Smut Club

Well, hello all you beautiful people.

You know what time it is.

Ladies and gents, guys and dolls and

everyone in between.

Gather around. Get you something real

nice to sip on and comfy to slip on.

Cuz it's time for Smite Club. Here's

your hosts, Chelsea and Hannah.

Announcement time. Um, so we have been

doing this podcast for several years

now. Um, we launched in 2022 and we've

built such a wonderful community over

these last several years and are looking

for new ways to kind of expand and be

able to connect more deeply. So, the

first one of those ways that we've been

talking about is life coaching. um which

is a chance to work one-on-one

individually to help make life feel a

little less sticky. Um spots will be

limited as we launch that. So if you're

interested, we will have a link in our

show notes and in our Insta bio. So

definitely go and join the wait list so

that as soon as we launch, you are first

in line to grab a spot. And if life

coaching really doesn't feel like a good

fit or not quite your jam, but you're

still interested in connecting and

engaging more with our community, we are

also looking into launching a book club.

So, if you're interested in that option,

follow the same link and uh you can get

on the wait list for that as well. And

now back to the show.

Hey everybody and welcome to Smut Club.

I'm Hannah.

And I'm Chelsea.

And this is the podcast where we are two

licensed therapists and life coaches who

sometimes daydrink and sometimes don't

while we review romance novels of

varying caliber.

I nailed that [ __ ] dismount though.

You did. And I was thinking life

coaches. That's what I couldn't find

last time. I called us life coachers.

Yeah. The services are still valid

regardless of I call us coaches or

coachers.

Semantics. Yeah.

If anything, we're more fun.

Yeah. Yeah. Coachering is more fun. I'm

sorry.

I love being a coachering.

Yeah. Me, too.

Yeah. You know what? If you can't fix

it, feature it. And unfortunately, I

can't fix a lot of

It's all featured from here, kiddos.

It's just me trying my best, so we got

to feature it.

Can't fix it. All right. All that said,

today we are reviewing The Bookish Girls

Guide to Mating with a Werewolf by Lola

Glass.

Mhm.

Uh, what was the last Lola we

I want to say it was the siren one.

Love bites.

Yes.

Yes. Like the vampire siren.

Yeah. Yeah. I think

Oh, yeah. He was going to build them. He

was going to build the vampires like a

mini golf course and then he realized

that his faded mate was a siren. So

So he built a pool.

Yeah.

But chlorine makes them glittery.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I forgot about the

glitter. There was a lot of glitter.

There was a lot of glitter,

which I can appreciate personally, but

herpes of the arts and craft world.

Yeah. Just because it's not my aesthetic

doesn't mean that I can't appreciate it.

You know, not really a glitter person.

I feel like you'd be a glitter person

for the right type of glitter.

Sure. I don't know what the I'm like,

what is the right type of glitter? I

feel like it's very situational. Like

when I went to a Kesha concert, I found

glitter and I wore glitter for that very

specific experience. But I did like a

'9s goth with glitter.

Yeah. You have situational glitter

energy.

Situational glitter energy.

You're not a perpetual glitterer.

Right. Right. Right. I'm not like the

pig pen of glitter where I'm like take a

step and glitter like comes off of me.

No, I feel like you're going to use

glitter thoughtfully and intentionally.

It's going to be an accent, not the

whole event when you use it.

Too true. Yeah.

I'm imagining purple glitter.

There was purple glitter.

Right. I'm like I

I felt the color of the glitter in my

soul.

Yeah. You knew. So, I have read this

one, but it's been a second. Not long

because I don't think it's been out that

long.

Yeah, I don't think it's been out that

long. Um, I think there are going to be

three total

and I think only two of the three at the

time of this recording. Who knows by the

time the episode's released, but at the

time of this recording, I think only two

have been released.

Yeah.

Um, yeah, I I do believe that this one

dropped in 2025, so it's it's a newer

one for sure.

So, we open with Abby. Um, Abby is 28

and she is a local college professor in

the English department. Apparently, the

college has a program where they're like

trying to hire younger than average

professors,

right? Yeah.

But they all just seem to be women,

right?

Um, I didn't notice any males on that

roster.

I did notice too when they were talking

when she was like explaining the

program, it was like, do they is

everybody just trying to [ __ ] or does

everybody just think they're trying to

[ __ ] There's a lot of weird.

Well, it seems like the cell is that

they're younger, but then they also

allude at some point to like one of the

younger teachers had a scandal, so now

we're all having to be on our best

behavior. And I'm like,

really feels like we can't have it both

ways,

right? It's like,

no, never mind. I was about to be like,

you can't be like, objectify these women

and then get mad when the women engage

in those behaviors. Like, but maybe that

wasn't the purpose of the program.

probably that probably wasn't or maybe

it was who am I to say I don't know

the deeper underlying motivators of the

program the dean was like listen I know

what young men want and they want tight

tits and ass

ones let's see where we get with it

enrollment will be through the roof

but surely not

are they being featured in your

marketing camp I was like are you doing

a calendar

come look at our hot young

the school calendar, right?

Everybody's agenda that they get at the

beginning of the year.

The syllabis like the syllabi looks a

lot like that Trump Jeffrey Epstein

card. It's just a silhouette of a

woman's body with the info written on

the inside.

Christ. Or it's just it's just like um

uh I like long walks on the beach and

having cozy cocoa on the porch in the

winter.

Let me let me do you one better. I like

cozy walks on the quad.

Yes. Okay, that's the one. Yeah. Yeah. I

like getting coffee from the coffee cart

in front of the library and just people

watching.

Sorry. I don't know why I did that voice

with it. That made it worse.

Well, in your retelling, the teachers

are definitely trying to [ __ ] the

students.

That's true. Yeah.

And I'm just so lonely teaching econ

301.

Just between all of my marking papers

and reading essays, I just wish I had

someone to hold me.

That's just not the vibe. I'm sorry. at

all. I'm sorry.

So, Abby, uh, it is very, it is like

9:00 a.m. I guess it's not very early in

the morning, but it's the start of of

the day, and she stayed up very late

last night reading

Shifter Smut.

Relatable.

Yeah. I'm like, been there, girl? Tell

me more.

I get it.

And so, she's like, hey, I was reading

about werewolves

the town over about an hour away. A lot

of dirt roads to get there, but it's

called Moon Ridge. heard rumor there are

werewolves in this town. Therefore, I

completely sleepd deprived after reading

smut all night am going to drive an hour

to the town over just to see what I can

see.

She goes to the grocery store.

Like that's where all this starts is

she's like walking into the grocery

store at like 9:15 in a small town and

is like, "Are any werewolves about?" I

wonder if that's a werewolf.

Who can say?

Wow.

But also, as she's like in the grocery

store, she's recognizing

this may have been a silly idea of mine.

Like, this might not be my best work.

Who among us has not been in the middle

of something and gone,

mistakes were made getting here? And she

like texts one of her like best friends

to be like, "So, I might have done

something a little silly." And her

friend's like, "The fuck?" So, I think I

might have told you this a really long

time ago, but there was a period in my

life where I was making what some may

consider high-risk decisions, but I

would always text a picture of whoever's

license plate I was getting in their car

to my sister. And at a certain point, my

sister was like, "I love you and I'm so

glad that you're trying to be safe.

Please, can you send these to somebody

else for a little while? It's really

stressing me out. There's so many of

them.

I think that's when you shift to just

like sharing your location indefinitely

instead of tagging her every time you're

sharing the location." Yeah.

Yeah.

Then that way she doesn't have to

stress,

right?

And still has perpetual access if

necessary.

Yeah.

Also, you're very deeply married now.

So, this is not applicable.

It's not not anymore. Um thankfully. Um

but yeah, that's I was like, yeah, I've

had some awkward conversations when I

realized,

whoops.

I had a client show up to an intake one

time and they were like, "I'm bipolar."

And I'm like, "Tell me more about this."

Um, and their mania was just every time

they got dumped, they would engage in

high-risk behaviors. And I was like,

"Nope, that's just shitty coping."

That's just human stuff. Like, I drove 4

hours from Atlanta to Nashville to like

party and drink with my friends all

night and I hooked up with a rando.

All right.

Yeah. I still don't think that was

mania. Um, no.

That sounds like you're in your 20s and

doing [ __ ] Like, okay.

Yeah. I'm like, is it important to you

that it's mania? Let's process that. Um,

cuz it feels like I'm kind of taking the

wind out of your sales by pushing back

against

Yeah.

our self diagnosis.

Right. If you want to be bipolar, that's

different.

That's different.

That's like a client who showed up and

he's like, "Hey, can you tell me about

borderline personality disorder?" Honey,

I think I have it.

You don't. We can move on. That was the

whole clinical conversation right there.

Well, and I totally get it cuz sometimes

it's like there's clearly something

wrong with me. Can we please give it a

label? I don't care if it's bipolar or

borderline.

A label would just make me feel so much

better,

right? Like I am not just making very

poor decisions.

