picturing with

Chris and Christian is like

it's Chris now.

Yeah. Um, and Christian has no memory of

what Chris does at night, and it freaks

him the [ __ ] out.

Yeah, that would freak you out.

Yeah. Um, so we're back to Thea.

Okay.

She is watching a Tel Nolla. Um, and

she has a TV in this room.

She does. So, one of some of the only

things she has like there's a bookshelf

that will magically rotate books.

There's

a TV. there's a wardrobe with like

random clothing in it. She's like, "I

don't really need it. Nobody can see

me." But also, nobody can see me. I can

do whatever I want. So, she'll just like

be hanging out in a ball gown or in a

bull fighter's costume or whatever.

Like, she's just finding ways to

entertain herself at this point.

So, she gets called to reap another soul

and she shows up and she finds four very

hot soups battling hell hounds.

And she doesn't understand why, but she

gets kind of emotional at the idea of

one of them dying. And she's like, "This

hasn't happened since I started reaping

like 400 years ago." like because she

used to try to save people but she can't

intervene because she's not corporeal.

So she would try to save people and be

unsuccessful and then have to reap their

souls. And so she's like this hasn't

happened in a really long time. This is

really weird.

She's like I've spent 400 years learning

to compartmentalize.

Right.

This is not supposed to evoke these

emotions in me.

Right. Right. So, uh, one of the hell

hounds attacks the wraith, which is Zed,

but she doesn't know that.

And she is just like, "Fuck it." And

makes a wild attempt to try to stab the

hellhound. Um,

and she's like, "It's not going to do

anything, but I'll feel better if I

try." Except that it does work.

It is successful.

And she is staring down at this dead

hell hound, and she's like, "What?

crazy. And then she starts to feel this

pain in her neck and she turns and

there's a shifter standing there and he

has a sword to her throat and she can

feel it. And so she starts to laugh.

She's like, "I'm corporeal." She's just

like cracking up.

So we switch to Christian and he is

like, "She is a magical creature. Look

at her. She's so beautiful and so

insane. She's like, "Ever will kill

her." And she's just like, "This is

amazing." Have you guys felt grass?

Like, touch grass, you guys. Holy [ __ ]

She's like, "This is kill me,

please." Like,

right? Don't threaten me with a good

time. I'm tired. So, she's also wearing

a full ball gown and seems completely

unconcerned that all of them are

pointing weapons at her. She's like,

"Have you guys tried popcorn? I really

want to try popcorn. Do you think we

could do that? Do you think we could try

that?" I don't know how long I'm going

to be corporeal. We need to jump on this

[ __ ] Like,

they're all like, "What the [ __ ]

This is not the response we were

anticipating. We don't know how to

navigate this."

And so eventually they're like like

trying to like, "Who the [ __ ] are you?"

She's like, "I don't know. I reap souls.

I guess I'm a reaper, right? That makes

me a reaper. I don't know. Never met

another one. I don't know the rules.

Have you guys ever tried pancakes? She's

like, she's just woo. Um, and she's

like, "Well, but I saved him though."

And that's super cool, right? And nobody

knows what to make of it cuz they're

like, "Is she a threat? Is she

Yeah,

she just like appeared.

She appeared in a ball gown. Were you

the one controlling the hell hounds?

Like, did you summon them? Like, what

the [ __ ] And she's like, "Nope, I just

showed up. Don't know where I am." Like,

guess I'm a reaper, but not today. She's

like, "Woohoo."

So, Christian notices that Rafe, the

blood fay, is locked in on her. And he's

like, I don't know if I love the way

that he is looking at her because he is

really locked in.

Looking at her like she's his next meal.

Yeah. Very much uh learing was the word

that came to mind.

Learing. Yeah.

Like he is like it's a lot.

So

he also it they realize like oh nobody

has ever touched you. Like literally, no

one has ever

hugged her or

like they're realizing this in her

excitement about being her corporeal.

Yeah. Um and Christian is like, "It

should not turn me on that much that she

is untouched." But wouldn't you know, it

really does. I'm not sure I like that

color on me. He's like, "I don't know if

I like that about myself." I appreciate

his self-awareness cuz I also don't know

if I like that color on you.

Yeah. So,

I like when people like, "I'm not

jealous. I'm just possessive."

Like, okay.

Does that make you feel better to say it

that way? It doesn't change the outcome,

right? It's still weird and not very

healthy. Often, usually it's pretty

unhealthy. Um, but we switch back to um

Thea and she's like, "This is a direct

quote. I saved his life, so the least he

can do is buy me popcorn and maybe give

me some orgasms."

And orgasms that escalated quickly.

Well, because she's like, "Oh my god, I

can be touched. Like, this is awesome."

She's like, "Okay,

a girl has needs."

She does. But I think I also am like we

know nothing of her history. We know

nothing of like how she got there, how

long she's been like,

but she's trying to get it

well. And I'm also like what what's your

experience and knowledge of intimacy?

Zero zilch nothing like what she's seen

on TV

which is tel nollas which would be like

fade to black. So, like what

all I'm saying is if like your

experience with intimacy has mostly been

tel nollas,

I don't know if your first thought is

going to be like, I can't wait for the

orgasms they might be able to give me

cuz I saved their life.

That's fair.

It feels like we we like we jumped a few

steps ahead.

We did.

Sorry, Craig. I'm not trying to upset

you.

Craig the cat is in the studio with us

today.

Yes, he's joined us.

Yeah, he's snoozing. Um, so the guys are

like, "Uh,

I guess we're going to take you back to

our hotel room. Like, we can't just

leave you here. Like, how did you even

get here?"

Did she say the thing about orgasms to

them or just in her head?

Just in her head.

Okay. I was like,

just in her head.

I was like, I should clarify before

like, well, all we can do is take her

back to our hotel room.

Like,

she makes a good point, fellas. No. Um,

so she literally is like, I have no idea

what's going on. I have no idea when I'm

going to get pulled back to the room or

how long I'm going to be like in a

physical form. So, uh, I'm just along

for the ride. Hotel room sounds great.

Sure. And Everett is like very

suspicious of her and tries to take the

dagger that she uses to reap souls and

it like burns him. And so, um, he's

like, "You're clearly up to something."

And she's like, "I would love to be up

to something, but not in this case.

Like, I've got nothing."

She's like, "I didn't come here

voluntarily. I was like spit out by the

universe here." Yeah.

And then I helped you,

right? Like, don't take my dagger.

Right. Mind your business. So at this

point, Thea realizes that Rafe is like

staring at her and so she just waves at

him and he like waves back and all of

the guys are like, "Oh Jesus Christ."

They're like, "He is a fullblown

psychopath." Like all of the guys like

lock up cuz they're like, "Is he is he

waving at her? What the fuck?" They're

like, "Oh my god, he's drenched in

blood." And they're like,

which isn't just his usual state of

being. He's like usually drenched in

blood. It's a lot.

So he's the axle of the group.

Yes. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's the axel diesel

of the group. Yeah.

So,

um she she's like says out loud the

movies made it seem like making friends

would be really hard, but this is super

easy. I have four best friends and I

just got here. Incredible.

guys are like

they've all got whiplash.

I mean, transparently, I know we're not

that far in. She does seem kind of

exhausting.

She does, but I think it's because she's

just so excited. She does mellow. Um,

but one of them winds up giving her a

piggyback ride through the forest cuz

she's not wearing any shoes. And so,

they get to the motel. There's a whole

fight between Everett and Thea about

whether it's a hotel or a motel. And

it's like really ridiculous. But Everett

wants nothing to do with her at that

point. But Zed is very sweet for like

saving him and he wants to talk to her

about books cuz he loves books and it's

all very sweet. Um Christian brings her

some of their clothing for her to wear

um cuz they don't have any other

options.

And she's in a ball gown.

Exactly. So they can go out and get some

food. There is. I mean, I guess that's

better than being pulled to reap a soul

ny.

True.

Like like Whoops.

Sorry. Normally I have a little bit more

heads up and can put pants on first.