Yes. The Hey, the DSM doesn't cover

this. This is just you needing to be

accountable for your actions.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm.

Masletoough.

Gross. I get it. Still got to do it.

Right. And then I'm like, you don't need

to come back and see me anymore. You

don't You don't actually need to pay a

therapist. #cured. You're welcome.

#cured. Okay, so Abby is like keeping

her head down because she's realizing

she's sleepd deprived. She's like

wearing glorified pajamas, like

sweatpants and a loose tank. Like she's

not

Yeah.

Like while she started like was like,

I'm going to go hunt for some werewolf

strange. No, part of her is like maybe I

should dress up for them.

Right. I'm thinking I would do like the

good shower if I was going to do this.

Right.

That is an everything shower.

100%.

Everything is smooth. Everything is

hairless as it can be.

Everything is exfoliated.

Yes.

I am smelling good.

I am glowing.

I'm using my good lotion,

my good body oil.

If I'm searching for some shifter

strange

Yeah.

I'm not going to slum it.

Right. You get it.

So, as she's like texting her friend,

she's also not really paying attention

to her surroundings and is like just

blocking half of the produce. So, this

random dude is like, "Can I get to the

cucumbers?" And she's like, "Cucumbers,"

which I is like the most human.

Yeah. She's like, "I'm on. I'm searching

for hot guys and he just asked about

cucumbers.

It's like if she had been standing by

the cantalopes or whatever or the melons

like sure you can get a squeeze of these

melons. Heyo. Well, and he at one point

is like, "Are you texting your mate?"

And she's like, "My what?" And he's

like, "Never mind." And then she's like,

"Mate, he said, "Mate, mates are real.

Werewolves are real." So then she's like

texting her friend. And she's like, "No,

it must be. This isn't silly. Like it

must be real. A guy just asked me if I

was texting my mate." And like her

friend's like, "He must have been

joking." He wasn't that

or he was Australian. You [ __ ]

weirdo.

Chill out.

He was just Australian.

I feel like that should be a segment I

don't know that we do where it's like

werewolf or just Australians. Like

ironically, I'm reading a bear shifter

romance right now that's based in

Australia.

Hell yeah. Okay. Okay. C or both.

There's a column C and it's both.

So, at this point, she's like, "I'm

going to get proof for my friend that

this is all

I will be vindicated." Damn it.

Yes. 100%. So, she like whips her cart

around to like get to the next aisle and

crashes into the dude that she'd been

blocking the cucumbers.

And they end up like making eye contact

and he immediately locks up and like

freezes and his eyes flash red and he

growls and she's like,

"I don't the books didn't prepare me for

this." Like, what is happening?

He said, "No,

thank you."

Yes. And so like his friend comes around

the corner is like, "Oh, like sees

what's happening kind of like, hey,

okay, so stay where you are. I'm going

to I'll be right back. I'm going to go

get help." And she like tries to turn to

look at the friend to like talk to him

and cucumber guy in front of her like

growls. And the friend's like, "Maybe

just keep looking at him. Maybe don't

look at me. Just stay focused on him."

Dude, can you imagine? I would be like,

"No."

Like, no. Yeah. She's like, "Uh, what am

I supposed to do?" And the guy's like,

"So, like, how much do you know about

werewolves?" And she's like, "What I've

read in Smut."

So, everything obviously

everything I need to know.

Clearly,

all the pertinent bits I'm familiar

with. And he's like, "Okay, I'm going to

go get another friend and we're going to

figure this out." So, the the dude walks

away. She's still staring at cucumber

guy that the friend referred to as Nico.

She's like, "So, okay, cucumber." Nico,

got it.

Whatever. Um, he's described as being

very tall, dark-skinned, and like very

muscular, and very attractive.

Sure.

So, take your pick on what person you're

imagining there. I'm personally

picturing Aldis Hodgej. Um.

Oh, okay. Sure.

Yeah. I think he should be higher on

everyone's roster.

Loved him since Leverage.

Yes. Well, he was really good in

Leverage.

I've had a crush on him since then.

You're right.

Yeah.

Yeah. I fully support that.

So, that's who I'm picturing as Nico.

Yeah.

You're welcome, internet.

I I do appreciate that.

Yeah.

So, both friends come like are are

walking back. Abby at this point has

like gotten closer like shuffled a

little bit closer to to Nico and he's

just like grabbed her hips. So, she's

just like kind of standing there

being like, "Well, he this seems very

intense and I'm still not 100% sure what

to do."

Yeah.

And also, I would say way to reach your

goals so quickly.

Goal set and met, [ __ ]

Yeah. Like an hour ago, you're like, I

want to find werewolves and I heard

they're in the next town. I'm going to

drive over. Within 10 minutes of

arrival, you met your goal.

Yeah, you nailed that.

With shifters, that's unheard of. Yeah.

Just saying. So, their friends come back

and now they're now like, "Okay, we need

to figure out how to get

right. We need to get out of the store."

Yeah. We need like cuz then one of them

even kind of says like, "How has he not

shifted yet?" And they're like, "Because

he's Nico." So, you're like,

"Oh, okay. He's

he has extra control or something."

Yeah. He's like well respected by his

peers or what what have you. Um, but

they're definitely like getting like

trying to shift him outside and Aby's

like, "What happens if I run?" And

they're like, "He'll catch you and he'll

bite you."

And she's like, "I

like with his teeth." Like what?

Right. Well, and then they say the the

the uh he'll mark you as his mate for

life. It would make him your husband

whether you liked it or not.

We're really going from 6:00 to midnight

on this.

100%.

Yes.

Well, and I'm just thinking about, this

is not really relevant, but my husband

and I recently were at a sort of punk

show, whatever,

and

we go to a lot of shows and we were in

the very front of like the pit or

whatever,

but we're not really pit people. We

I was just about to ask if I was like,

"Are y'all pit people?"

We're not pit people. No. Were you pit

people when you were younger?

Yes,

that that also makes sense.

Yeah, we're retired pit people, so we're

pit adjacent.

First time I stood on the side of a pit,

I had braces, got hit in the face, and

ate soup for a week. So, I have never

financially or emotionally recovered

from that,

which is totally fair. Um, but the last

show we were at a few weeks ago, um, we

were really upfront and

really off to the side. So like we

should not have been in the pit anyway.

Somebody decided to expand the pit. Took

it upon themselves and was like

shouldering through everybody who was

just standing there to like get it

going. And at one point the guy behind

me grabbed my hips, but not like in a

sexual way, but in a he's falling over

and I'm falling over and he just

happened and he when I tell you it was

like a catch and release and he was like

I'm so sorry. And I was like, it's

really cool. Like,

but there is something very jarring

about a stranger touching you that way.

Oh, yes.

And he was a stranger, but also we go to

a lot of the like same shows and like

genres of shows. So, we recognized a

bunch of people that we didn't know.

Yeah. You don't know them, but

but we know them.

Yes.

So, he was one of them. And he is like,

"Holy [ __ ] I promise not to do that at

the next one." And I was like, "Okay."

Like,

you're like, "Also, for the record, if

someone is trying to knock us down and

you happen to keep us both upright by

that,

my my husband, who's literally right

here with me, doesn't give a [ __ ]

right? If it prevents me from eating it,

like getting a concussion, grab away,

friendo." Like, it's cool. Um, but there

was a girl there who was like 13 and it

was her first concert.

And so we had all like formed a little

wall to make sure that like nobody hit

her or anything. And the lead singer of

the band we were seeing, somebody had

told her that it was this girl's first

one. And so she like came over and

brought her a little rose and was like,

"I'm so excited that you're here. Like I

hope you have a really great time." And

it was super sweet. And so, yeah, I was

like, it's cool. Like, we're protecting

a child, so like do what you need to do,

I guess.

But it is also, we love that he was

like, as soon as he no longer needed to

be touching you, he's like, "My hands

are off. I'm not like lingering or

trying to stay in this moment."

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, and that's one of the things that

like a lot of these shows do. They're

like, "Hey, man. Everybody be cool."

Right. Like if you spill somebody's

drink, maybe buy them a new one. If you

bump into somebody, maybe say sorry and

don't touch people without their

permission. Love you guys so much. If

anybody feels unsafe, come find somebody

in this shirt. See you later. And it is

very much like a weird little community

of people taking care of each other. I

feel like you're only a few years away

from like wearing one of like the vest

that says like concert mom and you're

like like you'll have everything on hand

that anyone could need at any moment.

That is absolutely your destiny.

I will have band-aids and like water and

narcan and in a fanny pack ready like

I've got earplugs. I've got like

I've got condoms wipes. Yeah. Whatever

you need I have. sanitizer.

Yeah. Some snacks. Little power bar.

I'll make that for you. Maybe that'll be

your Christmas gift one year is I'll

just make you like your mom pack. Your

mom fanny pack.

I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz that is me

already. I just don't do it as openly.

Yeah. B Y O N. And the N is Narcan. I

don't I won't have that on hand.

But

well, you know, you can get it for free

at a lot of places. This has been a PSA.

Yeah.

Yes. If you are in need, look up those

places. If you're at a show,

Hannah is that place.

I am that place.

All that said, they managed to get Nico.

Oh, right. We're getting Nico outside.

[ __ ] The hands are still on the hips.

We're getting him outside where all of

this started. Um, but it's also funny

cuz Aby's like as they're like doing

this, she's like, "Am I sleep

deprivation? Did I get married?" Like,

"I don't know this man." She's like,

"All I know is that we both buy

cucumbers. Like, what the hell?" Like,

this escalated so quickly.

When I tell you I have gone without

sleep for multiple days and have been

like, "What the [ __ ] is happening?"

Oh, yeah. You're like, "Is this reality?

is am I just like so sleepd deprived

that I'm just like

having lucid dreams right now?

Yeah.

Yes.

I feel that.

So as soon as they get him outside, Abby

takes a step back and Nico immediately

shifts. Whoops. Yep. And she's like,

"Ooh, okay. This isn't fun anymore." So

she runs straight to her car, which

she's like, "It was still unlocked." She

hops in. She locks the door. And she

turns around and there's just a giant

gray wolf sitting outside the door like

staring at her very calmly.

So unsettling, right? Like I feel like

it would be less unsettling if he was

trying to get in the car like you know.

Yes.

He's just sitting there.

He's just sitting there kind of

watching.

Yeah. Maybe his tail thumbs once or

twice, right? Like really nothing's

happening. Her his friends are like,

"Roll down your window." So she rolls it

down. That's when like they introduce

themselves. I think it's Graham and I

don't know Finn. There's

there's lots of dudes. It doesn't really

matter.

And so they say that she should go back

to Nico's and like get him back there to

sort all of this out.

And she's like, "Uh, but what if I went

home?" And they're like, "There's no

getting away from a wolf that's hunting

you." And she's like, "What? Hunting?

Tell me more about that, please."

Yes. And so they do. They say you

accidentally triggered something with

Nico called a mate hunt. He's going to

be stuck in his wolf form until the wolf

has decided you're not going to reject

him. Then he's going to bite you and

you're going to turn into a woof, too.

After your wolf decides he's not a piece

of [ __ ] she'll bite him back and you'll

have sex. The end.

What a succinct

I was going to say summary.

Yeah, very um to the point. I would say

that the content is clear, but the

context is not. What the [ __ ] are you

talking about?

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Got it.

Um, and none of this is real, right?

Right. Right.

I just need a nap, right?

Right. Like I'm just accidentally a

little bit high, right? Like like uh

they were misting the vegetables and it

was actually acid, right?

like missing the vegetables with acid.

What an incredible grocery run. A full

experience there. Right. Well, and at

this point she's also like, I have a

job. Like I like I have a life. What are

you guys talking about?

I could just go hang out with a wolf

indefinitely.

Well, and so they're like, "Oh, well,

during the hunt, it'll be really hard

for Nico's wolf to be around other men

with like it'll he'll be too possessive,

too territorial." And she's like, "Oh,

well and good. I still have a job. Like,

I still have a life. I still have things

that I I need to do."

And she's like, "I'm going to go home."

And they're like, "Well, why don't we

like exchange numbers just in case you

need something?" So, she takes their

number, but doesn't give them hers.

Smart. Yes. Um, and she's like, "Just in

case I need Nico's address, but I'm just

I won't. Yeah, I I won't. I did what I

set out to do.

Just trying to plate these men so I can

get the [ __ ] out of here. This has been

the weirdest morning ever."

Truly. So, she drives the 45 plus

minutes back home, gets to her

apartment, is completely exhausted,

parks in her spot, gets out of her car,

and wouldn't you know, Nico the wolf is

just sitting right there waiting for her

like, "Hey honey, welcome home. Hey

guys,

happy to see you.

I miss you. We're bonding, right? We're

learning if we're mates.

I feel bonded,

right?" And she's like, "Well, I guess

he's here with me." So she like lets him

into her house and she's telling him

about uh uh the fact that so this is

where the yes there's this program for

28 year like young college professors

but then they also offered her a remote

only position starting the next semester

because there'd been a scandal with one

of the younger professors sleeping with

a student. So they like didn't want We

miscalculated,

you know, like we like definitely like

still want you to teach them just like

we don't want you to be like physically

accessible.

Yeah.

You might be too hot to be in person.

And so she has like two weeks to decide

if she's going to switch to remote only,

right?

Um and she ends up just like she's like,

"I'm very tired. It's been a very long

day." So she lays down to take a nap. He

nudges the blanket like clearly to be

like, "Can

can I get in there, please?

Can I get in there?" And she says yes to

the cuddle. He hops up on the bed and

they completely crash.

I would cuddle with a strange dog in

fairness.

Yeah, that one's not a hard cell.

Yeah,

that feels less like stranger danger.

Yeah.

Of all of the things that have happened

to you today,

this one's not the weirdest. No,

just let that one ride.

Yeah.

Yeah. I do think when you wake up and

the wolf is still there, you have more

questions when you're like, "Oh, that

was real."

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. That's when you fully start

questioning everything.

Well, and so later that afternoon,

evening, I guess, she wakes up from her

nap. Um, and has missed several texts

from her friends because all they know

is she texts them this morning being

like, "I'm searching for a werewolf.

Going to find my very own werewolf. Call

you later." And then they never hear

from her again.

Oh my god. I would be like, "Is this a

deliverance situation? Do you hear

banjos? Like you're out in the woods.

What are you doing?" Like

100%. And so they call her and they're

like, "We're on our way." And she's

like, "No, like no need for that." And

they're like, "You have 30 seconds. Like

we will we are on our way."

Right. We are physically presently here.

Yes. We are taking the keys out of the

ignition as we speak.

Right. And so she goes like there's a

knock at the door and she goes to answer

it and then Nico's wolf like kind of

like growls and because she from her nap

she was like just wearing like an

oversized t-shirt and wasn't wearing

pants and he wants her to wear pants

when she open. So like as like his wolf

like he nudges her pants towards her

which just made me laugh. Um

her friends are there and she's like

yeah everything's fine. Here's the dog I

adopted. His name is Nico.

And they're like, "Hey, Abby. Um, that's

a wolf." Yeah. Like that's not a that's

not a dog. And she's like, "Sure it is.

Sit, Nico."

Oh, yes. I remember that.

And he like slowly.

He's like, "You got to be [ __ ]

kidding me." And like very slowly

like like kind of sarcastically.

And then like a few minutes later, she's

like, "Yeah, no, he knows tricks. Spin,

Nico.

Yes." And but she's like trying to get

her friends out of the house. She's

like, "Well, sorry. Can't can't hang

longer. Got to take Nico on a walk." And

they're like, "Where's your leash?" And

she's like, "Taking him on a walk to get

a leash."

Yep. First first step of the walk is the

pet store for the leash. And they're

like, "No problem. Our my car is bigger.

we can all fit in the car. So, let's all

load up and go.

God damn it.

Yes. Like,

poor Abby.

She's She's really trying at this point.

And so, they take Nico to the pet store,

buy a leash, and then we actually we

switch to Nico's perspective.

And poor Nico also.

Yeah. They also bought a bow.

And then Nico's like, "And

I don't remember that.

They walked me all around campus

wearing a bow."

Oh, Nico.

But like she got dinner with her friends

and he just like sat

and acted as her dog while that was

happening. Growled at a few guys who

like got too close to the table, but

like went as well as it probably could

have all things considered.

Right.

So they get home and she is stripping

for a shower and at like some point in

the stripping as she's like talking to

the

dog wolf yeah shifter version she like

realizes she's like

can can your human see me naked right

now and the wolf is like nodding

he's like sure can

Nico's like it would have been cooler if

he could have lied about that just let

me enjoy it for myself

have anything.

So, and she gets in the shower and like

leaves the door open and Nico, both

Nico's

seem to really be loving this. Um, but

also at this point, he

is recognizing that like he doesn't know

anything about women that he might need

to ask other dudes in his pack for some

advice. Um, because apparently, um,

werewolf shifters their wolf is very

possessive and very territorial and like

really in this universe won't let them

bone someone who's not their mate. So,

he's never had sex. He's never been

intimate. He's never really like pursued

any of these things, but it's kind of

like, oh,

really didn't think this was written in

the stars for me. And

yeah,

here we are.

I have not prepared

100%.

and

his wolf is watching for a while and as

she's talking to him, she's also like

explaining like, "Hey, like

I teach like English 101. It's a huge

seminar. Like there's a lot of pe like

your wolf is like going to have to get

really okay with like males watching me

and being like this is my dream job,

right?

Like just

I'm not giving this up." Yes.

Because of this [ __ ] And so in his

wolf version, he's like watching her for

a while as she's showering and then ends

up walking into the shower and biting

her ankle. Right.