Normally nobody sees me so I don't worry

about it.

Um, so they get to the restaurant and it

is so awkward because the waitress is

hitting on her, but she thinks the

waitress is hitting on the guys and is

like weirdly possessive of them. And

then one of the guys is like, "Hey, uh,

you realize she's into you." And she's

like, "Me? Shut up.

Is it time to flirt?" And so she

attempts to flirt and it's brutal. It's

really brutal. But she does get the

waitress's number and the guys are like,

"Are you like interested in her?" And

she's like, "No." Like I don't know.

Maybe.

Like obviously it's not the plot, but

it's giving um

Tyra Banks and Life Size. Oh, very

different than Four Psychos.

That's

You know that was a guess that uh but

the excitability of uh

Tyra Banks.

Yes, it does give like brand new to this

world like learning new things and just

everything is exciting and all of that

stuff.

Got gadgets and gizmos of plenty.

Exactly.

So um

we switch to Christian. He realizes that

they need to talk to the gods because uh

in talking to her they realize someone

was holding her hostage. This is not

normal for reapers. Like there are other

reapers,

but they're just like normal soups. So

they're like something real [ __ ] up

happened to this

and she's like, "What?" And they're

like, "Oh my god." Like poor sweet angel

baby. She doesn't even know.

Yeah. Oh, honestly that feels better

already.

Yeah. Yeah. Like she had no idea. And

the guys are like, "Oh, fuck." Like

somebody did this to you. This isn't

normal.

So they decide they're going to speak to

Aphrodite,

who is Aries's ex.

Yeah, I was going to say not their god.

And no, that

why they causing drama?

Because she knows everything because she

loves gossip. So like if there was word

on the street about somebody holding a

reaper hostage, she would know about

she would have caught wind at some point

is the vibe.

Okay, I see.

And so the problem is that she always

tries to seduce them, but they know if

they ever like touched her that Aries

would kill them like swiftly even though

Aries and Aphrodite are not together. So

it's kind of ick. So

that does feel true to Aries and

Aphrodite though. I wouldn't say I

wouldn't say the gods of Greek mythology

are known for their healthy, stable

relationships.

No, they're not known for good emotion

regulation, I would say. But so they

broke up several centuries ago after

Aries fell in love with someone else and

Aphrodite was like unfucking acceptable.

So which is a valid boundary to hold.

Sure. True. Um there's a lot of context

in their relationship that is messy as

[ __ ] But um Christian is also thinking

like they show up and to her apartment

and she's like always in pasties and a

thong or something like really

ridiculous sort of attire and they make

um

never mind. I'm like what are what am I

saying? So Everett is like, "Hey, also

cuz she starts to get emotional cuz

they're like, "We need to

Aphrodite or Thea?"

Sorry, Thea. We haven't gotten to

Aphrodites yet. I thought we were

already there. We're just deciding to go

there.

But they're like going to sleep that

night. And Thea is like, I am afraid

that I'm not going to wake up here. Like

what happens if I disappear when I go to

sleep? And Everett of all people is

like, we will find you. like

you saved a member of our team, like we

are in your debt. We will find you." And

so she bursts into tears, which is

horrifying to all of these men. They're

like, "Oh my god, make it stop."

Whatever we need to do to make it stop.

Oh my gosh.

Somebody help me.

Watching men be that uncomfortable with

women crying is truly hilarious.

I know. Yeah, it is pretty funny.

Yeah.

Um, but we'll buy you all the popcorn in

the world. We'll figure out the orgasms.

We don't care as long as you stop. We

will give you what you want.

And so eventually she settles down and

they tell her she has to bunk with

Everett and Rafe, which she's like,

"What? I thought I was going to bunk

with Christian and Zed because they're

the nice ones." Like Rafe just stares at

me a lot in a really weird way and

Everett tries to steal my dagger and is

kind of a [ __ ] So,

but they're like, "Hey."

Christian is like,

"You can't be

I have to get away from her because he's

afraid of what his other half is going

to do at night." But she doesn't know

that.

No.

So,

she's like, "But he's just so nice. Why

are you making me hang out with the

weird dude who leers at me?"

Yeah.

Covered in blood.

Yeah. So Everett leaves the room for

some reason. So it's just Rafe and Thea

while she's in the shower. And he is

already like wildly obsessed with her.

And he's like, "I don't know why, but uh

I'm into that shit." So he hears her

like make a noise in the bathroom and

he's like, "Whoop, what's going on

there?

Better go in and make sure she's okay

and safe." So, of course, she's touching

herself. Um, and she has no

embarrassment at being caught because

she has no social understanding that

like most people would be embarrassed if

they got caught touching themselves.

I need to pause you here and tell you a

story about when I worked crisis.

All right, I'm buckled in. All right.

We had someone like we got a call that

was like, "We're on our way. Be ready."

with like a frequent flyer sort of

situation.

Sure.

They whip in the parking lot and what

looks like the Scooby-Doo van. They park

diagonally across like three spots. The

boyfriend gets out of the car to come

talk to all of us to tell us what's

happening. She's refusing to get out of

his car. It's this like very messy

situation.

Uhoh. Uhoh. So, we're all standing there

trying to figure out what to do. Police

are now there with us. We're all

watching her in this car that's not hers

trying to figure out what to do. And

suddenly, the entire [ __ ] Scooby-Doo

van is shaking.

Like full shaking. And one of the

officers goes up to try to talk to her

and she's like, "Tell that [ __ ]

to get away when I'm trying to get off."

And we're all like, "There's like 15 of

us standing around watching this woman."

Like, not watching her walk.

No, I know.

She was in a vent. Thank God. Um

Um and then as soon as we were like,

"Okay, we're going to open the car

doors. We're going to get her out." Um

her boyfriend was like, "She'll have a

seizure if you open the door." And I'm

like, "That's not how seizures work,

sir." Um but sure enough, as soon as we

open the door, she falls out on the

ground. Um

and then he's like, "The only thing that

helps is mouthto mouth.

Stop it right now."

So she's like laying down and a police

officer, poor guy. He must have been the

rookie.

Oh my god. straw all

performing mouth to mouth and she like

pops up off she like she's coming back

to life again.

Um yes and so whenever yeah public

masturbation

we also once did an assessment on

someone that was uh had been arrested

for public self stimulation. Um, and

they were like,

"It was an art piece." Like, they were

legitimately like, "This is my art that

I'm giving to the world." I'm like, "But

you can't do it on the street corner.

Like, I'm so sorry." Um,

yeah. So, those are the stories I

thought of, but yeah, like a full

Scooby-Doo van shaking as 15 people are

standing around watching it shake and

we're all like,

"Yeah."

M that was not Rafe's reaction

in this case.

No, I feel like he would volunteer for

mouth to mouth if it were Rafe.

So he doesn't touch her, doesn't get in

the shower with her, but starts giving

her instructions. There is some like

light degradation and dirty talk and

she's very into it. and she walks or he

walks away

cuz he's like she is not ready for this.

Like I'm too much for her, right? Um but

he's like yeah uh I'm I am fully sent

now. Like she will never get away from

me. And this is where he starts calling

her little bird. Um

Oh. So we got the first official

nickname.

We got the first official nickname. So,

is this like a faded mate situation or

they just like see her and they're like,

I want that one.

So, it's not a faded mate situation.

Okay. But there is going to be a reason

why they're also drawn to her.

Yes.

Okay. Sorry. I know sometimes I ask

questions that you're like, "Damn it,

Chelsea."

Well, that's the big twist. So, I'm

like, I want to explain it, but like I

can't yet. So, she goes to sleep after

all of this and she wakes up when she

realizes someone else is in the room.

Like, she feels somebody else in the

room and it's Christian, but it's not

Christian.

And so, um,

Chris is his daytime persona says, um, I

wondered what he was keeping from me. I

see now that it's you. You can call me

Chris.

And so he's a light elf during the day

and a dark elf at night. And neither

knows what the other is doing.

Sorry, got to pause us. So it's Chris by

day, Christian by night.

Flip it. Christian by day.

Christian by day. Chris by night. Okay.

And right now he's Chris saying this is

what Christian

day man.

Master of the night man.

champion of the sun.

I hope he also does karate. Um, just to

really round it out.

Yes. So, um, he tells Thea that he is

kidnapping her, but it's obviously a

choice. Like, if she had said, "No, I'm

not going with you." Like, obviously he

would leave her alone. But he's like,

"Well, clearly I'm kidnapping you."

Like, I'm kidnapping you. Let me hold

the door open and let you walk out.

Literally.

Okay.

So, he glamourred the other guys so they

would not wake up so that they wouldn't

interfere cuz he was like, "They're

going to try to stop me, but uh I don't

want to be stopped." So,

I mean, forward thinking.

Yeah.

We are strength based

planning ahead. Uh-huh. So he takes her

to a biker bar where he kicks down the

door and he's like who's got my money?

And Thea's like, "What money?" She's

like, "This is fun." She knocks over

like all of the bikes in the front by

accident, purely by accident. And he

then proceeds to whip out his bow and

arrow and shoot everyone with these

poison arrows and just like kills

everybody and just laughs while they all

die very slowly. And Thea is like, "What

the fuck?" She's like, "Uh,

what is happening? And why am I horny

about it?

It's so messy."

So, someone attacks her as Chris is like

taking out all of these other people.

And so, Chris,

these innocent bar patrons,

they're not innocent, but we don't know

that yet.

Okay.

So, um Chris then tortures the guy that

touches her, of course, and she is like,

"Hey,

please don't kill him." Like, currently,

nobody is dead. They are all just

actively dying. And she's like, "Please

don't kill him.

I don't know what being around a soul is

going to do to me. Like, I don't know if

I'm going to be

just had that question."

Yeah. Um,

but then I was like, I asked too many

very specific questions that aren't So,

I was like, I'm going to let it go. But,

so I'm really glad I got answer.

It was relevant. So, um,

yeah, cuz I was like, what happens if

there's a soul there? And then, like, if

she's drawn to it, I'm like, would it

pull her back to the room? Like, valid

concern. So, she doesn't know and she's

freaked out. And so, Chris is like, "Oh,

well, we can just go then." And she's

like, "Wait, what about your money?" And

he's like, "Oh, you know what? Funnily

enough, um, they didn't actually owe me

money. My mistake, short stack." And so,

this is where we get our second

nickname, Short Stack.

Follow-up announcement time.

Announcement two, Electric Booaloo.

Friendly reminder that if you have any

interest in life coaching or Smut Club

book club with your fellow smut [ __ ]

follow the link in our Instagram bio or

the show notes.

So when they get back to the motel, the

guys

he just like knocked them all out.

He just took them all out for no current

discernable reason.

But they're not actually dead. He just

like

they will be dying. It's just very very

slow because of the poison and the

arrows he uses.

Okay.

So that's he was why he

So it was more like a let's get out of

here before the souls are here. Not a

let's go before the cats show or

something.

They're all asleep. Let's leave before I

thank you for clarifying.

So this was a supernatural biker bar.

Of course. Silly me. So, when they get

back, the guys are all freaking the [ __ ]

out and Zed is extremely guilty that he

was fooled by Chris's glamour.

M.

So, they're extremely angry. And then

Christian is back because as they pull

in, like the sun rises and Christian

shows up and he has no memory of

anything that happened. And um

that must be so disorienting,

right? And so Thea is like, "What are

you talking about? I had a great time.

You kept me safe. It was fun. He's you."

And he's like, "No, you don't

understand. Like he's not me. He is a

psychopath. Like he has no impulse

control. Like he could hurt you." And

she's like, "No, he won't. He's you."

Like

it's the same same guy.

And so

she is able to see through the [ __ ]

Yeah.

In such a little bit form. Um, but she

did get hit in the face during the whole

kurfuffle and it's not healing very fast

and the guys are like, "Whoa, does this

mean she doesn't have supernatural

healing?" Like, that's terrifying and we

don't like it. So, we need to figure out

how to protect her.

Um, so they are getting ready to go out

to breakfast to get something to eat.

Um, and Everett bought her clothes and

they're all in the correct sizes and

everything. And so her immediate

response is, "How did you know my bra

size? I didn't even know my bra size.

How'd you do that?" And he's like, "Oh

my god."

He's like,

you know, just just staring at him a

bit.

Yeah. She's like, "Is that your

superpower? That's such a weird

superpower, but so fun. Do her. She's

like, it's like a carnival trick.

Yeah. Guessing your bra size.

So, I would be so bad at that.

Also, because they're

there are so many like high impact bras

that are like meant to compress and

minimize.

Yeah.

Your boobs are like three times the size

of mine. And I didn't know that for

years. Right. Cuz I keep them locked

down. Yeah, I would have lost like if

someone was like, "What size boobs does

Hannah have?" I would have not won that.

Yeah,

of course. I also hope no one randomly

asked me what size bra like that. I'll

have I'll probably have bigger questions

if someone asked me. Someone's like,

"Hey, Chelsea, call me real fast. Got a

question.

Do you know Hannah's bra size?"

Not for anything weird. Like, what?

Yeah, don't worry about it. Um, so Rafe

was gone. like they he disappeared

somewhere and they didn't know where he

was. And

he shows back up and he presents her

with a bouquet of severed fingers

because he went back to the bar and

finished everybody off, including the

guy that had touched her.

And the guys are all like, "What the

[ __ ] dude?" Like, you can't just be

showing up with severed fingers. But

she's like, "This is the sweetest thing

that anybody has ever done for me." And

the guys are like, "What the fresh [ __ ]

is happening?"

I get their confusion,

right?

So, this is when we go to Aphrodites.

Oh, okay. So, yeah, I see where

they were doing game planning and I

jumped ahead. So, they glamour Thea so

that Aphrodite won't see her or hear

her.

Um,

and Aphrodite likes to answer the door

in her skiibbies.

Yes. So, she is actively trying to

seduce the guys. And Thea is

is glamored and pissed.

Yeah. But also distracted by like the

wall of sex toys and dildos and [ __ ] on

the walls. She's like, "What does this

one do?" And the guys can see and hear

her, but Aphrodite can't. So, they're

all trying to keep a straight face and

trying not to look at her as she is like

messing with all of these sex toys and

asking what they all do. Um, and she

also gets very distracted because at one

point Aphrodite like leans over and you

can see she has like a vibrating butt

plug actively in her ass. And Thea is

like, "That's fascinating. Did she do

that? Like, how long has that been in

there? How long can you wear one of

those?" And she's like asking all these

questions and the guys are like, "Oh my

god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

Like, "Oh my god." Um,

your Aphrodite, I imagine time's not an

issue for how long you

leave that vibrating butt plug in.

Yeah. But the guys realize they can't

directly ask her about Thea because that

would be showing too much of their hand.

So they're like,

"Hades is over reapers." So they ask

okay Hades is over all of the reapers.

Yes. So they ask her if they if she

knows about Hades

kidnapping reapers or anything like that

and she gets very weird. Um and she's

like maybe you should try talking to

Athena. I don't know. Try talking to

Athena. And they she gives

like Aphrodite, the queen of tea, is

Yeah.

pushing us off.

Suspic.

Yep. That feels sus.

So she does give them Athena's location,

which Athena has been in hiding for

centuries because her team died.

It was a team of five and they were

herum

essentially like she was in love with

all of them and they all died in one

singular battle and at that point she

fully separated from the world and she

has been hiding ever since and she is in

the the labyrinth. So the labyrinth

where the minotaur was.

So um

great hiding place.

Yes. So that night they go to a

different safe house for the night. And

um Everett has not checked in with Aries

yet. He's like technically should have

done that several days ago when we

finished the job that he actually sent

us out on for the hell hounds, but like

I'm I don't want him to know about Thea

and I don't know why. So he's like I'm

just gonna we're just going to keep

doing

Should we have check in? Yes. Am I

trusting my gut that I like shouldn't

for some reason?