As soon as he bites her, Nico shifts

back to human.

Mhm.

And then she starts shifting,

right? Which is super painful,

right?

Yes. Apparently, it's like an

excruciatingly painful shift for most

people. And so we we learn throughout

the book actually that Nico and other

men in his pack, that's actually what

they do for a living is they um help

coach people. They help coach shifters

to live more in harmony with their

wolves that they can shift more easily.

Um because it can be such a painful

experience across the board. But he's

also a little bit nervous because like

the initial shift of like if a female

like gets stuck and like doesn't make it

like that can

kill them, right? Like you got to be

able to like fully make that shift,

right? Right.

And so she does shift successfully and

is officially

in a wolf form.

And then Nico is still in his human form

and he's like, "All right, it's been a

long day regardless. like, "Let's just

let's just get some rest."

Yeah, let's get some rest. Hop up in the

bed. So, he's like getting her wolf like

settled like in in the bed. And then her

wolf is like trying to like nudge him to

like lay down as well. And he's really

nervous cuz he's like, "I don't know if

your human would want me." And Aby's

kind of like laughing internally. She's

like, "I have no issues with this. Like

my we both want your smell on my sheets,

bro. Like,

right. None of this was on my bingo

card, but if I can come out of it

sharing a bed with a hot dude. All

right.

Yes, but

there are worse outcomes. Nico is so

nervous about like upsetting Abby in

that way. Like, and he like has his

towel wrapped around himself.

A

and she's like, I'm going to laugh my

ass off if he gets into this bed with

with his towel still on. And then he

gets into bed with the towel still on

and she's like, oh. Oh, he's like

legitimately afraid of making me

uncomfortable. Yeah.

Oh, no. That's not But then she also has

like that's bringing up questions for

her because she's like, "Okay, in all

the books I read, there's like

your faded mates." There's kind of insta

love. Like,

right?

Why is he so nervous if like we're just

like supposed to be together? Like she's

like, "I have questions that I need

answers to."

But also, apparently once she shifts,

this is now the chase,

right? And the chase can go on for a

very long time. So it's not the sort of

thing where it's like, oh, he bites you,

you're going to bite him back within 24

hours. It's like people like might not

might not have that reciprocal bite for

months, maybe years.

Um, and the men are just kind of

expected to like pick up their lives to

be

chased.

Yeah. To be chased and like whatever

that that looks like. Um, which I'm

like, "Oh, that's a interesting."

Yeah. I like

unknown time frame,

right? I like the idea of that dynamic,

too. That's interesting.

Yes. So, they end up falling asleep.

He's still wrapped in his towel. Bless

him. So sweet.

That can't be comfortable.

No. The alarm goes off in the morning

because she's supposed to teach like a

6:30 a.m. class. Also, what what lecture

is

the earliest classes I recall were 8:00

a.m. when I was in college,

and those were still earlier than the

ones I was signing up for.

I mean, I didn't sign up for those, but

I recall that they were offered like,

yeah, I was like 6:30. Gross. No.

Um, but she's still in wolf form,

right? And so he's trying to like

convince her to shift back. It's like,

"Hey, like if you let her shift back,

we'll sort out this work stuff. You and

I can go and we can run this afternoon.

We'll have a great time, but like let me

we got to let her figure it out. Like

let her come back."

And her wolf listens to that and like

lets her.

But the shift back is also

super painful. Yeah.

And so at this point she's just like

drenched in sweat laying on her bed

trying to like recover from this shift

and like she's like trying to like grab

her phone and her hair is tangled and he

like moves it off her face and he's like

oh I'm so sorry. Like I I shouldn't I

shouldn't have touched you. And she's

like what

did you not want to?

Yeah. And she's like but aren't we

mates? And he's like what? Well well

we're not mates yet. Like you're like

you could still reject me and

Right. Right. It's just very much this

kind of like awkward

what are we? Who are we?

It sounds like she doesn't understand

the power dynamic where she's just like,

"Oh, we just got to go with it. We're in

it now. Holy shit." And he's like, "No,

there is still some agency for you in

this." Like,

yes.

Yeah. And she is not fully grasping

that.

No, she's grasping all of the smut that

she's read.

Right. Again, relatable. I do get it.

Yeah. It really I'm like, you know, in

in a different life, I absolutely see

where you and I drove an hour away to a

town to Well, that's what I'm saying.

I'm like, if I ever came across a

[ __ ] werewolf, I would probably be

like, I don't know, seem smutty. Like,

seem smuty. Like, I watch a lot of

horror movies and I would much prefer

the smutty version of a wolf shifter to,

you know, the horror movie version.

Well, that's valid.

Yeah.

Yeah. You know, if those are my two

options.

Yeah. If it's American Werewolf in

London or this, I'm picking this,

which I remember casually watching with

my dad on like a Sunday afternoon.

So sad. It's so sad.

And I don't think I like I think he just

described it as like a fall movie.

I didn't

It's just for autumn time. I didn't

know.

Yeah, how would you know?

Don't put that on your casual October

watching list.

Well, also because this song Werewolf of

Werewolves of London or whatever um is

so upbeat,

right? And so I often conflate the two.

They're very different. Very different.

Yeah.

Not quite the same at all. But when you

said very different, I was like, "Oh,

yeah. like Grapes of Wrath the book

versus Grapes of Wrath the movie.

Exactly that.

Very different.

Exactly that. Very different vibes.

Pro tip. If you're ever supposed to

write a book report on the book, do not

watch the movie. It will not yield the

results you are looking for and you will

fail your book report because it will be

glaringly obvious the differences. I'm

not going to spoil it for you. I just

need you to know

you you can't trade those out. It ain't

going to be the same.

No. No, it is not.

The Hollywood version of the Great

Depression and the book version, they're

not the same.

No, the the movie, they all like ride

ride off into the sunset.

They sure do. Yeah, it that's not what

happens in the book.

Not what happens.

I'm not going to tell you. I'll let you

discover that on your own.

Follow-up announcement time.

Announcement two, Electric Booaloo.

Friendly reminder that if you have any

interest in life coaching or Smut Club

book club with your fellow smut [ __ ]

follow the link in our Instagram bio or

the show notes.

Okay, so Aby's like, I got to figure out

what to do during the the chase. So she

texts her department head and is like,

hey, can I have the week off? I just got

a dog.

which I'm like at 6:00 a.m. you text

them when you have a 6:30 lecture.

Yeah. Slow blink. No, I'm not approving

that.

You have a dog?

Well, and she like says like, "I need

time off to bond." And her department

head's like, "Yeah, um, sorry, we don't

offer maternity leave for pets."

And Aby's like, "I know. Maternity leave

would be longer than a week."

She's like, "Yes." And

yeah. So the department head is like I

guess she's never requested off ever. So

like I'm not gonna fine right be back

next week. But also philosophically I

have issues with calling out 30 minutes

before

for something that like I'm like you did

not get this dog in the last 30 minutes.

Well, it's also, if you really think

about it, cuz I I feel like I remember

from the book, but maybe I'm

misremembering something about her

saying that she sent out an email to the

whole class to say like the 6:30 a.m. is

canled.

Yeah. Like she sends an email to cancel

classes for that day. But like if it's

me going to a 6:30 class, which I can't

imagine that I would have done to

myself, but if I were doing that, I'm

probably already awake by 6:00 a.m. and

I'm [ __ ] livid.

Yes.

You know,

you know what I'm not doing before 6:30

a.m. class? Checking my email.

Yes,

that is my actual I'm like, "Oh, no. I

would not find out until I was at the

lecture hall at 6:30 in the morning."

Livid. I would not do well with that.

So now that she's, you know, off for the

week, she's like, "All right, I'm very

sweaty from the shifting. I need to

shower." So she's like, she starts

running the water. Nico's not in the

room with her. And her wolf like starts

like lunging to like trying to like

force a shift, right? And so she grabs

the counter like in pain and Nico walks

in and he's like, "Yeah, during the

chase, your wolf like want will want me

within eyesight at all times." Like ey

line vision is very important during

this and also during a safety check in a

residential facility.

Line of sight

obs get it. I do get it. Yeah,

I was thinking that

we had a girl who would perpetually we'd

always get calls. She always wanted to

go impatient. She always wanted to go to

the psych hospital

and um her

method to get there was that she would

uh stick things up her coot.

Sure. All right.

And I was like they kept just putting

her on like

line of sight os. Oh my god. And I was

like, is that stopping the cafeteria

fork?

So

similar but different. When I worked in

psych stabilization, we had one

particular

person who would come in pretty often

that she would put other people's food

up her vagina.

So we had to stop feeding her with

everyone else because she would just

take other people's food

and just right right up there. And so

spaghetti day was a challenge for all of

us.

Unfortunately, I was just thinking about

the different food consistencies.

Yeah. and being like, you know, a roll

is going to be really different than

mashed potatoes.

Um, but then you said spaghetti and I

clenched,

which is a valid response. It's very

valid. I clenched when you said fork.