Yes.

Also, yes.

Your intuition knows.

Your intuition is always tugging you

where you need to go.

Yep. Listen to your instincts, people.

Some people might call that the Holy

Spirit, depending on what circles you're

in. Yeah. I don't think that's what they

call it in this book. No, no, I don't

know what they call it in this book. Um,

but Thea also realizes the her dagger is

gone. So, like they're at this safe

house and she's like, "Wait a second. I

had the dagger. I put it in my

waistband. It's not there anymore. Like,

did I drop it somewhere at Aphrodite's

apartment? Like, what the fuck?"

and she goes to use the bathroom and

realizes that it is on her skin like a

tattoo and she is like

um

uhoh

because the dagger makes her madness

worse.

Like she has to put it on the pedestal

to escape the madness. But like she

feels fine right now, but she's like

very confused about what the [ __ ] is

going on. So, she decides not to tell

the guys about what happened. She's

like, I just

I don't know, so I'm not going to tell

them. So,

yeah. Like, also, how do you describe

that within the context of all of this?

You're like, so you know that dagger you

tried to take off of me?

Remember how it burned you? Um, it's a

tattoo now.

Um,

was that um

I'm probably mixing up my books. Was

that here, Sexist Vampire? The Suzanne

Wright book. I

um I remember there being a book where

it was like a tattoo of a snake that

would then like come

to life and like could like

help them in battle.

Yeah, I think it was that one.

Dope tattoos if tattoos can do that for

you.

I would mostly have just flowers. I

don't know that my tattoos coming to

life would be very useful to anybody.

Um be great if I got hungry. I've got

cheesecake and orange blossoms.

Um,

sure.

I've got a muffin on my muffin top.

M, that is a good one.

Yep.

Yeah.

My cheapest tattoo. It only cost me $20.

Yeah, I feel that. That feels right. But

also, to be fair, a little the context

in which I got it, there was a dude back

in actually in Orlando.

Um, and he had worked at a shop and was

saving money to open his own shop. So on

his off day, we had a friend who had a

spare room in his house. And the dude

would bring his whole setup and do like

tattoos that for him were at a very

discounted rate because he wasn't having

to pay all of the overhead and like for

his shop. Then he was able to put all of

that towards opening a location

which was like his wife was like a belly

dancing instructor.

What a niche.

So when they opened the shop, it was

literally like half belly dancing like

yoga studio and half tattoo parlor,

but the waiting room for the belly

dancing was like in the tattoo. So I'm

like sitting there getting a tattoo one

day because I went back to him after he

opened the shop.

And like girls are coming in with like

their jangles on. I don't know what

they're actually called. I don't think

they're called jangles. But it was like

a very I'm like this feels like a weird

thing. There's like four women with

belly dancing jangles watching me get

tattooed right now.

I feel like I've read that book. Like I

know that I haven't, but I feel like I

have, you know.

Yes, 100%. So yes, the the muffin was

from when he was saving money to open

his own shop.

Noted. And you contributed.

I did.

Yeah. Like

love that.

Not much to be fair.

20 bucks.

But I did also contribute when he opened

his real shop and I went back to him.

Even better.

So it counts.

It does count.

All right. Anyway, she has this dagger

on her side.

Yeah. And she's like, I'm just going to

not mention that. And Christian comes to

talk to her and basically apologize for

Chris and she's like, "You don't need

to. I'm not scared of you. Like,

you would never hurt me.

Chris would never hurt me. Like, what is

not connecting for you?" Like, she's

like, "It's it's not that hard to

understand. This is very simple math."

And at that point,

they immediately [ __ ] like they

immediately [ __ ] as soon as she's like,

"No, you don't." Like, "I'm not scared

of you. They just start making out and

he's inside her." My notes say, "No

foreplay." And at this point, Thea is

like, "You know, I've seen on TV that

like it hurts the first time, but uh it

sure doesn't."

What is on her TV?

I don't know. It

I don't know. I'm assuming she's just

watching tel nollas all day, which I

recognize is probably not true, but it's

getting interspersed with the prices,

right? Neither of those

is explaining

the biological components of virginity.

She does mention movies, so I mean,

she's engaging with media, but she's

like, I don't really care. It didn't

hurt. This is [ __ ] awesome. Like,

yeah. She's like, you know, everything

led me to believe this would be

horrible, but it was great.

Mhm.

And at that point, Christian's like,

"Hey, uh, have you always had the, uh,

dagger tattoo? That that tattoo right

there?" And she's like, "Ah, fuck." And

as she's trying to figure out what to

say, Chris takes over. And so, she

doesn't have to worry about it. And they

just continue to [ __ ]

And here is where we find out that Chris

does actually remember everything from

the daytime.

Oh, so Christian doesn't, but Chris

does,

right? So, um,

which makes sense considering he'd been

like, oh, you're who he was trying to

keep from me.

Yeah. So, he's like, we are literally

the same person. I am just the darker

impulses. And he doesn't want to accept

that. And so, that's why we're separate.

It's not because we're separate people.

Like, but his hair color changes, his

eye color ch like he he does physically

change when that happens. I remember

watching a documentary about someone who

had dissociative identity disorder

and when they would shift into an altar,

their vision would change and they would

have to put on like prescription

glasses.

That's fascinating.

Yes. And like another person who like um

when one their altar like had diabetes

and they didn't

Yeah.

That's crazy.

Yes. That is what is mind-blowing to me

about the idea.

So cool.

Yes.

Not cool is the wrong word.

I knew what you meant, but yes.

Fascinating.

So

he basically tells Thea like, "Hop back

on it, babe. Like, let's keep going."

And he's like, "No, I remember what you

were just doing. Put that thing down,

flip it, and reverse it, baby girl."

Yeah, for real.

Short stack. What does he call her?

He does call her Short Stack. Do

Christian and Chris have different

nicknames or do they call her the same

thing?

Christian doesn't have a nickname for

her

yet. Yet it does stay short stack once

eventually. But

okay.

So, and at this point she's like, I know

this is really weird, but like

I'm kind of into you. And he's like,

jokes's on you. I'm super into you. He's

like, and so they have this weird moment

of like declaring feelings.

And so she asks Chris to stay with her

until she falls asleep.

Do you have feelings for Chris Christian

or is it just the moment that you're

swept up in?

She really does. She really does have

feelings for him. And when Chris gets up

and leaves the room, all of the guys are

in their like safe house living room

like, "You son of a bitch." Like we

heard all of that. Um, and so at that

point, Chris is like, "I don't have time

to soothe your egos or whatever. Ray, if

you're coming with me, we're going back

to Aphrodite." She was lying and none of

you were man enough to say [ __ ] about it

at the time. So, we're going to go back.

So,

they do go back and she is, of course,

having an orgy and is a bit distracted.

So, they decide to search her apartment

and they find a weird little sketchbook

with runes on it that match Thea's

dagger.

And it says on the sketchbook that it is

property of Athena. And they're like,

"Oh, okay. So, we need to find Athena

right now. This isn't like a maybe

she'll have some information. Like, she

clearly knows something."

Yes.

So over breakfast they are talking about

like how to get through the labyrinth

and how to get to Athena, how to ask her

for help.

I know he won't be there, but I'm just

imagining the movie Labyrinth

and David Bowie.

I did imagine David Bowie at a certain

point when there's like an old lady

oracle who comes out. I was like it'd be

better if it was Bowie. Um, but anyway,

so as they're at breakfast kind of

talking through what they're going to

do, Thea sees a frog hopping across the

table and like nobody's reacting and

she's like, "Oh, is it how is nobody

am I the only one who sees it? What's

happening here?"

Right? And so at this point, she

confesses that the dagger is tattooed on

her skin. Um, and

she explains that when she reaps a soul,

she hallucinates stuff. Like, she goes

fully mad when she reaps a soul. And it

only stops when she returns the dagger.

And so, she's like, "Listen,

if this is all temporary, thank you

guys." Like, just so you know, like, if

I go insane,

I love you guys. Not I love you guys,

but like, thank you guys. I appreciate

you all so much.

And they're like, "Nope, we're not doing

that. we're going to the labyrinth right

now. Like, we're gonna get this figured

out. So, they complete a bunch of trials

and obstacles and all of these different

things that I'm not going to get into.

Like, they fight an oracle. Um, and

during all the chaos,

the the knife shows up in Thea's hand,

like when she needs it to protect one of

the guys. and she kills the creature

that was going after one of the guys,

the oracle. And as soon as the creature

dies, she starts scratching at her arms

and she starts saying like, "They're

here. They're here." And she's like

having like a full breakdown and the

guys are like,

"What is happening?

What the [ __ ] are we supposed to do with

that?" Right? So, um, they Everett is

like carrying her. He's trying to calm

her down

and she just keeps crying and she won't

stop and she's not really responding to

them anymore. And they wind up at

another obstacle that like reveals

memories of their past to them. And so

he has memories of his childhood.

Which one? Sorry.

Everett is the shifter.

Okay.

Yeah. the team leader, the shifter.

Sorry, am I? I'm like, yeah, she's with

all the guys and like

all of them, all the people.

And they're like, and then this one I'm

like, "Oh, no. I I missed that. That's

on me."

So, he h has memories of his dad um who

is a dick, like training him before

turning him over to Aries and basically

being awful to him. And then he

remembers meeting all the guys for the

first time at the compound. And at that

point, he starts to like then remember

Thea and like finding her in the forest

and he's like feeling all of these

different things. And he's like, "Oh,

part of why I've been such a dick to her

is because like I really care about her

and I feel like I care about her more

than I should because I don't know her

and like I don't understand what's

happening."

Yeah. like I feel this pull towards her

that like I don't know why and so I'm

naturally fighting it.

Yeah. And at this point he's like okay

so

I am going to save her and then I am

going to prove that I deserve her

because I've been a dick to this point

and I clearly don't deserve her right

now. So like I'm going to figure it out.

So Thea is having a full breakdown. The

guys are trying to stop her from hurting

herself when this woman suddenly appears

and she does something that knocks Thea

out. Like the woman like does some kind

of mojo and Thea goes down

like puts hands on her or Okay.

Yeah. I know it's not it's not the same,

but what it reminded like thinking of

like oh every time she like uses the

dagger she like starts hallucinating. Do

you remember that show Eye Zombie?

Yeah.

Where like she helped solve crime

just by eating brains.

Every time she ate the brains she'd like

have the visions. Like that's so

ridiculous.

That's what I thought of. It's like, oh,

when she reaps their soul with the

dagger, she like starts having these

visions and that's what like sets this

all off

kind of. Um, so when Thea wakes up, it's

the woman is Athena. And

well, the funniest part was I was about

to be like, "Oh, is this the oracle?"

Then I was like, "No, you just mentioned

that they had been fighting the oracle."

Yeah. So this I was like, "Okay, so it

has to be

it's Athena."

Athena.

Yeah. So, she tells

Athena everything that she remembers,

everything she knows, everything that's

happened.

And um Athena says that she does

recognize the runes because she made

them.

Um and they trap souls and transfer

power. So, it is not reaping a soul and

sending it to the underworld. It is

reaping a soul and using it as a

battery.

And so

she's like, "Hey, yeah." So what this

means is someone is collecting a lot of

power, like accumulating

insane, terrifying amounts of power, and

we don't know who it is.

Well, like how often was Thea being like

pulled?

Several times a day. Like up to a

hundred times a day. up to a hundred

times a day.

Yeah.

Oh, no wonder she's so chaotic.

And that's when the guys realize like

because they didn't know that until this

moment when Athena asks and she's like,

"Oh, like I would go out like, you know,

maybe a 100 times was probably like my

most." But, you know, averaging 50 or 60

a day probably. And the guys are like,

"Holy [ __ ]

for 400 years this was your life." For

400 years you've been like reaping

Yeah.

three souls an hour.

Yeah. Like true. Like of course you're

insane. I'd be insane.

A So

poor Thea.

We also find here that the souls are

actually trapped in the dagger. So the

hallucinations that she is experiencing

are the souls screaming like to be let

out. And her mind can't tolerate it

anymore. like it's been four centuries

of it and her her mind is like unable to

take on anymore. And so Athena is like,

"Hey,

I'm going to put a fix in place." Which

is part of why Thea passed out. She's

like, "I put a wall up.

It is not a permanent fix. This is very

temporary." But

okay, so we like Athena.

We do like Athena a lot. Athena is good,

which we find out right now. Um,

right. Well, and I'm like, I don't I

can't get emotionally vested into like

rooting for Athena and her being a safe

space to find out she's not.

She's really lucky. Um, and so Athena is

like, "Hey, you need to find the person

responsible

before my fix breaks down."

Like, it it it's not going to be

forever. And so they're like, "Okay,

well, I guess we need to start with

Hades, but going straight to Hades seems

like a bad idea. So we're going to go to

his right-hand man, Cberus, which is the

three-headed dog, which it turns out is

Everett's dad. So Everett is a Cberus

shifter. He's a three-headed dog

shifter, and that's why it's a secret

because he's one of two." Yeah, I was

going to say I didn't know that there

could be shifters of that variety. So,

bestkept secret in the underworld.

For sure.

For sure.

Your dad is Hades, right hand man.

Mhm.

And I was picturing from the children's

cartoon Hercules, the swirling pool of

souls.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That So, yeah. Hades makes complete

sense.

Mhm. Mhm. So that night they have a very

quiet night at the safe house. Everett

wants to show Thea that he cares, but

he's like not sure how to like approach

her and stuff cuz he's been so cold to

this point. So he falls asleep and he

dreams of his childhood training with

his dad

and he remembers being fully terrified

of Hades. Like he was like, "This was

not like a fun uncle." Like Hades is

[ __ ] scary, dude. He's like, "I'm

willing to do it for Thea, but like this

is going to suck."

Yeah. He's like, "This is not like a

sweet family reunion that's about to

happen. This is a terrifying situation."

Yeah. So he wakes up because Thea is

putting a blanket over him on the couch

and they have a very sweet moment where

he confesses his feelings and his

gratitude. And um Thea is like, "Are you

serious? I thought you like hated me."

And he's like, "No, of course I could

never hate you." And it's like, "You

could though. It's been 3 days." So like

at that point he kisses her and um she

is like pushing for more and he's like

no I am not going to [ __ ] you until I

deserve it. I'm like why are we making

sex transactional? That's weird. But I

can also appreciate that he wants to

make their emotional connection more

solid before he goes for the physical

side. Um,

what a healthy positive reframe there

because I like

I was really trying.

I sighed. I was like, I was really

trying. What?

I was really trying. So, he leaves her

on the couch like all hot and bothered.

And so, of course, um, when she goes

back to her room, Rafe is there and he

is

and he's more willing to help

so much more. He's covered in scars,

which she's fascinated by. I was about

to ask if he was still covered in blood

and then you're like he's covered in I

was like again and then you're like

scars

scars not blood this time because it's

he has to bleed for his magic so he has

like little tiny scars everywhere

and um

my words or my words my notes say kinky

times ensue safe word is watermelon tied

up degradation talk tit slapping for

punishment

She really went from 6:00 to midnight

with the sex.

Yeah, she did. She did. She's very into

it though. Um, and eventually

Rafe flips her over and at that point

she looks towards the door and sees that

Zed, the sweet, quiet Wraith, has been

watching this whole time. And um,

that's not a turnoff.

It is not. So she gives him a [ __ ]

Everybody finishes. It's a great time.

My notes say subspace sleepy time

because she describes like floating and

being like like kind of high and like

feeling [ __ ] up a little bit. She's

like

and then they all go to sleep.

I hope all of these supernatural beings

know about afterare.

They do. Okay.

Yeah, they take good care of each other.

So the next day, although it is much

less described on page as in other

books, which I do appreciate, but they

do take care of each other. So then the

next day they portal to the underworld.