Yeah, it doesn't matter which end you're

using. Neither one.

You don't need to clarify which end.

There's not a winning end in

Neither one seems good. We're looking at

harm reduction and not just like general

improvement.

Yeah. But then they'd call us and like,

well, she got something else up there.

And I'm like, I don't

You're the one who and

you were the one who was supposed to be

within arms reach. Don't Don't call me

about this business.

So much for line of sight. Did you see

it? Great. Okay, so you saw it, but you

didn't stop it. You literally just

watched it happen. Literally all the

time that conversation happens where

it's like, "Hey, so um I saw two

patients having sex, so somebody should

do something about that. What?

You saw it?"

Oh, bless her.

Well, and when I worked crisis, we would

always get calls about random safety

things that they like they'd be like,

"Oh, this person's screaming."

Yeah.

Like that they want to kill all of us

across Can you guys come and like and

handle it?

Yeah. all the time. All the time. Well,

my favorite was there was someone that

they would call us about and they were

like, "There's someone who's clearly

intoxicated walking down the street to

our building. Can you go sort it out?"

Um, so I responded to multiple of these

calls on every single occasion. It was

the exact same woman. She had horrific

ver vertigo and just could not walk in a

straight line. But when I say like she

would take up a full car lane with her

wobbling

and wear strapless dresses that she

would not realize would fall down.

Meredith, your boob is out. Literally,

we'd like roll up and be like, "Hey, we

got a call that there was maybe an

intoxicated person needing some

assistance. I'm not drunk. I just have

vertigo."

"Hey, Meredith, I see your nipple again.

Could we could we just cover that before

this?" a reference to the office for

those who are unaware.

Meredith, your boob is out.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

Yeah. There's something about working

impatient and residential psych that is

just

an experience that cannot be replicated.

You know,

truly.

Yeah. I I still remember I was sitting

talking to a doctor at a residential

facility one time and one of the RAS

walked in and she's like, "Well,

she just swallowed some plastic." And

the doctor took a deep sigh and went,

"How much?"

And they were like, "You know, like the

top of her pinky nail." He's like,

"She's fine." And just moved on with our

conversation. And I'm like, the level of

flippency that's just like,

and she was fine, right? Like it was

attention seeking. There was a reason

why we were not engaging with the

behavior. But it's just like a

conversation you never thought you were

going to.

It's like, well, we keep trying to take

it from her, but every time we reach for

it, she puts her hand down her pants.

Right.

I don't care that much.

Right. Right. Right. Literally.

Yeah.

Yeah. Like, do I want to go hands-on? Is

it worth it to me the paperwork I have

to fill out if I go hands-on? I

literally say that to people or have

said that to people where I'm like,

"Listen, dude. Please don't do what

you're about to do. Do you know how much

paperwork I have to do? Please don't.

Please. Like, please. Please don't do

this to me."

It usually works cuz it's kind of a joke

and like usually I have rapport with the

person and so they're

That's true. That's true.

Okay, Miss Hannah.

Yeah. All right. All right.

Fine.

Just for you. Yeah.

Okay. So, all that said,

anyway, she has shifted back. She has

canceled classes. She called out for the

week.

Yes. And her wolf wants Nico's wolf to

be sight. Line of sight. That that is

how all of this started with line of

sight.

Um but then we also get a little bit

more information just kind of about him

and his pack. So,

um his pack is predominantly

men who have been rejected by their

mates.

Um

and not necessarily because like the men

did anything like egregiously

wrong. Yeah. Like one of the um the

second book in the series like he had

been rejected by his mate because she

was into women,

right? She was gay.

Yes.

Yeah, I remember that now.

Yeah. And so for Nico, I forget if it's

that if we learn it now or later, it it

doesn't really matter. Um, most shifters

end up mated in their like early to

mid20s and he's 30 and hadn't met or

found his mate yet. So, he just kind of

figured it like wasn't going to happen

for him. Um, but he'd never been

rejected. He had just never really been

presented the opportunity,

right?

Um,

but then as this is also happening, if

I'm remembering correctly, she's kind of

like, so like this like attraction we

like are like feeling towards each

other. Like is that part of this? And

he's like, no, that's just like

we're just Yeah, that's just us. We just

like each other and this relationship

will just like like

just because we're faded, we our

relationship will still develop

naturally and normally over time, which

I do appreciate.

Yeah.

That they're like, "Hey, yeah, like so

how do we get to know each other?" The

same way anyone gets to know each other.

I was going to say it's like a match on

Bumble or Tinder where it's like, "Okay,

so we matched, but like is there

anything there?"

Yes.

You never know. And so if her wolf ends

up choosing him, she'll bite him back.

And then after she bites him back, that

would uh launch what they call the

climax, which is really just like days

of sex. Yeah. Their hormones take over

now that they're like officially mated

and just Yeah. the days da ze and the d

a ys um of sex. Yeah. A lot of [ __ ]

Yeah.

The hormones are insatiable.

Sure.

which doesn't sound pleasant to me

personally, but all right.

Well, and they even I feel like if I'm

remembering correctly mentioned that

like it can be kind of awkward because

their relationships do progress

normally. Like just because you're

mated, you don't know each other.

So if you end up biting each other

and have this climax, like that doesn't

mean you're actually in love with the

person. It just means there's a lot of

[ __ ]

Sure.

Yeah.

which could be a cell or a deterrent

depending on who you're speaking with,

right? Depending on the vibe.

Depending on the vibe, for sure. Um, so

they are continuing to get like closer

throughout this conversation. She's

still naked because she was about to get

in the shower in the first place. Um, he

ends up asking her to show him how she

likes it. So, uh, she ends up coming

from him rubbing her [ __ ] from there he

ends up like fingering her and then it

escalates into them actually having sex

which the way it's written like

it it's not written where you're like

he's a virgin

right

but I did also have to like pause and be

like no wait he's never

right

he's never had sex before

right

so like this just being like a normal

smut scene for us and I'm like oh this

is Nico's first time right there's a

little more gravity behind it maybe

Yes. And they end up having a great

time.

Sure.

Uh but that is the the first [ __ ] is

in her bathroom that day. And after

that, they end up deciding to like drive

out to Nico's house kind of for the rest

of the week so they can have some

privacy as they navigate all of this,

right? So she can like practice shifting

and getting to know the wolf and all

that stuff.

And also, I think as they're kind of

figuring out like, oh, what will our new

normal look like as we're mates? cuz we

live an hour away from each other. What

does your house look like? What does my

house look like? Those sorts of things

as well. And so on the drive out to his

house, she like calls him cucumber at

some point

cuz he wanted the cucumbers,

right? Well, and he's like, "Are you

ever like going to let that go?" And

she's like, "Of course I'm not going to

let it go." Like,

"What do you what do you mean? Why would

I let Like it's so funny."

And she's like, "Probably not. I've read

too many sex books for And he's like, "I

don't get the correlation." And she's

like, "What do you what do you mean you

don't get the correlation between

cucumbers and sex? Do you know

anything?" Like,

"Surely you know about sexing. You've

you've you've obviously been with plenty

of women,

right?"

Because she's just looking at him

thinking, "He's this like hot, gorgeous,

beautiful, great in bed dude."

Yes. And so he's having to take this

moment to explain to her like, "Well,

no, I've I've never hooked up with

another woman before. like I live with a

bunch of rejected guys. And she's like,

"Well, that can't be true." And she's

like, he's like, "I literally got off in

the towel. Like, I came in the towel

from fingering you." Like,

right?

What do you think my sexual experience

is? And she was like, "Well, I just

thought you found me sexy." And he's

like, "I did?" And she's like, "Well,

only because you've never been with

anyone else,

right?" And he that really upsets him.

Yeah, I get that.

And his like wolf is like really

unsettled by it. And like the rest of

the drive is just kind of this like

awkward

awkward tension.

Yeah.

Which I will say that cuz we didn't go

into it, but like earlier in the book uh

like before they end up [ __ ] she is

like, "Oh, I thought like my cellulite

might run you off or like something like

that." And he's like, "What cellulite?"

And she's like, "This like squishy bit

on my leg. Like feel it." And I'm like,

"What the [ __ ] is h like

Yeah.

Not my favorite. Yeah,

I don't I love main characters of all

sizes.

I do not care what size your your body

is.

Yeah.

I think the insecurity

trope I wouldn't even know say it's a

trope necess but like just like

the the insecurity that you're now

projecting onto other people and how

they view you is Yeah. is a bother to

me.

I don't like that. I do

understand and sometimes appreciate when

it's internal and it's like this is

something I'm working on and like I'm

aware of it and like I'm processing it.

But there are a lot of times when it's

like I need this external validation to

make me feel okay about who I am and

what I look like. And I think maybe

maybe it's just because I'm now in my

mid30s that like that doesn't hit the

same as it maybe did when I was younger

and maybe in a place where I would

have similar insecurities and be more

prone to putting it on other people. Um,

but it does bother me a lot like that

trope where I'm like, "Okay,

right." Well, cuz and also

I think you and I have done a lot of

work over the years to like be confident

in who we are. And yes, there are things

that I absolutely still struggle with as

insecurities.