Um, and

it it's very freaky how they like have

to go through one at a time and it's all

a lot and then they have to cross the

river sticks and the guys give Thea like

a breakdown of the afterlife, like all

the different places people can go, all

that kind of stuff. But they're like,

uh, there should be souls here. Like

there are no souls on the banks waiting

to be taken across the river. They're

like, "That's weird. This is a little

odd."

Do you remember that movie Scoop? The

Woody Allen movie.

No.

Oh, Hugh Jackman, Scarlett Johansson.

Oh.

About like like there was a magician.

Sure.

Played by Woody Allen.

There was a murder.

Sure.

They're trying to solve it. But a

journalist

who passed away gets the scoop for the

murder while he's crossing the river

sticks. And so he like shows up like at

this magic show and he's like, "I need

to get you the information so you can

solve the murder." So he tries to like

do a seance.

No, it's more like

from the other side.

Yeah. I Well, I guess maybe like Yeah.

Like Scarlett Johansson is like in the

box. And suddenly like the journalist

shows up and he's like, "You need this

information to solve this murder." And

then he like fades away.

But Woody Allen is the magician whose

like show Scarlett Johansson is at.

Did I tell you that was my um Halloween

costume was a seance? I wore my Ouija

board sweatshirt and then I put my hair

in space buns and put tissues over them

and drew little faces on them so they'd

be ghosts.

Yeah, that's honestly really good.

So anyway, so Thea is under another

glamour to hide her.

Mhm.

Um and Everett is like, "Let me do all

the talking. This is my dad, whatever."

But the glamour doesn't work because

they're in the underworld and the magic

works differently. And so

Cberus is like um tries to take the uh

to Hades

um and he's like you're a reaper but

you're not

like an active reaper because I know all

of them. Like this is [ __ ] weird.

We're going to see the boss and

Oh, so even he's like this shouldn't be

happening right now.

Mhm. He's like, "This ain't right."

But the guys don't know if that's

because like they had a like some kind

of scheme going on or if like somebody

else had her like. So they're trying to

figure out how to protect her. So

Everett fights his dad and the other

guys are trying to figure out how to get

Thea out because he's actively trying to

take Thea from them to

Okay. So he's not saying this is weird.

Let's all go to Hades together.

He's a dick. He's like, "You're coming

with me

full stop." And the guys are like, "N."

So at that point, Hades shows up

and he

grabs Thea's throat and is like, "I will

snap her neck." Everybody [ __ ]

freeze. And they're like, "104, boss.

Got it. That'll get your attention." And

they get taken to the throne room by a

bunch of guards. It's a whole thing. And

Hades is like, "How are you alive?"

So even Hades is confused.

Yeah. He's like, "Where the [ __ ] have

you been?

Where have you been?"

Yes. He's like, "You've been missing for

over 400 years. Where the [ __ ] have you

been?" And she's like, "I literally

don't know." She's like, "I I would So,

have you seen the room? Like, I don't."

Yeah. So then the he asks the guys like,

"What do you guys remember?" And they're

like, "What? We remember her showing up

and saving Zed." Like I none of us know

what's going on

like to a situation she just randomly

got pulled to as well.

And we realize here the guys don't

really remember their lives before they

were put into their like stasis sleep

thing for several centuries. They have

like little snapshots of childhood, but

they don't really remember like all of

their training and stuff. So, at that

point, um, Hades reveals that Thea was

the fifth and final member of their

team.

So, she had been with them while they

were training.

And so Hades is like, "I don't know how

all of your memories got wiped, but you

guys were a unit."

Oh, so that's not supposed to happen.

They're not supposed to lose their

memories as part of this thing.

So he's like, "I don't know how this

happened. Thea's been gone 400 years.

You guys were a unit. You all trained

together. You grew up together."

Like, so I see. At this point, Pphanie

shows up and is [ __ ] bizarre. She is

like, "Oh my gosh, look at you. Like,

I'm so excited to see you. We never have

guests. I'm so happy you're here." And

it's very like, "Are you all right?"

Like, "What are you doing?" She's

getting like emotional and like misty

eyed and it's like, "What? What is

happening?"

And so she's like continuously staring

at Thea and she seems very lonely and

emotional and it's just [ __ ] weird.

And so eventually she leaves and Thea

and Zed are alone and emotional and

having a very difficult time like

processing

centuries were stolen from us. Like how

did this happen? And so they start

making out.

Zed and Thea finally bang

and he tells her like, "Yeah, you know,

I've I've never been with anyone except

you apparently." Because they start to

realize like they weren't just like a

team. They were in a poly. Yeah, they

were a team team. And so she's like, "Oh

my god, you waited for me."

Like I don't hold it against the other

guys for not because they didn't

remember me, but like you did. You

waited for me. And it's a very emotional

declarations of love. Um

and Thea is just basically her world has

been rocked and all of the guys like

their world has been rocked.

I mean, yeah, cuz like I do I do feel

like we got some answers, but I do feel

like for every answer we got, we got

several additional questions. More

questions. So

Christian wakes up the next day and he

realizes that he has merged with Chris

cuz he remembers the night before. Not

only that, but his appearance has

changed. So he like his hair before

would be blonde with like blue streaks

and then red streaks and whatever. And

now it's like a mix of the two and all

of these different things. Um,

and my notes say he's so excited he

decides to wake Thea up with Oral.

Um,

well, I would be excited if I learned to

embrace my dark side as well.

Yeah. But, and this is I appreciated

this. He like goes to start and then

he's like, "Wait a minute. I have not

received consent for this. That'll have

to be for next time." So, he very gently

is like, "Tha, wake up. I'm so excited."

also next time. And she's like, "Yes."

Like,

uh, appreciate that. Um,

you know, we really do appreciate that.

Mhm. And then they get taken to Hades.

So, guards show up and they're like,

"Time to see the boss. Love that for

you."

Um, also Rafe apparently killed a guard

who was too rough with Thea the day

before and she's like, "Oh my gosh, more

fingers for my bouquet. You're so

thoughtful."

Cuz he like preserved them for her.

Like it feels like she's in the Adams

family.

Yes, it it is very much those vibes. Um,

and so,

um, then they have breakfast with Hades

and Praphanie. Um, and Pphanie is like,

"You can have, if you like the room that

you were staying in, this can be your

permanent room and you can redecorate

however you want and all this other

stuff." And they're like,

"We're not staying.

Oh, we're not coming back here. This is

[ __ ] weird and stressful."

So eventually they get down to business

and start discussing it and Hades

reveals that the underworld is broken

and they don't know why it's not taking

new souls.

So like all of the people who die, all

of those souls are just stuck on the

earthly plane and the underworld is like

refusing to accept new people. And it's

really, really bad. And it's because

Thea caused an imbalance. So, she was

reaping souls and eventually the

underworld sort of realized that it

wasn't getting the souls it was supposed

to have. And so, it's all [ __ ] up now.

Um, which is not Thea's fault.

No, cuz in her head, she's just been

like reaping the souls that she's

supposed to reap as a reaper,

right? So, at this point, they're like,

"Okay, so how do we free the souls from

the dagger?" because that's the

solution, right?

Um, that'll get rid of my madness.

That'll fix the underworld. And he's

like, "I'm so sorry, child. There is

nothing we can do for them. The life

force of a god is the only way to free

them." So, they would have to kill a god

for that.

And then they go to leave and Pphanie is

like very emotional and she's like,

"You'll come back, right?" And it's

like, "Girl, are you good?

Blink twice if you're okay." Which wear

yellow. Like, are you Oh my god. I mean,

if you know the story, then you know

she's not okay.

She's not okay.

I once got into a debate with a kid who

was like I think I was like

a sophomore in college. I don't know. I

was probably like 19ish.

He was in high school and was an like

literal genius like Mensa like

sure. But we were talking about Greek

mythology and we were talking about

Pphanie and we got into a debate on the

number of pomegranate seeds that she

ate.