Yes.

But the difference being

me making my insecurities your problem.

Yeah.

Or even saying you must view me this way

because I view me this way.

Right. Right. Well, that's not a fair

thing to put on you and be like, "You

must think I'm shitty because I think

I'm shitty. You must think my cellulite

is ugly because I think my cellulite is

ugly."

Right.

What?

Well, and that's kind of it's exhausting

to be with because I've been with people

who have insecurities like that and need

that constant reassurance.

And there's nothing wrong with being

insecure. We all are. Like you said, we

both still probably all have our things

that like, you know, we don't love or

that we're maybe a little more sensitive

about, but I think it is

when we start seeking that external

solution that it becomes like

not so much something that's like

a thing we can work through. It starts

becoming like relationship dynamics.

It's like a whole other level. You know

what I mean? Well, because I think it it

shifts from like just an insecurity to

like an identity.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And I think when you like start wearing

it, not like a badge of honor, but like

a badge of some capacity.

A badge of shame.

A badge of shame. Yeah. Like that

difference.

Yeah.

Um Yeah. So like that the insecurities

of this book kind of bothered me and how

they were navigated. I'm like, "No, we

all feel insecure about different

things, but how we navigate it very

much." And so they end up getting to

Nico's house.

He's clearly like very tense and

uncomfy. And she's giving herself more

of like

a self-guided tour of his house. And

it's lovely. It's cozy in the mountains

and has a great great view of the lake.

And she ends up kind of saying, she's

like, "Hey, like

I let's talk about what what happened

here." And she's like, "We grew up as

different species, so I think it makes

sense that we have different

perspectives,

right?" And yeah, and I did appreciate

that because they're like, "I can

understand why waiting for your mate

would seem insane,

right,

if you didn't know that that existed,

right? If you didn't know there was a

mate out there for you." Yes.

Yes. And I can see why. if you knew that

you had a faded mate that you would

wait. Um, but she also, and I will say

to her credit, she kind of realizes that

like she's like, you know, I did

essentially tell him that the only

reason he was into [ __ ] me was

because he'd never [ __ ] anyone else.

Yeah.

And maybe like that that wasn't fair to

either of us.

Pretty invalidating and diminishing.

Yes.

Yeah. Well, and there was another line

like in this conversation where he's

like, "Yeah, like my desire for you is

not at all impacted by like the fact

that I haven't been without." And she

was like, "Well, like internally I don't

necessarily know if I agree with that,

but like I'll like accept like

whatever." I'm like, "Sure." But it

still annoyed me because I'm like,

yeah.

Well, and I'm I am coming to the end of

a series right now that it's similar

vibes where she was like a 30-year-old

virgin and like

she felt like she was basically, and

these are her words, like too fat to be

lovable or attractive or whatever. and

certain parts of it were really hard for

me to read and be like rooting for her

or for anybody else in certain ways. So,

she winds up like paying a sex worker

to lose her virginity and he winds up

being part of her harum or whatever. Um,

but it's very like there were parts I

like sort of skimmed. I was like, I

don't need this part. like I don't need

this part cuz it was just really like

again maybe it's because I've already

done some of that work but it's very

much like difficult to read somebody

just so down on themselves and unwilling

to like

yes find the solution in it you know

yes I feel like that is can be

triggering and and you know and you know

me I don't use the word trigger

I do lightly or casually, but that is

something I'm like I've legitimately

like read books where I'm like, "Oh, I

need

this is disregulating me because of how

they

are speaking about themselves."

Yes. Like I'm like, "Oh, no. I've done

too much work to get away from that."

Yeah.

I'm not letting myself go back into it.

100%. And I feel like it's so different

with a friend or even with like a client

or something because I'm like, I can

help you find solution and that's part

of why you're talking to me about it.

And that's totally different than

reading it in a book and just being

like, oh my god, he's going to give you

an orgasm and then you're going to feel

better about yourself and it's not it's

like it's like

the work is missing. Like the solution

is missing,

you know?

Yeah. You're like, "Sorry, I took this

to a deep place." But

no, but also like super valid from the

vantage point of like, "Hey,

I like you, if that's how you're writing

your your character and their

insecurities,

an orgasm isn't going to solve the

issue."

Yeah. Yeah.

And that's a difficult thing to be like,

"Oh, no. I Well, like I think you're

hot. That's enough, right?" And you're

like, "No."

Yeah.

We need to also maybe look at why

What has conditioned us along the way to

believe that this is how we should be

viewing ourselves?

Right. Right. We can do better

across the board.

And I want better for you, Abby. Damn

it.

Yeah. And Nico wants better for

You're a catch, [ __ ] Like, why are you

being like this?

You're a 28-year-old college professor.

Like,

and doesn't she have like red hair?

Isn't she super hot? They're always

super hot.

Yeah. Like Nico's like she has like

incredible she's this incredible like

red head who's curvy and has like the

best ass I've ever seen and she's like

let me put your hands on my cellulite so

you you can understand why you shouldn't

like me the [ __ ]

right

and Nico feels the same. He's like yeah

know you you have

this just feels like skin. I don't know

what you want.

Oh I get to touch your ass now. Even

better.

Excellent.

Yes.

Um, so they they have kind of this like

clearing of the air a little bit and

this heartto-he heart, but his wolf is

definitely still a little like unsettled

and fighting him and she's like, "What

does he need?" And he was like,

"Attention, affirmation, affection, the

things that we all need like right."

And she's like, "Oh, that was more

insightful than I expected." And like,

well, he does teach people how to live

in harmony. That's it's his full-time

job,

right?

Um, so he's like physical affection

would be like really beneficial right

now. So she ends up climbing into his

lap and they end up talking more. He

ends up making her cookies because

that's one of his comfort things that he

likes to do.

The same,

right? Well, and she's like the way he's

throwing those ingredients in the bowl.

This is not the first time he's done

this.

Oh my god. So, not even really relevant,

but I got a new stand mixer. Um.

Oh, you did?

Yeah. So, I hope none of my family is

listening to this. My husband's

grandmother sent me one unprompted

and then was like, "Don't tell anybody."

She a real one.

All right. Like, I wasn't going to, but

All right.

Yeah. You're like, "I guess I'll delete

the drafted social media post I had for

it,"

which is not my vibe anyway. Like, I

occasionally post when Matt and I go to

a show. That's the extent of my posting.

True. And so, um, Matt, we we were

watching The Great British Baking Show

as we do, as I do, and he is present

because we are always together.

And pause.

Yeah.

Okay. The Great British Breaking Baking

Show.

Yeah.

The Great British Bake Off.

Same show.

Okay. I was just I was like, "Oh my I

just had a moment where I was like,

"Holy [ __ ] are there two different?"

So, I think in the UK it's branded as

Bake Off and in the US it's branded as

Bake Show, but I don't know why.

Um,

it's like a er versus RE thing, right?

100%. Yeah.

Okay.

Um, but they were making their own

butter

and in like a stand mixer, right? And

Matt was like, "Holy [ __ ] we can make

our own butter." He was like, "What

about like a garlic and herb butter?"

Does he know he can make his own cheese

as well

with that bread? He doesn't know that

yet. I'm trying to prevent that for the

moment. Like, we need to master one

skill at a time. We'll start with

butter. But he's so excited. So earlier,

start with butter.

I went to text him about something and I

pulled up the text messages and the last

thing I sent him was a list of things to

get for the garlic and herb compound

butter we're going to make later

tonight.

He's so excited about it.

Yeah. And which I love. Which again, if

you saw him, you'd be like, "That's not

a man who makes his own butter."

I don't think

I feel the same way about my husband.

When people learn he makes a lot of jam.

Yeah. Well, and his own kombucha for a

summer. I feel like

Oh, it's still

still Okay,

girl. I bought him his birthday gift

this year was a mini fridge that he

could keep the kombucha not in our main

fridge.

Yeah. Mhm.

Yeah. But when you look at my husband at

like

that's not the vibe.

6 feet and 220 plus

kombucha are not the vibe.

My husband fully gray hair, fully gray

beard covered in ins and stained clown

posi tattoos. It's not the vibe. No,

it's not the vibe.

How lucky are we?

I know, right?

We We really know this.

We really did that.

Okay, so um that evening after they've

kind of like cleared the air, Abby ends

up shifting again and they run and play

together and just like have a really

great afternoon. Um and then after dark,

they end up making their way over to a

campfire where like the rest of the pack

is hanging out. Um and so they all end

up meeting Abby. And it's super funny

cuz like a couple of them are a little

standoffish at first and like not the

most receptive and then they start

talking about books.

Yes, they have a book club. They have a

book club. That's right. Yeah.