Yes. He this [ __ ] 16-year-old

was like dead ass like it's three. And I

was like, I literally took Greek

mythology as a like college level course

last semester. It was six. He went I am

a literal genius was his whole argument.

And

well that doesn't mean you have the

facts. you remember incorrect facts.

He was like genius. He's like, "I'm a

Mensa member." And his mom was like,

"Oh, hey, baby. No, that's like not

that's not how you think it is."

Like, you can't just say, "I'm smarter

than you, so I've won this argument."

That's not how it works.

Yes. would like so funny to look back on

this mom trying to like oh no

a 16-year-old being like I'm a literal

genius and you're not

in the room so

oh my gosh once

so nurse practitioners mast's level for

the most part right um some like there

are doctor level but most nurse

practitioners I know are masters level

um LPC's LCSSWS LMFTs All also masters

level

at least. Y

at least. Yep. And we had a nurse

practitioner who worked at my company

like when I did community mental health

and we like there was like a big

staffing for this situation and like

like the chief whatever person was there

who's like an LCSW and the nurse

practitioner once a dead ass went I have

the highest degree in this room. So what

I say for this client's treatment will

be how we move forward.

H

I'm sure that didn't go how she thought

it would go.

I'm also like what how like you have

your what do you what level of degrees

do you think every single

person all licensed by the state [ __ ]

we all have masters?

Yeah. I'm like oh that is that's bold.

That's bold bold

shots have been fired.

Yeah. I think she wasn't at the company

within like 6 months of that.

Yeah, those sorts of folks don't tend to

last in my experience.

Yeah, the the collaborative people are

the ones who last. Absolutely. So,

sorry. I know. I

That's okay.

Sidrack is being weird.

Praphanie is being weird and they leave.

They decide now is the time to be

collaborative and go back to the

compound.

Um,

rub one out

to check in with Aries

or that. Yeah.

Oh, but this is the first time they're

checking in with him, right? They still

haven't checked in with Aries yet. Okay.

So, Rafe is like, Aries is a shady

[ __ ]

I don't have any proof for that, but I

don't like him.

But he is.

He's like, but I don't like him.

And so, they confront him while Thea is

cloaked, glam, whatever. And because

they're back earth side and they're

like, "So, we had a fifth member. Like,

what the fuck?" And Aries is like,

"Whoa, are you are you talking about

Winnie?"

And they're like, "Who? Winnie?"

Yeah. Wifred.

And Aries tells them

from the Wonder Years.

Yes. All or my cat.

No other winner of Fred should be

also called Fred, not from Hocus Pocus.

So, um

I am learning in this moment that Fred's

full name is Winter Fred. I just thought

you had a female cat named Fred for

years.

Yeah. No, her government name is Wifred.

It's on all of her prescriptions.

On all of her prescriptions. She has a

lot of them. She has issues. So,

are you talking about Winfred? You're

like,

"Yeah." No, wait.

They're like, "Are we? You tell me the

[ __ ]

Who am I talking about?"

And Aries is like, "Hey, I never hurt

her. I was in love with her. Like, I

loved her."

And at that point, Christian drops the

glamour. And I don't remember if it was

intentional or if it was like they were

so shocked that it just happened. But at

that point, Aries grabs Thea and starts

pulling her to him. And at that point,

Thea's memories return.

And she remembers first meeting all the

guys as children. She remembers falling

in love with them and growing up with

them and all of those really lovely

things. She recalls Aries becoming

increasingly obsessed with her and like

stalking her and like all this really

crazy [ __ ]

And she finally recalls the guys trying

to stop him when he like went after her

and all of them got knocked out and then

it he kills her or he thinks he does. He

thinks that he killed her in a fit of

rage or whatever

in her memories like not in this moment

but okay.

So when she comes back to the present

she tells the guys, "Holy [ __ ] like it

was Aries." Like Aries like

knocked you guys out. He did all these

things. Like he's the one. And so it's

an immediate beatd down. Like all of the

guys go at him at one time and Thea is

about to kill him with her dagger and

they're like, "Please don't. Like we

will lose you. Like this will break the

wall. Like the soul of a god is going to

like [ __ ] you up. Like you can't." But

also, won't it save the underworld? Uh

well unclear.

Okay. Because then Hades shows up and he

is pure rage. pure rage. And he's like,

"Yeah, so you will be going to the

deepest, darkest parts of the underworld

to suffer for eternity for what you have

done."

And just solves the problem, takes takes

Aries and disappears. Well, snaps his

fingers and Aries disappears. And then

Thea is like,

"Why are you helping us?" Because the

whole time like while they were in the

underworld he seemed kind of like

ambivalent towards her

and he's like he just says because I

created you and then disappears and

she's like cuz he created all reapers

like I what is happening right now.

So,

um,

finally everybody [ __ ] Everybody's

[ __ ]

Um, also my notes

really impressed that they're fitting

the [ __ ] in with all of this plot cuz

there's a lot happening in this book for

them to be [ __ ] between the

discoveries,

right? Well, and it's just Everett this

time. Um, cuz he sends the guys out to

do something. And my notes say,

apparently Everett's dick is a weapon of

mass destruction. declarations of love.

That's what my notes say. So then

they're snuggling and suddenly Thea

starts to feel this like pull on her

chest like she does when she's being

called to reap

and she starts to hallucinate again. She

starts seeing like the walls are are

bleeding and like this crazy [ __ ]

And she's like clearly the wall is

coming down. And so she's like, "Listen,

I love you. tell the others I love them.

I'm so sorry. And she gets yanked away.

And she's back in the room.

Does she retain her memories this time?

Yes.

Okay.

So, at this point, she realizes the

dagger will cut through the walls. So,

she has been trying to break the walls

down with her hands or whatever

she can get to all this time, and it

hasn't worked. But in a fit of rage and

fear, she uses the dagger and it works.

And she stumbles out of her prison into

Aphrodite's apartment

because it turns out Aphrodite was livid

that Aries was in love with her.

And so she decided to punish Thea for

that. Took her, wiped her memory.

Um, and she is livid because the gods

never took her seriously as like the

goddess of love. And she's like, "Now

I'm more powerful than all of them

because she has all of this amassed

power from these souls." Um, so there is

a huge fight scene. Lots of [ __ ]

happens. Um,

Thea at this point saves Potty the

cactus if you recall from the very

beginning. She's like, "I will not

abandon Potty again." and like scoops

her up. And um at that point then the

guys show up with Athena. Um and so Thea

realizes she has to kill Aphrodite to

free the souls. And she's like, "This is

a risk I'm going to have to take. Like

this is a sacrifice I need to make." The

guys are all begging her to stop, but

she just she says, "I love you." And

then I die is what it says in the book.

And so then Theo wakes up in Hades's

throne room.

It's such a it's such a journey because

he's like, "Turns out I'm your dad."

Turns out So when he said, "I created

you. I'm your dad."

Adopted dad. Because Pphanie wanted a

baby. They couldn't naturally have them.

Thea didn't have any parents as an

infant and he was like, "Cool,

I'll call Dibs."

Yeah. And so,

so the way in which Pphanie has been

acting has been like,

"Yeah, it's her child."

Her child

that she's been missing for 400 years.

So, it all makes so much. It's like,

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I thought you

were weird.

You were just really excited to see your

baby. I'm so sorry.

Do you want your room here? Do you want

me to redo?" Like,

yes.

Yeah. You can come back anytime. you'll

come back, right? Like, oh my heart. So,

at this point, Hades offers her a deal.

You can be my personal reaper

and you can train the new reapers. Live

with your men. Come visit when you can.

Spend time with Pphanie between jobs.

Um,

that's all I ask. And she's like, "What

is happening? like you clearly don't

like care for me. And he's like, "Yeah,

no, I don't. I don't love you." Um, but

I do care about what happens to you and

I feel responsible for you and Pphanie

loves you. And he's like, "The only

person I'm capable of loving is Pphanie

and so like you are as close to loving

another person as I'm ever going to get

and this is the best deal I can cut

you." It's very weird. It's very weird.

I I don't love that.

Yeah. So, she immediately accepts the

deal, of course, because she's like,

"This is the only way she's getting back

to her men, otherwise she's going to

fade."

And so, Thea then returns to her body.

And um it there's declarations of

feelings. All the guys are there.

Devotion.

Amazing. Group sexy times ensue. Um,

yeah. And

that there's so much I have so much in

here about BJ followed by sex DP with

Christian in her ass. And I'm like Rafe

is coordinating everything,

choreographing, like telling everybody

where to move and what to do. And um all

the guys edge her because they're like

Rafe is like you are being punished for

leaving us until finally she comes. It's

amazing. Everybody's really happy and

they're like okay well it's time to

start our life together. So here we go.

And we're at the epilogue. So Thea and

the guys are training teams to hunt

rogue soups because everybody realizes

the one team at a time rule was stupid.

didn't make any sense. So, they have

volunteers now instead of like plucking

people from their families. Um, and Thea

is very, very rarely called by Hades to

reap a soul. Um, but she thinks that

Hades just wants an excuse to bring her

to the underworld sometimes to see

Pphanie and spend a little time with her

cuz he's very awkward, but like it seems

like he wants to connect, but like

he doesn't know how to do that. So,

it seems like Hades is giving as much of

himself as he

Yeah.

knows how to give.

Yes. And I will give him credit for

that. I think the wording earlier

could have been better.

Yeah. Felt

like not my favorite.

I don't think those were his exact

words, but basically it was like, "Yeah,

no, I'm not capable of love." He's like,

"No."

Yeah.

Obsession with Pphanie.

Sure. Yeah.

Yeah.

So, uh, mostly she's just with the guys

hanging and banging and having a great

time. And in the epilogue, she finally

gets to try popcorn and it is everything

she wanted it to be. And that's the end.

So all of the souls are still in her

when she killed Aphrodite.

The souls were released.

Okay. To the underworld.

Yes.

So everything's back in balance.

Okay. So, I did leave out Athena had

like a separate plot line, but it was

going to be way too much cuz there's

already so much plot. Um, so that was

really nice. Like that got a bow on it

too and like all of those other like

everything really came together in the

end. But I did enjoy it because it was

not like I didn't see a lot of the

twists coming like I was like, "Oh,

okay." Like, "Oh, whoa." Like, "All

right." I would agree with that. Like,

yeah,

because I it's certainly not JS Scott.

We love our girl Jan, but like we know

we know where we're going when we start

a JS Scott novel. In this one, I can

legitimately say there were words coming

out of your mouth that I was like, "Oh,

oh, oh, oh, I didn't see that coming."

Mhm. Yeah. What's our rating system? I

was just thinking of that. Daggers,

popcorn kernels.

Um, Ford is currently really obsessed

with popcorn. Popcorn is delicious.

And it's really funny because we've been

working on like he's like a very quiet

kid, so we've really been working on

trying to like get him to talk more.

Um,

and so now in the mornings he's been

like, "Popcorn?" And I'm like, "No,

baby, that's not a breakfast food. I'm

so That's an after school snack.

He's like, "It could be if you were cool

about it."

Yeah. If you tried hard and believed in

yourself, Mom, we could all be having a

great time this morning.

We could all be having popcorn for

breakfast.

Yeah. But he's obsessed with it. And so

like he'll like take me into the pantry

and point popcorn like with just this

expectation in his eyes and like,

"Sorry, bro. You can have that later."

Matt is also obsessed with popcorn. He

probably has it two or three nights a

week as like a snack.

Oh, yeah. And I know Vance is also

obsessed with popcorn. Like, and I don't

know if Matt is the same, but like so a

long time ago on a work link, there was

an icebreaker question that was like,

"So, if you're the deity of a religion,"

and I was like, "Go on." They're like,

"And people were taking communion."

Yep. Yeah.

For you, what would your sacraments be?

Mhm.

And um

I don't remember what I said, but I do

remember that icebreaker.

I think I remember posing it to you. I

remember

Yeah.

being on a different team at that point,

but Vance

movie theater

like popcorn with like offensive amounts

of butter and a green point cocktail,

which like I don't know if that would

still be his drink at this point. I

would probably put him more in the hot

tea realm because

he does love a hot tea

and he has like a glass of wine

quarterly. So, I'm like, we're not

Yeah.

I'm not I'm not sure if a cocktail is

like what I would say represents him in

this stage, but

what would you say for Matt? Popcorn.

Popcorn and probably a watermelon Red

Bull.

I can't take that sacrament. I'm sorry.

Me either. Me either. Like, I can't

stand Red Bull. It's so gross of any

flavor to me. I'm like

But he really likes the watermelon. He

has one like every day. Really? Yeah. I

learned something. Yeah. Yeah. So,

popcorn or daggers? Popcorn. We've been

on popcorn. Also, sorry, going back to

the book really fast.

Does it stay as a tattoo now when she's

not using it?

No.

Okay. Uhuh.

So, with the world going back to how it

should be, she no longer

Yep.

has everything is back to where it ought

to be.

Yep. So, popcorns or daggers? I'm sorry.

Popcorn.

Popcorns or daggers?

Popcorns.

Um, are we going bags of pop kernels?

That's so 400 kernels of popcorn for the

400 years.

Bags of popcorn feels better. And I

guess I don't know. I like the 400

kernels for the 400 years.

400 kernels.

Okay. 400 kernels for 400 years of

popcorn. Um, I would say

that math is hard.

I'm like 300, which sounds so high, but

300 out of 400.

So, so

275.

Yeah, let me make the maties. So, out of

four popcorn kernels, how many would you

give? Then we can just add

out of 400.

2.75 popcorn kernels.

Yeah, it was really enjoyable. Um, her

personality sort of like tapered off as

the story went, which was a little

disappointing.

Um,

not for me.

That's fair.

I feel like I like from how it started,

at least in the retelling, I was like,

"Yeah,

it like feels like it's like fun and

quirky for a moment, but like can

quickly get like

Yeah,

we get it.

Yeah.

And so I'm glad that like like honestly

I felt the same watching New Girl back

in the day. Like she start like Jess

started overly quirky and then I feel

like it became a far more like

reasonable amount.

Mhm.

It that's fair.

Like it reduced the mania and the manic

pixie dream girl, you know?

So some of it I like probably flowed a

little bit better in the actual reading

of the book

because I kind of had to like

there was a lot to go in there. Um, like

I left out a bunch from like specific

stuff that happened in the labyrinth and

specific stuff with Athena and all this

other stuff that wasn't super vital to

the main story.

Yeah.

So like I would say

Yeah. like 275 300 out of four because

it was really

fun to read. It was different.

Yeah.

Um and it did flow in a really fun way.

So, I would recommend it to people. And

she does have Katie May, the author does

have in the author's notes specifically,

like if you have

certain triggers that you might want to

be avoiding, skip this chapter, like

skip this part. Like, it it's not going

to ruin the story. You'll still get the

gist of it. Like, if you don't want to

read about that, skip over it, which I

really appreciate it. Um, so yeah. Yeah.

Highly recommend.

275 kernels.

Yeah.

Unpopped.

Unpopped.

But buttered.

Butter your popcorn.

Did I tell you I started making my own

butter?

You did tell me that you were going to

start making your own butter. And then I

think I told Vance. Then Vance was like,

"Oh yeah, what's your process?" And I

was like, "I love that."

Yeah. I've done two batches now. I'll

have to discuss it with you.

One of them was

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Vance will be so

excited to hear about your butter.

I heard the sentence, but we also knew

it wasn't a euphemism. It was a really

He'll be so like my husband is like so

cottagecore.

Yeah, he he's it's adorable.

I love it so much. All right, 275

buttered kernels

but unpopped.

Let us know how many kernels you would

rate. Don't forget to like, subscribe.

Definitely reach out if there's any

books you would like to see us review.

We are always looking for new

recommendations and we'll see you next

time, smut [ __ ] Bye, smut puppies.

Well, that's it for this week, smut

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