Well, and like when she and Nico get

back to his house that night, he's like,

I I haven't heard those bastards talk

that much in years. She's like, probably

cuz you skipped book club. Like maybe

you should read. Like if you attended,

you'd hear your friends speak. I found a

solution. Um but it's also like really

sweet just how they

accept her in given that they are all

men who have like been rejected and this

is like a special safe place for them as

well.

It's more fraught with emotion for them

than it would be otherwise.

Yes.

Um they end up boning in the shower that

night.

Sure.

We we love a good shower bone.

Sure. Um,

I still think about the first shower

that Vance and I ever boned in and it

was not sizewise a great option.

It was humbling.

I was going to say shower sex is one of

those things like beach sex that seems

hot but it has to be just right for it

to hit really. Um,

yes. the number of environmental factors

that are required for success in that

moment. Yes, 100%.

So, they end up having a great week.

Sure.

They are hanging out. Their wolves are

playing. They're [ __ ] They're having

a great time.

And she's still in the chase.

She's still in the chase. Correct.

Okay.

So, it's now like the the week has

passed. She's now back at work. He's

sitting in the corner for her lectures

like because he has to needs to be an

eyline site. Uh so he's yeah he just

like hangs out on his phone but watches

her teach during during her lectures. Um

and then one of her friends like the

first day back on campus corners her and

is like where have you been?

She's like uh bonding with my dog.

Yeah. And they're like who's this guy?

And she's like Nico. They're like,

"Isn't your dog also named Nico?" And

she's like, "Yeah, such a funny story."

It's like the the guy that I got the dog

from is friends with Nico and he names

the dogs after his friends. And so dog

Nico was named after human Nico. And

that's how we met. And then we ended up

liking each other. So anyways, this is

my boyfriend, human Nico.

My boyfriend, human Nico.

That might be my words, but that's very

much the energy of how this goes.

And this is my boyfriend, human Nico.

I feel like that's half the time when

either one of us talks about our

animals, it's like the cat Fred. Like,

you know, the cat Craig.

I mean, we've got Brandon, Craig.

Yeah.

Sophie.

Sophie, Fred, Annie, Lizzy, and George.

Yeah.

Yeah. Gizmo was the only one.

He was the only one that was a dead

giveaway.

RIP.

RIP Giz Gizmo. He was the best.

He really was. He really was. But he was

the last one that was like an obvious

pet name, I feel like. So, the rest of

them are human names.

The rest of them are human.

Yep.

Yep.

Yeah. That it's always a weird thing

when you

Yeah. cuz I uh I was in a work meeting

earlier this week and I literally went

hold please because I had food on my

desk that I like hadn't finished eating

but Brandon was or my dog see my dog

Brandon was begging for it and I

literally I'm going hold please like

just the person I was on the link with

and it was someone I like I knew pretty

well but I turned and just like looked

down at the dog and was like Brandon I

need you to stop begging. This food is

not yours. This food is mine. When it's

yours I will give it to you but until

then I need you to stop begging. I'm in

a meeting and she was like, "So, what

was that? Was that your your son or your

dog?"

Yeah.

And I was like, "Yep, that is the

correct followup question."

So, I worked with someone who had a dog

named Bob and he was like an escape

artist. And so, she would come to work

and be like, "Listen, I don't know. I

found Bob in the street again. I don't

know what I'm going to do with him. like

he just keeps running around like doing

all kinds of [ __ ] and I can't keep keep

cleaning up these messes that he's

making at this point. Like it's too

much.

And I remember being like, "Of course,

like it's so much. Maybe there are some

things we can put in place." And there

was an intern that it was her first day

and she was like,

"Is Bob someone's like husband?"

Yeah, the new intern. Oh, that'll

traumatize a new intern.

Cuz we were going on and on about like

strategies to correct Bob's behavior.

She's like, "Hold on, who the [ __ ] is

Bob?"

Yeah, just a pit bull. Don't panic.

Yeah,

maybe maybe double check her treatment

plans for a little while after that.

She's like, "This is what they said they

did." And you're like, "Bitch, it was

for a dog." It

behaviorism for dogs and for humans is

different for the record%.

So, after this whole like this is human

Nico, my boyfriend sort of energy,

they're like, "Okay, well, let's all go

out. Like, I'm sure all of the friend

group would love to meet him. Let's all

go out on Friday. Yep. Sounds like a

plan. So, like Nico goes out with all of

them on Friday night and it it goes

really well. And then they spend the

rest of the weekend at Nico's place.

Sure.

Having a great time.

Good.

She decides she's going to take the

remote position.

Oh.

Uh because she doesn't want to commute

an hour in the morning.

You said that and I was like, remote

position? What is that compared to

missionary?

Like literally, I was like, "Wait a

minute. Remote position. Which one is

that?"

She's on her side. Don't even

Oh my god.

That's where he just hits some buttons

on her and like a remote. Did you come?

Did literally what I was think did you

come

just a quick beep boop check in with

you. Woo. Um

Aby's also kind of like I'm ready for my

wolf to bite you already.

I'm kind of over it.

Yeah. Like what's what my wolf waiting

for?

Right.

I'm not going to reject you.

Feel pretty confident at this point.

Yes.

And he reassures her like he's like no

like she will like her.

We can't harmony.

And and there is also kind of a sweet

moment where like she kind of like

whispers to him. She's like like what if

the mate bond is like never complete.

And he's like

I'm still falling for you regardless of

Yeah.

of if or when

that decision is is really made. Um,

apparently that was the affirmation that

her wolf was looking for. Um, who then

like lunges to the surface and like

bites his shoulder. Cool. And he is just

like petting her wolf and be like,

"You're doing such a good job." And then

she like shifts back. And the climax

begins and it says literally they

screwed on the couch, on the table, in

the shower, against the laundry machine,

on a chair, on the wood floor. Woo! The

climax

was climaxing

was was climaxing and happened to

coincide with their fall break.

Oh yeah.

I love it when a plan comes together.

Yes. So it's now five days later.

That is so much sex.

I remember years ago. Can't tell you how

many. Probably close to 10 at this

point. Back when like Buzzfeed was just

dropping random videos like was dropping

vlogs all the time.

Yeah. And I remember they were like

having three couples do an experiment

where they all had to have sex every day

for 30 days.

No, dude. No. No. No. No.

No.

No. No.

Oh, that sounds exhausting.

Yeah. For 30 days. That's so much. You

can't take a day off.

It's not like it's not always fun. It's

clinical at that point,

right?

Like that is like the like sick you're

under the weather like I'm just going to

starfish at this point and we need a lot

of lube.

Brooklyn 999 when they're trying to have

a baby and Amy is like shirts on and

he's like shirts on like

Yes.

literally.

Yeah. You're like, "Oh, nothing is sexy

about sex when you're 30 days into a

mandatory [ __ ]

Yeah. I feel like when it's mandatory,

it's not cute anymore,

you know?"

Yeah.

Face. You just made it be like, "D

it." Yeah.

Oh, no. That doesn't sound like a good

time. And they just said five days. And

even I'm like, I I could do five. I

could do five,

but that's also all they're doing for 5

days.

Oh, yeah. That's also true.

Like,

yeah, once a day for 5 days is different

than a repeat activity for 5 days. 100%.

And not just in a like I wouldn't enjoy

it anymore, but in a like my hips only

have so many miles in them at this

point, you know? Like

you're like we have to do some crazy

position changes just because my hip

flexors are crying for relief

over it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like we're

gonna have to pause and do some hot yoga

so that I'm going to be flexible enough

to get into another position at this

point. Well, and I also I don't remember

the rules of the challenge. I'm like,

does oral count,

right? Because oral is different for

sure because if you're like, okay, our

our down day, our off day, right? You're

like, down day was our rest day, our

recovery day, our recovery day is our

oral day,

right?

That's our Shabbat,

right? like

once a week.

I'm like alone.

No, that is exhausting.

It is so exhausting. Yeah. Good for

them, though.

So, 5 days after all of this has

started, they're like coming out of the

haze of their climax.

For younger people, go ahead, I guess,

right? I'm like, yeah, I read it. I was

like, sure, I love that for them. Less

for me. I feel like if I were 10 or 15

years younger, I might be like, "All

right, let's do it." Like, "Challenge

accepted, bitch." And now I'm like,

"Yeah, I would rather have quality over

quantity." So, I'm going to pass on

that. Thank you.

I do think that's the shift is like a

lot of sex sounds cooler when you're

younger, but then you real like

there was a time

we we were like very far like we we'd

been boning for a while that night

and I just remember like we were going

at one point and I paused and I who is

this for? Like are you having fun? Am I

having fun? We've been thrusting for so

long and our hips only have, as you

said, so many miles and they need a

little bit of a break. But yeah, if

you're when you're like, "Who is this

for?

I'm so tired."

Right. Right. Right.

Quality over over quantity on that one.

1,000%.

It's a journey, individualized journey

we all go on. I think

5 days later, they hear someone shouting

Aby's name. They hear a female voice

shouting Aby's name. They're like,

"Stella, is that like that's just one of

Aby's teacher friends." Um,

and so they're like, "Well,

oh, you know, I guess like our phones

probably did die in the last couple of

days when we were boning and weren't

really paying attention.

Sure.

Other priorities and whatnot."

Yes. So, uh, as they're kind of like

getting clothes on to go like greet

Stella, they hear a scream and they're

like, "Oh shit." So, like they start

like booking it to get to Stella as fast

as possible. When they get there, Nico's

friend Graham is standing there.

Teddy Graham. Graham cracker.

Yep. Teddy Graham. Graham cracker. And

there's a wolf in front of him.

Whoops.

And they're like, "Oh, she Stella's

already a wolf. She's already a

werewolf."

Yep.

And she's hunting Graham,

right? She had rejected her original

mate, if I'm remembering correctly.

Yes. Graham and Stella end up being the

second book, which is the artsy girls

guide to something. Um, and that one has

come out, but the third book hasn't. But

I also believe that Lola Glass is

heavily with child right now.

Oh, that's Stella.

Yes, Lola.

Lola.

Well, to Stella, too. She found her

mate, I guess. but primarily to Lola who

is with child

because I think this book was finished

when she was like 30 weeks and then

she's finished the artsy girls. So like

depending on when she delivers I don't

know when that next book is dropping in

the series.

Yes, babe. Yeah, we're good.

Queen, you've written us enough.

You really have. I've read so much Lola

Glass this year.

Yes. Like

highly recommend. Generally,

I would say the first half of my year

was like firmly like SJ Tilly and the

second half of my year of 2025 has been

like firmly

Lola Glass.

Yeah. I feel like my first half was Lola

Glass and my second half has been more

like Elorp.

Okay.

Yeah.

I haven't done a lot of Elorp.

Yeah,

it she usually does trilogies and

they're all reverse her.

Okay. Yeah, some of them hit better than

others, I think.

You know, isn't that life? Isn't that

all of us? Everyone.

Um, so epilogue.

Sure.

Two months later,

um, Nico had had a spare room in his

house and he converted it into a

beautiful library for her. Um, which is

just a really sweet little moment.

That's lovely.

And she's teaching remotely, so she

doesn't have to commute and they're just

like living their life. We love not

having a commute.

We do love not having a commute.

I remember when I was maybe in high

school, my dad was working from home,

which at the time was very

very unheard of.

Yeah. It was very rare for people to

work from home back then.

And I remember one of his favorite

things to do would be to turn on the

news in the morning.

Mhm.

And be like drinking his coffee and be

like, "Gh, traffic. Can you believe it?

And then walk into his office.

He loved doing that [ __ ] like all the

time.

That feels like a great dad joke.

It is. It really is. He loved it.

Yeah.

Listen, I'm all about remote work. And I

also think the flip side of remote work

is um recognizing your limits of like

knowing like, hey,

yeah,

I am still leaving my house.

Yeah. I am still putting on real pants.

I'm still engaging with humans

regularly.

Yes.

Yeah,

that is really the crux of remote work.

Those social skills will atrophy in my

experience

and mine.

Luckily, we found each other.

We sure did. We have a lot of grace for

that.

We really do. Um, what's our rating

system? I was just thinking like uh

books

books I or cucumbers.

Cucumbers. Yes, cucumbers.

Yeah.

Um

cuz doesn't she call him cucumber?

She calls him cucumber a lot. I was also

just thinking of that Helena Hunting

book where the

Sure. Cucumber salad. Yeah.

Cucumber salad.

Didn't they serve cucumber salad at the

wedding?

But why did they serve cucumber salad at

the wedding, Hannah? Because cucumbers

are sex stuff.

Nope. That's not why. Why did they serve

cucumber?

I don't remember. I don't remember.

Yeah, because at one point he like took

a bite off the end and it was ribbed for

her pleasure.

Oh, yeah.

That was where the cucumbers came from.

Which is why when cucumber salad was

served, their wedding party was blushing

cuz they all knew.

which

I would say you and I are fairly close.

We probably know quite a lot about each

other and I don't think I have ever

shared that level of detail about my sex

life with you or anyone for that matter.

No.

Like I don't think even my very closest

people

I would not they would not know that.

I've never engaged in food play once in

my life and thought I should call

someone.

This is going in the group chat like no

I've not had that experience personally.

I think that's okay.

Yeah, I think so too. uncomfortable with

that boundary

because if you text me and said, "Hot

sauce is not the move." I'd be like, "Oh

my god, keep that to yourself." Right.

I would be like, "Please explain." And

then I don't know if we can be friends,

but I do need more information.

I'll never be able to look at you in the

eye again.

And you were one of the first people I

text when I left my vibrator at my

parents house. Right.

I was going to say,

it's not like we're not talking about

that stuff. No, we ab

not that much detail though, bro.

No, like I'd say the most detail is when

the story of when you and Matt were like

out of that restaurant and he like

announced to the whole restaurant that

you guys should have used a pillow to

like improve the angle,

right?

And we've talked about how we own the

same vibrator.

We do own the same vibrator that has

recommendations. Yes,

it has too many settings. Dare I say

it's a lot to deal with.

It's not my go-to. I was going to say I

use a different one for I was going to

say daily use not daily use

you know for that 30 days uninterrupted

that we're hitting

yeah for nonsp special occasions I have

a different one

but yeah okay so how many um

we'll go mini cucumbers cuz it makes me

giggle like gerkins

not quite that little. But no, like you

can buy a bag of mini cucumbers.

They're not as small as

more like the Clawson size.

Claws in size.

Your closen size went from like 3 in to

10 in and back again. Okay, we are

rating this out of uh

five cuz weren't there five friends?

I was going to say it's a 45minute drive

to Moon Ridge. So, out of 45 cucumbers,

45 is good. Yeah.

Out of 45 cucumbers,

mini cucumbers, um, I'm going to rate

this one

30, 25, 30 cucumbers.

30 feels right cuz I did read it and I

enjoyed it. Yeah,

it's a very fun, very easy, very light

read. Quite frankly, and y'all were just

here so you are probably agree, not a

lot happens, right? Right. like she

reads somewhere with Smut, she drives

the town over, she meets him. It's just

kind of them like navigating it and

figuring it out afterwards. But I

wouldn't say that there's like a ton of

like tension or angst or like

yeah,

there's not a ton happening in the plot.

It's just kind of like a simple sweet

read. So yeah, I'd say

the simplicity of it. 30 out of 45 mini

cukes.

That feels appropriate.

Yeah. Um, and then as we said, the next

book is Stella and Graham. She teaches

art at the college.

Yes, she does.

Yes,

she does. And that one there was a

little more angst I feel like because of

her history, but it wasn't like super

angsty from what I remember.

Yeah. So, I would agree with that. I

also like that you say that. Um, I'm

pretty sure the book came out like last

week,

the second one in the series, and you

and I are both like, I think it was

this, but it's like a very new.

I just read it, but I've also read five

books since then.

You are. So, like I I'm well read, but I

look like I am a peasant in comparison

with our reading.

Like I feel like you outpace me two to

one and I'm not not slow or shabby when

it comes to my reading.

I'm not. No, it has nothing to do with

you. It's the fact that I don't sleep

usually.

Although I will say this year my reading

goal is 175, which for me is very low.

Um, but a lot has happened this year and

so I was like, you know,

175 feels like it might be attainable.

So, we're going to go for it. I think

I'm at like 155 or 156 right now.

Oh, yeah. You'll definitely

Yeah.

hit that goal.

I'll hit that. Yeah,

I'll hit that.

I'll hit that for sure.

I'll hit that.

Smut club.

30 out of 45 mini cucumbers. Let us know

how many cucumbers you would rate it or

what the size of your cucumbers is

because Hannah is varied and that's why

we had to to streamline somewhere along

the way.

I was like, "How big are my claws and

pickles? I just had some yesterday."

You're like, "Okay, so those like

individual like sour pickles that you

can buy at the grocery like 45 of those.

Those are different." Yeah.

No, that is

too many.

Yeah. No, we would be going out of 10 if

it were those.

Yeah. Well, and a pickle is very

different than a cucumber when it comes

to a sexual situation. So,

don't use a pickle.

Oh, you just mean like literal practice.

Yeah, like an actual practice. Don't do

that.

Yeah. I'd imagine the vinegar,

right? the actual pickling process of

the cucumber um could burn along the

way. All right, we're going to quit

while we're behind.

All right. Okay.

Thanks for joining us.

See you next time, smut [ __ ]

Bye

bye.

Well, that's it for this week, Smut

[ __ ] We hope it was good for you, cuz

it sure was great for us. If you're

digging what we're doing, it would mean

a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and

review the show wherever you're

listening right now. Maybe tell that

sexy someone to lend us an ear. We love

you. We appreciate you. And we'll see

you next week. Stay smiley.